#unorthodox behaviour

[jt1674]

[ilovetoxicfictionalmen]

I’M HERE TO HELP

Pairing - Jonathan Crane x fem!reader

Summary - Your emotional instabilities and impulsive behaviours slowly kills all of your relationships. So you check yourself in for therapy with a doctor who uses unorthodox methods to fix you.

Warnings - BPD, mental illnesses, emotional and physical insecurities, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, dubcon, dark, angst, p in v, oral both receiving, m! masterbation, daddy issues, toxic relationships, illegal methods, toxic reader.

Word count - A WHOPPING 8.9K

Notes - Heavily inspired by my own personal struggles with BPD. Very long, completely packed with angst and dark themes. A slight AU were Jonathan is your average therapist and not at Arkham. I don't really write longer pics so I'd really appreciative your thoughts. No fear toxin was used in the making.

Borderline Personality Disorder. 

There were no medications to cure you of this mental illness. The only treatments were exercises, meditation and talk therapy. 

Everyday, you experienced a series of insecurities, issues and habits that all stemmed from your childhood. A traumatic relationship with your father had left you to grow up to be yanked between emotionally codependent and unavailable. Your life was full of mood swings and feeling disconnected from who you were. All of your relationships were either short term or on and off. One minute you’d love them and the next you’d despise them. You had no control on how you felt about others. Their images were constantly changing like a series of short ads on the television. 

Everyone was black or white, they were either good or bad for your existence. It left your social interactions to be quite unstable and chaotic. Because you liked to push people away frequently to see how badly they cared for you. It was based on your skepticality and distrust in their words. But could you blame them for leaving with how often you’d self-sabotage your happiness? 

This whirlpool of intense emotions, thoughts and behaviors left you lost in your own mind. One day, you wished you never woke up and the next you'd be high on life. There was no stability in your life, you lived on impulses which you would quickly regret and those actions would replay in your mind for hours. 

You liked to binge drink, take drugs and partake in reckless sex. The thrill of living on the edge was the only feeling you wanted to feel for years. But when you accidentally formed a relationship with a mutual friend named Peter, you got too attached. It freaked you out and well, you acted impulsively and cheated on him. It painted your bad persona clearly to your friends. You were in desperate need of help. 

Your therapist, Doctor Jonathan Crane, was here to help. 

Sensitive, timid, hesitant. Those were your clear characteristics Doctor Crane saw within the first few minutes of meeting you, he jotted them in his notepad as soon as he could. Your initial shyness was cute, you were cute. Even underneath the oversized hoodie you chose to wear that day, which you immediately regretted when you saw him. 

Doctor Crane preferred the mind over the body. Human’s physicality has barriers. Its capability could only be reached so far. However, the mind could be explored to great depths. Every dot of matter in the brain could create a chain reaction in your physical actions. The mind truly ruled over the body. 

Your story was interesting to him, fascinating even. It was gripping for Doctor Crane to find out what made you who you were. How much of an impact your childhood had altered you, broken you. A tiny part of him felt sympathy for you and a large part felt empathy. You were a pretty face begging to be discovered, to be fixed. But he wasn’t even sure yet if he wanted to fix you, he liked the way you were torn. 

He wrote your list of fears on a separate page. 

Abandonment

Commitment

Vulnerability

Judgment

Rejection

Emotional Intimacy

You were no virgin, but emotional intimacy frightened you immensely. The idea of another knowing you completely felt too overwhelming. You had many promising suitors, but your standards seemed to be as high as a tower. So you’d partake in casual sex and sabotage any chance you had at finding true love. Contradictory, it left you feeling empty and alone. But the thought of being held by another, letting your emotions take toll over your body made you feel sick in your stomach. 

The emptiness inside of you begged you to do something, so you bit the bullet and decided to get help. Here you were now, sitting across from your therapist, awkwardly looking at the ground as his eyes lingered over your body. 

Today, you wore a plaid beige skirt that rested just above the knee, which didn’t fail to perfectly hug your soft thighs. The black blouse you wore was perfectly in between modest and sexy. Not to mention your polished mary jane shoes accompanied with the white socks made you look like a fucking naughty school girl begging to be bent over. 

At least, these were all a part of Doctor Crane’s observations. 

Today’s session was different however, he picked up on your behavior immediately when you kept your head low as he warmly welcomed you inside. Your honeyed voice lacked desire, you looked exhausted, broken perhaps?  

“How are you feeling today? You look quite… Taciturn…” Doctor Crane pointed out as he looked your appearance up and down. He leant back in his seat and straightened his shirt. His slender index finger pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

A weak smile spread across your lips momentarily, he wanted to know how you were. No, stop thinking that way… Your mood was like a sheet strung up to a clothesline in the wind. Constantly switching up on you, blinding you on what was right and wrong. 

You had been seeing Doctor Crane for months now. A friend of a friend recommended him and his bio did not fail to describe his level of expertise. In fact you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to get a slot in with him. The therapy started off well, great even. It was worth the pot of anxiety that stewed in your stomach before you built up the courage to get out of your car. 

However, he was wickedly gorgeous. It was like he was made with poison and the more you admired his charm the more it destroyed you emotionally and mentally. Doctors were only meant to be attractive in soap operas or pornos. Real therapists were supposed to be old and borderline creepy. However, Doctor Crane almost looked too young to have his doctorate and a record of accolades that hung from his wall. His beauty was immensely intimidating, his high levels of confidence was a reflection of how little you had in yourself. 

Your psychiatrist certainly had a way with words. It was almost as if he knew you better than you did. The zone was free from any spec of judgment and you fell completely open to him over a short few sessions. Before every session, you found yourself pairing the best outfit you could to try to catch his attention. Apply your makeup as seductively yet modestly as you could. You trusted him completely without realizing. That’s when he knew the real treatment could begin. 

-

The exercises came into play by your sixth session together. That session, your therapist presented a new floor length mirror he had brought. It was odd, but you admired the piece nevertheless. When your session was half way through, he instructed you to stand.  

“Now, I believe you’re ready for some physical exercises” he smiled innocently to you. 

It was simple, stand in the mirror and look at yourself. At first, it was funny, but quickly the discomfort grew as the silence sank in the room. Then you were staring at yourself with pure disgust. Your arms gradually wrapped around your waist as you blinked more frequently, your body swayed gently. 

“What do you see?” He asked eventually, still sitting on his seat, notepad and pen in hand. 

“Myself” you mumbled as you tugged your skirt down as much as you could. 

“Could you be a bit more descriptive?” He cocked an eyebrow towards you, a drip of humor on his tongue.

Shortly after, you came clean on what was on your mind. “I look filthy. It’s disgusting” you admitted shamefully, looking down to the floor. 

“And why do you feel disgusted?” your therapist inquired as he wrote down his observations. 

“Because, look at me… I’m hideous” you answered, your cheeks feeling flustered. 

You weren’t asking for compliments, your honesty was raw emotions. Sometimes you’d look at yourself and see a complete stranger and you’d wonder how people could ever talk to you, let alone want you. You blinked back your tears and stood on wobbly feet. His words were falling deaf on your ears again, you were too focused on your thoughts. He sighed and placed his notepad down on the table. 

“Look at how insecure you still are…” Doctor Crane cooed in a slightly demeaning way as he stood up from his seat and gradually stood behind you. 

There was silence for a long time. The both of you looked at each other through the mirror, almost as if you were both daring each other to make the next move. 

“Do you see someone lovable?” He asked, his face slowly inching closer to your ear. 

“No” you replied, emotionless. 

“Why not?” He furrowed his eyebrows, his body almost pressing up against yours. 

“Because I don’t deserve it” you answered. 

You felt dull again, the emptiness had ripped a hole in your body yet again. Doctor Crane analyzed your stern, lifeless expression. It could happen so easily, your switch up. It was enthralling with how many triggers you had, you were a tennis ball being whacked from one emotion to the other. 

“You’re too harsh on yourself… Far too harsh” your therapist tutted his light scold at you. One of his hands rests on your shoulder to comfort you. 

“What do you see?” You asked him, raising your chin up in an act of hope. 

“Don’t look away from the mirror” was his answer in an emotionless yet stern tone. 

A swift look of confusion planted on your expression. But regardless you obeyed his simple order and remained silent as you stared at him through the mirror. 

His hand slipped from your shoulder to across your chest in an anticipating speed, his pressed fingers spread apart at the same pace. Even though his hand was running across your upper torso, your heart was thudding in your chest so powerfully that he could feel it pump that far away. His hand stopped on your opposing shoulder and gently tugged you back to his chest. 

“What are you doing?” You croaked out, your throat dry and tight as you looked at the two of you. It was almost as if you were in a headlock, but it was gentle.  

“An exercise. I’m helping you get comfortable with yourself” he answered confidently, his cold face pressed against your heated one. 

Your body was as stiff as a board. He sighed to himself when his free hand ran down your body. 

“Relax… For once, let go of the thoughts and focus on your physicality” he ordered softly, almost sounding like a beg instead. His tone was soothing, almost hypnotic. 

So your mind obeyed him immediately. You body fell back into his like your bones had snapped into jelly, he was practically a crutch at this point, you’d fall to the ground if he let go of you. His hands gently caressed your hip, it felt soothing, comforting, secure. 

“Wanna know what I see?” He murmured. 

You murmured back and nodded your head. There was this mixture of fear and thrill painted across your expression. Both of you could see how badly you wanted to know, but how frightening the process was. Yet it was clear with how much it aroused you by how your cheeks darkened. 

“I see a pretty girl, who needs to be looked after. Taken care of. Someone who only wants to be held by another” he answered honestly. 

Your eyes swelled up with tears at his simplicity. When your breathing got rougher as the thoughts swarmed in your mind like a thunderstorm he whispered soothing tones by your ear. Both of you were still staring into the mirror. 

“Look at how smooth your skin is. Your face is faultless. And these curves… They are so sexy, is that an improper word to use?” Jonathan grinned at you, a slight chuckle at his deviant comment, both hands now planted on your hips.

His crotch was pressed against your rear, but he wasn’t erect. Honestly, you weren’t sure if it was reassuring or if it made you more insecure. His lips rested against your ear as you steadied your breathing. 

“Why are you saying this?” You gasped lightly. 

“I told you, it’s an exercise” he answered with a shrug of the shoulders. 

-

That was the day you learnt that Doctor Jonathan Crane was far from your traditional psychiatrist. He tested the modern norms and values of therapy. He used distinctive methods to assist with your progression. Methods that were best kept behind closed doors for both of your reputations. At first you were reluctant to a lot of them, stiff in the bones at the ideas of it. But he persuaded you otherwise, all you had to do was trust him, because it was for your benefit. 

So, you turned your head to the uneasiness of his treatment and trusted him. At the end of every session, you’d end up in a physical or emotional exercise. Some exercises were far more concerning than others. 

Which now, had led you to be so whipped by him, so mesmerized by. A common thread in people with BPD was for them to have a person that they depend on emotionally, for comfort and validation. They called it a favorite person. 

You grew very attached to your psychiatrist who eagerly wanted to help you and you rued at it every night. It wasn’t the type of love you craved it to be, it was obsessive. The both of you knew it. You’d think about him constantly, smile as you recall your past encounters together. Then you’d find yourself crying over the fact that you could never have him. You didn’t love him, you loved the person your mind had created him to be, yet you did love him. Your mind felt like a thunderstorm of confusion with him. No matter how badly you wanted to, you couldn’t let go of him.

You liked the routine you had with him. The security you felt when his arms were around your body eased all of your anxieties. Even though it was always only momentarily. You knew what he asked of you wasn’t right, especially when you’d count the times that he had purposely made you cry, but you did it anyway. Because he wanted you, even though it was only for the moment. 

Doctor Crane clicked his fingers to snap you back to reality. You blinked heavily and looked up to him. It was intimidating with how stern his expression was right now. You already knew that he was trying to piece you together like a puzzle. 

