#try telling your truth to them again lol!!!!! it might go better this time!!!!!!!!

[akkivee]

i wonder if they’ll drop ramuda’s preview during the hangout stream this week??? like if they do, there might be a world where these erratic drops are actually hinting at story developments. like jiro and saburo’s previews came out on time but ichiro’s was crazy late lol and he wound up being the cause of conflict in the track, so posse’s releasing on time might mean posse is like, sooo united on their front lmao 🤔

[baby-yongbok]

4:26 am

Best friend!Bang Chan × Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut

Summary: You love your boyfriend Minho, but lately your best friend has been on your mind.

Warnings: Cheating, Chan is a tiny bit manipulative, Car Sex? (That should be all, sorry if I missed anything!)

A/N: This might might, be the last of Chan's birthday posts. I have one more that I prepared awhile ago but I might save it. Who knows lol. I hope that you enjoy! I'm trying to start writing again and it's been hard so I'm sorry if this is a bit rough 😅

✨️Masterlist✨️

 “Tell me again why we're parked in an abandoned parking lot at 4:26 am.” Chan asks quizzically. I sighed, running my hands over my face. 

“I needed someone to vent to.” My gaze stays fixed on my lap, I don’t know if I can look at him, I don’t know what I’ll do when his eyes meet mine. He’s my best friend and I know I can tell him anything, hell, he picked up the phone in the middle of the night and came running to me. So I know that I can trust him but right now the thought of looking him in the eye with these thoughts running through my head is dizzying.

“Well I'm here, start when you want.” He leans forward, crossing his arms and resting them on top of the steering wheel. I run my hands through my hair as I try to gather my thoughts.

“Okay so, uh, Minho came home early tonight and he surprised me with this really cute home date and ya know… we had sex and it was good, really it was, but I just don’t feel… I haven’t been feeling…” My heart is beating a mile a minute, Chan and I are extremely close and we talk about our sex lives all the time but this time it’s different. 

“Unsatisfied?” Chan asks with an eyebrow raised. I nod my head, thankful that he finished the sentence for me. Talking about Minho behind his back feels so wrong but I suppose it’s not as wrong as what I plan to confess next.

“Yeah, unsatisfied and I've been… thinking of someone else.” I swallow hard as I play with the zipper of my hoodie, desperate to pay attention to anything but the look on Chan’s face. I know him, I know that he’s looking at me with semi wide interested eyes and he’s waiting for me to look back at him but I just can’t. 

“Who do you think about?” If I were in a hospital right now the nurses would go crazy because I am almost certain that my heart stopped, exploded even. I knew that he’d ask me that question but hearing it actually come out of his mouth sets off a whole new type of panic. Should I tell him the truth? I’m in a relationship, a beautiful and loving one at that, I shouldn’t go around confessing these things. But on the other hand, the thought of my fantasy coming true is too inviting to ignore. It’s now or never and I choose now.

“Well, it depends on the day. It could be Hyunjin, Seungmin, but… I mostly think of you. I guess it’s because of our connection or some shit like that, I don't know” My nerves got to me half way through my confession, shit, he must think I’m fucking with him. The silence around us lasted far too long for my liking, causing me to look over at the man in the driver's seat. His eyebrows were slightly raised and there was a red tint to the tips of his ears but other than that he seemed completely cool and collected. 

“Okay, uh, you think about me in what way? Like, do you daydream about me and kind of dissociate from Minho or do you pretend that he's me?” His brows knit together briefly before relaxing again. He shifts in his seat, leaning back completely and bringing his crossed arms to rest over his chest. He’s clearly trying not to show the effect that my confession has on him.

“I imagine that he's you, that his hands are yours and that you’re the one fucking me, it's better when I pretend.” I look back down at my lap as a deep blush creeps onto my cheeks. 

“Do you come faster? More intensely?” My head jolts up quickly and my eye’s find his immediately, the look of disbelief written all over my features makes Chan grin. He chuckles a bit and that's when I realize that he's messing with me. I sigh dramatically, relaxing into my seat before flashing my middle finger in his direction.

“Fuck you, don’t taunt me.” He smiles wider, looking down at his lap.

“I just want to know for my own personal records.” He licks his lips before looking back up at me  “It's fun hearing what I do to you.” 

At this point I’m sure that my brown skin is as red as a rose. Why did he have to look at me like that? Is he trying to ruin me? 

“I called you because I need to vent.” I remind him as I turn to look out of the passenger window, anything to avoid his gaze for a second. 

“Sorry sorry, continue.” I clear my throat and unzip my hoodie just a bit, is it getting hot in here? Why does his car suddenly feel so small?

“He falls asleep after sex all the time, I mean how could I blame him? Three rounds every night for four or five days a week is a lot on top of working and all of the other stuff that he does in a day. But no matter how many times we do it I’m still not satisfied afterwards, I watch porn and use my vibrator on the bathroom floor, every time.”

“Did you do that tonight?” His eyebrows knit together in curiosity, I open my mouth to try to answer him but when I look back in his direction I get distracted by the sight of his strong arms. He leaned back in his seat a bit more than he was a minute ago, his fingers intertwined and tucked behind his head giving me the perfect view of his biceps and everything that matches it. 

“No, I called you instead. I just needed to talk to someone. I feel like I'm going crazy, I keep wanting more and more sex. This can’t be normal.” Chan chuckles lightly and I can’t help but to roll my eyes. Is he even taking this seriously?

“Well either you're a sex addict or you aren't satisfied because you want someone else. In this case that person would be me.” He moves his hands from behind his head and rests them in his lap lazily.

“So, what? I fuck you and it goes away? If anything I'll keep wanting it.” I scoff, shaking my head in an attempt to erase the thoughts.

“You'll never know unless you try.” My eyes meet his quickly, I open my mouth to reply but no words make sense in my head. Is he serious? He’s messing with me… right? 

“I couldn't cheat on… I can't.” 

“Haven't you already though? Thinking of another man inside of you while he is? Imagining that you're with me.. your best friend. If he were thinking of someone else while he fucked you would you call that cheating?”  I turn away from him as if I'm physically trying to run away from his words. This is all too much to handle. The man that I can’t stop thinking about is basically offering himself to me. But I can’t do that to Minho, he’s been nothing but good to me for all of these years, he’s loving and attractive and he shares all of my values… but so does Chan and right now my best friend has one up on my boyfriend when it comes to intimacy. Is this really worth it? Is sex really worth potentially ruining my relationship to start a new one with Chan?

“I'm single, Y/n, if I screw you no one will care. But you, you're in a relationship. If we fuck you'll either feel guilty and confess everything to him or you'll feel so amazing that you'll call me at 4 am every night, The choice is yours.” Silence surrounds us and it almost feels heavy on my skin. What should I do next? I could tell him to take me home or I could get in the backseat and let him fuck me until I’m satisfied. I glance over at Chan to find that he’s already looking at me, his relaxed gaze is raking over my frame slowly but that’s not what did it. It was the way he licked his lips as his eyes met mine, like he could already taste me. Like he already had me. 

“Fuck it.” I blurt out, making up my mind all at once. It’s like every system in my brain shut off at once. I'm not really even thinking anymore, every move is now driven by desire. “Let me see your dick.”

 I maintain eye contact so that he knows that I’m serious. A smirk plays upon his lips and his eyebrows raise instantly.

“That escalated quickly.” He chuckles and I try my best to hide my giddy grin, Am I really doing this? Maybe I can take it back?

“Show me.” Chan takes a deep breath, hooking his thumbs into the waistline of his sweats before giving me a glance. I can tell what he’s trying to say with his eyes, he’s asking me if I’m sure about this and to be honest that answer is no, I’m anything but sure. All I know is that part of me is desperate to see if he really has this effect on me or if it’s all in my head. I nod to him and without another word he lowers the hem of his gray sweatpants and his cock springs up, resting against his clothed stomach.

Fuck what I said before, I don’t want to take it back. The mere sight of his dick, makes my mouth water. It takes every ounce of control that I have in my body not to lean forward and take him in my mouth. I want to taste him, to feel him, to use him.

“No underwear?” I tease with a smile and he shrugs.

“You said it was an emergency, I rushed over to you. Threw on the first thing I could find.”

“Mm maybe that's a sign.” He furrows his brows slightly as he watches me with curious eyes. I unzipped my hoodie completely, revealing the lingerie that I had put on for Minho tonight and never changed out of. 

“Fuck.” Chan says in a breathy sigh, bringing his hand up to his cock.

“Is it still cheating if I don't touch you?” I slip off my silk sleep shorts and turn my body towards Chan so that my back is against the passenger door. I open my legs to give him a full view of my cunt, reaching down to spread my arousal over my folds. 

“You’re so fucking pretty, babygirl” His tone is a bit deeper than before, the soft and playful tone replaced with a deep and husky one. He holds his hand out towards me and I nearly moan at the words that follow.

“Get it wet for me?” A low hum vibrates from my throat as I lean forward, pursing my lips and spitting into his palm. He coos at me, a quiet ‘good girl’ leaving his lips as he watches me. His eyes don’t leave mine as he takes his hand back and spreads my spit over his leaking tip mixing my saliva with his pre-cum. Slowly, his eyes trail down my body until they fix on my dripping pussy. He slowly starts to stroke himself, exhaling heavily when he rubs over his tip.

“Play with yourself for me, yeah?” At this point the only thing going through my head is Chan. He’s all I can remember, all that I want, all that I need. I feel drunk off of the sight of him sitting across from me, cheeks flushed and his long fingers wrapped around his hard cock. How could I possibly want to do anything but please this man?

I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly through parted lips, my eyes stay trained on him as I slowly trail my hand from my neck to my stomach. I watch his expression as he grows a bit impatient from my teasing, his dark gaze warning me to give him what he asked for. 

“Does it look like I want you to tease me, baby?” The tone of his voice sends chills down my spine, his words are breathy and challenging and it makes me hungry for more. What would he do to me if I kept teasing? How would he punish me? 

“Why would I give you what you want right away?” I run my fingers along my inner thighs, smiling at him as his gaze drops from my eyes to my core, watching my hand carefully. “That would be boring.”

“Touch yourself or I'll do it for you.” A shiver runs down my spine as I imagine him getting impatient with me and taking control, using his long fingers to fuck me. Why do I feel drunk off of that thought? It hasn’t even happened and yet I feel like I’m on cloud 9. 

