#trying to figure out the exact month i came out as trans

[high-theyre-frendough]

A while ago, I had a tag called household drama and/or vent and some recent comments from @star-weed-rebels reminded me of said drama. I figured that I might as well give a comprehensive summary of events written while sober and not during moments where it could only end up being an incoherent vent.

I originally kept the names of everyone to miscellaneous terms/insults/whatever as a way to protect identities, so I will reuse those older terms that I used to keep things consistent (though idk if I would use the same terms now).

Max - My ex-girlfriend whom I broke up with in I think July of 2023

Bitch - Ex girlfriend of both myself and my current boyfriend (she was with him for 7 years before he met me)

Daddy - My current boyfriend

Dumbass - The now ex-girlfriend of Bitch

Chef - I can't find a lot of posts talking about her but I think that I was originally calling her this? Which is odd because she is honestly really really really really bad at cooking. She was a former "Friends with benefits" with Daddy and myself. Daddy had known her since they were both young teenagers (online) but only met in person in 2021 when she moved in with him cause the house needed a roommate cause rent.

For reference - Most of the drama has died down. These are not super recent events. I've been a lot more stable these days. This is simply a description of past events that I did not explain very well at the time. Unlike most of what I post on this page, I am writing this while sober.

Line break because this is going to be long. Timeline of events might be slightly off but should be in roughly chronological order.

In 2023, I was dating a trans woman who was at the time going by the name of Max. She was extremely abusive. At the time, I felt like I deserved it. For a lot of my life, I have been very depressed/suicidal/etc. I felt like being in a relationship with her was a greater punishment than death that I somehow deserved. She treated me like shit.

For a while, I had been debating whether or not I was polyamorous. This is not something that I was really able to explore while I was in that relationship, as Max was very controlling. She herself would constantly cheat on me or seek out other partners, but would throw a massive fit and scream at me and tell me how awful I was if I so much thought about the idea of finding another partner.

There was a point during 2022 (I can't remember when exactly) when Max was in rehab for a month. During that time, i ended up having someone over at our apartment to hang out with. I found him off of Grindr, because at the time Max and I were trying to find friends or whatever off of dating apps (Neither of us were any good at finding friends in general and turned to those apps).

That guy came over to the apartment for a bit. We hung out and watched anime or whatever. Max constantly accused me of cheating on her with that man. I did not. She was constantly accusing me of cheating on her when she would hook up with anyone and everyone that she felt like it.

The last straw was in early 2023 when she found that exact guy I had hung out with that time, invited him over to the apartment (while I was asleep) and fucked him while I was sleeping. I ended up insisting that at that point that I should be allowed to pursue additional relationships.

There had been points where we had both tried to have 3 way relationships (both romantically and sexually) but the problem is that any time I would start liking the person, Max would end up yelling at me and sabotaging it in some way. I'm not not giving a whole lot of detail on this topic because this ex is pretty irrelevant (though every few months she continues to try to contact me, despite me constantly blocking and ignoring her).

Anyway, I eventually went on an app called Taimi or however you spell it, and I found Bitch. Bitch (at the time) was in a relationship with Daddy but was searching for additional partners on dating apps. I did not realize at the time, but it was honestly kind of similar to my relationship with Max.

Bitch was extremely controlling of Daddy (constantly going through his phone, accusing him of wanting to cheat on her with basically anyone who he so much as made eye contact with, etc). She was dating, fucking, hooking up with, etc with literally whoever she wanted, but if he was polite to the cashier at the grocery store; she would spend the next 4 days screaming and accusing him of trying to cheat on her.

Anyways, I met up with Bitch (who acted like a sane human being for around a month). The lease on the apartment that I shared with Max was almost up, and Bitch was looking for a new roommate for the house that she lived in, cause one of the roommates was moving out. It was a nice place, and everyone living here (yeah, I still live in this house) seemed nice.

I took the gamble on moving in cause it was a far, far nicer place than my old one and everyone seemed nice. In the end, it did work out, but whenever I think about my past self, I am reminded of how goddamn stupid and naive I was. Anyway.

That old apartment needed to be cleaned out before the lease was up. The only people who helped me cleaned it up was Daddy and my mother. At the time, I was still technically dating Bitch and Max (who was the one who actually lived there at that apartment with me).

Now let me describe this apartment to you. It was the third floor. There was no elevator, only the most awful stairs you have ever seen in your life. They were so steep and garbage with a wobbly railing. The apartment was a studio apartment with a large closet, a tiny bathroom, and a tiny kitchen.

There was also a cockroach infestation. Max and I didn't realize until after a month after we had been living there because we didn't use the stove much when we first moved in. There was a massive nest of cockroaches living in the stove. By then, it was too late.

If you don't know anything about German cockroaches, they run away when the lights are on or when there is daylight. There were so many cockroaches that they had nowhere to run. They were all over the walls, the ceiling, the floors, inside everything, everywhere. It was really fucking bad.

Daddy and my mother (My actual mother ugh why did I originally choose to call him that. whatever) helped me pick through everything that was in that nasty apartment for anything I could actually wash/keep. The whole place smelled like weed and cat piss. It was so bad.

Basically everything ended up on the sidewalk. I lived in a capital city, so everything was quickly stolen or picked apart by homeless people. I pity whoever stole any of those flat screen tvs because those were packed full of cockroaches - just like everything else. Furniture, clothes, everything. It was all garbage and nasty and horrible. I am still to this day trying to replace belongings.

It was hot, too. It was so hot and sweaty and nasty with roaches everywhere. Max had a habit of throwing food around the apartment, so there was random rotting food as well. We were on the top floor, right? She had put random raw meat on the roof/awning thing that was under the window but above the other apartment. That shit was so fucking nasty.

She also had a habit of vomiting in buckets or other containers while high, so there was also that to clean up. You don't even want to hear about the kitchen. God it smelled so fucking bad.

Oh also, during cleaning all of that, Bitch was constantly calling Daddy every 10-15 minutes accusing him of cheating on her with me. While he was helping me clean up the apartment. She wanted to stay at home and not help, but spent the whole fucking time accusing him of cheating on her with me because he was being nice and helping me out.

When would we have been fucking? In front of my mother? When we were carrying the roach-infested cat trees down to the sidewalk? In between picking through to find the only salvageable belongings? It was horrible.

My mother at some point (I think in 2021 or 2022) bought me a car. I never drove it, so it was basically Max's car. After we had moved in at the new place at some point, Max crashed the car. I had to go to the hospital to get the shards of glass cleaned off. There was glass everywhere. I actually was recording a video at the exact time the car went off the road ironically enough.

Max did all "repairs" on that vehicle herself. Usually while high. Max has little to no knowledge of car repairs. In the long run, it was all her fault. Guess who was the first person in the hospital room? The first person actually fucking concerned about me? Daddy. Fucking Max and Bitch were more concerned about him being concerned than they were about me. They literally did not even care. I tried to convince myself they did, but they didn't. Bitch was all mad that Daddy let me sit in the front seat of the car on the way home and that he bought me Wendy's. You know... after I had just been in a crash that ended with little bits of glass in my ears, eyes, throat, and lungs.

After that, I started to take Bitch's paranoid advice and start fucking around with Daddy. Soon after, I broke up with Max (who faked an asthma attack while being broken up with). She went to go live with her crackhead cousin and go back to smoking crack herself. I'm not entirely sure where she went after that. I don't care, but she keeps messaging me. Most recent time Max messaged me was about a week or 2 ago. We literally broke up in July of 2023. I cannot even begin to count how many accounts that I have blocked on so many different social media.

About a month after Max and I broke up, she had a false "wellness check" made on me. The police showed up at my house because they had been told by Max (I asked them who told them this bullshit and they said her deadname) that I had called her using an app to disguise both my name and my number while drunk and suicidal. That I was cutting myself and threatening to kill myself. No part of that was true, so the cops left.

Since then, Max has attempted to charge my old debit cards and shit (to no success), emailed my mother asking for money, texted my Daddy on his business number (he breeds and sells axolotls) telling him she hopes he dies, messaged me with varying messages on various social media ranging from "I hope you die" to "I'm so sorry I just no realized I was actually abusive."

Anyways after I broke up with Max, and she left, I pretended to be still dating Bitch for a while when I was actually dating her boyfriend, Daddy. The longer I stayed here, the more Daddy and I got along. Eventually, Dumbass moved in because we needed another roommate (god why is rent so expensive).

Dumbass quickly figured it out. She did not keep quite for super long. Bitch tried to kill me numerous times, which is why Daddy and I installed security cameras in the house. The police were unwilling to believe that a woman could ever be violent, because fuck the police. Bitch and Daddy broke up, but it was a struggle to get Bitch out of the house because the police kept treating her like the victim, despite no one harming her.

The problem was that bitch had the ability to go from "I'm gonna fucking kill you. You stupid Dyke lesbian bitch. You're only pretending to be a faggot. You'll never be a man. Everyone knows that you are nothing but a stupid pathetic little delusional bitch. I'm going to strangle you to death and kill you for stealing my boyfriend from me (etc etc etc)" To "Please help officer, I live my life in fear of this terrifying man who makes me so scared because I'm such a scared little woman in fear of this big scary man who hurts me" and she would point to the hickies that her girlfriend (dumbass) gave her and act like she was being abused.

In early October 2023, I called the police, and they were immediately suspicious of me (of course). I showed them the security video that showed me saying "what's really funny is the idea of you getting a job, considering that you've never worked a day in your life" followed by Bitch screaming "I'm gonna fucking kill you" and then putting her hands on my throat. She is on video pulling my hair, screaming about how badly she wants to kill me, while hitting me and putting her hands on my throat, trying to knock me down onto the floor. I did not fight back or do anything other than tell her to get off of me. Dumbass ended up pulling her off of me, and they went to their room, where Bitch cut herself to make it look like a fair fight.

Bitch was taken to the hospital, and brought back after about 3 hours. I had a miscarriage overnight. In the morning, I woke up bleeding. Chef asked me if I had a miscarriage. I confirmed that I had. She then took it upon herself to start faking a pregnancy. This was both to mock me, and also to try and get the attention of Daddy. She was constantly jealous of us, saying that it was not fair that he spent so much time with me, that it was her right to his attention, etc. Daddy ended up confronting her about it when he realized that she was using those fake pregnancy tests that automatically show up as positive when wet. So her attempt to get his attention backfired on her. Oh well.

The morning after she was brought to the hospital, the police showed up to arrest Bitch. She was brought back after about 3 hours. She was charged with 2nd degree harassment. Because trying to strangle someone to death and causing a miscarriage is considered only "harassment" I guess. They put in place a temporary "refrain from" order of protection (which basically means that if she committed any further crimes against me she would be arrested again).

Dumbass and Bitch ended up moving out of their own free will in early November of 2023. They moved in with Max and Max's crackhead cousin. Bitch is a methhead now or something. They broke up with Bitch stabbed Dumbass (apparently she actually went to jail for that one). Dumbass apologized to me for previously going along with Bitch and lying to the cops about me being violent. Dumbass is also now dating another one of Bitch's exs, which I find really fucking funny. Bitch is still harassing them to this day.

