#uni thinking process
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Me: oh yeah!!! I will definitely extend these parts of the discussion as my thesis advisor advised !!!
Me when I actually had to do it: *wrote 3 sentences extra and called it a day*
#listen im afraid i have no idea what metabolism peaks 90-120min after lipid rich meal#the only thing i founs is that when about half of the meal is in the small intestine and half still hanging around in the stomach#why it increases metabolism? well of course i can speculate BUT NO ONE IN THIS CENTURY DECIDED TO WRITE ABOUT IT#if you have a decent article about postprandial metabolism after lipid rich meal and which has a peak around 2 hours#id appreciate if you shared#but the chances are. you dont lol.#thesis adventures#uni thinking process
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understanding academic concepts got me blushing swinging my legs giggling
#dude I spent like 3h trying to understand one algorithm yesterday & wrote the messiest most confusing ever paragraph abt it to the thesis#only to have a WAIT A MINUTE-moment today and completely rewriting that in like 20minutes#dont wanna say yesterday was wasted bc I'm sure that was just the thinking process I had to go through to get it to my head#studyblr#uni studyblr#april 2024#2024
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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truly what a guy
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#arthur malevolent#john doe#john malevolent#my art#ahfdgfghsdd i have so many important things to do but these two have overtaken all of my waking thoughts so i'm fucked to say the least#adgfd i just wanna talk about them with someone but no one i know has the energy for that 12h long infodump#straight up today was my first truly no work day in a few weeks and what did i do? spent half the day figuring out how i want to draw arthur#still not sure if this the direction i wanna take his design in but somehow along the process he ended up as like my ideal look on masc days#tbh i don't have the time to unpack whatever that says about me ywy#john's design is very much still a first draft but i can't think about it too much or i might just actually go insane#this podcast makes me unwell(affectionate)#the universe is so evil for not letting me just draw them all day long ywy#in an ideal world it would be no diploma no uni applications only malevolent#.....i'm gonna stop with the rambling now#so yeah go listen to malevolent
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Halo
#mmm ok lemme just start w the tags then ill ramble#welt yang#hsr#honkai star rail#hi3#honkai impact 3rd#my art#ok anyways. i didnt have too many thoughts when i started it beyond “uni is killing me but i NEED to do my daily drawings”#some thoughts did go through my mind while drawing which determined the direction this went in#which is that this could be a badass heroic drawing but.. it isn't. this doesn't feel very happy does it?#it makes him look a bit lonely#but something about the pose and the red is ominous. like he's unreadable but theres something sad about it#the moon in the background has a bit of a double meaning - namely the actual moon and its purpose in hi3#as the final destination of the honkai and the story but.. him as well#and as a halo. i love that the three major organizations in hi3 are basically religious groups#and AE basically worships joyce and his legacy (!) and welt tries to fill that. i mean the title sovereign alone means like. absolute ruler#an untouchable figure in terms of power and control over their people#so i really like to give him some sort of fucked up fake halo. he can imitate a saintly figure but it dehumanizes him in turn#he even talks about humanity like he's not a part of it#what's left is some kind of creature mimicking divinity but becoming isolated and inhuman in the process#(gesturing wildly) THINK ABOUT THE COSMIC HORROR POTENTIAL OF BEING A HERRSCHER. HE LITERALLY PERCEIVES REALITY DIFFERENTLY. CMON.
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A Helping Hand
throwing my hat in for @the-californicationist’s nameless challenge!
600+ words, sfw, gn!reader, no content warnings it’s all fluff. don’t forget to guess who you think it’s about 🤭
you first met in uni.
it was a couple of weeks in, so you were settled into your classes and confident with the subject matter so far. you’d made friends with your roommates and had checked out the area of the new city you were in. it was all going well.
your current class was in a lecture hall, though the discussion was nothing too important; just going over the reading syllabus for the year. they’d already emailed it out during the summer so you pretended to take notes on your laptop while pulling up wordle.
one of your new roommates had gotten you addicted, it had become a light-hearted competition between you both as you got to know each other before finally meeting in person. they’d finally upped the stakes at the start of the week with a bet and you were determined to beat their average by friday - after all, loser would be paying for drinks on saturday when you all went out.
this day’s puzzle, however, was stumping you. you didn’t want to just guess aimlessly, visions of free drinks seeming ever further away, but you just couldn’t figure out the word either.
