#ul is missing tho

[mommyesque]

The fathers are fathering at last ;-;

[lovelyhan]

— again and again ⟢

pairing: mingyu x reader

summary: your mother calls one day, asking if you’re bringing mingyu along for chuseok this year. in your panic, you end up giving her an affirmative��never mind the fact that you and mingyu have stopped seeing each other over half a year ago.

word count: 15.7k words

tags: exes, fake dating, mutual pining, idol!gyu, vet!reader, mild angst, fluff, smut

warnings: medical jargon, mentions of shots (for pets), mentions of snake bites, graphic sexual content (minors dni!!)

notes: i wrote this with bss' 7pm on loop for two straight days. nothing like the sweet taste of yearning <3 this also wasn't extensively proofread, so if you spot a few mistakes, i implore you to ignore them EJWHJHSDF

this is part of the doting on you! series.

smut tags: vanilla, mingyu is super whipped, praise kink, service top gyu, dirty talk, nicknames (babygirl, sweetheart, sweet thing), overstimulation, multiple rounds, unprotected sex, creampie, heads up that the filth is at the very end tho

taglist: @cherrycheolie1995 - @ashkuuuu - @potatofrieswithketchup - @christinewithluv - @fancypoisonapple - @odetoyeonjun - @minnie-mouser22 - @etherealyoungk - @davoraciousreader - @mariondior - @hella-sirius - @coveyland - @marlow234 - @dobomiyeon - @belysusonrisa - @wonderfulshinee - @misssugarlips - @yourfavoritefreakyhan - @jeanjacketjesus - @just-here-to-read-01 - @hanihans - @venusrae - @taestrwbrry - @seoksoop - @dreamhannies - @renjunphile - @thvhannie - @kkooongie - @acgyu - @gae-uls - @pluviophile-xxx - @lenireads - @gaebestie - @ryusha-rose - @yutadae - @smileyjimvn

additional notes: you might want to check your visibility settings if you can't be tagged!

When you hear the telltale ring as the call connects to its intended recipient, you wonder why you even considered this idea in the first place. Not to mention, you’re getting a nasty case of phone call anxiety—one that you haven’t felt in god knows how long. Maybe it’s because of the identity of the person you’re calling that your nerves are all over the place. 

In fact, you’re not sure if he’s even going to answer. There are a million and a half reasons why famous superstar Kim Mingyu won’t be able to pick up your call. He could be shooting for a music video or some fashion magazine. He could be in the middle of an interview. Or he could be out spending time with his members like tends to these days if his recent Instagram posts are anything to go by. 

But you try anyway because your mother sounded so hopeful in the phone call you just hung up on five minutes ago (The rice wine he got for us last Christmas was splendid! He’ll bring some again for Chuseok, won’t he?), that you just didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth.

So, because you can’t take back the pretty white lies you uttered (Uh, of course he will. Gyu told me he missed everyone back at home, too. Especially Namja), you’re attempting to rope Mingyu into the charade even if the odds are against you.

The first call doesn’t go through. Neither does the second. 

By your third try, you’re about to accept the fact that you’re going to have to make some due corrections to what you told your mother until you hear a groggy, “Hello?” on the other line. 

You nearly fall off your seat at the throaty sound of Mingyu’s voice, but you’d rather not get weird looks from your receptionist, so you breathe in as deeply (and quietly) as you can before mustering a smile that he won’t even be able to see.

“Hey, Mingyu, it’s me,” you begin, a bit proud of how your voice didn’t even falter. “It’s been a while. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

He doesn’t respond for a while, and the prolonged silence makes you bite the inside of your cheek. Did the call fall through? Did he not hear what you said? But just when you’re about to repeat the words—

“Kind of,” Mingyu grumbles, and you try not to think about how sexy his morning voice sounds despite it being two in the afternoon. “We finished taping a variety show today and I figured I’d get some sleep. It’s midnight right now.”

Well that’s news to you.

“Oh. You’re not in Korea?”

“Nah. We’re in New York for some brand collaborations,” he says, and you hear some rustling in the background, followed by a yawn. “Though I doubt you’ve been keeping tabs on us.” 

Okay, he doesn’t have to call you out like that.

Sure, you still catch posts from Mingyu, as well as the other twelve members of SEVENTEEN from time to time, but…after breaking up with him (on good terms, promise!), you thought it’s best if you didn’t see too much of them anymore. The block and mute buttons are your best friends, and while you didn’t use them on the members directly, gossip outlets were your regular targets.

So to speak, it’s been a peaceful six months since your break up with Mingyu. 

Until now.

“Do you need something?” he asks, and you realize you didn’t respond to what he said last. “Whatever it is, I might not be able to help you out right away. We’re holed up here until next month.”

Well…that’s all the confirmation you needed.

“I see,” you sigh, trying not to sound too disappointed. “It’s— It’s okay.”

“So you do need something,” Mingyu points out, voice much clearer now than it was two minutes ago. Like he was more awake. “What is it?”

“Nothing you should worry about, Gyu,” you reassure before making a face, not realizing how easily the old nickname just slipped out. “I’m sorry for waking you up. You should go back to—”

The sound of him whining at the other end sends another rush of vertigo through your entire being. “Come on, I’m awake anyways right? You know how hard it is for me to fall asleep again.”

“If I’d known we weren’t in the same continent, I wouldn’t have called altogether,” you say before quaintly adding, “Shit. This counts as an international call, doesn’t it?”

There’s someone else in the room with him, you think—a quiet drawl of Mingyu-hyung, what time is it? You immediately recognize it as Seungkwan. 

“Five minutes past midnight,” Mingyu says, and Seungkwan asks another question that you aren’t able to catch. “Who am I talking to? Bookkeu and Bobpul’s worst enemy.”

“Hey!” You scowl at him. “They never even whined when you and Seungkwan brought them to me for their shots!”

“Noona? Why are you calling this guy?” Seungkwan says a bit more loudly for you to hear. “Didn’t you dump him already? Good choice, by the way.” 

This time it’s Mingyu’s turn to utter out a semi-offended, “Hey! Mind your own business, Seungkwan-ah.”

A few minutes of bickering with his dongsaeng later, you figure that Mingyu must’ve gone outside of their hotel room for some privacy. You can vaguely hear the sound of the wind blowing on his end before he heaves a deep sigh.

“Sorry about that.” He coughs awkwardly. “Anyway, if you’re not going to tell me about what you needed help with, how are you? Is the clinic doing well? Did your receptionist finally ditch her shitty boyfriend? Does that one guy with a husky still hit on you?”

You’re a little overwhelmed by the sudden influx of questions. Last you checked, you haven’t spoken to Mingyu since you greeted him on his birthday over a quick text message. But then again, your ex does have a talent for completely ignoring the time that exists in between interactions. Mingyu’s always been amicable for conversation, idol or not, boyfriend or not. 

The mere thought that he hasn’t changed at all makes your heart ache in more ways than one.

You manage a quiet laugh. “I’m fine. The clinic’s fine. Chae has a new boyfriend now. He even helps us sort out new products on the shelves sometimes.”

At the mention of her name, your receptionist whips her head in your direction, one brow raised. You shake your head with a smile, gesturing that this is nothing she should even be remotely concerned about. 

It’s just Mingyu after all.

“Okay, how about the guy who—”

“I turned him down when he asked me out for lunch last week.”

He whistles. “Ouch. And he’s been trying to get with you all this time.”

“I don’t usually date my clients, you know.”

“Yeah? I must be special then.”

Then comes the silence—so thick, you can cut through it with a knife. 

“Uh, so I have a patient coming in an hour for a castration procedure,” you tell him a bit awkwardly. “Gotta prepare everything before the owner arrives.”

Mingyu sighs, and you can almost imagine him pouting. “You’re really not gonna tell me? I can still help you with whatever you need even when I’m out here. Unless it requires me to, you know, physically be there.”

You chuckle. “That’s the thing, Gyu. You can’t help me because I need you to actually be here.”

“Oh. Why? What for?”

You inhale sharp breath through your nose, closing your eyes as your face warms with embarrassment. Chae is definitely looking at you funnily from her station now, but you tell yourself not to give it too much thought.

“Mom asked if I was bringing you with me for Chuseok,” you admit. “I haven’t been home since Christmas, so… They kind of have no idea that we aren’t together anymore.”

Mingyu falls silent for a while yet again, and you realize that your anxiousness spikes whenever he isn’t talking like there’s no tomorrow. You wonder if he’s figured out what you’re trying to insinuate and is silently berating you for the lapse in judgment. But when Mingyu bursts out laughing on the other end, you suddenly don't mind being on the receiving end of his silence after all.

“No way,” he gasps between chuckles. “You were going to ask me to pretend to be your boyfriend over the holidays, weren’t you?! One of the fans wrote a story about the exact same thing once, except it’s between me and Wonwoo-hyung. It was in English though, but Vernon translated it pretty well.”

…Kim Mingyu admitting to reading fanfiction about himself and Wonwoo aside, you groan. “What am I supposed to do? My family loves you. I’d rather not dampen the Chuseok spirit by saying their favorite son has unfortunately made his unannounced exit half a year ago.”

“So you’re willing to pretend we’re still together just to keep them happy?”

“Well, yeah. It’s not like you’re an ex I should be ashamed of, Gyu.”

“Because I’m an idol that millions are vying for?” 

You roll your eyes. “No. It’s because out of all my exes, you’re the only one that Namja actually likes. That’s pretty much the highest honor you can receive in your entire life.”

Your heart does a little flip when Mingyu barks out another light-hearted laugh. You tell yourself that you’re only reacting that way because…it has been a while since you talked to him. That, and Mingyu was always so smiley whenever you brought up your ten year-old retriever.

“Point taken,” he says. “I’d totally be down to help you out, but…yeah.”

“I knew you would be,” you reply, a sad smile ghosting your features. “That’s why I called.”

Silence settles over the line once again, but it’s, by no means, awkward. It’s more…sentimental. Like two old friends reminiscing about the good memories you shared. 

Huh. You’re friends with Mingyu…

“Anyway, thanks for catching up with me, Mingyu,” you tell him before you end up saying something you’re not supposed to. “I’ll get going now. Good night.”

“Hey—”

You end the call before he can have the chance to make you falter.

Right behind her desk, Chae looks up at you with a knowing look. You flash her a smile that silently pleads for her not to say a word, but your receptionist has always been on the frank side.

“Something’s telling me you’re still hung up on him, boss.”

Sighing, you push yourself back to your feet, tugging on the lapels of your crisp white coat. That might be true to some degree, but it’s not like you can do anything about it.

You and Mingyu live in two completely different worlds. It’s something that you both came to terms with when you broke up. You just had to accept the fact that there’s simply no efficient way to work around his busy schedules and the appointments you need to attend to at the clinic. 

It was the most unproblematic breakup you’ve ever had, and it’s with a famous idol. Who would’ve thought. 

“Anyway,” you tell Chae before nudging the door to the operating room open. “Care to help me look for the anesthetics? I can’t remember where I put them away last time…”

Your receptionist is most definitely judging you inside your head, but despite how straightforward she can be, Chae still knows when to drop it. After a few clicks on the clinic’s desktop computer, she joins you on the hunt for that pesky bottle of anesthesia without asking any intrusive questions.

You make a mental note to treat her to some coffee tomorrow.

…

One of the reasons you seldomly paid your hometown a visit is the hassle that comes with the entire commute.

First you have to endure the long queue to get tickets before sitting through an eight-hour train ride to the seaside town of Haenam. Then comes navigating the local bus routes and schedules that always seem to change every time you go home. 

When you made it out of the train station for this year’s Chuseok celebration, you didn’t even bother stressing yourself out with taking the bus back to your parents’ house—flagging down a taxi that definitely charged you a ridiculous rate in exchange for your utmost comfort instead. 

You try not to think about how easier it was last Christmas, when you and Mingyu took turns driving one of his company’s cars on the way here—laughing and singing along to their songs on the road like nothing else mattered.

The scent of salt hangs heavy in the breeze when you unload your baggage from the trunk of the taxi. You had the foresight to make the trip before midnight, so you’re rewarded with the sight of the sunrise breaking through the nearby ocean—light glittering across the horizon like it means to say welcome home. 

That’s what you should feel; like you’re at home. But the fact that you’re about to bring some disappointing news to the table regarding your breakup with Mingyu isn’t doing your peace of mind any favors. 

You contemplated coming clean about it to your parents over a phone call, but it seemed too…impersonal with how attached they’ve gotten to your ex-boyfriend. Having a significant other that your family absolutely adores seems like a double-edged sword now that you think about it.

Once the cab hits the road again, you stand in front of your family home with a wistful sigh. It’s barely past seven in the morning, but your father must already be at the pier—sorting out today’s catch with the other fishermen in town.

Your mother loves taking walks in the market even if she doesn’t have anything in particular to purchase for the day. They’re early risers by default. 

You can’t really say the same for your younger brother, Haneul, though. That one likes to sleep until noon. 

When you ring the doorbell outside, you expect to hear the sound of excited barking from the other side of the gate. Namja was always the first to welcome you back whenever you’re in town, and just thinking about reuniting with him quells your anxiousness a little. But surprisingly, you don’t hear the telltale noise of your family dog’s excitement. 

What you do hear is the sound of the screen door opening and slamming back shut—slippers being hastily slid on before the gate creaks open, revealing Haneul still sporting a bedhead as he rubs his eyes.

“You’re back,” he says a-matter-of-factly, like he isn’t even thrilled to see you, but you’re too surprised to see him up so early to quip about it. “Mom said you wouldn’t arrive until noon.”

“I wanted to make the most of my vacation leave,” you explain before looking around the garden inside. “Where’s Namja? Did Mom take him for a walk, too?”

Haneul hums before taking your luggage. “Hm. You can say that.”

“What does that even mean?”

As if on cue, your ears perk up at the sound of a familiar bark resounding from the end of the road. You quickly whip your head around to see your beloved golden retriever, Namja, wagging his tail excitedly at the sight of you before letting out another woof when you call out his name in glee.

However, the moment you realize who’s holding his leash, you suddenly feel like you got struck by lightning.

It’s Kim fucking Mingyu.

The sight of your ex-boyfriend just...standing there when he told you he was on the other side of the world sends a million thoughts surging through your head all at once.

You try not to think about how gorgeous he looks in the early morning light. Loose, long sleeved shirt that still emphasizes his muscular build despite. Hair having grown past his chin, curling slightly at the tips. And those stupid fucking canines that peek from his lips every time he grins. 

The bastard is just standing there with zero disguises, as if his existence in this place, at this point in time, doesn't throw a wrench in all of your plans.

What the hell is he even doing here?!

“Oh, sweetie, you’re back!”

The sound of your mother’s voice is, thankfully, enough to snap you out of your impending mental breakdown. You were so taken aback by Mingyu’s presence that you didn’t notice her standing next to him, carrying the bag she usually brings for her early market visits as she flashes you a warm smile. 

You can only stand there in shocked silence as your mother makes her way back to the house with your dog and ex-boyfriend in tow. Haneul was already inside, so you can’t exactly glare at him for not giving you a head’s up. But given that you still have no idea what on earth is going on, you’ll play along. For now.

“Are you surprised?” your mother giggles before patting Mingyu’s shoulder. “Mingyu here said he got off work for a while so he could celebrate with us!”

“Gee, I didn’t know about that,” you say dryly, unsure of what expression you should even wear. “I thought he was going to be in New York until next month.”

She laughs again. “Oh, he told me and your father to keep it a secret that he’s going back to Korea anyways. Seems like the surprise worked, didn’t it, Mingyu-ah?”

