#turned into a bit of a rant

[hootsifer-darling]

Gonna get personal for a sec, I've been in a car for 7< hours and the mind does wander. I'm just thinking about how, for the one summer I stayed with him after turning 18, my dad was pathologically incapable of just letting me exist and do my own thing. Every decision I made was questioned and commentated on, down to going outside for my nightly before bed walk. "Really, are you sure you need to do that? Why? oookayy I guess." I was put through the wringer just asking for the house security codes so alarms wouldn't start screaming if I so much as walked down the stairs (there were door alarms and movement sensors on the first floor, and later cameras were installed literally everywhere, it was insane. Not outside btw, inside, explicity for monitoring US). I had to ask for those codes btw, they weren't offered up as being part of the household; he wanted us caged and monitored, and anything I ever asked for was treated as some huge imposition.

Then there was the time I sprained my ankle at an open gym and wanted to call out of work and he treated that like the most insane propostion ever. 'No you can't call out of work?? Your ankle is fine don't be ridiculous.' And after I called out boy did he lay on the passive aggression. 'You really shouldn't have done that, your bosses will be so let down, etc.' Anyway I limped up and down the stairs to get all my food for several days. Every day he was like 'ankle still bother you huh,' so incredulous like I was faking it out of laziness.

Oh and then there was the whole thing where I was forced to conform to their 5/6 am wakeup schedule, which I fucking did for over a month. I would zombie walk downstairs, have some cereal, and then camp on the couch and watch TV with headphones on my computer, present and unobtrusive. I found a way to do something my body and brain was wired not to and even found some joy in the routine. But even that wasn't enough, eventually the demands started that I lose the TV and "participate" with the family, despite the fact that they were basically all doing the same thing. God forbid I did something he wanted on my own terms.

So anyway that was around the halfway point of the summer and although I couldn't put my finger on what it was I started to notice I was being forced to do an awful lot of stuff I didn't want to and was actively impeding my enjoyment of day to day life. So I started sleeping in, letting my body do its thing. I was forcibly awakened a few times by various means, the most sinister of which was turning "wake Adam up" into a game for the 7 and 3 year olds for about a week before he finally accepted defeat on that particular battle. Maybe I started locking my door idk.

Anyway things got progressively worse over the next month as I started planting my feet on various things I felt didn't make sense, and as it turns out questioning a narcassist's authority is a fast-track to getting kicked out for being disrespectful lol. Not gonna go into that whole day but after that I finally decided that being there made me feel bad and I should probably leave. I didn't even start unpacking the events of that summer for two years. I had to quit the job I'd been at for about 3 months which was a very embarassing and stressful thing to do for the first job I'd ever had, but I said my "home situation wasn't working" and the managers all understood and one even told me very earnestly "go be happy Adam" which remains one of the most profoundly kind things anyone has ever said to me.

My dad's favorite thing to say ever since moving to Florida was always "well you can always come live with us" (a fucked up thing to say to the pre teens you abandoned), but when I finally gave it a try boy did he make sure it was so miserable that it only lasted 4 months and none of us ever tried it again.

But to end this on a more positive note I'm really proud of myself for deciding to leave even though in the moment I wasn't sure why I was so unhappy, I just knew that I was and that I could leave, so I did, and I think that was pretty huge of me. And also pretty metal to pin my resignation on him: "sorry I have to quit, I tried living with my dad and it's just not working." Considering he made me cry on the way to my interview for said job I think it was only fair.

[tortleturtlei]

Why must I be productive. Can I not just enjoy life without worrying about the future. I did my laundry today is that not enough.

[morrriigan]

beautiful games i've played ➤ final fantasy x

"Die and be free of pain, or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!"

[itscherryterry-again]

yea

[drenched-in-sunlight]

Hey, so I remembered in one of your earlier post you said something along the lines of souls women only really falling into the helpless victim or serious sword lady trop. And how Ema was a great subversion of it, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on

I’m making a souls-like and trying to avoid the pitfalls where I can

Btw, I love your art so much I would love to support you but I am broke

sorry i let this reply marinate in the docs for months (along with a lot of other replies like im having a catalogue of Fromsoft replies that read like thesis at this point *crying* my job is not letting me sit down and edit them) but here it is.

firstly, thank you for your message, kind encouragement already means a lot to me, so don’t worry about not being able to support me or anything ! After all I’m not putting out any new books or fan merch haha.

Here is a whole rant about Ema but somehow my grievances with how they handle Malenia's story in comparison to Messmer also pops up.

Regarding your question about Ema, I love her because of how complete her story feels and how her personal motivation and personality are written as coherently as the male characters.

