#using it to appear “cool” or funny to the point of removing its original meaning and using it without any structure

[supahstarrr]

non-black people being so condescending to black people when it comes to the discussion of aave by using the fact language evolves as a way to disregard black people being hyper-aware of how the way aave is co-opted is an extension of racism is so funny because black people are well aware of that language evolves considering aave evolves itself. "rizz", "finna", and even "gyatt" to some extent are the most recent examples of aave evolving other than the general fact that aave is so varied and dependable on the region. but what do i, a black person, know about my own dialect i guess. what do i and most other black people who grow up with the dialect and witness how its perceived to & treated by society know about the difference between language evolution and language being co-opted i guess.

[welcome-to-green-hills]

Sonic the Hedgehog Movie 2: POTENTIAL TEST SCREENING

 A couple weeks ago, a Reddit User under the name “Madethis4Sonicmovie2” created a post discussing their test screening experiences on the second Sonic the Hedgehog film. Throughout the discussion post, the Reddit user explains that they are not a Sonic fan. Most of what the user writes was how they’ve interpreted the scene and their understanding of the lore through some games that they’ve played. That, and they also try to compare some of the scenes to DBZ, a franchise that they’re much more familiar with. The user also make it a point to state that they view themselves as a “harsh critic,” though do apologize for it. They’re also not used to critiquing children’s media, which they also state a few times in their post. If they’re not clear on what they saw in their test screening, they ask for the reference meaning to the Sonic Community. The Reddit user also says that they did see the first film and greatly enjoyed the second one better.

Even though they believed for the film to be a generic kid’s film, they believe that this film will appeal to fans and non-fans more than the first one did. 

There wasn’t much of a summary to go other than reading about the emotions and some of the trivia that they’ve seen. Most of the film was still in its post-production stage. Some scenes were not complete while others needed tweaking on lighting and shading on the CGI characters. The overall impression that they’ve received from the film was that it was very enjoyable with much more world building. Because it’s done a good job with explaining certain scenarios to the audience, the Reddit user believes that it wouldn’t be hard for outsiders of the fandom to understand. The only thing that some audience members would struggle with in the film were the inside jokes that long-term fans would understand.

With this in mind, this is what the Reddit post detailed. Keep in mind that these are spoilers.

Key Notes:

The moral of the movie is “if you believe in yourself, then anything is possible!” On a side note, the Reddit user believes that this theme applied more to Tails rather than Sonic, stating that Tails has a moment where he gains enough courage to help Sonic fight.

Though the Reddit user does debate that Sonic has more confidence in himself than he did in the first film. He’s still the “Sonic” seen in the first film, him being a kid, but he’s learning to understand the role of being a superhero.

There is placeholder music and licensed music in the film as well. No mention so far of Crush 40 appearing in the film.

The Reddit user explains that Jim Carrey nailed the role! They also explain that Dr. Robotnik is a complete maniac.

(This is an open definition to viewers. It could range from comical to something darker).

Dr. Robotnik invents a teleportation device.

Dr. Robotnik also dresses in black clothing like he did in the first film.

The Reddit user supports this remark by detailing a scene where Dr. Robotnik loses his cool a bit when returning to Earth and complains about how he was outsmarted by a “rejected Dr. Seuss character.”

Dr. Robotnik does create Badniks and references them as “Badniks.”

The Reddit user gave the example of the motorbug looking like a motorcycle with a ladybug exterior. Buzzbombers look more like wasps.

There is a “robot version of Eggman.” 

Metal Sonic does not make an appearance. The Reddit user does believe that G.U.N. may have hinted that they’re building Metal Sonic.

It’s also important to note that there were no mentions of Silver and AmyRose in their screening.

There are heavy nods to Sonic Lore, specifically with the echidna tribes. Most of the lore is explained in either flashbacks and/or with echidna lore.

Most of the time is spent on Earth, but we do see other planets. Sonic and Tails do travel all around the world.

The Reddit user also says that we see more of Sonic’s world when Dr. Robotnik tries to teleport back to Earth.

There are heavy nods to both inside and outside references of the Sonic Franchise. Due to their experiences with the franchise, they inform other Reddit users that they couldn’t share and explains all of the references.

However, they were very happy with Sonic fans when hearing their feedback and learning what some references are.

At this time, the voice actor/actress for Tails is still undetermined. The Reddit user said “it was like Tom Holland, but with a higher-pitched voice.”

Sonic makes a remark saying, “You’re too slow!”

Sonic makes a remark saying, “I’m not a rat! I’m a hedgehog!”

Knuckles makes a remark saying, “Knock, knock scrambled egg.”

(The Reddit user explains that this scene in the movie was also very enjoyable).

Sonic and Tails bond over how they know Longclaw in the film. The Reddit user explains that this is their favorite scene in the movie.

Knuckles has an American-like accent, not a British one.

Sonic encounters Tails on a run, but “freaks out” when he sees another alien creature like him. Sonic also freaks out when he sees that Tails can almost match his speed while running.

There is a funny scene of Sonic enjoying his alone time at home, even showing a montage of all the things that he shouldn’t do when Tom and Maddie are at home.

(Think of the montage scene from Home Alone (1990′s).

The Reddit user explains that Knuckles was exiled from the clan for freeing Longclaw as a prank with friends.

There is an artist in the movie that tries to draw Sonic. To Sonic’s discovery, he sees that the artist drew his 2019 design and plays “Gangster’s Paradise” on the radio.

The Reddit user states that they believe that this is the crew’s nod to the original design.

The Reddit user says that there were scenes in the movie that they felt like were more of a placeholder in the film. The reference to Gremlin Sonic being one of these scenes.

Tom and Maddie do go to Rachel and Randall’s wedding.

There are several action scenes, but the Reddit user explains that the most enjoyable ones are when Sonic and Tails fight Knuckles a couple of times.

And with the action scenes, there are many Quicksilver references that Sonic does as well.

On top of that, the Reddit user explains that each character has their own unique abilities. (For example, Sonic is associated with having powers cater to the element of lightning).

Longclaw is alive in the film, but she’s aged and weak.

Longclaw sends Tails to Earth to retrieve Sonic due to her wanting him to safe.

Sonic stays at home on planet Earth, but is supplied with many rings to travel back and forth to visit Knuckles Tails, and Longclaw.

Sonic being a living chaos emerald could be true, but the Reddit user explains that an emerald was sealed inside of Sonic after being born.

Chaos emeralds are not referenced as “Chaos Emeralds” in the film, they were referenced as just “emeralds.”

However, the Reddit user does recap that there might be a name and they didn’t catch it.

Super Sonic is not referenced as “Super Sonic” in the film, but as something else.

Super Sonic can fly in the film and doesn’t need all seven Chaos Emeralds to go “super.”

Sonic references Tails as “Miles” a few times that they meet, but later gives him the nickname “Tails.”

There is a post-credit scene. The Reddit user believes that it’s a heavy nod to Shadow the Hedgehog due to the there being multiple clones modeled like Sonic that G.U.N. has made.

Due to this post-credit scene, the Reddit user holds hopes that there will be a third movie soon.

As of now, the Reddit post is still available for you to read. The Reddit user is mindful of the NDA and purposely phrased some of their spoilers to be vague, but knows that their thread may be removed soon. I know that these may sound fake, however, there have been individuals in the past who have viewed the first film and proved to be right. Like many of you, I hope that this is a real but I will remain cautious. If these facts resurface as being false, let’s not attack the individual. The only that should matter is that we’re excited for the second film. Be mindful that they’re a human being as well. Treat others the way that you would like to be treated.

What are all of your thoughts so far of the film? Share your thoughts and opinions! And if you’ve spotted something that I’ve missed, please share with me! I’m very excited to know!

((SOURCE)).

[binniesthighs]

❆on a winter’s day | reader x hyunjin |❆

Pairing: self insert, female reader x hwang hyunjin

Genre: the fluffiest smut

Tags: confident!reader, shy!hyunjin, extrovert!reader, introvert!hyunjin, virgin!hyunjin, dancer!reader, dancer!hyunjin minho and jisung side characters, minsung if you turn your head upside down, slow burn, that sweet sweet build up, first time, meet cute, college au, sexual tension, mentions of food, praising, oral (m&f recieving), marking, fingering (f recieving), protected sex, aftercare, hyunjin is the softest boi in this one

Word count: 4.3k

Requested: By a lovely anon! You can read the original ask/post right before this one! 

“and five, six, seven, eight!”

The cool of the hardwood flooring beneath your tired heels squeaked from the movement of twenty dancers throwing their bodies to the left. Each and every one of you were reflected in the mirror in front of you: bodies twisting like the curl of a ribbon and arms outstretched. You winced as your knee hit the ground and you hurled your body into a type of somersault. As soon as you were back on your feet, you bent your spine backwards reaching out as far behind you as you could. For a couple moments, the whole world was turned upside down.

It was then when you saw him. His silver hair was tied up, and his brow glistened with sweat. There was nothing else in his eyes other than pure focus.

It was breathtaking.

one, two, you counted in your head.

Next came the hardest part.    

Everyone leapt in sync, creating a resonating thud once you all landed.

Thank God that you landed it that time. To your right, your friend Minho scoffed slightly, likely teasing you for finally jumping at the same time as everyone else.

three, four

The group crashed down to the floor again, this time you had to use all your strength to roll, then pull yourself up without help from your hands. You had been practicing it for weeks.

You could feel Minho’s eyes boring into you while you attempted.  

You were able to do it, but it wasn’t nearly as fluid as him. How had you never noticed how amazingly his body flowed?

“and five, six!” Your instructor clapped. The music faded as you all sunk down to the floor again, trying to make it appear as if you were dissipating into it. “Very good job everyone!” She beamed and applauded you all who finally let your heaving breaths be heard. “Excellent improvement from you all!”

You couldn’t even stand up from the floor you were so exhausted. The aggressive florescent lights burned your eyes and you considered taking a nap right there.

“You did it!” A foot kicked you. Looming over you were your two friends Minho and Jisung shoving towels onto each other’s faces. “Were you counting like I told you to do?” Minho expectantly leaned in.

“yes,” You answered a little annoyed, not as much at him, but at yourself. You could have done even better.

“We told you that you could do it. It’s just the mental block man.” Jisung offered you a hand up.

Once you were vertical again, a little wave of dizziness hit you.

“Wanna go out to celebrate?”

Your usual friend group circled around you with their bags in hand.

“Finally got it this time, L/n?” They patted you on the back. Besides hip-hop being your specialty in a contemporary class, you still seemed to get along with everyone easily. On the first day of class when you literally announced that you didn’t want to be there, everyone warmed up to you pretty quickly. You didn’t want to lie and pretend that you were all about throwing your body around like that. Of course you thought contemporary was beautiful, just not your thing. Graduation requirements said otherwise.

“Do you need me to carry you outta here?” Jisung joked at your dazed expression. Truthfully, your head was still spinning a little.

“Only very certain people get to carry me Han Jisung, and unfortunately you are not one of them.” You quipped back, and a few of your friends snarked chuckles at him.

He put his hands up in defeat. “I was just offering.”

Across the room, your eyes found him again. He had put his bag a bit of ways away from everyone else’s. He guzzled down his water, bobbing his sharp Adam’s apple. He then tore his hair tie out and ruffled his hair around which was damp at the roots. Everything that he did was so effortless.

“Hey,” you nudged Minho, “You know who he is?”

“Him? That’s Hwang Hyunjin. I dunno much about him, he’s pretty quiet, I haven’t heard much about him within the school either. Amazing dancer though. Have you seen him?”

“Yeah...”

Hyunjin pulled a black pullover past his head.

“You coming with us?” Minho snapped you back.

“No-uh, I think that I’m gonna stay a little while.”

“Suit yourself, I know that it’s gonna be delicious.” He teased and turned to throw his arm around Jisung while the group walked out.

The silvery-haired boy zipped up his bag as if he was near leaving. Your throat became unexplainably tight. Your legs started moving towards him before you could tell them to.

“You popped up behind him. “Hyunjin, right?”

He whipped around startled, with his gorgeous brown eyes widening. “...yes?”

“I wanted to tell you that I saw you dancing today and you’re really good. It looks like its so easy for you. I wish that I could be like that.”

“Oh...thank you.” He gave you a kind smile.

shit, he was so cute.

“Soooo, what’s your secret?” You attempted to keep him there for just a moment longer.

“My secret?” His eyes became puzzled.

“Yeah, like, to how you’ve gotten so good?”

“I just...practice.”

“Huh...”

The door to the practice room clicked one last time and the two of you were alone.

“I noticed that all of your moves flow really nicely to the next, you’re not stiff at all, it’s like your body never stops evolving with the motions.”

“thank you...” Hyunjin hushed shyly and twiddled with his hair.

“Maybe you could teach me? Teach me how to make my technique better? I’m just so robotic sometimes.”

“...sure.” He hesitantly said with a growing tiny grin. “Like right now?”

“Oh! I mean it doesn’t have to be right now right now, just like when you have some time I was thinking.”

“I have a little time right now.” He began taking off his coat which he had just put on.

“Oh really?” You felt your cheeks get a little warm. You certainly weren’t expecting him to say yes so quickly.

“Do-do you have time?” He worriedly asked.

“--Yeah!”

“Okay...let’s get started then.”

✦✧✦✧

The music from Hyunjin’s phone echoed over the speakers and you attempted the twirls again. You were able to execute the timing, but each one felt more inelastic than the last. God, your whole body was aching to stop, but it couldn’t get enough of the feeling of him watching you and observing your every movement.

“What should I change about it this time?” You struggled to take in breaths.

Hyunjin looked you up and down, with that same focus from before. With someone as picturesque as him, he looked a little stern when he examined you, which scared you a little, but excited you at the same time.

“You need to take the strain out of your hips, they’re geting in the way you need to let you whole body fall into it. Focus on your legs. Like this:”

He spun in front of you with his leg pointed out. With the twist of his body his silver hair swept along with him.

“You know what I mean?” He gently asked.

“--yes, I think so.”

“Your hips are your anchor, but don’t let them stop you.” Hyunjin stepped up closer to you, hesitantly going to grab your waist with his hands. It was then when you realized how big and powerful they were. His sudden gesture made your heart beat even faster than it already was.

“Pivot like...this.” He turned you a little to the left.

“Oh.”

He lead your hips into the pivot a couple more times to show you. His hands were so warm.

He quickly removed his hands, embarrassed, like he had been doing something he should not have been. He walked away from you and you took notice of his shoulder blades curving under the thin fabric of his sleeveless shirt.

“Do you wanna stop now? I think I’ve done as much as I can for today.”

He nodded and removed his phone from the sound system.

✦✧✦✧

Outside of the arts building, snow had picked back up again after flurrying the whole night long. Everything around had been covered in a beautiful blanket of white.

“Well, I’m headed off this way.” You head nodded to your bus station a couple blocks down. “Thank you for helping me by the way.”

“For sure! I...liked helping you out.”

“Really?”

Hyunjin immediately made a startled little face upon realizing what he had said and you laughed a little at him.

He pulled his chunky scarf up higher to his chin. “Actually...I um, live down that way too.”

“Do you take the 12 bus too?”

He nodded. Little snowflakes had begun to get caught in his hair like a little halo.

“Well then let’s get going! We don’t wanna miss the last bus!”

✦✧✦✧

It was rush hour, so naturally the two of you had to stand on the bus of packed people. The air inside was chilly and it smelled of old dusty coats that had just recently been taken out for the fist snow. You thought it was a little funny how every five seconds or so someone would sniffle in there.

“I’ve seen you in class too.” Hyunjin finally said something after a while of you two being pushed pretty close next to eachother. “Dancing and other stuff, everyone really seems to like you, you’re really good at making people laugh.”

“Oh. Thanks.” You didn’t quite know how to respond to him. “I don’t really have a problem putting myself out there much, I’ve always really believed in just being me, you know? And not letting others determine who I am around them. That or maybe I just like the sound of my own voice.”

He giggled a little then pulled the string nearby the window.

stop requested.  The robot bus voice said.

“You’re not stalking me or anything are you?” You rose an eyebrow at him, which scared him more that you had expected.

“No..? What do you mean?”

“This is my stop too.”

Your boots crunched into the snow of the side walk and you thanked the bus driver. Hyunjin got off after you with his hands in his pockets. The two of you stood there in the snow for a moment, something weirdly unsaid lingering between the two of you. Something felt unfinished but you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. He genuinely was so sweet, you sneakily wanted to be around him for just a little longer.

Hyunjin stammered, but confidently got out, “Do you want to get something to eat? Right now?”

It was if he had read your mind. You were glad that he had asked, and a little surprised too. He waited attentively for you to answer, still looking a little nervous; even looking like that he was terribly adorable.

“I’d love to.” You smiled back at him causing him to sigh in relief.

“Is there anywhere that you like?” He led the both of you on.

You pondered for a moment, then remembered. You cringed out the words, “Actually...I really shouldn’t be spending money right now; I need to get a lot better at saving...”

You almost slapped yourself in the face after saying such a thing and seeing how crestfallen he had become. It was true, but technically he didn’t need to know that.

“Or! I mean, we could go to my place and I could I dunno, whip something up? I should have something...”

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to be eating away your food.”

“No really! It’s fine, come on, I’m just down this block.”

✦✧✦✧

It was only seconds before you opened the door to your apartment that you remembered how embarrassingly messy it was. You and your two roommates were the best of friends, but horribly matched when it came to being cleanly. The three of you just chalked it up to you all being “creative minds.” You all went to arts school after all.

“Just...don’t look--sorry, it’s really messy in there, I wasn’t really expecting to bring anyone over.”

“I don’t care.” Hyunjin politely said and watched you unlock the door.

“We just call it creative madness.”

When you walked in even you tried hard to not look at the mess and got straight to work rummaging around your cabinets.

“Does spaghetti with sauce sound good?”

He nodded and neatly arranged his coat, shoes and bag at the door.

He wandered over to the large windows of your living area. “You have a really nice view.”

“Ah thanks,” You clicked on the stove. “Makes the price of the rent worth it,” you lowered your voice “fuckin’ swindlers.”

Your eyes wandered to the island in your kitchen full of all kinds of crap: baking supplies, art supplies, old mail, textbooks, mismatched pairs of gloves.

“It would probably be best if we ate in my room,” You let up. “You can barely sit here.”

Hyunjin nodded and turned to keep watching the snow peacefully. While you cooked, he didn’t say much but you couldn’t keep his eyes off of him, nearly burning yourself on the saucepan. He changed the room by just merely exisiting in it. You truly couldn’t imagine how you had never noticed him before.

✦✧✦✧

“Thank you for cooking for me, that was really good.”

You waved his compliment off with the swipe of your hand. “It’s really nothing, you should see my roommate, she’s a culinary science major. Wait! Let me go get something real quick.”

You smiled at your little surprise and shuffled back to the kitchen, putting the two little raspberry and chocolate cupcakes on plates with equally little forks.

“Ta-da! These are to die for. I wish I could take the credit; these are just one of the benefits of having a roommate that’s constantly experimenting.”

Hyunjin took in a careful bite and his eyes widened into moons.

“I know right!? She’s a genius.”

Silence filled the air between you as you ate more. You couldn’t help but feel so completely and utterly cozy in the moment. The sun had nearly set and you had set your heater up in your room along with some Christmas music to softly play in the background. The only regret that you had was the candle you had lit which was just a little too sweet. You started to wonder after you two had finished, what would happen next? Would he leave? Greedily, a feeling seeped into you like before, you still didn’t want him to leave.

“That was amazing.” He placed his plate down.