Did I mention that Bitch is the kind of person who plucks the wings off moths and laughs as they writhe on the ground? That she has a son (who was not even with Daddy even though he was born when they were together) that she was only allowed to see for 2 (supervised) hours per week and she wouldn't even bother going to see him half the time. During the time I knew here, the 2 supervised hours was knocked down to 1 hour per week. Probably because she wouldn't bother fucking showing up.

Anyways once Bitch and Dumbass and Max were all out of the picture, it was just me and Daddy. Oops no it wasn't. Cause Chef existed.

In mid November of 2023, I went to a reptile expo with Daddy and Chef to sell axolotls. The longer I was around, the more interested I was in the Axolotl business. I noticed that while Chef was supposed to be helping in the business, she really wasn't. She would alternate between not feeding the axolotls for days, and overfeeding them. They kept dying under her care to the point where Daddy was debating just shutting down the business. She neglected her own animals.

Over the time I lived here, I watched her button quails die off. She wouldn't replace their bedding until everyone told her a dozen times to do so. She didn't feed them regularly or give them fresh water. Any aquatics she had died from lack of being fed or having water changes. I caught an ear infection from her cat and ended up having to get antibiotics to treat her. Her bearded dragon, like everything else was pretty much starving. She like do collect animals, and then not fucking feed them. She could make any of her pets experience what it is like to be suicidal with how awful her care of them was.

At that expo, Chef got mad that I got a ball python, and how it wasn't fair that Daddy didn't buy her a gecko that she wanted. I bought that snake myself but she threw a goddamn fit cause he didn't buy her another lizard to neglect. The day after that, I took over taking care of the axolotls. I still have that notebook that I brought downstairs to track all care of the axolotls. Business is thriving and at this point I'm doing more than she ever did.

I ended up pregnant again (which is why I stopped posting on this account for a while cause I mainly only post on here when I'm smoking weed).

In march of 2024, while Daddy and I were out getting his truck inspected, Chef moved out with the help of her friends. She also falsely reported him of raping her (because she was mad that he wasn't having sex with her anymore. She was obsessed with becoming pregnant. She was constantly begging him to have sex with her all the goddamn time. i think she was hoping he was going to date her after breaking up with bitch, but he ended up with me instead. she would literally ask him to get his sperm tested, and made like weekly appointments at the fertility clinic. she was so mad that he ended up getting a trans man pregnant and ignoring her all the time that she falsely accused him of rape out of jealousy. there is evidence to disprove literally everything in every single page of her statements. the case is still ongoing but literally everything she said can be disprove down to the number of fake miscarriages she claims to have because she can't even keep that lie straight.)

[Just an insert here that I forgot to mention, but Chef would grope me constantly. She didn't stop until she was removed from the Axolotl business. She ended up stealing a bunch of axolotls when she moved out, which I had to replace with my own money. There are times where I was having PTSD attacks and would go to Daddy for comfort, and she would grope my ass. She was constantly trying to force us to enact her sexual fantasies and got mad when we wouldn't.]

I don't want to get too into that whole mess, but trust me when I say that that piece of shit has no idea what it is like to be a victim of rape. Her story changes so much it's like she was scrolling through pornhub to find her favorite fetish rather than describe an event that happened. Most of what she claims he did, I've watched her beg him to do, then get angry when he refused. She was constantly begging him to do these roleplays and shit. She was so fucking jealous of my pregnancy. She fucking moved out with the help of her friends who were never around to see how much she lied about literally everything.

Again, if you even think for a second that he could be guilty, trust me that he's not. We have literal security cameras in the house that disprove her bullshit as story. Her story doesn't even make sense as she describes acts that are not physically possible. She claimed she ordered plan b? She ordered it before she claims she was even assaults. Quite literally no part of her goddamn story makes sense, she just did this cause she was mad he didn't love her.

In her story she claimed that she was his boyfriend. That they were dating each other and that he forced her to date him or something? We have so many texts where she was begging him to fuck her??? She would constantly beg him for sex. I don't know what is wrong with her but yeah she is gone now.

Anyways, I gave birth in July 2024. Everything has been good since then pretty much. There is the ongoing legal issue but trial keeps getting delayed. Daddy's lawyer is not worried about it due to how there quite literally is evidence to disprove every single claim made by Chef. Also how everything she has said contradicts other things she said in her own statements.

I've been happy these days, something that I never thought I could really be. I'm in a relationship with someone who loves and cares about me. Who does everything he can to make sure that I'm happy. Who has never done anything to harm me. We have a beautiful son together, and sometimes life is hard but we get through it together. We've both been through a lot of bullshit, but at this point try and avoid other people and avoid drama.

Every so often we get contacted by our exes who are mad that we are together, but whatever. Block them. Block and ignore them. They don't matter.

We're both just autistic idiots trying to mind our own business. Him and his flight simulator. I've been learning to crochet. Did I mention he custom built a shed for me for my cats? Before we were even dating. Because I couldn't have my cats in the house. Its insulated, heated, etc. They have platforms on the walls. He does everything he can to make me happy. He helps me when I'm having PTSD attacks.

We run the axolotl business together. We spend our time together. I love him. I never thought I could be with someone who actually cared about me, but I finally am.

I can finally be at peace, so long as I am with him.

Oh yeah, he finally openly admits that he's bisexual now and not straight :3

[ispyspookymansion]

kora if u feel comfortable could u talk about ur gender journey and relationship w lesbianism bc sometimes im like that tweet that's like. im probably trans but i have a job so idrc about that but. ough it's scary and confusing. what if im just butch.

oh wow! well let me think. going to put this under a cut because its longish

it was a much harder path for me to get to lesbianism than to get to Gender. i had a really hard time accepting that for some reason, it took a lot of agonizing, a lot of intentional repression, a lot of misery and wallowing around words and labels and avoidance and definitions. so by the time i got through that it then opened up some gender doors for me because lesbianism is inherently disruptive of the cisheterosexual matrix, but i really, really didnt want to go through that misery again, so i just decided it didnt matter what i was as far as gender and what mattered was how i felt and what made me happy. i only became confident in calling myself trans in the last ohh i dont know, 6 months? and yet ive been on T for a year! for me the actions came easier than the wording. i tried not to stress about what i was doing and whether it was or wasnt aligned with lesbianism. i trusted in our history of transness and masculinity and found a lot of comfort in talking to other butch and transmasc lesbians about their experiences and feelings, and found such a range of experiences that felt very relevant to me

ultimately, i feel like a lesbian. i knew that and i continue to know that. the way that i feel about the people im attracted to and the kinds of relationships i want to have is what connects me to lesbianism. i dont feel like lesbianism is my last thread to womanhood. it isnt a thread to that at all. theres too rich a history of gender defiance and creation to simplify it like that, so i dont let it be that for me. i dont feel dysphoric about being a lesbian even if cis(het) people might not understand me as being transmasc as well. + butch and transmasc arent exclusive and are often beautiful beautiful copilots in dykery !

i also find pursuing what makes me feel good matters a lot more than finding exact words for it. im not really sure what my gender is honestly? it took me a long time to get comfortable/feel like i was allowed to call myself lesbian, trans, and butch too honestly. but i went through a lot less misery when i took actions First to figure out what felt right and then accepted the words that naturally followed After. am i trans or am i not trans stressed me out much more than do i want to bind or not? do i want my voice to be lower or not? do i want to try a different name and pronouns or not? and then my answers to these led me to actions and opportunities that got me to feeling comfortably trans, without putting so much questioning strain on the lesbianism i felt at my core.

+ the opposite is helpful. crossing off what am i Not and what i dont want can be a lot easier than what Am i. woman has always been absolutely not right. trans took longer to feel right which is silly versus logically if i wasnt cis, i was trans, but i had to go in steos

i guess just remember that theres not a really hard line between butchness and the transmasc umbrella (other than personal definition obviously) and you can be one or both or one now and then later realize the other feels better. try to read about butches and he/him lesbians and transmasc dykes and talk to them where you can and enjoy the range of answers and identities and give yourself grace to explore that without so much pressure on whether its one or the other. youre still you regardless of what words to use to describe it so take your time figuring out what you want before you worry too much about what that means you “are”

ALSO you dont have to be butch to be trans and still a lesbian or vice versa you can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or genderfluid or etc etc etc and consider those under the label Trans and also be butch! or you can be those things but Not butch and still a lesbian! you can do whatever forever!

[the-drunken-huntsman]

Hiii arr u willing to answer all the TES months asks for Aneis and Murza and Dire please please please :} I know that's a Lot so if u want to skip over some that is totally understandable hehe

Morning Star - What was the first thing you gave your OC? Name, backstory, design, etc

Aneis: I guess technically the first thing I gave her was her name, even though I've since changed the spelling. I had liked the name Anais before picking up Skyrim (even though I was pronouncing it wrong lol) and had used it for my PC in Pokémon Sword and one of my SDV saves so I just used it again when I started Skyrim. Also side note, I've never watched The Amazing World of Gumball before today while babysitting and I had no clue that was the little sister's name.

Murza: The first thing I came up with for her was just a vague concept. I wanted to play around with mismatched race/class, so of course the first thing I wanted was an orc mage. The second thing I decided for her was that she was gonna be trans because hell yeah.

Dire: The first thing I came up with for him was also a vague concept. I had wanted to make a chaotic evil demigod type character and even though he's changed a lot since initial concept I figured the best way to achieve that would be to make him a demiprince. I wanted him to be kind of conniving and sly and settled on making him the son of Clavicus to get there. Originally he was going to be another one of Aneis' companions who was tagging along just for the vain glory of being a part of the dragonborn's adventures but you know how OCs sometimes seem to have a mind of their own and he eventually got to where he is now :)

Sun's Dawn - Does your OC have a love interest? What is their relationship like?

Aneis: Aneis was always a pretty promiscuous person. She knew she'd have to make Teldryn another one of her conquests from the first moment she saw him without the helmet. They hooked up a few times while traveling on Solstheim, but while going through Nchardak trying to get to the Black Book, he used his whole body to shield her from an automaton that had caught her off guard and that was it, she was done. That night in Severin Manor she sits him down and is like. Look, don't be alarmed and please don't leave because I still need you to guide me around this gods forsaken island. But I think I'm in love with you. To which Teldryn is like

Murza: You know the "me doing whatever my hot witch wife wants" meme? That's Murza and Endurys. However before they were married they were the epitome of idiots in love. Just stupid long stares and longing sighs in camp at night until one day Aneis snaps and shoves them in an inn room together and yells at them to not come out until they've fucked all the yearning out.

Dire: Dire is aroace do no romantic interests for him! But his absolute favorite people in the world are his little cousins and his little brother

First Seed - Does your OC have any enemies or rivals? How did these rivalries start?

Aneis: I know there's lots of people who read into the LDB's relationship to Miraak and how tragic his story is and blah blah blah, he makes my blood boil so Aneis feels the exact same way. As opposed to any other big bad she faces, (Harkon is Serana's White Whale before anyone else, Ulfric had to go for the well-being of the people in her opinion, and defeating Alduin was more for the people she loved and needed to protect than anything else) Miraak makes it personal for her, acting like some sort of sibling rival to her when Akatosh is nothing more to her than a perverted puppet master playing with her fate. She actually loathes any of the Dovah who call her sister without having earned that respect from her first (like Paarthurnax and Odahviing have). As far as she's concerned she only has one father and he never used her to clean up his messes, he gave his life trying to protect his homeland from the Dominion.

