#unironically the best movie in the entire world

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

How would platonic yandere king and queen of hearts react to finding out reader saved Alice and is finding a way to go back to their world?

You know what? I'll do you one better! 🖤🖤🖤🖤

Yandere Platonic Queen and King of Hearts (2)

“That’s p-perposterous! My darling child is right beside me, happily eating their lunch!”

The King of Hearts protests adamantly as the dorm mouse attempts to inform the King. Having missed the Queen’s charging envoy. You had to give the rodent props. The guts to try and drag your name right in front of your face to what she hoped was both the Queen and King of Hearts. 

To her luck though the Queen was not here so all she received was the King’s peaceful denial of her information. She huffed glaring at you with her beady eyes as though staring would prove her point. Fighting the urge to smirk you instead closed your eyes and continued to eat the meal provided for you. You weren’t really hungry but you doubted your…father would believe you if you were to say it out loud.

That being said you hoped Alice–who hadn’t found a growing cake or drink anywhere—stayed tucked in your pocket. When you were able to sneak to the bathroom to chat they suggested being allowed to run freely which you shot down. How many movies and stories had this exact situation happen where the small companion died or squashed because their giant friend wasn’t there to help. 

Still if you knew Alice best they were likely going to ignore you. Now with the dormmouse watching you couldn’t chance a glance at the pocket near your chest. 

“My child, what’s on your mind? You’ve been acting out of it since you mother’s gone to hunt.”

You cursed yourself internally. You must have spent too long thinking about Alice now you’ve gone an alerted the only one of your ‘new parents’ that tried to understand your emotions. Shaking your head you planned to wave him off. 

“I’m fine…Father I just am nervous.”

“Nervous? About what, my child?”

This was new. Usually at this point in the conversation the Queen of Hearts would have spoken up. Told her husband exactly what she wished you were feeling; as delusional as she was. But she wasn’t here and this was an opportunity. 

“Well as you know me and Alice know each other really well–”

“Yes I believe you did mention that at one point. Go on.”

“So I’m just a little sad that…Mother has decide to hunt them down.”

You watched the man’s bottom lip jut out in an unironic frown, his diamond shaped pupils darting from you to the other side of his face. No doubt, deciding who to please. If his hesitation wasn’t bad enough the dorm mouse decided to squeak up. 

“If I may your majesty the Queen knows best about the perpetrator Alice!”

“Oh yes that’s right!  A great idea young mouse!”

You wished to bring your foot down on the little rat or at the very least deliver a kick to their tiny traitorous little body. If it weren’t for his easy to sway persona he’d be perfect to convince in your quest to save Alice. But since this wasn’t working you’d have to try the other a bit more underhanded but necessary. 

“Well Father there was something else but it’s probably not worth even thinking about.”

You made sure to bat your eyes and look away sorrowfully which only fueled the King’s determination to soothe your ‘aching’ heart. Puffing his chest and holding you close, he was entirely eating this up.

“Tell me, Love! Has someone hurt you?! Something bothering you?!”

“It’s….my body, Father.”

Pretending to be bashful, you held your face in your hands. Hoping to hide your snicker at his flustered expression. Deciding to take him out of his misery you continued. 

“I wish it was .03 centimeters bigger than it is now.”

“Well I think you’re perfect the way you are!”

If he was actually your father and not the husband of a murderous queen, you’d be happy to hear that. But wherever Alice was, she needed this and no amount of comforting comments would be enough. 

“BUT I DON’T!” 

Faking a torrent of tears you folded your arms over your face leaning into the arms of the chair. Really trying to give off the image that you were absolutely devastated. 

“Don’t fret my Love! I have the perfect remedy for this!”

He happily skittered to the kitchen with you in tow, politely asking for the chefs to bring out the drink that could make you grow. The dormmouse, for whatever was still following sending a spiteful glare every now and then restraining you from taking a peek in your pocket. Despite your expectation you were not entirely sure if Alice was still there. But you hoped she was close by if only to sneak back around and get to it. In the meantime you had to improvise.

“Before I do this I’d like to see an example of it…”

“Oh well I shouldn’t try it. The Queen loves the size I’m at now!”

You had to have respect the man had a real loyalty to the queen and even better the rights of a King.

“How about you try it little mouse.”

“E-e-excuse me?”

“Give it a try for your new highness?”

“Ugh fine.”

The King let the mouse climb the table pouring a small amount into the cap of the bottle and sure enough the little mouse took on a few more inches. Technically you could stop here, the King would no doubt leave the bottle out but you figured extra insurance wasn’t too bad.

“What about if I don’t like it when I’m bigger?”

“Though you’d look perfect either way, we do always have some shrinking cake on stand by!” 

Turning around he pulled out the cake from a cupboard, where he naturally sliced a sliver of the cake to give the larger mouse. The mouse let out a squeak the equivalent of a sigh and downed a good amount of the slice. They let out a diminutive squeak when they looked in the reflection of the bottle.

“My King I don’t think this is the right–”

“Oh Father! I now realize you were right all along!” You made sure to speak louder than the mouse. “I am just fine the way I am if I do grow it’ll be because that’s the way I’m mean to be.”

The King clapped, hunging you tight. 

“Good! I’m so glad my child’s so proud of themself! Now let’s enjoy that strawberry cake your mother left for us!”

Escorting you out the kitchen you watched some of the card soldiers begin to chase off the small mouse. Hiding your snicker you went back to focusing on the King who was happily ranting about some plans of his. You weren’t really listening as you felt for a bump in your pocket—unfortunately finding nothing. 

______________________________________________________

“THAT OBNOXIOUS TRAMP!”

The Queen of Hearts’ voice rang out the entire castle, even though you were right beside her you could tell that was the case. You were once again eating a tray of tarts as the Queen raged to you and her husband about the terrible hunt. 

“Oh Darling, mind our child’s ears and why not have another tart?”

Her glare disappeared for a moment accepting the tart her husband held up to her painted mouth—after that it was right back to pacing. Wearing the undersuit of her armor and her makeup running just from being worn all day she still looked as beautiful as a picture. Even with her contorted face making an angry expression, you could see why the King of Hearts still swooned at her attention.

“Even the blood hounds found nothing but outdated scents! I tell you the mealworm has been all over my kingdom!”

“I see dear. Is there anywhere you haven’t checked?”

“NO I’ve checked every inch of the forest, everywhere in the garden, and even that insane Hatter’s party spot.”

“(Y/n) do you know where she may be?”

The question caught you off-guard, making you quickly wipe your mouth of some left over custard on your mouth. Stifling a cough as you down the rest of the tart in your throat you turned to him. 

Trying to hide the horror in your eyes, you asked him,”Why would I know?”

He tilted his head, his ever present smile on his face. His diamond eyes squinted in your direction, he continued. 

“Because she’s your friend isn’t she?”

It was then the weight in your stomach began to turn. Despite his meek behavior and wet-blanket status–next to the Queen–he was still a King. A King happily married to the Queen that was willing to remember the details she didn’t bother to remember. 

Swallowing the hesitation you shrugged it off, “ Well yeah but she doesn’t really tell me where she goes…she’s kind of always been a free spirit.”

You tried to say it nonchalantly aiming for another tart only to find the presence of the Queen far too close to your face. Expecting her to grab onto your chin, you flinched. Instead she let her painted nails graze upon your neck before caressing your cheek.

“(Y/n)-dear she doesn’t sound like a very good friend.”

It was said in a very calm tone, an alarming difference from her screeching before.

It was scary.

“I mean Alice and I have our differences but in the end we’re good friends.”

She continued to keep her hand on your cheek lovingly tracing the sides of your face.

“So you say…the other Wonderlandian’s threatened you for her right?”

…How did she know that?

“What?!” 

She seemed to chuckle at the terror on your face, placing a kiss on your temple. She brought both her hands to your cheeks letting your noses touch as she smiled in your face.

“You don’t think I haven’t been watching my child from the second you came through that door?”

She chuckled at your speechlessness holding your head against her chest, she hummed a little rubbing the top of your head. Hugging your side you felt the encapsulating hug on your opposite side from the King of Hearts who nuzzled his wife’s head.

“Of course we were watching (Y/n), we’ve cared about you since the beginning.”

“And we plan to never ever stop.”

