#uhh ill get on that. i guess.
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i should probably like. make an intro post huh...
#uhh ill get on that. i guess.#it'll sit in the draft for 2 weeks and then ill post it. maybe.#and then i'd pin it. probably.
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ok i'm a little late to the party but these are my renditions of a couple hymns whose lyrics are given in the silt verses :> god bless silt choir for everyone's lovely interpretations !!
#NERVOUS AS FREAK POSTING MY VOICE AT ALL. LET ALONE MY SINGING VOICE. WHAT.#guess thats something ill have to get used to lol wink#siltcord#silt choir#the silt verses#tsv#uhh how do i even tag this#my audio#yeah alright that'll do
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Heyyyy me again, here with a more permanent commissions post!
To put it lightly, world is a fuck. These are going to be open long term. Browse my wares if you’d like!
#artists on tumblr#uhh nyeah shrugs#tavs commission post#< idk I’m gonna be boosting this a Fuck ton so if y’all wanna block it I guess 😭#I’d appreciate shares b I get it#Ill do any dragons idk why i specified fr#look.
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how does it feel to be half of yourself
#I got possessed and stayed up until 10am doodling this oopsies#it was supposed to be a warm down…after the other thing ive been working on…#but no#thank god i never finish sketches or you would never hear from me#anyway just playing with some of my thoughts on elfilin#pre-forgo dreams*#the gray text in the bottom left isn’t meta knight speaking idk if that was unclear#i mean you can believe it is I guess. im not committing to one answer#mainly because it breaks my heart imagining anyone being a little (and okay it could be unintentional) rude to elfy#maybe ill come back with more thoughts on this whole thing later idk#kirbyposting#elfilin#my art or something#meta knight#kirby#kirby and the forgotten land#hmm i thought about saving this for a bigger post but then itll never get posted so uhh here#tbh creature#autism creature
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does anyone have any any movie or tv show recommendations for when they want to get worse? usually bojack horseman does it for me but i’ve watched it 6 times and i think it’s time to branch out
#bojack horseman#uhh what do i even tag this with to get it to the people who will suggest things#mentally ill#i guess??#bpd#???#girl in pieces#i wish it had a movie#it’s hard to read a book while i’m working/painting
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boy a lot of people seem to be into 40k just ready to come out of the woodwork to give me a pat on the back for mentioning getting into it god fucking bless im gonna do my best thank you
#i even got followed by a few people. im so sorry i mostly post abt the ocean and such but i guess i will post minis when i finish em#hopefully soon ill have time to sit down to paint em#thunderclap#uhh. yeag. i dont have a lot of time so i will be slow with getting into it please bear with me x) its a lot of lore and a lot of story#so it is incredibly overwhelming. i usually never get into big stuff at all so this is uncharted territory for me#40k
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Had a phone call with someone to help me with an objection and while it was only about 10 minutes and the lady was nice and calm that call has completely drained me. It feels like it was 10 hours more than 10 minutes lol
#random stuff#also idk if that one call will be sufficient?#I sent them some documents afterwards but not sure if I should've sent some other ones too so they get a better understanding of my limits#uhh I guess time will tell#my brain is mush#health#chronic illness
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why do i only ever wanna write fanfiction for small dead fandoms/pairings
not me looking at the <100 fics for my fave rarepair for an old as fuck video game and thinking "maybe its time to start that longfic"
not me looking at the <100 fics for all of boyfriend dungeon and thinking "idk man i have 37k worth of interconnected drabbles what if i-"
as it is everything ive posted on ao3 is like…. no one on earth is looking at this. i always write fic for fandoms like, at least 5 years after it had aaaaaany eyes on it. why do i do this.
