#tw brainfog

[marshmallowprotection]

hi! this one might be a little heavy but could I get some comfort from ge saeran? so i have some brain fog as a long-term side effect of medical treatment i went through when I was younger. i have some degree of memory issues (my short term memory kinda stinks and a lot of my memories are really foggy) and a bit of processing issues sometimes (not helpful when coupled with adhd :/) and I feel like I'm not quite as sharp as I used to be. most of the time I don't think about it too much but sometimes it's really really frustrating, especially if I keep forgetting things or if I'm having trouble in college.

I imagine saeran probably has some similar side effects from taking the elixir for so long so I feel like he'd understand, even if the situations are different

GE Saeran knows the distress of losing time. It happened all the time when he was in that place. There are a lot of memories he can't even recall to this day. He isn't sure if he will be able to recover from what happened to him.

Some of those memories weren't the best and other ones might have been but he'll never know. That makes it difficult for him to deal with things day to day. Not because he knows that he'll never remember what he lost, but because he knows that those issues are still with him today.

Sometimes he gets worked up and it makes things incredibly hard for him.

He'll forget where his keys are, he'll forget where he set his wallet, he'll forget what he was supposed to be doing that day, or what have you. It's not hard to put the pieces back together because he does have a system to help with his memory, but it doesn't change the fact that it can be very distressing to go through that.

There is no way to put that feeling into words. A lot of people just don't understand what it feels like to lose control of your mind when you're overwhelmed. It's not something you can control. Your brain does it and no matter how much you fight it, you still have to navigate through it.

If you know what that feels like, then it's easy to understand what somebody else must be going through even If your circumstances don't align completely.

When it comes to you, his ultimate goal is to make sure that you feel comfortable in your own skin. You did that for him so why wouldn't he want to do that for you in return? Why would he leave you to have a hard time with your thoughts when you wouldn't let him do that to himself? It would be hypocritical and put into question everything you've ever done for him.

He wants to reciprocate your care. This is a partnership! It's not one-sided!

There are things he does he can share with you to make things feel easier. He's been doing a lot of thinking and practicing when it comes to his mental health. In the past, he coped in ways that weren't that great for him. But, now he's looking for things that won't hurt more in the long run. Like taking a nap when he feels afraid late at night, or going into the garden to shut off his fears with the sounds of gentle wind.

When he's confused, if he lets it consume him, he knows he won't be able to do anything. He writes things down so he doesn't forget the tasks that need to be done. He repeats mantras to himself to help his memories in his lowest moments. He looks to you for confirmation if he's afraid of his perception of time. You help each other that way. He can do the same for you.

On the flip side of that, maybe there's something you do that could be helpful to him. After all, two heads are better than one when you need to find an out-of-the-box thought. This is something where you can balance each other out. If you forget something, he can make a note of it so it helps you later on, or vice versa. 

But, honestly, what you're looking for might be somebody who is there for you in the most frustrating moments. When you are so frustrated because it feels like you're forgetting everything you know, you need somebody in your corner who can sit with you and remind you that it's not the end of the world and this is something that you can work through.

It doesn't control you, nor does it define your abilities, it's a part of you and it can be worked with as long as you take a deep breath and let it be. The more you struggle and strain, the harder it becomes for your brain. So, relax. Breathe. Let Saeran hold you when you need it and take care of yourself so that he can remind you how much he is in love with you! How much he wants to make sure that you feel the safest you can with him.

Saeran's advice is to "slow down, breathe, and let your head settle until you can remember again. You aren't going to lose memories or time forever. You need to be patient. Let's wait until you feel like you can remember what you needed, my love."

[ihave-toomanyfandoms]

So uh what if Etho and Bdubs' actually manage to be final two?

***

Etho was fraying at the edges. It was evident in the constant jittering of his hands, the churning of his stomach at the mere mention of food. There were days were he woke up so hyper aware of his surroundings that he wanted to pull himself apart, every sound echoing tenfold in his head, the cacophony drowning out every thought. It was suffocating, paralyzing and he could do nothing but to stay rooted to his spot on the edge of the bed, desperately trying to keep himself from unraveling completely. Bdubs usually kept his distance on these days and Etho was grateful for it. The thought of him hovering around him, or even worse, touching him in this state made his skin crawl.

