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yourheartinyourmouth · 1 year ago

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i am the gods saddest wettest little meow meow

#seriously #nothing but SAD up in this bitch #both the acronym and the emotion #trying to stay grounded #but i have 3 different types of depression #i have baroque depression the likes of which u could not comprehend #ok maybe you could #but this is like #advanced depression #Stacked Depression #Depression+™️#depression like an onion

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inkskinned · 2 years ago

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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linkcharacter · 6 days ago

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why does everyone decide to keep jimmy alive in the jimblasted au?

Think about it please

#Would you kill your best friend who has been a part of your life for an extended period of time and who you tended to confide in for comfort #as shitty as he was. he was always a constant in your routine who grounded you in reality and who you feel guilty and responsible for?#Curly wouldn't #Anya would not kill a human being.#As much as that human hurt her. it was still a human who now in his state is dependent and is at the mercy of others for his survival.#she is a doctor too. failed med school 8 times and still wants to try again and again. she will keep trying as long as she's alive #what would it even do for her? some vengeful satisfaction? justice? mercy kill? anger? that doesn't sound like Anya.#and Jimmy can't do anything anymore.#Daisuke doesn't know any better and why would he want to kill Jimmy? he was just a grumpy guy Daisuke didn't know too well.#Swansea is maybe the only one who would be for it but then again keeping a decaying corpse on board isn't a solution to anything.#they know jimmy crashed the ship but in the canon they also though curly did it. and he stayed alive #only Curly and Anya know what Jimmy did and why he crashed the ship. but they wouldn't allow it to supersede their ethics and reasons #jimblasted au #so how was your day guys #asks

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trianglesand · 19 days ago

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Marble hornets x Slendermansion AU but instead of Hoodie and Masky being proxies they also live in a small cabin in the same woods and are constantly trying to sabotage the creeps plans. Hoodie learns Jeff is supposed to kill some random family and follows him there to purposely set the home security system off and Masky jumps out of the closet and tackles Jeff. They all run away to their own homes afterwards when the cops are called. The Operator/Slenderman could put a stop to it if he so pleased, but finds the shenanigans amusing.

#creepypasta #marble hornets #mh #masky #masky marble hornets #Tim Wright #hoodie #hoodie marble hornets #Brian Thomas #Jeff the killer #Do you think Alex is a proxie in denial who keeps having to get dragged back to the mansion #Since Brian's alive so we might as well resurrect the rest of the cast #Is Jay in this small cabin or is he just desperately wandering around Rosswood with his camera trying to find these two homes #Since Totheark has started posting vlogs about how he beat up random local serial killers that have been evading the police #For months. Years. Decades perhaps #The video starts off a peaceful nature documentary #It starts off peaceful nature documentary #then three seconds later the blaring distorted sound of the alarm is is in your ears #And Masky is on the ground beating up Jeff #And ofc there's ominous codes and messages implying that there is a mansion they live in in Rosswood #And what about what happens to Tim after he finally returns to his normal state #Does he still stay in the cabin? Does Hoodie bring him to wherever Jay is staying for the night?#Cause clearly leaving him unconscious in the woods with a bunch of serial killers is a bad idea especially with their history in this au #Who knows really #I'm stuck on the imagery of a very tired EJ having to handle dragging Alex back to the mansion #Cause he keeps trying to kill Proxies “in training” (aka the ones infected with Slender Sickness)#And yes I copy pasted these tags from a reblog I made for another reblog on this post #I felt they belonged here too

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yikes-ajax · 3 months ago

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She really likes fidget spinners, most notably pulling them off things

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dykedvonte · 3 months ago

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Curly, driving Jimmy home: Jimmy, we need to talk, I think this friendship is-

Jimmy, staring dead ahead: If you leave me I will kill myself

Curly, sighs heavily: *resigned to driving the car in silence*

Jimmy, way too smug about it: I love us!

#I like to think he wouldn’t directly threaten suicide but he would be like #oh curly my best and only friend id be so lonely and wouldn’t know what to do with out you #and play up how much he values him to guilt Curly into staying or not committing to keeping his distance because Curly also gets not wanting #to be alone in ur time of struggle #but yeah this sums up every time in my mind Curly did try to stand his ground if the birthday scene is anything to go by #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #jimmy mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing

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bluesylveon2 · 11 months ago

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Just a normal day in the guest room....

Wait.

WHO IS LETTING LILIA COOK?!?!

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #twst meme #its me apparently lol #anyways i was trying to figure out where to put Lilia and then I thought “wouldnt it be funny to put him in the kitchen area”#jade was supposed to be there but tbh he would let lilia go instead #ill figure out a spot for him later lol #my rating will stay in the 1k tho because SORRY I DONT LIKE THROWING RANDOM STUFF ON THE GROUND TWST #they probably have to be from the same collection too but oh well #i like practicality over random stuff #lilia vanrouge #twst lilia

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 3 months ago

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okay what if sunday x reader childhood friends to god/devotee (forced) . what then

#in the sense of like #you two being so close when you’re young . on equal grounds #but when you grow up suddenly the distance between you is monumental #sunday urging you to call him your god …… maybe …….#something something #make no mistake i do think this man is a sweetheart at his core #but like . sunday in his worst mental state desperately trying to stay afloat by forcing you to expect holiness from him #<- smth like that . yeah #ari noises ✩

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feverreaver · 2 years ago

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—

This is apparently a logical leap to make, but realizing that Billy is lashing out specifically because he’s abused?

Nah. That’s too much— ‘being abused doesn’t excuse any of his actions.’

Also, hey, fuck you. Death is never the ‘easy way out,’ and he was actively making a choice to put himself in harms way to protect the others, despite the fact he was very visibly terrified. So it definitely wasn’t ‘easy’ for him, regardless.

#billy hargrove #fandom critical #you can hate a character #but try and stay grounded in reality #this is just stupid

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iceclew · 4 months ago

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Hahaha, don't mind me I'm perfectly OK, definitely did not delete 3 hours of text editing to the markiverse comic I am struggling with for more than a month now hahaahahah (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻

And I could be going to bed early, but I would be feeling like shit since I would have felt like I was totally fcking useless this evening, and so instead I did another sketch my dear markiverse enthusiast suggested. And an old sketch I didn't finish, and now I just bearly/badly censored it, lol...

Aw shit - I just realized I misspelled Sensei...sorry guys.. don't kill me