#using ALL of my coping strategies and its working

[stigmatacunnilingus]

anxiety spirals are so stupid!!!!! like can we not worry about this rn lets not stress about shit until its absolutely necessary

[thebirdarts]

Assorted Estinian's drawn from screenshots of the dragoon level 40-50 quests. [please click for better quality]

[wakanai]

xx

[tw: ed; fat shaming]

[myadhdchronicles]

Navigating Life with ADHD: My Journey, Tips, and Hacks

Living with ADHD has its unique challenges, but it's also a journey filled with creativity, resilience, and countless small victories. I've learned to embrace my ADHD and discovered some invaluable tips, hints, and hacks along the way. In this blog, I'll share my personal insights and strategies that have made life with ADHD more manageable and even exciting.

1. Embrace Your ADHD:

Accepting your ADHD is the first step to managing it effectively. It's a part of who you are, and that's okay.

Learn about your specific strengths and weaknesses associated with ADHD. You might be exceptionally creative or have hyperfocus superpowers!

2. Create a Structured Routine:

Establishing a daily routine can provide a sense of stability and predictability.

Use digital calendars, planners, and reminders to keep track of appointments, tasks, and deadlines. I particularly like Sunsama, it is very ADHD-friendly. Habitica is good too, it is a gamified digital calendar that engages the ADHD brain much better than regular planners.

3. Prioritize and Set Goals:

ADHD brains can easily get overwhelmed by too many tasks. Prioritize your to-do list and break tasks into smaller, manageable goals.

Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

4. Minimize Distractions:

Create a dedicated workspace that's free from distractions.

Consider using noise-canceling headphones, fidget toys, or white noise to maintain focus.

Learn what kind of workspace works best for you, it's not the same for every ADHD brain.

5. Time Management Techniques:

Use the Pomodoro Technique (working in short, focused bursts with breaks) to stay on track.

Set timers for tasks to prevent hyperfocus and procrastination.

6. Medication and Therapy:

Consult a medical professional to discuss medication options.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you develop coping strategies and improve executive functioning skills, but know your own ADHD brain because it does not work for all of them.

7. Mindfulness and Meditation:

Mindfulness practices can help you stay present and reduce anxiety.

Try meditation to improve concentration and self-awareness.

Meditation and mindfulness do not have to be the typical sit still and clear your-mind things they are for non-ADHD brains, for a lot of ADHD brains we need to move so something like knitting/crocheting, going for a walk, or sitting outside in nature with your dog are our forms of mindfulness and meditation.

8. Stay Organized:

Use color coding, labels, and file systems to keep your physical and digital spaces organized.

Daily checklists can be a game-changer.

Know your own ADHD brain and make your system one that works for your brain or organization will continue to be a struggle.

9. Don't Fear Mistakes:

It's okay to make mistakes. Learn from them and keep moving forward.

Perfectionism can be your enemy; aim for progress, not perfection.

Learn to let good enough be good enough, perfection does not exist.

10. Get Adequate Sleep and Exercise:

Prioritize good sleep hygiene; it can significantly impact your ADHD symptoms.

Regular physical activity can boost focus and mood.

11. Utilize ADHD-Related Apps:

Explore ADHD-focused apps designed to help with time management, organization, and focus.

Some popular options include Todoist, Forest, Trello, Clarify ADHD, Sunsama, and Fabulous.

12. Seek Support and Community:

Connect with others who have ADHD through support groups or online forums.

Share your experiences and learn from the journeys of others.

Living with ADHD doesn't mean you're destined to struggle. By embracing your uniqueness and applying these tips, hints, and hacks, you can take control of your life. ADHD has its challenges, but it can also be a source of creativity, innovation, and unique perspectives. Remember, you're not alone, and there's a vibrant community of people who understand and support you on this journey. Embrace your ADHD, and together, we can navigate the world with success and resilience. See you next time, ADHD Team!

[tumblingxelian]

The Fraught Family Ties of the Rose-Xiao Long Household:

Sorry for the ramble, I wanted to share something born of a discussion I had with someone regarding the canonical relationship on the Rose-Xiao Long sisters & their father figures.

So, I often find Tai (& Qrow) propped up as good father figures who maybe just had some moments of weakness but either got better long before canon or during the show and who are super close with Ruby & Yang with very healthy relationships.

Given possibly my most popular post, (Yang & Ruby's childhood) I don't think this is a universal stance, certainly not these days, and I don't think its well supported in canon either.

This doesn't mean that love isn't there, but love and resentment can live in the same house and the Rose-Xiao Long household is far more complex than I think people give it credit for.

Now, some will probably highlight positive tones and references in the early volumes, but here's the thing. A child growing up around something can get used to a lot. Ruby & Yang are clearly very used to Qrow stumbling home utterly wasted, even carried by strangers and needing to take care of him. This is normal to them and neither show any resentment towards it until on their last nerve.

That is to say, Ruby and Yang are fine with Qrow's drinking and smile through it, riiiight up until they themselves are on the edge of snapping real hard over things such as in V6.

Neither of them express their trauma like say, Jaune does, who tends to be quite open with his resentment and prone to lashing out. The sisters smile through it, they may express frustration or anger at other things, but not their loved one's, which makes it easy to pretend everything is cool and normal.

Hell, keeping things light with humor is explicitly noted to be how Yang copes and Ruby is shown consistently beginning to show sadness before quickly bottling it up up. This is just how they handle negative emotions they cant comfortably express.

Thus, while Ruby expressing frustration at Yang giving Tai like advice in V1 doesn't indicate hostility, nor does her being all smiles around his presence in V3's opening indicate everything is super awesome.

After all, things are good at that moment, but let's take a look at the end of V3.

Tai is clearly worrying and trying to fuss over Ruby. But she is very neutral on the whole thing, mostly just trying to get intel on what the fuck happened from him and not being remotely upset when Qrow makes him leave. She show's a bit more vulnerability around Qrow, but is still very focused on the practical questions of what happened.

Its only when she's alone with Yang, that Ruby really becomes expressive with her emotions and more to the point, shows outright uncertainty in what to do. This leads her to being shocked when Yang is in no fit state t provide her with the guidance and support she clearly craves and expected.

Ruby also specifically addresses her letters to Yang and broadly speaking doesn't really seem to think about Tai all that much. Again I don't think she dislikes him, but given she openly acknowledges Yang as the one who raised her & Yang herself noted she had to keep the family together...

Well, I think that Ruby doesn't really perceive Tai as a parent, strictly speaking. In the sense that I don't believe she views Tai as someone to go to for comfort or advice or guidance.

He's her dad and she loves him, but he's less of an adult to her than Yang was. In that same vein Qrow is a Huntsmen, her mentor and uncle yes, but the former I think inform her behavior with him more than the latter.

Now, let's also compare Tai and Yang's relationship a little.

We know Tai taught her how to fight, but he doesn't show any real understanding of how her Semblance works or her fighting style given she has utilized plenty of blocks, dodges and clever strategies in the first three volumes. What's more him critiquing her for fighting that way and making it her fault when he taught her feels suspect to me.

(I would note it was Yang who realized Ruby needed CQC help before anyone else, so she clearly thought deeply on this stuff.)

But beyond that, we see Yang is heavily isolated, both from how the camera work frames her. But also because she us housed in a guest room and that Tai, while obviously unhappy about what happened overall seems far more focused on Ruby in terms of trying to provide some care. What's more, when she's clearly distressed he walks away and leaves her to stew.

Yang's shown still doing lots of work around the house, despite everything and his efforts to 'help' her are all about getting her back into the fight over worrying for her safety like he did Ruby.

This is a big thing for me, Tai was clearly deeply upset when Qrow wanted to speak to Ruby alone and terrified when she left.

Meanwhile when it comes to 'helping' Yang its all about getting back into the action and going after Ruby. He doesn't seem to mind the idea of sending her into danger.

Then there' show he hypocritically dismisses her trauma and depression while at the same time diminishing her maturity despite him having left her to raise Ruby and keep the family together.

He also makes his help for her conditional on her no longer "Moping" while its her teachers who barely know Yang that provide actually useful guidance on healing.

When alone he also frames 'caring for her' IE letting her live in the house and take care of herself, like its this heavy burden that is keeping him from Ruby.

This is despite the fact he ultimately does not go after Ruby.

