#until my therapist pointed it out lol and was like 'it might be time to consider medication'

[villa-kulla]

2024 in review:

January: Strong start, fun at work, creative plans, many outings with new people, successful birthday cocktail bash thrown, plans to keep the momentum going -

January 23rd: cat dies

February: depression/crippling loneliness

March: depression/crippling loneliness

April: depression/crippling loneliness

May: depression/crippling loneliness

June: depression/crippling loneliness

July: depression/crippling loneliness/therapy

August: start dating this guy with whom i have a history because that's just what people do isn't it? he loves me and is ready to settle down, so maybe this is it, maybe i should just settle and join this club of monogamy and kids that i've watched every single one of my close friends join over the past 3 years, leaving my the 7th wheel at every single social function because it's ridiculous that I'm in my early 30s and my most significant relationship was with a cat, maybe it's time to finally grow up and settle for someone, you had a very slutty bisexual 20s back when it was cute, but as long as you're still somewhat attracted to guys, might as well let the pendulum settle that way because it'll be societally easier for you in the long run, and all the while you can ignore the voice in the back of your head that this is wrongwrongwrong and you don't want this, also it's too embarrassing to have a sexuality crisis in your 30s when you've been out since your teens but whatever, and you should settle down anyways because maybe it'll give your life purpose i mean look at your past year, maybe you wouldn't have taken the death of your cat so hard, at least you'd have a built-in social circle, and everyone does say that they never felt truly alive until they have kids/partner, and while your parents never pressure you they've certainly hinted that it's weird you haven't settled down yet and you'd be happier with a family of your own, therefore obviously my life must have no other value, maybe they're right, so let's settle down with a guy whom i quite honestly find irritating now and who doesn't spark joy but it's been hard to tell because everything is irritating to me lately and nothing sparks joy, and i try so hard and stay reasonably social and have hobbies that get me out of the house and am financially stable with a challenging full-time job that's sometimes rewarding and eat well and exercise a lot and these are all Healthy™ things to do so why do i feel like dying every time i wake up and have to face getting through the day, and isn't it pitiful that the one who was always Little Miss Talented and Smart and Pretty growing up has amounted to a sad, lonely, unfulfilled girl who hasn't lived up to any of her creative potential, and people will always see her as a cat lady except even more pathetic because her cat is dead, and maybe my best years are really behind me, and i'll just be stuck forever tagging along after friends who've moved on with their lives, so better commit to this guy you find tiresome right because husband + kids = happiness, maybe those nuclear family people are onto something, maybe husbands and kids are for when the rest of your friends get husbands and kids and you start to lose them because the friendship is different no matter what anyone says, and you've always been good at forcing yourself to do what's good for you, and deep down you know this is nonsense and won't solve anything, but it can't possibly make things worse than you've felt all year, and also this Guy feels like his life is starting over with you, but you feel like your life is ending with him, and the only reason you'd stay with him is so people don't pity you, and more than anything you can't bear for people to pity you and you suspect they all secretly are pitying you simply because you're single and there must therefore be something fundamentally wrong with you, and you used to be able to dismiss thoughts like that as stupid, but then again you used to be a lot more happy, and it gets harder and harder to ignore the thought that something is wrong with you, and the only thing worse than other people's pity is self-pity and every time you stop and think about your unhappiness you cry because you don't see how you'll ever feel happy again and you know you don't deserve to feel this way, but you can't actually remember the last time you were happy, it was certainly before your cat died, and I miss him so much and could this guy just stop fucking texting me for one second, oh god it's me, hi, i'm the problem it's me -

September: depression (but busy!)

October: Meds! / break up with guy + floods of relief!

November: Don't even remember

December: Actually kind of okay!

Anyway, Happy almost New Year!

[todayisafridaynight]

psst for my stream regulars

How does the idea of me starting streams at like 1:30PM (EST) sound. i’ll still plan to run them to like 5:00PM (EST) but now its more definite it’ll actually end then opposed to accidentally going on until like. 7:30PM (EST)

Also im on mobile so i cant make a poll so you gotta let me know through like a comment or somethin ok ty

[yongseungkim]

.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

lips of an angel

pairing: married! leon x marriage counselor! reader

cw: infidelity, p in v, oral, over-usage of 'good girl', regret, leon is an asshole (like, he's really a dick), reader is also not a good person (so, hopefully it's ooc for u lol), not proofread enough

summary: leon is married to ashley (she deserves better) and he cheats on her with reader who is the marriage counselor

a/n: based on a reddit post lol. also, it's time for us to admit that lips of an angel is such a fucking good song and leon would listen to it. (imagining this is id! leon and that song came out around that time so actually it's perfect. anyway, bye)

wc: 2.7k

[edit] taglist

@rigorwhoring

@dilfprayers

@porcelainseashore

@dollita-fawn

@xoxoloveless

@admirxation

@pawrincss

@onlyasimp4-2dbitches

@pr3ttyd0llie

It starts like many horror stories do: with a knock at the door. He's tall, dark, and handsome, standing in the doorframe. Except not that dark, not very tall at all, but incredibly handsome and you've come to find over the sessions you've spent together that his looks are your weakness. His weakness is you. And many other women. Including his wife, who usually attends these sessions, but tonight, he comes alone. Maybe it's the rain that's beating down on the windows - thought it should sound like a warning - that makes you feel sympathetic enough to let him in when you know you shouldn't.

You let him sit on your couch, but make him hang up his leather jacket on the coat rack so he doesn't ruin the furniture. So you can see his biceps better. And his forearms when he rolls up the sleeves of his dress shirt. The first two buttons are already undone, but that's how he always dresses. You know this because you spend too much time looking at him. What does his wife wear? Skirts? Dresses? Pantsuits? She could wear a goddamn clown costume to every session and you'd be none the wiser because you're staring at her husband like he's a piece of meat.

"Not that I'm unhappy to see you, but why are you here?" you ask him. "Your appointment isn't until Wednesday."

"I'm having marriage troubles. I thought you might be able to help."

It's in the job title: marriage counselor.

"Where's Ashley?" It's a loaded question, and the gun is pointed at your entire fucking career.

"She couldn't come. Plus, I don't think she'd like to know about these problems I'm having."

You take a deep breath, contemplating absolutely nothing because you've already made your choice. You made your choice months ago when you had your first appointment with the Kennedys.

“Remember when I said I had a history of cheating?”

“I do. Has this become a problem again?”

“Not exactly,” he says with a slight chuckle that you later find is ironic in nature. “But I’ve been having thoughts…”

“Are these thoughts sexual?”

“Very.”

“Have you tried taking care of it yourself?” You make a hand gesture to signal ‘if you know what I mean’ and pray he knows what you mean so you don’t have to say the words ‘jerk off’ explicitly.

“Yes, but it hasn’t worked.” He looks directly into your eyes when he says it.

"Are these thoughts about a specific person?"

"Yes." 

His answers, which are limited to only a few words at a time, make you feel like you're shaking up a magic 8 ball, and the blue goop reveals a die that has little to say beyond 'It is certain', 'My sources say no', and 'Try again later'. 

“Is there a way you could distance yourself from this person so you don’t have any potential ‘slip ups’?” you ask.

“Sure, but I’d have to stop counseling if I did.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Kennedy-”

“Leon.”

“Right. Leon, I’m not trying to be presumptuous, but are you insinuating that these thoughts are about me?”

“That they are.” His smile gives you a golden star-shaped sticker for guessing correctly.

You give him a scowl. "I'll set you up with a new therapist, then."

“Let me ask you something,” he says, leaning forward, staring right into your soul. “Are you attracted to me too?”

“I’m not comfortable answering-”

“That’s not a ‘no’. Is it?”

You try to wipe the look of shock arousal off your face.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to admit it. I remember you asking a lot of questions about my sex life, especially the parts that don’t involve my wife, and getting visibly flustered when I answered them.”

“Of course I asked questions like that. I’m a therapist. It’s what I do. I’m sorry if you-” 

You should ask him to leave, separate yourself before you explode in frustration. Getting defensive is not a healthy way to argue. You know this. You've told him this.

“If I remember correctly you asked me about how I touch myself, when I do it, if I watch anything.” He doesn't wait for a response from you, but it wouldn't have come anyway. “And, the whole time you were sitting there chewing on your pen, pretending not to imagine it. And then writing it down in a hurry, making sure you got down every little detail.” He taps on your pad of paper.

“Can I see this for a moment?” He snags it from the table beside you and flips through the pages. Without thinking, you leap forward and try to snatch it from him, falling into his lap.

The embarrassing part is when he lifts you off of him. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“It’s highly confidential!”

“Mr and Mrs. Kennedy,” he begins to read imitating your voice.

