#remember that bigots deserve to be laughed at

[laswells-ashtray]

KATE LASWELL AND CO BOARDGAME NIGHT. POSSIBLY DRINKING. MAYBE MARIJUANNA.

I'm saying Kate, her wife, John and Nik because Kate and John would never let the lads see them high.

Sarah insists that they play Game of Life because no one is getting through Monopoly if her stash is involved. They don't go your typical route and share a joint. No, Sarah likes baking so they have brownies.

It starts off fine, they're still a bit stiff around the shoulders. A little too professional for a board game. Nikolai and Sarah use their critical thinking skills and bring out a selection of various snacks before ordering pizza.

And then Kate starts smiling when she's reading out a card, she's flashing her pearly white teeth and Nikolai is half sure she doesn't know she's doing it. "Your pet goat wins a ribbon. Collect 120K from the bank."

It's a ridiculously unfunny card but the way John snickers makes Nikolai laugh and in the back of his mind Nikolai quickly realises that the brownies are kicking in. Sarah is still content and happy, no change in her.

"Pet goat?" John asks with far too much glee for something so simple.

"What kind of lesbian doesn't have a pet goat?" Sarah remarks, feigning offence.

Nikolai rolls his eyes and points to the board on the table. "She isn't a lesbian, she started off as a blue figure."

John had immediately claimed the blue car, Nik had taken the pink while no one was looking and it'd left the women to fight over who got the green car. Kate had won and coincidentally, Nikolai had pretended not to see how Sarah had offered her chest a feel.

"Lesbians can be blue, John. You English bigot." Kate retorts, barely biting back a laugh. The relaxed, almost giggly aura looks good on her. Nikolai has seen her during the hardest days of her career and he thinks she deserves as much happiness as she's feeling now. John might be his partner but Kate is one of his closest friends and he'd be lying if he said it didn't warm his heart to see the both of them so happy. Even if they're high as shit.

John only lets out a loud bark of laughter in response, sinking back into the couch cushions.

He watches as Sarah leans over and snatches a pack of Chips Ahoy from the table, tearing it open carelessly and shoving one in her mouth with a quite frankly pornographic moan that is hysterically funny to him. He briefly considers stealing one but John is slumped against his side and there's no way in Hell he can escape out from under him.

Kate looks back to her wife and then at the arrangement of snacks on the table before looking back to Sarah. "Hand me the Doritos."

Sarah does not have the grace to swallow the cookie before answering and it makes Nikolai chuckle. "Get them yourself."

"Give me the Doritos or I'll pinch you."

Sarah grabs the bag with a dramatic look of irritation. "Only because you'd pinch my tit."

Nikolai thinks John is half asleep with how quiet the other man is until someone knocks on the Laswell's front door, the undeniable joy on John's face is something he wishes he could photograph if he could remember where he sat his fucking phone.

The other man drags himself off of the couch and towards the front door with a pep in his step that Nikolai swears he's never seen before.

"Even walks like a gayboy." He hears Sarah mutter between cookies.

Kate breaks into a fit of giggles in response, pointing at John with a Dorito in hand as she tries to form words that just can't quite break through her laughter.

Nikolai would laugh if he wasn't too busy trying to kick off his boots without having to reach down and untie them.

The pizza boxes hit the table with a loud thud and before any of the three have a chance to react, John has already pinched the top one. "Dig in, arseholes."

[threepandas]

Your Biggest Fan: Part 3

When he first showed up, people scoffed. He wasn't the first to try and claim such a grand name, nor would he be the last. They mocked him. Made unknowing targets of themselves. Didn't realize just how SERIOUS the situation WAS.

They thought he was a joke.

Because, after all, how could ANYTHING related to the Quirkless be a threat? How could ANYTHING related to those they'd failed, dismissed, and abused ever come back to haunt them? What vengeance and anger could possibly fester there? Turning into something ugly. Something powerful and dangerous.

The Red Shoed Onryō was no joke.

He was every ugly buried sin crawled into the light. Vengeance where no justice would ever be found. The cruelty that returns cruelty's actions. The monster the that hunts and haunts the living.

And of course, like everything related to the Quirkless, the news buried him. Covered their eyes and ears, hoping he'd go away. Letting him run free.

Hero after hero, refusing to take the case. Because he's "not a REAL threat". As though his influence wasn't spreading. As though his power wasn't GROWING. Willfully BLIND! At every turn, it baffled and infuriated you. Did Onyrō have to STAB them first, for them to SEE?!

Worst of all? He was either kidnapping or KILLING Quirkless kids. The most vulnerable youth in this entire god forsaken, willfully blind, country! There were days when you loved your country. There WERE. It's one of the reasons you became a Hero! But some days? You wanted to BEAT THE BIGOT out of your countrymen.

Especially when, once again, you were looking down at... at tiny little red shoes.

God.

God, they were just a KID.

A little kid. Face to solemn. Eyes too old for such a young body. Parents who can't be bothered to even remember the last time they SAW their son. He was SIX. It burns you. Every child, dead or missing on this God forsaken case. It BURNS. Every SINGLE one of their neighbors saw the crimes here and did nothing. The teachers. Nothing. Their own parents! Nothing!

Another child failed.

Another set of tiny shoes collected. Because these BASTARDS don't deserve to keep them. And a cry in the nearest park.

Damn this so called Onryō. DAMN HIM! They were just kids! He... oh god, he was just a kid...

There's an awkward shuffling near your bench. Ah. Probably a kid. Smile, Gaurdian. You gotta remember to smile! They're kids. They don't understand, SHOULDN'T understand, that sometimes Heros lose...

C'mon. Be brave. Smile.

You raise your head. And... oh. Not a kid. They're all still playing, off on the distant play structures. It's the anxious, green, quirkless man. The one who was real scuffed up. He looks better. Nervous though.

"A..Are YOU okay?" He manages to choke out, before you can say anything.

You huff a laugh. Well, isn't THAT a turn of events? Guess he remembers you. Good to know you're making an impact, at least. And... maybe it's something about how he clearly so uncomfortable, yet braving through it to offer comfort. Maybe it's because he's the first person to ASK in... God, months? But you answer honestly.

No. No you're not.

You keep it vague, of course. Case file confidentiality and all that. But... the victims. Oh god, the victims. Quirkless kids. As though life wasn't shit for them ENOUGH. It makes you want to BREAK things. People.

He listens as you rage. Curse and weep. Mourn.

The list of names Onryō IS going to answer for. Even if you have to hunt him down alone. Drag him back by yourself. Because it's not ABOUT the fucking hair care commercials! It's about saving lives. And what's the damn POINT of it all, if it's not all in service of that?

...Honestly? Green guy is a good listener. Seems to hang off your every word. Really engaged. It's nice, after so long being dismissed and ignored at ever turn. So much so... that you do something you probably shouldn't. It's TECHNICALLY crossing a couple lines, professionally. And you WERE taught better.

But....

Well.......

Fuck it. You're kinda lonely, you know? Yeah, he's a fan. You "saved" him with some band-aids. But it's not like you REALLY saved him! That would be crossing a boundary, right? Right. This is... probably? Fine? Maybe you could get a friend out of it.

Hey. Green. Gimme your phone real quick.

You input your number. Send yourself his. There. Now you guys can chat. Don't go crazy okay? He promises. Looks super excited to have a friend. And... yeah. Yeah! You have a good feeling about this. Greenie's name is apparently "Izuku". And what you both need?

Is a friend.

[catbountry]

One of these days I'm gonna get completely zonked and write out an entire fucking essay on why Mister Metokur sucks and I don't like him, but I feel like I could just say "he kickstarted the internet dumpster fire that was GamerGate" and have justified my position completely.

So fucking tired of orbiting communities that talk about internet weirdos/drama and seeing creators kiss the fucking ring of some guy just because he's got a voice for radio and surrounds himself with people who are stupider than he is so he can toss them aside as soon as they inevitably do some stupid bullshit that he can make fun of and feel justified in doing so, like Sargon of Akkad and Ethan Ralph, all while lamenting that internet culture has changed since the 2000's and people on the internet like furries now more than they like otaku.

Oh yeah and he's using James Somerton's suicide note as an opportunity to expose Hbomberguy for shit he did nearly two decades ago and shame him for "troll's remorse." If I didn't highly suspect that this is another ploy by James to manipulate people into feeling sorry for him, I'd probably be more disgusted, but it proves this man just operates on pure spite. Like yeah, I get it, overly-performative troll's remorse is fucking cringe, but you're on a podcast with Null making jokes about "stinkditches" and saying unambiguously racist shit while laughing (in a video conveniently deleted from YouTube from September 17th, 2022). And if it weren't for Jim's army of asskissers, I'd probably be way more open about this sort of thing. But who's even reading my Tumblr at this point anyway?

The first time I remember being alarmed by him was that video he did on that creepy pedo who looked at photos of kids in bathtubs, and he was in a call with this guy and some girl said pedo was friends with, and Jim lost his patience and called her a "hole" and to shut up. People kiss Metokur's ass over this video. I don't even know if any action, criminal or otherwise, was taken against the dude and it was just an exercise in lording not being a pedophile over some deeply disturbed guy who probably had some kind of mental disability.

I am pretty much always going to have a fixation on strange internet people, internet drama, and horrifying nightmare people given unrestricted internet access. This is a character flaw of mine. I have tried to view these people more fairly in recent years, though to be honest, there's quite a few of them that are pretty goddamn hard to feel sorry for. But I also recognize a lot of my fascination was probably, at least partially, trollshielding; if I join in with the people making fun of these people, that means I won't be a target. It was a survival strategy learned from childhood and I'm not proud of it. But I also can't do the full troll's remorse because some of those people I talked shit about really were awful people. That doesn't make it okay when I would be snarky and judgemental towards people that didn't deserve it. Trying to stop a pedophile or helping shed light on a zoosadism ring doesn't make you a good person because even bigots hate pedos and people that torture animals. Congratulations on having the faintest resemblance of a conscience, it'd be nice if you could show that same outrage on behalf of black people and trans women. But we know you ain't doin' that.

Also I swear to god if somebody refers to him as "daddy Jim" and they're not taking the piss I'm gonna give them such a pinch.

P.S. James is very likely alive, btw. Who could have seen the serial liar and manipulator telling lies and emotionally manipulating people?

[reddiesworldsblog]

daily reminder day 172: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s playing in richie’s hair, who’s head is in his lap as eddie plays through the soft, dark ink curls. eddie has always loved richie’s hair, the way it flips out and runs in all different directions…eddie has always found it kinda beautiful.

daily reminder day 173: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s reading a book by the pool as he tans and sips on a strawberry lemonade. little does he know, richie just got home and he’s admiring his hot husband from the sliding glass door. richie really does  love his eddie, and he’s glad he’s home now so he can kiss and hold eddie exactly how he wants to.

daily reminder day 174: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s in the middle of making up his and richie’s bed, minding his business and humming to himself when all of the sudden richie comes up behind him and scares the absolute shit out of him. he yelps and it leads to eddie jumping on richie as he curses him out, and of course, that asshole, only laughs and let’s eddie smack him a little before tackling him onto their half-made bed. richie kisses eddie, and suddenly eddie forgets about it for a good 10 minutes in the time they’re kissing between breathless giggles.

daily reminder day 175: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s relaxing and enjoying a well deserved no work/stress free day. he hopes you’re all able to do the same :)

daily reminder day 176: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s tending to his garden

daily reminder day 177: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s resisting the urge to go all Attack Dog on this mf who keeps looking at him and his richie all weird. it’s 2023, numbnuts, if you have a problem with him and his husband only holding hands then daily reminder day 177: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s resisting the urge to go all Attack Dog on this mf who keeps looking at him and his richie all weird. it’s 2023, numbnuts, if you have a problem with him and his husband only holding hands then most precious thing he’s ever laid eyes on and it makes eddie’s heart flutter in the best way. eddie decides then that that bigoted asshole doesn’t matter, because no one has every looked at eddie this way and has been doing it since they were kids. richie is way more important, he loves richie, and richie loves him too, and so eddie kisses his husband because he can and wants to.

daily reminder day 178: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he wishes he lived in antarctica or the north pole or somewhere that’s really fucking cold because cali is too gd hot and he’s about to lose it. if he doesn’t cool down quick he’ll make it everyone’s problem.

daily reminder day 179: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he, richie, and the rest of the losers are at a beach house for a losers yearly reunion. it’s kinda like old times back when they were teenagers — playing games, smoking weed, and re-telling old stories that they didn’t even know they remembered. it’s nice to meet up, a time to not worry about other people and their jobs and shit. it’s night time now and it’s just eddie out by the pool in a lawn chair thinking when richie meets him out there, picking eddie up so he can sit in the chair and have eddie sit in his lap. they just smile at each other, words not even needing to be said, before kissing and beginning their ramble about any and everything, admiring each other and sharing more kisses in between.

daily reminder day 180: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s picking the strawberries he had grown in his garden and he’s so excited to just DEVOUR them.

daily reminder day 181: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s looking at some old polaroids he found of him and the losers from back when they were teenagers and also their 20’s. eddie smiles at how young and carefree they all looked — especially the ones of him and richie that the others took of them. there’s some of he and richie at the quarry, when they were asleep and cuddling in the clubhouse hammock, even their prom photo. and then eddie’s favorite, when richie had hold of the camera and had it turned towards the two of them. richie is kissing his cheek with a shit eating grin while he’s trying to push richie away, but despite what his hand is doing, eddie’s face is a mix of feign disgust and laughter. it’s so them, and it’s like not much has changed between them, but their bond and love got stronger in a way that eddie didn’t think was possible. eddie decides then that he’s gonna frame the polaroid, the memory of it warming his heart with affection as he does so.

daily reminder day 182: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he and richie are getting matching tattoos. he knows what you’re all thinking, getting matching tattoos with your partner is stupid and even he thinks so. but here’s the thing, he and richie have been together since high school, and even with that have they ever really been /just/ friends? like they’ve been holding hands since they were 5, they got fake married at 7, have been sharing a bed since they were 13. they’ve been through hell and back and have loved each other since before they even knew what love was. they’re in their 40’s now, and have only broken up once in their 20’s for like 2 days because they couldn’t stand being away from each other. so, yeah, this is the only exception to getting matching tattoos. richie is the love of his life and vice versa and they both know that no matter what they’re it for each other. and once they’re done getting their tattoos, they smile and kiss each other, chaste but full of love.

daily reminder day 183: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and he just got the WORST case of brain freeze from drinking his slurpee way too fast. it’s hot as a motherfucker outside right now and when richie handed him his extra large slurpee he didn’t waste any time to start drinking it. well, obviously since- yeah anyway it’s hot out so please stay hydrated and wear sunscreen and find some shade and go to the pool and whatever else and also eddie hopes you get the ice cold drink that you’ve been craving today.