#me writing fic is roughly equivalent to writing a message in a bottle#like i post and basically hope SOMEONE gets a hankering for a pairing they cared about 6 years ago and looks for it#bc otherwise nooooboooodddddyyyyyy is lookin#and YES i KNOW the whole point of writing is to do it for yourself#and i do. trust me. im doing self indulgent shit you couldnt even imagine.#but there is something frustrating about never getting that Sweet Sweet Validation#im literally involved in an active fandom. i could get hits on a fic if i just wrote for THAT instead!!!#but the only bg3 thing ive managed to write was the ONLY BG3 THING NO ONE WANTS TO CLICK ON!!!!#ill uhh#delete later#prolly#ugggggggggh#happy new year i guess lol
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been playing too much bg3
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#my art#art#tav#bg3 tav#bhaal#durge#he's uhh. just take blood in Baldur's Gate and have Tav actually survive and trick his way into staying alive by agreeing to join the cult#make him get brainwashed and groomed by durge#then throw him out with the tadpoles and have him babysit the guy hes (been in love with) been practically worshiping for 15 years#because said durge has no memories now#maybe they can fix each other !#blood in Baldur's gate#blood in Baldurs gate#to my regular followers you are not insane#this is infact cole cash#i cannot consume media normally#everything is cole cash#i guess ill tag him#cole cash#there#tw self harm#cw self harm
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OUGHHH I FOROGR
#i was supposed to go to my sisters house ;;;;#in my defense i was planning to go to both of my sisters houses on the same day#except i had to wait for a confirmation from my other sister as to WHAT DAY would be good#and it is now 7pm on sunday. i had all weekend.#my sister never fucking replied to me <3<3<3 guess ill#uh#fucking uhh#NOT teach her crochet#but it's also v late to get up and go out on a work day >:(#and i couldve had this done earlier. i COULD have had this done YESTERDAY#of my sister had actually replied#but nooooo my brain got stuck in 'just wait for confirmation before finalizing plans' mode#and now it's fucking 7pm on fucking sunday when i texted her on fucking FRIDAY MORNING.#and i forgot to actually PLAN THIS OUT#BC I WAS STUCK IN WAITING MODE.#gods. im just.#hhhhhhh#and now i have to figure out a different time for this bc i cant. i cant go out and do shit at 7pm.#sigh#my other sister is gonna be annoyed about it and i know that#shh ac#edit: cus i dont feel like adding on to it#but yeah i kinda figured i would get a response like that 👍#tbf my message was a little passive aggressive but like dude. i was ALSO in a shitty space all weekend.#its sooo funny that she seems to think that shes the only one who ever gets into shitty moods. lmao. lol even.#and im not saying i dont understand not responding to texts when in a bad mental state-#hell i left my mom on read for 2 days and i still have other messages ik i should respond to#but like. when it comes to messages that are time sensitive like that like. i could accept a 'no not this week' or whatever#its just#urgh
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...
#im pretty sure im having a mild allergic reaction to my tatto0 :-[#its so itchy. like im sure itchiness is normal on some level but i dont think after a week it should b raised and so itchy its hard to slee#it only started to get bad yesterday and i mean im not covered in hives and its not fucked up and red but its not fun#im guessing its a metal allergy? but i got a black tatto0 years ago and thats fine. i guess its whatevers in the blue#so now my whole upper right arm and shoulder r so so itchy. its also possible this is bc i put expired aquaphor on it#but the itching started 1st and all i had was the aquaphor so idk maybe i made it worse or maybe it did nothing#and now ive gotta go to the psychiatrist tomorrow and shes gonna b like: have u broken out in a rash or anything? and ill b like well no#but im extremely itchy for probably unrelated reasons#or maybe this is caused by the lamicta1 and the tattoo didnt cause it. god dammit if she makes me stop taking it ill b sad. i want it to#work :-( ugh#or it could b infected? but each ring is separate so it would b weird if all of them go infected simultaneously#i want it to go away so i dont have to worry abt it tomorrow 😩#unrelated#lab mate: when r u gonna leave today? me considering how long i cab stand it before i have to go home and take my shirt off: uhh idk
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@ those tf2 server related tags: the lazypurple silly servers still exist. and if you want a silly-adjacent server that still has killing/pvp enabled then they also have a "TDM" server where objectives are disabled so you really just get to dick around
i figured his servers would still be around, although i don't think i ever had personally played on his servers before. i think i've seen some videos of them in the past though.
the two servers i use to hang around in through 2012-2016 were mostly just... hang-out servers? the term i refer to them as is "hub servers", similar to like... hub levels in platformers. one was a big city server where i met a good ammount of my friends on, the other was a server with maps the server owner created, which is also the server that hosted one of my maps. they had some sourcemods in common like the jetpack plugin.
im not sure if i could personally experience the vibes of those servers in the same way these days. granted anytime i play tf2 these days, it's usually to play casual, haven't touched any community servers in a long time.