“Enough.” You use your sternest voice with him - which is far from stern.

“It says right here that Mr. Kennedy is 'a total dick’ but ‘totally fuckable’.”

“It does not!”

“You’re right. It doesn’t. But you were thinking it. Weren’t you?” He looks up with a smile on his face that’s both charming and cruel.

"I'm not playing whatever game you're trying to play with me right now, Leon."

It's the devil's edition of 20 questions, it seems.

He flips the pad closed, and says, “I’ll leave right now if you answer one question truthfully.”

“Fine," you huff, snatching the pad of paper and stashing it out of his reach.

“Did you go home and touch yourself while thinking about me?”

You shake your head vehemently. "No. Absolutely not."

“You couldn’t even make it home, huh? You did it right here, didn’t you?”

You don't have to answer - the look on your face gives it away.

“Was it on the couch? Right where I was sitting? Where I'm sitting right now."

“Fine. You win, you got it right. Are you happy now?” You concede because you want to end this conversation as quickly as possible, so you can go hide your face and die. 

You want him to fuck you within an inch of your life and then you'll die happily. La petite mort? That's what they call it, right? You want that.

Leon just hums in response, giving you no insight into his thoughts. Though it doesn't take a therapist to guess that he's mentally fucking you. To your surprise, he slaps his hands on his thighs and stands up.

When he gets to the door, you say, “Wait-”

“What?” He asks, nonchalant to such a degree that one might believe the events of the previous few minutes never transpired at all.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving. Like I said I would.”

“You’re just gonna leave? Do you get off on embarrassing people? Is that it?”

“No. I get off to you, and you know that." He's oddly defensive despite having the upper hand. "I also know that a large part of you despises me, but it’s because there’s a part of you that wants to fuck me.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He shrugs. “You’re the therapist, not me.”

“I’m telling your wife.”

“You’re going to tattle on me?" He laughs. “That wouldn’t be very HIPAA-compliant of you, would it?”

“Why are you doing this?" It feels like a nightmare that you can't escape where a terrifying shadowy figure is chasing you while you're screaming out for help and no one's listening. Except, this is more horrific due to the fact that you like it. Your thoughts about the man in front of you are downright depraved. You are both the monster, mirrors of each other. 

"I thought you wanted to fix your marriage," you say.

“My wife wants to fix our marriage. You and I both know it’s doomed. But you’re not allowed to say that, are you?”

You shouldn't be saying half the things you are right now, but it's too late to turn back now. You are the sunk cost. And the ship that was the concept of 'fixing Leon's marriage' has already sailed.

“You want the truth? I’ve known since the moment you opened your mouth that your marriage was done.”

“Then why did you keep having sessions? Was it for the money?” He pauses. “I doubt it. You’re a good therapist. You could get other clients. There was another reason. And, we both know what that reason is, but I won’t make you say it. I’m not that mean.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“And that’s what you like most about me.”

“It is not.”

“Then what is it?”

“Fuck you!”

“Do you want to? I wouldn’t be opposed.”

“Convince me.”

“Haven’t I already?”

“No.”

“Then why are you asking me to convince you instead of telling me to fuck off? You just want me to come up with a reason that doesn’t make you feel bad about doing it.”

“And there isn’t one.”

“No, there isn’t," he says with a bit of pity, knowing he's dragging you down into the second circle of Hell with him.

“You have to swear to tell your wife.”

“Is that a yes?”

He did not swear to tell his wife, but Leon is a cheater and a liar already. If he swore to tell his wife, you'd only be an idiot to believe him. 

“Lock the door.”

He turns around and flicks the lock. “Done.”

You stand up and his mouth is on yours. He’s the best kisser. Silver-tongued, you should've known it. You can fucking taste it too. Metallic. No, that's blood. You bit his lip hard enough to draw blood.

You’re the one who starts undressing him first but he doesn’t make fun of you. He helps you out of your top instead.

“Goddamn you have perfect tits. It’s a shame you always keep ‘em hidden.”

“It’s a professional environment.”

“Yeah, it’s so professional that you fuck your clients in it.”

“I’ve never done this before.”

"Don't worry. You’re not the first therapist I’ve fucked. I’ll lead.” Leon lays you down on the couch  - roughly, but cradling your head so you don’t knock it on anything. 

You gasp. "Leon, the couch is damp from your wet clothes," you whine.

"I promise it'll be soaked by the time I leave."

Before you can open your mouth, he’s kissing down your chest, making his way to your panties. His tongue is good at more than just talking. He has you unraveling within minutes, moaning obscenely.

“As much as love your pretty moans, baby, we’ve gotta be quiet. Don’t want you to get fired.”

“I deserve it.”

“No, you don’t. You’re a good therapist, and a good girl.”

“You think I’m a good girl?”

“So good. And you taste amazing.” He places a kiss on your clit and you nearly cry, having forgotten the feeling of his tongue in the mere seconds you spent without it. “I want you to come in my mouth.” He sucks on your clit until you do.

Leon's lips are dark and puffy when they meet yours - the ones on your face. He asks, “How did you imagine us doing it?”.

“Mostly me on top of you.”

“It’s a good idea, isn’t it?” he says, placing featherlight kisses from your jaw down your neck.

You shake your head. “None of this is.”

“I know. You've got morals. You’re a good girl.” He pauses before whispering into the shell of your ear, “That’s why you deserve to have me however you want me.”

His right hand is busy holding you steady so he fingers you with his left. You watch as his wedding band slips in and out of your pussy along with his middle finger, giving a double fuck you to his wife with each movement.

He seems fascinated by the squelching sounds, no longer focused on getting his dick inside you. The heavy rain outside covers up some of the noise but not enough to save you the embarrassment.

"Jesus. Just fuck me already." You try desperately to avoid sounding desperate, praying he takes your irritation at face value.

But you're too obvious, you wear your sick, sick heart on your sleeve. 

"You want my dick that bad and you haven't even seen it yet."

"I hope it's as big as your ego."

"No you don't. That'd be painful, medically concerning probably."

You want to laugh because he manages to be funny and charming as hell despite being an absolute dick, but that fact makes you hate him more. And the blood that courses through you has nowhere to go but south.

All the while, his fingers refuse to leave your aching center. "Leon," you whine, pushing his hand away, "you're gonna make me cum again."

"I know," he purrs. "I wanna make up for all the months you've spent here by yourself, with your fingers inside you instead of mine."

"I was pretending they were yours." There's no point in saving the confession anymore.

"I'm sure you were, but I've got somethin' better for you, baby."

And, abruptly, he removes his fingers. You watch him unbuckle his belt, and despite this being your fantasy, you look at him like he's betrayed you.

"What?" he says, coyly, "I thought you wanted this."

"I do, but I was about to cum, and you just took your fingers away. You're such an asshole!" You pout like a bratty child.

"Yeah, I know I am," he says - his words are muffled by the square packet he tears with his teeth. He slides on the rubber barrier before he picks you up and sits you down on his cock, disregarding the obscene noises you make as he shoves himself inside you all at once.

You're wet but there's a stretch. His dick is big, maybe not as big as his ego, but bigger than any you've taken before. This is how he gets away with it, you think.

"Fuck, you're tight," he groans. His hands have an iron grip on your hips. "You've gotta learn to loosen up and relax. You're too high strung. This is probably good for you."

It's not, you'll find when the orgasm wears off, but right now it feels really fucking good.

His thumb circles your clit while you bounce up and down, working well in tandem. Ironic, as you've made so little progress in your weekly sessions. As expected, the dual stimulation makes you slick with arousal, opening you up for him.

His voice sounds distant, droned out by your own moans which get even louder as his words get filthier. "Bet all your advice didn't work 'cause your brain was all fuzzy thinking about what my cock would feel like inside you. Or maybe you did it on purpose 'cause you wanted me all to yourself."

"No… n-no-" you say, voice trembling just as your thighs do.

"S'okay, baby. Girls with messy pussies like you can't help it. Just need to get some dick in you and then you can go back to being a good girl."

Can you? Maybe you can a 'good girl' in the bedroom, but a morally-upstanding woman? Even in your own eyes, he's corrupted you.

Still, you call out for him, "Leon," you cry, the singular syllable drawn out. You are lucky that the thunder from the storm is louder than your voice could ever be.

"I know," he says, "I'm close too."

The way your walls squeeze him when you cum drags his own orgasm from him. 

You are oddly dissatisfied at the fact that he spills into the condom, not into you. It feels so impersonal. Because it is. It doesn't escape you that he didn't say your name - not even a pet name - just a simple 'fuck' when he came.

You point him in the direction of the trashcan where he can throw away the physical evidence of the mess you've made.