“Fuck.” I hiss as I run my fingers between my folds brushing against my clit and circling it. Chan strokes himself a bit faster as he watches me, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. 

“Put a finger inside.” He looks up from my cunt and my eyes follow his meeting for a second. My pussy clenches around nothing, desperate for something, anything, him. “Pretend that it’s me” 

He nearly sounds like he’s pleading me to do it, like he’s desperate to see how I fuck myself. Desperate to see what the thought of him does to me. I nod, slowly obeying his command and slipping my middle finger deep into my cunt.

“Oh fuck.” My back arches up off of the passenger door once I start fucking myself, increasing the pace gradually as I start to become desperate for more. I pressed the palm of my hand against my clit, trying to add as much stimulation as possible. He watches in awe as my hips buck into my hand a bit. 

“Add another.” I quickly obey his command, adding my ring finger inside, eliciting a groan of pleasure to fall from my parted lips. I try my best to keep my eyes open, I want to watch him, I need to watch him. His strokes are much faster now, small grunts and sighs leaving his parted lips, his head thrown back in ecstasy. I take in the way that his jaw clenched as he builds himself closer to the edge, his right leg slightly bouncing, it's a masterpiece that I wish I could become a part of. 

“Chan.” His name passes my lips in a breathy moan and he looks over at me as he strokes the head of his dick, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip at the sensation. “I need you so badly.” 

“Your choice.” He groans out as he throws his head back again squeezing his eyes shut. “ Better make up your mind, I’m so close, babygirl.” 

I sigh heavily as I try my best to fight the urge to climb over and ride him until I pass out. I focus on my own pleasure again, Imagining that it’s Chan rubbing tight circles on my clit while his long fingers reach spots that I didn’t even know existed. I imagine that it’s him bringing me closer and closer to the edge, I wish it was him. The wet sounds of Chan stroking his cock mix with my moans as we both draw closer to the edge. I watch his hand as he pleasures himself, I wonder if he’s imagining that, that’s me. I wonder if he feels that same way. Does he touch himself to the thought of me at night? Thinking of all of the times that we were play fighting and his fingers grazed my bare skin, all of the tight hugs that we shared, my chest pressed up against him. Does he think about me?

“Shit, oh my god” I squeeze my eyes shut and arch my back at the thought of him wanting me just as much as I want him, maybe even more.

“Fucking cum for me, babygirl.”  Chan groans “I'm so fucking close for you.”

Those words alone throw me over the edge, one of my fantasies is coming true right in front of my eyes.

“Oh my- I'm gonna..” Before I could get another word out my orgasm rushed over me, breathtaking and mind fogging.  I clamped my legs shut and arched my back off of the car door. My moans filled the space around us but I couldn’t hear them, the pleasure was deafening. 

“Fuck, Y/n.” My name fell off of his tongue in a sweet moan and my pussy clenched at the sound of it, sending another wave of euphoria through me. “Oh shit, I'm cumming.” 

He squeezes his eyes shut, his strokes becoming shorter but still just as fast. A rush of adrenaline hit me and suddenly my vision changed. I felt like a rabid animal who was desperate for food. Suddenly, I forgot about everything that was looming over my head. All of my thoughts about Minho and saving our relationship were gone. All that I could think of was pleasure and I was absolutely driven by it, so much so that after the first stream of cum came leaking from Chan’s tip I leaned forward, getting on my knees in the passenger seat and running my tongue up his length. He moved his hand quickly, clearly surprised by my sudden confidence. I licked up to the head of his cock and then took the rest of his length down my throat. His seed spilled into my mouth in warm and delicious spurts, painting my throat with his sticky arousal. Every bit of him tasted like heaven and in this moment I swear that I would do anything that anybody asks as long as I get to stay here. As long as I get to feel him. 

“Y/n” His hand lightly lays on the back of my head, stroking my hair slightly. “Fuck, baby, you feel so good.” I bob my head a couple of times, milking his arousal from him until I’m sure that I’ve got every last drop. Once he’s come down from his high I sit up, releasing his cock from my mouth with a faint ‘pop’ and licking my lips. I sit back into my seat, settling in a bit while we watch each other. Chan’s chest is rising and falling heavily and there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips, once he seem to have composed himself a little the tiniest chuckle falls from his lips as he begins to tuck himself back into his sweatpants

“Do you think that fulfilled your lust for me?” 

“Not even close.”

[blue-slxt]

One Hammock - Chapter 2

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

A/N: Here's the much requested Part 2 for the one-shot I wrote. I honestly didn't expect it to be as popular as it is and I certainly didn't think I'd write a second part for it, but I'm glad y'all are loving it! This part came out a little longer than I meant for it to, but I got lost in the sauce lol. So I hope you guys enjoy! All the characters are aged up.

Previous Part

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Warnings: Explicit smut, masturbation (M and F), vouyerism kink?, Fingering, P in V, Creampie, Scenting, One bed trope (kinda), I think that's it

Word Count: 3k

Summary: You've been avoiding Neteyam since the hammock incident because you're trying to figure out your feelings, but you can't avoid him any more when your parents have you stay with the Sully family while they're away.

It had been a week since that night, and you had been avoiding Neteyam. It wasn’t like you were mad at him or anything, you just didn’t really know how to act normally around him in public anymore. Just the mention of his name sent your mind racing with memories of what happened. The few times you did happen to see Neteyam, he seemed perfectly normal. Not an awkward bone in his body. How does he do it? Meanwhile, you were a ball of nerves whenever you were in close proximity to him.

Kiri and Lo’ak take notice in your change lately too. They’ve tried asking you multiple times, but you dismiss them every time. There was no way you could tell them the truth. Nobody wants to hear about their brother doing something like that, especially with such a close family friend. What would they think of you?

You’d talk to Neteyam again when you felt like you were ready to fully face the situation. You just needed time to finish processing your emotions about it and him.

Unfortunately, it looks like you were going to be forced to process this a lot faster than you anticipated. Your parents are going on a 3-day long hunting trip and they’ve asked for you to stay with Jake and his family. This is ridiculous, you’re an adult so you should be able to be home alone. But your parents are very protective over you as their only child. And they only trust the Sully family with your safety and once they’ve put their foot down, there’s no getting them to change.

It’s going to be a lot harder to not talk to Neteyam when you’re going to be staying in his home. But maybe he won’t even want to talk about what happened either. Yea, maybe he’s feeling weird about it too and he’s just better at containing himself than you are. Either that, or it just simply wasn’t a big deal to him. But the thought of that being the case hurts your feelings just a tad. Why? Did you want it to mean something to him? Did it mean something to you?

You figure that maybe going to bathe at the nearby waterfall might help clear your head a bit so that you can hopefully get some sleep tonight.

You loved coming to the waterfall at night. Something about the roar of the rushing water against the quiet night air was like a melody to your ears. You remove your clothes before walking into the waist deep water. For it to be after eclipse, the water is still surprisingly warm. You sink down to your knees and let your head fall back and your hair sprawl out across the surface of the water. It’s so therapeutic. You’d stay here all night if you could, but you know if you take too long, somebody will come to look for you eventually. So, you start cleaning your body off.

You run your hands along the length of your arms and your torso and then you reach the spot between your thighs. It’s right where he was. You hold your hand there for a second just remembering. It was hot and heavy and slippery against your skin. When you look down, you can still visualize the way his tip poked out from between your legs over and over again. Your fingers travel up mere centimeters and find your already throbbing clit. Shit, you were sensitive just from the remembering. You start rubbing mindless circles on the little bundle of nerves and your breathing gets heavy.

Your eyes close and your mind tells you that instead of your own hand, it’s Neteyam. Instead of your fingers, it’s the tip of his dick brushing against your sensitive spot again and again. “Fuuuck…” you breathe out. He was so close to being actually inside of you. Oh, how you wanted to feel him inside of you.

You lean forward onto a rock to help steady yourself as your legs grow weak beneath you. Your fingertips poke and prod at your entrance teasing you. He’s teasing you until he finally sinks into you. A loud moan escapes your lips, “Neteyam…ah…”

You do your best to keep your voice down so as to not attract the attention of anyone who may be nearby. Thankfully, the sound of the waterfall is loud enough to mostly drown out your sounds.

Your fingers move in and out of your dripping pussy making such obscene sounds which just pushes you further into your fantasy. Neteyam pounding into you from behind whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Your core tightens and you can feel how close you are.

Memories of that night replay in your head fueling your oncoming orgasm. “Haah…I-I’m gonna cum!” You remember the feeling of his cum on your skin and his hands on your body, gripping you harder with his own release. It’s enough to get you to your peak and you cum with a loud groan that echoes in the area around you.

You continue leaning on the rock to keep yourself up while your mind slowly comes out of its fog. You finally feel like some of the weight has been lifted off your mind and you can think clearly again.

However, unbeknownst to you, there was someone watching you the entire time. Neteyam didn’t mean to find you in the forest. It was pure coincidence. But when his eyes caught sight of your bare, slender body in the water, he couldn’t tear himself away. And then you started touching yourself. He knew this was wrong and he shouldn’t keep watching such an intimate moment. But his fascination was too much for him to move. And then you said his name. His ears shoot up at the sound of his own name being on your lips. Before he knew it, he was palming his own dick while watching you. Fuck, how he wanted to be the one feeling you right now. He wanted to hear you scream his name, not just simply whimper it.

Knowing that you made yourself cum with the thought of him made his head spin. Caught in a dizzying space of pleasure. He was nearing his own high at the same time as you. His seed spilled out over his own hand making a big, sticky mess.

He runs off to find a different stream to clean himself off in and rushes back home before you get there.

When you get back to the tent, you see how Neteyam tenses up at the sight of you. That was odd. After being totally normal all week, he’s suddenly acting like the awkward one. You didn’t get it. But it’s probably best to not think too hard on it.

…

Sadly, sleep still doesn’t come easily for you tonight. Even though Lo’ak isn’t snoring tonight, your mind and body are still too restless. Jake had put up a temporary privacy curtain for you while you were staying with them, but you stare at it feeling uneasy. Neteyam is just on the other side of this curtain and you wanted so badly to see him. Truthfully, you hated being so isolated. Being by yourself like this made you umcomfortable. But you don’t want to be ungrateful since Jake had put this up just for you. You chew on your bottom lip and try to bear with it and turn your back to the curtain. Then, there’s a sound in the silence. It’s just barely there, but you catch it. Footsteps and it sounds like they’re coming towards you.

