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survivormetaverse · 4 years ago

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Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me!

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing.

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal.

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active.

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

#episode #episodes

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kilibaggins · 5 years ago

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so I loved your last post with parents Murphamy but how about mpreg Murphamy

Somebody request a Fic of these Headcanons so I don't feel bad writing something that not a Request 😂😂

OOOOO OKAY OKAY

I was hoping someone would ask this 😂😂

THE ENDING IS SUPER CHEESY WOW

Okay so, I'm not really used to Mpreg so I googled some stuff and like... Imma do the whole "Another Hole Opens When Pregnant" thing... Lol

Mentions of Abortion Consideration and Almost going through with it. Spoiler Alert: No actual Abortion.

The way it is written is not meant to shame or belittle anybody's choice. It is simply to show what he could choose to do, and what he Personally does.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Murphy is the one who gets Pregnant

Hes like "the fuck" cux hes never heard of this happening before

According to Abby it's a very rare case that happens with some people who are born on the Ark.

So he was born with the ability to do this

They didn't know

He gets prego.

And wow Murphy is TERRIFIED

He doesn't want to tell Bellamy because well... He's just scared

He doesn't really have a logical reason to being scared he just is.

Abby convinces him that its better to talk about it now than actually wait until his stomach starts growing.

She also brings up Abortion as an option.

Murphy is actually surprised that Abby would suggest it, without Bellamy knowing first, it's like she wouldn't have cared id Bellamy had a day or not.

Which I guess Murphy technically decides Bellamy's input doesn't matter that much, considering he takes the pills Abby gives him, then throws them up immediately after.

He realizes he personally couldn't do that to his future child.

He sees this as a fresh start.

A chance to do what his mother didn't do; care.

Murphy has no clue what he was thinking when he ended up in front of Bellamy's tent with the empty Pill packets In hand.

He has no clue what he's doing when he opens the tent flap and walks in.

Bellamy is sitting that the small desk they moved in there for the many

Murphy gulps and takes a drop breath and Bellamy is scared immediately.

He looks at Murphy hand and sees the packets and his stomach drops.

"Wh- What's that Murph?"

"I didn't go through with it."

They end up taking for a long time that night about it.

Murphy probably apologizing a million times for even thinking about taking the pills.

Bellamy reassuring him and telling him it's alright, he'd never force him to have this child.

The actual pregnancy is so hard.

Murphy's body (obviously) isn't exactly built completely for carrying a child so he gets really weak at one point.

Bellamy is like 1000000X more Protective.

He scares the shit out of Miller one day by getting in his face all pissed off

"Excuse me, what did you just say?"

"I- I was just asking him to move over so I could get through."

"Goddamn Babe, Chill."

Bellamy will steal pillows from the medbay when people aren't using them to simply make his tent as comfy as possible for Murphy to be.

C U D D L E S

Okay wow I wanna write so much but I'd have to write a fanfic. I might do it tbh.

Bellamy 100% thinks it's a girl.

Murphy is adamant that its a boy.

Everyone just agrees with Murphy because

1.) Murphy is already scary normally, let alone when he's hormonal.

And 2.) They just think hed know Best since hes actually carrying the kid.

Ut it's mostly Number 1

When it actually comes to the last two months Murphy is forced to stay in the Medbay because hes too weak

Hes too skinny, even though hes pregnant as fuck.

Abby says the baby is taking as much nutrients as possible and Murphy body just naturally doesn't gain fat easily so it's harder.

Murphy is already calling the kid "little parasite".

"He's a little parasite ain't He?"

"SHE'S a little parasite."

The actual birth is terrifying because it's a month early because There were complications with Murphy's body starting to give out.

Bellamy was freaking out the whole time. He Basically ran through camp to go find Clarke and scream at her about the baby coming

(Just had the funniest thought. Picture Bellamy like Manny for the Ice Age movies when his wife is pregnant. He just runs around screaming about the baby coming for a few minutes.)

All the lasting delinquents are trying to cram into the small hallways outside of the room.

Which isn't easy.

LITERALLY THE HALLWAY IS SO FULL IT TAKES BELLAMY FOREVER TO GET THROUGH

like excuse me y'all?? Father coming through?? FUCKING MOVE.

But turns out Bellamy was worried about getting there fast for no reason because honestly Murphy was basically chilling other than the pain.

He wasn't even freaking out, just reacting when he was in pain, and thats it.

Okay, let's be honest. Murphy is freaking out. Just not Outwardly.

He asked Abby to spew a bunch of facts about Male Pregnancy to him so he could concentrate on that instead.

The birth is fairly painful, and dangerous.

Especially considering its a month early, and in Male Pregnancy usually the baby needs the whole amount of time because o how much harder it is.

All of the delinquents are literally never going to mention the crying they hear.

Never. They know they'd die before the word "Murphy" came out of their mouths.

After a long ass time the delinquents hear a babies cry from the room and they all applaud like idiots.

Abby smirks at Murphy when she checks to see, and sure enough.

It's a boy.

Murphy just uses that against Bellamy forever after this but let's not go off topic.

They name him Alex. After Murphy's Dad, and his middle name is Aurora for Bellamy's mom. Yes. He was a "Girls" middle name.

Bellamy And Murphy say fuck your gender roles.

Murphy's the first to hold him and dear God the SPARK IN HIS EYE.

"Hehehehe... H- Hey lil' Parasite."

Bellamy Basically dies and just sits there staring at them both.

The first person to hold him outside of those two (and Abby but let's ignore that)

Is Octavia. She actually cries when she sees her Nephew for the first time.

And then she cries more when she learns his name.

Fast Forward to when Murohy is actually healthy again, and can actually move.

Theyre the most protective parents ever.

Murphy makes sure to threaten people a lot

But also hes super loving and will just hold his baby all night if he has to.

Everytime his fathers name was said before, John Murphy would get violent, depressed, pissed off.

But now he hears the name "Alex" come from the father of his child's mouth. And all he can think is Love.

#john murphy #Bellamy Blake #tw: mpreg #mpreg cw #Mpreg #murphamy fluff #murphamy headcanons #murphamy #bellamy x murphy #Murphy x Bellamy #john murphy x bellamy blake #dad!bellamy #dad!murphy #dad!bellamy blake #dad!john murphy

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loser-writings · 5 years ago

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Since he definitely doesnt get enough love, how about the nsfw alphabet for twice?

N/SFW Alphabet || Jin Bubaigawara || Twice

For his birthday! It’s a day late, but I hope you enjoy

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Twice is pretty caring actually after sex. He may not be running you a bath, but he will clean you both up, toss you his button up shirt, and grab you something to drink.

When he lays back down, he will hold you close and play with your hair. Also fairly good with pillow talk if you can ignore his split personality butting in now and then. He also is extremely chatty after so he will talk and hold you close.

If you are one to fall asleep right after, he might pull you against his chest and trail his fingers up and down your back, humming or praising you til you’re asleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He honestly doesn’t like a lot about him. He is pretty insecure about his body, especially the scar on his forehead, but if you forced him to pick something then he would say his hands.

He loves how rough his hands are. The years of playing guitar and villain work making them rough yet he feels like they’re extremely manly. It’s hard to express, but he loves them a lot.

On his lover, he admires a lot about them but he has to admit that legs are his favorite, but specifically your thighs. He loves to pick you up and hold your thighs in his hands, see how different clothes show off your legs, and if you sit on his bed in nothing but his shirt and underwear, he can’t help but admire your legs.

His split personality also will loudly comment about your legs, so let’s hope that you aren’t bashful.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

It really depends on his mood because sometimes he wants really intimate sex that has him cumming deep inside you, or he wants to be borderline disgusting (As long as you are okay with it of course)

Not saying that facials turn him on but if he is in the nasty mood, then please let him cum on your face. Seeing you a mess just for him makes him not only feel special, but REALLY gets him going.

He also is a bit of a heavy producer and it can be pretty thick, so shit like creampies just sort of happen.

He actually doesn’t taste all that bad either. He really loves fruit and tries to fit them in his diet as much as possible, so he tastes fairly sweet.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It’s not that he would be interested in a threeway, but he would be. He would never bring it up to you though, so the only way you would find out about this is if you were to bring it up to him.

He also is a switch, so if you want to peg him go for it. Like if you brought it up, you would see him nod quickly and clearly get excited by the idea of being submissive since he is usually thrown into a more dominant role without much thought.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He is fairly experienced. He went a bit wild during his teens and early twenties, so he knows what he is doing. Since the incident though, he lost a lot of confidence

F = Favorite position (Gif Link included!)

Ahaha [Click for visual]

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

This man gets so into it that he can’t help but have some goofy moments. They’re never intentional, but they just sort of happen and he hopes that you roll with it.

He never takes it too seriously since he views sex as something that should be fun and enjoyable, so why be serious when you can be giggly? He is all for giggly sex.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He isn’t completely bare, but he keeps his shit pretty damn close to it. He hates hair down there only because it interferes with his villain suit, and cause its just something that overwhelms him. Theyre a bit darker than the hair on his head if they do grow out a bit though.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

God he is one of the most romantic people and nobody can fight me on this. If he is sleeping with you, it's because he truly does trust you and it shows. He will babble praise in your ear and comment about how amazing you look

Sometimes he gets so into it that he just lets a few tears out. He absolutely loves feeling special so if you make him feel loved and cared for, expect him to pull you closer and cry against you. They’re always happy tears though

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

This guy honestly has no shame. If he gets needy, then why the hell should he not give himself what he wants? Hopefully you don’t mind that cause you are almost guaranteed to walk in on him.

Not to mention he may have a slight kink for humiliation and getting caught. Only by you though, if it was anybody else than he would have a shit-fit. Like full panic mode activated.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise || Seriously PRAISE THIS MAN!!! He will be so soft and it pretty much makes the sex twice as sweet (no I don’t regret the pun) not to mention this man constantly needs reassurance? So pretty much be vocal and promise him that he is doing an amazing job. He really appreciates it.

Morning sex || Is this a kink? Well it is now. Sex right as you both wake up is something Jin would die for. The soft mumbles, the sun warming your bodies in just the right way, and being fully relaxed makes him cry like a little baby in your arms. Like he is complete putty in your arms.

Switch || Not a kink, I know. This man is just a COMPLETE switch and he isn’t afraid of being a hard dom, a soft dom, a complete brat, or one of the most obedient babies. He is completely okay with whatever you want when you want it.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Okay here me out but like...take this man in the back seat of his car and he will be all fucking for it. Like he will let you ride him until he is in tears while his hands are bound by the seatbelt, just a complete whimpering and crying mess because its all so good.

The classic bed is also a close one. Its just so soft and loving that he can’t help but be a total mess for it

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

I think everybody agrees that Love or the Illusion of love would be enough to keep him going. It doesn’t matter if you are just manipulating him to do what you want or if you actually love him, you just have to act like you care about him. Like do the bare minimum and he will be all yours.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He can handle light bondage on himself, but nothing that he can't untangle himself from. If he starts to panic and feels himself splitting, being bound will only make him panic more. Because of this, he avoids binding his wrists, arms, and legs. His torso? As long as it’s not too tight. He really enjoys how beautiful Shibari looks though, but he just can’t handle it if it keeps him from moving,

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Bro this man is a GOD at oral. Like let him please you, he can have you crying if he can focus on something other than chatting. Once he gets focused and in the zone though, he will have you trembling and will force you through one of the most intense orgasms. After, he will rather give you one of the most excited looks, expecting praise and rewards for his good work, or the most lustful, half lidded gaze as if he is completely intoxicated.

When receiving though, he is the whiniest baby. Like hands will be tangled in your hair, his back will arch off the bed, his hips will buck in your mouth, and he will be crying. Tears are a promise, not a threat here. He just feels so well taken care of that he can’t help but cry

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It switches honestly. He genuinely loves both, and he tries his best to stay consistent, but god he can’t help it. Sometimes he just h a s to slam into you and hear you cry out. It’s all so good to him and he keeps you on your toes this way, but its always so rewarding.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t mind them! Just like the J/O headcanon, why would he tell you no if you both are in a mood? He is eager to please even if its just a quick 5 minutes in the car or closet.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Anything you want to do, he will at least try. Sure, he might have tried some things in the past, but he might enjoy it now that some time has passed! The only thing he told you no on was him being tied up.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He really puts his all into the first round, so the most you can get out of him is about two rounds even though he will try to do a third if you want more. He honestly just needs a moment to recover though.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He really isn’t the biggest fan of toys? Like sure, he may have a couple but he really never sees a need for them when he has you. He also loves knowing that its him thats making you feel so good, not just some toy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He enjoys teasing so much more than being teased, but he doesn’t tease intentionally for very long since he gets impatient easily.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

This man is??? S o fucking loud?

When he is dom, he grunts and groans a lot, praise spilling from his lips like none other. He loves telling you how good you feel as well as mumbling how dirty you are.

When he is sub, god just expect a noise complaint. He is so fucking loud and he cries out a lot. Poor thing just gets sensitive easily.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He can sometimes get panicky during sex and will need a break to calm down. When this happens, you have to go into full comfort mode. He will feel SO guilty over it all and really just needs you to tell him that it’s all okay. Also, if you get him his mask, he will calm down a lot quicker

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Okay like...Hear me out.

