#tw idfk anymore. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iamamon123 · 1 year ago

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Warning, suicide wish, hallucinations, etc

Everything here is serious, I might sometimes joke around, but not anymore, I'm serious.

I have little shits in my vision ever since the last time I saw that bastard

They won't let me sleep from fucking paranoia and my autocannibalism issues are coming back

I've been trying so hard to just get off of many obsessions, but I just can't. I'm so tired, so fucking tired, I just want to end myself and bring an end to everything. My temper is getting out of hand, and I'm starting to lash out at people, even people I love.

I just hate it

Why do I have to be so sensitive all the time

I feel like I can't even move without putting on my binder because it's the only thing that makes me feel safe. I'm so scared of reaching out to people because every time I did before, they always brushed it off.

I don't want to sound "emo" or like an edgelord but it truly just feels like no one understands me.

I'm so tired of living, but I can't bring myself to actually end it because I always end up somehow wussing out. Why can no one take me seriously other then my own fucking brain.

I even named the voice of my brain Brian because I was so tired of just feeling so alone. Now I don't want to be with anyone, I hate being with people because they fucking annoy me and make me emotional. I feel like I'm unpredictable to myself because I don't know how to describe myself all because I react differently to so many things I can't even remember and it's confusing me.

I want to hug someone so bad that I'm even playing with my own hair and pretending that I'm laying in someone's lap, but I don't want to be with people. At this point, I don't even care if what I hug is a corpse, I already hug plushies, so there's no difference in dead bodies Instead.

They're both unmoving and not annoying, corpses just don't last long, and decay. They make more mess once their organs start failing, which happens like 12 hours after the death, and how am I even supposed to get corpses??

Honestly, I think maybe just a mute SO would be better, no sound and less annoying. I can also make them play with my hair, and they last longer.

I can't even bring myself to eat anymore. My stomach hurts so much. I just want to rip it out, I'm tired of having organs. They don't make me feel full. They keep me alive. I don't like that.

I'm just so tired of everything. My parents don't believe in psychiatrists, so every day I'm just asking myself what the heck is the problem with me because I have so many symptoms to so many things I've read about and i feel like I'm fucked up and i want to fix that but it doesn't let me, I just want to cry.

#tw sui ideation #tw eating issues #tw autocannibalism #tw depression #tw ideation #tw idfk anymore.

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pronounrespector · 1 month ago

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Im sad enough to request shadoune cradling sapnap's frozen body and wailing like that scene from lord of the rings with eomer finding eowyn

anon you kinda cooked with this ngl

Ive never watched lord of the rings before so I had to look for a reference picture but holy shit anon

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nihilean · 5 months ago

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i'm sorry, i love you, i'm sorry

tw/ self harm wounds

i wish i could make it easier, i'm sorry, i love you, i'm sorry

#gabriel ultrakill #ultrakill #tw self harm #tw blood #tw self harm scars #tw self destructive behavior #mfw i watch something about the queer community and christians and im a trans guy #idfk anymore #this is supposed to be about trans suffering specifcally btw

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thelunarsystemwrites · 1 month ago

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yo? U been gone for awhile, u good?

I wanna kill myself, how's that for a answer?

#Tw suicidal thoughts #idfk anymore

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cavity-collector · 4 months ago

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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me #i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum #my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation #depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man #theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please #i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good #but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great #i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to #actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die #i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless #i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something #probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so #ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left #ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this #an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways #no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil #because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good #idk what im saying anymore #someone shoot me #please im not kidding #just make it stop #tw vent #tw sui #delete later

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moonfall666 · 14 days ago

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you experience one (1) bug infestation in your early teens and it gives you lifetime fear and paranoia 🙄

#anxiety #ocd #tw bug mention #idfk #im gonna commit violence #let me out of this house i dont want to live here anymore help

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asksebplush · 24 days ago

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I cant wait for snow so i can bury you in it

Make seb plush popsicle

No. Organ Popsicle. I'm taking your organs instead and putting them in ice. Snack for later. Rejoice! 😹

#sebplushasks #sdv ask blog #//idfk anymore #//sorry for the late replies btw #tw disturbing

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hawaii-official · 2 months ago

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I’m actually going to throw up what the fuck is wrong with me

#tw vomit #tw throwing up #tw vent #ig #idfk anymore

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ace-of-clubs-and-diamonds · 8 months ago

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Duality of man (artist)

#doodling silly candy colored ponies to balance out the horror n gore n metal i usually draw #also is tumblr still weird about nips? idfk anymore #ace's scribbles #wip #tw gore #the pony one is just a fun exercise but the one of my sona is something i'll actually post once finished

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dalesramblingsblog · 3 months ago

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I really don't like being so damn spiteful and miserable at the moment but it hurts to have one of my few moments of respite from the grinding hell of being chronically ill turn into a constant battle of "Oh boy I wonder when the next spot of misogyny will crop up."

I don't know man, maybe I've just become too mean. It could just be that I'm a miserable old shit who deserves to rot away in chronically ill squalor and drown in his own filth, but who bloody knows anymore.

