#uhhhh. uh. CW EVERYTHING?

[judasisgayriot]

- Kid never went to school, never had no friends. You used to hear some weird stories about how Stakowski raised him after his first wife ran off. He just stuck him in a big old moving box. Toss in food, clean it out once a week like he did for his horses and cows. The kid had something else. Hole cut out of the box so he could see the TV. Day and night. One year, about a year before the fire, got a call from the hospital. Stakowski‘s boy, Jim, they were sewing up his hand. Stakowski got drunk, picked up a knife, carved a cross in the back of his hand. Big old cross. Deep and bloody. - The boy who set fire to his father. It’s Jim Profit. (Profit, TV, 1996)

[angeart]

How dare Link correctly predict my reaction to teases, how dare (<3) YES I wanna know what prompted the upset, what well meaning thing went so wrong D: And that bit about still hoping to be loved breaks my heart for them

-🎀

the bit about still hoping to be loved broke my heart too, and that's why i needed to include it <3

so, about hermits wanting to help them. one smaller example is them taking a look at scar's tattered wings and suggesting that maybe they could help fix them. which is good!

but this comes after scar having his wings like this for about a year, and it took a long time for him to learn to accept them as they are. he's no longer ashamed of them, seeing them simply as a part of himself now. (the same way his scars have always been)

and, sure, he will still take a chance at having them healed, but it still rubs him wrong, in a way. even though it's a kind, well-meaning offer. because it proposes that he needs to be fixed.

but a whole big issue stems from something else.

we know scar and grian have changed.

grian, in particular, flinches a lot and seems scared. scar, on the other hand, often shields grian, and calls on his vex traits to intimidate the danger away, showing he's not afraid to fight. (he is afraid. he's constantly afraid.) and they're both awfully codependent, clinging to each other and isolating from everyone else.

[1,7k rambles and ~3,2k rp snippets below the cut]

one of the things they leaned into in that other world was their hybrid traits. and they show in the way they interact with each other, you know? the way they express trust and love and know what the other one needs.

well, scar is a vex.

we know there's a mating bite, but that's not everything. him and grian indulge in a lot of biting and blood related stuff. all consensual! grian is a little freak so he likes it!

it's something the two of them do, privately and intimately. it's safe, it's fun, it's theirs. them being insanely in love and ready to give all of themselves over. lose all of control on both sides, at least for a moment, in a world that hardly allows such a thing.

but here's the issue: the others don't know anything about any of it. they don't know what scar and grian have been through. they don't know anything about vex instincts or mating rituals. they don't understand anything about this new thing.

so when they see grian timid, bruised and bitten? and they know that scar seems more violent now, sharp-fanged and clawed?

let's just say they get concerned. and stage a bit of an intervention.

they just want to make sure that grian is okay! it... should be a good thing. except they've separated them and are now cornering grian, asking all these questions and voicing all these assumptions. and it's a bit awful, actually.

grian is pressed into having to explain that yeah, actually, he wanted all of that. that it's love.

but him naming the so obvious damage love just rings more alarm bells. and maybe someone asks him if it's a form of self harm, to allow that to happen to him? like, if grian seeks it out, is it self destructive? is that why he craves it?

and sort of, him and scar spiral about this in different ways.

grian struggles with untangling his way out of it, because what if they're right? what if he subconsciously sought harm? but he liked it? is it wrong to enjoy it? he knows that he had his moments when he was actively trying to bring himself damage. mostly aimed at his wings—plucking out his feathers and such. but is this just another thing like that? a substitute damage of sorts? was he just oblivious this whole time?

grian never had a previous relationship experience, so he really can't tell what is love. where does it end and Something Bad begins? he associates the bites with love, but is that bad? is he wrong? would it feel different if someone else showed him that love is something else? did he just manipulate himself into feeling like this and now he's in too deep?

at least he knows scar would never hurt him if grian says no. if grian doesn't want it. but... if grian wants it... is it self destructive? is that what it means? or maybe he was just chasing the aftermath? the soft care (that scar'd offer regardless)?

his mind is a mess and he can't figure out what his real feelings in this all are. he doesn't know how to figure it out. he gets really confused and worried and scared. (he's terrified that they're right, not necessarily for himself, but because of what that'd do to scar.) (he's scared that scar will blame himself over this. that no matter the outcome, this is inevitably going to mess something up between the two of them.)

in the meanwhile, scar feels like a monster. like maybe he was doing something wrong this whole time. was he enabling something horrible? was he genuinely hurting grian this whole time, unaware?

because he's a vex, and it makes sense to want this on his end, but grian is an avian, and... maybe scar should've questioned it more? shouldn't have been so eager to indulge? did he do something irreparably cruel without meaning to?

through this all, he reassures grian it's okay to take a break from it, or even to completely stop. it's fine! it's always been fine! but despite that, their feelings continue to spiral, caught in a maze they can't escape.

it used to be so simple. back in the vex commune. scar never had to doubt himself and the way they express their love. not when it came to this.

and now suddenly it seems so different. so vile and wrong and horrible. people are genuinely concerned and scar and grian wonder, separately, if maybe they're right to be?

... eventually they both hurtle towards a breaking point. and scar decides he needs to talk to someone about it. and grian decides he needs to be alone for a moment, becoming overwhelmed, needing some space to think.

i really want to tell you about what happens in the talk scar has with the others, but i can't. not quite yet.

anyway, this is where the breakdowns come in. (yes. multiple.)

first is scar's during the conversation he has. he gets to hear a lot of good, wise, reassuring things, but ultimately, he still needs to hear from grian. he's been trying so hard not to influence grian's conclusion to all of this, but. he needs to know grian's thoughts, once grian is ready.

grian is not ready. he's been growing so emotionally worn out from all of this, so volatile and fragile. it's all a bit Too Much.

scar messages him, checking up on him.

are you okay?

and

i'm here waiting for you whenever you come back

and

but i'll come find you if you want me to

and

i love you

... but here's the thing, right? neither scar nor grian are used to comms anymore. so grian doesn't read any of that.

they regress back to what they know.

scar howls.

grian chirps.

and only then does scar's comm ping.

come.

zero hesitation, scar unfolds his wings and jumps off the balcony, rushing towards where that chirp came from. he's being called. he's being wanted.

he'd go anywhere for grian.

he finds grian perched atop a tree. struggles to climb up, but never falters. because grian's now starting to cry, and scar needs to be there.

tucked safely into scar's gentle, loving arms, grian breaks down.

--

with a hitched sob, grian falls forwards into scar's arms, burrowing easily into the warmth and familiarity and security.

he wants to say he's sorry. he's sorry this is so hard for him. he's sorry he can't untangle this; sorry he can no longer tell which are his feelings and which are just things people have suggested he might feel. he's sorry he's making this so difficult. he's sorry he's worrying everyone.

but words evade him as scar's arms provide just enough safety for his guards to crumble lower, making him just sob instead.

--

and believe it or not, somewhere in the midst of this (hey do have a proper talk, if a bit tear-drenched) is scar's second breakdown. (grian's time to hold him!!!) that's where the rp snippet in the previous ask is from. and you'll get more of that in a second.

first i just need to tease the aftermath, because i'm a menace.

after crying and comforting their hearts out, they fly(!!!) back. there's immense relief to wind in grian's feathers, and a dangerous edge of the feeling of freedom it brings, wanting to soothe all the cracks on his soul... but the truth is, his soul is still cracked. and he's still depleted. he knows he's still hovering over something so incomprehensibly fragile. that the smallest prod will set him off and break him again.

they arrive at their nest—scar first, to warn their company not to ask questions, grian second.

it doesn't stop it from happening. grian was right: the smallest thing can set him off.

so he has another breakdown, possibly a bigger one, drawing on far deeper hurt that screams and tears at his heart. and plunges all three other people in the room into breakdowns of their own <3333

(yes that's the part we can't talk about. yet.)

aNYWAY!!! how about some rp bits.

---------------

SCAR

Despite Grian’s crying being entirely contagious— or perhaps Scar is just simply too empathetic and emotional himself— Scar’s had practice with consoling his sweet bird. He knows what he ought to do here. 

He tightens his hold until it’s snug and secure, then pressed a few little kisses to whatever part of Grian’s head he can reach.

And then he talks.

“I knew you’d be up in a tree somewhere.” His voice wobbles a bit, but it’s alright. “I wanted to give you some time… I missed you though. Like immediately.”

He chuckles softly, knowing their bond borders on codependent, even if it’s something they’ve worked on since they’ve gotten home. Still, it’s okay to poke fun at it, he thinks. It’s okay to admit the truth.

--

GRIAN

grian's sobs quiet down a little as scar talks, energy redirected to hook into the familiar rumble of his slightly quivery voice, sniffling as he listens to what scar has to say. 

it's sometimes hard to decipher the meaning of sentences when he gets like this, but scar doesn't seem to expect an answer; he's not asking him anything, and grian's grateful for being given time, a grace period where he can just cling and cry and calm down while scar holds him. 

he laugh-sobs at the note that it was obvious he'd be in a tree. he's given scar a lot of hard time in the past until he figured out that lesson, but now he always knows unfailingly where to search when grian's heart needs him after cowardly isolation.

he comes every time. he comes and he finds him and he holds him. 

grian sniffles, despondent, burrowing tighter in. he chirps a little to encourage scar to go on, to keep talking; the sound of it is shaky, about to fall apart to pieces, but he thinks it still counts. it's still something. a participation, not leaving scar stranded and alone in this.

--

OK LOOK WE HAVE TO SKIP AHEAD HERE BECAUSE [REDACTED] REASONS

--

GRIAN

grian hums again, fond and soft, slumped against scar with utmost trust. and then he finally says it. "'m sorry."

--

SCAR

"Hey, none of that, mister," Scar says, shaking his head into Grian's hair in more of a no than a nuzzle now. "It was a lot, it's okay. You needed a moment."

He places another kiss.

"And you knew I'd be here in a heartbeat when you were ready, right?" Scar grins sheepishly.

--

GRIAN

grian's hands trace idle patterns on scar's back as he gets comforted by words and another kiss. he closes his eyes, taking it in, before replying with a soft little "yeah."

-- 

SCAR

Scar purrs at the affection, openly so. "Doin' a little better now?"

--

GRIAN

grian nods, still right against scar, clingily pressed into him. "yeah, i... yeah."

--

SCAR

Scar doesn't budge, not interested in releasing his darling bird just yet. "...what's on your mind?" he prompts softly, hoping to get a glimpse at Grian's inner turmoil.

--

GRIAN

with eyes still closed, grian lets the pause linger just a moment, before replying with a quiet but honest, "right now? how nice this feels."

--

SCAR

Scar chuckles again, a little anxiety getting settled by that fact, though certainly not all. "Oh, well that's good, yes. I agree with that sentiment entirely."

--

GRIAN

"good," grian purrs, squeezing at scar. "'coz i don't wanna lose it."

--

SCAR

Scar's ears twitch, something awfully depressing in those few words. "Hey, no, never," he assures. "This is never going away, okay?" 

Since he seriously doubts cuddling is about to give anyone the wrong ideas.

--

GRIAN

grian has to swallow several times for his feelings to not go off the rails again. he takes a shaky breath, still squeezing at scar, as if he was afraid he might disappear. "... okay."

--

SCAR

"And neither am I!" Scar tacks on, even if it should go without saying. Even if it may be a little dramatic. But he thinks maybe Grian needs to hear that fact stated with absolute certainty. "I love you too dang much."

--

GRIAN

that gets grian to loosen his grip a little, enough to shuffle and look up. hair messy and eyes glistening and red rimmed, he looks up at scar with so much aching adoration, it feels like he might drown. 

"i think it's okay if— if we love each other in our own way," he says sheepishly. he ducks down, laying his head on scar's shoulder, feeling shy as his hands go back to tracing patterns on scar's lower back. "even if the others don't understand or agree." there's a precipice of a pause, and then the most timid little "... right?"

--

SCAR

Scar's heart stutters, and his ears flick up again with carefully optimistic anticipation at Grian's words. His eyes threaten to flood over again, but the tears feel different, more cathartic, less miserable. 

He tucks his head over Grian's again, brushing his cheek over his locks affectionately, daring to release a few hopeful tears as Grian says what he desperately hoped he might. 

"I..." he starts, still trying not to influence this decision if he can help it, but... "I think so. ...I mean it's—" He thinks of [REDACTED], and chuckles wetly, morphing them in his own Scar-silly way. "It's not really anyone else's business what we do in the bedroom, is it?"

--

GRIAN

grian's hands still against scar's back, simply holding him for a moment as he soaks up scar's nuzzles. there's wetness to them, something that makes grian's heart ache as he worries about all the possible meanings, but hopes against all hope that it's just scar getting positively emotional—a relief of sorts above all else. 

a small strained chuckle makes it past his lips, and he muffles it into a kiss that he presses into scar's shoulder. "right. exactly."

--

SCAR

Scar weakly smiles, giving Grian a squeeze. "...but seriously, I— you know it's okay if we stop, right? If you ever change your mind— and I mean your mind, nobody else's— then it's fine! But... I... yeah." Another squeeze. "I just want to be sure you know that."

--

GRIAN

there's a barely stifled sigh, but no hint of tension pools across grian's back. his hold remains still and gentle, his head idly leaning on scar's shoulder. "i know," he murmurs.

--

SCAR

"Good," Scar states, ducking lower so his forehead presses into Grian for a moment before releasing just enough so he could escape the big bear hug if he wanted. “... you know, [REDACTED]”

--

WE ARE ACTUALLY TAKING ANOTHER LEAP, ANOTHER SKIP, ANOTHER SCRIBBLED OUT SECTION. bear with us <33

--

SCAR

[REDACTED VERY REDACTED] “I mean, I had to learn all this vex stuff, too. It’s not… I mean it’s certainly not the most family-friendly sort of culture but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, does it?”

--

GRIAN

grian blinks at that, lifting his head in attention. this really surprises him, for some reason. that [WOO REDACTED AGAIN WOW] 

"oh." he takes a moment, leaning slightly back, inviting scar's touch a little bit further. "yeah... yeah, i think he's—" he bounces the words around in his head again, then settles on: "it's a learning curve every way, isn't it? whenever there's new instincts and..." he skirts around the words mating rituals, feeling a faint warmth rise up to his cheeks. he looks away briefly, teething at his bottom lip as he thinks of all the worries he himself used to have, all the mistakes kane made, all the effort and talking and correcting it took for things to finally have it all sink in the proper way. 

he clears his throat, shyly looking back at scar, but then his gaze anchors and softens. his hand travels up from scar's chin, brushing through his hair, tucking a strand behind his ears. "it's not wrong."

--

SCAR

“It’s not?” Scar asks meekly, even though he was the one to propose so first. To have Grian confirm it is so much more important. Because even if they can agree it’s not wrong for Scar to have sought out these things, ultimately he wants it to be right for Grian as well.

Scar chews at his lip nervously, but still tilts toward the offered affection, absolutely weak to it.

--

GRIAN

"mmm." grian lets his fingers brush through scar's hair again, gentle with him at every step. "it's not wrong," he repeats softly.

--

SCAR

Scar opens his eyes, both of them glistening with potential tears, but he offers up a weak, wobbly smile, appreciating every graze of Grian’s fingers. “…is it— it’s not wrong for you either?”

--

GRIAN

grian takes in scar's expression and he leans in for a short kiss. "it's not wrong for me," he murmurs, right over scar's lips. 

and maybe he still feels confused, and maybe he still has some exploring and figuring out to do, just to really settle things in his heart, but he knows scar will be there with him every step of the way. just like he knows that [REDACTED] is right—scar is good for him. 

and he wants all of him.

--

SCAR

The tears fall alongside a pitiful little chuckle, but Scar leans right back in for another kiss, not caring at all for the wetness that streaks down his cheeks. 

They can match now. It’s fine.

“I… I’m—?” Scar falters, and he laughs again, ducking his head down in slight embarrassment. He can’t even bring himself to say it. To even imply that he was worried that he was wrong for Grian. “…okay.”

--

GRIAN

the sight of tears breaks grian's heart. still keeping one arm around scar, hoping it'd make him feel close and secure, he lowers his other hand from scar's hair to his cheek, gently collecting the wetness even as scar leans in for a kiss. (one that grian gladly gives.) 

even though scar doesn't finish his question, grian can connect the dots. he remembers the time when he himself thought he's not good for scar, and he knows how awful and heavy that self doubt was.

with utmost tenderness, he kisses scar's cheek, right in the path of wetness, while his fingers gently brush the tears on the other side. "scar." it's quiet, reverent. irredeemably loving.

he pulls away, wanting scar to look at him as he says this. his wings twitch, brushing over scar's, curling inwards towards him. pressing against scar's sides under scar's wings as grian lets go of his back in favour of cupping his face, thumbs brushing over cheeks.

"scar, you're good for me."

he strings up the words, slow and deliberate and certain.

--

SCAR

It’s Scar’s turn to break again, clearly, as his eyes water over and big, wet tears fall down his cheeks and collect over Grian’s hands. He doesn’t even have words to respond with, just wide, grateful eyes and wobbly lips that can’t decide between a cry or a smile. 

His hands also find their way over Grian’s, though one escapes to run his own thumb over Grian’s cheek in turn, still feeling the dampness there. It’s oddly comforting.

“…sometimes I worry the hermits don’t think that,” he admits, gaze flicking away as he tries to keep a strong facade. (Hard to do while he’s actively crying, but it could certainly be worse.)

--

GRIAN

"oh, scar." grian sighs, heartbroken, brows pulling into a pained frown upon hearing that admission. he can hardly bear this, knowing scar's been made to feel like this.

he leans in to press a kiss to his forehead, wings slinking further along, wrapping around scar right underneath his vex wings. he wants to cocoon them into warmth and safety, away from these treacherous feelings.

the hermits managed to somehow break both of them down, with nothing more than good intentions.

grian hates the uncertain, askew feeling that pushes bitter bile up his throat, telling him maybe they're not quite right for this place anymore. that they forgot how to belong, but nobody has caught up yet and still expects them to be their selves that they can no longer reach.

“you know [REDACTED I AM SO SORRY]” he attempts a smile, though it's hard. he tugs at scar, wanting to pull him in for a hug, tuck him underneath his own chin, all safe and protected, but he leaves it up to scar whether he wants that or needs more breathing room right now. 

