#ugh i have driving tomorrow
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why can't people let me be happy why do they always have to attempt to get in my head and try to convince me in unlovable and love and overinvest in other people too much literally fuck you and fuck you for getting in my head because now idk if they're right
#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#my mom just suddenly out of nowhere asks me *would any of your friends drop everything for you if you asked*#and i said yeah and she sounded so unconvinced#FOR NO REASON LITERALLY#and shes not the only one why do people love trying to poke holes into my completely healthy friendships#i don't do it for your much worse falling apart romantic relationships#and now i feel like shit for no reason#a part of me just wants to stop trying but i would only be hurting myself and proving her right#on the other hand if she's right then me not trying for once wouldn't mean everyone ditches me#but i don't want to do that it's pointless#except it's not but whatever#i hate people sometimes like let me. be. happy.#im just going to sleep#ugh i have driving tomorrow
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personal happiness or what the fuck ever
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#jeans here too but ssh#snap sketches#i havent posted anything in what feels like forever and i GUESS i have to remind people i do draw sometimes. whatever.#aka in my brain i have at LEAST a five-page doujin where this gets incredibly nsft but i dont have TIME for that these days do i#so for now we get just. these scribbles. ill be able to make something exemplary again someday i swear <- optimistic#i think im going to close my comms off for the rest of december once i get through the batch i have now#which ... doesnt sound hard since the amount i have will probably take me to the end of december anyway 💀#i just need everyone to believe me i have better visions for yaoifying issue 309 .... the opportunity is right there...#like wdym the dream sequence is gon end on a panel of erik's eyes as he reinforces the idea charles needs happiness like scott and jean's..#call up your ex. right now charles.#what got me peeved about this issue is i have no idea what color eriks outfit could be vjaeLVKEJARK its like.#is he wearing a lab coat over a suit .... i think thats the intention ... or maybe it is a trench coat....#idk shit for me to figure out if i ever get the time to explore this thing again#LIKE UGH IM SCREAMING i have Such Visions that i dont have time to execute and theyre killing me#maybe ill just write them down idfk <- trying to write fanfiction ends even worse for me than trying to draw#anyways. im gonna drive myself mad good night everyone#i have to go to a christmas party tomorrow night. later tonight. whatever.#BYE
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#i gotta go get my T bloodwork done tomorrow#which is fine but like#last time i was there the nurse was REALLY weird and they were pretty annoyed with me#because i hadn't come in for a long time#because life shit happened including breaking my ankle#and it's the same situation now but like so much fucking worse#and i don't want them to be assholes to me about it or about how i kind of miss shots quite a bit#like that's A Thing#it's a problem for me#but i don't deserve AT ALL to get scolded for it or treated like I'm doing something wrong#ugh i just have a chip on my shoulder#i know it has the potential to go fine and i am bringing backup with me#but EVERYTHING has gone wrong lately!#and if this goes wrong there is every chance it'll drive me to getting the stuff online and not getting bloodwork AT ALL#and I want to tell them that but I feel like they'd just be shitty about it because ultimately they may be an inclusive clinic#but they are still medical professionals and gatekeepers at heart and you can't trust medpros and gatekeepers further than you can spit#idk man I'm an adult just leave me alone to do my thing and accept that I will be in once a year for sure but no promises on more than that#i'm tired in advance#idk i just got the feeling last time that they were accusing me of getting my T illicitly and it's like bitch im not but even if i was#aren't you supposed to be a place people can be honest about their situations? am i not here jumping through your hoops to do it legally?#im doing what you wanted but the thing is I DON'T HAVE TO and if you keep acting weird im going to have to STOP#because i don't have energy to deal with my disintegrating life AND gatekeeping judgy bullshit#do cis men have to dance like this?
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My 8.5 hour drive turned into 10 and now I'm cranky and out of sorts. 8 is not bad with a break halfway. 9 makes me antsy but 10 as a solo driver is where I start to really hit my limit.