Twice is a BIG dude. Like...solid 9 inches and pretty girthy too. Like he totally has accidentally hurt somebody before with how big he is. He is actually really scared about hurting someone again because of this.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Ehhh Id say moderate to high. It definitely increases when he has a S/O, but normally it can be a bit above average.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It honestly depends. If he topped and nothing too extreme, he will be pretty chatty and can have a boost of energy. If he subbed, he is out within a few minutes. Because of this, hold him close and reassure him that he is okay. After he falls asleep, clean him up, throw his favorite pajamas on him, and relax with him.

#Jin Bubaigawara #mha imagines #mha x reader #MHA Twice #Mha Twice x reader #N/sfw alphabet #mha N/sfw #BNHA N/sfw #N/sfw #mha alphabet #sfw alphabet #Twice x reader #twice headcanons

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ryollie · 5 years ago

Text

update post, gonna put under a read more. its gonna be rambly and honest abt how i feel on certain things, why i’ve been gone and what im gonna do from now on etc. tw for mental illness !

i’ve been inactive for a month, almost 2 i think? its kind of painful to evaluate everything to be honest. i’ve had my blog for half a year. i really loved and had fun in the hphm fandom and ive met great people. people come and go, and im alright with that. when i first joined, i never expected so many people would enjoy ollie, my first ever mc. i was just so so happy and wanted to draw and share more of my oc stories and creations with everybody. as time gone on, i started feeling isolated, and slowly started getting more hate for various reasons and i felt very overwhelmed.

i’ve always tried my best to be kind to everybody and understand things from different perspectives but i realise that there are some people you can just never see eye to eye with no matter how hard u try. my mistake was trying too hard to get along with everybody. it rlly sucks when you find leaked convos of ppl you thought u were friends with insulting you, ppl you drew for and thought you had fun with talking smack behind ur back. its alright to not like me or my content ! i just dont see why ppl would interact positively with me and act a different way once my back is turned. i think its pretty...ugly, to be honest. if u rlly had an issue with me, dm me and lets talk it out civilly. i dont shy away from an honest conversation; if i truly did anything wrong i will admit to my mistakes, apologize and hopefully change for the better. we are all human, its normal to fuck up and theres always room for change.

its easy to say just ignore the hate and move on, and believe me thats exactly what i tried to do. it was really uncomfortable and i felt like i was just putting on a mask to remain positive, sociable and welcoming to everybody i interacted with. i did that for 3 months and overtime, it just crumbled. i felt really paranoid everytime i had an interaction, because i saw so much negativity about me that i wish i did not that i started to doubt every interaction i had. i didnt know if someone was pretending to be kind to me, i started to think what if they had heard bad things about me from others and were judging me etc, its a lot to handle. im a paranoid scizophrenic and feelings of paranoia manifest into auditory hallucinations for me. these feelings arent just a bad gut feeling. i hear people talking about me and how theyre going to hurt me because they hate me etc. its honestly really exhausting and its hard to tell whats real and fake and it makes me disassociate.

people believe what they want to believe. there’s always two sides to a story. i’m tired of being painted as somebody bad because of petty gossip, i’m tired of always needing to defend myself. once you’re on someone’s bad side, you’re judged and nitpicked for every single minor detail. its awful. if others vent, its alright because everyone has their problems and deserve to be heard! if i vent, its me being whiny and playing a victim card. people can easily twist your words to suit their narrative. words can hurt like a bitch, you know. i wish more people realised there’s weight in their words.

and to address this if its unclear; i’m no longer in a relationship and i ended it myself. i just dont feel like im in a good place mentally to sustain a rs for a very, very long time. i would also appreciate it if people can stop associating me with my previous partner. i do not want anything to do with them. i wont disclose any details out of respect but please respect how i feel on this.

to sum up i’m sorry if i’ve ever hurt anybody. i’m just tired of the negativity and the indirects. people who know me, know me. i always try to be kind but i have my limits too. i disappeared for two months because i couldnt cope with it, but I'm willing to try again. i’ll be very cautious with who i interact from now on, and i hope you can understand why. im just protecting myself. i want to have fun drawing and creating content for me and my friends and not for the sake of others, as it should have been from the very start. i just want to have fun again and to slowly learn to trust people. thank you if you read this to the very end, it was just an honest and long ramble of how i’ve been feeling. i hope i can share more of ollie and my other ocs with everybody and that with time, i can let go of the painful things i’ve experienced before.

#personal

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shenanigans-academia · 5 years ago

Text

Summer Training Camp Arc/ Rescue Bakugo/ The End of All Might

Episode 39: Game Start

•the fact that Denki and Mineta physically went to Mido’s house to invite him to the pool is actually kinda cute. Too bad they have creepy intentions

•Momo:”Aw I was supposed to spend several weeks traveling Venice with my parents”

Uraraka: “WHAT is YoUr LiFE??” I feel you girl

•Mineta/Denki:”TheRe’S BoObS At tHe End Of ThiS TuNnEL”

Iida-Absolute Unit-Tenya:”HELLO FELLOW CLASSMATES”

•Iida is built like a fucking TANK what the heck but why the fuck are you walking like that Iida lmao

•Iida talking about how far he and Izuku have come as friends, I’m soft

•Kiri refusing to come without Bakubabe convincing Bakugo to join then looking so defeated when he immediately starts picking a fight I can’t with these two

•”friendly competition between classmates” cuts to Bakugou looking possessed before saying “I’m going to annihilate you Deku/ Icy Hot Bastard” bruh do you have an off switch or at least take it down like 20 notches you’re exhausting

•”YOU DIDNT EVEN TOUCH THE WATER”

“ITS CALLED FREE STYLE SWIMMING”

•Lmao the whole class is cheating

•I love how it just cut to a dramatic montage of TodoDeku moments while Sho can’t take his eyes off Mido WHY THEY ALL SO INTENSE FOR YOURE 15 HANGING OUT AT A POOL DURING THE SUMMER WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALWAYS ON

•Mido/Todo/Iida all just staring at each other intensely having their own inner montages. Literally anybody watching them “...are they okay?”

•Aizawa you party pooper

•I’m sorry but Kirishima is so in love and no one can tell me other wise no I do not take constructive criticism

•Okay that end montage is so fucking pure I’m. So. Soft

Episode 40: Wild, Wild Pussycats

•Kirishima “can’t keep my hands to myself/off Bakugo Katsuki” Eijirou

•Class 1B to anybody they meet: “we’re sorry about Monoma”

•Aizawa loves his class can’t you tell

•”Long time no see” Aizawa’s a cutie

•Lmao KOTA the first of Mido’s adopted kids

•These poor fucking kids can’t catch a fucking BREAK

•Koda tried and I love him

•Kiri’s heart eyes are so LOUD

•I love when they all work together

•”YOURE IN MY WAY ICY HOT”

“Then pick another route” Todoroki doesn’t have time for your tantrums Kacchan

•These poor kids

•Kota went for the KO

•”YOU FIEND OF A CHILD. GEEZ KID HOW OLD ARE YOU”

•”Brats got spunk”

“He’s like a mini version of you “

He’s right and should say it

•Mineta needs a muzzle

•The boys are all like we’re just as curious to see the girls but Mineta needs to calm down 300%

•Kota to the rescue!

•IIDA GOT A FACEFUL OF MiNETA ASS HE DIDNT DESERVE THAT AGSFJSHHSJXG

•Mina almost killed a child with her boobs I’m dead and so is Kota

•I’m sorry but it’s both funny and weird that Midoriya is just naked while being told this child’s tragic backstory

•Aizawa you are actively trying to kill your students aren’t you just admit it

Episode 41: Kota

•Testutestu is such a good boy

•Good training idea according to UA Teachers: Break yourselves or else you’re weak. Just fucking die then you can be heroes

•Tiger is amazing “I’m here to beat you guys to a pulp”

“I have some questions about him...” ME TOO RANDOM CLASS 1B STUDENT BUT I LOVE HIM

•Iida tries so hard

•Momo explains how her quirk works: smart and precise description

Sero Fucking Hanta: “like how poop works” BRUH

•This kid is literally just a mini Kacchan

•I’m sorry but Mido why would you ask a small child who you’re trying to befriend about their murdered parents like what part in your mind made you think that was a good idea

•Mina And Bakugo sleep the same way, starfish style, I love them. But who the FUCK is sleeping under a bunch of pillows off their mattress on the straight floor with their butt in the air (I bet money it’s Kaminari)

•everyone complaining about training in the dark:

Tokoyami: ”Revelry in the Dark”

•Kirishima’s too tired to deal with his angry boyfriend

•Todoroki trying to help Midoriya with Kota “be careful what you say, you can be really annoying” he’s trying

•Tokoyami constantly whispering “Revelry in the Dark” to himself is the FUNNIEST thing to me I love you, you emo punk

•It Dabi Time

Episode 42: My Hero

•these poor fucking kids I swear

•”we want our treat Mr. Aizawa”

“Do you want me to tighten your bindings?”

Oooh Kinky Bad Aizawa akshdhbekal

•MONOMA SHUT UP

•Spinner is a long lost Ninja Turtle Brother change my mind

•”DIDNT ANYBODY TELL YOU ITS NOT A HEROES JOB TO BE HAPPY” clearly

•I respect Testutestu so much

•This muscley villain is Bakugo’s real dad and nobody can tell me other wise

•Okay that fucking Bondage villain is genuinely terrifying

•KOTA BABY STAY BACK P L E A S E

•it’s been X amount of days since breaking my bones- erases whatever number was there and puts a fat zero MIDORIYA YOU WERE DOING SO WELL but for this we will make an exception I guess

•oh my fucKING GOD KOTA JUST R U N

•Mido really thought he was gonna die holy FUCK

•”One For All One Million Percent” MIDORIYA YOU CANT EVEN HANDLE 5% BABY BOY WHAT IS YOU DOIN

Episode 43: Drive It Home, Iron Fist

•Shiggy thinking in Video Games format is honestly so on brand

•Mido is FUCKED UP right now poor boy

•”We’re in big trouble” YEAH NO SHIT ERASURE

•BAMF Aizawa is my reason for living

•Okay I forgot how much I love Twice

•Aizawa seeing Izuku’s broken bones: ”AGAIN???”

•Kota’s precious and I LOVE DADZAWA

•KIRI’S SO UPSET THAT THAT THE VILLAINS ARE HERE FOR BAKUGO IM SOBBING

•”Teachers changing their minds about fighting, why do I feel like this is Deku’s fault” BAKUGO SHUT UP YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW YOU DICKHEAD

•TESTUTESTU IS SUCH A GOOD BOY

•DUDE BROUGHT A FUCKING GUN TO A CAMP I FORGOT ABOUT THAT HOLY SHIIIITTT

•CLASS 1B MVPS KENDO AND TESTU MOTHERFUCKING TESTU

•Midoriyas doing a Naruto run because his arms are fucking broken I’m crying

•Tokoyami, Dark Shadow And Shouji IM READY

Episode 44: Roaring Upheaval

•Tokoyami tries so hard to be good I love him

•WE! DESERVE! SO! MUCH! MORE! SHOUJI!

•Yami is so emo And is just such a Good Boi AH

•Scared Bakugo is Baby

•Honestly they’re all Baby

•Toga:”I love messed up bleeding people”

Mido: shows up completely broken

Toga:”Mr. Stainy who? I want that one”

•Aoyama would be the kid who gets caught in hide and seek because they think they have a great spot and can’t be seen and try to peek them convince themselves still nobody saw them in plain sight

•Awase was fully prepared to die protecting Momo I’m CRYING he’s my new favorite

•Battle Plan Mastermind Mido is amazing

•Also poor unconscious kid just being dragged behind Uraraka haha

Episode 45: Shat A Twist!

•Kiri: “I cant let them take my boyfriend” poor boy just wants to help so bad

•Whelp nobody is safe

•LMAO Aizawa just stomping on Fake Dabi has me dying

•Shouto how long has it been since you last saw your brother...?

•Shouji SMACK A BITCH Mezo

•I LOVE SHOUJI

•Compress you freak get those kids out of your mouth ya nasty

•AOYAMA YES

•Dabi stop being a dick to your little brother I’m gonna tell Rei

•Kirishima is so upset AND IM UPSET MY BABIES

•These kids just wanted a fun week at camp LEAVE THEM ALONE THEYRE 15

•...Mic...is the traitor...

•I love how everybody hates All Might’s ringtone lmao

•All Might’s like only Us teachers are allowed to beat our kids to a pulp in order to better them as heroes y’all are just mean

•I know Mitsuki has just a bad a temper as her son but how do you think she reacted finding out her child was the kidnap victim of a villain attack? No matter what you think of her as a parent, that’s still her kid and she must have been devastated. But just like Katsuki she would never admit it to his face

•Precious Boy Denki And Class 1A coming to visit their hurt friends I love this class so much

•”I brought a present! I mean it’s from everyone. It’s a melon!” Okay that was pretty cute

•Kirishima being like “why is everyone crying we’re going to go get him let’s go gays time to get our Gremlin back”

•Kiri:”he’s still within your reach Midoriya!”

Mido:”...my arms are BUSTED my dude nothing is in my reach right now I’m still gonna come tho”

Episode 46: From Iida to Midoriya

•Kirishima is THE Best Boi I love him so fucking much I would die for him

•Iida’s trying his best not to blow a gasket

•”Hysterical Strength” yeah sounds like Deku

•”Go home and take it easy” lmao have you met this kid?