[fourleafclovxr]

10: what it took to get here

“Yara, thank god you’re here,” Agatha sighs, slamming the doors closed behind her. “You might be the only other sane person in this entire castle.”

“That doesn’t bode very well for the future of Camelot, does it,” Yara says dubiously, hefting her bags into a corner. She can see why Agatha would say that, though. Pollux is here, and he was stupid enough to try and get Dovey, of all people, fired. It doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in the rest of the staff.

Agatha laughs, a little maniacally. “It doesn’t!” she exclaims. “But what can I do! I’m just Tedros’ princess, and girls should just shut up and listen to their betters speak, and girls shouldn’t have opinions on anything the men decide—” She breaks off, then, with a huffed exhale. “If I tell them I used to be a boy, do you think they’d shut up?”

Yara sits down on Agatha’s plush carpet, and Agatha follows suit, pulling her knees up to her chest. She doesn’t really look like a princess; she just looks tired, and annoyed, and a little scared. But, as always, she looks very much like herself. Yara has always admired her for that. And that’s the thing, isn’t it?

“You don’t change for anyone,” Yara says. “You don’t do anything for anyone other than yourself. Don’t let their biases force you into— into coming out.”

“Good thing I have you as my lady-in-waiting,” Agatha murmurs. “You’d have been wasted on Tedros.”

“Don't you know it,” Yara says lightly. Lady-in-waiting sounds much better than knight, all things considered. Sends a pleased, comfortable spark through her heart.

“S’pose it’s better that they don’t know, even if it would probably stop a couple of them in their tracks,” Agatha sighs. “They don’t deserve to, anyway. I don’t envy you. I don’t think you’re going to have it easy.”

“Trust me, I’ve heard it all before,” Yara assures her. “That it’s unnatural? That it’s freakish? That we should just stick with what we were born with? I’m over it. I really am. My family’s from Avalon Towers, remember? Even more bigoted version of Camelot, if you ask me.”

Agatha winces. “Right,” she says. “You know, I miss Gavaldon sometimes. I mean, there’s nothing there for me anymore, but at least people there didn’t care about all this. About being a girl, boy, neither, whatever. They hated you for… other things.”

“That’s the way things are, here,” Yara says wryly. “That’s the sort of division our dear Storian loves to capitalise on.”

“Like Evelyn Sader,” Agatha says quietly, lost in thought.

Yara can’t suppress the flinch that jolts through her. Oh, Sader had been a terrible Dean, and objectively an even worse person. She’d taken her idea of advocating for women to the extreme.

But she’d helped Yara. For a price, of course.

But she’d… understood, why Yara might want to be a girl. She’d smiled and nodded and said, being a Girl is a wonderous thing, my dear.

Their school. So beautiful. Yara shudders to think of it. That she would so easily forgive such Evil, if it only meant she could be herself.

She shakes her head firmly. No point in dwelling on it now. Sader is long gone. And Yara, despite everything, has lived this long without her.

This is something she’s made for herself. It was never meant to be anyone else’s.

“They keep trying to doll me up,” Agatha says abruptly, changing the subject entirely. “Make me— well. A better girl. A prettier bride. They complain about my bone structure a lot. My jaw. My shoulders.”

“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met,” Yara says sincerely.

“Thanks,” Agatha mumbles, picking at a loose thread in the carpet. She sounds utterly unconvinced. “Just have to work on convincing all of Tedros’ courtiers, now.”

“Hey,” Yara frowns, “look up. Look at me.” Agatha does, blinking in confusion. “If anyone tells you you’re not pretty, I’ll screw with them so hard they come to you begging for mercy.”

“I don’t want to make things harder for Tedros,” Agatha worries.

“He wouldn’t want them to make things harder for you,” Yara points out. “He’s so in love with you it’s stupid. Anyway, you have to set a precedent. You can’t let them walk over you for things like this— what will happen when it’s something bigger? You’re just going to keep your head down?”

“Is it worth it?” Agatha sighs.

Yara stares, incredulously. “Has this castle beaten you down so much already?” she asks. Alright, it’s not particularly sensitive of her. It’s just. This isn’t the Agatha she knows; the Agatha who sat with her in the long days after Evelyn Sader and convinced her not to hate herself for it; the Agatha who was always sure of who she was, who never let anyone tell her otherwise, who never was scared of not fitting in.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” Agatha snaps, finally regaining some of the spark in her eyes. “You think any of this is easy?”

“It’s never going to be easy,” Yara says. “You might as well make it better for yourself. No one else is going to. Except maybe me, but— I’m your lady-in-waiting. I’ll do what you want.” She won’t like it, of course, but she owes Agatha that much.

“Why can’t it be easy?” Agatha says quietly. “People like us. Why don’t we ever get to have it easy?”

“Sometimes I resent it,” Yara admits. “What it took to get here.” It’s not easy. It’s never been easy. She wishes it could have been. “But I would never regret being myself.”

“Do you ever wish you didn’t have to—?” Agatha begins. Trails off. She looks a little lost, like this. A little more her age.

“Wouldn’t be like us, then, would we?” Yara asks. It’s true. It would be much, much easier to just be Tristan— Tristan, skinny and awkward and weird, but very firmly who he was supposed to be. Tristan, who’d been semi-comfortable in his own body, as far as that meant anything in Good. Tristan. Not her.

It took so much to get here, to get to where she is now. And it sucked, yeah. It sucked massively.

But where she is, right now— it feels right. It feels like home. And she would never, ever, go back.

[autisticbooknerd01]

Representation

When we were younger, my brother and I would play a game where we would assign characters in shows we watched to our family members. He always got the "normal" and/or funny ones, from Jim Halpert (The Office) to Leonard Hofstadter (The Big Bang Theory) to Troy Barnes (Community). I was always the "weird" one, the butt of the joke. I was Dwight Schrute (The Office), Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory), or Abed Nadir (Community). I'm still rather proud to be Abed.

I think this is evidence that we were always somewhat aware of my autistic traits, although we didn't know they had a name. I was the consistently the weird one. I was consistently the autistic-coded one.

I want to talk specifically about Sheldon Cooper, and how his character affects me to this day.

To start: he is definitely autistic coded (not well, but still). The creators of the show claim he is not autistic, but I wonder whether that's related to how, if he was, the punchline of nearly every joke is, "Haha, look at how autistic he is." When it's not that, his so-called friends (most of whom are creeps as well, but they're comparatively "normal," so they aren't punished for it) are infantilizing him in the grossest way possible.

I watched The Big Bang Theory for the first time ten years ago, when I was a little too young for it, and I laughed at the jokes because the laugh track indicated that I was supposed to, and I think I was uncomfortable but I didn't watch it again for YEARS so my brain stored it into my memory as funny.

I rewatched the show after I was diagnosed. Or, I rewatched what I could handle, because this show made me really sad and angry on his behalf. One line Sheldon says is, "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested," and what the fuck, writers???

There's one episode that stands out to me, though I can't remember the name at all. Penny and Leonard are fighting, and Sheldon, who gets anxious when people fight, ends up running away to the comic book store, his safe place where he can regulate, to soothe himself. Penny and Leonard, as usual, act like he's being unreasonable, though they are marginally better in this episode. I, watching this, wanted to scream at them, "Can't you see he's distressed?"

So many of these characters, Sheldon included, are distressed and overwhelmed in a world that so clearly demonizes the way our minds work. That's something I desperately relate to. I understand how, when his character is being a bigoted piece of shit, his friends need to call him out and explain what's going on, but my god, could they please acknowledge that this world is very distressing for Sheldon and try to take his needs seriously? Can't they try to find some middle ground?

I just...it makes me so, so mad.

Sheldon was not a good person. Like everyone, autistic people have the capacity to be good and bad. But I'm tired of people like me being depicted as two dimensional bigots with no personality and no acknowledgement of what we go through to get to the starting line each day. Sheldon, like all autistic characters, deserves so much better.

We all do.

(I will die for Quinni Gallagher-Jones and Abed Nadir, though. Genuinely.)

[khaleesiofalicante]

Okay little scenarios that popped in my head after reading about IALS again- I'm obsessed sue me:

Some stupid boys from school teasing about something Rafael said as a politician (probably heard it from bigoted parents or something) and Cami going: My appa is the only man not spewing nonsense. I know because my amma told me and appa says that amma is always right. Completely ridiculous but I can totally see this happening.

Jaden picking Arthur from school after Max had given him the handband and finding him having an argument with some stupid boys who teased him about it because Arthur kept insisting that it was made of magic. And hearing Artur go: It's not stupid! My daddy gave it to me and it's magic because daddy is made of magic! My papa thinks so too! (Based on this David/Arthur IALS interaction: “Papa.”“Yes?”“I think daddy is made of magic.”“I think so too.”) Also known as David being a simp even when they're divorced

This interaction between Jackson and David has definitely happened and no one can change my mind-especially in IALS:

Jackson: talking about something

David: gushing about Max

Jackson: *frustrated* Fuck Max, David!

David: I want to but I can't, that's the problem Jackson! (Alternate for rwrb au: I'm trying but he doesn't want to!)

Just thinking about them makes me laugh😂

Hope they make you laugh too🌼

PS:

This is so Lance's aesthetic think, I'm kinda obsessed with him as you may have noticed

This reminds me of Blackbane👀

*coughs* David!

Cami defending her parents 24/7 is the content I deserve.

Man, every time I remember Jaden and Arthur, I get simultaneously sad and angry. I wish we had Arthur pov in IALS to explore it, but damn.

You're gonna love all the Jackson and David content in the rwrb au. JACKSON IS SO DONE IN THAT ONE.

Also, that Blackbane tiktok 👀

[hoperays-song]

For your human au, Tell us more about Jia and how she’s described to Barry and Stan by Marcus

JIA ASK!!!!!!! ALL MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!! THANK YOU ANON THANK YOU, YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE PERSON!!!! - <3 Gooseless

------------------------------------------------

Jia was and shall always be perfection. And that's probably the most Marcus would describe her as, especially at first. Johnny legit thought his mum's name was Love for a bit growing up because that's what his dad called her constantly. However, as he got more comfortable with them, he probably started telling them more about her and it would be summed up kinda like this.

----------------

Marcus's Description:

"Jia was amazing. The love of my life. I don't know how I lived before meeting her. She was just... my entire world. Johnny's my universe. She's my world. Fearless, almost to a fault, and even more stubborn than I am. She loved music and animals and would always be soft around the latter and kids. She loved them. I think she wanted more but having Johnny was hard enough. She was kind though, and the smartest woman I ever met. Probably the smartest person too. Like scarily so. Ji was also the biggest spit-fire of the century as well. The first time I met her, she broke my bio brother's nose for being an asshole. He deserved it. Generosity was a big thing for her too, giving back and all that. She was good, kind, loving, very devoted to things she cared about. And she was also strong, determined, ambitious, stubborn, and a bit hot-headed. She could be scary, when things went sideways and always fought for what she believed in, no matter who stood against her. But she was also the kindest soul I think I have ever met, besides our child of course. But then again, he takes after her. I loved Jia, very much, with every breath I take. I still love her even now. She was perfect."

And as a treat... Johnny's Description:

"I don't remember that much of mum. She died when I was six. So a lot of memories I have of her are cloudy but I do know I love her. A lot. And she loved me more than anything too. She was patient, teaching me to play the piano before I could even walk and never yelling even when I was being crazy as a baby. She was kind. I remember her telling me how to treat others and all about manners, showing me to bring stuff with me incase others needed it like a snack or water or a bandaid. Small things like that. In my memory, she's sort of angelic. I remember she would sing a lot. Or at least hum. And the whole flat would be full of music. Constantly. She would do funny voices when telling me stories too and when she was teasing dad with me. Mum was funny. We laughed a lot. Dad says I'm a lot like her now, so I guess there's that too. She was a good mum, the best one, and I miss her a lot."