"maybe they need time. i... i've been hiding away a lot and. honestly i don't think they can tell what's good for me anymore. not right now." it's hard to admit. "even if they mean well." but well-meaning that hurts both him and scar is just meddlesome. 

maybe they needed this though, in a way. it would be better if it came from a different place, subtler, gentler, but still. maybe they needed to work through exactly these feelings.

"anyone who says you're not good for me will get smacked," he threatens, remembering scar's (and kane's) offers to bite people who look at grian wrong, in a way returning the favour. "'coz they're wrong and they have no business spewing nonsense."

--

SCAR

Scar gladly takes up the offer to be smothered in affection, and he boldly chooses to corporealize his wings fully and gently tug them around the base of Grian's, knowing well that wing-on-wing contact is almost always acceptable. And right now that sort of thing brings immense comfort to him, too. It's something they both share, after all. A pair of wings and a pair of patched up hearts.

"I know they mean well..." Scar whines into Grian's chest this time, and though there's no cozy shawl to bury himself in, it's just as comforting. "but they don't know everything, and... and I know that's mostly on us, but god it's just... it's so much sometimes, Grian." 

It's not exactly pleasant to recall those memories. To try to explain just how horrific it was to their old friends. To look them in the eyes and admit that they're different now because they had to be. (And how they still hope to be loved despite it all.)

--

GRIAN

grian wraps scar up in his arms, holding him close. one hand in scar's hair, the other sliding down between his shoulderblades, rubbing at that point between his wings, unaware he's copying exactly what [REDACTED] did earlier.

the pressure of scar's wings over his own helps him settle a little, gives him comfort and courage through this glass-shards of a conversation.

"they don't know everything," he echoes quietly, kissing the top of scar's head before he leans his cheek on it, cradling him. "i just wish..." he closes his eyes and tugs at scar, holds him a little bit tighter. he doesn't really know how to finish that sentence; all the words feel like they're crashing and splintering over sharp cliffs.

all that's left in the rubble is a weary sense of defeat. "it is so much," he agrees. "it's so tiring to... they expect us to be..." he doesn't finish any of his sentences, but he wonders if scar understands anyway.

--

SCAR

Scar understands perfectly. He nods softly as he listens, lulled in by those soft touches, tears drying as he lets Grian’s presence fully engulf him.

“…they expect us to be the same,” Scar finishes for him, certain that Grian’s had the same trouble he has, though perhaps to a different degree. “And… maybe we won’t ever be. But… I don’t think all the ways we changed are bad. Like— sure, we’re still messed up and jumpy and… and I mean, frankly traumatized, but…” There’s an effort to poke his head up, but Scar finds himself too reluctant to leave the comfort of Grian’s arms just yet. “We’re also in love. And… we have a new appreciation for life. And each other.” A half-sniffle, half-chuckle gets stuffed into Grian’s chest. “…is that too sappy?”

--

GRIAN

grian chuckles mirthlessly at the list of things they suck at, their reactions and trauma stitched close to them like their shadow, endless and monstrous, looming behind their every step. but scar is right: they have changed in so many messed up ways, and they might never be the same, but... it's not all bad. 

"we're in love," grian echoes, a notch lighter, just a little bit amused that the list of dark things ends with a complete shift, plunging them into sappiness. it's such a scar-like thing to do; he's aware of just how bad things have gotten, but that doesn't mean he won't fight to dredge up every little optimistic and hopeful thing out of it anyway.

grian loves it. it's gotten him through many dark times, this quality that scar has. his tenacious way of thinking and latching onto bright things, even if it's a barely flickering flame amidst complete, terrifying darkness.

he kisses his head again and then nuzzles against his hair, humming. "it's scar level sappy," he replies, mulling it, before landing on: "which means it's perfect." 

the only time scar's level of sappy is too much is when he's flustering grian, but he's not going to point that out, in case scar takes it as a challenge to compare the two right here and right now. (he'd be capable. grian knows.) 

he rubs at scar's back again, humming a soft melody, wanting to calm him further. but there's one thing even he can unearth from the ashes, something written into all their stitches and scars.

"we survived." 

nothing can beat that. no matter how they've changed, or what they can now see in a different light.

they made it.

"and we're good for each other."

--

SCAR

Scar giggles at the term. Scar-level sappy, indeed. His own brand of optimism, wrapped in layers of insecurity but boundless levels of adoration. 

And it got him this far, didn’t it?

“We survived,” Scar repeats, because that’s so damn important. They survived. And they did it because they were together.

Because they’re good together.

“…the power of love,” Scar adds, soft and sentimental and maybe just a bit goofy, hoping to turn the tides from tears to mirthful laughter.

--

GRIAN

once again he gets grian to giggle in a fragile moment—a talent scar has and grian values. in retaliation, he shifts his hands, brings them much closer, until he can tease at scar's ears. 

"we survived, so now i can do this!" his cheeks are still wet, and he feels depleted from all the heavy emotions, but he still manages a grin as he tries to make scar squirm.

--

SCAR

Scar barks out a fit of genuine laughter, somewhat startled by the shift, but he can’t complain when his lips are suddenly tipped into a bright smile and his ears are flicking wildly at the affectionate abuse. 

“Hey!! No fair! I’ve been so gentle!!” he cackles, already shedding that mercy and tickling at Grian’s ribs.

---------------

aaand i'm going to end on this note (because you know it devolves again. we're good at making things fall apart repeatedly <3 a great angst loop if you ask me.)

but, i'm going to leave you with a little bonus. which is what me and link talked about today. on this same topic, really.

which is how scar changed. hermits know him as the guy who dies a lot, right? also easily distracted, carefree, easily dissipating into giggles, easily brushing things off. all of that.

he could get startled by a fly. he'd yelp and stumble and fall over when he got scared.

but that other world forced other things on him. it forced him to be brave, or at least, to seem like it. forced him to fight to keep himself and grian safe. fight for them both to survive.

now when he gets scared? there are wings and claws and fangs.

he couldn't show weakness in that world, you know?

and it sticks. it sinks its talons into him and holds.

the only person he shows weakness around is grian. and... maybe if he'd been willing to show it more around the other hermits, they'd see that he's still scar.

that he's still scar and he's hurting and afraid.

(yes blame link for this heartbreak brb sobbing with u)

also. a potential conversation:

someone saying to grian (while scar is also possibly there): "scar came back... wrong."

grian angrily counters with "no, scar came back different but not wrong."

and then

quieter

"... i came back wrong."

because, think about it. scar changed, but it can be argued that some of it is better and he's just being misunderstood. but grian? grian can't imagine any good coming from how he's now.

he didn't grow braver or kinder or stronger or any of those things. he just caused [REDACTED]. he's a scared, hurting mess. there's nothing good about him now.

as link said in our discord dms: scar needs to scoop grian up and remind him that he's here for the whole ride. he'll be here while grian learns to heal.

because he will heal.

[wrioluvr]

flirty playboy x mature male reader

this stupid ass meme had been on my mind forever and i realised how funny it would be to have a slutty playboy who just sleeps with anyone to seriously pine over a more mature, secure guy who doesn't fall for any of his shallow charms and tricks.... here are just some blurbs of their dynamic (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)

his name is roman. he's a little toxic, but he just wants to be loved.

cw: some smut, top male reader

it all started with a little night out. you didn't do those often, due to devoting most of your time towards work and earning a stable career, but finishing this particularly gruelling assignment called for a celebration. at the bar, dancing with your friends, a good-looking man with a playful glint in his eyes approached you full of bravado. he told you how handsome you were, and had been eyeing you from across the room for a while now. but from a single glance, you could tell he was the type to break hearts. beach-blonde dyed hair, a tight fitting tank top revealing his muscular build, an eyebrow piercing, the way his mouth curled up so subtly into a little smirk.... he was everything you knew to avoid getting serious with. but a little hookup couldn't hurt, right? you deserved a little fun.

and it didn't hurt you at all. a few failed relationships had made you wise beyond your years, knowing to easily seperate the good guys from the bad. you knew your self-worth. roman, on the other hand, was absolutely smitten. no other man had fucked him THIS good, gave him such gentle aftercare, and even let him stay as long as he needed. the way you so effortlessly lifted his legs up to thrust in and out of him at a rhythmic pace, or fondling his tits and squeezing his nipples softly while you hit it from the back, or tenderly running your fingers down his spine, arching it sensually.... he loved it all. it was clear to him that you prioritised his pleasure as much as your own, and it showed in how he orgasmed several times before you even came in him once, panting breathlessly while wearing the sluttiest expression of his life. it was nothing like any of the men he had sex with before. afterwards, you let him stay the night in a guest room, and even brewed a cup of coffee for him in the morning.

roman was damn near tears when you offered to drop him off at his house before you headed off to work. if he was being honest with himself, his insecurities were the root of his constant need for sexual intimacy, so being treated with genuine kindness for once was new to him.

"is dropping you off here alright?" you ask, turning into the road of his apartment complex.

"y-yeah...." he looks out the window, unsure how to look you in the eyes.

"okay. thanks for last night. stay safe." your words carried an air of finality to them, like you were so sure the two of you would never cross paths again. he didn't like that.

"uh, uh......" he stuttered, all his usual flirtatiousness thrown out the window as he couldn't meet your gaze. "could i... get your number?"

your friendly smile froze on your face. "uhhhh.... sorry, i'm not really looking for anything serious right now."

he quickly regained his composure, charm turned up to the max. shifting his tank top so more of his chest was exposed and you could notice his nipples protruding, roman whispered in a low tone, "that's okay! we can just be casual... and fuck anytime you like." a wink. a hand on your thigh.

"jeez... okay, no offense, but i've heard rumours from my friends that you're a bit of a... playboy. i'm not interested in being your toy, sorry."

roman's face flushed in embarrassment, knowing what you said was true. except the part on him seeing you as a toy. that was untrue. he could feel a warmth growing from the pit of his stomach at the thought of spending more time with you. were these... butterflies?

maybe begging would work.

"okay fine, i am a bit of a player... but please, please, pleaseeeeeee.... let's be in contact, okay? as friends?" roman sniffled pathetically, shaking your shoulder in desperation. he needed to be in your presence. why weren't his usual maneating tactics working?!?!

"alright. here you go. just don't spam me or anything, okay? i gotta go for work. see you." you sigh, a little exasperated but choosing not to let it show. he immediately lit up, typing your number in his contacts and saving many hearts next to your name. you prayed your acts of basic human decency wouldn't cause him to catch feelings. you needed to focus on your job right now.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

3:02pm

[romanbabyxx]

hiiiiiii

[romanbabyxx]

i know you said not to spam you but like

[romanbabyxx]

i miss u

[romanbabyxx]

can we meet up at the bar for drinks or something like that? please?

3:10pm

you check the messages on your phone, rolling your eyes and ignoring them. he was probably sending this text to at least three other guys right now. he had a history of cheating, based on what you heard from your friends. you weren't going to be another one of his victims.

5:35pm

[romanbabyxx]

are u ignoring me?

[romanbabyxx]

im sorryyyyyyyy

[romanbabyxx]

pls hit me back when ur free

7.30 pm

[name]

sorry, just got off work. will be super busy this week, so not free. mb.

[romanbabyxx]

oh, its okay! next week then?

[name]

i'll see

this went on for a few weeks, you constantly evading his invitations, being polite and professional, never too intimate over text. roman was starting to get fed up. he's so used to getting everything he wants, he doesn't know what to do when he actually has to work for the one he desires. he actually hadn't hooked up with anyone since your one night stand, but you didn't believe that.

roman was at his wits' end. he could only think of one final plan to get your attention.

trying to make you jealous.

over the next week, he hooked up with any and everyone he met in the bar, not bothering to keep his slutting around discreet. he wanted you to hear the rumours. he wanted you to feel a sense of unease within your very being. he wanted you to feel possessive. he wanted you, to want him. the whole time, even as he was getting fucked, he could only imagine you caressing him, holding him close, loving him.

his deeds didn't go unnoticed. your friends told you about it, yet you didn't feel anything in the slightest. you were right, after all... he forgot about you within a week and moved on to whichever poor man he would leave high and dry next.

the next time you bumped into him at the bar, roman was his usual, party-loving self, excitedly slinging an arm around you, a drink in hand. his plan had to work, surely? you would be begging to have him back. but yet, when he offhandedly (yet so intentionally) mentioned how much dick he had been getting the past week, anticipating your change in expression, nothing happened. "oh. good for you." was all you said.

he sputtered, flustered by your calm demeanour. didn't you care? at all?! "but.... but.... aren't you jealous? that i've been hooking up with other guys?!"

you stare at him, a genuine quzzical expression plastered across your face. "why would i be? it's not like we're dating or anything. it was just a one time thing."

your words hit like a knife through his heart. he clutched his chest dramatically, a pout forming on his lips. "i'll be faithful! i promise!" his words came out more desperate than he intended. he felt so vulnerable, so naked, yet you were the face of serenity. your unimpressed eyes stared through his soul, as if you were scrutinising his very core. he knew you could heal him, make him feel loved, but he was starting to doubt there was any possibility you would feel the same.

"i'm sure that's what you said to the last guy you cheated on."

.

.

.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

i intended for this to be lighthearted but why was it actually kinda depressing tbh

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Ngl, you were one of the first tumblr blogs that awakened the monsterfucker in me, did not ever expect I would be here, uhh I love your work especially the alien pet one!! Anyways uhhhh can I request an NSFW cannibalistic giant x human reader, can be any gender, idk if this classifies as monster or not idk??

Sorry this took so long!

(Requests still closed, old request)

*NSFW* Yandere!Cannibalistic Giant x GN!Reader

Short drabble CW: death, abduction, animal death, no lemon just lime, non con touching, NSFW, hands-free orgasm

"Stop ignoring me."

Numb and silent, the abducted human sat as motionless as a living corpse. They had fought back for the first few weeks, crying and begging for their life, attempting escapes whenever they thought they had an opening, but now (Reader) understood that they truly had no hope of ever leaving the giant's side alive, and it killed them before he had a chance to.

When the campsite was attacked, they watched as their friends were torn apart, limbs easily ripped off of their bodies and devoured right in front of them. In the roulette of fight, flight, or freeze, (Reader) threw themselves at the monsters mindlessly, despite being barely thigh height in comparison. They stabbed one of the giants with a barbeque poker, but it barely pierced his thick flesh. He didn't even let out a sound of pain; it was like (Reader) had thrown a pillow at him and not attempted to spear him.

The fiery haired giant (Reader) had attacked picked them up by the back of their shirt like a cat, examining them long enough for their adrenaline to dissipate.

Shockingly, he did not eat them like he did their friends.

Instead the bloody giant hoisted (Reader) over his shoulder and left his brethren to continue the carnage.

For weeks the traumatized human sat by the giant's side, inescapable. He never hurt them, but threatened them nearly every day.

"If you try to run again, I'll bite your legs off."

"Such a pretty little human; I'm sure you taste just as good as you look."

"When I finally scalp you, your hair will make a fine necklace."

It became monotonous, the threats of harm and death, so when the young adult finally cracked, the words didn't startle them into reacting, even when he escalated his taunts.

"I told you to stop ignoring me." He warned, grabbing his victim under the arms like a child and raising them up to eye level. (Reader) felt as though they couldn't will themselves to care. Their life was already over: there was no hope.

He opened his mouth as wide as he possibly could, and slowly placed his captive's head inside. When he couldn't feel them squirm he slid them in deeper until his teeth scraped their collar bone and upper shoulder blades. His teeth gently dug into their skin. It was supposed to be intimidating, a reminder that at any moment he could and would eat them, but when he still couldn't feel them move he pulled them back out, his eyebrows knitted together in what was either concern or disappointment.

A loud chuckle rumbled like thunder from another giant who had been watching with amusement from across the way. "Uh oh, Pinyon! Looks like you broke your new toy!"

The abductor harrumphed before carrying (Reader) somewhere private, grumbling out a venomous sounding "They aren't my toy.."

In the seclusion of his tent, he suddenly had a change of attitude, acting in a way he had never done before. He pressed his face against their stomach while holding their back in a fashion that felt like a caress. Tears formed out of confusion at the seemingly tender action. They had already accepted their death, so why was he hugging them?

"Interesting little one.." the giant's voice vibrated across their abdomen. "Please do not ignore me.."

When he was a child, Pinyon found a squirrel that had fallen out of a tree. He didn't know what was wrong with the animal, but it seemed injured, and it sounded like it was struggling to breathe. Meat was meat. It didn't matter what the meat was, everything the tribe found was food for them, whether it was animal or human. However, this wasn't a conquest, it wasn't a fight. It was his first struggle. The poor thing was struggling.

Pinyon picked up the little creature, unsure of why his chest felt so heavy. The thing bit him. It didn't hurt, and it didn't anger him. It made him happy. To see it fight back. The action showed Pinyon that the squirrel was still alive, and that it was going to be fine. He cared for the squirrel as tenderly as a human cared for a pet dog; bringing it food and gently trying to nurse it.

Then, the squirrel died.

That was it. He went to feed it, and it was limp. There was no sound, no blood, it just stopped.

When you're raised to eat whatever is given to you, when you're told that "meat is meat", it's easy to forget that the creatures screaming for mercy are alive.

He didn't know why, it wasn't the first time someone had fought back, and it wasn't his first human kill..

But the look on the little human's face as they leapt out at him with a pitiful excuse for a weapon reminded him of that squirrel.

"It doesn't matter if you hate me, or if you're scared of me. Even if it's to scream at me, don't ignore me."

The brief kindness was over in a second, the confusion and hope leaving (Reader's) body as quickly as it came. Just as the tears began to form and the weight lifted off their shoulders the giant squeezed them closer to his face and breathed in deeply. Wearing only their tattered undergarments, his breath felt hot against their bare stomach. It was an intimate gesture that gave birth to a new kind of fear, one that (Reader) hadn't previously considered.

His wet tongue left his mouth and poked their gut.

It wasn't the first time he had tasted them, but there were no promises of pain and consumption this time; instead there was a half lidded expression on his face that made (Reader) instinctively clamp their thighs shut.

Their hands flew to his face as they pathetically attempted to push him away with all of their strength. But the struggle seemed to excite him more, as he began licking their stomach more intensely, planting kisses along the tops of their pelvis as he traveled lower down their body.

"STOP!" (Reader) cried out as they bruised their fists on his forehead. Their body was quivering involuntarily as his drool began to mix with their sweat, dripping down towards their underwear. Pinyon's lips were too close to their last shred of apparel, and they felt shame as his breath tickling their body felt physically pleasurable.