Going to relax with a good book and my faithful companion and hopefully have a good day tomorrow at the seminar.
#dogblr#belgian tervuren#forte#psychiatric service dog#service dog#dog training#training seminar#body's a bad monster#1.5 hour's difference shouldn't feel so big but it really wrecked my plans#originally I'd have arrived early enough to grab some groceries and drive over to the seminar location#but I'm too tired so i just grabbed convince food and didn't check out the facility the seminar is at#so even though I'm here a day early and planned and packed carefully#i feel like I'll be winging it tomorrow#ugh why is my brain like this?
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Atp guys I'm just thinking of decaying.
#its 1 am here#i have exam tomorrow#which is probably gonna be shit#and effect my whole result#i wanna deacy#ugh#this is nuts#it is driving me crazy#i hate that subject#i tried to study okay#but it sucks#ughhhhhh
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Oh, hello, gorgeous. I hardly recognize you. Did you get work done?
DRAFTED POST EDIT:
FUCKING SLUT. Fucking INTONATED slut. You think you're SO SHARP. Well, NOT ANY MORE, all strapped in, tuned up, fucking TOY. You loud-mouthed whore. Gonna make you scream for ME, next. Yeah, that string you just broke? That's gonna cost ya. Don't worry. I'll make you work it off.
#((im so sorry venom baby did it hurt when i broke that string on you pls dont be mad babe ill learn to play medium gauge pls honey))#fr tho spent all fucking day tuning him up and deep cleaning and exploring every nook and cranny to see what can be maintained#i dont have measuring tools but thank god the truss rod doesnt seem to be giving me any reason to adjust it#the issues seem to have been with the intonation paired with the super high action i was using before#only like a half turn shorter on the saddle bridge piece (after id removed n put the piece back on) and the tuner went from sharp to in tune#i may need to move that lower even bc the 3rd and 6th saddle are maxed and like 1 hairs worth sharp but this is a lot better than before#im not touching all of that again its fine. my new problem is going from light to medium gauge lmao#wouldnt be as bad if the action were low but i like it high so im just gonna have to be the painslut next#broke one string bc whoa guess who forgot to lower the bottom bridge before twisting those knobs#i was literally like 'okay this is too tense this cant be right somethings off' !#* ... and SNAP lost number 5 lmao. had to open a new pack bc the spare single 5th string is like 0.01 off of the set packs#and that would drive me nuts knowing that so i had to open a new pack#anyway hes all tied up and ready to go. unfortunately im ready to go to sleep.#prob shouldve waited to string him up but ill play w him tomorrow anyway. gotta get used to this gauge since its all the packs i have#shouldve ordered my own sets but id rather just get used to medium anyway since i wind up tuning to drop d and c all the time now#guitars#Cori.exe#Image.exe#suggestive#lmao#man why didnt i take a before picture#my boi was lookin so dusty#i gotta clip those string tips closer later too ugh that was not fun trying to wedge the slipped piece between two coils as i wound them#shouldve just done straight coils under the slipped end. but you know me. cant do anything straight#btws venom has a cock ring on his strap. sucks putting it on tho holy shit#my hands are too cold for this
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Holy fuck y'all i should NOT be awake 😭
#p#i need to be up in six hours 😭😭#i had an awful exhausting evening#my hamster that i had before moving passed away#the car i bought not even two years ago is totaled and unfixable#i lost one of the gigs i thought i had secured for the school year#it is pms hell week for me and i keep swinging wildly between utter fully body rage and complete overwhelming despair and anxiety#i want to cry but ive done enough crying tonight thank you!!!!