Murza: I've been wanting to play around with the concept of Savos Aren being the big bad of the College Quest line as opposed to Ancano. Like Ancano is still evil and shit, but like, Aren was actually in league with him the whole time. He needed the Thalmor's resources to get him to the Eye and the Staff and the second he has what he needs he betrays their shaky alliance. Anyway yeah I think Murza would kinda always be wary of Savos and it would also legitimize her succeeding him as opposed to any other member of the staff if she's the one who was able to fell him.

Dire: I wouldn't say Dire had any real enemies or rivals. I'm kinda keeping his story once he goes adventuring on his own open because of TES:VI supposedly being eminent and I might want to use him in that game. So as of right now, in the Skyrim timeline, he's just a lil guy? Who could hate that?

Rain's Hand - Can your OC use magic? If so what Schools?

Aneis: Aneis knows three spells: close wounds, clairvoyance, and muffle. All taught to her by her father as they're the most useful out in the wild while tracking prey. She can also do a bit of fire magic, but nothing more than just enough to light a campfire. She might later learn heal undead for the sake of Serana though.

Murza: I'm not sure what to say for her. She's the arch mage of course she uses magic. I guess she is particularly adept at conjuration, being a follower of Malacath and having a half daedric son

Dire: Dire would mostly be adept with alteration and illusion, but also conjuration because duh. I could see him as a very small child, using alteration to make his toys move without touching them, a slightly older child summoning small beasts from oblivion to play with (maybe even Uncle Barbas), and when his cousins are babies, using illusion to calm them down and keep them entertained.

Second Seed - Is your OC an alchemist? What do they excel at making?

Aneis: Araneth, Aneis' mother, was an apothecary. In the same way her father passed his hunting prowess to her, her mother also tried to give her as much of her knowledge as she could as well. She didn't much get it or appreciate it while her mother was alive, but later in life she put the effort into actually trying to understand her mother's teachings. She eventually becomes about as skilled as your average professional alchemist.

Murza: Gonna preface this with the fact that I still consider alchemy a school of magic even though it counts as a thief's skill in Skyrim. Anyway I think it would be the one school to slip her grasp. It's just too... material. Breaking an enemy's mind with a flick of her wrist? Summoning a sword from Oblivion that weighs nothing in hand but can slice through trees? Those are the kinds of esoteric things that Murza understands. Plants that need to be boiled at a certain temperature and creatures' innards that need to be removed in an exact precise manner? May as well be Dwemeris to her.

Dire: Dire is like his mother in that alchemy is just too far over his head. But he isn't as frustrated about his lack of comprehension as she is. Why would he need to worry about mixing potions when he can just find them well and good for the taking in every dungeon in Tamriel?

Mid Year - Does your OC have a favourite celebration? Do they celebrate holidays?

Aneis: Hircine's summoning day is a very special time for her. She always spends days hunting before hand, trying to gather as much a variety of pelts and trophies as she can for her offering. This is even though, as his champion, they are definitely not necessary, the woman fells dragons in his name. However she always prepares as much as she can for him, and once summoned she always has the same simple request for him. To deliver a message to her family in the Hunting Grounds, that she loves them, and misses them, and hopes she is making them proud.

Murza: Murza always tries to make it a point to be home at Lakeview Manor for the Witches Fest. She loves seeing the children dressed up and doing little tricks to entertain them. (This goes along with the headcanon that Lakeview Manor would eventually have a little village crop up around it)

Dire: He would very much enjoy the Jester's Festival, but his absolute favorite is Clavicus' summoning day. I've joked before that it's the only time he gets to play catch with his dad, but since he is also a small aspect of Vile in and of himself, I think the whole day he'd just feel a little closer to Oblivion and it makes him feel whole.

Sun's Height - What is your OC's favourite shop, in any of the games; what do they buy the most of?

Aneis: Aneis adores The Drunken Huntsman. Anoriath is a very talented fletcher and Elrindir is always game to swap hunting stories. They make the whole establishment feel like what she's been missing from Valenwood all these years away, even as a wooded building. They're probably the only people in Tamriel she trusts to service her family bow.

Murza: Murza actually likes hanging around Tel Mithryn. Neloth always has interesting, useful things to sell to her and she suspects he likes her company as she's much quicker to catch onto his teachings than his actual apprentice (sorry, Talvas).

Dire: Even though Enthir's displeasure at having a child on college grounds was always well known to Dire, he still likes bugging him to show him all the weird, cool things he has for sale, which he has no intention of buying. Just looking and maybe a little swiping to play with later.

Last Seed - What weapon does your OC use? Who taught them how to use it?

Aneis: Aneis' main weapons are her family's heirloom bow and the battleaxe gifted to her by Balgruuf. Her father taught her how to shoot and she's self taught with the axe. She'd honestly never touched a two handed weapon in her life before but she thought the nords might think it a great insult for her to not use a weapon gifted to her by the Jarl, so she just swung it around until she found what felt good and did the most damage.

Murza: Murza got her base knowledge of magic from Atub, but growing up in the stronghold she was also expected to learn to swing a sword. Though the swords she uses now are less... mundane. She uses summoned weapons. Idk if that got across lol.

Dire: Dire has had a natural affinity for magic since birth but he hones his craft under the tutelage of his mother and the other professors of Winterhold.

Hearthfire - Does your OC have a family (blood or found)? Who are they closest to?

I can answer this generally for all three characters. The whole of the found family (the people who live at Lakeview Manor) are Aneis, Murza, Teldryn, Endurys, Dire, Hab, Cinuri, Braiel, and the dogs, Sable and Merc. Aneis and Murza are closest to each other platonically, and though he'd never admit it, Dire is closest to Cinuri, she's his best friend.

Frost Fall - Where is your OC's primary residence? What city is there favourite?

Aneis: Aneis knows most of the Bosmer living in Skyrim find The Rift to be the closest approximate to their homeland, she finds the quite, backwoods nature of Falkreath reminds her much more of the area she grew up in. Of course she loves her quite little life on the homestead, surrounded by all her loved ones.

Murza: Technically, Murza's main residence is the college, but she tends not to spend much time there, mainly because she gets lonely. Endurys hates the cold having grown up in the shit hole of Eastmarch and avoids the college as much as possible and Aneis only goes if she's asked to specifically by Murza. So she ends up spending most of her year in Lakeview.

Dire: His parents have determined its much better for him to grow up in an actual stable home surrounded by actual stable adults, so most of his childhood is spent in Lakeview. However, once in a while, Murza will bring him with her on her trips to the college and he loves it. So many places to explore and get into trouble and so many people to bug until they relent and teach him something new.

Sun's Dusk - Is your OC religious? If so, who do they follow?

Aneis: Aneis' grandmother was a priestess of Hircine, her father a priest, and the rest of her family devotees. Their whole devotion is based on having such hunting prowess on their own, they have no need for the gift of the beast blood. This of course culminated in Aneis literally being born to be the greatest hunter of the greatest prey, the Last Dragonborn.

Murza: Murza has always felt like an outsider, even within her own tribe growing up, so she finds a lot of solace in the tenants of Malacath. She also keeps a quiet reverence for Dibella, as her priestesses were the ones who helped her become her most true self.

Dire: Dire doesn't really necessarily worship Clavicus Vile, he just kinda has this air of thankfulness around the subject of his daedric parent. After all it is through his connection to Oblivion that he is able to help so many people and keep his family together in the afterlife.

Evening Star - When is your OC's birthday?

Aneis: 27th of Hearthfire, 4E 153

Murza: 21st of Sun's Dusk, 4E 165

Dire: 30th of Mid Year, 4E 206

[seijatachiis]

just another queer journey for pride month

so i figured since its pride month and its been basically a decade since i started my queer journey id just talk about it. especially bc theres been recent changes too!

my name is al and im nonbinary, they/them! mm well im asexual so i guess im technically panromantic? maybe demiromantic? ngl im still not sure but ill get to that. its also been about a year since i met my bf whos a transman and we often talk a lot about gender and sexuality.

like most people my journey started in high school. i had been reading BL fanfics for bands i liked around the end of elementary school and i think i was aware of transmen and transwomen. i really didnt know more than the basics, lesbian/gay/bi/transman/transwomen. someone i met in hs, an old friend, is the one who opened the door. at first obviously he didnt know me so he just told me to call him a very gender neutral sounding name and they/them. and that was the first time i had heard about someone using they/them pronouns. eventually he came out and said no im a trans so he/him? then he was basically like are YOU actually a woman?

obviously im paraphrasing bc honestly i dont remember much from how it started exactly or the exact conversation but i rememer looking into it a little and the next day i said i dont think im really a woman. i started using they/them pronouns and decided i was demigirl. i was kinda a tomboy when i was younger but it was more i just liked pokemon and the boys always had more interesting things but i liked "girly" things a little bit. i never really felt like i wanted or wished i was a man.

it might be because ive been using they/them for so long now but i got used to them quickly and they just felt so right. i didnt really focus too hard on what i identified as tho i was demigirl until uni. i remember this because i met a person who at the time was also demigirl. hes a transman now, which is great. im not sure but at some point in 2019 i think i realized i was nonbinary. i think it mightve happened when- im not out in real life. fear mostly but also bc i dont really care about other people, as long as those i care about know im nonbinary and use they/them i dotn care too much. anyways i remember being on break at work, my boss came in and was talking to my supervisor, just a "hey whats happening today" and was like "is she ready for her aquafit" and im like listening and im like oh whos doing aquafit.

it was me lol. he was talking about me. was so confused bc i dont usually hear people talking about me so i dont hear myself being referred to as she anymore. anyways its really not much to it. i did briefly try he/him in high school and the first time my friend used it i was like nope thats wrong nope.

i dont...think i really experienced gender dysphoria. or body dysphoria. i have issues with my body and an extreme disconnect to it but thats tied more to the general societal standards of beauty and less about my gender?

gender was never really the problem. my sexuality - more specifically if i was aromantic or not, has been the thing ive been struggling with and ive realized i never . solved it yet.

im p sure im panromantic/pansexual whatever, gender doesnt much matter to me bc ive always been more about if we get along. we gotta vibe yknow? the bf and i, our first date... the vibes were there. well i didnt feel the romantic vibes it was more just we definitely get along. im getting sidetracked and this is already super super long.

that same friend asked me if i was aroace. i didnt know what that meant, he explained it and i was like huh. maybe i am? i dont really recall ever having a crush on anyone or liking anyone. ive definitely not had sexual desire for anyone. but i just figured thats bc i havent liked anyone. so yeah i was aroace. a few years later i would rethink that.

because i forgot how insecure i am. and im thinking...there might have been two guys i had a crush on when i was younger but because i knew they'd never like me like that, i pushed the feelings so far down so maybe . maybe im not aro.