•Kota is so freaking sweet

•Izuku. Go see your mother

•Iida’s got some good points. I’m including that punch to Midoriya

•Bakugo must be so tired of being tied up and restrained you know he doesn’t have bondage kink later on in life just hits too close to trauma

•Kiri’s constant state of mind: WWBD (WHAT Would Bakugo Do)

•Mido: Stealth Mode=Wakanda Forever

•Iida has the best costume this is not up for debate. I also always forget he has an undercut, we Stan an icon

•”So the rich girl just wants to go shopping” I’m crying

•Clean Shaven/Neat Hair Aizawa? Hell to the fucking Yes Please

•I’m genuinely proud of Bakugo and the fact that he knows that he’s intense and scares a lot of people/ how he comes across is aggressive and almost villain like, he adamantly doesn’t want to be a villain even if everyone just assumes he would be. He wants to be a hero. Whatever it takes

Episode 47: All For One

•Rightful shoutout to Kendo and Testu

•”We are offering mental health counseling to every single student but right now we do not see signs of any serious psychological trauma” Nezu I’m sorry but those kids are officially fucked up for life you can’t be serious

•”what if they’re brainwashing young Bakugo right now towards the path of villainy” leave Bakugo ALONE

•Aizawa is like you come for my angry son I come for your throat try me again bitch

•FERAL GREMLIN BOY FIGHT OR FIGHT MODE ACTIVATED Bakugo has no flight mode only fight

•Mido: Incoherent mumbling

Momo:“this is peak Midoriya” I love how they’re just used to him now

•the boys are just like you’re not touching our friend you drunk creeps

•Kirishima came PREPARED to get his boy back I love him

•Bakugo just take the help you prideful little shit

•Okay Edgeshot is great where has he been all this time

•Annndddd it all went to shit so fast

•oh my god Best Jeanist is fuckin dead

Episode 48: Symbol of Peace

•”You won’t escape Shigaraki” umm so how’d that work out for ya All Might?

•Kamui Woods “IM SO SORRY” poor boy

•Talking to Best Jeanist:”consider me...pressed” All For One got jokes huh

•...yeah no BJ REALLY Fuckin Ded

•These kids are so fucking traumatized

•A WILD BAKUGOU APPEARS

•Twice has big Deadpool energy tbh

•Lmao Iida has had enough

•Mom and Dad of group award goes to Iida and Momo

•All For One: asks Kurogiri to help warp the League

Also All For One: Stabs him while doing it

•”I don’t think so. Because... I Am Here!” All For One really said Fuck All Might

•All these kids think in Video Game Lmao

•I know there’s a lot of commotion happening but I definitely feel like the villains would be able to hear them talking

•Midoriya went to Kirishima like time to get your asshole boyfriend back you lovesick fool

•”YOU IDIOTS” you’re smiling because your friends are here you jerk

•Everyone’s so intense then Kiri-fucking-shima is there smiling like an idiot because BAKUGO’S BACK

•ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT

•...I always forget Shiggy’s familial lineage and it’ makes me sad every time

•I love this episode so MUCH

Episode 49: One For All

•YOUNG MIGHT

•Nana Shimura looks just like Momo...Todoroki Secret Lovechild Theories Intensifies

•”YOU GUYS DIDN’T RESCUE ME YOU WERE MY BEST ESCAPE ROUTE”

“You’re welcome!”

Oh Bakugo just say thank you

•...soooo many people died in Camino Ward, man...

•Aizawa looks so young

•ALL THE KIDS WATCHING THEIR TEACHER AND HERO GET BEATEN TO A PULP HORRIFYINGLY IM SO UPSET

•All For One really just pulled an “I am your father” move but with Shiggy and Nana that’s messed up

•THE PEOPLE RALLYING BEHIND ALL MIGHT IM SOBBING YALL

•NOW IS NOT THE TIME ENDEAVOR

•THERE WE GO THATS BETTER

•Everyone loves All Might I’m so soft

•I’m genuinely crying guys

•...can everyone hear All For One talking about Midoriya oorrrrr???

•All Might you’re pulling a Deku pleaSE STOP

•United States of Smash I cant

•Kirishima really tried holding Bakugo’s hand YALL

•...Bakugo knows

•I love this episode too I’m so upset

Episode 50: End of the Beginning, Beginning of the End

•Gran Torino explaining why they didn’t know about Shimura’s family/Shigaraki is. Sad

•Bakugo is traumatized someone please help him

•Endeavor and Bakugo are the same person and I hate it

•Midoriya and All Might running to each other on the beach is big Marty and Alex from Madagascar energy I’m cackling

•PROUD DADMIGHT MAKES ME SOFT YOU’RE BOTH CRYING AND I AM S O F T

• PARENT TIME YES

•Jirou’s parents are so cool, Kyoka’s so cool THE JIROUS ARE SO COOL

•Oh my god the Bakugos are so CHAOTIC

•It all makes so much sense why he is the way he is and it’s all. Too much. Poor Katsuki

•He’s so. Tired. You can tell. I just want to give him a hug

•”Be CoOl MoM” Izu you’re just as tense and you’ve been with All Might for literally HOW LONG???

•Mama Midoriya is. Right. But that sucks for Izuku

•This is. So. Emotional

Last part of Season 3 is next. DORM LIFE BABY just a little less angst thank god these kids need a break

#mha rewatch #mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #long post #summer training camp #camino ward #rescue bakugo #part 5 #DORMS DORMS DORMS #spoilers

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

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Ajdjskf hello friend!! I know you might be bogged down with asks atm but I was wondering what you think about someone with a sagittarius sun and cancer moon? It doesn't have to be a whole lot 🤧 also is it okay if I rant about something too? Kind of get something off my chest lol I hope you're doing okay and had a good say today! 💕💕💕

Hello friend!! 💕💕 Don’t worry I want to collect em’ combinations 💕💕

[Below Cut: Sagittarius Sun - Cancer Moon 🌘]

Most noticeable thing for me about this placement is their curiosity, it’s because they’re incredible learners -- often retaining information and absorbing things quickly it makes them curious characters for me

They’re not like-- outright about it, they’re the type to sit you down and show interest in what you’re saying. Engaged listeners, they truly have the ability to both care and be practical about it at the same time.

Will repeat what you said to you and try to clarify, they’re the type to learn things quickly step-by-step. As long as the core foundation is good, they feel confident in exploring/making up explorations themselves

I think they’re similar to Geminis when they’re like this. But less flippant or candid, Sagittarius/Cancer are a little more subtle. A little more observant of other people, they learn how to read information from others as well as process whether they should believe it or not at the same time.

Self-study is a thing like, these people can often be very resourceful. The type to utilize the Library or find places/people they can gain context from.

These people are pretty flexible people, often receptive to new information and social climate. These people eyes light up when they discover new areas of exploration/studies, and although they approach it with fascination-- they like to keep pace with themselves and try to work through it with quiet determination/intrigue.

This is because they’re daring but also astute, they’re freedom-loving but also intuitive. They’re careful--- often looking left and right before making a decision. But they’re also inventive and creative. They like to tie these things together in a neat little package. Underneath their curious/love-learning nature is their emotionality and fluidity to their persona. Which makes them really stable and emotionally receptive friend (feels self-assured, like they can hold themselves dependable and thus makes people come to them)

Their emotionality is often their strongest point, because it gives them good judgement on people they surround themselves with. Intuitively, they’re pretty sharp. Can pick up someone with an ulterior/bad motive from a while away. Their self-preservation is incredible, but it might not be a good thing all the time since they may be too careful/cautious and lose opportunities with people socially (who aren’t going to wait for them).

How they feel about something/someone is part of their survival instinct, they know when/how to utilize it best (people who are untrustworthy or is going to let them down).

They might not like to ill-prepared, they get queasy/sick when they’re completely blind-sided by something someone else throws at them and ‘expect’ them to do well (like an unexpected presentation, etc)

They don’t want to look bad in front of people, disappointing others feels like letting themselves down. They want to be more than that, which is why they work hard to be firmer, grasp better at certain things so they can help. They want to put their best foot forward always.

It’s mostly to do with how their heart is. They have a good heart, but Cancer Moon likes to be emotionally in-control even when they’re FEELING so much emotions.

It’s this good-hearted nature in them that they exude tranquility to others around them, yet at the same time. It can also be holding them back.

They exercise a lot of caution because of this emotional Cancer, not letting themselves (their Sag) get too far ahead or behind. They don’t like losing focus, yet at the same time they fear they’ll get out of hands.

It can feel restraining to the person, walking at their own pace feeling at their own time. Yet they fear a lot of things, in the past and future because they want to be themselves/have autonomy/be in control. So a lot of the time, the leash they keep on their Sagittarius gets tighter and tighter until they pull back into themselves completely.

They may often feel like they have high ideals, romanticism nature to them because of Sagittarius’s hopeful nature and Cancer’s receptivity to ideas. Alot of people in these placements feel like their head is in the clouds-- and that’s when the Cancer Moon feels threatened and tries to loop the Sagittarius in closer to itself.

The problem isn’t with the idealizing of things, or feeling hopeful/optimistic about certain situations. It’s that they can get complacent with themselves, often settling for less than what they deserve because they don’t want to ‘get too high up in the clouds’.

Their insights and sound judgement aren’t compromised because of their high ideals-- it’s compromised because they restrict themselves. They’re highly sensitive, and this can backfire on them because they tend to think they’re delusional, they’re illusions, they’re taking things too far maybe?

They put themselves down without realizing it because they’d rather be the one to cut their own legs than let anybody else cut theirs (again, fear of people’s expectations and living up to said expectations)

Recognizing that this is part of their sensitivity, part of their emotional fear helps them also realize that it’s not very good for them. It’s not very practical for them is it? And it doesn’t allow them to grow (complacency by self-imposed fears)

Thus they can’t give themselves the credit they deserve because they’re acting like a 🤡 about it.

Paranoia is paranoia--- don’t let it control you. Sometimes identifying fears, emotionality and the worst part of your emotionality that’s inflicting your fears/control issues should be addressed (whenever you’re ready).

If the person works on taking away their complacency, their allowing these things to happen to them (may just need a good hard sitting down -bluntly and talking to from a trusted friend/person)

They will have a ‘waking up’ moment and get their shit together (for a while, anyways).

Get a good friend, a practical friend. Let them smack some senses into you. Usually, having different perspective that are less emotional than yours is without all the fluffer and sensitivity issues you have, would generally help with you reaching out to other people and curbing these fears.

If the Sag/Cancer wants a ‘waking up’ moment so much, they’ll have to learn how to activate it/methods for doing so.

I hope this is good 💕💕 And helpful for you!! 💕💕 Good luck with everything!! 💕💕

#Sagittarius Sun #Cancer Moon #Sagittarius-Cancer #dreamyblossoms #asks

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starrysence · 6 years ago

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Javid headcanons? Ps I love your writing!!

oooooo javid havent written for these boys in a WHILE. and thank you anon!!! thats really sweet of you to say !! :)

●ok guys you should know i love dad friend jack kelly with all my heart. he just seems like he'd be so great w/ all the boys y'know???▪this boy is an absolute disaster when it comes to taking care of himself tho▪at 4am davey is just straight-up concerned "jack why arent you asleep yet"▪"sorry i was about to go to sleep but one of the kids had a nightmare"▪also hes literally ready to Fight anyone who even looks at one of the boys the wrong way●modern day jack babysits You Cant Change My Mind▪hear me out tho davey's parents know medda and medda 100% recommends jack as a babysitter if they ever need one ▪and sometimes davey is tutoring kids so they do have jack babysit les (whos very stubborn at first bc "im responsible!!!! i dont need no babysitter!!" but warms up to jack rlly quickly)▪one time davey comes home early and sees les and jack howling with laughter over lord knows what and his heart just kinda??? "ashdbchzjs" y'know?▪"oh hey dave les was just telling me about that time you tripped in the band room and fell into a bass drum"▪"he was telling you WHAT"●the generic snow hc all of u shouldve seen coming: jack loves the snow and everything but davey Does Not▪probably bc davey gets sick so easily in the winter ▪he has to admit tho,, jack looks gorgeous in the snow (buckle up its gettin gay)▪sometimes he'll really just be staring at jack and jack doesnt? realise??? for the longest time?▪but then davey decides to throw a snowball at him and shit gets WILD▪theyre both shuddering by the time they get back inside but it was worth it ● yall these two absolutely love movie nights▪disney movies tho?? and cheesy rom coms??? yes. sign them UP▪they almost never get through the movie tho bc they always end up making out oops▪but sometimes they REALLY want to watch the movie and get through it and so they go full out▪BLANKETS and FOOD▪oh my god theres so much food●jack is like? a really physical person?? hes literally never afraid to make physical contact with anybody its basically a natural reflex for him▪davey discovers this when they start hanging out▪jack is like?? always touching daveys arm or tracing shapes somewhere on his body or resting his head on davey's shoulder▪davey knows its nothing big to jack but it always makes him blush so hard hes so mad at himself for it▪jack is such an idiot it takes him MONTHS to notice▪even when he does▪"???? dave ur face is really red are you okay?"▪davey is about to burst bc jack is SUCH an idiot but also? cute?? so cute ●whenever davey is sick jack is at his side basically 24/7▪"jackie its a cold not a 100-degree fever"▪"shhhhhh lemme take care of you"▪he'll give davey like every blanket he can find and make him soup and everything ▪davey honestly thinks its unnecessary but sweet▪jack thinks it is totally necessary and simply a way to show that hes a Good Boyfriend (like davey didnt know that already ,,,,)●jack uses a lot of pet names??? it drives davey wild▪"baby" he loses his mind▪"sugar" his heart bursts▪"sweetheart" hes dying ▪even when jack is just tired and calls him "dave" hes practically swooning▪it takes jack so long to realise but he ABSOLUTELY uses it to his advantage once he does lmao▪you uh.... interpret that last part however you want to●sometimes they have really intense arguments over fairly small things▪like one time jack hurt himself really bad in the kitchen on accident and kept trying to tell davey he could clean himself up▪he ended up having to yell rlly loud to get his point across??▪and they couldnt talk to each other a little while after that ▪maybe like a half hour?? but they made up●les jacobs is the ultimate wingman bitches▪ok literally one time when jack is babysitting hes like "you really like my brother a lot dont you??"▪theyre like watching a movie and eating snacks and jack nearly chokes▪"w ha t"▪"its ok he likes you too, you guys should go on a date sometime"▪"W H A T"▪needless to say davey is VERY confused when he comes home to les looking smug as heck and jack staring at him w/ wide eyes●DAVEY PROPOSES SHHH▪its around their 5th or 6th anniversary?? and jack os like "i think it would be really nice to be a jacobs one day"▪was it a hint? was it not? davey didnt know for sure but he decided to take it as one since theyre literally like a month away from their anniversary lol▪so its really sweet???? davey does manage to get his whole lil speech out without crying so much he has to stop▪but lets be real theyre both in tears by the time jack says yes