“You still awake?” Neteyam whispers to you peeking his head behind the curtain. He tried to keep his voice small enough to not wake you in case you were asleep.

You turn around to face him and shake your head.

“Is it okay if I come in?” he’s hesitant.

You just nod at him. Words don’t seem to be coming to you just yet.

He carefully and quietly makes his way over to your hammock and scoots his way in. His body is right against yours and the contact sears your skin.

“I know you don’t really like sleeping alone and I was worried you might be scared over here by yourself.” He says quietly.

He remembers. That was part of the reason you two would share a hammock so often when you were children. You would beg and plead until you were purple in the face because of your fear of being alone while you slept. And Neteyam never minded. He always played the role of protector and he liked making you feel safe.

“Thanks” you say to him and you’re grateful that he can’t see the flush of your cheeks in the dark.

Your face studies his silhouette in the dark with only the small rays of light from the stars seeping in through the spaces of the tent. Your eyes travel further down to his chest watching it rise and fall and to his abs that flexed slightly with each breath he took and then even lower and the flashbacks hit you again. It’s like you can literally feel how your clit wakes up in his presence.

You fidget in your spot trying to squeeze your thighs together for some relief.

“So, listen, um, about that night” he starts.

Oh no, do we really need to talk about this right now? But you have nowhere to hide.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable”

“No no, I wasn’t uncomfortable. I mean I was the one who offered, right?” your face feels like it’s on fire. “Honestly, I kind of…liked it…” the last words come out as more of a whisper than a confident statement. You’re cautious with your words since you’re still not sure where his head is in all of this.

Now, it was Neteyam’s turn to blush, thankful for the cover of the dark.

“The truth is…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since then.” He confesses.

Your heartbeat picks up in your chest. So he did think about it just like you.

“And I was thinking that I could help you out sometime too…You know, if-if you wanted to…” his words trail off with his growing uncertainty.

You’re not sure what came over you in that moment. What suddenly gave you the confidence boost to say what came next, “C-could you help me now?”

His breathing hitches in his chest. He turns onto his side to be face-to-face with you. Neither of you say a word, but your eyes are pleading with him. Begging him to touch you. He slowly lowers his hand to the waistband of your loincloth. He pauses, his eyes still silently asking you if this was okay. You give him a small smile letting him know to continue.

His fingers pass your loincloth and come into direct contact with your heat. One of his fingers strokes your aching clit and your breathing gets heavier. You chew on your lip trying to bite back the moan you desperately want to release.

Neteyam’s notices how his own loincloth is getting tighter at the feeling of his fingers gliding up and down your slit.

Small groans of pleasure fall from your lips at his touch. He felt even better than you had imagined. And the way he touched you, it was as if he knew how to please your body even better than you did. His fingers touch you with just the right amount of pressure and speed. You feel drunk at his touch.

“Neteyam…m-more… please” you whisper just inches from his face. He can feel his own restraint slipping at the sound of your pleas.

‘Eywa, please just let me have this.’ He thinks to himself before he captures your lips in a hungry, sloppy kiss. You waste no time moving your mouth in sync with his. Your tongues dance together in each other’s mouths. He loved the way you tasted. He just wanted to drink you in all night.

That tightening in your core is back. Your back arches trying to press yourself even more into Neteyam’s body. His lips muffle your moans, but he can feel how close you are. Just at the last second, he plunges a finger into your heat sending you over the edge. Your body jerks and your hands fly up to hold onto his shoulders while you struggle to keep yourself from being too loud.

Neteyam bites his lip to keep himself quiet feeling your walls pulse around his finger.

You come down from your high and rest your forehead against his chest.

He looks down at your face and when you look back at him, Neteyam knows he’s done for. Your big, round eyes staring up at him still full of longing. Without a word, or a second thought, you both hungrily crash your lips together while you both hurry to shimmy out of your loincloths. You couldn’t wait one more minute. You wanted him, needed him, and you needed him right now. You felt like you might lose your mind if he wasn’t inside of you immediately and he felt the same.

He turns your body around and you instinctively push your ass back against him making him let out a low groan. You use one of your hands to spread your still drenched pussy for him. He holds on to your hips while he swipes his tip up and down against your slick. He lines up with your opening and he slides in you painfully slow. You had never had anything bigger than your own fingers inside of you and the slow fill was indescribable. Holding back your moans was nearly impossible. He’s struggling too, trying to deep breathe his way through the feeling of your tight walls sucking him in. He finally pushes all the way into you and you burn the shape of him into your body’s memory. You want to only know the shape and feeling of him forever.

He pulls his hips back, but you’re clenching on him so tight, it’s difficult to even pull out. It’s a wonder how he didn’t cum instantly. He moves slowly in and out of your warmth. Every thrust drags across your sweet spot.

His head falls forward resting in the crook of your neck. One hand slides up your body to massage your breast while the other reaches around to rub small circles on your clit.

“Of f-fuck…Neteyam…” it comes out as a whimper and it drives him crazy.

“Shit, you’re so fucking tight. Taking me so well” he breathes into your ear. It’s exactly how you dreamt it.

His hips pick up their pace, “You have no idea how badly I’ve always wanted this.”

“M-me too…ah…” you’re losing your breath from panting.

“Yea? You touch yourself thinking about me? You want me to make that pussy feel good?” his voice is low but commanding in your head.

“Yes yes!” your voice comes out a bit louder than you meant to. Your hand cups itself over your mouth to muffle your sinful sounds.

Neteyam is loving every second of it. He loves watching you lose yourself to him.

“Oh, fuck yawne, I’m gonna fill you up so good” he rubs his face into your neck mingling his scent with yours.

“Please Neteyam…” even whispering, your voice is still strained.

He wants nothing more than to just pound into you mindlessly, but he knows that would make too much noise right now and he uses the last shred of his power to control his thrusts. But he can still feel your approaching orgasm. Your walls tighten even more around him, he wasn’t even sure that was possible.

“G-gonna cum…I’m gonna cum again Neteyam” your eyes blur unable to focus under the influence of your impending release.

“Do it, cum with me.” His grip on your body grows as he chases his own high.

The knot in your core snaps with ground-shaking force and you definitely would have screamed had it not been for your hand over your mouth. While you’re still at the peak of your release, Neteyam shoots thick, hot ropes of his seed deep into you. You felt so full that you thought you might burst. It intensifies your own orgasm tenfold.

You both stay there unable to move an inch from the exhaustion. Neteyam manages to pull himself together enough to pull out of you and his cum slowly drips out of you too. He rolls onto his back and watches the ceiling still catching his breath.

“Hey, Neteyam?” you mumble.

“Hm?”

“Would you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?” you still didn’t want to be alone.

He smiles gently and turns over to pull you against him, “Of course” he places a small peck against the shell of your ear.

His arms are like walls around you shielding you from any feeling of fear or unease. He’s just so inviting. You fall asleep within minutes. Neteyam isn’t far behind you, falling asleep just moments later.

…

In the morning, the gentle sound of someone rustling around out of bed wakes you. You don’t open your eyes yet though. You just want to stay how you are for a little longer. You can hear Lo’ak’s voice on the other side of your privacy curtain, “Hey, have you seen Neteyam? He’s not in his hammock.”

At the same time, he’s pulling your curtain back to come talk to you, “oh shit!”, he pulls the curtain closed and jumps back on the outside.

Your eyes shoot open and your body jumps awake. The sudden movement and loss of warmth wakes Neteyam too.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to…interrupt.” Lo’ak says from the other side of the curtain. Your head falls into your hands in humiliation. “You guys should probably get yourselves together before mom and dad wake up.” You can hear the amusement in his voice.

Eywa, out of all people, did it have to be Lo’ak? You both knew you weren’t going to be hearing the end of this any time soon.

You look over at Neteyam and he shoots you an amused smirk of his own. You can’t help the small giggle that you let out. He props himself up to kiss you.

“How about next time we go somewhere actually private?” he jokes.

“Definitely.” You say smiling back at him.

‘Next time.’

[cowboyjen68]

Hello Jen you are so cool and inspiring and thank you so much for everything you do and share. I was wondering if you could help me - school is finishing soon and my best friend (a boy) is apparently planning to ask me to prom. I think I'm a lesbian though, but I haven't told anyone cos the idea of people in school knowing is terrifying, however I have considered coming out to just him - I know he's an ally but I fear he might react differently if it's someone he likes romantically. How can I turn him down and keep the friendship? I don't know what I'd do without him. I also only realised I was gay in the past year and still have kind of a hard time even admitting it to myself (raised Christian lol!!). But anyway thank you again you are so cool and helpful to so many people especially young lesbians I think. Thank you

It is hard to hurt some ones feelings but it is worse to drag it out to try to spare his feelings OR prevent the loss of a friendship.

I would be honest with him and you can do this without coming out if you are not comfortable or don't fee safe. You can simply say you only see him as a friend and you would like to go to the dance as buddies because you enjoy his company and it would be fun.

If he rejects you as a friend at that point it is better you find out now. When people check themselves out of your life for your honesty about emotions and dating you are better off without them. You can put energy into finding and growing new friends.

My guess is he either knows you are not interested and just wants to go as a friend so he doesn't have to try to find or mess with a real date OR he likes you and is unsure how you feel and this is a soft attempt at finding out.

How he reacts to you telling him the truth will tell you a lot about how you should proceed in a friendship with him. Even if he likes you more than as a friend, if he connects and cares about you he will take your rejection gracefully and appreciate the relationship you both already have with each other. If it is too hard for him to continue respect his choice to get distance.

[misc-obeyme]

Okay I finally have something to say about Lesson 17. Not because I didn't initially but man my thoughts were all over the place.

Spoilers below as always.

First: Solomon because what!

Let me begin by saying that I am not here to discuss whether or not anything that either Asmo or Solomon have done in regards to each other is "right" or not. They're fictional characters, as far as I know they've both always been morally grey, and there is more than enough discussion about this elsewhere. If someone wants to know my opinion, feel free to ask, but if that's what you're looking for, it isn't going to be in this post.

That being said!

Why is Solomon telling us this story about his pact with Asmo again? I mean, he already told us about it several lessons ago. Not only that, but he tells it differently. The first time he says he met Asmo in his hometown, but this time he says it was just some town after a festival. The stories aren't the same. So either he's just too drunk this time around and he's misremembering things or he lied to us the first time.