#tw vent #is it even about longest day anymore #idfk man #but the prospect of waking up and having to read this tripe is getting to me #i'm a spiteful useless old fuck who's never contributed anything to society beyond a stupid fucking blog #what the fuck am i doing with my life where i'm having to spend it like this #fucking abominable book series #fucking abominable tv series #fucking abominable everything #i'm fed up

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madgoat212 · 7 months ago

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why did this make me start crying

yoinked from this pintrest post

#i have very little experience with religion i can remember anymore but this shit obliterates me emotionally #religious trauma and relationships are a theme i fucking love in fiction but it hits so home for what. why does this always flay me alive #having trouble typing rn bc im crying and my hands are shaky help #this is so fucking specific why the wave of grief for a strangers heartbreak #girl help #tw religion #tw religious themes #tw religious trauma #i dont fucking know what to tag this as !!#broke my heart so im sharing with yall idfk anymore #this might forever be in my drafts idk rn

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applejongho · 1 year ago

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thinking about dropping a class 🤪🤡

#apple lady words #crying tw #im on the highest floor of the library ugly sobbing until my jacket and i dont have tissues so the snot and shit is all over and my face is #red and im so fucking miserable #this class is the one taught my doctors and it has not gotten better since the start of the sem #fast forward to week nine and here we are almost midterm time and i know like. fucking nothing. and neither does anyone else #like this class is the reason why ive been so fucking miserable all semester if i just didnt take it I'd be so much happier probably #idfk anymore lmao #i meant to say im on the highest *and quietest* floor of the library so I'm doing everything i can to not be loud and to shut up #🤪🤡🤡🤡🤡#i have like two more weeks to decide if i should drop or not and afterwards I'm stuck and i cant drop #🥴🥴🥴#lmao. anyways #tw negativity

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ablednt · 2 years ago

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NPD BPD combo will make you feel like a starving wild circus animal every time you remember other people exist

#ok to rb #vent tw #it's like. we have a member who has NPD proper as cohost now #so our BPD and NPD symptoms have been combined into one worse thing #and it's baby's first Real Narc Crash and Ive been having RSD inflicted panic attacks every day #and I'm getting really fucking exhausted so the point where Im thinking stuff like 'I wish I could kms rn but that'd be too shitty and I #know this shit has to get better eventually because it has before so Im just #trying to relax #and in this case it's not like I have imo a compelling reason like my friends are all paying a proportionate amount of attention to me #to the energy for friends they have to give like I'm not being NEGLECTED #but I am so attention starved it's actually insane #and if it were just that itd be fine but I'm pmsing and Ive been losing sleep #from a mix of medical issues and exotraumatic nightmares #so I'm just. I'm absolutely Fucking Miserable #and its nobodies fault so instead of getting pissed off at someone Im just pissed off at everyone and no one at the same time #I just want to feel special again but its like. even if I DID feel comfortable asking for more attention #1. It wouldn't feel genuine and nothing my friends could easily do would stop it from not feeling genuine #2. I've been cluster B long enough to know that this stuff has to sort itself out naturally #asking for vallidation can be good at the right times but when I'm wanting to rely on it most thats when I need to find something else #but genuinely IDFK anymore man like I'm too tired to do shit I feel like all of my energy this month has been #STOPPING myself from doing stuff so when I try and think about what I actually Want To Do I feel so obstructed and exhausted I feel like #there's nothing fulfilling rn bc my stupid ass brain is like why find joy in anything if everyone hates you and you don't matter #(<- literally no one in my life has even implied this but. that's just how mental illness goes sometimes)#I just need to hang on until this narc crash is over and my friend groups aren't in the middle of like #2 million different things we're all struggling with stopping us from hanging out very much #I do think this happens every winter though #Ironically I love the winter weather and the rain and cold and gray (idk if I have SAD but if I do it's for the summer)#but I never enjoy the season like I want to because it's the most busy time of year so everyone is stressed out and doesn't have much time #to vibe like I want to so I end up just feeling pretty miserable until the slow time of year when people can relax more #It's usually like

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badtimenightmarefaces · 2 years ago

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i’m having a mental illness slushy meeting in my brain

i don’t they’re supposed to collide like that

#i have things to say but the processing ability of a toothpick #idfk anymore #tw vent

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voxmilia · 2 months ago

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HOLY SHIT, I'M LIKE 98% SURE I FOUND THE FUCKING BOOK

#suicide tw #i'm not gonna buy it obviously bc it frankly doesn't look too interesting anymore #and clearly the most memorable part was the unrelated girl killing herself in the opener #but i'm 98% sure it's g.irl p.arts by j.ohn m c.uisack (not the actor)#it's so unmemorable that the only thing that rang a bell was the android girl's name #APPARENTLY IT'S TWO GUYS WHICH. I FULLY FORGOT ABOUT. I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE DUDE AND HIS ROBO GF #there's Popular Boy and Loner Boy and Popular Boy's parents by him a robo girlfriend bc he's got dissociative tendencies????#but like. they can't fuck ig???? and he's bummed???? so she starts opening up to his loner friend???? idfk #i'm guessing the suicide in the prologue was to like. idk set the tone of ??? current teen struggles of the last 10 or so years????#but like goddamn dude when the thing that sticks with me about your YA novel is the prologue #where a teenage girl blends an entire bottle of tylenol into a coke slushie #and sips on it while watching her favorite movies until she passes away in her sleep #like. clearly you peaked at the very start idgaf about these boys i care about this barely named npc girl #it was exactly the Wrong book for me to read as a teenager with severe suicidal ideation let me tell you #ANYWAY shout out to r.ose the robo girlfriend ig #christina.txt

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kittycatsfordays · 4 months ago

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