#until there’s nothing left to give
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Kaveh is such a lover and I think that part of his tragedy is that he gives so much of himself all the time that he ends up sort of with less left than he should.
#looking at his hands like#he’s structured his life in a way that benefits others#and he cares so much about others#that it ends up being a detriment to himself#I think part of desperately needing to finish things and make them GOOD is pride but it’s also#giving#he wants to give and give and give#until there’s nothing left to give#ooc.
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wip posting just to get something out there, and it's def a mixed bag!! the only thing more inconsistent than my posting schedule is my art style RIP
#wip#yapping below#1. sinnohtrio group pic where nothing bad has happened yet... dedicated sinnoh post coming soon#2. personalizing dawn and lyra's togekisses with different coloring and markings based on region. there's lyra's omelette :]#3. timeskip red and leaf except it's just pikachu#4. top left is all the assets i made for my cs final project! a little cherrim themed browser game#then there's sprites for my champion dawn; cool concept methinks but it's definitely a work in progress. peep the giratina hairclips#some vaugely lugia/ho-oh inspired protag ideas for a hgss sequel#anddd a bunch of background doodles. goldenrod flower shop and a very saturated mt. silver#in timeskip there shall be a proper town at mt. silver's base to officially bridge kanto and johto (and make lyra's work commute easier)#5-7 is me spitballing ideas abt pokemon biology#dratini & dragonair are forever sea snakes to me!!! though i do enjoy the amphibian interpretations#also i didn't know dragonite island was already a thing from pokeani... rip wyverse dragon master lore#i think crobat looks goofy no matter how you stylize it. silver and his big bumbling bat that insists on grooming its trainer. so unserious#there's a togekiss page too but then i remembered egg groups are a thing so i'm revising parts of it#i spent so long trying to come up with a reasonable wing-to-body ratio for togekiss and crobat. literally useless when dragonite can#apparently fly around the globe in 16 hours. are you Kidding me. dragons weren't even merging with jet planes until gen 3.#OK that is all. sorry for the lack of uploads wah#i'm like a ferret hoarding all my doodles until the quantity > quality lever switches in my brain to give the 👍 to post#i did made a spam blog but who knows if i'll actually post on there lol! probably for non-pkmn related stuff
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Culinary appreciation
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#xiao xingchen#lan jingyi#lan sizhui#jin ling#And the mysterious red and green lads! Gosh I hope nothing bad happens to one of them in 6 days.#ouyang zizhen#nameless red disciple#(Note for latecomers: I did not tag Ouyang Zizhen in any of these comics until I made the red vs green poll. Where only one could live.)#I think a lot about how wwx thought about how he'd want to be friends with xxc#then him 'meeting' xxc and trying to save him. With flamin' hot congee.#It's true that many friendships can be forged via food. I have a hunch this one wont turn out so well#Let's give a good round of applause for xue yang for his outstanding performance. He nailed the role of xxc#specifically the fact that xxc if the kind of guy who gets handed dirt 'milkshakes' and leaf potions that children brew and drinks them#Then says he loves it.#I know we still have a day left on the cooking poll but I wanna just say that I think wwx also cooks like he's making dirt and leaf potions#in the sense he cooks by vibes alone and it does not always turn out well for other people#His little moment of throwing shade at the juniors for not knowing what good food (spice tolerance) lives rent free in my brain#sorry to break your confidence king; the one guys who said he liked it was lying to you because he wants something from you.
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Pocketcat's attacks being direct paralells to Daan's support moves makes my brain go crazy.
Daan's magna-medicinal where he sacrifices parts of his own body for the sake of others vs Pocketcat's gentle dismember where he asks others to pick what part of them he'll cut off of them.
Daan's loving whispers where he sacrifices his own sanity for the sake of restoring the health of others vs Pocketcat's chilling whispers where he says something so perverse and mentally damaging it makes people freeze up even in the heat of battle.