This moment would have been sweet if you hadn’t been going through the catalogue of events that led to you being here. How much had they seen? How much did they already know? Surely they wouldn’t know where Alice was if they were asking…but the threatening? Even Alice didn’t know about that. 

“AAAAGHH! “OH MY DIAMOND!” 

“hELPP—AcK!”

The ground suddenly began to quake and sounds of shouting drew both the King and Queen away from you an to their balcony. You followed taking advantage of their surprise to wiggle between them both.

“Alice?!”

Turning her head in your direction, she waved as if she wasn’t practically the size of the castle. A spear shot from the ground bouncing off her thigh, which she retaliated by stomping on the whole platoon with the thrower. 

“AAALLLICCEEE! Off with her head!” 

The Queen of Heart’s was screeching again, practically calling on all her forces to pour out of the castle in that instant. Alice seemed to stumble from the new onslaught of guards hiking her legs up to avoid them. The quaking of the ground startled everyone forcing the Queen and King to rely on the walls of the castle; they reached for you missing your ducking from. In more worry than anything you ran to the guard rail, prepared to warn her about the cannons they were hauling out. 

“Alice! Watch out!”

She turned to you again face lighting up with an idea of hers. Intentionally stepping on the card guards she made her way closer to the castle–more specifically the balcony. Already catching on, the King shouted for you.

“(Y/n) get away from the railing she’s going to-”

“Woah!” 

Like you’d done before Alice cradled your form in her hands smiling down at you. Barely noticing the fearful ‘cease fire’ the Queen demanded you were carried up high as Alice cradled you against her chest. From the cover of her hands you watched her stick her pierced tongue out at the Queen before beginning to run off the premise of Queen’s castle grounds.

“Hang on tight (Y/n)! We’re going home!” 

At her booming voice you doubted she could hear your cheers. Still a small amount of doubt bothering your joy. 

If the Queen and King wouldn’t let you leave would anyone else?

[tacky-optic]

SINNERS, ALL OF 'EM

the seven deadly sins + the gang = way too much overthinking

Lupin's Gluttony The world's his for the talking, yet he can never be satisfied. That'd be a real bummer if he were anyone else, but that hunger for more challenges, more adventures, seems to only add more fuel to an already roaring fire. He's a Glutton for a lot of things: Punishment, mainly. But also attention and experiences. His curiosity is insatiable. The only issue with Lupin's Gluttony is that he isn't inherently wasteful, which is a pretty glaring caveat. In that case, the big question would be "does the damage he leave in his wake outweigh that which was stolen in the first place?"

Jigen's Sloth/Envy "Man, I'm too old for this shit" incarnate, with a little dash of "I'm still going to silently judge you from my dark little corner, though" on top. It isn't Sloth "I'm gonna take a decade to get to this" so much as it is "I'm gonna do what you want me to do so rapidly and effectively that you're gonna think twice about waking me up again after I get back to my nap." But he really doesn't do jack-all if it isn't Lupin-related. If it were just him all on his lonesome, he'd kind of just rot. He is indifferent to his effectiveness. Bored, even. His loyalty to Lupin is an inherent aversion of his responsibilities as an individual.

His Envy brings him to action. He's a man of a lot of subtle wants and no willpower to take them, but with the right motivator, he'll bring down armies. Fujiko is a pretty good spur-on, as well as anything that remotely puts Lupin in the line of inconvenience or danger. If it's for one of his very, very few friends, he'd go through hell and high water just to get them a decent sandwich or something. Just be thankful his Envy's benign instead of malicious...

Goemon's Pride Mr. "Once again, I have cut a worthless object". There's literally an entire movie about his ego getting so utterly shattered that he gets all cagey/stabby mode about it for the rest of the movie, on top of training so hard he rewrites his entire goddamn nervous system just so he can do said stabby better. It's fantastic. To dedicate oneself so fully to one skill, then to restrict it to your own judgement as to not tarnish it, feels like the antithesis of humility. Pride, in a biblical sense, is to sever oneself from God; to become so wholly individual and confident in said fact that you forsake conventional belief in favor of your own. So congrats on netting the literal Worst sin, Goemon, you've earned it. God ain't shit when you can cut through anything.

Fujiko's Greed Does... does this even need elaborating. She's a woman that knows exactly what she wants and exactly how to get it, plain and simple. Why settle for anything less than the best?

Zenigata's Wrath/Lust What a wombo-combo, damn. This guy's the definition of love/hate. He's a man simultaneously impassioned and overwhelmed by his emotions, yet they lend so heavily to his professional and personal effectiveness that without them, he wouldn't be him anymore. Wrath and Lust go hand in hand, in a roundabout sort of way. It's about loving something so much that you want to crush it. A brutal dimorphous expression of emotion. To long for something to intensely, so vehemently, that it guides every action, fuels every decision... Underneath it all, would it even be possible to know what you are if that drive is all that defines you? Could you even call that living? We're talking about a guy who unironically wears heart boxers and almost exclusively eats cup noodle, people. This symbolism's very disturbing...

That's A Wrap You can always argue other sins for each of the cast members, of course. Lust for Lupin, Wrath for Jigen, Envy for Zenigata-- whatever. At the end of the day, they're all objectively terrible people. It's semi-safe to say that outside of religious contexts, the seven deadly sins have grown subjective in common culture/media. So why not take liberties? I sure as hell did. It's a goddamn miracle these managed to turn out so succinct.

[pumpkinpie59]

ranking the tmnt shows based on plot writing, character writing, and what my preferences are:

first off, plot writing

6, tnm

idk what to put here.

5, 2012

it really sucks because its first season’s writing is unironically my favorite writing in the franchise. but then the show steadily gets messier and more inconsistent writing as it goes forward. especially in season 4. i wish i could defend it more but it is at the bottom for me. besides tnm ig

4, 87

i actually like the arcs in 87, but the thing with 87 is that … the plot isn’t the point! but i don’t consider that a flaw. the show is a comedy first, and it’s great at what it does. so yes, even if the plot episodes are pretty forgettable compared to the goofier episodes, it’s not the worst thing in the world. but it’s still number 4.

3, rise

rise is kinda weird because even tho most of the series is comedy filler like 87, it’s most known for its plot. but i think it earns that because sometimes the show will throw in episodes that foreshadow the big plot at the end of the season, and it handles it pretty well for the most part.

2, tales

i honestly really enjoyed the way the plots were set up in tales. since it’s pretty new, i won’t spoil it, but i think my only actual complaint was the framing devices they used. but otherwise it was pretty good.

1, 03

every once in a while, the show would have a hiccup writing-wise, but overall i liked the flow of the arcs and stories it was trying to tell. out of all the tmnt shows, 03 was the best at juggling several arcs at once and committing to giving them closure (cough. unlike 2012-).

okay character writing rankings.

6, tnm

tbf this one has venus. and a pretty good donnie.

5, rise

this is so controversial i know. but i just get so frustrated with how the show handles leo and donnie’s writing specifically. they feel ooc half the time and there’s little consistency. and then raph and mikey (my favorites of the team) were sidelined a lot.

4, 2012

mikey has no character growth whatsoever and is an adhd stereotype. donnie’s development gets thrown to the background so you only notice it if you’re paying attention to him the entire time. leonardo gradually gets worse over the course of the series and we never see him get better. they couldn’t decide what to do with karai half the time. april’s arc got switched for a different one halfway through (i still love her tho). the only one with a decent arc is raph, and i still think it could’ve been better ://

3, 03

this is not a knock at 03. i just think that character growth wasn’t its priority. telling stories was. however we do occasionally see them go through arcs. most obvious is leo, but i also enjoy seeing raph get less hostile and trusting leo more over the course of the first season.

2, 87

you’d have to watch the whole show to see it, but there’s almost … an accidental ?? arc for each turtle??? raphael gets angrier up until it reaches typical raphael levels in red sky, donatello goes through ups and downs of wishing he was never mutated while still pursuing human-level knowledge, michelangelo early on in the show wished he was more human (he changes his mind after becoming human once, but the feeling lingers a bit sometimes), and leonardo goes through anxieties related to his team (he acts differently about being without them depending on the season). but even without considering development, their personalities are written fantastically and i love seeing how they interact with the world around them.

1, tales

this is suspect to change since we’ve only had a movie and a 12-episode show. but what i’ve seen so far, i’ve really liked. my only complaint is that donnie feels different in the show vs the movie ://

and ,,, my biases

6, rise

sorry.

