azdoine

[azdoine]

fuck off back to 4chan you racist faggot

ok see the problem with this hatemail is you gotta create a consistent believable character from a known subculture with the terms you use. its not really consistent here. then you gotta give that character a name and practice speaking as her for a few days at least so she gets the hang of the internal voice thing. then do pk;m new and practice communicating with each other and you need to love her you need to love her

[azdoine]

girl: ahh i've just been dealing with a lot y'know? it's like the world wants me dead haha

me (completely stonefaced): i will be your shield

her: what?

[azdoine]

you should be happy

cw: neglect, loneliness.

you come home from work and push past the trash blocking the door. She had a party again last night. You set your jacket on a hook, and take your bag to your kennel. It's tidy still, thankfully.

You grab a cloth bag and begin picking up pop cans and liquor bottles strewn about.

It takes an hour. Quicker than normal, you're getting better at cleaning up, got a routine down solidly. Cans get crushed and set in the box to be melted down, bottles get rinsed and put on the rods to dry. bag goes in the laundry. you start on the next task after a cup of water.

Pizza boxes are stacked up by the back door to be added to the compost. Dishes are set on the counter by the sink. Discarded clothing goes into the laundry, condoms get tossed in the trash, and personal items get placed in the glass tray by the door. The house comes together.

You start the laundry, and preheat the oven, then work on the dishes. When they're done, you prepare a quiche lorraine and get it baking as the dishes dry. You give the living room a quick vacuum before curling up in your kennel for a short rest as the many appliances work. You finish all the tasks and set out dinner.

She isn't home yet.

You half-heartedly fill your food bowl and eat. Take off your own collar and shower. Brush your own hair and teeth.

She isn't home yet.

You work early in the mornings, and are tired by this point. You put your collar back on and dress for tomorrow. You curl up in your kennel with a plushie she bought you years ago.

She comes home, bringing friends again. You want so desperately to play, to be used by her and her friends, but you're so tired. She gives you a quick peck on the check and you can smell the booze on her breath. She turns up the music. You fall asleep alone. You should be happy.

You should be happy. Why are you crying?

[azdoine]

Gendered parenting is so weird. As a little kid I was a total daddy's girl, I was told I would always try to sneak into the garage, I was always very interested in everything he was doing and would follow him around while he was working, but while my family was never the type to outright say "you can't do that because you're a girl", they simply didn't entertain the idea that I could possibly be interested in cars. Then when my little brother was born, it was just assumed he would become a mechanic like our dad because he was a boy. Even though he, unlike me, didn't like being in the garage much and wasn't all that interested in what dad was doing. Once he got to a certain age, dad started making him help and would drag him away from his actual interests for it, which lead to a lot of arguing and not much actual learning.

Gendered expectations sort of create doubles of children. There's the real child with their actual personality, interests and behaviors, and then there's the Gender Child.

My real brother hated soccer and team sports. The Gender Child that existed only the minds of the adults in his life needed to play soccer because that's what a Boy Child does.

Growing up, I always felt like adults didn't actually know me as a person and they weren't interested in getting to know me. Because they felt they'd already learned everything there was to know about me when they were told "it's a girl".

When I talk about how I never got gifts I actually liked from my relatives (to this day I still don't like getting gifts that aren't something I picked out myself), it isn't actually about the gifts themselves. I don't even remember them. What I do remember is the feeling of being given gifts that were seemingly not bought with the real me in mind. They were for the Girl Child™️ version of me. The me that adults wanted me to be, not who I actually was.

[azdoine]

Art by Boris Groh

[azdoine]

Akane's journey of self discovery 👩‍❤️‍👨 👩‍❤️‍👩 🐱

[azdoine]

I am prepared to accept that my background limits my atheism. Do you have any good references I can learn from, by ex-Jews who have rejected Judaism from a Jewish perspective? I want to further develop my atheism, and be able to properly disbelieve in more Gods (or G-ds) than I do now. (Yes I know Jews don't think that ex-Jews are a thing, [unless they willingly convert to Christianity, of course]. I'm talking about self-identified apostates.)

I look guys, "apostasy" in the way you’re thinking is rare and p much only a thing in really super religious communities. Like, my mother left Judaism for decades and afaik still doesn't really believe in G-d. I don't think my father has ever believed in G-d. But they don't identify as anything besides Jews because orthodoxy-- right thought-- doesn't matter to the vast majority of Jews. I'm sure many Orthodox Jews would consider me apikoros or at least off the derech-- I don't keep kosher, Shabbat, or most of the rules, all of which is way more important than my not-terribly-certain faith in the existence of the direct will of a godhead.