His pants are back on in a second while you remain naked on the couch.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," he says. "Ashley's making dinner. Don't wanna keep her waiting."

"You're gonna go home to her?" you say, more disappointed than surprised.

"Yeah. What did you think I was going to do?"

Truly, you weren't thinking. If you were, you would not have had sex with Leon. 

"I'm surprised you're not happy. I'm gonna go spend some quality time with my wife. That was your advice - wasn't it?"

"Yeah, but-"

"But what? You're our marriage counselor. I'm just trying to fix my marriage."

"You're doing an awful job."

"I know," he says, with his hand on the doorknob. "See you on Wednesday."

[fandomlurker333]

A lot of people are screaming throuple and just writing the porn (which I get! It’s fun!). But reading them come is not enough for me. lol Toxicity is hot until it’s just damaging and sad for everyone. I want real happiness for these three weirdos.

The end of the film was meant to be the very beginning of something. Just the spark of an idea of them coming back to one another. But the real work starts after. 

And I think it would probably be a step-by-step thing. 

I can see Patrick and Art working to draw closer, with that strong foundation of their childhoods to build off of. Obviously having to resolve the hurt that so much time and distance caused them, and both being willing to forgive. But it’s clear at the end of the film that the door is open for that. They grew up together. There’s a real root of knowing that I think could carry them through the toughest parts early on. Their relationship evolving feels possible.

And Tashi and Art’s marriage would find some breathing room and maybe even some renewed delight for having Patrick present and loving on them both. Kinda seeing each other again through his eyes type thing. Remembering they’re more than who they have been to each other for over a decade (both operating in one mode to survive, never quite enough for each other -- not totally fulfilled and not appreciated in their fullness).

I don’t think Patrick and Tashi would be having sex at this point, but I can see like….tennis dates where they bicker. Just them all learning how to be in each other’s space for extended periods of time and enjoy it.

And maybe Art wouldn’t resent Tashi so much for not being able to give him everything (so much has been taken from her — she just doesn’t have all that much left. She’s been doing her best.) and maybe Tashi would feel more at peace seeing them play each other and knowing Art is really loving tennis, not just playing for her. Connecting with them both in that space and finding joy in tennis again, so it’s not just routine and pain and loss for her.

With that healing happening concurrently (with therapists as support, of course), I think they’d get far. And then once those relationships are more secure, once Art and Tashi learn how they relate to each other when he isn’t winning for her (which would be something new. They don’t know what that looks like yet!) then Patrick and Tashi, having learned way more about themselves in relationship and how to communicate, might start working on their side of the triangle lol. 

I could see them all exploring and working out the intimacy over time — not just sex, but intimacy -- what do they each need and how do they need it? And kink too, the various ways they each want/need to give or receive so they all feel truly satisfied.

And of course they’ll be partners co-parenting. All of them.

I can see Tashi finally grieving her injury, the life she lost, and rediscovering her love of tennis, not to win, but for the joy of being on the court. Her sobs the first time she plays again and it’s not competitively, just a little volley, but it’s like she’s finally alive again. Reminding herself she’s a leader in tennis the space still, that she can build success in that world even without Art’s career, but maybe it looks different. I see a healed Tashi learning to enjoy teaching kids. Taking on more protege. And letting Art and Patrick come help at her tennis camps. 

Art retiring like he said he wanted, running the foundation as Tashi steps back. Realizing that he’s actually pretty good at this business thing and going back to school for a Master’s in nonprofit leadership. Meeting new people. Making friends (that aren’t Patrick). Getting invited to a pottery class and seeing he loves to work with his hands. Playing tennis with Patrick on the weekends.

And my heart for stay-at-home dad Patrick. Who always forgets to change over the laundry and leaves his keys everywhere and puts the babies' shoes on the wrong feet. But my god he loves those kids so goddamn much. Patrick learning to cook for the family and getting really good at it like he does anything he hyper-focuses on. Patrick finally having a home with the two people he loves most and figuring out how to create some routine and stability for himself within that container.

The love in that home. Ugh. I think it’s possible! I think they can do it! It just takes work. 

[warabidakihime]

★ characters: levi ackerman x reader | modern au

★ plot summary: levi helps you get through an episode

★ content warnings : implied su!cidal ideations, talks about mental illness (panic attacks, anxiety, and depression).

★ a/n: just a lil something i wrote out of sheer indulgence cause i am going through it ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა . so i guess you could say this is true to life and the only difference is, i don't have a levi by myself doing all these for me LOL. BUT YEAH, i hope you like this one and i hope it could help other people who might be going through the same thing.

sending everybody hugs!

-

Title: Until When Do I Need to Run?

"What if I'm too tired by the time I reach the 'pinnacle' of my life?"

Your voice sounded soft and vulnerable as you let those words slip through your lips.

Normally, you wouldn't let these kinds of thoughts escape the confines of your mind, but today, your heart was desperately screaming for any semblance of salvation.

Anything that could shed light on your ever-gloomy world.

From the dining table where your boyfriend sat, enjoying his freshly brewed jasmine tea after dinner, Levi raised an eyebrow in your direction. "What?"

You were at the sink, washing the dishes, as it was your turn this week. You chuckled humorlessly as you rinsed a plate rather mindlessly. "It's nothing. I was just thinking out loud."

"And thinking ridiculous things too," Levi said, his voice louder than usual. It didn't occur to you that he had moved until you were spun around, facing him. He was already behind you while you were racking your brains for a response.

"What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" His frown was deep, his gray eyes piercing. Despite being shorter, his presence loomed over you.

Reaching for the kitchen towel to dry your hands, you stayed mute for a few minutes in an attempt to gather your thoughts.

"Work has just been... rough lately, and the stress is getting to me. But today was especially hard," you started. You were speaking slowly, trying to articulate your words as best as you could.

It was something your therapist had taught you years ago. Because of the things you went through growing up and the trauma you'd accumulated, you'd unfortunately lost your ability to speak coherently at times, almost to the point of being considered a person with a disability.

Having such a handicap was frustrating and humiliating, to say the least. It angered you when you couldn't get the right words out or when your mind went blank mid-sentence, rendering you temporarily mute.

Thankfully, you had Levi. He'd been your boyfriend for eight years, and since you got together, life wasn't as draining as it once was. You couldn't be more grateful to him. The two of you had met while you were on a coffee run at work. He was behind you in line, and when your card was unfortunately declined and you didn't have cash on you, you almost had an anxiety attack.

In his own way of displaying kindness, Levi scoffed from behind you and handed the cashier his card to pay for both your orders.

"If you don't want to go through something like that again, make sure you have cash on you, dumbass."

And the rest was history.

You went quiet again, and while Levi waited patiently, he took your hand, gave it a loving squeeze, and led you to the living room so that you could sit and talk comfortably.

Once you were settled, you took a deep breath, which sounded shaky as it escaped your lips. Your emotions were clearly piling up inside, and it was just a matter of when they would burst.

"Steady your breathing first, Y/N," Levi said as he rubbed your back gently, doing his best to comfort you while you grounded yourself. "Take your time."

Smiling sheepishly at him, you did as told, and then finally, you continued to confide in him.

"Nothing major happened, but work has been really hectic recently due to the amount of things we need to do, and it doesn't help that my team is severely understaffed. So, I guess the fatigue and stress have been piling up, and it's getting to me."

Levi noticed the tension in your shoulders and the way your hands were trembling slightly. He reached out and gently massaged your temples, his touch soothing.

"Any word on that incompetent manager of yours? They're looking for a replacement, right?" Levi asked, his voice tinged with annoyance. He knew the lore of what was happening at your workplace, and to say that he was pissed was an understatement.

Not only were you neglected by your immediate supervisor, but you also had to catch up and do his workload while still getting paid less than him. The whole thing was a mess, and to be completely honest, Levi was on edge, worried for your well-being. It sucked that his worst fears were manifesting.

"They're doing the best they can, so I'm just waiting patiently on that."

Levi let out a 'tsk' and rolled his eyes, clearly more annoyed for you. The gesture caused you to giggle a little.

"And to sum it all up, the whole thing kind of shoved me into another episode, and I started to overthink things again." You said with a pout, then continued, "I started to think of negative things again, like the fact I literally have to work like a horse just so I can survive for another two weeks. From that, I started to get dizzy because it dawned on me that it would literally take me years to succeed. And then I thought, what if by the time I reach the most successful point of my life, I'm too tired to celebrate or to even continue living because that's what I've been striving to achieve for so long, and that's where I've been pouring all my energy—"

"Okay, stop. Stop right there," Levi interrupted, his voice firm. He let out a frustrated sigh and pulled you closer, taking your hands in his. "You're spiraling, Y/N. You're making a mountain out of a molehill. We're going to tackle this together, one step at a time. Right now, you need to breathe and relax."