She’s a war orphan who did her best to survive, learned the sword from the best swordman but with the only purpose is to kill demons. Ema saw firsthand how violence and meaningless killing did to people, so her aim can be seen as trying to offer those lost souls a mercy death, so they don’t have to suffer as a mindless demon for eternity (as in shura ending).

Yet, she's actually more interested in being a doctor & saving life and it’s not something expected of her because she’s a woman or whatnot, she chose that.

(+ she's skilled enough with the blade that it shows in her mannerism to the point Wolf, who had never seen her hold a sword, knows that she's good with one).

she was ready to kill Scuptor - someone akin to a parental figure to her, should he succumb to grief and hatred. because she loved him. not to mention she saw Tomoe - someone in a way is also her mentor, tried to take her own life, while her childhood friend Gennichiro slowly went apeshit. like that girl witnessed so many insane stuffs & they spur her to be strong & steadfast in her ideal to protect her loved ones, even when it means to lay them to rest by her own hands.

her dialogue in Shura ending "maybe i should have killed you long ago" feels like being punched in the guts to me, because she knew Wolf turning out that way meant that somewhere along the way, all of them had failed him, had ignored the signs that all the killings he was tasked to carry out was taking a toll on him. And so she took upon herself the responsibility to offer him a mercy death, even as it broke her heart.

It’s the passionate drive and decisions made as her own person, not out of blind devotion to another character, and how much we know of that because the game let us find more about her, that makes her stands out from the epic sword lady category, while the violence and steely resolve she was capable of makes her stands out from the helpless maiden one.

-kinda lose the plot here with Elden Ring rant jumping out-

This is one of the main points I have about the difference between Messmer and Malenia, how even though their stories parallel each other, I think Messmer has the better writing and gets a more complete story. He’s super devote to Marika, but in his own way, not what Marika wants of him. Evidently with how he still fights the Tarnished because he deems us unworthy, despite knowing Marika sanctioned us for Lordship.

We see a lot of sides to him outside of just a filial son, his rage and sorrow and love and a moment of stubborn selfishness that results in him willingly become a curse that clings to Marika than to let go. We see his relationship with other characters and even though his love for Marika outweighs all else, it doesn’t negate completely others that exist outside of it.

And precisely because of that, it’s more heartbreaking to see despite all these connections he has with other people, he yearns to be reunited with his Mother above all else. That kind of devotion is more hard hitting to me than the writing for the Empyrean twins.

Like, Malenia…. outside of Finnlay (whose description says more about herself than shedding any new light on Malenia) and the mentor that we actually don’t even know much about yet, what are other personal connection she has outside of Miq? I could argue the Marika’s Soreseal in the Haligtree was meant for her and that she still loved her Mother in some kind of way all I want, but at the end of the day that’s a headcahon I have to theorize from item placement, and not many ppl will notice that. We don’t know for sure what Malenia thinks of anyone else but her twin and it drives me up the wall.

Another comparison I want to bring up is DS2 Lucatiel.

I fr think even Lucatiel gets a better story arc than Malenia, despite also largely being shaped by her relationship with her brother.

Loss frightens me no end. Loss of memory, loss of self. If I were told that by killing you, I would be freed of this curse… Then I would draw my sword without hesitation. I don't want to die, I want to exist. I would sacrifice anything, anything at all for this. It shames me, but it is the truth. Sometimes, I feel obsessed… with this insignificant thing called "self". But even so, I am compelled to preserve it. Am I wrong to feel so? Surely you'd do the same, in my shoes?

She is trying to find her brother, but at the same time wrestling with her own troubles and limitations. We get to know a lot of her own motivation and her fear. I mean one could argue that it's because she's an NPC while Malenia is a boss, but the same thing could also be said for Messmer like I explained above.

-back to Ema-

As the extra sauce, I love that Ema boss music has such layers to it. the theme of her - someone clinging to her humanity to the very end because she has ppl love & support her, also acts as an elegy for Wolf's lost of humanity, of him not being able to escape the abuse trauma he grew up in. its opening instrument also appears in Demon of Hatred's OST. Her presence and theme affects other characters’ life, and we get to see her marks on a personal level in the story’s overarching narrative.

Which is the same as how Marika’s presence is everywhere in the Elden Ring OST, that little soft piano. A little in Radagon’s theme, in Shaman’s Village, in the final DLC boss ost where the female vocals starts belting out “Hail, Marika the Eternal”, in a boss arena where she had walked through to scavenge the remains of her fallen family and ascended to an existence she knew would kill her all the same, but she would do it again every single time. Walking down that hell with her eyes wide open.

When a character that could get me to write paragraphs about like that… man you know how much the writing cooks.