“You know what?” Your brash confidence pushing through once more. “Your hair, the silver, it’s just so pretty. I can’t stop looking at it.”

He instantly became flustered. “Oh...thank you, I’ve been thinking about dying it like this for a really long time now and I finally did it. It sounds kinda dumb, but I didn’t wanna do anything that would draw attention to myself.”

“...can I touch it?”

Hyunjin looked a little shocked, but eagerly nodded.

You started by thumbing through some of the longer strands towards his shoulders: it was just as soft as you imagined. You then started from the top running your hand all the way down, admiring the way that it looked like it shimmered a little. You had gotten so caught up in him that you didn’t notice that he had closed his eyes.

“pretty.” You cooed.

“Y/n?” He suddenly asked.

“Hmm?”

“Is it weird to say that I feel like really comfortable around you? Is that weird?”

“No, not at all.” You continued running your hands through the silver strands, somehow you had leaned in a lot closer to him than you had been before.

He looked at you with his doe-like brown eyes. You could have sworn that they were glistening. Your eyes fell a little lower to his lips, they looked wonderfully kissable and plump. From that moment your brain furiously wondered what they tasted like. His eyes fell a little too.

He leaned in first, catching you completely off guard. He kissed you so carefully and gently, his mouth parted just slightly; it was heavenly. You could still taste the chocolate and the raspberry on his lips. He sighed a little into your mouth like he was relaxing himself. In many ways, the way in which he kissed you made you feel like he cared for nothing else in the world, just you. Your cupped his face in your hands, tracing your thumbs against his jawline.

That was it. You were absolutely crazy for him.

You broke for a moment and he turned into a huge, rosy, smiling mess. The two of you giddily giggled at how happy you were over what had just happened. You shuffled your own plate off the bed to silently invite him to lay down which he did obediently. Now he seemed less hesitant, but more excited.

You swung your legs around both sides of him and kissed him more on his smiling lips. At this point, you had convinced yourself that nothing in this world was sweet as him. His hands found their way to your back, where he ran his fingers down, making you shiver delightfully at the touch. His hands finally found your waist which he grabbed onto firmly. He pulled you down into him so your bodies were flush and you could feel all of his warmth. Once you were this close, he started kissing you back more wantonly, gasping a little in between.

“You’re so beautiful Hyunjinnie.” You snuck in between kisses. “I can’t get enough of you.”

He let an airy laugh fall into your lips then brought one of his hands to tangle in you hair. All at once, your hands yearned to explore the soft of his skin everywhere. Outside your window the snow still silently fell and the golden sunset faded into the skyline’s horizon.

You knew how excited you had become, where together your hips grinded together. Your head spun thinking about having someone as beautiful as him give your body attention.

Hyunjin broke, holding your eyes seriously. “I-I want to make you feel good. Can I do that?”

“Of course, I would love that.” You melted.

“--But...I think you’ll have to tell me how...I haven’t done this before, sorry..”

The fact that he had shared this with you made him even more adorable.

“Don’t apologize, I can show you everything.” You whispered into his ear with a prideful grin. “But first, can I first help you?”

He gulped, “Yes.”

“I want to show you that you’re worth the attention, you’re worth all of it.”

You helped him pull off his sweater, and then his sleeveless shirt revealing his toned and pale chest, just waiting for your lips. You didn’t want to move too fast however, or risk scaring him.

“Just relax okay?”

You planted kisses everywhere you could: on his collarbones, his stomach and on his ribs, right over his heart. Even from the simplest of touches from you he seemed to unravel.

“You’re breathtaking.” You said onto his skin.

You couldn’t stop yourself from sucking a little harder than you planned, drawing little purple marks against his milky-white skin. He looked like pure art.

“Can I go down a little further?”

“Mmhmm.” He got out, with eyes closed shut trying to control himself.

You slipped his joggers down, revealing his quivering member, which was enticingly long even hidden by his briefs. He had already stained them a little with pre cum.

“oh my god.” you whispered, enamored. You couldn’t wait a single second further.

He timidly watched as you completely striped him, then tore off our own shirt and pants to make it a little more even.

“Tell me stop if you want me to, okay?”

He pleaded with desperate eyes, “Don’t stop.”

First you teased him just a little by running your tongue flat up and down and around his length, wetting your tongue with one hand and slowly pumping. You moved on to then twist around the head which had grown painfully hard. His breaths wavered and he let out little moans in desperation. You took him in at last, bobbing your head steadily.

“ mmm, that feels so good.” Hyunjin moaned out breathlessly.

You kept on, but not for too much longer, you didn’t want him finishing quite yet. He looked a little dejected when you stopped, but you swooped up to kiss him more. You took up his left hand and kissed him all the way up to his wrist and into his palm. His fingertips brushed over your lips, as gentle as one would with a flower petal.

“You want to touch me now?”

“--Yes.”

You unclipped your bra for him and laid back. For this he didn’t need any instruction. He immediately took your breast in his hand, squeezing and and ghosting his fingertips over your nipples; you reveled under his touch. He lowered to suck lightly on the bud, pulling at it lightly with his lips. His teeth grazed you slightly but you didn’t care, you fucking loved it.

“That feels amazing.” You whispered as you watched him. He was sure to give both of your nipples attention.

“I want you.” You said with hot breath. “I want your tongue.”  

He looked a little bewildered, but determined after what you had said. He slid down your body, giving you kisses the whole way down like you had done to him.

He nibbled a bit on your thighs. “Tell me how you like it.”

By the second his confidence grew more and more and it was addicting.

You started by rubbing yourself a little so he knew where to start. “In circles, you can go fast or slow, I like both, and you can suck on it too if you’d like.

He lowered, and you swung one of you legs over his shoulder which he palmed into. He started painfully slow, kitten licking carefully; he didn’t know it, but he was teasing the hell out of you. Nevertheless, you whole body began to shake a little with each lick.

“Flatten your tongue out...like that, you can go a little faster, yes...just like that.”

He had closed his eyes and settled into a rhythm, and you dug your heels into the bed. It was astonishing how quickly he got the hang of it. You whimpered out while he continued.

“fuck, Hyunjin--”

He sped up a little, your first orgasm was close by.

“Your fingers, like this.” You held up your pointer and middle together to show him. “Fuck me like that.

He did as he was told, sliding them in with ease over how wet you had become. His fingers were long and slender; addictive. He pumped in and out while your pussy made ungodly sounds. You felt so close you were lightheaded.

“Curl your fingers up, like this.” You showed him again. He continued going fast, taking a hint from your quickened breaths.

You came with white heat, clawing at the comforter on the bed. You only gave yourself a few more moments before pulling him up towards you. “I want you inside me.”

You scrambled with the drawer of your nightstand to rip a condom off from the strand that you kept, tearing it open for him. He was a little flustered, but put it on quickly; he was dripping even more for you. Your lips connected as you laid down, and he aligned himself on top of you. It was then when you saw how pink his chest had flushed. You opened your folds for him, and he started to guide himself in. He filled you up perfectly, and he groaned out once the two of you were connected.

“it’s so tight.” He shivered.

Your fingers latched on to the skin of his hips as you guided him lightly up and down. He buried his face into your shoulder as little euphoric moans slipped past his lips. After a moment, he was able to find his pace, grazing you deep inside. You let him take control as he thrust into you, leaving your arms to wrap around his broad back. You pulled his face over to kiss him, the both of you loosing yourself in the other.

“You make me feel, so, so good, baby,” You hushed into his ear.

He panted, “I-I’m gonna cum soon.”

It took all your strength to flip him off of you, and to land in his lap. He groaned with his hands getting lost journeying all around your body--anywhere he could touch. You took over, riding him and rolling your hips fast with both of your palms flat on his chest riddled with hickies. Like this, you thought that he looked practically angelic. Both of you chased your orgasms together, erupting at nearly the same time, and you ravished in him throbbing inside.

You laughed a little together in sheer bliss and he flinched a little when you slid off of him.

“Did that all feel good for you? Are you okay?” You pecked his nose.

“Yes. It felt like nothing else.”

You stood up, adjusting your frazzled hair and putting on a fresh set of comfy clothes. “Stay right there okay?”

You went to grab him a towel and clean himself off with, handing him his clothes one by one as he dressed. You brought the plates back to the kitchen coming back with a large glass of ice cool water, then offered it to him. He guzzled it letting a little drop fall down his neck.

“Can I get you anything else?”

“No, I’m okay.”

“Do you wanna...stay a little longer?”

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

You blew the candle out and dimmed the lights, adjusting a blanket for the two of you to crawl under. Hyunijn followed you under, sweeping you deep into his arms.

Just a little bit longer. You thought to yourself. Stay with me.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Exiled States the Obvious Pt. 1

Warning: May contain spoilers, may not be 100% accurate, sick ramblings, may break your heart upon debunking common theories

Some canon notes I've noticed and analyzed, this will be placed here not just for safekeeping but for other writers to be known of them too :DD

From Venti's story I; it is said that as a loophole to being refused to be served alcohol because of his appearance, he 'drinks on the job', performing while drinking alcohol the audience gives him instead of Mora (his own suggestion)

Story IV offers some interesting details from Venti's story quest: First, Decarabian truly loved his people and believed that he had done good for them. Second is that Venti was supposed to gift his friend an eagle's feather but wasn't able to do so because he died.

Venti knows how to forge Rex Lapis' signature. Venti knows how to FORGE REX LAPIS' SIGNATURE.

It confuses me how Venti and Diluc doesn't have some kind of estranged relationship knowing how aristocracy/monarchy damaged freedom in Mondstadt.

Venti has been to Celestia and it apparently fucking sucks. That or Venessa told him about it, but it still SUCKS.

The Anemo Archon can and will strip you just to protect his identity/secrets/past. Ask Mona.

Albedo and Klee in his trailer, we can consider this canon: Babysitting Klee includes fucking battles. Best big brother.

The way Venti talks about Albedo speaks of [How Earth is a thing in Space] [Creation of Human Life through Earth] which are direct points to God's (biblical) creation of the universe and humans. With the dialogue, Venti recognizes Albedo has Godly powers that can create such miracles, take this line with a pinch of salt tho.

A connection: The real reason Zhongli does not carry nor care about prices is because of his trailer, THE FUNERAL PARLOR LITERALLY CARRIES ALL HIS EXPENSES

Hu Tao's existence proves that Xiao has a sense of humor and it is MORE THAN LIKELY that the adepti knows and can casually smile or laugh.

This piece of work exists: "Sigils of Permission were once created by Rex Lapis and infused with adeptal power. During the Archon War, such talismans were used by mortals to channel divine power. Now, most of its power has worn off, but adepti will still refrain from harming its holder."

Xiao is actually less hostile/asshole-y in the Chinese version than the English one and should be taken as canon since, well, Mihoyo is a Chinese company. Lots of dialogues or voiceline connotations are lost in translation.

Zhongli's retirement scenario does NOT mean that the adepti will not be needed or will also retire (looking at you Keqing) because as proven by the fight, the adepti are still in need of protecting mankind.

The Qixing and Adepti all know he is not dead, stating he gave hints that he hasn't really died to them.

A huge possibility that Zhongli recites this line whenever he finishes or fulfills a contract: "The contract is fulfilled. That which thou seeketh is now bestowed unto thee, for my promise is solid as stone."

If his words from the cool trailer is to be taken into heart, then Zhongli had long since cared for and protected humans, during the archon war.

Zhongli is not a MORTAL FUNERAL man, he is an ADEPTI FUNERAL man.

This broke God has the AUDACITY to go to operas, and not just any operas no no, "operas by the most celebrated performers."

He does not know shit about poverty because he doesn't know what it's like to be poor. He doesn't need to eat.

Besides the usual, he has more titles, some which are pretty funny: God of History, God of Stove. Liyueans(?) call him Rex Lapis, outside of his nation everyone calls him Morax. And in operas and children, he's more known as the War God.

Zhongli is very likely to cause divine intervention or sightings because a lot of stories and tales in Liyue about him are actually first-hand experience of accounts seeing the God himself.

Wrath of the Rock does not only mean Zhongli smacking asses with a laddle: Qixing of Liyue are officially responsible of punishing contract breakers.

Ningguang's role holds the big bad book of laws, with a whooping page count of 279.

This infomation is mostly for me to clarify Rex Lapis standing in the Seven: He is the first to ascend into Archon-hood, the one out of two remaining of the original Seven (Barbatos is second longest) and that besides him and Venti, the original Seven would also gather for wine in Liyue until they all left Archon-hood.

Zhongli really fuckin did a pest termination arc.

I repeat, ZHONGLI DOES NOT HATE SEAFOOD. To clarify, he hates TENTACLED seafood/cuisines. He can eat seafood tofu, happily.

It's so funny how the concept of "equivalent exchange" exists and is exercised in contracts, but not in a more dangerous aspect such as a l c h e m y.

The reason Jean is working as an Acting Grand Master is because the actual Grand Master is out on an expedition.

It is not normal for the Harbingers to be like Childe.

While battles and sparring is one of Childe's most usual traits, a lot of his character lines point to the fact that he's not outright looking for beating people up 24/7 and that his thirst can also be quenched by thrill or excitement.

General ones:

The other five archons do not uphold/focus on the duty of leading humanity, which was the prior responsibility of the original Seven.

I just realized the Archon War was literally about fighting to get a seat on the Seven. The way Archons are chosen are a mystery, just look at how Venti got his Archon-hood smh.

A pattern that we should consider but may be debunked in the future: A playable character MUST posses a visible Vision. So bye Scaramouche banner :')) pls debunk this Mihoyo

With Morax being unable to make Mora, economy is gonna be wack in Teyvat. In essence, every piece of Mora is valuable and will need to be circulated. Nations may fight to hold the most Mora and the one leading and already found a work around on this is actually the Tsaritsa, who has long since focused on economic power. This may not be coincidence.

Characters who are CANONICALLY good with children, to an extent: Ningguang, Beidou, Xiangling, Baizhu, Albedo, Jean, Childe, Ganyu, Xiao, Lisa. Italicized ones are the to an extent ones.

The Fatui has connections with Mondstadt, mainly the Ordo Favonius.

200 years ago sure is an oddly specific duration in Lisa's story and this might be expanded in the Sumeru chapter.

A clarification to a subtly known fact : It is the combined power of all the adepti that revived Qiqi, not just Xiao.

WILD CARD

Almond Tofu is NOT made of tofu. And in original Chinese recipes, it's not even fuckin Almond, it's goddamn Apricot seeds. But in Genshin it is canon Almond.

Tag lists for my homies that I want to share this with. Tagging other authors or lore enthusiasts are also greatly appreciated:

@heiayen @dandelion-dreams @karemelle @jrnightingale @galassyalex @boxofteenageideas @chels-void @starconch @worldsfool

PS I'm sorry for suddenly tagging you guys, I just thought it would be nice to share these with some authors that I know or have seen me, please tell me if you want to be removed, s-sorry in advance 👉👈

[mytvjunk]

Gossip Girl: S1 - EP 4

We're only on episode 4 and the Julien vs Zoya storyline is already getting tired. Every episode they fight, they make up and continue this toxic cycle of abuse for absolutely no real reason. Either have them join forces or just keep them enemies; because this hot & cold relationship is serving no one. Perhaps the writers need to introduce a new character that brings their circle a different kind of conflict and changes the dynamics of Julien and Zoyas relationship. OR perhaps remove Luna & Monet from the inner circle, as they are the true villains of this show. Remove them from the equation and Zoya and Juliens relationship would flourish. But we all know that's not happening...as they are singlehandedly keeping the drama alive, which is the heart of this show. And at this point, it isn't even sibling rivalry...its just straight up nonsense that's egged on by outside parties and unfortunately Zoya and Julien take the bait every...single...time...which makes them look like straight up fools by the end of each episode. ---Also that whole "I am a bully" scene was all sorts of ridiculous 😆😆 She's taking accountability for her actions but she's not getting any consequences for what she's done...in fact she'll be the one that ends up benefiting from it, cuz she'll look like the good person at the end of it all.

-Let's talk Georgina Sparks! I was so happy they gave us a glimpse of her in that collage of pictures (and also that random pic of Blair) as she was one of my favorite characters on the original series. Also can we discuss hows she's pictured with Putin, Kim jong un and Elon musk just to name a few 💀💀💀Which leads me to believe that she's still up to some wild shit as an adult LOL I wonder if that was a foreshadow to a possible Georgina/Blair appearance later on in the series 🤔 It was also pretty cool (but suped random) how they've included her son Milo in the story. He's even following in mama's footsteps with the schemes & messiness lol

Obie & Zoya - I like them together but I'm not convinced by them yet. They come across more like good friends than actual partners. I wish the writers would've built that relationship up more, because they just became an item after one episode and barely knowing each other....There was no grace period or internal conflict with that fact he was about to date his exes sister and vice versa. I wouldn't be surprised if they breakup before end of season cuz they don't have a solid foundation and Zoya is too worried about the outside drama which Obie wants no part of.

Monet & Luna - Do we care that we have yet to get any sort of back story or insights to their personal lives? As of now, for me, nope. Their entire narrative is Julien. They're like unpaid publicists, who do evil things in the name of Julien and many times without Juliens permission. The writers haven't given them any depth or point of view to make us care...they're just mean for being mean, which when done right can be entertaining to watch, but they're creating conflict and not really gaining anything out of it. But then again, it is only episode 4, so let's see if they surprise us before the end of the season.

The teachers STILL being Gossip Girl- It's creepy as all hell that they've become so aggressively invested in these kids lives just to divulge their every secret; however it is clear that the writers are keeping them as GG, so as a viewer, I've just come to accept it and not give a shit anymore, cuz this show is so obnoxiously camp. And honestly the teachers aren't terrible at it. Kate has a very solid voice & creative way of painting a story...it does help that she has a strong writing background. But honestly if she were to dedicate this type of energy into her writing career, like she does to running the GG account, she could accomplish so much outside of this school.

Aki & Audrey - They're cute but kinda stale together. They're both lusting after Max, while he's just using them as play things, but ultimately I do see them having a threesome at one point...especially now that Aki is discovering more about his sexuality. This is another couple I don't see lasting very long. Their communication is really bad & the chemistry is lackluster. I'm still having a hard time with Evan Mocks (Aki) acting. I don't know if this was the direction he was given or if it's his abilities that are not up to par, but he's scenes are a bit rough to watch. He's stiff & delivers his lines in this monotone lifeless way that's a bit unnerving. But if this is what production wants from him, then he's doing a stellar job! -- Side note, It will be interesting to see how Audrey's world is going to change now that her mother is filing for bankruptcy. I wonder if they'll be any possible power shifts within her circle of friends, when they find out or will she keep it all a secret hmmm

Max & Rafa - I really wish the writers didn't take the route of the teacher/student troupe. Its especially messed up that they decided to trigger their sexual relationship during a time where Max is clearly going through personal issues that's left him emotionally vulnerable. I do wish the writers would've handled his grieving differently. --Also can we discuss how Max looks about the same age as Rafa? 💀 Are no actual teenagers working in Hollywood anymore? Too funny.

With that being said, the writing on this week's episode of Gossip Girl was a special kind of terrible. But because I enjoy mess, I will continue to watch every episode, of every season.

Xoxo

[ato-matsuri]

On Agartha

Been a while since I’ve written a long text post, most of all one about Fate. It honestly inspires a lot of rambling in me, after all. But I don’t think, this time, it’s due to its good writing, the emotions it makes me feel, or anything good. This, my friend, is about Agartha. I should probably prelude that this contains a metric shit ton of Agartha spoilers. If you haven’t seen Agartha, and you’re actually wanting to see the story -- scroll past. But, having played through Agartha completely and rested on the story for a bit, I think I want to repeat what everyone else has for ages lol.