His gray eyes held a stern yet caring expression. "Focus on the now, Y/N. We deal with problems as they come. I'm here. I'll be your anchor, but you have to let go of the rope a little."

You looked into his eyes, feeling the weight of his words. Levi had always been your rock—the one who grounded you when your mind spiraled. You knew he was right, and his presence always brought you back to reality.

As you sat there, hand in hand, you felt a sense of calm wash over you.

"Thank you, Levi," you whispered, leaning in to rest your head on his shoulder.

Levi noticed the shift in your demeanor. He squeezed your hand reassuringly, his other hand coming up to stroke your hair gently.

"You know, Y/N," he started softly, his voice a stark contrast to his earlier firmness. "You're incredibly strong. You've faced challenges I couldn't imagine, and you’ve come out stronger for it. But even the strongest people need to recharge."

He paused, giving you a moment to absorb his words. "It's okay to not be okay sometimes. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. What matters is how you deal with it. And right now, you're dealing with it by talking to me instead of keeping all that to yourself, and you've also been really consistent with it, which is a huge step. Good job."

Levi squeezed your hand gently again. "We'll figure this out together. Maybe we can start by setting some boundaries at work. Or maybe we can find some ways to de-stress outside of work. We can try new hobbies, or just spend more quality time together."

You felt a lump form in your throat as you listened to Levi's words. Just him being there for you brought so much warmth; it's as if he's hugging you from within.

At that moment, you realized how lucky you were to have him in your life.

You looked up at him, your eyes filled with a mixture of gratitude and vulnerability. His words, spoken with such gentle sincerity, had a profound effect on you. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You realized how much you had been bottling up and how much you had been neglecting your own well-being.

"Thank you," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "Thank you for always being here for me. I don't know what I would do without you."

Levi smiled softly, reaching up to brush away a stray tear that had escaped your eye. "You don't have to figure it out alone, Y/N. And never, ever hesitate to reach out to me. I am the last person that would push you away."

A comfortable silence settled between you as you both took a moment to appreciate the connection. The soft glow of the living room lamp casts a warm ambiance, creating an intimate atmosphere.

"I know I've been a bit of a downer lately," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. "I hate that I let this get to me. I hate that I'm becoming this person who's always stressed and overwhelmed."

Levi squeezed your hand tighter.

"You're not this person, Y/N. You're going through a tough time, and that's okay."

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. It was comforting to know that you had someone who understood and supported you unconditionally.

The conversation continued, flowing naturally as you shared your fears and worries with Levi. He listened patiently, offering words of encouragement and practical advice. You felt a sense of peace as you opened up to him, something you hadn't done in a long time.

Hours seemed to fly by as you talked. The initial darkness outside had given way to the soft hues of dawn. Levi's grip on your hand never loosened, his presence a constant source of comfort.

Eventually, the weight of exhaustion began to creep in. You yawned, your eyes heavy with sleep. Levi noticed and smiled gently.

"It's late, Y/N," he said softly. "Let's head to bed."

You nodded, your head leaning against his shoulder. "Mkay. Thank you, Levi."

Levi kissed the top of your head. "You're welcome. We'll talk more about this tomorrow if you want, alright?" 

You nodded, a sheepish smile on your face. "Okay."

He stood up and stretched, a yawn escaping his lips. "I'll get us some water."

You watched as Levi moved toward the kitchen, feeling exponentially better, all thanks to him. When he returned with two glasses of water, he handed you one and sat back down beside you.

"Drink up," he said, his voice soft but firm.

You took a sip, feeling the cool liquid soothe your throat. After finishing the water, you placed the glass on the coffee table and turned to Levi.

"Thank you, Levi, for everything," you said, your voice full of sincerity.

He gave you a small smile, his eyes reflecting his affection for you. "Always, Y/N."

Setting his glass aside, Levi suddenly cupped your face with his hands, his touch gentle yet commanding. He leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that was more passionate and eager than usual. His kiss conveyed all the love, support, and reassurance he wanted to give you, grounding you in the moment.

You responded in kind, your arms wrapping around his neck as you melted into the kiss. The intensity of the moment made your worries fade away, replaced by the warmth and love radiating from Levi. He pulled you closer, deepening the kiss, his hands moving to your waist, holding you securely.

When you finally pulled away for air, you rested your forehead against his, your breaths mingling. Levi's eyes were soft but intense, filled with a promise of unwavering support.

"You're not alone, Y/N," he whispered, his voice husky with emotion. "I love you, and I'll always be here for you."

Tears of gratitude filled your eyes as you looked at him. "I love you too, Levi."

With that, he took your hand and led you to the bedroom. You both settled into bed, the weight of the day's worries feeling lighter. As you lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, you felt a sense of peace and security that only Levi could provide.

"Goodnight, Y/N," Levi murmured, his breath warm against your ear.

"Goodnight, Levi," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

The room fell into a serene silence, only your steady breathing filling the space. Levi’s arms around you felt like a shield against the world’s troubles, and the steady beat of his heart was a comforting rhythm that lulled you into relaxation.

As sleep began to pull you under, you felt a tender kiss pressed to your forehead while Levi’s fingers lightly traced soothing patterns on your back—his way of reminding you that he was always there, ready to lift the burdens you carried.

[jibbmanifests]

Revising a past event

As someone who revised something from the past (read the full success story here), I want to give some tips on how to do that if you’re not sure how or are struggling to do it. I’m also working on another revision, so I’m right here with you.

What is revision?

In case you don’t know what exactly revision in LOA is, it’s basically rewriting something from your past and entering a parallel reality where that past event didn’t happen. You might be thinking, “wow, that’s insane. You’re crazy.” BUT, to be fair, I had no idea it was possible until I tried it myself and successfully did it. And, you do a quick Google search, quantum leaping is a very real, scientific thing.

Also, just as a disclaimer, I’m no expert, coach, or therapist. This is me going off of my own personal experience and what ended up working for me, and what’s helping me right now. I know this can be harder with bigger, more traumatic past events - I’m not downplaying traumatic past experiences and saying revision is a cake walk for everyone. But, it is possible to do or at least work towards from my own understanding.

Tips

Gaslighting yourself - I know this sounds wrong and terrible, but hear me out lol. When I say gaslight yourself, I mean that every time a memory of what you’re revising pops into your head, you tell yourself, “that didn’t happen.” You can even add, “[this] is what happened.” Also, don’t be harsh towards yourself about it, especially if it’s something big/traumatic you’ve been coping with.

Visualizing a different version - Try to envision a different version of yourself who didn’t go through that experience or imagine a friend saying, “I don’t remember that happening. What are you talking about?” Using the power of your imagination is a huge part of what LOA is all about.

Writing a story - scripting is a technique commonly used to help manifest. In revising, it can definitely be helpful when you’re replacing a past memory with something else. You’re quite literally rewriting it.

Practicing it on small things first - I strongly recommend this because this is what I did first before revising a bigger past event (fixing a craft project vs ditching the memory of a past relationship). I was working on weaving a basket since that’s something I enjoy, but I noticed my stitch work was looking really uneven. I was already far along in my project, so I had no desire to go back and unwind my yarn. Instead, I told myself that it has looked even the whole time and kept going. Without even feeling the shift, about an hour later, I looked at it again and the stitch work looked so much neater. If you want another story and detailed explanation, watch Danielle Desautelle’s video on this (you might see my comment with this same story I just talked about lol).

Avoiding or pushing away conversations about what happened - this can be hard at times if other people know about this past event and it comes up in conversation. It unfortunately can happen (it has for me recently). But, try to steer away from talking about it, if possible (unless you absolutely need to). This way, it starts to push the memory out of the 3D realm.

Reassuring yourself - if this process feels hard to do, obviously stop or let up on it, but you can also reassure yourself that it’ll feel better once it’s over. I’m telling you, my brain has a big tendency to feel fuzzy when thinking about the past event I revised and I stopped feeling the urge to ever bring it up again. It’s such an odd yet relieving feeling to have it pretty much chucked out of your memory.

How does it feel after it happens?

Like I just mentioned in my last point, your brain may get this fuzzy feeling if you try to remember what happened. Or, certain portions of the event - or the entire thing - are completely forgotten about altogether. You might also feel a sense of discomfort and/or relief from that change happening. When I felt that odd sensation of discomfort and relief simultaneously is also when it occurred to me that a shift had happened.

You also might see changes in your 3D reality, not just your own emotions and mentality, depending on what you revised and if there was something else put in to replace the situation. Like I mentioned in both my stories, there were physical changes like my stitch work improving and my friend texting me less, including going radio silent on certain days.