×××

i really.. dont know how i feel about these and im sorry if they suck )): its been a weird week lol

-sanj 💕

tag list:

@but-let-us-seize-the-day

@one-candy-cane-please

@suddenly-im-respecsable

@intoomanyfandomstopickaname

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@bencookisagod

@well-the-kids-do-too

@auspicioustarantula

@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn

@have-we-got-news-for-you

@not-a-scab

@newsiesgarbage

@pineappapizza

@andthewoildwillknow

@concrete--donuts

@stopthe-presses

@thomasbeingthomas

@i-love-loki-and-sherlock

@maxvanna

@spot-me50-papes

[if you want to be added to my tag list, please shoot me an ask or a message letting me know! i’d be happy to add you!]

#newsies #newsies live #newsies 1992 #davey jacobs #david jacobs #jack kelly #javid #javey #sanj scribbles

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heartsofstrangers · 6 years ago

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What has been one of the most challenging things that you have experienced, or are currently experiencing?

“The most challenging experience I’m having right now is getting back into the world. Finding myself and place that I’ve lost over my 14 years of addiction. I think I’ve found myself, but I think that is a struggle for a lot of people in the world. Not necessarily somebody who struggles with addiction, but finding who they are as a person, and their being, and their purpose. I’m finding that. Or I think I’ve found that, but I don’t know if anybody finds that throughout their whole life. I’m lucky to be able to have that opportunity—a second chance at life in this recovery road.”

Tell me about the years of addiction, and what maybe contributed to the addiction.

“Well, in high school, not choosing the best group of friends. My father moved away when I was very young. No fault of his own. He had to go to find work in other states, which I now understand as an adult, but at the time I think I was suppressing that loss of him, having to move. He had no choice, he had to.

“For a group of friends, divorce is hard on children. Remarriage is also hard on children. I was very fortunate to have a great stepfather. But that was also challenging. I also experienced a lot of bullying my junior year at Southington High. That, in turn, led me to switch high schools, from Southington High to New Britain High. Although I made it out of there, it was really some hard times for me. I just kept self-medicating.

“Eventually, one high wasn’t as good as the first. I just kept going for that ultimate high, until eventually it caused me to overdose twice.”

Tell me about the times you overdosed. What was that experience like?

“In my first experience I was experimenting with drugs, and I did not know a good mixture. The reality is I was trying to get the ultimate high by mixing pills with antidepressants. It caused a bad overdose and ultimately led to my mother coming in and finding me unresponsive, and an ambulance ride with two vials of Narcan that ended up bringing me back to life. That experience as a whole, being brought in on a stretcher and seeing my family to the right, seeing the ER to the left, seeing the facial expressions on my family members, is something I will never get out of my head. I’ve learned to cope with it.

“Apparently, it wasn’t enough of a wake-up call for me in 2004. My second overdose was in 2009/2010. That experience alone ended up putting me in critical care. All of my bodily fluids had let go. It was a very awakening experience for me. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of my addiction. The second time wasn’t either. But the second time, my nephew had a play that night and I lay there in the hospital bed thinking, now my addiction is not enabling me to be in my nephews’ lives, which I was blind to for so many years prior to that. My addiction had brought me to my knees, and it was now time to wake up and start getting it together.

“It wasn’t until two or three years after that that I started wanting more for myself. But it was a very humbling experience. It was sad. I found myself out and about a week later, getting heroin, and smoking crack again. And again, just suppressing all of those feelings I had had. I felt like I could not stop the vicious cycle. Addiction is a vicious cycle. For many people, it’s hard to find that break. If you do find it, it’s possible.”

What were some of the things you missed out on or lost because of the years of addiction?

“One of the biggest things is time. We as humans, we as people, can get a lot of things back in life. Sneakers, clothes, cars. But the most valuable thing that we as humans can’t get back is time. So if you asked me what the biggest one was, it would be time. I missed out on time with my nephews. Time to get my career off the ground and finances in order. Yes, we can get some of those things back, but we don’t get time back.”

Has forgiving yourself, or even forgiving others, been part of the process of recovery for you?

“Yeah, very big. I’d like to sit here today and say that I one hundred percent wholeheartedly have forgiven myself. Some days I think I’ve got it and I do, and other days I don’t. I think that’s all part of the recovery process. Good days and bad. That’s for anybody. But we as addicts struggle a little more, I feel. Or depression. Whatever somebody is recovering from.

“I believe I’m almost there. It’s a process of forgiving myself. Forgiving others is a process as well. But I understand there were a lot of difficult decisions and situations I put my family in for many years that I was bitter from. It had to eventually come to a point where they had to separate—for themselves. I have forgiven. I have to, because we as adults—cancer survivors, addiction, depression, mental health, whatever you may be recovering from—it’s vitally important that the person who has suffered for so many years gets to a point where they forgive themselves so they can move forward.

“There have been a lot of crying nights, a lot of fist punches to the pillow, a lot of difficult situations I’ve had to play over in my mind as it’s a process, you have to forgive in order to move forward. Some of the situations I didn’t like having to forgive and I still struggle with today. But it’s only going to hold me back. I was very fortunate that I had a family and I still have a family that is allowing me to recover. And it’s allowing me to forgive myself. One of the biggest things my family said to me two and a half years ago was we forgive you. A lot of people don’t get that opportunity. The ones who do, we’re very fortunate. But I’m still told up until last week when I was having a ‘Jenny’ moment, ‘Jenny, we forgive you. You can feel sorry for what you’ve been through, but we forgive you and we’re here.’ And it’s important that you know that so you can move forward.

“So I have to keep replaying that in my head every day. My mother is a second-time cancer survivor, and I tell her, ‘I know you didn’t mean to get sick. Sometimes I think you had to go and get sick,’ and she’ll say, ‘Well, you were sick for years. Allow me time to get well.’ So I forgive. It’s important to forgive. It’s a process.”

It sounds like having your family tell you they forgive you is freeing in some way.

“Absolutely. It’s relieving for me. The guilt was a very big part of what stopped me from moving forward. It was self-medicating, which started in high school, as I said. Self-medicating from bad decisions, bad choices in friends, being bullied out of my own town. But almost a year ago I forgave some of those people in high school, because we were young. We didn’t know. We wanted to be cool. That’s part of me that’s forgiving. But my family. Yes, for them to be able to say Jenny we forgive you, and it’s important that you know that because we want you to be healthy and be here with us. It’s a very big part for me.”

What sort of role do you think guilt and shame have played in your mental health and addiction?

“The stealing that I did from my family, money. Lies. Being someone I wasn’t. I think one of the biggest things is I had many opportunities to come clean with them, and I didn’t. But I can’t change that. I can only move forward from where I am now.

“A lot of the guilt and shame is from where I was living for a long time. Just kind of a reflection of how life was. Facebook does these pop-up pictures from years prior. And a lot of them have been popping up from the last four or five years. It’s been a good reminder. Because I thought I looked healthy back then. I didn’t. To see how far I’ve come. So the guilt, when I see those. I take it as a hard lesson. Thank you for letting me see how I was. But I wasn’t fooling anybody for a long time. I was only fooling myself.”

Would you say that guilt and shame feed the fire of addiction?

“Oh yeah. The guilt and the shame feed the fire. Absolutely. Because people don’t like feeling feelings. Not everybody. But feelings are healthy from what I’ve been learning. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel mad. It’s okay to feel anger, disappointment, and resentment. It’s okay to be uncomfortable sometimes, you know? That’s good. But for many years, the guilt was feeding all of that and suppressing my way of life.”

All those years of repressing and suppressing those feelings that made you uncomfortable—did they go away, or were they still there when you got sober? And have you had to move through them?

“Those feelings are still there. They’re always going to be there. But I have learned a different way of life and a different way of learning how to manage those feelings and deal with them without having to numb myself from those feelings. Therapy. Yoga. Meditative coloring is my favorite. Love that. So I’ve learned ways to deal with those feelings. They’re always going to be there. But I think at the end of the day, as I was saying earlier, forgiveness plays a very big role in that. Knowing that if you forgive yourself, then everything after that kind of comes into order.

“Forgiving yourself is probably one of the biggest steps in recovery, because after that, your mind, body, and soul know that you have forgiven the most important person in your life. And that’s you. Me. The one who suffered for so many years. Everyone else did suffer, but it gives a sense of relief in my body that I can move forward instead of dealing with those feelings when I’m numbing myself and feeling guilty.”

I’ve talked to many people who are recovering from a wide variety of issues, and one of the recurring themes is that people tend to cause more suffering and pain to themselves than what initially led them to try to escape those feelings in the first place. Would you say that’s true?

“I agree with that. Absolutely. Eventually what happens is you keep suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, rather than dealing with the issues at hand. Eventually it’s two or three years later and time, we don’t get back, but we can always make more time. That leads to suppressing rather than just dealing with the issue at hand. It’s important that people such as myself, you, who have started this Hearts of Strangers, to be able to give people the opportunity to do this. To be able to share their experiences and know you don’t have to go two, three, fourteen years like I did. I would like to not say it’s a waste of time, but I feel if I heard these stories, with what you do and put it out there for people. A lot more people such as myself would have come out a lot earlier.”

You mentioned the realization that you were missing out on your nephews’ lives. What else contributed to the awakening you needed to make some changes?

“I saw my friends getting married and having children. And I wanted that. I always wanted that for myself. I still want that for myself, and I know at the right time it will come. But that was one of the biggest factors, missing out and wanting to be a productive person in society. I was missing out.

“Many nights I would break night and I would hear the birds come up and start chirping. Breaking night is just awful. And I would get in my car from wherever I was and look out the window, and I’d see people going by in their cars to work, to their lives. And I wasn’t being a productive person in society. I wasn’t playing a good role for myself, for my family, for my loved ones. I wanted more for myself, which I hope that before too many lives are lost to this vicious cycle of addiction that people get the opportunity, like I have or you have, because it is possible to live happy and healthy without being under the substance of an addiction, or a drug or alcohol.”

How important do you think connection is in finding a sense of purpose and meaning and moving forward in your journey?

“There are many important roles played in recovery, and that is one of the number ones. It’s very important. Networking. Yeah, I think it’s very important. Finding a sense of purpose and reaching out.”

When things are good but also when things are bad.

“Absolutely. Life is about finding a balance, and I think finding a balance for anybody, even someone who doesn’t have an addiction or struggle, is challenging. What is right? What is wrong? A lot of people say right when the person thinks they got it, they don’t. You’re always learning something new. I think finding the right balance and being comfortable where you are, in a comfortable setting. Finding what’s comfortable for you and then going for it. For me personally, yoga. I’m thinking about getting into kickboxing again. I’ll be the first one to say the best high in the world is getting the endorphins going and working out. That’s one of the biggest things that pulled me out in recovery. I’m a big softball player. Getting out there and being able to cream some softballs is a good feeling for me.”

So doing the things you enjoy doing must really make you feel good. You’ve been able to network and build relationships.

“Yes. And I’ve also been able to repair a lot of relationships as well. Recovery University was a very big opportunity for me. I met a lot of kind people there. For me I was kind of twisting in the air. And again, trying to find the right direction in life. Ultimately in the end, my addiction ended up saving me, if that makes sense.

“Networking, such as people. Reaching out, such as people to you. Or friends, such as yourself. To be able to sit here with you and do this is therapy for me. It’s recovery for me. This is a great high. Networking is very important, like I said. I’m also doing Narcan classes. That’s not a resolution. That’s standing in the gap. But for me to be able to do that and give people a second chance at life. Networking with Greater Hartford Harm Reduction Coalition, my friends up there or you. NA. AA. As they say, one hand washes the other. I feel that it’s been a challenge, but I’m starting to experience it in this recovery world. There was a time when I didn’t want to go anywhere. I just stayed in my house. I was clean and I wasn’t using, but I wasn’t living.