Agartha, on paper, is incredible. A subterranean world built off fantastical story off fantastical story, made by a woman known for her ability to weave story after story, within stories, on the fly, and from a database of every possible Arabian Nights tale. Where the fear Scheherazade has due to Shahryar's endless abuse and fearmongering has stretched even to men as a whole due to literal years of having to survive Shahryar. Where the only leaders were queens, where the only rebellion force was a man so horrifically corrupt that he'd easily fall for the tricks she played. Her intent -- to reveal magecraft forever, removing any power magecraft has, saving her from ever having to fight and face kings -- and die -- ever again. That... sounds pretty good when I describe it that way, huh? Now if only it were executed with any modicum of sense.

From the beginning, Agartha's writing struck me as remarkably odd. It was like I was watching someone desperately try to emulate Nasu's writing style -- but had absolutely no idea what made Nasu's writing so good. Its exposition dumps, rather than being interesting, ended up being thoroughly boring -- as they focused on the mundane, like the fact that moss glows to light up the landscape -- instead of the magical implications of a world like Agartha even existing to begin with. Albeit, with the mystery of Agartha at that time, we can safely assume that there wasn't much to focus on, but then why spend so damned long talking about this stuff?

The worldbuilding, while passable, feels fairly flawed in execution. The idea of a world made the way Agartha was could've made for some interesting commentary about the way men treated (and still do treat) women in modern society, but Agartha not only misses the point, but tumbles head-over-ass into the uncanny valley and makes the whole thing sound like a continent-wide BDSM session. There's barely any actual subtle or well-done symbolism to showcase misogyny in this way -- and while hyperbole can serve a good point at times, the hyperbole combined with the strangely sexual writing of these segments makes it feel less like commentary and more like a badly-done doujin.

For example -- El Dorado was as simple as it gets. Men are slaves/breeding machines/whatever. The whole 'breeding machine' thing is played off extensively, even with Penth -- a minor at this stage, mind you -- comments on using the protagonists as such breeding machines. I'll come back to this later, because this serves as another point.

Ys was a fucking cool concept -- a world ruled entirely by rampant consumerism and chaos. Men, in this world, are still second-class citizens, pretty much the playthings of the women around them. I say that Ys is the best kingdom comparatively, as it was at least more bearable than its other kingdoms, but it still felt weirdly sexual in its writing tone. Of course, following tone, Dahut (who I'll get back to later) smashes men constantly, and is very keen on fucking Guda as well, following a trend. It's played for comedy, mostly, but it's still uncomfortable as all hell. Even so, I note it's more bearable because it's a very slightly more subtle take on the whole 'misogyny' allegory -- these people are using men for basically whatever they want, and tossing them away after. I'd compare it to a few true crime cases of people who murdered, or assaulted women for no good reason at all, purely out of a want that was either denied (for good reason), or that the want itself was to inflict harm. While the allegory still does feel unintentional here, it's at least slightly less unintentional. It was probably mostly just by accident due to Agartha's generally uncomfortable writing style, but the allegory here feels a little more potent when it's not so blatantly a BDSM fic.

I hate the Nightless City, despite it again being a cool concept. A 'utopia' where speaking out at all means death -- where men are in concept free citizens, but in practice fall victim to the law if they look at someone funny. Again, in concept, great allegory. The law does not treat men and women the same -- and while it differs depending on the case which is preferred, the vast majority of the time, women are pretty much shafted by the legal system (see Brock Turner), especially in very conservative areas. Cases can be made for both genders being shafted, of course -- but for the purpose of this allegory, picking out the prejudices of the legal system against gender is a fair critique. But, like everything else Agartha does, these neat ideas fall flat in practice.

They barely touch at all on the allegory, and nobody seems to even realize it in the cast, making me further believe the allegories aren't intentional at all. In due fact, it's as if the writer didn't even realize that this could be read as an allegory. The men's plights make some sense, as they were yoinked out of nowhere into a world that hates them. But the Servants and Guda don't think about it at all past the 'wow men are slaves that sucks' -- barely even considering that this could be an allegory the world's creator made due to their own horrific circumstances. They do point this out, but to my knowledge, it's very late -- when Scheherazade's called on her bluff, only then is it ever mentioned, and only in passing at that. If anything, the fact they point this out so close to the ending makes the ending itself that much more insulting. But before I get to the ending, I think there's something else about Agartha that sets the scene for just how awful it is -- and that's the way the characters are written, and the dialogue that comes of it. For this, I'll split it up into the characters who portray this the most. I'll even describe their personalities in Agartha's context.

Guda: Crouching pervert, hidden Mash stan. A few non-sequiturs of Guda complimenting Mash despite the mood being completely broken by it. Guda's incapable of taking a situation seriously in Agartha, even when the world's basically due to be changed forever. They keep cracking jokes, creeping on Astolfo/d'Eon, and other such things even when people are literally dying all around him. For that matter, I clearly recall the scene where -- for no real reason -- Guda just changes gears with Mash in tow, and starts trying to decipher d'Eon's gender. There's absolutely no real context to this, nor any reason for Guda to do this. Further noted is the fact Guda has worked with d'Eon before, and should've probably realized d'Eon's situation by this point. The Nasuverse has always been a bit, er, behind on gender norms and such, but it's so prevalent in any scene with d'Eon it hurts -- especially in that particular scene.

Astolfo: Oddly enough, the most tolerable person here (sans one other person). Agartha's refusal to take itself seriously works remarkably well for Astolfo. And while Astolfo isn't exactly written well here either, the fact that Astolfo's always been a bit loopy makes them seem, well, more in character. They're responsible for some of the funnier moments in Agartha, with their input composing approximately 3/4 of the, like, seven or eight funny moments in Agartha proper. Even so, Astolfo's appearance sometimes hurts Agartha as much as they help it, probably since Astolfo is a bit of the reason Agartha won't take itself seriously.

d'Eon: Deserved fucking better. The previously mentioned scene was the worst offender by far in my eyes, with it coming out of fucking nowhere. d'Eon's paired with Astolfo as a buddy and fighting partner, which itself could've made for good material -- instead, d'Eon is constantly dragged into Astolfo's fanservice-y gimmicks, and d'Eon themselves are pretty often creeped on by Guda. I'd go out on a limb to say that d'Eon's implied dislike of gendered clothing (see the maid outfit) made their scenes wearing such outfits far more uncomfortable, especially with how distinctly sexual the Agartha humour is. I just hated it.

Columbus: I can't fucking believe I'm saying this, but Columbus was the funniest character in Agartha. And I don't even think that was intentional. Something about how unabashedly horrible he was caught me completely off guard -- I thought he'd end up sort of like Napoleon at a glance, someone whose Spirit Origin was completely changed due to Europe's collective worship of the dude -- but holy FUCK was I wrong. Something about the hilariously cursed faces Columbus pulls, combined with his loud-and-proud irredeemable evilness, made him a blast to watch -- and an even bigger blast to beat the shit out of. His, uh, toothy grin still cracks me up even a few weeks after playing it.

Penthesilea: One of a very large amount of people who really deserved better. She barely ever shows up -- and when she does, she voices her desire to turn Guda and co. into a breeding machine/slave (recall she's like. 16?), and pretty much throws the whole 'reasonable-ish zerk' thing out the window instantly, because Agartha decided to forego decent writing in favour of 'funny berserker hates achilles haha brrrrrr,' therefore losing pretty much all the characterization they could've given her. The lack of 'alternate views' that show her in greater detail make this far worse, which I'll go into later.

Dahut: God, wasted potential out the asshole! A woman who made an entire world that fucked around and needlessly consumed stuff, she's the epitome of such a belief. But that's all she is. I'd be able to forgive this awful writing if Scheherazade, who 'implanted' Drake onto Dahut, was a bad writer -- but she's fucking Scheherazade! Dahut's a completely flat character, who constantly tries to bed (and kill) Guda, and generally likes the idea of needless consumption. That's literally it. Again, could be explained if Dahut had difficulty keeping control of Drake's body and conscience -- but this isn't explored either! She's just a walking, talking missed opportunity.

Wu: God, look at her design. Do I even need to say more?! She falls under the same problem that the other rulers do -- shallow characterization, no opportunities to flesh them out, etc.

Scheherazade: She could've been so fucking amazing. Scheherazade's story is one ripe with interpretations the Fate series so loves to utilize -- and on paper, her character is amazing. It'd only be natural for someone like Schez to be this deeply traumatized after so many days on death's door -- not many could really get through that okay. The incredible storyteller who fears death, kings, and unconsciously, men as a whole -- creating Agartha as a subtle way of ensuring none of them harm her while she prepares her ultimate plan of revealing magecraft to the entire world. However, as with the other Agartha characters, she becomes cripplingly one-note. Bringing her fear of death above all else, she comes off as an unreasonable asshole, constantly freaking out about death and preserving exclusively herself to a fault. While one could argue it's partially due to a Pillar's influence, Phenex doesn't seem to have a hold on her at all -- it's a basic alliance, and nothing more, as the ending shows us. It just leaves her as a one-note death avoider, with no other character traits at all. I'd go into further detail, but I'm saving that for later.

Fergus: God fucking damnit, man. A literal child version of Fergus, who the entire cast constantly expects to sexually harass every woman in sight. He's a one-note flanderization of Fergus, just without the one character trait Agartha gave Fergus. It just makes him... boring, a character whose only character trait is his refusal to hit a woman. Like... Come on. The fact the entire team is so sure this literal child will start trying to hit on women is just uncomfortable to witness, and the fact he slowly starts gaining these traits feels less like him 'meeting his fate' as Fergus, and more like Agartha wants an excuse to sexually harass more of the cast.

The Fucking Ending I'm giving this its own category, because of just how much of a punch to the face it was. In short -- the plan to reveal magecraft is revealed, more jokes are made, bla bla bla. Agartha can't keep a serious mood at all. ...But the final few scenes take it to a whole other extreme.

Wu Zetian comes out of nowhere despite being squashed by Megalos earlier, stuffing Phenex into a pit of her weird water shit, placing Phenex in a state of 'life and death.' Child Fergus then sac's his own Spirit Origin to summon Fergus inside himself(???), thus gaining the power of Caladbolg to weaken Phenex enough for the player to destroy. ...However, Child Fergus just summoned Fergus inside his own body. So, what happens when you put Agartha!Fergus, a one-note sexual harasser, into the body of a child? You get the final scene of Agartha. For some reason, I guess you need more help from others to take out Phenex. To this end, Fergus decides to convince Schez to join their side. I'd like you to recall that FGO!Scheherazade is implied to have the trauma of Shahryar's abuse, sexual and physical, burned into her memory -- not just the whole death thing. In every form of the story, Shahryar abuses her in such a fashion almost nightly. It's to the point where Schez' first line of defence, and much of her skills, are as much oriented around storytelling as they are charm and seduction (moreso the former than the latter, albeit), because her defence mechanism was that as much as it was storytelling, to keep her abuser happy. This is a part of why Agartha is the way it is -- to keep such men away from her. Hell, there's not a single King in sight, save technically Fergus, and Chaldea's d'Eon and Astolfo. Fergus knows this. Hell, he heard this being called out. He's well aware how terrified she is. So, what does he do?

SEXUALLY HARASS HER. He claims she has to live to have kids. That men and women have to live to have kids. He claims that she should live, because he'd smash her. ...Now, that's insulting enough -- moreso, that it's played dead serious. Nobody even as much as calls him on such a shitty persuasion tactic, and nobody even mentions how awful it is to sexually harass a woman who'd been sexually assaulted at best for the better part of almost three straight years. AND IT. FUCKING. WORKS.

SCHEHERAZADE. IS IMPLIED. TO BE INTO IT.

And because of this, she's swayed to join the heroes and seal Phenex away for good -- giggling about how Fergus' worldview was partially correct even as she fades away. The epilogue features Fergus, sexually harassing Scheherazade ON SIGHT -- calling out 'tits on my 12:00' or whatever, as Scheherazade darts off. However, Schez isn't avoiding him due to trauma. She's avoiding it because, while she's into it, she doesn't want to 'die' so fast. This fucking ending highlights among the biggest issues with this damned Singularity. Even Blavatsky coming out of fucking nowhere to Deus Ex Machina a grail and help into Guda's hands -- despite seemingly being slaughtered by Columbus in a (admittedly a bit funny) way to get the base of the Resistance -- means nothing to me compared to the blatant slaughter of two characters at once. Fergus is a total horndog even outside of Agartha's reach, but he even notes he respects his partners' consent, and doesn't overstep his bounds if he makes them uncomfortable. Scheherazade isn't exactly trusting in the slightest, least of all in Agartha - she barely even begins trusting Guda due to Guda treating her with actual respect. Even then, she isn't actively prostrating herself for Guda in that sense, very likely due to the fact that's more of a defence mechanism to her rather than something she'd enjoy, due to extreme trauma. Albeit, Fate writing does leave the possibility in the air for Guda specifically, but that's very likely just due to Guda being Guda and being careful to treat her properly and help her than anything else (and also the whole 'self insert harem' thing, I guess, but that's a hell of a lot easier to ignore esp in contrast to Agartha) And yet, we see that epilogue, that butchers both of them in one fell swoop so badly that I almost ended up hating both of them. Agartha's biggest problem is that it tried to be deep and intriguing, while having the writing quality of the goddamned Valentine's events. It picked all the right characters to have an incredibly intriguing storyline, and fell flat because the author decided that playing sexual harassment, d'Eon's everything, and even the most serious scenes for comedy was more important than telling a story even half as meaningful as the chapters before it. Lo and behold -- to my knowledge, Minase wrote it. Of course he did. He chose the best, the most interesting characters he could find, and made them so fucking one-note that the story lost all its charm in moments. He chose to emulate Nasu without understanding what made Nasu's writing so good. He chose to make Agartha a laugh fest despite simultaneously trying to make it 'deep.' He chose to fall head-over-ass over a possibly interesting allegory into misogyny and fall right into sexualizing it to the point of feeling like a femdom BDSM fic. And go figure the only character he did decently was Christopher fucking Columbus. I have a hatred for Agartha I can't reasonably place anywhere else. Prillya was just as shitty, but I ignored it, because Prillya itself wasn't great, so of course the crossover sucks too. Valentine's events written by him weren't great, but whatever, it's a Valentine's event. Septem, written by someone else, was similarly not great. But it wasn't insulting. It simply wasn't great, and had a lot of wasted potential. But its ending wasn't out of character to the point of being insulting. Its story didn't make incredible mythological and historical figures too infuriating to like anymore. It didn't almost ruin entire Fate characters for me. Not the way Agartha did. I should probably contextualize that Scheherazade is among my favourite mythological figures. I introduced myself to her through Magi (lmao) due to further research into the base stories -- as well as a favourite Magic: The Gathering card, Shahrazad, which forced you to play a game within your game, like how Arabian Nights featured stories within stories.

Even in Fate outside of Agartha, I liked her. Her design didn't make much sense to me considering her character, but whatever, I didn't need to think too hard of it. It's just a design, and despite my hatred of Penth's design, I still love Penth as a character, so I can handle Schez. But Agartha painted her in such a way that all the subtlety and interesting parts of Schez went completely out the window. No longer was there any hidden references to the aftereffects of her life beyond 'i dun wan die,' and there was hardly an ounce of sympathy or kindness in her bones at all. While her being an anti-hero made some sense, especially as she was only a normal person with far above-average storytelling prowess, there was a point when she stopped being a 'good, but terrified person' and started being a complete asshole. And Agartha was that time. If it weren't for her Interlude, which redeemed her considerably, and Ooku, which did wonders for her character despite being written by Minase (as I believe Nasu was overseeing him at that point), I very likely would've never gone for her at all, despite my love of the myth. In Conclusion This rant is just to say that Agartha is bad. Horrific. Insulting, even. At every step where it could've been good, it tumbled head-over-ass into the most insulting, uncomfortable shit you could imagine. It failed to take itself seriously, and paced itself like a comedy event, but simultaneously acted as if it expected its audience to take it seriously. Like a clown brigade deciding to take on Les Mis, it loses all of its punch when every few lines is interrupted by a jab at Fergus, sexual harassment, or something that comes close to being cool before suddenly turning into a badly-timed joke, or suddenly becoming laden with dialogue so sexual it feels straight out of a porno. It's aggravating, awful, and with only brief reprieves of bareable comedy in between long, long lengths of hellish text and awful characterization. The only good part was the gameplay -- which, laden with interesting mechanics not seen elsewhere, was legitimately fun. My take? Avoid all Agartha cutscenes and plot, and just play the gameplay. The gameplay's fun, and if enjoyed on its own, would probably make for a far better experience than observing the story surrounding it. But good gameplay doesn't make up for a horrible story, especially in a game where plot is as important as it is in F/GO. Agartha's a pile of shit in my eyes, but that's ultimately only my opinion, and nothing more. If others have an opinion counter to mine, that's completely fine -- and don't let this analysis ruin your fun with Agartha if you enjoyed its plot. To be frank, I'd be happy if you enjoyed it where I could not. And if you think my takes are misinformed, or if I missed a spot (or overreacted to a spot), that's what the reblogs and comments are for! I'm definitely not the kind of dude who has the final say in matters like this -- this is only what I picked up. Thank you for reading!

[inventors-fair]

First Name, Last Name, Occupation Commentary

You guys really swung for the fences for this one. I was inspired to run this by fun little cards like Cat Warriors, Goblin Assassin, and Dragon Turtle. Cards that do one type by way of another. You guys, for the most part, tried to get as weird as possible, more akin to Urza’s Saga. I purposefully left it open ended to allow non-creatures, but I did not expect about half the cards to be a type other than creature. Some people in the Discord tried to break the rules even more than that. Personally, I wish there were more simple creatures, but I’m happy with what I got.

So without further ado, here’s the commentary! They’re alphabetical by submitter’s tumblr name or preferred credit.

@alextfish​ - Fractal Fish

Holy moly that’s some fish, visually and mechanically. So let me try to parse this: the first time, you attack, get two fish, then next time you turn those two fish (which hopefully also got in for damage) into two counters. So every other turn it doubles the number of counters, assuming you get in with it every time. At a minimum, it’s a little Tana/Living Hive that can’t be used moe than once. It feels weird for this effect to be in blue, though I get why from a flavor perspective. This does feel like a fish, though, and it definitely feels like a fractal. This card feels top down, which is fine, but I’m just not super into it. It feels unnecessarily complex for an effect that you probably only want to trigger once, maybe twice. I still think it’s really cool.

Allie - Urza’s Treasure

It’s a bit of a stretch to have a land named “Urza’s Treasure” but it’s less of a stretch than urza’s saga, so you’re good. The idea of a treasure land in general is cool to me: it’s worse than Tendo Ice Bridge and Aether Hub, but the artifact synergy is notable. Then we get to the last ability: this card is a mox opal. Or maybe a glimmer void? There are a lot of comparisons, but I don’t know which is the most appropriate. A land that effectively doesn’t tap for mana unless you have metalcraft seems awful, but I’ve seen enough affinity to know that that won’t slow it down a bit. So this is essentially a card that’s only good for broken decks, and honestly, I don’t think they need the help. I think the fact that it’s so all or nothing is a bit of a deal breaker. Every part of this card is either massive downside, massive upside, or both. You could argue that makes it balanced, but I’d argue it just makes it broken. I also wish the “Urza’s” part of the typeline played into it more, but I realize the type doesn’t have much of a mechanical throughline.