F_ _ _R
you stared at the screen unblinkingly, thoroughly distracted from your course and the discussion around you until a hand holding a slip of paper appeared at your shoulder in your peripheral.
you took it hesitantly without looking back and unfolded it. you stared at the word written scratchily across it in disbelief.
FOYER.
fuck. how’d you miss that?
you typed it in and heard a satisfied chuckle behind you when it was correct and pursed your lips to hide your own smile. you figured you should thank the guy at least, he might’ve just won you free drinks after all.
you flicked your eyes up and found the professor busy facing the board and took the chance to swivel in your seat to look up at the one above yours and the handsome man that currently claimed it.
“thanks,” you whispered, your smile turning flirtatious and less guarded when you met his pretty eyes.
“don’t mention it,” he said with an easy shrug, his voice warm.
“oh? you don’t want a favour in return then?” you asked, coy. “you might’ve just won me a bet with a friend, so i owe you.”
his shoulders shook as he huffed. you realised it was a laugh, just muffled behind a surprisingly fond smile aimed your way and a want to keep quiet in the lecture hall. he was clearly charmed by you - and likely the view he had down your shirt as you leant forward against the back of your seat, equally enamoured.
“i could maybe think of some way you could thank me,” he acquiesced, smile turning sly. “better concentrate on the front of the class for now though.” he nodded forward.
with a look over your shoulder you noticed the unimpressed look your professor was sending you both. you sent them a contrite look as you sat back properly and stayed quiet for the rest of the lecture, not wanting to cause a fuss and make a name for yourself too early in the year. you did like this subject after all.
you just liked handsome, helpful men too.
you bit your lip in an attempt at calming your smile and the excited noise that bubbled at the back of your throat when you got a second note passed over your shoulder by a now-familiar hand not ten minutes later. you kept your eyes facing forwards as you took it, wanting to play it cool.
that went out the window however when you opened the note and felt giddiness override it.
coffee after this? it read, followed by his name and number.
absolutely, you thought.
#who are we thinking it is 👀#cali’s nameless challenge#can we all tell i never went to uni 💀#idk what the process for roommates and lectures is At All#john price x reader#simon riley x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#kyle garrick x reader#cod x reader#tf 141 x reader#i’ll get around to putting this on ao3 at the weekend i cba to do the coding etc etc for it all rn#this was fun trying to get around the name thing but also keep the character while not making it obvious PLUS the challenge of it being#the character when he was younger. i liked the challenge of having to keep it short too im usually always ballparking 10k as a short#fic bc i ramble too much#stelles fics
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What do you think as Hermione's career would be post battle of Hogwarts? To me her being minister for magic really doesn't make sense. She does not have patience or tact to wade through murky waters of politics 😭😭
So hard to say! The Trio are so, so young when we leave them, I find it almost impossible to project their futures farther than a few years out. The job that suited me at 17 would be radically unsuited to me now. That's why of all the Trio, Ron's ending strikes me as the most realistic — he jumps straight into the save-the-world business again, burns out, realizes he's actually Done The Fuck Enough, Thanks, and pivots into a low-stress career where he gets to see his family a lot. Feels accurate! The others are weirder to me because they do seem to just... pick a lane and stay there.
With Hermione, you could spin her a couple ways. You could say that she leans into her bookish side and does research or teaching, which is not my preference for a couple reasons (namely, I don't think Hermione would like academia as a profession; she finds her classwork interesting and enjoys intellectual validation, but she'd be stifled and wasted in a DPhil program, and she'd be infuriated by the administrative politicking of your average higher-ed faculty). You could say that she gets disaffected with politics and ends up as a barrister or a lobbyist of some kind, but if anything that requires more political finesse, because you don't actually have institutional power, you're just handling the people who make decisions and trying to persuade them of your goals. This is not Hermione's preferred method of influence. She's not even particularly good at persuasion, she just happens to be smart enough (and right often enough) that people take her ideas seriously.
Or you could say her brashness fades with the years into a softened flavor of tell-you-like-it-is honesty, which some politicians actually do successfully trade on; as we see in British politics today, you don't have to be all that charming or clever to get ahead, you just need to be really driven and well-connected (which Hermione completely is; she fought shoulder-to-shoulder with the first postwar Minister and her bestie, the Literal Messiah, runs the Auror Office.) But I don't know if Hermione especially wants to be Minister, after the war. She's just watched years of horrendous bureaucratic incompetence plunge the country into a violent civil conflict. She's had not one, but two Ministers of Magic try to bully or shame her friends into complicity with fascism. Her view of government is... likely extremely dark.
