#uhhh hurts like a bitch

[smolwitch]

aaagh my hip is so ouchy

wtf did I do to it

no one knows

but this hip ain't lying about the pain

[mushroominaforest]

It’s the World’s Worst Single Parents!

No Significant Parenting and BItCH

[orbmanson7]

Weirdly enough, this was meant to be a redraw of this:

[fagdykevash]

yeah i know i'm a piece of shit who everyone hates. can i text my friends now

[orcelito]

messaged my dad & he said he'd try to help me out on costs of health insurance. which like lol kinda feels like shit having to still rely on him (im a goddamned assistant manager and i still need to rely on my dad for fucking health insurance), but like

ultimately, pride solves no problems. i just need to keep doing what i can to get my life on track. eventually, it will pay off. it has to.

[tears-you-asunder]

How to respond normally to asks

[the-hitspam]

I think I’ve realized what the pattern is between people who leave me and people who don’t. Those who left me and those who haven’t both answer that they haven’t left because they’re my friends when I ask, but those who stay can detail how they see me, both my positive and negative qualities, while those who leave are never willing to detail my negative qualities, and most have not detailed any positive qualities, no reason to stay except because I’m their friend. And if you don’t know why someone is your friend, are they your friend? Or are they someone you’re just attached to until you actually realize that you’re trapped by inertia?

[neverendingford]

.

[checkeredflagggs]

Adore, Amour, Inamorato

Pairing: charles leclerc x fem!poet!reader

summary: charles’ new girlfriend receives a lot of hate for her seemingly joblessness

a/n: inamorato translates to “a man with whom you are in love or have an intimate relationship”

a/n 2: do you know how hard it is to try to be a poet when you don’t have a poetry bone in your body? Hard

a/n 3: I don’t like timelines so I don’t use them

a/n 4: if the name of the poem or author isn’t included in the photo, I have them listed out at the bottom of the post in order

myheartispoetry

liked by charles_leclerc, user, user, and 788,445 others

myheartispoetry: “my soul has traveled long and far to find yours” “and when you came into my life, the eternity of love begun.”

A new love has entered my life and like the rain falling from the clouds, I am washed anew. A new love, a new me, a new look for me and my page

Many thanks for all those that stuck around through the dark storms but the sun has broken through and shines again.

view all comments

user1: mother is mothering again!

user2: oh I can’t wait for more love poems again 💙💙💙

user1: i knnnnnoooooowwwww. It’s been too long since she’s been happy

user3: good riddance to that cheating bastard

user4: right! She deserves all the happiness ever

user3: definitely! How could someone hurt someone so nice and kind?

user4: brain deficiency?

user3: it could be

user5: Charles? What are you doing here?

user6: who?

user5: Charles Leclerc! He’s a race driver for Ferrari!

user6: what’s a vroom vroom guy doing in mother’s likes?

user7: that’s a very good question

twitter

user8: another one? so fast?

user9: that was my question too

user10: ok but my man is lookin’ goooodd 🥵

user11: 🥵🤤

user12: Charles it’s getting hard to defend you…

user13: he literally posted about his breakup just 2 weeks ago

user14: uhhh why are we blaming only Charles here? I mean we know he’s fast to move on but…

user12: so true girl - it definitely takes two to tango

user15: calling it now! Golddigger!!!

user16: right??? Like god…he’s been single less than a month and someone is already trying to take advantage of him

user17: we definitely need the Twitter detectives to find out who she is…

user18: working on it!

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc, yourbff, and 632,469 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: “People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy.”

Thank you darling for the trip ❤️ I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you

view all comments

yourbff: enjoy it dear, you’ve definitely earned it

user16: by being a whore??

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user17: as a gold digger?

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yourusername: I will sweetie!

yourfriend: have fun! and send lots of photos!

user16: or don’t! We don’t want to see your face!

this comment was deleted

yourusername: I will! And coffee date when I get back?

yourfriend: absolutely!

user18: found her!

user19: you didn’t really have to try…she straight up tagged him…

user18: still found her!

charles_leclerc: oh ma chérie … je n'ai jamais été aussi heureux que quand tu es à mes côtés

user20: she’s a slut — run while you still can!!

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user21: she’s a gold digger

this comment was deleted

user22: whore!

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user23: gold digger!!

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user24: what about his family??? You’re just taking him away from them during Christmas time!!!

this comment was deleted

user25: what a bitch, taking him away from his family

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comments have been disabled

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pieregasly, maxverstappen1, and 2,590,278 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: having the absolute best time with you ma chérie — thank you for coming with me

view all comments

user26: charles charles charles…what are you doing with her…

user27: this!!! Like he ruins his entire aesthetic for…her 🤢

yourusername: oh my love there is nowhere else I’d rather be than with you, where ever that ends up being

user28: 🤢

this comment was deleted

user29: whore!

this comment was deleted

user30: go away! Leave him alone!

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yourbff: cheesy!

yourusername: oh you know it!

charles_leclerc: home is where you are ❤️

yourusername: oh Charlie…🥰

iamrebeccad: it was nice to see you yourusername again!

yourusername: oh absolutely! double date when we get back?

iamrebeccad: time and place babe!

user31: not you too Rebecca!

this comment was deleted

maxverstappen1: so how many times did you face plant?

charles_leclerc: just the once!

maxverstappen1: really? 🤨

yourusername: like 10 times in an hour

maxverstappen1: that seems more like it

user32: what a bitch, making fun of charles like that

this comment was deleted

charles_leclerc: ma chérie…

yourusername: sorry 🤷‍♀️

carlossainz55: that does seem like charles

charles_leclerc: Carlos…

myheartispoetry

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, user, and 872,399 others

myheartispoetry:

“As the dusk takes leave of the weary day,

A new dawn of hope and dreams make its way.