“Yeah, I’m alright” you replied to your psychiatrist. Typical for your response to be vague, you sounded tired, he jotted that down.  

But your smile wasn’t real. It was obvious by the way you were fiddling with the end of your skirt, something was irritating you. He noticed this habit from your first session together.

Doctor Crane was not stupid, but apparently you were dumb enough to think he was. The game was already in motion and you were waiting for the perfect opportunity to cut him off. Being sick was off the table, you would have canceled if you were, actually, you probably wouldn’t have given your condition. 

Regardless, he knew what moves were up your sleeves. The same cards you played on everyone. You wanted him to see you this way. Another desperate cry out for attention, for reassurance, as per usual. Mentally you had to be begging for him to drop to his knees for you. You were self sabotaging again. But it was the first time you had ever tried to do it with him. 

Last week, Doctor Crane canceled your appointment an hour before it should have commenced. A family emergency. Like he had anyone important enough for that. It was just a little experiment of his, to see how truly attached he already knew you were. 

It must have driven you insane. He wished he got to see how much you cried, or how out of touch you were for days. Because despite him constantly claiming otherwise, you thought he was wrapped around your finger by this point and it saddened you to remember how restricted your relationship was with him. His theory looked to be revealingly correct.

“Something’s on your mind… Did you want to tell me?” He asked, tilting his head towards you like you were a dog begging for attention. 

Oh how you hated the way his attitude could switch up on you. One minute he was loving, the next he was neglectful. Little did you realize, he was acting how you’d act to everyone else. 

“Yeah” you murmured with a gentle nod. 

He nodded for you to continue on. When you didn’t continue on, by your voice being stuck in your throat, his left eyebrow cocked. “I want this to be our last session together” you spat out your confession, gulping down your fear as you finally made eye contact with you.

You wanted to read his initial reaction, but the man’s face was carved by stone. It only overfilled your stomach with dreading anxiety and made your heart pound in your chest heavier.  

“Oh really? But I enjoyed our sessions” Doctor Crane pouted to you, he closed his notepad and placed it on the coffee table. 

His legs were crossed in a slutty manner as he tilted his head to you. You laughed nervously, he was always toying with you now, you couldn’t let your emotions persuade you otherwise. 

“So did I” you replied quietly, you face cringing at your response straight after, your thighs pressed together. Now with that, you caught his perfect blue eyes linger down to your thighs, only for a quick second. It could have been missed if you blinked at the wrong time. 

“So, what’s the reason?” He questioned. His fingers continued to tap on his knee as he watched you nervously bat your eyes around. 

“Because I’m going to work it out with Jaime” you spat out before you could think. 

-

Jaime was this guy you started seeing during your sessions with Doctor Crane. He was a coworker of yours and the tension had slowly been brewing over time. With your therapist’s help, you felt like you should try to open yourself to others besides him. So you did, you went on continuous dates. Yet you were too scared to tell Doctor Crane, this gut feeling told you he wouldn’t like it. 

When you were confident enough to share the information in your next session, you did not expect to walk out of the clinic with a flipped opinion on Jaime. Doctor Crane pointed out the facts. You liked the idea of him. He was promising, he looked at you in awe and not in desire. He cared about your future together. Jaime was the type of guy you’d take home to meet your parents. He was financially responsible, family oriented, involved in the community and took care of you. 

So Jaime ticked all of the appropriate factors, but Doctor Crane questioned what you really liked about Jaime. It left you lost for words, what previously you felt you could write an essay about, your mind fell blank. 

He followed this up on your fear of being sexual with him still. 

“You’re not into him. Four dates and still nothing? You’re just trying to fill the loneliness inside of you” He sighed, sounding disappointed in your actions. 

“No… No…” You defended pathetically. 

Your mind was racing at this point and there was no emergency stop lever. Hands rubbing together in an anxious manner as you blinked hard. 

“Fine, let’s do an exercise then” he clapped his hands together dramatically. 

You looked at him confused as he moved over to the lounge sofa. His hand gestured for you to follow, hesitantly you did and sat next to him. Through a stiff posture, you looked over to him as he casually leant back into the cushioning, his hands caressing his thighs. 

It came out before you could properly process it. A part of you thought it was a joke and then the next thought it was a hallucination. You stared down in a transfix, your throat clogged and mouth dry. 

“Pretty… Isn’t it?” He hummed as he stroked his huge size, his gaze panning up to you. A sly smirk was planted under his dark eyes. 

As your logic broke out, you whimpered and went to stand up but his hand latched onto your thigh quicker. 

“Relax, I don’t want you to touch me. I just want you to watch me” he clarified, as if it made this any better. “Don’t take your eyes off of me, okay?” He mumbled his demand as his eyes moved back down to his length. 

He was larger than most. A vein that poked out of his sensitive skin, which looked to be a couple of centimeters long. Typically, he was cleanly shaved as his hand wrapped around his firm member. All you could do was stare, in desire, in disgust, in disorder, in awe. 

You therapist looked back up to you, he pictured you dropping to your knees, humping your soaked cunt on his polished shoe as you begged him to fuck you, to make you orgasm. Fantasied you screaming his name out as he buried himself deep inside of you. 

He had to bite onto his lower lip to hold back his groans. As your thighs pressed together, you felt your core tingle, the vibrations grew bigger around your sensitive area. Both of your eyes shot up to each other simultaneously.

“You like this? Watching me stroke myself” he murmured, a wicked grin on his face as he observed your wide eyes. 

“Y-yeah” you shuddered, your head nodding in agreement. This massive urge inside of you fought to wrap your hands around his size, but you felt too intimidated to do it. 

“Dirty girl” he moaned lightly as he picked up his speed. 

As his climax almost reached its peak and his cock twitched, he swiftly let go of his member and maneuvered you onto your back. You gasped out in a mixture of shock, fear and pleasure as he roughly pulled up your top and aimed his length at your stomach. 

After a couple of vicious strokes, Doctor Crane snarled as his white ropes sprayed across your soft flesh. Your eyes darted up to his blue eyes and down to his throbbing member repetitively, your body stiff underneath him. He hummed in a low tone as his strokes came to a halt. 

He tilted his head at the pretty sight and breathed out. Your eyes connected once more and he chuckled to you.  

“See, how could you be into him? You just watched me masterbate and let me finish on you” he spoke in a nonchalant tone. 

-

He was calling your bluff, but the fact that you had the audacity to bring up his name angered him. Made him feel a wave of jealousy even. Nevertheless, he would still be up for the challenge. He snorted to you, his eyes studying your facial expressions. There was nothing you could do but awkwardly rub your chin and look away from your therapist. 

“You’re a horrible liar” he pointed out with a sly look. All you could do was lower your head in shame. “I thought I was helping you” he hummed, head tilted to the side as he waited for you to look back over to him. 

“I don't want to see you anymore” you divulged with a grunt, growing frustrated with his investigations. 

“Why not?” 

“I just don’t want to” you spoke slowly, every word had your jaw clenching. 

“This hasn’t got something to do with our last session together, does it?” He asked, a cynical smile growing on his lips. 

All you could do was shake your head. He was getting under your skin, he was meant to be a therapist for crying out loud. Why was he being so mean to you? Why did this have to mean so much to him? 

The matter in question was your last session together. 

-

You walked into the room highly overstimulated, unfocused, irritated with your burden of a reality. The past few nights you had been crying endlessly. The thought of him was constantly on your mind. He was an enigma, the impossible puzzle in stores that no one even bothered to attempt. Every move you made with him had you stepping back twice as far. Thinking of him made you so overwhelmed, because you didn’t know what he wanted from you. It was some twisted game in his mind and you were too naive in the beginning to think it was something else. 

He touched you, held you, caressed you, whispered sweet words into your ear, kissed you. Your therapist had explored almost every inch of your skin. His hips had rocked in sync with yours. You’ve seen him in completely vulnerable positions. Yet there was nothing that kept you together except for you booking in another appointment. 

He continued to remind you that he didn’t want you at the end of every session without saying as he walked you out the door. A constant reminder that these were only exercises. You were exhausted and ready to raise the flag. 

There was something real hidden underneath all of this. A twisted sensation that connected you both as one. It was a gut feeling, and you’d be damned if you tried to wait the sensation out of your body. At this point, it was all or nothing. 

“Act on it” he told you with an approving nod. 

You had just opened up to him with your scenario. Which he instantly knew was based around him despite you being highly vague. He read your expressions and body language clearly. You were overwhelmed, emotional, depressed, anxious and aroused. 

“What?” You frowned at him, a mixture of confusion and hope. 

“Act on your impulses” he clarified, straightening himself in his seat. There was a pause as you tried to read his expression, questioning if he was implying what you truly wanted to do. “Do it” he encouraged, flashing you a toothy grin. 

His legs spreaded on the chair, his hand tapping gently on his thigh, you could see it from where you were seated, the bulge in his trousers. Hesitantly you stood from your seat, he nodded to reassure you. Through a wobbly stance, you gradually approached your therapist, your heart pounded and thoughts raced like hotrods. 

As you stood before him, he admired the fear painted on you. You gulped down your thoughts and closed your eyes as you straddled him, his hands crept up to your hips as you took his short dark locks of hair in your hands. 

This was different from last time, you held the reins right now. Too afraid to look at him this closely, you leant down and kissed him. He welcomed your tongue into his mouth as his hands slid up and down your lower back, sending sensational shocks amongst your nerves. 

You moaned into his mouth and gently tugged at his roots. His hands wrapped around your back and he rocked his hips up and down slowly. When you finally opened your eyes again, he was looking right into you, as if he was studying every single thing you were doing. It discouraged you and you separated your lips and gulped, your hand wiped around your mouth. 

“Don’t be afraid… I’m right here, I’ll look after you” he promised you gently. 

You weakly smiled at him and found yourself slowly slipping down off of him. As you landed on your knees, your hands ran up and down his thin thighs. He sighed quietly as he watched you undo his leather belt. He helped you by raising his hips so you could tug down at pants, his cock flopped out onto his stomach. 

You’ve never touched it before and it sent vibrations up your core. It felt suspenseful, the quick look you gave before you wrapped your hands around him. He moved forward on the seat and you gave him a couple of lazy pumps. Slowly, your lips pressed against his tip and he groaned in approval. 

You closed your eyes as his length slipped into your mouth. Quickly, his hands gently held onto your cheeks. 

“No no… Don’t look away from me, I want to see those pretty eyes of yours” he ordered kindly, a sweet smile on his mouth.

Your eyes fluttered open and your mouth smiled around his length. As you hummed around his size, it sent vibrations down his sensitive member. At a slow pace, your mouth bobbed up and down, taking in a little more than the last time. His hands looped into your loose, soft hair as he encouraged you to go a little bit faster. Doctor Crane liked it when you thrummed around him, how you’d hollow your cheeks and the way you batted your eyes up to him. 

“Oh, such a good girl… You’re doing a fantastic job” he praised in a mixed tone of condescending and admiration which made your thighs press together.  He carefully lifted his body up from the chair and his trousers started to slip to his ankles. His legs stood apart as he guided your head. Your hands ran up the back of his thighs and rested just below his glutes.

One hand slipped out of your hair so he could untighten his tie enough so he could pull it off. His hands slowly pulled your mouth off of him, you made a pop sound and for a second he thought he was going to finish right there and then. Even though you were breathing heavily, you were smiling so gleefully at him, he couldn’t help but to look at you in awe momentarily. 

“Here… Wear this, it’ll make you look even prettier” he requested as he slipped and tightened his red tie around your gorgeous neck. 

His hand wrapped from the tip of the tie and gently tugged your mouth back towards his throbbing, wet member. Eagerly, you took him back into your mouth completely. Your fingernails tickled at his hamstrings as you found a smooth rhythm to bob at. 

“You’re so good at this… Can I go a bit rougher?” He gasped out. 

He didn’t even give you a moment to respond. He tugged the tie harshly towards him repetitively as his tip would hit the back of your throat. Your nails dug into his flesh as you squint your eyes shut, tears naturally swelled up. 