“It was because of networking, from one mouth to another, and seeing the support. There is a lot of support in the recovery world. There definitely is. You have to be very careful and choosy, but yeah, networking has played a very big part in my life.”

Did you find it difficult to reach out for help, and to find the resources that have been beneficial to you?

“In the beginning, I wasn’t trying. In all fairness, it hasn’t been challenging for me. I don’t know if a little bit of my personality has to do with it. I was always very outgoing. But it’s been fairly easy for me to find support in the recovery community and reaching out.

“I know it’s hard for some to reach out more than for others. But if you want to live this recovery road, walk this recovery road, I will tell anybody, don’t let any person, place, or thing stop you. You keep reaching out, because it may be the first, second, third, fourth, or fifth person who does not help you, but I guarantee when you get to the sixth or seventh, you’ll find him. Keep trying.

“For me it hasn’t really been much of a struggle. I’m very fortunate. I have a loving family that just when I gave up on me, had to love me from afar. But I have some encountered some really wonderful friends and great support over the years.”

It sounds like you have a lot of unconditional love and support in your life.

“I do. And a lot of people aren’t as fortunate as me. And for that my heart goes out even harder for them.”

Is that what inspires you to reach out and be part of the community of helping others who may be going through some of the same obstacles that you’ve faced?

“Absolutely. Because although it is going on almost three years now of having those feelings. I have recovery dates for certain things that I stopped along the way. But all in all, about three years. Those feelings, like we said earlier, they never go away. But those feelings of loneliness, the feelings of craving a high or drug to just make you feel normal. All of those feelings will impact me for the rest of my life. I’m never going to forget where I came from. I know where I’m going, and I’m not close to where I want to be, but I’m a lot farther than I was. That makes me want to get out there and empathize with people as humans. The sick and still suffering. To be able to help them. I recently, in the past four months, got into working for Aware Recovery Care. And their treatment approach is wonderful. But anyone out there who is in this service or in this field, whether you’re getting paid or not, has to have a passion and know what one has gone through. Even if they don’t, it’s never bad to lend a helping hand and help somebody. So, my past experience is what is driving me to help people in recovery.”

Have you faced stigma at all in having the history and past that you have? Do you still encounter that?

“Yeah. I encountered a year ago, I went to an NA meeting and I had mentioned that I was on methadone, which is a medication that got me to a stable point of not being sick, living a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Healthy, honest, productive person of society. I had mentioned that I was on that, and somewhere in between the temporary sponsor that I had. I don’t know where she missed that big vital point of that happening, I wanted to start being a door greeter and taking commitments and working the steps. And it was passed onto me by this temporary sponsor that I could not start or take any step work or commitments until I was off my methadone, because that is not considered being clean.

“So that was a very big stigma and big prejudice that I felt. That, in turn, pushed me away from going to my meetings and pushed me away from my networking for a good six or seven months until I talked to a couple of people at RU, and they said, don’t let that stop you. I may say this angry right now, but I can voice it. Until you have a PhD after your name, then we’ll talk. For me, it’s what works for me. I’ll never be the type to sit there and tell someone, ‘You’re not clean because you’re on a medication that is being prescribed for abuse.’ Especially if you’re tapering off. But it’s what works for that person.”

You’re mentioned RU, Recovery University, a few times. Tell me what that is.

“Recovery University is part of Advocacy Unlimited. It’s a nonprofit organization that accepts anybody who has a co-occurring disorder, depression, addiction, to allow them to get an 80-hour certification in the state of Connecticut, to be able to work with individuals who have co-occurring depression, addiction, alcoholism, and be able to work in the field of addiction services. Anybody recovering from something, but addiction services mostly, mental health. And be an advocate for them. Help them on their recovery journey. The thing I like best about RU is I never thought I would be able to go to a university for something that almost killed me and made me hide for years. Then I could go to school for it and get a certification and be sitting here and working in the field. But along with the RU certification, I did some networking. I met some wonderful people along the way.”

It sounds like an organization, or a concept such as Recovery University, makes it possible for people who have lived experiences to then be a support to others who are still going through it. It sounds like a way to turn something negative and painful, something that may be been a weakness in your life into a strength, something you could be proud of. Something that had value and you could offer it to others to help them. I think it’s huge in shifting the perspective of the 14 years or so that you spent using.

“Recovery University . . . well, my biggest accomplishment prior to that was graduating high school. And that was a struggle for me, because of having to switch high schools and because of the bullying experiences I had. But the second was graduating from Recovery University, and having that diploma, having my father come. And having that certification and being able to turn a negative into a very big positive. And being able to stand on a stage in front of all of these people who are all fighting for the same cause. For so many years when I thought I was alone, I knew that there were people out there feeling the way I was, but I realize in-depth that I never really was alone. I’m not alone now, which is a good feeling to know.”

You mentioned in the beginning of this interview some of the things that may have contributed to your addiction. Your father moving away at a young age, moving away, changing schools, your parents going through a divorce, remarriage, and also being bullied. Where there other traumas or experiences that may have contributed to not having the coping skills needed to deal with those issues?

“Yeah, for a long time, from the age of 10 probably up to my early or late teens, I always knew that something wasn’t right with my mom. But I also didn’t know that she was suffering from addiction at the time as well. I was blind toward it, but I knew something wasn’t right with her, and her behavior, but I was given a lot of free time to come and go. There were rules. I wouldn’t say a bad thing about my mother today. She did a good job. She saved me twice from overdose and raised a kind, gentle, loving woman—myself. I think a lot of that had to do with it.

“As time went on, I started self-medicating and not acknowledging issues and speaking how I felt. Again, I don’t mean to keep going back to the bullying in high school, but that ultimately ended up being the biggest factor in my 14 years of addiction. Had that not happened, I think I would have been able to acknowledge some things at home that were bothering me, and worries that I had. My mother wasn’t ready to come and admit it yet. That goes along with people—when they’re ready, they’re ready. You can’t force anyone into recovery. A person has to want it. Now it’s almost 16 years that she’s been clean. So I think that had a big factor to do with it.”

It sounds like instability in your home life, and your role models weren’t modeling the healthiest coping skills for whatever challenges they were facing. So you didn’t really have the resources or access to coping skills that may have helped you avoid drugs and that path.

“Well no, that’s not really accurate. I always had what I needed. I was always well taken care of. Beautiful home, clothes, but that’s not all that a lot of people need. She never, an example of my mom. One day I swung on a 3 and 0 and you never swing on a 3 and 0 in softball or baseball, but I did, and I had two RBIs. The coach walked off the field and quit. So we didn’t have a coach to proceed and my mother was the one to get off the bench and said, ‘Okay, I’ll coach.’

“So I did have support. I did have endless love that I still do today. But there was part of me that could see that my mom still was not healthy. So subliminally in my teens, I just started smoking pot, drinking beer. Addiction is a disease. Now I know that later on in life. I had lots of support, a loving sister, family. But I think that did play a smidgen in my self-medicating.”

Thank you for saying that, because I think a lot of times we think addiction looks a certain way or there is a recipe for addiction. There are plenty of people who are professionals living in beautiful homes, driving expensive cars. From the outside it looks very cookie cutter and that they have everything that they could possibly need. There are still mental-health issues or addiction issues. I’m glad you corrected me and said that, because I think it’s really important.

“Yes, it is important. A lot of people think ‘She’s got the best Nikes on and Abercrombie and oh, their life is great.’ But until you live in those four walls, eight wall, ten walls—a mansion—you don’t really know what’s going on inside people’s homes.

“Again, hats off to my mother. When people are born, they don’t come with an instruction manual. I sure gave her a run for years. But I’m glad we’re all here to enjoy each other and live prosperous, healthy years to come.”

It sounds like you’re at a place in your life when you can acknowledge that your mother and father did the best they could. I myself was able to come to that place in my journey. And it was very freeing to let go of that resentment and the blaming sometimes that happen. It starts when you’re a teenager. You wish your parents were something different than what they were. You think you were going without. Then you realize that they are people too. They are doing the best that they can.

“Yeah, absolutely. Just to go back on my father moving away. At the age of 12 or 13, I felt like he up and left me. He always said, ‘Jennifer, I had a very tough decision to make. I had to make money.’ For many years, which led to me self-medicating was my father moved away, and he had other children. Here I am and it was bitter. Suppressing and suppressing. But little did I know that my father was suffering from alcoholism out there. He was having depression. Clinical depression. Do I wish that there were more attempts made on his part and mine? Yes. But for the first time in 20 years I just had Christmas with him. It’s a wonderful feeling. Relationships and family take a lot of work. That’s why communication is one of the biggest things in life.”

It sounds like there’s a lot of honesty now in that communication.

“Yes, there is. I didn’t realize what he was dealing with while in Michigan and Illinois. And I can only imagine that divorces can be tough. For him to be how many states away trying to communicate with a teenager, me at the time. And for him to know that I was BSing him the whole time and there was really nothing he could do about it. I feel more of an attempt could have been made by him to reach out. But also, I wasn’t being honest with him. And I wasn’t honest with him for 14 years. Even when I became an adult.

“It’s a process. Recovery is a process, and it’s going to be a process for the rest of my life. But I now have tools and wonderful people to network. And a support safety net that I can go to. I’m very confident with that.”

What sort of role does spirituality play in this journey for you in recovery?

“I’m happy you asked that. I would always call on God when I was in trouble. ‘Oh, God, please don’t let me get pulled over.’ I didn’t realize until maybe a year ago that I would only call on him when I was in trouble. So for a while it didn’t sit easy with me. I felt hypocritical to him. Spirituality for me, I’m still in the process of working on that. I’m working on that. I know that my spirit is what’s most important, and I’ve got to work on keeping that spirt alive and torched up, and it goes down sometimes. I’m working on that spirituality aspect. I had a little glimpse of spirituality on my way out to Illinois, which was very ironic going to see my father. There was a priest walking around the boarding area and there was nowhere to sit, so I said, ‘Father, would you like my seat?’ and he said, “No, no, no, I’m okay. Thank you.’ And I didn’t want to push it so I said, ‘Okay, happy holidays.’ So on the returning flight I see him sitting in the same area as me getting ready to go back to Bradley. So I said, ‘Hi, Father. Did you have a good Christmas? Do you remember me?’ because I had a hat on going out. And he goes, ‘I remember you. You’re the nice young lady who offered me your seat on the way out, and it made me feel good to know that there are still people out there doing nice charity work.’ And as little as that was, we got into a discussion of how cold the world can be today. I shared very briefly what I could about my addiction and my struggles. It was almost a sign that he was on that plane, because it’s one of the things that I’m working on right now. My spirituality, my religion, my beliefs. We ended up exchanging phone numbers. When he’s done with his travels, I’d like to go see him and get more in depth with my spirituality. So it was just kind of weird how that happened.”

What are some things that enhance your spirit when you are feeling depleted?

“A lot of what my spirit is is to not want to go back to the way I was living. Early on in my recovery my higher power was my nephews. Everyone says whatever your higher power is, even if it’s that tree, whatever you believe in you believe in. My nephews were a very big part of my life and a lot of the guilt I carried was, up until they were about 9 and 10, I was in their lives consistently. And then when addiction started to kick off, I wasn’t. So they were my higher power for spirituality. Now, what keeps me going every day is the remembrance of not wanting to go back and live that way. My body is healthy. My mind is clear. I’m actually okay in my own skin now.”

It’s seems like you’re looking in the rear-view mirror now. Seeing you’re in a better place gives you strength to move forward.

“Keeping it green a little bit. Remembering where I came from. Not so much that it hinders me every day, but knowing I’m not going back there again. I’m not going back there. To be able to have this opportunity today to sit here and to be able to answer these difficult questions, that aren’t so difficult for me to answer right now. But back then, I would have been dodging everywhere. To be able to sit here in an art gallery and be able to share with you. These questions that humble me and brought me to my weakest point for several years. To see how far I’ve come.”

What have you learned about yourself in these years that you were battling addiction, even in the years that followed in your recovery?

“I’m learning a bit more about myself every day. I think we all do that as people. But one of the biggest things is that I’m kind, and I’m a good person. Although I felt like I lost that for years, my self-worth. To know I have all of these people behind me who love me and support me is enough to keep me going. I learned that every day is not going to be a good day. There are going to be days that are bad. But it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel things without numbing yourself. It’s a cleansing.”

You talked earlier about how it’s part of being human to be upset, to be angry, to be uncomfortable. I can relate to that, because I think the things that make us uncomfortable lead us to check out and be numb with whatever we use, whether it’s television, phones, shopping, sex, gambling, smoking, drugs, alcohol, food—we all do something to take that edge off. What I’ve learned in my recovery is that when you learn to sit with what makes you uncomfortable, without armoring up, without checking out, without numbing, you make peace with it. Then you no longer have to run from it. You’re no longer dodging it.

“And forgiveness. Learning to forgive yourself little by little.”

We’ve talked about a lot of different components, and recovery, your own personal recovery journey. I want to talk about the role that self-love plays in this for you. Maybe in comparison to where you were in your addiction. Where are you today with self-love?

“It’s still a work in progress. I was struggling with addiction for 14 years. I’m not going to come out of all of those feelings I had in three. Self-love? I do love myself a lot more than I did back then. Knowing that I have people behind me makes me love myself even more. I always had that love. But I was just so numb to it for years. So knowing I have all of that behind me makes me want to love myself more.