----------------

When asked, both Taylor boys will talk at length about Jia and what she was like. Stan and Barry know her from these stories and memories, both the sweet and gentle ones of Johnny's youth and couple-y moments with Marcus, and the much more terrifying moments of spit-fire Jia whenever someone was being a bigot or an ass. They both are a bit scared of her because of this, because they've heard what it's like to get on her bad side but also really admire her. She was a wonderful human being who loved helping others and made that a priority in her life.

[silent-partner-412]

i remember people being like “wow r/pikmin is losing their minds from no content it’s crazy over there” and like i haven’t checked in regularly there until pikmin 4 but god their sense of humor fucking SUCKS

it’s truly peak reddit culture humor and it’s terrible, almost every post there is the same three unfunny jokes about homophobic moss or fucking fiddlebert or whatever. it all just feels like i’m supposed to be laughing at these characters cuz “haha they’re bigoted” because there’s literally nothing deeper than that. and if you don’t find that type of humor funny good fucking luck enjoying the content there cuz it’s basically a ratio of like 1:100 in terms of actual good interesting posts about these games compared to truly bottom of the barrel memes.

between this and a LOT of rose tinted glasses when talking about pikmin 1 and 2 (they’re both undoubtedly great games but good lord there’s so much awful “back in my day” shit used to discredit 3 and 4 which are both equally great if not better) i’m truly losing patience with online pikmin content. this franchise deserves so much better than this, it’s literally one of the highest quality series of games out there but you’d never know it cuz of how terrible so much content about them is.

[gryficowa]

I remember how many times people on the Internet tried to suppress my leftism, calling me stupid and clingy, now we see who it really is! They believe in Israel's propaganda, or they say Israel and Palestine are equally guilty (What stinks so bad)

And they still laugh at me because I'm stupid and clumsy, because I talk about Palestine!

But I know that what I'm doing is right, they won't drown me out when I'm fighting for something!

I'm a leftist and I'm proud of it, because they won't break me anymore! I don't care what people think about me and how I fight, because this is the only right way!

Palestine, Congo, Sudan, Armenia and Ukraine need us!

I don't care if my name appears in history or not, because there are people who deserve it more, but I want to be behind them because I know they deserve a lot!

For years, leftists were pushed around because we were not sadists, they laughed at us for being detached and stupid, when they divided the world and pitted us against each other, it was because of them that the tragedy occurred, and they still lie to our face that it was us leftists who caused the holocaust, when they caused genocide by being bigots!

By the way, these "Left-wing" cartoons are usually created by liberals and conservatives (Yes, it refers to "Velma"), off topic, but I had to mention it

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #2

It is absolutely tragic that I’m already adding to Adventures in Aphobia, but here we are again! Let’s get a look at the phenomenal post I will be addressing.

Hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I did. You know, the biggest joke of this whole post is the poster thinking ace people feel comfortable on Tumblr. I promise you they do not XD.

It’s funny how when queer sub-groups complain about bigotry faced from the broader community (this happens a LOT with bi and ace people, but I’ve seen it happen to trans people too), the bigoted queer people immediately call YOU the bigot because they’re actually more oppressed than you, which means they get to say whatever they want. I’m not going to even entertain the oppression olympics on this one.

The answer as to who’s more oppressed always boils down to: it depends, in what way, and why does this matter?

There are a TON of transphobic gay people who throw their hands up when they get called out for their behavior and decry, “But I’m gay! You’re not oppressed for thinking you’re a boy!!”

And honestly, some aphobes do want ace people dead, and not all homophobes want gay people dead. Why are ace people one of the only groups in the queer community who has to personally confess to almost being murdered, disowned, r*ped and stabbed all in the same day to have any of their struggles taken seriously?? Do you make gay people do this too, or do you ever just believe them? 

It’s incredible that some people’s entire queer identity is rooted in the fact they’ve been murdered or disowned before, as if the second you’re not being beaten in the streets, do you really face any struggles? There are gay people who haven’t been disowned or killed (obviously). They’re still gay, and they can still talk about homophobia without being mocked for it.

Bonus points for this poster, in what must be purposeful assholery, not even using a standard, accepted definition of what it means to be asexual. “Oppressed for not having sex”. Yes, because “not having sex” is the definition of asexuality. I mean, God, at least be original and come up with a banger instead of this lazy insult.

And if you needed any more proof this poster hates asexual people take a look at their do not follow list!

Imagine...literally being offended by someone believing ace people are oppressed. If you had room for this shit in your bio, you certainly had room for “spineless bigot” somewhere. Alas…

And uh, thinking minors can be ace is also a DNF-worthy offense?? Oh boy. I hate even having to explain this, but...sexual attraction does not ship to your doorstep on your 18th birthday. I know, I’m bummed too, but that’s just how it is. For real though, there’s no argument to saying minors can’t be ace. Trick question, but not really: can minors experience sexual attraction? Obviously yes. Have you met a teenager? It’s insane that aphobes will argue asexual people are sexualizing children by allowing them the right to define their own feelings. And they always use straw men like that there are seven-year-olds identifying as asexual. Bitch, where? Even if you could search the planet and find me one, you wouldn’t be making a point. 

“BUT WHAT IF THEY EXPERIENCE SEXUAL ATTRACTION LATER?”

Gasp, a person changing their label later in life? The horror! How ever will they cancel their subscription? Aphobes, people change labels all the time. None of y’all seem this pressed when a lesbian later identifies as bisexual. I promise it’s okay.

There is literally nothing predatory about acknowledging minors can feel sexual attraction. Not only is it a fact provable but a five-second stint at any high school, but if you really think that’s creepy...that says more about you than anyone else. Just because minors experience sexual attraction doesn’t mean creepy-ass adults can take advantage of them.

Also...love that this poster said “LGBT aces are fine obv”. Is it obvious?? God, I love how aphobes will literally foam at the mouth about how asexual people are a bunch of attention-seeking, pedophiles who are trying to recruit children then immediately tag on a quick “but of course I support LGBT aces!!”. Are these people really so fucking thick they think their words don’t apply to bi, gay and trans aces?? I have yet to meet a single gay, bi or trans ace who feels positively about ace exclusionists. Your rhetoric inherently harms all ace people because it doesn’t give gay, bi and trans aces room to talk about their aphobic experiences. You don’t get to only support one part of their queer identity and expect a pat on the back. You’re a fucking aphobe, and you can’t cozy that up with your empty words of support for only the “good” aces. 

[hawkinshighdropout]

Free Now.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x (female) Reader

Summary: Your ex boyfriend Billy has been harassing you ever since the breakup and he just won't take "no" for an answer. You have spent every day since then alone and sad, Eddie intervenes in your time of need and it caused a lot of unwanted attention.

Warnings: No major warnings, a mention of a fight and some tense situations but nothing upsetting that I can recall? This is just angst/fluff content. Unless you count a couple of curse words as needing a warning? Idk, I haven’t written fanfics in like 8 years so I’m a little rusty…

Note/Request: Requested by anonymous. “Hey! This is what I have in mind. Sorry if it's too long. Your ex-boyfriend Billy doesn't appear to be handling the breakup well and won't leave you alone. Since many of the girls don't talk to you because they want to date your ex, and the boys don't approach you because they are terrified of Billy, you are kinda isolated at school. But Eddie, who had already seen how Billy handled you and still does, chooses to confront him on one of the many occasions he bothers you at school. They fight, you treat Eddie's bruises, he's cute and says he's always liked you and that you can sit with him and his friends, you kiss him and tell him you've always had a crush on him and you start seeing each other. Please, let me know if it's ok for you.”

Word Count: 2.1k

Send me prompts to write about!

You had liked Billy because he was different, he was a bad boy, he had some edge to him. You loved his hair, his confidence, the way he carried himself, everything about him. He was gorgeous, and everyone wanted him, yet he chose you. You were weak at the knees whenever you were around him, he had your heart in his hand and that wasn’t going to change… Until one day, it did.

You don’t remember exactly when it happened, but you remember the exact repulsive words that came out of his bitter, bigoted mouth.

He was picking you up from school one day and you were talking to Dustin and Lucas as you had caught the tail end of their conversation and it had made you laugh, they were quick to include you and you stood talking by the bike racks whilst waiting for Billy to arrive.

His loud music pumping through the speakers whilst his tires screeched from the speed of him hitting the breaks, coming to a sudden stop in front of you all.

“What the hell are you doing with these losers?” he scoffs out his window, sizing up the two kids with an unimpressed look on his face.

“Oh, behave. They’re sweet.” You defended them with a smile, that smile quickly fading as he clambered out of the car and marched over to you all.

Heated words were exchanged, Billy was throwing all kinds of slurs at the undeserving children and that outraged you. You could deal with his attitude normally, but homophobic and racist remarks? That was your limit, as it should be for any decent human being.

A harsh slap across his cheek stopped his tirade, you announce that it was over between you both as you refused to date a monster like him.

That was a couple of weeks ago now, and his words still haunted you. How can someone that pretty be that hideous underneath? A shiver ran up your spine whenever you thought back to the times you had spent with him, not wanting to recall anything positive about him, he didn’t deserve an ounce of your praise or time, he was dead to you.

Or so you wished. Billy had spent every waking moment since you broke up with him making your life hell, begging for you to take him back and making a big show of his feelings for you around anyone who was present to witness them. He was embarrassing himself, and he was certainly embarrassing you. It was causing such a scene on a daily basis that whilst you avoided him like the plague, everyone in school was giving you the same punishment.

Girls avoided you as they all fawned over your ex, perplexed by how you could be so “stupid” to break up with someone so “dreamy.” Guys walked the other way when you were nearby as they didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Billy’s abuse for even looking at you. It was an isolating nightmare you were living.

You were sat outside of school on one of the benches reading a book whilst minding your own business, looking up with a disgusted look on your face as your ex plopped down on the seat beside you, arm strung around your waist as you immediately escape his grip.

“Go away, Billy.” You sigh, trying to focus on your book.

“Ah, c’mon, sweet thing. Don’t be like that…” his voice a pathetic attempt at sounding seductive and classy, in reality he just sounded like a jackass.

You weren’t alone, thank god. The other students were all littering across the grass and various benches as it was a surprisingly nice day in Hawkins, you just knew it was smarter to keep to yourself, which is why you picked the bench furthest away.

“Don’t touch me.” You groan, uncomfortable expression on your lips as you try and wriggle away from him once again, his hand gripping your hip as he keeps you flush to his chest.

“C’mon, baby. I miss you… What do you say we get outta here?” he purrs, pressing a light kiss against the weak spot behind your ear.

“Don’t touch me!” you scream out a little louder this time, grabbing the attention of everyone around you as you shove him away from your body.

“When did you become such a prude?!” he hisses, standing to his feet and wrapping his arms around your midsection whilst you are immediately trying to unwrap them from around yourself.

“I’m not a god damn prude, I just don’t want someone like you touching me, you’re pathetic and disgusting so let. Me. Go!” you squeal out, giving him a knee to the crotch whilst allows him to let go of you for a second in shock.

He stumbles for a second, taking a deep breath to regain his composure before he’s making advances towards you again, smug grin on his lips as he reached out for your backpack strap to stop you from getting far.

“Oh no you don’t!” called an annoyed noise from just over Billy’s shoulder, you see a fluffy haired guy hurrying up behind your ex, immediately wrapping his arms around Billy’s throat to give him a soft headlock to give you the time and space to distance yourself from Billy.

A wild elbow is thrown into the ribs of the stranger, causing him to hiss out as Billy wrangles out of his arms and faces him with pure venom in his voice, “Munson… I shoulda known it was you…” he smirks, dropping his weight a little so he could charge into the other guys’ chest and tackle him to the ground.

You back up a little, whole body shaking from the ordeal whilst a small crowd gathered to watch the two guys wrestling and battling one another, one trying to win your affection, the other trying to defend your honour.

You assume it’s going to be a battle of egos and testosterone, a relatively harmless wrestling match… That is until the brunette recoils his arm away, letting it smash forward to lay a hard blow to Billy’s noise, causing the blonde to scream out in agony.

“You little shithead!” Billy cries, nose already seeping with blood, grabbing the other guy by the throat, and shoving him down onto the ground as he pinned him and started laying wild blows to whatever he could hit. Fist colliding with his jaw, chest, anything he could find, the two guys were just exchanging hands and you were frozen in your spot in pure fear.

“Eddie! Stop! He’s not worth it!” you hear Dustin scream from the edge of the crowd, it took this long for you to realise the tatted stranger was Eddie Munson.

Dustin and his small group of friends rushed over and did all that they could to intervene, pulling Eddie off of Billy once the two men had swapped positions and it was Billy’s turn to get his ass beat. They were both red in the face, covered in blood and cursing at one another, it was hard to believe that this tall stranger was being held back by these children…

Looking up, you saw that a girl you knew as Max had come to the aid of Billy. Well, she had stood in front of him and held out her arms so neither of the older guys could step closer without her getting hurt first.

“What is the matter with you two?!” she screamed, full of rage.

“That little freak hit me!” he defends, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You deserve it for not learning what the word no means, dick!” Eddie retorted, sitting on the bench you were previously on whilst nursing his aching jaw.

“What do you care anyway? Ever heard of minding your damn business?!” Billy sounded like he was getting riled up again as Eddie was also seething.

“Keep your hands to yourself and I’ll mind my business.” Eddie growled.

It took a little more begging from either side’s friends before the two boys split up and went in opposite directions, Max shooting the group an apologetic look before she forced Billy to head back to his car. You watched as Dustin and Lucas tried their best to clear Eddie up, but he kept lightly shoving them away, not wanting any help.