Either way, the fact that they have made him bring it up so much means it has to be relevant to the story in general. I mean, that's Storytelling 101. If you keep bringing something up in your story, you have to do something with it. That's Chekhov's gun, you know?

If the purpose is for us to notice that his story has changed, then maybe my theory about past!Solomon is more true than I thought? It might even just be a completely different Solomon from a different branch of time.

Because I noticed something else - Solomon is the only character whose outfit changes regularly throughout the story. (Aside from the latest one where everybody wears their RAD uniforms.)

He starts out in what they call his casual outfit - it's the sorcerer one with the cape. But then he switches to what they used to call his human world outfit - the one with the trench coat and fancy necklaces. He stays that way for several lessons, then switches back again. He switches back and forth between them one more time throughout the lessons we have. And he's wearing the human world outfit the first time he tells us about Asmo and the casual sorcerer outfit the second time when he's drunk.

This might not mean anything at all, but it just seems like we may be dealing with rotating Solomons.

ANYWAY. Every time a new lesson comes out I say I'm not going to analyze it too much because my theories always get out of control. And yet here I am doing the very thing I say I won't do!

Pfff. I can't help it, this game has taken over my brain.

It also seems a little out of character for Solomon to straight up get drunk because MC was gone for one day. Like this is the guy who spent most of his life alone and all that? Hmmm. It was pretty funny when he was hungover the next day though.

Second: RAPHAEL

WHAT DID THAT ANGEL JUST SAY?!

They want the brothers to go BACK?!

Listen here, I am not okay with this development. I hope they're not gearing up for a season 2 about a war in the past. I want to go back to the present already. I want to know the truth about who Nightbringer is. I want to know what the HELL is going on! I wanted all this story line to wrap up in one season! But we're already on lesson 17, I feel like we're no closer to knowing who Nightbringer is and NOW the Celestial Realm has basically declared war on the Devildom?

I mean, there's no way the bros would actually go back. Not after everything they've been through. Though I could see Lucifer trying to take on the responsibility all by himself somehow. All I know is that MC better pull out their OP abilities and fix this before the end of lesson 20, thanks.

Okay, that's all I had to say, I'm gonna get back to writing some fluffy fics now lol.

[moistvonlipwig]

14, 17 and 20 for Supergirl?

SALT TIME 🧂

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Hm, I'm not sure, really. To speak about the SC fandom specifically, I think within the fandom there is a tendency to view the fandom as Amazing and Creative and Beset From All Sides by Vicious Homophobes and from outside of the fandom there is a tendency to view the fandom as Obnoxious and Whiny and Full of Racists and I think the truth lies somewhere in between.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

OK -- here's my pitch for how to end the 100th episode, assuming the rest of 5A played out as it did (though you could also tweak this to fit a better 5A lol). Have the "plead the fifth" timeline be the last timeline, after the Metallo Lena timeline. (If you need Kara to try more timelines before the Metallo Lena one to justify the attempt to cut herself out of Lena's life entirely, that's easy enough to imply with a quick montage + cutting down the action sequences in that timeline.) Have it go pretty much perfectly. No kidnapping Lena to force Kara to reveal herself this time. Instead, things are just peachy, and Lena even shows up at Kara's apartment for movie night. Hooray! Friendship fixed!

But Kara realizes this new timeline is just another deception, of both herself and Lena. She tells Lena that this isn't real...and Lena says she knows. It is revealed that Mxy approached Lena as well with the offer to see what her life would be like if Kara had told her the truth sooner. Lena asks Kara why she had to lie and says everything could've been perfect. Kara says she knows, and she's sorry. Lena says she's sorry too, but so what? That doesn't fix anything. Kara acknowledges this; she says she wishes she could magically undo it and make the pain go away, but she now realizes she can't. Lena reluctantly concedes that she's right, confessing that that's all she wanted as well from Non Nocere, to make the pain stop, but she now sees it would never work.

Kara calls for Mxy, saying she's done playing around with alternate timelines, and Lena asks if they have to go back. Kara says she wishes she had done things differently, but the truth is that she didn't, and they have to face reality and what they've both done to each other instead of hiding in another lie. Lena says she knows. As Mxy's reality starts disintegrating around them, Kara holds out her hand and asks if Lena will be there in the real world when they wake up from the fantasy. Lena takes her hand and says she will.

At last, they disintegrate as well, and Kara wakes up back in her apartment. Alex and J'onn are there, but Mxy is not; they ask what happened. Kara hugs them and tells them she loves them and is glad they're okay, but that she has somewhere to be. She ducks out of the apartment and ends up on the other side of Lena's door. Lena opens it and Kara says hi. Lena says hi too, then steps aside to let Kara in.

...Look, it doesn't fix everything, they will need to have Conversations, but at this point in the season both Non Nocere and them not speaking to each other were well and truly played out, so this at least addresses those issues in a suitably dramatic fashion.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

See now this is a fascinating question because how are we defining "pure"? 'Untarnished,' I suppose -- but by what? Unhealthiness? I suspect that the go-to answer for many would be Dansen, but given that their relationship's veneer of healthiness seems to largely be a result of Kelly not being given the space (or screentime) to have Inconvenient Emotions or to be a full person at all, I'm not so sure I'd call that "pure."

S1 Karolsen might be another option -- they're sweet and supportive of each other and they handle conflict much better than their sisters do, with James actually challenging Kara and Kara actually listening (again, in S1, before Kara decides that actually James should always do what she says and she never has to take his advice). Then again, they're afflicted by the tedious love triangle nonsense that leaves Lucy out in the cold and has the unintended consequence of making Kara into 'the other woman,' which is perhaps not so "pure."

There's Brainia, I suppose, who are very cute, although they suffer from persistent communication issues. Or Spheercorp, which is similarly sweet, although it does end with Lena being forced to literally kill Jack, leaving one half of the ship dead and the other traumatized for life. Reigncorp might actually be the best bet here; they're supportive of each other, good at handling conflict, and no one dies. Still, it strikes me as funny to call a relationship between a morally gray billionaire and her friend who she had to lock away in a kryptonite cell to contain her evil alter ego "pure." Mostly though I just think any answer I can give to this question is not nearly as interesting as the implications of the question itself.

[nancynancydrewdrewdrew]

Honestly I find the character of Colin/Justin and the way he is handled to be disgusting, especially in a game meant for young girls. When I was a kid playing the Phantom of Venice, I didn't really notice anything wrong with him, and even thought that he might have been there as a cute boy character for the fans to like, like Henry from CRY or Dave from SHA. I never LIKED him, but if you were on the message boards at the time I'm sure you remember how nearly all the Alternate Endings paired Nancy with him, and so I figured that was the function he was meant to serve in the game.

The problem that I'm seeing now playing this game as an adult (and like, honestly I've replayed it when I was an older teenager and didn't pick up on it so yikes) is that that IS what the game is treating him as. Nancy and Helena have a conversation about how he's boring, but cute, and he has an attractive air of mystery. This isn't something I'm reading into, that is literally the text of the conversation. The problem is that is absolutely NOT what he is, and so I've compiled here a list of Yikes (tm) moments that go directly against this characterization. I am going to put it under a read more bc it ended up a lot longer than I meant it bc I don't self edit and I wanna save your dashboards, but I know the clue crew likes to read lol so get ready:

1. LITERALLY your first interaction with him--he assumes Nancy shares all of his same interests because he finds her attractive, and bullies her into going along with what he wants. If she says that she is not interested (like I chose) he gets upset with her, and Nancy responds by placating him and saying that no, she actually WAS interested in tesserae! And he won't be nice until she literally begs him to show them to her. Then, after he gets what he wants, when she understandably says "that's nice but I have to go", he begins to INSULT her and once again she responds by falling over backwards to get him to like her again

This is harmful to young girls for a number of reasons, namely that a) Colin views Nancy as an object to project his own fantasies on to and becomes upset when she is a real person with her own interests, and b) It shows that NANCY is in the wrong for hurting his feelings, and it is her responsibility, not his, to make him feel better. There is something to be said for placating a dangerous situation until you can get out, but that is not the case here and Colin isn't being violent, he's just being a dick 2. He is SO UPSET at the fact that Nancy has a boyfriend! This is a point that comes up multiple times in the game, and was a jumping off point for many people on the message boards to ship him with Nancy. He has known Nancy for mere hours when he starts being pressed about this. This is not cute and romantic. This is very weird. He should not feel ownership over a girl he met so recently, and the game just treats it as a "haha, Colin is so funny" type of situation, when it is super predatory and gross.

3. The whole thing with the sausages--he gifts Nancy tainted sausages (which I fully do admit was not his intention, he was just trying to win her over with gifts which is a whole different thing I'm not getting into), and sends them with a signed card. Then, when Nancy asks about them, he lies and says it wasn't from him. Then, when Nancy points out it absolutely was, he is upset again. This whole thing is just so weird, and he acts like it's Nancy's fault for trying to figure it out rather than his fault for not telling the truth.

4.The absolute shift in his demeanor and tone when the bulb goes out in his microscope is insane. He starts yelling and berating Nancy for something completely out of her control, and when she's like it's just the bulb he's like hee hee sorry lol oopsies! Do this work for me now! And Nancy DOES it! Like that was a totally normal request after a totally normal interaction! This was annoying when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult and recognize this as an actual abusive tactic that many men use to paint themselves as still good guys while flying off the handle it leaves a really sour taste in my mouth.

5. Why does he leave the note when he leaves the Ca on Nancy's bed??? There are so many other places to put it, like his desk, her desk, the coffee table, etc... that aren't as creepy as "this guy you've known for two days is fucking around with your bed" 6. Okay Helena says he's cute and sorry bro but that is just not the case. I'm being mean here and it doesn't really have a point that aligns with the post I'm making but let me dunk on him for a second--he has fucking Justin Timberlake ramen hair that wasn't a good look when it was popular in 1999 and it certainly wasn't popular at the time the game came out. He looks like he auditioned for N*sync and got cut first round and made it his whole personality As parting thoughts, I understand that there is a degree of Nancy trying to keep her suspects happy and unsuspecting at play. What I don't love, however, is that there are multiple conversations in the game where Colin is treated as annoying, but harmless. Because to me, that sends a very dangerous message to girls about what behaviors are acceptable for men to have towards women, and how they are meant to respond. I might be blowing smoke out of my ass here, because I played this game as a kid and didn't notice anything wrong until I was an adult, so it might not be a problem. But on the other hand, I also didn't see any problem with his behavior other than, like the game says, he was kind of annoying. So do with that what you will.