5, tnm

guilty pleasure idk what to say. uh. venus de milo. and turtlelamb <33

4, tales

i liked it a lot! i just want more characters and world building. we’ll see where it goes in the future.

3, 03

i love many aspects of the show. it’s not quite as entertaining to me as the next to tho. idk why but my attention span just can’t handle too much of it.

2, 2012

i grew up with this one. does it suck? oh yeah for sure lmao. but it’s nostalgic and i like a lot of the characters. and season 1 particularly is amazing. sucks for the rest of the show tho lol. i will unashamedly bully it.

1, 87

wow. who would’ve— i mean. man. who could have possibly guessed— this one has lotus blossom so i’d say this one can’t be beat.

[therealtsk]

What Your Favorite Worm Ship Says About You

some people have found my crusty, old ass tumblr post on this very topic, so im making a new one with my updated opinions! Cause those are, in fact, allowed to change. Enjoy! Taylor x Lisa: you recognize the obvious fact that these two have more natural chemistry then any of the actual relationships in Worm, and you're into relationships that could be dysfunctional or healthy with one push in either direction. also something something sun lesbian moon lesbian. Taylor x Rachel: You love dogs, and you want a girlfriend who can kick your ass. You're also into bomber jackets. I respect you. Taylor x Alec: Sadly, you do exist, and you did make it weird. Go away! Taylor x Amy: You read altpowers on the daily and complain about canon worm being too grimdark. Solid odds on you having never read worm. To be clear, it's worse if you have. also something something FBI OPEN UP Taylor x Victoria: You like the vibes of Lisa and Taylor's dynamic, but you want them to be a little more heroic and a little less dysfunctional. But only a little. Taylor x Clockblocker: You're straight and liked that one joke that cropped up. I also haven't seen any of you in a hot minute, thank god. No offense but this ship is mad boring.

Taylor x Sophia: You've come to realize that Sophia is a great character who gets done extremely dirty by the rest of the fandom. Also, rivals to lovers. Taylor x Emma: This can go one of two ways. Either you adore childhood friends to lovers, or you love enemies to lovers. Either way, you're obsessed with hurt and/or comfort fics. Taylor x Theo: You actually read Worm and recognize that Theo is criminally underrated in the fandom. Now just stop shipping him with Taylor and you'll complete the next step on your journey to enlightenment.

Taylor x Simurgh: I can't say for sure you're a anime fan, but you're definitely at least a little bit of a monsterfucker. also something something inherent eroticism of being world-destroying power couple. Taylor x Greg. You read Worm SI's unironically and get really defensive when people say that Greg is an incel. Completely unrelated, you haven't spoken to a woman other then your mother in five years. Taylor x Cherie: I've been informed this is a ship. I've yet to be informed as of a reason why I should like it. Cherie likers stay mad!

Lisa x Rachel: I don't remember the last time I saw this ship that wasn't also tagged as a polycule with Taylor, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're an OT3 enjoyer.

Lisa x Victoria: You’re into the “enemies to lovers” trope, but more of the "Spiderman x Black Cat" type then the "you murdered my entire home town but i can't help but find you sexy" type. Also you have a thing for blondes

Lisa x Faultline: Your ideal relationship dynamic is bickering married couple. You're also into heist movies.

Lisa x Simurgh: You have a thing for smart girls... who hate you. Also, you really liked Part of the Whole.  Contessa x Alexandria: You're fucking based. Also something something inherent eroticism of girlbosses winning. Contessa x Numberman: you're friends with Peri and enjoy memes about pants and math. Numberman x Jack Slash: You think serial killers are hot and are starved for m/m ships. Danny x Eidolon: You're losersexual and are starved for m/m ships. Also you frequent r/wormemes. Danny x Miss Militia: Honestly, i think you all died out. I couldn't be happier, this ship is fucking dumb. Amy x Literally Anyone Besides Taylor: listen, there's like a hundred different jokes i could make here, but all of them boil down to amy fans always defending the rapist for some reason so let's just agree amy defenders are fucking cringe and move on Dragon x Defiant: You understand that this is unironically the only healthy relationship in worm with some of the best character growth and romance in the entire story, and a majority of all of it happens off screen. You're extremely bitter that so many fanfics do both of them so dirty they get beaten into different characters. Alec x Aisha: You like the idea of this ship, cause two pranksters making everyone miserable is the kinda vibe you enjoy, but constantly run into the issue that Alec is...well. Alec. That or you're into Alec's brand of shit, in which case, FBI OPEN UP Aisha x Missy: You read It's Cold Out There Every Day. I did too. Fuck, this fic is so good. I'm going to go cry about the ending again. Lily x Sabah: Yes, you know the age gap is a little problematic, you just want to be happy with your relatively healthy canon lesbians goddamn it Purity x Literally Anyone: You don't understand why people keep calling you racist. You're not! You're just weirdly defensive of the hot milf who murders people of color and seem to constantly bring up that Kaiser didn't actually believe the nazi propaganda he was peddling. You are racist btw Taylor x Brian: You...are Wildbow

[kooki914]

At long last, she makes her debut, My interpretation of the mayor - Clarice Holiday!

I very heavily leaned into the stricter/meaner interpretation of her, because that's essentially all we have confirmed about her in the game rn. Hence, her design is also very deltarune-esque, I tried not too lean too heavily into my own style it in order to keep the vibes consistent with the game. Hopefully I succeeded!

Headcanon(?) dump under the cut! (it's really long)

She's very direct and to the point. If you talk for more than 10 seconds at a time, she'll tell you to either get to the point or shut up.

She has a decently pleasant sense of humour, but you wouldn't assume it based on how she usually talks. Rudy usually makes jokes for the both of them, often as a way to distract Clarice from whatever she was slowly getting pissed off at. Seeing her genuinely smile can be weirdly relaxing, though, like a weight's been lifted.

As mentioned in the accompanying image, she runs on a very strict schedule, for basically everything. If you tell her "I don't know when" for something she will personally make you a timetable for that entire day and be EXTREMELY mad if you don't follow it to the letter per her insistence.

She's kind of superficial - never lets her grey hairs show and never leaves the house without a full face of makeup.

It's mostly a side effect of two of her worst traits: not being able to accept change, and always feeling the need to be in control. These are like habits she can't shake, and pointing them out only makes her agitated and less willing to listen.

Both of these flaws only got worse after Dess disappeared.

Even before then, she always had very high standards for both herself and her family. She was always doing her best to not only project the image of a perfect family, but to fully embrace and embody it.

It's why she's so trigger happy with taking away things from Noelle and Dess she isn't personally invested in. Video games that scare Noelle or "encourage bad behavior" in Dess, any non-family friendly movies, any overly creative and artsy pursuits that she doesn't think would make a good career path in the long run.

Basically the only thing the whole family can agree on is Christmas, hence why their whole image as a family unit is centered around it - it's another projection of the seemingly perfect household.

Clarice very intentionally manipulates and intimidates the people around her to get what she wants, but she genuinely doesn't see it as a particularly bad thing because she's convinced she knows better than everyone else, and is the only one who can "properly" do "the right thing".

She's extremely competitive, even more so than Toriel. They used to bond over that in college, though the only reason Clarice never held a grudge is because Toriel can actually let go of useless competition and let Clarice win basically every time.

Clarice can’t let go of useless competition.

Unironically the only person who saw the flaws in Toriel and Asgore's relationship from a mile away and always thought Toriel should’ve dumped Asgore years ago. She likes talking about how she "knew it all along" and how Toriel should've "listened" to her, etc etc. If Clarice wasn't so petty about this maybe her and Toriel would've stayed close.

“It’s a dog eat dog world” is essentially her unspoken motto. She doesn't say it, though, because she doesn't like when people pick up on her more Machiavellian personality traits.

Clarice always looked down on Asgore for his lack of ambition, which only got worse when he failed to find Dess when she went missing.

The only reason she’s giving him so many chances to pay his rent is because Rudy’s insisting on it, though Clarice hasn’t told him that Asgore’s living in the same building he’s working in. If asked, she'd say it's to "not hurt his feelings", but in reality she just doesn't see their friendship as important enough to help maintain, even indirectly.

That whole debacle made it REALLY easy for Clarice to essentially blackmail Rudy with whatever she wants by using evicting Asgore as a threat, a potential retribution for not getting what she wants. She doesn't do it very often, but the fact that she pulled that stunt even once isn't a good thing.