The culprit himself agrees with a minute nod before loosening his grip on Namja’s leash. 

Your goldie immediately bounds towards you at the first sign of freedom, bracing his paws on your stomach as he attempts to lick your neck. It’s enough to distract you from the current predicament at hand, making you sigh in defeat as you sink to your knees and receive Namja’s slobbery affection in its entirety. 

As you snuggle up to the family dog, Mingyu says, “What can I say? I missed Haenam a lot. The scenery, the family, Namja, but of course…”

You can only sit there in growing disbelief as Mingyu mirrors your movements. He crouches low enough so that your gazes are leveled before caressing your face with a tenderness that’s both familiar and foreign at the same time. 

“I missed her the most.”

This is all a charade—that’s what you can confirm from the limited clues he’s dropping for you to pick up on. You can try to figure out why he’s suddenly here in your hometown—having arrived earlier than you, from the looks of it—a little later.

What’s important is that Mingyu, ever-so helpful, is actually playing along with the act you not-so-jokingly told him about on the phone.

You should be glad. 

…But why do those words make your heart ache anyways?

“Of course you do,” you sigh before peeling yourself away from his touch, carrying Namja in your arms as if he doesn’t easily weigh thirty kilograms. “Come on. Let’s get back inside and help Mom prepare whatever she’s planning on cooking for lunch.”

Mingyu’s smile doesn’t falter despite your obvious dismissal of his affection. You remind yourself that he’s racked up a lot of acting gigs throughout his career, so it’s normal for him to be a natural at this. 

But even if you know that this is all an act, you can’t help the way your heart lurches when Mingyu scoops Namja out of your grasp—the mere brush of his skin on yours more electrifying than it should be.

Namja whines in your ex’s arms, pawing at his chest before licking a long stripe across his cheek. Mingyu bursts out laughing as he coos at him, and your chest burns with an indescribable feeling.

A few moments later, your mother starts gushing about how excited she is to have both of you in the kitchen with her again as she leads you back inside the house. But all that rings in your head is a broken mantra of Mingyu saying I missed her the most.

As if repeating the words enough times will make them come true.

...

It’s one thing to know that Mingyu is in Haenam when he’s supposed to be overseas.

It’s another thing to see his usual overnight bag at the foot of your unmade bed, making you realize that he definitely came here much earlier than you anticipated.

Mingyu is currently in the kitchen, helping your mother out with lunch prep while she insists that you get some sleep first. Though the trains that led to the southern provinces were designed to be more comfortable than the ones contained in Seoul, nothing defeats the comfort of your old childhood bed. 

Except when you’re made aware of the fact that your ex-boyfriend probably slept in it after making the trip all the way here. 

The sheets even smell like him. A hint of that expensive fragrance he never seems to get tired of laces your pillows, and warmth rushes to your face when you realize you’re breathing it in a bit too much. 

So what if Mingyu slept here, right? Your parents’ house doesn’t have a guest room, and this was probably the only room available.

Oh, and in your family’s eyes, Mingyu is still your boyfriend. There shouldn’t be anything weird about your boyfriend, who went out of his way to quote-unquote surprise you, sleeping in your room, on your bed, without your knowledge.

And there definitely isn’t an issue with having to sleep next to him on said bed come nightfall.

You totally got this.

An attempt to dissuade all these intrusive thoughts is made as you unload the contents of your luggage into your old cabinet. It works for a while because all the old clothes you still kept tickled some memories from way back in high school, when becoming a vet was nothing but a pipe dream you came up with after Namja became sick on the day of his first birthday. 

In fact, as you look around further, you’re reminded of just how much time has passed since you moved out. The paint on the walls is starting to chip, and the floorboards creakier than you remember. Even the bed that was too spacious for your liking seems to shrink when you imagine Mingyu sprawled all over it with a blanket thrown over his large form. 

But when you recall how you two somehow made the sleeping arrangement work last Christmas, you figure that there isn’t much to worry about.

Aside from the fact that you’re not together anymore. Fuck.

“Hey. Are you awake?”

You jolt at the sound of a soft voice coming from the door. Mingyu’s handsome face peeks from the crack before he opens it all the way, lips pressed together in a hesitant smile.

“Your mom asked if I could fetch your father at the pier in a few,��� he says. “Do you want to come with me or do you want to get some sleep first?”

“Do I want to—” you cut yourself off, throwing your hands up in disbelief. “Mingyu, what I want is for you to explain what you’re doing here.”

He cranes his head. “You said you needed help.”

“Yeah, but I was going to be honest about the breakup anyway!” you whisper, not wanting to attract unwanted attention from outside. God knows this house has paper-thin walls. “But then you’re suddenly here, cozying up to my family like we haven’t been ignoring each other for months already.”

“Hey, I’d never ignore you.” Mingyu pouts. “I even picked up when you called me at ass o’clock in the morning, remember? If someone’s ignoring anyone here, it’s you, sweetheart.”

You hate how you bristle at that little pet name. Mingyu doesn’t seem to notice how you react to it, so you steel yourself instead—refusing to give into his unintentional charms. “That’s not the point and you know it, Mingyu. You can’t blame me for reacting this way when you told me that you wouldn’t be able to help me out.”

“But I’m here, right? I thought you’d be a little happier to see me, but I might have been overestimating myself.”

You are. You are happy to see him. 

But having to live with the knowledge that Mingyu is right here, close enough for you to touch, yet can’t because your relationship has long expired? 

You weren’t ready for that. You don’t think you’ll ever be.

“Look,” he starts with a tone that’s meant to placate you, “you were right about not wanting to ruin the holidays with the breakup. I’m just here to help you out since you’re obviously not ready to break the news to your family. It’s not a big deal.”

You scowl at him. “Mingyu, it is a big deal. You are literally an idol with a packed fucking schedule. You can’t just play house with me here when you’re expected to be somewhere else.”

Mingyu shakes his head. “Listen to me first, okay? We were all given the weekend off because of Chuseok on short notice. You don’t have to worry about you unknowingly stealing me away from work because there is no work. Besides, I told you I’d still be here when you need me, right?”

How can he say all that with a straight face? Like he still thinks of you as anything but an old flame that’s long been snuffed out?

The problem with Mingyu is that he’s too earnest for his own good. Always wearing a spectrum of emotions on his sleeve. Always so honest about what he feels about certain things. It’s so fucking difficult to stand your ground against someone who’s nothing but forthcoming about every aspect of his life. 

But it’s not like you could ever resist him to begin with, right?

“Fine,” you grumble. “Give me a few minutes to prep. I don’t want to go out in the docks wearing this many layers anyways.”

You hate how your chest warms when Mingyu’s eyes light up at that. Fight back, maybe?!

He looks like he’s about to say something when an abrupt knock disturbs the quiet atmosphere of your room. From how annoyingly long it lasts, you single out your younger brother as the perpetrator.

“You better not be making your firstborn in there,” Haneul drawls from the other side. 

Mingyu flashes you a mischievous smile before cupping the sides of his hands over his mouth. “We might be making our second born for all you know.”

You won’t survive this weekend. You really won’t.

…

“Remember when we used to eat ice cream by the Han River?” 

You flash Mingyu a perplexed look as you climb out of the car he used to drive all the way to your hometown. It’s a mystery how his manager allows him to go places with their company car with no supervision, but it’s not like Mingyu has done anything in the past to warrant that kind of surveillance anyway.

Besides, if he’s spending the entirety of Chuseok with a bunch of bodyguards lingering around your house, you might actually force him to go back to Seoul altogether.

“Why’d you bring it up?” you ask. “I thought you didn’t like those kinds of dates ‘cause you had to amp up the disguises and everything.”

Mingyu pockets the keys to the car before leaning against the metal railings installed along the pier. Your father is yet to show up at your rendezvous point, so you figure it wouldn’t do anyone harm to entertain Mingyu’s attempt at small talk. 

“Hmm. While I did prefer just cuddling in the dorms and at your place, it always felt a little different whenever we went out together,” he muses, the wind tossing his hair around slightly before turning to look at you. “How about you? Do you have any favorite date of ours in particular?”

You sigh, unsure why he’s even asking you all of this. Yet you indulge him anyway with, “I don’t think it classifies as a ‘date’, but I kinda liked it whenever you hung out with me in the clinic while I tended to some patients. Even if your presence there is an occupational hazard in itself.”

He snickers to himself, and you know damn well he still remembers the flock of fangirls that ran into him in the waiting room when Mingyu paid you a visit out of boredom. Thankfully, they were the respectful kind, and promised not to divulge information about Mingyu’s whereabouts whenever they catch him at your clinic.

“The dogs are always happy to see me,” he chuckles. “The cats, not so much. Oh, but remember when someone brought in their pet snake? I think that one had a crush on me.”

You do, in fact, remember the day Mingyu got bitten by a boa constrictor named Yujin. Her owner is one of your regulars, since other vets in the city don’t have reptiles under their area of expertise. Yujin hasn’t bitten anyone since she first came for a checkup, so you figure that Mingyu must have done something pretty stupid to provoke the aggression. 

“You better be glad constrictor bites aren’t venomous,” you point out with an airy laugh. “Not even a true love’s kiss can cure a venomous snake bite.” 

“It can cure a handful of other things though.”

You turn to glance at Mingyu with a miffed look at his attempt at smooth-talk. He’s always been this way, so it doesn’t particularly faze you. But it still feels surreal to be talking with him right next to the open sea in your hometown as you both wait for your father to arrive.

“I never really got to ask,” you murmur, eyes still trained on a flock of seagulls huddling together near the docks. “How are you? You’re not burning yourself out again, are you?”

You don’t see it, but Mingyu smiles to himself. “It’s in our job description to push ourselves past the limit, you know. But…honestly? It’s been pretty lonely.”

You make a face at that. “Lonely? You’re literally with twelve other guys, like, eighty percent of the time. How does it ever get lonely?”

Mingyu hums before leaning further over the railing. He looks up at the clear blue sky, breathing deeply with his eyes closed, and for a moment, you’re a bit taken aback by how breathtaking he looks under the spill of morning sunlight. 

“You can still get lonely in the middle of all the noise,” he murmurs. “That’s why I was kind of glad I got to go back here for a while. I know I said I meant to help you out, but there might’ve been some selfish reasoning behind the choice, too.”

Your gaze softens at his words. Mingyu is one of the most intensely passionate members of their group, so it’s not hard to believe that he’s also one of those that ends up feeling this way. You remember having a similar conversation with him during a quiet night in your apartment, limbs tangled together under the sheets as he wonders if your lives would be different if he wasn’t an idol.

But of course, it’s your job to remind him that, even if it could become exhausting at times, he once dreamed of being where he is now. 

“They probably miss you already,” you say. “Don’t you guys usually film content for Chuseok?”

“Yeah, but all of that’s prerecorded. They’re all with their families right now, too.” 

“Really? What are you doing here then?” you tease.

Mingyu tilts his head to the side, lips curved into a lopsided smile that reminds you how it felt to catch feelings for him the first time.

“Who ever said you aren’t family?”

Unfair. He’s being so fucking unfair right now.

But you can’t even think about pushing him into the sea because your father has already made his entrance, waving at the two of you despite his hands being full of fishing paraphernalia. 

He sulks about how it took you so long to go back home, and you had to explain that things have been extra hectic at your clinic, especially when you inevitably earned the reputation of being ‘SEVENTEEN Mingyu and Seungkwan’s trusted veterinarian’ despite neither of them having dropped by since the breakup.

You don’t tell them that last part though. The last thing you need is for Mingyu to have something to gloat about.

“It’s a miracle how those nasty paparazzi folks from Dispatch haven’t caught on yet,” your dad says before climbing into the backseat of Mingyu’s company car. “Unless you’re already in cahoots with them? Remember, Kim Mingyu, leave my daughter out of any celebrity gossip! She’s already built a good name for herself.” 

A throaty laugh rumbles in Mingyu’s chest as he pulls out into the street. “You don’t have to worry about that, sir. Protecting her has always been my top priority.”

Your father nods, seemingly pleased with his response. “Damn straight.” 

You don’t express any outward reaction to what Mingyu just told your dad, but you don’t resist when he reaches for your hand over the center console. 

The moment you he squeezes your fingers, you squeeze back. 

…

The rest of the day is packed with preparing lunch and dinner options for your other relatives in town. Having Mingyu on board is an undeniable asset, since the man knows his way around the kitchen even better than you do. It’s a little endearing to think that, even if it’s the first time he’s meeting your aunts and uncles and cousins, his personality makes him fit right in. 

Turns out, one of your cousins’ daughters is a huge fan, and she couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw Kim Mingyu smoking fish in the backyard of your parents’ house. She made him promise to sign one of her photocards before they leave—a request that your ex is all too happy to oblige. 

By dinnertime, most of the guests have already left, and it’s just you, Mingyu, and Haneul sharing the rice wine Mingyu brought for the occasion, with your parents having already retired for the night. You didn’t even tell him that your Mom wanted another taste of it, yet he delivered anyway. 

“How are you guys doing it?” Haneul whines, a bit red in the face since he’s already had a few beers before your cousins all left. “When my ex-girlfriend moved to another city, it only took two weeks for us to break up. Long distance is the bane of everyone’s existence.”

“Everyone but ours,” Mingyu says before clinking his glass with yours. “You just have to communicate with each other constantly. If you’re honest about everything both of you are feeling, then it’ll be easier to work things out together.”

It’s so easy for him to say these kinds of things. As if your relationship didn’t go to ruin because of the long distance that always kept the two of you apart. You feel a bit bad for having Mingyu lie to your brother right in his face, but you tell yourself that you’re already here anyway. 

You’ll just have to fake it until you make it.

“But what if the other party doesn’t want to talk about it?” Haneul sighs, tracing the rim of his own glass with his finger. “I wanted to make it work. I really did. But she… She didn’t even want to try anymore. Lost faith in us so quickly, I could hardly believe she even loved me.”

You know Haneul is just drunkenly rambling about his grievances with his ex. He called you about it a few years ago, long before you even met Mingyu, and you consoled him by saying that his ex-girlfriend never deserved his love in the first place.

But even if you know the circumstances that led to your split with Mingyu are completely different, you can’t help but find similarities between the stories. 

You broke up with Mingyu on the first day of spring. When the snow was just beginning to thaw, and the wind started to bring in a warmer climate. They’d just gone back from tour, and you know you’re not the only one feeling the tightly-wound strings of your relationship beginning to fray at the seams. 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but I don’t think we’re going to work, Gyu,” you murmured, not having the guts to meet his eyes. “I think it’s best if we just focused on our careers.”

You thought he’d throw a fit. Or at least ask you a bunch of questions. Did he do something wrong? Is he not enough? Yet Mingyu simply flashed you a sad smile before nodding right back at you.

“Okay,” he said with a kind of resignation that breaks your heart to hear. “Thank you for being with me all this time.”

In the present, Mingyu shifts beside you on the table—abruptly startling you out of that impromptu trip down memory lane. 

“Then, you’ll just have to take it in stride, Haneul-ah,” he murmurs before throwing back the rest of his drink. Mingyu manages a tight-lipped smile that pains you to look at. “If you really love her, you’ll respect whatever choice she’s come to make in the end. Even if that choice doesn’t involve you anymore. Even if it hurts to see her walk away after everything you’ve built together.”

When Mingyu turns to look at you, you feel like there’s cotton sticking to the roof of your mouth.

“It’s a good thing I never have to experience that with your sister, though. She loves me too much to let me go.”

Haneul huffs from across the table before rising to his feet. “You two are so in love it’s actually disgusting. You know what, let’s just go to sleep.”