There were other days, where he woke up but didn't feel like he did, a thick blanket of fog between him and the world. Etho had regarded these as his good days, even though he sometimes startled back into his body in strange places with no memory of how he'd gotten there. It was dangerous, of course, to be so disconnected from himself, from reality. Once he had found himself standing on Bdubs' side of the bed at night, hands hovering inches away from his throat. He had stopped thinking of these days as his good days after that and lived in silent, agonising fear that one day he would wake up to his hands around Bdubs' throat or a bloody knife in his hands.

It was on one of these days where he had snapped back to the sound of his own name ringing in his ears and a hand gripping the back of his jacket, choking him as he leaned precariously over the edge of a ravine. He had a moment to marvel at the swooping feeling of vertigo in his stomach before he was yanked back, nearly tumbling to the floor. Bdubs' hand was steady against his back.

"Woah there, watch your step." He said and pulled his hand away again. Etho turned around to face him.

"Bdubs." He rasped, his throat itching like he hadn't spoken in days. Judging by the way Bdubs' eyes lit up at the sound he probably hadn't.

"There you are." He whispered with a smile and reached up to cup Etho's face with his hands. "Thought I'd lost you there for a second."

It wasn't clear wether he was talking about the ravine or the static that was still threatening to suffocate him again.

"I'm still here." He muttered and let himself be pulled down into his arms.

That night, they spend two tense hours lying in silence, Etho feeling less like a human and more like a loose collection of strings, trying it's hardest not to shake apart, until Bdubs' finally gets up with a sigh and pulls him outside.

It's a moonless night, the star seemingly twice as bright in its absence and Etho is unsure if lying out here on the grass is better, his mind threatening to untether itself to float up into the endless sky above them. He clings to Bdubs' hand like a lifeline, the weight of the body next to him the only thing still grounding him in this world, in his own body.

"Etho." Bdubs' says into the quiet and Etho rolls onto his side to look at him. There's a quiet, exhausted smile on the other's lips as he carefully reaches out to smooth his hand over Etho's forehead. He nearly winces at the contact, his skin burning where Bdubs' fingers slide over it. He still leans into the contact.

"I'm sorry." Etho forces out around the lump in his throat. Red static dances at the edges of his vision. "I don't think I can hold on any longer."

"It's okay." Bdubs whispers and leans forward to press a burning kiss to his temple. Etho let's go of his hand in favour of cupping Bdubs' face. He stares at him, searching for a hint of resentment, of anger, of anything that would make this any easier but there is nothing but understanding and forgiveness there. Etho has never loved him more than in this moment and he hates himself for it

"Thank you for trying anyway." Bdubs says and splays his fingers against Etho's cheek, wiping away the tears in the corner of his eyes. "I know it was hard for you."

"I'm sorry." Etho repeats, because it's the only thing he can say right now, the only thing he has left to say.

"It's alright." Bdubs says as he grabs Etho's wrist and pulls them down, forcing Etho's hands to curl around his throat. Red floods his vision as his fingers dig into the tissue, nails breaking the sensitive skin.

"I told you I wanted you to win anyways."

Etho squeezes.

[futurewife]

Ven please, I'm begging you to go to therapy. Your posts hurt me so much cause I recognize myself and people I've loved in them and I always wanna say smth to make you feel better but I know from experience that that only helps for a little while or doesn't help at all or can even make things worse. But you don't have to suffer like this forever!! You can get better and there is help!! And as a fellow pmdd sufferer you can get help with that too. Idk how you feel about medication but going on birth control continuously so you never have periods or using antidepressants or mood stabilizers just for the two nightmare weeks after ovulation can help so much. Please please please I worry about you and I know you can have a good life if you get help! you're beautiful and creative and you have everything you need you just have to figure out how to access it and use it and I know you can do it. I know your F/Os would want you to and I know your future real life S/Os who are waiting for you would want you to too. You deserve to be happy instead of feeling like a ghost all the time.