"Is this what I need to do now-" his words agitated their sensitive body, making them arch their back in an attempt to put distance between is mouth and their crotch, "-so you'll stop ignoring me?"

(Reader) loudly sobbed, knowing that he could see how wet their clothing had become. It wasn't because he was attractive, or because they wanted him. The way he was holding them, the warm words hitting their lower half, it stained their underwear with arousal. The abductee wanted to beg him to look away, to explain that it wasn't him, that they weren't turned on. But only sobs came out as his sharp teeth slid into the underpants' belt line and tore their last line of defense down to their ankles.

[heartthumpnovel]

Heart Thump: Chapter 7

“Growing Pains”

Word count: 9437

Just got this wrapped up before I leave for a week! This is gonna be insight to how Jason is dealing with the new big changes in his life (I am not sorry). This chapter was very fun to write because it has my favorite character in it; Oliver :> By they way, since it seems people are getting interested in this story, I've seen people do tag lists for each chapter. Let me know if you're interested in that!

cw: Cursing/Swears

Last chapter: Seeking Answers

Next chapter: It Came From Outer Space

---

 Atlas Gang Group Chat November 9th @  3:00 pm

Jason: Just got out of the doctors office.

Jason: Won’t be dying anytime soon, but, It seems like I did get electrocuted at some point on the golf course. 

Ellie: FR??? Are you going to be okay?? 

Natasha: HOW?? OH MY GOD JASON HUN I AM SO SORRY!! I SHOULD OF GOT YOU TO THE HOSPITAL!!!! D’:

Motor: Shit dude. F.

Jason: Now don’t get too upset @Motor.

Jason: But to make this clear, @Natasha you have nothing to be sorry about. It wasn’t obvious and I had a bit too many drinks. I am still not sure what shocked me but I have those lighting scars on my back…

Ellie: Like Lichtenberg Figures? At Least those are the coolest scars to possibly have right? 

Jason: @Ellie I guess... I am just lucky I managed to live through it.

Motor:  bro you realize you don’t have to @ everyone you’re trying to talk to right??? It’s literally just the four of us here.

Jason: It’s called being efficient @Motor.

Motor: I don’t wanna hear pinging coming for you every five seconds. IT'S CALLED BEING ANNOYING.

Natasha: uh hey are we just gonna ignore the fact Jason nearly died from electrocution or??

Jason: Awh @Natasha It’s quite alright! The doctor said that I had little to no damage and the shock passed right through me. He did say that it was a risk considering my heart condition but, I am overall unharmed. However, he did write me up for two weeks of rest just to be on the safe side.

Natasha: Consider the call in done. Imma also gonna look into that golf course to see if there’s any loose wiring problems and give them hell!! >:(

Ellie: YEAH GIRL GET THEM!!!!

Ellie: And here I thought golf courses couldn’t get any worse. 

Ellie: But uh Jason, wasn’t there anything else the doctor … found out about your condition or?

Jason: No. Just pain medication and rest.

Motor: yeah no big deal..no BIIGG deal at all. >:3

Natasha: :/ ????

Jason: Shut it @motor. 

Natasha: Uhhhh

Ellie: Don’t worry about it Nat. :’D 

The phone screen went dark as Jason pressed the side button on his phone and shoved it deep into his pants pocket. He didn’t need the stress that Motor was giving him for nearly spilling the beans on the whole giant fiasco. It felt like the entire thing was one stupid joke away from giving away the big secret. He laid back in the bus seat and stared down at the small paper bag filled with the prescription antibiotic cream and tylenol that was settled in his lap. 

Thinking back on the doctor appointment, Jason wished he could have told his doctor everything that was happening to him. Maybe he could have gotten more than just stuff to treat the surprise scars on his back. But, the troubles that would have come from telling his doctor would have been extremely bad. His doctor could have thought that he was either having a mental breakdown, ran out of the room screaming if Jason were to prove the claim, and may have probably called the government to take him away to be then experimented on for the rest of his life. Yeah, there’s no way he was going to take those chances.

However, Jason was told that his heartbeat was now more noticeable and beating faster than usual. Not enough to be at the regular rate but a definite improvement than before the incident.  

“Huh, cure me a little bit and in exchange turn me into a freak of nature… Not really a fair trade is it?” Jason quietly mumbled to himself as he placed a hand on his chest. Looking outside the bus window to check for his stop, his mind began to wander as he witnessed the rain outside fall into the streets of Seattle. Sure, he does believe now that he was right in the middle of this weird phenomenon but it still felt so unreal. A monkey’s paw’s finger must have curled as he always wanted to be a few more inches taller, feel more happiness and have a clean bill of health. At this cost however? 

Definitely not worth it.

While listening to the bus’s public radio talk about this newly discovered meteor that was currently in orbit of the solar system, The bus slowed and pulled up to the bus stop where Jason needed to get off. He rose from his seat and stepped off the bus as quickly as he could. He just wanted to get home. Before he could make his walk back to his townhouse, Jason couldn’t help to notice the inky spot on the road that was across the bus stop. His memory started to jog and wondered how that lady with the crushed minivan was doing. 

Wait, had he seen that minivan before? Consequently, he could feel a slight pain emerge from his foot and once he put two and two together; He remembered. 

During that fateful night, he remembered getting the boot from a ride-share car. Jason couldn’t recall for the life of him why he was removed from the car or how he even was able to summon one in the first place. However, his drunk/electrocuted brain was thinking of Natasha for some reason and with the knowledge Jason gained about what happens when she enters his thoughts… 

He could only recall pieces of the night. Losing one of his nice dress shoes, stumbling in the streets, buildings slowly shrinking around him, and the moment his foot accidentally stepped on a hunk of metal that blared loudly as it was crushed beneath his weight. 

The pain in his foot stung worse and Jason immediately started speed walking down the street. He needed to get home ASAP before he unexpectedly grew again and caused more damage. If only he could repay that woman for her van and make it up to anyone else who was a victim of his carelessness. Though that would be very expensive, and he would have to admit that he was the giant freak that did it. Perhaps these one-time sins from when he didn’t know better could serve as a lesson to Jason to not let himself get carried away. 

That fast paced walking turned into a sprint as he had no faith in his wandering imagination. Thinking back on the bus ride, he realized that could have ended badly as well and Jason mentally scolded himself for putting people in danger. The few people he ran past stared at him and Jason for once didn’t care what they thought. He needed to put himself away at home where he could focus on NOT focusing on those lovingly destructive thoughts. 

He stumbled onto the stairs on his front door and shoved a hand into his pocket, fumbling on grabbing his keys. His two feet tapping anxiously on his welcome mat, and Jason using his other hand to search for the keys as well. Wait- where was his prescription bag!? His gaze darted below him and his head snapped to the bottom of the porch stairs. Jason spotted his nearly spilled out shopping bag on the sidewalk and just as fast as he sprinted there, he quickly shuffled his way down the stairs and nabbed his bag with a swift snatch. Muttering a few quiet ‘oh come ons’ before he managed to shove his key into the front door.

The front door swung open and slammed closed. Jason laid on the other side of the front door, trying to catch what little breath he had. It took the man a couple of deep breaths to find his bearings as his shoulders dropped. Though he did snap back to reality when he felt a comforting presence press on his calf. “Meow.” Jason looked down to see that his orange companion, Oliver, was already complaining about waiting for his dinner. The lovable dope had his tail raised and was rubbing his face into Jason’s pant leg, getting fur stuck on the fabric. “Awh is the little pumpkin hungry?~'' Jason cooed as he bent down and picked up Oliver by the sides to hoist the cat to be cradled into one of his arms, “Sorry I’m late, Daddy’s dealing with reality shattering stuff lately.” Jason walked into his cozy living room and dropped the prescription bag off at the coffee table while his orange fur-baby was meowing complaints. As he made his way to the kitchen, Oliver kept staring at Jason with his one eye and began to purr loudly as he lay comfortably in Jason’s scrawny arm. 

What a strange little creature.

Oliver didn’t stay in Jason’s arm for too long as he jumped off when he saw his food bowl come into view. A cat has his priorities after all. Going through the cabinets Jason started to tell his thoughts to his cat, just like any cat owner would even if the cat had no idea what the heck their owner was talking about. It wasn’t like Oliver could snitch on him or anything. 

“I honestly don’t know what’s happening to me Oliver,” Jason said as he peaked through the cabinets, “I’ve become a ticking time bomb overnight and now I am a threat to society without even meaning to be…” Jason grunted when he didn’t see the cat food in the usual place. 

“Wha- oh goodness I thought I just bought you a palette recently..” Jason spoke as he pushed some cans of soup aside and he tried to rack his brain on where in his house the cat food could be. It was about a week ago he went grocery shopping, and consequently that night had also been board game night with his friends from work. He did pick up some extra snacks for that night and Motor, while annoying he can be, actually offered to help Jason with the heavy groceries. 

He felt his blood run cold. Jason arched his neck up to the high cabinets in his kitchen. While it probably was a stupid idea for a short man like Jason to rent a home which felt like it was specifically made for tall people, it was a really good deal at the time considering he was living in Seattle. Besides, he had managed to live with it this long and had no problems since he had a step stool on hand. Though he had to admit, Motor putting the heavy cat food stack on a high shelf was seriously infuriating. 

Jason sighed and turned to find that step stool buried deep in the pantry. However, his feet stopped half way through the turn as he had a small thought sprout in his mind. What if instead of spending more precious time digging through his pantry to get the step-stool, Jason could just simply put that new side effect to good use. Jason shook his head for a moment, “Oh heavens no-” He mumbled as he took a step towards the pantry, “That’s ridiculous, I wouldn’t want to risk it…” He cleared his throat as he reached his hand over to the pantry door. The hand halted before it could grab the handle and Jason took another glance at the high up cabinet. It had never looked so close yet out of reach… 

“I mean,” Jason spoke towards Oliver, “Just maybe a little bit couldn’t hurt… Now I know about what the cause is..” “Meow.” “Yeah, it could end up being safer than throwing my back out! Smart boy, Oliver.” “Meow.” It has been decided, then. 

He made his way back to below the high up cabinet and stretched out his arms as if he was going to be entered in a weight lifting competition. A long concentrated deep breath came from him as he closed his eyes. Feeling a bit anxious from this but, if he only thought of her for a moment then it should only be a few inches right? “Alright Oliver, keep your distance.” Jason said as pushed up his glasses and wondered what he should specifically think about. Obviously nothing too intense, probably? He actually wasn’t sure when the point of no return was. His hands came together and made them hold each other. Maybe just the thought of holding her wonderfully soft palms might do the trick-- 

BANG

CRASH

“HISSSS! ROWWEEERRRR!”

CLANK

“AGGH! BOLLOCKS!!”

[Image Description: Jason grew too tall and ended up slamming his head on the ceiling. This caused him to fall back onto the kitchen island and he got smacked by a pan and is in pain.]

In one brief moment, the kitchen descended into chaos. The height that Jason had desired was passed up very quickly and his head punched itself through the ceiling, causing a huge crack to form. Debris fell and blinded Jason for a moment- causing him to stumble backwards onto the kitchen island. In a different time, it was nice to have a really good cast iron steel set of pots and pans. At the moment however, the back of Jason’s head didn’t appreciate it as he tumbled into them. His back was sprawled across the counter and all he could do was hold the back of his head, seizing in pain.

“Oooowww-” The now 10 foot tall Jason moaned, “How... have I not gotten brain damage?…” He opened his eyes to a horrifying sight, not at his ceiling being caved in nor his expensive cooking equipment being scattered everywhere; but the sight of his poor fluffed up baby boy huddling in the corner and hiding his scared face behind his puffed up tail.

“Oh… oh no pumpkin I’m so sorry...” Jason cooed, feeling like an absolutely disgusting human being, “I-I didn’t mean to scare you, It’s still me Oliver…” Jason managed to flop himself over so he could lay on this stomach comfortably. He reached out a large hand to Oliver, who at first backed up from the offered hand. The man’s heart dropped from seeing this and expected Oliver to sprint towards the bedroom to hide from the big scary monster that invaded his home. 

Instead, Oliver slowly raised his head from his tail and stared at the hand with his good eye. His nose reached over to Jason’s huge fingers and gave them a couple of small sniffs. From this new perspective Jason gained, Oliver could have been mistaken as a kitten on how small he looked. This almost made Jason’s heart soar with glee as he’d never got the chance to meet Oliver when he was a baby cat, but what really brought him glee was when Oliver rubbed his fuzzy head into Jason’s palm and let himself be wrapped by his owner’s large fingers for scratches. Tears of happiness covered Jason’s knocked askew glasses.

Forgiveness was granted. 

----

After giving Oliver double the serving that he usually had for dinner, Jason crawled through his own home to get to the bathroom. The hallways of the townhouse had become more like service tunnels as he had to duck throughout the home. While he was careful to not smack his head on any light fixtures, his feet were having a hard time adjusting to the new walkway. The pain in the back of his skull was still stinging slightly from the incident so he used his free hand to massage it while the other large hand traced the walls and grabbed onto the door frame that entered the bathroom.  

“Ugh, the new pain meds are comin’ in handy today..” Jason mumbled before he looked up at the mirror, “AH!!-- Oh… oh.” 

He yelped for a brief moment before realizing that the bathroom mirror had only reflected himself. However, he almost didn’t realize it was him due to the fact he was now completely covering the doorway and he was crouching to be able to get inside the bathroom. 

Watching his reflection, Jason's emotions morphed from surprise to a tinge of sadness. It dawned on him why his coworkers had initially been apprehensive around him. With a resigned sigh, he maneuvered into the bathroom, barely leaving any space to spare. He chuckled at the thought that he had once considered this compact bathroom relatively spacious for townhouse living. Without further ado, he removed his glasses to splash water on his face.

“...Wha- Wait what!? Are you kidding me!? Noooo,” Jason spoke out of disbelief as his glasses suddenly shrunk right as they left his face, “How the hell?...” 

Try as he might, he couldn’t put them back on his face as they just simply wouldn’t fit. Jason couldn’t exactly get himself to fit the glasses either as the pain in the back of his head made it near impossible to concentrate. 

“Oh, that’s just great…” Jason said sarcastically as he placed his glasses on the bathroom counter, “That’s how it’s going to be then.” He rubbed the arch of his nose before gingerly turning the faucet on. Splashing cool water on his face did make him feel a little bit more grounded despite the weirdness. He patted his face dry with a teal bath towel before eyeing his sweater vest and polo. 

“I guess I’m not expecting visitors or going out like this…” He mumbled to himself as he grabbed the bottom of his polo and started to pull it over his head, “But I’ll leave the trousers on for now- Ugh!” Jason grunted as he was having a bit of trouble trying to get his upper wear over his shoulders. His elbows had hit the ceiling and the lack of space made it hard to yank the polo combo off. Undeterred, Jason persisted, shifting and shimmying until he successfully removed the polo shirt. 

Jason held onto the clothing and was rather stunned as he saw that it too, had shrunk back down to his normal clothing size. This brought on more questions from Jason; Why did his clothing shrink back to normal when he took them off? Does anything in his pockets change size too? How is his clothing growing along with him and not getting ripped to shreds?

Jason shivered, perhaps he should just be grateful that he gets to remain fully clothed as the alternative would be a whole new set of problems to deal with. 

He tossed his clothes into the hamper to put an end to those thoughts and looked back at the mirror. His large hands nearly eclipsed the bathroom counter as he gingerly placed his palms on it. His eyes traced the scrawny ribs and various fresh bruises that marked the kitchen incident. An uncanny feeling was raised from within as it felt like a crime against nature itself for a body type like his to be able to fill an entire room.  

Spotting the end of the lighting scar on his shoulder, Jason reached out his fingers to touch it and turned a little bit to get a better look at the wound. The appearance of this scar shocked him as he hadn't felt pain from it till days after the incident. His muscles tensed up from touching the scarring and he pulled away to just stare at it. While getting a Lichtenberg figure from a lightning strike wasn’t uncommon, what was strange about this scar was that the entry point looked shaped like a cartoon heart. Probably a silly coincidence or a mocking branding. 

Coming to terms with his condition felt impossible, it wasn’t like anyone else in the whole world that could relate to him. He could no longer stare at the freak in the mirror and hung his head low, thoughts wondering if this meant he could never truly find happiness in a relationship. While he didn’t want to be in a relationship, now it was as if he no longer had any say in the matter. Tightness built up in his chest; what did this all even mean and why him? Perhaps he was being selfish for falling hard for someone who could be fired and have her life ruined if he’d dared to act on his feelings. 

“Meow.”

“Oliver? Oh bloody hell I left the door open didn’t I?”

“Meow!”

His eyes squinted to try to make out the fluffy orange blob that passed under his legs and was rubbing his ankle dramatically. The flick of Oliver’s tail made Jason’s frown curl into an appreciative grin. Oliver’s paw twitched a little bit from the unexpected puddle on the floor, Jason looked back up in the mirror and realized his face was completely wet with tears. 

“I-I’m sorry for crying like a big baby Oliver, That’s very unbecoming of me…”

“Meowwwwww.”

Jason reached down gingerly to hoist the fluffy noise box off of the tile and into his arms. Oliver squirmed a little as Jason tried to find a comfortable position for his fuzzy son due to his arms being much longer. It only took a few seconds to adjust and Oliver was once again cradled like a newborn comfortably. 

“Oh my gosh Pumpkin you’re so tiny~”

Jason sniffled as he used one finger to lightly pet Oliver’s fluffy tummy as he turned away from the mirror. Truthfully, It was awkward trying to shuffle out of the bathroom with a bundle that demanded attention. The kitty’s insistence was a little bit annoying, but the annoyance was overpowered by how Oliver wields his cuteness to his advantage. 

While it took a minute to navigate his home, he managed to get to his living room. Thankfully the ceiling was raised considerably, so he didn’t need to stress his back anymore. Getting to his usually comfy leather couch, Jason ever so carefully lowered himself down. The squeals from the wooden legs made him flinch and held onto Oliver for support. When he managed to sit completely down onto the couch, he sighed in relief that it didn't give way. Looking around his living room, he started to notice the fragile photographs that adorned the walls, the expensive television across from him, and plenty of breakable items that are precious to him. More things he could quite easily destroy without meaning to. 