Half an hour later, you find yourself standing in the middle of your bedroom as Mingyu gets ready to sleep. He seems to be talking to someone on the phone inside your bathroom, but you purposely decide not to listen in. It was probably his manager or one of the other boys checking in on him.

You don’t wait for him to finish when you climb under the sheets, leaving enough space for him to occupy on the mattress, should he decide to share it with you tonight. There’s also an extra blanket folded on his side of the bed, since Mingyu’s a notorious blanket hogger, and you’d rather not wrestle that six-foot hunk of muscle for warmth. 

Mingyu takes so long on that phone call of his that by the time he finishes, you’re already fast asleep, curled up while facing the wall so you wouldn’t have to face him. He chuckles, lingering just a few seconds longer by the doorframe of the bathroom. How long has it been since he’s last seen your face under the peaceful guise of slumber? 

It’s been too long, and he isn’t about to pass up on the opportunity to commit the sight into memory.

…

Sometime in the middle of the night, you’re rudely roused by the sudden drop in temperature.

It’s only the beginning of autumn, but you noticed that it’s a lot colder than usual. Even if you already have a cozy blanket draped right on top of you. You sigh, shifting on the bed to get more comfortable before realizing that you’re not exactly alone. 

Much like yourself, Mingyu is blinking out the drowsiness in his eyes as he turns to look at you with a question in his sleepy gaze. You shake your head in a wordless attempt to tell him not to worry. 

“You’ve been tossing and turning for thirty minutes now,” he says, and hearing his throaty voice in person doesn’t even compare to that phone call you shared a week ago. “What’s wrong?”

You sigh. “It’s cold, and it isn’t even winter yet.”

He looks at you for a while, as if thinking of what to say before he reaches out for you and tugs you into his arms. Even if you’re practically half-asleep, the sudden action kickstarts your brain into motion, and you struggle against his grip all while whispering, “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You told me back then I’m as good as a furnace on cold days,” he mumbles as he tucks you into his chest—making you hyper aware of every ridge of his toned chest through his shirt. “If it bothers you so much, just think of it as a favor from one friend to another. How’s that sound?”

Friend. You know that’s all that Mingyu is to you these days, and all you are to him, but even in this drowsy haze you’re in, the word still feels like an insult. A word meant to scorn the time you’ve spent as lovers. 

Just thinking about Mingyu as a friend leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, so instead of answering him, you cave and burrow yourself into his warmth—something that he seems pleased with, if the satisfied sound that rumbles in his chest is anything to go by. 

He holds you in his arms the same way he did last Christmas, but there’s an unfamiliar sense of possessiveness sinking uncomfortably in the pit of your stomach. You know you shouldn’t think of what he’s doing as anything but a favor between friends. You’re perfectly aware that, as the person who officially ended things between the both of you, you have no right to yearn for something you already gave up on.

But when Mingyu tilts your head up so you can meet his sleepy eyes, you don’t even put up a fight when he presses his lips to yours.

It doesn’t seem like he planned on doing anything beyond that. In fact, you don’t think he meant to do it at all. Just a heat-of-the-moment decision that the two of you could just forget about come morning. 

However, the moment he starts to pull away, you force a hand across the back of his head, crushing your lips back together as you hook one of your thighs across his hips. Mingyu groans into the kiss, large hands migrating to your waist as he reciprocates your newfound hunger like you knew he would. His touch leaves trails of fire tingling across your skin, and every time his canines graze your bottom lip, you quietly moan into his mouth.

This is stupid. You’re both being incredibly stupid. The walls are anything but soundproof, and your parents are sleeping just across the hall.

Yet you can’t bring yourself to care. Not when Mingyu is making your body remember what it feels like to have him all over you like this.

You missed him. His heat. His touch. His kiss. Everything. You missed him so much that it hurts. You missed him so much that when Mingyu’s fingers start to glide along the exposed flesh of your thighs, you detach your lips from his before pushing him away.

You missed Kim Mingyu with the intensity of a dying star collapsing in on itself, of black holes tearing through reality, but this isn’t how you should go about it.

“Let’s…” you whisper, not quite trusting your voice to carry out your message. “Let’s just sleep.”

Mingyu doesn’t argue. He rarely does. But neither do you when he tugs you back in the caging embrace of his warmth. 

For the first time in weeks, you find yourself drifting off into undisturbed slumber.

…

The next morning, you’re set to go back to Seoul, and by some stroke of luck, so is Mingyu. Still, the two of you decide to stick around until lunch time—neither of you breathing a word about what just happened last night.

But while Mingyu starts to load both of your things into the trunk of his car, your mother asks you for a favor at the last minute.

“Can you bring Namja along with you back to the city?” she asks. “He’s been really listless before you and Mingyu arrived. Your father and I were starting to get worried, and figured you might have to do a check up first.”

You raise an eyebrow at her claim, not really noticing anything amiss about your retriever’s health, aside from the usual signs of age. He’s ten years old, turning eleven this year, so it isn’t such a mystery to see that Namja isn’t as hyperactive as he was as a puppy. But then again, your mother has spot-on intuition about all the strangest things, so you indulge her request in the end. 

Besides, having a pet of your own to keep you company doesn’t sound so bad.

Fortunately, Mingyu is more than hospitable when you ask if you could bring Namja along for the ride—promising that he’s car-trained, and won’t make a mess as long as you pull over from time to time. In fact, your ex seems more elated with the idea of your goldie joining the road trip than you are.

“I can come visit Namja in Seoul whenever I want now, right?” he asks with a soft laugh, and you wanted to reply with, Yeah, if you aren’t always so far away, that is, but choose not to. 

The two of you take shifts in driving as usual. Whoever isn’t behind the wheel is in charge of entertaining Namja in the backseat so he wouldn’t end up whining for attention the whole drive back. It’s a setup that you’re pretty okay with, since it minimizes any sort of window for you and Mingyu to have a conversation. God knows you’re not exactly ready to talk about…whatever happened last night. 

So instead, you ask him about a bunch of trivial things so he doesn’t get any ideas.

“You sure your manager is okay with you returning the car while it reeks of Namja?” you laugh before switching lanes on the freeway. “He might not take the news that he sheds very lightly.” 

Mingyu chuckles before scratching behind Namja’s ears. “I promised I’d have it cleaned before I returned it to the office building. Don’t worry about it.”

“Hm. Whatever you say.”

By your third stop-over, you decide to give Namja some food and water while Mingyu gets takeout for the both of you at a nearby fast food chain. You stretch out your limbs while your retriever happily laps from his water bowl, wondering how much longer it’s going to take before you reach Seoul. 

Before you have to part ways with Mingyu again.

You’re startled out of your train of thought when you see Mingyu practically sprinting back to the car, his sunglasses nearly falling off the bridge of his nose. Namja glances up at him quizzically, and you have to stifle a laugh.

“Yeah, a bunch of fans spotted me in line, so we might have to get food back in the city instead,” he explains hurriedly as he helps tidy up Namja’s food and water bowls. “Let’s go. I’ll drive.”

After his meal, Namja is sated and sleepy—content with resting his head on your thigh as you watch the streetlights blur past the windows. Mingyu is a much faster driver than you are, so he’s able to cut the travel time shorter than it would have been had it been you behind the wheel. But the lack of anything to do has you quietly staring at Mingyu from the backseat while his eyes are glued to the road.

You can’t help but let your gaze linger on his strong arms, and the fact that you were tucked safely between them the night prior. But that’s your first mistake because now, you’re thinking about those desperate kisses you shared in the privacy of your room. Touching each other like you both feared the other would disappear if you didn’t pull them close enough.

You shake your head. No. This isn’t how friends should think about each other. 

Whatever happened back in Haenam, you’re just going to have to leave it there.

It’s already past eight in the evening when Mingyu eases the car into your neighborhood, and you try not to think much of the fact that he still knows where you live. 

“Guess that concludes our weekend getaway,” Mingyu says the moment he finishes helping you carry your stuff back inside your apartment. “Though it seems that someone’s getting pretty cozy really quickly.”

Namja is already familiarizing himself with his new home, wandering around the living room all while sniffing everything in his path. You stifle a soft laugh.

“Yeah. I guess it is,” you murmur before managing a kind smile. “Thanks for having my back, Mingyu. It…means a lot. Really, it does.”

He laughs softly, eyes trailing around the living room with a curiosity that isn’t so different from Namja’s. “You have your first boyfriend with you now. I can rest easy knowing you’re in good company.”

Your face flushes at the thought that Mingyu still remembers the reasoning behind Namja’s namesake. Namjachingu. When he was still a puppy, you said Namja was your first boyfriend, and that you didn’t need anyone else. 

He lived up to his title for years, too—always acting hostile around past boyfriends that you did end up bringing to your parents’ house despite coming from a friendly breed. The only boyfriend that your first boyfriend seemed to approve of is the man standing right in front of you, just when you thought you would never see him again within the four corners of your house.

“You know,” Mingyu begins, hesitation crossing his face for a split second before he meets your eyes. “My family’s in Seoul for Chuseok, too. I told Minseo to bring Bobpul and Baptori, and you might want to schedule a little playdate between my kids and yours.” 

You raise an eyebrow. “Where’s Aji?”

“Too old to travel around,” he chuckles. “But I’m sure the other two can keep Namja company just fine. Join us tomorrow for dinner. What do you say?” 

You hesitate. This should’ve been where you drew the line. Mingyu has already helped you out of your initial predicament. You really shouldn’t create any more problems for yourself by joining his family for a late Chuseok dinner. In fact…

“What, you haven’t told your family that we split either?” you ask, half-jokingly, half-seriously.

“No, they know.” Mingyu shakes his head. “But they’ve always liked you too, so I see no harm in getting everyone to hang out in one place.”

You shoot him a pointed look. “You know this is just going to make things more complicated, right?”

When he flashes you that toothy grin, you already know that this is a losing battle. 

“It does, but it’s still going to be fun,” he says. “So, are you coming?” 

Sometimes, you wish you never met Mingyu at all. Maybe your life wouldn’t be so fucking difficult.

“Fine.”

…

The next day, you bring Namja to the clinic, and Chae is more than happy to see the brand new addition to the workforce. But while she’s giving your goldie more pets than he probably deserves, you ask if you have any clients coming this morning that called in advance.

“Oh, there’s this one guy who’s bringing in a maltese today,” she says, laughing a little when Namja whines at the fact that her attention is divided. “I think his name was… Seungkwan? Something like that. He has some records from last year, but he hasn’t been back since.”

Seungkwan’s coming today? Huh. Talk about coincidence.

You tell Chae about how Seungkwan and Mingyu belong to the same group, and your receptionist is adept enough to catch on to what you’re trying to say. She’s all too quick to suggest plans on how to mitigate the fans from flocking the entrance to the clinic, like that one time when Mingyu was too lax in disguising himself from anyone who could recognize him. 

But when Seungkwan arrives at your door, you remember that he’s one of the members that doesn’t particularly like being crowded by people, even if they are his fans.

He’s dressed discreetly—dark shades, a beanie, and a black face mask—while carrying an adorable pet carrier that’s probably worth half your monthly salary. Seungkwan is so straight-to-the-point with carrying out his business with you, that it’s hard to believe you and him used to joke around like old friends a year ago. 

But for some reason, when Chae excuses herself to answer a phone call, the façade he puts up falls apart in seconds.

“Noona, you have no idea how much I missed you!” he wails before throwing his arms around you. “Other vets just don’t cut it for Bookkeu! They’re always either too mean or too lax with her. You handled her just right today. Can’t believe Mingyu-hyung always calls you her worst enemy.”

You chuckle before patting his back, and Seungkwan pulls away with a pout on his face. “Hey, you guys are the ones who ghosted me after Mingyu and I broke up. You’re always welcome to come back to have your pets checked—non-showbiz girlfriend or not.” 

“That hyung of mine is stupid,” Seungkwan scoffs as he scoops Bookkeu into his arms. “Well, you’re kind of the same way, but I can’t exactly call you stupid or you might take it out on Bookkeu—”

“I would do no such thing, Seungkwan-ah,” you complain. 

“Okay, it’s just my personal opinion that maybe you two didn’t have to split up at all,” he huffs. “Mingyu-hyung has become more and more listless since you broke up with him. He might look like his usual self on camera, but when we’re not recording anything? He’s always so lost in thought! It gets on Coups-hyung’s nerves sometimes.”

Listless, huh… 

Your mother said the exact same thing about Namja. Speaking of, your gaze drifts over to your goldie who’s staring outside the door to your clinic, like he’s waiting for Chae to come back and shower him with attention again. 

Is Seungkwan insinuating that he and Mingyu aren’t so different?

“Maybe he’s just going through a blue period,” you suggest before writing up a prescription for the vitamins that Bookkeu will have to take for the next two weeks. “It’s been so long since we broke up. I doubt he’s acting that way because of me.”

Seungkwan breathes in deeply, like he’s just barely able to contain the urge to slap some sense into you. “Noona, listen to me. Kim Mingyu is catastrophically in love with you. When you called that night when we were sharing a hotel room in New York, it was the first time I saw him look so genuinely happy for reasons that aren’t related to our music. But that hyung of mine is too selfless for his own good.”

You startle a bit when he suddenly lifts Bookkeu closer to you and points her adorable face in your line of sight. 

“He wants you back, but he’ll never admit it, especially when you made your choice clear all those months ago,” Seungkwan says before pushing his maltese even closer to you. “But now, something tells me that you’re still hung up on him, just as much as he’s hung up on you—if all the things he told me about your trip to Haenam are true, that is.”

Huh. That time he took so long in the bathroom… He must’ve been talking to Seungkwan.

“Okay, but why does it feel like you’re using Bookkeu to threaten me into doing something?” You laugh softly. “Seungkwan, our time is up. And it’s not something we can just take back whenever we feel like it.”

“Wh—! Don’t you think things are only that way because both of you are making it more complicated than it should be?” He sighs, exasperated. “Also, yes I am using Bookkeu to threaten you. Promise that you’ll at least talk to Mingyu-hyung about this? We can’t stand seeing him so out of it anymore. Come on, you can’t resist those cute puppy eyes, right?”

You sigh, half-considering pointing out that Bookkeu is, by no means, a puppy anymore, but then again, you still call Namja that despite being more than a decade old.

“Alright, alright,” you relent. “I’m meeting his family tonight for dinner anyways. Might as well clear the air.”

Seungkwan gasps, a comical expression rooting itself on his face. “See! You’re having dinner with his family, too?! If you’re not back together by the time we fly back to the U.S., I'm never talking to either of you ever again.”

Now, it’s your turn to pout. “Who are you going to go to for Bookkeu’s check-ups then?”

He opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again before letting out a petulant huff. You can’t help the snicker that bubbles in your chest as Seungkwan tilts his chin up with indignance. 

“Point taken,” he says before narrowing his eyes and pointing his index finger at you. “But I’m expecting Kim Mingyu to come back to the dorms later, happy and not heartbroken. Okay?” 

You raise your hands before handing him your written prescription. “No promises.”

When Chae returns inside the clinic, you physically have to hold Namja down just so she can give Seungkwan a receipt for today’s visit. Your mother was right, he definitely was growing lonely back in Haenam. You haven’t seen him this excited in years. 

Seungkwan bids you another, more formal goodbye, now that you're not alone anymore. He doesn’t need to reiterate what he asked of you out loud—the look in his eyes is already telling enough. 

Given that today is a bit of a slow day, you decide to run a few diagnostic tests on Namja just to confirm whether or not he’s silently carrying some sort of disease. But all his results came out normal, except for a clinically insignificant but still noticeable increase in his body sodium levels. Might have to cut down the treats for a few days. 