Like are you seeing this shit? How after he turns into Pocketcat he inflicts what he suffered through onto others instead? How he was taught to self inflict all of it so one day he could come to perpetuate the cycle of abuse? How can I be normal about this?????
#f&h daan#fear and hunger#oh how he gives and he gives and he gives until theres nothing left of him and becomes the one who takes#i <3 the cycle of abuse I <3 how it comes for us all <3 Im normal
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can't stop fucking thinking about sun/moon shuggy bc shanks is the sun always and buggy is forever the moon. buggy will never be the sun, he will never shine as brilliantly as shanks or anyone else. and the moon makes no light of it's own!!!! it only shines bc the sun's light reflects off of it!!!! buggy never shines by himself!!! he will never make his own light!!! buggy who is always second best, shining only from the light shanks gives him. even worse, you only ever see half of the moon illuminated at one time!!!! shanks who gives buggy the light he needs to shine but only for certain parts of buggy!!!! never all of him!!!!! buggy never shines fully and he never will bc buggy is the moon, he isn't a star or a comet or a meteor, he's a moon and moons don't shine by themselves. and buggy who devotes himself to shanks bc he wants to shine, by god he wants it so badly he aches somedays, but shanks is the golden child, shining with splendor, and buggy knows when to stop fighting a losing battle. he sticks around for years drawn in by the gravity of shanks' orbit until loguetown, and as his captain's head hits the ground, buggy feels himself splinter into thousands of little meteoroids. he leaves shanks standing in the rain and thinks to himself, i will shine by myself or i will die trying
#oh my god sun/moon shuggy makes me insane#me in the corner of my kitchen rocking myslef and whispering: he shines only with the light shanks gives him#and how crazy is that even in this buggy is still second best???#and the moon is only illuminated a half at a time!!! shanks who provides but not enough!!!#never enough!!!#and the moon moves father away from earth every year! buggy who slowly distances himself from shanks until there's nothing left!!!#and the thing about meteors is that they burn up in the atmosphere!!!#but just for a moment they are the most amazing thing in the night sky#buggy who would've given up everything for shanks bc shanks was his roger!!#he would've followed shanks into hell if shanks asked him but shanks looks to him in lgtwn and says he doesn't care about the op#how heartbreaking it must've been for buggy to look at this boy he's followed since childhood bc lord knows buggy wasn't enough#but shanks who is the prodigy the golden child the favorite for as long as buggy has known him#and child!bug looking at all the potential shanks shows and looking at himself and realizing that he will always pale in comparison to shnk#that anything he achieves will always be in the shadows!!#oh the voices the fucking voices#one piece#buggy the clown#buggy one piece#op buggy#akagami no shanks#shanks one piece#op shanks#shuggy#shanks x buggy
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edgy animal crossing inspired game where instead of threatening and insulting you overtly the villagers just make you a pivotal piece in their toxic coping mechanism of choice
#ideas so far include traumadumping & relentless negativity#as well as giving away items from their house until they have nothing left
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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that post thats been floating around zukka tumblr about how zukka is a captivating ship not just because it works but because it has the potential not to.
not even the potential, it’s doomed to fail. divorced zukka is so riveting because it is the embodiment of knowing the consequences but trying your luck anyway. of having read the book but hoping for a different ending this time.
every. time.
they fly until they fall, they crash until they burn, they love until they can’t stand each other.
It’s not just enemies to friends to lovers, it’s a secret third thing: doomed by the narrative!!!