Yesterday's a closed chapter of our life,

Do not rewind your thoughts, it will bring strife.”

A new dawn is rising for me and with it, a night is beginning to end. My heartbreak book Will You Stay? will only be available for the next 2 weeks before it’s pulled from production forevermore.

view all comments

user33: the way I ran to your website to order this…

user34: same! Like i know I’ve never been cheated on and lied to by a guy but you never know

user35: noooooooooo 😭😭😭

user36: what??

user35: I don’t get paid till after the book is gone…

user36: well…you get to experience heartbreak in real time

user35: 😡😡💔💔

myheartispoetry: dm me lovie

user35: omg!!

user36: shut up!!

charles_leclerc: ordered!

maxverstappen1: same

user37: Ariana what are you doing here??

user38: what in the heck? Why are the vroom vroom guys doing in mother’s comments?

user39: …apparently reading her book?

maxverstappen1: it’s gonna be our book clubs book of the month

user38: WHAT DO YOU MEAN???? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

user39: YOU GUYS CAN READ??

user40: why you gotta do them dirty like that…

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, yourbff, maxverstappen1, and 1,934,234 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: Happy Christmas my love ❤️ thank you for including me in your family’s celebration

comments have been restricted

yourbff: you look stunning girlie 😍

yourusername: thank yoooouuu

charles_leclerc: chérie it was a pleasure to spend the holidays with you

yourusername: ❤️🥰❤️

charles_leclerc: also maman wanted to remind you to meet her for lunch

yourusername: of course! She promised all the embarrassing stories about young charles!

charles_leclerc: chérie…

yourusername: 😘💋❤️

iamrebeccad: gorgeous girl!

yourusername: Let’s drop the men

iamrebeccad: of course! 🏃‍♀️💨

charles_leclerc: wait wait wait

carlossainz55: what?

myheartispoetry

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, pieregasly, and 1,445,934 others

myheartispoetry: as winter settles around us, the days are short and grey and the nights are long and lonely…I could never find for myself the sun or the warmth to flourish during these dark months. However with you my love, I turn to the side to bask in the sun and seek your embrace to melt the frost on my soul

view all comments

user41: hey guys! I’m sleeping on the highway tonight

user42: sleepover!

user43: oh wow this post called me single and lonely in like a dozen different ways

user44: I know how you feel babe

user45: I can’t even get him to text me back and mother is writing literal poetry for the way he worships her…

user43: 😭😭

user44: I don’t know who I’m more jealous of…her or him

user45: both. Both is good

user46: oh my god yes

user47: I’m most jealous of him…to be loved by a poet

charles_leclerc: such gorgeous words

maxverstappen1: you could never

charles_leclerc: 👎🏻

user48: I’m having a thought.

user49:…are you gonna share?

user50: was it hard for you? Having one for the first time

user48: well I had a thought out paragraph with proof and time stamps but I’m not gonna share anymore thanks to user50

user51: she’s collecting f1 drivers like they’re pokemon

user52: no but you’re right. There’s been a new one in each of her newest posts

user51: dots are being drawn and connected

user48: I’m gonna dm you cause I think I know where you’re going

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, pieregasly, and 4,231,445 others

charles_leclerc: new music out now! 👍🏻

view all comments

user53: oh…

user54: he’s is LOVE love

user55: to a whore

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oscarpiastri: good stuff dad 👍🏻

charles_leclerc: thanks son 😊

user56: why are they so bland…

user57: that’s mini kimi for ya

yourusername: oh my love…

charles_leclerc: I know it doesn’t measure up to everything you’ve done but I wanted to give you a little insight to what I feel when I’m around you

yourusername: 🥰🥹❤️

user58: what a bitch can’t even be grateful for what she’s got

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maxverstappen1: I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with all of…this until the season started. Why is it on my screen

charles_leclerc: idk you tell me

user59: guys they still don’t follow each other

user60: are you telling me this drama king intentionally searched up his rivals post to make fun of him

charles_leclerc: yes he did

maxverstappen1: shut up

user61: ok but these like slap?

user62: thank god someone pointed them out. They’ve been on repeat and thank god and thank yourusername that this man is finally happy

user61: I KNOW. I don’t know how many sad tracks I had left in me…

user63: babe he still drives for Ferrari. You’re gonna have an entire season of sad tracks to choose from

user61: blocked. Reported. Why should you do this???

user62: 😂😂😂

user64: loml?? Love of my life?? And HAPPY?? Are you kidding me right now?

user65: he’s so in love with her…did you see his latest stream?

user66: when she poked her head in to let him know dinner was ready? And his face fucking lit up??

user64: 😭😭 we’ve lost him lads

user66: I’m just glad he’s happy

user65: same

Private Messages

translations: I adore and love you with my whole heart; I love you with everything I am

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 3,597,455 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: Bahrain you were so good to my man tonight! ❤️❤️❤️ congrats Charlie💋💋

comments have been restricted

charles_leclerc: you’re gonna have to come to every race now ma chérie. You’re clearly my good luck charm

yourusername: oh no…what an awful problem 😂😊

maxverstappen1: congrats man! That top step was well deserved

charles_leclerc: thanks max

oscarpiastri: good race dad 👍🏻

charles_leclerc: thanks son 😊

yourbff: I’m gonna need your mascara cause that shit did not run your gorgeous girl

yourusername: the real mvp tonight

charles_leclerc

liked by scuderiaferrari, yourusername, user, and 7,823,912 others

tagged: scuderiaferrari, yourusername, carlossainz55

charles_leclerc: that’s how we do it!! A great 1-2 start to the season!! Forza Ferrari Sempre! And thank you to my love for being such an amazing good luck charm! ❤️

view all comments

carlossainz55: great race brother! Forza Ferrari Sempre!

