#tw kermit

[descimatedpiggydreams]

well I don't FUCKING FORGIVE YOU, asswipe. go apologise to my beuatful owner and then mabye we can talk.

I'm sorry, women.

[kbsd]

bucky egan // "free" by florence + the machine

the feeling comes so fast and i cannot control it i'm on fire, but i'm trying not to show it

[muppet-slit]

Mother and Kermit as the Pietà

I hope to make a painting of this one day.

[wispurring-moss]

brain said this one had to be written in hieroglyphs so idk if the jokes are even gonna land— 😆😂

but don't worry, Angel; when there's only so many braincells to go around then it's inevitable that you'll have some absolute smoothbrain moments like this one, it's okay, we all have them— x'3c

[descimatedpiggydreams]

the way I talk about my wife would obliterate the bechdel test, ballsack.

i must remind myself of my mission lest i fall prey to the spells of kermit the frog once again.

kermit and miss piggy need to be abandoned by all, left to reflect on their poor life choices and then to rot together for all eternity. only then will the world be saved.

[caemidraws]

---

[i-am-trans-gwender]

But did Karl Marx put into account Kermit causing 9/11?

[l3irdl3rain]

Just the Two of Them (they can make it if they tryyyy!)

Hope you are doing okay. I'm so, so sorry about Merrill. Also please kiss Arthur's goofy head for me

top 10 silliest looking creatures of all time. Numbers 6 and 7 will shock you!!!

I am doing okay. I’m in a little bit of a slump but the weather has finally improved after a week of rain and some snow. This was unfortunate timing though bc I now have a whole week off work at the clinic and I prefer to keep myself busy while I’m grieving, otherwise I just sit around and mope and that’s no good for my mental health. When I got home after the euthanasia yesterday a Kermit the frog shirt I’d ordered had been delivered. That was cool.

[croaker-conspiracies]

Day 6: angst/comfort

[the-muppet-joker]

I believe the ghostly properties of my semen have given life to the immortal soul of the plushie I once made love to (before his passing) and he is haunting me with the devil in his heart. Catholic mutuals, have any of you experienced something similar? Do you have any prayers/Bible verses you would recommend for spiritual protection?

[incorrect-muppet-quotes]

Kermit: I love the kind of woman who can kick my ass.

[blondebrainpowered]

[isukdik6969]

⚠️ ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️

This post contains bad graphic scenes and inappropriate language. Viewer discretion is advised.

NSFW

Kermit, the stripper.

By: isukdik6969

Once upon a time, there was a stripper named Kermit. He loved his job and never wanted anything more. And one long day of pole dancing for rich millionaires and getting gang banged by a gang in a back alley, he did his daily checking for STI'S at the doctor's office, he finished up then gave the doctor some head. He took the bus ride home but there was no seats on the bus and he couldnt stand up on the bus with his stripper heels, so thankfully a nice horny man let Kermit sit on his lap, and all through the bus ride they had sex without anyone noticing. At this point Kermit's ass was hurting and dripping with cum and sex lube, but when Kermit got home from his job at the strip club, he grabbed a metal fork and began to eat some Kraft dinner he made in the morning. Suddenly, he heard a little voice in his head say, "Stick the fork in the outlet." Kermit had always trusted the little voice in his head, so he started to do as the voice said without knowing the consequences of it.

Kermit was about to stick the fork in the outlet when *RINGGGG* His phone rang. Kermit picks up his phone and answers "What do you want whore"Kermit says angrily. Ms. Piggy replies with "I did nothing wrong, but I wanna get back together." Kermit screams at Ms Piggy, "SLEEPING WITH UNCLE DEADLY IS NOTHING WRONG???!!! "Kermit hangs up and continues sticking the fork in the outlet saying "that lying, cheating, littl-"He gets cut off by a large zap noise. A few minutes later, Ms Piggy heads to his apartment to try and seduce him so he will get back to her. Ms. Piggy knocks a few times on the door and gets no response, so she gets her new bf -Uncle Deadly- to break down the door. She finally gets inside, and it's like a ghost town. She walks further in and checks every room.

Finally, she gets to the kitchen and steps on something cold she looks down and sees Kermit's lifeless corpse on the floor. Ms. Piggy gets angry because his stripper heels tracked so much dirt from the outside that it was ruining her brand new high heels. Then she heard something, her new boyfriend saying "Can we leave this place im hungry" She says to her new bf "No worries about food, babe, were having frog legs for dinner", So after Ms Piggy and Uncle Deadly had a threesome with Kermit's fried corpse. They feasted on Kermit, and thanks to him being electrocuted, they didn't need any preparation for him. They finished eating what they could of Kermit and sold the rest of him for 5,000,000$ on eBay

Then Uncle Deadly told Ms Piggy somthing that left her shocked he said " I'm sorry Ms Piggy but I wasn't in love with you, I was in love with Kermit, I was using you to get closer to him. But now he is gone, so I shall be gone too. " Ms Piggy started crying and trying to stop Uncle deadly, but she was too late. He had already cut his dick and balls off and was bleeding out. ~One hour later~ Ms. Piggy was out on the streets trying to find a new boyfriend. After a while, she got really tired and went back to Kermits' large stripper apartment. She had been so sad that she said "Fuck this shit, imma start dating women" So Ms Piggy had started sissoring Camilla aggressively. They lived together for a few months and then Kermit and Uncle Deadly (who were now together as a gay couple) haunted them and eventually killed them. And nobody lived happily ever after, but they did all die gay, so I guess that counts.

The End 🫶🫶🫶

I honestly only wrote this for comedy, and if yall want, I will write real smut, just ask. Hope you enjoyed the torture and there may be misspells.

[tropicalfreckles]

Oh yeah I have a tiktok btw.

(I'm really sorry about the flash lights at the end, it's part of a few clipstudio auto actions I use that show up as flashing lights when I record for some reason. </3)

[black-salt-cage]

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