#whether you believe they get back together before Sokka’s canon death is up to you (me personally I say yes)#but either way oooooohhhh it makes for such a great ship to WRITE jeez#their problem is they love too much!!! too hard!!! they give all of themselves until there’s nothing left!!!!!#I’m sorry I don’t know where this brain rot is coming from lmao#anyway stan zukka ig#specifically divorced zukka#zukka#anyway op from the post im referencing you slayyyyyedddd
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speaking of spiders Google.com why is my small baby tarantula being a freak
#She (I have defaulted to she pronouns it is still too young to be sexed) was climbed up onto the side of her vial this morning.#um. Babe. You are a burrowing spider. You are not arboreal. You have a burrow already.#up until this point you have enjoyed your burrow.#why are u on wall.#Is it because of the molt. You left your molt in your burrow and can’t get it out. So now you’re mad about it.#Idk. Tarantula forum is not giving me many answers that would make sense w/ her environment#I will ask my prof tomorrow to get her opinion on why she’s suddenly decided to be arboreal#it could be nothing. I dunno. I’ve never owned a tarantula. Let alone a baby.#But I see change in behavior and usually that means Something. So . Spider prof gets questions tomorrow#clamtalk#bugposting
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the only part of the karin filler episode that i strongly disagree with is what her life was like in oto. in my opinion the episode focuses too much on her healing abilities which wasnt why orochimaru valued her at all. its something kusa horribly took advantage of because they didnt see karin as a person but orochimaru had no need for that when he already had kabuto. karins sensory abilities are much more valuable to him since only one of her can guard an entire prison (efficient). which is why she was the warden of the southern hideout.
and that responsibility implies a certain level of trust. we know karin doesnt Fear orochimaru the way suigetsu does, so i really dont think she was treated the same way she was in kusa. and i do really believe orochimaru keeps his promises to an extent. he is genuinely charismatic and a LOT of people worked under him willingly. so other than some early testing to understand this ability that would have been explained to her and that she would have given consent to*, i really do believe he would have kept his promise to not let anyone else touch her and give her a safe place to exist in.
now of course we also know karin is not that loyal to orochimaru. that kind of background and protection from him could be enough for her to worship him the way kimimaro does. but well ultimately karin is just not that important to orochimaru that he would put on as much of a show for her as he did for kimimaro. and we cant forget that 1) orochimarus chakra is crazy disgusting and oppressive, and thats the first thing karin feels. its how she identifies people. no matter how good he could be to her she knows instinctively that his true nature is completely wicked, so it would be hard to truly let down her guard around someone like that, and 2) he did very much involve her in human experiments lol. she is not into that stuff like kabuto is. its traumatizing. that kind of thing sours a relationship pretty quickly.
all in all. i just think its nuanced. oto isnt just "prisoner going through hell" and "loyal followers who worship orochimaru like a god and see him as a savior and parent". shes just one of the many people in oto who are there to survive. i think its a choice everyone in oto who isnt blinded by orochimarus charisma (or into the whole vibe) makes at some point. to turn a blind eye to everything going on there and not make waves for their own safety or personal gain. to participate in it because outside would be worse, or they dont want it to happen to them
#in kusa karin isnt a person and knows from what happened to her mother that these people will continue to take and take and take#from her until shes got nothing left to give and then they would just leave her to die#in oto at the very least karin has personhood and the illusion of freedom and security#it sucks. she sees hell every day. but at the very least it doesnt happen to HER anymore#*disclaimer: obviously in front of orochimaru karin is not gonna say no but the fact that she is asked permission is what#separates orochimaru from kusa &solidifies loyalty to him despite being scared lol#maruto cinematic universe#karin
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I could so imagine Martin being weird about Jon trying to care for him at all
Like yes, Martin is the sweetest guy who will love and care for and protect anyone he remotely enjoys the company of, and will constantly do everything he possibly can for Jon
But if Jon ever tried to reciprocate and help Martin when he’s not at his best
I think Martin would get confused and anxious
The guy has never been actually taken care of I’m convinced of it and I just know if Jon TRIED Martin would not know how to act what so ever
#it’s even better if it’s in the safehouse#like I could so see Jon trying to help Martin care for himself in the early days after the lonely#but Martin is all awkward about it not only because of the lonely but#because he has no clue how to react to being anyone’s priority#I just have so many thoughts about characters who give everything to everyone around them and struggle to receive anything back#thinking about in the fluff episode Tim saying ‘You will give yourself away until there’s nothing left of you to love’ to him#sorry for the long tags I’m just in my thoughts about Martin Blackwood#martin blackwood#the magnus archives#tma
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silvers sacrifices as a parallel to maxs compromises .? is this anything
#like giving up more and more and gaining more and more in return but finding that what you gain is also a loss in a way#but max realizes when shes reaching the threshold at which shell lose herself so she can stop and course correct toward what she wants#but silver loses and destroys more and more until he crosses that final line and is left a totally different person with nothing at all#yknow? is this anything? am i just saying words?#bs
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reminder.