Otherwise, he’s happy and healthy ten—going eleven—years into his lifespan. The reason for his lethargy back home must have something to do with innate loneliness after all.

Then you remember what Seungkwan told you about Mingyu. How he hasn’t really been himself since the breakup. You never really felt that during your time together in your hometown. He’s still the effortless charmer that you once fell in love with. The big softie that can get along with anyone and everyone, given the right circumstances.

Mingyu has always been a people pleaser. The last thing he wants to do is inconvenience others. So it’s kind of hard to believe that he’s been so out of it that even Seungcheol is starting to get pissed with his behavior. 

The sound of Namja barking jolts you out of your thoughts before your goldie pads over to where you’re seated behind your desk, whining as he nuzzles your hands as if he knows you’re thinking a bit too hard about something distressful. You let out a quiet laugh, scratching behind his ears just like you know he likes.

“I wonder what I’m supposed to do,” you chuckle. “Maybe I should’ve been born as a dog instead. Thinking about all of this is giving me a headache.”

Namja growls before barking again. Like he doesn’t approve of the idea of not having you as his fur parent. You let out another laugh that’s a lot less quiet before you decide to pull out your phone and shoot Mingyu a text.

Are you picking me up later or not?

…

Dinner with Mingyu’s family is splendid

The outdoor restaurant his mother booked in advance probably serves the best songpyeon you’ve ever tasted in your life. Add that to the fact that they accommodate pets in their alfresco area, this could easily be one of the next places you’ll take your own parents for a meal when you bring them to Seoul for a quick getaway. 

Namja is a bit shy around other animals—a result of being around no one but your family for so long. But when Minseo introduces him to both Bobpul and Baptori at the same time, the two little rascals easily coaxed your senior citizen goldie out of his shell. Next thing you know, they’re running around the outdoor dining area like a bunch of energetic pups.

“Unnie, are you back together with this guy?” Minseo asks in the middle of dessert, pointing her spoon accusingly at Mingyu. “You can do so much better than him, though.”

Their father laughs at their youngest’s comment, and their mother rubs Mingyu’s back as if she agrees, yet still wishes to console her son regardless. Mingyu is simply scowling at his family for how quick they are to throw him under the bus.

“Shut up, you sound just like Seungkwan,” he whines. 

“Well, we’re both right.”

You let out a laugh of your own before scooping some ice cream into your mouth. Then, tentatively, you say, “Don’t say that. Gyu wasn’t that terrible of a boyfriend, you know?” 

“He’s always so busy though. Doesn’t even have time to come visit Bobpul and our other dogs anymore,” Minseo sulks. “He even missed my graduation! Can you believe it?”

Mingyu pouts. “I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” 

She huffs. “Not sorry enough!”

“Well, for starters, even if he is ridiculously busy, he still makes sure to call me before he goes to bed after a particularly tough schedule,” you say. “He also answers my calls even if our time zones are different, and it’s an ungodly hour where he currently is. Then when he finally comes back to Korea, he’ll give a bunch of gifts that reminded him of me on his trip overseas.”

You don’t know what compelled you to do so, but the words just gush out naturally. It was a little difficult the first time Mingyu had to hop on a plane to some other country to film some content with the boys, but you eventually got used to it, and managed to make a couple work-arounds.

Now that you think about it, if you were so used to it, why’d you decide it was best for you to part ways when he got back from tour? It’s been so long that you don’t even know the logic behind the reasoning anymore. You just remember feeling like it was the best decision at the time. And you were right—your careers have definitely thrived even after the breakup.

As you continue telling Minseo and their parents about how much of a catch the eldest son of the Kim family really is, you fail to notice the way Mingyu’s eyes never leave you the entire time. Soft, with just a hint of yearning that you’ll only be able to notice if you knew what you were looking for. 

“Ugh, fine,” Minseo huffs, and you don’t think she and Seungkwan are all that different from each other. “This is the first time I’ve seen a couple that’s broken up months ago talk about each other so fondly, still. You sure you two aren’t secretly dating again?”

“Minseo,” their mother scolds before flashing you an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about her. Minseo’s just been really snappy lately. Must be because she missed Mingyu here very much.”

She rolls her eyes. “As if I’ll miss that credit-grabbing punk. He didn’t even acknowledge me in his latest Instagram post!”

“Speaking of dating again,” their father interjects before taking a sip of his wine. “Minseo’s right about one thing at least. You and Mingyu still have chemistry after so long. What’s stopping you from getting back together again?”

At your side, Mingyu flashes his father a cautionary look. “Dad, that’s a really inappropriate question, don’t you think?”

“Oh, yes, of course. My apologies. This old man is really just…curious, so to speak.” 

He bows his head slightly, and you make a little gesture that insists you took no offense. But the inquiry definitely made you think for a moment.

It’s like everyone you know completely supports the idea of you and Mingyu just burying the hatchet and rekindling your relationship. But didn’t they consider the logistics of it? You’re a full-time vet and Mingyu’s a full-time idol that travels out of Korea at least once a month. Though you’re a bit unsure of it now, that still played a part in why you called it quits in the first place.

Even when Mingyu took it upon himself to drive you and Namja back to your apartment, his father’s question still lingers in the back of your mind. 

What’s stopping you from getting back together again? 

The answer is pretty simple, but it’s not something you’re ready to face just yet.

It’s you. You’re the only one keeping yourselves from reigniting what you once thought was already lost. Your guilt. Your regrets. Your fears. You didn’t need a verbal confirmation to know that Mingyu would drop everything in a heartbeat if it meant you’ll take him back again. But as much as your friends joke about how you deserve better than Mingyu, you’re convinced it’s the other way around.

Mingyu deserves someone who can reciprocate the love he’s so willing to give tenfold. Someone who doesn’t flake out when he needs them most. 

Someone who isn’t you.

When he pulls over a red light, he lets out a sigh as he checks the text messages that popped up on his phone. After a few scrolls he says, “Oh. Jeonghan-hyung texted about some party in Gangnam. Do you want to—”

“Gyu,” you whisper, eyes riveted on the busy street. “What are we doing?”

He blinks. “Celebrating Chuseok together?”

“But we’re friends right?” You laugh somewhat bitterly. “Friends don’t normally celebrate the entirety of their Chuseok weekend bonding with each other’s families. Friends don’t make out with each other in the middle of the night. And…”

You let out a shuddering sigh before adding, “Friends don’t look at each other the way you look at me.”

You can clearly hear the sound of his breath hitching even if you don’t turn to look at him. It seems like he was about to say something in return, but the stoplight turns green, and he’s back to pulling his focus on the road instead of you.

In the backseat, you can hear Namja whining—ever the empath, that one. You immediately feel him pawing against your seat, as if silently asking what’s wrong. Turning around, you give him a few reassuring pats, not wanting to get claw marks all over Mingyu’s borrowed car.

The two of you are completely silent as he walks you back to the front door of your apartment. You know he didn’t have to, yet he did anyway. How Mingyu of him.

When you finally muster the courage to look up at him and bid him good night, Mingyu grabs your wrist—forcing you to meet his desperate gaze. 

“If I told you I wanted you back, would anything change? No, right?” he whispers, voice tinged with so much emotion, you can feel your own heart ache at the sound of it. “So I’m sorry if I’m being selfish for inviting you to every place I could think of. If I want to spend as much time with you as I can because I know I won’t ever get the chance to do so if I let this pass.”

When he presses your foreheads together, the look in his eyes is so smoldering, you can’t bear to look away. This is what a man that’s been yearning for you for months looks like, it seems. 

And you don’t think you can keep resisting him for long.

“Before I get thrown back into that haywire of a schedule again,” he whispers, and you feel every breath fan across your skin, “can’t you at least let me have this? Let me have you?” 

You don’t even know who it is that lunges in for the kiss. The next thing you know, Mingyu has you pressed up against your front door, devouring your lips where all your neighbors can see. But you don’t care. Not when he’s desperately holding your body flush against his as you reclaim what’s always been yours.

He whispers a bunch of things along the column of your neck as he loosens the strings holding your dress together from behind. Some sweet, some endearing, and others a touch too filthy for others to hear aloud. You stifle your little gasps when he wraps a strong arm around your waist, nudging your thighs apart with his knees so you can feel the hardness straining against his middle.

“It’s you,” he murmurs against your feverish skin, teeth grazing across your flesh ever-so lightly. “It’s always been you. And it will always be you.” 

You know Mingyu is a good actor. But it’s so earth-shatteringly different to hear the raw desperation in his voice. How earnest he is in telling you just how much he still loves you without saying the words outright. You can only dream of being as honest with your true feelings as he is. 

But tonight, you don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting yourself fall.

In the midst of your mounting desire for each other, though, a lone whine in the night snaps both you and Mingyu out of your newfound vigor. You nearly forgot about Namja, who’s impatiently waiting for either of you to open the front door so he can finally take a nap. You glance at Mingyu, and he glances right back, before the two of you burst out laughing like a couple of teenagers without a care in the world.

Once you’ve gotten your needy retriever settled outside, Mingyu practically tosses you on the bed the moment the door to your room clicks shut—all too eager to cage you between his arms as he continues where you left off. 

The suit he wore tonight looked a bit too good on his frame, but now you want nothing more than to claw it off him. He chuckles, sensing your desperation as he shrugs off his coat and unbuttons his dress shirt along the way.

“I don’t remember you being this desperate for me, sweetheart,” he murmurs, leaning down to grasp your face as he strokes your heated skin with his thumb. “I can’t say I hate the development though.”

“Mingyu,” you whimper as you guide his thumb to your lips, suckling on it in a way that you know makes him lose his mind every time. “Please. I want you.” 

It’s so easy to be honest with yourself. You wonder why you’ve struggled with doing that for so long, but then you remember that your brain is fogged with desire for the man that’s currently staring you down like he’s doing everything in his power not to fuck you into the mattress right away. 

But at that moment, you throw all logic and caution in the wind in exchange for taking even more of Mingyu’s thick fingers into your mouth.

“So good for me,” he whispers when he sees you inch your knees apart to welcome him in between. The hand that’s not being fellated by your tongue finds its way to the apex of your thighs—cupping your clothed heat in a way that makes you moan around his fingers. “How badly do you want me, sweet thing?”

“So, so badly,” you manage to wrench out despite your mouth being full, rutting your hips to introduce some friction between your aching pussy and his hand. “Please, Gyu…”

When he’s satisfied, his free hand migrates to your thighs, spreading you further apart as he brings his lubricated fingers to your sopping core. There’s something so fucking hot in the way he just nudges your panties to the side—groaning when he finds you already soaked for him. 

“You need something to stretch out this pretty little pussy, don’t you?” he murmurs into your ear, nipping at the lobe just the way you like it. “You want my fingers or my cock, babygirl? Better choose wisely.”

You want to say that you’re too fucking horny for foreplay, but also remember that each time you had sex with Mingyu in the past, the stretch of his massive cock can be quite uncomfortable if he doesn’t prep you. With how long it’s been since you’ve laid in bed together, you don’t want to rush into it without thinking of the consequences after.

So, you mewl, “Fingers first. Then your cock.”

Mingyu laughs—a deep, sexy sound—before planting a kiss on your nose. “That’s my girl.”

He carefully eases one digit into your hole, eyes never leaving your face as he gauges your reactions. Part of you wishes to tell him that he doesn’t have to worry so much. That you still trust him with your own body even after all this time. You don’t say anything aloud, but Mingyu seems to get the gist from the look in your eyes either way, surging forward so he can press his lips back onto yours as he loosens you up.

“You’re always so quick to get wet for me, baby,” he sighs, stifling the noise that escapes you when he slides in a second finger to test the resistance of your walls. “You’ve no idea how much I missed this. Missed you .”

“Gyu, I—” Your breath hitches once he curls his fingers just so, making your legs rise involuntarily off the mattress, but Mingyu pins one of your thighs down with his free hand. 

“What was that?”

He’s teasing. He rarely ever does that. You shoot him a petulant look before taking his bottom lip between your teeth, tugging hard enough to coax a groan out of him. 

“I missed you, too,” you whisper. “You’re the only one who can make me feel this good.”

A dozen emotions flit through Mingyu’s face in the span of a millisecond, but the one that remains is something not so different from longing. You hear him sigh a couple of words that you don’t quite catch before he’s taking his fingers out of your sopping cunt and pulling away from you. Just when you’re about to voice out a complaint, he starts undoing his trousers, kicking them away to some uncharted part of your bedroom before working on the rest of his dress shirt.

Not-so-newsflash: your ex-boyfriend is still fucking hot. 

But he doesn’t seem to notice the way you’re reacting to the sultry way in which he peels his clothes off—dark eyes still trained on your pliant form on the bed. As Mingyu palms himself through his boxers, you can’t help but press your thighs together in anticipation of what’s to come. 

There was a time when he railed you so good, you legitimately couldn’t walk straight the next day. You wonder if he plans on reenacting the whole thing tonight.

“Let’s get you out of that dress, sweetheart,” he breathes before gently guiding you back into a seated position, tugging at the hem of your dress before tossing it to the side. 

You feel your cheeks warm when he stares at the underwear set you have on tonight. Plain cotton panties and plain cotton bra. In your defense, you really didn’t expect to get laid tonight. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Mingyu chuckles. It’s either he can read minds or he still knows you well enough to figure out what you’re thinking. “I’m taking everything off anyways.”

As he makes quick work of what’s left of your clothing, you distantly remember the last conversation you had with Seungkwan. How you told him you’d ‘clear the air’ with Mingyu right after having dinner with his family.

You’re pretty sure what you’re doing right now is only blurring the lines even more, but you don’t really fucking care right now.

You let out a hushed moan when Mingyu latches his mouth onto your nipple, massaging your other breast as he swirls the appendage across your sensitive skin. His free arm snakes itself behind the curve of your waist, pressing you against his firm body while rutting his hips against the bed. 

He’s just as desperate for you as you are for him, and it fills you with a heady sort of hunger that only Mingyu can alleviate.

“Can I?” he whispers.

You feel his teeth graze across the skin of your chest, making your toes curl with anticipation. It’s been a while, but you can’t easily forget how much of a biter Mingyu is in bed. He loves leaving his marks on your body, and even if you always complain about how hard it is to cover them up, you let him do as he pleases every single time.

“Yes,” you whimper, rubbing your bare pussy against the ridge of his abs. “Do whatever you want with me, Gyu.”

The sound you let out once he finally bites down is caught between a yelp and a moan, your fingers threading across his hair as he suckles on your skin. He’s such a talker in bed, too—whispering all sorts of endearments that are too soft for you to hear, but add fuel to your growing desire regardless.

“So fucking pretty,” he says once he detaches himself from your breasts and marvels at his own work. The fruit of his effort is yet to become visible, but he’s left enough angry red marks on your skin to guarantee the lovebites they’ll turn into come morning. “And it’s all for me.”

Lacing your fingers around his nape, you mold your lips together in another kiss, tongues dancing to the rhythm of your erratic heartbeat as you grind yourself against his toned stomach. 

“Mingyu,” you whimper against his mouth—hot and heavy. “I need you inside me. Need to get stretched on your cock.”

He groans again, fisting your hair so that he can kiss you even deeper. As he busies you with his mind-numbing kisses, Mingyu gets rid of his boxers in a flash—positioning himself between your thighs. You nearly cry out when you feel the fat head of his cock sliding against your soaking slit. When he grazes your sensitive clit, you could’ve sworn tears started together in the corners of your eyes.

“Fuck, babygirl, so fucking wet for me,” he sighs as he lays you back down on the bed and eases your knees further apart. 