user67: congrats!! Forza Ferrari Sempre!

user67: you did great too Carlos!!

yourusername: “And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name” congrats Charlie

charles_leclerc: well I did have to impress you

yourusername: you absolutely did!!! But tbh it was only upwards you could go after that ski trip

charles_leclerc: chérie…

yourusername: 🥰❤️

user68: Forza Ferrari Sempre❤️❤️❤️

user69: Forza Ferrari Sempre!!!

user70: charles come on. You could definitely race better if you didn’t have a slut weighing you down

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user71: ok but did you see they way he RAN to her when he saw her…

user72: I’m calling it! They’re my new IT couple. LOVE THEM

user73: she started crying like 5 laps in and girl I feel ya

user74: most relatable wag I feel

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, sebastionvettel, maxverstappen1, and 4,590,278 others

tagged: yourusername, myheartispoetry

charles_leclerc: I’ve been silent on this for far too long and will not hold my tongue anymore. I don’t know why people feel like that have the right to criticize my choices for who I date or where or with whom I spend my time with but I want you to know that my REAL fans will recognize that yourusername (or myheartispoetry for her professional handle) is by far one of the best things that have ever happened to me.

I don’t necessarily want to bite the hands that feed us but I don’t know why people feel like they are entitled to know everything about me or my girlfriend. yourusername is a private person and does not owe you anything and it is with her permission that I’m telling you that she is the author behind the myheartispoetry page and books — she is not the gold digging whore that so many of you made her out to be.

Ma chérie I am so sorry I waited for so long to address this issue and that I allowed you to face this alone. I love you. I love you. I love you. I could spend the rest of my life trying to find the words to describe the depth of love I have for you but I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to…thankfully I’m dating you and you are by far one of the best poets I’ve ever read so I’m sure you’ll be able to find those words for me

Going forwards, any harassment aimed towards yourusername will be handled with.

comments have been turned off

Poems and quotes in order

Still, Kennedy Ryan

Ben Maxfield

Alexandra Vasiliu

Anton Chekhov

Tshering Wangchuk

Cornelia Street, Taylor Swift

[restinslices]

Lin Kuei Bros: Play Fighting

Smoke so dramatic-. Anyway, don’t ask why I thought of this. The voices were loud

Bi-Han

Play fighting with any of them is bold as fuck but HIM? You don't like your life 

I'm not saying he's gonna straight up assault you but out of all the brothers, he has the highest chance of hitting you hard as shit on accident 

He probably wouldn't even like play fighting that much. He'd prefer sparring cause at least you're working on your skills. Why you just fucking around?

You gotta catch him on the right day. Some days he's busy and some days he's just legit not in the mood. 

“Imma start it off slow. Imma scope the scenery out-”

If you somehow get this man to cooperate, first of all good job. Second of all, y'all do not stop until you give up. 

The type to pin you down and not let go until you admit he won. If you refuse, you're legit not moving. 

This is a big guy so you're not moving him. You give up, he lets go and you manage to crack a smile out of him

We never see him smile in the game but listen bitch, I'm here for the fantasy-

If he's not in the mood, I can see him just saying “no” like you're a puppy or smth. 

You'd go to swing on him again and he'd either grab your hand or give you a look that tells you he's being serious 

Going back to him accidentally hitting you hard as shit, he's used to sparring with two other buff ass men. Imma guess you're not as buff as them, and some of y'all reading this ain't men. Accidents are bound to happen 

You'd think the Grandmaster would have more control but I just think it slips sometimes. He's stupidly prideful and he's used to sparring so sometimes that's where his mind goes. Also once again, he probably sometimes forgets a hit Kuai Liang could handle is a hit that'll take years off your life. 

I would love to say he gets on his knees and apologizes but this is the same man who betrayed his brothers and was like “why y'all tweaking?” so um… 

You're gasping for air and he's “see why I always say no?”

I feel like I'm making him sound abusive but as someone who's play fought with my older siblings, they hit you hard as shit then tell you you're a bitch when a tear slips out. Why the fuck are you hitting me this hard in my chest? You got 5+ years on me-

He's an older brother. He's gonna hit hard. I swear it's in their DNA 

And if he does apologize it's not really verbal. He checks to make sure your limbs are alright then offers to do something else. 

“Are you gonna say you're sorry?” “For?” “For almost breaking my damn lung” “You started this”

You'd expect that the next time you wanna play fight he'd decline cause he doesn't wanna hurt you again. Wrong. 

Remember he's an older brother. THE older brother. Y'all squaring up again. You don't care about your health so fuck it. 

Honestly would be super fun besides the limb you're gonna lose 

Kuai Liang

Would be more cooperative than Bi-Han but still isn't overly excited to play fight 

Bi-Han is the “tell mom. I don't care” older brother. Kuai Liang is the “wait wait wait, I'm sorry. You can hit me back. Calm down. You want some candy?” older brother 

Fully aware he could cause terrible injuries but as time passes on, he relaxes more 

Definitely play fought as a kid but after Tomas started jumping everytime he heard his voice, he thought “maybe I need new hobbies”.

You’ve interrupted his recovery

He actively focuses on holding back and being soft even if you tell him not to

“Hit me harder” “No❤”

Honestly a fun time though. He holds back when it comes to strength but still tussles with you. Also let's you get hits in even when he could easily dodge them. 

If he accidentally injured you frfr, he's checking up on you immediately and says y'all stopping for today. 

“No, I'm ok” “Can you even breathe right now?” “Uhhh… yes😀” “We're done”

For sure feels like an asshole depending on how bad you're hurt. He's not sliding down the wall in pain but he's like “damn, that was a little too hard”. 

