trans-advice

[trans-advice]

FREE zine :)

A Trans Person ___ Here.

(Fill in the blank with a verb wherever you decide to leave this zine).

available on my ko-fi

🏳️‍⚧️

VD: Charlie's hand flips through their mini zine titled "A Trans Person Blank Here". The blank is meant to be filled in by the reader. The cover of the mini zine features the trans pride flag. Inside the zine are landscapes and skies with a few people in them. All done with physical collage, then scanned and printed. The zine contains some text that affirms that trans people have been here and will be here forever.

[trans-advice]

from @/vero_muerte on tiktok!!

found this video at <2000 likes and i NEED more people to see this because. yeah.

[trans-advice]

I have massive fuck off tits and can't wear a traditional binder because I'm not physically able to put them on or take them off (love being physically disabled and my body falling apart) do you have any recommendations of SAFE accessible binders because as much as I would like to get a zip up binder I would rather not fuck up my body more and I know those things are bad for you

Readers any feedback?

[trans-advice]

So I'm 18 I live in the Midwest and my family is very religious. They are still very loving. But when I tried to come out as MTF they did not accept it at all. They confiscated a lot of my things. I know in their minds they think they are doing what's right for me. I basically had to un come out and pretend it was "just a phase". I'm also struggling with my faith since I was raised in an Evangelical environment. Any advice to payroll my parents into accepting me? I know that sounds fucked but.

Honestly, the confiscation of your materials is a tactic used in conversion torture (aka conversion "therapy"), and because they're Evangelical they're likely going to refuse to look up information that would actually help you. A lot of harm can be rationalized against you as "them wrongly thinking they're doing right". Grow as much distance as you can between them & yourself in order to protect yourself because unless they're going to look up the gender-affirming information themselves then they're not going to listen to you. Also because of the white/Christian nationalist administration's genocidal attacks on our community, start saving gender-affirming resources such as glossaries etc, if your internet is not being snooped on.

I would recommend looking into lgbtqia-affirming churches. Various churches & synagogues stream their services on youtube. In addition, if there's anything you associate with connection to the divine such as live music or something, then look for secular versions of that. Also look into resources regarding religious trauma because obviously religion has been weaponized against you. Secular versions of that would be looking into recovering from high control groups, such as certain businesses.

I'd also suggest making an emergency bag & an escape path in case DV against you escalates & you have to escape for safety.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

Can you just say hi Rowan. I wanna try it out

Thank you!!!!!!

Hi Rowan!

[trans-advice]

Hello, this is mostly venting i guess but if anyone do have any advice i would appreciate it.

I have questioned my gender for many years even if I still havnt completely understood it yet.

I had a boyfriend during all of my late teenage years (we were together for 3 years) and I have really started to miss him even though we broke up over a year ago. I think a part of it was because he made me feel loved but I think a larger part of it is because he is the only one who has ever known about my struggles with my gender. Like he knew i wondered if I am a trans boy and he helped me a little to experiment with things by calling me his boyfriend and using he/him pronouns and things like that. I think this is what I miss the most because even if I think I might be not completely cis in some way i do not want to ever come out because I am happy enough with my life now and what people call me and treat me and i am afraid that i will miss parts of it if it turned out that i am a man (and i am not even sure what i am so it is not worth it to think too mush about it). But it still felt really nice to be called masculine terms by someone and it made my heart skip and made me really happy. I want someone to see all of me (even what I dont understand myself) and nobody does that right now. I guess I also want to tell my friends that I am fine with he/him pronouns and things and it would be nice if they tried that for me sometimes but I am too afraid and I feel like it is wrong of me to do that if I never tell anyone else and if I am not actually trans and never come out or transition, it would put them in a weird position and they might also think im really weird for not doing anything else about my feelings and not even knowing what they mean. I dont know what to do now, it all feels lonely and scary. I do not want to ever bring it up, but I guess I want them to see that part of me still, or even ask me about it because it would be easier. I do not want to change anything with my life because im too scared and what if I regret it as im not sure what i want, but i also dont have the energy to ignore all these thoughts completely. I wish i had someone to talk about it with, who could see me as I see myself, without me having to play some sort of part either way. I wish I could be both a boy and a girl, i wish i were a boy, I wish nobody was confused, I wish I knew what I want. It is exhausting

(I dont know if I made it clear how i feel but thank you for this blog)

If you're too afraid of regret then don't do anything irreversible.

Get started on asking your friends to use masc terms for you like he/him pronouns. Once you do stuff related to presentation, you can maybe go from there regarding questions of identity, etc.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

(ftm questioning) (very long, I'm sorry)

i used to be openly ftm, (cut my hair, changed my name, changed my pronouns, tried to bind) but eventually returned back to presenting as cis (although my pronouns have never been definite and i would say at times i present more masc than fem) and in both situations I've been happy with how i present, but recently I've been questioning a lot more and it's really going around and around in my head and i just can't come to a definite answer so I'm wondering if you have any advice

i like how i present rn (feminine (sorta), mostly use she/her or she/they or some variation of that, if not just saying any pronouns when i really don't know) and I'm happy when people see me and call me pretty when they see me as a girl (does that make sense ?) but theres still that feeling in the back of my mind when i see guys "i wish i looked like that" "i wish i used he/him pronouns" "i want a "guy name"" and mainly just "i wish people saw me as a guy", but I don't want to be fluid, because thats sort of how i am rn i guess ? and thats not what i want. I want to be one or the other. When i question being ftm i want to me fully m, when im not questioning I'm happy being fully f. staying in the middle isn't for me, and I don't want people to see me as in the middle either

my family isn't the most accepting, but they aren't transphobic either, i really don't know how they would respond to me if i came out as trans so I don't know if that affects how i feel in any way

should i try being ftm again ?

any advice at all helps sm, I'm sorry it's really long and confusing 😭

and I'm sorry if anything is worded wrong or i get any terms wrong, I'm bad at wording most things 💔

So IDK why you changed your presentation, but I would look into that to understand your relationship with your new presentation. Like is it out of safety or something else? What were your thoughts about being a guy vs being a girl back when you were openly ftm?