“No, I told you to look at me” he ordered more firmly this time, his free head patting your cheek to get your attention. 

You obeyed, but blunk repetitively to try to wash away your tears. He was groaning out gently, he didn’t expect you to look so beautiful this way. It felt almost native to him to have you here in this state. 

His size was twitching frequently in your mouth, he could feel how close he was. As his mouth fell open in pleasure, you couldn’t help but to smile again despite the painful speed you were going at. Because you were pleasing him, he was happy. 

“Can I finish in your mouth darling?” He asked in a gasp. 

Immediately you moaned around his shaft and even though Doctor Crane didn’t know what you were trying to spit out, he took it as a yes. When he felt his climax tip over, he pulled your face to his lower region, your nose pressed against his lower abdomen as he held you still there. His seed shot straight down your throat, only a couple of ropes got caught on your tongue. 

His blue eyes rolled back and he moaned out loudly. As his hand around the tie instinctively pulled as far as he could and his other hand slipped back into your hair and caressed your scalp. When his eyes fluttered back to reality and his post orgasm state settled in, he still held you around him, wanting it to last one more longer. 

Gradually, the tie slipped out of his hand and he tugged you off of him. Your body slumped down as you breathed out hard and swallowed the remainder of his semen. You took off the tie and rubbed the friction burn around your neck and soreness that pulsed on your mouth. 

However, when you looked back up to him, your smile quickly faded. 

“And that’s time…” He spoke emotionlessly, his eyes glued onto his watch. 

He had already tucked himself back into his trousers. Whilst you sat on your knees looking like a sweating mess. When he held his hand out, you mistook it for a kind gesture of helping you up. But he only wanted his tie back. As he tied it back around his neck, you sat frozen on knees, head laying low. 

His voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “Sweetheart, come on. I have another appointment” he sighed, his voice sounding distant. 

When you looked up, he was by the door, his hips leant to the left with his hands resting above them. You blinked away your tears and stood up on wobbly feet. Quickly you grabbed your belongings and sniffled as you approached him. 

As you went to open the door, his hand rested on your shoulder. You couldn’t help but to look up to him with a sliver of hope. 

“That was good progress today, I’ll see you next week” he nodded to you, his expression emotionless. 

He opened the door for you before you could even try to utter a word. As you walked out and turned around to see him one more time, he shut the door before you could. 

When he canceled on you the week after, reality hit you like a train traveling at high speed. He was using you, you were only a playtoy and it was a matter of time until he grew bored of you. The irony was how your therapist was destroying you instead of fixing you.  

You drove recklessly the whole time, wishing that you would just end up in a fatal crash. He told you to stay away from recreational drugs and alcohol early on. But that weekend you went out and impulsively took more than you should have. You ended up grinding with strangers, closing your eyes and picturing him and then you’d drink more to try to forget about him, even though it was just for the night. 

You don’t know how you got home the next morning, better yet how you didn’t have a single scratch on your body. It felt a sign that you needed to let him go. That he was the toxic venom in your life and loving him would kill you. 

He was the two end balls on Newton's cradle, his behavior to you was constantly switching. The way he kissed you, held you, caressed you. It all meant nothing. Especially when it came to comparison of how he’d shout at you, belittle you, scream even on occasions. Some sessions you’d end up having a complete meltdown in his arms and he’d apologize for taking the exercise too intensely. 

Everything he was doing to you was illegal. This wasn’t normal, this wasn’t healthy, this wasn’t proper treatment. He was only making your condition worse. He was taking advantage of you and you had been stupid enough to allow it for so long. It was time to take off the rose tinted glasses. 

-

Doctor Crane was correct yet again. You were not back in contact with Jaime. You only needed an excuse to get out of this cobweb of painful emotions and it was the best idea you had. His blue eyes were shooting daggers at you as he waited for your answer. 

“You could have canceled over the phone but you’re here… Why?” He frowned towards you, moving forward in his seat to get a view. 

You clicked your tongue and blinked back your tears. Your body was running high on adrenaline, it was hard for you to process anything that was happening around you. Doctor Crane could see how overstimulated you were, how hard this must have been for you. 

Your head remained low as you began to speak. “I will-”

“Look at me when you’re talking” he resisted his snarl through his demand as he cut you off. 

As you clicked your tongue again, your head shot up in anger. He couldn’t help but to grin, you’ve never looked at him with such fury. The fire inside of you made the blood run to his cock. 

A thousand words stormed through your brain. Everything that you wanted to scream at him banged against the walls, desperately trying to break out. It was hard to know what you wanted to say first. But then a thought of reflection sparked and within a click, your angered expression disappeared. Your torso relaxed as you blinked at him. His dark eyebrows furrowed to you as you calmed your breathing. 

“Goodbye Doctor Crane” you exhaled, a soft satisfied smile on your lips. 

For once, you could read his expression enough, he was taken aback. His eyes widened, only slightly, but nevertheless they widened. As his mouth slowly opened and head tilted, as his mind raced to spit something out, you stood up from your seat and turned to the door, gulping down all of your nerves. 

For a moment, he couldn’t help but to admire you walking away, the way your hips would swing. He couldn’t deny the fact that he was proud of you, for finally standing up for yourself. But he knew one thing, you were going to walk out that door and never return. 

Doctor Crane would be damned if he allowed you to leave him, especially on your own terms. A quick flash of fear mixed with excitement washed over his face and he acted impulsively for once. A sudden rush of desperation and desire compelled his thoughts. He jumped from his chair like a predator in pursuit of its prey. 

Before you could reach for the knob, you’re forced up against the door, not softly yet not too roughly to leave a mark. You gasp out as his hands run over your body animalistically. Doctor Crane’s mouth pressed to your jaw as his arms tangled around your body. 

“Doctor-” you whimpered and he couldn’t help but to moan out your name. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked quietly by your ear, his words hissing like a viper. 

Tears begin to shed again from your sore eyes. Why couldn’t he just let you leave and move on. 

“Stop…” you chortled, shaking your head at the thought of staying in this any longer. 

“Let’s talk about this” he pleaded in a humorous tone as he tried to guide you back to the middle of the room. 

But you stood firmly, your hand could just hold onto the doorknob. When you shook your head again he grunted and kissed your neck. 

“I don’t want to” you shivered, you wanted to sound confident but your emotions were failing you.

Doctor Crane kissed your neck repeatedly to try to convince you otherwise. It only made you whine and struggle against him. His lips pressed to your ear as his head nuzzled against yours, your knees couldn’t help but to buckle. 

“I thought you liked me…” 

“I can’t do this” you bit back your moan as you felt his erection hump against your ass. 

Naturally, your back began to arch as you pushed your head back against his. Whilst being under this seductive trance, he pulled you back towards his chair and fell back onto it. You sat on his lap, you back pressed against his front and his tongue rolled over your earlobe. 

“You’re so overstimulated right now… I can feel it running through your skin. You can’t even see how badly you’re acting. I bet you can hardly process what I’m saying” he grinned as his hands ran up and down your body, too greedy to stick to one spot. 

“No! Let go of me please! I want to leave!” You cried out, his fingers swiftly swam into your mouth to silence you. 

“Darling… Darling, you’re not okay. I need to help you. I legally can’t let you leave in this state, for your safety and others” he disclosed, a mischief look on his face. 

As his free hand snaked up to your tits as the other continued to pump his fingers into and out of your mouth. Your body squirmed on his, but you didn’t try to jump off of him, your body felt tired and aroused. 

“Fuuuck, you wore such a slutty outfit today. You must have really wanted to get my attention” he snickered as he pulled his fingers out of your mouth and you gasped out. 

“Doctor please… Please let me go. I-I” you stuttered as your eyes remained shut. 

“Stop thinking… Let your impulses take over” he spoke calmly. 

“No I can’t!” you argued, shaking your head at the thought of submitting to him again. 

You hated yourself. Because for days you were so determined on ridding him out of your mind. Finally letting go of his abuse. You were going to fix the part that he purposely broke in you. But here you were again, back on his lap. 

He sighed out and kissed your heated cheek again. 

“Look at how emotional you are. My poor insecure girl, I bet you’re all built up down there” he exhaled deeply as his wet fingers traveled down under your skirt and your body froze. 

“No… Stop, you’re upsetting me” you sobbed as his hand danced around your panties. 

He breathed out, his hand slid down to your thigh as he pressed his forehead to your hair. Silence filled the room as he hummed quietly, you sniffled a couple of times. 

“I know… If it changes anything, I’m sorry” he admitted, his arms wrapped around your waist. 

A beat. 

“Really?” You asked in a hopeful tone, your head turned back to him. 

Doctor Crane’s expression was completely emotionless except for his eyes as he slowly nodded. They were wide and glistening. Slowly, your body shifted back around to face him and his hands rested on your lower back. 

“Yes, I fail to remember how subconscious you can be” he explained, his fingertips playing with the end of your skirt. You felt skeptical, but he looked so innocent with his eyes raw with emotion, how could you not forgive that. “Let me make it up to you” he whispered as he leant in to kiss you. 

You allowed it, your arms wrapped around his neck as he kissed you passionately. You whimpered, your body shivering as his hands ran up your thighs to your ass. 

“I don’t want to do another exercise” you gasped as you broke the kiss. 

“This isn’t an exercise” he said sternly, his hands squeezing your rear. 

“What is it?” You furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Something far more memorable” he shrugged his shoulders gently as his fingers unbutton your blouse. “Now, let’s get you out of this pretty outfit” he instructed. As you pulled your shirt off, his fingers trailed over the perfect blue bra you wore. “So arresting” he admired, his top teeth grazing over his lower lip. 

He kindly ordered you to stand up as he unclasped your bra. His blue eyes lingered on your bare torso as he dropped to his knees to unbuckle your shoes. After he assisted you to take off your socks, he slowly pulled down your skirt and panties as one to the floor. 

He breathed out as he looked up to take in your perfectly imperfect figure. Your existence was like a piece of kintsukuroi, you turned to be more beautiful after being broken. 

He had never seen you naked before. Never seen anything besides the beauty of your stomach or thighs. Your body shivered and subconsciously you pulled your arms to your chest and your thighs crossed over as you watched his dark eyes, dripping with lust scan over you. After you did that, his eyes snapped up to yours and he tutted to you 

“No, no… Never hide yourself from me, ever” he commanded firmly as his arms reached up and repositioned yours back to your sides.

You whimpered but nodded regardlessly as his hands met in between your thighs and pushed them apart. He admired your cleanly shaved region and his hot breath fanned you momentarily before his cold lips pressed to your gushing folds. 

“Tastes so delightful” he complimented before kissing you there again. 

You held back your moan, it got stuck in your throat and he looked up to you. Purely wanting to see your reaction as he flicked his tongue over your clit. You mumbled out, your hands instinctively gripped into his hair for support. As his hands caressed your glutes, you couldn’t help but to feel a similitude to your last encounter together. His tongue lapped at your entrance, zigzagged up and down your folds as your eyes began to roll back. Naturally your hips rocked and fingertips massaged his scalp as he began to kiss your cunt in a sloppy manner. 

“Such a cute pussy” he commented in a lustful tone before his tongue shot inside of you. 

You cried out as you roughly tugged at his roots. His slippery tongue was darting in and out of you. The vibrations were sparking up your nerves as you couldn’t try to hide your moans any longer. Your toes were curling on the floorboards, breathing unsteady as your eyes blinked heavily. 

“I-I need… I need to” you stammered out, lost for words as your sight began to blur.

“Need to finish? You’ll ask nicely then” he demanded with a grin as he looked back up to you. 

You cried out in frustration as you heaved. “Please… Can I come” you whimpered softly. 

Usually, he’d prefer to tease a bit longer. But you looked so sweet, he couldn’t find a reason to say no. 

“Come on then, let me taste your sweet orgasm” he encouraged before his tongue attacked your bundle of nerves again. 

