#ugh anyway sleep will help all this
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spaghett-onaplate · 3 months ago
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i need to pack my bags and get the hell out of frown town
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melonyfelonyfellonme · 18 days ago
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Yeah ik there's something pure sweet about Lucanis feeling safe enough to sleep a full night around Rook etc but bloody hell he looks fucking exhausted 😭
It's honestly all the more impressive he's even functioning, let alone at the high level he is, given how tired he looks
Honestly the day he's had more than one night's worth of a full sleep, it's so over for everyone lmao
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running-in-the-dark · 4 months ago
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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justmevoldemort · 1 year ago
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I'm experiencing Sirius brainrot per usual so here are some of my thoughts on him singing
I think Sirius can sing
And well for that matter
It's a combination of natural talent and musical lessons he took as a kid
But he can just
Sing
He doesn't sing very often (and when he does it's often classic rock)
But he can easily hit notes and his voice is just
So pretty?
Makes you want to stop and listen
The Marauders love it
They were floored when they found out tho
And James tries to get him to sing all the time
(James can't sing)
But he only really sings if he's in a really good mood, if it's a distraction for a prank, or if he's drunk and it's karaoke night
He kills karaoke night by the way
With the vocals and the insane charisma the crowd is just in the palm of his hand
The first night Sirius gets up on stage and does karaoke it's talked about for weeks
But I digress
What I'm really thinking about is Sirius singing smooth jazz
It's not his genre of choice,
But his voice could fit it so well
Smooth with rasps at the appropriate times and able to hit both low and high notes?
Perfect
It happens one day when Sirius and Remus are studying in the common room or their dorm and Remus is playing smooth jazz from his gramophone (bc Hogwarts tech)
It's not his genre of choice, but the melody is catchy and he likes the beat
And so Beyond the Sea by Bobby Darin is stuck in his head
Thoroughly stuck in his head
He spends most of the day humming it quietly
But in the evening when they're just lounging around the common room,
He starts to sing it
Softly, under his breath
He doesn't even realize he's singing aloud
He's just singing while staring off into space and fidgeting with something
Peter notices it first
His eyes go kinda wide when he looks up and realizes who's singing and he immediately nudges James
James immediately smiles broadly
He loves when Sirius sings
James kicks Remus who glares at him until James gestures his head toward Sirius
And Remus's jaw drops
He's heard him sing, but not like this
(Take that platonic or romantic either way Remus would love it)
And maybe his voice gets a little bit louder as the song rises
But he still doesn't really notice
And he doesn't notice when one by one, the whole common room quiets
Because Sirius's voice is addictive and is the type makes people just stop to listen
And honestly some are just surprised
Bc that boy can croon
He sings the whole song through
And it's absolutely perfect
When he finally finishes, he abruptly becomes aware of the silence
And he kinda blinks blankly at everyone staring at him
"What?"
"Flitwick is gonna be so pissed you never joined his choir"
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indecisive-dizzy · 4 months ago
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why brain whyyyy
i just want to read a book why must it make me paranoid?? I want to Sleep 😭
#this is about The Book of Bill#No Spoilers#typing out loud#Paranoid From Book Edition#but ya know it's meant to be kinda scary. a bit horrifying. Fills you with some dread#and i pointedly ignored that! i laughed at things and went “you cant do that! this is a fictional book”#now its almost 5am and my Bill plush I got hanging up is Taunting Me#i have a nightlight (im a wimp) but the plush is obscured so its all shadowy#and i see it! without glasses! and Get the Jeebies!#ive had to grab my flashlight and stare at it. or turn on my lamp and stare at it.#or make a tumblr post and occasionally look up to stare at it#damn you Alex for letting me get my paranoid hands on this book (/pos)#fr I think im going to have to take plush Bill down so i can attempt to sleep again#it's that or wait for the sun! yay all nighters! hhhhhhhhhh#i didn't get to read all the book yesterday. reading physical books make me sleepy after a while sob#but man! its a trip. a journey. who knows what's on the next page! not me!#i also blame gus. not like gus gus (rip my man) but his unfortunate.. situation#its also rattling around my spooked brain and not helping <3#wait his name is gus right?? im so tired ugh#ah whatever you either get it or you dont lol#i could play mc.. but.. eepy#but also. no big light = no good#and i cant guarantee relocating the plush will solve my problem#gaaah why am i like thissss. i think of plenty scary things!! why must the well dressed triangle be my downfall#crying on the floor#“i think of plenty scary things” bruh i cant sleep without a nightlight what am i on about lmao#maybe that's the point. im a wimp <3 so many things are scary to me. huh#Anyway!#Read the book. Or Don't#I am! Will! Have?
