#tw: mentions of grooming

[lavenderauthor]

Title: Not What It Looks Like by LavenderAuthor (14.6k)

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: Marvel

Relationship: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Avengers Team Members & Peter Parker, Avengers Team Members & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Summary:  Tony Stark is known as many things: Genius, Inventor, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist, Iron Man. Honestly, nobody doubted any of those even when he started to date Pepper Potts. He was not, however, known for tolerating or even liking kids.

It was just something that everyone seemed to know so imagine Steve Rogers's shock when he comes by Tony's lab with a list of equipment they needed upgraded to find what looked like a teenager in his lab. Even more shocking was the teen chattering away to Tony himself.

[headlesstypo]

Engaging in Typology and Interest Groups Before Adulthood

I’ve thought about this for awhile, but while typology can be an excellent source of information for building empathy, providing entertainment, and self development, there certain things to remember when engaging in the content and community, especially if you are ~17 or younger.  Some of what I’ll mention directly regurgitates basic internet safety and information you’ve already heard because I also had heard it all before and still fell into many of the same pitfalls I'll mention here (and also, some people just have garbage parents or are genuinely lacking the skills to operate the internet safely, so consider this a public service announcement). Remember this is a general description and some of what I mention may be general enough to also include experiences that are entirely fine, but please be sure to keep an eye out anyways. In spoilers because this could potentially be triggering to those who have had shitty experiences on the internet. I mostly cover the dangers surrounding being in a developmental stage of your life, overidentification, pathologizing behavior, and creepy people on the internet If this has something in it that directly harms you and I need to tag, lmk?

The Dangers of Identification With Labels and Groups: Yeah I know, this one's been repeated a million times. You of all people would never take typology that seriously or use it as a means to form your identity. I won't repeat that you need to consistently reinforce the idea that typology is a method of exploring yourself and kind of akin to a puzzle or toy rather than a labeling system that actually does a great job of describing you. There are even adults hyper identifying with the system to the point where it effects their lives, like please don't assume that by default you're not going to do that. Some people genuinely are but like... Do not just make the assumption that you are an outlier and are not susceptible to misinformation and locking yourself in a box. Self aware people aren't the ones making these mistakes, it is impossible to be completely self aware anyways. I think a big thing though is to reinforce that if you are in the age range I described, you are in a developmental stage of your life. Especially 12-17 is that age when you are actively forming an identity, you are behaving "cringe as hell" and exploring your own behavior, responses to things etc. Typology is primarily a tool to help adults who have already started habituating their own behavior, can take time to introspect and find their own pitfalls, and most of all have already made mistakes throughout their lives. Typology makes it very easy to pathologize your own behavior in the expectation that you should be chronically improving your life. If you are finding yourself chronically disappointed with how garbage your behavior is, you need to take a step back from typology (or whatever other group your into) and let yourself have normal learning experiences. Teens can be absolutely garbage but like... You're supposed to make mistakes and be kind of terrible and stupid, like that's a normal thing for your age group. The Danger of Blaming Your Issues on Typology: In the same way that typology pathologizes behavior, it also makes things that are not normal seem very normal. Naranjo, the guy that wrote a bunch a good portion of the basis for the enneagram studied personality disorders as just an example, so many of his descriptions will include depictions of abnormal behavior. It makes it seem normal Now to clarify, I am not telling you that if you relate to a personality description there is something very wrong with you. More than likely actually, there is not.

Examples from people who struggling and are using typology to avoid your problems:

"I am deeply ashamed of myself and hate my life, I always wish someone would love me but I am deeply defective. This is because I am an enneagram 4"

"I am an enneagram 6 because I experience crippling anxiety non-stop and/or cannot remove myself from the idea that other people can or want to hurt me or am deeply afraid I might hurt others and make mistakes"

"I am inferior Se because I am prone to addictive and dangerous behavior such as binge drinking, thrill seeking that endangers my health, almost get hit by cars every 5 seconds because I have the attention span of a newt, etc. Eheh I am so quirky."