ill be honest, its been way too long now - i still dont know if i had a crush on them. but this is because i dont understand what that means. blah blah parental trauma but i had some stunted emotional growth and so im not great at emotions. i would flip flop between am i aro or have i just not met anyone i like yet? because i do have high walls. i dont let people in easily.

but i would daydream about having a partner. but it was never really about me liking them i just wanted them to like ME. i want people to like me. bc it was never the same person, generally whoever showed me a little extra attention that week but then id easily forget them. and i never. really wanted to date them. bc honestly i only ever pictured love confessions, never what itd be like after.

i met my bf on hinge. i fuck around on dating apps mostly bc im bored and wanna bother people, i rarely meet up with them i just spout some new random facts and im intentionally being weird. so i swiped on him first bc he had some nonsense in his profile i wanted to debate about. he said hey we're kinda hitting it off do you wanna go on a date? i said sure lets go to the thrift shop bc i was looking for a gift for my friend when i went to visit her in europe in a few weeks lol. i was really just using him for a ride to the thrift shop bc i dont own a car.

my god we hit it off and i remember thinking "id love to be friends with him hes so cool and fun to be around". i think it had to be a dating app. i dont think id ever have gotten a partner otherwise, because you kinda go into dating apps with the intention to find romance (unless you're me). he knows this but i didnt actually start to like him romantically till AFTER we started dating. i had to think very hard about it, im not entirely sure if this is what romantic feelings are supposed to feel like - i have to assume they are.

but we're happy and i had to do a lot of thinking to determine if i love him but i can say now for sure i love him. but idk if i can call that timeline long enough to really say im demi-romantic? idk if theres a specific time limit, maybe i am. it definitely took hm since we first met uh two months before i really started to like him romantically which honestly sounds normal to me.

so yeah thats not quite resolved but i dont care to find anyone else. but then. then comes the asexuality part. i originally way back in hs was like yeah im ace. whilst debating my aro problems i kinda always figured once i liked someone id probably be sexually attracted to them too. i get horny, surely that means im not ace.

yeah. i learned thats not the case. since sexuality is about being sexually attracted to a person, you can get Horny but not be sexually attracted to anyone. i put so much research into asexuality. a lot. it caused me more stress than anything i think bc now i had to tell him. that was . very anxiety inducing bc the first time i tried to tell him i nearly got a panic attack. this is knowing he'd be totally fine with it too, that he'd be accepting.

im just. not that interested in sex. i get horny but i dont really do much about it. i read smut bc its fun and bc its easier to deal with angsty fics when theres smth to distract you lol. CANT HURT ME IF THERES DICK TO FOCUS ON!!

i wont rule out that i might be demisexual. i might change my mind, i might not. i know my bf accepts me either way. but yeah thats my queer journey. its mostly me thinking. because i dont really have any experience with anything, im not a social person lol. but i also dont understand emotions and feelings all too well, so thinking only really got me so far. i always learned better by doing.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading! im always open to making new friends so i think my dms are open or whatever it is, but yeah :3

[hecateisalesbian]

this posted before I could finish wtf

anyways

ignoring the fact that you have to kill me for some reason

I didn’t realize until I was trans until after I discovered my orientation so you can imagine what hell that was trying to figure out my new orientation based on gender and for awhile I landed on being Gynosexual buttt idk I didn’t feel like it fit me and it took years of hell and confusion and bad thoughts™️ but after a while (and after joining tumblr) I realized that orientation and gender and stuff is all kinda just…made up. And that revelation SHOOK me to my CORE. I didn’t have to choose an orientation. I could like whoever I wanted to (this is where queer came in handy too) and I didn’t have to label myself if I didn’t want to. Gender works the exact same way. Yeah at first I was pretty strict on my gender, fluctuating from girl to boy to nonbinary (for MONTHS. This is around the time I met yall) and then it kinda just….disappeared? Sometimes I feel a strong urge to be a girl or a boy or nb or sometimes agender but overall I don’t mind any pronouns. So if you don’t want to go through the gender crisis rn and wanna shove it under a rug, go by she/her and call yourself cis. OR (to piss off the conservs) use she/they and call yourself cis too! It’s all a made up concept so who cares? Just let us know if you want us to use they and we’ll agree. Or if you feel ready to go skydiving into a volcano then you can try researching terms for how you might feel. (Demigirl is good for the way you’re describing it but there’s THOUSANDS of genders outside of the main 10)

Sorry for the wall of text, hope this helps!

(Tagging you so you see the rb @rainbowangel110)

Hey okay so before I kill you can I ask something? As a blue hair and pronouns haver.

How do you figure out your pronouns??? Cuz like sometimes I'm like "Huh. Would I be okay with she/they??" And then other times it's like "Yeah I'm fully a girl." It fluctuates and I can't fuckin pin this down for Christ's saKE HOLD STILL-

Uh oh sounds like someone’s joining the genderfluid club

@feathersnflowers @flyingdumpsterfire

[ghosty1111]

why cant my brain obesses over shit during the day and not after 12am. please.

[9tzuyu]

closest to me

prompt: coming out to natasha as nonbinary

note: totally meant to write this months ago, but whateverrrr. and yes, i am aware that not all nb people use they/them, this was just my own little work :p.

warnings: being scared to come out to ur sexy redhead russian of a gf :[

i’d tag but i also don’t want to somehow trigger someone :[

thank u moli for proofreading i love u to the moon and back.

. . .

you’d come out to two of your close friends, ones you knew wouldn’t judge you. they’d taken it just as expected, but that was no surprise when you’d known them your entire life. your shared opinions and thoughts were what brought you together in the first place. 

your friends immediately began using your correct pronouns, and you’d never felt more right in your life. it was refreshing to hear yourself being referred by they/them rather than she/her. their constant support made you feel normal again. after so much struggling, things were finally being put into place.

but there was one person, one very important person whom you hadn’t come out to yet, and that was your girlfriend.

natasha.

the thought of having the conversation alone with her was terrifying. granted, you knew she’d never be anything but supportive, but all the what if’s came flooding through with each attempt you made. 

your fingers trembled as you fiddled with the silver chain around your neck, a nervous habit you’d seemed to form over the years of wearing it. 

god you wanted to tell her so bad.

but as you stood in the kitchen, natasha’s hands around your waist, you began to panic all over again. the familiar fear of judgment wrapped around your throat. 

you didn’t know natasha the majority of your life like you did with friends, so you weren’t really sure what her exact opinions on different pronouns were. sure, she was part of the lgbt community, and of course she was supportive of trans people, but it still made you wonder how she’d feel about pronouns that weren’t he/him or she/her. 

“what’s on your mind, baby? i can practically hear the gears turning in your head.” 

you sighed. natasha always knew when you were lying, so you couldn’t make something up off the top of your head. she wouldn’t force you to talk either though. she’d give a push, but nothing more until you were certain you were ready — or in some cases, when she knew it was becoming too much to bear on your own. 

“just dumb stuff. i’ll get over it soon.” 

natasha nodded against your back, containing her concern for now. “you know i’m here.” she whispered, taking one of your hands away from your necklace.

“want to go downtown? we can look at some of the new shops that just opened up” 

you smiled, “sure.”

for the next few weeks, you weren’t seeming to find any relief though, and natasha picked up on it. she tried her best to make things easier for you, but none of it seemed to work. 

time and time again you reassured her that nothing was wrong, that things would clear up on their own, but another month down the road and natasha could still sense that something was eating away at you.

it’d gotten a little more obvious now. you didn’t go out as much with her when she was with her friends. the constant referral to you as something, or someone, you weren’t was a steady reminder of how outcast you’d originally felt when coming to terms with who you are. 

“she/her” felt like a slap in the face every time you heard it. the words were exhausting, damn near agonizing to hear. but day after day you tried to suck it up out of fear of being rejected by one of the very special people you loved most. 

it wasn’t until one sunday night when natasha came home to you crying in your shared bed when she’d finally had enough. her worry was through the roof and seeing you struggle so much pained her. 

she dropped her keys on the nightstand and crawled into bed behind you, securing her arms tightly around your figure. 

“talk to me. whatever it is, i want to hear about it.”

but that only made you cry harder. you couldn’t help but feel more alienated than you already felt. why were you crying over such a stupid little thing? you could already hear the false words slip from natasha’s lips.

“hey, baby. shh, shh, you’re okay.”

you turned your body to face natasha, teary eyes looking into hers. “you might hate me, or think i’m weird, or a freak, or that i’m just confused.” 

your girlfriend gently combed through your hair with her nails. “i could never think those things about you. please tell me what this is about because i have no idea and i just want to help.”

her steady hand movement rubbing your arm while the other twirled your hand between her fingertips eventually brought you to a more reasonable state. 

“you know how trans people typically go by their opposing pronouns?”

“mhm.”

“well... i don’t- i just- god this is so frustrating!” you frowned, unconsciously grasping at the chain around your neck.

“are you trying to tell me you’re trans?”

“no, no, it’s not that. well, i don’t think so, depends on who you talk to. some people like me consider themselves to be classified under the trans umbrella, but not everyone.” 

natasha hummed once more while tracing small shapes against your skin. 

“what do you think of nonbinary people? like, you know, those who don’t use she/her or he/him?” 

she shrugged, and your heart sank for a brief second before she spoke. “i don’t have a problem with it. why?”

“i don’t like being referred to as she/her. my pronouns are they/them. i’m not a man and i’m not a woman... will that ever bother you?”

a smile broke out across the redhead’s face. “doesn’t bother me one single bit. i love you for you, y/n. not for who you think you’re supposed to be.” 

relief was all you could feel. as cliche as it sounded, the weight of the world felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders. you didn’t have to worry anymore, not while natasha was around.

“is this what’s been bothering you for so long?”

you reached over and grabbed a loose red strand, it was your turn to play with her hair. “yeah. i knew you wouldn’t judge, but-”

“what if.” she confirmed and you nodded. 

“does anyone else know?”

“just my two friends i grew up with.”

“no one else?” you shook your head, looping a red curl around your finger. “nope.”

“is that why you stopped hanging out with me, tony, clint and the rest of them? because everyone referred to you as she and her?”

“yeah, felt like a punch in the stomach every time i heard it. made me feel weird, not normal i guess.” you mumbled, almost embarrassed by the confession.

natasha placed a long kiss on the top of your head, rubbing your back for extra support. “they would never judge you, i’d cut them off in a heartbeat if they did. if it helps any, i can ask how they feel about it? poke around some and let you know what they say? then when they don’t have a problem with it, which they won’t, you can come out when you’re ready, yeah?”

you nodded again, although it was slightly hesitant. “sounds good.”

“forgive me if i mess up a couple of times. i’ll try not to make a big deal out of it and just correct myself.” another kiss was delivered to your head.

“oh! last question. promise.”

“yes?”

“when im around other people and you’re not with me do you want me to use they/them? i don’t want to out you when you’re not ready.”

“i swear you’re perfect,” you giggled. “but you can use they/them both when im with you and when i’m not. just try to keep it casual? please?”

“anything for you, sweetheart.”

[mogai-sunflowers]

Hey! Please help!!! (You don't have to answer to this of course!)

