#up through 2024

[majaurukalo]

I gave too much shit to myself in 2023, but I actually didn’t do all that bad. I finished my Master’s degree, I rediscovered my passion for piano, I started to listen to more music, I finally understood what I want as a career and I survived through 2 ulcers.

2023 wasn’t the worst year in my life by far, I had it more rough during my childhood and teenagehood. It’s just — I think — dealing with bad moments when you are almost 30 is different than dealing with them when you are 10 or 15. Sure, you are more mature and you have more experience, but also, you feel like you are running on a tight schedule and you are already late in many things in your life. Which is not true, obviously, but the daunting feeling still permeates and then the fear of having lost your train sinks in. When you are a teenager, you know that there’s much more to come and you won’t be stuck in that situation forever. It’s not easier, but you are just more stubborn to consider that maybe you are not fit for certain things.

Also, I unburied so much past trauma of past events that I didn’t even know I had. This process actually started during Covid but reached a peak in the first months of January, when I was at my lowest and would cry everyday. I felt lonely, deceived, mistreated…

I saw my family act in ways that made me revalue them and question their past decisions towards my well-being, which was part of that trauma discovering. And that was a big issue because family has always been a staple to me, but now I feel like I totally lost that connection and that we are talking two different languages and even the feelings have shifted, becoming more nuanced.

All to say that, sure, 2023 wasn’t the best year but it was an okay year after all.

[arhvste]

“this is killing me.” kuroo mumbled as he tossed his phone to his side. “just trust me bro,” his best friend-turned roommate bokuto grinned. “this works everytime for me i swear!”

kuroo sighed before grabbing phone again to refresh his instagram story views once more. several people had already viewed the post-gym mirror selfie he’d taken in attempts to garner attention from one particular follower of his; you. “maybe it’s too cringe…” he muttered while over analysing the photo that had already gained a couple of likes within the twenty minutes it had already been up for. “nah.” bokuto reassured him and pat his friend on the shoulder. “you look sexy.” kuroo stared back at the two-toned haired boy. “… thanks bro.”

this isn’t something kuroo would typically post but times were tough and he was desperate. he’d seen you around campus but luck was not on his side when it came to scheduling and the two of you barely had class time together. yet the little class time you did share, kuroo hung onto it tightly and would let scenes of these weekly one hour classes replay in his head more often than he’d like to admit.

“i feel like a modern jay gatsby,” the ex volleyball captain huffed. “my selfie is the equivalent of the wild parties he’d throw in hopes to get daisy’s attention except i don’t want to post every night, i’ve already made myself cringe with this one post.” bokuto stared back at his friend blankly. “yeah… whatever that means.” kuroo frowned back “it’s a classic, you should know what i mean!”

how much longer was he going to have to wait? bokuto had promised him quick results with this method and so far he’d felt deceived and lied to. if talking to you when he got the chance wasn’t enough to get a conversation going outside the classroom, then social media seemed like the next best attempt to start interacting more.

what were you doing? why weren’t you viewing his story? could you even see his story? did he accidentally block you?

these questions ran through his mind as he quickly rushed to check to make sure he hadn’t for some reason blocked you from seeing his story. he half wished he did because then at least he’d know what on earth was taking you so damn long to see the photo he was increasingly starting to hate more the longer it was posted.

“this is stupid.” he stated as he faced bokuto who had zero concerns in his method in gaining someone’s attention. “it works you just have to wait, trust me.”

kuroo frowned as the little red hearts of others who weren’t you fluttered from the bottom corner of the photo. “look!” his best friend grinned as he leaned over kuroo’s shoulder and pointed to the screen of his phone. “you’re getting likes on it!”

“what’s the point if they’re not likes from the person i posted this for in the first place.” kuroo grumbled back in response. he couldn’t believe he’d been subjected to such an attempt to gain some attention from you. it was ridiculous.

it had been about forty five minutes since he’d posted it and he was slowly losing his mind. sure, the post was going to be up for twenty four hours (if he didn’t give into the voices in his head telling him to delete it) so forty five minutes was nothing, but the minutes were beginning to feel like hours and he was dying inside. why weren’t you viewing it already and what could possibly be keeping you off your phone right now?

“this is stupid.” he decided as notifications from his old team mates started to flash up on his screen. the last thing he needed was lev replying with ‘looksmaxing’ to a post that was secretly dedicated to you. “no, it’s barely been up!” bokuto whined. “you look hot so you should get some replies anyway what’s the big deal?”

pinching the bridge of his nose, kuroo huffed. “the big deal is the person i posted this for hasn’t replied!” what was the point in making sure to go to the gym during a rest day just to take this photo if he wasn’t going to at least make his existence more known to you? he’d even worked his legs enough to the point of managing to achieve the sweaty but sexy look. the muscles in his legs were dying, but his dignity sure as hell wouldn’t.

the college student opened up his phone with the intention to end the mental war inside his head once and for all by deleting the post altogether. bokuto watched his friend in defeat but his eyes flashed. “yes they did!” he yelled and pointed to the screen as your name flashed at the top of his screen.

kuroo’s heart jumped at the sight of your profile picture he’d made a daily routine of staring at and the now blue dot indicating a message from your profile in his inbox. to think he was going to delete this post just a second too, what were the chances?

psyching himself up, kuroo took a few quiet deep breathes before letting the time next to your message pass for a few minutes. he wasn’t an instagram warrior by any means, but he knew enough about general rules in order to not look desperate online.

bokuto watched over his friends shoulders as the two stared in anticipation awaiting the message kuroo had been dying for. this was it. leg day two times in a row was gruelling and he’d regret it for the next few days but it would have been worth it. the countless messages from his old teammates mocking his attempts at a thirst trap could be looked past now that you had finally given into the bait he’d so carefully laid. this is what he’d been waiting for. days of preparing and deciding how to gain your attention had finally paid off and he was about to reap the rewards he’d sown.

clicking the message with baited breath, his heart raced as bokuto’s grip of his shoulder tightened. finally.

‘the label on your shirt is sticking out, make sure to cut it’

“a wins a win.” bokuto filled the silence between the pair as kuroo stared at his phone with a blank expression. “… a wins a win…”

[rendevok]

step into the light

what do you see?

my sun,

my stars

shining on me

[systelon]

「 YOU'VE SLEPT ENOUGH. 」

[doctorsiren]

Day 15 of Sirentober / Doctober

Portal / Lost

Oh Stanley ☹️

Available as a print on my Etsy Shop

[strwbrryfire]

he wants that cookie So Effing Bad

[neymiiie]

I just want to see him again.

[brainrotcharacters]

I'm just so happy for Logan honestly he finally found a bitch insane enough to match his freak

[b0bbynash]

[bbqnoir]

Chat is a feminist

[paper-starz]

If the worst comes to worse

Please don’t let defeatism ruin you

Please don’t let your worries and your fears and rage consume you.

You will be ok

You WILL be ok

Even if it doesn’t seem like it. And god knows how scary it is right now. It’s nauseating. But if the worse happens, it happens.

Keep pushing forward

Don’t let that defeat you

You will get through this

I love you all 💖

[yesloulou]

Charles goes surfing in Melbourne | AusGP 2024 🇦🇺🌊 via ariannaoioli on tiktok

[kingofthering]

BURIRAM 2024 | Pecco Bagnaia and Marco Bezzecchi with a young fan.

[why-the-heck-not]

me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

[whumpypepsigal]

Road House (2024): “Kill him!”

[smile-files]

mommy let you use her ipad, you were barely two

and it did all the things we designed it to do

now look at you, look at you!

(objectober 2024 day 10: internet)