"I am inferior Fe. I find it ok to be an asshole constantly to others and hurt others. This is because I do not understand feelings or think they are stupid. I am entirely fine with this because it is just an aspect of typology. "

"My [family member/person I hate] is this type because they [insert behavior that is directly dangerous towards you] That is so [typology] of them ahahahah"

I purposely phrased these to be funny, but also I have actually seen people say these things and be 100% serious about them. None of these are actually related to typology... Like at all. And tbh, you can think these things or experience these things at points in your life without there being anything seriously wrong with you or your life even If this is you though, please seek help or like... Take a break from typology. If you are concerned, literally just shoot me an ask and and ask. You can also ask the adults in your life or like... Friends if you're unsure if what you're experiencing is normal or not. Please do not assume that what you are experiencing is abnormal but like... Good merit is, if it is causing you or others harm or you are feeling miserable all the time, it's probably an issue.

Interweb Creeps and Echo Chambers: When interacting with any interest group, be it blogs on tumblr, forums, etc., always be aware of your age compared to that of the community and assert appropriate boundaries in dealing with them. Lots of great people in the community and there is lots of good opportunity for mentorship and advice reception from responsible adults, but as it is advertised as a tool for self growth, typology in particular is great at attracting creeps, those disenfranchised by their lives, and those looking for a tool for affirmation. I have had the unfortunate opportunity of talking to multiple people within the community who engaged when they were on the younger side only to be taken advantage of by adults in ways that were not always overtly and obviously dangerous. This danger is often exaggerated because typology as a whole is very personal in nature leaving people open about their experiences in a way that can quickly generate a feeling of intimacy and connection.

Dynamics to watch out for

Everyone around you has the exact same beliefs as you do. Even if your beliefs are "good" and the people around you seem to be reasonable and logical people, this is how echo chambers are formed. The community can be overall positive and helpful, but being in a position where everyone shares your opinions will also weaken your own ability to tolerate even benign, contrasting opinions without you knowing you've lost that ability

You are consistently providing therapy and support for the people you are speaking to online. Honestly, getting support on the internet is find and you can also provide support to others without it being an issue. There's an issue when you are getting nothing in return/it is one sided, you are feeling drained, or you feel as if you stopped speaking to this person, they would harm themselves. This is known to be damaging in excess and can result in problems as simple as compassion fatigue and as severe as traumatic experiences.

The person you are speaking to presents themselves as all knowing, guru like, and as if they can solve all your problems or save you from your personal situation.

You are in a near exclusively a community where no one else is in your age range. Honestly, this can be harmless if done right, but people can sometimes fall into the issue where they are treating themselves as not their age and expecting themselves to be capable in areas they are not or unaccepting of their own personal development because everyone around them is in a different developmental phase than they are.

[charlie-artlie]

this is so stupid i’m sorry

[a-heart-of-kyber]

*slaps table*

Listen!

There is something super sweet and healing and hopeful about Gale, "I was groomed and still don't realize it and had 'sex' with the Goddess of Magic via mental/spiritual/astral projection regularly. Also, I'm kind of addicted to magic." Deciding to approach you first to flirt with "You being all sweaty after battle is so fucking hot."

Because it's Real. It's physical. Yeah, it's horny, but it's the realization that the mortal realm can be equal to the godly one, if not superior, despite it being different. Like, he's not Losing something by not being with a God and he can heal.

[tables-has-vanished]

I find it funny that crowesfood, a child groomer/child groomer defender, really thinks that turning off comments can stop people from attacking them... anyone know how to use 4chan.... just a little thought.

[kiwisandpearls]

“This fiction could be used to groom minors!”

I hate to break this to you but literally any type of fiction can be used to groom minors. Even “unproblematic” fiction.

[ghxst-system]

"The future is plural" movement from endos is CONCERNING

regardless of the fact they do not believe you require trauma to be a system (medically impossible) this proves they want to groom kids into identifying as endo and spread their medical misinformation further.

as well as causing real systems to believe they dont have it bad enough to be "traumagenic" (the only "genic you can be. this language is bullshit im just using these terms to explain their shit), preventing them from getting real help. they are WIDELY anti-recovery.

their misinformation has ALREADY endangered real systems medically as they have made professionals skeptical of a medically proven disorder, a disorder that is already very stigmatised.

outside of just endogenic misinformation, this statement leads to the idea that they want to traumatise kids to make more systems.