He’d let go of Oliver and the orange fluff cloud pranced onto the low coffee table, sitting down regally with his tail covering his front paws. “Well,” Jason said, leaning down to his right and attempting to make himself comfortable on his ‘new’ loveseat sized couch, “I think it’s about time to reorganize the place, just to be on the safe side.”

The couch creaked in protest, as Jason laid his back to toe cushion and his neck cradled haphazardly on the arm rest. His long legs found it uncomfortable to curl up on the couch, so they stretched out over the opposite armrest, and the soles of his feet rested on the floor. Finally, he had managed to find some comfort in this new body of his.

He took a deep breath and- SNAP

Oliver leaped off the coffee table in response to the loud noise, caused by the couch's plywood giving way under the weight it was never meant to bear. Although it startled Jason for a moment, his body sank back onto the broken couch with a disappointed sigh. What else was new?

------

A Ravine [ Dream II ]

She was farther than ever before;

Across the Ravine.

Upon looking down, 

He couldn’t comprehend the unseen.

Before he could plead,

His chest burned.

No fear, no regrets

He took the leap.

The blue moon loomed

Claws dragged his ankles down,

Before he could cross;

Abyss cemented his doom.

Down he fell into the ravine;

Knowing he will never be seen.

Darkness consumed all,Lost forever within the Ravine.

------

It wasn’t a recent development for Ellie’s hatred of college level essays about the unclean parts about mental health. Though she didn’t like writing essays in general, she really had to double her effort from having to research grotesque subject matter. While it was necessary for her future career, damn if it wasn’t a mood killer. The blank document’s cursor flickers in mockery at Ellie as she sat on top of her bed sheets. Curled up with a nice warm cup of matcha on the side and held a firm grip on the sticker covered laptop on her lap. Sadly, she couldn’t use her love birds as an excuse to procrastinate as they were in the middle of their mid day cuddle nap. Ellie rubbed her nose in frustration, her mind pulling out blanks for an introduction for a tricky subject such as this.

After another embarrassing date going south, she wasn’t in the mood to chat up potential bachelorettes either. This left her with just herself, and the doomed assignment. 

Usually when she found herself stuck on inspiration for stuff like this, she’d head over to her best friend that was conveniently next door for guidance since he’d always had a knack for essay writing. Unfortunately, he wasn’t available and hasn’t been for a week. Ellie missed the days where they’d open their bedroom windows to chat nonchalantly about their weekend or gossip about their coworkers. It was one of the reasons why they rented these townhouses as they could stay in touch and get sweet discounts. However, every time Ellie peaked through her bedroom window to check to see if Jason was there, his curtains had remained closed. Ellie did think about heading over there herself to check if he was okay, though her deep rooted fear held her from going. It wasn’t like she was scared of Jason necessarily. What monster would be afraid of their best friend suffering from an unknown sickness? On the other hand, her sleep had been tormented with imagery of being unknowingly squashed under a heel and feeling like a helpless bug in an uncaring universe.

This part of herself she knew, long before this mess. A deep sinking feeling of panic brewed when she passed by unthinkably tall buildings and passed on Motor’s movie night ideas. If she could diagnose herself, she'd guess it was a classic case of megalophobia. That fear was usually unfounded and didn’t affect her life day to day usually so she wasn’t that upset about it. Until now. While she did manage to push through it during their experiments in the forest for her friend’s sake, she did have to binge through videos of kitten fostering videos to cope through the tears.

Ellie noticed that she was gripping the sides of her laptop and biting her tongue as her stress boiled over. Her laptop was pushed onto her bed and she rose from her sheets with a determination filled with obligation. She rushed to her drawers and got dressed into her usual autumn weekend outfit.

Her heart couldn’t take the communication break down anymore. Ellie needed to make sure Jason was alright and the thought of abandoning her friend when he needed her most made her feel like a disgusting coward. 

Ellie snatched her keys and rushed by her chirping lovebirds as she made her way to the front door. Once she shuffled down the front steps, her gaze turned to Jason’s front door. At first she couldn’t find the strength to move her feet, the mere thought of what could be happening in there made her blood run cold. Though it was too late to bail now. 

With one last look at her front door, Ellie sighed and her heavy feet walked up to the front door of Jason’s home and she knocked her fist on the door. Ellie’s shoulders jumped when she heard a dramatic thud coming from within the home. Her concern only grew from there as the noise was followed with a few scraping noises and then silence. 

“Uh, Hey man are y-” Ellie said before the front door suddenly swung open, revealing a normal sized, but uncommonly disheveled Jason with a deceitfully wide grin. 

[Image Description: A very concerned Ellie staring at Jason, who has opened his front door and is leaning on the door frame with a wide guilty grin.]

“Heeeeey Ellie,” Jason said, with fake cheerfulness, “It’s so nice to see you! Man alive, how long has it been?” “Uh, about a week…” Ellie said, trying to peek her head behind Jason, “Wanted to check in on… things.”

Jason shoved his head in the way of Ellie’s eye line while he kept that telling grin on his face. “OH! Things have been just swell! ” Jason paltered.

And as if the universe itself took offense, a shelf crashed to the floor. 

Ellie peered further over Jason’s shoulder and decided to push him aside despite Jason’s protest. To no one’s surprise; everything wasn’t swell in Jason’s abode. Bits of the ceiling fluttered onto the carpet and the cardboard boxes that had been hastily taped up. Once Ellie looked up, she could see multiple sized dents in the ceiling with a few expensive looking holes.

“Jason…” Elllie gasped, turning to look at Jason who at this point was hiding his face with his fingers. “I know…” Jason groaned, “the landlord is going to bloody kill me.”

Ellie gestured her hands towards the disaster in his house, “You did all of this in a week!?” Her voice raised, more so out of concern than disbelief. Jason kept his head low and moved past her into his ruined living room in shame as he laid a hand on one of the boxes. “Getting used to this disease has been harder than I anticipated…” Jason confessed, “I’ve been putting everything breakable away and haven’t left the house for days.” At this point he had completely dropped the act, his face darkened in shame. 

“Oh gods…” Ellie said as she reached a hand out to Jason’s shoulder to comfort him. Though right before she could, she heard a familiar yowl come from the couch. Her attention was shattered and she cooed at Oliver, who was trying to take a needed nap and was rudely woken up by the commotion. Ellie bee-lined towards the couch and scooped up the orange fluff ball into her arms. 

“Right, that’s why you came over,” Jason said with snark as he approached the two. 

“Nooo, I did come over to see how you were doing,” Ellie said as she bounced Oliver like a newborn, “But I mean, come on look at him!” She hoisted Oliver up in her arms and the look in his eye showed that there was truly a void of nothing behind it. 

Jason couldn’t wallow forever and acquiesced with a chuckle. He petted the top of Oliver’s head and kept his eyes on his little furry friend as he spoke to Ellie. “He somehow still loves me after all of this mess, ” Jason said, “Though I’m not sure how long I can control myself to keep him safe.” 

An awkward silence filled the room after that. Ellie sighed as she looked at her dissonant friend and she gave herself a moment to ponder the situation. She took note of the crater’s in the ceiling and the clearly evident eye bags below Jason’s eyes. “How much sleep are you getting?” Ellie asked as she set Oliver free. The cat pranced out of Ellie’s arm and onto the back of the broken couch. Jason sighed as he put a hand on his forehead in foggy thought. “None,” Jason complained, “I’ve been having a lot of dreadful nightmares and I’m afraid I’ll wake up to find myself homeless.” 

Ellie anxiously tapped the broken remains of his couch and took a deep breath. She gave a comforting gaze to Jason despite her own comfort. “Why don’t you come over to my place?” Ellie suggested, “We can try to do research on this thing, just like what we used to do in college.” She put a firm hand on Jason’s shoulder as he recoiled in shock. Before his stuttering could refuse, his head shook vehemently and he tried to pull away. “Wh-what!?” Jason exclaimed, “N-no! No, that's a terrible idea! Do you want me to get you in trouble with the landlord too!?” Ellie thought to argue that. “Look around, You’ve been isolated for way too long and it’s gonna drive you nuts!” Ellie said as she gestured her hand to the disastrous state of Jason’s living room, “Besides, I know that you’re gonna be extra careful if the house isn’t yours, you’re too considerate.” Jason folded his arms. It was very rare that he was unsure of his friend’s judgment, though at the moment, his doubts were plenty. “It’s dangerous,” Jason said, “I’m not keeping myself locked in my house for no reason Ellie.” He pushed Ellie’s hand away grimly and stared at the floor longingly. 

Well, Ellie didn’t care for that one bit. She took it upon herself to scoop up Oliver, who chipped in surprise,  from the couch and marched towards the door. “In that case, I’m sure Oliver would love to study with me to find out how to cure your stubborn butt.” Ellie said while she headed straight towards the front door with a sly grin on her face. “Wait- WAIT ELLIE,” Jason called after her and clumsily followed her trail like a helpless puppy, “You can’t just take my cat! Hey- ELLIE! HOLD JUST A SECOND-!!” 

------

If one were forced to think of one word to describe Ellie’s living room, it could very well be ‘serene’. The place definitely looked lived in, but it was a very clean mess of psychology textbooks on the handed-down oak coffee table, that had been gifted to her by her mothers. Pots were placed around the room that cradled many different types of plant life, and in one corner, Ellie's cassette collection laid haphazardly near her vintage boombox. Despite the apparent disorganization, she never had trouble locating any mix-tape in that pile. Music selection was not a frequent problem, though, as her two very vocal love birds' cage occupied a central position in the living room.

Jason had been sitting quite uncomfortably on her bequeathed bargain couch, though not due to the lack of support from the couch, but because he was essentially held hostage there. His traitorous kitty decided he wanted to spend time with auntie Ellie after being catnapped. He crossed his arms pouting, trying to ignore the smug look she had on her face as she entered the kitchen. “Whatcha want to drink?” Ellie asked.

“Earl grey,” Jason said, “Also you’re evil.” “I know,” Ellie playfully replied as she disappeared through the doorway. 

As much as he wanted to right then, Jason couldn’t seethe forever and eventually released the breath he was holding. He knew she was just trying to help but he was more scared than angry at her insistence. His gaze checked around the room for anything potentially breakable and expensive. By the end of the first week of being a circus freak, he’d picked up a new awareness of how fragile things can be and how much of a hassle it would be to replace them. Jason stood up from the couch, not wanting to dwell on how much money he was already losing, and made his way over to the pair of love birds. 

“Ah! Hello Mango and Papaya,” Jason greeted them as he leaned over to the cage,  “Oliver is in the guest room right now so you two can stretch your wings, yeah?” Mango squealed in agreement as the door to the cage was opened and she hopped excitedly onto Jason’s hand. Papaya decided to stay cautious and only peaked her head out to check on Mango’s well-being. Mango had always been the more approachable one out of the couple. Jason’s thumb scratched the love bird’s neck and ruffled her head feathers. She leaned her head towards his hand in merriment, as her closed eyes smiled in bliss. For a minute, Jason completely forgot that he was forced to be there against his will. He showered the bird in affection until their wholesome interaction was cut short. 

Despite the desperate neck stretches and opening her beak to show authority, Jason didn’t realize that Paypapa wasn’t going to let her soulmate be taken by some human tart. She thought to rectify this slight and confronted Jason with a hard bite on the fingertip. “Owch! Okay fine I’ll put her down, god-” Jason stammered as he let both birds onto the top of their cage. He rubbed the small bite mark on his finger as he saw his aggressor frantically groom Mango. Despite the pain of being chomped on, Jason chuckled after the fact. “My apologies,” Jason said, “I almost forgot you’re a bonded pair.” While he was not a bird expert, it was obvious that Papaya was just trying to protect her sweet girlfriend.  How romantic.

Only for a moment Jason got lost in thought, unaware of his surroundings as his mind was swooned by the very idea of soulmates and his longing desire to have one for himself. To be honest, he did feel a tad jealous these birds have a better love life than he ever will. The train of thought crashed as he heard a loud gasp, tea being spilled and the feeling of the ceiling pushing down on his head. 

“Oh gods, J-JASON!” Ellie stuttered, trying to regain her composure from nearly suffering from a heart attack by the sight of a giant suddenly appearing in her house.  Panic flooded onto Jason’s face as he realized he wasn’t as careful as he thought he was. “I-I’m sorry!” Jason begged as he tried to crouch down, trying to make him seem smaller in vain, “I’ll try not to break anything on the way out.” Before he could start crawling towards the front door in a fit of panic, Ellie rushed to set the un-spilled mug of earl gray onto her coffee table and approached him. “Wait!” Ellie said, with her phobia and compassion at war with each other, “You don’t have to go! It’s fine, I swear!”  

Jason halted and looked at her in disbelief. While he wasn’t the best at reading people like Ellie was, even he could tell that Ellie was terrified of him and was just trying to be polite. “I know you’re scared of me,” Jason said bluntly, “My feelings aren’t hurt, I’ll just take my leave.” 

A harsh tug on the bottom of his t-shirt stopped him from turning around. He looked over to see that Ellie is gripping the fabric as if she was able to actually keep the man the size of a Honda from escaping. Though that sad desperate look in her eyes may as well have bolted him to the floor.

"No! I might be scared, but I'm even more terrified for your well-being!" Ellie argued, “No matter what horrifying thing you turn into; Giant, cockroach, hell, a giant cockroach! I’m still not going to abandon you!” Jason sighed heavily and before he could even begin to formulate an argument, Ellie cuffed her full hands together. “Please let me help you,” she pleaded, “you don’t have to deal with this alone.”

Jason felt this stomach tie up in knots. He’d already felt guilty for being a terrible house guest, but he couldn’t just say no to her insistence. Jason stared at the floor in shame as he admitted defeat. “Fine,” Jason said, “I’ll stay.” 

Ellie smiled, releasing her shaking hands and turned to pick up the spilled tea mug off of the floor. “We’ll figure it out,” Ellie said, “Besides, what kind of a cat dad leaves their precious baby behind?~” Jason groaned, “Don’t push it.”

----

This impromptu study session really did bring back those college freshman memories when Ellie and Jason had to cram for exams. However, the tension wasn’t being built by a demanding deadline. Ellie felt the stress when she peaked over her laptop and saw the gargantuan man sitting next to her couch trying to gently sip the tiny mug in his massive hands. His fingers fidgeted around the mug's handle uncomfortably. He also kept hesitantly pulling the cup towards his lips but, whenever it got near his mouth, he pulled away reluctantly. Watching this constant backpedaling was starting to be unbearable to watch. “Dude, I can make you tea in a mixing bowl,” Ellie commented, glancing over to see Jason’s grimacing face being offended by the mere suggestion.

“What? No,” Jason said as he tried to ‘properly’ hold his mug, “I don’t need to feel anymore out of place than I already am.” He uncomfortably shifted as he glanced down at his remarkably large hands that nearly enveloped the little mug. Ellie rolled her eyes, sharing that same gaze to his mug. “Getting accommodated doesn’t make you weird,” Ellie said, taking a sip herself before turning her attention back to her internet browser, which had several open Wikipedia tabs. They’d been looking at a variety of human body size disorders that could fit the bill. None of them helped in the slightest, since it seemed like Jason’s condition was anything but normal for a human. Ellie started to mass-close all of those useless tabs as Jason sighed in defeat and sat the mug onto the coffee table gingerly. 

“I don’t even know why we’re bothering trying to search this… thing on the internet,” Jason said, folding his arms, “It’s not like some other poor sod could be going through the same deal, and if we do find something, it’d be some weirdo’s fantasy writing.”

Ellie thought for a moment before snapping her fingers. “Myths! We can look at legends around the globe for answers,” Ellie said excitedly as she started to type search terms in the browser bar. “Why myths?,” Jason asked, “Shouldn’t we be looking for, you know, factual evidence?” “There’s a nugget of truth in a lot of cultural tales,” Ellie explained as she pulled up more web pages filled with different stories concerning giants, “Maybe one of them is actually true.” “You’re sounding an awful lot like Motor,” Jason said as he pushed himself a tad closer to Ellie and arched his neck so he could get a look at the kind of ridiculous stuff she was searching for. The listings had notable large figures such as the treacherous Gogmagog to the vastness of the Daidarabotchi, though many of these listings seemed to pull up gods or malevolent creatures. Jason was sure he was definitely not either of those things.

Probably.

While Ellie may have been on the right track, Jason couldn’t see how any of these beings and monsters had any relation to him. Though it was getting hard to read her laptop screen as she kept tabbing through websites at top speed. While this made Ellie great at procrastinating and getting away with it in her college classes, Jason wanted to research too.

A brief flicker of recognition flashed registered in Jason’s brain as he spotted golden fur for a split second through Ellie’s browsing. Quickly Jason leaned over her and without thinking, slammed his hand next to hers. “Hold on! Can you… Ellie?” Jason attempted to ask before he realized that Ellie’s body froze suddenly. The only thing that was moving was her shivering hand. It felt like her entire soul left her chest and seeing a huge hand that could have weighed more than a brick nearly missed hitting her frail fingers. Ellie’s neck craned slowly tilted her head upwards hesitantly to be met with Jason’s wide chest. Ellie was rendered speechless and Jason eventually picked up on that. He lurked away from her, sputtering apologizes as he proceeded to sit on his hands. “I’m so sorry I-I didn’t think about- I’ll keep myself right here,” Jason nervously trembled as he watched Ellie let go of a sigh of relief she herself didn’t realize she was holding.

“Warn me next time will ya? Geeze,” Ellie said as she tried to regain her composure and sense of safety, “could’ve lost my writing hand.” Compulsively, Ellie rubbed her wrist as she kept her eyes off of Jason for the time being. For now, she pushed down that icky feeling of distress and flicked through some of the back pages silently to see what Jason nearly broke her hand for.

“...It’s uh- … the golden dog I think,” Jason muttered with his gaze glued to the floor, “It looked familiar.” After a quiet moment that felt like ages, Ellie finally spoke up again after taking a swig of her tea.

“The Golden Beast,” Ellie began to read out loud, “A phenomenon seen around the world of a large golden canine that is very elusive, but it is said to be a symbol of great change and good harvest.”

Jason waited for a moment to listen intently to Ellie’s lecture, but nothing else came. “... and?” Jason asked, though he got his answer when Ellie shrugged with a disappointed look. “That’s it, not much information written down here,” Ellie responded as she went ahead to search for the term elsewhere on the internet. Both of them would be lying if they said they weren’t disappointed, especially Jason. 

