#unfortunately i am still sick
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Day 8 of Different characters everyday challenge - my oc
#i don’t have a name for her yet#art#my art#oc#art challenge#unfortunately i am still sick#in fact it’s gotten worse#but tomorrow! im gonna draw something nice i swear#the sketch is already done i just couldn’t finish it today😭
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day 1717
#amphibian#frog#purple frog#ty everyone for the kind tags yesterday :)#now unfortunately this blog runs on a week long queue and i was STILL sick when it posted#fortunately i am finally starting to recover and feel infinitely better than yesterday already#i have this thing where i alway get sick at the start of a vacation and vwry often on long weekends :(#psychological?? stress related?? caused by a shift in routine?? i have no idea
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i had this in mind a few days ago while running on 2 hrs of sleep
decided to finally draw it lol
i have some more ideas in mind of them that i will hopefully get to get around drawing
#one piece#trafalgar law#monkey d. luffy#eustass kid#so the idea is like maybe they got to know each other as children cus they somehow lived in the same neighbourhood/got sent to the same#daycare right and the first day they met it seemed they already got like beef with each other#but its ok its their version of bonding :)#they definitely shit on eafch other with no hesitation#they still have their own respective groups (crews) but they just hang sometimes for no reason#like they get put in the same place at the same time. whoever is with them will be the unfortunate victim.#they still care for one another ofc just in their own roundabout way#i do still have some things i need to think about like do i still want to make law a sick boy#i mean i know i made him p pale in that drawing#cause im a sucker for whump ok#but then again waht am i making him sick with. is it gonna be chronic. is it just an unfortunate one time thing.#also if i make him to still be a sick boy theres gonna be a period in which luffys gonna be taller than him by the time theyre around#10-13 y.o. and then law just shot up like a beanstalk from 15-16. luffys gonna grieve. but its ok luffy you can be taller than him at 40#maybe#also the damn designs#law do you already have a beard by the time youre 16. it was not mentioned in the novel. i am conflicted.#also kids hair is fucking wild i almost cried drawing it#he doesnt wear lipstick in school. he does when hes hanging outside tho#luffys the most straightforward one i mean come on look at him#laws the one giving me headache cus fucker is canonically a 26 y.o man with facial hair#fanart#my art
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hii happy pride month, have a little 'you're a dog (i'm your man)' chapter four snippet as an apology for radio silence <33
“Did I wake you?” Gale asks, glancing at John apologetically, but John looks up from his effort to avoid muddy puddles to shake his head. Gale supposes it’s a silly question; John sleeps like a rock, dead to disturbances made by anything other than his own brain.
“Just my sixth sense,” John says, shrugging and shooting him a small smile. Gale snorts.
“You got a radar for me?” He teases, and John smiles wider, eyes crinkling.
“Built in,” he answers matter–of–factly, raising a hand and making a fist over the center of his chest before dropping it, returning his vigilant gaze to the uneven ground. Gale stares for a moment longer, floored not for the first time by John’s apparent obliviousness to the weight of his sentimentality.
Even knowing John how he does, it’s always unexpected coming from someone who a stranger might assume to be brazen and surface–level; John’s loud mouth and wandering hands do him no favours in that regard.
But Gale does know John, like an extension of himself half the time, and still he manages to render him speechless. The way his heart flutters as the sentiment hangs in the air makes Gale want to reach down his throat and squeeze it until it never beats again.
#slow progress but progress#dog coded bucky fic#still sick unfortunately lol i thought i was lucky enough for it to just be a week thing but i forget i am chronically ill!#(read: i gaslight myself into thinking i'm normal sometimes)#i'm trying to get this chapter done before i reply to asks/post other stuff#bc i rly only have the mental capacity for one or the other at once atm :( but i miss you guys and being deranged here SO BAD. so so bad#thank u for the endlessly kind messages and your boundless patience oh my word <3 it rly is so reassuring mwah hugs#i rly do feel so bad for not replying to @s and messages tho i just have so little energy rn so i am conserving it :(#but i read them all whenever the migraine brainfog subsides enough to scroll and i smile and weep simultaneously <33#so if i have not replied to ur msg. i promise it is nothing personal i'm just a walking corpse and will get back to u when i can <3#and that's my boring author's life behind the scenes update JSKGD my bad y'all#buckbucky
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I can’t stay quiet about this, I need to scream it to SOMEBODY ANYBODYYY
Dan Heng and Blade were Dan Feng and Yingxing. “Dh and Bld are Df and Yx!” Nope, their current selves aren’t them, that lacks nuance. “Dh and Bld aren’t Df and Yx!” THAT ALSO LACKS NUANCEE they are still connected and fundamentally shaped by their past identities, they aren’t entirely separate from them while also still being separate in a way. The best way I can describe it is like a venn diagram, there is overlap, but there also are still areas where they don’t.