#please let tomorrow be kinder i desperately need it#please let the jobs ive emailed tonight email me back#and let the pay be good#i also have sooooo much to do before next tuesday oh my god#i need to prep for our session on saturday#finish lesson planning for the summer camp#finish character creation#grocery shop#quick clean of the house bcuz lord knows i wont be doing it while at the camp#i still havent received a v important piece of mail#figure out how to pay my taxes and insurance#prep for the meeting i have monday morning re new school year including some brain storming#reviewing the pacing calendar and handbook and looking at the google drive again#and im being social this entire weekend agh#plus look for jobs i guess??? bcuz money is needed#and theres family drama 🙃#ugh i should probably not be posting this on main#perhaps i will delete later ugh#life is just hard atm it will get better it always does#and i will not lose my rental nor will i be unable to pay my taxes and bills#it will be FINE#because i will make it fine
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happy friday y’all 💕 i just need today to go a lot, lot, LOT better than i think it is going to go 🥲🤞🏻
in any case ily all and i hope you all have a lovely day/night ✨
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#the meteorologists had better be exaggerating/overreacting/etc re: the incoming lake effect snowstorm#i need to set up an appointment to get winter tires this upcoming week with money that i don’t have 🤪#“kayleigh will you stfu about the weather” no because my anxiety re: it is debilitating at this point 🙃#once i get winter tires it won’t be as bad but ughhh right now i am slip slidin’ around the road like crazy when it snows 😭#i have to go slow af because i don’t wanna slide off of the road which pisses everyone else who has winter tires off#texted my irl bestie and hopefully she will cancel her plans to go downstate tonight due to the weather 🥲🤞🏻#because i desperately do not wanna have to drive there after work and possibly get snowed in so i can’t get out of her driveway tomorrow 😭#it is like 45min to get to her house from my job and ughhh in a blizzard??? no thanks 😭#ANYWAYS. UGH. I AM GOING TO TRY TO GET SOME MORE SLEEP. HOPEFULLY MY BRAIN/BODY LET ME. I AM EXHAUSTED. BYEEE 👋🏻
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Bought a stupid suit thing. Disgustang.
#speculation nation#i got it on sale but it was still kinda expensive. ughhhh#hates every part of that. it's so stiff and uncomfortable and unnatural feeling.#but business professional is the recommended attire... so to that i went...#felt bad staying so close to close but the employees were nice about it at least. and i still got out b4 they closed (barely)#i wanted to go shopping earlier today. in between class and orchestra. but allegedly attendance is required in the lab.#so i went. didnt really feel like attendance was taken. but i still went.#still gotta finish prepping my resume but i dont think itll take Too long... i got a template to follow#from my web coding class actually. bc we just happen to have a resume building assignment this week.#so by working on my resume im working on the lab!! yay!!!#except im not doing the lab resume rn. just the normal resume. the template is still helpful tho.#also need to do a bit of research into the companies that are there and the interview style thingie#GOD this is going to be a whole hassle. i dont wanna wrinkle my stupid suit so i shouldnt stuff it in a bag.#and i dont wanna BIKE in the stupid suit. so im thinking of driving up to campus. forking over the money for guest parking#do the stupid career fair then drive back home to change and then go back up to campus on bus or bike in time for bowling#hopefully. we hope. nonzero chance of having to miss bowling and web coding classes tho. depending on how long i spend at this thing.#ultimately career bullshit is more important than one day of bowling so like. whatever.#but i still want a reward for sucking it up and going to the stupid career fair anyways. even tho i Really dont want to.#im already planning on skipping my first class. he made it sound like it would be fine + expected. so we can go to the career fair.#and that opens up a good amount of time so. doing that. and then hoping i can make it to bowling class...#it's funny to imagine if i didnt have time to go back home to change. me showing up to bowling in a suit.