@arixordragc​ - Warrior Dragon

Ooh, a bold choice. Dragon Warrior and Warrior Dragon send two completely different feels, and this one is definitely the cooler one. Six mana 6/6 flyer is a good rate, but not so good it doesn’t get good abilities. The abilities it gets are a ghostly prison and two circle of flames. I really like how they both have a similar feels: 2 damage and two mana. However, I think the two abilities are att odds. If you need one, you probably don’t need the other. If your opponent has a lot of 1/1 or 2/2 creatures, they won’t be able to pay 2 for each them, and if they do, they’d just die. The damage does have a little bit of meaning, though, because if they attack with a big creature you don’t have to deals as much damage to it. I also just would have expected a warrior dragon to be more offensive than defensive. This feels more like a guard or defender rather than a warrior. So it might be better to have one be offense and one be defensive. Perhaps one ability could affect blockers and one attackers? This is a good card, and a cool set of effects, I just think it needs to work on multiple angles. I also think this could be a rare: it’s not so powerful you wouldn’t want it appearing more often in packs, and it’s not too complex.

@bread-into-toast​ - Zombie Mole

I like the flavor of a zombie mole, since it’s already in the dirt. I do think this sounds better than your original entry, Graveborn Mole, but I think the old one told a more complete story. The card itself is pretty neat, it’s a classic red black aggro card with a big body and a risk payoff. There’s some stuff I don’t like about it. First, sacrificing a land is one of those things that players don’t realize how bad it is for you, so this could lead to a lot of players screwing themselves over, especially if it’s as uncommon. Second, the fact that it can be recast with it’s own trigger, such as when you attack, sac a land, let it die, and then get it back because you had a land die is a bit too synergistic, especially because it gets him back untapped. This means that you have a 5/5 on turn two that if you somehow get to kill by blocking they can just pay two to save and untap it. Again, at uncommon, this is very strong, even if the downside is also very strong. The design as a whole is pretty cool, but I think it’s going to lead to a lot of unhappy players on one or both sides of the field. As a final note, I really liked that you put some art direction in the submission (for those at home, it said “Mood: a giant undead mole attacks, startling the giant (living) moles and miners around it”). It’s a cool way to get a lot of the benefits of art without having to make your own or go hunting.

@charmera​ - Giant Golem Knight

I think the name here is pretty close. It feels a little awkward to say, but I’ve seen worse. The card is a little weak and a little poorly templated, but nothing that can’t be fixed. For the templating issue, I think telling a player they can’t do something then telling them they can in a different place doesn’t work. Cards like Manor Gargoyle that do this just remove Defender. Since this also says can’t block, though, you’d need something different. I might suggest just changing it to “~ can’t attack or block unless you sacrificed an artifact this turn.” It would power it up just a little in the process, but I think that’s called for. A 6 mana 6/7 is not really above the curve, and the activated ability is hard enough to activate that it doesn’t really pump up the power level of the card as a whole. Vigilance also seems weird on a card that needs to pay to both attack and block.  I could see a specific format being able to break this card, but as something you’d see in a core set, it would need a lot of support to see play. I really like the design and concept, it just needs to be rebalanced a bit.

@col-seaker-of-the-memiest-legion​ - Arcane Trap

So, this one is interesting to me. The base rate on this card is good. Glimmer of Genius and Glimpse the multiverse are both super playable and both have a little something extra. In this case, the little something extra is the trap text, and the idea of repeating this card with arcane spells is pretty enticing for the decks that would play it. But there’s something missing here: the trap text doesn’t feel trappy. It’s a bonus, sure, but if you look at all of the existing traps in the game, the difference between hard casting and trap casting is usually massive, sometimes the entire cost! This instead reminds me more of “gotcha!” from unhinged, where the punishment for a player doing something is that you get a card back from your graveyard. It also doesn’t feel very trap-like because it doesn’t punish a player doing the trap-thing. Usually if an opponent is drawing cards it’s a good idea to out-draw them, and splicing helps with that, but it’s not like this is the “ha, you fool!” card that most traps are. It’s just a little bonus. Like when your opponent adds to your storm count. Functionally, I think this card is cool and feels unique, but doesn’t quite feel like it’s representing its types well. Also, nice job giving trap card art to a trap card.

@davriel-canes-tea-supplier​ - Hellion Demon

You did this for the pun and you know it. Demon straight out of hell...ion. I’d love to see what this guy would end up looking like (not gonna dock points for that or anything, just on my mind). So first, the templating. You don’t need to tell them to sacrifice a totla of X, since X is undefined at that point. You can just say “you may sacrifice any number of creatures. If you do, ~ gets +X/+X until end of turn and deals X damage to target creature you don’t control, where X is the total power of creatures sacrificed this way.” I also might suggest swapping it to a reflexive trigger, AKA swapping “if you do” with “when you do,” which means your opponent will be able to respond after knowing what you sacrificed. Right now, you could target one of their creatures on attacking, then they wouldn’t know what you’re sacing to do it until after they decide if they want to protect their creature. Then again, maybe that’s for the best, since it would also mean if they bounce their own creature in response, you don’t have to sacrifice anything because it wouldn’t do anything. And actually the trigger would be stifled anyway because it has no targets, which is awkward if you were planning to just use it as a pump. What I’m trying to say is that this card has an incredibly complex trigger with a lot of pieces going on. I think it might be worth it, though, because this is a cool effect. A mix between a fling and a nantuko shade effect. It’s a really cool concept, but it’s doing so much that it doesn’t do a great job at mimicking either, and in the end I just wish it had two different abilities that were linked or something easier to parse.

@Deg99 - Instant Trap

Okay, this is a silly card, and I’ll judge it as such. The blue = water is flavorfully pretty fun and funny, but color hate is always going to perform a little weird. But traps are famous for that! Usually, though, traps care about colors if they are built to be good against that color, and in this case, maybe? I don’t know if casting a free trap is particularly good against blue, so I’m firmly putting the trap text in trinket text land. The card itself does exactly what you’d expect. It tutors and plays a trap. Instantly. None of the traps in the game are super powerful, so you’re kind of avoiding the usual tutor issue of always searching for the same card / having exactly one tutor target that’s good. This is especially cool because the traps are by design extremely situational, so having this as a toolbox option is actually kind of useful. I think you’d usually end up getting needlebite trap, lavaball trap, or maybe mindbreak trap because it would be good in the matchup anyway. As a whole, this card is both kind of silly and kind of cool. I like it, but I wish there was some way to make this more interesting.

@demimonde-semigoddess​ - Droning Licid

Wait a second, did you just make licids make sense? Putting bestow on a licid makes it feel just like a licid. Turning drone into droning is pretty clever, though you got the types backwards on the typeline. Granting abilities not on the normal creature is something we saw just the barest amount of bestow cards back in OG Theros block. The eldraziness of it I wish was more relevant. I love the idea of using colorless as the alternate cost, since colorless is sort of treated like a bonus, not a given, especially in limited. But the two abilities need keywords. I played that block a lot, and even I kind of forgot what they did. It’s also weird that it grants devoid, but doesn’t have it itself. You could have even given it a colorless mana cost, since nothing it does is particularly black. Every ability on the card was in every color (yes, even devoid, you know what I mean). If this was a purely colorless card it’d be cool, but it’s fine in black. This card has a lot of things meant to make other things easier (enchantments for constellation, devoid for colorless matters, ingest for processing, bestow for heroic), so I’m super curious what set this would go in! But in a normal set, this is just a really weird card. I still think it’s neat, and again I’ll reiterate I’m happy you made a sensible licid, I’m just a little confused by its existence.

@dimestoretajic​ - Hag Fish

A hag fish is a real thing, and a hag that is a fish is what we have here. This card seems pretty powerful. It’s somewhere between a thallid and a tendershoot dryad and an ant queen. I wish the slime counters had some other use, like granting hexproof or unblockable or something. It would up the power level, which I don’t think this card needs, but it would make it feel more like it was slime on her rather than slime coming off of here. On a grander design level, I think this card requires a lot of paying attention for very little benefit. You get slime counters quickly enough you’ll rarely run out of them, but you will just often enough that you do. The tokens have evolve, which is a hard trigger to remember some times, especially on tokens that you might not have printed versions of. Plus, putting dice on tokens is also hard, since some players use dice for tokens. So while the card’s flavor and concept is pretty cool, I think it’s too complex for how simple it wants to be.

@fractured-infinity​ - Treasure Goblin

I’ve been told this is a reference, but sadly I don’t get it. Instead, I get golden goblins. The fail state on this card is still pretty good. A 2/1 haste for two mana ain’t nothing! And just using it as a bad skirk prospector can be useful too. I like the utility of it, too, in that once you are unable to attack with it as a 2/1, you can sacrifice it for mana to power out a flying dragon or something. This card isn’t super exciting, but it certainly gets the job done.

@gollumni​ - Gold Drake

Gold: the long lost parent of treasure. I didn’t even know that it had been errata'd to be its own artifact type. Anyway, the card itself is a reference to gilded drake. It even got hit by the card Gild! However, gilded drake is a super broken card! This is worse in the sense that it costs one extra mana and you ramp your opponent, but the artifact typing makes it easier to tutor and cheat into play, or to kill. Also, the way the last ability is phrased, I think you can sacrifice it to the gold ability and still get your opponent’s creature. If it said “exchange,” it wouldn’t, because exchanging needs both things in play. So this is a three mana permanent control magic that gives you one mana back immediately. I don’t think that was the intent.

@grornt​ - Skeleton Samurai

Now that is a skeleton samurai! It reanimates itself like a skeleton, it bushidos like a samurai. Three mana feels pretty good for it, since it fights as a 4/3. Now, normally, skeletons enter the battlefield tapped, but I understand not wanting to do that here. After all, it’s got bushido, blocking is a huge part of that! But the reason cards like this enter tapped is to stop you from blocking with it every turn and stonewalling your opponent. But how often is that? Well, this is where it gets tricky. Depending on the standard format, losing life on your own turn is either something you have to build around or effortless. In formats with shocklands, painlands, fetchlands, or even a single mana confluence, you’ll be casting this essentially for free. So assuming it’s in something like current standard, where it’s a little tough, maybe this guy is okay. I just worry about a 4/3 blocker that can’t be easily killed. But I guess that’s why you put it at rare, which was a good choice, but I think almost every player would be disappointed to find this creature as their rare. I do love the name and effects of this card as a pair, but I think it could lead to frustrating games.

@helloijustreadyourpost​ - Phyrexian Druid

This card has a lot of style and flair, but I’m a little cautious of it. A good comparison point for this card is Oasis Ritualist. Both can tap for one mana or two mana but at a higher cost. The mana cost and body are an important difference, and I think might balance each other out, as well as the fact that the phyrexian can only tap for green or green black. I do like that it implies that the set leans black, which feels right for return to new phyrexia. I’m having a little bit of difficulty judging power level: the life payment doesn’t really power down the card that much, but we’ve seen double ramp at 3 mana before, albeit never this versatile or at common. Still, maybe it’s fine in 2021 magic? After all, this is new phyrexia we’re talking about. Speaking of, I like how the life payment mimics phyrexian mana, and specifically phyrexian black mana. That’s a cool bonus for experienced players. I think this is a very well designed card, but I’d be very scared to print it unless I was certain there weren’t any green 6 drops at common that would be oppressive to the format when played on turn 3.

@hypexion​ - Skeleton Knight

Undead in white are something I wish we’d see more of. The idea of duty extending beyond life feels super white, but is only ever represented in spirits. But here we have a skeleton! I like the base body, and it does feel pretty skeletonny, though the knight aspect is a little weak. Vigilance is cool but at 1 toughness I don’t know how often it will be able to attack and still block. The reanimation clause is also a little funky, since it returns it to play on attacks, but doesn’t put it into play attacking as I’d expect. It’s also odd that it comes back tapped, though for gameplay reasons I understand. You don’t want to give players a creature that can block for free every turn. Templating-wise, I should also bring up that there needs to be and “if ~ is in your graveyard” between the words “knights” and “you may.” I’m using cards like Auntie’s Snitch and Master of Death for reference there. My final thoughts on the card is that it’s fine, but the two types don’t mesh as well together as I had hoped.

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes​ - Spirit Shade

What a strange little creature. Shades are weird, because their signature ability is incredibly powerful and they need a pretty big downside to make them balanced. In your case, tying them to swamps is pretty clever! They already like swamps because of their heavy black costs, so this is a cool way to reinforce that. I still think this is pretty aggressive for a common, but I might be being a little too cautious. My bigger complaint is how awkwardly the sludge counters feel. This is a creature who’s already going to be tough to track since it’s constantly changing P/T, so having counters on it that change a bunch is a lot of complexity, especially at common. If there were also +1/+1 counters in this set, this card would be impossible to track in paper. I also think I would have preferred the name the other way around, but I’ll admit that’s a preference. I like this card in general, but I wish it were more player-friendly.

@loreholdlesbian​ - Sand Elemental

Sand is a creature type not a lot of people expected, but I have a friend with a Hazezon Tamar deck so I knew. It’s a really clever answer to the prompt, especially since you’re using the word “sand” as an adjective, but it is still also made out of sand! A colorless 3 mana 3/2 is good power level for a common I think, and the ability on it is tough enough to make work that it doesn’t push the card too hard. The fact that it’s asking you to pay 7 mana also means that, so long as you have at least a few deserts in your deck, you’re probably going to have one in play or in your graveyard. The graveyard clause fits the theme of other desert cards, but I don’t know if you’d need in a theoretical future set with deserts. Their inclusion in Amonkhet block was mostly so players wouldn’t feel bad for cycling their deserts in the early game. But hey, maybe that’s just what deserts are now! So as a whole I think this card is pretty well designed, if a bit bland, but it works well with the theme of the week and possibly the set it's in. Good work!

@morbidlyqueerious​ - Nightmare Spider

This card has a lot going on. The name feels okay. It’s a little odd, but it works in context. The ability feels creepy and scary, which is both a nightmare thing and a spider thing, but a spider without reach will always feel strange. As the for the ability, it needs a little work. There’s some strangeness with the revealing. It only really matters during a multiplayer game, otherwise just revealing every draw would be simpler and save some text, which I think this card needs. Second is the split payment: you lose 1 life, but you also pay two mana. One is optional, one isn’t, and one is 1 and one is 2. I could see this getting confusing to players. I could see swapping some things around to either make them all optional, all life, and/or all 2’s. Lastly, and this is the important one, this card isn’t fun. WotC is pretty solid on not wanting fateseal effects in the game. It makes what is already a frustrating part of the game (the variance of topdecking) into a more frustrating part. Because of the mana payment, is also means that both players will probably end up doing nothing on their turn. The fact that it can’t hit lands is actually kind of odd. Often that’s what you’ll be doing with this card anyway: forcing them to draw lands. I also sort of wish you would have swapped the P/T. I know spiders usually have higher toughnesses, but I’d like this card if it were easily killable but would end the game quickly if it really did take control of the game. Plus, the fact that you keep losing life regardless of if you pay the two means this kind of has a downside that would be more fitting on an aggro card. So while I think it fits the theme of the contest pretty well, and flavorfully it feels very nightmarish and spidery, I worry that it’s too complex and could lead to frustrating games.

@nicolbolas96​ - Urza’s Fortification

This is… a weird one. So, you have made a land that can attach to other lands. I would be much more okay with that if it couldn’t still tap for mana. As is, it performs more like soulbond, since both things can still do the same stuff, they just get a little better. I’d also like it to turn off the original because the ability it’s granting is bonkers. Paying three mana to turn a land into a tolarian academy is an incredibly low cost. The land itself being an artifact also means you don’t even get the normal downside of tolarian academy not tapping for anything if you don’t have another artifact. You can even attach it to a land, tap that land for mana, then use some of that mana to tap another land. This means once you have four other artifacts, each of your lands tap for two mana or more. Being legendary and coming into play tapped isn’t enough of a downside for that. This would be strong even in a modern horizons set. I will say this: I do love the flavor. This really feels like an Urza’s land, which is not easy to do. The idea of a land that moves to other lands and is also a machine somehow feels cool and flavorful, too.

@nine-effing-hells​ - Constructed Cleric

Remember when they printed an artifact cleric in Guild of Ravnica and no one knows why? Well, here’s a robot cleric that feels more clericy. The name is a great fit, and I love the flavor of it. The twobrid mana symbols are a cool way to make it feel more artifacty, but I think they weren’t particularly necessary. No one is going to play this in a colorless deck, and splashing for it doesn’t seem worth the effort. The difference between 4 and 8 mana for the activated ability is huge. So yes, I think this card would see play almost exclusively in mono-white decks. And how is it there? Pretty good! Granting lifelink to your whole board every turn is very powerful, it makes it nearly impossible to race, but you do need at least a bit of a board. I think this is a solic card in a lot of decks, pretty well balanced, so far as I can tell, and the only real issue I have with it is how weird the twobrid is in it.

@pocketvikings​ - Hamster Advisor

What a pleasant little fellow. Not something I’d normally expect to see in MtG, but I’ll let it slide. I wish there were some flavor text explaining what he’s advising me on. Is he just telling me not to eat my food? So this card is very similar to the card Tajurur Preserver, what with being two green and preventing sac effects (primarily a counter to annihilator), but this guy has the upside of making a food but the downside of turning off your own food. I might suggest using that card’s templating or Angel of Jubilation’s templating. Maybe “You can’t sacrifice permanents or discard cards to activate abilities,” then on another ability the text from Tajurur preserver but with discard added on. It seems strange to see this card at uncommon, since it feels mostly like it’s protecting you from very specific effects that may or may not be in the format. It’s actually a pretty big downside in some decks, like turning off fetchlands, and of course if you’re playing this in a food deck you won’t want in play for long. That’s cool, and we’ve seen that on some black cards like Priest of the Blood Rite. I think this card feels out of place in a lot of formats and a lot of decks in particular, but I’m interested in the implications of it.

@partly-cloudy-partly-fuckoff - Aetherborn Angel

This is one I didn’t see coming, but not in abad way. This feels like a natural name, and immediately conjures an image in my mind. The fact that both angels and aetherborn are sort of non-natural creatures makes he combination feel fitting, but them being opposites of the color pie and origin intrigues me. The card? It feels alright. Artifact matters seems pretty aetherborn-y, though that’s mostly just because they're in Kaladesh. Counters feel pretty angelly, but that’s usually just because white has +1/+1 counter themes all the time and big white creatures are often angels. What I’m trying to say is that while this does feel like it’s an aetherborn angel, it doesn’t feel like it’s THE aetherborn angel. But I still think the card has a place in whatever set it’s for. It seems powerful, and I like that it’s usually the best place to put your counters, but has some utility, plus I’m sure there are ways to go infinite, but when you’re paying seven mana for it that seems fair. I love powerful commons because there’s nothing saying a common can’t be powerful, just not complex, and while this does add a little strategic complexity, it’s not gonna burn any brains. This is a well made card.

@reaperfromtheabyss​ - Goblin Knight

It sure is. This feels pretty right on the money, not just because the name feels real and the creature types fit well, but because the text on the card feels like how a goblin would be a knight. They aren’t particularly any better at fighting or better equipped, but it at least can scare some people or keep them at a distance. I very rarely ever say this but I think there was room for flavor text here. I’d like to know how this goblin got in this position, and what they’re doing to stop creatures from blocking. The cost also seems great, perfectly in between fervent cathar and voldaren duelist.