You bite your lip at the sight of his cock, still as long and girthy as you remember. Mingyu pumps his length all while sliding the head across your cunt, but you let out another desperate mewl to just fuck you already. 

“Shhh,” he says, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on your forehead. “Let me take my time with you, sweetheart. I want you to commit all of this to memory. Gonna have you feeling me inside you for days.”

And you don’t doubt that. Kim Mingyu has a knack for making it hard for people to forget about him, and if he plans to fuck the shape of his cock into your pussy, who are you to complain?

When you feel his cock catch across your entrance, you genuinely wonder if it’s going to hurt. Mingyu’s attempt at foreplay was cut halfway through because he got distracted by his sudden desire to leave a trail of love bites all over your breasts. But the thing about having sex with Mingyu is that your comfort is his top priority. 

He would never do anything that he knows can hurt you.

“I’ll go slow, alright?” he whispers, and all you can manage is a nod. “Words, baby. You have to talk to me so I’ll know if you really want it.”

“Gyu,” you whine, arching your hips in a feeble attempt to get him to fuck into you. “I’m alright. Anything you do is alright with me, just— Please. Please fuck me full.”

He sighs, staring down like he doesn’t know what to do with you before finally, finally, you feel his dick breach your entrance—pushing inch by delicious inch inside you with restrained hunger. You fist the sheets at the familiar stretch, but it’s not so uncomfortable that the sensation burns. You’ve taken Mingyu’s cock dozens of times before, and it seems that your body still knows how to accommodate his ridiculous size.

“Pretty pussy’s happy to see me again,” he chuckles, his grip on your thighs tightening ever-so slightly. “Still made to fit me so snuggly. Did you miss my cock, sweet thing? I can feel you pulsing around me.”

“Yes,” you drawl. “Missed your cock so fucking much, Gyu. Fuck—”

You feel so hot, so full. It’s like Mingyu’s the only thing you’ve ever known—surrounding you in every direction until all that floats in your lust-addled mind are the letters of his name. Once he buries himself to the hilt, Mingyu doesn’t move right away, still so attentive to your reactions that even if you want nothing more than for him to rail you into the mattress, he won’t press forward until he’s sure you’re ready.

“Is it too much?” he whispers, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Do you need more time to get used to me?”

Something similar to a growl reverberates in your chest as you stare at Mingyu hard. “What I need is…for you to fuck me until I black out.”

Mingyu’s lips turn up into a grin as he shakes his head. “Baby, the last thing I want to be is some sex-deprived savage after we’ve been apart for so long. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Then, he leans forward on the bed again, bringing his lips right next to your ear.

“But I can still make you feel good.”

He prefaces the words with a powerful thrust that you don’t expect, splaying your thighs further until they’re flat against the mattress. The slide of his cock still feels so unbelievably good that even if the sudden stretch should’ve been uncomfortable, you’re too blindsided by the pleasure to notice. 

Your eyes trail across the beautiful man above you as he fucks you in his favorite position. Mingyu has always had a thing for missionary—something about wanting to see your face as he wrecks you. You think you’re starting to share the same sentiment because not only do you get to see his fat cock slide in and out of your sopping cunt, but you can admire all of him at once, as well.

The exertion in those toned arms with every forward thrust. The conspicuous outline of his pecs. That toned fucking stomach. That gorgeous fucking face, so lost in the velvet heat of your pussy—

Why did you ever think letting someone like this go was a good idea?

“You’re going to laugh at me for this but,” Mingyu breathes, chuckling to himself. “I think I’m kinda close.” 

You do laugh, but it’s quickly silenced when one of his fingers finds your clit, rubbing it in quick, precise circles like he hasn’t forgotten how to get you off after all this time.

“I am, too,” you tell him. “Cock so fucking good, you can make me come in minutes.”

Mingyu lets out another guttural noise as he presses your knees to your chest, throwing your legs over his shoulder with a look in his eyes that promises nothing but pleasure. Though his fingers have departed your puffy clit, the angle he has you bent in has his cock easily grazing your g-spot with every thrust—reducing you into a pathetic, mewling mess underneath him.

“Your pussy’s a fucking drug, babygirl,” he sighs. “Haven’t wanted anyone else after you.”

Even in your cock-drunk haze, those words bring forth some semblance of clarity within you. But it’s immediately snuffed out when Mingyu amps up the cadence of his thrusts, fucking into you with the intention of bringing you to completion at the same time he achieves it. Your eyes are screwed shut, fingers finding purchase across the ripping muscles of his back as you babble an incoherent mantra of yes, yes, so close, so fucking close, love how you fuck me, love how you make me feel full—

And then, it’s over—a white hot flash like stars bursting behind your eyelids. You curl into Mingyu’s embrace as your orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave, and he’s all too glad to help you ride it out, pistoning inside your spasming walls with a rhythm that’s starting to stagger. 

“So goddamn tight,” he growls. “Where do you want my cum, sweetheart?”

You’re still too blissed out to give him a proper response, but from the way your legs tighten themselves around his waist, Mingyu figures that that’s the green light he needs to make a mess out of you. Mingyu sighs, burying his face in the crook of your neck before biting down—his cock twitching in the heat of your cunt as his release gushes into you in thick globs.

He comes so much that when Mingyu does pull out of your abused pussy, his essence trickles out of your hole as you do your best to catch your breath. The world is just starting to return to its normal axis in your vision, and the first thing that your eyes focus on is the sight of Mingyu smiling at you so fondly, it makes your heart hurt.

The look scares you. Like he’s about to say something that you don’t know how to respond to. 

So instead of giving him any leeway for conversation, you tug him back down into a tongue-filled kiss, rubbing your ruined pussy across his still hard length as you mewl against his lips.

“More,” you whimper. “I need more, Gyu.”

And he’s all too happy to oblige.

Mingyu slides himself back inside you with an ease that wasn’t present earlier—your mixed arousal acting as a good enough lubricant to accommodate him. His erratic breathing as he fucks his cum deeper inside you only serves to turn you on even more, making another orgasm creep ever-so slightly beneath your skin. 

“Babygirl can’t get enough of this cock, can you?” he sighs. “Seems to me like your pussy never wants me to leave.”

“Yes!” you hiss, moving your hips in time with his as you desperately claw at his back. “Love your cock so much, please—”

“Come for me again, sweet thing, I know you can do it.”

It’s unbelievable how a few choice words can get your body to submit to his whims without much thought. Unlike your first orgasm, the second one that Mingyu coaxes out of you singes through every functional nerve-ending in your body—sending you into a flurry of overstimulation that has you twitching under his touch. 

Just when you thought Mingyu’s finally done with you, however, he suddenly flips you onto your stomach—pressing your chest against the mattress while your ass is high in the air. The sudden change in positions makes your head spin, but you’re too dazed to protest.

When you glance over your shoulder, he’s showing you that same smile you fell in love with a lifetime ago.

“You can give me a few more orgasms, right, baby?” 

When he slides his still hard cock along your swollen cunt, you groan into the sheets—having momentarily forgotten that Mingyu’s stamina can go until morning. If you don’t stop him now, he might actually fuck you until you black out, despite his earlier refutal.

But honestly? You’re not against the idea. Not one bit.

…

When you wake up the following day, it’s to cold sheets and the startling clarity of Mingyu’s absence.

You never minded living alone. You’ve been doing it since your first year of college here in Seoul. You’re used to waking up with nothing but the silence of your room to keep you company.

Even when you eventually got together with Mingyu, lonely mornings have always been a staple, especially on days where he has early schedules. It fills you with a sinking feeling to see that he isn’t with you, but you’ve learned to take it in stride. 

Besides…it’s not like you’re together anymore now.

This is what you wanted, right? For him to not treat…whatever this is as if it’s a relationship thing. The two of you were just heavily pent up, and caved into your mutual desires last night. There’s nothing more to it.

However, when you pad outside the bedroom after shrugging on a flimsy oversized shirt, the scent of pancakes and frying eggs fills your nose. When you see Namja sitting right next to a tall figure hunched over your stove, you can hardly believe your eyes.

He doesn’t notice you right away—too preoccupied with making the perfect breakfast to pick up on your presence. Namja, however, is more perceptive, glancing behind and perking up at the sight of you. He lets out an excited bark before skidding over to where you’re standing, and you crouch down to the floor so you can give him a tight hug.

“Oh, you’re awake!”

Mingyu faces you with a smile that’s nearly blinding in the morning light, a spatula in one hand and a kitchen mitt in the other. It’s the exact same scene that you’re greeted with during lazy weekends where he doesn’t have any work to do, and your chest twists yet again at the memory.

“Yeah, I am.” You smile, rubbing Namja’s belly when he sprawls himself on the floor. “What are you still doing here? Don’t you have to go back to New York tonight?”

“Yes, but it’s still morning,” he points out, and you roll your eyes.

A few minutes later, Mingyu starts to set the table while you wash your hands. He tells you about how Seungkwan doesn’t want to room with him anymore over breakfast because Mingyu takes so long to close the lights when he’s binging a new drama. You tell him to be more considerate of his roommates or they might just dropkick him off the hotel room balcony in his sleep.

When you help him put away the dishes, the sight is so…domestic, it gives you whiplash. Bumping shoulders, splashing water, stifling mutual laughter... Being with him like this, tucked in your own little pocket of happiness makes your heart soar in ways that not even mind-blowing sex can help you attain.

You pray that Mingyu doesn’t breathe a word about it, but of course things don’t always go your way.

Just when you’re about to turn around to give Namja her morning fix of dog food, you find yourself trapped between the sink and Mingyu’s arms—unable to escape the fondness in his eyes even if you tried.

“I think,” he whispers, “we can still make this work. You and me.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “Gyu…”

You think so, too. With someone as understanding and compassionate as Mingyu, you know nothing’s impossible if you just quit being so stubborn. You were so afraid of him attempting to bring your relationship back to life last night, but…

Seeing him bathing under the sunlight in your kitchen after months of getting used to being alone again… 

Maybe it isn’t so bad to let him back inside your heart.

“O-Of course, you don’t have to answer right away,” he says, turning red in the face. Cute. “You can tell me when I get back from New York. How’s that sound?”

You’re about to open your mouth to respond, but the moment is quickly shattered by the sound of Mingyu’s phone going off. He sighs, releasing you from the figurative cage of his arms as he leans against the sink right next to you—fishing his phone from his pocket before answering it in loudspeaker.

“Kim Mingyu, where the hell are you?!”

“Good morning to you, too, Seungkwan-ah,” he chuckles. “Why? What’s wrong? I told Jeonghan-hyung I won’t be coming back to the dorms until noon.”

“Well, Jeonghan-hyung must’ve forgotten to tell everyone else because the entire dorm panicked when we realized you didn’t make it home!” the younger man squawks. “We thought something bad happened! You weren’t answering your phone last night either!” 

You and Mingyu exchanged knowing looks, and you have to stifle your laughter if you didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Seungkwan’s rage, too.

“Sorry about that, I was a little…busy,” Mingyu supplies. 

“Well, whatever you’ve been ‘busy’ with, you better get your ass back here! Manager-hyung is looking for the car you borrowed, and if you don’t bring it back soon, he’s going to give all of us an earful.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll be back in thirty. Bye, Seungkwan.”

“Hey—!” 

Mingyu ends the call with little remorse before letting out a long sigh. When his eyes dart back to yours, they flicker momentarily to your lips before he leans forward. You meet him halfway this time, pressing your mouths together in a firm kiss.

“I’ll be back,” he murmurs. “I hope you’ll still be willing to accommodate me when I do.”

Though it pains you, he peels himself away from your touch, leaning down to kiss Namja’s head as he gathers his coat in his arms. It just occurred to you that he’s been eating breakfast with you donned with the outfit he wore last night while you’re dressed in nothing but a loose, oversized shirt. The knowledge makes you blush a little.

When you hear Mingyu’s car drive away, you sigh, running your hands through your messy hair. Namja pads over to you, tail wagging as he anticipates another round of petting. Of course you indulge him.

“Kim Mingyu is such an idiot, isn’t he?” you tell your goldie, and you like to think the small huff he lets out means he’s agreeing with you. “Why wait until he comes back when I already have an answer for him?”

This time, Namja actually barks out loud, making you shake your head with a laugh.

You don’t mind waiting for Mingyu, really. He obviously doesn’t mind waiting for you. At this point, you’re at peace with the fact that you might still love him. Maybe, you never stopped loving him at all. Once he lands back in Korea and comes home to you, you promise yourself that you’ll definitely show him.

Again and again.

this is part of the doting on you! series.

[dramatic-dolphin]

heyyo, sorry if it's a bother but I remember you mentioning somewhere (in the tags of something?) that hungarian might even have more than 18 cases if we count it a different way and I lost that post but I'm still very curious, could you tell me more about this or point me to a source? I love terrorising international friends with the hungarian case system

It's NEVER a bother to talk about linguistics :DD This is gonna be a bit long tho.

The reason for this is that Hungarian has like a million suffixes and not all of them are created equal. So there is a bit of debate over what, exactly, constitues as a "case" here.

The currently accepted safe list of the 18 Hungarian suffixes that are definitely totally cases looks like this:

This is already hilarious, because you, as a native speaker, have no idea what these terms mean, and also because there is nothing at essive-modal in this example. Because we just do not decline the word jég in that case.

(Essive-modal is the -ul in "jutalmul" and "[beszélek] magyarul" btw. Is 'jegekül' a word that exists and makes sense? Discuss.)

These are the "bare minimum" of cases that fit both of the two (currently accepted) rules that 1) a case can be a compulsory argument of a verb (aka you can have a verb that you have to use a specific case with, like "beléptem a házba") and 2) only cases can follow other suffixes (I actually can't think of an example for this rn lol).

Thinking about it, you might even get by with saying we have 17 cases in a pinch, since essive-modal is such a weirdo and useless for like most nouns. Don't quote me on this one though.

Anyways, if you're a bit more daring, you can look at all the other suffixes and say "well, why can't these be cases too?" Like come on, this is missing genitive. Why is it missing genitive? So you put in genitive (embernek). And if that's in, then why can't the others be there too? Which is how you end up with off-the-wall cases like temporal (ötkor), sociative (kutyástul), locative (Győrött), distributive-temporal (hetente), and so on until you reach like 34, or however many suffixes there are. Every suffix can be given a fancy overly specific case name to horrify poor non-Hungarian speakers.

Wait, did I say the bare minimum was 18(-17) cases? Actually no, the bare minimum is ZERO cases. Because you can take the enlightened opinion that "case" as a concept should not be applied to agglutinative languages like Hungarian, and Hungarian cases are actually better understood as postpositions affixed to a noun. (Funnily, this is actually how some of those suffixes became suffixes. Ex: hodu utu rea -> hadi útra.)

So, there you have it. The number of cases in Hungarian is a number between 0 and 35. But probably 18. Unless it's not.

[kurorenji]

Beginner Tips : Wuthering Waves

I want to compile informations that I thought useful or I have missed the first time I play WuWa and only realized after my friend mentioned it to me.

1. Shilang is a shop owner in Tiger's Maw mine that sell a lot of useful things including a 4* weapon selector (the currency : Lampylument ore)

2. When you mine in other player's world, both you and the other player received the ore. No matter how far apart you guys were. That's why I used to mine together with my friend, I went to pick lampylument and he would pick the red ore. So it get done quicker. (This doesn't work for any other resources tho, as far as I know)

3. Idk since when, but you actually can create weapon exp and echo exp in synthesizer. Just for a small amount, but better than nothing I guess.