“You can hit me back” “No. I've seen Twilight” “What?” “It's gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. I'm not doing that”. (Now I wanna write you making them watch Twilight. I'm never gonna be rid of this addiction-)

You gotta hit him back so y'all can be even. It's the only way to move on

Y'all are not doing that shit again for at least another week or so. 

“We gotta scrap right here right now” “No”

Does the thing older siblings do when they put their hand on your head so when you swing at them, you're just hitting air. 

It's so infuriating so you gotta stop. 

The next time though, you swear you're gonna win. You will not. 

Tomas Vrbada

The most willing and having the most fun 

Tomas has two older brothers that probably jumped him on several occasions growing up and you're gonna try and convince me he doesn't have aggression to get out?

People would probably expect he's the softest but no. He's the youngest. As the youngest myself I can assure you, we are used to putting our all in these fights cause we gotta use all our strength to defeat these evil mfs we live with. Sometimes it's not enough-

You're not his older sibling so he's not scrapping like his life depends on it but I do think he's hitting somewhat hard 

Not as hard as Bi-Han, not as soft as Kuai Liang 

You feel his hits but it's not knocking the wind outta you 

Super fun cause he's also using the environment. Definitely is grabbing a pillow and starts swinging it at you. Definitely is running around the couch to chase you. Definitely has thrown you but made sure to aim at something soft. He's probably even turned off the lights then threw a folded blanket at you 

“Cheater” “Don't be upset you didn't think of it first”

You're fighting but laughing at the same time. There's no real tension. Just fucking around. 

Probably starts initiating it too

If he does injure you fr, for a split second he'd actually see it as a victory then he'd remember you're not his older brothers and is like “oh shit-”. 

Injuring those two would mean freedom (or a worse jumping. really depends), injuring you is not good. 

He knows how bad those hits can hurt so he makes sure you're alright. He's not watching you as much as Kuai Liang would but he'd still make sure you're not overly sore. 

He doesn't feel as bad as Kuai Liang would cause he kinda knows this shit happens. Kuai Liang kinda got a little bit of guilt cause Tomas gets into a fighting stance when he raises his hand up. Tomas hasn't victimized anyone so he's more chill about these situations 😭

Tells you random ass stories about when he used to play fight with his brothers. 

“One time Bi-Han threw me in the air and Kuai Liang jumped to catch me only to throw me against the wall”

“This reminds me of when Bi-Han swept my feet from under me and Kuai Liang jumped on me”

“What is it called when someone jumps on you elbow first?”

“This one time I woke up to them standing over me. I knew it was a wrap”

“One time Bi-Han slapped the back of my neck so hard, it was red for at least a week”

“One time Kuai Liang-” “Tomas… you need a therapist” “I don't think that's what it is”

Unlike Kuai Liang who makes you wait, he's cool with scrapping days later. 

Actually says “time out” when he wants a break. Also says “time in” fast as fuck though to catch you off guard 

Legit the most fun brother. I don't make the rules (except I do). 

I did not mean to write the least for Kuai Liang but I was really brain empty for him. Y’all should give me ideas, thanks bookie

[normansnt]

As a thank you.

(Vox x bar tander!Male reader)

Warnings: Violence, reader gets beaten up and they take out your eye m sorry:(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That, annoying fucking son of a bitch" cursed to himself Vox as he walked down the streets of hell to find a bar he could go to.

Sure he had his private bar in his flat but he needed to get away from Val and Vel.

He was just too fed up with their arguments and yelling he needed to get out.

He felt like trying a new bar tonight so he looked carefully at every one of them. When he looked into one of the last ones at the end of the road he looked behind the bar.

He liked what he saw, he saw the bartender.

He sat down on one of the bar stools and you went to him immediately.

"What can I get for you sir? You seem done with today." You commented lightly

"You guessed right, and I'll take whatever is the strongest." He answered trying to sound just a bit alluring. A one night stand with the cute bartender was just what he needed.

"A shot?" You asked back. "Thats the strongest we have"

"I'll take it, but only if you drink one with me" answer the TV back flirtatiously.

You raised your eyebrow.

"All right but only one." You answered while you filled up two very small shot glasses with a light blue liquid.

"Aren't those glasses a but too small?"

"Thats how strong it is its not advised to drink it in bigger portions." You lightly smirked at him.

"Well than, to shitty day" he raised his glass you raised yours and you both drank it.

This was only the start of the night. He kept requesting that one shot to the point where he was so drunk he was about to sell his company to your boss.

You couldn't just stand there and let him, your boss was a horrible person, 'Im way to nice to be in hell' you thought to yourself.

"Excuse me Mr.Vox someone is looking for you, they are waiting outside." You said loudly to get him out of the situation. Your boss was glaring at you with an intent to kill and you knew you'd regret this later, but Vox was nice to you and thats a very rare experience if you work as a bartender in hell.

You lead Vox outside of the bar.

"Huhh...nobody's waiting here" he said slurring his words.

"I know but you have to leave sir, I think you had enough tonight." You said as you kept glancing at the door to see if your boss would come out.

"Shut up, pretty boy I don't take orders from no one not even from someone as cute as you." He chuckled and than he fell into your arms.

"Sir? Sir wake up" but it was no use, you heard him snoring.

"Fuuuck" you couldn't just call a taxi to bring him home, every idiot would take an advantage of a drunk sleeping overlord. And you didn't have a way of reaching any of the other Vees, either.

"Shit." There was no other way you had to get him home. And of course you didn't have a car. So you just put him on your back and headed for the massive Vees tower. Thank god it was not so far. You knew your boss is not gonna be happy that you just left your shift but he was gonna beat you up for not letting Vox sell his company to him so one more punch didn't really matter.

When you arrived you walked into the lobby and to your luck (or unluck) Valentino was there giving a tantrum about where the fuck Vox was.

When he turned around and saw you his anger vanished.