Keep in mind, when you manifest, there are many, many things you might be revising without even realizing or thinking about it. When people say, “circumstances don’t matter” in relation to manifesting, you’re pretty much erasing (or diluting) what happened to get you to a certain situation or what’s happening currently in that situation. It happens more frequently than you think.

[joyful-soul-collector]

7, 17, 27? Don't answer if uncomfortable with anything :)

7. what was your life like last year?

Oh gosh hm. This time last year, I was looking forward to an Avett Brothers concert, and worrying that my job was going to close down. It did close down, at the end of January, but I got a new job beginning of June. At the END of June, I got top surgery! And I spent a while recovering from that, so so happy with it honestly. Not a single regret. I reported a coworker at my new job for numerous things, including sexual harassment, and FINALLY I might actually see him get fired soon. God I really hope so, I hate that fuckin man. I also started dating! Not going super well, I have yet to find someone who I've gone on a good date with AND hasn't been fuckin weird about me being trans. BUT I have a queer speed dating event at the end of the month I'm going to, so hopefully I'll find someone there! In that vein, I've realized I might be open to the idea of polyamory, which is interesting. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory in a relationship tbh, or at least right now I am. I think I'll learn more once I actually get into my first relationship lol. In anycase, I also started DMing for my first ever dnd campaign! I've played before but this is my first time DMing, and I like it a lot so far! I'm so excited for my players to find out all the secrets :D Christmas obviously was recently, I got a couple of super cool gifts, and most recently I started up classes again in college! Last semester was Human Anatomy, now is Human Physiology! I'm also hoping to get into some singing classes! I sent off the application, now I'm just waiting to hear back from them! And yeah that's the biggest things really :D

17. opinion on insecurities.

On the concept? They suck but they're natural lol. On my own? Well, they suck, but they're natural as well lol. I'm definitely insecure for the Trans Reasons, and also since I had an ED for a long time and still have issues regarding that. It was never due to my appearance, entirely stress-induced, but it lasted for years without me ever even knowing I had it so it was wild to like. Recover from something I wasn't super aware of. Sometimes I worry that people will look down on me for it, like how sometimes I hide food when I'm stressed, and if its REALLY bad I'll black out and hide food and then come back and not realize I did it until I find it later. I also hate that I'm a super messy person, and awful at chores. BUT I'm working on all of that with my therapist and started some ADHD medication so hopefully that helps with everything! I think I'm much less insecure than I used to be, so that's very nice

27. things i hate

Honestly atm, reaaaally hate the US right now. I hate that they banned tik tok and then tried to make it a big propaganda stunt by saying Trump brought it back. I hate that its getting increasingly difficult to be trans here and I might have to uproot my life and move somewhere else soon. Somewhere else like, Out Of The Country. And I really wanna finish my degree before I have to do that but I may not actually be able to if things get Really Bad Really Fast. I'm just gonna have to see I guess. Honestly, part of me wants to fight for my country, for the people here, fight to get our rights back, and... I will. While I'm here. But at some point I also know that I won't be able to fight if I'm dead.

[pikapeppa]

15 questions for 15 friends

Tagged by @elveny and @johaerys-writes -- thank you, my loves!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My mom. Apparently my dad really wanted to name me after my mom and she was like "ugh really fine" LOL. My dad is also named after his dad, who was named after his dad... REAL ORIGINAL. This is going to sound like a total humblebrag, but my mom and I are both published academic authors, so we have to use our middle initials to distinguish who published what 🙃

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Probably in therapy last Thursday LOL. Though I got a little prickly-eyed earlier this week watching the episode of ATLA where Zuko and Aang go on their lifechanging field trip to the Sun Warriors' secret village 😂❤

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope! Childless by choice.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? I played T-ball when I was 5 or 6 (hated it, cried so much that my parents pulled me out LMAO) and I was on the volleyball team in Grade 6. I'm left-handed and I had a habit of serving into the wall, unfortunately, and the habit got worse when I was nervous. During one game, they took pity on me so much that they paused the game until I got the ball over the net. I was fucking humiliated and have never played a team sport since then. 🤣💀 Re: other physical activities, I like dancing! I've taken a ton of different kinds of dance classes including swing, salsa, bellydancing, and Bollywood dancing, and loved all of them!

DO YOU USE SARCASM? No. Me? Never. 🙃🤣 Forreal though yes. All the time.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Uh...! I don't know if there's any one specific thing? I usually take in an "overall impression" of appearance. Vague, but that's all I've got. If the question was "what's the first thing you notice in people you're attracted to", that might be a different story 🤣

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? Brown.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I am going to copy Johaerys's answer and say it doesn't matter to me, as long as the story was good. But also, who says scary movies/horror media can't have happy endings?? 🤣Haunting of Hill House, anyone? (Bittersweet, maybe, but it counts as happy to me!)

ANY TALENTS? Would it be wretched if I said I feel like writing might be a talent? Whatever, I'm saying it. 🤣😅

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In a hospital in the same city where I currently live! Which I will chose not to reveal openly! 🤣

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Writing! It takes up a solid 75-90% of my free time. Also gaming (which I might count into the writing time since it often becomes Research™ for the writing 🤣). I also enjoy baking and cooking, though I don't know that I'd count those as hobbies since they're necessary ADLs?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A cat named Meeko. She is my daemon. We can never be apart when I am home. Case in point, a photo taken in real-time while completing this quiz:

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'3".

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Uhhh... what level of school are we talking here? In undergrad, I took an incredible linguistics/history course about writing systems, and that was probably my favourite class ever. I took a course during undergrad about different schools of psychotherapy that was pretty damned influential too.

DREAM JOB? I also loved Johaerys's answer here: "I don't think there's any sort of job anyone could do in this capitalist hellscape we're all currently living in that would be enjoyable enough to make up for, well... living in a capitalist hellscape." I'm lucky enough to work in the public healthcare system so I'm pretty safe from the worst of capitalism, I guess, though my job (speech-language pathologist) is one I chose more for practicality (certainty of employment) than because I was really passionate about it. If I could do something else and not have to worry about money, I would either want to be a fiction editor, or a sex therapist.

Tagging forward to @ranaspkillnarieth @iamcayc @heroofshield @fantasy-girl974 @hellas-himself @midnightacrobat @alyssalenko @vorchagirl @elinorbard @stuffforthestash @mwasaw @lordofthenerds97 @y0ureviltwin @ladyofthelake91 @perhapsrampancy @cha-mij and genuinely, anyone else who wants to share!!! Tag me so I can spy on your life! 🤣❤

[ozwuv]

If I have hand pains (as artists get) what’s should I do? Do you recommend any exercises?

hmmm so i don't get hand pains necessarily, but i did damage my ulnar nerve pretty badly end of 2019-2020 from the oz fanbook grind lol. this led to a constant, dull pain in my dominant arm and persistent numbness in my hand. for a long time, i couldn't hold a pencil at all and to this day my grip is pretty weak. i remember when acnh came out in march 2020, i cried out of frustration constantly bc my grip was so lax i couldn't play.

that said, i'm speaking from experience when i say that taking advice on stretching techniques i found online made things way, way worse for me because it exacerbated the nerve damage i didn't know i had until i saw a doctor. the wrong kind of stretches can be more damaging than helpful if you're not doing them correctly, and especially if you have some kind of underlying issue that would be counterproductive for. the same thing goes for wrist braces and such -- a lot of people recommend them, but the wrong kind of brace can damage you further, and you should not be constantly wearing a brace unless a medical professional has told you to; constant usage of braces weakens your muscles over time because the brace prevents you from actually using them. if you have the means for it, i would really recommend consulting a physical therapist for preventative care.

but i didn't have access to medical care for a long time, so i get that's not feasible for everyone. if that's you, basic harm reduction guidelines are good to keep in mind. these are going to be things you've undoubtedly heard before, but they're drilled into your head for good reason:

take breaks. set a timer for every ~30-60 min and every time it goes off, get up, walk around, flex your hands and wrists, etc. ideally at least 10 minutes.

keep plenty of water within arm's reach at all times. hydration manages/prevents pain more than you might think. as soon as my grip gets too slack, i know that i need to stop drawing and drink a ton of water, but you should be drinking fluids at a semi-constant rate so you don't get to that point.

if you're in pain, stop drawing. no "i'll just wrap up the lines and then stop" -- listen to your body. if you're hurting, you've already pushed it too far and anything more is just going to make it worse.

posture posture posture -- any kind of posture advice for office workers generally applies to drawing.