Ive recently (like a year) discovered that im gender non conforming as well as a lesbian, i want to use all pronouns and i really dont like it when people can instantly tell that im afab

I also recently came out to a bunch of my friends about this, some gay and some cishet (unfortunately i dont have any trans or gender non conforming friends to share my experience with) and they've all been really nice about it! Two of them regularly using he and they when referring to me and the rest(the cishet ones).. not really trying but i cant fault them really?.. idk lol...i still use she so idk

They thing is tho... I used to REALLY hate it when people referred to me with 'she', to the point that i thought about asking everyone to refer to me only with he/they- but now that i came out? I really don't mind being called she?

I suddenly feel ok when using the first person pronoun she (my native has them) and the worst part is.. it feels off being called he or they? And that scares me. A lot

Like.. im finally in a position where i can be referred to and refer to myself exactly as i feel.. and suddenly.. im using the exact pronouns i was born with-

I feel like im faking???? I used to have MONTHS of just PURE MISERY cus of my body figure and people being able to tell im afab just by looking at me and being referred to with she made me wanna cry- but now after i came out? I dont care anymore??? I mean i still feel bummed about my figure and people knowing im afab and my high pitched voice and my chest- but i no longer care THAT much and like... Idc about being referred to with 'she' and getting called 'he' or 'they' feels off..- but i still wanna look androgynous and have people confused about my gender (thats the closest i got to gender non conforming in my country) BRUH IDK THIS IS HELL

Is this normal? I really hope coming out wasn't a mistake

Anon from a second ago! Idk why but i felt the need to mention that i also wish and hope to have facial hair in the future and i also ordered a binder since my chest makes me really uncomfortable... Idk just felt like that is an important bit of this special hell im going though hdjdh

this has taken me forever to respond to but hey! yes, this is normal! you aren’t faking, sometimes, pronouns just change! pronouns aren’t inherently correlated to gender for everyone, so just because you’re gnc and want more traditionally masculine features doesn’t mean you’re faking by being more comfortable with she/her! gender isn’t easy for everyone, if you want a flat chest, a beard, and to use she/her pronouns, then that’s absolutely valid and you should be able to have that! you’re not faking! sometimes, when you’re not out, getting referred to by your “birth” pronouns may feel dysphoric because they’re approaching it from a place of thinking you are something that you’re not, but now that you’re out they’re using them from a place of knowledge of who you are, so it’s different and that’s okay! hope you’re doing well anon.

[imaginepirates]

The Lady Washington

This weekend, I went for a sail on the Lady Washington, aka the Interceptor from Pirates of the Caribbean. I had a great time, learned a lot, and made many observations of my own. Below are my learnings, observations, and pictures from the sail.

1. The Sails

The first thing I noticed as we approached the ship were her sails. She flew 4, but I only remember what 3 of them are. As the state tall ship of Washington State (west coast of America), she flew both the American and Washington state flags. More interesting, though, was her pride flag. I was surprised, given that it's past pride month, and many people/businesses take down their flags after the end of the month because they're really just used for advertising and fake inclusion. Not so with this ship. (Mrs. Norrington, if you ever read this, your husband's ship openly supports gay rights.)

2. The Crew

The first thing both my mother and I noticed upon boarding was the crew. Most of them were women. (I don't have pictures because it seems intrusive). This came as a bit of a surprise to both of us; these were young women, too, in their early to mid 20s. The captain, first mate, and events coordinator were all female or female presenting, along with the majority of the volunteer crew. Many of them had nautical themed tattoos, though my favorites were the Lord of the Rings tats one sailor sported (we geeked out over them together, it was cute). They were also mostly noticeably queer. That explained the pride flag better. Apparently, it's quite common that on these older models of ships, the crew is mostly, if not entirely, female.

3. Interactive!

That's me! I know I have little on here about myself, but now you know how I look. I was wearing a Jack Sparrow shirt, too, because I went prepared.

I went on what they call an "Adventure Sail" where they let you handle some of the ropes. There are two pictures of me here where I'm hoisting the fore staysail. It's actually not as hard as you think, though I did have to put my bodyweight into it. I wasn't allowed to climb the rigging, but I noticed that the crew had safety harnesses and clips for when they were out on the masts. The ropes really hurt your hands, though, and now I understand why sailors got blisters so easily. That rope burn sucks. In any case, I was so enthusiastic, they offered me a two week volunteering position! I'm looking into it for next summer, because if you think I'm not going to work on the honest-to-god Interceptor, you're wrong. Which brings me to:

4. Volunteering.

They have 2 week volunteering positions for a season of, right now, six months. This runs from spring until autumn, as they do ship repairs in winter. It sounds like they sail the full coast of Washington over the six month span. You live on the ship, sleeping in a room that can house up to 10 people, though I don't think it ever gets that full. There's also a cook, so you don't have to worry about food. Volunteers are allowed to work all parts of the ship, including climbing the rigging, though they don't have to if they don't want.

5. The History

The Lady Washington is a re-build of her original. The original ship (brig) served in the American revolutionary war, and was used as a shipping vessel afterwards. She was the first American ship to go around the tip of Cape Horn, and also the first American ship to land on the west coast. She opened the trans Atlantic trade as the first American ship in Japan, Honolulu, and Hong Kong. Also, according to the site: "Lady Washington opened the black pearl and sandalwood trade between Hawaii and Asia". Interesting that she began the black pearl trade, isn't it? She was eventually lost in the Philippines.

The replica was made in 1989 and launched as part of the Washington State Centennial celebration. Her current model is almost an exact replica of the original, save for the more modern fittings in her hull to make living on ship easier (they have a generator). She also has an engine to make her easier to maneuver in and out of harbor. Currently, she's a teaching vessel meant to educate people on the lives of sailors and trade. She has been in multiple films and TV shows, including our dear PoTC, Star Trek: Generations, and Once Upon A Time.

6. Little Observations

I made lots of little observations about the sailors and the sail in general. One thing was made very obvious: every time you were given an order, you were to repeat it back aloud. This both fixes any confusion about orders, and lets the rest of the crew know what was going on. There were many instances where the captain gave orders only one person could hear, though the order was meant for "all hands available".

Another thing was how they got lines taut. They did this maneuver where they had two people on major ropes when trying to secure them. This is hard to explain without a visual, but I'll try. Basically, they would have the rope wrapped under the bottom of a belaying pin, and one person would lean into the rope before quickly pulling back into a squat and letting their bodyweight pull the line taut. The other person would then secure the rope to the belaying pin.

Speaking of belaying pins, they're just that: pins. I didn't realize that you can really just....pull one out of the little hole it goes in. They're fairly loose until a rope is secured around them. The ropes, depending on size and what they were supporting, were sometimes wrapped around multiple pins. Many ropes were wrapped in a sort of figure-eight pattern. For those of us who write, it's absolutely possible for a character to use a belaying pin as a weapon. That being said, they're a little smaller than you think, and it would take a bit more force to knock someone over the head with than you would imagine. They aren't a bat, they don't have that range. Otherwise, solid weapon if you put some strength behind it. (You can see them for size in the pictures of me above. Keep in mind I’m about 5′9″.)

Ropes on a ship are a major tripping hazard. There are six miles of rigging on the Lady Washington, so the air above your head is a frickin maze. Every rope that touches the ground gets coiled. Every one. It doesn't matter if there's only three feet of it touching the deck: it gets coiled. There are all sorts of coiling methods, though I didn't quite pick up on names, except for the Flemish coil pictured below. It really isn't practical, except when you have completely loose ropes or huge strands of rope touching the ground.

[oakleaf--bearer]

@jonmartinweek day two - injury!

also on ao3

When dealing with matters of the heart, Jon was about the furthest from a natural that there could be. 

He was... rusty to say the least. Awkward was a generous way to put it. Completely and utterly useless was far more accurate. 

So when Georgie had laughed and asked when he and Martin had started dating, he had been understandably taken aback and politely asked her what she meant by that. ("Georgie, what the fuck?" had been his exact wording). She'd shrugged and patted his knee, telling him that he should probably talk to Martin as soon as he got back to the Institute. 

He stared down at the ring sat on the table, a frown creasing his forehead. It had been something of a whim purchase. He had bought it several years ago after reading about the concept online, and he'd just....not taken it off. Every time it left his hand, he'd itched to put it back on as soon as possible. 

And now, a blistering burn mark on his hand was stopping him from putting it back on. A small, mostly insignificant piece of his identity stripped back and taken away from him. 

A gentle knock at the door startled him out of his quiet contemplation. 

"Hello." Martin poked his head around the door. "Tea?"

"Thank you, Martin."

Martin smiled, and Jon remembered Georgie's assumption. Would he? It wasn't the most unimaginable thing in the world. Martin was friendly. Charming, comfortable, welcoming. But dating? Maybe... But Jon had done dating before. He'd explained what the ring in the table meant to enough people that he was tired. Tired of the assumptions, the questions, the idea that there was one person out there who would change his mind, all he needed was a good- 

Martin wasn't that person. When Jon ran through the mental 'relationship checklist', he could imagine so many different aspects with Martin. Holding hands, going on dates, even waking up next to each other, but that particular facet of a relationship was completely unimaginable. It wasn't that Martin was unattractive, simply that Jon just didn't see the attractiveness like that. 

"What's that?" Martin gestured to the ring. 

"Oh, uh, nothing." Jon covered it with his good hand. "Just a- nothing."

"Riiight." Martin placed the tea on his desk, in easy reach. "Keep your secrets then."

"Hmm." Jon hummed, still examining Martin's face. 

"Jon? You alright?" 

"Oh!" Jon realised he was staring and quickly looked away. "Sorry." 

"It's okay." Martin said with an audible smile that made Jon's heart do something ridiculous. 

"Martin..." Jon didn't really know what he was going to say. "Are you- I- Hmm." 

"Take your time."

"Have lunch with me. That is, if you want to, please don't feel like I'm pressuring you, you can say no if you-"

"Jon." Martin put a hand on his desk, gentle, a calming reminder of a calming man. "I'd love to." 

Jon stared at the hand. It was larger than his own. When he'd arrived back in the archives, trailing blood and exhaustion behind him, Martin had sat and re-wrapped the clumsy bandages he had put on it, patiently telling him off for not going to a doctor and getting it checked. Jon hadn't been able to look away from his hands then either, just gazing at them with sleepy eyes, his mind fixed on the image of Martin taking care of him. Carefully picking up the pieces he had left flung about the place and putting them back together, gently slotting them back into place.

Martin took him to a sandwich place around the corner from the institute. Jon stared at the menu, trying to decipher the swirling font. The letters swam slightly as he read them, the words jumbling together. 

“Jon?” Martin bumped their shoulders together lightly, bending down to Jon's height to compensate for the difference. “What are you going to order?”

 “I-  What do you recommend?” 

Martin smiled. “Hmm. How about the tuna and sweetcorn? It’s a classic, you know?”

“Sure.” 