It took all the power and strength you could muster up before you had the guts to step over to Eddie, body shaking with nerves as you clear your throat.

“T-Thank you…” you mumble, Eddie tilting his head up to look at you, eyes sympathetic as he noticed that it was you he was speaking with.

“Don’t even mention it. You okay?” he asks with genuine concern in his voice, you sheepishly nod your head as you knew the worst was over for now.

“I… We should get you cleaned up…” you suggest, referring to how his outfit was smothered in dirt marks, hands a little bruised and bloody as his lip was split a little from the punch he received earlier.

He stood without much argument, you slide your backpack up onto one shoulder and slowly guide him back into the school. He was limping and gasping every now and again from the pain, you ease him into the girls’ bathroom so he can at first wash his hands.

Eddie groans in annoyance at the sight of himself in the mirror, turning away from it once his hands were dry and clean. You frown, grabbing a tissue and soaking it in warm water, waiting for permission before you lightly dabbed the blood from his lip.

He winced, you apologised. It went on like this for a couple minutes before you had him clear from blood and a grateful smile on his face, throwing away the bloody towels in favour of brushing his hair from his face. You were extra delicate with him as you knew he was tender.

“I’m Y/N by the way…” you offer, filling the silence.

“I know. I’ve had a crush on you since first grade.” He shrugs with a half-hearted smile, leaning back against the sink whilst you washed your own hands to be clean of the dirt. “I’m Eddie.”

“Yeah right!” you snort, to which he interrupts.

“I am, it says so on my birth certificate!” a smug grin on his face.

“Not that part!” you snort a laugh, smacking him playfully on the chest before gasping and apologising immediately as you’d hit one of his fresh bruises, you stroke your fingers over his chest soothingly, “I meant ‘yeah right’ to the crush part, butthead.”

“I know, I just love teasing you. But I’m being serious about that part, I always had a crush on you, broke my heart when you started dating that asshat.” He mumbled.

“Broke more than just your heart, hm?” you gesture to his fractured hand, causing the both of you to let out laugh that fades to a soft sigh.

“It was worth it…” he smiled, brushing your hair behind your ears, and admiring the way that you blush under his touch. “Besides, I could treat you way better than he ever could—”

“Not much competition there!” you laugh, interrupting him.

“Shut up, I was trying to be romantic!” he groans with a fake huff.

“Sorry, sorry, go ahead!” you promise to be quiet, beaming up at him as he took a second to appreciate how beautiful you were when you smiled.

“Do you think you’d ever wanna go out some time? Like… when I’m healed and not all gross and bloody?” a hopeful look in his eye.

“You could never be gross, even when you’re bloody,” you reassure him, stroking his cheek with your thumb, making sure to be extra delicate with his sore face, “but I would really like that…”

“Wait, really?!” he sounds like an excited child.

“Of course! You’re handsome, funny, protective, you’re willing to break your damn hand just to defend someone you hardly know, you’re already miles above anyone else…” you shake your head with a smile.

“I’m stoked, that’s awesome!” he’s grinning, only wincing slightly when his lip splits open again and causes a little blood to drip out from his smiling.

“Jesus Christ, not again!” you groan, grabbing another clean tissue to repeat the process of cleaning his busted lip, not wanting to get the crimson stains on his—well, his muddy white shirt, you suppose.

“Get used to the next 50 years of taking care of me,” he snorts a laugh.

“If you’re lucky,” you tease, your voice soft and playful.

[i-did-not-mean-to]

I am crying. This last paragraph sums it up perfectly.

I am a hateful bitch. Envious. Jealous too. Small-minded and bigoted. I get envious of others' success and dismissive of others' misery.

And then I stop. I breathe. I remember that this is not who I choose to be. Not ever again.

I think of the things and people that make me laugh. I recall the hands that hid my worst injuries and balmed them. I conjure up ghosts of love I've received.

And I force myself to be kind. Some days, it takes everything I have not to say "well, boohoo nobody cares about either one of us..."

But I'd be wrong saying this because I'm petty and tired and hurt. I care. At the end of the day, I care a whole damn lot.

Being nice to people is hard sometimes (and sometimes it's really easy, tbh)...but it's always worth it. Always. No exceptions.

Being kind is the greatest ambition and challenge of my life besides staying alive.

And I'll persevere because y'all deserve nothing less from me. You're wonderful and I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you (more than I hate myself)

Hey.

I'm serious when I say I think the sentiment that kindness requires "zero effort" is harmful.

The idea that kind is a thing you can be innately, without having to think or feel anything about it, leaves a gap in the fence where the other idea "if I have unkind thoughts or feelings, I am by nature a bad, unkind person" can slip through.

Listen. That's bullshit.

Being kind to other people means paying attention to the effect your words and actions have on others, caring about it, and trying to make those effects better. That's work.

If you have a nasty thought about another person that annoys you and you contain the impulse, hold your tongue, and let it go? That was effort.

If you took time out to really think about something you wanted to say and make sure it would have its intended result without causing accidental harm that you wouldn't have noticed if you went totally off the cuff? Wow, that took some work!

If you were tired and angry and full of hatred but you still did the dishes so your housemate has something to eat their breakfast off of in the morning, that wasn't easy.

I don't think there are magical "kind" people who never have a mean thought and are always selfless and pure. That would be exhausting and impossible.

I'm not a "nice person," I'm a nasty, bitter, angry, sad person who tries to have good leash manners, control my worst impulses, and not jump on strangers because they don't deserve that shit from me.

I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. I'm trying and it's worth it.

[oxydiane]

sirius’ story makes me so sad.

he grows up in an abusive household surrounded by bigoted people and tries time and time again to prove he’s different and undo all the things his family has done to give the black name that reputation.

he only finds solace at the age of eleven when he meets james and subsequently when he escapes his home and effectively abandons his family at sixteen, not even a legal adult yet.

immediately after finishing school he’s thrown in the middle of a war, a war meant for adults and fought by children, and not even three years later he realises that he put his trust in the wrong person, and because of his mistake the one person who had helped him through it all for the past decade is dead. everything falls apart. james is dead, lily is dead, remus is god knows where, peter is a traitor and hagrid is refusing to give him his godson. the godson he had sworn to protect, the boy james and lily died to protect, the last fickle trace of them in this world, the godson he was ready to take up and raise and protect with his life, that is being taken away from him too.

he has nothing left to lose, tracks down the traitor, the man he trusted who now has such precious blood on his hands, and he gets framed. no trial, no investigation, not even a chance to speak up for himself, because after all he is a black and that last name speaks louder than a thousand words and no matter how much he’s tried to undo it, his name will always precede his actions in the eyes of everyone watching.

he spends more than a decade locked up, being sucked dry of every happy memory until he’s forgotten how james moves, how he smells and how he laughs and quickly he can’t remember anything that makes james alive and all he can remember is the corpse he’d seen that day, just a few days before his twenty-second birthday, untouched laying on the ground, so untouched he could have mistaken it for his sleeping form if not for his eyes open and brown and devoid of life. he rots away at azkaban, decides to rot away in there because the more he thinks about it the more he feels that is the right place for him, he decided to switch with peter, he is the reason his friends are dead, he deserves every nightmare filled night and dirty look from the minister each time he visits. and then, one day, he sees it. his reason to escape. peter alive and relatively well off on the front page of the daily prophet written down in ink the promise he will be at hogwarts in the near september, the same place his godson, his harry will be and he cannot take it anymore, he escapes.

he sees harry, alone in the streets after running away from his muggle family and that feels so, so familiar. he sees harry longing after a broomstick and there is so much of james in that. he is at hogwarts and hiding under the bleachers of the quidditch field and he gets to see how skilled his harry is, he’s all james, there is so much of james in the way he holds himself on his broom, in the air, and in the way it is so apparent he loves playing.

when he finally, finally, gets pettigrew, and the rest, alone in the shrieking shack he can finally taste it, the revenge he’s been agonising for over a decade, his chance to avenge james and lily. remus shows up, snape shows up and the kids knock him out cold and that is probably the best night sirius has had in the past twelve years because his godson, his harry believes his innocence and he is about to finally avenge james, with remus.

harry stops them, he doesn’t want them to become murderers and yet again sirius marvels at how much of james is still alive in this small boy, james wouldn’t have wanted that either.

they leave the shack with a promise of making him a free man, finally, and with a smaller promise, just between him and harry, to finally be together once this is all over, to be a family, just the two of them. everything he’s ever wanted is so close, getting his revenge, getting back his freedom, getting to be a family with harry; it’s almost too good to be true, and it all slips away from his fingers in seconds.

suddenly pettigrew is gone, and he is locked up waiting for the kiss, to say goodbye to the soul that had kept him anchored to sanity all those years and say goodbye to all the promises made mere minutes prior. and harry is saving him again, helping him out, setting him free. those promises still cannot be kept but that’s alright, because harry knows he is innocent and they will figure something out, they always do.

he lives on the run, he lives in a small hideout near hogsmeade while worried sick because that dumbledore bastard couldn’t possibly find a way to pull harry out of that bloody tournament, could he? and suddenly voldemort is back.

voldemort is back and sirius is stuck inside the house he had grown to hate, the house he had desperately escaped when he was just a kid. he hears his mother’s yells and has to look at the tapestry with his missing face and hear his elf remind him of everything he’s hated and everything that has tormented him. the walls bear memories he’d rather throw away and burn and harry is in danger.

harry is in constant danger, everyone is in danger and he can’t do anything to help. when news struck that harry is in the department of mysteries, facing off death eaters, he doesn’t care anymore, doesn’t care for orders because dumbledore’s orders have never been his priority, harry is.

he shows up, finally, and he gets to save harry, stand up for him, and fight by his side for the last time before his own very cousin, a member of the family that has done so much damage and harm to him all of his life, puts an end to his life.

he dies with a smile on his face, ghost of a laughter still present as harry watches the last part of a family he never got to have die forever. and just like that sirius is gone.

he didn’t get to avenge james and lily, he didn’t get to be a free man again, he didn’t get to raise harry, or to be a family with him. just like that his life is over and only ten of those excruciating thirty-six years haven’t been absolute torture for him.

[discluded]

have you seen that mae nathanee posted this pic of mile from vogue magazine with mile's quote about freedom? she must be so proud of her son 🥺💚

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjel894LL34/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

OH ANON, thank you for giving me a chance to talk about another thing I didn't know how to bring up casually about the interview (sorry to everyone whose experience of my blog has just been me screaming AND ONE MORE THING into tungle.hellspace)

Also, if you have an Instagram, please go and give the Vogue post a like and comment!

First of all, it's soooo cute Mama Mae Nathanee is so supportive of her son. Their relationship is so so so so cute.

She should absolutely be proud of him! And proud of herself for how well she raised him.

Second of all, I want to talk about something what Mile said that either is lost in translation and/or the nuance might be missing to some people.

Here is the translation from MileApo Safe Place (alt: the one that @nattaphum consolidated. They're both very close.)

"I agree with Po, and I believe in the freedom to live life. No matter the preference, orientation, or love of a person of any gender, age, or status, everyone should have the freedom to decide to be their authentic self."

- Mile Phakphum in Vogue Thailand, Sept 2022

At first glance, this can read as a "treat everyone with respect" comment from Mile, which might feel a bit "all lives matter" in the context of a question about LGBTQ+ issues. But as bad as Mile's memory is, he obviously listened to what Apo said first and is adding on to it. He heard the question was about LGBTQ+ issues.

Apo's answer was very direct: It was a not-so-subtle comment about the lack of equal rights and protections for LGBTQ people in Thailand, including the 2021 Thailand Supreme Court ruling against marriage equality. This is a very good call out that isn't just "everyone should be able to love who they love."

But remember that Mile's personality is not as direct as Apo's. Even his comment about online bullying he received and plea for kindness was very soft and indirect compared to what Apo's said in the past on Twitter. There's nothing wrong with either, but it's who Mile is, so it's always important to take what he says with that context.

Apo talked about the lack of protections for LGBTQ couples, the lived mundanity of inequality and discrimination that most people don't think about. Mile is adding on to that to say there is a lived violence in the inequality that LGBTQ people experience outside of their relationships as well that he wanted to highlight.

Of course everyone should have the freedom to marry who they love and build a life with that person, but LGBTQ people deserve respect and protection for being just who they are. Trans people should have the right to live without fear and discrimination or being a novelty that talk show hosts can laugh at [insert link of Apo defending that trans beauty queen/actress at that talk show I can't find right now], bi / pan / 🤷🏻‍♀️ questioning? folks should be allowed to live their truth without people invalidating their identity because of their partner, and everyone should be protected from homophobia because censure/bullying of how people naturally choose to present themselves affects cisstraight and queer people. Homophobia (and transphobia) is not about the recipient, it's about the violence a bigot enacts on someone they identify as a target.

So yeah. Mile's comment about freedom to be your authentic self, as a queer person who is not in a relationship and might never be, was really moving to me.

In case you missed it: Mile and Apo had seven questions in Vogue, their most widely circulated publication interview op to date, and they really took the LGBTQ rights question head on.

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Alpha Jungkook x Omega Oc!

Genre : Angst , Hurt/ Comfort.