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seventh-district · 5 months ago
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#vent#cw vent post#cw vent#cw health#cw medical#cw medication#cw death#death mention#after nearly 2 weeks of unexplained pain and Symptoms and working myself up into the worst panic attack of my life#i finally caved and went to urgent care :)#it’s not lost on me that the same thing happened a little over a year ago. not bc of the same symptoms but it’s the same fear of dying#smthn smthn if i had a nickel smthn smthn weird that it happened twice. i rlly hope this doesn’t become a pattern#i can picture it now. every spring i walk in and they’re like ‘ugh it’s the neurotic hypochondriac with 4 anxiety disorders again 🙄#wonder what they think they’re dying of this time!’#sigh. anyways i’m fine. probably.#the consensus was ‘no you’re Probably not gonna have a stroke and die. you’re just Very stressed and in a lot of pain.’#got diagnosed with Stressed Guy Syndrome so now i take ✨painkillers✨ and ✨muscle relaxers✨ 🙃#they wanted me to take a steroid shot too but that felt like overkill. it’s also a big step for me to be willing to take anything at all#not bc i’m scared of getting a shot in the neck i’m just. scared of medication in general. the side effects. the potential for dependency.#it’s only for a week but i’m still uncomfy with it. but it Is nice to be in less pain. tho i have my doubts that it’ll help long term#time will tell. but i still can’t shake the fear of the tiny chance that it Could be more serious. but it’s not big enough for them to test#for it so. just gotta live with the fear. which in turn is making it hard to relax. which is what i’m supposed to be doing. so.#anyways. i Hope the meds work and i don’t end up back there next week spending More money and seeking more treatment#sighhhh i just can’t catch a break these days. it’s Always Something#at least the electricity and internet are back on after the tornado last week. and at least i’m not in much pain for now. silver linings.#sorry to everyone i’ve unintentionally ghosted but it’s been hard to think through the pain and now the meds are making me eepy#hopefully i’ll recover and recharge my social battery sooner than later. bc i do feel v bad abt it#and it’s So nice to sleep without much pain so i’m. taking advantage of that this week. Seven Try To Relax Challenge 2024
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undefeatablesin · 1 year ago
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Every time a new Bloodborne comic comes out and the Nameless Hunter is nowhere to be seen, I am not at all surprised but eternally disappointed.
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abyssalpriest · 1 year ago
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God I could and should write a whole fucking book by the end of this life here on Lev and his symbols
ill write it then burn it before anyone else gets a copy. or i wont. im supposed to be helping him this incarnation here to get a better anchor in this plane so maybe it would help more than itd be weird - im just getting from him the energy of "yeah no people already effectively have these things, people on my plane already know me inside and out to an extensive degree, may as well have it here too" you know. fair
#ramblings //#ugh god i love his tone saying that tho. i kept trying to prod to see if it was a ''ugh yeah people know me inside and out and Yes Its#Invasive But -'' but no#oh my god man. his like energy towards his people is..... BEFORE I SAY THIS#I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW IM ANTI PROPAGANDA. the biggest reason i dont work with Lu and others is bc theres this tendency to#be like ''we're darkness but also light! we're teachers we're enlightened we're pure in our own way and the kings are here to#teach you how to empower yourselves and they love all worshipers and they reject all tyrannical authority and they are the good guys#against the chrxstian god who (insert specific atrocity that actually was committed by the kings not the 'chrxstian god' - and#''demons'' should KNOW that because it was AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE WAR so either theyre LYING orrrrr) and we're actually#really down to earth and more holy than anyone else bc we're enlightened - i mean uh uh no wait that contradicts us being#against the love and light style of enlightenment chasing'' like. i will tell you that my boss has massacred a lot of people i will tell yo#im anti monarchy and i dont believe that the kings' peoples are any better than 'angels' and i will tell you a lot of innocents on both#sides have been lost bc of royalty and rich families the kings are directly tied to#so i hope you know that when i say the way lev treats his people in his mind is..... holy shit#i pick apart everything he does. ive seen sides of him that are dark af (and i love him for them lmfao) but as soon as his people are#involved... have you ever been w someone getting hot and bothered and a kid walks in that you thought was sleeping and you just switch#completely into parent mode like. he'll have complex fictions w me helping me write stories about corrupt monarchies and shit#and then no. he is like. hes very good at mindset switching and going immediately into different faces but i swear#his ''i am a king and a king is a head of a mass of people - a king is a servant to his people'' mode is like. impenetrable#he is so. fucking intensely single-minded and trained to be a king unlike anyone else. anyway what was i talking about#OH YEAH. his tone w what i wrote in the post. was so switched into that mode of ''my viscera is theirs to eat as Im splayed on their table#and this is divine ruling. this is my purpose with them'' type shit. PURE thought. there is no other energy i can find in it other than#pure ''this is my job and i do it''. pure as in distilled. a pure tone like a sine wave played on a synth as opposed to a string plucked#leviathan //#ive. im nervous about saying the shit ive said here lmfao but ive had his OK before to say it ALSO. AS I SAID. theres no way his people#dont know the massacre was done by the kings lmfao. like. yall were involved. and also you all have to know that one of the#people that pretends to be the christian god is. two of the kings actually and since lev commonly appears to people and lets them#decide who he is bc hes never arsed making a show of Being Leviathan and whatnot im sure hes been called God plenty of times#too but like. cmon. I dont know who started the ''oh the uh the invading heaven and killing off half the population was the#chrxstian god'' rumour but i was first exposed to it through lu and (his wife) worshipers so yall get the blame - that said...
