#turns out the psychiatrist thinks i don't need medication

[ishouldsleepbut]

so we came home with no antidepressants but we got a shit ton of supplements and tears :)

[spacelazarwolf]

"Note: If you're sensitive, or prone to nightmares, it might be best for you to skip the next section.

Ernest Armstead, emergency medical specialist:

I think of her as the living dead. I talked to the living dead. And I lied to the living dead. I told her to hang on, that help was coming. But I pronounced her dead in my mind. And she knew that. I put a black tag with a small white cross around her neck. And as best she could, she gave me hell for it. The psychiatrists and those from the post-trauma team say it is good for me to talk about her and the rest of that day. They say it is the only way I will come to terms with what happened and finally free my mind of her. So here I am talking to you.

This lady was among a half-dozen people I saw who probably fell a thousand feet or so when American Airlines Flight 11 crashed into the World Trade Center. I am not sure how she got on the plaza. Maybe she was on her way to Los Angeles and was ejected from the jet by the force of the collision. Or maybe she was an office worker in the tower sitting near one of the windows and she was swept away when the building caved around her. Or maybe she was trapped and jumped to escape the flames, though I don't think so. I happened upon her even before most of those people were seen jumping.

She was an elegant lady. About my age, early fifties. I could see that even with all that she had been through. I could tell that she had her hair done up very nicely. Brunette. She had on tasteful earrings. She was wearing pretty makeup. And in my profession you notice clothes because so often you have to cut them into pieces to save lives. That was the first thing that came to mind: This lady is well dressed....

Triage is the first thing that should be done at a disaster like this. It basically means dividing the injured into four categories so that backup medical teams can move quickly in and give treatment to those who need it most urgently. The categories are indicated by colored tags that are hung around the injured person's neck. Green is the least serious. Yellow more so. Red indicates critical injuries. And black means the person is dead or close to it. When you're engaged in triage, you have one thing in the back of your mind all of the time, My backup is coming. My backup is coming. That's the reason you can tag people who obviously need help and not stop and give it to them right then. You know you need to get everyone tagged, and you know that someone with a medical bag is coming right behind you.

That certainly is what I was thinking when I met the lady in the plaza, the big open space between the two towers that had a fountain ad a round sculpture in the middle. I had finished tagging everyone from the stairwells, when I turned to face the plaza. I had not noticed the people there on my way upstairs because I was in such a hurry and there was such a crowd of firefighters blocking my view out the window. But now I saw something that was so horrific that I am glad I missed it the first time around. When the plane hit, an incredible amount of debris from the collision rained down on the plaza. Most of it was chunks of airplane and building that had little meaning to me. But amid the destruction, there were a half dozen or so people, I ran toward them, my triage tags in hand. There was a man having a seizure and his eyes were rolling into the back of his head. He had struck the pavement so hard that there was virtually nothing else left of him. There were a couple others that I never got to, but I could see from a short distance that they were dead. And then there was the lady with the nice hairdo and earrings.

When I got to her, I ripped out a black tag. What impressed me -- and scared me -- was that she was alert and was watching what I was doing. I put the tag around her neck and she looked at me and said, "I am not dead. Call my daughter. I am not dead." I was so startled that for a split second I was speechless. "Ma'am," I said, "don't worry about it. We will be right back to you." That was a lie. She couldn't see what I could see. Somehow, I guess it was an air draft or something, her fall had been cushioned enough so that she didn't splatter like the others. Still her body was so twisted and torn apart that I could only ask myself, Why is this lady still alive and talking to me? How can this be? Her right lung, shoulder and head were intact, but from the diaphragm down she was unrecognizable. Yet she was lucid enough that she continued to argue with me. "I am not dead," she insisted again. I am convinced she had some medical training because she knew I had given her the black mark of death. And she resented it. "Don't worry about what I put around your neck," I told her. "My coworkers are coming right now. They're going to take care of you."

I knew I had to keep going, but she had so deeply shaken me that I lingered for a second or two. Then I stepped over her to get to the others. I put a black tag on the man having the seizure. But another wave of casualties arrived in the lobby from upstairs, so I needed to return. As I headed back, I stepped over the lady one more time. And as eerie and unsettling as our first encounter had been, the second was even worse. She started yelling at me.

"I am not dead! I am not dead!"

"They're coming, they're coming," I replied without stopping.

"I am not dead! I am not dead!"

I went back to the lobby, putting her out of my mind for now. There was so much that needed to be done. I began tagging the hundreds of people coming out of the building....

I can honestly say that I didn't fear death, though I walked for hours in a wretched place I can only describe with a biblical reference -- "the valley of the shadow of death." I felt death, I heard it, I saw it and I smelled it. And with that lady in the plaza, I even talked to it."

(x)

[macgyvermedical]

My Experience in Inpatient Psych

So I know a lot of people on here have talked about their experience in inpatient psych facilities, but I'd like to add mine just to give all you writers out there a writer-focused one. It's below the cut just in case you have to sit this one out for your own reasons.

To give you some background, I am 30 years old and have had hallucinations since about 16 and bizarre intrusive thoughts (someone living in my house that wasn't supposed to be there, somebody poisoned my walls, etc...) for about a decade, as well as very severe anxiety since I was about 3 years old. This is something not a lot of people know about me, even people I am friends with IRL.

The only thing I am actually diagnosed with is anxiety, which I'm starting to think is a failing of the psych systems I have been a part of. I have had counseling off and on and prior to this hospitalization I took escitalopram, aripiprazole, and gabapentin prescribed by my primary care doctor- all for the severe anxiety.

Quite frankly, I should have been in inpatient psych at least a few times before this, and it's by sheer dumb luck that I've survived to continue this blog.

On Friday, I was at home alone and made a few pretty bad decisions. I wont say what they were because frankly they're embarrassing, but they have to do with self-harm. I was scheduled to work Saturday and at about 9pm I realized that if I drove myself to work I would crash my car. Since my wife drives me sometimes, I figured I would just ask her to.

I told my wife and she asked- even if she drove me to work, since I was a nurse, would I be able to keep myself safe around insulin or other potentially dangerous drugs? I couldn't answer that question. We talked for a couple hours and came to the conclusion that I probably needed to go to the emergency department.

At this point I figured they would evaluate me and release me because I couldn't possibly meet the criteria for inpatient. I was wrong in this assumption. After telling them the decisions I had made that day, the feelings of wanting to die in a car crash, plus about a previous attempt, they recommended inpatient. Turns out, when you're a nurse, you can make some really bad life choices with the knowledge you have, and they didn't want to take any chances.

I was given paper scrubs to wear (so I couldn't hurt myself with my clothing or a hospital gown). I was also given a patient companion (someone who sits in the room and makes sure you don't hurt yourself).