"Uhhh what a handsome little toy Vox found himself, do you have a job sweetie?" He asked in his charismatic way.

"I would not make a deal with you if Lucifer himself would be forcing me to, Mr.Vox just had a bit too much tonight." You said as you placed Vox in one of the couches in the lobby.

"Have a good rest of your night sir" you said as you started to walk out.

"How interesting..." commented Val.

You were working the next day too, of course you had no such a thing as days off. After you got back last night...well all you thought your boss was going to do, he did. However he did something new. Usually he only hurts your body so that you can use your handsome face to lure people in. But this time, he was very pissed you just took away a huge opportunity so...he took away something important from you too.

You had to show up in an eye patch for work today. There was no eye underneath anyways.

Vox woke up with a murderous headache.

"Fuuuuuck I dont remember anything from last night" he said while he walked out of his room to get coffee.

Val was sitting on a couch.

"Really? Not even the cutie who took you home?"

"Huhh, who took me- oh shit the bartender?"

"He could tend to my bar." Chuckled Valentino.

"Fuck, thats...actually nice." That was a very weird thing to do.

You spilled a drink, again. It was hard to get used to only having one eye.

"Shit" you mumbled to yourself.

"(Y/N)... that better be the last drink you fucking spill understood?" Your boss growled at you.

"Yes, sir." You whispered back.

Vox walked into the bar his eyes searching only for you.

"Mr.Vox, what a pleasure to have you back." Your boss greeted him immediately.

Vox barely acknowledged him however when he spotted you at the bar, he immediately walked over.

"Had a good night sleep sir?" You asked while smiling lightly as he sat down to the bar.

"Truly lovely," he answered sarcastically. Now that he was looking at you without a fogged mind in day light, you were even more handsome than he originally remembered.

"What can I get you sir?"

"Nothing, I cant drink right the taste of vomit is still fresh in my mouth." He answered. You chuckled at that. It was a pleasant sound for Vox. He smiled a bit too. And then he realized, you didn't have an eye patch yesterday. He knew because he remembered staring at your eyes a lot yesterday.

"What happened?" Vox blurted out. Surprising even himself. Since when does he care? Since now apparently.

You gut nervous all of a sudden and glanced at your boss who was looking at the two of you suspiciously.

"N-Nothing you know how being a bartender is its not the safest job in the world."

Vox saw the glance. He also saw that your boss was glaring at you from the moment you two started talking.

"Would you excuse me for a second" he said at last and started walking over to your boss. Only to be stopped by you grabbing his hand.

"No, sir don't" you said, if you made such a huge power as Vox mad at your boss, you would loose much more than one of your eye.

"Oh sweetie, your boss is nothing" he said as he smiled at you to get you to let go, which you did, still worried.

You saw that Vox was talking to your boss. You boss started shacking his head and got really pissed, thats when Vox put his hand around your boss's neck and made him sign something.

When Vox walked over to you, you still looked worried.

"Come on, we are leaving." He said.

"What? Sir I cant."

"I bought you, sugar, I have a private bar." He smirked at you slightly.

"Just to say thanks for last night."

And to have you with him, but you don't need to know that yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toodles I hope you guys liked it😘

[pampushky]

Teaser: My Name Is Brutus (And My Name Means Heavy)

Alpha! Lando Norris/Omega! Lauda! Reader

oooo what's this?? me dropping a juicy little teaser of probably one of my favorite things I've written??

so. this is basically an ABO au with a race engineer & lauda mc, with the wonderful trope of enemies to lovers thrown in, as you will soon see from the scene I'm releasing a bit early.

other things about the fic: slow, and i mean fucking slow, burn. exploration of what disabilities would look like in the ABO world (especially centered around the sense of smell and how that could be considered a disability if someone doesn't have one in a world where most things are communicated by smell), societal pressures about what the ideal alpha/omega/beta should look like to the rest of the world which leads to Lando making assumptions about MC's secondary gender/sex, mentions of past emotional & mental abuse, PTSD, scarring, and worries about self-worth. Oh. and obvious hurt/comfort. But again, and I cannot emphasize this enough. Slow. Fucking. Burn.

uhhh i guess i'll do a tag list too for this so. tell me if you wanna be on that.

“I do have… issues, with the way you run things here,” you scratch your claw into the wood of the table, a low rumble in your throat. The scent blockers you have on are distracting to Lando. He wonders, briefly, what your scent is like, when it’s not so medicinal. “You need more discipline. Less media. It makes you seem… soft.”

“Soft?” Lando leans forward, tilting his head. You look back at him with your constantly blank stare, a slight frown on your lips, icy eyes that challenge even the Lauda death stare. “What do you mean?” You hesitate, looking to Zak and Andrea, who both gesture for you to continue. You then look at Oscar, who bites his lip and makes eye contact with you, and shrugs softly, as if permitting you to say whatever you were about to say.

“....you will take offense to what I’m about to say, I’m warning you.”

“Please, I’ll be fine,” Lando waves it off, grinning lazily. His nose twitches. The heavily medicinal smell of your scent blockers is getting to him. Do you truly need to cover your scent that much? Are you worried that he’ll act aggressively because you’re also an Alpha?

“.... no. You won’t. I’ve seen your interviews.” You say dryly, and fold your arms. Lando balks. 

“I beg you pardon?”

“You don’t take criticism well.”

“I take it just fine!” Lando shoots back, feeling himself starting to get frustrated. Why did you have to wear them? Even if you are an Alpha, the medication provided by the FIA should be more than enough to keep anyone’s tempers from flaring.

“Then you won’t throw a hissy fit when I list out all my problems with the way you work?” 

Your tone is icy. Even. Perfectly calculated. 