@shootingstarhunter​ - Island Turtle [the 0/4]

One of two island turtles this week. So it’s a 0 mana 0/4 (or U if you count coming into play tapped as paying a cost). I think with literally no other text, that would be a pretty cool card, if a touch strong. There’s also the issues with land creatures, which there are some weird rules for that mostly just annoys judges more than players. However, you decided to put on some… interesting text. It can turn another land into a creature, one with a little bit more power and toughness. That seems… okay? I think if it had just said something like “Adapt 1: sacrifice a land” it would be almost identical mechanically but far, far easier to understand. I think you made this card to fit a very specific idea you had in your head, but I think you needed to step back and look at the final card and see if there was some way to make it simpler, or if not, what that extra complexity would get you.

@snugz​ - Island Turtle [the 0/2]

Interesting. I like the simplicity of it on the surface. It’s just a Dryad Arbor but with a little more toughness, and it’s blue. A 0 mana 0/2 is on curve, I think, though I don’t know what kind of deck would want it. It doesn’t block anything but the smallest of creatures, which decks you’d need to block against probably aren’t playing. But it can chump, and doesn’t die to 1 damage from stuff like Chandra Pyromaster or Goblin Chainwhirler, so that’s something. The reminder text is appreciated, though the “isn’t a spell” feels less necessary considering the first line, but reminder text can be there anyway! The first line I feel like is trying to fix something, but most of the issues with land creatures are about integrating them into the comprehensive rules, which Dryad Arbor is already forcing WotC to do. But I guess it has it’s uses here and there. Rules aside, I think this card is fine. Like I said, I’m not sure what decks would want this, but it’s unique enough I think someone could find a use for it.

@starch255​ - Enchantment Class Saga

Oh boy, what did I do to deserve this? First, the elephant in the room, no one at wizard’s would ever call this Enchantment Class Saga. Is it supposed to be the story of a class about enchantments? Mechanically I guess it’s at least tied to everything. I don’t think I have to tell you this is too complicated. This has more words on it than a pack of homelands. I also don’t know if it’s phrased right, because we don’t even have the comprehensive rules for classes out yet. Setting X to a certain number at the top of the card also may or may not work? We’ve yet to see a saga with a static effect like that. I also think just playing it and waiting till turn four to level it up gives you a crazy amount of advantage, digging 4 cards deep every turn if you have another saga, plus getting through those sagas even quicker. I’m having an extremely difficult time judging this one, but I can at least say it’s too complicated, and that’s enough to keep it out of the running.

@thedirtside - Treasured Clue

This is a really cute card, but I don’t think it quite hits the mark (pun intended?). One mana for a treasure is kind of weird. We saw a lot of people thinking like that for a while with golden goose, which generated a mana on turn one and rarely did anything else, but let you ramp out a three-drop on turn two, and doing this on a colorless card just feels kind of dangerous, especially because being common means you could crack two on turn three for a 5 drop two turns early. But I also like the combination of the two types, since if you don’t need the treasure then you probably need the card. Reminds me of the Horizon lands. The name is also really close, better than some this week, but feels kind of forced. I wish there were a little more you could do with this guy to make him worth tacking on an extra mana. As is, it’s just a little too swingy to be fun.

@wolkemesser​ - Orgg Hag

I actually had to double check to see that these were both existing creature types, but lo and behold, they were. And they’re both pretty thematic! Orggs are just like big 4 armed goblins, and hags are I guess like witches? But now witches are warlocks. Anyway, the card. I think it’s alright. Trample feels very Orgg, lifelink feels haggy, but that last ability just seems odd. Orgg itself had an ability that cared about size, and the sort of curse flavor of it feels haggy, but it just feels so out of nowhere. I feels like if you removed the white mana in the cost and the ability it would feel just as appropriate a card. Humility in general also has a lot of rules issues that don’t really make them worth it unless they are on big, swingy cards, which this isn’t quite. Still as a whole I think the card is perfectly fine, but a bit off for this week’s contest.

~

And that’s everybody! If you want to get a hold of me, you can contact me on the Discord. Thanks again for entering! Good luck next week!

-Mod Mr. ShinyObject

[the-scooby-gang]

Finally watched the Scoob!movie

Here we are in the future! As you guys know I was REALLY EXCITED to see the new movie. Well, here we are, so I will share my thoughts.

This one is a long one, so buck up!

Let’s break the movie down and see its high and low points, shall we? 

One thing that I noticed right out of bat is that the movie is following the typical Hanna-Barbera crossover logic: “Hey audience, you already know these characters and their dynamics, so we will not really focus on them (unless is a plot point on the narrative) and focus more on the adventure”

Which worked for me. But I also know that I’m a 20 years old woman that was a child when Wacky Races, Dastardly and Muttley in their Flying Machines, Scooby-Doo and Captain Caveman was on every day at morning before I went to school.

What I mean is, I already know these characters, so watching the movie was just like watching the crossover episodes. It was fun, not because of the plot, but because the characters that I grew loving were sharing a screen.

But now I think of a new audience that may have NO IDEA who these other characters are and are kinda mislead by the title of the movie because, and lets be honest here, the movie should have being called something like:

Scooby gang and the Falcon Team!

or more precisely

Scooby, Shaggy and the Falcon Team!

That’s the first low point: The opening minutes leads you to believe that, even if Shaggy and Scooby have most of the screen time, after all the plot of the movie is clearly about their bond as best friends, you expect that the whole Scooby Gang are going to have equal screen time. But that is not the case.

They have nice moments of course! One of the first high points is that the gang is really wholesome when they are together! They are good friends that care about each other! What breaks them apart is not some forced antagonism between them, but an outside force (MOTHERFUCKING SIMON COWELL) and, by the way things went, if the plot had not kicked in on the bowling alley, the gang would unite again, hug, call Simon Cowell an idiot, reassure Shaggy and Scooby that they are valid and find a new person to sponsor the expansion of Mystery INC. 

In fact, now that I think about it, the plot could have gone WAAAAAAY different, but that is a talk for another post.

High point one and a half: The movie was funny and cute. Self aware jokes, Muttley and Dick antics, Dick’s disguises, the F-Bomb, Shaggy is a Potterhead, Scooby was animated with “This dog deserves hugs” mentality and I approve.

High point number two: Dick Dastardly. His entire personality, his disguises , his motivation. God his motivation. I too would open the gates of hell to get my dog back (and also some treasure, this is Dastardly we are talking about)

In fact his interactions with Muttley are high point number three. THEY ARE SUCK ASSHOLES BUT THEY CLEARLY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH I LOVE THAT!

But that also opens the gates for Low point number two: Where Dick arc is finished in a satisfactory way (being an asshole that cares for one (1) asshole dog) , Brian’s a.k.a Blue Falcon doesn’t.

You see, in the movie Shaggy clearly sees that Brian acts the way he does because he is NOT Blue Falcon. He is his son. He has the weight of a legacy on his shoulders and he is not coping well with that. This is highlighted by how Dynomutt sees him and his childish ways. (in fact, Dynomutt just being done with Brian shit 95% of the movie is high point number four) And you think “They are going to make a scene were he and Dynomutt are more open with each other. Where Brian says how scared he is and how the pressure of the legacy is maybe too much for him and that he is no hero, and them Dynomutt is going to reassure him that, No. You are a hero. I’m sorry for expecting you to be like your father, instead of doing to you what did for him: guiding you” and we got that! .....Really rushed in the middle of the final action scene with no emotional punch at all as a side effect from the “we expect you to know who these people are” crossover logic. Because I never watched Dynomutt and the Blue Falcon

I don’t how their dynamic was supposed to go. Even more by being the original Dynomutt with a new Falcon. I have no bases of how things used to be to feel anything. Especially because I don't know how the OG blue falcon acted in comparison to his son to see were he was falling short. I don't know how Dynomutt acted with the OG Falcon to see were he was setting the bar for Brian. Without that information, even if Dynomutt being done is entertaining  and fun, it leaves the emotional impacts hollow.

Low point number three is also to blame here: the movie fells INCREDIBLY RUSHED. And I think I know the reason. Hanna-Barbera is no stranger to crossovers, but they never did more them one property + another before, three properties at most. It was always Scooby Doo and The Wacky Race or Scooby Doo and Captain Caveman or Scooby Doo and The Blue Falcon but never Scooby Doo and All of them together. 

Even in the episode of Mystery incorporated “Mystery Solvers Club State Finals” were ALL THE HANNA-BARBERA MYSTERY SOLVER TEAMS WERE TOGETHER UNDER ONE ROOF , they made the mystery about the disappearing of all the mystery solvers except the mascots, which left the cast of characters of the episode more manageable them having all the gangs fighting for screen time, and even them some of the mascots have more dialog and character beats them others.

With so many characters, they had to pic which ones got a full arc or important plot beats, which left all the other character lacking as a side effect.

That brings us to low point number four: THE MYSTERY IS WEAK. It’s weak even for Scooby Doo levels and that is saying something. I saw episodes of Be Cool (that is a really good incarnation character design aside, you should check it out) that had a more well rounded mystery them this. The focus of the movie was divided in so many places that the mystery had no room to breath (Dick, Shaggy and Scooby, Shaggy and Scooby and the Falcon team, Dee Dee and Dynomutt backs aching by having to carry the plot forward, Shaggy and Brian have a heart to heart moments, Captain Caveman fight scene, and finally the mystery gang and the, you know, mystery)

The mystery is about “why the fuck Dick wants Scoob so bad” and the answer is “Because Scooby is descended from Peritas, Alexanders the Great Dog, and he needs him to open the gate to the underworld that Alex and Perry created to protect their treasure, plus save Mutley that is stuck there”

That could have being such a strong mystery!!! They would think that he only has greed in mind by opening the gates, not giving a flying fuck about the giant Cerberus that is going to eat Athens while he fills his pockets, only to discover that, yes there was greed in his actions but there was also a man looking for his best friend stuck on the other side, with would have made such a strong emotional parallel to Shaggy and Scooby final challenge. Missed opportunity. 

Back to the high points to balance thing out, the high point number five: Fred is a himbo that loves his friends and his van. The moment were they hear that Shaggy and Scooby are in danger and he immediately turns the van around nearly launching Velma and Daphne though the window was really good, plus the “Leave Shaggy Alone” and the fact that when the Fake!Fred appears (Dastardly in one of his ultra-realistic disguises) in the island and Shaggy calls his name and they hug in the most wholesome way, the fact that Shaggy doest think that the wholesomeness is out of character implies that the Real Freddie is just as sweet.

High point number six: Daphne gains first an Allie and then an entire robot army for her friends though the power of compassion. This is a nice take on Daphne. They say that Fred is the Brawn, Velma is the Brain and Daphne is the People person, which I take is the fact that she can make fast friends and easy contacts to solve the mysteries + think about why someone would do something, like, Velma sees the logic behind the mystery while Daphne sees the emotion that lead to the mystery in the first place.

Which, unfortunately leads to low point number five: even if I can make all that character analyses from one phrase and this specific moment and its outcome, thanks to Low point number three and four a.e. Lack of character focus and lack of mystery I can't truly see if I’m right or not about Velma's logic and Daphne’s emotional knowledge... BECAUSE I CAN BARELY REMEMBER VELMA AT ALL. Velma is the one that suffered the most by the lack of mystery because there is where she thrives. The moments were Velma piece the clues together is so overshadowed by everything that is going down that you barely notices it. Same thing for Dee Dee. She and Dynomutt are, thanks to the way the plot was build, the only ones that are actually making moves to compel the plot forward, but outside of being the one flying the ship and trying to find were the skulls macguffings are, I can barely remember her besides  a moment were she and Dyno are baffled about Brian thinking that Anonymous was an actual name.

Dee Dee is from Captain Caveman, she was the brains of the group, which we kinda see, but she is apparently in a point in time where she and Cavey don't even know each other. I think if they had removed the Caveman fight scene and instead added dialog of her talking about how she and her friends discovered a caveman on ice and they are planing on defrosting him, you know, THE PLOT OF THE ORIGINAL CAPTAIN CAVEMAN AND THE TEEN ANGELS would have being better.  Or maybe just say that she is just here because she promised the OG Blue Falcon that she would help train his son to replace him and when her work is done she is going back to her team. You know, actually stabilising a more connected world without inflating your cast and making things difficult for yourself and the script writers.

Low point number five and a half : Captain Caveman is completely superfluous. He was a funny beat, but outside of that, the time that they expended getting to his island, finding him, fighting him and losing the skull macguffing anyway  could have being expended on character moments either between the falcon team, or better yet, the Mystery gang. Or put more time on the mystery itself.

Now to high point number seven and the most important of them all, after all it is the plot were the entire movie is set upon: When Shaggy is speaking with Brian about how the pressure of his father shadow over him is beyond overwhelming, Shaggy is so insightful in that scene that it heavily implies that he feels in part in a similar way in the gang and that is one of the reasons he felt offended when Simon Cowell, and later on Dick Dastardly, say that he is virtually insignificant  to the group and them gets jealous of Scoob when he starts to spend more time with the Falcon Team. 

Is one thing to be the scary cat with your best friend, is another thing entirely to be the scary cat alone. AND I LOVE THAT

Shaggy and Scooby bond has being highlighted from the opening scene (high point number eight) and Shaggy’s felling of loneliness. That before Scooby came into his life, he had no one. And even after the gang was united, Scooby remains his first and best friend. The slight idea of losing his friend to something that he can never compare (What is a Shaggy in face of a Blue Falcon Team membership) makes him lash out. We joke about Scooby being Shaggy service dog, but for all effects, Scooby is his emotional support, his light on the end of the tunnel that was his loneliness. The gang are his friends, but they are really different from him. Meanwhile he and Scoob are almost always in the same wave lane. And them suddenly Scoob appears to be changing. Moving away. 

The entire movie is Shaggy dealing with the idea of losing Scooby. Of losing his first friend and scared cat companion. What he ultimately learns is that the power of his friendship with Scoob is way too strong to let simple thing as “going away” or “changing” diminished what they created through the years. That’s why he says he has changed in the final. That he has grow. Because he has come to realise that even if Scoob changes and becomes more brave or something, he has nothing to fear. Because being friends is to know that, even miles apart, dimensions apart, your friendship lives on.

By acknowledging that Scoob can change, or even leave but never truly abandon him, Shaggy himself grows.

That’s why he chooses to be the one stuck on the other side.

Because he knows that he is not alone, not really.

So the final count is:  HIGH points = 7,5 LOW points = 5,5

I liked the film. I was giggling like an idiot the entire time. My inner child was happy, even if my adult brain was not as pleased in many moments after further thought. However both my child heart and my adult brain agree that the movie is far from perfect. Many interesting ideas but poor execution of many of them.  With is fine. We all know that the Scooby movies have already peaked *cough* Legend of the Phantosaur *cough*

This was a long ass review of the Scoob! Movie.

[ultsracha]

Soulmate Chan (skz)

Request: Maybe could it be an Imagine where you are soulmates with Chan and like switch bodies randomly? A/N: Thanks for requesting love, I know that this kinda of went off the request but I got carried away heh, its super long and I’m sorry but I hope you enjoy! Thank you to the wonderful @trixareforlix for helping me with ideas! <3  Summary: everyone has a soulmate and everyone has a different experience when they finally touch their soulmate. Yours just happened to be a little more extreme than everyone else.  Warnings: Swearing, very, very, very mild angst for like .2 seconds

soul mates were always a mystery to you

most people on earth had one

and the stories you heard of how they knew the other person was their soul mate were always strange 

the majority of the people you met who’d found their soulmate had pretty normal experiences 

like hugging the other person and feeling the entire world heat up for 3 seconds before fading away

or your parents story when your mum was working at a cafe and handed your father his change and ever so gently touched his hand with hers

and the feeling of electricity that flowed between them that they both said lasted for what seemed like weeks 

but there some stories that were more extreme than just a feeling

a story broke the news of a young pair who both flew 6 feet in the air when they nudged hands while walking down the street 

or the soul mates who’s eyes changed colour when they bumped into each other on the street 

sometimes people knew as soon as they found each other

other people had to use social media after realising they must have accidentally touched their soul mate on the street and not felt anything

you had yet to find your other half 

not that you minded all too much

the idea of what could possibly happen when you meet them makes you,,,, nervous

chances were you’d feel some kind of amazing feeling in your whole body and then you’d know who you’d be destined to be with forever

everyone else in your family had similar whole body feelings of warmth of electricity or like being full of water 

Even your younger sister found her soulmate during a sports day relay race in school 

So now you just go about your business trying your best not to touch people as you go 

It’s a boring Friday evening when everything decides to changes

Your phone rings halfway through a movie and it’s your best friend

“Hey, there’s this really cool group that’s performing at work tonight please come and see them” they whine through the phone 

You internally sigh and agree because well

it’s time you saw the real world not just work and your apartment 

So you get dressed again and walk to the bar, signs plaster every wall and lamp post for a group called ‘3racha’ 

When you get there the stage is all set up and people are already filling up the from of the stage 

you just walk over to your friend and linger around the bar until they have a spare moment to come talk

“so, did you hear them do soundcheck or anything? are they good?” you ask over a vodka lemonade

“Yes!” they literally squeal, “there’s three guys, one of them has this super sexy Australian accent. You’re gonna love him” they’re practically bouncing at this point 

So maybe this night wouldn’t be a total bust because cuties on stage

You really thought it would be some old guys with guitars but after another 20 minutes waiting and 2 more drinks

3racha were on stage and well

let me tell you something

fucking incredible 

they had so much energy and passion and every song was powerful

all three boys were undeniably handsome 

but the leader was something ELSE 

your friend was right about the accent, it was beautiful 

and that angelic face that goes from smiling to deadly serious in a second 

holy shit someone was one lucky person to have him as their soulmate

You learned their names, Changbin, Jisung and finally Chan

by the end of their songs and some surprisingly funny dad jokes from Chan

you were going to follow them on their social media because they were so, so good 

When they finally said their goodbyes you were right at the front of the crowd by the stage 

Chan waving and smiling while hopping up and down 

Until the moment he missed the edge of the stage 

and fell 

everything happened in slow motion and the look on his face as he flew to the ground was priceless

No one could catch him before he landed 

Right on top of you 

His whole body crushing into yours in a second

You would’ve screamed if it weren’t for the strange feeling that filled up your whole body

Like you were filled with sparkling water 

Or how TV static must feel 

You closed your eyes as the feeling crept up to your head and braced for what would follow

Honestly it just seemed like Chan killed you and this was what death felt like 

And then you were being yanked from the floor and heard a female voice groaning on the floor

“Chan mate what the fuck are you doing trying to kill fans?” a very, very angry Jisung is holding your shoulders and shaking

“I think you picked up the wrong survivor” you mumble, raising your arm to brush through your hair 

You hand quickly passes through the amount of hair on your head

Hang on a minute

With a heart full of dread you turn to look at where Chan was supposed to be lying on the floor from where he fell and see 

Yourself

You’re looking down at yourself with wide eyes

You are also looking back up at yourself with wider eyes 

“Is this what it’s like to be dead?” You ask, turning back to look at Jisung

“Chan what are you talking about, also help the poor girl up” He growls, walking round you and helping your other self up 

“No, I’m Chan” your other self says while looking you up and down

“And I’m Y/N” you reply 

Everyone in the bar is just standing around looking at you with shock and confusion 

“Let’s go. Now” Changbin appears from nowhere and grabs you and your other selves arm and drags you to a backroom

As you walk more things seem different than before

Everything seems slightly lower down than usual 

Your clothes feel, loose 

So, naturally you look down to examine your outfit because when you left the house it was NOT this baggy 

even more panic sets in when you see a plain tshirt and baggy tracksuit bottoms 

When you get into the room Changbin forces you and other you to sit down on a sofa next to each other

“Right. So what in flying fuck is going on here then?” Jisung asks 

“It’s pretty clear what’s happened, they body swapped” Changbin sighs back 

“Hold on a minute..” You start saying before clasping a hand over your mouth

That accent 

Slowly removing your hand from your mouth and looking at it in more detail it finally sinks in

You’re not in your own body 

your own hands were not this big, and you certainly didn’t have the money for these nice rings 

Which means you swapped with Chan

“OH MY GOD THEY’RE SOULMATES” Changbin yells while slapping Jisungs chest with excitement 

This means 2 things: 

1) Chan is your soulmate and you’re not about to complain

2) You, for the time being, are stuck in Chan’s body

“Holy shit...” Chan whispers from next to you 

“Uh, it’s nice to meet you I guess” you sigh twisting to face Chan 

“Nice to meet you too.... I don’t mean anything by it but when do you reckon we can get our own bodies back?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck nervously 

“I’m not going to lie, I have no idea how to solve this problem, I guess it’s just how long the universe wants to keep us like this” You reply, looking at your own body 

That outfit really was cute 

“How long did you family members take for their match to finish?” Changbin asks cautiously 

“My parents had a feeling which lasted for like 3 weeks...” You mumble awkwardly knowing that this would not be a popular answer 

They all groaned and Jisung stormed out of the room moodily 

“He’s just worried about out shows and new music we need to finish it’s nothing personal” Chan explains, patting your knee sympathetically 

That’s when the whole situation dawned on you

Your job, your family, you friends 

You’d have to explain what was happening 

Which would mean explaining to your family you’d finally found your soulmate 

The entire situation was just proving more and more stressful and just as you were getting caught up in your thoughts

Chan patted your knee again this time keeping his hand there gently 

“It’s okay, there have been worse matches happen before. Remember the couple on the news that caused a fire in a bus stop a few weeks ago?” 