The main thing I see here about your relationship to presenting feminine is that you like being called pretty when you present as a girl. My question is, could you present "pretty" as a guy?

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

hi!! This feels pretty tame, but I’m 17 and no HRT transmasc, and an insecurity has popped up that I can’t shake. It is this: I’m scared that I have been making myself less feminine since childhood because no one has ever showed interest bc I’ve never cared (ace), and I think I’ve internalised that I’m not attractive at all in a feminine way, so I might be in a masc way/ I need to not try to look nice in a feminine way because I won’t. Is this a thing or am I overthinking it??? Like I might wear fem stuff if I wasn’t made fun of for it/thought I looked bad. Incidentally I’m also occupied that I pass and look cool… and then my face/jawline ruin it. Thanks for any response

Firstly, don't center people being attracted to you in how you dress. There are so many styles for that, and you first need a style that will play well with your gender dysphoria/euphoria. Also how other people act is on them, not your clothes, don't victim blame yourself fof harassment you've received.

If your face/jawline is making you insecure then try looking up references of masc people/presentations with said jawline. I'm guessing you need to look up the name of your face/jawline shape first and then from there google something like men with said face/jawline shape.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

Your issues with masculinity and malehood are not the curse that trans men must bear in order to earn your respect or protection ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[trans-advice]

is it finally time to ask a doctor about hrt? I'm so scared but I've known I wanted it for so long. like I've had two separate Gender Freakouts as a teen where I fully came out of the closet and then panicked and went back in. everybody knows I'm not cis already. I'm just so SCARED. is it finally time? or can I just put it off again? I keep reassuring myself that there's always time, and that even if Im too scared my whole life, I can always be buried in a suit and called "he" at my funeral. but that very thought kinda makes me think it's time. help meeee im scaredddd

Ask a doctor about HRT as soon as possible because at least from a USA perspective you can't stockpile testosterone to say the least of it.

Also you can really only speak up about your gender being affirmed when you're alive.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

hmmm. im gonna have more to say later, but i think mocking trans men and mascs and butches by saying “let men be masculine <3” to mock us. misses the point.

it comes from the concept that transmasculinity is desirable or valued, uplifted in comparison to cisfemininity. that we are doing better, because to you our manhood does not exist within our social location as transgender folk. we are not advocating against feminine people, whether they be men women or neither or both, but rather pointing out that our masculinity *is* transgressive.

to say so does not put down feminine people or mean that we have it worse. “let men be masculine” can come from multiple different places-

there is a “war” on masculinity, which is bad for society, we need to reinforce masculinity on men. feminism is a plague on men and society

the queer community isnt friendly to masculinity(which like. yea and no), which is harmful to ourselves and we need to see gender presentation as neutral

trans men, trans mascs, and butches are policed using progressive language to force us into femininity or at least femininely tinted androgyny, all in the name of feminism, despite our existence being transgressive and in opposition to existing structures.

i dont believe in gender abolition and i think it fucking sucks. i have and always will believe that gender should be liberated, and that includes the liberation of trans masculinities. holding femininity up as inherently transgressive and progressive and the ideal, especially against those for whom this has been a tool of violence and oprsssion, is not as feminist as you believe it is.

if butch women and trans men and all of us dont have a loving place in your feminist utopia, i dont want it

[trans-advice]

any help on finding cheap tucking underwear bc I don’t want to tape everything I wear something REMOTELY tight and everything out there is so expensive

Readers any feedback?

[trans-advice]

im ftm and have big boobs and my boyfriend (bisexual) likes them a lot and i asked if hed be upset if i got top surgery and he said he would be :( i love him a lot idk what to do

I first want to start out by saying that my immediate impulse is to break up with your boyfriend because you're not with him til death. Like there are other causes for mastectomies besides gender affirmation, so IDK whether he'd stick around if those other things went down, and that your partner's decision is impacting you that much.

But I'm trying to respect that you're trying to keep the relationship. IDK if by top surgery you also included breast reductions in that discussion. Can he help you with stuff like chest binding? Are there other parts in your trans existence & in your relationship with him where he can step up more to compensate for him stepping down from your wanting to get top surgery?

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[trans-advice]

Hey! Lighter ask for y’all, to ease some post election tension..

I’m getting my first driver’s license photo since my gender affirming haircut. My hair is masculine, but my face, honestly, isn’t. Any tips on how to maximize the masc energy (in spite of the gender marker and feminine name)? Short of full on drawing a beard on myself I’m not sure what to do. And I’m also not far enough out of the closet for that. For reference, I’m Asian with girly looking lips and squarish face. -Robby

Readers any feedback?