“Oh, you know I want to hear about your issues with me,” Lando slams his hands down onto the table, and you just raise an eyebrow at him. He’s down to his undershirt, his fireproofs hanging at his waist as you stare at him. “So say it! Don’t hold back!”

Andrea just massages his temples as Zak looks like he wants to be anywhere else. 

“Only if you don’t throw a tantrum when I’m right.” You state, examining your nails from where you sit, as though this is boring for you. Monotonous and icy-calm. 

Lando hates your voice. Specifically how robotic and monotone it sounds. What little he knows about you— which is as much as the rest of the world, with how private the Lauda family is— is that you apparently have some vocal chord and brain damage. Nothing substantial enough to impede your thought process or the way you speak to make you mute, but enough to have caused the monotonous way you talk. A small enough problem that Lando doesn’t feel like a total dick for what he’s about to say.

“Oh, just fucking say it, you robotic bitch!”

That gets your attention. You pause, slowly bring your hand down, and look at him. With the classic, terrifying Lauda glare. Your eyes pierce his soul, and for a second, just a second, Lando considers apologizing. Tucking his tail between his legs, his ears folded back. But then, he remembers who he is, and he meets your glare with his own, lips drawn back to bare his teeth....

[lavenderlyncis]

Join me in reviewing Olivia Rodrigo's album GUTS. I've waited years for this!!

all-american bitch - 9/10, big fan. I love it when she screams because the world is unfair. same girl, same

bad idea right? - 10/10. I know this one is controversial but I LOVE her more punky songs, I think that's when she's best

vampire - 10/10. I'm not always a fan of piano ballads, but the bridge and outro really make it for me. The hurt turning into anger and despair is just so cathartic. And the video is one of my faves of all time

lacy - 1000/10. What the hell. Did not expect to feel this much emotion from that title. Uhhh... yeah, same. I super relate to that. Whether or not lacy is supposed to be a real person or a manifestation of the beauty standard, this hits. Also, idk if I'm making this up but I dig the romantic undertones, they sell it

ballad of a homeschooled girl - "I made it weird, I made it worse"/10. OLIVIA HOW DID YOU KNOW that I lie awake thinking about all the weird things I did and said, Olivia, did you write this for me specifically??? Every day I am alive IS social suicide. I'm sorry, this is my song, actually. "Can't think of a third line", she's so real

making the bed - "I'm playing the victim so well in my head"/10. How. Does. She. Do. It? I could write an entire essay about this song. Maybe THIS is my song?? She's so good at saying exactly how I feel. I already know that this song will play a million times on my phone. Also I love the drivers license references. Big fan of the making the bed metaphor

logical - 9/10. favourite crime vibes. She's good with these songs about bad relationships. Used to be my favourite thing she did, but now I'm more invested in the songs that are about her/other experiences. That being said this song is really fucking good. This is the Olivia I fell in love with and she's still amazing at doing piano ballads

get him back! - 9/10. Olivia having ANOTHER song with speak-singing where she wants to get back with her ex?? Yes, PLEASE. Bad idea right 2.0. Fucking obsessed

love is embarrassing - 10/10. I said it before I'll say it again, angry Olivia is the best. And she's right, love IS embarrassing as hell

the grudges - 10/10. She does the paino ballads SO WELL. I think this is my favourite one on here. Because, wow, yeah, that is how it is

pretty isn't pretty - i can't rate this/10. GOD, I love it when she talks about insecurities. And don't think I don't see that skipping lunch line. It's sp hard to articulate how this song makes me feel. Especially since I've been low key comparing myself to her, even though we have entirely different bodies and faces. It's nice to know she also struggles with this. And she's right, you could do literally anything to change your appearance and you'd still be unhappy

teenage dream - 100000/10. "Is it recording? Of course it is.", the way I gasped. Okay, I love the interpretation of it ending with a child to be about growing up and childhood innocence. But the line she says?? Especially combined with the meaning of the song it feels a lot like it's about taking away youth by recording it and putting it out there just like she was supposed to be everyone's teenage dream as a child actor and young musician. This feels so personal to her while also being relatable to others. I'm 19 too, Olivia and I are born in the same year. And this is exactly how I feel about growing up. I hope it gets better, my teenage years were crap, I'm tired of being young, but it's also the only thing I can hold onto. I'm honestly terrified of turning 20. But hey, Olivia did it, so... it'll get better, right?

[kyuteflesh]

captain john price / f!reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ｡･ﾟﾟ･*°:⋆ₓₒ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

uhhh genuinely so down bad for this man (came out of nowhere) and i need him in my life rn so here’s this short lazy excuse of a smut

⚠️: use of ‘daddy’, degradation, unrealistic sex lowk, major writers block, +18

“you’re mine—all mine. try thinking otherwise with this cock stuffed in your stupid little cunt.” price growled as he landed a final, harsh smack on your rear. “come here and help me with my belt like the bitch you are.”

“yes, sir.” tears swelled in your eyes from the stinging sensation left on your ass. you rolled over and started to fumble with his belt buckle.

“atta girl.” he cooed. “i have it from here. you just get your pretty ass in the air.”

you were completely naked, while price was still fully clothed. the only part of his body exposed was his fat, hard cock.

he started to rub the soreness of your cheeks. you could feel his swollen tip rub against your clit, teasing your entrance. without any futher warning, he slowly started to enter you.

“nngh- fuck-! it hurts!” you cried out. it had been one minute too long since he was able to find a moment alone with you.

“quit yer whining, i’m going as slow as i can. seems like your pussy could use this. need to break ye in again.” his thrusts started to quicken. you could feel him hit every spot possible. the mix of pain and pleasure was unbearable.

“john—please! i can’t take it.” you buried your face deeper in the pillow. price started to rub your clit. taking a fistful of hair in the other hand, he forced your head up. “go on. keep screaming you dumb whore. tell them who you belong to.” john snapped, still going at a brutal pace.