“Doing work such as working with individuals. People in general make me love myself. One of my biggest struggles today is being too kind and not keeping enough kindness for myself. Loving everybody else and putting Jenny last.

“I have a lot of love for myself. I’m getting there. Some days are better than others, but I know when I lay my head down at night, one of my father’s favorite sayings is, ‘When you lay yourself down at night and close your eyes, it’s only you and your mind in there. You and your body.’ When I lay down at night, I have a good conscience. I know I did the best that I could throughout my day. I know I wasn’t hurting anybody, including myself. And I’m working on being pure.

“I have a lot of great qualities that I was told about for years, but I’m working on that. I love myself more than I did back then. It’s an everyday process. But I know I’m a good person. And I’m wholehearted. That’s what keeps me going, along with other components.”

That touches upon something I’ve learned and share when I have the opportunity to speak. When we avoid making ourselves uncomfortable and we numb ourselves and self-medicate, protect ourselves from being hurt, we end up closing ourselves off from the joy, the beauty, and the love and support that are there. You mentioned that you had love around you all that while, but you just couldn’t see it because you were in the state that you were in.

“Yeah, my mental state—numb, numb. I couldn’t feel anything. I feel things today, which is good.”

It’s part of being human, right? Feeling things.

“That definitely plays a big role in it [laughs]!”

Is there a favorite quote or a mantra or song lyric, or a piece of advice that someone has shared with you over the years, that you would like to share today?

“There’s a Subaru commercial. There’s a girl singing in the commercial. I can’t think of the song right now, hold on, it’s coming to me: ’take back my life song.’ You know what I’m talking about? That’s my song. Sorry I can’t remember the name of it. That’s it. There are a lot of words and lyrics in that song.”

I want to say it’s called “Fight Song”

“That’s it! Fight Song.”

What does it mean to you?

“The word fight. I’ve got a lot of fight in me. Prove I’m all right song. It’s not just proving I’m all right to other people, but to myself. I’ve always loved music, dancing. Music as a whole inspires me. The Right Song. That’s it.”

How has it felt to talk about these feelings and experiences with me today?

“It’s a great high. It’s a wonderful high. The reason why it’s such a wonderful high is because my body can feel, and my mind knows that this isn’t BS. I’ve said these similar words to people over the years. But when I would drive away or lay down at night, I knew that they weren’t real. To be able to sit here today, wholeheartedly, clean, not under any substance, feeling this, has been a wonderful experience for me. It’s been a great high. And I thank you for the opportunity.”

Do you think it’s possible by sharing your experience and your journey in this way that it could potentially inspire someone else who may be listening to it or reading?

“Absolutely. One hundred percent. I stand by one hundred percent the work that you’re doing, the work that we’re all doing for everybody who’s trying to help people by sharing their stories on this recovery road. Whether it’s just one word, one phrase, one picture, it can save somebody’s life, and it can really change and alter their way of thinking dramatically. And as I has said earlier in the interview, networking. This is therapy for me. Sharing my story. If I didn’t network, I wouldn’t have met you. If it wasn’t for Recovery University, I wouldn’t have met you. So it’s all about networking. Getting out there, striving for something that you want in life. Not having to go back and live that way. Having this opportunity today with you is therapy for me. I don’t even know if there is a price I could pay for a therapy session such as this.”

#recovery #opiod epidemic #overdose #mental health #courage #resilience #everyhearthasastorytotell

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shadowed-moonrise · 7 years ago

Text

ooc: elia and ashka chat logs

[ooc comments supposed to be removed but i might have missed some. there is a Lot of logs bc we forgot to post until now]

shadowed-moonrise

oh my god what is WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE

shadowed-moonrise

i got some horrifying anons!!! theyre so horrifying!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

hang on let me turn off my blacklist for a moment

quick question: what the fuck

(not directed at you!)

shadowed-moonrise

i just

wow????

they sent me a followup ask like 'didnt you read what i said, my gf likes it'

shadowed-moonrise

and............... i dont....... think she does

like that does not sound like a healthy relationship and i hope they just made it up to creep on me

flameofcertainty

"hi i'm a rapist"

"wtf"

"no but she likes when i rape her"

i just

*what the fuck*

shadowed-moonrise

right

WHAT THE FUCK.

shadowed-moonrise

i was just talking earlier abt how i dont actually like that anybody can read my hyper posts but i make them on publicblog for like Awareness right?

shadowed-moonrise

and i thought i meant like abstractly, like maybe theres somebody reading them and cackling bc they dont agree w/ my politics or whatever?

but APPARENLTY

APPARENTLY

people will send me creepy asks about raping their hyper gf

flameofcertainty

some people are just really terrible?

i guess?

what are they even getting out of this?

shadowed-moonrise

i think some people just........ enjoy making other people suffer????

or maybe somehow they thought i would be like "i think this is hot or a good thing to do or whatever, thank you for your service to the hypersensitive community"

i dunno what goes on in these peoples head

shadowed-moonrise

heads

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr just hates hypersensitives or something

it would explain a lot

shadowed-moonrise

like, okay, but what would you hate hypersensitives for

like theres somebody who hates hypos (and IS A NAT THERAPIST, AUGH) for.... not hating pollution enough, i guess

but hypersensitives are boring? we dont go outside much bc the outside is fully of scary?

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr is just weird like that?

or maybe we're easy targets?

shadowed-moonrise

oh yeah that makes sense

flameofcertainty

most meso folks don't have a button they can press to get a reaction out of us

shadowed-moonrise

if you wanna make somebody suffer its so easy to target people with a big 'make me suffer' button

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

ugh im sort of regretting making it public

i could have just not mentioned it and had a really good blacklist

flameofcertainty

most of the time people aren't that bad

and then there'll be a week or two

where people send you nothing but asks about pollution

shadowed-moonrise

i blacklist some stuff but im generally okay talking about pollution if its like, abstract, so i dont do it that aggressively and then........ sometimes............. people take advantage of that

shadowed-moonrise

i wish you could like, have vulnerabilities without people just randomly deciding to fuck with you for no reason

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

hang on

i just scrolled down

>i’ll put my foreign object ;;;;) in your body ;;;;) ;;;;)

***what the fuck***

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

oh GOD

i just got

another

flameofcertainty

oh no

how bad is it

shadowed-moonrise

bad enough im not sure i should tell you what it says

flameofcertainty

my brain is helpfully providing suggestions

why is it like this

are you okay

shadowed-moonrise

im.... probbly going to be in a minute

fuck

"the last "person" to hide their caste on this hellsite turned out to be red. i bet you aren't even hyper, you're just pretending so people won't suspect. i know what you really are."

thats what it says

flameofcertainty

aaaaaaaa

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

why would anyone send that to you

shadowed-moonrise

i dont know

what did i *do*

flameofcertainty

i don't know

fuck

i guess if they think you're red that would explain why they hate you?

but seriously

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

i'm so sorry

flameofcertainty

why would anyone say that

shadowed-moonrise

anon hate doesnt usually get to me like this but

sob

why

the fuck

i dunno if they even really think that or they just want to upset me

flameofcertainty

i don''t

i don't know

fuck i'm so sorry

are you going to be okay

shadowed-moonrise

yeah. yeah.

flameofcertainty

is there anything i can do

shadowed-moonrise

i dont

think so

flameofcertainty

other than not be the sort of terrible person who would send those messages

shadowed-moonrise

thamk you for not being htat sort of person!

im so glad most people arent

flameofcertainty

it's really not hard

shadowed-moonrise

oh i can... go take some eytelia right now

it will only help in 40min but i might still need it then

shadowed-moonrise

brb

shadowed-moonrise

ok back

flameofcertainty

okay

anyways what the fuck

shadowed-moonrise

someday i will have coping mechanisms other than "get high in a way that coincidentally also helps"

flameofcertainty

i mean if it helps

then that's a lot better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it is

shadowed-moonrise

im gonna go curl up and not look at the Fuckening Internet, i guess

flameofcertainty

seems reasonable

shadowed-moonrise

ttyl <3

flameofcertainty

ttyl :)

shadowed-moonrise

hiiiiiiiiiiii im back im not sad anymore because im so high

shadowed-moonrise

i got another horrible anon and i dont even caaaare

flameofcertainty

i'm glad you're feeling better

sorry about the terrible anon

shadowed-moonrise

also did you know art is pretty

its so pretty

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw a video of a yellow playing the yellowest instrument ever and i wanted to send it to you but tumblr messages werent working on my everything

maybe i can find it again..........

shadowed-moonrise

http://theyre-a-geeky-witch.tumblr.com/post/138457594516/ here

flameofcertainty

that's actually really pretty

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

anyways what's up

shadowed-moonrise

i gotta work in a couple hours

by which time hopefully i will be able to handle it

idk i dont HATE it but its hard on the badbrains

flameofcertainty

i can imagine

shadowed-moonrise

like i feel ok now bc hiiiiiigh but im not very excited about leaving the house and going places

shadowed-moonrise

there will be a green party where im supposed to just pretend to be green tho!

i like those

flameofcertainty

that part sounds nice

at least

shadowed-moonrise

ive been thinking & writing a lot about how thinking-on-drugs works and greens always wanna talk about that

shadowed-moonrise

one time a client had me go to a thing pretending to just be green and it was nice and then she *told everyone she hired me* while i was in the middle of talking about my cs paper (my actual cs paper, which i actually wrote, and she implied i didnt even though i CLEARLY THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD IT)

flameofcertainty

???

why would she do that??

shadowed-moonrise

i wish i had just walked away but i didnt know what to do

some people....... have a humiliation kink

shadowed-moonrise

and like, okay, ill do that if you WARN ME, but you cant just spring it on me???

flameofcertainty

i am super not a sex worker but "tell people in advance" seems really obvious

shadowed-moonrise

YEAH

shadowed-moonrise

i didnt really say anything at the time bc i was so shocked but later i like messaged her and was like 'thats super fucked up'

shadowed-moonrise

she didnt really get it but she agreed to pay me extra for like, i didnt know what service i was providing beforehand & thats more costly

but she only engaged with it in like, super businessy terms

flameofcertainty

how does she not get it

this does not seem particularly hard to understand

shadowed-moonrise

i think she was like 'im paying you for both sex work and going to a party so i can just like do whatever, right?'

and there was also some like 'greys are toys'

shadowed-moonrise

fucking blues

shadowed-moonrise

i do not usually go in that much for caste solidarity because im so bad at grey + greys are not great about that but in that moment if somebody asked me i would have supported a military government

i could explain 'pay people for services and also lay out terms beforehand' but not 'greys are.... people..... dont be a fucking asshole'

flameofcertainty

i don't think i've ever actually talked to a blue

at least not to say more than "excuse me, can i get through" or "the soap is in aisle five"

huh

shadowed-moonrise

there... exist blues who are okay

there even exist blues who are okay and hire sex workers and do kinky things about castes with them

flameofcertainty

i believe you

shadowed-moonrise

like 80% of the people who hire me are entirely fine?

flameofcertainty

they can't possibly all be terrible

otoh a terrible blue can screw you over a lot more than a terrible purple

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

im not sure what i would do if a blue client did something illegal to me because...................................... im not sure what i CAN do

flameofcertainty

probably depends on how illegal

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

and who they are

flameofcertainty

yeah

there are supposed to be reporting systems in place if they try to pay you to kill someone or something

idk if they actually do that

shadowed-moonrise

nobody has tried that and i havent heard anybody talking about that but im pretty niche and a lot of my family is green, idk

i feel like if somebody wanted to pay a grey to kill somebody theyd pick one who has ever held a gun

flameofcertainty

probably

but yeah, i'm guessing if you made an important blue mad they could screw you over pretty badly

idk

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

ugh sorry ive been talking about my shit this whole time

it has been kind of A Day i swear i am usually better at conversation

flameofcertainty

it's totally fine!

shadowed-moonrise

how is your day anyay

flameofcertainty

it's been okay

mira and i went to check out that social-dancing place

shadowed-moonrise

oooh

what kind of dance is it?

i guess i might not know purple dances??

flameofcertainty

i don't know if the name will translate

it's mostly the kind you do in a group with other people that's really traditional

shadowed-moonrise

group dances are great

if you have... similar amounts of motor skills to the other people

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i haven't done anything like it in years and i'm really bad at it but it's still fun

and i'm not bad at it in a stepping-on-feet way

which is probably good, idk

shadowed-moonrise

im pretty sure not stepping on feet is strictly better than the alternative!