ENDOS ARE FUCKING DANGEROUS

[lichenbug]

they drink together often

[sc0moftheanimatiomindustry]

I am so immensely tired that people are STILL blaming Ang, one of Kyle's victims, and call her "just as bad" for coping with Invader Zim nsfw she kept on a PRIVATE account

now youtuber "saberspark" talked about the situation in an hour long video and did exactly that, he said "both of them are bad"

Kyle is a pedophile who was arrested for owning 600 child sexual abuse images. You CANT compare that to someone lewding Invader Zim characters, they don't exist!

But hey, apparently both Kyle and Saberspark were totally cool with posting this, yet Ang is the one who isn't a real victim and has to hide

He also defended an adult waiting to reciprocate a minor's crush until the minor "was at least 20"

[shentheauthor]

PSA for kids on the internet:

I know a lot of y’all look at nsfw content. It’s not good to be in those spaces (because you’re intruding on adult spaces made for adults, by adults, and it’s uncomfortable), but that’s just how kids are sometimes (source: I did that as a kid). It’s inevitable.

The thing is, you should NOT be talking to adults about it. If you break the clear 18+ boundaries people set, that’s YOUR business, and you should NEVER be comfortable discussing sexual topics with adults. I’m being so serious.

It’s never, ever your fault if you’re groomed. The thing is, gross adults will take advantage of you if you make it clear that you are a minor exploring nsfw topics. They see that, and they think you’re an easy target.

As for adults who are uncomfortable with kids seeing their nsfw work, the best we can do is block ageless accounts and minors who announce that they are minors. That’s not enough. You need to keep yourself safe as much as we need to keep you safe.

I care about this stuff a lot. I narrowly dodged a lot of horrible experiences, and it still took me years to deconstruct the harmful things I started internalizing because I was unrestricted on the internet. I got lucky. I can’t say the same for a lot of other people.

Statistically, you will not get lucky if you are a child on the internet. Stay safe.

Also, grooming isn’t strictly for pedophiles. Grooming is when people foster an environment where a vulnerable party (ie children) gets comfortable with an inappropriate relationship. The exploitation doesn’t have to be sexual. It can be an ego thing, or for money, or any number of things. It’s hard to accept that the person you care about is a groomer, and it’s even harder when people fundamentally misunderstand the definition of grooming.

A child can groom another child. An adult can groom another adult. It’s about exploitation, not necessarily age.

Stay safe out there, guys. They don’t teach internet safety like they used to.

[poppy-metal]

sm so tragic about being the girl who fills patricks void while art and tashi are married and pretending he doesn't exist. you do everything for him, let him do everything to you, make him feel wanted and needed. but when he gets art and tashi back - where does that leave you? does he throw you away? bring you in? keep you for himself? daddys girl - and he's just another older man who won't love you. daddy's girl when you were never his anything. late night's rocking back and forth on his lap, filled to the brim on his fat cock, nodding desperately when he'd say things like "you like that? show me - show daddy how much you love it, baby." mean nothing now that he doesn't have that hole in his chest anymore that needed to be filled with the tight sensation of your pussy around him and your sweet cries reassuring him that he was needed -

that's fine. you're used to it by now. you were used to it when you were nine your real dad left, and when you were 15 and the uncle who touched you innapropitely got found out and sent away, and when you were 18 and let a stranger fuck you in a bathroom stall and left with a pat on your ass, and when you were 19 and bouncing on your professors cock and he filled your head with promises of how he'd leave his wife for you only for him to turn his lip at you in disgust when the time came for him to keep those promises, and now - at twenty - when you'd crashed into patricks life and into his bed and you thought if you only loved him enough with your pussy and with your devotion he'd stay and love you back - it hurts.

daddys girl with no daddy. you'd just have to find another one, then.

(and if patrick worries about you after he leaves you - he tries not to think about it. he's not your fuckin' father, he never was - it was just a casual sex thing. it served it's purpose. but he thinks about you, between art and tashi at night, he thinks about the pink ribbons in your hair and your thigh highs and your bubbly personality and he thinks of all the nasty men that will be eager to take his place and see you on your knees - his jaw ticks and he tries not to think about it. you're a grown woman, at the end of the day. despite your raging daddy issues and want to be dominated - you weren't his concern.)