To expand more, I wanna talk about the way they foil each other a bit in this sense. For Dan Heng, even if he is a botched rebirth, simply a “de-aged Dan Feng” not fully reborn, he is still not Dan Feng. While Dan Feng has made up the basis of his personality and he accepts him as his past, I think we forget that Dan Heng had his own entire childhood after the molting rebirth was completed. One he spent imprisoned by the Ten Lords Commission, and then he was exiled when he was old enough leading to his whole journey until he became apart of the Astral Express crew etc etc. Dan Heng is made up of a basis of Dan Feng + All of his own memories and experiences. While he shares traits with Dan Feng such as personality aspects like his stubbornness, his technique with a spear, and being able to connect with his old items, he also is very much himself with his own outlook and traits shaped by what he’s learned rather than what he has been born with. To treat him as if he is Dan Feng exactly is a disservice to both of their characters and the greater narrative that they apart of. He may still carry the burdens and karma of Dan Feng, but Dan Heng is still making his own future.
Now, Blade. Blade similarly is not Yingxing, not completely. Though he accepts Yingxing’s sin as his own and is intent of repaying the sin of Dan Feng and Yingxing (and getting Dan Heng to repay it too), there still are distinctions between him and Yingxing. In fact, I’d argue there are more things separating them. I could talk for so long again about the layered use of craftsmanship to connect, or rather disconnect, the two identities of Blade and Yingxing, but there’s more than that. “Now, ██ had died. His first — and only — death.” “From this moment on, that body will be the one and only "Blade."” Although Blade was Yingxing, a disconnect exists between them through the death of Yingxing. He awoke with no memories of his past, no even his name, until Jingliu came along, instilled in him her ideologies, made him remember, not only his past sins but the feeling of death so that he might inflict it onto others. As she said, he was reborn and had even given himself a name…
I want to add that the specific ways in which their current identities exist in proximity to their past ones foil each other. As I said, Dan Heng, in part as his sabotaged rebirth, is built upon the foundation of Dan Feng and all of his own experiences and memories. He has the capacity to gain back more memories of Dan Feng as his DH IL character stories outline, and though he is still himself and still moves forward, we see him accept his relation to Dan Feng eventually. Though that past life of his is clouded by fog and mist, he may eventually be able to push away the clouds that block him and understand more, about Dan Feng and in turn about himself. With Blade, it is so heavily emphasized in game from his relic lore to the very sword he uses that his mind is essentially broken, due both in part to the trauma of Jingliu’s “teachings” and the mara that was brought on by those lessons. He can’t fully remember everything about Yingxing, in fact actively remembering such or seeing familiar things is harmful to him. Like his shard sword, he is made of broken pieces, put together in a way that can never erase the cracks, and continuously shattering before being glued together again. His life is shaped by Yingxing’s past, the trauma he has endured is directly caused by his past actions. Unlike Dan Heng, he hasn’t had this whole life to build up and live. Though he’s experienced new things, they don’t shape him and change him in the way that Dan Heng’s built his identity up.
Where Dan Heng basically has supplements to Dan Feng’s identity that make him who he is, Blade is the broken shards and pieces of Yingxing that weren’t lost to the waves, making him who he is. Dan Heng is a next chance, finally free from the Preceptors’ control and of the role that stripped his past selves of their individuality, meanwhile Blade is the husk left behind of Yingxing’s regrets, broken by trauma caused due to Yingxing’s past actions, forever tormented by his past until he inevitably is able to die. If Dan Heng is more than just Dan Feng which is why he is separate but intertwined with him, than Blade is less than Yingxing, in a way that has caused such a severe disconnect that has caused Blade to have his own identity still shaped. And looking at this, not to again bring up my craftsmanship post about Blade, Dan Heng can connect to Dan Feng. He can clear the fog, remembering his memories through dreams even if he can’t fully connect emotionally to him, and he finds sentiment in many of items that once were his, smth not many Vidyadhara actually are capable of doing. To contrast, Blade is forever separated from connecting completely to Yingxing’s identity. His memories will always be fragmented, his own path entirely changed. He can’t connect to Yingxing’s past goals and passions, seen through the distinct decision made in his character stories to talk about how he can no longer use his hands to forge weapons (something that completely defined Yingxing’s life and legacy, tied to his childhood trauma and hatred of the Abundance, something that became his genuine passion), and how none of that mattered to Blade.