You snort in reply before looking up at him 

It was weird seeing your own face looking at you

“Maybe we should do some research on if this has happened before and how they managed to get back in their own bodies” Chan explains as he stands up and grabs his bag before grabbing his phone and sitting back down

He doesn’t seem to mind touching because he sits with his leg pressed against yours on the sofa 

It was nice and comforting despite only knowing him for a few minutes 

After some digging and whining about not having a thumb print on his phone from your thumb 

You found a website which explained a couple from New Zealand had swapped bodies for 5 days before returning to their original body when they found their soul mate 

“So I guess we just have to wait this out then...” You sigh, standing up 

“How are we gonna do this? Do we need to see your parents?” Chan asks 

“No no no no no, not yet, this will be too weird to explain right now especially because we met today...” You quickly rush to explain 

Chan quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t argue

“Well can you at least stay at my place tonight? I want to get to know you more” he asks 

If it had been any other person, any other day you would have said no but this is your soul mate

The person the universe knows you’re perfect for 

So you agree and part ways briefly to get your things to stay over and then walk to his apartment 

Which is just down the road from yours 

His apartment is messy but empty all at the same time

His bedroom consisting of a mattress on the floor and a desk with recording equipment 

“I just moved in like 3 months ago and we’ve been super busy with music and performing I haven’t had a chance to like get any furniture” He mumbles, placing blankets and pillows on the sofa for you

You just nod in reply and sit down

The reality really has sunk in 

This is your soulmate 

You’re in his freaking BODY 

And you have no idea how to get OUT 

The evening goes pretty smooth 

Talking about where you grew up, favourite foods, movies you enjoy 

The universe must know what it’s doing because the more you talk the more you realise Chan is really a genuine and kind man

With very similar interests and thoughts as you

You both fall asleep on the sofa together watching a movie 

Sadly as morning came about you were both still trapped inside each others bodies 

You made breakfast for Chan out of the very limited food in the fridge and vowed to buy him some decent food before you had to plan what was going to happen tonight 

3racha were performing tonight 

It was the biggest venue they’d ever played before and well, it was important 

You knew none of their lyrics, had no rapping skills and well couldn’t think of anything more terrifying than performing on stage

“Look, I can teach you lyrics and Changbin and Jisung can do the majority of it and if anyone asks its because you’re ill” Chan repeats again

“But Chan, I can’t rap, I suck at this.” You sulk, lying on his bedroom floor

“You’re in my body Y/N. You have my mouth and my voice. You can do it! It’s just confidence and knowing the lyrics” 

And so, you let him teach

It was hard, very very hard but by the end of the day you knew enough lyrics to pass as Chan 

But that didn’t change the rock in your stomach and the feeling of terror as you paced back stage waiting 

“Y/N it’s okay you can do this just remember the stuff we learnt and keep smiling” Chan was rubbing your arm reassuringly 

“Don’t mess this up, please. You have no idea how big this is for us.” Jisung snarks as he stands next to you 

He has done nothing but make you feel more nervous all day 

“Look. It’s not my fault I swapped bodies with Chan okay? I didn’t ask for this and I’m sorry we couldn't fix it but being an asshole isn’t going to make me perform any better. You’re lucky I even bothered to try.” You reply with as much conviction as your shaky voice would let you

Jisung looks amused and replies while smirking;

“Chan, she’s fiery. I’m glad your soul mate has some sass to her” before walking away

As much as that makes you smile you can’t shake the nerves 

“Chan I’m so scared, I don’t want to mess this up for you” You’re nearly crying at this point

Your hands wont stop shaking 

“Even if it’s not good I don’t care, I found my soulmate and that’s way more important to me than a show. If you’re feeling that worried we can say that I got food poisoning or something” Chan explains, taking both of your hands in his

“No no no I’ll perform because I don’t want to let you down or do anything to damage your career. It’ll be okay but thank you for caring so much” 

Tears are streaming down your face as Chan brings you into a hug 

He just holds you there in his arms in a super weird hug that’s kinda uncomfortable because you forgot you’re in Chans body so you’re like a head taller than yourself 

He obviously forgot he’s a head smaller because he’s in your body and you ended up weirdly holding each other

But it was nice and you could feel your heart beat racing

A warm feeling spreading through your body making you never ever want to let go

It felt like an eternity before you pulled away and opened your eyes 

To see Chan’s face in front of yours 

You look down and see your own body 

“Did we just?” Chan asks in disbelief 

“We did” You grin, wrapping your arms round his neck for another hug

Which works out perfectly this time

“GUYS WE SWAPPED BACK” Chan screams 

“Thank fuck for that” Jisung gasps, hugging Chan tightly 

“We have to go Chan quickly” Changbin rushes before pushing them both 

“Let’s go on a date when this is over yeah?” Chan grins as he’s being pushed by Changbin 

“Of course!” You have to shout because he’s so far down the hallway 

The performance is amazing, as expected 

Chan sends you winks and pulls cute faces the whole time 

When they’re done you meet him back stage 

He pulls you into a sweaty hug and kisses the top of your head 

And despite only knowing him for a day you loved the feeling

Changbin and Jisung were buzzing with happiness over how well they did 

“Chan let’s all go out to celebrate!” Changbin beams 

“I can’t tonight, I said I’d take Y/N on a date...” Chan explains, draping an arm around your shoulder 

“Let’s all go out together, we should definitely celebrate.” You interject, the last thing you wanted was to take Chan away from his best friends after such an important milestone for them

His smile told you everything you needed to know about his feelings as you all got ready to go out together 

Chan was perfect, polite and sweet to you and every single thing he did made you smile 

The universe knew whats up when it gave you your soulmate 

[skyechaser]

Silence in Atlas 7/?

Once more, this is a dark take on Volume 7 from a Bumbleby standpoint. It has scenes of graphic violence. If there are any specific trigger warnings I will indicate when that part starts and ends. 

I’m so grateful for all of you out there reading this story and commenting. It means a lot and gives me lots of motivation to write. The end of the previous chapter (6) is one of my favourite scenes yet. If anyone would like to draw something related to that scene I would be forever grateful because I can’t draw at all. Well, here we go...

------------------

They took off her blindfold about an hour after they had arrived at the mine. When she saw the place she was in, her heart skipped a beat. Blake was reminded of Illya’s parents, dying inside a mine without their employers even caring. Would that happen to her? All the faunus were taken into one of the mines and divided into two groups: men and women. They walked into the tunnels for half an hour or at least that was what Blake estimated. Three men and one woman were behind them and one man was in the front, leading them into the darkness. Blake wanted to knock them out and run but she couldn’t act without thinking of the consequences. Now there were others involved.  

“This is your new home” the man leading them said. Click. Nothing. All fifteen faunus flinched. “Don’t try anything funny or I will electrocute all of you”. There were two cages, dug into the mine and covered in bars, one next to the other. Blake tried to identify any weakness or possible escape. There were none. She couldn’t risk electrocuting all of the other faunus.

“Okay, now get in” one of the men ordered, opening the cage. Blake walked in with the other rest of the women. One of them, however, fell to the ground from exhaustion before going in. She seemed about Ruby’s age.

“This is no time to rest, you piece of shit!” the same man yelled as he took a whip out of his belt. “Get up!”. The girl made her best effort to stand up but she just couldn’t. He readied himself to strike her and was surprised when someone blocked his attack. It was Blake. She used her arm to block the whip and it hurt like hell.

“Looks like we have a feisty one here” the man laughed and so did his mates. “We’ll have to do something about it”. Blake was able to evade the first kick to her face, the second one, however, took her by surprise. It was the man who had led them into the mine. They both laughed when she fell to the ground. She shivered. Was it a good idea to intervene? Where they going to electrocute them all? She heard the whip cutting the air before she felt in on her back. Once, twice… She stopped counting.

“Now get in, bitch” he said and Blake obeyed. They locked the cages and all of them, except for they guy with the whip, left the mine. He sat in a bench and leaned against the wall. Blake could see the clicker in his hand.

“Thank you” she heard behind her. It was the faunus she had defended. She had small bear ears on top of her head and light brown hair. Her eyes were light blue and she had huge bags under her them. Blake smiled the saddest and emptiest of smiles. “I’m Agape. What’s your name?” the black haired girl sighted and pointed to the scar on her throat. The sutures were never removed and her skin had started to grow around it. Agape gasped “You are silenced… I’m so sorry”

Blake looked down at the floor, kneeled and wrote her name on the dirt.

“Blake?” Agape said. She nodded “I’d like to say it's nice to meet you, but I think we are in hell”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” the man with the whip yelled. Everyone flinched, waiting for the click. It didn’t appear but Blake could feel her body shaking.

Hell. That seemed pretty accurate.

----------

“WHAT?” Weiss exclaimed, unable to believe what she was hearing. Her father couldn’t have gotten this far… Or could he?

“That is what The Traders I captured said to me and what they told the military” Yang replied, sounding more stern that she originally intended.

“I don’t think this bastards have any reason to lie at this point” Qrow added. The rest of the group seemed to agree silently.

“I can’t believe this” the former heiress lowered her gaze. “I knew he was twisted but…”

“You need to go and talk to him. Tell him Ironwood is on his tracks, maybe we could get some information on where Blake is” Ruby proposed. Weiss trembled lightly at the idea of seeing her father again. “We’ll be there, of course” she added, placing a hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“I’d rather not go” Yang said, turning both her hands into fists. “I might not be able to control myself”

“It's absolutely comprehensible” Nora replied. “We’ll go and get all the info”

“Then we’ll send Ironwood and his guys in” Jaune added. Yang was glad she had her friend’s with her. It was already a week since Blake had gone missing. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. Too many things could happen in seven days. She tried to remain calm. Two hours later she was sitting on the couch looking out the window and waiting for the team to be back when she heard her uncle’s voice.

“Firecracker?” he said. Yang turned around to look at him. “How you holding up, kiddo?”

“I.. I just need to find her” she replied, trying her best not to sound broken.

“I get it”. Qrow sat next to her. “I know you and her… I mean… I know”

“I think everyone knew all along but us” she sighted.

“I know you are worried but we are going to find her” he placed a hand on her back affectionately.

“Even if we do... You didn’t see the place they had her in. It was… It was just filled with blood”. Once the tears appeared she just couldn’t control them. “What have they done to her? Is she even still… Is she...” she covered her face with both hands and cried. She cried the tears she couldn’t cry at The Trader’s hideout. The image of what was left of Blake’s clothes, broken and bloody, would not leave her mind.

Qrow wished he had something encouraging to say. He wanted to be the adult and tell her niece everything would be okay but he knew it would be a lie. He was scared, in the back of his mind, that they wouldn’t get to Blake in time, that maybe they were already too late. But he couldn’t say it. He didn’t even want to think about it. Not just for Blake, but also for Yang. He knew losing the faunus would absolutely destroy her. Qrow didn’t know how to help, he didn’t know how to comfort her. So he just stayed there, next to her, until her tears quieted down and she could breathe again.

Weiss and the others entered through the door. Yang looked at them with pleading eyes.

“We might know where she is” the former hairess said “And my dad is more than likely going to jail”.

----------

The work itself was not hard, at least not to Blake. It mostly consisted in breaking rocks with a pike, putting them on a wagon and pushing it outside. None of them were allowed to leave the mine. They had sensors, just like the ones on the room The Traders have kept her in, that would electrocute anyone that tried to escape. However, while she was trained for battle and could do the job, for several of the other enslaved faunus that wasn’t the case. Most of them fell from exhaustion before their first day was over.

The man with the whip, who Blake had learned was called Yudok, would grab anyone that could no longer work and throw them back into the cage after a beating. When the night came it was only Blake, Agape and two other faunus that were still standing. They send them back to the cage and Blake was thankful they weren’t whipped like the others. Her body was aching like it had never before. Her aura tried its best to heal her, but she was so weak and starved it could only cure scratches.

“So that’s how life is gonna be now” Agape said to her almost in a whisper. Blake nodded with her cat ears down. “Outside here, what did you do?”

Blake used the dirt in the floor to write “Huntress”.

“You are a huntress?” the bear faunus said, visibly surprised. “That’s so cool. I was just a schoolgirl. I wanted to study psychology somewhere outside Atlas but… I guess that won’t happen”

“It will” Blake wrote, making a promise in her mind to take Agape with her when she left.

“I hope so” the girl replied. “I just wonder if my family is still looking for me…” Agape was so young. Those fucking Traders had no limits. They had taken away her future. Blake was so mad but she didn’t want to show it. Maybe she could give Agape some hope.

“They are” the cat faunus wrote once more. The girl smiled weakly.

“I wonder how long will it take my boyfriend to start dating someone else” she snickered. “Do you have a boyfriend, Blake?”

The world stopped for a second. She clearly didn’t have a boyfriend. She had a Yang but… What was Yang to her? Blake thought of her face, her smell, her smiles. Yang was her sun. Yang was her sky. She was the reason Blake could keep going every day since she had been taken. She was her hope. She was her dream. Blake smiled, something she thought she might never be able to do again, and wrote in the dirt again.

“Girlfriend. Yang. Huntress”

“She’s a huntress too? That’s awesome… Maybe she’ll find you and get us out of here” Agape said, a fake smile on her lips. Blake touched the girl’s shoulder and nodded.

“She will” she mouthed “I know she will”.

[timeisacephalopod]

Ive seen endgame! Spoilers under the cut and I’m not tagging this as spoilers because I’m literally telling you now its spoilers.

1- what the fuck was the point of Tony’s kid? We had more than 10 years with this character, he doesn’t need a kid for emotional impact when he died and now I’m kind of pissed they threw this fucking random kid in there only to orphan the poor thing and make Pepper a single mother. What fucking bullshit. Never should have been a storyline.

2- Pepper in the suit yaaaaaas.

3- Wanda. Fucking loved her moments. And Thanos’ “I don’t even know who you are” was fucking iconic lmao. I mean her “you will” was okay but holy fucking damn that was the funniest shit from Thanos.

4- they killed viz permanently lmao yeah I didn’t give 2 tits and a snare drum about him anyway so I don’t care.

5- Steve. What the fucking fuck did they do to him? Don’t get me wrong, I like Peggy, and I liked him and Peggy in FA. They were cute. But it was a 4 month fling in the middle of of a war. Not that it can’t be important, but after 15+ years you are telling me a 4 month fling from Steve’s youth is more important to him than everything else? And what of Bucky? He leaves him to HYDRA and after all the shit he went through in WS and CW you’re seriously telling me he’d just LEAVE him there like that? I don’t mean to be a dick to Peggy because I do like her, but narratively speaking Bucky has always played more importance to her except when they want to make Steve feel nostalgic. I’m sorry, I’m fucking over that plot line.

More than that though she moved on in her show, she had a life after Steve and he went back and took that from her. And I don’t see why aside from no one let him grow as a character while also having him grow as a character. He went through a huge character shift in WS and then we saw nothing of it. Aside from his motivations in CW, which make sense given the context of WS however much I disagree, we see none of that development and I’m fucking tired of watching him lament over a relationship that lasted for a shorter time than a high school semester. To any normal person, and even to Steve given his non normal stance, he would have moved the fuck on. Also he made out with her niece that one time!! How is he living with this!

Also Sam says they never had a Captain America but Steve was still big when he danced with Peggy, which means he got the serum, which means he still can’t age right, which begs the question of how the tits long did he live? And again, what does this mean for everything else considering getting the serum implies he was, at some point, Cap even if he was never the Cap they knew. What the fuck! I’m actually the most mad about this because Steve, post WS, probably would have been one of my favorite characters given his extreme narrative shift and just how interesting that could have been if anyone ever fucking let him move on with his fucking self but no. Instead we end with him in the same spot he started in! I watched ten years of this shit for him to do NOTHING? All that development (that the narratives never really let him go through in totality because he narratively never shifted out of his War and Peggy Phase even while his character, on an individual level, moved out of that several times) and I watch him end in the same place he started?

Honestly I’m pretty pissed about that. Especially with all the did with Bucky. I seriously can’t believe Steve fucking left him there, ignored every piece of information he had, ruined Peggy’s original happy ending, and then didn’t even grow as a character. I like that he got a happy ending, I think he’s earned that, but I simply cannot believe a 4 month fucking fling meant so much he’d ignore his best friend, HYDRA, Peggy’s original marriage, the fact that he made out with her niece that one time, and everything else to end up exactly where he started. Which is why I don’t really care for him to begin with- because the narrative always leaves him right at the beginning and I don’t know how to invest in a character that grows but never grows. If he narratively was allowed to grow he would have been so. Much. Better. It is so fucking frustrating to me that he never moved the fuck on. You have no idea.

6- “I can do this all day” “Yeah I know”

7- “You look like melted ice cream”

8- Hated almost everything they did with Thor. Fat jokes? Yikes. Though I did love that ice cream line. Loved the bit with Frigga. And like. Thor being devastated and traumatized is ok. I think that’s realistic enough even if I wonder how someone that’s been alive for well over 1000 years doesn’t know how to handle himself with slightly more grace. I would have liked to see him crack differently.

9- Cap picking up Thor’s hammer and Thor being happy about it? 10 000 times better than the garbage Whedon wrote. Loved that.

10- Nebula. N E B U L A. NEEEEEBBBUUUUULLLLAAAA. Start to finish fucking loved her. She was amazing. 2 questions though- how did she not kill herself when she killed herself? Which in itself is a fucky question to ask. And also the second contention point I have with the movie beyond time travel bullshit is why NO ONE asked where she was post Nat (that in a minute). I know they were sad about Nat obviously but Rhodey is a full bird colonel, he keeps track of thousands of people for his job, plus all of his involvement in Tony’s antics, plus the Avengers and you’re telling me he didn’t notice her gone even with Nat? And Tony, you’re telling me he didn’t notice her gone? He was the one who bonded with her the most and he didn’t notice that he’s now technically lost two people he was close to? And Rocket? He didn’t notice? Are you fucking kidding me? I thought that was bullshit.