4. Uncle Wei, in front of craft station, sell some material for weapon/forte upgrade. Sadly, it didn't reset.

5. For faster mining, I used Calcharo to mine. He need only 1 hit to break the ore. Jiyan need 2. Basically use broadblade user to mine faster. BUT, Changli also just need 1 hit (her BA1 slash multiple times).

5.1. After version 1.2 , we have a new utility Hoverdroid, you can use it to mining faster as well. Just need one shoot per ore, much more like using broadblade user but better since now you can even mining from afar.

6. Don't build too many character. Resources are pretty limited here. If you ended up with all half assed teams, it's going to be hard going forward. I stick with 2 teams until UL 55 I guess? Before building my 3rd team (after getting Changli) and now this 3rd team sucked me dry fr, I'm UL 61 now, with 40k shell credit and no other resources lol.

7. Do illusive realms. No matter how suck you're at it. You can get a lot of materials upgrade there. Just do it slowly, since you can save your progress anyway (you need to quit properly tho, tap door icon > save progress. If you just quit or disconnected the progress won't be saved and you won't get any score).

8. You can skip Scar's story telling if you insist on attacking him. Attack him, attack him, attack him. Be aggressive. Beat his ass immediately. Lol.

9. Animals have a much lower def than Tacet discord. And Goat have lower def than Cow. You want to showcase your burst damage to your friends? Go find a goat...and use your ult. You will see big number. BUT I'M NOT PROMOTING ANIMAL ABUSE OKAY, don't be cruel towards animals irl guys, don't. That's horrible. We do this in game because we need the meats to cook. Yes, definitely that.

10. Talking about Cook, every recipes have a certain level of proficiency. Each time you make the recipe it will increase the number until it doesn't lol.

After reaching the maxed proficiency, the recipe you cook won't increase your chef level anymore. Go cook another recipe.

11. The same with Research point in Synthesizer as well.

12. Let's talk about echo. If you're a new player, save all the echo you got until you reach data base lv 15. Then you can combine it for a chance to get 5* echo. Or if you patient enough, wait until you reach data bank 21. The chance getting 5* become 100%. But fighting mobs without equipping any echo is quite tiring, so... just do it if you think you can.

12.1. If you finish hunting all 5* echoes but somehow haven't enough experience to reach 21, go check your guide book and see Milestone, one of the rewards is actually data bank experience.

Hmm, I don't know what to add anymore, maybe i'll add it later when I remember something. See ya.

[candycryptids]

👿- What's their worst trait?

eheheh >:) for whoever you feel it would be the most fun to answer!!

Firstly thank you for da ask ;w;!!! This was spicy because I’m actually going to talk about my husbands guy a little bit… and show y’all post ShB-semi-into-EW Ishi eheheehee- tho there’s a very very mild ShB spoiler so watch out!

“I appreciate you taking time out of your day to speak with me, and answering all the questions I’ve had concerning your journey and how you’ve felt through it all… Your insight into the first and your extensive knowledge of Feo Ul was quite interesting.”

“Mmhm, it’s been surreal recounting everything that happened, but at least SOMEBODY’s writing it down now.. And Their Majesty has made wielding scholastic magic much easier, since I can’t summon my own faerie normally. Are you sure you don’t want a cookie? They’re Kizuna’s da’s recipe, you know.”

“Ah, speaking of Kizuna… You two have started dating right? The two shining beacons of heroism and do-gooding-recklessly, surely you know better than anyone else what he’s like. We all know his good side, but what about the bad?”

“Eh???? EHHHH?? Where’d you get that idea?! D-dating… uhm… you’re not going to write that in your book right? That’s- that’s just speculation! Besides we’re not really public yet, Uhm, h-he’s really great, I can’t think of a bad trait, really, he can cook, he’s wicked with all kinds of weapons, he’s strong, and, handsome, he’s gentle with kids, and animals… He’s always trying his best, you know? Uh-uhm… he built his own house, in Ishgard-“

“I already know all about that, Ishi, I actually stopped by there last week to see if he was there. Besides. every Hero needs their tragic flaw, or they risk becoming as untouchable Gods in the mind of the people. So, give me something to work with, it doesn’t have to be grand, just, something that grounds him back in the common man.”

“But Kizuna’s not a common man- ah… ff..fine, ok, sometimes, uhm, I think… I worry, he makes himself miss out on fun stuff, because he’s worried more about keeping everyone and everything safe. Someone somewhere falls into peril and it’s, his problem now. I can usually make him slow down, but sometimes we both end up really swept up in it… uhm… I don’t know. Oh… my cookie……”

“… I think I can work with that…”

Kizuna belongs to @zombiesockfuckinglovescardfight •v• (and if he wants to add something to this he can! >:3)

[Duo’s OC Ask Game]

[heyseihai]

Riiiiight, how do I start?

It's a bittersweet mix, the ending. After years being an ANE h@t3r pointing out plot holes, aka being a bitter old hag, I thought the ending would be worse.

As a daemon, my guess was that I was doomed to be dumped by Leiftan or die. I was pleasantly surprised tho, despite the extreme conveniences of this episode. Should it have been better? yes, of course, but considering the canon plot, even I couldn't come up with an alternative to fix this lost cause without opening countless others plot holes.

That love declaration and those moments with LI at the end were the writers having their last laugh, huh? Damn, those moments should have happened during the season. I simply didn't have the strenght to fight """"""Erika"""""" justification moments anymore. It wasn't the character talking in those moments. And what do we gain? An open ending.

If on the one hand I'm happy this delirium called ANE is over, on the other I'm going to miss the universe, I love the eldaryan world so much. Even with all the company's clear neglect and plot holes, it brought me at least ONE good thing: Tenjin filled the gaps that other four LIs weren't able to, thanks to him Blood on Snow was born and my OC is not alone anymore lol. I played with Leiftan because I still had some affection for the character, but let's face it… playing the daemon route with Leiftan turned out to be exhausting at some point.

I'm not interested in playing New Gen, HSL was the only game of the sort I played before being able to buy other games, all love-and-fantasy vibes. So I guess my time as bee player is over. I'm somewhat optmistic about Eldarya's future, though. I imagine that in a couple of years' time (UL and LL lasted one or two years each, right?) when they need quick and easy resources for some new season of New Gen, they'll bring other LIs back with that same old not-my-fenghuang-fault talk that was able to brainwash even Leiftan. You know what I mean.

We've seen it happen before with MCL. It's only two years away, so...

See you again in two years!

[mcl-alloveragain]

BLOG GUIDE! (About me, requests, masterlist.)

--- About me:

Hello!! My name's Dusia, I'm '04 and I'm from Poland

My pronouns are she/they!

My LI is Nathaniel (but if Armin was in the game from the very beginning, it would probably be him lol, too bad I already fell in love with mr. student body president)

I play MCL since 31.07.2015, but I abandoned the game after UL came out, because I was missing my best boys too much to enjoy it anymore. I came back because of Kentin's AL and I'm gonna finish the story... someday.

--- Requests:

I mostly write headcanons, because they are short and I'm still a bit insecure about my english, but I'm fine with drabbles as well and I'm gonna translate my fics at some point, so I think I can pull off one shots as well, it would just take me much more time. I love to write tho, so feel free to request anything you want!!

I'm fine with nsfw stuff as well (cause i'm horny af) but again, those requests may take me a bit longer because I'm not too familiar with nsfw vocabulary (I know basic stuff since I read some smut in English, but still...)

I'm not very comfortable with writing things about characters UL and LL exclusive, like Hyun, Rayan or Eric, because I simply don't know them at all. Priya is fine since she was already introduced in HSL. But I'm not saying no, so if you really want to read something about them, I'll try my best......

What I will NEVER write tho:

Anything that includes any type of sexual abuse or violence. Please don't romanticize this. When I'm writing nsfw pieces, my charaters are always adults and events happen with mutual consent.

I don't write BDSM. Simply because I know nothing about it and I don't want to distribute a false image of this type of relationships.

(list to be updated)

--- Masterlist:

~HEADCANONS~

[all HSL boys]

Your favourite ways to spend time with each other

[individual HSL]

Before the breakup [Armin]

~DRABBLES~

[TBU]

~SCENARIOS~

My scenarios for Armin's AL ep.2

~ONE SHOTS~

[TBU]

~FANFICTIONS~

[TBU]

--- Some other posts about my boys:

ARMIN🎮

Armin and Candy's break up songs

Candy's break up song

Playlist inspired by Armin's Alternate Life [ep.1]

CASTIEL🎸

My Favourite Castiel's Illustrations

KENTIN🐕

My Favourite Kentin's Illustrations

LYSANDER🖋️

My Favourite Lysander's Illustrations

NATHANIEL🐈

My Favourite Nathaniel's Illustrations

--- My MCL OCs:

[TBU]

--- UL/LL related:

[TBU]

[redrawthecolorlessworld]

(not really) poorly explaining every single rhymix character's backstory (to the best of my ability) (part 1)

yeah.

under the cut yayay

———

1. Ars Cantate

prince who gets gem that has been passed down from generations to generations by his parents. experiences torture through his evil shadow self. suffers from there.

2. Lucas

really wants to get out of his home nation for god knows how long but can't because the people around him are holding him back so he turns to his best friend (who is still unnamed for now fuck) to help him. ends up getting betrayed by said best friend but manages to escape by himself.

3. Ana

gets backstabbed and used multiple times by others so she decided that, "if they dug her grave, then she'll dig up theirs too."

4. Fate

doesn't have an interesting enough backstory she's just there.

5. Testify/Eternity

was jealous of amazing mighty so she wished that she could have her own nation so that she can finally know what it feels like to be a leader. her wish somehow came true and memoria was a thing lol. also many many centuries later she has beef with tempestissimo and kills him and then regrets it and revives him and becomes eternity. i will elaborate this in detail one day for i am Still fleshing this one out lmao.

6. Galactic

was really upbeat and was besties with spinel but then spinel went missing and then she went cold ooooooooo so so sadddddd

7. Destonio

HOW DID I NEARLY FORGET HIM I'M CRYING. anyways he experiences pain and agony for a few years and gets revealed of The Horrors Of The World™ and grows to hate it. met lumine and was starting to slowly heal but then lumine fucking killed herself and then he became miserable again. ends up killing himself too and then amazing mighty made him a god. good fucking lord.

8. Felicia

no real backstory nothing interesting about her other than she met dahlia and experiences what it feels like to feel Yurious.

9. Dahlia

attempted to off herself but then got stopped/saved by felicia. she then experiences what it feels like to feel Yurious.

10. Dawn

girl finds out about hikaru (who was a popular idol at the time) and then idolizes him and swears to be just like him one day. ends up achieving her goal in the end, but by the time that happened hikaru was already "dead" (or...yk, became a god).

11. Raven

i can't think of one for her yet. i'll think of something eventually. next.

12. Risa

was an angel but then certain events that i have not fleshed out on happened and then she was sentenced to not be an angel any longer and then ends up on rhymix with zero recollection of what happened prior and zero memory of who she is.

13. Unknown Levels

some guy created him but then deemed him unworthy so he just left UL in his old workshop and fucked off to elsewhere. unknown levels was only left with a note saying "main objective of creation: destroy" or something like that idfk.

14. Abstruse Dilemma

raised to be the perfect ruler to the kingdom his parents ruled over at the time, but that gave him pressure and even more depression and anxiety oooooooo. arghena then comes into memoria and snatches him lmao. but don't worry he comes back eventually.

15. Primeval Texture

a bunch of scientists made an experiment using a bunch of elemental pieces of various textures and then conjoined them together to become one. but then those pieces became primeval and she wasn't the result they had hoped for (for whatever reason????) so they discarded her and then she was found by a family and then she got adopted into it yayayayayayaayayayaya

16. Technicolour

used to be such a cheerful kid who loved his family and friends so much. lived in a relatively small neighbourhood that eventually got fucking destroyed in an accident involving the higher ups. before that happened tho techni got sealed away in his protection cube that's in some sort of realm by his father and then boom. he's stuck there for most of his childhood and teenage years. sad. but he gets out thanks to primeval and stasis eventually so yayyyyy

17. Logos

lives in a rich and wealthy family but thinks it isn't worth it since she felt like this isn't the life she sought out for. eventually went on a walk during the rain and found abstruse drenched and alone like a sopping wet cat lmao. eventually becomes friends with him :)

18. Ego Eimi

was a normal angel in heaven until she accidentally did something that she didn't know would be considered a sin. proceeds to get kicked out of heaven and becomes a fallen angel and then she swears she'll get back there eventually.

19. Arghena

random ass bitch from another universe that is NOT rhymix who tries her hardest to appeal to other people in many ways possible, especially at school back then. but nobody noticed her efforts and she then felt like a loser nobody who no one gives a shit about. she then found out she has the ability to look into other universes and then sees abstruse and immediately gets jealous of him because he is everything that she is not. so she travels from universe to universe to find him. eventually comes into rhymix, fucking KIDNAPS ABSTRUSE, AND THEN SETS UP A NEW OBJECTIVE FOR HERSELF: "i'm gonna dethrone amazing mighty lmaooooooo"

20. Transient Space

doesn't have an interesting backstory. youch.

21. Nameless Passion

born from arghena's really weird desires. lmao.

22. TeraVolt

nothing interesting about her she's a FUCKING THUNDER GODDESS FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

23. Tempo

his life is so boring lmao. he made shifta because he wanted to test his coding and building up a robot skills.

24. Shifta

created by tempo so that he can test his coding and building up a robot skills. oh and also so that she can aid and help others and do combat and shit i guess. look i scrapped the thunderriders okay what do you want me to do with their backstories now.

25. Trojan

MALWARE VIRUS TURNED HUMAN WHO CAN GLITCH IN AND OUT OF REALITY AND IS REALLY GAY AND KIND OF TWO FACED. OH MY GOD THIS SOUNDS MORE LIKE ME POORLY DESCRIBING HIS CHARACTER THAN HIS BACKSTORY BUT SHHHHH MOVING ON.

26. Callima Karma

nothing much to say about her. L.

27. Pamolia

shy and timid girl who keeps getting bullied at school no matter if it's middle school or high school. eventually met pupa one day and was really freaked out at first but then accepts him either way. more will be elaborated and shown in side story 4.

28. Pupa/Larva

guardian spirit for pamolia who was originally a normal girl who liked bugs just as much as pamolia did but then got MURDERED BY MANTIS BECAUSE HE HAD TO. FUCK. anyways more of his whole relationship with pamolia will be elaborates and shown in side story 4.

29. Tempestissimo/Momento

was a devil from hell who then did a good deed which is Not what devils were supposed to do so he gets kicked out. ends up in memoria and is scared shitless because he keeps seeing memories of conflict reflected on the glass butterflies and then grows cold and hostile and needs to hurt someone NOW. eventually has beef with testify and then gets killed by her but then she regrets it so then she revived him and then he becomes momento. also now he goes by he/she good for her.

30. Conflict

nothing interesting she's just there i guess whoops.

31. (Jak)Arta

was friends with hikaru but then had to move away and then had slight beef with hikaru about it and then ends up moving away either way but then felt guilty about it. weeks later he finds out hikaru's dead and immediately blames himself for it. he learned to Sort Of move on from it over the years tho and managed to become a train conductor and learn how to like. make his own little robot friend oh my god wow!!!!!!!!!!!

32. Miracle

suffered through abuse by her mother for years on end and when she finally gets out from that situation the damage is already done. eventually gains magical girl powers and is tasked to guard the miracle forest in phi central.