Martin ordered for them and nudged Jon towards a table in the corner. Jon went willingly, content to listen to Martin chatter away about the wait times and the various bouts of  people-watching he had gotten up to in this cafe. Despite Jon’s lack of contributions, Martin seemed to be fine carrying the conversation on his own. A couple of people gave them odd glances, no doubt wondering what Martin, kind, gentle-looking Martin, was doing with a grumpy sack of exhaustion. Externally, they didn't match. They were diametrically opposed, two entities that shouldn't exist in the same space without causing some kind of epoch changing event. 

But the more Jon pondered it, the more he realised that he wanted to be here, sat opposite Martin, listening to him talk, letting him order his sandwiches and hold his hand-

Jon’s brain skipped a beat. 

Martin had placed his hand over Jon’s where it rested on the table and was staring at him, concern across his face. “Jon? You okay?”

‘I care about him’, Jon realised with a start. ‘This is my friend.’

Martin nudged his hand around so that he could properly take it in his own. The motion dislodged the ring that Jon still held clutched in his bandaged fingers. It clattered out, its black outline stark against the faded beige of the tabletop. 

“Oh, sorry.” Martin picked it up to hand it back to Jon. “You might want to be a bit more careful. You don't want to lose this.”

“What?” Jon stared down at Martin’s hand. It felt ridiculous to see Martin holding out his ring and for Jon to feel this weightless. The gentle curl of Martin’s fingers around the band set Jon’s mind whirling down avenues lined with graffiti reading ‘Just tell him’ and ‘Maybe it will go well’. 

Jon took a deep breath and took the plunge. 

“I’m sorry, Martin.”

Martin blinked. “R-right? What for?”

“All of it.” Jon reached out and covered Martin’s, still holding Jon’s ace ring up in front of them. “You were always- I’m glad you're here. With me.” He carefully took the ring and let go of Martin’s hand. It looked shockingly sad sitting in the palm of Jon’s bandaged hand. Another piece of who he was now associated with pain. An uncomfortably familiar reality that Jon was steadily becoming used to. 

Martin reached across the table and gave Jon’s hand a quick squeeze. Jon hissed at the jolt of pain lacing up his arm. 

“Oh god, Jon, I’m so sorry, I didnt- I didnt think, that was stupid of me-” Martin’s hands fluttered in the air around Jon’s. “God, that was awful of me, I’m really sorry-”

“It’s okay,” Jon said, grabbing at Martin with his uninjured hand. “It’s fine, it's already passed.” 

Martin gave him an apologetic smile, but didn’t argue. “That’s important to you, huh?”

“Hmm?”

“The ring. I’ve seen you wear it a lot. Does it mean something?”

“Oh.” Jon hadn't considered the possibility that Martin might be aware of the ring's existence. In his head, it existed in a bubble, separate from work and his colleagues. It made sense, he supposed, that Martin was able to see into that bubble, since its edges had been bumping against Jon’s perception of Martin for a little while now. “It, ah, its a- Its a sexuality thing.”

To Martin’s credit, he didn’t even blink at the idea that Jon might not be straight, just nodded and smiled encouragingly. “I thought so. Asexuality, right?” 

“Wha- Yes.” Jon had been gearing up to explain the intricacies of asexuality, not for Martin to already have that knowledge. 

“It came up when I was doing research trying to figure out my own sexuality.”

That caught Jon off guard. For some reason, throughout all of his deliberations trying to figure out where on Jon’s internal spectrum Martin sat, he had failed to consider the actual real life possibility of Martin’s queerness. “You’re-”

“Oh, I’m not ace.” Martin shook his head. “At least, I don't think so. Labels,” he chuckled. “Confusing stuff. I usually just go with gay and trans to sum me up.” 

A small, overlooked lightbulb in the back of Jon’s mind flickered to life as a couple of pieces of information fell into place with a quiet ‘oh!’

“I saw the ring but I didn't want to ask in case it was just a style thing. A lot of people don't know about this stuff and it's sometimes hard to tell, you know?”

“Right.”

“I guess the bandages stop you wearing it, right?” It was a non-sentence, a piece of idle observation that Martin was making. But it still stung. 

“It feels somewhat ridiculous to say but- I think I’m going to miss it. It’s just a ring, it's not my entire sexuality, I’ll still be ace without wearing it, but I’m still- It feels like I’m missing a piece of something that I was trying to hold onto, you know?”

Martin nodded. “I understand. Here-” he reached up and unclasped a thin chain that had been hanging around his neck. “You can borrow this. I’ll take these off for now.” He slipped off a couple of charms that had been hanging on it. Smiling, he held out the chain.

“You- You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” Martin wiggled the chain in the air between them slightly. “You can give it back when your hand is better.”

Wordlessly, Jon took the chain and looped the ring onto it. He lifted to try and fix the clasp around his neck, but he couldn't get the clasp open. Martin pushed his chair back, coming to stand behind Jon, taking the chain out of his hands and closing the clasp for Jon. 

“There.” Martin smoothed Jon’s collar down. “That looks nice!”

“Thank you.” Jon whispered, then louder, “Thank you, Martin. This- This means a lot.” 

Martin shrugged a little awkwardly, cheeks turning red. “No trouble. It means a lot to you, so, you know, you should be able to carry it with you.”

He smiled down at Jon, and once again Jon felt the small jolt of recognition, of comfort. The bubble in his mind fully merged with Martin, creating something new that, at least for a few more long, exhausting months, Jon didn't know to call love.

[trans-advice]

Sorry in advance for how long this got!!

I kind of put myself in an uncomfortable position and I’m not sure what to do. For context, I was assigned female at birth. I’ve always felt pushed into a box by my own gender. I’ve always felt connected to the LGBTQ+ community but had a hard time figuring myself out. Over a year and a half ago, I realized I may be trans. And for a while, I identified as a trans man. This label felt really comfortable at the time. My whole family is really transphobic, but I wanted to open up to someone about it so I ended up coming out to my friend. Said friend is the closest person to me in my life, we literally talk every day. He accepted me and hasn’t told anyone. However, a few months ago I grew really uncomfortable with the label “man”. I don’t feel connected to it at all anymore. I don’t think I really like the label “woman” either, though. I guess I realized that when I was trying to get out of one box that I was forced into, I ended up putting myself into another one. And I don’t like either of them. I’m just me. Considering myself nonbinary or genderqueer is a lot more comfortable, but I’m not really rushing to give myself an exact label. The issue is, I feel kind of awkward about how I came out to my friend. My whole family views me as a cis girl, which isn’t correct but I’m used to it. But now my closest friend thinks of me as a trans man which I now know definitely isn’t right. I feel weird about it. There’s now these two perceptions of my gender and neither are right, and both make me dysphoric. Not only that, I feel kind of bad. I feel like I unintentionally lied to my friend and now he has a false idea of me in his head. I don’t really know what to do. I want to tell him how I feel now so I can lift some of this weight off of my shoulders, but I’m really embarrassed. I’m afraid that I’ll come of as indecisive/confused. Or like I just want attention. A part of me though thinks he won’t really care (probably the more reasonable outcome). But it could also be a mix of both. Regardless of what he’d think of it, I know he’d be nice about it. My insecurities are probably clouding my judgement on the situation. He’s not a very judgmental person when it comes to things like this. Like I said, he’s the closest person I have in my life so it matters to me that I can be honest with him. I just don’t really know how to go about it, or how to get over the embarrassment of telling him in the first place. I’d appreciate some form of advice on the situation because I’m not sure what to say

Regarding your feelings of honesty or not, you came out with the vocabulary & such you had at the time.

Secondly, while we can't control it, our gender identities can change over time. Genderfluidity is a spectrum, some experience quick changes & some have that happen once in their lives.

It sounds like you trust him. The world is messy. I think your plan sounds good.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[quillsink]

OH MY FUCKING GOD NEW MEMORY UNLOCKED

So. Who wants to hear about time 38482928484857 of how in the everloving fuck did rahul not realise he wasn’t cis?

SO

This was in early 2021! I had just gotten tumblr and I had started following this one nonbinary person around my age. They posted a lot about being nonbinary and I was fascinated by it

Then about a month later (I don’t remember the exact time) I remember thinking about being nonbinary. Like just sitting and thinking about it. Fascinated. 

So then I went on tumblr and I searched up #afab enby and scrolled through the posts for a long time, and I remember seeing a selfie of one nonbinary person looking super masculine and thinking “god I wish that were me” and then mildly freaking out internally lmao, the entire time I was scrolling I felt like I was on the verge of *something.* What exactly I didn’t know but it was *something.*

Then I came across this blog of trans resources, and I remember it was like “sources for AFAB trans people!” and then I scrolled through the links for So Long, internally panicking and suppressing EVERYTHING

THEN I STARTED PANICKING

AND I COULDNT FIGURE OUT WHY

Like I remember the blog’s format of the posts on the right and how it had a pink background and I got up from my chair with the blog still open on my iPad and fucking panicked?? Like I was pacing around and breathing really hard and trying to force myself to came down

AND THEN I FORGOT ABOUT IT?

I COMPLETELT SUPPRESSED THE MEMORY? AMD LEGIT FORGOT?

I AM ACTUALLY DYING I AM SUCH A DUMBASS

[keanureevesisbae]

‘Dad, do you still love me?’

A one shot in the universe of ‘Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat’

Henry Cavill x Olivia Tran

Summary: Henry notices Elodie isn’t exactly herself, so he takes her out on a little father/daughter date, hoping to figure out what is going on inside of her head.

Wordcount: 1.8k

A/N: Thursday at 7 p.m. CEST time I’ll start the celebratory Q&A

Masterlist // previous one shot

Vanessa is 23 // Elodie is 15 // Heather and Chloe are 11

Henry noticed how Elodie hasn’t been herself lately. She constantly avoids him and barely talks to him anymore, even when they are doing the dishes. Usually the two of them would have their little moment together, as she was washing, while he was drying. They would always talk a little bit, catching up with one another.

Just a few days ago, he found Olivia with Elodie in bed, her arms wrapped around his serious little princess as they both slept. Out of all his daughters, Elodie was the serious one, the introvert and he loved her for that.

But he noticed that something was eating her up alive and that killed him. He asked Olivia about it, who simply looked at him with a cocked eyebrow. ‘I’m not going to tell you.’

‘So there is something?’ he asked.

‘Yes, there is something,’ Olivia said. ‘But I’m not going to tell you about it, because she has to tell you about it when she feels ready.’

‘But why did she tell you about it and not me? Am I not a good enough dad for her?’ he wondered.

‘No, honey, of course you are a good dad for her, but she is trying to process this herself right now. It took her some time to tell me, so don’t you worry about a thing.’

‘Is she okay though?’

‘It’s nothing life threatening, if that’s what you are worried about. If that were the case, remember, I’d always tell you. But this… It’s personal and not my place to share.’

He was grateful that his daughters were so close to Olivia and that when there were problems, they found their way to her. But he sometimes wonders if the girls don’t trust him or anything. He would always listen to them, drop everything he was doing, so he could listen to his girls. And Elodie came to him a lot of times, when she was stressing over school, when she needed to have a dress for a Valentines Dance back when she was thirteen.

What has changed?

‘Honey, are you okay?’ Olivia asks him.

He continues to look at Elodie from the doorway, who has her earphones in as she is doing her homework. She pushes her glasses further up her nose. ‘I’m worried about her,’ he admits.