They gave me the option of signing myself in voluntarily, or putting me on a writ of detention. A writ of detention is a piece of paperwork that allows a medical professional or law enforcement officer to hold someone for 3 days in a psychiatric facility against the person's will for the purposes of psychiatric treatment. Whether you sign the voluntary or get placed on a writ, you cannot sign yourself out. You need to wait until the psychiatrist taking care of you thinks you're ready to go.

I didn't believe at this point I needed to go inpatient, but I took the voluntary option because there are some perks, like being able to leave within 3 days if appropriate. At this point I was convinced I was probably going to have to call off work Saturday and Sunday, probably be out of the hospital Monday, have a few days to rest and be back at work on my next scheduled shift after that, which was Thursday.

Well, that's not what happened.

Because of some of the decisions I had made, along with bed availability, they wanted to keep me in the observation unit overnight before they sent me to psych. I stayed overnight in a unit that shares staff with the unit I work on, so I was taken care of by my coworkers. This was surprisingly not that bad. I like my coworkers and they were really professional about it.

Saturday I felt like I was in a fog all day. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't color or write. I worked out some in my hospital room and paced the halls once or twice. Mostly I hung out with my wife and occasionally talked with my companion, but even talking was difficult. I had refused ativan because I felt like I had no hope of finding a medication that made me feel better, and I figured I didn't want to take the one medication that might actually work and then not be able to get it ever again.

Around 7PM I took a 45 minute ambulance ride to the facility. Getting my blood pressure taken is a big anxiety trigger for me, but my brain felt so scrambled that I couldn't express this well. They took it every 10 minutes on the ride there and by the time I got there it was in the 170s/100s (BP goes up when you're having severe anxiety). This was not their fault of course, but no matter how much I thought about telling them or refusing the BPs, I just couldn't do it.

When I got to the facility I was greeted by a tech who took my BP again (150s/90s this time), showed me around and looked through my personal belongings (basically just the clothing I came in with since my wife took my phone and wallet knowing I wouldn't be able to have them on the unit) to make sure I didn't have anything I wasn't allowed to on the unit. She showed me around my room and was really thorough with telling me how things worked, what the rules were, etc..

The rules included:

No patients allowed in other patients rooms

No personal belongings that had strings, belts, or laces, or that could be used as a weapon

No caffeine after lunch and no free access to caffeine

No personal electronics (including eReaders and watches). There was a TV in the day room and 2 phones mounted to the wall for patient use

A little later my nurse came into my room and asked me a ton of questions. Here's the thing about any hospital- you get asked the same questions over and over. By the time I'd gotten there I could give my story in under a minute. Or at least, that's what it felt like. There were only 2 clocks on the unit, at the nurses stations.

The unit itself was laid out in a "T" shape. There was a main nurse's station at the place where the two hallways intersected. At the end of the long hallway there was another smaller nurses station, a cafeteria/day room, and a "comfort room" which was a small room off the day room that had a collection of the oldest and worst donated books that have every come together on a bookshelf.

I did some pacing that night and then went to bed, but didn't sleep particularly well.

On Sunday morning the tech woke me up to take my blood pressure, which was, not unsurprisingly, still high. It was about 5 AM so I got up and paced the longer of the corridors for about an hour. Breakfast was served at 8 and the food wasn't that bad. The coffee was about the worst I'd ever drank, which I suppose helped with the no caffeine goals.

Just after breakfast I met with a psychiatrist on an iPad for about half a minute, and I'm not exaggerating there. The only questions he asked were whether I was suicidal and whether I would be fine with tripling my dose of aripiprazole in light of the hallucinations. I had had a 50-lb weight gain in the last year so I asked to switch my med. He switched the med to cariprazine. That was all.

I had a much longer meeting with my nurse later. All the nurses did an excellent job of assessing me, asked tons of questions, and it seemed like they really tried to figure out what was going on. That day I also met with a social worker, and a therapist, and a nurse practitioner. Each of them did an assessment to see what my needs were while I was there.

There was also a music therapy session where I cried my eyes out to Because of You by Kelly Clarkson.

I was really tired by the end of the day but I also didn't think I could sleep so I asked for trazodone. I should clarify that when I say "I" in this piece I really mean my wife convinced me to ask because I legitimately didn't believe I needed or deserved any of the things I asked for at this point. To my utter shock and surprise, they gave me the trazodone.

My first night on trazodone was amazing and I realized I hadn't slept well in a long time. With trazodone I fell asleep and stayed asleep until the blood pressure cart came rolling down the hallway at 5am. The second I got up on Monday morning I was wide awake.

I paced a lot Monday. I went to a goals session in the morning where I gave a goal to write 3/4 of a page. I didn't know if I could do it or what I was even going to write about, but I know I like to write and it might be a reasonable introduction to getting back to life.

I also was having kind of a rough day brain-wise. My brain was coming up with all the ways I could hurt myself in my room. There weren't a lot of them, but it was trying. I told the nurse during her assessment and she asked if I felt I could keep myself safe. I asked her what she would do if I said no. She said they could move me to a more secure part of the unit and give me more supervision. I knew what part of the unit she was talking about, and I didn't want to go there (no space to pace, and pacing was keeping me alive right then). So I told her I could keep myself safe (if anything, the idea of moving was good motivation to do stay safe in itself). I hallucinated some black and white blood cells falling from the ceiling and music coming out of my vents.

I also had another meeting with the social worker to figure out discharge plans. I voiced in the meeting that I wasn't sure that I could trust my wife, since it felt like at the time she was the one who exaggerated my symptoms to get me in here. The social worker said we had really good communication skills, since this was something I felt needed to be said in front of both of them and we both stayed really calm through the whole thing.

I finished the day with an art therapy session that really helped me turn a corner. The prompt was to draw the emotion(s) you felt right now on one side of the paper, and to draw the emotions you wished you could feel on the other side. For the first time I realized that my emotional state was actually really bad and that the suicidality hadn't come out of nowhere, and that I needed help.

When my wife came to visit later that night I was able to tell her about my breakthrough, even though I still felt a little bit like she had done something to get me in here and I still wasn't sure I needed to be inpatient.

Tuesday was a lot better. I felt like I had woken up out of some kind of fog and I had no idea how long I'd been in it. I went to goals group, a spiritual group, and group occupational therapy. My goal was to be more social and I made a friend and we paced together and worked out. I read a quarter of The Martian by Andy Weir (my wife brought it for me because the best thing on the bookshelf was Louis L'Amour). I wrote about how good I suddenly felt. Turns out, I thought, a few days of good sleep, lots of therapy, and a new medication or two will really change things.