#ask#anon#theres a channel ive been subbed to on youtube that made the uhh... meet the random fortress videos#those videos give me nostalgia in a way i cant describe#cause like the two servers i mentioned didnt have that exact extreme vibes going on.#but thats what it felt like to play those servers sometimes#like i see those videos and i imagine thats how the golden machine gun server was back in 2008 or so.#i never played on that server for context. but i watched plenty of videos from their channel#the golden machine gun also brings back the nostalgia of a server having custom maps specific to that server#like you couldnt experience those maps anywhere else.#those kind of maps i think honestly inspired me to get into mapping#that. and the second server listed above had maps that kinda looked not great. and i wanted to make a map that looked nicer.#i dont agree with that sentiment in going about making maps now. but thats what got me into mapping.#im told that server hosted the map i made a lot. like it was a really popular map even after i stopped hanging out there#idk. i guess what im getting at is that theres a certain magic to the servers i use to play that idk if ill ever experience the same again#thats not to say it cant be recreated or remade exactly. its just idk if i could experience it the same.#id have to be around a lot of folks from friendshow. whom of which are folks i met from those servers#though not a lot of us play live tf2 that actively these days. ive mostly been playing cause my current computer runs it well now#and ive just been having fun playing casual.... for the most part. and also customizing my guys#im okay at the game these days. ranging from pretty good to okay in most matches.#sometimes i kinda want to be in a server where i can just look pretty and fuck about.#im sure maybe ill find a place some day. ik the servers exist. i just havent really tried exploring any#i think my experience to those servers are similar to roblox servers i use to hang around in as a kid in 2008-2009#if anyone remembers uhh... space cruise v3 or whatever. thats the vibes i want to achieve for a map some day.#like youre just in a big space cruiser with your own personal room and you can do jobs to get money and buy furnature#and just mill about and shit. too bad that world doesnt really work anymore with robloxs code changes since 2007....#anyway thank you for telling me anon! i do appreciate it!!
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wow. my god. ill probably become an actual human being with autonomy this year lol
#txt#by that i mean i might have my own place this year. crazy#how ill pay for it god knows but im going to have to get really good financial aid for school this year and uhh probably work part time#thats fine. im scared of money. and time. if i work while schooling ill need to do less schooling which means more time spent getting degree#which means more money to spend on school if my tuition waver wears off before i finish my degree#*explodes*#or maybe ill see if i can work as a substitute teacher on whatever days im free.... better pay id guess#altho id need to be cpr certified and take sub classes...passes aaway#is this what. what. adulting is
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aaand my redbubble is officially up!! there's only a few designs on right now, but i plan on adding more at least semi-regularly!!
(i also have a ko-fi!)
#i have a lockjaw thing that i guess is under review?? its not. showing up for mw.#BUT regardless i have three sketches completed and a couple more ideas on a list#so im going to try to keep updating p frequently it for at least a little while#guess ill see how well it does??#but anyways YES its here!!!!#artists on tumblr#art#redbubble#small artist#artists on redbubble#uhh i dont know what to tag this as to get it seen
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also just realized that. i hit 100 followers how the f
#like. thanks bros for supporting me but HHGHGGHDDDHFGGH#i guess my blog kinda. exploded once i started posting pizza art here huh?#i should uhh. probably post a thing on my instagram because im kinda done with it. tumblr much more fun.#and somehow im mutuals with several different people who make amazing art and im????? freaking out but still very grateful.#ill get back to posting pizza more often once october ends. charac-tober's taken up like 90% of my drawing schedule. still fun though.
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i feel fucking CRAZY. if yall could send some good vibes out into the universe for me thatd be great bc i think im gonna really need it the next few days lmfao
#so uhh. last night at 6:53pm i ws asked to emergency understudy for a character in a Two Person Play that i had Never Before Even Read.#for a show that OPENS TOMORROW NIGHT.#and so there i was at SEVEN O'CLOCK doing thee COLDEST COLD READ EVER of a show that is in its SECOND TO LAST DRESS REHEARSAL#in the last 20 hours ive learned: a new song; how to swordfight; how to tango; how to BULLFIGHT; & how to dance ''in the style of a beetle''#brother i feel INSANE but if i dont help out theres a chance this show cant go on -- and thats fucking *heartbreaking*#the person im covering for had a medical emergency on wednesday -- but they said theyll be able to come do the final tech rehearsal tonight#so maybe theyll recover enough for tomorrow?? i fucking HOPE so. but. i also know they may push themself too hard too fast and thats worse#in any case. im doing my goddamn fucking best and ill probably (definitely) have to have a script in my hand no matter what but thats not#nearly as big a problem as the show never getting to run#so. HERE WE GO#i dont have a costume that fits i dont have a clue whats gonna happen but fuck if im not going to commit 100% for the other people#whove been working so goddamn hard on it. theyre literally some of my closest friends around rn id do anything in my power to help#and i guess this is whats in my power right now ??? lmao ???#anyway.#bee speaks
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