But Hermione also isn't the kind of person who sees her life as a quest for happiness. Babygirl has a savior complex that makes Harry look selfish. (She basically kills her parents — yeah, obliviating is a form of murder, #changemymind — "for their own good," and justifies every batshit, vindictive, mean-spirited move she ever pulls on the grounds that it "helps" one of her friends.) She is a mean, lean, dragon-slaying machine, and she needs a dragon. After Voldemort, the Ministry is the no. 1 threat to muggle-borns and non-wizarding Beings. As a war heroine with basically infinite political capital, I'd be surprised if she didn't try to do something there. That said, Hermione is so vivacious and dynamic that she could potentially grow in a hundred different directions; it's possible that all of this, while true of her at 18, becomes completely inaccurate by 22. That's why I'm not too fussed about any particular fanon interpretation.
#greenteacup asks#sidebar: I know Minister “of” Magic is an Americanism but mea culpa#Someday I might actually bite it and pay someone to britpick Lionheart but I can't do it now#because I have a ban on editing published fic unless it's finished. Otherwise I'll never get around to writing the actual ending#I have a Process#is it the best process? likely not! but it makes the words go. so here we are.#I also think the fact that JKR is Gen X makes a difference here. careers worked differently in the 80s and 90s than they do now#i.e. we have the gig economy and a lot more mobility and EXPECTATION of mobility in your early life#that means career changes & professional pivots through your 20s and 30s are increasingly normal#and in fact have always been normal — but the image of the 'true' or 'ideal' career has changed#so we look at those careers and go hm. really? none of them changed?#none of them even went to uni? do wizards... just not?#but again. I believe the epilogue was written almost completely without consideration as to what happened between the BOH and then#I really believe that JKR did not know what happened to Harry except a wedding and 3 kids. because that was the whole point#I don't think she even knew what his career was when she wrote that scene#It existed to marry everyone off and do a quick munchkin headcount#because of the understandable temptation as an author to keep your hand on the wheel. but it didn't even matter!#the epilogue changed NOTHING! it was the most useless chapter in the series! I just — GOD#you can absolutely accuse me of being sour grapes about my ships getting nixed. I AM sour grapes. I AM a hater.#AND I have plot/theme/craft reasons for disliking it.#I'm not objective. I just want credit for being a sophisticated hater. my grapes may be sour but they're still artisinal.
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#delete later#another journal entry 📝 for the void#i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough#i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine)#last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep 😭#ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :(#anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks#i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better#results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but#it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as#blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply#respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and#weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said...#*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated.#and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality??#anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T
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// omori spoilers
honestly I really love omori’s character. he’s often seen as the villain but I think he’s more nuanced than that. for the majority of the game he suffers from dissociative amnesia and doesn’t remember what he did to mari, and so is simply watching as everything collapses after basil disappears. and it’s interesting because we play as omori longer than we play as sunny. omori is the first one we meet too, so we quickly become attached to him because he’s us. when you’re playing as omori it’s unlikely you’d see him as a separate character from yourself, even though you don’t get to identify with him the same way you can with sunny (by choosing his name, for instance). but because we spend so much time with omori you can’t help but feel the same tie to him that sunny likely does.
you’ll notice that the game often takes advantage of its medium to liken us to the characters. because we also aren’t aware of what happened (unless you saw spoilers before playing, which ruins the effect) we can relate to omori’s pursuit of the truth since our unfamiliarity with the story mimics his amnesia. thus, it’s his relationship with the player that characterises him. everything we feel is also what he feels. our confusion, curiosity and dread are all things he experiences as his world begins to crumble, because basil glimpsing the truth and disappearing into black space disrupted sunny’s rejection of reality, and therefore forced omori to become aware of the dream he’s stuck in. he discovers all this at the same rate the player does, and the fact that the game implies that omori has tried and failed to accept the truth time and time again showcases how powerful sunny’s denial is and how difficult it is for him to challenge his own safety mechanisms.