[clonedchaos]

Welp, as I was googling some images for Yasammy week, I came across a thread and turns out one of my favorite Jurassic YouTubers is homophobic and a Yasammy hater…

(More ranting in the tags)

[yumenari]

Guys did you know today is the birthday of the loml (and their snake familiar)

[many-gay-magpies]

seeing all these posts talking about payneland as if its some tragic unrequited love drives me insane ngl. or i guess not TRAGIC but the posts that are like "man edwin really got every boy except the one he wanted" HE ALREADY HAD HIM. HE ALREADY FUCKING HAD HIM ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?? MAYBE NOT ROMANTICALLY BUT GOD HE HAD HIM. AND HE STILL HAS HIM.

[ender-of-the-sender]

I like to think that Tim's interest in cars and vehicles is a special interest that he feels guilty about. Because they bring up cars ALOT when talking about Tim, but usually in a "he used to love them", but what if he still did. If your spin was sharks and then your mom got eaten by a shark but you still know so much about them and cannot stop thinking about them (mom related or not), youd feel pretty damn shitty.

[willowser]

Just a lil hc but I definitely bakugo is the type of boyfie who likes helping you get ready. I mean he won't come and ask if he can help no no no. He'll just stand there, staring at you... and then randomly walk over hand you an earring and go "this'll look nice with that dress" and just go back to lurking XD but also when you DO WEAR what he choses for you he just feels so happy inside and go "heh she's weaing what I chose for her :>" but on the outside he makes an expression like he suddenly got food poisoning lmao.

(also I think he'll probably have atleast an above average fashion taste since his parents are both fashion designers~)

aww i think this is how he gives you gifts too 😌 just hands you a brand new pair of earrings like, "should wear these," trying to be all nonchalant LOL and i think he is so proud of himself when he sees you wearing something he picked out !! like he knows you well enough 😌😌😌 like you agree with his input 😌😌 and i also think he has an eye for fashion !!! bc that's the household he grew up in 🥺 i like to think of him as a kid, bothering his mama while she's working until she kicks him out LOL but !! yes !!! he's like, upper class, i think, so his tastes are a lil on the higher side !! not as upper class as todoroki but.....did you see his house.....his parents are fashion designers.....LOL how sweet 😌😌😌

[aleksanderscult]

Hello, I started following your blog pretty recently and I agree with most of what you think. I felt so confused when I finished the books and came on tumblr to see everyone hailing malina as the perfect relationship and I was glad to know that I wasn't the only one who disliked him.

I wanted to ask you something, im not sure if I saw this on this blog, but someone said that zoya is an example of toxic feminism in YA fantasy. Which checked out to me, but it also felt that bardugo added misogyny, feminism and toxic feminism in the SaB series.

Misogyny since alina had to face sloot-shaming in every book (almost entirely by Malyen ugh 😒). I felt that she really tried and suceeded to be feminist with genya, since she actually stood up for herself and had many facets to her personality. She also wasn't an important character just because of her beauty or anything super superficial. Genya IS a strong female character, and she wasn't 'broken' by the king, despite the foul things he did.

But zoya.. my god, I really wanted to like her, but I just couldn't. She is mean and hot headed to the point where I really don't see any redeeming factors to her. I always liked 'mean girl character who isnt as shallow as she seems' in fantasy novels, but she didnt exactly have a redemption arc either. If the darkling had warned her about expanding the fold in the first book, she would have fought for him. I think she isnt a strong female character, but just a girl who is a bully and decided to help mc since the antagonist hurt her specifically. She doesnt even think of the other casualties of novokribirsk. I think the 'break nikolais heart, I'll comfort him and make a magnificent queen' part was a joke, but still....

Please excuse my yapping. I haven't read crooked kingdom and nikolais duology, so I don't know if the characters had any developement since then, so please ignore any innacuracies of this text pertaining to that. Do you have any thoughts on this?

(Do you allow emoji annons? If so, can I be 🎀 annon?)

(Of course I do! You can use any emoji you want and ribbons remind me of coquettish things 😍)

Genya in S&B was my favorite version of her. She was traumatised by the King's abuse, that's true. But she wasn't solely that.

(Here's a meta about that version of her that I once did)

She was very brave, vengeful, intelligent, politically aware, had a sense of humor and was kind. There were different aspects to her personality and wasn't solely "the victim" as many fans of the Grishaverse like to portray her. But in Nikolai's duology Bardugo either forgot how to write complex situations within a court or just doesn't know how to (or it doesn't suit her 🙃).

