#ugh i have driving tomorrow
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why can't people let me be happy why do they always have to attempt to get in my head and try to convince me in unlovable and love and overinvest in other people too much literally fuck you and fuck you for getting in my head because now idk if they're right
#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#my mom just suddenly out of nowhere asks me *would any of your friends drop everything for you if you asked*#and i said yeah and she sounded so unconvinced#FOR NO REASON LITERALLY#and shes not the only one why do people love trying to poke holes into my completely healthy friendships#i don't do it for your much worse falling apart romantic relationships#and now i feel like shit for no reason#a part of me just wants to stop trying but i would only be hurting myself and proving her right#on the other hand if she's right then me not trying for once wouldn't mean everyone ditches me#but i don't want to do that it's pointless#except it's not but whatever#i hate people sometimes like let me. be. happy.#im just going to sleep#ugh i have driving tomorrow
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My 8.5 hour drive turned into 10 and now I'm cranky and out of sorts. 8 is not bad with a break halfway. 9 makes me antsy but 10 as a solo driver is where I start to really hit my limit.
Going to relax with a good book and my faithful companion and hopefully have a good day tomorrow at the seminar.
#dogblr#belgian tervuren#forte#psychiatric service dog#service dog#dog training#training seminar#body's a bad monster#1.5 hour's difference shouldn't feel so big but it really wrecked my plans#originally I'd have arrived early enough to grab some groceries and drive over to the seminar location#but I'm too tired so i just grabbed convince food and didn't check out the facility the seminar is at#so even though I'm here a day early and planned and packed carefully#i feel like I'll be winging it tomorrow#ugh why is my brain like this?
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turns out i turned the assignment i was stressing over into something a lot more complicated in my head & its actually really simple
#somehow mistook my far too ambitious plans as the actual assignment#:(#this is really good though bc i thought id be at this all day but if all goes well i could be done in like 2 hours#:)))#which is good bc i have 2 tests tomorrow and an assignment#none of which were put on the online platform we use#which means that i forgot#and another test i have to redo at some point#but i dont know when#aaaghhh why is there so much work always#oh and i need to work on my final project too#the current step is due by the end of next week & its a lot of work#i have to find a bunch of relevant sources#and then paste or type all relevant parts of them in a document#and also provide a defence as to why the sources i picked are trustworthy#and i have to do this for a bunch of them#i have to defend them all individually too#if it was just a text on how i judged the trustworthyness that would be fine#but this is a lot#and im also trying to prepare for the exams already#mine#im so so sick of school#i want some free time to watch a film#!!#its been at least 2 weeks since i had the time#ugh#are they trying to drive us all to burn out or something??
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the urge to leave my current shitty job with shit management and inept coworkers vs my dislike of change and the job hunting process in general and what if the next job is somehow Even Worse
#FIGHT#uuurghfbdjbsf#keep forgetting to go book my mri at a rival company so I can have a snoop and ask around irt working there#and might ring up and have a chat with some of the recruiters advertising atm bc some of the job listings look pretty decent#bc it’s an absolute shitshow at the company I work at rn#management are fucking out of touch dipshits and people keep (rightfully) quitting#and the few people they’ve hired to replace them they haven’t given enough time to get fully trained#so not only are we constantly short staffed#we’re having to follow up and correct a lot of the new hires’ mistakes bc they just weren’t trained enough#or don’t give a shit in some cases#(fuck you tony. everybody hates you Tony you lazy ass)#uGH#I’m so fucking exhausted and burnt out and pissed off at this company I expected better from them#especially since they seem so much better run up in brisbane#but down here it’s a clown show#anyway I should rly go the fuck to sleep I’m rostered to a clinic that’s a 40+ min drive tomorrow fml#holy personal post batman
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Holy fuck y'all i should NOT be awake 😭