and what’s tragic is that omori is a safety mechanism too, although he probably doesn’t realise that either. at least not until we stop playing as him and become sunny instead. by the time we confront omori during the final battle (strange, because we’re essentially fighting ourselves) he’s fully aware that he’s the god of this world, and that his main purpose is to maintain sunny’s unhealthy coping mechanisms. he embodies all of sunny’s self-hatred and guilt, but only because sunny genuinely believes he’s a monster, which is why omori becomes one. if sunny were to forgive himself, it would contradict the safety mechanisms he has in place and he’d fall into cognitive dissonance. there would be no reason for omori to exist anymore. it’s the same reason everyone other than omori begins to forget basil as the game progresses, because the purpose of headspace is to forget the truth and everything that contradicts the imaginary world sunny created for himself — one where he never did anything wrong and childhood lasts forever and his sister is alive and still loves him.
ultimately, even though omori is a parasite he’s just trying to keep sunny safe. he’s sunny trying to protect himself from his own trauma. he’s not evil, and I think this is clear based on how sunny ends up defeating him. it’s not through violence, since omori will never succumb. instead, it’s through forgiveness and self-acceptance. it’s sunny going out of his way to change his worldview and untangle himself from his own damaged psyche, proving that he no longer needs to escape from the horrors of the truth. their final embrace signifies this, because omori also personifies the extent of sunny’s suffering. if he is to forgive himself, he must also forgive omori. likewise, if the player is to forgive themselves (as omori), we must also forgive sunny
#my first omori meta wowie !! I’ve been meaning to write meta for this game since I finished playing it#I’ve got a bigger analysis in the drafts that I’m slowly writing#but uni is kicking my ass so it’s a slow process 💔 I’ll get there though#this game is giving me serious brain worms it’s so beautiful and devastating#every time I think about omori’s character though I get so sad idk. he is and isn’t the player the same way he is and isn’t sunny#his motivations make sense and say so much about the state of sunny’s mental health *screams in agony*#omori#omori meta#omori analysis#omori sunny#ghost speaks
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sorry, I will keep kvetching about work to a minimum, but the extent to which everyone in my department is like, "we love and support you as a junior scholar <3" without doing anything to materially support me and ADDITIONALLY I have to chase them around to make sure that things are actually being done is. unhinged.
#and also they're all misgendering me all the time :)#if I trusted our DEI guy at all I'd go to our DEI guy but I don't so here we are#anyway guess who apparently has a mandatory meeting for my upcoming review that no one has bothered to schedule#the review is due imminently. we're almost certainly not going to meet before then.#they also haven't given me feedback on it even though I sent them a draft almost a month before it was due <3#anyway. don't have time for this. have to finish a lecture for tomorrow. -_-#Queenie actually says something on this blog#what is my academic life#ETA: I think it's also frustrating because this is NOT the uni norm#other departments are SUPER supportive of their junior faculty and extremely collegial#some of my colleagues have had their senior colleagues coaching them through every step of the process#while I keep falling through the cracks
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I hope life eases up soon man, take care of yourself
Thanks mate <3
stuff's starting to gradually get better now, actually let myself feel feelings after bottling them till it popped
just kinda turns out that throwing yourself into something so you're numb to the other things can really burn you out :') So I'm trying to find motivation to write and answer asks again, I'm hoping it'll be soon but idk atp
#vent in the tags - so warning ig#got home from uni#have been in fight/flight mode since#turns out that fucking saps your energy incredibly fast#accepting that my mother and I's relationship is broken beyond any repair is oddly helping though#she's proven that she doesn't see me as an individual well and truly now#so I can put the energy back into myself instead which is meh#processing that alongside my insanely fucked up grief hasn't been fun at all.#my emotions about it have been out of wack since she saw me crying and grieving a friend and assumed it was anger towards her#like I'm fucking grieving a friend I found out has recently died - do you think I'm not going to cry?#but no just assume its me being angry towards you and not me having feelings. Sure. *fine* I'll just kill my ability to feel for a bit#so I threw myself into the lu fandom again till burn out#and now I've been on off crying for a week#feeling fragile as shit#but Improving#somehow#I think#*maybe*#don't know what other personal event could happen now to be worse honestly#last 8 months have been a fucking rollercoaster#then when I manage to get back up#put myself back together#have a little breather#get immediatly broken back down#I just want a fucking hug man#and perhaps to be told that I'm worth something#I don't know#nothing really feels all that good to me anymore#but I'm holding on through it#there's light at the end of the tunnel
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Done with thesis. Only corrections and revisions from now on. Hallelujah yeehaw I'm so happy. I actually can feel joy in this world.