Shortly after, you screamed out, your back arched, head snapped back, toes tried to dig into the floor as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. It was music to his ears, as he greedily ate you out completely. You were whimpering words as he licked your cunt clean, your eyes forced shut from pleasure. 

Doctor Crane slowly stood up and rubbed his bulge, smiling at your post orgasm state. It wasn’t until you felt the cool sensation of the desk on your rear when you relaxed how far in the room you had moved. Your back fell onto the wood as you breathed out, his pants open enough for his throbbing cock to hang out and be stroked in his hand. 

“You go so mindless when you climax, it’s quite fascinating” he pointed out as he lifted your legs over his shoulders. 

You smelt of jasmine and rose, the perfect mixture of sweet floral and seductive muskiness which made his nostrils flare. Whilst he smelt of a perfect blend of rose petals, musk, precious woods and floral citrus which made Jonathan feel like he was the aftermath of a rain shower to you. 

You gulped as he pressed his tip to your recovering core. “Do you like me?” You blurted out as a wave of doubt crashed over you. 

“I fuck all of my patients” he chuckled lightly which made your face drop. “That was a joke” he sighed as he pressed the back of his hand to your heated cheek. “You certainly have my attention” he admitted with a soft smile as he lined his cock to your entrance.  

He wasn’t even sure if he was capable of those emotions, at least in a traditional sense. He knew that he loved every bit you hated of yourself, addicted even. There was this primal urge to take care of you, to look after you felt like a captivity he desired to be in. 

He liked how much you subconsciously feared him, which always resulted in you wanting to please him, to get some form of reassurance, of love. It was nice, knowing that someone was addicted to him like he was a drug. The feeling of being loved was comforting, in his own taboo way. 

As he roughly thrusted himself instead of you, your hands fell back and you knocked something off the desk. Your head snapped back to see what but his hand turned your face back to his serious expression. 

“How many times do I have to tell you. Keep your eyes on me” he warned as he continued to fuck you.

“But-” you opposed as you leant back more and gripped onto the edge of the desk. 

“Don’t worry about it” he grunted with his hips pistoning into you. 

You nodded eagerly with your mouth wide open. 

It was as if your eyes could speak the way he looked at you. The inquisitiveness in him always wanted to know what you were thinking. But at the same time, he merely liked to look into your pretty eyes. It almost gave him comfort that he was finally truly seen by another. 

You were alluring to him. Apparently made from the same toxin he was, because he was an addict for you. He was obsessed with discovering every single atom of you. It felt like his life mission to know everything there was to know about you. Yes, he took it too far with you on many occasions. But he just needed to uncover your triggers. He needed to know what to protect you from and how to keep you attached to him. 

His arms straightened besides your shoulders. “That’s my good fucking girl” he praised as his cock twitched inside of you. 

By the force he was going at, it was hurting you, but regardless, you felt your cunt drip immensely. His mouth hung open as his blue eyes fluttered lightly. 

“What do you call me?”

“Huh?” 

Doctor Crane repeated his words sternly after every thrust. You blinked and stammered for a moment, his cock distracting you from the correct answer. 

“Daddy?” You guessed unsurely. 

“No… Your father left you. But not me, I’m right here sweetheart. Call me by my name, because that’s what lovers do, isn’t it?” Jonathan smirked as his pace picked up, his own eyes began to roll back. 

You whimpered and called him by his name. In return, he moaned back your name and called you a good girl before kissing you. Through swollen eyes, you panted underneath him, his mouth pressed to your jaw. 

“You can be so mean to me” you whined pathetically as you struggled to keep your eyes on him. 

“I know” he replied blankly. 

“Why?” 

“It’s all a part of your treatment” he sighed, silencing you with his lips before you could ask any further questions. 

When your lips eventually separated, his hips were still thrusting into you viciously. Your region felt full and another orgasm was trying to latch onto your sensitive nerves. One arm shot up to latch around his neck, holding his face closer to yours as you stared deeply into his eyes. 

“I love you” you admitted in a trance of lust, comfort and pure raw emotion.

“I already knew that” Jonathan groaned back to you. 

You were dreaming if you believed you’d be able to get a confession out of him. If anything, you should be grateful enough to get this much out of him. But Jonathan couldn’t deny his attraction, his fixation towards you. 

You were in his dreams quite frequently. Jonathan saw you at home, being a perfect housewife and an exceptional lover for him. He had thought of going back to teaching at the university instead, that way you’d be able to make him breakfast, pack his lunch and have dinner ready for him by the time he returned home. His salary would be enough to protect you both financially, so you’d be able to quit your job and focus your life purely on him. Just as your condition compelled you to. This way, he’d be able to look after you always, and you'd be able to look after him. 

“I’m so fucking addicted to you. You’re my favorite little obsession” he confessed with a wicked smile. 

The type of look that made your stomach turn, realizing how big of a hole you had dug yourself, you may just never be able to climb back out of it. As a natural instinct urged you to get up and make a run for it, Jonathan forced you completely onto your back. 

You grunt out from the pain as he pressed himself completely inside of your pulsing walls. Jonathan’s tongue ran down your face. 

“You know BPD is incurable? You’re always going to need someone to look after you” he implied as his movements turned slow and painful as your cunt clenched around his size. 

“You scare me so much” you admitted through a wobbly lower lip. 

“Darling… That’s the whole point of it all” he replied calmly. 

“But don’t stress, I’ll always be here to help you” Jonathan assured your insecurities. 

[atticmichaelangelo]

Junko: How patriarchy, time, and perception influence ( female ) friendships:

Junko is without a doubt a rather polarising figure within the Nana fandom. While some are inclined to view her as the epitome of a terrible friend, others find that there are aspects of her character that are not completely unreasonable. Some even argue that she is fully justified in her actions, interpreting them as a weary response to Nana Komatsu (Hachi’s) dependent and at times childish behaviour. 

I personally find her to be an extremely intriguing case study on female friendships - it is rare to find a depiction of female friendships that deviates from the endlessly supportive, forgiving, and nurturing portrayals of female relationships. Often times women are not as forgiving and sweet to each other as is often idealised in popular media, with dynamics often being fraught with internalised misogyny, societal perceptions, past experiences, and unhealthy attachment - so it is refreshing to see such a realistic, unorthodox, and complex portrayal of relationships dynamics between women—an topic that is often underrepresented and undervalued, yet crucial in order for people of any age to reflect on their own friendships and the factors that shape their beliefs and behaviours within them.

Firstly, I think that there is no point in disputing that Junko, in her own, often unconventional way, cares about Hachi. Throughout the early episodes and chapters of Nana, Junko frequently steps in to protect and comfort Hachi when she thinks the situation calls for it. This can be seen when she immediately leaps into action when Hachi breaks down in tears, drunk and distraught over memories of Asano in Episode 2, calming her down. This concern is seen again when Junko berates Shoji for hurting Hachi’s feelings and leaving Hachi alone in an unfamiliar place before rushing out to go find her. When Junko learns that Hachi plans to move in with Nana Osaki, who was practically a stranger at the time, she tries to convince (scare) Hachi into reconsidering the decision, concerned with how Hachi would manage and what kind of person Nana would turn out to be. Accepting defeat when Hachi stayed steadfast in her decision, she challenged (Hachi’s words) Yasu, trying to support Hachi by passive aggressively asserting Hachi’s right to the apartment when Hachi failed to do so to her standards.

Infantilisation and stifling growth

However, Junko’s protectiveness often crosses the line into infantilisation, an action which is a mixture of both care for Hachi and an unconscious subscription to societal perceptions of ‘femininity’, which ends up doing more harm than good.

Ai Yazawa makes a point of emphasising that Junko has known Hachi for a long time - she is familiar with her romantic struggles and emotionally dependent tendencies. But Yazawa also shows us from the start as well that Junko is immalleable. She is a character that does not bend to displays of emotion or whims - a foil to Hachi’s very passionate and dreamy personality. It becomes apparent from their interactions that Junko, after having been around Hachi a long time, internalised how Hachi behaves and acts to the point where she sees these traits as innate to Hachi as opposed to behaviours that have developed and formed over time. This strongly held perception of Hachi becomes a problem, as instead of encouraging growth ( which is what every healthy friendship accepts and promotes), Junko reinforces these observed traits, often treating Hachi as if she were a younger sibling or even a child. She seems “relieved” when someone else is there to “take care” of Hachi and even makes decisions on her behalf, such as revealing Hachi’s crush on Shoji despite Hachi making a conscious decision to not be romantically involved in anyone, assuming that Hachi does not have the scope to actually achieve the emotional goals she sets for herself.  

This dynamic consequently stifles and hinders Hachi’s ability to grow as an independent person throughout the anime, as Junko continues to see her through the lens of their shared past rather than as a peer. Even when Junko chastises Hachi for her lack of independence, she paradoxically expresses relief when someone else can ‘step in’ to care for her. This cycle of infantilisation keeps Hachi trapped in a dependent role within her friendships, and Junko’s inability to adjust her perception only reinforces these traits in Hachi. How people around you perceive and treat you influence how you subconsciously view yourself, and in Hachi’s case, she would see herself through Junko’s eyes as exasperating and hopelessly dependent. While Junko could very well believe her treatment stems from a deep and intimate understanding of Hachi, she in fact implies, most likely unintentionally, that Hachi is not capable of better. Junko's habit of infantilising Hachi repeatedly yet chastising her for the very thing Junko validates puts her in an endless pattern of being enabled, but not giving the genuine support when she does attempt to break the cycle. 

Internalised misogyny and and complicity to the status quo

At the root of Junko’s behaviour there is a subtle form of internalised misogyny that permeates throughout her interactions with Hachi. Hachi’s personality is characterised by dreaminess, emotionality, and dependence, and aligns with traditionally "feminine" traits that patriarchal societies often devalue. She is romantic, frivolous and dependent, and Junko, in contrast, is portrayed to be and see herself as more pragmatic and career-oriented, which she is shown to be aware of and even proud of in the anime and manga. She firmly corrects Hachi when Hachi hopes she will give up on her dreams of art school in Tokyo, and pursues her passions and career with dedication throughout the anime. Her more modern lifestyle ( living unmarried with her boyfriend and striving for her dream career) contrast heavily with her more conservative mindset with gender - through interactions between Hachi and Junko, we can see that she seems to have adopted a more ‘masculine’ role between the two of them, acting as the voice of reason and logic, traits which are stereotypically associated with masculinity ( haha). You can see that this patriarchal compartmentalisation of personality traits is something that Junko had internalised growing up through her interactions with Hachi, perceiving Hachi as hopeless and in need due to her personality, when in actuality we find out later that Hachi is perfectly capable of making decisions herself, and managing difficulty by herself (with more resilience that others can muster). While she surely does not always make the best options, she is able to adapt and persevere - not exactly the actions of a hopelessly dependent person.

This is a greatly nuanced decision on Yazawa’s front, as she perfectly depicts how growing up in a patriarchal society does not only influence male and female relations, but all - due to Junko growing up in a patriarchal society where women with ‘feminine’ traits are simultaneously taken care of and condescended, she too mimics and appropriates such beliefs and actions. The status quo in such societies ( like Japan in the time the manga is set)  are rigidly upheld yet at the same time result in the mocking and contempt of women who adhere to or fit the mould shaped and maintained by the same people who patronise them - and often times women are complicit in upholding harmful patriarchal ideals.  I think this is a refreshing (and depressingly realistic) depiction of relationships between women, as it perfectly captures the delicate and painful cognitive dissonance between caring for someone and not doing what is in their best interest due to internalised misogyny. 