Also there is a lot of gross "save the children" rhetoric these days where they pick and choose benign things to focus their anger on rather than look at things that are actually harming children, and I hope I didn't come off that way in this post. My point is, even if you take away my points about harmful messaging to kids, I think Colin is a creep lol

[futureslaps]

The Captive - Chapter 23

Chapter 22. Chapter 24

After almost a week, it’s finally done! I wrote this chapter in a few spurts, rather than one or two long sessions like I usually write, so apologies if it seems a bit more...disjointed lol. 

Enjoy! 💙

Kiri watched her dad as he stared at the ground between them, clearly deep in thought. Even though she had tears in her eyes, she was fuming from their conversation. Not only had her dad hurt Spider, but now he was acting like he was doing the right thing when he did.

Family has to come first.

The words repeated over and over in her head as she watched her dad. It had taken all her self-control not to snap at him when he’d spoken them, as if Spider was just some stranger he could throw away.

Her father finally looked back up, and Kiri was taken aback when she saw that his own eyes were glistening.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Kiri. I didn’t know it was…like that.”

He sounded defeated, guilty, in a way he didn’t before. Something that she had said had apparently gotten through to him. But his response still upset her.

“How could you not know? How could you not know we cared about Spider?” Kiri pressed, referring to herself and the rest of her siblings.

Jake grimaced.

“No…I mean…I knew, but…” He swallowed. “I didn’t know you saw him as family. I didn’t know he saw us as family.”

Jake put a heavy emphasis on the “us”. After another moment of silence, he spoke again, more quietly.

“Spider…he… looked up to me, didn’t he?”

Kiri nodded, a shred of hope rising in her. Could her dad finally understand?

“You were his hero.” She spoke softly, and the words again caused Jake to close his eyes and look down.

“I thought so.” He replied, resigned. After a moment, he sighed again, his head in his hands.

“I…messed up, Kiri. I’m sorry.”

Kiri recalled what she’d said at the start of the conversation.

“I’m not who you should be saying that to.” Kiri stated with finality.

Jake nodded in acknowledgement.

“I’ll make this right, Kiri. Whatever needs to be done, I’ll do. I promise.”

Her dad sounded truthful, but Kiri struggled to believe him. How many times had he promised to help Spider? What did that word even mean anymore, coming from him?

“You promised before…” She said, making no effort to hide the irritation in her voice.

“I know….” Jake looked guilty. “I did. And I failed. But I know what I did wrong, and this time it will be different. I swear, I want to make this up to you.”

Jake caught himself, and added:

“I want to make this up to Spider.”

Kiri looked down for a moment. He sounded sincere, almost pleading. She wanted to trust him, but she’d been burned before. Yet, something in the way he talked made her think what he was saying was true. That he truly did see Spider in a way he couldn’t before.

Kiri looked back at her father.

“You want to make this right?”

Jake nodded.

Kiri took a breath before continuing.

“Will you apologize to Spider? For everything?”

Jake pursed his lips but nodded.

“I’ll do my best.”

Kiri paused for a moment before what she said next. It was difficult, but she wasn’t going to take any chances. Not after what happened.

“Will you tell mom to stop hurting him? Will you stop her if she tries to do anything to hurt him again?”

Jake closed his eyes at this.

“Kiri…”

“Dad, I mean it. Will you protect Spider? Will you keep him safe?” Kiri’s voice was stern.

Jake stood in silence. For a moment, Kiri actually thought he might refuse…

“I…I’ll try.” He finally spoke. “I’ll talk to your mom.”

Kiri looked at her dad. It hurt to admit, but she wasn’t sure if she could believe any of it after everything…

She had to try. She needed hope that things could be better for her brother.

“Where’s Spider?” Jake asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since…yesterday.” It was true. Kiri had spent all night looking for him, with no success.

“Let’s find him. Together.” Jake proposed. “I’ll talk to him right now.”

Kiri hesitated for a moment, before finally nodding.

(…)

Spider watched, almost motionless, as the waves crashed into the beach in front of him. He hadn’t done anything else for much of today. After he’d left his dad, he had returned to the same place he had tried to sleep the night before.

But everything was different.

If the events of yesterday had shown Spider anything, it was that there was nothing left for him here. He could never mend his relationship with the Sullys. He’d been foolish to even think it could happen.

All he had left was his dad. All he wanted was to be with his father.

Spider looked down the beach towards the hut Quaritch was being kept in, barely visible in the fading light. Today, the sight filled him with a new sense of nervousness. The thought of what he was planning to do filled him with dread.

Only a few more hours…

While he was scanning the beach, Spider spotted two figures in the distance. His heart sank when he realized who they were. Jake and Kiri were on the beach, clearly looking for something.

They were looking for him.

Spider considered running off and hiding. The shame and fear were just too great, especially considering what he was planning to do.

But something told him not to. If everything went according to plan, this was the last time he’d see the people he’d grown up around.

If anything, he had to talk to Kiri, just one more time.

Instead of running, he sat in the same place, waiting for them to inevitably spot him.

“Spider!”

He heard Kiri call out and start running to him. Quietly, he braced himself.

Kiri stopped a few feet away from him, careful not to get closer, as if she would scare him away like an animal.

“Spider?”

“Hey Kiri.” Spider answered quietly.

“I looked all over for you last night! Are you…okay?”

The concern in Kiri’s made Spider’s heart sink further. In spite of everything, Kiri couldn’t help trying to help him.

“I’m fine Kiri.” Spider spoke softly again, his voice calm. However, his heart started to race as Jake also approached.

“Hey Kid.” Jake knelt next to Spider, trying to crack a smile.

Spider looked away, unable to meet the man’s eyes. Half of him wanted to just get up and run, escape from the overwhelming guilt that was filling him as he sat next to Kiri and Jake.

Kiri gave Jake a knowing look, and the man shifted to sit in front of him. Spider looked down again.

“Spider…” Jake began, but he stopped and let out a sigh. He pursed his lips, searching for the right words.  

“I…I’m sorry about what happened yesterday. It wasn’t right.”

Jake’s apology filled Spider with more pangs of guilt.

“No, it’s okay. I get it.” Spider replied weakly, trying to assuage Jake’s concern.

But Jake only sighed again, the pained look on his face matching Kiri’s.

“No, kid. It’s not okay. I mean it. I…” Jake paused again. After a moment of hesitation, he put his hand on Spider’s shoulder, making the boy flinch.

“I shouldn’t have let Neytiri treat you like that. Not now, not ever.”

The words were a gut punch to Spider. How much more did he have to hurt the Sullys because of hismistakes?

“You don’t…have to do this.” Spider responded, the words becoming more difficult. “Like I said, I get it.”

Jake grimaced at the reply.

“Oh, Spider. I’m so, so sorry…”

Spider didn’t reply, so Jake continued.

“I should have had this talk with you sooner.  I know I haven’t exactly…helped you. The way I should have.”

Spider kept silent, afraid of what would happen if he tried to speak with the emotions swirling in his head. He needed to keep his composure…

But he couldn’t suppress everything he was feeling. He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel. Should he be guilty? Ashamed? Repentant? Hopeful? All those emotions and more were like a storm inside him as he sat, still looking down as tears started rolling down his cheeks.

“Spider…”

He didn’t resist when Jake pulled him into a hug. He just hung limply in the man’s arms, letting out an involuntary sob.

Why did this have to happen now?

Why did Eywa have to lead him to this moment, just as he had made up his mind?

Jake pulled away and looked at him, meeting Spider’s eyes for the first time in what seemed like ages.

“Leaving you to Quaritch, in the jungle, was the biggest mistake I ever made. You were family, and I abandoned you.”

Spider had to look down again at the words, afraid Jake would somehow see the truth in his face.  

“I…didn’t try to save you, on the ship.” Jake continued. “And I didn’t help you after. I couldn’t see the pain you were in. I’m not going to make any of those mistakes again. I promise.”

Jake used a hand to tilt Spider’s head back up, meeting his eyes again.

“You are family to me Spider. You’re a brother to my children. And…”

Jake hesitated.

“You are… like a son to me. I was too…stupid, too blind to see it, but you’ve always been my family.”

Spider sobbed again, looking away. Until recently, it had been his dream to hear these words, but now, they filled him with guilt, tearing him apart. Jake was not his father. He never could be. Spider had learned that truth the hard way. His dad was imprisoned and waiting for his death.

Jake sensed the conflict in Spider, though he didn’t know the true reason.

“I know what I’ve said now…can’t make up for what I’ve done. But from now, things will be different. Between us. Between you and the rest of my family.” Jake spoke sincerely, but the words were like arrows hitting Spider’s heart.

“I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever I can do to make this right, whatever you need, I’ll be there.”

Spider didn’t know how to respond. He wondered if he should just tell Jake the truth outright. He briefly imagined it.

You aren’t my dad, Quaritch is.

Quaritch saved me after you abandoned me in the jungle.

Quaritch saved me from Neytiri on the Sea Dragon while you stood and watched.

Quaritch showed me what it was like to have a parent that cared.

But he couldn’t. Not now.

Besides, Jake would figure it out himself soon enough.

“I…thank you.” Spider replied flatly, but Jake could tell that he was holding something back.

“Spider, if there’s anything you need to talk about…I’m here. You were Quaritch’s prisoner for a long time. I know he’s not …a kind man. Did he…”

Thankfully, Kiri stepped in.

“I don’t think we should talk about this now, dad.” She spoke softly, almost a whisper.

Jake nodded, and Spider breathed a silent sigh of relief.

For some time, all three of them sat in silence.

“Do you…want to eat dinner with me, Spider?” Kiri offered. “It can just be the two of us if you want.”

Spider forced himself to smile.

“I’m fine today, but thank you.”

Another moment of silence.

“Where will you sleep?” Jake chimed in.

“I’ll…” Spider stumbled. He wasn’t planning on sleeping tonight. He didn’t know how to respond.

“I’ll be… in the nook, in the roots. Where I usually sleep, I guess.”

Jake cringed slightly.

“Spider…do you…want to sleep with us? In the Marui?”

Spider practically held his breath. He was truly tempted to accept, but he couldn’t.

He had made his choice already.

“Maybe…maybe some other time.” He managed to blurt out.