A quick side note about The Martian. I highly recommend it to anyone who is chilling in a psych hospital but has the ability to read while they're there (I sure didn't the first few days). I don't really know why, but the first few times I read it, I felt like they had created this superhuman character in Mark Watney just so they could throw a ton of wild things at him for the story. This time reading it, as a suddenly not suicidal person, I realized anyone with Mark's skill would have done the same thing and not just died on Sol 7 to get it over with.

Wednesday I woke up not feeling nearly as good as Tuesday, but still like the fog had lifted. I was a little disappointed (I hallucinated my cat (thanks for coming to visit me, Corina), some spiders, and just felt kinda meh. But I remembered how good I felt the day before, and that really kept me hopeful about going home.

I saw the psychiatrist again and asked to go home. He joked a little about me staying till Christmas, but ultimately he said as soon as his note was in I could go. I ended up leaving at about 12:30 with my wife.

In the time since leaving I have required a lot of support from my wife. The medications are all locked up, so are the blades and anything I could use to hurt myself. My wife has me in eyeshot at all times. I can't drive due to intrusive thoughts, so she does all the driving now. I quit my job because I feel like it was a big part of why I ended up as bad as I was. As someone who has been a pretty independent person this is a big change of pace, but something that is really necessary to my healing.

Ultimately at the end of my hospital stay, I was prescribed escitalopram, gabapentin, trazodone, cariprazine, and then a few days later propranolol. I'm currently on a total of 5 psych meds and honestly I don't care one bit because its so much better than being not on them at this point in my life.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mother not to do certain things?

Let me start off by saying i'm homeschooled. I've been homeschooled my entire life. I don't have any friends offline, so I've pretty much come here to ask for outside opinions from my friend groups (online).

Prefer not to state ages, if that's okay. It makes me uncomfortable.

I have ocd, suspected autism, and either auditory processing disorder or misophonia (we're not sure which.) as well as a plethora of other issues. my mother is very aware that i have ocd (she has it herself) and i've mentioned misophonia to her several times. she doesn't know about my other mental issues, as for reasons you're probably going to see here, as i don't feel comfortable or safe telling her. (or, i've tried, and she doesn't listen, or tells me i'm "being dramatic.")

my ocd is quite crippling, to the point i've tried medication, herbal tea (chamomile seems to work a bit!), asking friends for advice, and even asking her for advice. as of the last year, it's had a grip on my life and has been quite a problem for me. i'm unable to do things i want or need to a lot, and especially struggle doing most things, even basic tasks. i'm unable to see a therapist/counsellor or psychologist/psychiatrist for personal/financial reasons.

a lot of my triggers (well, not exactly triggers for the ocd, but they stop me from doing things.) revolve around sound, especially people talking. whistling is a major trigger for my misophonia/apd, as are other high pitched noises.

my mother has a tendency to watch tv a lot, and i often ask her to not do this when i'm trying to do certain things, as it makes my ocd a bit worse, and it's often rather loud. (please note i wear headphones a lot of the time for sensory issues.)

however, when i ask her either to turn it down, pause it temporarily, or ask her to turn it off for a bit, she has a tendency to get mad/upset. to the point of throwing a bit of a fit over it, in a way that to me seems a bit attention seeking (in the bad way). she says things like "fine, whatever." and flaps her arms about dramatically or slaps her legs, or she says "i don't even wanna watch it now, it's ruined."

i'll go ahead and say she's a bit self-centered in a lot of ways. for years she has said i've "targeted" her and "treated her terribly" even though any time i was (to her) doing these things, i was usually defending myself or telling her to do something that she needed to do that had been requested for days/weeks/months/sometimes years. i also have a tendency to ask her what she's doing, either out of genuine curiosity, or because she has done something strange to me that i didn't understand. which she gets mad over.

she also gets mad if i ask if she's coming over here (i have a tendency to walk/pace in certain areas to music, it helps with stress/adhd/also helps me write/act things out. she is very aware of this and this isn't really a problem.) or ask how long she will be over here. she seems to think me asking this is telling her she can't come over, or desperately trying to get her to move. admittedly sometimes i DO want her to move, but 90% of the time i am just asking so i know if i need to move to a different area to walk or just stop temporarily.

sometimes when i am having a particular peak in my ocd/anxiety/whatever else, i ask her not to talk for a moment/few minutes, either so i can do something i need to, or because i'm afraid it will make it worse. she'll either get mad about this, or go on a tangent about "not catering to me" and saying things "the real world doesn't work like this, and nobody cares that you have ocd/issues." she has a tendency to take my issues as a personal attack on her, when in reality i would ask anyone to stop for a moment.

she has a tendency to belittle me in a sense for it. i've tried to explain some of it to her (without revealing details of my trauma she doesn't know about, as most of my ocd is linked to severe ptsd.) and she says it "doesn't make any sense" and i "need to stop" and i "need to just make myself stop." she has ocd, and knows compulsions are not always rational, and yet still says these things.

part of my desire not to go to a therapist is because of her. she claims they will either try to put me away take me to another home/put me in foster care, or drug me up on medication that will make me dull. (the other part is more personal, and unrelated to her, but to my aforementioned trauma.)

one of the things i especially ask her not to do is whistle, or make a few other certain noises (eating loud, using nail files around me, etc) because they are especially triggering to me. she'll either blatantly refuse and say i "don't get to tell her what to do" or i don't "control her" (please note i am just asking, but when i DO specifically tell her to stop, it is because she either already knows this sound is triggering to me, or i've already asked, and i'm losing my patience.) or she'll do it louder/more just to trigger me further (my father also does this. sometimes as a joke which in some ways is worse.) or she'll go on the "not catering + nobody cares" tangent again.

i know my ocd and other issues can be a bit interrupting, but i don't ask huge things of her or anyone else. all i ask is for them to not make certain sounds around me, temporarily ask them to not do something/stop doing something, or ask them to do it a bit quieter for me. please note she has the ability to watch tv/videos on other devices with headphones easily, she just chooses not to. and worse of all, they treat it like it's not interrupting to me, when it affects my everyday life in ways far worse than asking/telling them not to do something.

it makes me feel unwanted and unappreciated, and i'll admit, i've contemplated....not existing, if you will, many times over this issue and others.

i just don't really know if i'm asking too much, or if they're just being shitty. i want outside opinions on this.

so, AITA?

(id put a tl;dr in here, but i don't really know what to put. feel free to do it for me. also, i know this was kinda long, but i needed to put some extra things in, sorry if thats like an inconvenience or anything!)

(adding my sideblog here so i can get notifs, @ocdaitathrowaway)

What are these acronyms?