Olivia, who has reached the beautiful age of forty six, but looks at least ten years younger, wraps her arm around his waist. ‘Maybe you two could go out for awhile. A little walk with some iced coffee.’

‘Really?’

‘Really, honey.’ She stands on her toes and whispers: ‘I understand you are worried and maybe if you take her out, she might talk to you.’ He feels her soft lips against his jaw and she whispers: ‘I love you, Henry. You can do this.’ Olivia smiles at him, before walking back to the kitchen.

‘Elodie, princess,’ he says and his voice is louder than the music coming out of her earphones, since she looks up. Because she is so responsible, she always has her volume pretty low, because she doesn’t want to ruin her hearing. He looks into her large brown eyes and he knows that—as always with her—is so much going on inside of her head. Whilst her sisters always voice their thoughts, she keeps them to herself. ‘We’re going out for a drink.’

‘Why?’ she asks, placing her glasses on her books.

Why. That’s her first and most used response to basically everything.

‘You need a break, you’ve been at it for quite some time now. Come on, homework can wait. We’re going to get something to drink.’

She looks at her homework, contemplating for a moment, before she gets up. She puts on a thin vest and slips on her sneakers. They walk to a nice cafe nearby and he orders two iced coffees for the two of them. ‘Thanks,’ she says, as she takes the cup from him, when they start to walk to one of their favorite spots. It’s a secluded area in the park, a large oak with a park bench right underneath it. The bench is empty and Henry and Elodie sit down.

He remembers when she was seven, he would take her to this exact place all the time. He never came with his other daughters, because they thought it was boring. Elodie on the other hand loves this place and he took her here quite a lot. He would read his own book, or read one to her.

‘Tell me, sweetheart,’ he says, to break the painful silence between them. ‘How are you?’

Elodie doesn’t make eye contact with him, as she stares right ahead of her. ‘I’m okay.’

She can stop talking to him all together, basically ignoring him, but lying to him is something she simply cannot do. ‘Are you sure?’

‘No,’ she mumbles. ‘It’s just that I don’t want you to get mad at me.’

‘When have I gotten mad at you?’ he asks her.

She finally looks at him. ‘Never,’ she mumbles, ‘but dad… I’m scared.’

‘Sweetheart, why are you scared?’ he asks, turning a bit, so he can look at her.

Elodie’s eyes fill with tears and she brings a shaky hand to her mouth, to cover up the sob, but he knows her.

‘Come here, Elodie,’ he says, holding out his arm. She scoots over to him and lets herself be wrapped up in a tight hug. He presses a kiss on top of her head. ‘It’s all okay, princess.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ she cries out.

‘No, no, no, none of that,’ he tells her. ‘You don’t have to apologize.’

‘It’s just that…’ She takes a deep breath and whispers: ‘I have a girlfriend.’

That was what she was worried about? ‘Why would I get mad about something like that?’

‘Because Vanessa has a boyfriend and you love him and you continue to say that the rest of us should pick out a nice boy like Trey. Besides, you never said anything about the LGBTQ community and I figured that you might not support it.’

She has a point, he thinks to himself. He always jokes about how the girls should get themselves a boy like Trey, he barely mentions anything about the LGBTQ community and knowing that that scared her into thinking that he would get mad, makes him want to curse himself. ‘I’m sorry I gave you the impression that I do not support the LGBTQ community. I really am sorry about that and princess, I’m also really sorry that I made those jokes. I just didn’t really think about it, I guess.’

She pulls back a little and he sees her red and puffy eyes. ‘Dad, do you still love me?’

The fact that she has to ask this, is a punch in the gut. ‘Of course I still love you, Elodie. I love you so so so much and this will not change anything about that. Absolutely not.’

Elodie lets out a nervous laugh. ‘I love you too, dad.’

‘You still think I’m mad at you?’

She shakes her head. ‘No, I don’t.’

‘Good, little princess.’ He smiles at her and it earns him a beautiful, yet timid smile of his second daughter. He pulls her securely to his side and she places her head against his chest. ‘Now tell me all about this girl, because I need to know everything about her.’

‘Her name is Katie and she is in my Math class.’

He frowns. ‘Katie?’ he asks. ‘Didn’t she come over a few weeks ago?’

Elodie nods. ‘Yes, she did.’

‘Oh, but I thought she was really nice,’ he says.

Katie was open, extraverted and had the sense of humor that was quite crude, but also very funny. He liked her a lot and was happy that Elodie found a friend like her, who would pull her out of her shell a bit.

But the fact that they are dating makes him even more delighted.

‘When can we meet her as your girlfriend?’ he asks.

Elodie lets out a chuckle. ‘Maybe tomorrow. Vanessa, Chloe and Heather really wanted to meet her too, as my girlfriend this time.’

‘They knew?’

‘Yeah, they did. I think two weeks ago. Mom knew that Katie was my girlfriend when she came over. She actually has known for about two months now, that I like girls and for a month now that Katie and I are a couple.’

Now he really feels like an idiot. Why isn’t anyone telling him anything. Is he really not a good enough dad?’

She knows exactly what is going on inside his head. ‘Dad, the reason I didn’t tell you, was because I thought you’d love me less. Vanessa is this perfect daughter with the perfect boyfriend and then Heather and Chloe are also doing really well and I’m just me. Just boring, but gay.’

‘Oh no, sweetheart,’ he sighs, feeling like an even bigger idiot right now. ‘You are not just boring. You are so intelligent, such a lovely young lady and you, my love, are never just you. You have so much to offer and your mother and I are so lucky that you are our daughter.’

When they finally walk back to their house, she holds his hand. He doesn’t know how long ago that has happened, but he enjoys this moment, because he figures it won’t happen again any time soon.

She stops walking when they are almost home. ‘I love you, dad,’ she says. ‘And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.’

‘It’s totally fine. You should only tell me, your mother or sisters something when you feel comfortable. I mean, this is pretty big news.’

‘I know,’ she chuckles.

‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure.’

‘How long have you known? That you liked girls?’

She looks at their hands and says: ‘I always thought I was really weird for not falling in love in elementary school. But a few months ago I changed my math class and I sat next to Katie. It just clicked, I guess and then I started to dream about her. A lot. And I got so nervous all of the sudden around her, until one day she just asked me why I was being so weird. So I just told her and it turned out that she liked me too.’

He pulls her into a hug and closes his eyes, as he is happy that his daughter is visibly more relaxed right now. ‘I’m so happy for you, Elodie,’ he tells her and he means it from the bottom of his heart. He never thought about it really, that one of his daughters could come back with a girl, hence the comments he made to them. But seeing that smile on her face when she talks about Katie, it reminds him of how Simon talks about Belle, how he talks about Olivia and how Vanessa talks about Trey.

He just has to remember one important thing.

Love is love.

A few years later:

Taglist: @thelastsock​ // @flhorah​ // @sausagefest1996​ // @laufeysodinson​ // @xxxkatxo​ // @memoriesat30​ // @henrythickcavill​ // @crimsonrae​ // @henryobsessed // @madbaddic7ed​ // @summersong69​ // @lyrafraiser​ // @peakygroupie​ // @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ // @mary-ann84​ // @thereisa8ella​ //@crazyandanonymous4u // @xuxszx​ // @emmaofgreengabbles​ // @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair​ // @onlyhenrys // @omgkatinka​ // @oddsnendsfanfics​ // @speakerforthedead0 // @agniavateira // @gearhead66 // @chamomilebottom // @diegos-butt // @yoyoanaria // 

[kaimactrash]

Okay first and foremost: if this flag is wrong lemme know! I have been googling but obviously, it can only go so far in trustablity since pages can be boosted.Anyway, heres my crew of lesbian OCs,

realise I have very few gay men ocs bc I've been in a real drawing fems mood lately, but theres a few there

info below on the ocs

other than Lith none of these women were born on earth, or even lived on it, so they don't have the exact same gender and physical sex rules we do, so this is more the closest term that fits all of my ladies who love ladies&enbees.up in the top left we have Lottie, she's not really into sex that much, but shes all about the romance, shes a very loving person, but deeply scared from several events leaving her with intense PTSD. She's a Frenrar native would was recruited as a demon, she was much more anthro as a human, but lost some of it on the transition to demon. She starts her story being rescued, while greatful, within a few months of world trecking she realised that this isn't what she wants to do anymore, she decides to hang out at Valentino, Skye, and Pipers traveling bar, called The Turkeys Tail. There she studies endlessly to solve a few magic issues on Franrar with the help of Valentino, it takes time but she ends up being the demon to be able to break the Elders curse, in the form of cuffs binding all lower (Hokey) demons, which prevents them running of flying away. She's a pacifist & would really like if there were no wars going on, but since she can't stop them herself, she tries to do so with her experiments. She's growing a lot as i write her and get to know her which is cool, I love when you can just almost hear a character coming together in your mind. all the inspo! Sorry for the ramble! it's good to get this stuff down when I'm in brain storming mind! Across from Lottie, top right, is lith! If you've followed me for years you know lith a bit, she was once a middle aged woman from earth, she made the transition over to demon at the end of a long fight with respiritory illness. Shes very busy lady being one of the two first primary protagonists, while she has some time to adjust to demon life, it didn't come with its own issues, and she ws soon through into a resistance for a place she arrived in not that long ago, she works it out over time. She also works out her sexuality, as a human, she pretty much burried her sexuality but the freedom of a while new world, one filled with many more queer people like her, haha.below her the giant elder Galo stands, due to her bullish attitude and hard headed focus, she struggles with this and the power battles in the Demon realm, often failing to see the wider issue as rilo refocuses her everytime she get close to figuring them out. Shes a bit new so a little under developed but shes going to be apearing quite a lot at the start of the story, then return later, so I'll have some time to get to know her. that tiny lil green triclops like thing, is Shihosu, my most precious and special baby, I wanna protect her even thou i'm the one writting the conflict in her world. She actually dies before she even apears, but shes brough back by octo ( the gold and purple octomaid lady.) and this essentially makes her speicies see her as some blessed chosen one, she has a big repuatation and after seeing and hearing other members of her speices die, she goes on the hunt for octo to find out why she was chosen...she has plenty of fun nights out during  this, so she has a good life work balance.   Shihosu is checking out Elviras butt. Elvira is basically an effigy brought to life by her father Emesh, She's a romantic at heart and can't help but coo and awe at any acts of love. Her father is very over protective and it takes a long time for her to be given true free reign of her life, shes thousands of years old by that point, so she gets out and finds the area outside her home is a semi-apocolyptic waste land filled with strange speicies and creatures, she quick decides she has left because she's to help. Her father is actually aware that he was to let her go off on her own as soon as she'd ask. He was inspired to create her while tripping hard, and the voice told him how to make her, and why he should....*mystery music.*Lastly we have the aforementioned Octo, and her wife, Beefy. By the time we meet them, they've been married a few years and they are obnoxiously in love. Beefy was earth child some how snatched onto Frenrar, she doesn'y know who did it, why, or even how, even though she meets others like her over time, none of them seem to know who did this, and no one on frenrar seems to know who could even do that. She was found in a box in the woods, no older than a year, and the Fleetfoots, a rabbit like spieces with multiple varients across frenrar, the spieces are known for strength, mentally and phsyically, hardiness, and determination, which ended up feeling perfect for Beefy, until Octovar arrived, Not immediately though. Octo was there over a summer at her father request, as she had gained a reputation for making scenes at big public royal family events, so as it is so oftem the rebelious princess is sent off out of daddys way, while he does his old boring bussiness. Beefy spent a lot of her time building and training physically, and Octovar would often be around. She's very curious as someone who lives mostly in the sea, being so far from the ocean, the lifestyles felt completely alien to one another. Over time awkward stares and little comments evolved in to longing looks and full on flirting. Always very opinionated, Octovar opened up to beefy about why she was here, why she was fighting them, and why she needed to leave before her father came back to collect her, Beefy agreed and talked about a Fleetfoot called Piper who had been here, but left after a visit from a powerful mage, beefy had kept contact via letters, so was now aware, Piper was an active member of the resistance. Beefy said her goodbyes, their culture never saw one set of parents, everyone raised everyone basically, so it was scary, but the elders reccomended beefy go try it out, reminding her, her burrow will always be there for her when or if she ever comes back.While we meet them at wives I'm 100% planning a prequel comic on them from meeting each other, to when they meet lith landon and the crew.OOf woops sorry these are meant to be silly cute lil pieces but I get all focused on lore! I'm still planningon doing more even though pride is over, I'm planning on doing one with gay men, then aro/ace. I may also do one with other mspec idnetities, but I do not have many ocs in those categories, YET! I will defo have more as more characters are created, I gotta make a whole planet of people. so theres gonna be variety.I may try and put all my trans characters together for a trans flag, but i may use the art I already made of them! Happy pride Lesbains*! (*and all the groups simailir or under that lable)        