There's an old Jewish joke:

Two men, Goldberg and Schwartz, who are walking to synagogue. They are stopped along the way by someone who asks them where they are going. They casually tell the man that they are both on their way to synagogue.  The man responds, ��Goldberg, I know why you go to synagogue. You believe in God, and you’re an observant Jew.” Then he adds, “But Schwartz, you don’t believe in God, why are you going?” Schwartz responds, “Goldberg goes to synagogue to talk to God, and I go to synagogue to talk to Goldberg.”

This judgment, this argument to apostasy, it's just so bizarrely puritanical and Christian considering the broad community of Jews who just... don't believe in G-d and don't feel the need to write a book about it because it's not remarkable.

Anyway, I'm a librarian, so I still wrote a list of books from or about Jewish atheists in the vain hope that Christian atheists will learn how much their antisemitism is a part of the cycle of violence against Jews, and that most "apostate" Jews still consider themselves Jewish atheists not “apostates”. You’re not going to find anything with “self-identified apostates” in Jewish texts because “apostate” comes from Latin and is not something Jews call themselves.

"All Who Go Do Not Return", by Shulem Deen, and "Cut Me Loose" by Leah Vincent, both of whom left ultra-Orthodox communities. (I also like "Becoming Eve" by Abby Stein, but she left ultra-Orthodoxy because she's trans and is still practicing)

Oliver Sacks has written about his experiences with Judaism (and everything else) in "On the Move"-- although he's best known for writing on psychiatry, he called himself an "old Jewish atheist" and touches on the way his relationship with his homophobic mother affected his relationship with religion.

I've heard good things about "Candidate Without a Prayer" by Herb Silverman although I haven't read it.

"Waiting for God" by Lawrence Bush is about grappling with a god-less spirituality as a "reluctant atheist" in the Jewish tradition.

"Believ­er, Beware: First-Per­son Dis­patch­es from the Mar­gins of Faith", an anthology edited by Jeff Sharlet and Peter Manseau of KillingTheBuddha.com, is a book of essays covering a broad range of people from different religions, including Judaism, grappling with their identities.

On more academic levels, "Betraying Spinoza" by Rebecca Goldstein is an interesting but slightly dense text about the way the experience and suffering of Jews affected Spinoza's rationalist work (he's the most famous Jewish atheist, there is a LOT of discussion about him). And "Hid­den Heretics: Jew­ish Doubt in The Dig­i­tal Age", by Ayala Fad­er is an anthropological analysis of contemporary Orthodox Jews who have rejected or are questioning belief but have not left the physical communities.

I'll note, most of these writers have left religious Judaism but generally still consider themselves "Jews", not "apostates", so

[azdoine]

i think if i was a video game character i would have a super dramatic subtitle like "EKA // SEALED ALEPH-CLASS CACHE WEAPON // THREAT LEVEL: [ERROR]"

[azdoine]

Gnostics on Demiurgsmas when they hear Sophia Claus emanating down the chimney

[azdoine]

doily dragon

[azdoine]

like, neural networks already generate ultra-dimensional geometric spaces and complex algebraic structures, etc, in the course of ordinary token prediction. the only novel result from the o3 model is that it was relating wordcel token prediction to internal shape rotation in a more explicit and rigorous way

so like am i an idiot or are the new frontiermath results not actually unprecedented

[azdoine]

so like am i an idiot or are the new frontiermath results not actually unprecedented

[azdoine]

With only the footprints in the mud, this level of reasoning is possible for Furudo Erika. What do you think, everyone!?

[azdoine]

Elphaba Thropp was canonically born with ambiguous genitals in the original Wicked novel, and assigned female after an inspection by the midwife. This didn't make it into the musical version, but it is very much a thing in the book.

I've seen a few "Elphie is trans-coded" posts, and as a trans intersex person, I just wanted to remind folks that she is intersex in the source material. The book's prologue includes blatant speculation about her gender from other characters, and she gets called the intersexist h-slur.

Elphaba Thropp is intersex. 💛💜💛

[azdoine]

they need to give me a sword, one so holy it's very presence burns those filled with evil. and then i need to corrupt it, turn it inert, into a simple heavy blade bereft of it's once holy power. i will bathe it in the blood of the innocent and kind, until the once glorious songs of battle sung by the blade are replaced with cries of sorrow. and thn ill hauve sex wth it

[azdoine]

Thinking about how wild it is that enshittification starts as a way for the rich to squeeze the populace for more money but ends up infecting everything so even luxury products decline in quality. They’ve got more money than fucking God now and for what? Literally they can’t even buy fun nice stuff for themselves because they killed craft.

Anyway this post is about Dhaka muslin but it’s also about everything.

[azdoine]

why the fuck is all that i have ever heard about The Locked Tomb series is how funny and quirky and "gay" it is ("gay" as in "it's about the gay, it's gay" in lieu of like, ever hearing an actual plot description) and it is only JUST NOW that i have learned about the Necromantic Codependent Incest Lesbian Sister Couple. tasmin muir i must apologize i was not familiar with your game