[candywife333]

One of the guys

pairing: OT7? alphas X chubby wingwoman HYBE counselor Y/N (omega in hiding)

NEW MINISERIES (almost resembles a series of just drabbles)

Summary: She's the man. No literally. She totally is. At least in the perception of everyone at HYBE. She hangs out with the guys like a pro , strategizes with them to get them any girl of their choice, gets rid of their one night stands with ease, convinces their FWBs to leave them alone, provides constructive criticism about their sexual techniques, and even counsels them when they are having mental breakdowns. In essence, she makes MEN out of boys. Is that her job description? Not exactly. But she does it anyway. Because Y/N just happens to be one of the guys.

Warning: cursing, crude language, eventual smut

PART 2

"Y/N!!!! Y/N?!!!! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR. I NEED YOU!! I AM GOING TO BLOODY DIE OTHERWISE!! PLEASE GIRL, OPEN THE DOOR AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY FIRST BORN CHILD". y/n scoffed as she heard the ruckus outside of her door, first born child? What was she the antichrist, or a demon? The closest to that she ever got was using cow placenta face masks on a Sunday and babysitting her niece.

She opened the door in bewilderment adjusting her thick specs, goddamnit, the constant disguise got on her nerves some days. She stared up blankly at a perspiring, anxious looking Namjoon who was frothing at the mouth. "Sure Namjoon, come in and while you are it, why don't you tell me why you want to sacrifice a squealing, diaper pooping little human being to me? Maybe we can work that into a schedule".

He sat on the comfy couch on her office, as she blew out her lavender aromatherapy candle, turning off her zen bamboo lights. He blurted without preamble in a nervous frenzy, " I am not able to take my penis out of my foreskin ".

Y/N was the only one he would ever come to with such a concern, because she wouldn't laugh in his face and judge him. Y/N tapped her floral pen on her stationary sheet and wooden pad. Her tapping brought his attention to nails painstakingly painted pale pink color with a pink diamond ring surrounded by a halo of smaller diamonds on her left hand that twinkled in the dim light. That was new. He never had noticed those on her before.

She calmingly inquired, "Are you on any medication Namjoon? Any antidepressants or heart medication, or did you ingest any herb recently"? Namjoon stuttered, somewhat soothed by her expressionless, blank face, "No. Not that I know of". She continued asking him, "Were you getting your morning erections and any nocturnal ones prior to this? And also, do you have diabetes or atherosclerosis"? As he answered negatively to all these questions, Y/N sighed. Then she quietly asked, "Do your regularly clean down there, with soap and warm water"?

Namjoon froze. "Ex--x-xcuse me"? Y/N sighed again, she rephrased , "To your own knowledge, do you clean up every time you have a shower down there by retracting back your foreksin from your penis and washing it with at least some warm water". He remained silent til he gasped out ," Yes ....I think I do ". Y/N put down her clipboard , keeping her hands on her thighs, looking directly in his eyes.

"You have a few options Namjoon. Either you can go to the clinic a few blocks away, and get it checked out by the urologist, who I can notify regarding your complaints. And he will get it figured out. Or, I will have to examine the situation since I am a licensed psychiatrist (a doctor nevertheless)".

Namjoon sat there in confusion, Y/N was a licensed psychiatrist, an actual doctor? Since when? So, her counseling idols was the usual for her? Then it all made sense. So that is why nobody had to actually go outside of HYBE to get basic medication/psychiatric medication prescriptions. That is why the prescriptions would always be written in her loopy cursive handwriting.

Then he realized he had to answer her. He decided to let her examine, as embarrassing and humiliating as it was. He didn't have time with the upcoming showcase the day after tomorrow to run to an urologist. "Please examine me y/N".

She nodded in assent and told him to get on the examination table which had been lined with a long white sheet. She turned on a circular examination light told him, "Take your pants and underwear off, and lie down flat on your back. I will examine you, so let me know if I am hurting you. I will stop or be more careful if that is the case".

She turned around , her back briefly facing him so that she could get sanitize her hands before placing gloves on. Namjoon noticed a protruding mass wrapping around her long baggy shirt. Did she by chance, have a big ass? It was a little silly to think that way, but they had never seen her in anything else. And her specs occluded her face, so they couldn't tell what she looked like without them.

Y/N took off her tinted glasses, and low and behold, Namjoon was starstruck as he saw her beautiful face. She had the biggest eyes and a classic round face, with beautiful lips the color of carnations. He was so distracted at her gorgeousness, he didn't realize she was trying to retract his penis from his foreskin. He erupted loudly, "OWWWWW. PLEASE STOP". She held his member more gently as she sighed, stating in a placid manner, " You have to clean down here a little more frequently Namjoon. After sexual intercourse, when in the shower regularly, and especially after a workout. This is called smegma, this white stuff. And it is basically dead skin cells that don't get cleaned off and build up as gunk. Let me get some saline solution and a pair of artery forceps and I will try slowly retracting it".

Namjoon blushed in embarrassment. Y/N took some saline solution on a gauze pad and gently started working it around his penis , making him slightly wince due to the sensitivity. Y/N internally sighed. Thankfully she didn't need to use artery forceps to pull it down. After dislodging the smegma, she was able to pull his skin off of the penis. It took some more time than usual, because there was a good amount of buildup and the man had a big D. Surprise, Surprise.

After fixing the situation, Y/N motioned for him to dress up once again. Namjoon, looking less stressed, but still flushed from the somewhat humiliating experience thanked Y/N, " I am so sorry to waste your time Y/N". Y/N waved away his concern, "That's what I am here for man. Just make sure to regularly clean that area with warm water okay"? Sheepishly smiling in agreement, Namjoon, taking a seat gingerly at the edge of the sofa.

Nodding reassuringly at him, Y/N concluded, "If that will be all, then I will talk to you later. Please let me know if you have any concerns later on, and I can help you out".

Namjoon walked out breathing a sigh of relief, that his problem was easily resolved even though he was mortified that she had to see something so intimate. He shouldn't be so inquisitive, but how was it that her face was so pretty but she covered it in thick framed glasses? And the rest of her appearance was drab and uninspiring expect for her pink accented nails and earrings. Surprisingly ,he had even gotten the faintest most alluring whiff of strawberries and cream that he couldn't place. Not her usual scent. Something alphas like him catalogued frequently, scent patterns. He had a feeling she was hiding a whole personality this entire time right under their noses.

If she was hiding her appearance and her scent, what else could she be hiding?

[gl1tchr]

Do you think if Edward (2022) had at least one friend in his life he would’ve turned out better

I talk about mental health, self-admitting into mental health facilities, and general heavy financial-struggles-relating-to-mental-health-struggles things ahead so if those topics are upsetting, I'd avoid!!!