Even if, by chance, Rhodey somehow didn’t notice his partner in crime was missing (”I wasn't always like this” “Neither was I”- new BroTP yo!) when I think his military experience alone would have made him the second most likely to notice after Rocket (because he knows her the best) then Rocket should have. And if for some reason Rocket didn’t notice despite her being all that’s left of his found family, making him extra invested in her whereabouts, over Nat, whom I think he’d care about but not like Nebula, then Tony, who spent all that time with her in space, would have noticed.

Fucking someone would have noticed her gone. And the whole second half relies on no one noticing this moment and I call absolute bullshit on that. Someone. Would. Have. Noticed. Rhodey if for no other reason than experience of keeping track of people in war zones, Rocket if for no other reason than her being his last remaining connection to his family, and Tony if for no other reason than Nebula being a large part of the reason he’s alive. I was completely thrown from the story here. I simply can’t see how they could over look that even considering Natasha.

11- Natasha. Are you fucking kidding me? You killed her over Clint? I fucking hate MCU Clint. He’s boring, he’s nothing like the comics, he’s a fucking prick, and I don’t give a fuck about his family or anything to do with him. I liked him best when he was going to kill himself for Natasha. That is the only moment, as Marie Kondo would say, sparked joy for me. Otherwise throw the whole thing out. Fucking Natasha over Clint. Fuck you. That was an insult to the viewers. I don’t give a fuck about Clint, I don’t give a fuck about his kids aside from thinking they didn’t deserve the snap, and I don’t give a fuck about his story.

My mom said he was a plain Timbit (donut hole for the US readers) in a donut world and I honestly think that’s insulting to the plain Timbit, which is something we give to dogs as treats in Canada. Clint isn’t even a dog treat to me and they killed Black Widow over him. Fucking pissed.

12- “That suit does nothing for your ass” “No one was asking you to look, Tony!” “That’s America’s ass!” .... “That is America’s ass”

13- I actually really liked what they did with Bruce. I was excited to see all the benefits of the Hulk and Banner in one! That was pretty cool!

14- Strange’s reappearance was pretty badass. And Wong! I was excited to see him there! Was a bit surprised by Tilda Swinton’s appearance but okay. I didn’t hate it. Loved when she punched Bruce out of the Hulk lmfao that was so funny. I do like that she apparently does that to everyone lmao. I should write a fic where she punches Wong’s soul out of his body when the meet just because I think it’d be funny. And I’d love to see more Wong.

15- Steve vs Steve was really cool, I liked that. And fucking Hail HYDRA holy fucking shit I almost lost my ass. Couldn’t fucking believe he said that (and knowing that he just leaves that all for Peggy, his 4 month fling? Find this wildly out of character for him). Then he fucks right off with the tesseract omg.

16- Scott had some iconic one-liners. “That’s America’s ass!” “Okay I'm going to go inside you” omg. Ant Man was a joy to watch in this. I find Endgame used his character right.

17- I know I said it but Pepper Potts in the fucking suit y’all! I don’t know who was watching Morgan but also Pepper Potts in the fucking suit!!

18- That time travel shit made things entirely way too fucky. I knew that’s what they were going to do because that’s all that made sense, but I thought it was fucking stupid. And can Thanos even snap the stones out of existence? Because Tilda Swinton’s speech implied if he did something like that timelines would essentially do the funky chicken and die. She removed the time stone and shit was supposed to get weird, remove all 5 and what happens? Wtf? He fucking hid those stones. Did like Thor’s bit there though, killing Thanos. I think Nebula earned it more than him but I also think it was a good moment for Thor before his character became a fucking joke. 

19- narratively I understand why they started with Clint’s family dusting but I don’t give a fuck about Clint or his dusted family. I would have preferred watching a civilian lose his shit.

20- Steve you need therapy, stop leading therapy sessions. Especially when your advice is ‘move on’ and you literally go fucking nowhere in your life even after you went all over hell’s creations. Get this man a proper therapist he needs like 15!

21- lmfao Russos talking about gay representation and it was a guy talking about a date. I shit you the fuck not that was it. Gay. It was barely even there. Only straight men would ever assume that could possibly count as representation holy fuck. Like thanks for the blink you miss it shout out I guess. You remembered gays exist, wow!

22- Strange’s one finger thing, I liked that a lot actually. I think it functioned both as a great call to action and a nice reference to Stephen’s power.

23- Quick question, why was Tilda Swinton in New York? Because they went back too far for Strange- at first I when they mentioned 3 stones in NY I was like wait, when’s Strange’s story supposed to happen? After WS right? He can’t be in NY with the stone? But then Tilda showed up and I was like... why isn’t she in Nepal at the teaching sanctum? Because apparently the NY one isn’t a teaching sanctum and as far as I knew she was training Mordo and Wong there at this time so wtf? And it can’t be explained with ‘she knew she needed to be there’ because she punched Bruce out of hulk and he had to grovel to her to get the fucking thing from her and only managed because she knew Stephen gave up the stone willingly and would never do so without good reason because he’s the best fo the best. So like. Why was she there aside from plot convenience? That was a little too easy. Frankly, the whole plot was a touch too easy but still.

24- tired of aliens we’re supposed to relate to looking like humans but in pink while aliens we’re supposed to dislike are animalistic and non human looking. That’s a garbage trope.

25- The black woman in the elevator who made Tony and Steve is 100% Fury’s mother no one can convince me otherwise. I think the timeline matches up but I don’t care if it doesn’t she’s his mom now. He gets it all from his mama.

Bonus: stop trying to make Howard happen, Marvel, its not going to. I fucking hated that scene with Tony and Howard. What kind of bullshit abuse apology was that? Howard then, sure, he didn’t suck quite yet and seems to be aware of his own shortcomings. Howard in the future? Sorry, irredeemable crap. Narratively interesting irredeemable crap but irredeemable nonetheless. Tony panicking and saying his last name was Potts was great though lol. I’ll take it as evidence he took Pepper’s last name when they got married.

Bonus Bonus: I cried when Sam held the shield. I’ve been gunning for Sam to take over as Cap since we met him and everyone told me it’d be Bucky. I argued that we’ve already seen the story of a super soldier as Cap, it would be more interesting to watch Sam as a relatively normal guy take over as Cap. And I like Bucky traumatized and Winter Solider-y. I think he’s more interesting that way. Seriously though, Sam as Cap will be amazing and I didn’t expect to cry at that of all things but I did. I’m so excited to see him in that role!

Bonus Bonus Bonus for any sorry fucking soul who’s made it this far in I think I might update the Tony, T’Challa, and Their Gaggle of Children verse to include Morgan (but older) finding Tony only she’s his actual assed kid and no one believes it even though they have a striking resemblance. Which annoys them both because he got the media to buy all his other fake kids with easy to track down parents but not his actual kid. Ending with Nebula showing up and him claiming she’s his kid and everyone buying it.

[breakingarrows]

Tony Stark The Center of the Universe

Watching Jack Saint’s video, Spider-Man Far From Home Is Kind of Messed Up, got me thinking about the same sort of things I pondered in my review of the film on Letterboxd, namely the worshipping of Tony Stark by both the film franchise and the audience themselves. Not to discredit Robert Downey Jr., he’s quite charming, but boy is that character not deserving of the worship he gets. Stark bookends, for now, the film franchise, with even a Spider-Man film being very focused on Stark.

Having Peter’s arc in the film being that he needs to stop running from assuming Stark’s role in the larger world is antithetical to what I want out of a Spider-Man story. This isn’t even taking into account that he is a 16 year old, and is definitely not at all able to become the lethal world policeman Stark was. Peter even argues against it, but the film discredits that by having the climax comes after Peter utilizes Stark’s tech to build himself a new suit and finally take back the glasses, a stand in for Tony’s role. They can’t have him kill the bad guy, as Tony does, since that’d be a terrible look for any high schooler hero. In this film it is explained that Stark created and maintained a space station housing hundreds of flying killer drones for deployment anywhere (as well as having access to everyone’s personal accounts/phone data/etc), something which is never interrogated by the film or its characters. It's just accepted that, yeah, Stark built autonomous weapons and left it in the hands of a 16 year old. Cool.

Stark’s entire foundation as a hero is built around the contradiction that he didn’t want to make weapons anymore and instead would become one himself, justified because he is the only one capable of using it to sort out the bad guys from the good. Funny coincidence, this is the same kind of ideology the US has about its own imperialism abroad. This first film is hoo-rah, pro-American propaganda only reinforced by the second film where Tony relents and allows his best bud Rhodey (re-cast because Terrence Howard was too expensive and presumably easily replaced with another black man) to take his prototype suit for use by the USofA so long as Rhodey is the one piloting it, because he’s a “good guy.” A recurring theme in this franchise is all about power in the hands of “good guys” being okay and having to revert power back to “good guys” when it ends up in the hands of “bad guys.” A theme repeated strongest in the instances of Black Panther and Far From Home.

Black Panther centers on T'Challa, king of Wakanda, being overthrown (through a legitimate process within Wakanda) by Killmonger who uses that power to propose invading and killing foreign countries. T'Challa stops him, reclaims the throne, and all is right, except… the process by which this disaster nearly occurred is never questioned. Wakanda is ruled by a monarchy, a highly fraught form of government, and the film literally lays out the ways that could fuck over millions of people. Only this is brushed aside as T'Challa ended up on the throne afterwards, its okay! Years later, Far From Home comes around and Peter is given a database of privacy violations galore and drone strike capabilities and its all fine until he makes the mistake of passing it off to Beck who nearly uses it to kill his friends. Peter gets the glasses back and all is right in the world, never mind the process by which this situation originated and the continued existence of the drones.

Circling back to the chronological progress of Stark, Iron Man 3 rolls around and continues the thread of weapons-but-not-weapons. You see, Stark doesn’t make weapons but he does make autonomous suits that also act as remote controlled drones. A major gag in one scene being that Tony was remotely controlling a suit during the entire time you thought he was inside. Now he doesn't even have to put himself in danger, he is even farther removed from reality than he already was in the suit with its reliance on digital displays. Now it's just like the disconnect of soldiers blowing up civi- I mean Taliban fighters on the other side of the world. At the very least, Iron Man 3 ends at the only redeemable place Stark’s arc can end: he destroys every weapon created, the Iron Man suits included. Then Age of Ultron shits on this film’s arc about as much as Infinity War does on Ragnarok.

Stark doesn’t make weapons but he does once again have autonomous drones working crowd control and creates an AI that ends up wanting to, and nearly succeeding to, destroy the world. That is all forgiven and Civil War comes and brings up the lesser endpoint of Stark’s arc: that there does, in fact, need to be some form of oversight after Scarlet Witch kills twenty-six people. Whether this oversight is in the form of US imperialism (which it is) doesn’t matter. This ends in a “Whoops! My bad” house arrest for Scarlet and… that’s about it. Captain America says: while yeah, killing civilians was unfortunate, the Avengers shouldn’t have any higher authority because it would hamper their effectiveness (and he’s probably still mulling over SHIELD being Hydra). In the end, the film agrees with him on the basis that no consequences reach anyone, as Cap busts his war crime buddies out of jail, Stark puts Ross, the higher authority, on hold, and that line of thinking is never addressed again (a recurring theme throughout this franchise).

Spider-Man: Homecoming has a gag where Peter’s suit, courtesy of Stark, has a kill switch, which is one of those goofs that tells you a lot when you think about it. Now, Far From Home comes around and Stark doesn't build weapons except for what I mentioned earlier: his space-deployment platform of drones he left in the hands of a teen. These drones also happen to have AR tech he stole from an employee, mockingly renamed, and then fired because, as this movie shows, the dude was crazy! We can’t have Beck give a “man of the people” speech and actually be sympathetic, that would point the finger at Tony! Our man! Our Messiah! Our lynchpin! So instead we have him threaten to kill his coworkers in the next scene and mumble about killing kids later on during the climax. Nothing to see here folks, just another cartoon villain sacrificed at the altar of Stark. This is something Killmonger can empathize with, having received the same sort of treatment.

These movies are a vacuum. The big finale, Infinity War, sympathizes with Thanos and his genocide, and somehow even more reprehensible, his abuse towards his daughter. Endgame doesn’t even bother to engage with rejecting his belief at all, instead it just is the heroes unable to cope with losing and trying to just reverse what happened. Scarcity of resources and overpopulation are capitalist myths that Thanos, and the films, portrayed as truth. Whales return to swim in the Hudson River, so maybe things aren’t all bad. Nevermind that the dude had the ability to shape reality and didn’t have the imagination to whip up more resources.

Not that any of this should be surprising. Iron Man bookends the franchise and Iron Man remains the sort of ideological standard for the franchise. With Far From Home that doesn’t appear to be changing so much as the accepted Gospel future heroes need to adhere to.

Long live Stark.

[healer-blissey]

since the remaster theory was basically debunked, here’s some things from the original that should be changed if one ever comes out:

all characters introduced post-madarame should have their social links reworked. every single one of them. makoto and haru’s especially bc makoto’s sl doesn’t even revolve around her growing as a person. that whole ‘im not just gonna do what adults tell me to do’ shit is complete bs bc she still does Just That. haru’s confidant is all over the place and weirdly rushed and flip-flops between ‘you should trust people!!’ and ‘not everyone is trustworthy.’

take out all older woman/mc romances. it’s gross, weird, and completely destroys the characterization of everyone involved, especially ohya and kawakami, who are shown to be good people despite being pedos if you take the romantic route somehow 🙃

take out the homophobic caricatures of gay men in shinjuku. its not funny and this game came out 2017 for fucks sake

similarly, give us a gay and female option. women like to play videogames, shockingly enough, and gay people. Exist.

a p4 situation should’ve been what happened for valentines day if you cheated on your gfs so it drives home the point that cheating is wrong and hurts people, despite what others may think

ryuji in terms of him outside his confidant needs to be completely reworked. his characterization during and post-kamoshida are two drastically different people. he went from someone who didn’t give a shit abt other’s appearances and genuinely being a good person to a superficial perv jackass

in general the plot needs a shit ton of refinement:

the nude modelling sub-plot and yusuke’s creepy behavior needs to be completely removed to avoid him coming off as a piece of shit right out of the gate.

makoto’s entire character needs to be reworked or replaced with hifumi bc a school president who doesn’t change at all with the exception of telling kobayakawa to fuck off (and ONLY him, bc after he dies she goes back to being straight-laced and a COP) is not a rebel. she’s what a failed naoto looks like

haru needs more characterization aside from sweet girl. we need to see more of her vicious and cruel side, which has been hinted at, but never fully explored. could be seen in relation to akechi killing her father, which for whatever reason is pushed aside to redeem him despite him not deserving it in the slightest

akechi should not have been redeemed. Full stop. he caused irreversible mental shutdowns, killed wakaba and okumura, and ruined the lives of both futaba and ohya, giving the latter life-long mental issues. i don’t give a shit if he had an absent father, it doesn’t excuse the fact that he willingly went over to shido’s side without any prompting. he was not manipulated or threatened, he even states himself his reason for hating him is that he was an absentee father. this honestly makes his actions worse in hindsight, bc he did this all for the purpose of getting back at him in such a miniscule and utterly insignificant way without giving a shit abt the people he destroyed in the process. akechi did not deserve redemption in any form, and was not a tragic villain - just a stupid one

the conflict between morgana and ryuji is also completely ridiculous, bc morgana is the aggressor for more than half of the situations presented, and ryuji only suddenly becomes a dick for the sake of this conflict despite only responding to morgana’s below-the-belt jabs in the past prior. not to mention his main reason for getting upset is because ryuji compliments futaba for her superior navigation skills...... which is true, bc futaba persona is a fucking navigator. morgana is meant to be a fighter and only took up a navi role bc no one else could, why the hell would he be better than futaba. honestly morgana was such an unlikeable character, i was actually glad he “died” near the end. says a lot abt the writing of the game if i end up hating a cat :/

Btw shido is also a terrible villain bc of how they shoehorned a puppetmaster trope into his character despite not really needing one. he didn’t need to have a connection to madarame or kaneshiro, everything else was good enough. he’s just so underwhelming as a villain :/

give lasting consequences to the characters? P4 and p3 did this way better, with all character deaths (sans morooka) having lasting effects on the characters and even serving as their primary motivations for some, and in p3’s case answering the primary question posed throughout the game (what is the meaning of death?) with the protagonist’s death, as he found the answer and found meaning in his fleeting life through death. when p5 ends, nothing really changes with the status quo, it’s all wordy bullshit that’s never shown to the viewers and only stated through observations by other characters. not a good thing for such an environmentally driven game

there needs to be more team interactions in non-serious settings. just let them be kids, please. not just for me, but bc we don’t really get to see them acting as a family, their strong bond is something that feels out-of-place and unnatural. this is especially true for haru, bc we are introduced to the interesting concept or her not trusting the pthieves at first. have her watch from the sidelines before eventually deciding that they’re good or whatever and formally become a pt in a cool way. Not just ‘now that morgana likes you i like you :)’

for the love of god, don’t romance-code the strength confidant. i shouldn’t need to explain this

also some more bits that are less pressing and more me just nitpicking:

haru’s voice. her japanese va sounds nothing like her english one, and you would be forgiven for thinking she’s 12 with that voice. an entire layer of her character is removed with her cutesy uwu voice bc her regal appearance and demeanor was meant to contrast her vicious attitude and fighting style. get smoked kid also needs to have a va change - kid sounds like he’s a 65 yr-old granny

morgana does not make a good magician, bc all he ever guides us with is in the tutorial, then he becomes the ‘idk what tf is going on either lmao’ guy. yosuke’s role as a guide in p4 was through emotional means, and serving as the connection between city and country life to the protagonist. he is literally your partner. junpei is your guide to living life to the fullest without being tied down to your past - something vital in such a depressing game like p3, with characters whose pasts define their presents with a very much No Fun Allowed attitude.

the fortune confidant being a fortune teller is just... lazy :/ really?

that’s p much it but there’s a lot more to improve that i just didnt mention bc. This post is long enough already :|

[themyskira]

Wonder Woman #50 postmortem: “You know how strident Wonder Woman fans can be”

I want to cap off my readthrough of this unmitigated shitshow with a look at a recent interview James Robinson did with Newsarama, reflecting back on his twenty-issue Wonder Woman run.

I’m doing this for two reasons: One, because having read the full run and formed my own impressions (and, dare I say, some rather strident opinions), I genuinely do think it can be interesting to see what the writer has to say about it, what they were trying to achieve with it and, looking back, how they feel about the run.

And two, because having read what Robinson has to say, HOOBOY, I HAVE A FEW THOUGHTS OF MY OWN.

Newsarama: James, the one through-line of your entire run is Wonder Woman's twin brother, Jason. I know he was the motivation for you working on this book. Did you know the whole story before you started? Or did this story evolve as you wrote it?

James Robinson: I knew to a degree. As you said, I was specifically asked to pay off the gigantic plot point that Geoff Johns had left at the end of "Darkseid War." So it was always part of my plan.

Are. You. FUCKING. KIDDING ME.

The entire premise of this run. The wholesale derailment of Wondy’s Rebirth story. The rampant shredding of her newly-established Rebirth backstory. Sidelining Diana for the better part of a year in favour of a repulsive twin brother and some shit with Darkseid.