A large aspect of internalised misogyny is putting male approval and attention on a pedestal, and Junko depicts such influences as well when she compares her love life to Hachi’s. She flaunts her alleged ability to form platonic male friendships without becoming romantically involved, ironically right before quickly entering into a relationship with Kyosuke. Junko then feels the need to justify her own quick decision of sleeping with and getting with Kyosuke to Hachi, showing a unconscious adherence to the notion that as a woman, getting with or attached to a relatively unknown man simply because of a desire to is a disdainful trait, and one that Junko makes a conscious effort to differentiate herself from - and not for Hachi. Hachi did not judge or even understand why Junko made such a fuss explaining; Junko’s attempts were more a form of self reassurance that she is not like the ‘others’ who are deemed undesirable and whorish ( a belief she holds due to her close interaction with patriarchy growing up). Junko is in fact not so different from Hachi, from what we can see from her actions in the anime and manga. We are told by her she does not attach herself romantically to men quickly, yet in the first instance possible we see otherwise. We see her look down on Hachi’s air-headed desire for a stereotypical, domestic relationship with a reliable man, while staying with Kyosuke throughout all the anime and manga, using him as a mode of support and guidance as well as a romantic and seemingly life partner. Her contempt of Hachi at times seems to be a reflection of her own insecurities with the aspects of her personality that do not fit the mould she wants - the aspects of her personality she was raised to see as less valuable and worthy and therefore grew up and internalised.

Junko’s internalised misogyny is also apparent in her loyalty to the men in her life, particularly in her defence of Shoji after he cheats on Hachi. Instead of holding Shoji accountable, Junko places the blame on Hachi, telling her that it was her fault for being too dependent, too self absorbed - too absent ( the very traits she was telling Hachi to adopt). This reaction reflects Junko’s struggle to justify her friendship with Shoji through her own internalised belief that women are responsible for men’s behaviour ( a common belief in patriarchal societies to take accountability away from men, instead vindicating and blaming the women involved). This scene serves to reveal Junko’s desire to preserve her own relationships and avoid conflict with male peers - by justifying Shoji’s actions, she maintains the comfort and security of her social circle, which includes her boyfriend Kyosuke, who is also Shoji’s best friend ( again rather similar to Hachi and her want of companionship) - she puts her male centred relationships on a pedestal at the expense of her female friendships and Hachi’s wellbeing.

Junko’s character serves as a window into the nuanced ways internalised misogyny, perception, and shared history can influence female friendships. Her dynamic with Hachi is shaped by her rigid perception of Hachi’s weaknesses and her own internalised biases about what traits are "acceptable" in women. While Junko is portrayed as a capable, independent woman—someone Hachi and other women can in some ways even looks up to—her patronising attitude ultimately undermines the potential of their relationship. Junko’s failure to see Hachi as an evolving, autonomous person perpetuates a cycle of dependence, preventing both women from growing as individuals and as friends, with Junko feeling equally responsible and burdened by Hachi but not allowing the relationship to develop beyond how it was in the past.

By portraying Junko, one of Hachi’s closest friends, as such a complex, multidimensional character, Ai Yazawa offers a compelling critique of the ways in which societal norms and internalised beliefs can distort relationships between women, and bring attention to topic that is often neglected yet experienced and lived by women universally. Junko’s story illustrates that it is not only overt sexism that influences women’s lives but also the more subtle, internalised forms of misogyny that shape how women perceive themselves and each other, and the pitfalls of relationships that remain stagnant in the past instead of allowing both parties to grow and flourish. 

[wilcze-kudly]

I think if aang was 14 or 16, or even 15, which is apparently the age he was planned to be told he was avatar at, by the time series began, kataang would have been more popular even among zutarians.

I can certainly see that, but I think Aang's personality and unorthodox appearance (for a westwrn show anyway) contribute to the dislike of him as a romantic partner.

Not only is Aang's appearance not stereotypically what young girls are told to find attractive in men (round features, big eyes, smaller stature, baldness) but his personality is also more stereotypically "feminine" which even girls are taught to look down on in men and male characters. In stark opposition, Zuko, especially in the first book, but also still throughout the series, is extremely hypermasculin, which often is something we're taught is good to "pair" with femininity of characters like Katara.

I notice that a lot of Zutara fans seem to subconciously have this gender essentialism esque view, where Katara's "natural femininity" is more drawn to Zuko's mascline traits than Aang's more "effeminate" ones. Aang's behaviour and demeanour are percieved as feminine and therefore undesirable to women.

This is also why Aang is often emasculated and infantiliased when they criticise him. To lessen him as a potential partner for Katara, because it's Zuko's more masculine behaviours that they find more alluring or interesting.

[starleska]

Hello! May I have some headcanons for how Wally Darling acts when he falls in love? And maybe some headcanons about how he flirts with reader because I’m a simp for this man 😭😭

oh my gosh of course you can!!!! this has been rattling around my head ever since you sent in the ask, thank you so much 🥺 there were lots of ways i could've taken this one, but i wanted to give you all a bit of tooth-rotting sweetness 😉

Lovesick!Wally Darling x Reader headcanons

💖 Wally is many things when he's in love, and subtle is not one of them. when around the object of his affections, he turns into even more of a cartoon character than he already is: tripping over his own feet in your presence and gazing dreamily at you from afar. you can almost see the little hearts floating into existence and popping over his head!! however, he isn't going overboard with his affections to make you uncomfortable, no - the man is simply so full of love for you, he doesn't know where to put it. Wally in love becomes more day-dreamy than he already was, prone to trailing off in the middle of a sentence because he caught a glimpse of you from across the way, or actively abandoning an engrossing activity just to spend a little more time around you. should you choose to call Wally out for his behaviour, you'll have the pleasure of seeing a powerful blush colour his fuzzy cheeks 😉

💖 a sure-fire sign that Wally's got a crush is the uptick in his musicality. Wally is already a bit of a self-styled musician: little to no rhythm or tune to speak of, but a tendency to hum away an old song while he's busy with his art or his thoughts. when he's in love, Wally will move from simple humming to karaoke-worthy serenades - belting out traditional love songs in the shower and delivering impromptu concert performers when entertaining his friends. your neighbours are baffled, wondering how Wally could ever think to impress You with a voice like that, because - bless him - for all his other talents, the gift of song was not one given to him. yet Wally isn't trying to win you over with the power of his voice - his ego doesn't extend in that direction. Wally is just so inexorably happy to feel this way towards you, and he has to let the know world about that feeling!! 🥺

💖 Wally's flirtation methods are unorthodox, and they never fail to make you giggle. you may expect a man with perpetual bedroom eyes to be of the suave, alluring persuasion, but Wally's charm lies in his quirkiness. where one person would give you a bouquet of flowers, Wally is going to hand you a bushel of apples, instructing you with a wink to, "...not look at them all at once." instead of slipping his arm casually around your shoulders, Wally will engage you in challenging staring contests, only to wait for your guard to be down and boop you on the nose, giving him the win!! it's only when you and he are alone that Wally dares to be more forward...threading his fingers through yours and stroking your skin with his thumb. indeed, it's the sweet, simple nature of Wally's affection which clues everyone in to how he feels about you...he feels comfortable to be 100% himself, and what he is, is a huge dork 😭💖

aww man i'm all soft now 😭💖 i hope you like this one!! :3c

[cheonstapes]

jjk men star in... 'IF YOU SEEK AMY' ( ˘ ɜ˘) ♬♪♫

a/n ~ i was listening to if you seek amy on repeat yesterday and was like omg what if i wrote abt that! music is my biggest inspo and i thought jjk guys would go best w this song~

summary; the men of jujutsu kaisen with a pretty, little, popstar.

wc; 1.2k+

pairings; various jjk men x fem!popstar!reader

cw; suggestive, descriptions of sex, oral sex, obsessive behaviour, reader getting harassed, hating, toji beats someone up for you💗, dirty gojo, NANAMIN!!!!, jjk men being supportive, reader is basically beyonce reincarnated, nawt proofread - been writing this all day

gojo as - the boyfriend

even if gojo was a hotshot sorcerer, constantly on the move, he always found time to admire his pretty little pop star girlfriend. front row tickets to all of your concerts, being the first one to buy your albums despite the fact that you always give him a copy way before it drops - he even had a hand in designing your merch, who knew your boyfriend was such a creative. he even has a fan account for you, with almost half a million followers, posting never before seen pics of you, cute ones of course - ones he’s taken of you. you don’t know about it, you don’t need to.  you especially don’t need to know about his other account, the one where he writes the filthiest stories about you. graphic descriptions about how well he would fuck you, how beautiful your body would look underneath him, the angelic moans you’d let out when he’d touch your gorgeous pussy. they’re all true, though, he is your boyfriend after all. people can write all the stories about you they want, but none of them truly know your body as well as gojo does.

nanami as - the manager

your manager, nanami, was pissed. pacing around his large office, growling down his phone at the poor lawyer on the other end - occasionally glancing at you as you sat quietly on the plush sofa, legs crossed as you scrolled through your phone. you weren’t happy though, scrolling through comments on your most recent posts. hate from insecure people who had nothing better to do with their lives was bearable - but now you had stalkers? these creepy ass guys who were constantly harassing you, threatening you, it was scary to say the least. you heard him slam the phone done onto the table, breathing slightly laboured in the midst of his anger. “i’ve dealt with those fuckers, they won’t bother you again sweetheart.” you smiled, it always calms him down whenever he sees your pretty smile. walking over to him, you hold his face in your hands, slowly leaning in to press a kiss on his soft lips, a hand running sensually down his broad chest over his dress shirt. “you always work so hard for me, babe. i think you deserve some lovin’ right now. just relax, ok?” having your man as your manager definitely comes with some perks, doesn’t it.

toji as - the bodyguard 

you loved attending events, getting to dress up with a team triple the size that you usually have was always such an experience. this time, the met gala was tomorrow and you couldn’t have been more excited. it was your third year in a row and each year your looks get better and better. this year, though? not even mystic meg could’ve predicted how utterly shit getting ready this year could’ve been. your dress, specially made for you by iris van herpen, was in ruins. they clearly didn’t do background checks on the people they had in your crew because he definitely wouldn’t have made it through in that case. a cute little intern, constantly singing praises of you, to your face at least. but he was plotting - coincidentally being placed in charge of taking care of your dress, and coincidentally blaming the heat gun for looking a little too much like a steamer. you were livid, and toji, your bodyguard, hated seeing you upset. he swore a zero tolerance policy for anyone who fucks with his little pop star, and that intern found out the hard way. you knew toji had some…unorthodox ways of dealing with things - not even phased when he comes back to you with dried blood staining his knuckles. only offering you a sexy grin and his arm, walking you back to the car to go pick up your new dress - “can’t wait to see what else they made ya princess, yer gonna be the most stunnin’ girl there.” 

geto as - the husband

geto made it very clear how much he hated going to these shows. he was only there for you, ignoring all the interviewers unless you were right there beside him, rejecting people left and right cause can they not see the goddess clinging onto his arm? but he did have to admit, he was a little excited this time around. a lot, actually, but if you knew that - he’d be at every award show from here on out. you’d been nominated for a grammy, artist of the year, and he was so, so proud of you. he held your hand tightly as they read out the nominees, thumb running along your knuckles. you always bite your lip when you were nervous, leg slightly jittery too, he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t nervous too. the announcer pulled out the card, pausing for dramatic effect, before reading out - “and the grammy goes to…y/n! congratulations!” geto’s eyes widen as screams erupted from the crowd, standing up as he smiles brightly at you, kissing you deeply. your celebrity friends congratulating you as you walked passed, making sure to drag geto on stage with you as you made your speech. he knew you would win, obviously, that’s why he was so prepared. booking the most extravagant restaurant he could find, choosing a private room for the two of you to dine alone - and so no one disturbed you both when he was showing you just how proud of you he really was.

choso as - the fan

choso loved his job. working at the bar where celebs came to get absolutely wasted, he had so much shit to talk about after work. but what he didn’t expect was to see his favourite singer, you, actually walk in that night. it wasn’t a secret that choso was quite literally obsessed with you, always asking if anyone saw you at the bar when he wasn’t working, and if they did - get him an autograph or even a little shout out video. he would listen to your music on the way to work, scrolling through your instagram and taking screenshots of pics that could be potential new wallpapers. he thought you were the most beautiful thing on earth, even saving himself just in case he ever got a chance to be with you for even one night. wishes surely do come true, he couldn’t even find it in him to respond as he stared at your glossy lips, you were asking to buy a drink but he was only thinking about leaning over to bar and kissing you until you couldn’t breathe. “d-drink? oh, sorry, n-no problem!” he made a mental note of your drink, making sure it was the best you’ve ever had. he paused as you pulled out your card, stammering as he waved his hands frantically. “wait! it’s-it’s on the house. i’m a…i really like your music, it’s the least i can do.” you couldn’t help but giggle, he was cute, very cute. you didn’t point out that you can see your face on his home screen, only leaning across the bar to get closer. “you’re too sweet, but please, let me do something for you in return. it’s the least i can do.” he looks dumbfounded, opening and closing his mouth before saying, “j-just an autograph and a picture would do, if that’s ok.” 

he changed his wallpaper that same night, you on your knees slobbering over his virgin cock. he couldn’t wait to see you again, trailing a finger over the autograph you gave him, your number written right underneath. saving himself for you was so worth it.