I know I say this a lot but this is a Tough question. I'm leaning towards no, he needed more than a sympathetic ear and supportive friend to fix the issues he was struggling with. He needed RESOURCES. Ofc we must be hesitant when diagnosing fictional characters with Specific disorders that we aren't 100% sure they have, but it's safe to say he struggles with mental health severely and needed Frequent psychiatric care in the state we see him in the Movie. BARE MINIMUM I think if all that was different was Edward had the ability to self-admit into a GOOD AND ETHICAL mental health facility when he was having his especially severe episodes without repercussions for missing work, he would've been better off. These things are about piles, and how many things get added onto the piles. Don't have time to see a psychiatrist, and even if he did, too expensive. Even if he could see the psychiatrist, medication is also expensive, and it's WORSE to start medication, actually start to feel better, and then have to "skip" doses when you're low on money because then you're just causing your body more chemical turmoil. He would NEVER self-admit in Gotham. I don't even think if he left Gotham, he would immediately feel safe self-admitting into ANY medical facility. I don't think he sees Doctors. This is someone who isn't just sad and needs a buddy, he needs a LOT of assistance.

Would Edward have needed these resources forever? I don't think so, I think much of what he was struggling with could have and still can be processed in a healthy manner that leads to him living a less distressing life. For the sake of the question, I'm imagining we're talking about like, Issue One of Riddler: Year One to give him the best chance in his adult life, and I just don't know if a friend or even group of friends would have been able to help him unless they also provided financial assistance, which I'm just not entirely sure he'd take because he'd see it as like - some Cosmically Insulting Levels of Pity that his friends, who would likely be poorer Gothamites as well, would feel the need to fund his medical care.

[donniesexceptionalmind]

A recipe guide for "when food just doesn't appeal to you, but you know you have to eat because your body needs energy to stay alive, YET your brain is too stupid to understand that & of course you also haven't hydrated enough"-™️

The most convenient food shakes are full of added sugar & fats to make them rich in calories, which isn't very healthy at all. Sure, fats are important, yet they must be the right ones. For them to be satiating, proteins do a much better job than fats & they play important roles in our body.

And, like my psychiatrist & doctor said: Fresubin is a free pass for cleaning your bowels aka it's bad. (I laughed when they told me, like, what??? Hearing this from a professional??)

(Add.: They use Fresubin here as liquid food in medical care & YES, I was actively forced to drink it when I was in treatment for my anorexia & it was highly TRAUMATIC for me & I thought I could NEVER drink any food shakes again)

Nowadays, I sometimes buy a shake from a brand & it's hazelnut flavored & sweetened with dattes & uses protein from peas. It has also added vitamins & minerals, which is why I buy it, since I usually have deficits (get your blood once or twice a year checked by your doctor!)

Also, edit seconds before I posted this: I got so many ideas while writing & it turned out longer than I intended, so enjoy ✨️

✨️ My main recipe: ✨️

4 tb of oats

2 cups of (plant-) milk OR for extra protein 1 cup liquid, 1/2 pound of yoghurt (I also tried water, but it's not as satiating, obviously) (I assume protein powder would also help, but I don't use it)

200g of berries (any, feel free to experiment. My personal favourite are raspberries)

1 tsp of honey or whatever source of sweetness you prefer (dattes, maple syrup...)

1 tsp of grated coconut

What to do: Because I use frozen berries, I heat up the milk. Then I put everything together & blend for a few seconds. Finito~

Drink with a straw, straws do wonders ;]

Variations of this:

You don't have to add the coconut; you can also add peanut butter, blended nuts, seeds... for me, this is usually a source of fats, not flavour

Don't like berries? Use a different fruit with the same weight

Swap berries with a banana & use 2 tsp of cacao for a chocolate-y shake

I think blueberry & vanilla would work great together, haven't tried that yet

Cacao & cinnamon for a cristmas-y feel, maybe you can swap the fruits & crunch 3 or 4 cookies...? I'd raise the amount of oats to 5 tb (I want to try this now)

1 big Apple, caramel & cinnamon seems like a good combination as well

I do want to try out blending tofu instead of oats & see how that tastes (actually, I'll try that out next)

I've read you can replace oats with chickpeas (which are high in protein) & you CAN make chickpeas taste like cookiedough...

If you don't like oats, you can try amaranth, buckwheat, ... whatever appeals to you as long as you add a complex carbohydrate source

And if you are a coffee junkie like me, here's my fav coffee: (can be blended but also just shaken, depends on what you put in, DON'T FORGET THE LID)

1 cup of cold coffee OR 2 cups of espresso

1/2 cup of coconut cuisine OR other cuisine, it must have a creamy texture, creamier than milk

1/2 cup of (plant-) milk

1-2 tps of flavour: cacao, vanilla, honey, caramel... (Please keep in mind what you mix in if you used coconut cuisine because that adds flavour already, e.g., caramel & coconut are not good together)

I believe you can also add fruit to this for creaminess & flavour, I haven't tried that yet - half a banana seems like a nice idea

My next experiment: ADDING PEANUT BUTTER TO IT, I love it & I need a creamy coffee with it

The coffee thing is not a meal replacement, it's a "snack" kind of thing. A treat. I recommend eating your favourite cookie with it. Or two. Or three. Or- 😎

Vegetables are also important, Donnie!! I imagine Mikey say- BUT for consuming vegetables I always make myself a soup from scratch & that's working out very fine. It usually only takes 10 to 20 minutes (depends on the lentils I put in) & it's always nice.

~ 2 cups brooth of your choice (depends how watery you like it - more lentils & noodles, more water or you get what I call sludge - you either love it or not)

~ two hands of soup veggies (I use a frozen mix which is cubic-sized chopped, it needs to be QUICK, OKAY)

~ 2-3 oz of uncooked lentils (I use red lentils 95% of time since they only need ~10 minutes to be ready, but you can also use canned lentils & you don't have to cook them, especially if you want to use beans because uncooked beans need to sit in water for at least a few hours/ overnight is the safest way AND be cooked for ~1 hour)

~ a hand of noodles, like ramen, udon, glass, soba, instant noodles... (as you can see, I prefer asian noodles)

Preferred herbs/spices: garlic (fresh or powder), onion (fresh or powder) pepper, chili, cumin, caraway (whole seeds), nutmeg, cilantro & salt (just don't use too much, usually the brooth as enough in it; I rarely add salt)

Bonus: 1 tps of miso paste or soy sauce (if I do this, I cook ramen)

Add whatever you want if you're omnivorous: egg, meat, tofu, funghi, algae ... basically make yourself ramen

Bonus: eat it with a toast, slice of bread... It's not necessary, yet sometimes my brain needs a crunchy texture to be "happy"

✨️Friendly Reminder✨️:

You are not bad for struggling with eating regularly.