#hi i couldnt think of an awesome caption for all of this so um ill talk in the tags about my thought process#silhouette is forgetting herself. and she knows this. they reflect on this often. this time literally in a mirror. and their face...#its blurry. its obscured. they can see their own tired expression... but can they really see their face?#and the flames. once again burning away at their memories. sil can watch herself forget in real time if she wanted. she's so tired.#she could burn away everything if she wanted. they could keep burning until there's nothing left at all. and that self destructive tendency#is tempting. god it is so tempting to say fuck it and give up. but no they cant. they have a job to do. they usually remind themself to kee#going in the mirror. even when the reflection doesnt always look familiar. but now theres also something else. a new glimmer of hope in#silhouette's otherwise bleak life. a girl. she doesnt know if they can have that happy ending. but she will do anything to keep her safe.#and for now that is enough. sil doesnt know if she will remember her own face or her own name but my fucking god she will not forget lucy's#anyway hi im normal about my ocs 😁 teehee#my art#doodle#digital art#colored sketch#oc tag#silhouette#lucille
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Going through a straight up comical amount of irritating situations to get the stupid 4* guaranteed ticket from the welcome to sekai campaign. It Will Be Mine.
#I’m resuming this tomorrow it’s been hours now I’m just mad#I’m home because my parents are moving to a different state and I needed to pack whatever was left#and for some reason we just keep old devices when we’re done with them#so I borrow an adapter to allow me to connect my ancient unworking iPad mini to my laptop#factory reset it. i have to reset an old email to access the old Apple id to fully reset it.#it won’t connect to the wifi so I have to reset the settings. i find out it’s too old to run pjsk.#i find an old phone that should work. i reset it as well. I’m able to download pjsk & it takes 20 minutes.#pjsk crashes everytime I try to open it. i attempt to run bluestacks on my computer. bluestacks doesn’t have 64 bit for mac yet.#i get a free trial of parallels and download windows onto my laptop. this takes 40 minutes.#i try to download and run bluestacks on that. m1 macs apparently can’t run bluestacks 64 bit through parallels.#i go find the final old phone that I had forgotten about. it takes forever to charge because the charging port is fucked up. i reset it as#well. it can’t connect to wifi. i try a hotspot on my current phone. service is too awful. i try to do wifi sharing from my laptop.#you have to be connected to the router via a cable for that to work.#at this point it has been like 3 hours. I’m giving up because I’ve been down this route before#when I attempted to run 32 bit steam games on m1 mac#(wine64 doesn’t exist for m1 macs yet -> attempt to run boot camp -> boot camp isn’t a thing anymore on Apple silicon -> attempt to run#several different programs that allow me to run windows on a mac. none of them work. ->#look into linux & give up. -> attempt to implement the unfinished/unbottled wine64 code thru terminal. ->#fuck up and delete some important file & have to fix that (misery inducing) -> keep trying. i think I downloaded a Mac coding program at#some point? i realize I have zero coding knowledge and this is a mistake. -> give up and purchase crossover. game doesn’t even work. ->#3 months later update to the latest OS so I can have enough storage to play psychonauts 2. find out the $60 crossover#purchase was a bad idea because ‘heehee crossover doesn’t work on that buy the new version’ (fuck crossover).#my toxic trait is my belief that I can figure out anything via google and sheer stubbornness. usually this is true. occasionally there are#exceptions to this rule. most of them are because owning Apple products is a mistake.#i think if I reset the router tomorrow I can solve this problem but I can also just go elsewhere with better service or wait until I’m home#now it’s a matter of pride. and also free 4*/I have nothing better to do because I’m stuck here until Tuesday.#<- this is all normal behavior by the way. who doesn’t spend 8 hours ramming their head against a problem every once and a while. enrichment#mine#oh I forgot. i also looked into cloning the app but that would cost money for something that might not even work.#‘just log out and make an alt’ and risk losing my account? I’m stupid enough to overwrite it on accident.