You can claim its a budget thing the show we have is the show we have. Thus, he sends her off to parent Ruby instead of himself. Also Tai outright compares Yang to Raven despite them being radically different and honestly Ruby being a lot closer to even the positive traits he ascribed to Raven.

Thus I think there's an element of projection that leads to Ruby being preferences between the two but also Tai having come in too late to really be seen as the parent he wants to be perceived as.

Now, let's look at Qrow.

Both sisters are clearly used to him staggering or being carried home drunk and needing to take care of him, meaning they have been doing this since childhood.

This would have a hugely negative impact on their mental wellbeing and impact how they perceive him.

Beyond that, I am unsure how close he even is to Yang outside the superficial. Some of that may indeed be down to time, but there have been periods where they could have shown a deep bond and its not manifested.

When Yang is framed, her team, two of whom have only know her for a few months and have plenty of trauma that would make them rightly suspicious choose to believe her and sympathize with her.

Qrow meanwhile says she is either lying or crazy and does not express much in the way of real empathy or trust.

Rather than showing an interest in maybe trying to resolve the issue or help her through decides that maybe directing her to Raven might help. He obviously cares, but generally never shows much of the same concern or affection for Yang that he does for Ruby.

Granted even then Qrow requires caretaking from both his nieces.

What's more he often tethers Ruby to Summer. So while his mentorship of her does let her be a little more vulnerable with him than Tai its still an unbalanced relationship.

However outside of that, Qrow's generally fairly good with Ruby and her influence on him seemed to be the primary thing that stopped him drinking. He also shows a great deal of faith in her in general, though how much of that is projection likely varies.

But he mentored Ruby so its natural they are maybe a little closer.

Still, I think Ruby & Yang held Qrow in higher regard, at least as a Huntsmen than their father, there's a lot of baggage to the relationship at a minimum.

I also think Ruby & Yang's lack of communication seen in later volumes is sort of reflective of the families unhealthy dynamics evolving between them.

Yang being forced to raise a sister two years younger than her is already a heavy burden on both of them. Yang from having to step up and fill the roll of an adult as a child & Ruby because no matter how hard Yang tried it as never gonna be perfect but she couldn't exactly complain about it either.

So both just sort of smiled through the pain as they grew and came out fairly functional and happy if carrying a lot of baggage beneath the surface. This is why both respond to grief and trauma in a similar manner, pushing the issues down until they explode or collapse. It was how they got by.

They were also extremely close, for all that Yang talked of Ruby maybe trying to branch out onto other teams, she instantly tried to seek her out in the Emerald Forest, saved her a spot in the auditorium and generally tried to assist and advice her along with expressing great pride in her.

Ruby bore with with a mixed degree of playfulness and teen like annoyance, while still wanting to cling to Yang. She was also very comfortable early on with expressing her concerns around Yang, such as with Blake being so stressed and not knowing what to do about it & seemingly had total faith in Yang's ability to resolve things.

As previously outlined, when Ruby was seeking comfort and guidance after the Fall of Beacon she went to Yang and was shocked when Yang couldn't provide her what she needed and quickly began separating herself, clearly deeply impacted.

Yang remained the center of her homeward focus after that fact and when Yang returned she was able to express vulnerability with her.

Briefly.

However, Yang soon showed that her recovery was not as complete as she wanted to project and again Ruby was at a loss for what to do with a Yang who is upset.

Keep in mind she's entirely capable of comforting a drunk, hung over or otherwise very upset Qrow, but the prospect of comforting Yang leaves her shuffling nervously outside the door while Weiss helps her.

Ruby's perception of Yang seemed to have put her on something of a pedestal in the way a lot of children do their parents where its hard to start seeing them as a person.

& When Ruby did start seeing Yang as a person, her complexes regarding leadership caused her to see Yang as someone who needed protection.

This caused her to freeze Yang out of her issues, we see this with her rejecting Yang's efforts to comfort her in V8, responding instead with sullen silences or sharp emotional jabs to try and make Yang go away.

Yet at the same time, she didn't entirely try to keep the façade up, perhaps in part because she couldn't.

I also think there's a part of her that sort... Expected Yang to know what to do and to say for her even though Ruby has changed as a person and is no longer communicating clearly like she used to.

Which then causes her to resent Yang for not being able to say the right things and provide the right assistance like she did when they were kids. Even though Yang doesn't know how Ruby feels their relationship has changed and can't know with Ruby actively avoiding acting in a manner that would elicit her concern.

Basically, this is an extremely messy family.

It has four actual adults, the most competent of whom martyred herself. One of whom left because she couldn't handle it and two of whom failed when put to the test.

This left the role of grown up in the room to Yang who had to keep the family together and raise her sister. While Ruby had to basically become the least troubled child possible to make this easier on them all.

Raven cutting herself out of their lives and her ties to Yang, while Summer being a beloved martyr seems to have also rippled down to their kids.

With Yang almost being like the black sheep of the family. She's the one they expect to do something immoral or "crazy' and generally expected to take care of herself and Ruby without any kind of acknowledgement or significant assistance.

Meanwhile Ruby is regarded as a sort of proto Summer, this beacon of purity, which leaves Tai over protective but ultimately inactive leaving the task of helping her to Yang. With Qrow expecting the world from her which just applies more pressure.

I do think everyone of them love each other, but I also think there's also a lot of resentment, frustration and projection going on here, with many utter failures of parenting. These ultimately caused the families relationships to never developed into what they should be and are instead leaving them in an odd sort of limbo; with a lot left unsaid and unhealthy.

[schizoidvision]

Hello... I've been watching your videos and reading your blog for some time, as I find your content very useful, informative and accurate. I like the depth you give to all the topics, and that you know how to relate them. I'm having a bit of a hard time figuring out if I fully fit into the descriptions of SzPD... On my blog I published the following text:

One of my least favorite moments is when I realize I exist. I realize that I am thinking, that I have a body, and that I have a life. When it happens, it is as if being human stops being automatic. Being aware of existence, ironically, makes it difficult to exist in a normal way, because the actions are no longer spontaneous and natural. Like a hyper reasoning of the own mind...

I don't know if this might be related to SzPD, and your help would be very useful. Thanks in advance.

Hello, Your question is insightful and addresses a deep aspect of the schizoid experience.

The experience you described on your blog—where you become hyper-aware of your own existence, thoughts, body, and life—is a phenomenon often stemming from the complex dynamics between the true self and false self, along with bodily dissociation. This is consistent with some core features of Schizoid Personality Disorder (SzPD).

Fragmented Self-Concept in SzPD When a person has schizoid dynamics, their self-concept is fragmented, meaning there are multiple parts to their sense of self, primarily divided into the true self and false self. The false self is connected to the physical body and its actions, while the true self remains detached from the external world. This detachment is a defense mechanism to avoid emotional pain or feeling overwhelmed, leading to bodily dissociation as part of the mind-body split.

Hyper-Awareness and Disrupted Spontaneity These protective mechanisms can lead to the hyper-awareness and disrupted spontaneity you’re experiencing. The false self often operates in auto-pilot mode, allowing us to function without engaging the true self. This means our actions lack spontaneity, as spontaneity comes from emotions we are detached from.

Adding to this complexity, people with SzPD often experience a heightened sense of internal observation, where the self is divided into an observing part and an experiencing part. This can result in a feeling of observing oneself from a distance, further disrupting the fluidity of normal, spontaneous action and contributing to a sense of bodily unreality.

Realization and Hyper-Awareness The realization you describe is linked to these dynamics. During these times, you become intellectually aware of your body’s existence and the real life implications of this in connection with your true self. This realization can be alarming because it brings you into a psychological space you usually avoid through dissociation. This means you see multiple parts of yourself simultaneously, disrupting the auto-pilot mode and creating a heightened sense of your existence in the world.

Personal Experience and Integration I can relate to this experience of suddenly feeling like a real person or realizing I'm in auto-pilot mode. It’s a complex and disjointed sensation. Recognizing that everyone has a false self to some degree, it’s important to understand that in people with schizoid dynamics, this is more pronounced and wired differently.

Strategies for Reconnection Your false self protects and helps you navigate life, but bodily dissociation can present challenges. The mind-body split can be worked on through grounding techniques to reconnect with your body and the present moment. Activities like physical exercise or sensory awareness exercises (noticing what you can see, hear, touch, etc.) can help you feel more connected to your body and gain greater conscious control over time.