Edit: You probably noticed I always think about how to add the three macronutrients: complex carbohydrates, protein & fats - THIS IS BASIC NUTRITION KNOWLEDGE 😌💅🏻

[zoroshark]

Hey! This is Zoro coming with an update about my health as quite a few things have happened the past couple of months. As some may know, I've been dealing with chronic pain and illness since February of last year as mentioned in this post here.

A quick summary of it was that I have been dealing with constant bladder and stomach problems suddenly that were disrupting day to day life as they were painful and constant. Despite the multiple hospital visits, nothing was really done and at the time I could only wait to see certain specialists (which required a lot of money to see). Recently however, I finally got an answer to what was causing me pain in one part of my stomach! The culprit was my gallbladder and it has been removed!

The rest of the post will be caught off so for those who want to read in more detail, but one issue has been solved (at least i hope so)!

I also want to note here and thank everyone who's been supportive of me during this rough patch in my life. I also want to thank those who sent money for the GoFundMe! However, due to a few circumstances which will also be explained in the read more section, I will be refunding it all to those who donated.

TLDR version of my reason is that I was advise to do so for the eligibility medical/financial benefits I've been looking into. The refunds should be sent in about a week, so keep and eye out!

TW for Medical related subjects such as surgery.

For what was causing me pain in my stomach, or at least one of the reasons:

Turns out I had gallstones that somehow CT scans and ultrasounds didn't pick up last year, despite the pain and discomfort I was in from them. It got to the point where the pain was so unbearable, I was crying for about 2-3 hours before going to the ER. They found one stone had thicken walls through the ultrasounds and my gallbladder was infected from these stones.

Because of the findings, I underwent surgery to completely remove it during my stay in the hospital. I am now close to two weeks post-op and so far it has relieved most, if not all, of the constant pain I've been in my upper right. While I still have issues elsewhere in my body, it feels nice to have one issue solved. I just hope I don't need another trip to the ER anytime soon.

As for the detailed explanation for refunding the GoFundMe donations:

A few months back I after the go found me, I was accepted in a financial assistance program that made doctor's visits way cheaper. From close to hundreds of dollars to 3 dollars, that was way more an affordable price range for me. Despite that, i kept the donations on hold just in cause anything changed or something wasn't covered by the program until now.

Along with that, I've been applying for disability as I am considered disabled by my psychiatrist due to my mental health. After talking to a few folks who knew about the system, they mentioned that the money from the fundraiser could harm the process in gaining these benefits. Their recommended course of action was to refund the money as a precaution, so I'm following their advice. After the refunds have gone through, I will be closing the fundraiser.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Again, I want to give a massive thank you everyone in general who have supported me through all this. Its been difficult, especially since I had to accommodate to the pain and changes in my body. There has been MANY ups and for sure downs, but I'm still holding on!

Thank you for reading on this update, and expect to see me slowly become active again on here! I'm still in my Zonai phase so expect more content revolving around that, along with possible Zora content. Original works not involving fandoms will also (hopefully) be posted too!

Im also thinking of opening commissions in the future! I'll need to ask about that first due to what I mentioned above, but as far as I'm aware, I should be okay to do so (but don't quote me on it). So keep an eye out!

[bookishbrigitta]

Worried about the USA elections? Take care; Be prepared.

Like many of us, you might be worried about the outcome of the USA presidential election. Consider these ways to manage your worries and protect your well-being.

Important tips

You don't have to watch the coverage. Results will be the same regardless. If it makes you more anxious, turn it off.

Find things to do (see below)

Be in a space that is physically comfortable/comforting

Remember to eat and drink! Whatever appeals and doesn't upset your stomach is fine.

If you use medication to support your mental health, make sure you take your maintenance meds and don't be afraid to take your "rescue" meds if you need to. (This is advice given to me by my psychiatrist, who I must say for legal reasons isn't your psychiatrist, but still.)

The national mental health crisis hotline is 988.

The American Psychological Association has a list of various crisis numbers including ones for violence, abuse, and substance use.

The outcome of an election is not the outcome of the rest of your life. There are always more options and always ways we can make things better.

Activities and distractions

Fidget toys

Cooking/baking

Cleaning/household tasks (laundry, etc.)

Paint your nails

Stretch

Go for a walk

Work out

Have a personal dance or karaoke party

Take a shower or bath

Do your hair ~fancy~

Jewelry making

Games -- Cards, board games, tabletops

Puzzles

Journal (picture, collage, found objects all count, too)

Coloring

Build something (like Lego)

Sketching/doodling

Painting

Knitting/crochet

Embroidery

Felting

Low-stakes phone games

Crosswords/Wordle

Sudoku

Origami

Read or listen to a book

Listen to podcasts

Watch a show or movie that won't be interrupted by newscasts

Managing acute emotional dysregulation and distress

Do "square" breathing (breathe in 4 seconds, hold 4 sec, out 4 sec, hold 4 sec, repeat)

Do progressive muscle relaxation

Do a guided meditation

Use your 5 senses to focus on something small

"Shake out" your body

Say a mantra, poem, phrase, prayer, etc.

Change your body temperature: Use a heat pad to relax tense muscles or an ice pack to get your attention quickly and reduce inflammation

Smell something distinct or comforting

Eat something with a sharp flavor, like mint or something spicy

Think of imagery that makes you relaxed, like a calming beach

Scream into a pillow

Plan something you will do in the future

Drink water

Use a fidget toy

Hug a plush toy or pillow

Massage tense muscles

[thepolysworldau]

Maybe a psychiatrist or anyone who specifies in brain stuff? I don't think Matt being a vampire will make his brain work too differently from a humans. It's worth a shot?

Unfortunately the medical system as a whole is hard to get through when you are anything but human. Matt still has a primary, but he hasn't seen them since turning.

So while we can try to shoot for that, Matt probably couldn't see anyone until getting a check-up. And since it sounds like someone is sort of..hunting us down...we don't really want to add a target to our backs.

You guys are worrying too much anyways, it isn't anything out of hand! I am just a little forgetful at times.

I don't know, Matt. It has gotten a bit..concerning? Maybe we should try to do something about it?

I mean, yeah. Quincy is normally good for advice on this stuff, maybe he knows what we can do about it?

I assure you we do not need to talk to ANYONE! Now then, can we get on with our day?

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

It doesn't seem to get discussed very often, but what's it like to have comorbid ASD and NPD?

hard

No but seriously it's like playing Squid Games when you don't know the rules (and everyone else does). How do I suppose to get my social validation without understanding what people expect from me??