    Chapter 1  ⋆  Chapter 2  ⋆  Chapter 3     Chapter 4  ⋆  Chapter 5   ⋆   

    Chapter 6   Chapter 7     Chapter 8

Summary : Nine months after her marriage ends, Kim Heejin is a reclusive artist, who works out of a renovated warehouse in Busan, her days and nights spent with canvas and paint. Its exactly what she’s ever wanted, to be left alone. And yet, that nagging feeling of incompletion keeps her on her toes. And perhaps, it is that longing for something substantial, something real that pushes her to give her flawed but lovable ex-husband another chance.

Chapter 9

 “I… No. Just… please tell him I’ll be down…I’ll come down to the lobby to meet him.” I said quickly, panicking at the idea of having him here. I’d barely been here a day but this was still my space. And if I had him here then his scent would just seep into every nook and corner. 

The room would smell like him then… And what would I do after he left?

God, what was I even thinking? Head swimming, I crawled to the edge of the bed and breathed shakily. 

It felt surreal, climbing out of the bed and moving to the vanity . I stared at myself in the mirror as I grabbed the makeup bag I kept with me all the time. Wide eyes and parted lips, creamy gold skin turning lily white because of how the blood had just drained after that phone call. 

I looked petrified .

Jungkook… I thought numbly. Jungkook’s waiting downstairs and I’m going to see him. 

What is he thinking.... What is he feeling... why is he even here? 

You’re not responsible for his emotions, Taehyung’s soothing voice in my head helped a bit but not a whole lot. What about my emotions, I though desperately, grabbing the tube of gloss and slowly uncapping it. I ran the end of it over my lips and felt my fingers tremble because I didn’t know why I felt this need …to look beautiful.

I didn’t need to, I though miserably. Everyone knew omegas were beautiful. Beta supermodels were beautiful yes but they couldn’t hold a candle to me, at least for someone like  Jungkook. He was an alpha, his brain was built to find me attractive. I had evolutionary genetics on my side, which mean that if I ever actually wanted to seduce Jungkook , he wouldn’t really stand a chance .

But I didn’t want that.

I had had enough of that. Enough of seeing handsome, rich alphas being reluctantly attracted to me. They made it obvious too. Most of the hate mail I got stemmed from angry wives or girlfriends accusing me of seducing their men , even though  I’d never so much as laid my eyes on them. It was so unfair. 

I didn’t enjoy watching them lose their minds at the sight and scent of me, because i knew that deep down,  they thought that all omegas were scum. 

Manipulative, sex driven , greedy and selfish . Those were the labels I got plastered with , on the media and on the streets. 

And Jungkook wasn’t different, I reminded myself firmly, pulling away from the mirror and grabbing the loose powder and dusting down some of it on the apple of my cheeks and down the length of my nose. 

He didn’t think any different than the others. Jungkook’s views on omegas were just as archaic and bigoted as everyone else’s .

He just didn’t act on them .

Sighing, I dropped the lipgloss back in the back and brushed my hair off my face. On a whim , I pulled off the hair tie holding the thick strands together, letting the wavy tresses fall over my shoulder. I hadn’t cut my hair in a long time and it felt to my hips now. My stylist was adamant that it added to my aesthetic.

  A primal siren, she had said staring at me in awe, like something eternal and beautifully dangerous. We’re lucky you seem incapable of hate, Heejin ...because I think you could bring grown men to their knees with that body and that face. 

I felt nauseous at the thought of it.   

Walking to the elevator felt like walking the plank and I had stop a couple of times, just to breathe deeply. I had to be smart about this. I was in therapy. Taehyung had taught me how to handle situations like this and while my heart was pounding too hard and my brain was too scrambled to use any of his therapy techniques, I still had some of my cognitive abilities intact. 

He came here, i thought desperately. 

He came looking for you and that means he isn’t nervous or worried or overthinking this because he doesn’t have feelings for you. If you want to come out of this  unscathed, you need to get your head on straight. You need to pretend that you didn’t just have a minor mental breakdown at the thought of him dating someone else. 

I took a deep breath, exhaling sharply before stepping into the elevator. The ride down to the lobby was barely a few seconds and when I stepped out, I realized the place was way too crowded for such an exclusive Hotel. And then I remembered that people were here for the Art Festival. I glanced at the reception desk, covertly, noting a conspicuous lack of Jeon Jungkook. The lady behind the desk held her hand up when she spotted me .

“Ms. Kim? Mr. Jeon just went to get you a drink...He’s over by the breakfast counter over there.” She pointed out the dining space where people were walking about getting breakfast and I swallowed, feeling hot and cold as I cautiously stepped into the crowd, trying to find a that familiar head of thick dark hair. 

I felt the apprehension build as I tugged on my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to reign in the chaos in my mind but it was impossible, everything too loud and too messy. I looked around and then, it hit me. 

His scent. 

I felt my lips part in surprise, and it felt like someone had turned the volume down , noises fading into a dull hum at the back of my mind as I stared at him. He hadn’t spotted me yet and I took a second to just....look.

He looked incredible.

There was really no other word for it. Incredibly handsome, Incredibly beautiful and so incredibly perfect as the late morning sun lit up the room, picking out the shine on his white silk shirt. I breathed in deep, my mindeasily picking out the musky pine scent of him and I stepped closer, moving straight towards him and I caught the exact moment my scent his senses.

He jerked a bit, nostrils flaring and eyes going wide before he turned, lips parted and gaze a bit unfocused as he looked around.

When he caught sight of me, he just blinked. 

I smiled weakly, body going limp with relief because.... because this was Jungkook. Not some monster I had to run from. This was Jungkook....even at his worst he had been better than some of the other people I’d met in life. 

I looked down at the drink in his hand and smiled a bit as he made his way over. 

“ This isn’t the same as buying me a coffee.” I said shakily as he finally stepped upto me.

His eyes danced with warmth. 

“What makes you think I can afford one? Besides, aren’t you the hotshot artist? Shouldn’t you be the one buying me stuff?” He said softly. 

“Just saw you on the front cover of a magazine. We both know you’re far from destitute..” Even through the smile, I felt the tug of emotion as I stared at him, felt the difference in him like night and day, the light and joy and ...contentment that seemed to radiate off him .

He smiled and held the drink out to me gently.

“ Heejin-ah.” He whispered. 

And somehow it was the sound of his voice, wrapping around the syllables of my name that finally did it. 

I felt the tears brim over, my lips parting in choked laughter as I stepped close and wrapped both my arms around him, burying my face in his neck and breathing him in. I felt him hold me, infinitely gentle and I exhaled sharply.

“I didn’t miss you,  at all.” I said shakily. He laughed lightly. 

“I missed you , too.” He stroked the back of my head gently and I sighed, fingers curling on the silk of his shirt. The fabric felt like liquid in my fingers and I played with it for a second, intensely aware that people were starting to stare. That this embrace had gone on for longer than social norms dictated but I couldn’t bring myself to care, letting my chin rest against his shoulder blades. 

And it was almost frightening.....how easy it was to pretend we weren’t broken at all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She was so small when I last held her... I can’t believe she’s running around.” I said, awed, listening to Jungkook tell me about how Mina liked to climb everywhere. He laughed, shaking his head. 

"She’s growing bigger everyday. I can barely keep up.” Jungkook smiled, holding a hand out for me to step over the wooden slats that lined the tiny archway that led to the door to his building. I hesitated before lightly gripping his hand in mine, the gesture somehow feeling more intimate that it was. 

“You’re not staying at the Firenze?” I asked curiously, resisting the urge to reach for his hand again when he let go.

it was such a ridiculous thing but I’d never held hands with him. And It felt ridiculously nice, to slot my fingers with his, feel them in between mine. His palm against mine, calloused but somehow so comforting. 

 I’d forgotten how warm he was.

 Don’t. Don’t fall down this rabbit hole again, Heejin. We talked about this. He doesn’t think of you that way. He doesn’t. And neither should you. its unfair to him. He doesn’t deserve that. 

“No... As you can see my apartment is barely ten minutes away and Soeun has her exams so its easier for her to watch over Mina here at the apartment.

“Soeun?” I asked curiously.

“Park Soeun? She’s a University student who lives with me. She’s doing a correspondence course in fashion . So she’s home all the time and she helps out with Mina. And she speaks Italian so that’s a huge plus... ” He smiled. “ you’ll like her. She’s a good kid.” 

 Don’t make that face. Don’t fucking make that face, Heejin.

I struggled to keep my face straight , like I wasn’t feeling the weight of a dozen bricks at the base of my stomach. 

“A roommate...then..?” I asked quietly and he shrugged.

“Something like that. But mostly she helps take care of Mina when I’m out on an assignment.” He smiled and led me past two flight of stairs up to the studio apartment. 

I wrapped my arms around myself as he stopped in front of a wrought iron grill, gripping one end and sliding it open with ease. And then he rang the small bell n the side. I shuffled back and forth on my foot, heart racing. 

The door opened and I blinked because of how young the girl who opened the door was. A second later she was beaming, moving forward and wrapping both her arms around me.

“Unnie!” She squealed, hugging me so close that I almost choked. Completely thrown I could only gape at Jungkook who was laughing . 

“Oh, I forgot to mention..she’s a bit of a fan. “ He teased lightly and I smiled awkwardly, watching as she pulled back to stare at me, her gaze trained on my face unblinkingly. 

“Whoa...” She reached out and lightly touched my cheek with her forefinger making me jump. She flinched as well, flushing red.

“Shit..sorry...I just... I’ve never... I’ve never met an omega before.” She said softly. “ You’re absolutely breathtaking.”

I felt my heart pound, steeping back instinctively, an overwhelming urge to hide , anxiety pooling in my stomach as she continued to stare at me. I hated the attention and I wrapped my arms around myself. 

“Soeun, enough. Don’t make it weird.” Jungkook said sternly, voice hard and the girl immediately flushed, bowing apologetically. 

“Sorry...I.. sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable ... You’re pretty.” She said again before turning to Jungkook.

“I have to get some stuff for my exhibit, Jungkook oppa... Mina’s asleep. i’ll be staying over at Vince’s place for the night though. Is that okay?”

“Sure..have fun.” Jungkook smiled, “ Vince is her boyfriend.” He explained and Soeun nodded happily. 

“Italian men are absolutely amazing unnie...you should try some.” She winked and I laughed despite myself.

“I just might...” I said with a grin, watching as she walked over to slip on a pair of sneakers from the small shoe closet near the door. She waved enthusiastically all but bouncing away and I blinked at him , shaking my head.

“I feel a hundred years old right now.” I said softly, still stunned by the girl’s exorbitant energy. Jungkook laughed at that

“She definitely has that effect on people... Come on, I’ll show you around.” He held his hand out and I smiled , taking his fingers mine and letting him tug me further into the studio apartment. 

I looked around, taking in the full blown prints of Mina and Jungkook , caught in adorable poses in front of different tourist spots in Florence. I saw how much she looked like Jungkook now, and how openly affectionate they looked together, the love evident even in the still photos. 

And then my eyes fell on a familiar painting , my stomach lurching. 

“You... “ i turned to him in a rush and he was staring at me with a small smile.

“I had to bring that. It pretty much saved me, that painting.” He said casually, stepping close and running his fingers all over the print. 

“When you told me this is how Sooah saw me...” He traced the picture carefully before glancing at me,” it made me realize that Sooah didn’t just want a baby.....she wanted a baby with  me. She saw me as a father. As someone who could raise and nurture a tiny human  and that... that’s amazing isn’t it?” He sighed, staring at me.  

He looked beautiful, I thought with an ache deep inside me. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life and it seemed almost too good to be true. That he was here, at reach. So close. I wondered if this was it. This had to be a sign. A sign that we’d come full circle. That it was over. That we could finally break free from all that we’d been through, and look back at Jungkook’s past with fondness instead of pain.

And perhaps, just perhaps I could reach out and touch him with something more than just the love you have for a friend. . Perhaps I could reach out and touch him, without feeling guilt and foreboding.

I exhaled shakily stepping up and running my fingers over the canvas. It was nothing fancy... Just a painting a painting of Jungkook holding Mina up by her waist, high over his head, staring up into her face with all the love and adoration in the world, The child in the painting doesn’t look exactly like Mina, of course, but I’d had no idea , seeing as Sooah had commissioned the painting when she was pregnant. But Jungkook.... Jungkook looked exactly like he did now : Happy and at peace. 

“You’re alright, then?” I asked quietly , a wealth of meaning behind the words and he smiled , nodding gently. 

“I’m fine…” He whispered , “ And I’m so glad I can tell you that, like this. Thank you for coming , Heejin-ah . I know you owe me nothing but.. I wanted to show you that… it wasn’t all bad you know. What we went through… Something good did come out of it.” He whispered.

I choked out a sob.

“I lied.” I whispered. “ I did miss you. Even when I knew I shouldn’t.”

Jungkook’s gaze softened.

“I have a lot to be sorry for. But I don’t want to remind you of those things. I just want you to know that… I understand what you went through…those six months. I understand that it was difficult and painful and i… I’m grateful that you didn’t give up on me. And I’m grateful that you stayed in my life.  Because I know I didn’t deserve that.”

“You deserve to be loved Jungkook.” I said quietly. “ Its not wrong to move on. You deserve to… find happiness again.”

He stared at me, his gaze soft and gentle.

“I can almost believe it, when you say it that way.” He laughed. “ And… you know… I’m not sure if its love. But there’s someone I’ve been…. Well, I can sort of see myself with her. .” He grinned a little, smile boyish as he ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced at me and I felt my heart skip a beat.

Wait… was he going to?....

“ I met her at Taehyung’s practice, a year ago. Her name is Lee Hyorin.” Jungkook looked at me, doe eyes shining with excitement.