-haha hehe haha ho

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

Today's @wolfstarmicrofic prompt is yearn!

(142 words.)

One unexpected factor of dating Sirius is his letter writing.

Yeah, Sirius is effortlessly smart. He passed his OWLs and NEWTs so easily that it's a little scary, but he's made such an effort to distance himself from his family through his behaviour. His vast vocabulary is easy to forget about.

Well, until they're apart for a few weeks, and Remus gets his first letter from his boyfriend. It's all pretty normal, making Remus chuckle in places. Until he gets to the end.

'I yearn for you,

Sirius.'

Just like that, Remus is blushing. It's like his brain short circuits, so thrown by the unorthodox compliment that it almost burrows inside him, sitting beside his heart and warming it. He wants to absorb it, keep the words at the forefront of his mind.

How is he supposed to send anything decent back?

[megabuild]

"Is Etho's Lab Autistic?" - the greatest thread in the history of MCYTblr, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,

NOT INTENDED to be a diagnostic resource or an "accusation/truthing" of Etho being autistic, but rather comparing autistic criterion as printed in the DSM-5 with various clips and common autistic experiences, since he has many autistic fans who relate to him. Also because it's a little funny and it's always fun to see more Etho clips. Some of these clips may overlap categories.

A: Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction.

Unaware of social conventions or context; makes socially inappropriate comments (especially to strangers)

Bdubs: "One of the first things he said to me... Bdubs, you are always sick. I never get sick."

"I was at the DMV, for like, fifteen minutes."

(Gem: "Sometimes the things that come out of your mouth are... unexpected.") "That's how you get laughs, Gem."

Lack of theory of mind (difficulty or inability to recognise cognitive differences- assumes everyone thinks similarly and will understand any references or explanations made, no matter how particular)

"PLETHORA!"

"It's the same noise tigers make when they chuff."

"Feel free to boo if you wish." ("Boo!")

B: Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests or activities.

Idiosyncratic or metaphorical language (language that has meaning only to those familiar with the individual's communication style) (also extends to a very particular or idiosyncratic sense of humour that appeals only to themselves)

"The Office is a good show..."

"Objectify them! Objectify them real good!"

"What's the deal with bathroom... peanuts...?"

"This is probably the greatest story you will ever hear in your lifetime."

"And he's like, Etho, don't go in there."

Echolalia (immediate or delayed repetition of sounds, words or phrases)

"Meow!"

"Deh-deh-deh!"

"We got go get wool!" (More mature jargoning than echolalia, but still)

Rigid thinking (difficulty or inability to understand humour, irony, or implied meanings)

"That's Not What That Is."

"I don't have social skills, Grian.."

Particular interests, often on unorthodox things or with uncommon levels of intensity

Sourcing exact clips for this one is tricky, but being a Minecraft YouTuber is one of the most autistic things a person can do imo.

Specifically, a redstone Minecraft YouTuber. Who invents stuff like the Nexus.

(On fireworks, something he's made frequent references to and also tried to make as a kid) "I'm like a kid in a candy store right now!"

Anxiety around change/transitional periods

"Whenever I'm recording a new series with a bunch of new people, the stress... I start to feel it in my stomach." (Gem: "Aw, that's anxiety!")

C: Other things I felt were relevant but couldn't decide on a category for

"I used to go out after rainstorms and pick (worms) up..." (Guude: "Would you let them go ever, or-") "No, I usually forgot about 'em... found 'em later all dried up..."

Cleo: "To be fair, Etho never claims he's a grown up, he just sort of.. giggles and runs away."

"Guys? GUYS?!"

Hiding in the bathroom at MCC

Vaxxed?

Mannerisms such as his "sleepy" or monotone voice from earlier years, or "whisper-shouting" rather than actually yelling.

Thanks

[vasito-de-leche]

I love how you write, your interpretations of characters are my favorite. If you're okay with it, may I ask for romantic headcanons of Horropedia (Reverse 1999) x Reader? I would love to know what he is like when he's developing a crush, how he confronts his feelings when he realized them, what he's like when in a romantic relationship, etc. Thank you very much!

;R1999 HORROPEDIA - Relationship Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons about Horropedia in a romantic relationship.

awe! i'm glad you like my stuff! and thank you for the lovely words and request, cause i've been itching to write for horropedia <3

i got a liiiiittle carried away with this one, hope that's alright!

Horropedia as a character is fascinating because at a surface level he's a mess and a walking stereotype - a "nerdy nerd" with a very specific hyperfixation on the horror genre, the tall guy with glasses who explains the plot and does his own thing regardless of how others view him, the first one to die in a movie solely because he's perceived as cringe etc, etc.

And yet, his medium is "logic" - he, better than anyone, understands the nonsensical laws that make up the concept of horror, he sees the patterns and the reason why some things are done this way instead of that way. Through logic, pattern recognition and analysis, Horropedia can pretty much understand anything and work his way around any problem, no matter how unorthodox his solutions may be.

In a sense, I'd compare Horropedia to Pavia. Both are characters who are subject to the stereotypes and images others assign to them - but whereas Pavia both fights and plays into all of these roles, Horropedia just brushes it off and continues doing his own thing, being genuine and unapologetically himself.

When it comes to romance, it's easy to assume Horropedia has no interest in it - they're two different genres that don't go together most of the time. It's also easy to assume that he would be a troublesome partner, due to the laser focus attention he gives to his interests. And the latter is partially true: his lackluster love life is entirely because romance hasn't entered his radar, at least not enough to pull his attention away from his one true love.

But I think this is where the aspect of "logic" comes into play. All Horropedia needs is that spark, to find something to truly become invested in when it comes to romance - once he finds it, he'll dedicate the same amount of attention to detail and care as the horror movies he loves so much.

On the subject of Horropedia developing a crush.

Similar to Click, Horropedia would need some time to start noticing the signs of a crush - the difference is that Horropedia is a little quicker when it comes to realizing he's fallen for someone. His forte is horror movies, but he still knows a thing or two when it comes to other genres.

When he cannot rationalize his behaviour around you in a way that makes sense to his current fixation or situation, that's when he knows. And given how straightforward (to the point of bordering on obliviously rude) Horropedia can be, I'd say he'd also be the type to address this crush right away. Now that there's this brand new thing in his life, he'd like to understand it better - to dissect and study the way romance is potrayed, explore how it feels and just analyze it to hell and back. Basically, he wants to know the rules, to figure out how to best proceed.

Of course, he wouldn't dream of confronting you directly, only an amateur would do such a thing. Instead, he asks his friends and pretty much anyone within his general vicinity. He wants to understand romance from every angle, to hear about it from all sorts of people until he feels like he knows enough to start forming his own opinions.

His questions are all theoretical situations that begin rather innocent, innocuous. What does the hero of a romcom do to get the romantic interest? Does it follow a three act structure? And should the third act climax start with a confession or the breakup?

Overtime, they become a little more specific. To the point where his closest friends might suspect something is up, until Horropedia finds himself asking about your interests so that he can figure out the perfect gift for you. Just in case. He finds himself watching romcoms and making extensive research and charts and essays into the genres.

The funniest thing to me is that Horropedia would be extremely casual about this whole ordeal, this crush makes him extremely intrigued in the concept of romance (an oddity for someone so themed around horror), he finds himself staring at you from across the room (this is the third time he's walked into a door because of it) and so on and so forth. But he's so chill about it.

When confronted about his crush - should Blonney or anyone else decide to tease him a little by prodding - Horropedia has no problem blurting out that he has, indeed, fallen for someone. But he'll take your name to the grave, not out of shame or embarrassment but because "he doesn't want to spoil the plot, as obvious as it might be".

On the subject of Horropedia confronting his feelings and some more insight into his mentality.

I'd say there is this small possibility of Horropedia feeling disheartened if he begins to neglect his real passion for the sake of his feelings - it's that sort of guilt and shock one gets when they realize they've forgotten their wallet the moment they're meant to pay for dinner, or when they realize they've forgotten to turn off the oven.

Horror is a huge part of his life and who he is as a person - literally look at the name he's chosen for himself - and given how heavily coded he is to be neurodivergent, I can understand this aspect of him. The feeling like one must choose between two things they enjoy, and all the other things that might come with hyperfixation, both positive and negative.

This is the biggest obstacle for Horropedia when it comes to finally taking the first steps into forming a relationship with you or confessing - the irrational thought that by doing so, he's prioritizing you and romance over horror, something that he holds very dear. One of his stories gives some insight about Horropedia's relationship with horror and how it's something he shared with (and possibly was started by) his grandfather.

I feel like he'll grow a little distant, as a way to set some boundaries for himself or draw a line between his identity and his feelings for you, separate the two so that he doesn't have to feel guilty for giving one more attention than the other. Maybe he simply stops bringing up films around you, because "you're probably not that interested anyway". Masking, he's masking.

But overall, I can see Horropedia being capable enough to get out of this mindset by himself - or with a little help from someone else. Either way, he simply loops back to realizing the obvious: you two were friends, before he realized his feelings for you. You were fine with the whole Horropedia Experience. You liked him for who he was. And he liked you just as you were.

Horropedia is the one who confesses first, the one who asks you out. 100%. And it's so unnecessarily dramatic.

I DO think that Horropedia would make sure to be the one who confesses, just so he can put everything that he's learned about romance into play. And he delivers the most award worthy performance. It would be all about redirection, an unexpected reveal - his skills and animations are also all about fake outs and misleading the audience, after all.

In my head, there's this whole scene about Horropedia asking everyone to help him out confess to you, and everyone is so excited for it - but then he just asks them to fuel this slow rift that formed between you and him, to act vague, distant and mysterious should you ask Blonney or Tooth Fairy about him. Again, unorthodox and weird, but he's cooking. This is all done with the intention of forcing a confrontation between the two of you, just so he can pour his heart out right there - it's all or nothing.

Again, I want to insist that Horropedia, despite being a logical man, still makes as many aspects of his life revolve around the things that he loves and is interested in - he likes films, he likes you. And while romance is not his preferred genre, he still wants to explore all there is about it all thanks to you.

That alone should tell you how much you mean to him. Even if his methods aren't the "proper" way, you know he's putting his whole heart into this. It's all over the top, there's fake rain, etc etc. Of course, your reaction to this is up to you!

If you're mad at him for such convoluted plan, he'll sit there and allow you to scold him to your heart's content - he's used to it as one of the many troublemakers that the Foundation failed to raise as model students. If you laugh at him because of how ridiculous this guy can be sometimes, he'll laugh along, trying to get you to tell him what he could've been done better to get a third act reconciliation. And if you start crying, jump into his arms and play along then he'll be over the moon, trying every single impactful one-liner from every romcom he's watched in the past few weeks.

On the subject of Horropedia and how he acts when he's in a relationship.