“I swear I’ve seen something that looked similar but,” He commented as he easily finished off his tea with a single sip, “I just can’t seem to recall anything.” He sat the mug down and watched Ellie peruse through a few websites, but in the end didn’t seem to find much else about the mysterious beast. 

“Another brick wall… bummer,” Ellie said as she stretched her arms outward, making sure her wrists weren’t getting sore. Her bones cracked as she rolled her shoulder, she had attempted to loosen up and let go of the pent up anxiety she had plenty of. In her peripheral vision she could see Jason reaching his head to the side to look hopelessly at Ellie’s laptop without having to get too close to her. 

“There really is nothing that can help me is there?” Jason said as he slumped, “Figures.” The two of them sat in silence for a while, unsure of what they could possibly do next or even find a trail to follow for the answers to their building questions. Ellie even half-mindly scrolled through news sites for anything unusual happenings. Though other than a couple of strange meteoroids being found around the globe, it was all mostly just news of politicians lying, groan worthy e-celebrity drama and a heartwarming story of a local pit bull named Twinkles saving a bus full of deaf school children from falling into the Vancouver River.

Ellie took a deep breath, “Jason I’m sorry I can’t…” Before Ellie could properly apologize to him, she noticed that Jason had a few visitors perched on the top of his head that were tugging tufts of his hair. Though he didn’t seem to notice it himself until he saw the despair disappear from Ellie’s face and she started to chuckle. She couldn’t keep a straight face for even a second. 

[Image Description: Mango and Papaya are playing in Jason’s hair and Ellie is just sitting there. LAUGHING. ]

“Hey, what are you two doing!?” Jason exclaimed, trying to gently shoo away the uninvited guests. The birds of course, did not even acknowledge Jason’s attempts to evict them. Papaya just tugged at tufts of his hair to see if she could make a nest and Mango naively rolled around in the strange grass they discovered. If he had just been a little more stern, he could have negotiated with Mango and Papaya to retreat. However, Jason’s hesitant hands and soft voice made it clear that he wasn’t going to risk being slightly rough with Ellie’s pets.

“Uh- a little help please?” Jason asked as he turned his awkward gaze back to Ellie. She stood up from the couch, and from there, she had to hold on a second to take in how large her friend had become. Her mind could still barely comprehend a giant human being real and be sitting in her house. However, that pleading look in his eyes that paired with his helplessness from the invasion of her birds made one thing very clear: Despite her skin crawling, he was still a harmless dork.

And by gods he needed help. “They probably think you’re a tree,” Ellie giggled, feeling confident enough to wave him down closer to her. The giant hesitated, unsure if he really wanted to loom over her like a beastly ogre and give her heart’s well being a run for its money. That thought ended quickly though as Papaya started to nip at the brim of Jason’s glasses. “Oh good grief,” Jason mumbled, rolling his eyes and leaned down towards Ellie’s direction. His shadow engulfed Ellie as he eclipsed the ceiling light to draw closer. The heart in her chest might have exploded in fear when he bowed his head at her. Though upon seeing the little trouble maker’s untroubled play in his hair, Ellie’s shaking ceased. Perhaps, there wasn’t anything for her to worry about after all. Ellie reached her hands out to coerce her babies onto her shoulder and pushed aside tufts of hair to get to them. Though she froze when she felt a huge sigh brush against her legs. “I don’t know what to do,” Jason groaned, “no one in the world is going to know how to help me, never mind fix me.” His fingers halfheartedly fiddled with his socks, not really giving Ellie’s fiddling with his hair much mind. Ellie frowned, placing her birds onto her shoulder and gave the crown of Jason’s head a few pats. “Thanks,” Jason said. “No problem…” Ellie responded, though she did pause for a moment to contemplate a suggestion that Jason probably wasn’t going to like very much.  “You know, ” Ellie continued, “there is someone who knows a lot about giants and he already knows about this curse.” “No way,” Jason objected, raising his head up to look Ellie in the face. She stepped back in a panic, trying to not be in the path of his drastic head swing. “Wait- hear me out,” Ellie pleaded, “Motor might be a bit… eccentric, but he might be our only available expert on how to handle yourself when you’re like- big.”

“He’s not a professional Ellie, he's a nerd,” Jason said, folding his arms indignant, “all he’d be able to teach me would be how to level a hospital.” Jason kept coming up with complaints while he watched her carry her birds back to their cage. Though most of those unwarranted complaints went through one ear and out the other. “And he’s just not all that bright honestly, how could I trust that ido… ” Jason’s rant was cut short by the daggers Ellie was staring at him, “My bad.” He learned to shut his mouth and sat there with gripped hands on his knees. “I know you two aren’t always on the best of terms,” Ellie said, “but he wants to help you and might be your only option for insight.”

The very idea of Jason having to grovel to Motor for help was already humiliating enough, but reaching out to him about this life threatening disease? Jason would almost rather stay indoors for the rest of his life. Realistically however, it would be only a matter of time before he hurts someone or destroys his house. Unfortunately it would seem like getting help from Motor was going to be his only option even if it was going to be an agonizing experience. 

“Augh, Alright then if I don’t have a choice,” Jason said with a defeated sigh, “can’t help to feel that this is going to be a big mistake.”

Ellie closed the bird cage behind her, “Come on man,” she said as she walked back to Jason with a smile on her face, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“Something terrible I reckon,” Jason responded, his fingers gripping his knees with another long sigh, “Also uh, can you help me shrink back to normal please?”

-----

Nothing happens in Stanley, Idaho. Well, that’s how one particular citizen would like to keep it. 

This unassuming older woman stepped out of her lifted jeep with little effort and made her way inside the tea shop. A subtle exchange of knowing nods were exchanged between her and the front store worker as she walked past the meticulously put together display of various tea leaves. Upon reaching the elevator in the back of the shop, she proceeded to press the following buttons: Lobby, 1, 9, 8, 7, and pound. The elevator closed, and took her below the ground floor, which shouldn’t be possible for a two-story building. 

As the elevator took its sweet time, she glanced down at her Hamilton military watch and gripped onto her steaming hot americano in her other hand. Seeing the watch read ‘5:00am’ made her groan with distaste. It was way too early for her to be up at her age. Duty calls, however, and she begrudgingly accepted.

After waiting for what felt like an eternity for the elevator to stop on the correct floor, she stepped out and was greeted by a long metal corridor that was barricaded with several security doors. Unperturbed, the woman walked up to each door, the same song and dance she always put up with to get to her damn office. Fingers to the hand scanners, eyes to the headache inducing retina scanners, and the most embarrassing of all, sticking her tongue out to a DNA analysis to let her through the final door. She had wondered if the engineers thought that last trial was some kind of bad joke. 

Nevertheless, She slogged into the massive intelligence operation room that was filled with the panicked voices of government workers. They have all been responding to all sorts of calls for assistance to deal with found anomalies and confused 911 operators. However, the older woman was used to this chaos, and promptly walked past all of the pesky underlings trying to ask her questions. Even if she wanted to answer their queries, she had no idea what was going on or what she was called in for during her vacation. 

Once she got to her office, she took off her windbreaker coat and wearily donned her standard issue FAIRA director’s coat. Before she headed to her desk, her hand shuffled through her windbreaker coat’s pocket and pulled out an opened box of cigarettes. Today was going to be difficult, why else would her superiors spring a surprise call-in on her? It didn’t take long for her to sit down at her desk and log her passwords into the computer with the help of her countless post it notes. The video call did not take its time either, ringing the moment her desktop loaded. She rolled her eyes and answered. 

“Witch reporting in, receiving you loud and clear Eagle,” the director spoke before she heard the ear-grating voice come from the other end. 

“EEEY BLAIR! How’s it goin’ grandma?”

“Sir, we have discussed this, we need to use our code names, also do not refer to me as grandma ever again.”

“OOOOH YEEEAAAH… I forgot.”

“Of course, sir. Anyway, was there any godforsaken reason why I was pulled from my vacation?”

“Calm down grandma! This is your crop and you gotta be the cream of it, ya hear?”

“Just get to the point.” “Aye soooo, we got a situation brewin’ up in the lil’ Washington, oooh yeah. You gotta take care of this ASAP. Ya see, they found these shiny rocks fallin’ out of the sky and it looks like your ring, if you catch my drift.”

“Right, so why isn’t NASA leading this operation?” “HMmmmmm uh, remember those budget cuts?” “I see.” “And while I love my guys in camo, they ain’t got the brain cells like your eggheads do, ooohh nooo.” “Fine, I’ll dispatch my team in the pacific northwest immediately-” “Oh no sister! You’re goin’ to pack your bags too!” “What!? Why?” “Cuz I noticed yer always sitting on your ass in that chair for years and I think you’re forgettin’ what it’s like to be one of your men, grandma.”

“My way of running things does not hold any relevance to the situation and for the last time; stop calling me grandma. I have a codename, Eagle, use it. ”

“It does more than you think chica, with somethin’ this big, I don’t think you should skimp on it. Plus, it’s the big Eagle’s orders so ya got no choice ya hear me?” She groaned, “…Understood sir.”

[baphometsgirlcock]

Just a Taste

[18+]

[CW: Depictions of magic-vampirism, loss of bodily control and brief implication of choking.]

Chandra considered her and Nissa’s sex life fairly normal. Maybe not typical, but normal. When the two found time in each other’s arms, between patrols across the multiverse and cleaning up Jace’s newest mess, they would make the most of it. They’d fuck, they’d cuddle, they’d sleep together, they’d have breakfast together and maybe a quickie before their day started. But as for Yahenni…Chandra wasn’t quite sure.

For a long couple months, the aetherborn had been her “girlfriend’s girlfriend.” It hadn’t taken long for Chandra to fall to their steady charms as well. But their relationship wasn’t sexual. Physical, but not sexual. Yahenni would hold Chandra, would pet her hair, would nuzzle their face against hers and make her entire body feel tingly and light.

Yahenni was a picturesque boyfriend, princely and soothing and so very witty. They just didn’t touch her like that, nor look at her the way Nissa did when she thought Chandra didn’t see. It just didn’t seem like Yahenni’s style.

“Will you strip for me, darling?” Yahenni asked. They were sitting on Nissa’s bed, one leg crossed over the other, arms by their sides. Their ephemeral blue eyes were steady and bright. “I want to see you.”

“Uhhhh,” Chandra said, and threw a glance towards the half-dressed Nissa, wearing a short skirt and sheer top that draped down off her shoulders in a dizzyingly hot way, perfectly framing her chest without showing everything. Yet.

“Are you alright?” Nissa asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Peachy,” Chandra said, the word leaving her in a squeak. “Just, uh, I…” She scrunched up her face as she turned back towards the patient Yahenni. “I didn’t think you…wanted that.”

Yahenni silently uncrossed their legs, spreading them slightly in a display that made Chandra’s mouth feel both wet and dry at the same time. “Others of my kind might chase sexual pleasure for their own gratification,” they said, their voice quiet. Sultry, Chandra realized. “I haven’t found that sort of gratification at another’s hands. That being said, pleasure is still pleasure, darling.” Their blue eyes gleamed with cold need. “And I’m very eager to taste yours.”

After a long second, Chandra was able to extract her mind from the gutter long enough to piece together her boyfriend’s implication. Yahenni had explained a few times before: Aetherborn vampires could “taste” emotion, memory, experience when feeding. “You don’t want to be touched,” she said, slowly. “But you want to feed on me, while I’m feeling good.”

“Yes,” Yahenni said. They nodded towards Nissa, narrowing their eyes with a smile. “And I’d like her to help you feel good, darling.”

“I’ve already agreed,” Nissa said, before Chandra could think to ask. “So long as you’re comfortable with it, love.”

Yahenni was going to watch Chandra and Nissa have sex. Yahenni was going to feed on Chandra while she had sex with Nissa. Chandra wet her lips and cleared her throat. She grabbed the bottom hem of her shirt and pulled it up and over, tossing it to the side and yanking off her bra to join it. “Enough of an answer for you?” she asked, with a grin that wobbled too much for the cockiness she was attempting.

Yahenni laughed, in that echoing songlike way they did, like wind chimes wrapped in the morning mist over Ghirapur in winter. “That’ll do,” they said. “Nissa, darling?”

“Yes, yes,” in a mimicry of a sigh. Nissa’s hurried pace to Chandra’s side and the red in her cheeks and the hitch in her breath were effective enough tells to her excitement.

Chandra unclipped her belt when Nissa’s hand found her forearm. “Love. Let me?” An insistence Chandra knew would give way to a pout if she refused; not that she would refuse.

Chandra raised her hands in surrender, and Nissa slipped around in front of her, pressing against Chandra with a sly smirk. She could feel her girlfriend’s breasts against hers, nothing but sheer fabric between. A bubbling heat was already starting to rise in Chandra’s gut, surging up her spine when Nissa’s deft fingers wrapped around her belt at both sides and pulled her closer. Hip to hip, thigh to thigh, sharing breath.

Chandra’s already hard dick throbbed, pressed up against Nissa’s pelvis through her pants.

And Nissa’s darkening blush and widening grin told her that she had absolutely felt that. “I’ve caught you,” she whispered, breathy and wanting. “Are you going to be good, Chandra?”

Chandra delayed her answer behind wrapping her arms around her lover, giving her a bit of time for the dizzying pulse of arousal to ebb somewhat. “You might have to tie me up,” she teased, leaning in to nip at Nissa’s lower lip. “I’m a bad boy.”

Nissa giggled, and reached up to tuck her hair behind one ear. “Not for me, you’re not.” And a breath later, her lips were on Chandra’s, and Chandra’s head was buzzing with need, and she was hungrily returning every kiss.

And then a chime-like hum of amusement cut through the haze. Chandra felt her gut abruptly lurch in a very familiar way. She tensed, groaning against her girlfriend’s lips as the lurch sharpened into a roil. Nissa’s hand left her belt and carted through Chandra’s hair as the sudden discomfort faded into a steady flowing…”oddness” she knew well.

Yahenni, piercing her soul from across the room, making that unseen incision from which to siphon Chandra’s aether. It felt like those lovely claw-like fingers were curling around her spark, embracing the core of her very being.

Chandra had been fed on before. It had never felt this intimate, this baring, this…arousing. She whimpered into the kiss.

“Good?” Nissa asked. “More?”

“More,” Chandra said, nodding quickly but grimacing when the motion made her lightheaded. Yahenni usually told her not to move when they were feeding. “Should I…I mean, what should I…?”

“Help her down, darling,” came Yahenni’s voice from behind Nissa. “We don’t want our boy hitting her pretty head.” A muffled ‘thump’ sound Chandra eventually recognized as a pillow hitting the floor.

“Mm,” Nissa confirmed, and she finally pulled away from Chandra, taking with her another involuntary whine. “Good boy. I’m here.” She tugged on Chandra’s belt again and Chandra gladly followed, careful and wobbly towards the bed.

She could still feel Yahenni’s ephemeral claws anchored inside her, like a tongue pressed idly against a bare and bleeding pulseline, sampling but not partaking. Not yet.

Nissa stopped her in place after a few shuffling steps. Chandra felt her girlfriend’s fingers tuck into the waistline of her pants and her hips jittered upwards, grinding up into nothing, knocking a pant into her breath. “Oh, Chandra,” Nissa breathed, an exaggerated frown and a caress of Chandra’s cheek with her other hand. “You really need this, don’t you?”

“Please,” Chandra whispered, curling and uncurling her tingling fingertips by her sides. “Please, Nis.”

Nissa silently, gently, pulled Chandra’s pants down, and her underwear with it. A hand on Chandra’s back, pulling her closer to the bed, and down to the pillow Yahenni had left. Yahenni, who was still sitting on Nissa’s bed with their legs slightly spread, a soft reddish mist dancing around the fingertips of one hand, their blue eyes twinged almost purple.

Chandra kneeled in front of their boyfriend, knees on the pillow. Nissa pressed up against Chandra’s back, reaching around to run her fingers teasingly across her stomach, tracing her treasure trail and making her squirm.

“I think she’s ready to give you what you want, darling,” Yahenni said. They leaned forward slightly, cupping Chandra’s chin with their other hand, their claws digging into her skin without threat of breaking. “But she’s waiting for me to say yes. So, Chandra, darling. Be a good boy and beg.”

Chandra’s whole body was tingling. Her spark was tingling. Her dick was rock hard, throbbing and leaking against her own stomach. “Please,” she whimpered, her voice hoarse with need. “Yahenni, please let her touch me. I wanna cum for you so both bad, please.”

She felt Yahenni’s claws curl tighter around her spark. “Go ahead,” they said, their eyes gleaming with hunger. “Get her off, darling.”

“Good boy,” Nissa whispered, her breath washing against Chandra’s neck, her hand finding her throbbing dick and wrapping her fingers around the shaft. Chandra thrust up into her touch, whimpering, leaking pre across Nissa’s palm.

Nissa ran her thumb over the head, smearing Chandra’s slick across it, drawing another throb and another vocal whine, this time a little babbling “please-“ leaving Chandra’s lips involuntarily. And then Nissa started to stroke her dick.

Chandra pressed back against Nissa, grabbing onto the bed with one hand to keep herself balanced, the other finding Yahenni’s forearm and clinging to it for dear life. She felt an orgasm building, that warmth churning its way through her gut, throbbing and-

“Ah ah, not yet darling.” And a wave of magic washed through her body, her vision dimming at the corners. Chandra gasped for air, feeling the urge to writhe, to thrash and squirm, but she could barely move. Her limbs felt loose and limp and useless.

And she wasn’t close to orgasm. Chandra whimpered fully, a little hoarse sob escaping her. Fuck. Fuck it felt so good, she was helpless and dizzy with lust and need and pleasure, she wanted more, she wanted to cum so hard she caught fire. The heat inside her was well and truly quashed but she felt so fucking warm. Nissa was sucking and biting her neck from behind, Yahenni had her spark pulsing against their palm. This was heaven and Chandra could barely bear it.

“Please,” Chandra managed, her breath betraying her. “Henni please, please, please.”

“Have you been good?” Yahenni asked.

“I’m good I’m your good boy,” she whimpered, her hips aching from thrusting up against Nissa’s hand, her girlfriend’s fingers slick with Chandra’s own pre. “I wanna cum so badly please please I’m good I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours.”