Their relationship wasn’t always so toxic, though there were red flags from the start.

She really enjoys flattery and things that play into her grandiose idea of herself - she really does like when Rudy complements her and plays along with her games (even when he says things that border on objectifying), but PART of that game is that she always berates him for it or calls it childish or unnecessary, in order to keep up her "untouchable" persona that he's so attracted to.

She loves him in the way a child loves their favourite toy. He goes everywhere with her, they do everything together, and he essentially acts as both her voice of reason and her comic relief sidekick.

When he's not around, Clarice is even more miserable and demanding than usual. When she's not around, Rudy doesn't know what to do with himself and stresses over things that aren't even there. They depend on each other, but it's not healthy, and out of the two of them, it takes the biggest strain on Rudy.

In the bigger-picture sense, it's taken an even bigger strain on Noelle. Clarice is arguably the biggest reason why the poor kid doesn't know how to say "no". Her mom does everything and hardly lets Noelle get a word in. She has to be both fully self-sufficient to live up to her mother's demands, while ALSO fully relying on her like the obedient daughter Clarice wants. Rudy mediates the situation however he can, but admitting that Clarice is HURTING Noelle is nearly impossible for him, because it'd mean admitting that Clarice has been hurting him, too.

Clarice takes great pride in both being a hard worker and a “great” mother and wife all at the same time. She IS the ideal, as far as she's concerned. Any questioning of this will get you metaphorically killed on the spot.

Most people don’t see her problematic behavior for what it is because, by most metrics, she’s “made it”. She’s wealthy, she has a loving family, she has an important and high ranking position. What more could you really want out of life?

She still hasn't accepted that Dess is gone.

[bengiyo]

Comfort Films Tag

Rules: List 7 of your comfort movies, then tag 7 people.

Tagged by @callipigio

1 - Shelter (2007)

I often joke around here about how I’ve been watching queer cinema for over half of my life at this point, and it’s easy to recommend this film. This is a coming of age film about a guy who gave up art school to become the primary breadwinner and caregiver for his family. However, when the older brother of his best friend returns to their town to collect himself, our artist and he reconnect and find something special between them. Great use of a young actor in this shores up the caregiving aspects.

I’m probably going to rewatch it now. Because it was produced by Here! TV, you can only legally watch it via a subscription to their platform. I own it on DVD because I fell in love with it and knew I needed to keep it forever.

2 - Big Eden (2000)

Big Eden. Oh, Big Eden. This is the film equivalent of a warm blanket and a tight hug. It’s about an artist named Henry Hart, who is preparing for a big exhibition in New York when he’s called back home to Montana because his uncle has had a stroke. We are greatest with the most queer-friendly town to ever exist as Henry manages his old angst about his straight best friend as the local general store owner also secretly pursues him. It’s absolutely lovely.

3 - The Blues Brothers (1980)

Luna has great taste, because this is one of the best films ever made. What was originally just an SNL bit turns into a fun road film about getting the band back together so that two brothers can raise enough money to pay the back taxes owed by the orphanage they grew up in. We also run over Illinois nazis in this movie and demolish dozens of cop cars. Cab Calloway, James Brown, Carrie Fisher, Chaka Khan, Paul Reubens, and Aretha Franklin are in it. John Candy orders orange whips. This is the kind of film I would watch with my dad any time it was on.

4 - Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

This is one of the most man movies ever made. I don’t know any woman who wants to sit down and watch this film, but me and boys will spend an entire afternoon on this film in a heartbeat. The sexual tension between Russell Crowe’s and Paul Bettany’s characters goes unremarked on this website in a way that lets you know for sure this hellsite is dominated by femmes, because those two have definitely fucked. At least twice. It’s 1805 and oceans have become battlefields!

5 - Clue (1985)

A movie based on the board game of the same name should not have been this good, but it instead goes on to become a camp masterpiece. Many people will end up remembering Tim Curry for Rocky Horror or even Muppet Treasure Island, but this is still one of his favorite performances for me. This film is batshit and I love it. 

6 - Camp (2003)

Speaking of camp films, let’s talk about one of the best of all time. I know we often talk about the bad singing in Thai BL, but I unironically love all of the musical theater in this film. I regularly listen to this soundtrack, and have been for over 15 years. It’s a film about a bunch of weird theater kids who get to escape the bullying and hellishness of their lives for a few weeks during the summer, where they get to put on a bunch of classic plays. It’s so camp. I love this film because it was difficult for me to find queer films that had happy components with them, and this little movie has a wide array of queer kids in it.

7 - Make The Yuletide Gay (2009)

This was the first queer film I ever watched that had a happy ending that was also a comedy. Prior to this, I think I had watched Beautiful Thing (1996), Edge of Seventeen (1998), Get Real (1998), and Bent (1997). Most of those films ended resolved or sad. Yuletide is a silly little gay film of almost nonstop innuendo about a guy who goes back into the closet when he returns home for Christmas, but hijinks ensue when his boyfriend shows up unexpectedly. It’s an annual watch for me around the holidays, and I usually host people for it. 

Also, Adamo Ruggiero is in it! He played Marco on Degrassi: The Next Generation.

This was fun! I think most folks have been tagged that I know, but I’ll tag @warningtothecurious​. If anyone else does this, please tag me back if you do this! I want to know what films you all return to.

[yen-sids-tournament]

Animated 2: Return to Neverland v The Pirate Fairy v Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast

Return to Never Land {originial-Peter Pan (1953)} *spoilers?*

It follows Wendy's canonical daughter Jane, in every version of the story where Peter returns to the Darling's window, he meets Jane, and this story gives her her own adventure. with Wendy as a turn of the century child, it isn't too much of a stretch to assume Jane would be growing up in the middle of a deeply contentious time in British History, that being the London bombings of World War 2, and Unlike Wendy, whom needed to understand that she didn't WANT to never grow up and embrace her coming maturity as it arrives, Jane had been thrown into a position in her family where she had needed to grow up too fast, and in her trip to Neverland understand the importance of that child-like wonder she had nearly lost. As such, she starts out deeply skeptical and frustrated by the nonsensical nature of Neverland, and being more trusting of adults than of children whose attempts of 'playing with her' were little more than bullying with the thin veneer of 'just a game', which ultimately allows her to be manipulated by Hook. But even then manages to grow attached to the lost boys and connect with Peter and due to her inability to fly for most of the movie had almost fully integrated into the world of Neverland and became the first Lost Girl by the time of the third act. While it's held back by the painfully early 00's music it's ultimately a very compelling story about a child in a deeply traumatizing situation finding temporary haven in a place untouched by the war that had so deeply distorted her worldview and ultimately reclaiming her right to have a childhood after constant danger of death and destruction had nearly wrenched it from her entirely. (also there's no racist Native American stereotypes that exist just for the sake of themselves and could have easily been some sort of fantasy species but nahhh it was the 50s so native americans were SUPER okay to be racist about/s)

The Pirate Fairy {original-Tinker Bell (2008)}

>none submitted<

Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast {original Tinker Bell (2008)}

It centres around Fawn aka the best Disney Fairy, KT Tunstell did the soundtrack which absolutely slaps and is unironically on my main playlist to this day. It made me cry when i watched it for the first and subsequent times. Its just so sweet and wholesome. Also apparently spice girl Mel B voiced a minor character in the UK release??? The voice casting alone makes this one of the franchises and films of all time.

[theexaltedbride]

Dead Island 2 Slayers X Reader Headcanons (Part 4!)

Amy:

-You once caught Amy playing with a small puzzle piece on a string. When asked about it, she was very shy about it at first. But after thinking it over she decided to open up about it. It’s actually a little gift from her twin sister. Amy’ sister actually has the other half of the puzzle piece and the two of them fit together. Since meeting you she’s actually started considering getting a third piece for you to have. *

-At the theater she tried to sneak away with a few Romero Awards that were left lying around, because when would she ever get another chance at holding one? Plus, she planned on gifting one of them to her sister as a souvenir. 

-You and Amy sometimes share gum via a kiss, which grosses out some of the other survivors. Which Amy finds kind of BS, because they are all regularly covered in zombie guts.

-Amy once wanted to go back to her old school where she taught her students, but was afraid of what she would find. You promised to be there with her the entire time when she felt ready to go back and clear it out.