Putting It into Perspective Recognizing that moments of hyper-awareness and dissociation are part of your coping mechanisms allows you to put your experiences into perspective. This understanding can help you refrain from negative judgments during these times. By developing strategies to reconnect with your body and integrate different parts of yourself, you can work towards a more harmonious and spontaneous way of being.

Thanks for your feedback on my videos and blog. It's good to hear that you find the content useful and informative. As well as your thoughts and experiences. I hope this explanation provides some clarity and helps you on your journey towards greater self-understanding.

[subzeroparade]

Hello! I really liked the clothes you designed for Laurence in the last artwork. I was wondering if it's just an alternative design to the usual one or if it's how you'll draw him from now on. Is it maybe something he wore before he started wearing the choir clothes?

Thank you anon (・‧̫・) Also you made the mistake of asking me about fashion, so - *inhales*

I’ve drawn Laurence in version(s) of the Choir garb before (you'll notice I change his sleeves a lot lol), but I normally almost never draw characters in the same outfits all the time, even if they are canon - just by virtue of being bored of it, and wanting to invent. 

The one you’re referencing was early Church, in my timeline - there’s two similar ones that I’ve more or less described in fic that are simpler, and closer to typically clerical/in-game Church garb. One of the first scenes in The Feast We Were Promised (which deals mostly with early Church timeline) is Laurence changing from the weighty, jewelled chasuble he wears in the context of ministration/communion in the Grand Cathedral into a modest black cassock to return to the Chapel of the Good Chalice down in the poorer quarters of old Yharnam. There is a certain canny strategy for the Church to remain humble in what they wear, if only to imply a sort of modesty and separation from the main religious powers of the time - there’s an established church, in this timeline, with all its pomp and splendour (because sects don’t just spring up in a religious vacuum).

I think that changes with the founding of the Choir, and the domination of the Healing Church as the main religious organisation over time, consolidating its power on the reputation of the blood. I think the Choir garb feels like a kind of mix between clerical clothes and Byrgenwerth-style robes (this should not be surprising - Willem’s imagery in his chair is very papal). This reflects the Church’s eventual takeover of Byrgenwerth, and how the Choir is established - which is to say an "order", or faction of the Church only in name, but solely focused on using the Church’s resources to attain ascension/communion. I like to imagine that Laurence would wear a different variation of the Choir garb at the height of his power, to distinguish himself - incorporating some of these more traditional liturgical symbols, since he retains the title of vicar. 

On the other side of the Church’s heyday, I think the more things get out of hand, the more ostentatious their dress - a sort of visual power, if you will, that negates what is happening in the streets with the coming scourge. A veneer of material splendour to mask the reality - a show of control, and mastery, even as the Church is impotent in the face of what's happening. In that sense I’d imagine Laurence wearing really ornate chasubles, or the kind of stunning cope that Lenny wears (minus the hat) in the Sistine Chapel scene in The Young Pope (which I am a big fan of). To bring it back to your first question, that white and black ensemble is a play on both real ecclesiastical garb but also specifically Lenny’s wardrobe, and his countenance when he wears it. (The costume designer, Carlo Poggioli, did a spectacular job working from the existing pieces in the Vatican museum). The red shoes in that final design above are a bit of a joke - the pope actually wears red shoes in real life, but the version on set are Louboutins and were nicknamed by Poggioli “the Ferraris” (extra inside joke - my Laurence has partly Corsican roots for obvious parallels with another historical tyrant).  

As for Ludwig, I almost always give him a different outfit - even in plainclothes - but I like the idea that he only starts wearing that pseudo-Executioner’s garb after the Cainhurst massacre (in my timeline, anyway). I always try to add a little element of armour to his clothing and to distinguish him from both the clergy and other Church-affiliated folk, be they Prospectors or Hunters. Beyond actual historical sources, I’m obsessed with Jany Temime’s work in House of the Dragon, and so you’ll find traces of the Kingsguard armour in Ludwig’s overall look, but without making it too medieval. 

I also have a headcanon (developed alongside some mutuals) that the blindfold part of the Choir cap is a very late introduction, during the scourge. In my work Laurence’s disdain for Willem’s dumbfuck pope hat is evident, and so there’s none of that shutting-your-eyes-to-the-world stuff - until most everyone’s eyes, including his, start to change by way of the scourge. 

Anyway tldr I like playing dress-up with them. 

[unlikelyjapan]

s2e6 rewatch notes - part 1

I'm breaking this up over two days (for length, clarity, and my own mental health) - I pause and scribble my way through scenes as I go, so there may be a few repeats here and there.

Natalie's bereft face in the opening, attempting to disassociate but failing miserably because that's not her coping style. She obviously doesn't even smoke by the way she's holding the cigarette, she just does it because - much like working inside a commercial kitchen - it's the only legitimate excuse for a break from the chaos. Both she and Mikey act like they've just exited the fog of war (because they have) and - unlike Carmy - they've never had the emotional or material means to escape it.

Sugar's "No one can make anyone else act a certain way" comment to Mikey - it's very clear that they perceive mental illness from very different angles. Mikey admonishes Natalie for her check-ins as an attempt to blunt/control Donna's outbursts, and Sugar's skepticism of Mikey's strategy of just riding the lightning/ignoring the outburst (while acknowledging that he and Carmy have more success, but she attributes most of that to being the female middle child of a grievously ill female narcissist).

Carmy coming out = a hot mess of family dynamics. He asks Mikey (innocently enough) to come in and handle the crowd by being "fun cool guy" and Mikey assures him that he will, but with a vacant look in his eye (no wonder this man was on drugs, what other choices was he afforded?). Fak is literally yelling indistinctly inside, upping the chaos, as Richie bursts outdoors amidst the three siblings to ask if "there's any family shit going on that he should know about".

Along with just trying to be ok themselves, these three adult Berzattos are a magnet for every other wayward adult-child who needs a home to reckon with their own trauma, and their inclusion becomes their problem as well and only ups the frequency of the despair. Mikey literally makes space for the three of them by dismissing Richie "for a minute", and you can tell that's not normal protocol.

"Would it kill you to pick up the phone?" - Carmy is already wounded by Mikey more than 4 years before his death. You can immediately tell by Mikey's earnest response (along with his previous discussion with Sugar) that he was just keeping Carmy at arms length to ensure he never returned, to spare just one of them from a life of hardship. In spite of everything else we see about Mikey and how poorly he manages his trauma in this episode, he is an inherently good brother who started early in inciting loathing in the person he loves above all others just to save him.

I wanted to peek behind the "Our Mother of Victory, Pray for Us" bit, as you know damn well it wasn't selected by Storer by accident. The whole idea is that Mary, the Mother of Victory "pleads our cause with a mother’s heart and concern with whatever we bring her. Confident that Our Lady’s prayers are always heard we pray"

I may be reading too much into this, but that's a whole fuckton of power projected onto Donna. Even though it's said in jest, its maternal compassion and mercy that was never extended to the Berzatto kids. It could also be seen as "only Donna's prayers are heard and answered" (through the placating and emotional gymnastics performed by her children) so they utter this little prayer to her as much as they do to God - for control, for relative calm, for the day to simply be ok. They know better than to expect much more than that.

What is the actual point of Fak and Ted? I mean this narratively. I know that the Ricky actor who plays Ted originally worked on the set of The Bear in S1. Did the producers think they had an awesome "boys club" vibe and just plop them in as chauvinistic comic relief? Or is this part of a long-con? Do Fak and Teddy embezzle all of The Bear's money and retreat to Hawaii or something? Right now it's giving "Matty Matheson needs to sell more cookware" and I need a reason for this set-up, as the rest of the players offer more than enough relevant chaos to the episode.

Also, when they ask "Mrs. B, are our skateboards in here? Can we sleep over?" as Donna is cycling in the kitchen - Matty Matheson is in his 40's, so he time-traveled back to a rough-looking 35 to freeload off of his fake-besties Mom and aid in her spiral? I don't get the age timelines/ideas on what arrested development in this show are anymore....

"Say the fucking words" - ooof. I feel like a lot of ink has already been spilled on what the word "love" means in the Berzatto realm, but no wonder Carmy can't comprehend it even when it's right in front of him. Love to him is sacrifice and struggle, panic attacks, pacifying meltdowns, idealization and inevitable betrayal (hello other shoe!), and just saying the word because it diffuses an argument - not unlike rubbing one's chest.