#p#i need to be up in six hours 😭😭#i had an awful exhausting evening#my hamster that i had before moving passed away#the car i bought not even two years ago is totaled and unfixable#i lost one of the gigs i thought i had secured for the school year#it is pms hell week for me and i keep swinging wildly between utter fully body rage and complete overwhelming despair and anxiety#i want to cry but ive done enough crying tonight thank you!!!!#please let tomorrow be kinder i desperately need it#please let the jobs ive emailed tonight email me back#and let the pay be good#i also have sooooo much to do before next tuesday oh my god#i need to prep for our session on saturday#finish lesson planning for the summer camp#finish character creation#grocery shop#quick clean of the house bcuz lord knows i wont be doing it while at the camp#i still havent received a v important piece of mail#figure out how to pay my taxes and insurance#prep for the meeting i have monday morning re new school year including some brain storming#reviewing the pacing calendar and handbook and looking at the google drive again#and im being social this entire weekend agh#plus look for jobs i guess??? bcuz money is needed#and theres family drama 🙃#ugh i should probably not be posting this on main#perhaps i will delete later ugh#life is just hard atm it will get better it always does#and i will not lose my rental nor will i be unable to pay my taxes and bills#it will be FINE#because i will make it fine
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oh fuck we got a show tonight don’t we
#oh fuck i have MY SHOW TOMORROW DONT I#sorry this seems fake!!#also super not complaining like i’m so happy i get to go#it’s just the drive that’s soooo daunting ugh#it’s not even that bad i just yearn for quality public transportation…….#i mean it’s two hours but still. i should be able to take a fucking train to the city lmao
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hour 22 of the fast and i feel like i could go forever we are so back 🥰
#ed not ed sheeran#ed not sheeren#tw ana shit#tw ana#tw fasting#tw fast#doin 36 min but might end up around 45! we'll see how tomorrow goes#i have to drink wine w friends and don't wanna black out but also the wine cals#and the snacks bc i gotta eat snacks around these friends#😬 decisions#maybe...the wine cals will help me not blackout from wine!#ugh#i'll have to really pace myself which just won't be as fun#BUT i don't have to drive sooooo maybe slay???
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i REALLY LOVE the way T makes me feel but i might have to hop off for a bit as a social experiment
#jk not social experiment#just keep forgetting to make a new pp appointment for prescription#i always wake up too late and they’re closed#and the online appointment thing is fucking dumv#and i’m literally going broke#i mean i could take comms for hrt#but like ugh#ok maybe i’ll do it for a bit to see if it makes me wanna wrap my car around a telephone pole#i don’t have a car i don’t even know how to drive i’m gay#ugh#i’ll just call tomorrow or somethinf#LIKE I DONT WANNA GO OFF T BUT IM LAZY AND DUMV#DUMB#h#idk like i could live without it i think#imagine i stopped taking t whenever i needed to write chris pygora dialogue#iykyk please#the only thing keeping me from taking a t break is my parents like i feel like#OK I FEEL LIKE IF I STOP TAKING T THEYD BE LIKE finally ….#AND GET WEIRD#OK FUCK OFF#WHY AM I TAG RANTING
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my wheelchair has been broken for like a week now and i am so fucking over it i'm miserable i just want to go outside and see things!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the shop couldn't get it in until tomorrow#i hope they can fix it#but also dreading having to use the manual chair while it's gone :(((((#and family is coming by and ugh i know i'm just going to be in atrocious amounts of pain tomorrow#i'm so glad it's still working enough i've been able to use it around the house#without it i very quickly swerve into almost entirely bedbound territory and it drives me up the wall when that happens#blegh
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fahk keep telling myself ill do everything tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow GIRL YOU ARE RUNNING OUT OF TOMORROWS. BADLY.
#ill um. ill do it tomorrow. i didnt take my meds today thats why. thats all.#the prospect of three weeks driving and hiking in 50C weather is actually. surprisingly. not super awesome rn...hm#im so tired and im SO sick of having to do everything alone. ugh
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Goddd i don't want to go inside 😩
#personal..?#my friend(? idk anymore man)'s birthday party is going on RIGHT NOW#and I'm sitting in my car in the parking lot psyching myself up to go in#bc i have to drive 2 hours home tomorrow morning (like EARLY) and ik if i go in everyone's gonna be disappointed if i don't do something#like drink or smoke or whatever#not everyone#usually my friends are like “that's fine we just want you to have fun”#but fun right now is laying in bed watching evangelion and drawing lesbians#ugh#anyways#wish me luck guys
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good morninnnnnng =__=
#ugh. ugh ugh ugh. travel time tomorrow im not looking forward to it so badd. ugh. at least we'll be back by sunday & also i dont have#to drive this time. bluh.#anyway hiii gmm im just bitching and moaning...