-Amy has been floating the idea of scavenging one or two arcade machines for the Gameroom back at Emma’s mansion. You’ve tried to tell her that this will be a lot of work and you could just play all sorts of other games. But the fun of playing on an actual arcade machine is worth it, nothing beats the classics. Looks like you might have to raid the pier at some point to give her a nice surprise when she comes back from a supply run.

Bruno:

-Loves talking about his grandfather now and again, and genuinely appreciates when you let him do so and don’t get annoyed or tired of him geeking out over his family. 

-Hated visiting the Santa Monica peer and fighting the Autophage Apex Clown there. Bruno isn’t afraid of clowns, but that freak there almost gave him a phobia of them. When one shows up he might hide behind you because you are braver than him against them.

-Would absolutely clear out the Theater for you so that the two of you could watch movies there and take selfies with the various Hollywood stars on the Walk of Fame. 

-Has started thinking about setting up playlists for you and the group that can be broadcast over one of the radio frequencies to give you all something to listen to when going around Hell-A saving people and fighting Zeds.

-In his free time Bruno has started teaching you some concepts of Tarot cards and asking Lady Luck to look out for you.

Carla:

-Unironically loves blaring Daddy Yankee’s “Gasolina” when driving around, and will get so excited if you sing along with her even if you don’t speak any Spanish. Tell anyone else about it and she will punch you in the arm (but since she loves you, you get only 5% of the normal force she’d use).

-She got pretty mad at the Santa Monica peer when she played one of those rigged claw games and tried to get herself a stuffed shark. Spent almost five dollars worth of scavenged coins to get one. She nearly smashes the machine open, but she really wanted to win one fair and square, to prove her skill to the machine.

-Would absolutely steal one of the walk of fame stars for you and bring it back to the hideout as a nice gift to you. Might not be the best plan in the world, but it’s the thought that counts.

-On the boardwalk by the beach she showed off just how much she can actually lift, and trying to bring some of it back to Emma’s mansion.

-For as much as an adrenaline junkie she can be, she doesn’t like the rush she gets when you are in danger. It feels terrible, full of fear and anxiety, rather than the world spinning rush she normally loves when doing something dangerous. 

Dani:

-When the Clown Apex roared at you both and made you jump, Dani actually roared back at it to establish dominance, but also because she didn’t like seeing you so freaked out by any kind of zombie.

-While she is more than happy to do everyone’s hair, she does not let anyone style her own hair, not even you. 

-While she’s a skilled drinker she’s not actually good at doing some of those shot glass tricks you sometimes see on the internet. She’s actually trying to learn how to do them just to impress you.

-Sometimes when you both sleep together she utterly becomes a cuddle bug and refuses to let you get up and out of bed for at least another thirty minutes in the morning.

-During days off from zombie slaying, she will sit back in the pool and drink while listening to music, though whenever you join her she spends a significant portion of that time watching and admiring you.

Jacob:

-Jacob can sometimes be a little sensitive about his damaged right eye (both because it aches in sunlight and because of how much it stands out). So you sometimes make it a point to gently pull off his sunglasses when you are alone together at night, to look at his eyes as they are and show him it doesn’t matter, you still love him.

-Likes to share his smokes with you, and its becoming common for the both of you to just pass the same one around whenever you’re nearby. 

-He shows you some of his old stuntman tricks in areas you have cleared out of Zeds, so that you can better move and fight across Hell-A.

-Has been eager to show you off to his mother, and actually changes his style of dress and hair style when taking a more ‘official’ looking photo for his mom to send to her when you can all finally get a signal out of Hell-A.

-Assures you that hanging on to the tire of a plane in midair was absolutely not the wildest or most dangerous stunt he’s ever done. But that he’d do it all over again because it meant he got to meet you.

Ryan:

-When it was your birthday, Ryan had a special surprise for you by showing you just what he used to do as a male dancer. It was a private show, but everyone knew what was going on just from how much effort Ryan put into cleaning himself up, and how loud the music was during the dance.

-You both actually found the costume shop where Ryan got his fake firefighter helmet and he went into detail about how many costumes he tried on before he was confident enough to try and pull a fast one at the evacuation zone, so of course you ask him if he’d be willing to try some of them on again just for you, and you ended up doing the same for him. 

-You found out that his brother has some teasing names for Ryan, and you have become desperate in trying to guess them. Yet he still holds strong in keeping them from you. I guess you will have to find new names to tease him with.

-If you don’t know how to dance Ryan will be more than happy to teach you. Don’t laugh! Of course he knows how to do more than just stripping. Knowing different kinds of dance styles is paramount to being the best dancer at his agency.

-When Ryan found out you always had the hots for an old 90s Pup Action hero he actually went out of his way to find a costume of it and a fake moustache. Surprisingly he can really pull it off. 

All Purpose Headcanons:

-After you evacuated Sam, Emma and Patton on the chopper your lover, and the other Slayers stood together as one force. Utterly wiping out the swarm of infected, cutting through them all like a scythe through wheat. Seeing all of you working together, the Eschaton Group realized that there was finally someone out there who could challenge them. For the first time now there was something which stood in stark opposition to their ‘Survival of the fittest’ policy, and instead put forth a ‘Survival of the United’ ideal.

-With all of the people you’ve been saving, your reputation amongst Hell-A’s survivor communities is starting to get serious, and more people are actively calling on the radios for ‘The Slayers’ to come and help them. You’re becoming the saviors of Hell-A.

-Given how big Hell-A is, and how many people need help, you can’t always move together as one massive group, and instead have to split into teams to help where you ae most needed and best suited. But when you are all together into one badass zombie slaying mob, there isn’t a single Zed out there who can stand against you.

OOC:  (*So, according to an AMA by the devs it turns out that what Amy had around her neck was a puzzle piece that matches one her twin sister also has. All this time I thought it was a little cross she prayed to or kissed when she was afraid. I never got a good look at it and kind of wish the puzzle piece aspect had gotten more focus in her cutscenes.)

[simcardiac-arrested]

Whats wrong with predator 2018?

it’s been like 10 days i’m tired but i CANNOT stay silent anymore The world deserves to know. you will not believe how awful this movie is

1. the moment the movie starts you just understand that it…is not going to be good. it was made in 2018 so of course it has that edgy self aware marvel humor of Uhmm he’s right behind me isn’t he ? (and then you check shane black’s other works and he directed iron man 3 and everything suddenly make sense) LIKE IM SERIOUS there’s just a scene in the first 10 minutes where this Woman In Stem character goes Lol why did we name this thing The Predator? it’s more like a Hunter or a Huntsman it’s more like a Bass Fisherman LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHAT AM I HEARING RN? it’s so fucking stupid and i hate this type of humor so much like CAN U BELIEVE WE’RE IN A MOVIE? ABOUT THE PREDATOR (DUMBASS NAME (LOL))????

2. i mention the Woman In Stem character specifically because she is. also not good. i’m not going to act like the predator movies have always been the best with female characters (even 1987 has its issues) but at least they were actually BEARABLE. The girl character in this movie is just like. this annoying 2010s smartass quirky girl archetype that we put in our movie because you wanted Women(tm) right? there she is we even made her quirky!!! we’re not going to give her a single likable quality though. we’re going to write her Bad . is this what u wanted ?

3. which is not trying to imply that the other characters are written Good . they’re all written Bad they all fucking suck. none of them have any charm or likable qualities and there’s nothing to get invested in. AND THEY DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING DYNAMICS BETWEEN EACHOTHER!!!! it’s like they just exist in the same space and that’s It . they don’t get any interesting relationships or interactions . they’re all just so nothing

4. like halfway through the movie it just turns into unapologetic US army propaganda—which is fucking ironic if you know what the original predator was made for (commentary about american terrorism in central america in the 80s under reagan)—the main character’s wife just starts suddenly going off about how he’s so cool and doing so much for his country and he’s in the army waowww wowww We need to shoot everyone who’s worked on this movie and im serious.