^if you use a screen tablet (like cintiq or ipad) it's going to be virtually impossible to maintain good posture without buying a tablet arm or something. in cases like that, you should place even more of an emphasis on harm reduction or maybe even consider switching to an analog tablet so your monitor is at eye level. personally i'm in it for the longhaul with my ipad though lol

unfortunately advice like this kinda sucks for ppl with ADHD (meee) because pausing in the middle of something can cause you to become distracted or lose motivation. i don't really have a solution for that, but ultimately i got to the point where the nerve damage was so bad that i solidified these habits to prevent making it worse. i do get distracted and lose motivation a lot, but i did that to myself by not treating my body with the care it deserved.

if you take one thing from this response, let it be this: if you don't already experience chronic pain and/or nerve damage while drawing constantly without taking necessary precautions, it's not a matter of "if" you develop these issues, but "when". if you don't already have chronic pain from drawing, your goal right now should not be to preemptively look into things to remedy it, it should be seeking to prevent these issues altogether. work in some good habits, even if it's just taking breaks every now and then. even just one break per drawing is better than no breaks at all. i thought i was immune to these issues for over a decade & then i developed arthritis in my upper vertebrae at 20 years old lol nobody is immune i prommy<3

[not-poignant]

I hope it's okay to ask, but how are things? Looking forward to Underline The Gold on Sunday so much

Omg I'm looking forward to it too

Tbh I'm up to chapter 8 on that now so we're ready to really start pushing ahead with some of the side stories which is exciting

As for me, it's been pretty rough, anon, not gonna lie. I'm going to put this under a read more because I'm pretty honest and also because there's more than one 'I might have cancer' mention among other things:

I kind of thought I was doing fine and then it all got on top of me a couple of days ago and (self-harm mention) I ended up self-injuring due to autistic meltdown. Sometimes I don't realise how bad things really are until I'm at that stage and I have bruises and soft tissue damage to show for it. I've since talked to my doctor and therapist about it, but like...oof.

I've actually been taking a break from writing since I've hit 50k and I generally have a rule that I have to take at least 2-4 days off once I've hit that point, but I'm still pretty stuffed, but mostly for health reasons. I've written 14 chapters this month so I feel okay about the break lol.

On Friday (the day after the meltdown) I needed to have a hand X-ray (even right now, the knuckles in my left hand are really sore), see my GP for 40 minutes, talk to my therapist, organise an iron infusion (I have microcytic anemia and need an iron infusion again, which I think is my 5th or 6th - I need one about once every 2-3 years, and mostly the time between is the slow downward spiral of losing more and more iron until I'm truly fucked) and a meeting with one of the head haematologists in the state because my red blood cells are bullshit and weird (yay). Guess that explains the exhaustion.

I still need to organise a lymph node ultrasound (which is probably nothing, except there is like a 'higher than average' chance it could be metastatic cancer, since I do have tumours in my head right now that could metastasize, and the tumours are extremely close to the swollen lymph node - also I haven't had a virus).

I need to organise a meeting with a dermatologist, I need to organise a full abdominal MRI to see if I have any other tumours we don't know about, and I got an eating disorder management plan for restrictive eating, which does entitle me to like...cheaper dietitian appointments, but also formalises me as having an ED as opposed to 'disordered eating.'

On top of that I had to deal with a tribunal after my Dad had a catastrophic stroke a few months ago, and the tribunal was last month, to determine who would look after him. Our family is so broken and my stepmother so manipulative/vindictive that the government decided no one could be trusted and took care of his finances and healthcare themselves meaning none of us can have any real say in his future (truly the best outcome, but a damning one for the state of the family), and I also had to listen to my stepmother accuse my sister of being a criminal for 20 minutes with completely unfounded lies, and of course, my Dad has had a catastrophic stroke, and that's complicated. That's a whole...

That saga is so much anon, I cannot even begin to explain even the tip of that iceberg.

I've been spending a lot of extra time like scanning family photos and other things and packing items in his home for storage etc. and while that's been done now for over a month and a half, I guess the burn out started some time ago and it's just been slowly getting on top of me. Kind of the 'slowly boiling a lobster in a pot' analogy.

I've been overall quieter on Tumblr as a result of all of this, and it all just...destroyed me on Thursday, and ever since then I've been recovering.

I've just realised it's nearly 1.00am and I swear the last time I looked at the clock - which felt like 5 minutes ago - it was 11.00pm.

Oh and to top it all off I've had vicious 'not falling asleep until 4.00am' insomnia + increased nightmares because my PTSD has relapsed back into 'pretty severe.' So um, managing most nights on 3-4 hours of sleep a night, and that's bad for all my chronic illnesses, of which I have many.

Ah. Yeah. :(

Lemme rustle up some good news for you, anon, because I feel like this is just too much crap.

Bushflowers/wildflowers are really nice right now as it's turning to spring in Western Australia (it's Djilba in the Noongar seasonal system, which I prefer)

Rhubarb is in season so I'm making a lot of stewed apple and rhubarb as a comfort food.

Reading the manhwa Punch Drunk Love and enjoying it.

Asks like yours - even if all of this sounds dire - helps me to undestand that I actually do have good reasons to feel tired and that it's okay to take breaks and that's really valuable (sometimes - though rarely - people use my anon function to talk at me, rather than talking to me as a person, and I just...really value feeling like a person sometimes aslfkjsa) so while I might seem down, this has actually been nice to end my night on. Also you've reminded me that I am super excited/happy to share more Underline the Gold with people

I got some organisational stuff and organising stuff in the house makes me feel good.

I have an extremely good doctor and tbh for a long time I didn't, so like, every good specialist and doctor is worth their weight in gold. :)

I hope you're doing okay and looking after yourself / taking care anon, and that you get something good out of what remains of the weekend. <3 And for everyone who needs one, hugs are on the house.

[meteor752]

Double life kids, eight years later

The final designs for the kids. Wont make anymore, unless I finally get on with making that Superhero au I said I would do a few months ago

Anyways

I’ve been working really hard on these designs, and some of them are probably the best I’ve ever made! So I really hope you like them!

Liana

(A few years down the road, the watcher genes started to become more prominent. The extra pairs of wings and the eye change are just the beginning too! Her color palette is kinda a mess but it’s just how she rolls. Top hat with goggles and a corset because Steampunk vibes are cool. Also her Flyguy bow, just in case)

Parrot pal has successfully started her own business, where she sells everything from deep slate to gold to clothing and mercenary jobs. The wider the spread, the better the bread

Lives very close to the shopping district, to keep an eye on her shops

The Watcher thing sure is…interesting. Grian hasn’t told her the full story, so she isn’t sure exactly what she is but she knows that it’s something unworldy

Is still learning to disguise it

Has a fierce rivalry with Mumbo over trying to become the riches hermit. Mumbo had no idea this rivalry is happening

She’s bestie with her little brother, Grumbot Prime

Wes

(Golden boy. His Hc and current design has a lot of similarities, mainly because when it comes to change he likes to take things slow. Got a haircut tho, plus many tattoos and a circlet to represent his status as the son of the sun god (Tho who knows how true that actually is). Also has a skull ring, in honor of Jekiv)

Baby boy is doing fine. Mostly

Is decked out in gold because again, he loves to mine, and gold is his favorite ore

Lost part of his ear and hearing in a creeper explosion, least favorite of his scars

Has improved his self confidence greatly over the years, which in turn improved his relationship with his dad

(Side note, I can imagine Xisuma whitelisting like a therapist or something just because these three, especially Wes, has some things to work through)

Is actually an extremely skilled farm creator, just like his other dad

Spends a lot of time trying to find a way to fix their code so they can leave and rejoin servers

Gertrude

(Total princess warrior vibes for her. Wanted her to be a mixture of Butch and femme, in the weirdest way possible. She’s now also wearing shoes! I wanted her to have heels alright? Her soles eventually got worn out so she’s wearing a pair of boots)

One of the best warriors on Empires SMP

Used to have separate outfits for being a monster hunter and being a noble, but eventually just combined the two to make her life easier

(Eddie made her armor, she’s very grateful)

The armor had to be made fireproof, because despite being older she still scuffles playfully with Johnny

She went through quite a large number of weapons before settling on the mace. It just, “fit her”

Also very few people can actually lift her mace, because it’s extremely heavy.

Sometimes helps out fWhip in Gobland with redstone, just because it’s fun. She enjoys the challenges that he presents to her

Wants to someday face ten withers and take down them all. Until then, she will train with all her might

Johnny

(My friend told me he looked evil lol. Ran out of cowboy outfits a long time ago, so here’s a more outlaw vibey one. The goggles and scarf are to protect his face from sand though, so likes there’s a reason lol. Butternut stands proud at the scene as well)

Despite his outer appearance, he’s still the nice lad you all know and love

He is more of a free roamer nowadays though, mostly traveling the mesa around Tumble Town, sometimes even beyond it

After Liana left for Empires, Johnny started helping Pix out with his excavations

When there’s word of a new discovery far away from any of the empires, you can bet your ass that Johnny is he first man on the case

And sure, he caaaaaaaaaaan use his elytra and get there in maybe half a day, but that beats the point of traveling!