33. Ether Strike

lived a life filled with happiness and good memories but eventually got bored of it. the memories he made gets stored in glass butterflies that flutter around behind him and then one day they all hover over him and trapped him within them to the point where he nearly lost his mind over how bright it is in the glass butterfly seal lmao. gets rescued by ray afterwards. hasn't realized One Thing about him yet tho.

34. Axium Crisis and Lady

axium took lady to the vicious labyrinth in the lost world area because he has been curious about it for god knows how long. gets in, tries to collect all of the conflict glass butterflies with lady, and then he decided to play the hero and literally destroy the labyrinth to the best of his ability to the point where it goes BOOM POUSH KACHOW onto the ground. axium was safe but then lady saw an anomaly and was traumatized ever since. axium felt bad since lady blamed it all on him and then he just. lost his old self and became more hostile and constantly blaming himself for hurting lady.

35. Aegleseeker

tries to find lost light in the area in memoria he lives in, ends up getting into an entirely different universe that's just pitch black, has a panic attack about it, but then saw overwhelm and she was like "hey i'm here to help you lol" and then they ventured thru the weird mirror dimension together. eventually they found myriad and far away light—memoria's source of light that aegle has been looking for. aegle fights myriad, defeats her, and then they all come back to rhymix where the light is restored in aegle's home area yippeeeeee

36. Crave Wave

nothing much about him for now. meh.

37. Chariot

was alone for some time and felt miserable until destonio and retribution took her in as a member of team destruction lmao. woooo

38. Retribution

had history with destonio but desto didn't felt too much of a connection with him. eventually years later they reunite and destonio offers to take retribution in to become a member of team destruction. retri agrees, and then boom. it's like as if he was a loyal dog and destonio was his owner (good god that's a really awful comparison but it's accurate enough. retri's dickriding is crazy.)

39. Lumine

saw The Horrors Of The World™ just like destonio lol. met destonio, became friends with him, only to kill herself a little while after. she then accidentally gets revived by fate when fate was trying to hijack the project destruction simulation lmao.

40. Ad Astra

NOTHING ABOUT HIM. LITERALLY 97% OF THE GODS DON'T HAVE BACKSTORIES BECAUSE THEY JUST SPAWN INTO EXISTENCE LMAOOOOOO. got married to moonlight tho i guess. horray

41. Moonlight

nothing either. got married to ad astra tho i guess. horray

42. RGB

can't think of anything for her yet lmaoooo.

43. Dynikitos

saw a lake when he was like. middle school aged and then dipped his hands into it out of curiosity. eventually gets jumpscared by a bunch of slimey vines coming out of it and crawling onto his arms and then boom. he gets the ability to control them since then.

44. Amekagura

nothing interesting about her sorry girlie :/

45. Spinel

was friends with galactic but also faced pressure back at home. gets sick of it and then runs away. eventually she joins some organization that promised to make her life better or WHATEVER. galactic then found her, confronted her, fought her, cried onto her, and then spinel decides to leave and come back to galactic :)

46. Clarith and Chase

they both went to school once but then some terrorist attack happened with killed nearly all of their classmates AND their homeroom teacher. are both traumatized ever since.

47. Glory Road

nothing special here.

48. Lightning Screw

didn't got much attention as a kid so he acts high and mighty to feel special and superior to other kids and to make himself feel less lonely. grows up with that attitude and only glory road can really make him stop acting like that for a short period of time lmao.

49. Felis

explores memoria unaware of his origins with his companion who i don't have a name for yet fuck. a few things happened which then led to felis finding out that this companion of his is a replica of HIM. AND THAT HE ISN'T REAL. AND FELIS IS THE REAL ONE. felis then has an existential crisis that has never stopped until now.

50. Arcahv

she lives a normal life, though since she has to finish college in astria (the nation ars' family rules over) she had to go back and forth between astria and memoria (she usually visits memoria for summer/winter breaks anyways). one time she was at memoria for winter break she met tempestissimo, and the two constantly meet each other at random times each day. eventually tempest makes an attempt to fucking murder her but that got backfired once testify and the rest of her Allies™ came in. also did i forget to mention that she knows tessi personally? yeah. that.

51. World Ender

wasn't originally a god, but rather a leader to the devils in hell. eventually has a change of heart and wants to do good instead, so they cut off their wings, horns, and tail and went to amazing mighty for guidance and then WOOSH. they're a god now yippeeeeeee

52. Overdose

high school drop out, does drugs, blah blah blah. eventually struggles financially so she turned to streaming to get income.

53. Yamero

depressed, filled with anxiety and self hatred, blah blah blah. eventually found out about streaming and decided to try it out for herself.

54. Spasmodic

all i'm gonna say is that she had history with lea. ok moving on.

55. Kumo

has literally suffered for most of her life and has had enough of it. went batshit insane and killed her abuser and then ran away with a new identity.

56. Temptation

she was made specifically to compliment with aleph i guess. that's all.

57. Equilibrium

became the cantate family's royal guard at the young age of 19. got underestimated at first but then he managed to prove his worth.

58. Ringed Genesis

he's not an angel nor is he a god......and he's not a bird either. sorry genesis. either way nothing too interesting about this man other than the fact that he knows both tessi and arcahv personally and he first met edel when edel was injured. he's so high and mighty when really....he's just some guy 🥲

59. Amazing Mighty

oh mighty.

isn't actually truly a god. he originally was a human being who just suffered a lot back then and wanted some worth but never got it back then. during pandora's whole outrage on making the world "perfect again" he dies. at the same time pandora gets put in a prison realm similar to felys' prison realm to atone to her....uh. sins, i guess????? anyways because pandora—the literal ruler of rhymix at the time—was just. some prisoner now, amazing mighty then took her place and he was just SO CONFUSED AT FIRST. initially acted like his usual pathetic self from when he was a human around the other gods but then they didn't see him as a worthy leader so he had to put on an act. do you see the furina genshin impact inspiration yet. anyways yeah that's all. mighty's is lengthy for a reason lmao.

60. Satellite, Terabyte, and Opia

lumping them all together because all of their backstories takes place in the same place. i would've put perfect here too but i'm gonna be honest, she has a whole other thing going on with her that's separate from these three so yeah. anyways they were science experiments in a lab since they were little. eventually tera got fed up so she and the other kids set up a plan to run away from the lab. plan becomes success, they run away and live freely in the end. sate and tera keep in touch, but since they weren't That close with opia, they don't know how he's doing now either. okay yeah this is also long but ywah

yk what i'm splitting this into parts lmaooooo so yeah hahahaahhdfjfngj

[the-wanted-man]

𝕀𝕕𝕝𝕖 ℍ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕤

𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐎: ‘𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐌𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞’ | 𝐏𝐨𝐕: 𝐋𝐚𝐰 | 𝐀𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐠 #8 

“Hullo. S’been a while since I talked in this thing, ain’t it? Surprised it even works. But I always kept ya’ in good shape, didn’t I? Wale. Yer workin’. An’ listenin’, so I reckon I should talk. Truth be told...I dunno where t’even start. Life’s been hell. I don’t say that often, but...I been feelin’ real rough ‘round th’edges lately. Like...nothin’ is really gon’ git better. My situation been drainin’ th’willpower outta me slowly. I know it. I feel it. Even though I buck an’ wild against it, th’truth is...m’stuck. 

“I hate Ul’dah. I am learnin’ that more n’more ‘bout m’self. There were things that made it bearable, shore. Holly is a cool ocean breeze on a hot day. Got a calm to her that usually offers me sum peace. Try as I might not t’be disappointed...I am. Wanderin’ round th’city hopin’ t’see her, but she ain’t been ‘round in a while.

 A shame, but she’s got her own business t’attend to. An’ I’m stuck here wit’ business’ve m’own. Ain’t much room t’cross paths no more, I guess. So we haven’t. Truth be told, I hate it. Been workin’ a deal t’have m’leash loosened up a bit t’at least visit other places besides these damn desert wastes. Might be worth lettin’ her know but...reckon it might not be worth it either. She sed she missed me. I dunno what t’do wit’ that. I miss her too.” 

“*Sigh* I’m meetin’ folks tho’. Bein’ round here been makin’ me wanna form m’own posse again. Start sum real trouble. I got candidates. There’s this one fella. Large. Hrothgar named Spring that’s got a big heart. I reckon he could bust through a wall if he really wanted or huck a boulder. Strong, but gentle n’kind. Th’world could use more folk like him. 

There’s this healer I met, too. Patched me up after m’fiasco at Blackbrush. Hells, I don’t know what came over me when I beat on that man. I reckon it was th’fact that is was a woman wit’ a sick kid. Y’gotta be a real peace’ve work t’prey on sum one like that. An’ I know th’fella what tricked her. Seen ‘im ‘round pearl lane bein’ a bastard there. Lilttle harder t’intervene there wit’ Brass Blades up m’ass but it’d been a long time comin’ fer him. I ain’t sorry fer how I reacted, tho’ mebbe I should be.

Suki is th’woman wit’ a good healin’ touch. She’s interestin’ but...sumthin’ ‘bout her...I know sumthin’ is off but I can’t quite tell what it is. The earth reacts differently t’her. It talks but it don’t tell me much. I reckon it’s tryin’ t’find th’words t’tell me. It ain’t a bad off, tho’. Her presence is jus’ a familiar on that I can’t place. Need t’figure out a way to thank her. That knife did sum work on me, I reckon. Was bleedin’ all over th’place. Likely ruined m’bandana again, but hey. That’s why its red.”

Th’list is goin’ tho’. Nomu wouldn’t be bad t’have join either. She got a fist like thunder when she hits from what I’ve seen on th’odd jobs we done t’gether. S’impressive, really. Miya would be a fine addition too. Th’way she moves wit’ a sword is damn near mysitcal, an’ a’course she got knowledge’ve th’occult few folks I know got. Sumtimes I know she don’t play well wit’ others tho’. Haine’s an’ alchemist, an’ I’d kill t’have her around more.That woman is a wildfire tho, an’ a danger t’any who end up in her path. I almost always gladly burn, an’ from what I kin remember, she’s been in gangs before.

Then there’s Malika. Best thief I know. Got th’slickest fingers in th’west I reckon, but I dunno that she’d like bein’ wit’ a group at all. Wouldn’t mind havin’ her around from time t’time fer sum fun heists. Evander too. He’s good wit’ tinkerin’ on tek apparently. We talked on it once, an’ his knowledge dwarfed m’own by a wide margin. Dunno that he’d like a group either.” 

There’s a heavy sigh that filters through. 

“Thinkin’ a things like this help keep me occupied tho’. I dunno that I’ll actually do what m’thinkin. I jus’ know m’all but a tickin’ time bomb waitin’ fer th’first wrong thing. I want m’freedom back. I want t’crumble Ul’dah down brick by fuckin’ brick. I want Odh in th’deepest cell known t’man kind. I want m’brother in rags. I want to hogtie Grymiyrnsyn an’ drop him off th’highest cañon. I want t’set things on fire. Watch it all burn. 

M’losin’ m’grip. I know it. I’ve been better than this. Can’t help th’folks I need to. Instead they got me terrorizin’ th’very people I used t’save. M’heart can’t take much more’a this. I need t’do sumthin’. Might..talk t’mbrother. See what kinda deal we kin make. There’s gotta be a way t’make this a mutual benefit. I jus’...need t’find th’words. 

I jus’ never been good at plannin’ things like this. Never been in this situation before. Never been sumone’s huntin’ dog. Certainly not fer th’Syndicate. I gotta git outta this. But I need t’make it work. Jus’ fer now. Jus’ fer now. Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

Out of Ammo: There’s a couple mentions here, a number without tumblrs so I won’t bother tagging, but here’s a ramble post from the cowboy. 

[ectonurites]

Ok im the ghostmaker/ul#10 anon from a second ago but like. I don't care for tynions writing all that much, nor do I care about Bruce ships, but that run feels so gay I can't believe he got away with it. Not even bringing up harley and ivy and gardener and their whole thing. Plus he's a timkon shipper, like. I'm just sad to see him go because I know whatever happens next will not be nearly as gay. It might be a good it might be terrible idk, I just know I will miss watching this bisexual man project onto literally every character in the gayest way possible

NO FOR REAL THO... he really did all this.

Like I remember when this big Fear State announcement art dropped just pausing and going 'holy shit, half the characters (Ghostmaker, Gardener, Ivy, and Harley) shown here as major players of this event are canonically queer'

Like I think that's just a really cool... thing? And all of the queer characters here are ones who by the end are working to save the city rather than destroy it (Ivy was more in the destroy category early but in the end she helped <3). That's just... cool to see for a big Batman event imo

[fencesandfrogs]

gathering times.

part of my broader lore series.

i’m breaking from my usual lore narration style for a moment to discuss: how cats know when to gather (because it bothers me).

anyway, i haven't seen any other lore about this, so i'd like to say that explicitly, anyone is welcome to use this if they like it. if you want to use the folklore parts (e.g., the story in "full moon.") please credit me somehow, but otherwise idgaf. (a CC0-1.0 liscence, if you are a nerd. if you're not, it's what i just said.)

section one: tracking the moon

so i have this tiny lore thing where so the cats. track the moon as starclan adding claws to the moon and taking them away. so we have four claws to mess with:

no claws: new moon

one claw: waxing cresent

two claws: half moon

three claws: waxing gibbous

four claws: full moon

but cats usually count these in terms of one claw away from new/half/full, like how people used to call november 20th 10 days from december.

also, since only new and full moons matter for most cats, most cats wouldn't think about the waning moon. hence why it's described as starclan clawing at the moon, because they don't care about the precision.

this is also somewhat decoupled from the idea of a half/quarter moon as a unit of time: cats aren't using this to track time (e.g., one claw to three claws), just as a method of measuring where in the moon they are. i'm not sure if this makes sense, i guess it's kind of like saying "monday" tells you where in the week you are, and saying "third week" says where in the month you are, but you wouldn't say "from second week to fourth week," you'd say the dates or be more specific.

look, cats track time differntly. we're going to talk about when first and why second.

section two: full moons

The leaders discussed this, and they agreed. From then on, they would meet the night after the moon had all its claws, and there were no more debates about when the gathering would be.

(full moon.)

yeah so basically i was so angry that warrior cats act like the moon is either new, half, or full i wrote 1k words of folklore about why that is. that will either be published or publishing soon, so i'm not going to recap it.

basically, the full moon is considered to start when the moon is a whisker's length from full (basically, the first night you can't see that the moon hasn't finished), and that day is the holy day for clans who celebrate like that.

the next day is the gathering.

the third day is the medicine cats' half moon meeting (we're getting to them).

mind, i'm still doing a lot of handwaving here, but i do have a limit to how realistic i demand my fantasy cat novels be.

section three: half moons

There was no celebrations to be had on half moon, and the camp was mostly quiet. Moonrise was coming soon, and Dovepaw could see Willowshine and Mothwing climbing the rocks. Jayfeather greets them, doesn’t ask where she is.

(feathers take flight --- footprints)

so basically half moon is when a whisker could be laid straight on the moon. this is still kind of vague, but let's say starclan intervenes.

i honestly can't come up with a better explanation of how they all agree, so at least this is a definition. the half moon is such a vague term like.

anyway.

section four: new moons

“Won’t everyone be asleep?” she asks, and Willowshine’s eyes glitter.

“On the night of the sleeping moon? I hope they’re not done.”

Dovepaw doesn’t know what that means. But she enters the camp, still alive, apprentices sharing fish, flower petals scattered, and she almost does.

