#trying is the most important part

[m00kieblaylock]

There’s just a lot going on; I am just a complete hot mess of a human, my body is being depleted by anxiety big time that I’m not feeling good at all 🫠 plus I am just self sabotage in the form of a person so

But! I must remind myself that I am continuing the fiendish tattoo run into 2023 & have collected a healthy amount of mesh shirts recently with is getting me closer to my hot bitch with undeniable 🔥✨bi vibes✨🔥

Also - I’m always going to be miss maternal. I truly believe that the love you put out into the world comes back to you when you need it the most. If anyone needs a pick me up/hype woman, a listener or anything at all I will be here. If you’re struggling, I know how hard you’re fighting and I’m so proud, especially if no one has told you lately. Care for yourself in the way you can today. A blank day is okay because tomorrow is new. There’s a lot of toxic positivity around this time of year - screw all that, just small reasonable achievements. I love you, keep kicking arse 💗💗💗💗

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4)

[amogus-real-not-clickbait]

part 1 of a little comic / art sequence that i've been working on! :D it's part tribute, part experimenting with brushes n colors and trying new thingz :]

and thus continues my endless quest of spreading the carrot fics like a plague! if you've seen my art floating around you probs already figured that this au holds a very special place in my heart, forever and always!!

if you haven't heard of it, it's a fic series by @crowned-ladybug called carrot soup!! it made me wish i could speak colors and i need more people to share my struggle xd

go check it out if you're into sweet voice lore and qpr level gayness and just wanna feel warm and soft and warm (hurt/comfort my beloved) <333 there are some heavier themes cos everyone's traumatized but they're working through it! be sure to check the tags and stay safe! <3

[linipik]

[PART 7]

–

💌~

[dykedvonte]

Honestly I see Jimmy's refusal to put Curly out of his misery less about his weird feelings of envy or his delusions but the fact Curly is all but stated to be a shield to Jimmy from his actions and people seeing the worst in him.

The only characters that Jimmy really interacts with one on one before the crash are Curly and Anya, two individuals he has wildly different relationships with. It's likely that Curly really did most of the talking between them as the pilots and the rest of the crew as staff. They didn't know of Jimmy's more reprehensible behaviors cause they never really had the chance to and Jimmy is subconsciously aware. If they had disliked him more than Anya would have told Swansea earlier or even Daisuke when things got really bad.

It's why he takes the immediate opportunity to blame Curly; He's the shield. He's saved Jimmy's ass more times than he can count and more times than Jimmy would ever admit. Even when he can't really do it anymore, he mentally shields himself from his own faults by putting Curly between them. Letting Curly die puts too much on him because he doesn't know how to function without a safety net.

In the end Curly only lives because Jimmy needs the idea that Curly will inevitably make things better to stay alive, meaning Curly has to live, no matter how much it pains him to do so.

[stydixa]

MARRY MY HUSBAND (2024) Episode 10

[doodling-robot]

an old sketch gave me a chuckle so I decided to color it

The original sketch:

[thelilylav]

We only see each other at funerals

(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)

The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art

[ale-arro]

thinking about a post i saw that was like "it's hard to use the word 'crush' as an alloaro bc people will automatically assume it's romantic" and i feel like i've recently been made to acknowledge another aspect of this which is that in distancing myself from the idea that my crushes are romantic i end up like, minimizing them? treating them like they're insignificant to me or weak in quantity because if i act too serious about it then it will be Assigned Romantic. but isn't that just more amatonormativity? the idea that if the feelings i have for someone are substantial then they must be romantic

[ef-1]

burn your village | female rage playlist

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Something something about the cursed mummy working at a rodeo and the connection to lassos and wrangling bulls and foreshadowing. Something something about buck wearing a moustache when he dresses up as billy boils which connects things to Eddie.

How rodeos are connected to Texas in the general psyche. The idea that Eddie needs to go and wrangle with his bull in the next episode - Helena.

That she has been constantly trying to Buck him off but he needs to hold on in order to break the curse she has been on his life - the play on Buck being a massive support to Eddie - that gives him the strength to stay on and win the fight and pen the bull.

That he needs to break free of that curse in order to transform into his true self and how the werewolf is a representation of that happening and also a foreshadowing for the shaving off of the stache

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

At rest, your lungs wish to deflate, and your ribcage expands outwards.

[br1ghtestlight]

i dont think the ii contestants are like. incapable of growing and learning abt the world beyond what mephone knows and taught them obviously they could do and be anything. but for the time being the reality is they dont really have any life experience outside of reality tv and the world mephone created for them based off his ALSO very limited experience of the "real world". they never thought to question mephone when he said this is the way the world is this is how it works, this is what exists and what doesn't exist. and why would they?? its like they were raised in a weird reality tv cult except in their situation the cult leader was also raised in a way weirder genocidal abusive cult. like he's trying his best okay!!!!

anyway i dont think mephone intentionally kept any information from them and i dont think he was like..... controlling their brains or what information they were allowed access to. but u never think to question things you dont even know exist outside of a vauge abstract reality tv context

[aalghul]

just mothers losing sons to fathers

[muninnhuginn]

In Defence of Qiao Ling

I've been musing on several threads relating to Qiao Ling in the last few weeks and have seen a few posts going around that have pushed me to actually try and put all my Qiao Ling thoughts into words and in one place.