Jake nodded, he got up to leave, but looked at Spider again.

“Hey, um…do you have anything to do tomorrow?”

“Not really, I’ll just…be here.” Spider lied through his teeth.

“Want to join me when I head out in the morning?” Jake offered. “I’ll teach you how the Metkayina hunt.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.” Spider offered a fake smile again.

Jake smiled back and nodded.

“Good night, Spider. Kiri, you coming?”

“I’ll stay with Spider a bit more.” Replied Kiri. Jake nodded again, and left for dinner.

Once Jake was out of earshot, Kiri turned to face Spider again. He took a deep breath.

This was it.

“Spider, are you sure you don’t want to eat with us?” Kiri asked gently.

“It’s okay, Kiri.” Spider replied, trying to match her tone. “I just…need to be alone a bit.”

Kiri nodded, sad, but understanding.

“If you want to eat with me, or you want me to be with you when you sleep, just find me. I’ll be there for you. Okay?” She smiled.

“Okay.”

She got up herself and started to leave.

“Kiri?” Spider called after her. She turned her head to face him again. Spider thought about telling her his plan. He knew it would break her heart the most. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wanted their last conversation to end on a happy note.

“Thank you so much, Kiri. For… everything.”

Kiri turned and crouched in front of him.

“Don’t worry about it, monkey boy. You’re my brother, I’d do it all again.”

Spider smiled sadly, and Kiri smiled back. She turned to leave again, and this time Spider didn’t stop her.

But he did whisper a goodbye under his breath.

Once Kiri was out of sight, he went back to his old shelter and grabbed the knife he’d kept from his chores yesterday. He studied the blade as the last rays from Alpha Centauri faded. It was a small knife, for work, rather than fighting. Luckily, it was perfect for cutting through the thick plants the Metkayina harvested from the reef.

Or the binds and canvas made from them…

What is Spider planning???

Jake is finally stepping in and being what he should have ages ago, but at this point it’s kind of “too little, too late”. Spider already has a father that loves him now...

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Again, apologies if it was kind of disorganized. Luckily, I’m done with the College semester after Monday, so it’ll be back to regular updates until this fic concludes (which isn’t too far away). 

But there’s still a lot that’s going to happen, hope you’re all excited...

Taglist: @buzzing-honeybee @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed

[kmze]

Thoughts on 4x13-4x23 TBH I had a lot of fun watching this half! I liked Elena’s no humanity arc and I enjoyed Silas fucking around with everyone and getting inside their heads. I also liked the detours to NYC and the storybook town Katherine compelled. There is some good foreshadowing this half and it was definitely much better than the first half of S4 (at least to me) The worst part was Bonnie’s storyline because of how tragically it ended and that she wasn’t in control of herself for much of it (this season was rough for her, might be her roughest). Also everyone appears to be dumber for plot reasons (or maybe it was just Damon being put in charge too often). Thoughts below!

4x13

The way Rebekah body slammed Elena CTFU!!

Klaus is such an asshole. As much as I have enjoyed some of the Klaus and Caroline scenes this season (my feelings about them have evolved, they are a necessary evil lol) stuff like this will always turn me off about them.

This Forwood scene is both touching and heartbreaking. Caroline reassuring Tyler he did the right thing because he freed the hybrids, and calling him a leader. They’re so great.

Again it's so cruel how the show is handling Beremy in regards to Bonnie. They came back together pretty quickly, which isn't a bad thing because it shows Jeremy has been pining this whole time (which your own fault my guy). However, they are just setting Bonnie up because he's gonna die! All those shirtless muscle grazes for nothing.

Rebekah dropping truth bombs though about how everyone should shut up about taking the moral high ground.

I like that Caroline always finds a way to stay alive! She knew she could use Klaus’ feelings for her against him to cure her, and she doesn’t have to give him anything in return. Adapt or die.

4x14

I am so tired of hearing about the cure already!

These beach/forest island scenes are making me zone out, I have no idea what's going on with this plot and very ready for it to end.

Nah Klaus was being way too nice and forgiving, Tyler and Caroline needed to be quicker figuring that out.

For someone who hates Elena she sure does talk about her ALL THE TIME JFC Rebekah, get a life.

But EL OH EL at Elena trying to get Stefan back to worshipping her by talking about his feelings on being human and when she asks why he didn't tell her he says "because it wasn't about you" BURN!

I like how you can subtly tell its Katherine when she goes to bite the hunter. Elena never would have done that.

Poor Forwood :(

Klaus is so fucking delusional “you know I would never hurt you” you just did less than 24 hours ago!

4x15

Stefan and Caroline have great silent communication.

Sometimes I read Reddit against my better judgement and for some reason they all believe Stefan and Bonnie should have happened. But I’m sorry after 3.5 seasons into this rewatch Stefan doesn’t give a flying fuck about Bonnie! Whatever “friendship” people think was “ignored” does not exist! He basically told Damon to leave her on that island with a 2000 year old psychic immortal because Damon needed to use the sire bond (!!!) on Elena. Bonnie doesn’t really fuck with him either, ever since Grams died she keeps her distance more than I noticed before. I think Bonnie recognizes how much Stefan is a lying liar who lies.

I think that’s why Bonnie ultimately got closer to Damon than she ever did to Stefan. Not that she trusts Damon or even really likes him until S6, but he at least shows her who he is all the time.

Damon and Caroline do not have good silent communication lol.

The crazypants Bonnie scenes are amusing in a scary way during all this heavy stuff.

This was one of the most emotional episodes of this show ever and I mean that in a good way. Nina deserved more accolades for her performance because it’s really heartbreaking, and she does a fantastic job of switching from extremely emotional to “emotionless” humanity off.

The scene where the trio walks out of the house while it’s burning you see Damon and Elena keep walking together but Stefan stays back a bit to look at the house and gets separated from the two of them. I felt like that was foreshadowing that Stefan is going to move on and essentially leave the triangle.

4x16

Wait did Elena just imply Caroline has seen her naked!

Damon’s list of things Klaus sucks at CTFU!

I feel like Stefan always has a vervain needle in his pocket LMFAO! Phone, keys, wallet, vervain needle. It will also endlessly amaze me how often vamps get roofied by vervain needles in broad daylight and just no one cares.

The way NH!Elena stops when she sees Stefan and Caroline dancing and stomps over GREATEST MOMENTS IN TVD HISTORY! I firmly believe this is the first time we see Stefan have his more than friendship feelings for Caroline (the ones that scared him and he pushed away) and actually act on them.

OMG am I ready for Rebekah to go away already!

Klaus and Hayley have ZERO chemistry wow. They definitely get better on TO but this was painful to watch.

Personally I would have told Stefan “not my problem” re: NH!Elena but Caroline is nicer than me. She’s also still kinda falls for his tricks at this point (wait until S6 my friends).

4x17

Love the 1977 flashback mostly for the use of Psycho Killer.

KLEFAROLINE! I can’t believe this is the only episode ever that they all shared scenes at the same time.

Isn’t Shane dead?!? I can’t follow this storyline at all man.

You can always tell how bad the show is treating Bonnie by how bad her wig/hair is and right now it's getting bad again. It looked great with the curtain bangs but the full bangs are a no-go. How this show managed to make Kat Graham look NOT gorgeous on purpose is it's most heinous crime.

I think we can all agree when Klaus said “don’t underestimate the allure of darkness Stefan, even the purest of hearts are drawn to it” it was him propositioning Stefan and Caroline to have a threesome.

I’m really enjoying the NYC scenes and the flashbacks. It’s giving a different feel to the show and I like it, almost the opposite of how it made me feel in the beginning of the season. Maybe we’re transitioning with Elena again but this time it's about having no humanity and hedonism so it's like grimmy, dark and sexy. Also change of scenery once in a while is a good thing.

Klaus pushing Stefan against the tree was way more sexual than the script intended me thinks. Then Caroline rushes over, and that’s why we only got one episode of this throuple, le sigh.

Damn NH!Damon was cold blooded in the flashback with Lexi, I forgot about that.

4x18

Katherine compelling a whole town reminds me of WandaVision now.

Stefan pointing out how incompetent Damon is lol always funny (and true).

NH!Elena intimidating Katherine is GOLD! Nina is having so much fun with this arc and I love that for her.

Damon and Stefan being like “ew” at Katherine and Elijah like they both haven’t slept with her AND her doppelgänger.

Honestly the vial the cure was in did not look like a 2000 year old vial so like again, morons. Damon for some reason thought Katherine was as stupid as him and hide it in the most obvious spot.

NH!Elena is right how fucking stupid is Elijah that he trusted Katherine or believes anything she says EVER. He's just as gullible as his sister.

I’m with Elijah honestly Klaus no one cares about you being tormented, you’re the worst and this is karma. I'm also with him in regards to Rebekah and her insisting on taking the cure, you wouldn't last one day without superpowers, you're just bored and need attention.

4x19

Caroline still got the better dress lol. I do love when she uses men's affections to get herself things.

Silas appearing as everyone was a good villain for this half. Gave everyone an opportunity to play something different, plus there’s always something scary about a shapeshifter especially one that can read your mind.

Bonnie going cray-cray again but even worse her hair and this dull dress WTF?! Like they gave her prom queen but at what cost! I hope Kat burned this wig once she was free from it.

I personally feel like the Steroline prom dance affects Stefan more than Caroline. She maybe feels a little tingle after they share a look but Stefan’s reaction is way more played up. He’s the one who lowers his head like they might kiss and then the breath he takes after. My heart. Love how this becomes such an important moment in their love story, especially for him. He mentions it in his speech about loving her changed his life, and oh yeah his friggin' wedding vows!

See another vervain needle! This guy!

I'm sorry but LMFAO at Klaus talking about humanity saying mockingly "why does this always happen to innocent people" because he's kinda right! Being human in this world would be super lame with all the supernatural power and knowledge they have.

Elijah knows there's a super-powerful immortal psychic who can impersonate people wondering around and he doesn't ask for even a little bit of clarifying information when "Rebekah" says she passed his test. Also he just believes she passed his test? HOW IS HE THIS GULLIBLE?!

4x20

The first scene cracks me up in retrospect like “we three are contractually obligated to be in all episodes so here’s some random dialogue to fill that” LMFAO

MARCEL <333 you beautiful sexy ass hell man, I shall always crackship you with Bonnie Boncel4lyfe

Elijah is just as bad as Stefan when it comes to his brother, like OMG just let that man GO! Some people just don’t want to be saved man.