So....what's the likelihood that the abusive chef at EMP is just a projection of Donna living rent-free in Carmy's head at this point? The way she lobs the ball at Carmy with all of the elements that need to be swapped when the timer goes off, the practical matters of running a high-pressure kitchen trailed with jests and insults and total emasculation. Yeah...I think it's pretty high up there.

The second Richie and Carmy trade off the homemade Sprite (before Carmy can grab the prosciutto and mortadella that his mom asked for 2 seconds ago) is just enough silence for Donna to feel abandoned and start unravelling again/start screaming about moving the pot. I can't quite place my finger on the weird amalgam of mental illnesses they gave this woman (hit me up, psych majors) but if its not over-scripted/acted, its a lot.....

Richie and Mikeys "Just take a break from being a mopey little fuck" - phew, these dudes really think that a high-school chick will be Carmy's salvation.

"I don't have a love of my life?" Carmy doesn't even flinch or show recognition of who they're talking about at first, and then it dawns on him that they've probably embarrassed him and he wants to crawl in a hole and die (which is the most honest feeling expressed this episode to date).

And wow. Donna intercepts the whole thing by throwing a spoon at Stevie and screaming "Richard, bring her the fucking pop!" - a.k.a the title of the previous episode with the house party. Those words ended the gang's harassment re: Claire, but then future Carmy willingly waded right back into the abyss of thoughtless conversations, bullying, projections, others' expectations, and the terrible Christmas.

Ok, that's it for now - I'll be back on my bullshit tomorrow.

[camestela]

I hope everything gets better.

Step 1. Dont feel guilty. Armor was invented to protect the soft parts inside of it. It doesnt make you less soft for your mind & heart trying to prepare you for a long struggle

Step 2 is Nourish yourself with small joy and small wonder. If you only focus on the tragedies of the world you will starve that soft part of yourself. Friends. Family. Hummingbird eggs. Cats. Music. Its all sustenance.

Step 3 is to choose your battles carefully. Helping a little bit or making a little progress is better than being so overwhelmed you cant help or make progress at all. The time will pass anyways.

Step 4....

Check in with yourself from time to time. Its a hard habit to form but it will help if you stop once in a while - different times, different moods- to ask yourself how you're doing and if the things you're doing are healthy for you in the long term or only the short term.

It's ok to use a coping mechanism for a little while. If it's all coping mechanisms then maybe it isnt exactly coping and you need a new strategy.

Its not a sprint or a race. Its more like a marathon. Or a nature hike. Take in the scenery and pace yourself.

If you have to push past some limits, at least find ways to make it easier on yourself.

Anyway im a stranger. Im a little drunk. (And i love your art btw and you were very nice to me when i got a commission from you and were an absolute pleasure to work with) and also i know the feeling of being super burnt out on optimism- especially lately. But i do hope that you have things and people around you that make prospects less grim.

Thank you so much for your advice! thank you for liking my art and also taking the time to talk to me, i think you make so many good points, i will try to check in with myself more as well, and apply some of these tips.

i hope you've a lovely week

[jagerstian]

Reluctant animal lover Zach my beloved <3

"So, that's it then?"

"Yup."

"You're quitting."

"Mhm."

"You don't succeed one time, so you're giving up?"

"Bingo."

Zach refused to look at Chris. For someone so open about being touchy-feely, Chris wasn't very good at empathizing with him. Sure, he'd had failed inventions and evil schemes before in the past that he didn't let drag him down, but those were different. They were half-assed, get-rich-quick schemes made up on a whim. Besides, the Wild Ratts had been working against Zach all those times. Now, when they're working with him, and he's giving it his all, and he still fails? That's worse. That's bad. This failure actually meant something. This proved it, that he wasn't good enough even when he tried. That's why he hated trying. You can never disappoint if you never actually try. Chris didn't get it. Zach called it a strategy, Chris called it an unhealthy coping mechanism. Tomato tomahto.

'What do you know, anyways? You hug trees for fun.'

'Maybe. But which one of us is actually happy?'

'.... I'm happy.'

'... Sure. And I'm a monkey's uncle.'

'You might be, for all I know. I still don't know how those creature power suits work.'

'Zach?'

'Yes?'

'Shut up.'

He zoned back in, Chris's voice droning on, going in one ear and out the other. Something about 'perseverance' and 'anything worth doing is worth working hard for'. Or something. He didn't know, he wasn't really listening. There wasn't any point, he wasn't gonna try being a goody-two-shoes again. He heaved himself up from his chair with a sigh, shuffling his way to the makeshift area the crew had made for him in the Tortuga. 

Chris's mouth closed softly as he watched Zach move across the room, appalled. Who did this brat think he was?

He stormed over to Zach, who was crouched over, packing his bags.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Packing."

"Well, stop."

Zach gave him a side eye from his low angle. 

"Don't tell me what to do."

"My house, my rules."

Zach scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"You aren't my dad. And even if you were, this isn't a house."

Chris scowled down at him as he continued packing, arms crossed. A devilish grin began snaking its way across his face. He waited until Zach was reaching for one of his items still strewn about, then snatched the closest bag up and booked it. Zach looked after him in shock.

"Did- did you just steal my bag?"

"If you want it back, you'll have to catch me! What're you waiting for? Come get your stuff, Captain Emo!"

Zach made a noise of indignation, even as he scrambled to his feet and took off after Chris.

Chris had a pretty decent head start on Zach, and he planned on using it to his advantage. He hopped on a Buzz Bike and shot down the ramp, kicking up dust clouds as he zoomed away into the wilderness. 

Zach whipped his head around, frantically searching for a vehicle he actually knew how to drive. His gaze fell upon an old mountain bike, half covered by an old sheet. He groaned. He gave one last once-over of all the vehicles stored in the space, but there were none he knew how to work, or had the keys for. He was stuck with the bike. He ripped the sheet off of it, a cloud of dust billowing up around him, making him cough. He kind of hoped he got some kind of weird lung disease, just so he could spite Chris and blame him for it. He threw a leg over and tentatively sat on the cushioned seat. It was admittedly a very nice bike, but that wasn't the problem. No, the problem was Zach hated bike riding, and he was a little rusty. Whatever, that's something you never forget how to do, right? Isn't that what people said? 

He pushed off, starting to roll slowly toward the ramp. He was suddenly not so sure this was a good idea and was about to turn around, when the front wheel slipped over the edge. The bike flew down the ramp and launched Zach down the path Chris had taken, Zach screaming the whole way. 

It was a bumpy ride at first, the "path" having been made by the crew, leading from the Tortuga to the actual path. Once Zach merged onto the main trail, it smoothed out, and was actually a pretty pleasant ride. He wasn't a fan, but he didn't hate it, either. After a few minutes of peaceful gliding, he passed a varmint that seemed to be struggling. He rode by for a few feet before coming to a stop, grumbling to himself.

"Since when did I get so soft."

He hopped off the bike and turned around to see what all the commotion was about. It was a squirrel trying to get to a nut. It had been placed under a glass cup, within the squirrel's view, but too heavy for it to tip over. 

Zach ignored the anger that flared up at the sight. He lifted the cup, and the squirrel snatched the nut before scampering off up a tree. He scowled. Ungrateful rat.

Hopping back on the bike, he continued on down the path. Before too long, he came across another critter in trouble. A bird this time, crying from up in a tree. A nest lay in the ground beneath the tree. Zach didn't hesitate to stop this time, simply popping off and picking up the nest. Looking up the tree, he scowled. He would have to climb it. Luckily it was a fairly easy tree to climb, and even he managed it without incident. He placed the nest in a secure-looking nook, and climbed back down. His hands and clothes were a little dirty, and his cheeks were flushed slightly from the exertion, but he was satisfied. He didn't know why he felt satisfied, it's not like he cared or anything. He continued on his way, peddling a little faster in an attempt to escape the notion of him having a heart as big as one of the Wild Kratts crew. 

The last creature he encountered was when he was nearing the end of the path. A kitten in a tree. It was crying and meowing like its life depended on it. As far as Zach knew, its life did depend on it. He didn't know much about varmints. He rushed over to the tree. It wasn't too high up, the branch about three feet higher than he was. 