Also it makes treatment very hard because line between maladaptive NPD pattern and adaptive ASD strategy is very blurry. For example, one therapist told me that I need to stop thinking so much about how other see me. Because that's narcissistic and constant performing prevents me form forming genuine connections. Okay Gretchen, but have you ever experienced consequences of smooching your classmate on the lips in front of everyone because being 7 you were convinced that kissing is just expression of love and you loved your best friend? And you had no idea that people have different boundaries and it's socially unacceptable for girls to kiss girls, even platonically? Cause I did and that's why I know I can't just "stop thinking" what is acceptable, and what is not. Not only for my own benefit of being liked but also to not make others uncomfortable.

It's also a constant internal struggle to identify if something I do/feel is just me being autistic (normal, I can't help it) or me being narcissistic (bad, evil, should be treated). Or maybe it's all narcissistic, I just use autism as an excuse because narcissism is undesirable pathology so ofc as a narcissist I would like to distance myself from it? Seriously stigma around narcissism fucked me up. Additionally it severly influences the way NPD is treated by medical professionals. One German psychiatrist I know told me that his hospital avoids giving poeple NPD diagnosis because "it's like telling someone that they are certified shitty person". My friend I met during the group therapy was constantly criticized for forgetting about stuff and being "insensitive to others needs" and therapists blamed it on his narcissism, that "makes him so self absorbed he's incapable of paying attention to the outside world". It turned out the guy just has ADHD. It's seriously such a struggle to explain people that suppose to help you that you are not that bad, you are not careless, you seriously want to be a well adjusted person but there are some things you cannot easily change.

Also it fascinates me how little research exists about connection between NPD and neurodivesity (I have some theories why's that but I don't have enough evidence to make any serious claims). It's an anecdotal evidence but out of 11 people with diagnosed NPD I know, 7 of them have ASD or ADHD. And to me it makes so much sense because one of major factors influencing development of NPD is feeling of inadequacy. Yeah, constantly failing at social interactions and basic chores while everyone seems to be doing just fine and you have no idea what you could do better makes you feel pretty fuckin inadequate. Of course there are other things required to form PD but that's a great start.

[bil-daddy]

Mr bildad the shuhite, I need some advice. What do I do when that familiar overwhelming sadness washes over me? Ive been feeling horribly depressed lately, even though I have no real reason to be. I do talk to my friends abt this, but I dont want to talk abt my mental state ONLY and drive them away, so I refrain from talking abt it too much even tho it feels like it will drown me, because I am too afraid of seeming clingy.

Its been getting worse lately, and all I can do is distract myself from it. Ive been excessively sleeping just to not.. feel. I dont know what to do, nor do I know how to not feel this way

I made myself a nice breakfast, and it felt good. And then the feeling came back, like a drip drip drip from the leaking faucet of my mental health I cant control. I am scared. I am so scared

Sorry if this ask wasnt what u were expecting, or if u cant help me either, thats completely fine. I just needed to share somehow how scared I am. Of myself, what I feel I dont know

I dont know. I just dont know

Best wishes,

Anon❤️

*shows up one month late carrying six shots of espresso in a big cup to answer this ask*

It's taken me a while to respond to this because 1) I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself and 2) I haven't figured out a solution yet.

I do have some ideas, though.

You were on the right track, making yourself a nice breakfast. Little things like that make a bigger difference than you think. In fact, I think we should all try to live in the little moments as much as we can. Sometimes, when you're feeling depressed but can't point at a reason in your own life, it's because you're reacting to large scale problems that, while very real, are out of your control--and you know this, and so you feel depressed and scared because there's nothing you can do.

But there is something you can do.

Do at least one thing nice for yourself everyday as part, even if it's something really small. Especially something really small. Listen to your favourite song. Eat a piece of chocolate, just because. Play with a pet, if you have one.

And, if you're up to it, do at least one nice thing for someone else, too. Help your parents with the chores. Call a grandparent and brighten their day. Send a kind message to a friend.

Because you should keep on talking to your friends. The right friends will be honoured you've opened up to them. Listen to your friends, too. They might be going through things to, and being a comfort to them might in turn make you feel better, as well. Being part of a community, even if it's just a small group of friends--or even a group of two--can really help. Having you a sense of purpose, belonging, and importance is part of what makes people people.

Sleeping a lot isn't necessarily bad. Ive done that myself (for totally normal amounts of time, definitly not entire century or anything) Sometimes, your body and your mind just needs the rest. But if you feel like you're sleeping too much, then you probably need something exciting to be awake for.

It might be time to try out a new hobby, start a new TV show or book, take a class, or set a new goal that you can work towards a little bit every day. The mind craves new experiences and challenges. If everything's been the same for a while, depression can set in simply due to boredom.

However, there could just as easily be other causes, which are worth looking into with a therapist and a psychiatrist, if you want to try the medical route--and it is worth a try with persistent depression.

It sounds to me like you also have some anxiety about having depression, since it scares you (and rightfully so, it is scary) that you can feel it coming on and that you can't control it. For that, in addition to what I've already mentioned above, I'd suggest thinking about it differently. Instead of leaking faucet you're desperately trying to shut off, let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling*

(*safely and within reason--don't harm yourself or others)

Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it out.

Sometimes, the sadness we fear feeling ends up not being as bad as the fear of it. You might feel relieved, once you're no longer bottling everything up and sleeping/distracting yourself to avoid feeling sad. As cliche as a it is, the only way out is through.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey. You can do it.

[rabbitindisguise]

Was talking to my psychiatrist and she was like "um yeah I am not surprised you are only getting 6 or less hours of sleep when you're not on a single true sleep medication" and I was like huh?? But apparently my sleep medications are very unconventional. My providers in the last city I was living in did things so weird I'm still untangling it.

The funniest part is that I was weirded out at first but was like "okay so this is normal too I guess" but turns out. Not normal

I do feel better and less like my insomnia is my fault though. Sometimes I feel like doctors just give you medications someone said really helped that one time and avoid any medications people have bad experiences with rather than like, investigating and communicating. I will definitely not be taking a 2nd gen antipsychotic though. That's insane and I'm not doing that just to get 2 more hours of sleep a night. I like my brain the way it is, I don't need any hallucinations in it (I get enough sleep to avoid that at least)

She's going to email me a list and I'm going to find the least offensive MCAS friendly one and try that I think

[jellogram]

Every time I learn anything new about my medications I want to kill my psychiatrist a little bit more. I just tried to check the drug interactions between my meds and some allergy pills. They don't interact with the allergy pills, but the combination of my prescriptions together is apparently really really dangerous. Which I was not told.

For context this woman refused to even discuss the possibility of an ADHD diagnosis until I went on these medications. And when I told her the SSRIs weren't working she doubled them. I was taking double the normal amount of SSRIs and an additional anti-depressant for sleep. I had no idea this was not normal. I felt so god-fucking-awful that I lowered my own dose enough to function but I was scared to go off them completely because everyone kept telling me I was batshit insane and needed to be on these drugs.