The Klamille scene when they looking at the painting and discussing it is really nice (plus great song). I know technically he looked at art with Caro first but like Cami actually appreciates art and Caro couldn’t really care less beyond distracting him lol.

4x21

IDK if I can believe Caroline was valedictorian… I mean I don’t think she’s dumb or not determined enough to get it but there is no way she attended enough classes to get it. Sorry show I don’t believe you.

You know Caroline is moving up in the TVD food chain when Matt turns a dig about her from Rebekah into a compliment!

Matt being the trigger for Elena made sense, he got the biggest emotional reaction out of her when she first saw him in the woods. I don’t think Damon got any real emotional reaction out of her tbh, and Stefan got some with her jealousy over Caroline and when he compared her to Katherine. This just proves Matlena should have been endgame like I’ve always said!

4x22

Stefan definitely had Caroline babysitting Elena.

Sorry but I love how everyone doesn’t even entertain the idea Elena could kill Katherine. They are like she’s 500 years old and 500x smarter than you, you will die.

Lexi’s comments are great foreshadowing for Steroline. They are ambiguous enough that they don’t say Stefan has feelings for Caroline but they don’t deny it. Lexi definitely seems to think so though and she's known him for over 100 years so...

I know Katherine and Elena have tons of reasons to want each other dead but it felt like they played it up on purpose this episode and the next one to make them fight and give Katherine the cure. It’s not OOC or anything just feels more manufactured than it needed to be.

I can’t believe they killed Bonnie! I know it’s temporary but JFC she can’t catch a break, this was an awful season half for her. Fuck Julie and Dries.

4x23

I can’t believe they had Stefan graduate LMFAO zero people believe he attended more than 2 classes this whole year.

I like how the Klaroline scene in 4x23 and the Steroline scene in 6x22 work in tandem. I used to view it as a conflict but now I appreciate how they work so well for Caroline. Two hot powerful guys promising her their heart and she gets to choose which one whenever she wants since they both gave an open timeline. It girl behavior!

I don’t think I ever zone out more than when Damon and Elena make one of their yelling love declarations of toxicity. I will never understand their appeal.

Poor Stefan. I do feel a little bad but they did hint all season he was going to be the one to move on and he knew it too. Through a rewatch it’s easy to see the hints and foreshadowing. His scene with Damon where he says he’s “not not happy for you” is great too because that’s what matters to him more in the end.

Human Katherine! Such a great storyline excited for it!

HELLO MY SHADOW SELF

Lines that made me laugh:

Rebekah: You’re like Sherlock Holmes with brain damage (she's annoying but she is funny!)

Elena: You got Lexi’d! (CRYING I swear everyone is funnier without humanity)

Caroline: I don’t know if this is your new weird way of flirting, but it sucks. (her delivery was the best part)

[nobedofroses]

December 19th

pairing: Marcus Moreno x reader

warnings: fluff, teensy angst lol

words: 649

a/n: this one was prompted by the sweet @terryboot, wherein Marcus tries to find his presents and bums you out lol

more Marcus, Full List

🌨️🌨️🌨️

Your husband kept disappearing on you. You’d be making yourself a cup of hot chocolate, thinking you’d join Marcus watching tv and go to ask him whether he wanted any, only he wasn’t sitting on the couch where you’d seen him last. Or you’d leave him folding laundry in the laundry room and come back to start another load and he’d be gone, the laundry basket only half folded. You’d shrug and keep going about your day, finding him in a completely different spot half an hour later with a suspicious look on his face, but you supposed he was just getting distracted more often. 

That is until one day you left to go grocery shopping but came back just a minute later, before your car was on, because you remembered that you needed your reusable grocery bags. You went back inside, surprised that Marcus wasn’t still vacuuming, but thought maybe he needed a break or something. 

Shrugging, you made your way back to the pantry where you kept the grocery bags and instead found Marcus’ butt. 

“Whatcha lookin’ for, honey?” you said with a smile, reaching forward to pinch his little cheek. 

“Ah!” Marcus exclaimed, standing bolt upright and whirling around. “What are you doing here?!”

“Um, I live here. What are you doing?” you asked, laughing at his ridiculousness. 

“I mean, like, didn’t you leave? Where are the groceries?” Marcus deflected, badly. 

“Marcus, I literally left like 90 seconds ago. I forgot the grocery bags, so excuse me,” you slipped past him to grab the bags but stopped when you saw the absolute mess that littered the floor. “What… is this?” 

“Um, nothing, I just wanted to reorganize the pantry. You know, make it all tidy and get rid of expired things,” Marcus explained. 

“That might have been a good explanation if we hadn’t done that literally a week and a half ago, Marcus. Now what the hell is really going on here?” you gave him a stern look, and Marcus knew he had to tell you the truth. 

“Well I– I was just… trying to… find the… presents…” by the time he finished his sentence, he was barely whispering. 

Your mouth dropped down to the floor, “You’re what?!?” 

“Well I—”

“Honey, I literally can’t even— why would you possibly need— don’t you want to be surprised??” you asked, the look on your face so wholly disbelieving and sad that Marcus felt absolutely horrible. 

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry, I just— I always did it at home and it was like a competition so I’ve been trying to find them just out of, I don’t know, habit. Baby, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have,” Marcus told you, getting close and giving you a hug that just completely wrapped you up in him. 

You let him hug you like that and tried to calm yourself a little. You felt a lot better with his apology, but you wanted him to tell you he had no intention of doing it again. So after a minute, you pulled back and said, “Marcus—”

But he cut you off to say, “I know, sweetheart, I won’t try to look for them again. If you want to surprise me, then I’ll be surprised. I’m sure you’ve gotten me incredible, loving gifts, and I shouldn’t do anything to ruin that.” 

You smiled, mollified by his promise. “Thank you, baby, I really needed to hear that.” 

The two of you kissed briefly, just to make sure you were on the same page and for a little more reconciliation. Then you decided that you still needed to go grocery shopping and Marcus wanted to clean up the pantry and then get back to his vacuuming. He even grabbed the reusable bags for you. 

When you got in the car and turned on the radio, you decided that you wouldn’t tell Marcus that you hadn’t bought anything yet.

🌨️🌨️🌨️

[samuhelll]

rate your muse's traits 0-10.

compassion. 3/10. not very good. he's hard neutral and wants no business in the plight of others. that said, he doesn't enjoy watching people suffer, either.

bitterness. 9/10. he's afraid. he's bitter. he's resentful. he hates that he was ousted from the Spires. he hates that he has to compete against something like War and Pestilence, as if the cards weren't fatefully and immutably stacked against him from the start. he hates that everything he's trying to do is failing. he's afraid and terrified of dying, the threat and knowledge of it alarmingly close in the rearview mirror. he hates that his failure reflects an inadequacy on his part. sam is bitter, bitter, bitter.

happiness. 3/10. sam comes across loud, bombastic, vivacious, and full of life. he doesn't quite light up a room when he enters it so much as he's banging pots and pans, impossible to miss. some people might interpret that as he's happy, but i think it's easier to interpret it as someone playing a character? almost phony?

politeness. 4/10. sam can certainly be polite, but i don't think of sam as business or formally polite so much as not explicitly rude. that said, he is not afraid of causing a scene and he will yell at you in public.

pride. 5?/10. he won't take handouts and he vehemently hates perceived pity. simply: he doesn't think he's better than everyone. he just hates it when you think you're better than him. sam's also not above begging.

honesty. 3/10. he literally stays alive by manipulating people. a little higher on the scale because he rarely outright lies. he mostly just doesn't tell the whole truth. but this is very habitual, and only about serious things. he lies about little thing on the daily.

bravery. 2/10. sam is afraid. he's afraid of death but also of pain. physical pain, emotional pain. sam will turn his back and high tail it if he senses it on the horizon. he will sell you out if he has to.

recklessness. 6/10. i'd say sam actually errs more on the side of caution. he's not mastermind methodical, but he doesn't do anything on impulse. that said, just because he thinks about it doesn't mean it's not a bad idea. he'll know that and might still go ahead with it, too.

ambition. 3/10. i used to think of sam as ambitious, but he's not, really. at this point, and for a long time, he's been on fight-or-flight. he's just trying to survive.

loyalty. 3/10. he's went behind the back of everyone he's ever known at some point. generally, in a situation where he has to choose between him and you, he's looking out for numero uno.

love. 4/10. i'm putting him low on the rating here because, while i do see sam capable of love, or feeling love, and all the motions of love—acts of service, quality time—he'd probably be terrible at it in more fundamental ways. he's selfish and he isn't honest/isn't entirely forthright - two absolute deal-breakers for the majority of people, and rightly so. he also lacks foresight and may do things that harm his partner or, at least, greatly upset them. then he'll do it again.

sense of family. 2/10. he doesn't have a family in any sense of the word nor does he have any relationship that can be classified as familial.

attractiveness. 5 or 6/10. middling. he looks like an average middle-aged man. thinning hair and receding hairline, impossible-to-miss laugh lines. stick him in not-loud clothes, and i'd guess most people wouldn't bat an eye at or remember him. this is my assumption, anyway. i personally think bob is very handsome but what do i know lol

agility. 3/10. on a spectrum of agile to content-to-stay-on-the-couch/rigid-as-a-board, he leans towards the latter.

sex drive. 5 or 6/10. average. he wouldn't jump at any and all opportunities to sleep with someone, but he also wouldn't deny the opportunity with a practical stranger.

tagged by: @cartelheir ty! / tagging: @lcvnderhazed (any), @prvtocol, @abysswarden, @rottine, @ghoulishundertakings, @escapedartgeek, @allevils, @bloodykneestm (any)

[toinfinitywinning]

this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

[sr-sam-bodypillow]

thinking about kaebbz and submissive kaif SO HARD RIGHT NOW

(warning. there is smut under the cut. it’s just porn. tw for public sex and super needy and subby kaif, pet names, sub/dom dynamic, begging, little bit of kaebbzcat and a voyeurism kink [if you couldn’t tell by the ‘kaebbzcat’ warning, Stan’s the reason there’s a voyeurism warning lol], no beta i never have anyone read these lol)

“Ebbz.” Kaif’s voice is breathtakingly needy, closer to a pleading whine than anything coherent. Ebbz can’t help but grin. She loves it when he gets like this. “Please- can I just-?”