'That's not so high, but to such a little thing it must seem scary.'

"Ok, Varmint, I'm gonna help you. But only because you're clearly incapable of helping yourself."

He lifted his hands up. 

"Don't be scared, I'll lift you down. But if you scratch me, I will drop you."

The kitten had stopped meowing and eyed him warily. It looked Zach in the eye, sincerely shining past his frown. The kitten sniffed his hands before gingerly placing one paw on them, and then another. It fit in his delicate hands comfortably, a little ball of purring fluff. He lowered his arms and held it to his chest, feeling its purrs as it rubbed its head against him. 

"Huh. You're… not so bad, really. I mean-", he quickly clarified. "You're not bad, but that doesn't mean I like you. You're still a varmint, and I'm still a bad guy." 

The kitten mewled in response before wriggling a bit, indicating it was ready to be put down. Zach released it and it strutted behind him. He turned around to watch it go, and was met with Chris smiling at him. 

"Zach Varmitech, what was that?"

His face flushed furiously. 

"Nothing! It was nothing! You didn't see shit, Wild Ratt!"

"That wasn't nothing, that was you helping an animal! And you did that one all on your own that time! That's amazing!"

"... what do you mean I did 'that one' all on my own?"

Chris rubbed his neck sheepishly.

"I maybe pretended to be that squirrel. And Martin was maybe the bird."

Zach stared at him blankly. Martin emerged from the foliage and stood beside Chris.

"We just wanted you to feel better! We wanted to prove to you that you can be good, even if you mess up sometimes." He said.

"Turns out, you didn't need us to help you do that. You did it all on your own, with this little guy." He bent down and picked up the kitten, scratching it behind the ears. "He wasn't part of the plan at all." Chris finished.

Zach looked at the kitten, then at Chris. Chris cleared his throat awkwardly.

"So, what do you say? Will you give it another try?"

"We all want you here, Zach. Especially Chris", Martin said with a shit-eating grin. Chris punched him in the shoulder.

"One slip up isn't gonna change that." Chris finished.

Zach sighed. 

"Fine. But only so you'll quit lecturing me about it."

The two brothers whooped in victory, high-fiving for officiality. 

"Now that mission is accomplished, let's go back to the Tortuga. I'm starving", Martin said. "You two can share a spaghetti plate, 'Lady and the Tramp' style", he sniggered.

Zach tried to hide how many butterflies had been stirred up in his gut.

"You're insufferable."

"Yeah, you're the worst and I will kick you in the shins", Chris said, setting the kitten down to scamper back over to Zach. Chris motioned for him to follow them. 

"C'mon, Captain Emo, let's get some lunch."

"Ha ha, very funny. Give me back my bag."

Chris began walking off with Martin, pretending he hadn't heard Zach. 

"Hey! Give me back my bag, Chris! I swear I'll-"

He chased after him, Chris looking over his shoulder and yelping before taking off, Zach yelling after him.

"What's yours is his! It's in the wedding vows!" Martin yelled after them.

They yelled back simultaneously.

"Shut up!"

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

Personal Update (nothing bad I promise 😂)

Since I was 19 I’ve had struggles with mental health which I managed to just about cope with on my own, however since loosing my dog who was my best friend in December I really really struggled with my mental health and it was the push I needed to finally get some help.

My friend recommended a local NHS funded service and I’ve recently started therapy to help combat my emetophobia and anxiety (which annoyingly trigger each other. Thanks brain 🙃)

I have only attended two sessions so far but I have already notices a difference and it’s all down to me learning about safety behaviours.

I am lucky enough to get this course of therapy for free (thanks NHS!) but I am aware for many people that is not the case so I thought sharing what I’ve learnt may help some of you with similar problems, of course im not a professional so do a little research yourself too!

But basically when dealing with a fear you can react in two different ways: safety behaviour and healthy behaviour.

A safety behaviour is something that you do that keeps you safe but reinforces the fear

While healthy behaviour protect you while allowing you to feel safe in that environment.

So for example if you have a fear of dogs a safety behaviour would be to immediately leave a park if a dog turned up while a healthy behaviour is something that would allow you to remain in the park with the dogs.

Since learning this I have been able to identify which behaviours and coping strategies I use are actually healthy and work towards improving those that aren’t and its made me feel so much more free!

I hope this was helpful and I hope anyone struggling with mental health finds this useful and is doing okay 🩵

[drdemonprince]

I know people got angry about the "talking about caffeine like any other drug" thing but I think it's so helpful not just to discuss the arbitrary lines between legal and illegal substances but also for informed consent purposes *with* caffeine itself. For example my use of alcohol has changed drastically since reading Unmasking Autism because I didn't realize I was only able to interact with allistics in the context of relaxed social rules when everybody was drinking. Now that I have that information my decisions around it are much different (basically using alcohol only when I *want* to get the feelings it gives me, and when I have to interact with people using other coping strategies instead).

I can't quit caffeine right now, but I might reduce its use in the future and only use it when I want that caffeinated feeling and not to keep up with work like I do now. Which I didn't even think about before, precisely because even though I rationally knew it was a drug I never thought of it as a "drug-drug".

Yo yessss thank you!!! Informed consent means being fully apprised of the risks and benefits of a substance, and having the freedom to choose when to use it. Currently, very few of us enjoy that level of empowered freedom with just about any substance that we use.

Our doctors don't tell us about all the risks of the drugs we are on (I'm still bitter as hell nobody told me that my muscle development would be stunted by going on hormonal birth control at 18!!! and that it would give me lasting breast growth), and the substances that are not medically prescribed but legal are ones that many of us quaff without thought, and without ever being told the effects of. For instance, did you know prolonged use of Benadryl increases the risk of developing Alzheimers??? I didn't! and i was using that shit to fall asleep and regulate anxiety for a time!!

In the United States in particular there is no open conversation with young people about the potential effects of alcohol, how the drug can act like a mild stimulant in smaller doses but then ricochet into massively depressing effects after hours of use, with an anxiety spike hours beyond that as it leaves the system. We don't talk to people about the effects of caffeine -- and that it's not necessarily normal for so many people to deal with daily gastric issues, trouble falling asleep, trouble sitting still, and intense irritability all day long as presently do.

Some people are just like that, some people have anxiety disorders and benefit from anti-anxiety meds to treat those symptoms, some people find ways of coping with it that involve mindfulness or meditation or whatever else -- but a great number of people who experience these issues are only going through them because they're on caffeine and they're working too hard. And what they've come to believe is an inevitable part of their chemistry is in fact economically and socially created from the outside, and could be prevented if they were only able to stop.

but many of them can't stop. because of capitalism. and so they aren't informed about the real risks & costs of the substances they are using, and they aren't freely able to revoke their (dubious) consent.

meanwhile as someone who only started using weed regularly about a year and a half ago and who is now curious about trying psychedelics, ive been lovingly inundated in helpful tips, usage guides, listings of various strains and their distinct effects, lab results testing doses, etc from the people I know who are passionate about those substances and want to ensure that anybody else using them has a good time.

I don't want to paint these substances with a pollyannaish brush either -- weed can trigger hallucinations and psychotic episodes in some segments of the population, a fact that too many ardent weed heads ignore -- but the difference in the level of control I have over my experience as a weed user and the utter lack of information and self-determination I have when seeking out prescribed meds, or even ingesting caffeine, is unreal.

So many foods covertly contain caffeine or openly are caffeinated yet don't document how many milligrams of the substance it has, for example. It's impossible to safely and responsibly use a substance when you don't even know how much you're getting, and it's bizarre we're all being dosed with stimulants all day long often without even realizing it.

this might seem like a low-importance example, and people will say to me dismissively that caffeine doesn't ruin any lives, but when I look back on how much I've used the substance to further my eating disorder and how many people i've been short and cruel-tempered with over the years because i was downing cups and cups of the stuff all day without reflection, i'm not sure i believe that argument.

but of course all roads in this conversation lead back to capitalism. i wouldnt have been drinking this stuff with abandon if i hadn't been trying to shove three days of work into a single 8 hours, and if my culture and economic system hadn't been foisting the stuff on me from day one.

my uncle says that i was always a deeply anxious kid, i guess it was something that my grandmother fretted about as well, and yet when i decided in my teens to start boosting that anxiety with caffeine every day, and became even more moody and negative, nobody connected the dots, and nobody thought to warn me. and why would they, nobody warned them.