And just like that the world ended.

Or so it felt.

It was like being dipped in icy cold water, the shock of it rendering me speechless, lips parted and breath catching in lungs.

Blood rushed through my ears, so fast that I felt lightheaded, my legs nearly giving out. White noise filled my skull, pain lancing sharp through my heart like a thousand paper cuts, and I couldn’t really breathe. It took a few seconds…. For my heart to catch up with what my mind had just processed. And when it finally did, the pain was so excruciating, I had to clench my fists, nails digging into the flesh of my palm to ground myself.

“She’s an alpha…and she lost her husband around the same time Sooah passed..” Jungkook gave me a soft smile. “ She’s actually a curator at one of the museums here. She’s the one who made all the arrangements for me to move here to Florence. ”

“Wow… That’s…” devastating,. “ That’s good news. Jungkook.. I.. How long…” My voice cracked, and I had to swallow. “ How long have you guys been dating?”

“About three months now. We’re taking it very slow, because we aren’t really ready. She has a son too. He’s three years old. Mina loves him so that’s a plus.” He laughed.

My lungs constricted, breathing difficult and my head swam because ….. what. Realization set in so quickly, I was left reeling. I was in love with this bastard, I thought miserably. So in love with him that it felt like he was shredding my heart into ribbons. Every word of his mouth felt like a sharp deep stab, straight through the center of my heart and the pulsing, beating organ was on the verge of giving out.

“She’s going to be there at the dinner tonight at the Festival. She’s one of the organizers by the way. She’s kind of the reason I got in, I think.” He laughed , looking abashed and what a load of bull that was. Jungkook was successful and well known. Superbly talented at his chosen field. She was lucky to have him.

How can she have him when I’m the one who fixed him? How is that fucking fair?

“She really understands the things I’ve been going through, the past few months and because we both still attend therapy with Taehyung, we’re able to talk about a lot of stuff. Stuff I can’t share with others…” Jungkook was saying and I tuned him out, not wanting to hear another word.

I swallowed, choking on bile. I could feel sweat gathering on my scalp, my skin clammy and damp , the air between us shifting into something poisonous and filled with so much dismay, it was a miracle he hadn’t picked up on it.

Couldn’t he sense how distressed I was? Couldn’t he see how his words were hurting? Couldn’t he fucking see that I couldn’t live without him? Why on earth couldn’t he see me the way he apparently saw every other woman on the damn planet…..

Because he’s a shitty Alpha, I thought miserably, willing myself not to burst into tears. He was a shitty excuse for an alpha back then and he’s the same now.

A low, distressed cry began somewhere behind him and he jumped.

“Oh, shit she’s up… come on, Heejin.” He said with a bright smile, turning around and rushing down a small hallway and I willed myself to breathe in deeply, reminding myself that this wasn’t the end of the world. I could get through this. Besides, it was Mina.

Beautiful, perfect Mina who had been there for me. She would see me and she would give me that sweet gummy smile of hers, does eyes twinkling and I would get through this. Because her smile was what was important. Her smile and her joy and her happiness.

The sobbing had slowed down to small hiccups and I stepped past the threshold cautiously, watching as Jungkook bent over the large crib, carefully lifting her out and into his arms. She looked breathtaking, an absolutely gorgeous little girl . I stared, mesmerized as I stepped closer. My arms ached, and my chest tightened. Lips wobbling, I exhaled sharply, moving to reach for her.

She turned to glance at me and just as my fingers brushed her cheek, she recoiled.

Hard.

A loud wail tore through her tiny body and I felt my eyes go wide. Her casual little cry had turned into a sobbing , loud wail and I could smell the distress in her , the fear and distrust as she curled away from me.  Jungkook looked stunned as well, instinctively drawing her close and embracing her, moving away from me because….

Because I was the reason, she was distressed.  

My skin went ice cold at the revelation and I stumbled back, stunned.

“I… I’m sorry.” I choked out, confused and disoriented. Jungkook looked stricken, gently rocking her back and forth and she clung to him, gripping his shirt and I bit my lips, moving further back and I glanced at him, my heart shattering.

“She’s …She’s still sleepy… She doesn’t do well with strangers…” He said softly, looking upset, “ Maybe you could…wait outside…”

Stranger…. Was that what I was?

“I… I’ll go. I’ll just go.” I turned on my heel, rushing out of the door and struggling to breathe in air, my heart clenching so hard I was sure I was going to pass out. I felt my knees give out when I reached the couch, dropping down and drawing my knees up , wrapping my arms around my legs . I didn’t know how long I sat there, fighting sobs and choking on air…and when I finally came to myself, the sobs from the room had died out.

“She’s fallen asleep again.” Jungkook’s voice cut through the silence and I couldn’t bring myself to look up. I felt him move closer, felt his scent hit me as he stepped right up to me, kneeling on the floor in front of me.

I looked up at him, lips wobbling as I took in his handsome face.  A face that was so deeply carved into my heart and my soul, I couldn’t imagine living without it. Without him. The tears came then, helpless and endless and so painful.

He pressed in closer, cupping my face in his palms, thumb brushing the tears that spilled over so relentlessly.

“Heejin…” He whispered and I let my fingers curl around his wrist as his thumb kept brushing the curve of my cheeks. I took a deep , shaky breath .

“She doesn’t remember me….  “ I whispered, “ She doesn’t recognize me at all…She hates me……” I choked out , despair filling every last crevice of my insides, gut twisting as I remembered how Mina had twisted away from me, how her scent had soured in distress at the sight of me, at the touch of my fingers.

 And I wondered if it was different with this other woman..Hyorin, wasn’t it? Did Mina climb into her arms with ease? Did she curl into her chest and sleep? The way she used to with me,  when she was a month old and missing the warmth of a mother.. ….

All those nights spent in that tiny nursery, lying on the cold unforgiving floor, watching the rise and fall of Mina’s chest through the dark room…telling myself it was worth it… it was worth being touched against my will, worth being treated like filth by a man driven mad with grief and anger….all because of this baby…this tiny little baby who had needed me….

And now…she didn’t even know who I was…..worse…she was repulsed by the very sight of me… I couldn’t cope.

“Look at me…” Jungkook rasped, voice raw and cracking. “she doesn’t hate you, Heejin… she just … you feel new to her… different…” 

I shook my head, unable to think about anything beyond the sheer devastation that filled me, the way his daughter had pulled away and run, had refused to come anywhere near me. I realized with lancing pain that I’d wanted to see her, way more than I’d wanted to see Jungkook .

Because she was the reason I’d hung on for so long in that marriage which had been the biggest fucking mistake of my life…. the only reason I’d stuck around . Mina …Having her in my arms, her scent against my face, that had been the only genuine happiness I’d experienced  in a marriage filled with sheer , unending misery. 

“I… she… Why doesn’t she remember? “ I breathed, sagging into his arms, tears soaking his shoulders and his palm ran up and down my back.

“Because she was a baby. Heejin…. I left when she was a baby…”

“Why did you?” I snapped. “ Did it hurt you so much? The thought of living under the same sky as me ? Why you did you go?” I demanded.

Jungkook pulled back, hands coming up to grip my shoulder, holding me at arms length.

“Look at me.” He whispered. “ I had to … You know I had to go….I was hurting you. I was… I was draining you of life. Destroying you… “

Jungkook’s words reminded me of who he was. Of who I was… Of who I was to him.

I choked out, sobbing.

“I hate you. You treated me like scum. Like a crutch….. Like some sort of tool to get better and you just left… you…”

You found someone better. You broke me down and now you’ve gone and found someone better….because I was never good enough for you… I was never someone you could love….

“I had to let you go. I had to end that relationship because it was tainted with so much grief and anger and selfishness and greed. I knew that anything I did afterwards would be tainted by my actions… I… I had to make amends, Heejin. And do you think for a second, that it wasn’t the hardest thing I ever did? That walking out on you wasn’t one of the most devastating things I’ve ever experienced? But I did it for us… for this…” 

I stared at him.

“And what is this?” I asked brokenly.

“This is me, being able to touch you like this.” Jungkook pressed a palm to my cheek, “ And not feeling guilt or sadness or grief or loss.  I did it so we could have this…this… This thing where I can look at you and hold you and see that you’re healing. That you’re doing better… That you’re living the life you want…. That you’re happy. This is me standing here , in front of you and smiling because I’m happy too. Happy that you’re here.  ” He exhaled, “ I’m happy that despite all the hurt we’ve been through for and because of each other, I can look at you now and tell you, honestly, that I’m glad to see you.” 

What a joke.. What a fucking joke.

I smiled shakily.

“Well… “ I said softly, my stomach churning because I was done. Done with him and mostly with myself. “ Isn’t that absolutely wonderful.”

His gaze softened and he smiled.

“I want us to be friends, Heejinah. Even though we don’t see or talk to each other, I think of you often. And when Mina’s old enough to understand , I’ll tell her all about you… I want you in our lives. You’re a friend. ”

I stared at him , feeling the words echo in my skull . It left an acrid taste on my senses, the way he put me into this neat little box, friend. So ….insignificant. Everyone had hundreds of friends. There was nothing even remotely special about being someone’s friend.

Friend just meant replaceable and forgettable. And just like Mina didn’t remember me…. Someday Jungkook wouldn’t either. The knowledge filled my veins spreading all over my body and leaving a fierce, heavy ache in my chest.

It was my fault, I thought despondently. My fault because I had been an idiot.

Jungkook was the sane one here , I thought miserably. These nine months, while I’d been dwelling on him and worrying for him…he had done the healthy thing , by moving on with someone he could actually envision a future with….

What had I done, these past nine months? Dreamt up a fantasy world where somehow we found our way back to each other and built a life together… It seemed so foolish now, in the light of Jungkook’s words and his confession….

Jungkook had done all of this, not for me…but for himself. For his daughter whom he loved and for his wife , whose memory he wanted to honor. And perhaps it was my own delusion that made me think that I’d played some stellar role in his healing…. Maybe if I hadn’t been there, he would have gotten better just the same…. Maybe I hadn’t been a tool …as much as a hindrance …to his healing.

I shook my head, bitterness coating my tongue.

“I should get going.” I whispered , voice shaking.

This is it, I told myself. This is the last time you look at him with that heaviness in your heart. You deserve better. You deserve… a lot of things. And just because people don’t give it to you doesn’t mean you have to settle for less……

“So soon? Hyorin will be back in a couple of hours… I could show you some of my work, and we could get lunch ….”

I shook my head quickly. I didn’t want to meet her in his home. Didn’t want to see him being domestic and affectionate and …normal with her when all I’d ever seen was Jungkook in his anger and grief, either yelling abuses or gripping me with a lust that was tainted with violence and rage. I stared at his hands, the ones I’d liked holding….

How did I forget? That those were the same hands that had held me down and done things that should, rightfully have landed him in prison?

I shook my head, to clear the images out of my head. Looking at him now,  Jungkook looked eager, happy and healed. And I realized that he’d just pushed all of his own actions out of his mind. Forgotten all about it. And that was fair. He probably didn’t even remember any of it. He had been drunk out of his mind, lost in his head and surely, forgetting must’ve been easy… A relief.

I didn’t begrudge him that.

But…

I hadn’t been drunk. I’d been stone cold sober under him on that bed and so, maybe forgetting didn’t come that easily for me. And I was glad that Jungkook could move on and be happy but….

But I couldn’t stay here and pretend that it was the same for me. I wasn’t happy or healed, I thought miserably. And maybe , maybe the sight of him moving on was a sign that I had to stop thinking that healing meant going back to him and his daughter.

“Heejin… What’s wrong? Is it because of Mina.. she’s just not used to…” He began but I quickly pressed a palm to his chest, smiling.

“Strangers.” I said softly. “ I know. That’s not it… You know I have to introduce my exhibit at dinner tonight. I don’t know what the itinerary is or what I’m supposed to say…. None of it.. I need to meet my agent and prep myself a bit. Its alright…I’ll see you tonight.” I said softly.

“I’m sorry… I can’t walk you back because Mina-“

“Of course. Don’t worry about it…. I’ll just…”

The doorbell rang, startling me.

“Jungkook!” A strong voice called out and I went still.

“Hyorin?” Jungkook’s face lit up and I felt my stomach churn. God, the universe really was against me wasn’t it? Sighing in defeat, I wrapped my arms around myself, sitting back down on the couch and waiting.

Behind me , I could hear hushed whispers, soft laughter and shuffling feet. My mouth went dry.

“Ms. Kim….”

I turned around, greeted by the sight of a tall, strapping young woman, pretty by any standards. She was dressed in a pant suit , her hair long and straight, hitting the top of her shoulders. She looked smart… Important.

“Ms. Lee… Its nice to meet you.”

She held her hand out and I shook it gently.  Jungkook smiled at her fondly and his phone rang from somewhere inside the studio.

“Hang on that’s probably Soeun…” He smiled at me and moved away and I watched him leave before shifting my gaze to Hyorin, who was staring down at me with a small smile.

“Are you here in Italy by yourself? Or with one of your many …uh… patrons ?” She smirked.

I blinked.

“Patrons?” I asked softly. “ Excuse me?”

“Jungkook and I’ve been following all the stories about you, back in Korea. You get around quite a lot… don’t you? Every alpha within a 100 mile radius wants a piece of the lovely Kim Heejin… And honestly, could anyone blame them? You look exquisite.”