(feathers take flight --- footprints)

okay, this is the one that i think is hardest to tell is ambigious. because you might be thinking "new moon is when there is no moon" but this has the same problem as full moon.

luckily, only medicine cats gather on the new moon. so clans can celebrate whenever.

anyway, internet says people can see a moon at anywhere from 1% to 10% as illuminated, and cats have better night vision, and you get about 3 days in the 0% to 5% range, so i'm not really sure what to derive from this.

i mean there are cycles with a new moon and a 0% moon on either side.

anyway, i'm going to say that cats call it the new moon when it's 0% or new. the first day is always the new moon. we're also going to say their vision is good enough that there's no conflict.

(how is this different from the full moon? its a pyschology thing about complete/empty. a cup isn't empty unless there's nothing in it, but it can be full with not very much in it, even if you're holding out for a full cup. also, stop asking difficult questions. i cover this in "full moon." where the answer is basically the same as this one but with better lore.)

section five: medicine cats meet every half moon

“He’s right,” Willowshine says. “Mothwing made me a medicine cat on a second whisker night, and I swear the clan slept ‘til sunhigh.”

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)

so uhh i've never understood what it means that medicine cats meet for the half moon. in older books, it's called a half moon meeting, which implies that it doesn't occur on the new moon or the full moon. but in moth flight's vision i swear they say they'll meet every half moon which is an established unit of time in canon.

so. do they meet every quarter moon or every half moon.

i've gone with every quarter moon. why? the following:

it means i can let cats stay home now and then.

it makes more sense. if you know much about human medicine, rounds/grand rounds (which are a similar vibe with less religion) happen every day to every month, depending on the scale of the encounter. i think meeting every quarter moon makes more sense because they're constantly talking about getting advice from each other, and it would be so much easier to just have jayfeather ask for littlecloud's help at the next half moon meeting than running over, since that's what the point of the meeting is.

i want to.

anyway, new moons for clans and medicine cats can get desynched. kind of like geographic north/magnetic north, and human months vs the lunar cycle. it's not super common, but it does happen and no one really cares.

they meet on a second-whisker night for the full moon. that's basically, okay, in "full moon." i say

"No," said Briarleap. "But when the moon has all its claws, there is always a time where the moon is a whisker's length from fullness. We ought not to waste our energy gathering when the moon isn't full. So the clans must gather the moonrise after the last claw is returned."

and the understanding is, the "last claw" night briarleap is talking about is called "first-whisker night" that's the holy night.

first whisker is the night they meet. because it's supposed to be properly full but sometimes there's a whisker.

and second whisker is the next night, when medicine cats meet.

yes, that does mean any clans that celebrate the full moon have exhausted medicine cats near full moon. this is why meetings are every quarter moon. so they can stay home for a meeting without missing a major important time.

alright, i believe that's all i have for this. as a fun bonus, i have some consistent warrior/medicine cat training timelines.

The typical medicine cat training period is four seasons, although after the first two to three, they are usually alloted a good amount of autonomy.

...

There’s no vigil for medicine cats. They have trained for four seasons, seen the clan at its best and worst, and have already chosen to sacrifice much of a warrior life for the good of their clan. If Willowshine decides to make Dovepaw a full medicine cat, the clan will feast in her honor that night.

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)

the implication here is that warriors train for two seasons, which is why medicine cats are given more authority around then. in riverclan, that's when they move into the medicine cat's den, because their denmates are moving into the warriors den. not always, though:

“Am I going to be all alone when Troutpaw and Rushpaw and Mossypaw become warriors?” she asks. Dovepaw has never slept alone.

(Jayfeather, alone in his den.)

“I don’t think so,” Willowshine says. “They might stay in with you until Fernstream’s kits become apprentices, or you could sleep in the medicine den. You’re always welcome.”

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)

(fernstream is an invention bc riverclan doesn't have any queens they don't age it's a problem i need to redo their allegiances for FTF.)

anyway yeah that's a different story tho.

finally, take these cute words from mistystar to dovepaw:

“Then I make Dovepaw kin, and say she is born from River, as we all are. And I trust her training to Willowshine, and Starclan, to guide her paws.”

(feathers take flight --- riverbed)

[x-galactic-star-x]

I feel like more ppl need to watch and talk about Lost In Space

⚠️Little warning of spoilers⚠️

What i wanna talk about first is S1E6 -

Why did Will make Robot walk off the cliff? I mean come on... And then in the next part he want him back and misses him but bruh, he literally knows whete his parts are- also did literally nobody ask what happened to the Robot, like for real?

Oh ye and Will was gonna just leave the Robot at the dying planet? For real? Why would u do such a thing-

Also to mention that idk why the Robot fell apart into pices, when Scarecrow literally fell out of space and landed on a planet and he was completly fine in S3 lol

Also idk about u but if i would be a 11year old i would be huggin the hell out of that Aliwn Robot, he seem so stiff and seem to be like already try to be responsible, i mean yeah the point about is that Will grow ul slowly to understand the situation.

I love the show to bits ngl. I love space, aliens and robots and its just so awesome.

Tho im a little bit dissapointed sometimes like i would have liked to see the Robot learning from Will more, like tipical human stuff, like any game, or reading to the robot, showing pictures and telling him stories more. Just standing more time bonding. And maybe not just Will, Judy and Penny aswell.

They just had a few bonding time but it felt so little, maybe because they were focused on Will and the Robot more.

Im all about wholesome moments.

Dr. Smith/June can get away with way too many stuff and its annoyingly rly good at it, even tho she have her own battles to fight about what she think is right or wrong.

Also i find it funny how she literally carry Robot's parts around even tho its tetnically rly heavy tons of alien metal xD

And there is one thing i wish there was in the show, a tipical person who is obsessed with alien/robots, the fan. It ould have been funny to see them just askin the Robot questions and try to study it with respect and care. But thats just me. I still loved the end. Looked rly cute and sentimental. 🤖💕✨

Thats all i wanna say so far i might write more idk :)

[tuxedo-floracat]

saw lots of other ppl doing this so here’s my top 5 liked dragons!

1. Happy - 63

2. Robbie Rotten - 41

3. Filia Ul Copt - 28

4. Sportacus - 21

5. Fluttershy - 18

everyone except Happy is a fandragon. all four fandragons are part of the Fandragon Directory thread, where Robbie Rotten being featured as the current spotlight dragon (which is why i think he has so many likes lol)! and I remember Miss Filia being my first dragon to get a ton of likes due to someone sharing her in a thread as an example of a dragon they really really liked--she definitely held the most-liked status for a long time tho! Fluttershy is the quickest to accumulate likes since she was one of my new years day 2021 hatches and so the youngest one here. and for Sportacus I imagine he gained a lot of likes from being next to Robbie in my fandragon tab lol. but i definitely know Happy got so many likes from that post i made here on tumblr asking for ppl to hug him lmao. thank you everyone who hugged Happy and made him the most-liked dragon in my lair!!!

[tomatada-witch]

Feedback

Hii this is Chi💚 anon, Thank you so much for the reading, so detailed. And don’t worry about the delay, everyone has their own personal life and problems. Which is understandable.

I have to start that it hit so much, sounds dramatic but I literally teared up while reading it. Thank you for the message<33 I will have fait in myself and keep fighting.

It’s true I have a lot of ideas in my head that I want to achieve but Yeahh I can’t do everything at once and sometimes it just sounds so unrealistic. Although I’m happy to hear to have many opportunities. I have to use and take it usefully. I always want the best way to achieve my dream but I don’t know what is the best cause they all can sound good. My mind is always with different plans and ways for my career life cause it is really important to me. Financial stable everything .Also thank you for the idea, I will write it down , pros and coins.

Yeahh I can already see this will be hard for me at first, cause it is kinda a be field for me which I have never expected. Ohhh noo not the in pain, I overthink really fast when something doesn’t go good or as I planned. I start to lose hope or motivation or being l stressed and worried. The ten of swords sounds scary.

Oofff what a relief with the nine of pentacles, rest. I do work really hard when I want to achieve something ( when I really find my passion and of course committed to it) sometimes I can overwork myself with that. But I’m happy to hear like definitely that it will be stable ( don’t know how long it will cost). And yess I love financial stable. The people who didn’t believe in me will support me then… I-…woww although it will be going after your dream without any support but I also love to be independent because I’m the type that say “ I will prove you” I really dislike when someone underestimated me. Trusting myself is the key I see.

I have got short readings about my career life and everything I got, that I will achieve the job I wanted but then will change or feel something is missing and will do another job or something else. Ohhh now I wonder why I act like that because why would I lose motivation and faith in something I have worked hard for of course working is exhausting me tiring but is it that much? But Yeahh definitely in these time I also think from myself that I will definitely have to take a break and clear my mind and treat myself like charge myself again.

For the last card I feel like it’s definitely about the present and the beginning of my career when I start cause I feel really pressured especially by my family, they don’t support me and want to do medical education like becoming a doctor. They weren’t happy when I chose my own way haha. And yess everyone keeps saying that I look weak, my personality doesn’t suit it, I’m to soft, naive and weak for the career path I want. Just because for now I don’t look like it, I’m just a high schooler who doesn’t talk a lot. And yess I did start to doubt myself a lot and dug down myself. I felt lonely , I just want support but Yeahh guess not.

Thank you for the beautiful card, I will definitely not give up because I know I can do it, I will prove these people. I used to be kinda manipulated by my parents ideal job that they want me to be. It costed me a lot of time to finally hear my own calling and choose my needs. Ohh yess I do be criticising myself a lot and compare myself , I’m kinda competitive sometimes even tho I’m trying not to be because everyone has to work hard to be in some positions.

I honestly want to work in the economics field, I’m doing some economics sources. I want to do something with accountancy or managing. I love to be in high position ( here we go again with unrealistic idea but who knows by hard working I can reach it with a lot of time but eyyy). I want to be a manager or at least some good position in a company ig. But I’m unsure if that will suit me:( I’m doubting myself so much but career is something really serious. Yeahh I really have to build up my self esteem because I’m really insecure about myself.

Thank you so for the reading, it was helpful really:)) I felt really touched. It described everything I’m feeling now. Thank you so much for the reading again, and you effort , energy seeing how detailed it is. Like this can be a paid reading of 15€ or some. Take care of yourself, don’t pressure yourself too much cause of the readings since readings te really draining to do . I understand.

💚Have a wonderful day ahead, keep doing what you’re doing, take care!!! 💚

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Thank you so much for understanding and thank you so much for this feedback, I loved reading every single word because I know it also took a lot of you to write such a big feedback! So thank you! Honestly, thanks to you, because I don’t want to see you go or not being able to ask questions because you are shy or something similar, I will keep my anons open so you are always welcome!

And hey! I don’t think it’s dramatic, I just think you have a lot of things going on and sometimes we need to let go of some tears in order to feel better, and I really hope this was the case!

Something that I also want to point out is that Plans /barely/ go according to well...plan. See a plan as a guideline and not a thing that has to be done by this order. IT’s normal to overthink but don’t let that get to you, while there’s life there’s hope! Also, I think we are similar in that aspect, when people don’t think I can do it oh, heck I /will do it/ and prove them wrong, and this is a good thing because it keeps you motivated, it’s like transforming fears and anger into motivation to keep moving forward. About losing motivation- Well sometimes is the routine or the “ god I have to do this, I don't feel like it” sometimes it’s better to take a pause and return to it, I think in these moments you have to stop, think why you are here why did you fight so hard to get here! Things will go into place!

I totally get you, but remember if you have the strength to choose your own path with everyone looking down on you- heck that isn’t somebody who is weak, you took a rebellious position and that is brave! Sometimes, I don’t know if you are, but emotional people are seen as weak, or nice people are seen as weak when they are not. It takes strength to show how we truly feel, when you less expect you will make decisions that will prove just that. Believe in yourself because I know this will happen. And you already have support! I support you in your decision, this is your path, your life, and no one else's! And about competition? That is just fuel to get better at something! Remember each one has their different paths and life, but if they can do it, so can you! Maybe you have to work harder than everyone but that won’t stop you!

Also, I don’t think your job is unrealistic, but you have to gain information on how to go there, I don’t know if your school has psychologists but they also help you with this kind of stuff! Everyone doubts himself once in a while, it’s normal but what is important is what you do with it! Keep moving forward, keep being yourself, the rest will only follow!

For my final words, I want to say that I am really glad that you liked it and that you found it helpful! And thank you for the Idea! I am thinking of opening some paid and feeling you have my back even if you can’t pay anything means a lot!!

So thank you for these kind words and for your feedback! Remember you are always welcome and you can do it!!

Keep moving forward!

[mcl-alloveragain]

I have 8 OCs for MCL and every single one of them is for HSL (Okay, maybe Maisie is more for UL, but she's still new and she's also the only one who hasn't got a fanfiction, so she doesn't count 😭)

I write my fanfics only for myself and I don't intend to publish them anywhere anytime soon, especially since they are all in my native language, but I'm so, so in love with my OCs I think i would like to introduce them and their stories in a "quick" summaries soon :33 (and maybe eventually post some drabbles with them & their LI in the future, when i grow more confident with writing in English, who knows)

Also I probably will make OC for Priya in future, but I'm not sure about Rayan and Hyun because they aren't really my type so yeah... I'm a simp for Chani tho, so I'll write someone for her too, I just need to finish UL and LL first to get to know her better... 😫

Yeah.

But those posts about my OCs are just some plans for the future, because now I'm living my Armin's AL dream and can only think about my wonderful boy whom I missed so much sjajajjshhxakakakajznsnsnsn so i have no idea why i'm even telling you about all of this, just had the need to i guess

[rainyday-deer]

Anon i want you to know that i know what this meme is and what it’s for but I have 0 recollection of reblogging it recently

imma still do it tho i spose. Also screencap just so it stays out of the search.

Send 🔥  for an unpopular opinion

I don’t like it. /shrugs

In the end it’s just not my cup of tea, so I have it and the corresponding Big Ship with it blacklisted.

The few times I’ve peeked in at the AU and the characters, the more :/// about it I get. I understand it was being worked on before the series ended, buuuut given that it only works as an actual AU and falls flat on its face as a proper spin off for Var kind of highlights that I think it’s bad.

I’m glad Disney turned it down lmao

To me, personally, I don’t think the story makes sense, I don’t think Var/ian’s motivations are necessarily IC, and the fact that we’re spending time focusing on his mom when the whole god damn dark kingdom is right there, ready to be developed but mostly glossed over (Like Qui/rin) is a huge waste.

It almost doesn’t even feel like it’s in the same universe as Tangled-- And as most spin offs go, that’s... Kind of annoying and usually a big thorn in the spin offs side, yknow? Spin offs don’t usually get as popular as their initial source material for a reason, and that’s one of them imo

The original characters have potential, Nu/ru and Don/ella specifically, but they also seem kinda wasted. Yo/ng seems mildly stereotype-y to me and on top of being obvious comic relief makes me kinda :///

I also don’t like hu/go as a whole but characters like him are ones I usually end up pretty meh on as a whole, and relationship dynamics like what would have been his and Var’s annoy me, so it’s already 100% NOTP material right there, and while I could have been more or less neutral to it, I’m annoyed by seeing it everywhere and having it proclaimed as practically canon so Goodbye it’s Blacklisted now.

Also Don/ella’s motivations seem a bit weird to me. She doesn’t want Var/ian’s mom to be released, but she’s the one who trapped her right? Shouldn’t she still have those totems to keep the library closed? How did she lose them? Did she put them back? That library is obviously also a big deal and she wants to get there too right?? So like......... whats the big deal if she does? I haven’t seen any inclination that she wants to take over the world or something.

Maybe I’ve missed some details, but I have read most of the notes and stuff for it from the people who made it, and this is just my take away from it /gesture

Also i think Ul/la is a dumb name.