[vacantgodling]

i’m just gonna make this bullet points bc i’ve not the time to be eloquent

the thesis of what i saw was “suffering isn’t character development because after a point it’s gratuitous, boring, and if they’re constantly tortured what are they developing from”

and as someone who isn’t particularly a fan of what most people nowadays call this (whump) ig, here’s me weighing in on the war on whump in favor of it in its theoretical form:

people can do whatever they want forever. even if it’s shit you don’t like. someone writing gratuitous, “boring”, overdone torture porn is not affecting you and your life. there is no need for “concern” as the post said. most people who write this shit are just people. even if they do have something that makes them act or feel things in a certain way that doesn’t mean you can or should deprive them of the joy that’s making art in any of its forms; whimsical or horrific, whether you like it or not.

as someone who again, doesn’t like it particularly either, i am once again tapping the sign that i keep having to drag out anytime i see shit like this: preferences aren’t advice. they are preferences. unless you are seeking to help the person do what they’re trying to accomplish your input is invalid. i bring up that i don’t like it because listen i can tell these thoughts were said as a knee jerk reaction to seeing shit you don’t like. and i get it, i feel the same way but

disengage with shit you don’t like. don’t hate watch or hate read anything. don’t be daft.

stop the assumption that character development is always positive. negative character development also exists and is common in day to day life. people are shaped by the experiences they have. they cannot develop from anything if there are no experiences to warrant the developing. saying that “suffering isn’t character development” is like me saying that consequences for driving 100 miles an hour into oncoming traffic don’t exist. they do.

i understand wanting levity. i don’t like whump solely because i can’t sit through endless suffering. but that doesn’t mean i think there isn’t character development. if a character goes through strife and trials and tribulations that changes them. usually for worse in this scenario. that’s. still. development. like the argument you have doesn’t even hold up.

to provide you an example, much of my life between the ages of 19-22 was straight suffering. like i was having a Bad Time my g. and those behaviors, patterns, defense mechanisms, coping strategies, and attitudes are still things i have with me to this day. not all of them are healthy. not all of them are positive. but they exist in response to the shit that i’ve faced.

it’s not even like endless suffering isn’t a real thing like my guy go anywhere in the world and i guarantee in every city you’ll find people suffering in ways you didn’t even think were possible. not that it’s good. but it’s not Unrealistic per se.

fiction and reality aren’t equal btw and allowing people to explore dark fantasies and ideas in the safe place of stories and fiction is more healthy than trying to suppress or shame people into not thinking about it or talking about it. humans will always be creatures of “what if”

finally, again, i reiterate that not every story is supposed to be happy (requiem for a dream is harrowing for instance. just endless suffering. but there Is a lot of character development. it’s just all Bad. and guess what, that’s the point!! its supposed to show the horrors of addiction and it worked. but i will never watch it again. same thing with bedeviled. or hell half the horror genre. even very popular titles like game of thrones get popular and are just cesspools of suffering. it’s safer to read and watch it than live it. i’d rather us do that).

and also, FINALLY finally. your preferences aren’t writing advice stop it. *spritzes with water*

[nothing0fnothing]

Why do you post your trauma online?

When I was young I always felt that keeping a diary helped me. I'd write in it most nights as a form of meditation. It was my healthiest coping strategy and it was genuinely helpful for me to process all my big feelings I'd had all day into words on pages. When I was done I'd put my diary away, into a box that lived on my bookshelf for safe keeping. Safe and private and just for me as it should be.

When had just turned 18 I got kicked out of my moms house. I wasn't expecting it, I was under the impression I was welcome to stay till I finished year 13 and went to university. It happened with no warning on a school day I had work on too. Out of necessity I began sleeping on friends couches and feeling helpless I'd just start crying alone in the toilets at school hoping that my mom, who was abroad on holiday would sort the whole situation out for me. In the meantime my mom's husband, at home with my then 14 year old sister, ripped up my framed photos, tore apart my prom dress and publicised the diary I had kept between the ages of 11 and 13 on social media.

When he decided to do that the narrative in our family and with our friends shifted from being about how horribly I'd been treated, to being about how horrible I was to write the things I did when I was much younger. Suddenly on top of all the stress I was feeling I had to now defend what I wrote 6 years prior in my private diary when I was 11 years old. I thought I must have entered the twilight zone. Everyone wanted to know why I'd called my step dad an asshole in my diary or to shame me for thinking things so terrible. I got accused of intentionally writing it to cause hurt and upset. I got accused of "leaving it where it could be found" (see: in a closed box on my bookshelf marked "private" and "do not read") it felt like I'd been put on trial.

It was a horrible transition into adulthood and every aspect of what happened in that time was it's own trauma I still live with.

Months later, when I was safley living independently from the home I'd grown up in, I wanted to start writing things down again. It had been months since I'd done it and I wanted to process everything I experienced into writing like I always used to. I couldn't do it. I found I was editing my thoughts as I wrote them, scared that someway, somehow my diary would become public, and I'd once again have to defend what I wrote down. I couldn't help but think "how would this look if someone read it with no context" "how could I justify writing this down if people saw this?" It just wasn't helping like it used to, the anxiety of being caught out was too overwhelming. It was heartbreaking. It was 9 months after the event and it felt like this was just one more thing I'd never have again because of it.

So I downloaded an app called Vent, where I'd type out what I'd usually write down, and post anonymously, knowing other people would read it. And for the first time since the incident, I felt free to say what I needed to.

It's different this way. Nobody can take my words and use them to shame me this way. I don't have to justify why I write what I write now. Nobody is expecting me to defend myself for writing what I do. It's public because *I* decided to make it public, people are reading because *I* let them read what I have to say.

Its cathartic and nobody can take it away from me.

[avpdpossum]

Hi and thank you for making this blog! I have avpd and I have been wondering a lot about why. Why did I develop a personality disorder. So I wanted to ask you what your thoughts are? Is it genetics, the environment, trauma? My avpd is making it very hard for me to accept my diagnosis and not turn it into a critic of myself. “I’m born wrong/weak or I’m so weak that I went crazy and traumatized from nothing”. I’m trying to tell my negative thoughts that “I’m just a sensitive person, and the environment and people around me have affected me in a negative way so this is how my coping strategies and view of myself and the world have developed” but it’s hard to believe because I don’t know if I know enough about avpd to be sure of that. Also, not referring to the common misconception that avpd is avoidant attachment, do you think people with avpd also have some sort of unsafe attachment style? And if so, which one is most common? And are unsafe attachment styles an inherent part of avpd?

i’ll answer the easy part first — avpd is most commonly associated with a fearful-avoidant attachment style. if you read descriptions of it, you’ll definitely see the similarities to avpd. not all fearful-avoidantly attached people have avpd, but as far as i can tell it’s for sure the most common among avoidants.

and i would argue that yeah, people with personality disorders in general are pretty much guaranteed to have an insecure attachment style of some sort. of course, not being securely attached doesn’t automatically mean you have a personality disorder, but i think you’d be hard-pressed to find someone with a secure style and a PD, including avpd.

now, onto the question of how someone ends up with avpd. i’m actually working on a longer post related to this right now, so definitely look out for that! but i can summarize my thoughts on the subject here:

the short answer is, avpd seems to be a combination of genetics and outside influences.

as far as the genetics go, there are a lot of factors indicating that a predisposition to develop avpd can be inherited. avpd more common in first-degree relatives of people with social anxiety and people with schizophrenia, avpd traits are associated with personality traits which are believed to be particularly heritable as far as personality traits go, and avpd traits have been found to be somewhere between 30% and 65% heritable (depending on which study you look at). so it’s very very likely that some sort of genetic vulnerability is involved in developing avpd.

that being said, the research i’ve read pretty unanimously agrees that the genetic part can’t account for all of avpd on its own, and most conceptualizations will attribute that other piece to trauma. if we do think of it as being at least partly caused by trauma, there are two main reasons you might feel like you were “traumatized by nothing”.

the first is experiencing harder-to-notice forms of childhood trauma. the research i’ve read repeatedly identifies two kinds of traumatic parenting as being related to avpd: neglect and overcontrol. both of these are hard to spot — neglect (emotional or physical) because it’s very hard to see what’s not there, and overcontrol because it tends to be normalized as “just how parents are supposed to act” (think lack of privacy/boundaries, high expectations, general lack of freedom). both of these (and combinations of them) are super hard to spot, especially when you’re the one experiencing them, so it can feel like the trauma comes from nowhere even if you’ve experienced a recognized form of childhood trauma.