Dating Horropedia is pretty easy, because you're dating your best friend. However, it is very easy to misunderstand Horropedia's way of showing affection - those who are more on the insecure side or less receptive to his subtleties may feel like there's been absolutely no shift in the dynamic, that he's treating you the same way he'd treat Tooth Fairy or Vertin.

This is far from the truth! Once Horropedia finally settles into the relationship, he grows very comfortable and allows himself to just exist around you - which isn't saying much since he doesn't mask as much around friends, but it's all about the subtle things!

I like to think Horropedia is very particular about space, as in he makes a point not to invade people's spaces if possible and he'd rather remain in his little bubble. But when it comes to you, he's very casual with physical touch. He's not as cuddly and touchy as characters like, let's say, Matilda, Jessica or Pavia, but being able to rest his head on your shoulder means a lot to him, or just have you lean on him when sitting together. This is pushed to the limit when you two pull all-nighters, binging all of your favorite movies.

He's on cloud nine when you pay attention to his ramblings and makes sure to listen when you ramble to him as well. More than often, he'll do his own little research into the topics you like, just so you have someone to properly discuss things with! Horropedia more than anyone knows what it's like to be brushed aside for being too much or too weird, to have no one listen. Despite his confidence, he has had days of feeling like he keeps on talking to a wall, so he doesn't want you to ever feel like that.

It's all about sharing interests and recommending things that you may like, keeping up with the latest events and so on and so forth, having looong discussions at night about whatever topic you two are extremely invested in.

If these discussions get a little heated and end up as arguments, expect Horropedia to insist on arguing because he's just stubborn like that - it'll take him time to realize that he might've hurt your feelings, or that he might've be hurting too, but he'll come around eventually to talk it out.

Overall, dating Horropedia would be fun because he's full of surprises and excitement, but he's also considerate in his own way.

[y-rhywbeth2]

While mind flayers have reproductive systems and can fuck even if they 'most often' don't 'directly breed,' Elder Brains are not included in that. That is just a giant evil horror from outside reality with a shapeless body built out of brain parasite corpses.

Fucking the Emperor? Unorthodox, and mind flayers and humanoids alike are judging you, but not unheard of.

Fucking the Elder Brain, if you interpret 'good at playing with tentacles' that way? Freak behaviour.

[nisuna]

SLUT ME(HIM) OUT

Send me your most vile, nasty, toe curling, back arching, kinky scenarios, headcannons and (hot) takes for jjk/hsr/genshin or general men x reader/poly x reader/threesomes/positions/quirky stuff they do in bed/kinks/current obsessions/dom-sub dynamics/behaviour/stuff they're good at/dirty talk/step-cest/omegaverse/dark themes/pet names anything!! either based on my posts, what you saw someone else post or smth you thought of yourself I'm really curious so hit me👀👀👀 I'll try to answer as many of you as possible with a short drabble🤤 No matter how weird or unorthodox they are I want to hear all of it, this is a safe space so feel free to ask anonymously and go wild<3 I'll even take fluff just share your thoughts about your favorite characters with me ^^

Feel free to check out "#takes with nini♡" for answered submissions 😇

[lizzie-queenofmeigas]

I don't know about Baela

I think I worded it wrong, what I meant was Baela is Nyra’s ideal like Visenya was. She is nothing like either of them, but the fact she braids her hair in Visenya’s style and names her daughter after her tells me she truly admired Queen Visenya.

This admiration was why she openly supported Baela’s unorthodox behaviour, refusing to force her to comply to the patriarchal limitations of what women can do.

Baela is the perfect combo of people Rhaenyra has idolised and respected but could never be like:

Queen Visenya the Conqueror

Rhaenys the Queen Who Never Was

Daemon the Rogue Prince

Rhaenyra can never be like Baela, nor did she ever want to be, but she saw in her stepdaughter traits she admires and deep down wishes she could be more like.

I don't know if Rhaenyra supported and encouraged Baela's behaviour, that's never mentioned. She certainly didn't complain about it, so she most likely was okay with it.

Baela lacks the coldness to be like Visenya, but I think that is because we only now her in her youth. George doesn't write anything about her after her daughter Laena is born and attacked by a wyvern.

But she is definitely a mix of Rhaenys and Daemon.

[13lunarstar]

Mrigashira

The fifth nakshatra

Degrees: from 23°20' Taurus to 6°40' Gemini

The ruler of nakshatra: Mars (sans. Mangal)

Mars adds a dynamic and energetic extent to its influence, endowing individuals with drive, ambition, and a competitive spirit. However, it can also bring about impulsiveness and restlessness if not channelled constructively.

Nakshatra's guna: rajas (human)

Mrigashira keywords: curiosity, exploration, gentleness, communication, versatility, adventurousness, wanderlust, restlessness, unrealised desires, impulsiveness, duality, ambitions, sensitivity, sharp intellect.

Symbol: Deer's head, which represents curiosity, quest for exploration, grace, and gentleness

Mrigashira in various planets

Sun in Mrigashira - enhances creativity, communication skills, and curiosity. Individuals may have a strong desire for self-expression and may succeed in fields related to writing, journalism, or the arts. However, there may also be a tendency towards restlessness or inconsistency in pursuing goals.

Moon in Mrigashira - enhances sensitivity and intuition. Individuals may be emotionally expressive and imaginative, with a deep connection to their inner world. They may also possess a nurturing and caring nature, particularly towards those they are close to.

Mars in Mrigashira - intensifies Martian qualities such as energy, drive, and competitiveness. People with this placement may be dynamic, ambitious, assertive, and passionate about success. However, there may also be a tendency towards impatience or impulsiveness.

Mercury in Mrigashira - a strong placement which enhances intellectual abilities and communication skills. Individuals may be quick-witted, eloquent, and adaptable, with a talent for expressing ideas effectively. They may excel in fields that require analytical thinking, such as science, technology, or business (commerce).

Jupiter in Mrigashira - boosts wisdom, knowledge, and philosophical pursuits. Natives may have a broad-minded and expansive outlook, with a yearning for learning and understanding. They may achieve excellent results in teaching, mentoring, or guiding others towards higher knowledge.

Venus in Mrigashira - increases creativity, sensuality, and aesthetic appreciation. Individuals may have a love for beauty, art, and pleasure, with a talent for creating harmonious environments. They may also be charming and persuasive in their interactions with others.

Saturn in Mrigashira - highlights hard work, a strict routine approach, persistence and a sense of duty and responsibility for own behaviour and actions. Enhanced analytical and communication capabilities with a serious and sometimes pessimistic approach.

Rahu in Mrigashira - intensifies the quest for knowledge and experience. Individuals may be drawn to unconventional or unorthodox paths, seeking excitement and novelty in their pursuits. There may be a tendency towards restlessness or a desire for constant change and stimulation.

Ketu in Mrigashira - brings a deep sense of introspection and detachment from material wealth. Individuals may be contemplative, spiritual, and philosophical, seeking meaning and understanding in life's mysteries. There may also be a tendency towards withdrawal or isolation, as they navigate their inner journey.

[mychlapci]

Mer prowl is such a lil bitch at the facility that the staff have a problem trying to do anything with him cos he gets all hissy and swipey and those claws are real sharp. But they accidentally find out one day during a mandatory health check (yknow when there's too many servos trying to grab him and keep him down) that you just gotta touch his spikes or tease his slit and he his bad bitch behaviour drops so fast. He whines and squirms but no longer fights to get out of their grasp cos he wants that again. Do that again. Please.

Maybe it's a little unorthodox but they just need someone to tease Prowl while they work so he's a whimpering but docile mess

Unorthodox indeed... but it works. Prowl is a very lonely mer. His attitude is terrible, but truly he's just playing hard to get. All he wants, all he needs is a firm hand on his spikes and valve and he's basically putty on the researchers' table.

They quickly go from needing ten people to hold him down to only needing one examiner, and one brave volunteer who'll rub Prowl's slit the entire time. It's difficult to get hormone readings this way, but general examinations are easier, at least. Well, the volunteer probably comes back with their hands covered in pheromone-scented squirt up to the elbow, which is not ideal, but... it's the only way to keep Prowl from scratching out optics.

[momojedi]

➪ Babysitting

501st x GN! Reader

You are a researcher working with the 501st and it's exhausting. This one isn't that good since I was merely just dabbling about, but if you like it, I'll make a proper story about this :)

"Again?" I sighed.

There they were, the troublemakers of the 501st, properly lined up and eyes bashfully glued to the floor, like a bunch of school boys. Captain Rex cleared his throat tensely. "Yes, sir." I shook my head, strictly staring down each and every one of them before taking the notes on my datapad. "You boys are going to be the death of me."

I hadn't known what I was in for when the Senate requested me to keep tabs on clone behaviour, especially when they sent me off to General Skywalker's troops. I should've known better when they mentioned the infamously unorthodox Jedi Knight but the job seemed to be paying well and I could perhaps even offer a study to speak for better treatment of the GAR! What I ended up with however was anything but what I had expected. The 501st was a... pain in the ass, so to say. Constantly getting into trouble and costing the Republic more than the war had itself. From fighting each other to breaking or damaging things, I started to feel like I was putting up with kindergarteners than adult soldiers.

And that's exactly where I was standing with them right now. A destroyed speeder bike in flames, two non-functional blaster rifles and a broken nose on Hardcase's account that Kix was now desperately trying to tend to. I lowered the datapad after finishing my notes and looked around for anything else. "I'm - we are very sorry, sir," Fives stated respectfully, a hint of sheepishness lacing his voice. "We... we weren't expecting things to go this bad." Hums of agreement resounded among the troopers. Echo backed his brother up. "He's right."

I rose my brows, unconvinced at all. This had to be a joke. "In what world did you think trying to shoot your brother off while he's driving an active speeder bike wouldn't go - and I quote - this bad?" I scolded them like a babysitter would. Rex, who had taken his place behind me in an authoritative manner, crossed his arms and glared at his brothers disapprovingly. Fives, who had taken the stand for his brothers, grinned sheepishly at that. "We were testing out our new blasters...?" It sounded more like a question than a statement. I pinched the bridge of my nose and shook my head. A bunch of idiots.

[shini--chan]

Could I request flight and reaction from the headcannon lists for America, China, and Japan? I absolutely adore the way your characterization of them. Even though I don’t follow hetalia actively anymore I always find myself coming back to your work because I love their dynamics so much

Thank you for your kind words. One small thing though - the templates are to be requested as a whole and not mixed. Should have stated that more clearly in the info post and will update it after this.

This one is about America, I'll be posting the China and Japan ones seperately.

Yandere Character Sheet II

1p America - Alfred F. Jones

Blend in - Are the red flags obvious? Are they even aware that their behaviour is wrong? Do they even care?

When it comes down to it, Alfred fully buys into the trope of American exceptionalism fully. So much so, that he is bristling with self confidence and charm to the point where you'll probably overlook or even justify his more … unorthodox behaviour until it is too late. That is, if you don't hate him or a die hard realist. Or hold fast to some ideology that depicts him in a bad light. 

As per usual, the warning signs will all be very noticeable in hindsight. Though, if you are astute enough, you'll consciously catch on to some of them early on. Else, you'll occasionally be plagued by a feeling of something just not being right. Some of the red flags are:

He limits who you are allowed to talk to. At times, America can have a very black-and-white world view. Of course, he is the good guy and everything is just and moral. Even when he dirties his hands, it is all for the greater good. Thus, the bad guys are all those that don't fall in the neat lines of his high end morality. You are not allowed to talk to them, or even hear them speak, or else they will corrupt you. The only case he'll make an exception is if you are itching to join him on his crusade to either redeem them or defeat them.

Along the same vein - he is very resistant to criticism. At times, he internalises the saying "America is the best country on Earth" a bit too much. On mundane things he can very well take your feedback with grace. He is even open to pondering on concepts that are alien to him, if he is in a good mood. Though, if you try to change his opinion on something like his moral code or the lifestyle he is currently pursuing, then you'll find yourself running against a brick wall. It takes very long for him to admit to being the bad guy in something, or even just to being wrong. And even then, he'll try to sugarcoat it as much as possible.

