nadiahejazia

[wakanai]

The Mirror and the Lamp: Odasaku as Dazai's "Mirror"

from the twitter archives

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I can't get over how pretty he looks in the op

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Oh my God Tanizaki, you can’t just ask people why they don't join the mafia

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little miss malpractice

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No longer Understood

Summary:

Six year old Dazai is playing in the garden, when he finds something he's never seen before, a strange motionless bird. Taking inspiration from his stories Dazai decides to save it, which leads to a great misunderstanding between him and his mother. And the realization he's not the child his parents wanted. Determined to make them happy Dazai endeavours to fit in and become the most perfect child anyone could ask for. Except, at every turn, things go wrong for him.

Please read the tags for warnings!

[wakanai]

No longer Understood

Summary:

Six year old Dazai is playing in the garden, when he finds something he's never seen before, a strange motionless bird. Taking inspiration from his stories Dazai decides to save it, which leads to a great misunderstanding between him and his mother. And the realization he's not the child his parents wanted. Determined to make them happy Dazai endeavours to fit in and become the most perfect child anyone could ask for. Except, at every turn, things go wrong for him.

Please read the tags for warnings!

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In the mafia, my orders are absolute.

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— Their blood is on your hands.

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All in a day's work

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Suddenly remembered something I wanted to say re:Akechi, because I think it's really core to his character (at least the way I interpreted him?) and I feel like it explains a lot of his contradictions. Essentially, he is incapable of seeing himself as just a person - he's either the greatest hero/detective ever, or he's some violent monster, and it's like there's no in-between. It's very in keeping with his obvious superiority-inferiority complex, but it goes deeper than that too; when he's in a role, it seems like his self-perception kind of changes too depending on how he is perceived by others. He really does get a confidence boost from being the Detective Prince. He really does shut down emotionally as the Black Mask.

They're masks that he's made, and it's not that aspects of them aren't based in truth to some extent, but I think it goes to show why he's not actually that fantastic a liar (imo, I found the outright lies pretty obvious), but he is a very good actor. He's either an angel or a demon, and never a person, but there are conditions to that. He is an angel when he is perfect - to society. He is a demon when he is vengeful - again, to society. He is never a person, because he never was seen as one - to society. He was disregarded. To be anything of value or notoriety, whether that's hero or villain, he has to be wildly more or less than who he actually is, and he's been building these masks up for so long that I really think he lost sight of the actual person behind it all. And I don't think he wanted to see that person anyways, because that person "wasn't good enough" and I do think he'd rather be anything other than himself. That trickery, that deflection from the person within, in itself brings him pride and satisfaction. He wants to be loved and needed instead of being cast aside, but I also think that if he can't have that then he'd much rather be hated than never have mattered at all. He weaponizes his own loneliness - if he can't ever be accepted then he'll build his own pedestal apart from everyone else.

It's so fascinating too, because I just wonder how much of this he was consciously aware of pre, during, and post engine room. There's this recurring thing with him where he goes "I can only be myself" etc but I just want to shake him because, well, who is that, Akechi??? Or, who do you think that is? Do you actually have an answer? Is it predicated on your actual feelings or solely on your success at fooling everyone around you? Is there any part of you that you actually like that isn't based on a painstakingly constructed mask? Isn't it all mostly lies to deflect from the truth? Isn't it all founded mostly on truth, nonetheless?

It drives me insane. And I think this is a big reason why he breaks so hard in the engine room, because so much of his mask requires his "audience" to perform in a particular way. And here he is, and the Thieves have beaten him, so there goes the first mask, because he's no longer "perfect". He swings wildly into the ugliest sides of him, but this mask is broken too, amidst him vehemently and desperately denying that he has any other emotions than hatred and rage, or any other needs or desires than vengeance. And after that, it's just him. And they should reject him, right? That's what happens. He's not useful, he's not needed or perfect, his hands are stained with blood. But the Thieves, again, don't play the role he expects them to. They, despite everything, relate to him - because he is in fact very similar in a lot of ways and they acknowledge him as a person - not a hero, or idol, or villain, or tool, or unwanted child - but as a damaged teen like the rest of them. And he does not know what to do with that. His identity is intrinsically dependent on getting the right reactions from other people as a form of ingratiating himself - if he does not get that reciprocal reaction he's looking for, his act falters, and, I really do believe that so does his self-perception. That's why you see different aspects of him seep out when he's spending time with Joker, because Joker does not react the way he expects, and Akechi both does and does not like this, because it leaves him feeling both intrigued and vulnerable.

