trans-advice

[trans-advice]

Your issues with masculinity and malehood are not the curse that trans men must bear in order to earn your respect or protection ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[trans-advice]

is it finally time to ask a doctor about hrt? I'm so scared but I've known I wanted it for so long. like I've had two separate Gender Freakouts as a teen where I fully came out of the closet and then panicked and went back in. everybody knows I'm not cis already. I'm just so SCARED. is it finally time? or can I just put it off again? I keep reassuring myself that there's always time, and that even if Im too scared my whole life, I can always be buried in a suit and called "he" at my funeral. but that very thought kinda makes me think it's time. help meeee im scaredddd

Ask a doctor about HRT as soon as possible because at least from a USA perspective you can't stockpile testosterone to say the least of it.

Also you can really only speak up about your gender being affirmed when you're alive.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

hmmm. im gonna have more to say later, but i think mocking trans men and mascs and butches by saying “let men be masculine <3” to mock us. misses the point.

it comes from the concept that transmasculinity is desirable or valued, uplifted in comparison to cisfemininity. that we are doing better, because to you our manhood does not exist within our social location as transgender folk. we are not advocating against feminine people, whether they be men women or neither or both, but rather pointing out that our masculinity *is* transgressive.

to say so does not put down feminine people or mean that we have it worse. “let men be masculine” can come from multiple different places-

there is a “war” on masculinity, which is bad for society, we need to reinforce masculinity on men. feminism is a plague on men and society

the queer community isnt friendly to masculinity(which like. yea and no), which is harmful to ourselves and we need to see gender presentation as neutral

trans men, trans mascs, and butches are policed using progressive language to force us into femininity or at least femininely tinted androgyny, all in the name of feminism, despite our existence being transgressive and in opposition to existing structures.

i dont believe in gender abolition and i think it fucking sucks. i have and always will believe that gender should be liberated, and that includes the liberation of trans masculinities. holding femininity up as inherently transgressive and progressive and the ideal, especially against those for whom this has been a tool of violence and oprsssion, is not as feminist as you believe it is.

if butch women and trans men and all of us dont have a loving place in your feminist utopia, i dont want it

[trans-advice]

any help on finding cheap tucking underwear bc I don’t want to tape everything I wear something REMOTELY tight and everything out there is so expensive

Readers any feedback?

[trans-advice]

im ftm and have big boobs and my boyfriend (bisexual) likes them a lot and i asked if hed be upset if i got top surgery and he said he would be :( i love him a lot idk what to do

I first want to start out by saying that my immediate impulse is to break up with your boyfriend because you're not with him til death. Like there are other causes for mastectomies besides gender affirmation, so IDK whether he'd stick around if those other things went down, and that your partner's decision is impacting you that much.

But I'm trying to respect that you're trying to keep the relationship. IDK if by top surgery you also included breast reductions in that discussion. Can he help you with stuff like chest binding? Are there other parts in your trans existence & in your relationship with him where he can step up more to compensate for him stepping down from your wanting to get top surgery?

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

Hey! Lighter ask for y’all, to ease some post election tension..

I’m getting my first driver’s license photo since my gender affirming haircut. My hair is masculine, but my face, honestly, isn’t. Any tips on how to maximize the masc energy (in spite of the gender marker and feminine name)? Short of full on drawing a beard on myself I’m not sure what to do. And I’m also not far enough out of the closet for that. For reference, I’m Asian with girly looking lips and squarish face. -Robby

Readers any feedback?

[trans-advice]

I live in a state that bans HRT for minors. I’m going to turn 18 in a few days. I’m also on my school’s swim team (I am FTM and managed to get on the boys team). My plan, before Trump got reelected, was to wait until the swim season was finished to start HRT, about the end of February. Now that Trump is elected again, I’m wondering if I should just start as soon as possible to get more time, in case HRT bans become stronger.

my suggestion is to make a visit before trump takes office & decide at the visit. also ask around for opinions by other people who are taking that treatment method already to see if they're heard any warnings regarding the trump.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

Hello! How do I know if my binder is too big? I just got mine in the mail today and I have to decide if I want to exchange it for a smaller or if I can wear it. I got the size I should have acording to my measurements and it does bind thankfully (although I have to position things a bit differently to how people say you should in order for it to bind and things not spill out) but I feel like it is very loose, or more like it is very stretchy so I can pull it out from my chest very easily and im scared that it will cause things to shift when i wear it. I do not have any trouble breating at all and I feel like it is almost more comfortable than a sports bra and it kinda compresses my lungs and ribs less than a sports bra and that feels weird and not how I thought it should be. I know they stretch out so I dont want it to stop working

Readers, any feedback?

[trans-advice]

been sitting on this one for a WHILE

[trans-advice]

is that person actually "demanding emotional labour" from you or did you follow one shitty therapist on twitter

[trans-advice]

[trans-advice]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Laverne Cox (@lavernecox)

[trans-advice]

Like/reblog if you think that you don't need to medically transition to be transgender

[trans-advice]

"Let Trans People Bloom"

Let them thrive, not just survive.

[ Cred to this lovely artist ]

[trans-advice]

For the last 10 years, since realizing maybe possibly I could be trans, the only place I have ever listed my “boy name” is on my tumblr with the exception of telling my cousin (an out trans person) in 2017 and using that name in all correspondence with him. He was a great support and understood I just never felt fully ready to come out and actually transition. We talked all the time for a while then slowly grew more distant when Covid happened. And alas, I was still never ready to come out and transition.

Well today, almost 3 years to the day after the last time we spoke (which was literally about trans issues), he reached out to my sibling (who is out as gay and is cis at least as far as either of us is aware) that he doesn’t think I’m a safe person to talk to. The reasoning is that something about his upcoming gender affirming surgery got back to a transphobic family member but his knee jerk reaction was that it came from me??? For years, all we talked about was trans issues and my fear around my own transition that I may or may not ever even be confident enough to go through with.

I’m shocked and hurt that a person who was so important and supportive while I was figuring out my own gender would even think that let alone say it to someone I’m close to after being what I thought was such an important character in my own gender journey. I don’t know if he just doesn’t remember our history. But how could you forget YEARS of talking about trans masc experience, binding, buying me a binder for my birthday? Does he think that my struggle with a crippling fear of transition was a joke? A phase? The idea that the person I could turn to whenever I finally WAS ready would so easily dismiss me like this really makes me think I’ll never feel ready to transition.

this feels like a vent ask, which i hope you get thru this.

if you're looking for advice, it takes a village. it's not just one person who can carry you through, it's needing safe spaces, etc.

readers, any feedback

good luck, peace & love,

eve