All of this, the ways they foil each other and the separation between their past selves and current, just makes me love their dynamic and their lore a lot. Makes me want to cry most days of my life if I’m honest. And it’s part of why I do take issue with the way nuance has completely left this argument, only having two extremes of “Dan Heng is Dan Feng!” Or “Dan Heng isn’t Dan Heng!” Again… Dan Heng WAS Dan Feng, he wouldn’t be Dan Heng without Dan Feng, but he is still himself. That’s part of the tragedy between them. They are still fundamentally defined and shaped by their past selves, similarities able to be spotted if they can be remembered, but they’ve also experienced so much that has changed them, and they can never truly go back to being Dan Feng and Yingxing. It would never be fully the same again.
#okay rant over#ahahahha#i hate seeing arguments about them#especially on tiktok this is unfortunately where i see the most nuance lost#i just needsd to rant#especially once my brain finally clicked how they foil each other in yet another element#that being ofc the supplement vs fragment style with their past selves#they make me insane#i hate them sm#(i love them way too much#they make me SICK#even if hyv has fucked up a bit in the actual quest writing at times#the sheer level of detail and care put into dan heng and blade’s lore is RAAAHH#i am having allergies#my leg pain is still awful today#and think about these two is only making my health worse HELP#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr blade#yingxing#dan heng#dan feng#renheng#hengren#xingyue#fengxing#I wrote this last night at 1 am but held off posting it until now o7
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#”oh at least we'll be free of sainz in two months" YOU will.....unfortunately i am dating a williams supporter so.#in sickness and in health i still need to care about sainz family politics
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Thoughts when I saw this part because oh my god:
•The fact Caitlyn chose to gunhilt Vi in the crotch before she even got to touch her pussy 💀
•The fact that Jinx's last words to Vi before the fight were, "I know you're sweet on her. I hope you get to...you know. Before..." And then Caitlyn goes and does this lmfao 💀
•Jinx still causing Caitvi division ✨
Like that's crazy bro I don't know how caitvi are gonna come back from this fr
And next arc Jinx is gonna be the one watching over Vi when she's at her lowest after Caitlyn gunhilted her to the crotch and then dropped her like~
Vijinxes stay winning ✨🩵🩷
#also as someone who's been kicked in the crotch a couple times i know this shit hurt#like it hurts just the same for women#all the pain shooting up through you and sickness and feeling like you wanna vom#and the fact that she brings up Another hand to nurse herself when she's on the ground poor baby#yes i am just brushing over the fact that vijinx just had a full on fight to the near death prior to this;;#like this is Worse okay trust me lolol#and Vi's little breathy miserable moans and sighs after like ugh 💔#(also I do still like caitvi this isn't that serious I always just found shipping wars quite cute and funny so lol)#just in case any caitvis are unfortunate enough to click on my page#hopefully not#vijinx
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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I'm sorryyy but Frank was not hot early 2000s I'm so glad he's a bit of a bear now
SAY THAT !!!!!! NO MORE TWINKS ONLY BEARS
#asks#unfortunately . i am still attracted to that rat of a man no matter what#even with the fucking glue dreads#i know i'm sick but there's no cure okay i just have to roll with it
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Baby boy brother birthday photos from last year that I just realized I never uploaded!
#cats#also hopefully it's not weird to still post photos of George (the brown cat) even after his death a little while ago. I just have so many#beautiful old pictures of him that I still love but just never had the time to sort through or upload (my cat photos folder on my#computer had like 450 pictures in it or something lol... SO many). I feel like it's kind of just honoring or appreciating him#and not actually strange or anything. like what am I supposed to do. delete them?? I want to share them still because he is beautiful and#perfect ! idk. aNYWAY. Also this is their 2022 birthday when they turned 14 years old. (even though I think when I posted#their 2021 bday I might have said they were 14 then too. I was off by a year lol). 2023 when they turned 15 I unfortunately#was feeling kind of sick at the time and didn't really have the energy to do the decorations like I usually do. So they just got a few#treats and stuff. But I didn't know that would be george's last birthday lol. :/#They also do not really know or care though. they're cats who cannot process it or know the concept of birthdays so. eh#I still have no idea how these got lost on the computer though. Like I had them fully edited ready to post but just sitting in a folder??#Since MARCH 2022 lol... ??? the folder was in another folder of pictures so maybe that's how I overlooked it#But it's my 'once every 4 months computer organizing and clean out time' so I was going tghrough looking for pictures#I could drafts posts out of or sort or etc.#They got lots more treats for this birthday because one of my friends actually game me a few gifts for them#elderly boys.!!!!#I used to write in the little caption/image description sections to talk about them all individually but at some point tumblr broke that#feature and for so long they never saved or weren't visible so I stopped doing them and just ramble a bunch in the tags instead#but I kind of miss them. Thinking about old posts of the cats where I commented on each photo individually too lol.. the good ole days
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the thing is that sex doesn’t scare me but bodies do which is unfortunately commonly considered an integral part of sex
#it’s late & i might be sick & i took nyquil several hours ago someone should take my posting rights away#that said. i think this is sort of the crux of said issues#the unfortunate part abt bodies is that there is no existence that does not give me some measure of dysphoria. which is a miserable & unfair#- way to live. not only in regards to myself but also it’s unfair to the people who i love and am attracted to#really cool how i have worked so hard to not internalize transphobic ideas abt what a person needs to look/feel like & i am still here.#i fear this may never get better ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#at least there r freaks out there who understand that sex doesn’t actually need to involve ur body much but i cannot find them#ted talks#minors dni
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"You should give me pointers on throwin' punches an' shite when we're not -- y'know, savin' th'world," Meiko requested, smiling broadly at Lyse. "Like, aye, I know how tae throw a punch, but that's different from bein' like, trained in it, eh? All I know is how not tae break your fingers -- an' I learned that th'hard way, honestly."