I stared at her, stunned. The implication was so obvious that I would be an idiot not to realize what she was hinting at. So this was the woman , Jungkook chose? Yet another prejudiced bigot?

I laughed a bit, feeling my heart sink.

“I’m not seeing anyone. If that’s what you’re asking.” I said quietly.

Hyorin smirked at that.

“Of course you aren’t… We all know that isn’t really something your kind does… monogamy, right?”

“Do you have a problem with me Hyorin ssi?” I asked roughly and she laughed.

“Oh come on.. we’re all adults, here. And Heejin, you  agreed to be a part of this festival, knowing full well, that’s what we think . Its because deep down you know I’m right….. Omegas can’t stay with one alpha. They need sex to survive and they are usually open to it with anyone. Not that I’m blaming you or judging you for it. It’s just how you’re built.”

I smiled wide, ignoring the urge to claw at her face. .

“Well, you’ve definitely got me all figured out haven’t you? “ I shook my head, glancing at Jungkook who was making his way over.

“What are you talking about?” He asked curiously and I smiled, glancing at her.

“ Hyorin ssi was just telling me how my sub gender makes it impossible for me to not go around whoring with every alpha I see…….” I glanced at him and Jungkook straightened, looking stunned, “ Well, I hope you two enjoy your beautiful monogamous relationship with each other something an omega like me can only fantasize about…. Right Jungkook?” I smiled and he looked completely lost.

“Wait…What? Hyorin what did you say?” He demanded and she was glaring at me now.

“Please don’t take it personally, I was only talking about omegas in general. “ Hyorin frowned, before bowing and moving away to stalk off in the direction of the bedrooms and I watched her, feeling dirty and terrible.

“Heejin, ignore her.. she’s just old fashioned and-“

“Is that what you’re going to call it?” I snapped and Jungkook froze.

“Heejin…”

I shook my head in disbelief.

“I’m not upset about what she said. I’m upset that she feels comfortable enough, spouting that bullshit to me , in your house. Makes me wonder what else she’s told you about omegas, and how much of it you probably agreed with.”

Jungkook stared at me , lips parted.

“I… I don’t feel that way. You know that.” He said stiltedly.

“Do I? All I know is that she knows about me, about who I am and apparently, she can call me a slut…. In front of you, without worrying about it upsetting you. And that tells me you’re as much of a bigot as she is.”

“Heejin… You know that’s not it. We all grow up being fed certain things and –“

“But you did grow up right?” I snapped. “ you grew up and you can think and act for yourself. As can she. Once you’re an adult, you don’t have a single fucking excuse for being racist or homophobic or bigoted because being an adult means having the ability to unlearn the toxic things you’ve been taught and relearn how to be a decent fucking human.”

I shook my head as he stared at me.

“And you know what…please just… just don’t call me or consider me as a friend.” I laughed. “ Because I don’t think I can consider you one. Not anymore. You can’t…...You can’t just love certain parts of me and be disgusted by others you know? I don’t need a friend who can care about me and love me and help me as long as he can forget that I’m an omega….. I need a friend who can love every jagged, broken , part of me. Who can call out people who talk bullshit at me , who can look someone in the eye and tell them they’re wrong when they’re calling me names  and that’s not who you are……. You’re not it.” I snapped.

Jungkook looked stricken, reaching out to hold me and I stepped away, annoyed.

“I’m sorry, Heejin, you’re right … I’ll talk to her… I’ll…” He began but I shook my head.

“Whatever.  Just don’t call me a friend. We can’t be friends. Let’s just be what we always were , yeah? A big fucking mistake that never should have happened.”

I stormed out of the door, shaking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean, there are no flights available for today?” I snapped. “Tell them money isn’t an issue. I need to get out of this place right now.”

Minho looked incredibly stricken, hair messy from how often he’d run his fingers through.

“ We just arrived seven hours ago, Hee. Of course there’s no flight yet…. We can stay another day…attend the dinner and-“

“No.” I snapped. “ Absolutely not. I’m not here because they find my art good  or worth putting up. I’m here because they know the alphas around here will want to pay more , to pour in more cash for a chance with me.” I held the embossed booklet up, waving it in his face.

“Heejin…” He protested but I shook my head.

“ Did you see the cost to get into my pane ?. Extra ….for alphas? And yet…apparently they had to pre book it and its filled? You think any of the lecherous bastards who paid money to see me , gives a shit about my art?  And apparently, there’s a meet and greet, for alphas only if they purchase seven or more paintings worth over 10000 Euros. Do you think, that’s what I’m worth?”

Minho looked down at his shoes, ashamed.

“I .. I’m sorry, Hee. You’re right. Its offensive . And an insult to your art and talent. We shouldn’t have come here, you’re right. And I regret it… But just… give me a few hours, yeah? I’ll find a way to get us out of here….”

I exhaled sharply, exhaustion weighing heavy on my head. I felt like I’d taken a pounding, physically and mentally and I wondered how a day that had started so well, could go so wrong, so fast…

Shaking my head, I trudged wearily to the elevator, knocking on the buttons before sagging against the wall, letting my eyes flutter shut.

Jungkook was dating.

Jungkook was dating. His girlfriend thought I was a slut and here I was about to prove her right.

I wanted to slit someone’s throat.

Sighing, I watched the door slide open, grabbing my keys out of my bag,  and moving to the suite. I opened the door before making a beeline for the bed. I collapsed on the soft duvet, groaning. I was torn between wanting to call Taehyung to yell at him about Jungkook and calling Minho to demand an update on the flights.

I was spared the dilemma when the phone in the room rang. Groaning, I moved to swat at the phone, turning on the speaker.

“Ms. Kim? There’s a Mr. Jeon here to see you?”

I blinked, feeling disbelief swell inside me. Did he not get the hint?

Annoyed, I sat up.

“Send him up.” I said, in no mood to go all the way down to see him.

“Up?” She sounded surprised, “ To your room?”

“Yes. To my room. Is that a fucking problem?” I growled, annoyed.

“Not at all Ms. Kim. He’ll be right up.”

I got out of bed, shrugging off my jacket and taking off my dress as well. It was a little damp because I’d sweated through the fabric. I grabbed one of my oversized t shirts , slipping it on and moving to open the door before retreating back to the inner room. Feeling annoyed, I walked up to the vanity and grabbed the hair brush, running the bristles through my locks. I heard his footsteps outside and stiffened.

“If you’re here to defend your shitty girlfriend, you can just leave Jungkook. I swear to God, I’ve had enough of this.” I shouted. He didn’t reply and my hackles rose.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I said something harsh-“ I froze when I reached the doorway, staring at the man in front of me. He had a large , almost humongous bouquet of wild orchids and roses in his hand and I stared at his face.  

This was definitely not Jungkook.

“Umm… hi.” The man bowed awkwardly, his gaze going straight to my legs, where my t shirt ended, just a couple of inches past my waist. I felt the blood rush to my face.

“Who are you…Get out !!!” I shouted, horrified, diving for my jacket and holding it up against my bare thighs. The man held both his hands up, eyes wide..

“I’m sorry… I… you said I could come up to your room….” He protested and I scowled, confused.

“What? “ I stared, stunned… “ Who…what?”

“I’m Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo. I’m uh….one of the sponsors for this festival. And a fan. Huge fan.” He was staring at me beseechingly and I felt my head begin to throb.

The sheer relentlessness of this day…..

“I… Mr. Jeon…” So weird, God, “ There’s been a misunderstanding. I’m not…. I thought you were someone else.”

“Jungkook yes…your ex husband, right? You were married to him for six months after he lost his wife….. He’s also one of the artists exhibiting their work here.” He nodded quickly, running long fingers through thick glossy hair, lips parting in a hesitant smile and I stared at him.

“How do you know all that? ” I demanded, heart pounding. He immediately held his hands up again.

“I’m sorry… I sound like a stalker, shit. But Trust me I’m not. I just am a huge fan.. I looked up some stuff about you….before.” He shuffled a bit awkwardly, finally looking up at me.

I tried to catch his scent. No scent to speak of. A beta then. Relaxing just a bit, I swallowed. At least I wasn’t in any immediate danger. But still, I had no intention of letting him see me in nothing but a t shirt. Embarrassed, I gripped the jacket tighter.

“Why are you here?” I demanded angrily, taking in his appearance. He didn’t look like a hoodlum or someone dangerous. He was good looking, dressed in a white t shirt and black Jacket over plain black slacks. His shoes looked expensive and I didn’t miss the shiny Rolex on his wrist either,.

“Well, for one thing I own the Hotel.” He chuckled and that made my stomach turn. “And also like I said, I’m one of the main sponsors for the Festival itself.”

“Right.” I was too disoriented to process this, head throbbing. “Of course. Is there a reason why you wanted to see me?”

“I was downstairs…just now… I couldn’t help but overhear you with your agent. You wanted to leave as soon as possible. To pull out of the event and I’m just here to try and change your mind, Ms. Kim.” He smiled earnestly and I realized he was really quite young.

I sighed.

“Could you… Could you wait outside? I want to put some clothes on before we talk any further.” I said tiredly and he bowed quickly.

“Uh… These…I’ll just leave these here.” He placed the large bunch of flowers on the table before quickly leaving the room and I swore, racing to the suitcase in the corner. I quickly grabbed a pair of jeans, slipping them on hastily and zipping myself up before glancing at the mirror again. This would have to do.

I moved to the door and opened it, finding him right there, looking lost.

“I… come in, please.” I said hesitantly and he bowed again, moving in and waiting for me to close the door and take a seat on the couch, before sinking into an arm chair across from me.

“Did you see the itinerary? It doesn’t get more sexualized than this.” I waved the booklet and he flushed.

“I understand you’re upset about … certain things. I’m sorry that you feel objectified , in the festival. It wasn’t the intention I had when I first told Hyorin and the others that I wanted them to invite you. But , I’ve been busy the past month, and I didn’t go over the complete agenda. If I did, I definitely would have made sure that you were treated with just as much respect as the others. Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do now, but I’ve had a word with all of the panelists and also the hosts. We won’t entertain any question or comments of a sexual nature and if anyone tries to insinuate anything , I’ll have them removed from the panel myself. “ He said firmly.

“I’m only here because you told me you would exhibit my mother’s works too.” I said sharply and he bowed.

“ Your mother’s works are just as exquisite and I’ve arranged for them to be displayed right at the center of the arena, with a running slide show of her childhood , her art technique and the great love she had for her daughter.” He said firmly.

I could only stare. He sounded incredibly sincere and there was no mistaking the earnestness in his tone.

“I’m….” I bit my lips, “  Listen, Mr. Jeon, I’m flattered but honestly, I never wanted to be here. I… there was … something else that made me want to come and well, that turned out to be a huge mistake. To be honest, I’m not sure if I have it in me to suffer through days of people treating me like I’m some kind of sex crazed bimbo.” I shook my head.

“how about this.? You let me be your date for tonight and you let me display your work, today at the dinner itself. I’ll be right by your side. And then, I’ll have my private jet on standby and we can fly back to Korea. You deserve the spotlight, Heejin and I want people to see how good you are at what you do. I don’t care if I lose money over this… As long as you’re comfortable. ”

I gawked at him, stunned.

“Private Jet?” I choked out. “ Okay, now I’m genuinely concerned.”

He laughed.

“I’m a Hotelier, and I have properties all over the world and I like to inspect them personally most of the time. Its more practical to have a private jet than to try and align my schedules with everyone else.” He smiled.

“Right. Convenient.” I shook my head. “ I’m no stranger to excessive wealth, Mr. Jeon and trust me, it’s always left a  sour taste in my mouth.”

“I don’t flaunt my wealth, Ms. Kim. These clothes? Got them on the streets of Florence. I drive a Mazda. Wealth has no meaning to me. People do. People like you, who bring beauty into the world with their craft. You’ve made my world beautiful and I just want to repay , in some way.” He smiled,  “ Also,  You’re very  beautiful.” He added and then immediately looked away. “ I’m sorry. That was… dumb . I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”

Endeared against my own wishes, I found myself fighting a small smile.

“Just tonight’s dinner?” I asked quietly.

“Just the dinner party.” He assured me quickly.

“Alright. But I’m not getting into any private Jet. My agent will book me tickets and I’ll find my way back to Korea.”

“As you wish. I’ll pick you up at seven. What color is your dress?” He asked casually and I blinked.

“Uh… Wine red? I guess? Why?”

He grinned, looking boyishly handsome.

“I’ll see you at seven, Ms. Kim.”

He bowed, before pausing by the bouquet. He grabbed a couple of  flowers, holding them up for me to see.  

“Daffodils and Lilacs.” He grinned, “ To finding something new to love. And to new beginnings.”

Wow.

Subtle.

I shook my head, momentarily forgetting all about Jungkook as I grinned all the way back to the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I told you… coming with me will earn you major points.” Wonwoo smirked as he pulled me in by my waist , holding my dress up for me as I stared at the sleek black limousine at the Hotel entrance. I watched as he held my wrist gently, latching a string of sterling silver and red rubies around the delicate curve of it.

“This is too lavish…I don’t want this…Who are you?” I demanded, flushing because of the way the flashes went off in every direction, reporters scrambling when they caught sight of him. He was clearly popular, if the number of photos being clicked were any indication. I regretted everything.

Wonwoo pressed a kiss to my wrists, right near the bracelet and gently placed my palm on the curve of his elbow, leading me over to the car and I watched the chauffeur open the door for us.  