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Every time Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel has a glimpse of genuinely GOOD WRITING, I go insane. Both of these shows feel like edging to me, like they will tease me with these bangers and then leave me to dry EVERY DAMN TIME.
#everywhere it's all 'Blitzo and Stolas' character development' 'Stolitz is back baby' 'I love to see them so healthy'#boring. bland. blah.#I mean yeah it's TECHNICALLY ''character development'' but not really?#and it's not good either#their sudden healthy bs came so far out of left field and it makes literally no sense#their current dynamic is SO obviously only like it is because the plot needs it to be that way#there's no actual subtance and their characters haven't GROWN they just Magically Got Better#I DO really like Blitzo learning to really desire a family and working on actually using his ability to empathize#the lovey scenes with him and Stolas would have hit more if they were more clumsy or awkward#he's just... too perfect? which is just so surface level it feels like a cop-out at LEAST give him some paralles#like if he was copying the family they refused to kill? Cinema. if he was awkwardly copying Mox and Mills? Real Good.#suddenly pulling out this gorgeous Perfect Lover rizz? eh. next.#BUT let's talk about the LOOK that Blitzo gave Stolas when he said Octavia hates gim#the realization that Stolas not only gave up his life but the ONE THING that made him happy- and also the ONE THING Blitzo has wanted so#SO badly because he and Loona never really... got that sort of a father/daughter thing since he adopted her when she was almost an adult#the whole ''I love you. dad'' honestly felt out of character for Loona given how awfully she's been towards Blitzo this entire time#it felt so blatantly like an insert to make Stolas realize JUST how badly he fucked up#and he DID like he WON'T admit it but he's always treated Octavia and her happiness like a backburner#she's been simmering in her own feelings this whole time and he forgets about her again and again and again#if Vivian weren't just kind of awful at fleshing out characters and repeating the same storylines until things Magically Get Better#the fact that we as an audience know next to nothing about Octavia would be borderline genius level writing#showcasing just how effort little Stolas actually puts into his relationship with her that a narrative centered around him all but entirely#neglects his daughter and how she was right that she will get older and he will only know her name#because he just does not actually put in that effort (no matter how much he wants to or thinks he does)#but that opening wound isn't just about Stolas it really feels like it's about BLITZO#and I feel like this would be an INCREDIBLE aspect of his character to genuinely flesh out#as well as giving Octavia more actual interaction and interwoven character dynamics#like Blitzo has SEEN the damage that he is able to do with Verosika and Fizzarolli but he still doesn't /really/ understand his own damage#and I think this would be perfect to flesh him out more as well as perhaps FINALLY add some character nuance to the series to finely put:#yes Stolas is right for chasing his heart. but YES Octavia is right for being upset!!!
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I love you Nancy Wheeler I love you Nancy Wheeler nobody could ever make me hate you Nancy Wheeler
#FUCK the Nancy antis#leave my baby girl tf alone#she has done nothing wrong#she is fucking sixteen in season one give me a fucking break#she is still in gd high school in season 4 pls leave her alone#i love my pushy feminist queen she is so cool#and if your hatred of her is because you think she treated Steve poorly#actually reevaluate yourself#steve in s1 was homophobic controlling and mean spirited and in s2 he did not give a fuck about Barb or Nancy's trauma until she left him#steve is an amazing character but he still was a bad partner to Nancy and Nancy is not wrong for leaving him#anyway I love Nancy <3#nancy wheeler#stranger things
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