Despite the title, I don't fully agree with the show's handling of Qiao Ling, but I do think she has been provided with a clear ongoing arc and so that's what I'm going to be focusing on here.

This got quite long so most of it is under the cut, but shout-out to @lizzieonka and @oceaniche for their previous posts on Qiao Ling, which definitely ended up inspiring some parts of this.

So, let's start with: what do we actually know about Qiao Ling?

Qiao Ling's Background

She's first introduced as the "landlady", for all it quickly becomes apparent that her relationship with Cheng Xiaoshi isn't quite that simple. Her family "took Cheng Xiaoshi in" but there's always been some distance and that's reinforced by the whole "rent" deal. (The fact that Cheng Xiaoshi is still adamant his parents will return likely also factors in to this.) Still, Qiao Ling herself clearly sees Cheng Xiaoshi as her younger brother and is willing to stake her claim on him as family to near-strangers (we've seen it both when she met Lu Guang and Li Tianxi).

Qiao Ling's social life is clearly contrasted with that of Cheng Xiaoshi. Where Cheng Xiaoshi's first "proper" friend was Lu Guang, Qiao Ling has her own circle of friends and is fairly sociable in general (she literally found a client by befriending a stranger when she came to learn martial arts). Xu Shanshan, for instance, is very much Qiao Ling's friend despite hanging out with the collective group at uni. Qiao Ling also spoke of Cheng Xiaoshi's childhood as something that happened to him specifically, implying that she herself was spared the bullying (which makes sense considering the fact that she wasn't the one with missing parents) and so had a more "normal" upbringing. Whether she spoke up back then or stayed quiet isn't fully clarified (not speaking up against adults is one thing but what about classmates?), but Cheng Xiaoshi doesn't seem to hold it against her either way.

Nowadays, Qiao Ling's role in managing the photo shop's side-business has her interacting directly with most clients. She's the most customer-facing of the three, relaying information between clients and shiguang. This is despite her not actually knowing the full details behind shiguang's diving process until season two, which in retrospect makes it more impressive. Qiao Ling taking on the managerial role (and what is also implied to be social media advertising) also has the (unintended?) effect of obscuring shiguang's roles in the business from the public, as it's Qiao Ling who earns the nickname of "witch". It took until Xiao Li saw Cheng Xiaoshi in the CCTV footage during the Doudou case for anyone to see through this.

Key Character Moments

In terms of Qiao Ling's key moments, we have four main ones.

In Doudou arc, Qiao Ling admits she saw Doudou being taken three years ago;

In season two, at the hospital, Qiao Ling asks for some trust and to not be shut out anymore;

Qiao Ling bonding with Li Tianxi and using their shared aspects to bring her out of her shell so she would help the investigation;

The revelation that Qiao Ling did, in fact, receive some form of Lu Guang's memories from Tianxi and her dismissal of their implications.

The main thread behind all of these scenes is that they are about information and what you choose to do with it.

My thoughts are two-fold here. First, how these scenes connect with Qiao Ling's arc specifically, and secondly, how they connect with the broader themes of the series.

Qiao Ling's Arc

Doudou

Let's begin with Doudou arc. In this arc, Qiao Ling reveals that she saw the kidnapping of a child several years ago. She hadn't told anyone about this for three years and likely would have continued to have kept it to herself if not for Doudou's father approaching the photo studio. In this arc, there is the following exchange:

Qiao Ling's main regret is that she didn't do something or say something as she saw Doudou being taken away. That her inaction may have ensured that Doudou's kidnapper was able to get away with him. And she specifically says "I didn't even have the courage to step forward and provide any information." (Tangent: Funnily enough, Lu Guang is the "star of courage" in the Star Warriors later in the episode, not Qiao Ling. Qiao Ling is "star of wisdom" who is meant to "light the way". Still fitting, but in a less straightforward way.)

Now, to me, this is clearly setting up an arc, not resolving one. Qiao Ling wouldn't have offered the information if not for the circumstances. And it tells us that for all Qiao Ling has friends and is sociable, she still holds certain cards close to her chest. She doesn't want to confront the past so instead she will hold her guilt tight and not say a word. Though, as this exchange shows, she does want to have that courage. And I'll get onto this later, but this ties in very clearly with the information she later holds regarding Lu Guang.

Hospital confrontation

Throughout this entire scene, even before it becomes a "confrontation" Qiao Ling is clearly feeling guilty. She runs after Cheng Xiaoshi when he tries to leave to help the police so that she can *do something*, make up for it the best she can. Guilt and avoidance are key traits for her and they both manifest here. They're still holding her back.

And, of course, there's her statement to Cheng Xiaoshi: "You're always trying to protect me. I really appreciate it. But what I need more is your trust." Qiao Ling knows what it's like to be locked out of the loop. She didn't know the specifics of diving for months (possibly years?) and it didn't really seem to bother her (or at least she didn't give the impression it bothered her when "Xu Shanshan" asked her about it). But she has her limits. And being locked out when the situation is actively dangerous? That's clearly past those limits.