the second reason has to do with that genetic component of avpd. one theory about what the specific inherited aspect of avpd is (which i personally tend to agree with and base a lot of my own theories about avpd on) is that we naturally have a lower autonomic arousal threshold. put more plainly, that means it takes a lot less for us to go into fight-or-flight mode than the average person. in situations where the average person would be a healthy amount of stressed/concerned (or not at all), someone with this hypersensitivity might already feel like it’s life or death. and at least in my opinion, that sure as hell sounds like it could turn common situations which most people come out of fine into trauma, right? i’m sure plenty of people also have that sensitivity and don’t end up developing some sort of neurodivergency as a result, but some of us do and that’s through no fault of our own. it’s already widely recognized that literally any stressful situation can become traumatic if you don’t have the resources to manage that stress, so when you’re already at a disadvantage like we are, it’s not hard to believe some of us would end up traumatized by things most people see as normal, manageable stresses of life.

so my theory on how avpd develops is that we’re born with this natural hypersensitivity, and then over the course of our childhood and adolescence, we go through some sort of trauma — maybe super obvious trauma, maybe less commonly recognized trauma, maybe trauma that most people would never even think of as trauma, maybe some combination of the above — which causes us to retreat into ourselves to manage how the trauma heightens that hypersensitivity. our brains go from being very easily activated to being pretty much always activated. we want to avoid things that could overwhelm our nervous system just like anyone else does, but because our brains have reached a point where nearly anything can overwhelm us, we just end up avoiding almost everything.

i’m sure plenty of people have other explanations and will disagree with me on this, but this is what makes the most sense to me based on my own experiences and the research i’ve done.

and i can assure you that, at least from my perspective (and i’m sure from the others too), developing avpd doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you — the fact that that’s the conclusion your brain jumps to is, i would argue, literally just an avoidant trait in itself and not a reflection of reality at all. you’re absolutely right to tell yourself that you are just sensitive, not “weak” or “wrong”, because i believe that’s a very real part of it and a lot of work on avpd seems to agree. our brains just naturally work differently and given the wrong cocktail of early life experiences, we end up avoidant. your brain’s just doing the best it can to protect you from a world that it perceived as genuinely life-or-death dangerous.

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @ay-na

Your match is...

— Karasu Tabito

✦ I'm not going to beat around the bush: I had a lot, A LOT of trouble picking someone for you!

✦ I find that you're looking for a set of qualities and the absence of flaws that very few characters in Blue Lock possess.

✦ ... Is it the natural high standards of INFJs? :D

✦ Because when one had the qualities, they also had the flaws. And when one didn't have the flaws, they lacked the qualities as well.

✦ This is kind of the story of making a manga based on competition and learning to sacrifice things to achieve your goal; it naturally leads to characters with dark and less glorious aspects.

✦ Fiction is also conducive to amplifying traits, giving rise to sometimes very stereotyped characters. Even though I think Blue Lock manages to add nuance by giving unexpected and somewhat realistic backstories to its characters.

✦ SO.

✦ I chose to assign you Karasu, who I think is the best compromise between what you're looking for and what you dislike in someone: he's clever, quick-witted, persistent… And he has that little unique twist thanks to his childhood that makes him a character with more layers of depth than it seems. Like many players, arrogance is one of his flaws, but honestly, you don't watch Blue Lock if you don't enjoy seeing a bit of cheekiness on screen.

✦ "I'm good with deciphering and reading people" is very Karasu-coded :D He learned this before playing football. It was his way of coping with his situation at school; analyzing people allowed him to anticipate reactions and thus play on his opponent's weaknesses before they could discover Karasu's own. To support this, here's a quote from his Wiki: "His hobby is observing, analyzing, and assessing humans." As they say: attack before being attacked. It's a strategy often adopted by those who have been mistreated.

✦ So, I would say that Karasu isn't inherently bad, but it's a layer you have to break through to reach the less brutal aspects of him.

✦ I think you'd be quite skilled at detecting this defense mechanism. It's probably something you've observed a lot. We already see it in nature: a wounded wild animal will try to defend itself by attacking those who try to approach it.

✦ "So I don't see myself being able to communicate for long periods of time without tiring out." The ability to communicate is the reason why I eliminated so many contenders for your matchup because those with the qualities you seek often suffer from a lack of communication. I'll revisit this at the end of the post to explain my thinking.

✦ And that's why I chose Karasu: I don't think he's the most excited or extroverted character in the roster, but I find him communicative enough to initiate conversations and seek out dialogue. Just as much as he knows when someone needs silence and peace. After all, he's good at analyzing people.

✦ "I'm an emotional person, but I tend to hide it in order to not be taken advantage of." Again, Karasu coded.

✦ "Even if I barely know the person, if I feel a connection or an urge to make them feel better, why not? This world already has too much misery, there's no need to add more to it." This statement makes me smile because I imagine this trait would be a source of great discomfort for Karasu, who I don't see as someone used to people caring about his well-being. In fact, this is a flaw that many characters in this manga share, and the fact that they all want to prove their worth through victory shows that most are trying to fill a void. But I digress.

✦ Someone pointed this out in a matchup, and it's true: the theme of loneliness is very present in Blue Lock. On a larger scale, and going a bit off-topic so I won't go further here, it's also a theme very present in Japan. So, it's only natural that it is reflected in the work of a mangaka.

✦ "I'm not proud to say this, but I give more than I receive, which makes me feel like I'm not doing enough or if the other person is sick of me, I need reassurance quite a bit if I were to be in a relationship." This is a common issue with MBTI types who have Extraverted Feeling (Fe) in their top two functions. For the INFJ, this function occupies the second place, the Auxiliary, which makes the INFJ highly focused on maintaining external harmony, even at the expense of their own feelings. And the fact that the INFJ is not very communicative about their true emotions doesn't help their situation, leading them to be exploited by others, as they'd rather remain silent than risk ruining the atmosphere by complaining.

✦ I think one of Karasu's love languages is words of affirmation. Since he spends most of his time taunting his opponents on the field and boasting about his abilities, his way of showing that he cares about someone is when he takes the time to reassure them about their skills, plain and simple. To me, a love language is a natural ability of someone, but turned toward a positive purpose.

✦ "Dealing with negative emotions and feelings is a bit hard for me. And more often than not, they come out bursting after bottling everything up in the form of tears." Oh my. I read this part after explaining the INFJ's workings earlier and: yes, it's a consequence of never saying anything. I honestly think that a behavior like this would catch Karasu off guard, and at the same time… well… he'd wonder what he did wrong to make you feel that way. Once he genuinely cares about you, he won't just stand idly by; he'll rethink every situation before the critical moment to understand the problem. Fortunately, the guy is more talkative and knows where to find you to start a conversation. In those moments, his voice is calm, and he doesn't have that mocking expression on his face at all. On the contrary, there's something very inviting in his tone that makes you feel comfortable opening up.

✦ Yes, I can totally see him being good at this and reserving those moments only for the person he loves.

✦ YOU.

✦ "I'm trying to work on processing and communicating my feelings, but when you're surrounded by a toxic environment, it's a bit hard. But I'm managing." I had the image of you retreating to your room, where Karasu simply joins you after knocking on the door. Honestly, he's even capable of waiting outside, sitting down and maybe falling asleep against the door, until you give a sign of life. It's okay if you're not ready to talk now. You'll talk later. And if you tell him, "I need to be alone," he'll leave and wait for you to come to him. It's really that simple, as long as you tell him.

✦ "I've been raised as an overachiever and tend to get lost to the point I neglect my health, so I need someone who can pull me out of such unending loops of forgetting that I'm a human with needs." I headcanon Karasu as a man with the financial means since we saw him well-dressed in public and interested in business and commerce. Even though the crow is goal-oriented, I can totally see him loving expensive vacations, luxury items, and fun trips, especially during the summer.