(then why did his heart speed up with anxiety when you didn't respond to his 'just checkin' on you.' text? why did his knee bounce next to art when he should be relaxed? why did he chew on his nails with tashi when he should be 100% focused on her? he can't stop looking at the empty spot in their bed that you would fit into, if you were there.)

[feelingemotjons]

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS RICH ASSHOLES

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS LOUD AND "ANNOYING"

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS GROOMERS/PEDOPHILES

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS STALKERS/CREEPS

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS "DISGUSTING" AND "UNLOVEABLE"

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS "ANNOYING" THIRDWHEELS

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS BIGOTS

STOP DEPICTING FAT PEOPLE AS SELFISH AND RUDE

STOP DEPICTING CONFIDENT FAT PEOPLE AS "PICK MES" OR "WEIRDOS"

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP MAKING YOUR FAT CHARACTERS LOSE WEIGHT FOR THEM TO HAVE A "HAPPY ENDING"

[pastelalleycat]

If allegations of sexual assault come out against somebody:

I don't care if the person seems nice. I don't care if you have a personal bond with them. I don't care if it's something you never thought they'd ever do.

These kinds of allegations always, always, always have to be taken seriously and with the utmost regard for the alleged victim's safety. It's possible that the supposed assaulter may have been falsely accused, but sadly, most of the time, reports of SA are true.

I need you to promise me that you will believe victims when they tell you they've been abused. I need you to use your critical thinking and realize that human beings are capable of causing as much harm as they are of causing good. Please don't turn a blind eye to victims.

[a-a-a-anon]

absolutely fascinated by young dee who is criminally under-discussed so here is my dissertation on what happened in her college years (ft. dr. gainer, setting her roommate on fire, being institutionalized)/my idea for a fic that I will almost certainly never write/my way too serious take on a few throwaway dee lore lines

timeline background: we know that dee majored in psychology ('charlie got molested') and got "three fourths" of the way in (meanwhile dennis finished his psych minor.) assuming this was a four year program, I'm gonna guess that in her third year she got institutionalized and most likely had to drop out ('gun fever too: still hot'.) we also know that she had her back brace until she was twenty ('underage drinking'), so I'm guessing that means she got her back brace off in her third year.

we know that dennis fancied himself a psychologist since he was young, but I think dee did too. in particular I think she was wary and interested in her brother's psychology; she seems very aware of his psychopathy and bpd in 'making dennis reynolds a murderer' and 'psycho pete returns.' in my head she's been interested in dennis' psychology since they were kids and she saw him snapping crows necks. so instead of forcing her way into acting school, she studied psychology to better understand her brother (and also deep down, herself, who is very much the other side of the same fucked up coin.) it also meant she could tell herself she could study her characters even better when she became an actress.

i think she put in (her version of) genuine academic effort to get in, fuelled kind of by spite (remember the way she studied that thick medical book in 'hero or hate crime' or her very quick math in 'boggs: ladies reboot'). she studies books and gets cricket to quiz her and she still fails to get into penn. but frank always pitied her (i think she was his favorite of the twins-remember "let your sister into the gang", "that's my girl!", "i'm sorry the grift didn't work out, sweetie") so he shells out cash to get her in, but also to get her away from home so he has to deal with her even less.

dennis wants to do anything dee does but better and he wants to keep her close by (to watch her crash and burn, and also because he's weirdly possessive-see 'the gang broke dee' "i'm your select!"). and obviously he's barbara's favorite. so barbara gives him money to get in too. she also gets him into a frat and pays for his classes and his rent and everything he needs. dee has to live in a dumpy dorm with a female roommate.

but college presents dee a chance to moult her previous place in life where she was known as a monster (remember how insistent she was that "people can change!" in 'franks pretty woman'. I think dees always wanted to believe she can shed that feeling she's inferior, but she never has). in my head her female roommate is basically normal-has real friends of her own, mentally stable, attractive-which is exactly what dee craves. dee wants to be popular and well liked and she wants to infiltrate her roommates life, imitate her, be in the Cool group. and she places all her hopes on a friendship with the roommate but dee has never navigated real female friendships before, not with someone like her. deep down she also wishes she found what dennis found in mac, whatever it was, because ever since dennis met mac he's never been as close to her. and i do think dee is some flavor of queer. and the roommate is well liked in the way that dee admires and envies. so there is that blurriness between wanting to be her and wanting to be with her. in my head her roommate looks like the woman from dee's fantasy in 'the gang saves the day' (and they both represent that promise of escape from dee's shitty life).