5. i…..do not know who this movie was made for. like who is it supposed to cater to? one of its main things is autism and mental illness and yet it has the shittiest portrayal of both. But especially autism. like what if we made a movie about how autism is the next step in human evolution (?!) and autistic people are like superheroes basically (?!?!!!?) and the entire plot hinges on the fact that The Predator wants to become autistic by stealing the autistic character’s autism dna (?!?!?!?!?!?!?? WHAT? WHY ARE THERE EUGENICS IN MY PREDATOR MOVIE? IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS?) (and then the autistic character in question like. actually has unironic superpowers. look he gets overwhelmed by sounds but he can instantly understand and translate predator’s alien language!!!!!!!!) And then the next minute one of the characters says Lol isn’t it crazy how we can’t say the r slur anymore? Fucked up world. LIKE SERIOUSLY WHO IS THIS MOVIE FOR? I FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE WOULD PISS OFF BOTH THE “WOKE” AND THE “EDGY ALT RIGHT” AUDIENCES EQUALLY . shane black probably thinks autism speaks is a charity i dont even know

6. too much predator in this movie. When i say that they should make a predator movie where every scene has the predator in it YOU SHOULDNT FUCKING LISTEN TO ME IM JUST AUTISTIC. a predator movie is a THRILLER The Fucking Predator himself should appear like. a few times at least until the climax. but nooo this 2018 ass movie just has the predator running around in every scene (btw this predator moves really fucking weird in a human way. Like they usually at least make him move semi alien-like and uncannily, but this movie didnt even bother with that) (also their design is uglier than the original) (also it suffers from the same problem as the 2010 movie by adding a Bigger Cooler Buffer Awesomer Deadlier New Predator LIKE WHO ASKED FOR THIS. WAS MY OG WIFE NOT ENOUGH FOR U) Anyway yeah if you didnt get it yet: this movie doesnt understand what impact or subtlety is. at all

7. the worst thing is with the finale. you see every predator sequel loves to reference the original 1987 movie because well, it’s iconic! it has a lot of meaningful moments and lines! Specifically in the ending of the original movie, where the main character asks the predator “what the hell are you?” and the predator echoes it back at him. Supposed to symbolize us army = monsters who kill without meaning yadda yadda u get it. anyway so in the 2018 movie finale they start to reference this moment too. the main character asks And what the fuck are you (ooo f bomb we’re SOOOO edgy and 2018core) and when the predator starts asking it back the main character just goes SHUT THE FUCK UP😂 and shoots him. it’s like. my hatred for this movie was indescribable at that moment. I’ve never actually genuinely watched a marvel movie so i just took people at their word when they said it was a genre of movie that fucking hated movies. but after watching the predator (2018) which is basically a marvel version of predator? yeah i get it. What if they made a movie that hated its source material and had 0 respect for it. and also hated its audience. and hated being a movie

8. they made the dogs ugly

[cowboycharmac]

what are some eps u would love to see for s17 or other future seasons?

in my ideal world s17 is just eight twenty minute long gay and lesbian porn videos but since rcg are cowards ummm

first and foremost i hope s17 finale is dee's emotional arc. i think any pairing of characters would work for this but it HAS to be a paired plot (in group plots they all tend to gang up on her). in my ideal world its deetress and they kiss at the end but really i just would love to see a proper dee character study that deals with her family issues/dynamics and misogyny and is also a little silly funtime :) adn i want the cunt of the year award in it. best episode

mac sues tylenol episode. he gets diagnosed with autism and sues tylenol for making him autistic and the entire episode is very controversial but i, the most autistic person in the universe, love it and thats all that really matters

mac gets a boyfriend for REAL this time or maybe not idrc at its core i just want to see mac have sex with a man kiss a man SOMETHING jesus christ how is it that he came out as gay four seasons ago CONSTANTLY talks about how much gay sex he has and yet we have not even gotten to see him kiss a boy on the cheek. its homophobic, unironically. if rob cared about gay people there would be full penetration

charlie day episode. i want them in the sewers naked uncensored looking for goblins for twenty full minutes i dont care. the screaming pillow gets covered in shit water and its the grossest thing in the universe and it makes me cringe because i hate potty humor but well what did i expect

not really an episode idea but i want more kidnapping. and poisoning people. and gay little home movies made on the same 20 yr old video tape :) oh also i love when they sing together they are soooo silly bestfriends <3 i think they should do another song

also i want another halloween episode its my favoruite kind of episode i love the costumes and i think it should be a slasher parody thing i think that would be fun and camp for them to do :)

[deadwriter16]

Hi.... If you don't mind me asking, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/games/etc) and your top 10 favorite characters from any media ? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this questions before or if I accidentally send this ask twice.....

Hi! Sorry I'm super super bad at managing my inbox but I am finally answering you, so sorry it took so long!! pls forgive me

as far as media goes, i dont have a rank order or anything really but here are 10 pieces of media i really enjoy:

i wouldnt say these are my top 10, but just some i really love

fruits basket (anime) - most ive ever cried watching anything. watched this during my last year of high school during the peak of college application season and it altered my brain chemistry forever. i will never be the same

assassination classroom (anime) - watched it in middle school and therefore formed a deep and unhealthy obsession with it, also karma is THAT BITCH. amazing show. also so like oddly sad

new girl (tv) - my favorite television show OF ALL TIME

how to get away with murder (tv) - my favorite televison drama show OF ALL TIME

always sunny (tv) - still watching this one but i LOVE it, shows about fucked up horrible people are my favorite, also i really love and admire their writing style and i really want to embody it on a show someday. definitely a huge writing inspiration for me

arrested development seasons 1-3 (tv) (i liked 4 and 5 but 1-3 are incredible) - again, a show about incredibly terrible people, and also really fucking funny in a weird way. and super clever. i love it

sherlock (tv) - i LOVE murder mysteries so so much. also theyre super gay which is fun

soul eater (anime) - my first anime ever, will love it forever

penguins of madagascar (movie) - i am unironically saying this, i am not fucking with you, this is my favorite animated movie

saturday night live (tv) - a classic. i haven't really traversed past the 21st century but i watch it every weekend without fail.

a special eleventh is A.P. Bio, amazing show never should've been cancelled. objectively i can completely understand why it was canceled bc there wasn't anything really objectively special about it, but by god do i love that show anyway. i rewatch it all the time

honorable mentions: on my block, sex education, the office, community, one day at a time (2017), how i met your mother, parks and rec, disney XD's lab rats (also unironically. great show.)

As for characters:

This is so so hard I've read/watched so so many things, I'm just gonna name the first ten freaks that pop into my head, but in no particular rank order and im definitely forgetting people:

bakugou (bnha) bc obviously. my entire blog is like a shrine to him. i don't need to justify this choice tbh he's the absolute best

chimney (911) he is SOOO me coded and he deserves the world and i think he's deeply underappreciated so i shall appreciate him myself. underappreciated comic relief characters my beloved

schmidt from new girl. my boy. my king. THE #1 MASTER OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. i love him so so much

chandler from friends .... extremely self explanatory (also, see chimney. very similar reasons)

kyo (fruits basket) he means a lot to me. i wish him all the best in life although tbh he did canonically win in life so go him

connor walsh (how to get away with murder) i LOVE him. so much. he's so fucked up but i think hes done nothing wrong ever

death the kid (soul eater) LOVE OF MY LIFE. ABSOLUTE ICON

chang (community) maybe its just cause i love ken jeong but i love this little fucked up mentally ill freak. he's so fucking funny

phil dunphy (modern family) - no explanation needed. he's awesome. i love him a lot he gives me faith in family

every other main character in new girl. i love them all so much

honorable mentions: annalise keating (htgawm), ochako uraraka (bnha), bobby nash (911), dwight schrute (the office), and probably many many more amazing characters who i simply am forgetting

i also really fuck with the grandma from fresh off the boat

[siflshonen]

Do you have any romance recommendations? (Books, manga, games, anything.) I'm a crotchety romance snob as well and haven't explored the genre.

My well is pretty empty for this, I must admit. But I guess... hey, you like immersive fandoms, camp, parody, and tongue-in-cheek, I hope?

While the book may be a little too dated for most widespread consumption, I will recommend almost any well-done derivative of Pride and Prejudice or Austen works in general, or even anything that involves it. Enter these with the attitude that everyone is a disaster and the work wants you to hoot and holler at it and treat it like a groundling at a Shakespeare play (that is, like a degenerate.)

Some examples include:

Pride and Prejudice 1995 adaptation - One of the main metrics I use when judging a Pride and Prejudice adaptation is the level of batshit histrionic (complimentary) Elizabeth Bennet's mother acts, and this one is a gold standard (compliments to the actress. I hated her and this is unironically the highest praise I can give in this context).