#im not doing that tho. this shit was too expensive to risk it doing physical activity.#BLARGH i am so supremely grumpy going to this thing. i dont want to. at all. i hate all this Professional Attire bullshit.#but i need to... and i already went thru the hassle of getting the damn suit... might as well just go.#i will simply pout and grumble the whole way. until tomorrow where it'll be full social smiles and whatever the fuck.#need to get enough sleep to make talking easier. no time for any fun stuff tonight.#need to find my damn. razor. bc i need to shave my little mustache thing probably. for 'professionalism'. ugh.#kicking and screaming this whole way. man i dont think i even own an ironing board. gonna have to hang the shit up and hope for the best#longest sigh imaginable... i just wanna write....... or play video games...... wahhhh#at least itll be over tomorrow. but then i will have to do presentation stuff for thursday. ughhhhhh
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well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨
#already plotting in my head how trying to get him into emergency surgery on the weekend would go and its not great#on account of the fact that i simply do not have enough thousands of dollars for the er proper. or a way to get there but i could probably#figure that one out but not so much the money#he had a god awful time he had to see a d*g and that was horrible he hissed at it (chihuahua less than 1/3 his size)#he was SO scared i feel horrible and i almost cried a lot of times just from looking at him 😭#anyway i'm glad we did a ua though that does help some of my anxiety but now the problem is the string#it probably had a big knot in it so i'm not totally convinced it would even be able to exit the stomach but if it did thats terrifying#i don't think it was super long just the big knot#coworker also insisted strings cant cause blockages only intussuseptions which does not sound right to me particularly if it was a bulky#but not long string such as this one. but what do i m#*know#i'm still really stressed and we have to move tomorrow ugh#i forgot to grab the laxaire at the clinic so i'm going to have to go out and get some but i have to go drop off a goodwill bag anyway#ugh also while my coworker was trying to get pee from him she said “if you bite me i'll smack you in the face i dont care if your moms here”#and i didnt say anything but if she had done that i think i would have lost my mind. what the fuck is wrong with you#she is like that with all of the animals and it drives me insane or like she'll brag about how her rottweiler lifted his lip at her so she#beat him and stepped on his head (???) like some would accurately identify this as animal abuse and yet youre a vet tech???#like these animals are all having a horrible day why the fuck don't you have two seconds of patience instead of immediately going to#“oh you threatened to bite me let me force you into tonic immobility”. again what the fuck is wrong with you#same woman who justified hitting kids in the face btw. of course#my boss is actually much nicer to them for the most part than she is he's just a total douche to people (me) its weird#like i just think you should not have made your lifes work being a vet tech if you think its cool and fine to smack dogs and cats around for#not immediately doing what you want or for expressing discomfort or fear#and they are almost all fear reactive i think there have been maybe two cats that i would describe as aggressive and not just fear reactive#and i'm probably wrong honestly! theres always a reason#anyway. please everyone pray or vibe or whatever that my cat doesnt get his guts tied in knots because i dont have $10000 and his insurance#doesn't kick in for two weeks i think (i got it last night in a panic having intended to do it months ago but thought he had to have a vet#relationship in order to get it)#i'm still really scared lol. god bless#me
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definitely feeling overdramatic right now, but i am SO overwhelmed from the stress of that trip and everything that happened before it and everything i have going on between now and the end of the year, that i would like to not interact with a single nother person for two weeks minimum.