dee is so desperate for the roommates approval and her love and her life that she goes insane, copying and flattering and competing with her. ever the shitty actress, she tries to emulate her, but comes off as manic and creepy. and maybe her roommate is nice enough to not completely shun her, recognizing that she's struggling. maybe in dees mind they actually are becoming friends when her roommate asks things like "are you okay?"

and dee has to talk about her plan with dennis because he's the only person who would Get It. and she makes it sound like it's almost working. dennis feels jealous and worried and threatened that maybe dee might actually be seen as normal, especially when she gets her back brace off in the third year. so dennis fucks her roommate, more of a show that he owns and controls each and every pathetic part of dee’s life than anything else. and so that dee knows she'll never be as good as him, she'll never as easily charm people as dennis does. (or at least he tells her he does).

to prove that To Someone dee is Good Enough, and so desperate for attention, dee (who's been groomed all this time) enters a sexual relationship with her professor dr. gainer. she tells herself she has the power in it, that she seduced him ("he didn't molest me. i had sex with him 'cause i wanted to.") and she has a mental break, because the thing she told herself held her back from being loved (her back brace) is finally gone by now and yet she still feels like a monster, and the only scrap of "love" she can get is from her professor.

and then she can't take the fact that she can steal her roommates clothes, can emulate her sexual prowess (in dee's own fucked up, delusional way), and still neither be well liked like her nor be loved by her. so maybe dee will always be a monster. so dee tried to burn her roommate in her bed, because she represented the promise of change and popularity, and that promise was a lie and dee's effort was for nothing. and she's institutionalized.

and i think there was kind of a falling out between the twins and their parents, because barbara wants to abandon dee but dennis can't help but visit her. and frank doesn't even step foot in a place that reminds him of his traumatic childhood, and avoids dee even more than he used to because she is his childhood mirror image. so the family becomes even more fractured and estranged.

and maybe dee becomes medicated and slowly crawls her way halfway to normal by the first season (her acting classes are so well-adjusted, taking part in healthy hobbies of her!). until her father comes back into her life and everything falls apart <3

side note, even though dee is crushingly lonely-"I just got a cat 'cause I wanted something to hang out with. I don't have, you know, a roommate or anything, and I don't really have anyone to talk to..."-AND she struggles to pay rent whenever frank cuts her off, i hc that she refused to ever get a roommate in particular female roommate again after this because both her internalized misogyny got worse and she was afraid of what would happen (what she would do) again.

[spacedustmantis]

here we go. originally we said we would not talk about this. we would not draw attention to it. we would wait for it to blow over. but a lot of misinformation has spread and a lot of us feel like it's getting to a critical point.

us being the members of the recently highly controversial anti-censorship jrwi discord server.

i would have reblogged this from @rantarang's most recent reblog but sadly further up the rb chain are screenshots with doxxed information about a lot of my friends and i, so i will not be reblogging that post. do not go looking for it. you can base your opinion off of what information has been given without rewarding a severe invasion and violation of privacy, regardless of what you think of us.

the events that have transpired are as following: a post is made criticizing and warning about the bitb zine (which has since been canceled). as a reaction to this a tumblr user decides to investigate into the people behind it, despite the original poster censoring the names and urls of the mods, and finds this server. they infiltrate it, lying to the mod to gain access, and then proceed to screenshot and post the entire members list (meaning display names and pfps of every single person who might or might not be active in this server) plus some further personal information about certain people and private conversations.

they do not care to find out if any of these people are minors before they expose parts of our private contact information and call us degenerates and accuse us of grooming, and then they ask the people to please tell them if anyone is a minor so they can be "protected".