Pride and Prejudice 2005 (the one with Keira Knightley) - When I first saw this movie, I fucking hated it. My friends took it all too seriously. Then, everything changed when, on the third watch-through, I pointed at Darcy's too-tight (leather?!) pants in the final scene and ripped that poor character a new asshole for being a pathetic, wet man in stupid pants. The next watch-through, I treated each scene's verbal lashings like a WWE wrestling match complete with commentary, and suddenly the entire thing became the best movie in the fucking world. My friends will never watch it with me again, but more fool they because now that I am older I realize that, by doing so, I was the only one engaging with the work in the appropriate spirit even if I lacked the Regency-era class. Austen wrote these to be funny, witty, backhanded, and insightful. When Darcy says, "She isn't handsome enough to tempt ME!", try pointing at him and screaming, "BIIIIITCH!" at the top of your lungs and then see how you feel.

Austenland (view this once you have comfortable familiarity with at least one Austen story. It gets more ridiculous as it goes along, and is all the better for it. Admittedly, I also don't care much for the actual endgame romance in this one either, but the movie is fun even when it's cringe like with... well, you'll see.)

Side note: While I generally look favorably upon Pride and Prejudice adaptations, I do NOT recommend I Love You Because.

Mamma Mia - Do I actually care about any of these couples getting together? Do I ship a damn thing in this show? No, I don't. Their love stories exist only to forward the antics and camp they get into, but it IS a romance. Everything, including the casting choices, is a gag. For example, if you watch the 1995 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice listed below, you will understand why it is funny that Colin Firth is in this movie doing exactly what he does. It opens with all the girlies being like "ohhh wow what a great idea you had to invite these THREE DUDES YOUR MOM HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH TO YOUR WEDDING" and singing a happy and supportive song about it like a classic optimistic musical, and then all the girlies immediately afterwards being like, "JUST KIDDING you are SO fucking stupid" but still going with it.

Hadestown - For all I bitch about romance............... this is my favorite musical. Before you ask, NO! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LOVE STORY OF ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE! I CARE ABOUT THE OTHER ONE!!!! And even then, it's not something I dwell upon as a love story. Admittedly, I have a strong preference for the Live Original Cast Recording rather than the Broadway version (I strongly dislike the changed lyrics for the Epics. However, I am a big fan of Orpheus' added parts in Doubt Comes In), but if you like one, you'll like the other. If you don't like either, well, whatever.

Um, what else... uh, classic anime fandom favorites like Ouran High School Host Club are also fun, but I can also admit to you that I care not for 80% of the romance aspect of it.

Um, d-does Devilman: Crybaby count????

[pinkacademic]

My Top Ten Barbie Movies

With the movie approaching, I'm dubbing this Barbie Month, and pushing back on the Studying part of the Masterpost for a little longer. July is pink party time!

Today, I’m sharing my Top Ten Barbie movies, which I wonder if they’ll be controversial! Share yours, lets compare!

10: Christmas Carol. She cast herself as the villain, we love that! This is unironically a good adaptation of A Christmas Carol. It doesn’t beat the Muppets, but there are many worse adaptations that get way more praise. Eden Starling is a fantastic Barbie-fied Scrooge, and I love Morwenna Banks.

9: Star Light Adventure. I love Star Wars, I love Star Trek, I love big dumb himbos whose entire motivation in life is Eat Food, Drive Fast, Drink Respect Women Juice. Sometimes Barbie movies should be ranked by their Ken, and Prince Leo is just great. Also, a unique sci-fi plot that could only come from a Barbie movie.

8: Spy Squad. Listen, sometimes I just like dumb, fun movies. This is a stellar spy movie with a fun premise, quirky characters, a spy HQ in the H of the Hollywood sign, and the baddie is just their rival in a wig. Its cute, its colourful, they give Barbie a knock-off lightsaber. No complaints.

7: Big City, Big Dreams. We’re finally back to a good, queer-leaning Barbie movie! I love Malibu and Brookln’s dynamic, I think they’re so cute platonically or romantically, and I had fun with Mermaid Magic and Epic Road Trip too. I don’t love the tragic miscommunication moment, but I guess they had to add conflict in the last ten minutes. I love the songs and their final performance enough that all is forgiven.

6: Video Game Hero. I just think its fun, ok? This is the “there’s more than one way to ___” thing that Pink Shoes tried (and I still love, just not enough to Top Ten it) but went the wrong way about in my opinion. Video Game Hero is not a groundbreaking political commentary, or a classic musical, but it just has a special place in my heart.

5: Three Musketeers. I genuinely do not care for any other version of Three Musketeers. No one will ever beat Barbie. I love the secret society of swordfighters, I love that Prince Louis changes his tune by the power of… well, the Power of Four forevermore, I guess. I love that every version of Three Musketeers features precisely 0 muskets, and the Barbie version took that new heights with one of them fully just having ribbons.

4: The Fairytopia Trilogy. I think they get better and better with each iteration. I love the story of a wingless fairy getting wings, and then giving them up selflessly in 1 and 2, and I love that the ultimate message is that of kindness and courage. It’s also absolutely just me being blinded by childhood nostalgia, but Laverna is a top tier villain too.

3: Magic of Pegasus. I have a lot of positive thoughts about this one, but the main one is Aiden!! I think his story is quite unique and complex and he’s one of the strongest love interests of any of th Barbie movies. I also think this one is so pretty and purple, and Cloud Kingdom is glorious, and the quest plot is fantastic.

2: Princess and the Pauper. Now I know this one will not be controversial, except that it’s nt number one! Annaliese and Erika are both delightful, Julian and Dominic too, and even the characters lower on the roster are fun. Not to mention the best songs that make me want to do a full stage production.

1: Princess Charm School. This probably comes as no surprise if you’ve read my essay. I think that the socioeconomic implications are intense, I think that the murder plot is exciting, I think Hadley and Isla as Gardania Unsolved have to be among my favourite Friend Characters, and I think Blair is actually a great character too. I also love Delancey’s redemption, and how it comes from being faced with real-world consequences.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

hate how problematic is used as a blanket term for everything that’s not perfectly up to date with modern social mores like it removes so much nuance because there’s degrees to everything that it erased.

like. i love rocky horror so fucking much but it has not aged the best in some aspects and i can totally understand why people might not like it because of that. but it was also a very deliberately queer movie made by queer people very obviously making fun of the way society saw queer people at the time (and still do now unfortunately) that had a message of acceptance that was utterly radical at the time, with gender nonconformity and open queer sexuality very explicit. the community around it was a safe haven for queer people at the time and it's influence on the queer scene is massive because it was a massively popular avenue for expression, and not only that but it was an open space for sexuality and expressiveness in general which was still awful even for cishet men and women in the seventies let’s be honest. it’s impact on media and on society has been, for the most part, very positive and well intentioned. I’m not saying it doesn’t have issues, and it doesn’t have negative impacts, but it’s been beloved so long because it was a well intentioned and incredibly progressive film for it’s time that still honestly hits home a lot in some ways even today.

and like, that’s obviously not the same thing as work that has had no positive impact on the world, works whos bigotry is virulent and poisonous, and works created by hatemongers spending active money on hurting people (yes, i know richard o brian has regressive views on trans people, but as far as i know money isn’t literally being donated to fund hate groups from that which is the issue with people like jk rowling.)! it’s absolutely not the same as works that, for instance, deliberately and unironically demonise the queer community. it’s honestly pretty problematic in itself to say a work by queer people very much making fun of their own oppression is the exact same as their oppressors making work about how they deserve to be oppressed. these are clearly very different! a film half a century old having views that were very progressive back then but just aren’t now is something that you should think critically about, but it’s an important part of history and it’s something that can absolutely be still worthwhile to many queer people because it was genuinely made with the intention of lifting up the community! stuff like troubled blood was made solely to oppress us, to keep us down and marginalised, and has no literary and positive impact. while, superficially, you could say these are problematic- and for the same reasons, even!- actually doing basic analysis makes it obvious that one is a result of changing social mores mixed with what was obvious fucking parody of how stupid the stereotype is, and one was written because jk rowling wants trans people dead and unironically thinks we're murderous loonies- the very thing rocky horror was making fun of.

idk man i just guess it fucking sucks to see a lack of critical thinking and i think it does a lot of harm. throwing out things that have genuinely really helped the queer community in the past entirely without critical thought is bad, and treating actual hate speech the same as stuff that’s aged poorly and has some outdated ideas only helps normalise calls for active oppression as merely a mistake, a bad idea, something that’s a problem on the same level as outdated but well meaning portrayals. i honestly think it’s playing into the hands of people who want us gone to do that, as they can paint hate speech as something the general public can tolerate, like they can media with outdated opinions and poor but genuine messaging. and these are just examples, this happens all the time. sometimes to shit that genuinely didn’t do anything wrong- I will never not be mad at the obviously homophobic and transphobic backlash against steven universe getting mimicked by people who are well meaning because it was wrapped up in the words of it being problematic. and that’s why critical thinking on this subject matter is important- else people will try and use it to manipulate you.