Yahenni’s hand left Chandra’s chin, one claw lingering on the underside. Then they traced down centimeter by centimeter, Chandra careful to stay still even though Nissa’s continued ministrations. Yahenni slowly, gently, wrapped their claws around Chandra’s throat and squeezed. “Cum for us,” they whispered.

The sudden lucid pleasure hit Chandra like a punch to the gut, and she could feel the air on her sweat-slick skin and the prickles of Yahenni’s claws and Nissa’s fucking fingers pumping around her cock and a scream tore out of Chandra’s throat so fast her voice gave out, and her vision washed black as her orgasm hit her like a riptide. She couldn’t breathe.

And then she could. One gasp at a time, color returned to her world, and the tingling tension wove its way out of her muscles. Yahenni’s fingers left her throat, and Chandra slumped back against Nissa, breathing steadily slower but no less heavy.

With one last pinch of discomfort, Chandra felt Yahenni’s ephemeral influence leave her core. The ruddy mist curling around their fingers faded, dissipating into sweet nothing. Nissa, behind her, cooed and pressed kiss after kiss to the newfound bruise on Chandra’s neck.

“So?” Chandra croaked, gazing up at her boyfriend. “How did I taste?”

Yahenni’s still red-twinged eyes curled with amusement. “Divine,” they hummed.

[pancake-breakfast]

It really feels like we're moving into the home stretch, doesn't it?

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 12, Chapters 1-3 below.

Volume 12 Covers

Eyyy, it's Grape Juice Vash! Wait. Why is his hair all black? WHY IS HIS HAIR ALL BLACK?!?!?!

Huh, was the gag cover not done by Nightow?

The people on the back cover are... an interesting and volatile combo.

Why is Livio strapped down and being tormented on the back cover? Noooooo....

By contrast, Legato looks much too pleased with everything.

Kuro looks like she just noticed she has a butt.

I don't like these chapter titles. They don't sound like things that bode well for our intrepid heroes.

Chapter 1: The End of the Journey and the Echoes of Breathing

Eyyy! Dramatic Livio!

Oh, so while Knives expects they'll never see him coming, these folks have dealt with this sort of thing before and actually have formalized plans for how to deal with it.

Chronica doesn't look particularly happy about this situation. What could be going through her mind as she heads off to fight another of her kin?

Is Domina another Plant? Or are we just running with dramatic names at this period in history?

LOL, Chronica just shut Domina down.

Oh, so Chronica's experienced in this.

Domina's gonna die. I'm calling it now.

Dramatic Vash!

Geez, how high up is he??

Did... he just think about jumping and then stop himself??

Kinda wish these two pages were put together in a spread. Makes it a bit easier to follow Vash's... er... cheerful reminiscing.

Heh, but in spite of all the destruction he's witnessed and been a part of, his thoughts go back to all the kind people he's met along the way.

This isn't even just the kind people anymore. It's just all these people who made an impact on him. And Kuroneko.

Oh, hey. It's Fake Vash.

Man, Legato takes up so much space here.... Definitely not all people who had positive impacts. Good to see Lina and her grandma kinda balancing him out a bit on the other corner of the page.

All the Gung-Ho Guns.... I like how Razlo and Livio are given separate panels, and how Livio's panel is still kinda Razlo-centric. It shows him not being him, but just being a mask and a tool, the real person buried down deep and nearly lost to shadows.

The fact that Chapel's here is interesting. Wolfwood had the coin, but it seems like, as far as Vash is concerned, only the actual Chapel was truly a Gung-Ho Gun. That would line up with his insistence that the coin was Chapel's in the previous volume despite Wolfwood explicitly noting it was his own. (Though Wolfwood was actively trying to push Vash away at the time, so who knows how truthful he was being.)

Ah, and there we end with the two most important figures: Wolfwood and Rem.

MOAR dramatic Vash!

I love everything about this panel. I love the dramatic layout. I love that he loved both the good times and the bad. I hate that he basically expects to die here. I love almost everything about this panel.

Anti-Plant missiles?!? Dang, that's a thing to have to invent...

Ah, so Domina is a plant.

LOL, ranting about your coworker out lout while forgetting your still in voice chat with them.

Uhhhh... the arc just disappeared??

Oh, whatever that is (the warhead, probably) does not look good.

Knives doesn't look so hot. (Alternatively, perhaps he looks too hot.) So that's where Stampede got it....

I'm glad no one else seems to quite know what's going on, either.

Chapter 2: Corrosive Thunder

CW: Body horror

That seems like a dangerous amount of electricity....

Oh, cool. A crater.

Great, Knives has discovered warp travel.

Aaaand it's an entirely new thing in Plant warfare.

If it's been 200 years since they sent out the colony ships and 150 since the Great Fall, then the ship Vash and Knives were on was only out for about 50 years before they crashed.

Hahahaha, Domina's cute when she's flustered.

Seems like Domina might be able to sense Knives.

Nah, it's not the system he hacked into.

Uh... why are we zoomed in on Domina's crotch??

The heck?! That can't be one of Legato's filaments... is it??

LOL, Milly and Meryl just bowling over a guard to get a better look.

Aaaand everyone's shooting for some reason.

RIP Domina. Body horror for everyone.

I'm guessing Knives' "extreme intelligence" is what's allowed him to maintain his will through all of this.

Knives really doesn't care about the lives of his siblings, does he? Even the ones with a legit conscious free will, he'll destroy and/or absorb if they disagree with him. Shouldn't really be a surprise given how he treated Vash, but it's still a bit shocking how far he's willing to go.

Chapter 3: The Interceptor

This isn't going so well for the Earth fleet.

Yeah, the townsfolk really weren't gonna do much against the ark with their puny guns...

It is very dangerous to fire straight into the air! Gravity's a thing! Physics is a thing! Thank you for recognizing this!

This is probably the first time I have ever seen a piece of media honor the "what goes up must come down" property of shooting guns off into the air. Dramatic things like Elandira's nail and Wolfwood's rocket don't count. It's never honored with normal bullets.

Yeah, stupid general man is still sitting there with his stupid warhead. At this point, it might actually be useful if it distracts Knives... but a dirty bomb is called that for a reason. It would devastate the population below, too.

For all her good talk about forgetting Knives is a fellow Plant, Chronica's struggling to do the same with her assimilated sister.

Uhhh, Vash? Vash, babygirl, whatcha doing?

Dang, he managed to cut Knives' tie to Domina. What... what will that even do to her??

Guess I'll find out next time....

Archive

Trigun Vol. 1: Covers + 1-3, 4, 5-6, 7-8, 9-10 || Vol. 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Vol. 1: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Vol. 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Vol. 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7 || Vol. 5: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 6: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 7: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 8: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5 + Bonus || Vol. 9: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 10: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-8 || Vol. 11: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6

Extra Credit: Trigun Vol. 1: Nebraska vs. Vash's Motivations, Vash's Loneliness, Vash's Depression (pt. 2 of post), Soupy Brains || Vol. 2: Coin Factoids || TriMax Vol. 1: Lina, Vash, and a Haircut || Meryl, Vash, and the Pursuit of Happiness || Vol. 5: Knives, Vash, and Hatred for Humanity || Vol. 6: Coping Series: Wolfwood, Meryl, Vash || Vol. 8: The Uncoordinated Counterattack || Vol. 9: Justice, Punishment, and Mercy, The Tolling of an Iron Bell || Vol. 10: Crucifixion Symbology (pt. 2 of post), Merging of Families, Being Childlike (And Why God Hates Chapel) || Vol. 11: New Hair, New Outlook

[yomiurinikei]

hibiki for the ask meme (annie)

I TYPED ALL THIS UP FOREVER AGO THEN. never uploaded it. it’s just been in my drafts.

cw for mentions of the god awful ship (not /pos and it’s not brought up by name) + brief mentions of her canon trauma and my desire for it to be handled differently (not in depth/explicit)

everything after this read more was written forever ago i don’t even really recall what’s there i just skimmed it for cws

hi annie!!!!! we have the same brain huh (both asked for biki..)

my identity hc for them

just a little girl. uhhhh ya okay. obligatory 'this is an au where things were. not good but Better' disclaimer, im gonna handle this whole post under the context of. i do what i want and what i want is for hibiki to be okay. she's still a system just because of abuse at the hands of her parents which was exacerbated by kanade being toxic. not uh. yeah.

aaaanyways. she's very nonbinary to me!!! i think she likes like.. all the labels. nonbinary trans genderqueer and one hundred million thousand microlabels. she prolly rbs a ton of incoherent "i am like if a bead rolled underneath a industrial refrigerator before eventually being sucked up into a vacuum, slipped out of the garbage onto the ground where it slowly sunk into the earth was a girl but also not a girl" posts.

also i think she's questioning her sexuality/how she experiences attraction but she like. loves loves having qpps. to her its like... a great sign of friendship but also she wants to signify that shes very close with a lot of people. its a high honor but not a rare one to receive. her relationship with it is just like. i have someone who is very dear to me but without any sort of romantic or familial connotations how lovely and cool this is, how happy it makes me <3. she's just chilling!!!

Thoughts on their home life/family

ooogh. okay. actually i never included this in the ask meme. mm,,, how do i want to handle this. hm. i thiiink.. hibiki and kanade deserve some time to be estranged from each other. obvi this is again, within how i choose to write them. so i dont think this will be a relatable take. buuuut yeah. sometimes the best thing for siblings is to not be siblings for a bit. if anyone asks they just share a last name but have no relation. i think that would be good

i have a very normal relationship with my siblings (<- only child who used to be a younger sibling. that is what i am choosing.)

How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

mmmm,, she is so so so fucking system and i really wish she belonged to anyone but linuj. do u guys remember when i said hm maybe the otono twins were abused by their parents and thats why kanade took control of the situation by hurting the one person she could who would always have to be around her? and then a few months later linuj was like oh kanade is just born evil shes inherently bad because i think thats fun and cool^^ ? i remember. i remember very well.

i think,, hibiki was just ultimately underused. and like. it sucks and was bullshit what happened but also i Understand it within what it did narratively. even if i think linuj kinda dicked up the way it couldve affected the tone of the game. buuut. really the largest disservice that happened was like. the way she ultimately had no agency. according to linuj, no matter what, kanade would be Like That, and hibiki would get hurt, and the end. im not saying what happened to her was her fault, thats not what i mean when i say she has no agency, i mean. there was no in universe reason for what happened, not at the end of the day. she was doomed from conception in and out of universe and it just sucks and makes her feel flat because u cant even go what if not without completely ignoring the way linuj writes a wholeass character. hoping that all makes sense?

buuut yeah. tldr. she couldve been vv well written and handled well, even with her ultimate fate staying the same. but by admitting there's absolutely no way hibiki could have made it out okay, not even a "well, the cards would never line up like this, but if x had happened, and then y, then kanade would've fucked off", but making it that no matter what, kanade is gonna do what she did. it just kinda leaves a bad taste about things

The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

she actually is a person who exists outside of what kanade did <3. yes she has that puppet state sure whatever but also she's part of a system and has alters and one of them is "puppet state" but the others have hopes and desires and likes and etc etc.

My number one favorite ship for them

going off earlier, just assume all these ships are qpps <3! her and setsuka have a really fun relationship. cop out answer but ya know

…Now everyone else i ship with them

i like sora and hibiki!

The thing i will NEVER ship

ignoring the Obvi. i can’t think of anyone? again using ships here to mean like. hibiki having bestie-isms, i think she’s p shippable. she’s fun and friend shaped!

a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

uhhh i agree w/you she and nikei would be silly. they deserve to be character who is like :D but is then like D:< together.

thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

hair so pretty eyes so pretty. kinda weird colors

A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

dreamin chuchu always makes me think of her i cannot explain why

[the-slasher-madame]

Icky Sicky

I am sick, and thus tired, and incredibly lonely. I WANT MY MURDER MEN! I WANT THEM TO TAKE CARE OF ME! But I’m also stubborn and mentally ill... it’s late at night and I’m sick, I have no idea what I’m writing

CWs: sickness, nothing bad just like a cold; uhhhh Bo I think (I’ve just been in a Bo sort of mood) 

Headcannon format I think

(Pssst I added one for Vincent)

Bo and the Plague Rat (you)

You were going about your regular day, and you felt a tickle at the back of your throat. You did not like where this was going. However, you were stubborn and decided to press on through all your chores; as you liked to say, “momma didn’t raise no pussy”

(you also have a thing of worrying about being a burden or not pulling your weight)

You made it about two (2) days before the symptoms really started to set in

 You were sweeping in the garage while Bo was fiddling with a car when you started sneezing. You tried to cover it, but you knew he knew. Despite appearances, he kept a sharp eye on you

After the first sneeze and the next sniffles, he lifted his head from under the hood of the car. He looked at you, asking, “ya alright there, Y/N?”

“Yea yea I’m fine, I promise!” You smiled at him, but you could feel your sinus bags inflating under your eyes. You throat was also starting to get sore, and you were mentally kicking yourself. You did not want to worry him 

Bo heard you, but he was still staring. And he decided you were full of shit

He stood up and closed the hood of his car before making his way over to you. He was so much taller than you and usually it made you feel all tingly but you were tired

Bo just picked you up bridal-style, and silenced any attempt you made to tell him you were fine

“Bo I-” “Nuh-uh sugar, don’ argue.”

You, luckily for him, were too tired to argue. You let him set you on the counter while he quickly closed down the shop, then picked you back up to walk to the house

He threw open the door, letting it slam shut while he started up the stairs to your shared room

Bo laid you down on the bed and started to find you more comfortable clothing. You tried to change your clothes yourself, but Bo just swatted your hand away

“Git, now, go on. Just let me handle this,” he sounded a bit surely, as per usual, but you knew he was trying to show affection in his own weird, mysterious way.

“I’ll be righ’ back up doll, gonna grab some water and snacks. Don’ fuckin  move, I seen that look in yer eyes” 

You were getting steadily sleepier, so you listened to him (there’s a first time for everything)

Bo made it back, set his gains on the night table, and kicked off his work boots before crawling in behind you. He pulled you back onto him, wrapping his arms around your waist to hold in place

“Jus’ relax doll, we been needing a good cuddle date anyways,” he whispered in your ear. He felt how warm you were, and snuggled closer. 

He had been spooning you, but you turned around in his grip to face him

“Can I lay on your chest, Bo?” you asked quietly, getting as close to him as possible.

In response, he just rolled onto his back, pulling you so that your head was on his chest. You mumbled a hushed thank you as you began to drift off, and Bo started to play one of your favorite sleeping playlists. He set his phone on the bedside table and started to follow you off to dreamland

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Does this suck? Absolutely. In my defense, It’s pretty late and I took some benedryl. I just wanna snuggle this man like goddamn. I ain’t asking for all that much

[fairfaxleasee]

[Slow] dancing + Fenris/Cass? someone needs to take this boy out on the town!!

For @dadrunkwriting (Thanks to @xqueen0fhellx for letting me use her Damien Amell in this and my AU!)

CW: Anxiety, panic attacks, autism spectrum, Modern (University) AU

Cassia Hawke couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing in her hallway.  Not only did she have no idea how her cousin Damien had found her apartment (although her younger sister Bethany was at the top of the suspect list), but she had even less of an idea what he was doing with his arms full of stained papers and a single sneaker.

“Cousin Cass!  I did what you asked me!” Damien didn’t wait to be invited and strode into her apartment.

“Uhhhh... no you didn’t.”  Cass was positive she hadn’t told her cousin to do anything, let alone something that would involve him showing up at her apartment with... whatever it was he was holding.

“I did though!  Don’t you remember?  At the Dumar’s party last month you said we were going to spy on Danarius.”

“Uh, no, at the Dumar’s party I said I was going to look into Danarius’ business dealings.”

“Well... yeah, and while you did that, I did this!” he lifted his arms slightly to offer her whatever it was he was holding.

“Damien, I have no idea what that is.”

“I went through his trash!  And it was annoying because I had to climb over this really high fence to do it.”

Cass pursed her lips and tapped her fingers on her forehead.  “Okay, well we’re going to just pretend you didn’t confess to trespassing and theft...”

“See, these are a bunch of receipts for... well, I don’t know what they’re all for.  Oh, wait, and this looks like a coffee filter.  But I think the rest of these are receipts-”

“Damien...”

“I know he’s getting extra income from somewhere-”

“Damien!”

“So I brought them here because you’re good at all this thinking stuff!”

“DAMIEN!  When I said I was going to look into him I meant I was going to search through public records for his corporate filings and do a bit of catfishing.  The corporate stuff is public information and the catfishing is things he’s willingly telling me.  Or, well, willingly telling Cecelia.  But still.”

“Ohhh...” Damien sounded like he was finally listening to what Cass was actually telling him instead of the voice-over in his personal action movie.  “That sounds like a better plan now that you say it.”

“Yes.  And it’s also doesn’t involve trespassing or petty larceny.”

“Can I help with that?”

“No!”

“Do you need me to hack into anything?”

“NO!  That’s still illegal, Damien!  And I need whatever I’m going to use to be clean.”

“Well, what about catfishing?  Can I do that?”

Cass barely resisted the urge to throttle her overly-enthusiastic cousin, “I- yes, fine if that will get you out of here.  But no hacking!”

“So, what kind of profile do you think I should make up?  Can I see the one you’re using?  Can we hang out while I make it?”

“Damien, I am going to give you three seconds to get out the door before I push you out a window!  Fenris is coming over-”

“Can I meet him this time?”

“NO!” if Cass had her way about things Fenris would never be subjected to any of her relatives.  It was bad enough he’d already met Carver and Bethany (albeit briefly), Cass wasn’t about to impose another Amell on him.  She started shooing her cousin towards the door.

“Well, I guess I should leave to let you get ready.  You probably want to put something nice on.  Where are you going with him?  You should take him dancing!  Ooh!  Have you ever heard of the Hanged Man?  It’s this club-”

“Damien, just go back to your house and throw all that stuff out somewhere.  And don’t do anything else illegal!”

“Bye, Cousin Cass!  Let me know how your date goes!  I’ll call you when I have something-”

Cass gave her cousin one last shove and closed the door behind him.  She looked down at the clothes she was wearing and frowned.  They were clean, but that was all that could be said about them.  They were her usual combination of a tunic and leggings, and she liked them and was comfortable in them, they were far from nice.  Or pretty.  She’d never worn anything nice or pretty on any of their dates.