She threw all the blame to the Darkling (as if he was entirely at fault for her sexually abuse), forgot that Grisha were serfs meant to please and serve the royal family (hence why the Darkling gave her to the Queen) and also forgot how it was the Queen who withdrew her protection and allowed her husband to abuse her. Also, a slight amnesia to how Genya herself decided to stay and take revenge. Essentially, the character became Leigh's mouthpiece to remind the reader that the Darkling is a heartless motherfucker that is undeserving of redemption. How banal.

Now about Zoya. Zoya is the typical female character that we encounter in media nowadays. A girlboss that kicks ass, is rude, has no sensitivity and threatens everyone. Again, cliché. But Leigh broke her own in-universe laws when she gave Zoya the protagonist's role.

Meaning:

The narrative with Alina as a protagonist: "You can't have feelings for your enemy!! You can't be independent! You need to depend on your toxic, childhood friend and...what is this? Power?? You took three amplifiers?? WELL SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR POWERS THAT KEEP YOU HEALTHY AND STRONG!!"

The narrative with Zoya as a protagonist: "Take the amplifiers, take the power to turn into a dragon, let's also have a Saint in your head giving you advice and guess?!? You just got promoted into a Queen and soon enough you will marry the love of your life!! Kudos!!"

That's basically what happened.

It would be an amazing end if only:

- Otkazat'sya didn't hate the Grisha's guts.

- Zoya had the qualities of a leader and a Queen instead of being handed the throne on a silver plate from an illegitimate son who failed in his job.

- The author didn't break her own rules just to prove and show how "awesome" her protagonists are.

- The same author didn't copy paste the storyline of Daenerys Targaryen into Zoya's (somehow she needed to appear cool and sympathetic)

- Half of the fandom didn't hate the primary protagonists now than they ever did before.

So basically Leigh infuriated the fandom even more about Alina's fate when she gave Zoya everything.

And about your question if the characters had any development in the later books after the trilogy. I've got some bad news, my friend. 🥲

[sozzledjuja]

this is going to sound morbid and i've definetly said this before but if (when) Mephisto comes back in season 3, i'd love for him to have suffered at least some visible damage from the blast.

like, let the boy get his face scarred, lose an arm or something. gimme angst, give me the recovery period, and all that sad and traumatic jambalaya gahhh, I'm a sucker for that

[galadriel-blue]

Why is the TROP fandom so toxic all of the sudden?

(Rant in the tags and spoilers for S2 E7 of TROP)

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Oh Clint Barton, how the MCU massacred you

[gay-otlc]

People online like to pretend adhd is a funny quirk and not a disability and it's so fucking annoying

[the-paris-of-people]

The past couple days online have been... interesting. I consider myself a leftist, think capitalism is corrupt, and think that it needs to be seriously reformed/overthrown. I admit that while I've thrown around phrases and terms like "burn it all down" and "the revolution needs to come" out of frustration without actually thinking about what a revolution entails: excellent organization, unity, and strategy to defeat the United States, the world's largest military superpower which has inflicted political and social destabilization across the majority of countries around the world. There also needs to be superb infrastructure and community to support the disabled, elderly, and poor populations who rely on government assistance and programs, healthcare, and accommodations while this so-called revolution rages on.

All I've received from the far leftist movement are lectures from condescending intellectuals who rattle off academic citations regarding ideological theory rather than practical, tangible steps to advocate for change in our local and regional communities. I have not seen one of them actually discuss conversations they've had with their friends, family, or Americans about what they want to see reflected for the future of the country. I have not seen one of them discussed how destructive, detrimental and traumatic a Trump presidency was for social prejudice and morale in the United States. I understand that for many marginalized groups they've been living in a facist state for centuries so the possibility Project 2025 doesn't galvanize them to see the two parties differently, but I don't think it is fair to white leftists falsely equivocate the election of both parties for the entire American population at all??? Or like at least specify the issues you're referring to in which you view both parties as the same????? Literally one TikTok creator who I used to follow talked about how true leftists are so much better than liberals because they aren't waiting for a presidential candidate to save the world NOW due to the accelerated apocalypse due to climate change but when asked how to change the world they suggest sharing ideas of your future utopia with other leftist groups. How the fuck is sitting around talking about living in a walkable community is great considered "saving the world now"? How are you going to dismantle and restructure American infrastructure to create these communities? How are you going to remove existing racial and social tensions to create a community where everyone lives happily side by side? Do people not consider reality at all?????

And is it not wrong for people to have a fucking sliver of optimism and hope at incremental change that's achieved within the corrupt bipartisan system of American politics, even if they know it's propaganda??? Is it wrong for people to have a singular fucking moment of relief in feeling like their values, beliefs, and lives will be better protected and THEY can advocate for change better??? Is it wrong when there's a couple months until the most pressing election in recent history for people to make the choice they feel will reduce the most amount of harm???