“y-you. you, john. my body is yours and only yours!” he only smacked your ass again in return.

you started to feel the knot in your stomach grow tighter and tighter with each thrust. “john, im so close to cumming. please don’t stop!” you exclaimed. he finally let go of your hair, face slamming back into the bed.

john lowered down to your ear. his breathing was quick and heavy. you knew he was close from how much sloppier his strokes got.

“thats it. let it all go. want me to fuck my cum into that tight pussy of yours? wanna cum all over my dick?”

you could only give weak nods in response. there was so much happening to your body you couldn’t even think coherent thoughts.

“really, really wanna cum, daddy.”

the use of that name is what sent him over the edge. you could hear low moans and grunts of ‘fuck’ as he shot his load deep inside of you, burrowing into the crook of your neck. he was weak by this point, practically dry humping you to reach your climax.

it worked for somebody who was as cock hungry as you. finally releasing, you both rolled over. price lazily slung his arm around you and peppered your face with kisses. “i love you so fuckin much, doll.”

[zer0brainc3lls]

Incorrect tmr quotes except it’s B99 (again)

Thomas: like what’s another rule we could break?!

Newt: no making out at work 🤭

Thomas: thats is very flattering Newt but there are some rules I shall never-

Newt *takes Thomas hand*: let’s go

Thomas *lets Newt pull him*: ok! :D

-

Newt: WHERE is my dog. *an identical dog walking next to him*

Chuck: aren’t you standing right next to him?!

Newt: THIS BITCH?! PLEASE.

-

Alby: congrats on making it to the second round Thomas. Said I. Sarcastically.

Thomas: *wtf?!*

-

Newt: no photos of Ava Paige

Minho: that’s because vampires don’t show up on film, perhaps we should be looking for a 1700 century print.

-

(I’ve already done this one but idc)

Minho: motorcycles are death machines, I have 3 kids at home I’m not risking it! *throws Newt the keys*

Newt *catches keys*: are you saying my life matters less because I don’t conform to society’s heteronormative kid centric ideas?

Minho: are you REALLY playing the gay card right now?!

Newt yas queen. *throws Minho the keys* *clicks fingers*

-

Newt: you just as competitive as we (him and Minho) are!

Alby: absurd! I am more competitive! Now who’s, DA BOMB.

-

Alby: why is no one having a good time?! I specifically requested it.

-

Newt: aren’t you forgetting something?!

Minho: *stops walking away* uhhh… *very awkwardly kisses newt on the forehead and begins to quickly walk off*

Newt: NOO PAY YOUR BILL. *gestures to table* DAMN WHO RAISED YOU.

-

Thomas: never thought I would see the day Teresa sided with Ava AND Janson. Mark the day Brenda, may 8th of 4pm. :(

Brenda: oh honey we are WELL into October..

Thomas: Really?! 😭

-

Thomas: the worst part is he got away :( *in hospital bed*

Newt: THATS the worst part?! You could’ve died man.

Thomas: I wasn’t hurt that badly!! The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that’s where the blood is supposed to be!

-

Newt: here are two pictures, one is your locker, the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?

Minho: *deep concentration* that ones the dump?

Newt: WRONG. THERE BOTH YOUR LOCKER.

Minho: AGH I SHOULDVE GUESSED THAT. Hes good!

-

Minho: yeah how cool- I mean how awful is that?

Alby: very cool, I mean awful.

Minho: *gasp* :D

[bubuslutty]

headcanon: John Price likes to play with your clit until it hurts.

pairing: fem!reader x John price

word count: 1.4k

tags: dom!price, sub!reader, overstimulation, cumming untouched, oral (f receiving), subspace, fingering, manhandling, strength kink, pain kink ig, stomach bulge, size kink, rutting, making out, biting, crying, squirting, dirty talk, praise kink, spit kink, face slapping (not too hard tho, doesn't hurt), aftercare, use of words such as cunt + hole, she/her, no use of y/n, 3rd person pov, no physical descriptions of reader

warnings: THIS AINT NO RATED MOTHER FUCKING PG SHIT. THIS SHIT RATED PORN.

summary: uhhh I got this hc from a tiktok slide show abt nsfw cod hcs okay 🧍‍♀️ my gallery is filled with them.

a/n: I had to take multiple breaks while writing this. it's proofread by me so sorry for any mistakes, bon appétit bitches 💞

☆ John would spend hours between his lovey's legs, mouth sucking, licking, nipping and tongue shoved inside her wet hole repeatedly, mean and intense.

☆ would also pinch and rub her little clit, making her whine and cry even more

☆ would absolutely devour her, kiss and suck and bite her inner thighs, making the skin red and sensitive using his teeth and beard

☆ beard rashes!!!

☆ he would beg for her to squirt on his face, "Come on, lovey. Do it, do it for me, please?"

☆ King of dirty talk + praising at the same fucking time!!!

☆ "You taste so good, lovey. Look at your cunt, it's all wet, hm? Are you going to cum? Drench my face?"

☆ At first he would probably go gentle and slow, continuously kissing her stomach and hips while his fingers are deep inside her, opening her up just for his mouth, not even his cock.

☆ "Look at you, drooling all over me pillows. Did I fuck you stupid, sweetheart? But I'm just using my hands and mouth."

☆ "I haven't even fucked you properly, your sweet cunt's crying for me, hm?"

☆ "Sweet little slut, do you like having your clit sucked? Hm, yeah, yeah you do."

☆ Then at some point he would lay on his back, roll his baby on his front, chest to chest, pin both of her hands on her back with one strong hand and use the other to mercilessly fuck her hole with three fingers until she's crying and screaming, clit repeatedly rubbing against his happy trail, leaving wet marks on his skin and making her clit all red and swollen.