— INBOX CALL ;; ( @vierandancer )
"I'll only give you pointers if you become my new sparring partner," Lyse said as a smile crept across her face. Meiko had, of course, sparred with her several times before, but it had felt impossible lately. In the rare moments that Lyse was available, Meiko was not, but surely they could carve out some time to hone their skills together.
Lyse smiled as she continued, "I've sparring partners plenty, but V'mah is... apparently tired of getting black eyes, probably because he's used to blocking with a shield... M'naago is busy and I've gotten too used to sparring with J'moldva. You won't even need to break your fingers!"
#✧ ▌ in character : lyse hext.#vierandancer#ffxiv spoilers#sb spoilers#// ooc. meant to get to a few of your things yesterday but I am unfortunately getting a lil sick#// ooc. and also still trying to get through DT but i'm working on them i promise
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"I've got- I've got really bad taste in men, don't I?" Clark says ruefully, and Lois tries to smile.
"I wasn't gonna say anything, Honey," she says, and then adds, "but, hey! At least this supergenius apologised for taking advantage of you."
#spiderkon#unfinished fic snips#really REALLY bad taste in men#i wrote this just after reading the new justice beach chapter too so my brain was like 🤔 superbat ?#and then i was like no no. that would still be bad taste in men#and ALSO bruce apologising for lying....it would be like pulling teeth#who is lois talking about in this? you ask?#WELL YOU SEE#i loved static shock and priestess of nox had these SICK static fics. and then I wanted to read more of their stuff#but all they had was this weird superman show called LoSH!#so i read all 50ish of their LoSH fics. watched the tv show. and was FULLY onboard with brainy/clark#so UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE. i am now sitting here peddling my clark/brainy brainrot.#and i will not be stopped#IT IS PRETTY BACKGROUND THO#like lois/clark is wildly the main/what comes up most often#but brainy......your honour i wuv him 😳😳😳🥺#anyway welcome to my insane v poly: brainiac 5 -> clark kent <- lois lane#literally only applicable in the Most crazy of minds <- mine.#now i wanna go reread my LoSH comics........
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ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc
#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this#i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space#together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her#i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she#s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked#each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks#and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically#falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her#and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways#literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are#and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk#but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward#it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible#i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn#sorry for this.#film girl saga
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hhii guys good mornign
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not my online friend trying to have the "not all zionists" conversation with me rn
#we've talked about palestine before and she always takes the most centrist version of israel's side she possibly can lmao#i try very hard to never discuss politics with her but she is literally always the one bringing it up and it throws all my affection for he#out the window. like babe.... i'm jewish... you're not.... why are we even having this conversation besides you trying to prove smth#like an informal conversation is not the place for a fucking political debate and if you're not gonna recognize my pov#why am i even still friends with you.#it does make me genuinely sad but if i have to have this conversation again i may well and truly just block her#like she apparently has another jewish friend who seems to side heavily with zionist values (lol) but still acts like a centrist#so ik that's where she's getting the majority of her viewpoints from and it's so fucking grating like you're talking to another jew rn#why would i ever want to support nationalism of any kind when that's what lead to the fucking holocaust#why would you ever be lenient on a group of people who are actively commiting a genocide#i seriously just. like it makes me sick to my stomach that i even have someone in my life who doesn't get it#and i don't even know what to say like my 'i don't wanna be mean to a friend' shit is taking over#especially when she's not the kind of person i can just say anything to. we're not close like that unfortunately#so i've just been in limbo hoping she isn't gonna talk about it but i'm gonna have to put aside our friendship if she does this again#bc i'm not gonna be friends with someone who outright doesn't listen to me saying that my own people commiting a genocide hurts me#just because she wants to be one of those 'well this 'conflict' shouldn't be happening bc it's hurting innocent people :('#this is why i hate having any convos about this with people who haven't been politically engaged with palestine before the end of last yr#like my brother also doesn't fully get the scope of it but at least HE knows that israel (and even the concept of it) is evil and racist#sigh.
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