this, btw, is illegal. spreading personal information and private conversations with the intent to harm (even if it's "just" defamation), especially on the internet, is very much illegal. what matters more of course is that it is incredibly dangerous, opening up a lot of people - whether you see them as gross perverts or not - to brutal harassment and at the very least, as was intended by the infiltrator, extreme alienation. i mention that it's illegal for reasons that will become apparent.

now. this could have been it. pretty catastrophic and dangerous but an isolated incident. but people do what they do best. they talk and converse and assume and things get lost in translation.

i decided to write this and talked about it with some people in this server after i read up on the conversation underneath that post by rantarang and @tigers1o1.

one of the first things to set straight is that the zine is not the same thing as the server and besides some of the same people being involved and existing in the same fandom actually has no connection to it whatsoever.

i do not know a lot about the zine. i will not be the one to talk about that.

next thing, none of our mods are underage. this was a misunderstanding due to the zine having an underage mod, who afaik explicitly doesn't engage with any nsfw content.

and now for the big one. we have been accused of grooming and harassing minors. we have been called criminals. we have been accused of illegal actions. this is all not true. i understand where that assumption can come from, but assumptions are not truth.

let me talk a bit about my experience on this server.

i joined mostly because it was a server one of my friends advertised. i was aware it was going to include topics that i wasn't entirely comfortable with so i was hesitant to join, but i did.

what i found was one of the most impressive discord servers i'd ever seen in regards to moderation. coming in at first you do not see anything beyond the rules section and some other administrative channels. you are required to read the rules and to react to the post so you can even just get to see the chatting channel.

furthermore, once you go through the vetting process (which is as noninvasive as possible since internet safety is a thing we are very conscious of), you can only view channels that are free of any potentially triggering content (nsfw, gore, underage, drugs and more) until you look through the roles available and choose which ones you would like to see. you have to actively click a labeled button and then find and enter the channel you chose to be able to actually see, before you get to any potentially dark and/or triggering content.

not only that, but any and all talk about ships, even the purely romantic/nonsexual kind, is relegated to their own personal threads, which require you to agree to see topics that might be relevant (for example, violence or gore and death for emizel/gabriel) and allow you to simply not have to see or engage with any ships that you might find bad, annoying, triggering, or whatever else.

so NO, we do not invite children into the server where they are immediately blasted with pedophilia or SA against their will.

i personally chose to be able to access some of these darker channels mostly out of curiosity. i don't really take part in them, i don't chat in them and i don't read every single message. but i still get a good feeling what these conversations are mostly about. fictional characters experiencing bad shit, or maybe fictional characters doing bad shit. or maybe, god forbid, someone engaging with a kink of their's in what is clearly labeled as a kink space.

i have been in this server from quite early on. i have seen a lot of stuff that has happened there. not once have i witnessed inappropriate behavior between two people. not once have i picked up on any behavior indicative of manipulation or grooming or SA.

the people in this server are mostly just... friends. people hanging out in a space that allows them to talk about topics that might upset some in a way that spares those who would be upset from seeing it. a space that allows you to see and read exactly what you want and nothing more. a space that is really really fucking well moderated. i am not kidding we are strict about putting warnings on stuff, about posting in the correct channels.

and finally the minor issue. that is the issue of minors. i mentioned earlier that our vetting system is intentionally noninvasive. we do not ask for any personal identification. we do not ask for any proof that you are well meaning (how would that even work?), and most importantly we do not ask for people's ages.

this is for two reasons.

a) DO NOT GIVE STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET THAT KIND OF INFORMATION JESUS CHRIST!! DO NOT ASK PEOPLE THAT KIND OF INFORMATION! STOP NORMALIZING MINORS OPENLY ADVERTISING THEMSELVES AS MINORS, THAT IS LITERALLY INTERNET SAFETY 101 OH MY GOD!!!

and with that out of the way, b) we could never enforce this anyways. you want us to ask for driver's licenses? fucking passports? people lie. children lie, teens lie, we know this. ask literally anyone who's ever tried to keep an online space free from people under any age. instagram is 13+, and do you know how many people i know who lied about their age to get access to that? too fucking many to count.

telling us to keep our space free of minors is a wasted effort. it's annoying but it's true.

all we can do is be explicit about what kind of content people could face and trust them to act accordingly to their own comfort levels.