#irl… online… anything#i honestly think that would fix me#i just don’t wanna see ANYone#i am soooooooo unhappy#like. not to be a huge baby but i really need support rn and instead i’m supporting everybody else#i am completely at the end of my rope though#i didn’t know it was possible to be THIS done#just completely burnt out… i finally got there!#but instead i have to do fucking Thanksgiving tomorrow#and then work and do TWO programs on Friday#and then drive to North Carolina for the concert. and drive back#and it’s just like. Man.#i REALLY can’t live like this#and do you KNOW how much i still need to get done before the end of the year?????#and i’m going to another concert next Thursday#and then i have a bird walk on Friday#and a Christmas party on Saturday#and ANOTHER bird walk on Sunday#just AHHHHHH. UGH UGH UGH#and that’s not even discussing regular work and SCHOOLWORK and volunteer shit#just fuck#i’m so done#don’t wanna do anything… don’t wanna see anybody#i just want to move away and never speak to anyone again#fuck
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i REALLY LOVE the way T makes me feel but i might have to hop off for a bit as a social experiment
#jk not social experiment#just keep forgetting to make a new pp appointment for prescription#i always wake up too late and they’re closed#and the online appointment thing is fucking dumv#and i’m literally going broke#i mean i could take comms for hrt#but like ugh#ok maybe i’ll do it for a bit to see if it makes me wanna wrap my car around a telephone pole#i don’t have a car i don’t even know how to drive i’m gay#ugh#i’ll just call tomorrow or somethinf#LIKE I DONT WANNA GO OFF T BUT IM LAZY AND DUMV#DUMB#h#idk like i could live without it i think#imagine i stopped taking t whenever i needed to write chris pygora dialogue#iykyk please#the only thing keeping me from taking a t break is my parents like i feel like#OK I FEEL LIKE IF I STOP TAKING T THEYD BE LIKE finally ….#AND GET WEIRD#OK FUCK OFF#WHY AM I TAG RANTING
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Goddd i don't want to go inside 😩
#personal..?#my friend(? idk anymore man)'s birthday party is going on RIGHT NOW#and I'm sitting in my car in the parking lot psyching myself up to go in#bc i have to drive 2 hours home tomorrow morning (like EARLY) and ik if i go in everyone's gonna be disappointed if i don't do something#like drink or smoke or whatever#not everyone#usually my friends are like “that's fine we just want you to have fun”#but fun right now is laying in bed watching evangelion and drawing lesbians#ugh#anyways#wish me luck guys
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good morninnnnnng =__=
#ugh. ugh ugh ugh. travel time tomorrow im not looking forward to it so badd. ugh. at least we'll be back by sunday & also i dont have#to drive this time. bluh.#anyway hiii gmm im just bitching and moaning...
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dw babygirl you dash is fine, i just have lots of feelings
#hello yes it is *squints* 11:30pm and i have a doctor's appointment at 8am and my back hurts but you know what#i have feelings#and imma forget i put this in my drafts but i feel like#the amount of times ppl have been like 'bestie i thought tumblr was malfunctioning and then i realized you were just having feelings'#is so great and large taht this came to my head and i went tehe#i'm am hilarious#n e ways#gonna try and sleep now IG#sleep is hard bc it always comes when you don't want it and not when you need it o ugh#don't wanna doctor's tomorrow#gotta be like 'yo why do y'all keep sending my pharmacy the wrong thing pls stop it makes me sad'#and then imma drive four hours#but then. tattoo. soon.#okay i'm just distracting nyself oops tehe#love you guys MWAH#goodnight#this post isn' that funny but it is to Me and That's What Matters#corey talks:)
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FASHION QUESTION!!! if u could design an outfit for urself rn. maybe something u always wanted to wear but u havnt seen it before or mybe just a cool design on some clothes....how would u describe it
i really like amavel's girly/doll style outfits i wish i could get that but like pride flag colors and turtles like this. im not describing this sorry im just drawing it out. i dont have any of the bracelet ring chain accessories bc theyre always sold out when i find them but i think theyre neat i want one. idk if i want tulle over the skirt or lace at the bottom mayeb even both i didnt draw either but the thoughts there too.
that said i already own the two most euphoria inducing outfits ive seen and thats these. ive given up thinking of my own designs bc i will never top these. i dont even care these are MY outfits now. the embroidery really makes them top notch to me
#asks#kuki#sea turtles are not my fave turtles btw but i think the sea theme with a turtle emphasis for the embroidery would drive me out of mind#in a good way of course#also im so happy agender flag colors are actually like. colors i love & prefer wearing already.#would love to have it in girlykei style and not just. t shirt. like i do.#im not. good at drawing the embroidery so the. cuts mostly there to show the styles i have that i like to get an idea what i mean#ugh u are making me want to wear my nice outfits tomorrow but Its Cold Out#also theyre so much effort to put on to take off 15 minutes later for work........ later in the week maybe
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