✦ "I feel guilty when I ask for help, like I'm not competent enough if I need guidance. I'm being helped with understanding this concept, but still." This is something many characters in this manga deal with, but not only; in real life, too. So, it will be a common topic of conversation between the two of you. You'll work on it together at your own pace since Karasu also struggles with this issue, so he understands even more how hard it is to "admit your vulnerabilities." After all, we only ask for help when it gets to that point, right? That's what he thinks, but over time, with patience and trust, you both learn that it's not about admitting your vulnerabilities. It's about accepting that others also have skills and can teach you things.

✦ "I'm a little hesitant about publishing them, so I printed them in a small number for my friends." You might think the ideal partner pushes you to publish your books because they're worth it, but I don't think that's true: the ideal partner accompanies you on your journey to build self-confidence, until YOU are the one who decides to publish your work. Which, in my opinion, could be yet another unexpected facet of Karasu that he only reveals to a select few people.

✦ "I'm into fantasy, cyberpunk, futuristic, action, and slice of life games." If Karasu played video games, it would have been mostly during his childhood, though I can also see him as a kid fascinated by observing nature. We see it a bit in the manga; in reality, many things fascinate him. A butterfly caught in a web, for example. I think this ties into his love of observing and understanding. I know some video games are about making choices, sometimes difficult ones. It makes you reflect, critique the world around you, a system, morality. These are things I’m sure would interest Karasu. In fact, anything that sheds light on human nature.

✦ So yes, it’s likely that if choices need to be made during a game, he’ll think it through with you, weighing the pros and cons. In the end, your debates are so intense that they pull you into the game as if it were the movie of your life.

✦ "I'm into anything that is connected with the stars and sky. So watching the stars above and relaxing on the roof is my ideal thought for a moment of relaxation. I've also been learning about constellations lately too." I'm sure there's a character in the roster who has this as their favorite activity (unless I'm confusing it with Isagi, who loves walks), but I can't remember who. So I'm going to give this trait to Karasu :) I think it makes sense with his interest in observing the environment, not just people but nature too. He really loves birds, and I'm sure he'd be the first to point to the sky when spotting a hawk. He knows the names of so many species that the man is a walking encyclopedia.

✦ Anything to do with night walks and endless late-night talks: he's your guy. And it’s going to sound weird, but I think his chara design really matches the night, doesn’t it?

✦ "Sports: running, yoga, and I know how to play football a bit." Well, of course, this was the little cherry on top. A footballer with a companion who loves his sport can only be thrilled. Some might prefer to find a new rival, but others, like Karasu, just enjoy making someone proud who understands the game he’s made his career.

✦ "I like being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely." A major flaw of our current screen-obsessed society! I think Karasu is good at being that silent presence in the room that makes you feel accompanied. The kind of person you can read with without needing to talk, just appreciating being in the same space. Classic quality time.

✦ … I'm reading your love languages, and OH MY GOD, I'm so happy I hit the nail on the head!!! You have exactly the love languages that suit Karasu, and he has exactly what you need!!!

✦ *erm*

✦ I headcanon Karasu as someone who’s very sensitive to positive remarks about who he is, more than about his football technique. Because his technique is directly tied to the arrogant image he’s built and wants to project; someone who truly understands his personality and fears, and compliments him on his qualities, really has the power to shake him in the best possible way.

✦ Now we get to the part about "traits I like in a person" and also the reason why I eliminated so many contenders lol.

✦ "I love ambitious and purposeful people who are set on their goals and burning for what they want." Honestly, Blue Lock is the best manga for this kind of search lol.

✦ But the rest…

✦ "If said person can make a joke, whether it's sarcasm or an unexpected pun- you have my heart." / "I tend to get along with traumatized people who are seeking salvation and reflection" / "I also find myself drifting more to people who can express themselves better than me in any aspect" / "Traits I absolutely hate in a person: liars and manipulators [...] And most of all, disloyalty" / "characters with too much stubbornness"...

✦ So the characters who had the skills you were looking for also had the flaws you didn’t like. And those who didn’t have those flaws were missing the qualities you sought.

✦ I did think of other characters, but as I said earlier, we’ll talk about them at the end of the post.

✦ Lastly, two appearance traits caught my attention:

✦ "a mole on the left side of my chin" Karasu has his under his left eye :)

✦ "I'm 157cm" -> 183cm for the crow, so hello to big cuddles.

✦ Now let's move on to the headcanons!

✦ Those moments when you’re both working from home, and you're starting to crack because of too much work; you go make yourself some tea in the kitchen and spot Karasu sitting on the couch in the living room, typing away on his laptop. You ask him what he's doing, and he gestures for you to come over; with your steaming cup in hand, you walk over and notice he’s on an airline’s website. The crow looks up at you and says, "I booked us tickets to the ski resort for this winter."

✦ He always double-checks that everything is packed and nothing’s been forgotten. He’s the one who drives, handles the logistics and organization so you can fully relax. He’s seen how hard you’ve been working this past month. Now it’s your turn to rest!

✦ When you arrive at the resort, you unload your stuff at the chalet. It's warm inside because, of course, he even thought to have the heating turned on an hour before your arrival.

✦ He tries out winter dishes with you. Honestly, he’s pretty good at it, and his favorites are the ones that need to simmer for a long time to be enjoyed.

✦ He’s brought along a few books you bought a while ago but never had time to read because of work. Now it’s time for long reading sessions with a good cup in hand, while gazing at the snowy scenery outside.

✦ Speaking of outside, you’ve chosen a few walking paths along the mountain to explore. With or without a guide; you're there to observe nature and the winter wildlife hidden in the white landscape. Sometimes a bird flies overhead, and Karasu always knows how to identify the species.

✦ Lots of couple photos.

✦ Matching ugly Christmas sweaters, but it’s a secret only you two know.

✦ It’s also your time to write and put your thoughts on paper. Sometimes you read a passage to Karasu before blushing because you're not sure why you did that. And it always makes him silently laugh because he knows it means you're getting more comfortable. He comments on the aspects of your writing that evoke analyses in him, the depth of your characters and the worlds you imagine. It’s actually a skill he doesn’t have—creating a whole world and integrating characters into it coherently. He mostly compares it to a football team thrown into an unknown world, and that comparison makes you laugh, genuinely.

✦ And it makes you think back to how you met.

He was probably the football player who caught your attention on the field among the 22 players.

Because there was something extra about him. You thought about it for a long time and decided there was something in his strategy, his way of always being in the right place at the best moment to block the opponent, something so formidable that it reminded you a little of a predator carefully positioning itself to surprise its prey at the perfect moment.

You know a bit about football, and you definitely know the rules, but you had never imagined an approach like Karasu’s. Because the guy made a good impression on you (anything that makes you think and that you take the time to understand is a good impression for you), you often returned to watch his games from the stands.

Without ever announcing yourself.

It happened one afternoon when you came to see him as usual. Some of his acquaintances had come to see him and sat a few seats away from you.

When halftime came, Karasu climbed the stairs, a towel draped around his sweat-soaked neck. At first, he raised his hand in a wave, and you honestly thought it was for you.

Nope: he climbed the steps and went over to join his friends, sitting right next to you. He talked with them, and although you didn’t understand everything because the excitement of seeing the player who fascinated you being so close was getting a little too much for your emotions, you still overheard what he thought of his performance:

"It wasn’t bad, but I could’ve positioned myself better. If it weren’t for number 9, I could’ve pulled off a feint."

And at that moment, you smiled before adding:

"Actually, even if number 9 hadn’t been there, you wouldn’t have gotten the ball because of number 11 tailing him."

Karasu immediately turned to look at you, mouth slightly open, not knowing what to say.

It was the truth, and none of the guys he was talking to had noticed it.

"… What else did you see?" He asked, one eyebrow raised, the other furrowed.

And that’s how it all started. A single detail you had noticed managed to capture the raven’s attention until the very end.

A word about your match: Honestly, I really enjoyed writing this matchup—the snow, the fireplace, Karasu with a scarf you knitted for him, sitting on the couch together with his arm slid down your back to your hip... Also, for the other contenders I thought about: Barou, but way too stubborn for you. Chigiri, I think with his quick wit and the trauma of his knee, could have made for a good combination, but there was something missing—something aggressive and positive to elevate your duo. Finally, I also considered the following bunch: Rin, Kaiser, Reo, Sae, but eliminated them all because one was too uncommunicative, another too manipulative, one too clingy, the other incapable of humor… So for me, Karasu is the best possible match for you.

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | SEPTEMBER ‘24 MATCHUPS EDITION.