An absolute expert at dealing with mobs at this point, especially creepers. Goes fucking crazy with that whip of his

Despite it all, he’s still a simple country bumpkin at heart, who likes his breakfast early and his music country

Jassy

(Queen is extremely anime. I just searched “anime ninja female” and tried to get general style of outfit correct. Her hair was almost impossible, but looking on it now it looks fantastic. Her daggers are also enchanted, that’s why they’re purple lol)

Jassy is a trophy wife and she takes her job very seriously

She does know her way around redstone, and she ain’t a bad builder (She’s the one who made her and Liana’s base), but her wife is out making bank while she takes care of their many, many cats

The mercenary part of Double Co. is her entirely though.

The story behind her damaged eye is a mystery to all, as every time someone asks about it she makes up some new fantastical tale

In reality she was flipping her daggers while laying down on the ground, then accidentally dropped one. It ain’t as cool as fighting an alligator, or taking down twenty wardens at once though

Jekiv

(Glow up of the fucking century my dude. He ain’t abandoning his love for pastels anytime soon, but that almost makes him more scary. Exchanged his old staff for a scythe just for the aesthetic. If you look closely at the hand holding the scythe, you can see a golden ring)

*Becomes a mass murderer* ~Character development~

He’s still not a full fledged necromancer yet, though he can summon entire corpses now. Actually getting them to do his bidding is another thing

The squirrel on his shoulders is named Chimp. She’s his familiar, and she’s thirsty for blood

Has spent nearly four years trying to solve the mystery of The Evermoore, but hasn’t come out with much result

Did find out he has no soul, or at least not a traditional one, so that’s neat!

Existential crisis aside, Jekiv is also trying to figure out a way for their code to be fixed.

Novo

(Pov: Ur about to want and rip your ears off. Hat decorated, coat fluffy, heels fucking iconic, my man has the drip. A weird drip, but the drip nonetheless. And after all these years, he still does the ruined makeup look. Some things never change)

Switched to playing the bagpipe, because those things are both loud and difficult to learn to play. Novo does not know how to play, but that doesn’t stop him one bit

Best big brother to Oli’s child, and with that I mean the absolute worst influence a child could ask for

Actually managed to reconcile with Scott, despite all odds. It’s not a perfect father-son relationship, but like none of them have that so it’s fine

Wears a lot of pink partly to match with Gert, and partly because it’s a loud and obnoxious color, so it garners attention

The wealthiest of all the kids, just by people paying him to leave him Tf alone

There’s some fic ideas I still have with the kids, plus maybe the fourth series will give me some new material, but these are probably the final designs I will make for them.

[smaeemo]

I have a hard time with writing, only because I have so many ideas and thoughts, but getting them down in a grammatically correct way that is also readable is unbelievably hard. I envy the people that love to write, because I love to talk, love to share my ideas more than anything, but finding people who want to listen? Harder than it seems, so writing seems like the best answer right? I wish it were as easy as that, I just word vomit on a page and hope it's coherent enough to get my point across. I think that one day I will get good enough at writing that people will want to read and enjoy my writing. I have so many good ideas, and enough time on my hands to perfect a short novel. I just can't find it in myself to write well, and I am sitting here going "I think I am writing this Tumblr post well, so what will people think?". But as it seems, I still don't think it's good enough to share.

Sometimes I write things down in a diary and then leave it, but it's too much pressure, what if someone reads it and starts to not only judges me but also judges the writing. "That's not where a comma goes" they'd say.

I started writing my thoughts and feelings on paper, then trying the courage to burn them. I got scared of that too, I don't want to start a fire I reasoned. I held the matches up to the pages, the same matches that light my grandmas yahrzeit candles, it just didn't feel right, so I put the papers down and put away the matches. "Tomorrow I will do it" I said to myself.

The pages are still in a box I like to call "My shit box" where I keep all of the "shit" I don't know where to put. Inside said "shit box" are small weird glass animals (lol) that I got from my ex-therapist's office every time I went to see her. I later fired her for "being too empathetic" and then moved all of the animals from my desk into the sad repurposed shoe box. And Thus "the shit box" became as it is now.

Over the years it has started to accumulate, pictures I liked, but not enough to hang up, movie tickets I saved from a cancelled "date", old math homework that I got 100% on, "My kids might want to see this: I said to myself at 3AM while hurriedly cleaning my room because I saw a beatle in the corner of my room while trying to sleep. The box also has small knick knacks I found while "out and about", a leaf I thought looked perfect enough to save, a bottle cap that had slightly melted into the asphalt during the summer from hell, and a pair of earing that my grandma gave me for purim. "I saw these and thought of you" she said to me. They are ugly sparkly red white and blue giant studs that are possibly the last thing that I would ever wear, even after I got my ears re-piecered.

The earings themselves aren't what made me put them in there, but instead I put them in there because my grandmother is 80, and "She's going to die soon, keep everything she gives you as a memory". I think I only just realized truly, I don't really want her to die. I mean I never did want that or wish for it in the slightest. I just never really thought about it until she broke her hip, and started to "make the turn".

I made her paper flowers the other day. I used some old news papers (she still buys them every day and asks me to get them for her when the porch is icy) and cut them into separate flowery pieces on accident. I had originally been looking for something to cut, I had just found my good scissors and wanted to make something. I was going to use paper, but my grandmother had called me into her room a week prior to tell me "I worry so much about your generations paper usage" as if her generation didn't also use an outrageous amount of paper too, given that they didn't have computers for better or worse. Anyways, I used some news papers, stuff I assume was from a while ago because it had made its way under one of our three couches in a living room clearly designed for no more than 1. I started by taking the newspaper and making some paper snowflakes, because you know scissors and paper and fun and all that. But that slowly blossomed (lol) into paper flower heads. I stuck all the newly made "blooms" onto some already destroyed paperclips that I wrapped in a destroyed sock (curtousey of the last time I found my good scissors) and then put them all in an empty medication container that I then wrapped in stickers. I set this all in her room with a note that said "Thought you may enjoy some flowers that don't wilt" and left it at that. 2 days later she walks into my room and goes "did you make these for me?" "yes I did" "oh how nice", then over the next week she kept walking in and asking the same inquiry if I had made them or not. Sometimes she would compliment them and other times she would simply state how wasteful I had been. I realized then, I should start saving all of the moments I have with her. So now when I look into my "shit box" and see the ugly patriotic earings (I was born on July 4th and she takes that very seriously), I no longer see what a younger me would have seen "she doesn't know me that well" has a brand new meaning. I decided I no longer wanted to look at the earings she gave me, and dwell on the fact that I had indeed saved them for a reason, and instead started to sift through the box. Finding all of the letters I had written and meant to burn. "Maybe today is a better time, after all it just rained". So I pack up my papers under my arm and put away the "shit box" and head downstairs. I start my hunt for the matches forgetting why I didn't burn them the last time. I find the matches, but evidently I put them away again. "better save those for my grandmother" I say to myself, unaware of the truer meaning behind those words until now.

"oh" I say as I head back up the stairs.

"Maybe next time," I say as I put the letters back into the "shit box" pointedly avoiding eye contact with the earrings.

I sigh, and sit in my chair, and try to write another letter, that evidently, will never get burned.

[femmefatalevibe]

What tips do you have for someone who is trying to date/get out there but has become really jaded by people (especially men)?

I'm trying to get out there and go on dates but I'm SO jaded and negative towards it. Like I'll go on a few dates with someone and get attached too easily and then they end up being a terrible person, or I'l go out with someone a few times and feel nothing towards them. Then by the end I'm like "woe is me, I'm gonna die alone, this is stupid bullsh*t."

I feel like I always get hurt or that there's no point bc I never find anyone that I like that is also interested. (I'm also pretty picky, so I'm sure that's part of why I don't really get many dates lol).

I feel like there's a bit of an all or nothing mentality when I meet them like "we're either going to be together or this is going to fall apart". and I hate that mindset.

I've mostly avoided it because I don't want to be hurt, and part of me is still fighting that part that's trying to protect me from being hurt. It's just frustrating because I want to date but it can feel like nobody wants to date me (which is something I'm def. working on with a therapist). Every time I meet a guy that seems interested, I try to remind myself there's no other shoe to drop, then another shoe always drops.

TLDR: How can I date without getting too attached/not feeling anything and stop worrying about if I'm going to get hurt or not? Is there some way to look at dating in another light that takes some of this pressure off?