I'm tapering myself off the meds completely now, which is fucking horrible because I've been on them for years but after the withdrawal moods fade away I consistently feel better and better with each decrease.

Honestly? I don't think I even have depression. I think 99% of that and my anxiety symptoms are caused by ADHD emotional dysregulation and trauma. But since day one this woman was pushing pushing pushing SSRIs and other anti-depressants on me and didn't even let me take the fucking ADHD test until I acquiesced to all these drugs, and then I had to flat-out demand to be examined.

Surprise surprise I came back as super fucking ADHD, pretty severe ADHD actually, which I had been telling this lady for five fucking years while she insisted I actually just had mood disorders. And of course the fucking government makes it practically impossible to get adderall, so I'm still unmedicated, but that's not her fault specifically.

But now it turns out the combination of meds I've been on actually has a million side effects including worsening arrhythmia, which she knew that I already had genetically.

So... yeah I am never speaking to this woman again. I'm getting off these drugs and I'm never fucking looking back.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/3-10/4/2024: BOWLING 4 EVA and SAID OF A DEER THAT SHEDS ITS ANTLERS

Last week I hosted two nights of shorts from the Final Girls Berlin Film Festival. It was a lot of fun, but I have to confess that I'm usually a little bit shorts-averse; I just feel like they tend to come out like little cocktail jokes with a windup and punchline, which can run the additional risk of being too messagey. A story needs more than 30 minutes to fully develop, and I think your uh Fibonacci sequence or whatever needs to run longer than that to feel seriously engrossed. Obviously I don't think there shouldn't be any shorts. THE BABADOOK started out as a short, SMILE started out as a short, among other things I really like--and I did see some things this year that gave me that feeling of a preamble to something bigger.

BOWLING 4 EVA is a surreal black comedy that I could not stop thinking about after I saw it. Filmmaker Aelfie Oudghiri packs a lot of interest into this fifteen minute movie about a suicidal teenager whose family shuttles her between boarding school and a psychiatrist's office to try to fix her. She gets prescribed a "loneliness inhibitor" that produces hallucinations, specifically attached to the only thing that gives her life any meaning--bowling.

The gruesome and weirdly horny climactic dream sequence in which she confronts an anthropomorphic bowling ball that embodies all of her dark thoughts is really great, but I loved the exploration of how the protagonist's alienation and affects her family life, her social life, and her online life. I saw it as a sharp refutation of the idea of the "male loneliness epidemic", which concept somehow suggests that only men and boys experience sexual frustration that can compound mental health issues. There's also an interesting layer about the specific culture of rich Koreans living in Queens, but I think you'd need a feature film to work all that out. Maybe they'll make one, but meanwhile I have discovered that you can watch this cool movie online! Hooray:

Probably my favorite film from the second night was a Belgian movie called SAID OF A DEER THAT SHEDS ITS ANTLERS. I'm noticing a new trend in horror where in recent years the focus has been on grief, and now it's shifting toward elder care. There were a few examples just in this program, including the award-winning OLGA'S EYES and the mysterious SPOOR, which is one of the strangest things I've seen in a while, but Salomé Crickx's SAID OF A DEER looks at the subject through an amusing metaphorical lens.

The film takes place on the day of ritual culling of elder adults in a rural community (although the practice could be universal, who knows!). While most of the young adults celebrate killing their parents with a sweaty basement kegger, one woman deals with the consequences of giving her mischievous folks a few more hours on earth. The point of the film comes into focus when some of the young people playfully gang up on a peer who is approaching middle age without kids or marriage prospects, meaning there is no one to kill him when it's time; this seems to carry the same stigma as having to go into a nursing home without enough family to look after you. It's a smart, funny film, and you should see if it you can! I won't be surprised if Crickx turns out a feature in the near future.

[awetistic-things]

hi! i'm prof dxd autism, and i know you support self dx. i have some struggles understanding it, bc i guess,,, black and white thinking and i just,,, its very hard to make that connection, bc like, i want to support it but like theres also like, bad experiences with people claiming autism to weaponise something or all the news about fakers which might not even be true but like. im at the point where this is my view:

i support self suspecting a diagnosis, but not self diagnosis bc i think there needs to be some degree of seperation. like you can research one condition but have another, so self suspecting and accommodating is a good thing, but self diagnosis isn't because you don't have like, the full picture, and you need someone else to analyze it, so self suspect, not diagnosis. (sorry if not clear im kinda out of words rn)

but i also recognise that that view isn't really correct anymore, but im having trouble changing it so i guess what im asking is do you have any account to follow/things to read to support self diagnosis so i can change my views. totally cool if you dont want to tho. anyway bye! have a nice day. sorry.

hi 👋🏼

i can't find any specific blogs, but i do have a few things to say:

getting out of the black-and-white thinking is difficult, and i appreciate that you're trying to do so

self-diagnosing in general can be life-saving (when done right, which most of the time it pretty much is, regardless of what you see online) whether it comes to autism or breast cancer. so often, people get passed up and can't get what they desperately need due to discrimination within the medical community (and every community) so they have to take matters into their own hands

a lot of the time even when people go to get evaluated for autism, the doctor is the one who says they "suspect" the patient has autism and then don't give a diagnosis at all (happened to me three times before I got officially diagnosed) there are so many autistic people who go to get evaluated and get straight-up turned down right to their face, which usually leads them to self-diagnosing because there’s nobody willing to actually ‘analyze’ them in the first place (/nm, this reads as passive aggressive i think, but that’s not my intention, i promise /gen)

even if you are officially diagnosed there’s no telling that you’ll get any ‘analysis’ information after an evaluation (most of the time it’s just a paragraph or two) which is why self-diagnosing can be so incredible, because that’s when you get to analyze your own behaviors and traits and work through your internalized ableism so that if you do end up getting a diagnosis you’re not blindsided and have (hopefully) already accepted the fact that you are autistic

essentially what i’m trying to say is that so, so, so many psychiatrists and psychologists have internalized (or fully conscious) prejudice which heavily affects their analyzations and makes self-diagnosing so often times necessary

honestly, i think self-diagnosing is the first step in acknowledging and accepting that you’re autistic

i think many autistics who were officially diagnosed and were surprised by the fact that they’re autistic should look at it from a self-diagnosed autistics point-of-view

and by that i mean actually taking the time to forget whatever your doctor said about how you operate and instead analyze your life, because it’s yours, and nobody knows it better than you (especially from a 30 minute evaluation in a converted supply closet)

sorry if any of this came off as aggressive, it’s all genuine and i do very much appreciate you asking me this question and i hope my numerous different answers helped somewhat :)