Li Tianxi

Grouping together the final two scenes, because the first Li Tianxi scene is more a demonstration of character traits as well as digging in those sibling parallels between LTC-LTX and CXS-QL. Anyway, the first scene adds more evidence to the idea that Qiao Ling is more sociable and a people person. That she could could get Li Tianxi to open up by taking a more understanding approach and showing that she gets it to some extent. She's in the same boat.

Which means when we get to the final scene, this is what ties it all together. Qiao Ling has inherited the memories Li Tianxi saw from Lu Guang. She has seen Cheng Xiaoshi's "death". She has information now. But her first instinct is to dismiss it. To avoid it and refuse to confront it because the implications are too much.

But, see, she's been in this situation before with Doudou. She's had information and done nothing with it and regretted. She wanted to have the courage to do better. This is her goal.

And the implications of these memories? Do they mean Cheng Xiaoshi is in danger? Wasn't danger her red line in the sand? Didn't she tell him that "protecting" people and "trusting" them aren't mutually exclusive?

And finally, Lu Guang isn't Li Tianxi, but isn't the scenario here at least somewhat similar? Isn't Qiao Ling in the same boat as him here, wanting to keep Cheng Xiaoshi safe? Hasn't Qiao Ling shown she can connect with people through their shared experiences?

Qiao Ling isn't a confrontational character. She's avoidant. She will wallow in her guilt and not let on until it gets too much. But she wants to do better and isn't this her chance to do something? Say something? To not just be a passive observer and be left with regrets? I don't think it will be immediate by any means, but I think for her arc to conclude properly, she will have to conclude for herself that she needs to be open with the information she has and share it. If she's pushed into it, then it's just Doudou again. But if she chooses to share the information, then that's the pay-off set up back in season one.

Broader Themes in the Show

Broader themes regarding information and withholding of it. We see time and again in this series, that characters withhold information from others.

Liu Xiao and Lu Guang with Li Tianchen and Cheng Xiaoshi respectively, both holding more information than their "partner". Refusing to share it so that they can control them. Their reasons may differ, but the dynamics mirror each other in that respect. Unhealthy dynamic number one.

Li Tianchen and Li Tianxi, never addressing what Li Tianchen is doing with their powers. It allows Li Tianchen to pretend to himself that he is protecting Li Tianxi and carrying out justice. Li Tianxi is heavily implied in her telling of their backstory to know more than she lets on with regards to Li Tianchen's actions. But the refusal of both siblings to broach the topic eventually leads to Li Tianchen going where Li Tianxi cannot follow in his pursuit of vengeance and puts Li Tianxi in the very danger Li Tianchen wanted to avoid. Unhealthy dynamic number two. (There are more than this but I'm just sticking to these to keep this from getting any longer)

To go back to the hospital confrontation, when Qiao Ling says: "You're always trying to protect me. I really appreciate it. But what I need more is your trust." When she says this? It's a direct hit against the idea that protection should involve keeping people out. And in this case, Cheng Xiaoshi does start to let her in. They do manage to have healthy communication here now that Qiao Ling has been let in on the dives and is allowed to do something to help. She doesn't want to be passive.

She knows what it's like to be locked out, to be "protected" without having her own agency respected. But now, as of end of season two, she's on the other side. She has the information and Cheng Xiaoshi is locked out.

When Qiao Ling was assigned as the "Star of Wisdom, to light the way" in the Doudou arc, that's because it's her role in the show overall. Lu Guang certainly isn't going to push forward with healthy communication; he's too committed to his path for that. Cheng Xiaoshi meanwhile doesn't have the information needed to even start a confrontation. Qiao Ling is the only one in the position to lead the way with her knowledge. To provide the route to healthy communication once more.

She is the catalyst.

[bichambered-reservoir]

guess who discovered they don't rock with 90% of their art!!!!! this isn't even a vent post, i wouldn't post vents, this is a ramble and an unnecessary announcement that i will be posting more, and posting cringe.

A lot of the art i post on there, i will not deny, it was extremely fun to make. i will not doubt that for a Moment. I have created so much neon, eyebleeding D,J,M,M v,ore paraphernalia and knowing the amount i have ruthlessly inflicted upon the world brings me much joy. However: i have realized that most of these do nothing for me.

How is it that with all this D,J,M,M v,ore, barely any of it feeds the purple, glowing, gaping maw in my soul? . I've just been making shit for this blog because i need to draw d,j,m,m v,ore to maintain my internal reputation of d,j,m,m v,ore guy. I think it looks good, but that's not the point, the point was making my heart flutter and i have FAILED. It's probably why I've only been posting like, once a month now. (that and bc of h,omo mousike)

Comet and Fritz are back on my mind with their weird explicitly v,orey bullshit along with them, and I am going to draw it. It's going to be dimly lit, neon-colored, and be about the exact same thing like I'm a broken record and only i will like it