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

omg babybro is home <33

flameofcertainty

baby!!!

shadowed-moonrise

he is so good!!!!!!

he taaalks and he plays with me and ive been teaching him abstract concepts bc i find it really exciting when he knows abstract concepts

flameofcertainty

tell me more about this baby

shadowed-moonrise

he can do numbers up to twelve and circles and triangles and 'many' and 'other' and i asked him what one plus one was and he said 'two ones' which means he *actually understands what it means*

he has adooorable curly hair

and a little nose

and he will boop my nose with his nose if i ask him to

and he loves my weighted blanket

flameofcertainty

baaabbyyyy

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i guess at this point he might not 'technically' be a baby anymore? but hes a baaaabbbyyy

[lemme edit a picture of my irl little brother to have green hair]

https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa8d578702cf6c0ed9269902f535982a/tumblr_messaging_p7ryailotL1vio47i_1280.png

https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8ec991036777a0f24c9ed84a194d921/tumblr_messaging_p7ryanbD931vio47i_250.png

baby!!!! <333

second picture featuring Grey Grandma

flameofcertainty

baby!!!!

baaaabbbbyyyyy

he's so smol

shadowed-moonrise

so small!!!!!

and smiley!!!!

flameofcertainty

happy baby!

shadowed-moonrise

i hope he is happy foreeeeever

shadowed-moonrise

his lil nose is tan bc it gets in the sun more than the rest of his face

bc he has a little baby face!!!!!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

little baby face on the little happy baby!!!!

he's so good

shadowed-moonrise

hes next to me playing with my blanket

i looove him

flameofcertainty

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i told him i was talking a friend and he says hi

although im not sure he really gets the idea of the internet yet

he seemed kinda confused

flameofcertainty

hi baby-sibling-of-ashka

flameofcertainty

he's such a cute baby

shadowed-moonrise

his name is avidik

we keep arguing about whether to use avi or idi as a nickname

flameofcertainty

hi avidik!!

shadowed-moonrise

oh no he spilled water on the carpet

its alright its a pretty waterproof carpet

he ran at me and jumped in my arms

so!!!! good!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

eeee

flameofcertainty

baby

flameofcertainty

good baby

shadowed-moonrise

oh also have you seen this yellow violinist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGhPGH2YROA

seems like your kind of thing

flameofcertainty

wow that's pretty

shadowed-moonrise

oh i could take a picture of avi with my violin

he is not green, technically

although he also does not know how to play even a little bit

flameofcertainty

do you play violin too?

shadowed-moonrise

a little

shadowed-moonrise

im not like good at it

but it is fun

rn i am mostly actually learning to sign but i dont understand how notes correspond to mouth sounds so if i need to sightread i play songs on the violin first and then once ive heard them i can sing them

flameofcertainty

violin is great

shadowed-moonrise

it is!!!

i always felt like i should learn piano bc its easy but i like violin so much

one of my other brothers writes a lot of synth music

its really good

he plays it without telling us it's his to get unbiased answers and then he tells us and were like HOLY SHIT

flameofcertainty

gosh

flameofcertainty

that's really sweet

shadowed-moonrise

ok i’m not really online but I TAUGHT AVIDI A LETTER

HE KNOWS A LETTER

i’m so proud of him

shadowed-moonrise

hi hi

flameofcertainty

a letter!

what a good smol!

flameofcertainty

which letter is it?

i guess it might not be a letter orvaran has

shadowed-moonrise

it's [forcetranslate]a[/forcetranslate]

or uh

[forceliteral]a[/forceliteral]

shadowed-moonrise

idk if that worked

flameofcertainty

yeah

we have that sound but it's written differently

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

it's the last one in my name

[preservecharacter] a [/preservecharacter]

shadowed-moonrise

i wonder if its always the same sound

i think it can make a couple sounds in anitami

flameofcertainty

just one in orvaran

flameofcertainty

maybe two

i'm not sure if they're technically separate sounds

and then there's accents and things

shadowed-moonrise

idk if i should try to teach him to read in valtaz

he speaks some but tbh there is just no situation where you even need to be able to read valtaz

flameofcertainty

maybe someday he'll want to swap to yvalta

for some reason

shadowed-moonrise

.............i really doubt it?

i guess if he wants to retire in the Old Country

flameofcertainty

i hear older people sometimes swap for the weather

flameofcertainty

or something

shadowed-moonrise

there are apps to machine translate physical signs and stuff but i guess theyd be annoying to use all the time

flameofcertainty

yeah

if he knows valtaz he can learn to read it if he ever wants to

right?

i'm not really sure how this works

'how to teach your family foreign languages' wasn't really covered in purple school

shadowed-moonrise

i think i should probably teach him the alphabet but not like focus on it

yeah my parents swapped out of yvalta with some retirees who wanted to go there for the weather and were unaffected by the horrible contract system bc they were too old to have more kids anyway

flameofcertainty

i can't really think why else you'd want to live there

flameofcertainty

lineality maybe

but there are other matrilineal countries

shadowed-moonrise

arent most countries matrilineal?

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i think historically matrilineal was easier because like..... there can be ambiguity about who the father is if you dont have good genetic testing (and a database, in some cases), but you can always tell which person a baby literally just came out of

flameofcertainty

that makes sense for why

we're matrilineal

maybe someone who lived in ceredan would swap to yvalta for lineality, ceredan does permissions anyways

except for blues i think

shadowed-moonrise

how do blues even have kids in permissions countries

shadowed-moonrise

"ashka your family is from a permissions country" its not like they talked to blues a bunch

flameofcertainty

i think they have to impress other blues

probably they don't let you give yourself a permission

because then everyone would just do that

shadowed-moonrise

.....how many kids does the most important blue get to have tho

flameofcertainty

no idea

i think it varies by country

the one with the bears and no greys makes a big deal about the monarch only getting two

shadowed-moonrise

i guess with blues its always more "how many kids is it a good idea to have so that they can give them all a good inheritance" than "how many kids can they literally afford"

aww thats kinda cute

shadowed-moonrise

if i lived in a country where the king had like six kids i would be pretty pissed

flameofcertainty

good inheritances might be less important in permissions countries

i bet the way you impress people is with politics

or maybe real estate if you're bribing people, idk

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

it’s impressive that most permissions countries basically function okay

cuz like it seems like blues having to care so much about impressing other blues would mess with things

flameofcertainty

yeah

i don't think they function as well as most places

but that could just be propaganda

shadowed-moonrise

yeahhh idk how to tell the difference between “permissions countries kind of suck” and “permissions countries are usually small, often ex-oahk, etc, which makes stuff harder on them” and “our governments just don’t like them”

i’m low key impressed that blues in auction countries don’t make too many blue credits so they’ll be cheaper, tbh

i guess they super don’t make those decisions in spring + the international community would not be too happy about it

flameofcertainty

everyone i know from a permissions country says they suck but that's like two people

and if you increase blue credits everyone who isn't blue gets mad

shadowed-moonrise

my parents say yvalta sucks and i believe them but like idk how much it’s yvalta’s *fault*

flameofcertainty

i think the big thing is if for some reason a blue hates you a permissions granting blue can screw you over way more than a credit country blue

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a big deal

idk a credit country blue can probably get you sterilized if they try really hard but it would take them more trying

flameofcertainty

yeah maybe

flameofcertainty

i've never heard of that happening in a credit country but that doesn't mean it never does

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

shadowed-moonrise

anitam is trying out a first child subsidy

which is neat i thin

think

flameofcertainty

cool

are they subsidizing the whole credit?

or just some of it

shadowed-moonrise

noooo theyre starting with like 4%

shadowed-moonrise

and increasing gradually

bc you know how changing laws goes

sooooo sloooowwwww

flameofcertainty

i guess 4% is better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

but eventually it will be a substantial fraction of the credit i think

flameofcertainty

but probably good not to do it all at once

i know there's some countries where everyone gets one and the rest are auctioned

shadowed-moonrise

first kid free just seems so much more humane? like i understand why credits are useful and stuff but people *just not getting a kid at all ever* is awful

flameofcertainty

summary bank says alavet, av valdin, celenta, fnr, ochero, qoloc

maybe some random tiny countries that no one bothered to include

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

on the list, i mean

and yeah, i see what you mean

i wouldn't want to live in a voan country because i like knowing that if i work really hard i could get three

but it makes me sad to think about people with zero

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

i mean probably some people should get zero, like child abusers, but an auction's not going to stop them

shadowed-moonrise

hm i bet in voan/first kid free systems there’s probably a lot of four and five year olds impulsively having kids that they’re not entirely ready for but idk like maybe that’s just something they get to do

flameofcertainty

okay i'm looking at the summary bank article about the voan system

and the age when the most people have their first kid is five

flameofcertainty

but that's not most of the people

if that makes sense

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

i know when i was almost-four they made a big deal in school about how we should all get long-term all-spring birth control

i bet they do that in voa

i guess i don't know for sure

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw someone on tumblr talking about how they usually get the long term birth control and they get went on vacation to the southern hemisphere and just didn’t remember that they didn’t have the birth control and got pregnant

(they were asking if you can still get aftermarket credits in the *fall*)

flameofcertainty

wow

that must suck

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i hope they managed to get an aftermarket credit

flameofcertainty

yeah

i bet they're cheaper in fall

since most people aren't getting pregnant

i definitely wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone i dated when i was four but maybe some people get really lucky there

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a lot of what i’m thinking about like.... most people don’t know people who are definitely good coparents for them when they’re four

shadowed-moonrise

because it just takes time to figure that out

flameofcertainty

i'd've also been a really bad parent when i was four but some of that is me-things

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that toooo

i’m four and i’m super not ready to be a parent!!

shadowed-moonrise

i feel like i know how to be a good parent in THEORY but in practice i don’t like have the energy or emotional stability

avidi was born the spring i turned four, which was really good <3

flameofcertainty

that's so good

when i was four i was living with a friend rather than my parents

but if someone had dropped a baby on me i'd have been so unprepared

and my friend was living with their parents

flameofcertainty

so there were actual responsible people in the apartment

shadowed-moonrise

nodnodnod

shadowed-moonrise

fall/winter when i was three i was spending a lot of time with friends in other cities and stuff to get awaaay but then they there suddenly like “you know what, we’re having another baby this spring” so i came back

there are some upsides to the fact that my green mom has grey babies.......

flameofcertainty

i have a little sister

i've never actually met her

maybe someday i'll be able to make myself

shadowed-moonrise

oh wow i’m so sorry

flameofcertainty

it's not your fault

shadowed-moonrise

if you want to talk about it, or be distracted from it, or whatever-

flameofcertainty

if you want the story today's a good day for me to tell it

otoh it's definitely pollution-adjacent and i don't know if it's a good day for you

shadowed-moonrise

i think i can handle it, it is a good hypersensitivity day for me

flameofcertainty

so during the voan food crisis we couldn't afford clean food past the first couple months

you'd think living on a farm would help but it had been a bad year the previous year and none of our crops were coming up that season

shadowed-moonrise

oh. oh.

flameofcertainty

and i tried to force myself to eat the polluted food but i couldn't even make myself touch it

that's not the thing yet

so i was at risk of starving to death

and my mom got one of the neighbors to give her a super sketchy probably-illegal loan

flameofcertainty

because otherwise i might literally die

shadowed-moonrise

fuck

flameofcertainty

fast forward to 3423, the neighbor comes and asks for the money back

actually he'd been doing that for a while but she'd been able to put him off

we were super not going to be able to pay it back

and the loan was sketchy enough that she wasn't really sure what would happen if she didn't

just that it would probably be worse than normal

i told her i thought it would be okay

when she asked

flameofcertainty

if she

flameofcertainty

people remember fall 3422 as the introduction of the orvaran system

that was just lathande

spring 3423 was when they rolled it out everywhere

even small farming towns need someone to collect garbage, and the jobs paid really well

they had to, if they wanted to find enough people

i thought i'd be okay

shadowed-moonrise

fuck.

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i was really really wrong

so wrong

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah wow

flameofcertainty

that's why i wound up moving in with a friend, if i'd stayed there a week longer i'd

it wouldn't have been good

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

they didn't try to stop me

which is good

would've been silly for them to go to all that work just for me to end up dead anyways

shadowed-moonrise

hey you survived

flameofcertainty

i did

shadowed-moonrise

it was super worth it for them to do it becuase you survived

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know intellectually she's clean

but trying to be in the same room as dad or my older brother is about the same as lighting myself on fire, brain-wise

and if it's her it's worth

*worse

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

can you talk to them online or does that not work either

flameofcertainty

not really

flameofcertainty

they have my email address

they tell me things like 'you have a sister now'

she tried leaving the job once she had enough money to pay the guy back

flameofcertainty

to see if it would help, you know

flameofcertainty

it. uh. didn't.