“ Someone who can get anyone here fired. Be careful , sweetheart.” I watched in mute horror as he bent low, picking up the hem of my skirt so I wouldn’t trip, while climbing into the limousine. The reporters began whispering excitedly and more flashes went off . My face completely red, I hastened to climb in.

“These people look at you like you’re some kind of King.” I stared out of the tinted windows seeing the sheer multitude of people and Wonwoo chuckled.

“ That’s because I am. At least for tonight. And that’s why I’m the perfect guy to protect you Heejin. They’re all terrified of me.” He winked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook found me, fifteen minutes into the event. I hung by the large archway, near an alcove, sipping champagne and nibbling on some hors d’oeuvre as people threw glances at me. I noticed the conspicuous lack of a date on his arm and straightened, sighing and bracing myself for more unpleasantness as he picked his way through the crowd, eyes trained on me.

“Can we talk?” He said, the minute he was at hearing distance and I exhaled.

“No.” I said casually and he made a noise of impatience.

“Fucking, hell Heejin..just…” He swore again, looking upset. “ Why are you doing this to me? What do you want from me huh?”

I stared at him in disbelief.

“What do I want from you? Oh, fuck off Jungkook. I want nothing from you.” I snapped, turning on my heel, ready to leave but his hand shot out, gripping me right above my elbow, fingers curling in hard.

“Fuck.. listen. I don’t know what she said to you. I .. I’m sorry if she offended you…. Alright? She’s an alpha… I can’t change the way she thinks…”

“I didn’t ask you to. I merely said that if you associate yourself with people who think I’m scum, I won’t let you into my life. Because I respect myself too much for that.” I said firmly.

“She doesn’t think you’re scum, Heejin come on. She just has some misconceptions about certain things.”

“God, Jungkook…just stop. Alright? Stop. Because I’m not asking you do anything. I’m leaving on a flight tomorrow morning and you’ll never see me again. That’s all there is to it.”

He froze at that, fingers curling harder around my arm and it hurt, the skin turning red. Stupid fucker, never knew his own strength.

“Ow, Jungkook let go.” I whispered, and he did, albeit reluctantly.

I rubbed at the bruised skin, furious. I watched as the redness healed over, the pain fading to a throb and then into a pleasant heat and I hated it. Hated that being an omega meant that Jungkook’s rough touch turned to pleasure on my skin.

“What do you mean you’re leaving tomorrow? The Festival is for two weeks.”

I sighed.

“I didn’t come here for the festival. I came here to see you. To see if you were as hung up on me as I was on you…but apparently not.” I snapped.

Jungkook went perfectly still at that.

“What the fuck does that mean?” He said softly and I laughed, shaking my head.

“Wow. You really never even considered it huh? Us? Together.?” It wasn’t funny at all, but I could only laugh. Probably because I’d been so sure.. So certain that there was something there.

He opened his mouth to answer but I felt a warm solidness behind me, an arm wrapping around my waist and a second later, Wonwoo was there pressing up against me.

“Jungkook-ssi… Such a pleasure to meet you.” He held his hand out, and Jungkook frowned, his eyes trained on where wonwoo’s fingers curled around my waist.

“Get your hands off her.” He said shortly and Wonwoo blinked, pulling away from me and stepping back .

“What the-? No. Fuck you.” I snapped, glaring at Jungkook before grabbing Wonwoo’s hand and bringing it back around me. “Don’t you fucking dare take your hands off.” I held my finger up at his face and Wonwoo looked momentarily stunned.

“Really, Heejin? You’re doing this?” Jungkook glared at me. “ We need to talk.”

“So talk.” I snapped. “ Tell me why you think a bigoted bitch is the best you can do in terms of dating. Tell me why she’s the only one who can ‘ understand’ “ I made air quotes, shaking my head, “ You think you and your shitty have monopoly on grief Jungkook? I’ve lost people too. Just because I haven’t screwed other people over because of it, doesn’t make my grief invalid….yeah.”

Ringing silence followed and I regretted everything.

“Fuck.” I whispered, shaking my head. “ I .. Shit. I need to get out of here.”

I pulled away from Wonwoo, moving out of the huge ballroom and Jungkook was right behind me, of course he was.

“Heejin…fuck. Wait. You’re right. I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t understand me. Of course you did. Its why you stuck around… I know that. And you’re right, she had no business talking about you like that. I’ll have a word with her… But…”

I sped up, wanting to get away but he grabbed me again, tugging me closer out of the hall way and into a darkened alcove and I flinched when he pushed me up against the wall, caging me in, as he pressed in closer.

“What did you mean by that?” He demanded, hands coming up to grip my waist, curling gently and my chest heaved at the touch of him, the enclosed space making his scent turn potent, strong and impossible to avoid. My nostril flared as I breathed him in, familiar and yet so foreign, comforting and yet so fucking dangerous.

“By what?” I snapped and his hands moved up, shaping the curves of my body , thumb grazing the tip of my breast and making me jump, before moving up, gripping my face, gently. He pressed his thumb into my lower lip, rubbing back and forth, face impossibly close and I swallowed, throat sandpaper dry.

“About us? Together….” He breathed and I exhaled shakily.

“You know what I meant.” I whispered. “ If you don’t then I can’t explain it.” I whispered and he swore, head dropping against mine, forehead resting against mine, and lips less than a hairsbreadth away.

We’ve never kissed, I thought suddenly. I licked my lips, turning my face away but his fingers gripped my chin at once, yanking me around to stare at him again.

“Look at me, baby. Tell me… You thought about us together?” He whispered .

I breathed shakily.

“Of course I did…. “ I snapped.

“Then clearly therapy isn’t working for you.” He snapped right back and I flinched.

“What-“

Jungkook pulled away staring at me.

“ Do you even remember all the shit I did to you?” He asked quietly. My stomach dropped.

“Jungkook.”

“I broke your ribs.” He said calmly. I swallowed.

“That.. That was an accident. You didn’t mean to.” I protested. “ And we’re past all that… I don’t… I don’t blame you for it.” I said, which was honest enough.

“And what about the nights I got drunk, Heejin….” He said softly and my skin went cold.

“That… That was just… It was just an outlet for your grief… “ I looked away and he scoffed.

“You’re calling it an outlet for grief. I believe the world calls it rape.”

I felt my entire body shiver at the word , moving up to wrap my arms around his neck, trying to pull him close but he was stiff as a board.

“ Don’t” I snapped. “ Don’t …. Its over…it’s in the past.”

“It was still me. I was the one who did it and I can’t… I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

I pulled away to glare at him.

“So , what? You won’t give us a chance because of something I’ve already forgiven you for?”

“Yes.” He said shortly. “ Because you may have forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself.”

I felt my body sag in disbelief.

“Jungkook that’s-“

“You deserve better. You always have. I’m not… I don’t deserve someone like you Heejin. You’re kind and breathtaking and I’m just… a broken mess of a man who’s barely getting by.”

“Oh, right… So broken.” I scoffed. “ You’re on the front page of magazines, you have a successful career and a beautiful girlfriend,,,,forgive me if I’m not breaking my heart over your failures.”

Jungkook exhaled shakily before looking up at me.

“  You wanna know the truth about me, Heejin-ah?” He swallowed. “ I just got out of rehab last week.”

I went still.

“What?” I was sure I’d misheard.

“I… I came here and about a month or so in…I started drinking again…” He glanced away and my heart turned over inside me.

“Jungkook, what?” I demanded, horrified.

“I got drunk and got into an argument with a cop. I hit him. They found out I was a single father and-“ He shook his head, “ I got arrested for disorderly conduct , Public intoxication and assault.”

I stared at him in disbelief, unable to keep the disappointment out of my tone.

“ Arrested for assault... Jungkook why?” I breathed and he flushed.

“I know…. It was stupid.. I… I was stupid.” He said softly.  “Soeun isn’t a baby sitter. She’s a social worker. She’s here to keep an eye on me because they want to make sure I’m not a threat to Mina. If I slip up, they’ll deport me back home and then the state will likely take her away from me. Soeun likes me….so she agreed to lie to you ……And as for the girlfriend…” He laughed, shaking his head, “ Hyorin broke up with me after I got arrested. We’re not… We’re not dating. She was only there to get some prints for the panel tomorrow.” He finished shakily.

I stared at him.

“Why?” I demanded . “ Why would you lie to me… Jungkook ….”

“Because I didn’t want you to think I was a screw up.” He said shakily. “ I know I’m supposed to be getting better and I have but… But sometimes I just…I miss…. I miss home. “ He shuddered. “ And you.”  He looked up at me. “ I miss you a lot, Heejin and it hurts and I feel like the only way I can forget about you…about us together is if I drink. And I’m sorry. I know I don’t have the right to miss you, not after everything I put you through but I… it’s how I feel. ” He glanced away, trembling a little.

I wrapped my arms around myself, stepping away, feeling myself go cold.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds, both of us staring at the floor lost in our own thoughts. I felt drained. Miserably so. Like someone had sucked all the strength out of me. I realized how badly I had wanted Jungkook to be okay. To heal and be himself again. And I’d spent the last nine months, fully convinced that he was. That he was doing what he loved, bonding with his daughter building a life for himself.

But apparently, he was also spiraling back into addiction as well.

It was like we were back in that apartment, both of us miserable  but desperate to be something we clearly were not : Okay.

“Does Taehyung know?” I asked finally and Jungkook hesitated before nodding.

“He was at my court hearing three weeks ago. He’s the reason I haven’t already lost her.” Jungkook whispered.

“What did he say?”

“He thinks I should come back to Korea.” Jungkook said quietly. “ He wants me to start therapy again with him. Every week. “

I nodded.

“Fair enough. And what do you think?”

“I think I will. My probation ends in three days. I’ll… I’ll start making arrangements afterwards. I’ll probably be back in a few weeks time. ”

I stared at him, finally seeing the things I hadn’t noticed this morning. The shadows beneath his eyes, the worry lines on his brow. I wondered if he would have ever told me the truth, if not for this little confrontation between us.

Silence descended again and I bit my lips, a million thoughts running through my head. I felt the pull of his scent through it all, an instinctive urge to reach out and touch and draw him close and I wondered if this was it. That for the rest of our lives we would just be drawn to each other, reluctant and hurt but unable to stay away.

“You’re leaving tomorrow then?” He asked quietly breaking through the fog in my head.  

“Well obviously not.” I snapped. “ I’m not leaving you. I’ll tell Minho, we’ll be staying here for a few weeks. Do you actually have a possible job back home? If you don’t I can ask my agent to find one for you….”

Jungkook was staring at me like I’d grown an extra head.

“ What?” I asked roughly.

He swallowed.

“No.. I .. I don’t have a job there.”

“We’ll get you one. And my apartment is big enough so you can stay with me till we find you a place of your own. And I think it’ll actually be good for you, because there’s a Fine Art photographer, pretty well know guy who stays just a few blocks away and e can probably- “

“You haven’t really changed have you?” Jungkook cut me off in the middle of my rambling .

I flushed, looking away.

“What do you mean?”

“Back when we were married… it was just like this.. I’d fuck up and do something awful and you’d just take it all in stride, get ready to help me out of it….”

“I don’t know what you mean…” I said quickly, “ Let’s go back to the party we’ll talk later-“

He grabbed both my arms, pulling me back to face him when I tried to get past him and I yelped, staring up at him in surprise.

“What?” I demanded. “ What is it now?”

“How do you do this thing, Heejin ?” He asked roughly. “ How do you just get ready to clean up every fucking mess I make like it doesn’t hurt you? Like I don’t hurt you?”

“What are you talking about?” I tried to wriggle out of his hold but he tugged me closer.

“How do you just…” He shook his head, “ accept me so unconditionally? Like… Its like no matter what I do, you’re just willing to look past it and I don’t fucking understand Heejin… why do you put up with me, damn it?”

I stared right at him. Caught his gaze and held it, refusing to look away.

“You know why.” I whispered, licking my lips, throat dry,  “ And if you don’t…. I’m not going to tell you.”

His eyes widened , lips parting and he exhaled sharply, before letting me go and stepping away.

He looked away, shaking a little and I sighed.

“Let’s just get this night over with, yeah?” I said quietly. “ and then we’ll talk.”

He didn’t reply, merely standing aside and motioning for me to leave first.

I shook my head, moving to grip his arm instead.

“Together.” I said firmly. “ We’ll get this night over with, together.”

 Author’s Note : i love these two. i’ve never wanted two people to be together so much. 

@taeshuworld  .@girlinthemikrokosmos  @xius-exos  @sugainfireslex  @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa  @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland  @veronawrites  @blr1004   @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay @squishyjk  @itsdingdong @emmmui  @honeeybunneey  @yeonkiminnie @just-me-and-myselfs  @delicate-snow-flake  @kpop-lore  @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld  @btsmylife21  @teresaisla .@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie  @ meraki–life  @somewhereinthestates  @mawwnsterr  @kookiesbreaky  @chimchoom  

@namjooningelsewhere  @itsdingdong  @ungodlyjoon  @caratarmy131  

@ladyartemesia  @hardggukk @iliveforjin  @loveemariee

@unicornbabylover  @dchimminie  @nope2214   @landl7xoxo

@mrcleanheichou  @kayteekat @wassup-haeyadwae   @natgba   @nikkiordonez12    @neverthefirstchoice  @btsssssfiction  

@mylittlestrangeandsweetworld   @kookiesxbananamilk     @lovra974   @supernoonanyc  @kokoandkookie​