☆ John thrives in feeling her shake against him, her sweaty chest heaving up and down while she has her face buried in his neck, mouthing at his skin, unable to shut her mouth and stop any noises from spilling out.

☆ he can even feel her stomach bulging out when he drives his fingers in a bit too hard, which never fails to make his cock jump, all swollen and dripping all over itself and balls.

☆ and it would hurt. her pussy is aching and her clits all swollen and rubbed raw. but it feels good. so fucking good as long John is there. as long as he's the one touching her.

☆ He would keep this up, for so fucking long, changing positions and all, just to turn her into a mess, a literal rag doll, unable to open her eyes properly, or even able to remember her own name.

☆ He would lay her on her stomach and proceed to rut against the space between her cunt and hole until he comes all over her ass.

☆ John would lay on his side, drag his baby on her side, her back glued to his warm and ticklish chest, throw one of her legs over his thighs and bury his fingers inside her cunt while his other arm is cushioning her head and his fingers are holding her mouth open.

☆ He would kiss her swollen lips, spit inside her mouth and rub her own drool all over her pretty pink lips while she's panting and whining.

☆ John would manhandle her the way he wants all the time, not afraid to use his strength to get what he wants.

☆ At some point, he would lay her on her back, hover above her legs, pinning her against the mattress while using one of his hands to pin her arms above her head, to stop her from squirming.

☆ He would grab her chin between his bigger thicker fingers and hum, seeing her glazed eyes, eyes absolutely dark and fucking gone. And he hasn't even fucked her with his dick. But it's alright, because his baby is so fucked out of her mind, she hasn't even noticed.

☆ "Lovey, look at me."

☆ Lovey doesn't look at him, she can't even see straight and just keeps panting with her mouth open, face squished against the soft pillows.

☆ John slaps her cheek, never too hard to hurt, making her gasp and he grabs her chin a bit hard, dragging her face towards his.

☆ When she finally manages to meet his eyes, he smiles, eyes full of love and adoration, "There she is."

☆ "What's your name, lovey?" John asks and watches his baby blink at him, as if he spoke in a different language.

☆ He reaches down with one hand and pinches one of her nipples, making her jump.

☆ "What's your name?"

☆ Lovey frowns, trying her damn hardest to focus her eyes on his face, pouting.

☆ John just waits in silence until she cracks a smile and starts uncontrollably giggling, "I don't know…"

☆ Captain John Price, special forces and captain of task force 141, served over 18 years in the British army, fucking cums right then and there.

☆ He moans, his dick jerking and pulsing hot cum all over his Lovey's thighs and she matches his moan as soon as she feels it, throwing her head back and arching her back.

☆ He didn't even need to touch himself and he came so hard, his vision was swimming and he had to press his forehead against his girl's, collecting himself while his thick thighs kept twitching.

☆ Lovey is not able to understand just what happened, she just knows John came and she's happy he did, but tomorrow she will remember and John will be fucked for the rest of his life.

☆ She will have more reasons to keep him wrapped around her finger, and he isn't complaining one bit, it's just different, from anything he's ever experienced, and it's a bit scary, someone having this much power over this beast of a man.

☆ "I love you, I love you, love you so much, Lovey. I love yo-" John says, trying to calm down, and then Lovey raises her head with all of the energy left in her body and kisses him in the mouth.

☆ John immediately shuts up and lowers his head, deepening their kiss even more, devouring her sweet little mouth.

☆ When his thighs stop shaking, he pulls away, making her whine, and he shushes her, keeping a hand wrapped loosely around her neck.

☆ "I'm not leaving you, Lovey."

☆ After collecting himself as much as he can, he lifts her off the bed, both naked as the day they were born. She shivers, snuggling closer to his warm chest, "I know, but you have to pee, love."

☆ He carries her to the toilet, helping her sit down because she's absolutely fucking useless by her own, and he watches her pee, arms crossed and makes sure she doesn't fall sleep and cracks her head open on the wall.

☆ When she's done, he shuts the toilet's seat and helps her sit down, "Stay here, I'll run the bath, hm?"

☆ Lovey hums, leaning her head against the wall and closing her eyes while John runs the bath as quickly as he can. He doesn't bother with a bath bomb, oils or salt like his girl usually likes. The only reason they're having a bath instead of a shower, is because she's literally unable to stand up on her feet, and he can't wash and carry her at the same time, it'd be dangerous for both of them.

☆ When it's warm enough, he carries his love to the bath and washes her body as quick and as he can, and washes himself, then he stands up, rising himself with the shower head and rinses her right after.

☆ He dries her with the biggest fluffiest towel they own and helps her slip on a pair of soft underwear.

☆ John makes her sit on the armchair next to the window and quickly changes the sheets, leaving them next to the door, he'll take care of it tomorrow. And when he's all done he slips on his own pair of boxers and gets them both in bed, clean and warm.

☆ He's laying on his back, Lovey half laying on him, one of her legs thrown over his, head and hand on his chest, while he's smoking one of his cigars, content and comfortable, muscles truly relaxing and head empty.

☆ Lovey's breathing went back to normal, she's asleep, half of her weight on his body, reminding John that this isn't a dream. And he's never been happier.

tag list (pls ask to be added or removed): @obiwankenobis-lap @goapgrim @smalldemonlover @loveyhoneydovey @cutiecusp @pinkwigonmytv @mandythemint @itsberrydreemurstuff @tapioca-marzipan @fruitymoonbeams-blog @poohkie90 @chaoticevilbakugo @anubis-reed @thefairybird @skytacvia @marytvirgin @cynicalmnm @maechanexe @t0jis-worm @1800imgay @4ndjelij4 @multitargaryen @lilpothoscuttings @mysticalpandabear