Again in the same category - he can be controlling of the media you consume. Think about those hard right wing evangelists that think watching certain movies makes you gay. He might allow you to watch a series or read a book that he considers despicable, but only if you have a certain opinion on it. 

He always wants to know where you are or what you are doing. He'll frame it so that he comes off as the concerned boyfriend, or explain it as having had bad experiences with people in the past. Both will be true, but what is also true is that he is possessive and controlling. 

America is a sore loser, a very sore loser. He is neigh incapable of tolerating somebody being better than him. Hell, he even has difficulties in tolerating somebody being equally good as him in something he deems important. You are no exception here, no matter how much he “loves” you. 

Perhaps in the odd moment of deeper introspection Alfred will admit that what he is doing is wrong. However, he'll be quick to brush it off as "the ends justify the means". Though, if pushed far he'll break down and sink into deep shame, then trying desperately to right all his wrongs. That is, if he doesn't bury himself in copious self-righteousness and toxic self-interest beforehand. 

Compatriot - Who aids them? Who condemns them? Are there ways you can convince their friends/colleges/underlings to help you? 

Alfred has three types of people who aid him. First are the sycophants, those the hang onto his every word and laud and applaud whatever he does. Maybe their livelihood depends on him, or they are desperate to get in his good books. Eitherway, they'll treat his every whim as an order, morals be damned. Their opinion on his treatment of you doesn't matter at all in that case, what matters is that they'll act in his interests.

Second, are those that are genuinely on his side, that share his view of god and the world. These are the people that might chide him for his treatment of you at times. That being said, if you act like you are a happy couple, you'll also be treated as such and they'll turn a blind eye to all the red flags. 

Thirdy, there are the people that comply with him due to fear. Those that look at him and see the boy king that dropped two atomic bombs on Japan and showed no remorse afterwards. These are the people he has a gun pointed at, be it literally or figuratively. They will comply with Alfred if he calls on them, but they won't be enthusiastic about it. They might even try to discreetly help you.

As to those that condemn him - they are many in number, though only few will be overt about it. Alfred has a tendency to steamroll over other people to get what he wants. His tendency to selfishness has won him many enemies and thus there are quite a few people that are willing to help you. Now, a lot of the time their feelings and opinion of you won't matter, they just want a chance to pay America back for all the injustices it has inflicted on them, perhaps even with interest. In that way, you won't have much convincing to do.

Though when it comes to those that submit to him - either bribery or tricking them will work. Or you can convince them to help you if the blame for your escape can be shifted onto somebody else, or if the situation can be framed to make it look like you managed to flee entirely on your own. Concerning those that are loyal to him - in some select cases you can succeed in getting away by appealing to their own self interest or, again, by tricking them. However, there are also those amongst his circle of confidents that don't see him as a demigod and still side with him. When it comes to that sort, you can convince them that Alfred is sick in the head and that the only way to cure him is to remove you from his side, and then they'll orchestrate events to make that happen.

America's politicians and other high class people may also decide to step in if they think that Alfred is becoming too distracted because of his "relationship" with you or if he causes an aggrievious international incident. Watch out, though! Poor communication kills. If you don't convey your intentions or matters go haywire, they might decide that the best way to deal with the problem would be a bullet to the brain. 

Dominion - What actions are especially pleasing to them?

On a large part, Alfred wants to have the American dream for himself, even if his version of it isn't quite as humble. He wants to come home to you showering him with affection and doting on him and catering to his needs. But above all, Alfred wants you to elevate any boredom that he might feel. 

In any case, he would rather be frustrated or angry with you than bored. That being said, you'll want to avoid him falling into either state. 

Travel with him abroad, introduce him to new cultures if you can. Engage him in debates, do sports with him. Though, if you don't want to play a (sports) game with him, he does expect you to be on the sidelines and cheer him on as he plays. He is always up for new movies or series, or he'll allow you to drag him to a library or a comic store. Alfred also believes in being a self made person, so if you have ambitions or interests (as long as it's something he is ok with) he'll gladly help you on your personal journey. Be careful, though - he might end up shaping you more than you shape yourself. 

Aside from a very active leisure time, he wants you to be a loyal and caring spouse. Cook his meals and give him massages, ask about his day and don't start fights (he'll always be the one to end them, and at times, it will be anything but pretty). If you behave well, he'll let you out, maybe even take you to a party or even another country with him. 

Flight - What do you have to do in order to escape them?

This is actually a tricky question to answer. You see, Alfred is big on security but also a short term thinker. Either way, what you must do to slip out of his grasp is also largely dependent on your relationship with him before escaping. 

If has to drag you into his house kicking and screaming, then it will make things a lot more difficult. He’ll be expecting you to make a break for it, and will devise certain ways to break your will. You might think that your personality might be important to him, but that is only partially true; he is far more enamoured with the idea of who you can be for him than who you are. Alfred has a picture in mind of who you can be, the best version of you, in his not so humble opinion and if he has to play cat-and-mouse games to help you reach that goal, then so be it. 

Most of the time, he’ll keep you under lock and key - you would have to be very clever and skillful or have help to escape then. Though there will be instances where he’ll play release and catch with you - he’ll allow you to escape under controlled conditions only to capture you and haul you back home. This would be to drive the point home that you can’t evade him forever. 

The more you are inclined towards him, the more freedoms he’ll allow you; that is, if there is no danger of you stealing the spotlight from him. That being said, he’ll still keep a close eye on you - your phone will be checked on regular intervals and he’ll use it to track you. All your financial transactions (insofar as they are digital or per card) will be monitored and he'll do background checks on everybody you interact with on a regular or semi-regular basis. 

In general, it has to be said that he isn’t omnipotent or infallible, even if he tries to showcase himself at times. There will be moments where he slips up, mistakes that he overlooks. In total, he is a short-term thinker and emotionally charged. If you can get him to trip over his own lines (and it is easier than you might think) then you can go galavanting away. 

Hospitality - What is your life like with them? How much does it deviate from your former life?

This is a fort where Alfred loves to show off - anything you want, just say it, and he’ll already be pulling out his wallet. He won’t hesitate to have you settled in a pent house or a mansion and have you wine and dine. For him, this is also a way to tie you to his side - isn’t personal security more comfortable and important than freedom, eh? If you want for nothing because he gives everything you are allowed to want to you, then why should you try to flee. 

Aside from that, he won’t keep you in one place for a long time. Alfred wants to be the only real constant in your life and one way through which he shall achieve this would be to uproot you every now and then. It would also have the dual purpose of making it very difficult for you to plan an escape. In the same vein, he prefers his life to be eventful, and that will be reflected in his relationship with you. In the minor cases, it is small projects and that goes up to the major cases, that are historic events. Longer times of peace or monotony make him antsy and more prone to doing something impulsive. If you aren’t involved in all the drama and action, then you’ll be regaled with hour long stories of it. 

In that way, you have less peace and quiet than in your former life and also less privacy, because he tends to use you as a cure for boredom and restlessness. At times you’ll ask yourself if he sees you more as a doll than a person with agency. 

Since he also has many enemies, you might find yourself in the crosshairs because of him. In comparison to Alfred, you are probably the weak link (or he at least does his best to frame it that way to other people) so you’ll be targeted in order to hurt him. That way, you might find yourself kidnapped, threatened and tortured. And all of this would be followed by Alfred going on a rampage in order to rescue you. A lot of blood will be spilled and all because of you. 

Afterwards, he’ll just want to lie in your arms, maybe have sex, just imitating what all those movie characters do after a successful mission. Generally, he wishes for you to worship the ground that he walks upon - while he can live with your ire and hatred, it won’t be a smooth, nice ride for either of you if that is the case. If it is the case, then you have to be moulded into shape. 

It would be re-educated, but he would never use that word for what he is doing to you; it is such an ugly word, a communist word, a communist principle as how could he ever do such a thing. Instead, it would be redeeming you, bring you on the right path. In truth, he has just watched too many Hollywood movies and doesn’t know when to take a no. It would be a matter of chipping away at your resistance, carving away the hard exterior shell you erected to keep him out, to reach the soft core. 

Order - What are the rules you have to adhere to?

He doesn’t like to call them rules, since it just makes it seem like he is oppressive. Understandings? Manner? Either of them would be better words in his mind. At the root of everything, this mindset stems from the belief that you know what is proper and good. There are a few lines in the sand that he’ll point out, but for the most part he’ll assume you know what the laws of the land are. 

If you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say it at all. The exception to this rule is if you are verbally tearing down some miscreant. Else, you are to sugar, spice and everything nice towards him. Sassiness is welcomed though, but no in excessive amounts. He is the sort of person to casually say that he likes somebody with an attitude though that only goes as far as that you provide him with a challenge - he kind of likes the idea of "taming" a partner.

Don't talk smack about me to other people. This rule is partially because he cares a lot about how others perceive him and because he doesn't want somebody intervening. Besides, your actions reflect onto him and he doesn't want you to shine a bad light on him just because you can't get your act together when other people are around. He considers the low points of your relationship as something that should remain between the two of you. 

I provide you with food and a roof over your head, so you listen to him. In some ways, he is downright paternalistic - this is only one of them. In any case, he earns more than you, pays when you eat out and the deal for house ownership has his signature on it. He is for equality insofar as it doesn't upset his position of power. So, it is his house and his rules and you are to treat him as your Lord and Saviour along with granting him all the privileges that come with such a position. 

Don't try to get third parties involved in our stuff. Reflecting on one of the above rules here. That being said, what would really get his blood boiling would be if you involve some uppity politician in affairs that are between you and him. He is wary of his own politicians and the sentiment to foreign lawmakers is even worse, so if you get one of them on board then the blood sports will commence. 

There are many more rules, spoken as well as unspoken, but we'll just leave it at that for now.

Rehabilitation - How much will they change you? Will they break you? How much therapy would you need in the event that you get rid of them? 

He'll change you to fit the romanticised version of you that he has in his mind's eye and he wouldn’t shy away from more unsavoury means if he thinks they are necessary. In that sense, you might have to undergo severe therapy and deconstruct the mould he pressed you in and reconstruct your personality. 

Or it could be that you bury your actual persona so deep in your subconscious, that you have moments of derealisation and have to slowly be coaxed out of the cocoon you wrapped yourself in. If you put up a pretty hefty fight, then he might even brainwash you in the truest sense of the word (putting you in a moment of existential distress and then forming you to his liking) and if that is the case, some deprogramming such as is necessary for ex-cult member might on the table. 

Aside from that, you’ll need to learn how to be independent again, learn how to provide for yourself and put your own food on the table, how to think for yourself and not in the tight frame he imposed on you. Time far away in another country with differing cultural and moral framework might be helpful then. 

And even after that, you'll be paranoid,  it through constantly fearing being tracked via your phone or having somebody physically watching your every move. It will take a lot to calm you down and you would be in danger of resorting to drugs to ease your fear and emotional pain.

Zeal - Do they fall fast or slow? What is their reaction to their own feelings?

Alfred is inclined to take this relatively fast once he is sure of his feelings for you; it is the stage before that. At times, he can be really emotionally constipated, though not to the degree his father can be. It is just that he has so much on his plate and while he has a warm and pleasant exterior though it actually takes a bit before a real emotional connection is established. Even then, he would be careful to place his full trust in you. If anything, being trusted by him would only come after years of proving yourself and even then, he would still hold something over your head to "motivate" you to not double cross him. 

As for how he reacts to his own feelings - he is as rash and impulsive as you probably assume he'll be. Being in love is a pleasure for him and he is prone to taking things too fast. Chances are that he'll be suffocating in his affections at first, if he can get away with it. Once he realises that his feelings run even deeper than mere infatuation, he might stop for a moment and conduct some introspection. Said introspection will seldom be self-critical, however, and is more to assess what might work with you and how far he wishes to go with you, rather than anything concerning ethics. 

Art is not mine