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

i was born in 23, which. is good. because if i found out i/my parents had eaten polluted food when i was a baby

shadowed-moonrise

colorjustice says that almost all unverifiable food was actually not polluted but

shadowed-moonrise

well maybe if i payed them enough i could go through the like fucking six month cleaning process? and maybe after that it would be okay?

but im not sure it would be enough

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know what you mean

if i'd been a year younger and they'd told me it was clean i'd've believed them

if i'd been a year older i'd probably just have killed myself

flameofcertainty

one of my friends from the treatment program

didn't make it

shadowed-moonrise

i had a friend in school

who was hyper, worse than me

way worse

shadowed-moonrise

he was *going to school* but just barely, he had to take a bunch of meds with a bunch of side effects to get out of the house at all

shadowed-moonrise

and he was a year older than me

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

so their class learned about the food crisis? and he left school that day like normal and he took the train home and he got in the shower with his clothes on and took all his meds at once

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

they told me he killed himself but nobody would *tell me why* because like i was hyper too and they were worried about copycat stuff

i stayed in touch with his mom, she told me later

she FOUND him

flameofcertainty

i'm so so sorry

shadowed-moonrise

that

shadowed-moonrise

i cant imagine

finding your dead child

it was pretty hard on me but she was really never the same

flameofcertainty

yeah

wow

that's

i don't really have words

:( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

he was an only child

flameofcertainty

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

i think they were sort of saving for another credit but they ended up spending a lot of money on like, building a room for him where he would feel clean, and stuff

and afterwards, it's not like she was going to have another kid after what happened

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

they wanted to take me out of class for the segment on the food crisis for, you know, obvious reasons, but that was winter when i was three and i’d already found out from like being online and reading stuff so i guessed what it was? and they freaked the fuck out when i was like “are you just worried about me finding out about the voan food crisis”

flameofcertainty

were they hoping to just ... pretend it never happened? forever?

it's not like it's easy not to learn about, if you use the internet

shadowed-moonrise

i guess i was going to Find Out When I Was Older

or something

shadowed-moonrise

i mean i understand the thinking there, like the last time was horrible and i could really just have found out later

shadowed-moonrise

the last time being my friend

flameofcertainty

yeah

i see where they were coming from

flameofcertainty

my school kept me out of class for anything pollution-related but obviously they weren't going to stop me from finding out about the food crisis

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah

i am so sorry you had to live through that

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

my parents thought about having me do online school while it was happening

shadowed-moonrise

it was like really really irresponsible to just tell my friend and i’m like not sure what happened there

flameofcertainty

i don't know

flameofcertainty

mesosensitives can be really bad at guessing what's going to hurt us

shadowed-moonrise

part of it is just that grey schools aren’t that well equipped for..... dealing with....... disability, i guess?

flameofcertainty

i had a classmate who thought it would help me not starve if she vividly described what it was like to eat polluted food

shadowed-moonrise

..........what

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i mean, i guess it’s good that they tried to help

but. WHAT

flameofcertainty

our teacher moved the seating chart so i wouldn't have to sit next to her

and gave me permission to not go to the cafeteria during lunch

but yeah, i am really not sure how she came to that conclusion

shadowed-moonrise

yeah wow

flameofcertainty

i guess if she thought i was going to starve to death unless she did something

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes i wish i could just live in a hyper colony

shadowed-moonrise

even though like i’m sort of a weird hyper? they might have called it sensitivity disorder nos if i didn’t take so many decontam showers for no reason

but it would still be BETTER

flameofcertainty

there would be a lot of nice things about that

on the other hand sometimes i hear about a hyper person thinking something is polluted and my brain decides 'oh, they must be right'

even though it was fine before

and i bet that would happen a lot more

shadowed-moonrise

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

if we all thought that the UNION of the things we thought were polluted were polluted.......

we would die very quickly, i guess

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

“oh this one guy (MADE UP) said water is polluted so uh goodbye cruel world i guess”

flameofcertainty

and even without that we'd need robots or something

to take care of garbage

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i think robots are more of a political problem than a technological one, maybe we could get away with “look we’re a hyper colony we can’t even TALK TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD most days much less murder anybody”

flameofcertainty

i think it's like

flameofcertainty

if people spent a decade developing them then they'd have them

but they aren't mostly, because of the politics

shadowed-moonrise

right that makes sense

flameofcertainty

i'm fine with mesosensitives most days, but then *sometimes* it's like they decided to figure out how to be maximally terrible

shadowed-moonrise

honestly so many jobs should be automated not bc pollution but just bc they could be and those people could then do a more skilled job or live in the country and make art or whatever but we can’t build robots at all bc of the political thing

like assembly lines could go a lot more automated than they are and then we’d just be richer and fewer as a society

shadowed-moonrise

i feel very Solidarity with hypos but sometimes..... they too........ are the worst

maybe we could get nice hypos for our colony to take care of us

flameofcertainty

maybe

flameofcertainty

there are totally nice hypos but there are also hypos who do things like put untagged photos of pollution on the internet

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it really varies a lot

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes talking to hypos is calming bc mesos are like “but MY pollution instinct says this isn’t polluted” and that doesn’t help me at all but i have an amateur theologian hypo friend who can just talk me through the theological position and that helps a lot more

flameofcertainty

it's good that you have that

flameofcertainty

and we're not perfect either

there are hypersensitives who think orvaran system workers need to all be executed

or that if you don't do [insert absurdly specific thing here] you're not really hyper

flameofcertainty

like i can't handle being around mom but i don't want people to murder her

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i definitely like

think that there’s an objective position on pollution

shadowed-moonrise

and it’s probably not exactly the theological one but it’s closer to that than to my paranoia

shadowed-moonrise

and honestly like... i *get* it but it just takes an insane amount of arrogance to be like, “of all the billions and billions of people with pollution instincts, mine is the objective truth and everybody else, including an entire scientific field, is wrong”

flameofcertainty

oh i also saw this one person saying everyone alive during the food crisis needed to be executed

that one was "fun"

shadowed-moonrise

oh my fucking

fuck that person so much

also how are they planning to run society after they’ve killed everyone over four???????

flameofcertainty

i don't know???

shadowed-moonrise

also i feel a lot of people with proposals involving doing lots of murder........... fail to account for the fact that corpses are polluted

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

anyways

how's life been

shadowed-moonrise

a WONDERFUL PRETTY NICE blue hired me and i might maybe have a crush

flameofcertainty

eeeee congratulations!

shadowed-moonrise

i don’t know how to approach this tho

“hey baby...... i would have sex with you for free (on a good day)”

flameofcertainty

if they've hired you a couple times you could ask? or something?

flameofcertainty

i am kind of bad at relationship advice

shadowed-moonrise

yes i think that i will actually do is like

wait a while and see if he contacts me

and then maybe ask him out or something

flameofcertainty

good luck!!

shadowed-moonrise

how’ve you been

shadowed-moonrise

also, i saw you post an out of stock green and purple scarf and i could try to make you something like it

i can’t do literally that but i’m thinking like getting some white silk and waxing designs on it and then dyeing it one color and then drawing on the designs in the other

this might be totally the wrong way to go about it but it sounds fun

flameofcertainty

gosh, that's really nice of you

flameofcertainty

if you ended up doing this i'd have a couple of sensitivity-related materials requests but i don't think any of them would actually make the project impossible

shadowed-moonrise

i think that kind of project would be fun rn, what are your materials requests?

flameofcertainty

the main one is not from [link to list of countries that have done cleaning and integrated ex-reds]

or eles decontaminatable

*else

but i think that might mess up the dyes?

shadowed-moonrise

ok i can do that

yeah i think it’s probably easier to just buy from not those countries than to try to... decontaminate..... dyes

shadowed-moonrise

like most commercial clothes are decontaminatable and........ have colors but they know what they’re doing and i do not

flameofcertainty

yeah

now i want to do something nice for you, help

shadowed-moonrise

umm i really like [space shoenberg], you could record yourself playing one of his pieces? although idk how much you can do that on just violin

flameofcertainty

i'll try my best

maybe i can find an arrangement or something

shadowed-moonrise

that’s so nice of you

you don’t have to, i’ll like, enjoy the project anyway

i’m not sure how to make green and purple work well as a color combo, do you mind if there’s other colors?

8 notes · View notes

iamtuzu · 7 years ago

Text

Being friends with enneagram types (as a four)

This is my personal expierience being friends with each enneagram type (it obviously is very subjective and wont apply to every person and relationship but lets share expieriences!)

Note: I’m 4w5, infj

Type 1: Looking up to them! Comitted, never dissapoint, promises always come true. Very supportive but honest when they disagree. Such valuable friends. Sometimes though, can’t feel them fully, sometimes they talk abstractly, idealisticly , not including their feelings and it draws an emotional boundary between us. Ideas we share about the world can be a bridge tho :)

Type 2: Angels!! Heavensent kind flowers, always knowing JUST what to say, delicate, remember details, are able to be charming, almost sugary sweet (which for me is perfectly fine). Will always try to make u feel like they care/understand but need to give others a chance to care for them too, can unnecessarily give a mesage of refusal when dont wanna cause problems. Its okay though, friends juat wanna be friends, let them in, ur not alone!

Type 3: Charming stars, will drag you all the way up to the shining night sky where they belong. If theyre not already ur best friend they at least are easily ur “favourite friend” :). Extremely fun, show you the bright side of life, show you how many possibilities the world offers, welcome support warmly and motivate you just as effectively when you need it. Invite them to ur party and u can be sure itll be a success just bc of theyre appearance!

Type 4: Well! Ive never been close with any four, what a shame :) anybody wants to complete the description?

Type 5: Ohhh, if i was to stay on a deserted island, id choose them to keep me company. Best conversations i ever held were with 5s! Starry night, hot fruit flavoured tea, two dreamy heads, whisper-talking with no end... the topic makes no difference. I just fall for the details they make me notice, how deep we can dig into any topic really. They really listen. Cause they always know how to correct me :) happens that i cant feel them being comitted, not texting first, rarely inviting me over - but then, when i show affection, they welcome it and respond, so its okay!

Type 6: Didnt have a good expierience, so its going to be a bit one sided. Theyre hard to understand. Thinking too quick, too superficially, basing decisions ns on ideas instead of expierience, doubting others, blaming, acting offended. After argues they feel guilty and say sorry to feel better. Shaky ground.

Type 7: Never been friends with a 7 :)

Type 8: The most vibrant and interesting people i know. From a distance they always seem mysterious, even verbally underlining that they are hard to get to know. They warn you not to get close, you cant imagine how dangerous it can get. But i already know theres nothing to be scared of :). Theyre confident, directly stating how they feel, what they want, what they expect from you. Very honest, make you feel like you need to keep distance, but the truth is they need time and PROOF youre trust worthy. Cause once they start caring its forever. Very hurt when feeling betrayed. Wont avoid argues which i love, but when it becomes too intanse and they start caring more about “winning” than finding solutions i cant stand it. Lovely, but you need to learn how they work.

Type 9: Make you feel accepted and loved. Create space for you to be yourself. Rarely jugde, want to understand, will follow you even when youre jumping into the fire. What makes trouble is that i lose emotional contact with them when they dont share their bad experiences, dont want to criticize and wont face problems. When i explode with emotions, they do everything to hide them, which makes it impossible to comunicate and solve problems.

Anybody wanna add something from their own expierience?

93 notes · View notes

thstruckersatlas · 7 years ago

Note

#1-92 🙃

1:When did you lose your virginity? I was like 18 and it was to my first boyfriend 2: Rough sex or soft sex? It usually depends on my mood but I really like soft sex3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Not that I know of 4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? I’m not that interesting like that so the most ive done is in a car. 5: Favourite sex position? I love being on top 6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? It depends on the mood7: Have you ever had any one night stands? Once and I felt really bad about it cus they ended up catching the feelings8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? I love a nice bed 9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Nooo10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? Once when i lived at home 11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? Its the cutest because its lace and black 12: How often do you have sex? hahaha I havent had sex in a very long time 13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Oh yes 14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? I prefer receiving 15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? I fell out of the bed once and also one time my leg cramped both of which made me want to die and become a nun16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? Thats a hard one i never had thought about that maybe something circa surviveish17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? Also idk anything like Phoenix like 18: Are you into dressing up for sex? Oh yes very 19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? 20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? Yeah nice try internet. I will say this I have the biggest crush on them21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? Ugh no and thats one of the things I will never change my mind on22: Do you/would you use sex toys? I do 23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? Yeah24: Would you have sex with your best friend? Nah theyre annoying 25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) I like to eat lol26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? I get really wet when my thighs are played with27: Early morning sex or late night sex? Late night works for me28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? I really like nice arms29: Favourite body part on the same sex?30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: Nothing tbh31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: It was weird and it involved feet32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] I havent actually33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: I mean unless youre like planning on having a kid 34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: yeah none35: Worst possible time to get horny: At work or when youre sad 36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? I do actually its nice37: How much fapping is too much fapping:38: Best sexual complement you ever got: Someone told me I was the pretties tperson they wer with and thats not sexual but it was great lol39: Favorite foreplay activities:40: What do you wear to bed? Pusheen jammies41: When was the first time you masturbated: I was like 15 lol42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? I have a folder full of them43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? NOo44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Noo lol im not spontaneous for that45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? UHH nooooo46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? No and because thats never interested me48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) I love it i think i get off on that more than i do with actual sex49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? Thats fine50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? Oh gosh no thats too much responsibility 51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? I’m gonna go with hot cheetos52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Id rather be a pornstar i mean at least youre famous lol53: Do you watch porn? Not really 54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? No lol55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? No 56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? I mean i wouldnt but it definitely makes things a bit more challenging57: If you could give yourself head, would you? No lol58: Booty or Boobs? Butt because i like mine59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) No60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? Yeah 62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? Yeah 63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? 64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)65. What is your bra/penis size? I’m a 36 b66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? hahaha 67. When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday68. When was the last time you had sex? Im not even joking like a year ago69. When was the last time you watched porn? I think like a year ago70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?71. Guys:Circumsized?72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? My things 73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? Anything between my legs74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? No that doesnt work for me75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? No lol76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? I think it was like a week ago77. Which wet dream was your favorite? I dreamt once 78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? theres one79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Id let Barry from Joyce Manor do many things to me lol80. Favorite sexual position? I love being on top81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Nooo 82. Are you into any BDSM? No83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Of course and they live too far84. Do you like dirty talk? I love it 85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? I think im in the medium i do have soft moans 86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation?Who/what? I was interrupted once by my sister lol87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? It usually involves being eaten out 88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? No lol89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? I masturbate a lot lol 90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? I did and i never texted them back even tho i knew they liked me in the other sense. I think its one of the things i still fell bad about.91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? I mean its not a total friends with benefits deal but it kind of was/is its strange.92. Ask whatever you want

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forethan21 · 4 years ago

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18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way.

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this?

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

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