Hi love! I feel you on being jaded when it comes to dating/the dating scene.

My best advice is to reframe dating as a self-discovery journey (versus a self-imposed mission to find love). Get to know these people as a way to learn what characteristics you like, dislike, desire, and/or despise in a (potential) partner. Consider the qualities, gestures, and character traits that you find compatible or incompatible with your needs and values along the way. You might just find particular green or red flags you didn't know to look for until you encounter them in the wild.

Instead of telling yourself ""we're either going to be together or this is going to fall apart," try to evaluate the relationship by discerning the compatibilities vs. the incompatibilities you see. After some time, you probably will start to see some patterns and early warning signs of incompatibilities or toxic behaviors before you invest too much time or energy into the relationship.

Before a date, just think of the meeting as a networking opportunity. it offers you the opportunity to learn about someone else, observe how you present yourself to others, discuss likes, dislikes, hobbies, values, etc. and see if there's a connection there. Every date brings you closer to better understanding yourself and what you're looking for in a partner, so finding someone who is long-term partner potential is simply a welcomed bonus.

Hope this helps xx

[wakanai]

Red Flag Reblog Game (?) but also a rant lol.

in honour of 'cutting off' a friend I didn't like (not really cutting off but more like. being honest about how I feel and both of us mutually deciding to not be as close as before as a result),

let me make a list of my red flags.

Because this is the second time I've cut off a friend like this 😭

Okay here we go...

🚩 Gets drained easily. High need of alone time.

🚩 Seen zones and late replies. Does not like people who can't understand my seen zones and late replies even after I've explained to them this habit before hand.

🚩 Deletes messages. I delete messages and then send a new message when I feel like the OG message could have been better phrased. I delete messages randomly sometimes for other reasons too.

🚩 Does not like clingy people who need to talk to me or be with me 24/7. This friend I 'cut off' (ughh cut off isn't rlly the right word. maybe, 'demoted friendship'? IDK 😭. Yeah lets just call it DS).

This friend I DSed once followed me w the intentions of dropping me to my driver. I told her, "I feel like being alone right now."

She said "No." and continued following me so I ended up talking to her. It was a good convo but I didn't like that she didn't take me seriously.

Next day, she tried to follow me again but I said "No I'm serious" sternly and started walking fast away from her

🚩 Acts light hearted during confrontations. When I confront someone abt something they did that bothers me, I say it in a light tone as to not 'hurt' them too much. This leads to them sometimes not taking me seriously.

🚩 Good at pretending that everything's fine. In 2 of my friendships, I have ignored their grieviances against me until the point it piled up, I had harbored too much hidden dislike against them and the next time I confronted them abt it, it was when I was already cutting them off.

Both friendships were shocked and did not expect that I had harbored things against them

🚩 Sensitive. (not really a red flag but you know, the thing w my friend I just DSed - - she said she just had satirical humour. She told me (not actual words) , 'I told you many times not to take my words at face value. If you haven't learned that, then clearly you aren't learning.'

In truth, I did not find her 'humour' funny and I found the things she said to me while we were still friends extremely discouraging 😭

🚩 Does not say everything that's on my mind at times.

🚩 Not pushy. In some situations - you NEED to be pushy. I am bad at being pushy but every day is progress ig

🚩 Might be socially awkward <<sometimes>>

🚩 can be rough w friends sometimes. <<sometimes>> (never with ill intentions though!! I don't do it to hurt them, it's just my hands are kind of heavy ig 😭)

🚩 Not confident in self.

🚩 Does not talk much about myself.

🚩 procrastinator

🚩 Dense. Dense. Dense. Dense. Do not give me 'hints' about how you feel. I might not interpret them properly.

🚩 People get attached to me because I listen to them. In fact, I LIKE listening to them. If they're my friend, I comfort them and am there for them.

It's when they start hurting me that I start hating them.

As mentioned above, I have a tendency to tolerate A LOT before deciding I don't like them as my friend.

Since I tolerate a lot, and act normal,

They usually get caught off guard when I tell them my feelings.

By the time I explain that I dislike them and/or want to 'take a break' or 'cut them off' they get shocked and sad

because they've been sharing intimate things to me and now they're about to lose me.

A lot of times I'm the 'listener' friend or 'the therapist' friend.

If I had to put it in words, sometimes I'm a machine that absorbs the rants and troubles of other people and gives them comfort. I use the word 'machine' because to SOME people (some not all) - I feel like a tool that they use when they need to express their emotions. Just a tool. Nothing more. They don't treat me well.

When I dislike the person, that machine runs out of battery and suddenly dies. But while it's still alive, this machine may not give a sign that it's running out of battery.

So the person continues hurting it and using it. And it suddenly dies on the person.

So the person is left feeling sad, confused, angry, and maybe regretful..but they probably understand. because the machine gives them an explanation.

If they don't understand, not my problem 😭

Yeah I think that's all my red flags. IDK.

Another thing

I guess it would be interesting and fun to see other people reblog this with their own red flags. So if u want to, feel free. feel free to rant ur experiences as well ig.

[baconpncakes]

oh. my. gosh. your house episode is so intriguing i really want it right now actually LMAOO

i want to know how you came up with everything actually im so so enthralled

Omg I'm so glad you asked ✨

Putting this under the cut bc it's long-winded lol

My sister (who has never seen an entire episode of House but I send her stuff from it and about it all the time) said that there should be an episode where House is taking care of a drunk Wilson and it's all very amusing until Wilson kisses him. House kisses back, but then he actually processes Oh Shit Wilson Just Kissed Me. The next morning House probes Wilson and it turns out he doesn't remember the kiss. House goes to Thirteen to talk about it and see what she makes of it. Here's where the quote came from lol. Then we said that Wilson would talk to Cuddy about how House was being weird and she'd say "Go talk to him. I have work to do." Eventually they'd get to the point where House asks "Why did you kiss me?" over and over and Wilson just keeps responding with "I was drunk!" and "I don't know!" and "Just drop it, House." until one or both of them finally snaps.

So I sent my sister a fake episode summary, with the elements that she presented and a case, which I made up: a drunk and 'irresponsible' patient to parallel drunk and irresponsible Wilson!

To do the summary I'd come up with a title (I looked at a couple songs but none of them felt quite right, then I realized I could use a Teardrop lyric and it was too perfect) and I needed my sister to know how clever I was for the it, so I wrote a little explanation, like they have on the wiki.

Then I thought, if I'm doing that I might as well also do the "major events" section of the wiki!

So I determined that I HAD to make it into actual fake wiki screenshots, which meant filling out some gaps.

For the timeline, I thought: House and Wilson have been drunk together tons of times. Why is this different? And figured that it would probably be different if saaay Wilson had just proposed to House after he pretended the two were a couple. Certainly enough to bring kissing House to the forefront of his mind. And THEN I looked at the episode scheduling and there was a week off between the original airing of The Down Low and the following episode Remorse, so it fit right in the middle!

For the diagnosis I actually went to Web MD, typed in the symptoms I thought the patient should have and went through the results until I found some that might work, then I picked the one that seemed like it'd be the best for the show. It also happened to be a condition that might come with personality changes, which plays further into the whole Wilson Was Drunk He Didn't Actually Mean It angle.

I went through a bunch of s6 directors and writers to see what episodes they worked on and who I thought would fit best.

And then I needed guest stars! The episode would have aired in 2010, and I wanted someone who would have been about 21, so I looked up "actresses born in 1989" and decided on Brie Larson. Then she needed a friend, so I looked up "actors born in 1988" and went with Nicholas Braun. Then Brie Larson needed a mom so I chose another birth year and went with Calista Flockhart (who's in one of my favorite movies). All of the actors I chose were people who felt could have been in House. Like if I watched an episode and a young Brie Larson or Nicholas Braun was there, I wouldn't be surprised. I also needed to name them, so I picked random names and then searched the wiki to make sure they weren't already taken lol. And Andre Braugher is there bc it's season 6 so House would talk to his therapist about what happened with Wilson and then ignore the advice to Just Talk To Him.

That just left trivia, which I was very excited about. Some of them are just details and callbacks to other episodes. The Minuteman thing is bc I chose Nicholas Braun and I knew my sister would get a kick out of it. I knew I needed a gay movie reference and But I'm a Cheerleader really felt like a movie that House would casually reference and make everyone, characters and audience, think that House is definitely queer (and we must never forget that House was actually canonically a cheerleader). And finally, since it was immediately following The Down Low and House MD loves musical theatre gay jokes, I wanted another A Chorus Line reference. I'm honestly appalled nobody had done that one before. Her nickname is literally Thirteen!

This is probably more long-winded than you expected but I spent way too long and put way too much thought into that thing lol