#about to do a pre-defence or whatever its called tomorrow#and i might get bad news lol#but overall. i could turn it in like. today.#like its doneeeee aaaaaaaa 💖#thesis adventures#uni thinking process
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if you are 1) currently in a university where your student healthcare covers hormone therapy, and 2) in a good financial, emotional, and social position to start hormone therapy, i would recommend pursuing it. because in my experience, it's a huge pain in the ass to get an endocrinologist once you're on your own
#unless you live near a planned parenthood or another equivalent to that#but in general you might as well take advantage of the mandatory student health insurance while you have it#it's also cheaper than you might expect. my vials cost $40 CAD for 4 months and then the injection materials are like a couple dollars each#for me i got a therapist with the university and asked them to recommend me to one of the uni's doctors#so i got to skip some of the waitlisting process yay#and then even after getting access to hormones i went to the clinic maybe 5 or 6 times because i needed a nurse to help me with injections#all of which was 'free' because it was with the university#now that i'm graduated though i need to find a new endocrinologist and it turns out the process is WAY more complicated on your own 🤡#of course your mileage may vary depending on how based your school is but it's definitely worth checking imo 🤷#beepbeep.txt#wanted to say this because i basically didn't use the uni health services until my last year and i was like 'wow#'i'm actually getting so much shit for free right now'#like i was seeing a therapist and a dietician and the endocrinologist and a nurse simultaneously at one point#and i might've missed out on all that if i didn't have someone tell me how easy it was to get help if you ask the right questions#so there's my word of wisdom for anyone who might benefit from it.......#also going to post tips about injections later because i think that would also help people out 👍
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and, hold (2024) series of 3 books made from walnut shell, hazelnut shell, and scarlet runner bean pod. woodcut prints and poetry.
About the wonderful magic, hope, and love that is a seed.
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Was introduced to the fun and beauty that is those lil diy Staples stamps back in my democratic multiples class, and was happy at the chance to use the one I bought haha. Was a little tedious putting in all the lil letters for each word, but stamping it was sooo satisfying
this ones cute and fun! Enjoyed carving the lil bean stamp C: I just used some scrap wood, it was kinda. a struggle lol And was my first time trying to make a woodcut but they turned out not bad I think
partly inspired by the word Encased, with its various definitions being:
be an expression of or give a tangible or visible form to (an idea, quality, or feeling).
provide (a spirit) with a physical form.
include or contain (something) as a constituent part.
Twas the first project I made for my art+text studio course!
#and hold#and rest#and grow#process#2024#books#artist books#poetry#uni#featured#woodcut#woodcut print#relief print#I really like the documentation photos I took for these; could be improved but! considering how bad I am at em I think these are p good lol
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sitting in on an abstract algebra class and it's like
damn I love abstract math but boy do I hate having to do the logic myself
this is so cool but please don't make me prove it mathematicians just let me make my silly statements please please please
also I think part of it is how seeing the formalism comes together and builds the construction of physics concepts and vice versa, and my interest in teaching wanting me to make sure I'm using the correct language to ensure I'm not entrenching people's conceptions of the physics in something that's completely wrong, because (and please share thoughts if anyone has any) I feel like it's far easier to adapt your understanding later if it's made very clear that you're missing part of the story
#thinking abt the spectral resolution of unity on bases in hilbert spaces in quantum mechanics#because someone in the class at my uni rn said "it's weird because 1 is just a number but it's somehow equal to the sum over a complete set#of bases and like that doesn't feel right to me#but I don't know enough right now to know for sure!#so like I'm prob gonna ask the linear alg instructor at my uni because he's russian and goofy abt physics and I took him 9 semesters ago#because he might be able to help clarify for me if what my thought process abt it was did in fact communicate the idea correctly
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but like. the fact that the worst thing happened. how do you even accept that. 1/5 is gone.
#im trying to be calm but i just cant believe this. im accepting but im not#yes it was a worry and nightmare we all had but the fact that it actually happened?#and in the worst way possible?#how do you process the loss#i am trying but man#if we as fans are going through this. his family is a million times worse#i cant stop thinking about them#losing such an important person#and him being famous is worse because you see him everywhere#and the hate and horrible online behavior#im ranting and spiraling so i’ll stop#gonna focus bc i dont want to fail uni lol#but its in my mind almost constantly#like that muted sadness that one post said i think#sigh#much love to all of you
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