[0ceanoflight]

My thoughts on Gaya Sa Pelikula now that I've watched all 8 eps.

Cause I need to write down my thoughts and Twitter's character limit just isn't enough so thank you tumblr. This is gonna be a rant

Also, just wanna say this is from the point of view of a gay trans masc enby, aka me.

First impression

Gaya Sa Pelikula is just.... Wow. It's hard to describe. I originally watched it cause some moots on Twitter kept talking about it and they recommended it to me. It doesn't take much for me to watch a gay show, so of course I checked it out. At the time I think maybe 2-3 eps were out.

I knew nothing about the plot. I had no expectations for it. Just hoping it didn't have any problematic stuff in it, hopefully some cute stuff, same as any other gay show. It was just some show to watch to pass the time. I was wrong. It's so much more than just a good show. It's rare for me to get THIS emotionally invested into a show.

From the first ep I thought "Oh, this is pretty realistic lol. I've said stuff like this", referring to Vlad's lines. That continued as I watched the remaining available eps. Later my moots mentioned that it was written by a gay man and I understood right away. GSP is a gay show with the intention of being very realistic. It wasn't just gay for entertainment's sake. It was gay for the sake for real gay people.

Characters

The characters are so well written. They are flawed. They're not perfect. They all have their own struggles that you wouldn't know until you sat down and talked to them. Their lines and personalities are real. They feel real. I've met people like that. I have friends like that. I see myself in them. Also the acting is incredible. Really brought it to the next level.

The Music

A golden sound track. Every song just fit. It felt like the songs were made for that scene. The lyrics, the vibe. There were so many times when I thought that lyrics perfectly fit the scene in a way that would make me connect even more to what was happening. Really couldn't have been better. 10/10.

The visuals and plot devices

The way everything seems to have a purpose. Everything seems to be interconnected. There were so many things that were mentioned earlier in the episode, or I'm previous episodes that you originally didn't fully understand, then they would come back and suddenly *mindblown*.

The lines in the first prom dancing scene in the first ep. The ghost stories (still blows my mind). Vlad not liking his hair being touch which wasn't explained till later. The keychain. The theme song test. The movie they were watching about the imaginary beach (I forgot the name). The reason behind Judit's seemingly fake/weird ally speeches. The reason why Karl always seemed so stiff and awkward. The closet. The orca. The remote. Ect.

All of that came back later in the show and added so much depth. The metaphors used seemed to almost add extra explainations. Like... they didn't just give more layers of complexity, but it gave us a stronger understanding of what was going on. Or at least it made it more emotional. Idk. I was just one of he people who read posts of others dissecting the show cause I'm not as good. Lol.

Also there were beautiful scenes visually. Karl's dance scene. Beautiful. The film scenes outside, looked gorgeous. The use of mirrors and the TV. Great. Awesome

Connections

There were a lot of things I connected to.

Vlad's lines like I mentioned above were among the first. I've personally said or thought very similar things. Or even those exact things. I was actually shocked at first. By how real that felt for me.

Vlad being lonely, but faking it. Aha. I'm an introvert, and people know it. As much as I need space, I get lonely very easily as well. And friends online sometimes aren't enough. It's not the same as having someone there. With covid, and the fact that all of my friends live far away or are normally too busy to meet up, I very rarely am actually with friends. It almost hurts tbh. Especially since I'm a very affectionate person. Also the gay yearning hours are real and powerful.

Karl's dance scene, letting out the inner femininity. So I'm a bit different. I never came out as gay. I'm a gay trans guy. People already knew, or assumed, I liked men. However I did have the struggle of inner femininity. I hated fem things up until I was maybe 15-16, maybe almost 17. I didn't know why I hated it, I just did. Clearly now I know why. However my evolution to being a fem guy from hating fem things happened around the same time as discovering I'm not actually a girl. It was confusing 3 years (yes it took me about 3 years to piece everything together, a bit longer to settle). My point is, once I opened up to fem things, it was beautiful. It really really was. I felt more comfortable. I felt freer. I went from "ew makeup, skirts, leggings, pink. I hate it". To wearing makeup, wearing leggings, liking pink, often painting my nails. I've worn pretty short shorts with a loose t-shirt and a cardigan. Peak fem. Felt great. I want to wear a skirt, but I'm too afraid to do that. I may feel better with being fem, but society is still society and I might get looks cause "wtf, a man wearing a skirt?". Maybe one day. Uhhh anyways. The times I've grown to become more fem felt like how watching Karl dance felt like. Just like that.

Karl's struggle with his sexuality. Ok again I can't relate on the gay part, cause my coming out was coming out at trans. However yea. That was an adventure. I remember being so confused in 8th grade & 9th grade. God that was.... something. At first I thought I just wanted to be more tomboyish, more androgynous. So I found androgynous girls with short hair and said "I want this". Everyone was confused. My friends said "is there a reason you cut your hair so short?". I was afraid of that question. At the time I didn't know why I was so afraid. I don't remember exactly what I said, but tbh I was pretty defensive. Of course I later realized why I felt that way. I remember finally figuring things out after I settled into knowing I was trans, I didn't know how to come out. I couldn't say it directly. In fact, I never did. To my friends I just said "he/him, they/them pronouns" when asked at events, and of course they knew, but didn't ask more. In fact one friend found out cause I wrote "agender" on a form cause he looked over my shoulder. For my family... I just dropped a big hint, and they understood something was up. I wasn't able to explain it well then either. It took another 2-3 months till I couldn't take it anymore and did my best to explain it better so they would take it seriously. I was afraid. I couldn't say it directly. I actually didn't come out to my my high school. I was too afraid. I had friends who were out and I was jealous. I was jealous of their bravery. Same as Karl to Vlad. I was out to friends, but couldn't be open in the real world, much like Karl. I was only out within the space of the GSA, and of the local lgbt center. That was my "apartment". It was only until after i graduated where I promised myself I would live my real self.

The prom dance scene. I missed my high school's prom too. I wasn't brave enough to wear a suit. That would be like coming out and I wasn't ready. So I missed that. I wouldn't have been able to be open of course. I went to the senior dinner. I guess that was the start of me trying to be open. I went in a suit. Tailored men's dress pants too. I went with friends.

Wanting to write my own stories. That's a big one isn't it? I never really do see myself in films or tv. An autistic mentally ill gay trans masc enby? Yea, not a thing. Not a popular role in hollywood, will never be. I'm not a writer, I wanted to be as a kid, I was going to go to uni for writing, but I'm not really good enough for that. I really really do want to see more of myself in media. I wish I could be able to create such things for other people as well. Cause things like Gaya Sa Pelikula are truly magical. It literally made me cry whenever something I related to happened.

[renardtrickster]

So then I must ask, what is a legitimate form of objection if the person in question actually does not believe that trans people are what they claim to be? Your assessment, regardless of whether or not it is a valid assumption of how things would go, seems to run an undercurrent implication that the people who object do not truly believe what they are saying and are merely saying it to be hurtful or dismissive or intentionally ignorant. So riddle me this, if they are sincere in those beliefs, how ARE they supposed to voice them? Or is the answer simply be that they should not and that’s the end of it?

I'm gonna be real with you, chief. I don't know who you are, what this is about, or what prompted this, so I barely have an idea of what "my assessment" is. I haven't been on tumblr in months and I don't remember anything related to this subject.

But you're basically asking "if I don't think a trans person is trans, how do I say that politely". The true and honest answer is, basically, "don't". The entire process of even asking "am I trans" is pretty introspective and soul-searchy, and not really something you can take stabs at from an outside perspective. So if someone came to the conclusion of "yeah I am", a lot factors into that decision. A lot that you don't know unless there are literally zero secrets between you and them, and you both think the exact same way. Two bodies, one mind type stuff. So casting doubt and asking "are you really?" is mighty presumptuous.

And leading into my other point, it's also kind of a shitty thing to do. I don't think there’s a lot of trans people out there that came to that decision lightly. It's pretty Major Stuff, finding out that your gender does not match your birth sex, and one has already faced a lot of self-doubt and arguments from oneself trying to figure it out. They're also going to face a lot of doubt and derision from the rest of the world and all of the Highly Pleasant And Likeable People therein, which is yet another factor in the whole "am I or am I not trans" process. So chances are, if someone is out as trans, to you or in general, it's the true, legit deal. And asking or doubting any further than "real shit?" and being prepared to accept whatever answer they give you places you firmly into the "Highly Pleasant And Likeable People please detect the sarcasm" category.

Note, the above is written with the assumption that you know the person you are doubting. If you do not know the person, you are absolutely in the wrong place and should currently be questioning every decision that led to you wondering if you should doubt this random person's identity.

Note also that the above is written with the assumption that you are asking about one trans person in particular, and not that you're doubting the identity of every trans person, which I am beginning to suspect is what you actually meant. If you are doubting if every trans person is not what they claim to be, then your ignorance may not be intentional, but it is undoubtedly there. This stuff isn’t new. Studies has been done. Trans people are provably happier when they’re not chained to their AGAB and are allowed to live as they want to. A trans man’s brain is closer to that of a cis man than a cis female, and vice-versa for trans women. “I think trans people are not what they claim to be” at this point is as goofy and stupid as saying “I think gay people are just confused”, and there’s no acceptable way to express that arctic cold take. The only acceptable things to do are either follow the old maxim, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt", or better yet, get with the program and stop thinking such foolish thoughts ASAP.