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dw babygirl you dash is fine, i just have lots of feelings
#hello yes it is *squints* 11:30pm and i have a doctor's appointment at 8am and my back hurts but you know what#i have feelings#and imma forget i put this in my drafts but i feel like#the amount of times ppl have been like 'bestie i thought tumblr was malfunctioning and then i realized you were just having feelings'#is so great and large taht this came to my head and i went tehe#i'm am hilarious#n e ways#gonna try and sleep now IG#sleep is hard bc it always comes when you don't want it and not when you need it o ugh#don't wanna doctor's tomorrow#gotta be like 'yo why do y'all keep sending my pharmacy the wrong thing pls stop it makes me sad'#and then imma drive four hours#but then. tattoo. soon.#okay i'm just distracting nyself oops tehe#love you guys MWAH#goodnight#this post isn' that funny but it is to Me and That's What Matters#corey talks:)
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FASHION QUESTION!!! if u could design an outfit for urself rn. maybe something u always wanted to wear but u havnt seen it before or mybe just a cool design on some clothes....how would u describe it
i really like amavel's girly/doll style outfits i wish i could get that but like pride flag colors and turtles like this. im not describing this sorry im just drawing it out. i dont have any of the bracelet ring chain accessories bc theyre always sold out when i find them but i think theyre neat i want one. idk if i want tulle over the skirt or lace at the bottom mayeb even both i didnt draw either but the thoughts there too.
that said i already own the two most euphoria inducing outfits ive seen and thats these. ive given up thinking of my own designs bc i will never top these. i dont even care these are MY outfits now. the embroidery really makes them top notch to me
#asks#kuki#sea turtles are not my fave turtles btw but i think the sea theme with a turtle emphasis for the embroidery would drive me out of mind#in a good way of course#also im so happy agender flag colors are actually like. colors i love & prefer wearing already.#would love to have it in girlykei style and not just. t shirt. like i do.#im not. good at drawing the embroidery so the. cuts mostly there to show the styles i have that i like to get an idea what i mean#ugh u are making me want to wear my nice outfits tomorrow but Its Cold Out#also theyre so much effort to put on to take off 15 minutes later for work........ later in the week maybe
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.I have. A migraine
#out of food but my housesitting gig got pushed to tomorrow#so now i have to either go grocery shopping and drive it all 30 mins with me tomorrow#or buy 1 if not 2 meals today from restaurants...#either one seems stupid / wasteful#scout talks#i do have /some/ pantry stuff like i could probably figure something out just. ugh.
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finally having time to myself since 3pm yesterday (it’s 11pm rn) and i want to stay up and relax and watch stuff so i can have a nice time by myself before having to work tomorrow but i am EXHAUSTED and also want to sleep so bad😭😭😭
#i worked yesterday 8-2 and then was with friends and slept at their house and i got maybe ???? 3 hours of sleep lastnight bc of that and#THEN i had to work 8-2 AGAIN today and i got home and got picked back up by the same friends to do something and now i’m finally home and#stuff but i just don’t know what my best option is (i know i should sleep actually and get as much sleep as possible but shhhh)#i guess. i will sleep tho actually bc i can’t even concentrate on the video i was trying to watch. 20 minutes in and i have NO idea what#is happening so yeah i’ll take that as a cue to sleep#thanks for helping me decide what to do guys’#!* not ‘#ugh i don’t wanna work tomorrow i have an 8 hour shift and i don’t wanna do it 😭😭😭#saturdays are the worst bc i have to be alone all day and it drives me insane when i get a million customers that are regulars who know only#one person works at a time on saturdays like use common sense and also get fucked for being annoying i hate you all!!!!!! GRRRRR BITE BITE#ok no fr i’m going to sleeep now ok#OH WAIT ONE TINY THING I WAS DOING A TRIVIA GAME EITH MY FRIENDS TONIGHT AND THERE WAS A D&D QUESTION THAT I GOT FULLY CORRECT BC IVE BEEN#WATCHING LEGENDS OF AVANTRIS!!!!! IM SO HAPPY ABOUT IT LOL MY FRIENDS ALL DIDNT KNOW AND I WAS LIKE >:)))) BACK AWAY
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