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anonymolly · 1 year ago
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asavapatr · 2 years ago
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🫠
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shreksflamingknob69 · 2 years ago
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for someone who’s been in therapy for seven years i sure suck at actually being therapised
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running-in-the-dark · 10 days ago
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my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
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never-quite-buried · 26 days ago
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Bless the overnight emts & er staff who communicated with me, a psych patient presenting with panic attacks verging on fear of a heart attack or stroke and delusions of surveillance, as if i was a human fucking being. So not used to that but wow it was a change of pace. Being offered an ACTUAL benzo to stop the spiraling instead of a fucking benadryl was so refreshing. My mind is quiet right now and I’m so fucking grateful. I feel like a different, far more coherent and pleasant to be around, person.
Extra shoutout to my mom who sliced me up some cheese and an apple to snack on cause everything else sounded awful. I love you mommy😭
#me crying in the ambulance like ‘i dont want to die but this isnt living im so exhausted of being like this’#the emt who sat with me and put on my monitor stickies was so nice and he smelled like my dad#and i just got this rush of missing him so bad and wishing he was here with me and not in texas#they were angels they didnt talk down to me they listened and took what i said seriously#emts are amazing i love yall 😭#shoutout to the guy who took me quite literally when i said ‘i feel like im being hunted for sport’#no no i mean that the things that trigger my autonomous defenses account for just about everything#so i live in a constant state of fight/flight but given that i can’t fight emails i have an inbox i only check when im expecting something#phone calls are another stressor that do not feel resolved by completing them they just Stress Me Out#and that stress and primal gut instinct to nope out or throw hands never feels resolved#i feel like im being watched ALL the time (except in my own home under special ritualized circumstances)#like im a housebound agoraphobic mess getting wheeled into the er was like#the most human contact ive had in MONTHS#anyway meds do fucking help fuck all my prior medphobic psychs#atavan oh atavan thank you#i was losing the ability to even describe my symptoms when they picked me up i felt like words were so hard to get out and they weren’t#the words that i wanted to say hapf the time which was quite distressing as i value word choice HIGHLY in communication#ugh I’m feeling so much better maybe i will sleep 6 hours without a nightmare tonight#i hope i hope
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cheeses-degree · 1 month ago
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I LOVE COLLEGE. I want to go home though 😭
#I want to be with my friends!!! at home!!!!#I want my car I want to drive around my streets at night#I want my own room and my bathroom I feel comfy in (thank god for a suite bathroom I wouldn’t be able to deal with a hall bath)#I want to be like max 20 minutes away from my friends. this boils down to I miss my friends#we should all just go live in an apartment complex together#I was really onto something with making my friends and I in Tomodachi Life like that’s the ideal right there#maybe not economically feasible but it would be so good#I do love college a lot though and I’m really liking LI so far#I wish I were better at getting close with my new friends#but the ones I get along with the most don’t do much going out (either studying or sleeping)#and there’s one who I Don’t like very much they’re so annoying but they’re always around everyone else#I think I’m just gonna have to suck it up about that tbh#because I want to be hanging out with everyone else more#tbh my orientation group was the best I miss that just not as much as I miss my other friends from home#it’s also been weird because like. bunch of hurricanes flooding etc happening at home. and it feels weird to not be there and help out#I feel like I’m letting people down in not being there#another thing I miss is being so close to the water tbh#I didn’t think I would I am terrified of flooding#and I’m on an island like. this is Long Island. but I can’t see the water from where I am#and I can’t drive around to get to it#I’ve never lived somewhere where I wasn’t walking distance from a bay and it’s uncomfy#thankfully when I go visit my boyfriend! the train takes me over wate#r sorry time limit went off anyways when I took a train there it took me over some water in NJ I think it was nice to see#comforting and shit#anyways#cheese speaks#college moment#ugh being homesick is so weirddddd
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straykats · 2 months ago
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/meds talk, mental health as well ig, uhhhhhh
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ioannemos · 3 months ago
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should really be turning on the ol' dream machine rn but my brain will surely be rolling out the new stuff, so before that happens...
the main thing i remember is that there was some kind of demon or monster or god or something that had lost four pieces of itself and needed them back to like. fully manifest or whatever, but they were really weird and small parts, not like the head and hands and feet or anything. they were like... they weren't these ones specifically but it's like if a demon was like RIGHT i need you guys to find my appendix, my pancreas, and my collarbones so i can reward you and also bring hell on earth. like. what
anyway the weird thing about this one was that it was like i was experiencing two timelines simultaneously, the one where the demon was sending people out to find these pieces of itself and the timeline where i was following an unguided tour of where these things took place. i remember touring a big fancy house (that of course made no sense bc architecture never does in my dreams, but at least this one looked kinda cool i guess? lots of very loud wallpaper) and coming very close to seeing someone get eaten by the demon. he was a follower too, not some rando. i think he had Sinned or something
...can't remember if this was part of the same dream or a different one, but i was struggling to get dressed properly for something, properly meaning a dress 🤢 and also i ended up paying for someone else's whole outfit and it was like $1700?? i remember being mad about it bc i have that much in my bank account atm so i could pay for it but i was very doubtful that, despite her promises to the contrary, she would actually pay me back
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