I do think this particular aspect of his character is something a lot of the Thieves don't fully grasp - certainly, I think Joker "I need the mask" Persona 5 understands to a degree, but the sheer degree of reliance and the level of pride attached to it is something that confuses him a little, I think, especially in Mementos Mission. I think the thief that comes closest is actually Morgana, who has a similar superiority-inferiority complex and a desperate need to be seen as competent and useful lest he be discarded. (This is a big part of why the rather lackluster writing with Morgana's arc frustrates me so much because I really do feel it was meant to be contrasted with Akechi's, but I digress.) Morgana is the one to make that emotional appeal to Akechi, which makes a degree of sense - Morgana struggled all along with finding a place in the world. His form leads others to underestimate him; he visually doesn't fit in. He's acting out the role of a chivalrous and cool phantom thief but is more pragmatic with how he views relationships, at least at first. He wants a place to belong where he is appreciated more than anything but his pride won't let him spit it out. Accepting that he belongs and that he is loved even if he really did have nothing of value to provide is a big part of the resolution of his arc. He tries to offer that learned lesson to Akechi in turn ("Follow your true feelings. Even if you think people hate you, or don't want you around-"), but Akechi just wasn't in the right space to listen. There's also an important distinction between the two - Morgana envies humans and looks up to them. Akechi envies humans and looks down on them. Morgana is perfectly happy once he is assured a place amongst the group, but Akechi see-saws wildly between wanting to belong and wanting to be a step above the rest and separating himself further. So while Morgana actually really did cut to the core of the issue, his appeal would never have worked at this point because a) Akechi's pride is dependent on him maintaining his solo act, and b) he just got outed as not actually hating Joker in front of seven other people including Joker himself lmao.

So, uh, sorry, Morgana. Points for trying.

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[wakanai]

like i am just so. obsessed with the way fyodor is breaking the idea of what a character should be. he is this dramatic villain but he Knows that and uses it to just lie and make shit up and say stuff that doesnt matter that he goes back on in an instant - everyone in bsd is so sincere. and i love that. even dazai who is supposedly the guy whos lying all the time like.. he does lie to kunikida but he always comes clean. he keeps his past mysterious because he doesnt want to ruin peoples current perception of him. but fyodor just LIES. he just says shit to get to people - he understands the cast so well, he knows exactly who hes toying with, he knows exactly what his role in the story is and whats expected of him and that means he can just.. usurp everything. he can play into it and use it to his advantage every time im just. he is so self aware and it allows him to just . be like that!!!!!!! like characters shouldnt be like that but humans can be so why shouldnt he?? im feeling normal about him

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i love that souheki consists of the two main strategists in the ada except the fact that they both are not gonna tell you what the plan is unless things get realllll messy. like ranpo needs to be persuaded like crazy or things have to be absolutely DIRE or when dazai is too busy pretending to be mysterious to communicate properly

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Dear Supporter,

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🙏

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I'm sorry it's just soooo fucking funny that Fyodor pulled up on Atsushi with grand expectations about the beautiful tiger and "companionship" and whatnot but instead he just gets this sniveling crying ankle biter and is like "...Ew"

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I think its from reddit:

🤧

(SB stageplay)

(2016 offical twitter Tanabata event)

(i somehow remember this translation being "Dead people don't come back. So there's no one I want to meet so much that I would wish on the stars."

which honestly makes more sense to me as a sentence but idk, would be nice if someone could confirm.)