ALL OF THAT.

Served no wider purpose.

Was not intended to build towards some Rebirth metaplot or contribute to an overarching Justice League story.

Was mandated, in fact, for no other reason than that Geoff motherfucking Johns wanted to TIE UP A DANGLING PLOT THREAD FROM TWO-YEAR-OLD CROSSOVER.

He goes on.

Originally, I was going to be on it for a shorter period of time. I had originally planned to be on it for about eight issues, I think. And then when I was getting the twice-monthly book in on time (which is tough; they really beat you up), they asked me to stay on.

There are better, more eloquent arguments against the fortnightly publishing schedule — which is incredibly punishing for creators and prioritises quantity ahead of quality — but none, perhaps, are more simple or succinct than James Robinson got to write twenty issues of Wonder Woman because he got his scripts in on time.

And that gave me more time to develop Jason and play with him more.

I was careful to make sure it wasn't only about Jason, however. I was already getting crap from social media about how this is Wonder Woman's book and she should be the center of attention at all time. You know how strident Wonder Woman fans can be.

Well, that’s an interesting and thoroughly disingenuous interpretation of the critique.

The criticism was not that Wondy must be “the centre of attention at all times”, and therefore Robinson was wrong to spend any time developing any character other than her.

It was that Robinson turned Diana into such a passive, reactive — and, frankly, incompetent — character that she became barely necessary to the story at all. You could remove her from most of the issues in the Darkseid arc without affecting the progression of the plot at all, because she never does anything.

Yes, I got irate when Diana would routinely show up in six or seven pages of an issue, if she appeared at all. Funny thing, when I pick up a book titled Wonder Woman, I expect to occasionally see some actual WONDER WOMAN.

But that was the symptom rather than the problem. Because even when Diana was on the page, she was absent from the story.

And part of this is also about the characters Robinson chose to focus on instead of Wondy: Jason, Grail and Darkseid. Three characters that a lot of fans weren’t interested in, didn’t like and frankly resented having shoehorned into Wondy’s story. True, Robinson may have been asked to include them in the story, but it was his choice to prioritise them over Diana, and it was his writing that shaped Jason into such an odious character (something he confirms in the interview: Johns came up with the idea, he says, but “Most of who the character is now is stuff that I've actually come up with.”)

Put it this way: I didn’t see anybody complaining in December 2016 when Greg Rucka devoted an entire issue to Barbara Minerva’s backstory, did you?

But oh, I’m sorry, was that too strident for you?

Nrama: During your run, you tied into several events that were going on elsewhere in the DC Universe. Even this current story arc ties into Dark Nights: Metal and involves the Justice League. Was that a goal, to make Jason part of the greater DCU?

Robinson: Yes. I always do that stuff, though. I always try to tie into bigger stories. Whether it was my stuff at DC or what I did at Marvel, like Fantastic Four and Invaders and what-not, I always enjoy that about comic book universes. I like when writers try to embrace the whole place.

Here’s the thing about this.

I like the sandbox nature of a shared universe. I’m not a fan of event tie-ins, which have a tendency to derail the stories of individual books in order to aggressively market some company-wide crossover that I couldn’t care less about, but I like that there’s this whole wider world of heroes and villains and settings and mythologies that writers can draw on and play with. And you can tell some really cool stories out of the collision of those different mythologies and characters — think Phil Jimenez’s ‘Gods of Gotham’, for instance, where the Wonderfam and the Batfam are forced to team up when some of Batman’s most powerful rogues are possessed by Ares’ children.

That’s not the way Robinson loops the wider DCU into his stories, or at least it wasn’t in Wonder Woman.

Robinson goes for insider references, often obscure ones, of the sort that will only make sense to people who’ve been reading the same comics as him over the past three decades.

In WW #33, he introduced and then immediately killed off a rebooted version of the Atomic Knights in a four-page sequence that added nothing to the plot.

In WW #42, he featured a flashback to Jason fighting the Deep Six, a group of Jack Kirby villains. Ostensibly this is framed as a set-up by Grail to orchestrate her first meeting with Jason, but Robinson milks it to crack jokes about Kirby’s 1970s dialogue — and if you’re not familiar with the characters (as I wasn’t), their inclusion makes little sense.

In the same issue, Robinson also works in the Wild Huntsman… apparently for no other reason than to amuse himself… and again, if you don’t know who he is, you’ll have no idea why Grail is trying so hard to kill him or why you should care.

And then there’s the Metal tie-in.

Like I said, I don’t like event tie-ins, but it is possible to make them work. G. Willow Wilson’s Ms Marvel has been looped into a number of crossover events over the course of its life, and while I’d prefer that clusterfucks like Civil War II stayed the hell away from Kamala and her pals, Wilson has done an effective job of using these events as a springboard for some really interesting personal conflicts and character work. There’s no extra required reading for these stories; she gives you everything you need to know, so those who aren’t following the event aren’t at a disadvantage.

Robinson gives you nothing.

This is how he links the Dark Gods’ story into Metal:

Diana [narration]: Could I really have summoned this? When we wielded the Tenth Metal against Barbatos, it had the ability to wish thoughts into reality.* Ed. note: * See Dark Nights: Metal #6! — Chris

And a couple of pages later —

Karnell [narration]: ...our beautiful world — which you regard as the ‘Dark Multiverse’ — we see as a paradise… where we were more than even gods to our worshippers… we were everything!

I didn’t read Metal and I’m not planning to. That’s not a value judgement, it’s just not something that sparks my interest.

But it means I don’t know who the bloody hell Barbatos is, and I’ve never heard of the Tenth Metal. I don’t know what the Dark Multiverse is, or how it works, or how it differs from the regular multiverse. When Robinson says Diana made an inadvertent wish while she was wielding this Tenth Metal, I don’t know if he’s picking up on a story point in Metal that I need to read up on.

So right off the bat, Robinson has alienated anybody who isn’t familiar with the event comic he’s drawing from.

And what infuriates me is that at the same time as he was doing all this, Robinson was getting muddled by Wonder Woman’s continuity, conflating superseded New 52 canon with (contradictory) Rebirth canon, inadvertently retconning things and failing even to keep his own narrative consistent. I’d argue he needed to spend less time making references to other comics and more time making sure he understood the one he was writing.

Robinson: [...] what I've always loved about Wonder Woman is her strength. Even when she was in that phase in the white costume, where she didn't have her powers, she had great strength.

Oh, you mean this era?

The era where Diana lost not only her powers, but all of her training and skills? Where she became a weepy, insecure romantic heroine, reliant on men to guide and save her from her own inexperience and her uncontrollable female emotionality? The era where she was constantly crying over her latest rugged love interests? That awesome era?

(Also misogynistic, racist and homophobic as fuuuuuck, but that’s another discussion.)

One of the reasons that era ended was because Gloria Steinham [sic] said, "Hey, she's Wonder Woman! She's a superhero and you've taken away her powers!"

But I actually thought her lacking powers was like saying, I don't need them to be a strong woman. And I think that was almost a more powerful message. I was surprised Ms. Steinem didn't get that, to be quite honest with you.

This is a characterisation of Steinem’s role in that period of Wondy’s history that I’ve seen before (always from men in the comics field), and it’s never sit well with me. It carries an unpleasant shade of gatekeeping.

The implication is that Steinem’s feelings about Wonder Woman (a character had loved since childhood) were less valid or even flat-out incorrect because she hadn’t read the right comics, that she was an ignorant outsider who ruined a good thing by coming in with a political agenda and trying to make Wonder Woman about feminism, that she didn’t have a right to complain about the comic because she wasn’t a ‘real’ fan.

And what Robinson doesn’t mention, as critics of Steinem and Ms. Magazine’s lobbying for a return to the classic Wondy rarely do, is that this campaign was set against a backdrop of unimpressive sales numbers and a struggle over the new direction that eventually gave rise to an ambitious and quite likely divisive ‘women’s lib’ arc written by African-American sci-fi writer Samuel R. Delany, which was intended to culminate in Diana triumphing over a group of male thugs attempting to shut down an abortion clinic run by women surgeons.

I have no doubt that Steinem played an important role in the way events panned out, but I’m also not surprised the ‘women’s lib’ arc never made it past its first issue.

(It was a truly dreadful first issue, btw, though the whole story behind it and what Delany was trying to do with it is fascinating.)

But that didn’t stop DC from kicking off Wondy’s superpowered return with the murder of a composite character representing Steinem and female DC editor Dorothy Woolfolk (whose name had previously been floated as editor for the book).

Then as now, Steinem got blamed by the gatekeepers for daring to interfere with Wonder Woman.

Nrama: Do you think Jason picked up some of her strength over the course of his story arc during your run?

Robinson: I think so, at least at the beginning as he was starting to develop. Now, technically, I suppose he's more powerful than her in that he has the power of their father Zeus and the power of storms and air control and things like that.

I like the fact that when he's given this armor, he realizes that his sister should have gotten it.

And he knows that the powers he has do not make him the better hero.

He knows his sister is the better hero.

So by the end of it, he just wants to be worthy of her, which I think was a nice character arc for him.

I can see how Robinson tried to achieve this character arc, but I wouldn’t call it anything close to a success.

Jason started as a deeply, deeply unlikeable character. He’s deeply selfish and emotionally immature. He doesn’t think about the consequences of his actions, mostly because he’s only ever concerned about how things affect him. When he learns about the mother he never met, when his adoptive father vanishes, every time Hercules leaves on one of his journeys, as he follows his twin sister’s heroics through the media — his thoughts are never about them and what they’re doing, or how they’re feeling, or if they’re okay. It’s always about how they’ve failed him, wronged him, abandoned him.

When we first meet him, he is helping goddamn Darkseid to systematically murder his own siblings. And it’s not because he’s being mind-controlled, or elaborately manipulated into believing that Darkseid is the good guy. It’s because he hates the guts out of Diana, the sister he’s never met, because he believes he’s entitled to the life that she has, and he wants to kill her for it.

If you want to get your readers past all that, you need one hell of a redemptive arc, and that’s one thing Jason never gets.

Because what happens next, after Jason gets an attack of conscience and switches sides, is that he freeloads off Diana, trashes her house, guilt trips her when she tries to set boundaries, and then when, heroism and glory don’t immediately come easily to him, runs away from home in the middle of the night.

The next time we see him is when he returns with the armour and a personality change. He’s still inexperienced, brash, impulsive and annoying, but that’s more or less the extent of it — he’s no longer the thoroughly objectionable character we saw in his first seven issues, and there’s no real explanation for the change.

Really, the vast majority of Jason’s character development takes place in the space between his disappearing at the end of WW #40 and reappearing at the end of WW #41.

Nrama: Wonder Woman #50 definitely feels like it's an ending to your time on Jason's character, and even his time in the book.

Robinson: It definitely has an element of finality to it, but Jason can be there for other writers, or indeed me, if I ever got to write him again.

Excuse me? If you ever got to what now?

Nrama: Is that a hint?

Robinson: I do enjoy writing him. I have this vague fantasy of one day doing a story and calling the comic Jason's Quest, which is an old DC title.

But no one's asked me so far and probably won't. So it's just something in my mind right now.

please, dear god in heaven, please let it stay there.

[gardnerkathryn1993]

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[flame-cat]

ender eye au- script for a thing

IDK this was part of my own au originally but i thought itd be fun to smush it in with @samijen‘s au, so here’s a scene i may or may not actually decide to use for something

Enter MICHAEL. He walks through the forest in evening, wary, hood up. He searches with a purpose. He knows RYAN has a hideaway here- he helped him build it not long ago. “For storage,” he had said. Obviously it had been a ruse. RYAN had been getting more reclusive recently. Now MICHAEL intends to find out why… and to bring him home.

He spots it. His gait doesn’t change, and he walks with a purposeful- but careful- stride to an unassuming shack made of oak and dark wood with no windows and a single door. He tries the door confidently, but finding it locked, doesn’t even blink before busting it open with a few hard rams with his shoulder. He figured RYAN might want his privacy.

Too bad.

The room MICHAEL enters is too dark to see any details. He shuffles in his pockets a bit before procuring a torch. As he illuminates the room, we see it in a panning shot, starting from the left. The left wall has an empty double chest, opened and askew. The floor is bare save a few of what look to be bits of fabric, stained in something black. From there, the center of the room is occupied by a chair and a table. The chair is overturned and one of the legs has been broken off, while the table is only slightly askew. Farther on the right wall we see a small vanity and mirror, which is smashed to uselessness and covered in the strange black substance. The vanity also contains a candle, which MICHAEL lights. From his new vantage point, MICHAEL can now see a huddled figure under the table. He cautiously approaches it before tentatively calling;

MICHAEL: … Ryan…?

Still shrouded in shadow, the figure tenses, then makes its way out from the table. It stands, and in the light of the torch, we see it is indeed RYAN. His black sweater is discarded, revealing a slightly torn and incredibly disheveled undershirt. It is sure to have been white, but is stained in the same black substance. His sleeves are torn, and in turn so are his arms, stained with blood along with the black something. His hair is pell-mell and ratty, also stained with blood and black liquid, perhaps from RYAN running his hands through it, as they are in a similar condition. His face is gaunt and exhausted, his eyes shadowed and bagged with lack of sleep. He does not hunch, however, and his face appears calm and pleasantly surprised. He idly wipes his hands on his already-stained kilt and smiles pleasantly. His right eye glows purple.

RYAN: Oh, Michael. I didn’t expect you. Sorry about the mess.

As he says this, he moves over to the chest, side-stepping the broken chair, and straightens out and closes it.

RYAN: I, ah, sorta let myself go. I hope you don’t mind.

MICHAEL: What the everliving *fuck*?

We see MICHAEL now, who removes his hood to reveal his incredulous expression.

RYAN: What?

MICHAEL: Ryan, you fucking took off without telling anyone what was going on! We’ve been worried sick! I figured you might be here, and I guess I was right, but what the hell have you even been *doing* here?

RYAN: Yeah. That whole thing. Sorry about that. You’ll understand I had to leave in a hurry. There were some things I had to take care of alone. But I’m pretty much good now, so don’t worry about it.

RYAN, still appearing mostly unperturbed, walks to the table and straightens it before glancing at the chair, mildly concerned.

RYAN: Not sure what I’m going to do about that chair, though. I’ll have to fix it at some point.

MICHAEL: Wh- what? WHAT? Ryan, do you HEAR yourself? What even- why were you under the table? What happened to the mirror? And what’s all this- *he picks up a piece of fabric, now recognizable as part of the old sweater* this black stuff?

RYAN: Oh, yeah, I sorta had some experiments and it… got a little messy. *he takes the fabric before opening the chest again and calmly tossing it inside*

MICHAEL: Woah, woah, woah. Experiments? Do those have anything to do with why you look like you’ve been mauled by a hoard of spiders? Good God, have you even slept? Or eaten? Or- ANYTHING?

RYAN: I… don’t… see why that’s really important.

MICHAEL looks a bit horrified before dragging his hand down his face and beginning to pace.

MICHAEL: Oh my God. I know you haven’t been taking care of yourself since you got your fucking eye shot out, but this is ridiculous. I’m never letting you out of my sight again.

RYAN: Oh, that might be a problem.

MICHAEL, having completely turned his back at this point, pauses and looks at RYAN again.

MICHAEL: Huh?

RYAN: See, I’ve sorta… decided to… well, I’m not going back.

RYAN continues to putter about and pick up the mess while MICHAEL gawks at him.

MICHAEL: Hang on, what? ‘Scuse me? One more time? Run that by me just ONCE more? ‘Cause from what I just heard you have utterly and completely lost whatever shit you had left and thrown it in a fucking furnace at the bottom of a dark ravine of crazy.

RYAN: Hm. Yeah, I probably have gone crazy. *he smirks to himself before shrugging* Maybe just a little bit mad, even.

MICHAEL: Is THAT what this is about?? The whole “Mad King Ryan” thing? Because if it is, this has gone WAY too far.

RYAN finally faces MICHAEL head on and looks a little serious.

RYAN: No, Michael. This isn’t about anything other than me coming to the understanding that I’m… well, I’m better off alone, frankly. I can actually THINK without being interrupted all the time. Not to mention I don’t have to hide anything from you guys.

MICHAEL: Like WHAT? Edgar? That was fucking hilarious! Creepy, but still funny!

RYAN suddenly loses his cool and is right in MICHAEL’s face, eye a-glow.

RYAN: FORGET EDGAR FOR A FUCKING SECOND MICHAEL! *he backs off, apparently regaining his composure and leaving MICHAEL shaken* I’m doing real things here. Important things. More important than you, or any of the others. And if you can’t understand that, then I have nothing to say to you.

MICHAEL, speaking like he thinks RYAN is utterly and completely insane and dangerous: Listen, Rye, I know you might be stressed out-

RYAN holds up his hand wordlessly, no longer facing MICHAEL, as an indication for him to be silent. Flabbergasted, MICHAEL obeys.

RYAN: Come on, Michael. *he holds his hands behind his back* You’ve got to understand wanting to be alone, right? You were alone for a long, long time. You know the freedom that brings, right? Not being tied to other people? You have to understand that better than anyone, Mogar.

MICHAEL: I mean… yeah, but, that was years ago now. It was lonely, and scary, and I like my life better now. I’m not “Mogar” anymore, I’m just Michael.

RYAN: But that’s not entirely true, is it?

MICHAEL: What are you… getting at?

RYAN: Mogar is still part of you. You’re still, deep down, an angry monster of a human, raised by animals. He sees how you still rip at your food with your hands sometimes, how you forget that humans do things like cook their meat and sleep in beds.

MICHAEL: That doesn’t- wait, what-?

RYAN: You’re not everything you pretend to be. No one is. They’re all just pretending. To be civilized, to be better than the monsters under the bed. But you’re all just monsters in the end. All I’m doing is helping you realize.

MICHAEL suddenly backs away, having had RYAN advancing on him through his tirade as he grows more and more serious. MICHAEL’s expression turns hard and he brandishes his torch like a weapon.

MICHAEL: Who the fuck are you?

RYAN: I’m still Ryan. But I’m BETTER than him. I’m better than he ever could hope to be. I’m better than any of you could hope to be, DREAM of being. I-

As his voice grows in volume, RYAN suddenly cuts off with a jolt that sends him to his knees. MICHAEL jumps but does not move otherwise. RYAN shakes lightly, darting his head from side to side, then looks up at MICHAEL like he’s seeing him for the first time. His eyes and expression now show the toll his body had taken, and his eyes take on a frenzied gleam, feverish, even. His human pupil is narrowed to a pinprick and doesn’t appear to want to stay in place, and his ender eye no longer glows, staying a docile and dead green. He grows more fearful and jittery at registering who MICHAEL is.

RYAN: Michael? Is it- It’s really you?

MICHAEL: Ryan? Are you okay? What’s- what’s going on? Who- what WAS that?

RYAN, almost as if he didn’t hear him: No, no, no! You can’t- you can’t BE here! He WANTs you here- you have to- you need to GO! NOW! *he jumps up and holds onto MICHAEL’s arms with a death grip, shaking like a leaf, and pleads in his face* YOU HAVE TO LEAVE! HE’LL HURT YOU! Please, for the love of God, don’t let me HURT-!

And just as suddenly, RYAN jolts again, letting go of MICHAEL. His eyes open and his ender eye is glowing again. His calm demeanor is back, and he brushes his hands off on his shirt again, appearing only slightly miffed at the outburst.

RYAN: Well, I guess that cuts our meeting off a little short.