and, to be quite honest, while i personally (and many other members) have expressed discomfort with the idea of sharing certain, more sexual parts of this server with minors, the truth is that it's not actually the end of the world if one stumbles across those parts, whether on purpose, by accident, or by stupid mistake. it might be uncomfortable and it might cause issues, but that's life.

life sometimes is uncomfortable, and there might sometimes be issues. again, to try and erase all those potential issues or discomforts from life is pointless. it will never work that way no matter how bad we want it.

ultimately i strongly believe that if a minor were to find themself in conversations about darker or more taboo topics, the people that frequent this server would never even think to bring them harm. i cannot reiterate enough that each and every single one of us is strongly against any kind of sexual violence outside of the fictional realm; in real life.

and that's where we are. in real life. which if you'll remember is actually different from playing pretend. no actual harm has been done to anyone. every single person who was confronted with these topics has volunteered for it. every single person who has read what was said in these channels gave their explicit consent.

that is, until our member list was leaked and the content we worked hard to keep safely separated and tagged was posted against our will on the internet and forced upon an absurd amount of strangers who never agreed to get involved.

we never once put anyone in harm's way, unlike you did.

and since it seems so important to you, we never once did anything illegal. unlike you did.

-----

i apologize that this got so long, but there was a lot to set straight. if you got to the end, thank you for indulging me.

again, do not seek out the person who leaked our info, and do not seek out the list itself. we sadly cannot unleak it but it would mean a lot if you didn't pass it around any more than people already have, even if you don't agree with me.

i would also like to say that while i did converse with some of the other members and am fairly confident that most of them would agree with me, all of this is my own opinion, do not make the mistake of extrapolating it to the server at large.

and if you saw the initial callout post and agreed with it, i don't blame you. the internet is a scary place and seeing these events framed in such a way is certainly frightening. but keep in mind that as long as you don't see hard proof, please do not "call out" anybody. and for god's sake do not post private information on tumblr! there could be real harm done here and i don't think anyone actually wants that.

thank you again for reading this, i hope it can settle some things.

love, monty

[sc0moftheanimatiomindustry]

Kyle Carrozza is a prime example of the present day issue of people being too distracted by fictional media and drawings to notice abusers amongst them. Kyle directed ire towards one of his victims' art, Got others to lash out for him, and positioned himself as the victim in it all

naturally the core issue here is abusive workplaces and abusive industry networks. However, it wasn't retained to JUST the industry. Kyle gladly encouraged the public shaming and harassment of said victim, which went on for at least 4 years to RUIN their name and credibility

This online environment allowed Kyle Carrozza to completely decimate his victim's credibility and name. They didn't want them to be able to ever have another job again, every randos go to response was: "Isn't _ a pedophile?" because of art they made.

And that's not even counting the fact that Kyle and others literally made social media accounts with his victim's FULL NAME going “[full name] is a pedophile", reposting their supposed 'pedophilic' 'criminal' artwork for the world to see, and using the victim's favorite type of bird as account icons to mock them

That's not "setting a boundary" like his friends (mainly Jane Amber and Tony Goldmark) liked and like to imply, that was targeted defamation, abuse, and harassment with intent to harm.

Kyle weaponized the current media discourse in film, art and fandom circles which is: "What you draw is what you want in real life, and what you draw can reveal criminal intent" and ran with it. His target was people who warned about his predatory behavior, he couldn't have that

Behind the scenes he'd like tweets from other figures actively harassing and defaming his target, keeping his hands clean of it all while others went out as attack dogs on his behalf. All the while he possessed 600+ instances of CSAM and had a YEARS long history of grooming

Allowing the focus to center on media contents alone gives potential future victims a false sense of security that’s allowing actual groomers free reign. It prioritizes taking a Good vs Evil approach instead of paying attention to what predatory BEHAVIOR actually entails in real life

Instead of people evaluating what each individual person is doing (how they treat them and how they treat others behind closed doors) people take the approach of 'Oh you're on the Good side! You're Safe!' Instead prioritizing room to attack people innocent of any actual crimes

You can't tell who is safe based on what media they consume or put out, just like being a bible thumper doesn't indicate one's morality. You need to pay attention to their actions and TEACH people red flags and warning signs they can apply to ANY person/situation for safety