Although maybe it was unfair of her to consider what they did together ‘dating.’  He just came over to her apartment and they’d order carry out and watch movies.  She liked watching movies and eating carry out in her apartment, and she loved doing it with Fenris, but... She was probably boring him.  He’d been in a band; they’d met in the Hanged Man (even if Cass hadn’t wanted to go to the fucking club in the first place).

She bit her lower lip and tried to force herself not to cry.  She hadn’t managed to fuck anything up yet.  Maybe she had time.  She opened her phone and called Fenris.

“Cass?”

“Mm-hum.”  Great, of all the times for her throat to decide not to work.

“Cass, is everything alright?”

“Mm-hum.” She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to force herself to talk.  “I... um... I’ve got to do this quick thing.  I... I should be done before you get here, but I’m going to leave the door unlocked just in case.  So you can come in.  And I’ll have Dante and Squall with me so you don’t need to worry about that.  But it’s fine, okay?  I- I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Cass...”

“I’ll see you in a bit.”

She was slightly afraid he would try to call her again once she hung up, but didn’t have time to be relived he hadn’t as she tore to her bedroom in search of something that wouldn’t make her look like, in the endearing words of her brother, a ‘crazy bag-lady.’

It took a while to find.  Most of her regular clothes were similar to what she was wearing already and she had a few suits for competitions that she wore.  She’d tried on one of the dresses her mother had bought for her to wear to the parties she was supposed to go to, but it made her skin burn and crawl so she’d yanked it off before she’d even zipped it up.  She eventually found a knee-length black skirt (she had a fleeting thought that it might have been from her high school uniform, but as long as it didn’t look like it was from a high school uniform she wasn’t going to be picky) and a scoop-neck split sleeve blouse.  She glanced at her phone and cursed that it had taken her all but five minutes of the time she’d had between her cousin running his mouth (he obviously hadn’t meant anything by it, and while she wasn’t mad at him for causing it she was still furious it had happened) and Fenris’ arrival.  She rushed to the bathroom in a desperate search for make up.  She owned some basic stuff for her competitions, but it was to make her look professional.  She flung open cabinets and drawers in search of something as she tried not to focus on the sting of shame at what was in her medicine cabinet.

She heard the door to her apartment open and shook her head as she tried to apply what she’d found in a way that wouldn’t end up with her looking like a toddler who’d gotten into its mother’s purse.  She couldn’t enjoy the fact that she’d managed it because when she looked at the reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t recognize the woman staring back at her.  Actually, that wasn’t true.  She knew exactly who was staring back at her.  ‘Cassia Amell Hawke’ was staring back at her.  The daughter her parents wanted was staring back at her.  Someone normal was staring back at her.  Someone Fenris deserved was staring back at her.  The woman she could never be was staring back at her.  She felt tears begin to prick the edges of her eyes before a voice from the living room distracted her.

“Cass?”

She wiped her eyes quickly as she answered, “Yes!  Sorry, Fenris, I’ll be right out!”  She grabbed the only pair of heels she owned as she tore from the bedroom.

“Cass!”  She watched Fenris’ expression change as he took in her appearance.  She bit her lip as she admonished herself silently for not being able to understand what any of it meant.  “Cass, why are you wearing that?”

“I... um... do you not like it?”  She hadn’t even considered Fenris may not like what she was wearing.

“I - no!  You look... stunning but, it’s not what you usually wear.”

“I... well... I thought... I thought maybe we could do something different tonight.”

“Like what, Cass?”

“I... like we could go... out to dinner?”

“Hmmm... we could do that.”  He was smiling.  She didn’t think anything was off about the smile so she smiled back.

“And then we could go somewhere nice after?  Like a club or a bar or something?”

Something was wrong with his smile as she finished.  “Are you sure, Cass?”

“Mm-hum.”  She nodded.  She was sure, she just couldn’t bring herself to actually claim she was sure.

“Let’s see how you feel after dinner.”

“I... okay.”  She hung her head as she tried to keep smiling.  She’d obviously done something wrong.  Maybe if she could figure out what it was she’d be able to fix it.

They had a fairly nice time at dinner.  Fenris mentioned he knew a Seheron restaurant he liked that didn’t do carry-out so they went there.  It was definitely noisier than Cass’ apartment, but it wasn’t overwhelming.  As they left, Fenris reached a hand around her waist to press her gently to him and whisper, “Should we head back, Cass?”

She turned to him, “I - No!  I said we could go dancing.  So let’s go to a club.”

“Cass...”

“Do you not want to?”

“Do you want to?”

“Mm-hum.”  She wanted to want to.  That was close enough.  He turned away.  She reached out and grabbed his collar as she felt her breathing get heavier.  She pulled him towards her as her eyes drifted away.

“Cass...” she felt him sigh above her.  “If you’re sure, Cass.”

She nodded and pulled him closer.

“Alright, I know a place that’s not far.”

Cass had no idea what club Fenris had taken her to, but she knew she hated it.  It was just as bad as the Hanged Man (although for all she knew, it was the Hanged Man again, she’d blocked most of the specifics of the place out): flashing lights, crowds of people, loud music, somehow louder voices, the stench of cigarettes, alcohol, and cologne.  It was as though the entire place were determined to make her as miserable as possible as quickly as possible.  She thought Fenris was trying to talk to her.  She couldn’t hear him.  She tried to focus on looking happy; pretending to belong.  Keeping up her desperate façade of normalcy for as long as possible as the fire the overstimulation set off in every nerve in her body overwhelmed and consumed her.

The next thing she was fully aware of she was outside with her head pressed against a concrete wall as she gulped lungfuls of cold night air.

“Feeling better, Cass?”

She turned her head slightly to look at Fenris.  His whole expression was funny - he wasn’t trying to smile, and he didn’t look angry, but she couldn’t for the life of her understand his slightly furrowed eyebrows.  She closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath.  She didn’t want to make him wait any longer so she bit her tongue to try to force it to start working.  “Yeah... um, just give me a second and we can go back in.”

“We’re not going back in, Cass.”

Her eyes flew open and she turned to Fenris in a panic, “I can do it better, Fenris!  Just tell me what I did wrong and I can make it right!”

“Cass, you were miserable in there.”

“I’m sorry!  I know I’m not supposed to be.  I can- I can get better at pretending it’s fun!”

“Cassia, listen to me,” he reached out and hovered a hand over her cheek.  She knew she shouldn’t - she didn’t deserve it - but she leaned into his touch.  He rubbed his thumb over her cheekbone.  “You don’t have to pretend with me.  I don’t want you to pretend with me.  I want to be with you, not anyone else.”

“I don’t understand, Fenris...”

“Do you believe me?”

“Yes.”  She reached up to grab his wrist.

“That’s enough, Cassia.”

“But...  but I want to do more, Fenris.  You deserve more.”

“Hmm...” he slid his hand off her cheek and around her back to press her to his chest.  “Is there anything you think we didn’t get to do tonight?”

“I... we didn’t get to dance.  That’s what people go to clubs for, right?”

“We don’t need a club to dance, Cass.  Here, give me your phone.”

She slid it out of her pocket, unlocked it, and handed it over.  She saw his eyes narrow at the screen.  “Fenris?”

“It’s nothing, Cass.  I’m just going to have to have a long talk with this Cousin Damien of yours at some point.”

“Fenris, nothing good ever comes from talking to my Cousin Damien at any length.”

“Well, I agree with that, but I don’t intend to let him off the hook.  But let’s leave that for now.”

Cass watched the light of the screen reflect on Fenris’ face for a few seconds before music began to play.  ‘I see trees of green; Red roses too.’  She leaned into him and wound her arms behind his head.  He reached down with the hand that wasn’t holding the phone to reach around her waist as they swayed to the music.  She wasn’t sure it counted as ‘dancing,’ but she was sure she wasn’t able to do anything more just then.  She leaned away from slightly so she could press her forehead to his, “I think this is the first time I’ve liked this song.”

She felt him laugh, “My thoughts exactly, Cassia.”

[elsanna-shenanigans]

April Contest Submission #26: Captain's Holiday

Words: ca. 1500 Setting: Star Trek AU (TNG Era) Lemon: no, but there are a few sexual jokes CW: none

 xXx

The idea of a vacation had never really crossed Elsa’s mind for most of her Starfleet career. While she often had her ways of amusing herself like her holoprograms recreating historical locations from various alien worlds, not to mention a Klingon martial arts program that an old academy friend had lent her, she’d never taken a full-on vacation before.

Whenever the topic of shore leave had come up and most other officers went on vacation or visited a nearby space station for their relaxation, Elsa usually went home to the Vulcan colony where her grandparents lived and where she was raised after her parents had died.

But for whatever reason, Elsa now found herself laid back on a deck chair on a beach on the beautiful planet known as Risa.

Anna had been the one to coax her into it. They both had shore leave coming up and this was the first one they’d been on since they’d gotten together. It was Anna’s way of trying to get Elsa to have some actual fun, instead of being glued to the captain’s chair most of the time.

Elsa tried to remain still on the deck chair… but she just wasn’t feeling it. She just couldn’t find a way to relax. The sound of the waves nearby crashing against the shore, the sounds of other vacationers laughing and talking in the distance… It was hard to focus.

“Ugh, this isn’t helping,” Elsa groaned.

Anna, who was on a deck chair next to her, pulled down her sunglasses. “Come on, we’ve only been here on this beach for half an hour. Just give it time to clear your thoughts.”

“I can’t focus here, Anna,” Elsa responded. “This isn’t like the holodeck where I can have everything under my control.” She sighed, knowing she didn’t want to be angry at Anna. Anna had done this partly for her, the last thing she wanted was to ruin this vacation. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’ve never had a vacation like this,” Anna told her. “It just takes some getting used to.”

Elsa sighed. “I’m gonna read.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a datapad. Holding it in her hand, she began to read the text upon it.

Anna narrowed her eyes at Elsa. A quick telepathic scan of her girlfriend’s mind told her that it wasn’t a steamy romance novel that Elsa was reading. “Elsa, what is that?”

“Uhhhh… just a book?” Elsa spoke, blushing sheepishly.

Reaching over, Anna grabbed the pad from Elsa and looked at it. “This is the mission report Kristoff sent us last night!”

“It might have been important!”

“You’re here to relax, not stress yourself out with work!” Anna argued. “By the deities, you are impossible.”

“I’m sorry,” Elsa apologised. “Work helps me focus and I feel relaxed.”

“Yes, but that kinda defeats the point of going on vacation in the first place, doesn’t it?” Anna remarked.

Elsa sighed, taking the pad from Anna and deleting the report from it. “Alright, I promise you, I won’t be trying to sneak any more work into this vacation and you’re more than welcome to telepathically scan me to make sure I’m keeping to that.”

“Nah, you know I’m not fond of doing that to you,” Anna argued. “But… I appreciate it.” She leaned over and kissed Elsa on the cheek.

Elsa smiled, looking out on the vast ocean before them, the twin suns of Risa making the ocean sparkle before her eyes. It looked so perfect, but while the view was lovely, it had nothing on how beautiful Anna was. Her freckles practically glowed in the sunlight.

“The weather is lovely,” Elsa admitted.

“It’s like this every day here,” Anna remarked. “I remember when I first saw those two suns in the sky.”

Elsa raised her eyebrow. “You’ve been here before?”

“Oh, plenty of times!” Anna replied. “My moms came here when I was a kid all the time. It was the first time I’d been off-world. I built sandcastles with my two older brothers right over…. there.” she pointed to a patch of sand close to the water. “Or was it over there…. all the beaches here kinda look the same.”

“Sounds like you had a lot of fun as a kid,” Elsa admitted.

“And I guess growing up with Vulcans wasn’t entirely full of joy?” Anna assumed.

“Well, I wasn’t entirely bored,” Elsa remarked. “I remember I used to go up into the mountains with my grandfather. There was this peak where you could see the entire colony.” She sighed, feeling relaxed. “I spent so many afternoons there.”

Anna chuckled. “I bet you were cute as a kid.”

Smiling, Elsa reflected on her childhood, glad that she had someone to share such memories with. It honestly took her a lot to open up to people and felt glad to have someone like Anna. Just then, Elsa felt a slight burning sensation on her skin.

“Hmmm, I think I need another dose of sunscreen,” Elsa admitted. “Typical binary suns.”

“Want me to get it for you?” Anna wondered.

“No, I got it,” Elsa replied, reaching into her bag. As she looked in the bag next to her, she saw the small statue that Anna had bought for her that morning, an item quite popular with the locals. It was a small brown statue that depicted a deity in Risan mythology.

Elsa picked up the statue, holding it in her hands. “I don’t know why you bought me this… Horgun was it?”

“Horga'hn,” Anna corrected her. “And I thought you’d like it! You could display it with all those other artifacts you have in your quarters.”

“Yes, but those artifacts were ancient and from civilisations long since extinct. Some of them are virtually priceless…. you can buy these at the resort’s gift shop.”

“Think of it as a souvenir of your trip,” Anna replied, gently kissing Elsa on the cheek again.

Elsa blushed softly, before going into the bag again and pulling out the sunscreen. As she applied it to herself, however, she heard someone clear their throat beside her and Anna. “Excuse me?”

Looking over, Elsa could see a young brunette woman wearing a rather revealing uniform standing next to them. Judging from the familiar symbol on her forehead, she was one of the planet’s natives. She had rather dark skin and wore her hair long, a smile on her face. However, Elsa just groaned internally.

Not another one, Elsa remarked. I swear that’s the fifth Risian woman today who’s come up to me

“Yes, can I help you?” Elsa asked.

The woman walked over to Elsa, her dark skin shimmering in the glow of the sun. “My name is Maren. I’m employed here at the resort. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more comfortable?”

“Oh uh, no thank you,” Elsa responded politely.

“Are you sure?” Maren inquired further. “I couldn’t perhaps offer you a massage of some kind?”

“No, my girlfriend and I merely wish to be left alone,” Elsa responded.

“How very odd,” Maren noted. “You say you want to be alone… yet I can’t help but notice that Horga'hn sticking out of your bag.”

Elsa raised her eyebrow. “Why? What’s so important about that? I thought it was just a souvenir.”

Maren chuckled. “This is your first time being here isn’t it?”

“Uh yes?” Elsa answered. “Look, what’s going on here? Is this why like five Risian women, including yourself, have come to me asking for help?”

“Yes, you see, the Horga'hn is our fertility and sexuality symbol,” Maren explained. “To own one is to call forth its power. To display it is to announce you are seeking Jamaharon.”

Anna then giggled and Elsa then realised what exactly was going on here.

“Jamaha…” Elsa shook her head. “Yes, I see, I get it.”

“Are you seeking Jamaharon?”

“No, no, I am not. I did know about it until you told me just now,” Elsa replied.

“Ahhhh I see,” Maren accepted. “Well, since you are not, I’d recommend leaving your Horga'hn in your room. I wouldn’t want things to be awkward for you.” She smiled. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!”

As Maren left, Elsa glared over at Anna who was beside herself with laughter. Oh, this was quite a trick that Anna had played on her, that was to be sure.

“And what is so funny?” Elsa asked sarcastically.

“The look on your face!” Anna laughed, almost falling off her deck chair. “It was just priceless!”

Elsa smirked. “Oh really? Well, I hope you’ve had your last laugh because I have a Vulcan nerve pinch with your name on it.”

Her girlfriend giggled nervously. “Now, Elsa, let’s not take this too far. I just thought that maybe you’d like to live a little. Did I ever tell you that Risan’s find pointy ears really hot?”

“I’ll have you court-martialed for this,” Elsa said with a sickly smile.

Anna gulped. “Oh boy.” And then in a panic, she started running down the beach, Elsa chasing after her.

“I’m sorry!” Anna cried, giggling.

“Anna!” Elsa shouted, also laughing. “Get back here! I’m not done with you!”

[mudwingprince]

agh, fuck it

have a trauma story that fucked me up :)

TW/CW: abuse and manipulation but its really goofed up because i keep yelling about it

oof... i dont even know where to start with this

uuhhhhhhh

well

it started in the beginning of 5th grade

and, there was this kid, lets name him... uh... Dick, thats not his real name, of course

and he said that he liked me in october

and me being the little kid i am whos 'in a relationship' with another kid already (it was just a close friendship, we're not really close anymore cus its awkward, especially after what happened here)

and, after a bit of prodding and a staged little thing where Dick managed to get this other kid to 'break up with me' (wtf it was just a friendship XD), i decided to 'date' him (listen, i hardly knew him and was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM)

looking back on that now, that was a huge red flag and JESUS CRIST IM SUCH AN IDIOTTTTT

anyways, a couple days later, we were playing Kiss Marry Kill in the lunch room (god i hate that game, its horrible) aaaand Dick gives me three kids

himself, one of his friends who we'll call... Bob cus he's not really important to the story and like, i cant think of anything else XD and one other kid who literally has nothing to do with this

so i said Marry Dick (i- why did i say that? i didnt mean it XD), Kiss Bob (omg i cant take this seriously anymore help XD) and Kill the other kid

a bit more rounds of that and when we're taken out to recess (ah, the good ol days XD) and as we're leaving i say "I would kiss Bob in a life or death situation" and Dick fucking storms off for no reason???

i mean, that was a logical thing, i would kiss anyone in a life or death situation???

and then when we're at recess and i was fucking around with my little friend group that im in

AND THEN DICK FUCKING STORMS UP AND THEN PULLS ME TO THE SIDE????

and then we get into an entire argument ending with Dick telling me to not talk to Bob

ever

:/

the 'relationship' went on like that for 6 months

six.

fucking.

months.

started in september.

ended in februray.

it was like that the entire time

him pulling me to the side and telling me not to talk to certain people and to say certain things

THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHERE HE SAID 'TELL ME THIS THING THAT YOU ALMOST SAID TO BOB' AND I WAS LIKE 'WTF I DIDNT TELL BOB ANYTHING YOU TOLD ME NOT TO???' AND AT THE END OF THE DAY HE TOLD ME TO TELL HIM THAT I LOVED HIM???

AND HE GOT PISSED WHEN I MUMBLED IT BECAUSE I WAS CLEARLY UNCOMFORTABLE

AND I LET IT GO ON LIKE THIS

FOR SIX. FUCKING. MONTHS.

WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME XD

but anyways-

i broke up with him by ghosting him for idk how long (he said a week, but im pretty sure it might've been just a day so like :/) but he wound up getting pissed at me saying that if i didnt talk to him that obviously meant that i didnt want to be together with him/s (he was right)

so uh, year goes by, im struggling with my mental health, yatta yatta, stuff happens that im not up for getting into, yatta yatta now im here doing pretty okay

and im preeeetty sure we all know that intrusive thoughts are a fucking asshole to me, especially recently

and how one of them was the constant nagging that someone was Dick and they were my friend (sttiiiiilll not gonna get into specifics cus i still feel like crap about it :/) and i think the reason for that was that one time that he said that he was a good liar *cough* also the fact that he was able to get away with manipulating and abusing me for 6 months

what other things have stuck with me ever since this shit happened...

well my anxiety got worse, so theres that

uhhhh i still blame myself for almost everything that happened here cus i let it go on for this long without stopping it

i dont really have a big interest in musical stuff anymore cus the majority of the times we got into our arguments it was at drama club (i still do the plays, but im not cast anymore, it doesnt have that same ring to it anymore)

ALSO YES, I WAS TEN, YES, IM STILL GAY, NO I DIDNT KNOW THAT I WAS GAY WHEN I WAS TEN

I KNOW THAT I SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP AT TEN BUT IM A FUCKING PEOPLE PLEASER LEAVE ME ALONE >:T

anyways

hOpEd YoU eNjOyEd My TrAuMa StOrY

i might post more of these trauma stories cus i had fun yelling about how much of a dick Dick was

[primabcllerina-blog]

⇢ ☆ did i just see CINDY KIMBERLY walking down hollywood boulevard? no, that’s just JULIETTA SANTOS, the TWENTY-ONE year old CISFEMALE and aspiring DANCER. i heard SHE has been described as +ARDENT & +CREATIVE, but can also be -RETICENT & -STUBBORN. i think i heard on tmz that UP UNTIL THE SHOW BEGAN, SHE WAS HOMELESS, LIVING OUT OF HER CAR but that’s probably not true. guess we’ll have to see if they make it.

heeeyyOoOoOoo friendos!! i’m mack, and this is my tiny dancer julietta. uh uhhh uhhhh under the cut you’ll find a run down of her background + her personality + connection ideas and i’m gonna .... try not to ramble but i’m Queen of That Shit™ so. .. .. .. godspeed

BACKGROUND.

julietta was born and raised in san bernadino, california where the crime rates are high, the public schools are shitty, and the temperature never dips below 50º !! her father wasn’t around and her mother ... really wasn’t much of a mother. she tried to be, but [ DRUG ADDICTION CW, OVERDOSE CW;; she was a young parent and struggled with a heroin addiction before her pregnancy and unfortunately continued to struggle with it after her daughter was born. she was in and out of rehab, clean one year and hooked again the next. when julietta was ten, her mother lost that battle and died of an overdose. ]

luckily, jules was in good hands. her grandmother loved her like she was the only good thing in the world. she was the one who enrolled jules in her first dance class at the age of three. the two of them spent an obscene amount of time in dance classes or at competitions. julietta thrived on stage, in fact, it was the only place she really allowed herself to be unapologetically, vibrantly her.

she did well in school but kept to herself for the most part. her evenings and weekends were spent in a dance studio or at competitions, and what little time she had left was taken up by her place on her high school’s dance team, homework, or a part time job teaching dance classes. things weren’t perfect, they weren’t easy, but they were okay for a while.

when jules was sixteen, however, her grandmother fell ill. she took the year off of competitions, picked up more hours of teaching, and watched as the woman who raised her withered away along with any financial stability the santos family might’ve had. hospital bills were high and morale was low. after a year and a half of sick, rita santos, the woman who shaped julietta, passed away.

jules was left alone, lost, and reluctant to go into the foster system as she was on the cusp of eighteen, so, as the sole benefactor of her grandmother’s assets, she did what she could. but funds run out and things go terribly wrong. after graduation, she hightailed it out of san bernadino and drove just a bit farther north to get back into the dance game and to further her education. 

she used what money she had left to rent a shitty apartment and worked her butt off teaching dance classes and going to school part time. but funds run out and things go terribly wrong. unfortunately, julietta got involved with the wrong people, fell in love with the wrong boy, and signed a contract with the wrong agency. her ‘friends’ surrounded her with the same toxicity that killed her mother. her boyfriend made her feel small and slept with a slew of other people while they were together. her agent took her money and never got her gigs, skipping town when she finally caught on. 

so she was pretty down in the dumps, but if her grandma taught her anything, it was resilience. but funds run out and things go!! terribly wrong!! unfortunately, she was forced to leave that shitty apartment and couch surfed in between stints of living in her car.

most of her money comes from teaching courses at different dance studios, cash prizes from competitions, and now the show. it was pure luck that she got on, got an apartment, and got to cut back on working in order to spend more time auditioning. things are looking up, but she’s not entirely sure she’s ready for the pressure of sharing her personal life with national television.

PERSONALITY. 

julietta is incredibly passionate about dance and really comes to life when she’s on stage. pointe/classical ballet is her favorite, but she’s also professionally trained in contemporary/modern, hiphop, ballroom and–– though she might not admit to it–– tap. the julietta on stage is her truest form, where she’s honest and open and good. really, really good.

she’s stubborn as fuck and a little bit too much of a perfectionist. she works herself to exhaustion and tends to be her own biggest critic. it adds to her greatness as she pushes herself to be the best she can be, but it causes issues as well. because she’s so hardheaded, she doesn’t recognize her own limits. she won’t take help, even when it’s stupid to refuse it. like yes life throws her some curveballs but fucking hell she tends to make her own problems much worse.

she’s very very very ,... quite. ‘demure’ or ‘wallflower’ fits tbh. when she speaks, it’s purposeful, but it’s rare. more often than not, she spends her time observing rather than speaking, at the edge of a party rather than at the center of it. like she really is an introvert through and through, only letting that goofy, more vulnerable side of herself out when she’s around people who know her very well.

she’s got an old soul. like she just carries herself in the way natalie wood or rita hayworth or grace kelly would. she’s a hopeless romantic like that, idk how to explain it!!!

worries about literally everything all the time. Mom Friend™

she’s just... v quiet. v thoughtful and v quiet. wants to be your friend but is too scared to ask you. 

FUN FACTS.

goes on runs when she gets stressed out; stays after hours in the studio when she’s had a bad day

dabbles in choreography and might be good at it but is TOO NERVOUS TO SHOW ANYONE

has a cat named binx that is a very recent addition to the santos family but yes he’s named after that binx

loves holidays. is 110% the kind of mom friend that sends her friends holiday themed care packages when she can afford it

life dream??? being misty copeland tbh. would settle for dancing with the stars opposite like.... chris hemsworth or michael b jordan tbh

keeps a thought journal on her at all times

wears one (1) piece of jewelry at all times: gold pendant necklace her grandma gave her on her 16th

wannabe selena quintanilla but isn’t a pop star soOoOoo

CONNECTION IDEAS.

old pals!! like long time friends from socal or school

bad influence/good influence 

confidant.... both ways man someone she can talk to or someone that feels ready to vent to her

competitors like get her riled up and angry because that doesn’t happen too often

that brother/sister friendship like so close they might as well be family................ bc you know she doesn’t hAVE any

this bitch is BROKE so !! roommates wanted and appreciated 

“are they just friends or are they dating who knows? not me”

that ride or die best friendship like seriously i just really love... fierce girl gang plots ok ok ok

“you know what stan twitter would love? a making it showmance”

bitch i love brainstorming and chem!!! so!! these are just run of the mill ideas to start with

SO ANYWAY THIS IS JULIETTA .... and it’s 1443245432 times longer than i wanted it to be so tldr: ya girl has had a rough go at it but she’s a-okay, quiet and observant and thriving on the dance stage !! will mom u and love u forever unless u hurt her feelings too much ya know???

so!! like this and i’ll IM you SORRY SORRY SORRY THIS IS SO LONG ALSDKJFHA

[dustingrayves]

faire un petite fête

characters; elsword, raven, eve, elesis, add, lu, ciel rating; T wc; 2055 au; mafia cws; smoking + the usual mafia stuff, though this is very mild notes; hi! its finally time to post this!! this was written for the elsword halloween-mafia collab, you can check it out HERE and read other fics from there and see all the amazing art!! please check it out!!

“My eyes hurt, this is bullshit.”

There’s a heavy sigh coming from the other end of Seraph’s earpiece, followed by a deep inhale and a bubbling sound. She scoffs at her partner, even though he can’t see her. “Smoking again?”

A pause. “That has nothing to do with you, Seraph,” he mutters, “I just need something to keep me sane while looking at this stupid green shit. What do they even want us to do at this point, the security is down and the team is probably already on the way back.”

“You’re a hacker, and hackers get a black terminal with green words. Like all of us, now shut up,” she grumbles, and for a second, just a miniscule second, she thinks it worked, but then Esper’s deft fingers show off how fast they type and before she could even think about the goal of his work, her terminal blacks out. It comes back alive just as fast, but instead of the familiar and calming green illuminating her face, the words glare at her with that disgusting shade of purple she was forced to grow accustomed to.

“I prefer black and purple, thanks,” Esper says, going back to his pipe to let her undo the nonexistent damage.

Her lips form a tight line. “Of course you do.”

A knock comes from Esper’s side of the call and she can practically see him perk up, exhale the chocolate-tasting smoke and stand up to go open the penthouse door. She checks all her histories and makes sure to save today’s logs onto one of her disposable USBs before deleting it.

“Hey Seraph,” an energetic voice greets her when Esper returns, moving to save and delete his own logs. “Still don’t understand how you guys do this. Like, this is just a slew of numbers.”

A soft slap. “Let go of my keyboard, Infi!” Esper hisses, irritated, “All these numbers say ‘fuck off.’”

“The security also said ‘fuck off’, but you think that stopped me?”

“Who exactly do you think stopped the security in the first place, huh?”

“My irresistible charms, of course.”

“You don’t have a single redeeming quality about yourself, much less a charm, you dope.”

The boys continue chatting, throwing around meaningless insults, but Seraph decides she has had enough and disconnects from the secured line with only a ‘See ya.’ She misses both the answers as she puts her headphones down and stretches.

Working with that guy never ceases to get to her, no matter how much she insists she doesn’t care. He’s just so annoying… But the mafia pays well and he might help them track her if she ever decided to switch to someone else. He might be annoying as hell, but even she can’t write off his tracking skills.

It’s not like they’re friends, barely acquaintances, but it’d be best to stay on civil terms.

For now.

“So, why’d you crash here?” Esper asks, offering to pass the pipe. Infi takes it and takes a long drag, marveling at the surprisingly rich chocolate flavor the smoke carries.

“Well, to steal your tobacco, for one,” he says, taking another long drag. Esper snorts, fingers tapping on his (admittedly cool) light-up keyboard at the speed of… something. Definitely faster than Infi can.

“If I find even one package missing, I’m personally hiring a deep web hitman.”

“Aw,” Infi feigns sadness, but it’s quickly forgotten in lieu of another long drag, his lungs filling with the smoke and calming his nerves. Not that he’d consider himself a smoker, but passing up tobacco this good should be a crime. “Anyway, I’m here for a debrief, telling you you did a great job, yada yada. Seraph too, but she’s gone.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t much care for this stuff.”

“You don’t, either.”

“Eh,” Esper shrugs. He holds out his hand for the pipe and takes it from the redhead. “If I ever said I hate your mug, your sis would rip me a new one.”

“You don’t really hate my mug.”

“Nah, I’ve seen worse. Like your sis’.”

“I won’t tell her that, but only because we’re friends,” Infi laughs.

Esper’s tone carries a heavy tone of sarcasm as he says, “I appreciate it.”

“Anyway,” Infi mutters after a while, having made himself comfortable on Esper’s couch like every time, “Sis is meeting with the Crows on Saturday—”

“A weird day for a meeting.”

“—Yeah. But anyway, I want you to come with. La Diabla is coming too, along with her… boy toy? And I’d feel much better with someone who can rig up an explosive in case something goes south. Or un-rig it. Whichever.”

“Aw, and here I was, thinking you wanted me for my beauty, and you just want to exploit my collection of chemicals,” Esper snorts, but none of his words carry any heat. “I’ll go.”

“I think others would appreciate your ‘beauty’ more.”

“Fuck, dude, if anyone can appreciate my three day tank top and sweats, I’d be surprised.”

“Which reminds me, you will wear something appropriate, won’t you?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“If you come in a t-shirt and shorts I’ll let sis shoot you.”

“Her aim is shit.”

“Fair enough. Even my aim is better than hers.”

“You just don’t have enough concentration to stabilize it.”

“Well, mister smartypants, you don’t even have the upper arm strength to shoot one.”

“First of all, rude. Second of all, not true. And third of all, who needs a gun when you can have an explosion?”

“Sane people.”

“Aww. Nevermind then. Never qualified for one.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Esper mutters, glaring at his reflection in the passing window. “Last time I wore a suit was when I killed my father.”

“Good memories, huh?” Krim jabs, taking her attention off her call for but a second. She had been on call for over half an hour now (more than enough for Esper to set up his explosives around the only two exits of the warehouse), though mostly quiet and listening to whatever the other person has been babbling about. Esper doesn’t care.

“Actually, yeah.”

Krim’s expression darkens for a split second, looking at him with something unreadable. Not uncommon, when it comes to him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he bites, “Forget I said anything.”

The Commander is a fearsome man, with reputation preceding him by a mile or ten. Looking at him for the first time, aside from photos and low quality footage, Esper has to admit if it weren’t for years of expertise in the whole mafia/gang/whatever the hell they were, he still isn’t sure — sometimes the bosses act like goons, quarreling with the others, and sometimes they’re working like a switzerland watch — he would feel intimidated.

Instead, he just keeps to the shadows, fingering the fuse in his pocket, thumb running over the smooth surface of the buttons. It’s not that he would like to be stuck in a half-blown-to-high-heavens warehouse, but both Krim and Infi have been very adamant about the security measures.

They — he — end up being completely useless. The Commander drinks his polite glass of wine, brings out the cash Krim had demanded, and then turns his attention to La Diabla, looking the most out of place of them all, with her beautiful gown-like dress and hairdo fit for a runway.

Her… assistant… stands like a soldier a few feet over, the only one she had brought. That knowledge alone is more than enough to pique Esper’s curiosity, and he moves over to him, instantly grabbing his attention.

The man’s expression is unreadable, even moreso with the mask (which is, again, very unfit for a place like this, but for a completely different reason than La Diabla’s getup) obscuring half his face already. His eyes follow Esper’s every movement.

“Is she always like this?” Esper asks. The man cocks his head to the side as if in a question. Esper sighs. “This… pretty? Does she always go out of her way to look like she’s up for a modeling shoot in thirty minutes?”

This explanation seems to finally get through to the tall man. (Which, Esper begrudgingly seeths at. He’s already tall enough, no need to go the extra mile, right? Fuck you, taller people.) “That’s how she looks like,” is the simple answer.

“Uhhhh-huh…”

“Lu is beautiful.”

“And pays you a lot to say that too, huh. Wait, Lu?”

“Lu,” the other man repeats.

“Wait a sec right there— Is she…? No way, holy fuck. I knew she was familiar.” Fucking Luciela R. Sourcream, right here, under the fake name of La Diabla. Who would’ve fucking thought? Great, no wonder she only brought one man along.

Esper glances over at Infi, wondering if he knows. He’s got to, right? He does business with her.

Then again, she does look completely different right now that on any of the magazine covers that praise her almost-childlike appearance. Holy shit… This knowledge would sell for millions on the black market. Millions and… millions in bounty, too. Esper shudders inwardly at the thought of having to jump countries again to escape the persistence of mercs after a few easy millions.

“I’m Demonio.”

Esper is snapped out of his thoughts by the man’s voice. It still feels too gruff, like he’s unused to speaking much. Which he probably is, thinking about it. “Esper,” he replies.

Demonio gives him a nod and then goes back to looking presently dead inside. “I hate meetings like these.”

“Why’d you come, then?”

“Lu said, so I did.”

“Do you do everything she says?”

“Yes.”

“That’s kinda shitty,” Esper muses quietly. “But I hate these meetings too.”

“Why are you here, then?”

“Infi asked me to.”

“Do you do everything he asks?”

“No. But he’s a friend, y’know. We help each other out.”

Demonio makes a small humming noise in the back of his throat. “That’s nice.”

“Are you doing anything tonight?” Esper finds himself asking before he can even think about it. He wants to smack himself right after, but Demonio, despite what the name should suggest, seems like a nice guy who could use a little escape.

“Lu is shooting.”

“Uh—”

“Magazine.”

“Right…”

There’s silence, and Esper thinks that’s all there is to the conversation, but Demonio turns to him with a tilt of his head, as if he’d been waiting for Esper to elaborate on his question. “Why?”

“Well— There’s a good Chinese restaurant a few blocks from here, and they’re having an all-you-can-eat tonight. Me and Infi are going— And, frankly, you look like you should get something into your stomach.” Esper doesn’t really have the right to say something like that, but hey. Whatever.

Demonio looks down at him almost absently, leaning on his oversized sniper rifle — which Esper still doesn’t understand. They’re inside.

“That’s me extending the metaphorical olive branch. Y’know, friendship and all.”

“I’ll ask—”

“It’s alright,” come a lull of a voice, high pitched, silky and almost snake-like. Esper tenses up, eyes flitting to La Diabla. Shit. She must’ve heard. Demonio still looks as nonchalant and unbothered as ever, looking at her with confusion. “Go, dear, I can take care of myself one night.”

All the eyes inside are on them, now. The Commander’s, boring through and assessing; Krim’s, confused; Infi’s, mildly amused; and La Diabla’s, of course, seemingly even thankful as she looks at Esper.

He regrets agreeing with Infi to come. His fingers are still curled around the remote, itching to press a button and go hide somewhere during the explosions. He could’ve been at home, watching some stupid thing on Netflix and ignoring job offers instead of here, kindling friendship with the most well known assassin this side of the globe.

God, he really can’t wait to get home and get a cup of coffee. But then again, this is his life. And he hadn’t been shot or skewered on a blade yet. (Yet.) That’s a win in his books.

“Great. Anyone else who wants to tag along to the Chinese with us?” he asks, half rhetorically and full-on exasperated.

He doesn’t expect it in the slightest when the Commander grins and opens his mouth. “How good are their spring rolls?”

Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph. This is gonna be one hell of a dinner.