Thank you anon I appreciate the concern, feel a little bit embarrassed about oversharing now but you know what...sometimes you just have to say it out loud somewhere. As you would know the nature of the disorder means there's often not much that can be done in terms of talking myself out of the way it feels cause biology is so (detrimentally) overpowering and intensifies other mental health issues and generally all pre-existing negative feelings about ones' existence. The ghost analogy is apt and I've often used this to describe how I relate to life and connecting with others. now idk if I can overcome myself and thrive but maybe I could switch some things up and see if it makes it suck a little less

I was on ssris constantly for years previously (edit: and therapy on and off) before I stopped taking them but your ask has me considering intermittent dosing even if I dislike the side effects just to see what happens. I thought I could just grit my teeth and bare it (put myself to sleep between being wracked by ugly crying as I cannot stand being conscious in my own mind) every month in lieu of meds but maybe I can't rawdog slog through dark funhouse mirror evil pmdd reality on my own/shouldn't feel that I have to in order to not "lose"

I was very touched by your reaching out and compassionately disagreeing with me (lol) and it means a lot from another person with pmdd. It helps to think someone out there sees the value in me as I am right now, and that someone else is also fighting their own good fight. When you said I have everything I need I just have to figure out how to access it and use it and you know I can do it you sound just like my grandma. (<3)

[skincareroutine]

i have to go get chipotle today cus i started a calorie deficit like 3 weeks ago. n i put the wrong numbers to track the calories im meant to be eating everyday so ive been eating WAY lower than what im supposed to be. so i double checked the numbers today w a bmr calc n im supposed to be eating like basically an additional meal everyday. which i havent been doing um lost my period body went into starvation mode brainfog etc. uhhhh fucking idiot calorie deficit on my part. so im gonna get chipotle n re think what the meaning of this whole thing was

[aeriona]

UNRECOGNISABLE IN MY ABERRATION.

[waveofmutilation-uksurfmix]

guys sorry if I’m weird I’m possibly? In a depressive episode rn

[queer-crusader]

What in the FUCK is even happening anymore with my body

[queencvbra]

genuinely considering that I might have a mild concussion

[phocids]

got too tired and now I can't sleep

[everswift]

forgot to take pregabalin for the first time ever last night and ngl it's been a LONG time since i've felt so awful

[rubiesintherough]

.

[junkartie]

A week of forcing myself to recover from a 8 year ed by eating nothing but calorie rich healthy shit has changed me as a person. Apparently i was not evil and couldnt feel 8/10 human emotions i was just hungry. What the fuck

[waveofmutilation-uksurfmix]

dear “jason”

poem I wrote, tw for toxic relationships and codependency, and mentions of suicide, self harm, and EDs

i remember being twelve, and learning how to save someone from drowning, and the teacher made sure to hammer it home that you need to make sure you’re safe first before you rescue them.

i remember the first time I said I loved you, i think I was about fourteen.

i remember our stupid little inside jokes, how they could just make us lose our minds laughing

i remember all our little phrases, almost cryptophasic in nature

i remember staying up until midnight, pleading with you not to end your life. i remember how i said i loved you, and somehow it took you off the brink.

i remember how certain songs felt when we were fighting

I remember you refusing to get help from anyone else besides me, because you were too scared and too cowardly to talk to anyone else besides your almost equally unstable friend

i remember how those three words of love felt like poison on my tongue

i remember when I first realised our friendship was becoming a prison

i remember the next time I spent the night trying to talk you off the brink, and the next, and the next.

i remember our promise. It was forged in an argument, and it’s not like you even followed the promise you made, but it was the only thing stopping me from cutting.

i remember googling resources for your eating disorder that you never even took advice from

i remember being fourteen and looking up suicide lines in your country, because I didn’t know how to help you.

i remember the feeling of drowning to keep you afloat.

i remember needing to leave for months, but being too scared of what you’d do to yourself

i remember our last day together.

i remember the confused brainfogged haze I was in when I made the decision to stop drowning myself to keep you afloat

i remember you begging me to take you back.

i remember you making a tumblr account for the purpose of threatening to end your life if I didn’t become your friend again.

i remember how I’d told you so many times I was dealing with autistic burnout, and that we were codependent, and that I wasn’t happy anymore.

i remember how the days after I left you dragged on, as if your memory was a ball and chain around my ankle

i remember hoping that one day we’d meet again

i remember all the friends I talked to during this time, and I’m grateful for all of you.

i remember how deleting my twitter felt like severing our last tie, burning the bridge I had made for you.

build yourself another dream, I’m not your home anymore, I thought I loved you but it’s just how you looked in the light, looking for heaven I found the devil in me, goodbye.

[pupscomfortcorner]

ADHD Brainfog Moodboard

a little cursed / unpleasant

🖤|💙|🖤||💭|💭|💭||🖤|💙|🖤

[enbies-and-felonies]

okay if u see me on here break into my house and smack the back of my head in a situation reminiscent of gibbs smacking tony in ncis and tell me to do my school

[brovum]

This post is outdated, thank you for your help

<3