[alicewhimzy]

Here are my thoughts on Barbie in full as promised. 🏩💃💄

It was okay.

Right away I noticed how self aware and unsubtle this movie is. It wears itself proudly on its sleeve. Barbie is both a feminist icon and something that feminists have criticized, so I can understand why they did this. By turning the dial up to eleven and saying its message as loud as it can, the movie is trying to avoid being misinterpreted. Didn't work for some but that's okay. You can't please everyone.

Barbieland at the beginning is a pretty pink paradise, but it's not perfect. The Kens are pretty much just there to be boyfriends and look cool, and the Barbies are meant to achieve their dreams and be content with them. But before long Barbieland is faced with the horror that no girl's toy company wants to face. Real emotion.

When Barbie starts having morbid thoughts it disrupts the perfect pattern. She is comfortable in her routine because it's all she knows, so she wants things to go back to normal. At first.

Barbie is kind of a diva but not to the point that she's unlikable. She prides herself on making her own choices. There is almost no job she hasn't had, meaning that there's nothing she can't do. We're used to seeing this archetype in an antagonistic role, like Sharpay in Highschool Musical or Regina George in Mean Girls, but this movie doesn't do that. What Ruth, and by extension Barbie wanted most of all was to inspire girls and women to be what they want to be. That's not quite what happened in the real world. But I'll get to that later.

The pink drip in this movie is unreal. YOU GET PINK, AND YOU GET PINK, AND YOU GET PINK! EVERYBODY GETS PINK!

The details like Barbie floating instead of walking downstairs and all the water being either plastic or imaginary were hilarious, like toy story humor.

Ken is a fascinating take on finding a healthy way to express masculinity. He's a bit of a simp but he learns to improve and grows out of it over the course of the movie. Since the world kinda revolves around Barbie, she doesn't have much of a filter, particularly regarding her interactions with Ken. He asks if he can stay for a night and she bluntly refuses him. This shows one of the themes that I noticed; much of the conflict in this movie comes from an inability or unwillingness to see things from the other person's perspective.

Ken's problem isn't that he's a misogynist. He acts like one in the third act but it's clear he's just trying to act like he's on top of things when he hasn't yet figured out what he really wants. The entire purpose of the Ken doll was to just be an optional boyfriend to Barbie, so of course he defines himself by how she sees him. He relies on her external validation because it's what he was designed for so it's what he thinks he wants.

Allen never wanted power. He already made peace with himself in a way so, yeah. He's okay.

Barbie is used to things working out perfectly and when she reaches the real world she sees for the first time just how messy and complicated things can be in reality. This kind of loss of naivety culminates in the unironically best scene in the movie, where after she and Ken split up she just sits on a bench. She sees a girl and her mother playing with her and watches as the girl grows up and eventually leaves her folds, including Barbie behind. Barbie opens her eyes and looks around her. She sees people having arguments, laughing, hanging out together and just living. Existing. Glancing next to her she sees an elderly woman reading a book. Barbie looks at this woman and says "You're so beautiful." And you can tell she means it. The woman says "I know." This moment is where Barbie first starts to realize that things may not be as perfect and she's used to back in Barbieland, but that's okay.

Weird Barbie is fabulous. She can't fit in with the pretty pink paradise of Barbieland, so she is ostracized by the others. Despite this, her confidence is unwavering. From the beginning she is aware that things in reality aren't as simple as they are in Barbieland. Throughout the movie she unapologetically owns her own weirdness. She doesn't need to learn the same lesson that Barbie does because she's already learned it, and in the end the others finally give her what she needed; Respect. She steals every scene she's in and I love her.

Taking control of Barbieland didn't bring Ken happiness, because he didn't want control. He wanted to feel validated. Like a person. Just like Barbie. And when she tells him that he can find his own validation without her, it's one of the most honest moments in the movie. It's where he learns that he can be okay with himself as he is. Just like women don't need a man to complete them, vise versa is also true. Being a man isn't about physical strength or material possessions, or dominance. It's about maintaining a healthy attitude about oneself. You are Kenough.

And the Kens should form a dance troupe. They're great at it and they've got the outfits for it.

Sasha and her mother Gloria have opposing ideas on the idea of Barbie herself and what she says about femininity. Sasha takes a blunt critical approach, putting the "look pretty, be happy" idealism and the adherence to unrealistic beauty standards on blast, and while she does come off as harsh, she still has a point. On the other hand, Gloria found Barbie comforting and empowering, which was why she started drawing ideas like "irrepressible thoughts of death Barbie" and "depressed Barbie", using her own fears and insecurities as inspiration to give Barbie more depth than Mattel was willing to give. Eventually, both mother and daughter are able to reconcile these views and repair their relationship.

It's okay to enjoy a story or a character even if other people don't like it. No matter what they say, that doesn't mean that you can't still enjoy it. Just because it means a lot to you doesn't mean it's flawless, and just because it can be interpreted in a troubling way, that doesn't mean it's ruined. It can always be changed and improved on with each new version. This is something I definitely agree with.

There's nothing much I can really add to Gloria's being a woman monologue. It sums the whole issue up and it shows that the more people that are made aware of it, the closer we are to fixing it. Brilliant.

Barbie has to take control of her life away from Mattel. She has been living under the control of men and she never even knew it. She comes to learn so much about herself and the world around her that she doesn't want to be Barbie anymore. She wants to be Barbra. She knows that the real world isn't all she thought it would be, but that's okay because she's ready to tackle it. She's not afraid to leave paradise anymore. She's not afraid of cellulite, she's not afraid of the patriarchy, and she's not afraid of death. Like all the women she wanted to stand for, Barbra is finally a real person with real feelings.

Her first stop; A gynaecologist.

This Barbie is okay.

🏩💃💄

~A.W.

[geffenrecords]

hi.......can u tell me abt ur ocs..what r their names

ohjeez...thank you for asking um...ihave so many its bad but ill tell you about my favs hehe.

heres a quick ref to the main guys but honestly just looks through like. my ocs/art tag (grayling) to see more of themi post a lot of stuff abt them always. ummm theyre not tHAT interesting honestly their whole universe thing is super weird and ill explain it in a minute but these guys just kind of are like. annoying ass highschoolers and they have like a deep thing about them all doing drugs and blah blah based off some personal and people experiences. but the main thing is theyre all just so difficult to be around because theyre so annoying and awful. chloe and henry have been best friends since middle school and they love and hate each other so much. sully and chloe r 4lifers bffs. chloes just like. idk, so whiney and kind of an ass but shes probably my favorite ever...sully is quieter hes actually like. a nice guy to be around LOL. he just chooses to hang outwith them. shame. henry is all bug eyed and his brains a little fried and has a stutter/eye twitches and gendr issues so hes awesome....hes best friends with chloes little sister ren which i think is very cute.

UMM their story gets weird because um. well taps my fingers together nervously. okay like a year or two ago this friend i had at the time and i both got.SUPER into the diary of a wimpy kid movies in a completely unironic way and we made. a story. for rodricks little band. which is an entirely separate thing on their own but the worst part is its too personal for me to every really let go and also its funny. and in all honesty i could get away with saying theyre ocs but i wont. not yet anyways.

but last year i made these joke posts about chloe and kitty (girl we made up to be the bass players girlfriend) being friends and going to raves together but it became such a big part of chloes character unm....im so obsessed with them they have a little romance and its sweet. but after they break up she goes to chris and chloe is like goddamn. that fucking band henry and i made hate pages for online is like world famous now and also kitty is dating one of them. i hate my lfie. so theyre connected becos both are so near n dear to my heart 👍this is just kinda me scratching the surface but i figure its enuf