“Not yet, okay? Just stay still for a little longer.”

Kaif groans, and buries his face into her neck. She can feel how he’s squirming beneath her, hips occasionally jerking upwards in a desperate attempt to get any release. She bites back the urge to coo at just how adorable he is right now, continuing to edit the video she’s working on.

Ebbz is silently grateful for the fact that she’s decided to wear a skirt today, the long fabric neatly hiding how deep Kaif is inside of her right now, jeans unzipped and underwear pulled to the side so that he can push his cock into her. After all, everyone hasn’t left the office yet, and there’s a very real chance that someone might walk in on them fucking like this in the middle of her room.

(But if she was telling the truth, she’d say that it only makes it far more fun.)

Kaif pants against her skin, gasping and groaning every now and then, his length occasionally twitching inside of her. She’s been sitting on him like this for quite some time now, and it’s easy to see how it’s driving him mad. God, it’s driving her mad too- the only reason she’s been able to hold back for so long is because of how pretty he looks when he gets this desperate.

“Ngh- fuck, you feel so good n’ warm, Ebbz… I- Please, I wanna-“ His words are slurred with need as his hands find their way underneath her clothes, running them all across her skin and gently squeezing her thighs. She sighs, grabbing onto his wrist and pulling his hand away.

“I already told you, baby. You’ve got to keep your hands to yourself, or I’m not going to let you cum, okay?”

Kaif whines, but he still lets his hands drop to his sides as his eyes flutter shut, face flushed and sweaty. “I… fffuck, wanna cum so bad, Ebbz”.

“I know you do, baby.” She gently rubs his thigh, continuing to click away with her other hand. Just a little bit longer, and then she’ll be done. Just a little bit longer, and then she can ride him to her hearts content, using him like a living and particularly needy sex toy in the middle of the office.

Footsteps reach her ears, and not long after the door to her room opens, revealing Stan standing in the doorway. Ebbz is much better at hiding it than Kaif is, so she turns to him with a big smile as he talks.

“I’m going to head out now, you guys.” Stan yawns. He’s not wearing his glasses, which is definitely a blessing because he’s blind as fuck without them. Blind enough that he can’t see how ruined Kaif looks underneath her right now, and if he can, he’s not exactly saying anything.

“Cool. Stay safe, yeah?” Ebbz is able to keep her voice level as she stares at him, studying his face for any kind of reaction. Kaif buries his face into her skin again, hiding himself from Stan’s view.

“Will do.” There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence before Stan speaks up again. “Is… Kaif alright? He’s really quiet.”

“Oh, uh-“ Kaif’s voice pitches upwards as he fumbles verbally, and Ebbz gets an idea. A very, very devious idea. “Y-yeah, just a bit tired, is all-“

Ever so slowly, Ebbz begins to move on top of him. The movement is gentle enough that it’d be hard to see, but that doesn’t mean that Kaif can’t feel it. His breath catches in his throat as he struggles to keep himself from breaking right there.

“Yeah! I’m- I’m fffiiiine. G-Great, even! Sooo great… nhh…” Kaif quietly moans underneath his breath, trying desperately to not act like the slut Ebbz knows he is in front of Stan.

“Oh. Uh. Okay.” Ebbz can see a slight blush on Stan’s cheeks, and she raises an eyebrow slightly. Is he… into this? Watching them fuck in front of him? There’s no way, right? “You two… have fun!”

He chuckles nervously and runs away, but not before Ebbz can catch a glimpse of the very obvious erection in his pants. Holy shit, Stan was turned on by watching them. She smirks. That’s certainly something to file away for later.

After the main door of the office opens and shuts, signifying Stan’s exit from the building, Kaif whines as Ebbz slows back down again.

“Why- Why would you even do that?” He’s not mad, more embarrassed than anything else, and Ebbz chuckles.

“Kaif, I could literally feel you getting excited. You started squirming and twitching inside of me so much when he opened the door.” Ebbz purrs, gently stroking his thick thighs as she continues to tease him. “You wanted him to see this, didn’t you?” She moves her hips ever so slightly, squeezing his skin slightly as she does. “You wanted him to see how I use you like a toy, and how much you enjoy it. Having him watch turned you on, didn’t it?”

All of Kaif’s restraint seems to have finally eroded away as he tilts his head back, moaning gently. “I- Ebbz-“ Her name spills from his lips like it’s a prayer, and she wishes she could hear him like this more often.

“I want a yes or no answer, baby. Did you like it when Stan watched me ride you?”

“Yes.” Kaif gasps. “It was so fuckin’ hot, Ebbz.”

Ebbz grins. “Good.” She looks over her shoulder, licking her lips. She continues to move up and down on Kaif, taking it slow so that she can feel every single inch of him.

“Fuck, Kaif… you’re so good for me. Such a good boy.” She can’t help herself from moaning as he hits just the right spots inside of her. Kaif whimpers slightly, the praise going straight through him. “You’re such a good fuck toy for me, huh? Just letting me use your cock like this.”

She glances over her shoulder again, making eye contact with him. “You’ve been such a good toy for me that I might even give you a reward.” His eyes light up, and she smiles like a shark. “You just have to beg for it, okay baby?”

“Ebbz, please…” His voice trembles as he tries to stay coherent long enough to finish his sentence.

“Please what, darling? Use your words.”

“Please let me cum, Ebbz. I wanna cum so fuckin’ bad. I- nghh, you’re so tight, ‘wanna cum inside of you so much-!”

“Good boy.” Ebbz begins to speed up, increasing her pace steadily as she rides his length. She starts to moan almost as much as Kaif is, the feeling of him pounding into her over and over overwhelming her. The sounds of her thighs slapping against his fills the room as she digs her nails into his skin, throwing any attempts to stay hidden away now that everyone’s left the office.

“Ebbz, Ebbz-“ Kaif’s almost incoherent by this point, overstimulation making tears roll down his perfect cheeks as he pulls Ebbz closer, his hands riding up her chest and gently groping her breasts as his hips hopelessly thrust upwards into her in pure desperation.

It’s exactly how she wants him to be.

“Oh, fuck yes- just like that, baby, just keep going-“ Ebbz gasps as heat begins to mount in her gut, her own orgasm quickly approaching as she continues to roughly slam herself down onto him. Her thighs are going to sting for a while, but it’s so fucking worth it to feel like this.

Kaif moans loudly as he clutches onto Ebbz, hips stuttering as he finishes inside of her. She keeps riding him for just a bit longer after he cums, pleasure making her thighs tremble as she finishes not long after him.

The two of them sit like that for a moment, panting as they try to regain their composure.

Ebbz sighs, feeling Kaif slump tiredly against her back. “… I’ll drive home.”

[fallish]

i will absoluely take this baton, thank you for tagging @fairlylokai 🥰

1 ) do you make your bed? the truth is i tried for a while and i still do try occasionally but a majority of the time it ends up with me sleeping on top of a comforter because my brain cant put together the effort to pull it back and actually get in. im going to go with no (despite the state of my very made bed that i am currently sitting on at the time of this post)

2 ) what's your favourite number? two-way tie between 58 and 87. iykyk ;)

3 ) what is your job? im a software developer, its kinda a boring title but im getting good at it!

4 ) If you could go back to school would you? it really depends on the day you ask me this one. like generally? fuck no, it was hell on my adhd. on a particularly self destructive day? yeah and i might finish a college application before deciding to sleep on any major life decisions (and then i wont do it! 10pm rule that shit!)

5 ) can you parallel park? yes! i used to be the only one of my friends who could but i live on a street with only parallel parking and i think theyre getting better at it :D

6 ) a job you had that would surprise people? i used to be a camp counselor for one summer! everyone used to always tell me id be bad with kids because i didnt really like them, and i actually tried failing this interview but i guess they needed people, so i got the job. i got on swell with the kids! uh. not so much with the other adults tho. i accidentally made the ice tea spiked at the end of the summer and needless to say i was not invited back. i look back on it fondly :)

7 ) do you think aliens are real? of course. its unthinkable that humans are the only ones around in the whole universe. as they say, life finds a way

8 ) can you drive a manual car? nope. dated a guy who did once, and im ngl i was kinda into it, but i never learned myself.

9 ) what's your guilty pleasure? k pop photo cards 🙈 while I agree that guilt is for the weak, I do think I spend an unreasonable amount of money on those

10 ) tattoos? not yet, but ive got plans. my mom is super against them so while im at home, i cant. when i move out tho, i really want to get a set of wings in honor of ffvii (the first video game i finished)

11 ) favourite colour? i like yellow, like the mustardy kind but im partial to green and black

12 ) favourite type of music? i spend a lot of my attention on the punk/rock so like fall out boy and mayday parade and i listen to a lot of indie shit like glass animals and basement punk like the front bottoms and mobo, and recently im into kpop, particularly zerobaseone. also! i suspenct that no matter what, if i like the rhythm of the rap put in front of me, its highly likely ill enjoy it

13 ) do you like puzzles? i like puzzles so much i made it my job! one could absolutely say i like puzzles lol, me and my sister used to do them a lot and for her last birthday i got her a 10 pack.

14 ) any phobias? im not fond of men with raised voices, but on a lighter note, i wont go more than 5 feet into the ocean because i grew up in jersey on movies like jaws that made me wuite scared of shark attacks

15 ) favourite childhood sport? i uh didnt play sports 🫡 i liked watching hockey though and i still watch nhl hockey now! so that might count?

16 ) do you talk to yourself? oh yeah. all the time. i cant do tasks if i dont talk myself through them. it might not be out loud all the time (i respect public spaces and the quiet associated with them) but theres a constant running monologue i promise.

17 ) what movie(s) do you adore? cheesy answer but i LOVE inception its one of my all time top 5 movies i could watch it in any mood and it would amaze me.

18 ) coffee or tea? i like both, i prefer tea, but im not allowing myself to have either right now. im trying to get myself off of caffeine again because i recently started going back to work and drinking more coffee and what do you know? my migraines made a comeback

19 ) first thing you wanted to be growing up? i wanted to be a famous singer, and sometimes i still want to make music but i dont know, i guess it got away from me at some point. i still make little singing audios and send them to my friends and my mom always says i have a nice voice so the dream stays alive :)

thanks again for tagging! im going to tag @doomcannotbethisadorable @alittlebitofrainbyyourside @sherlockholmeson and anyone who wants to do participate!!

[head-full-of-things]

(Started working on this awhile ago, some stuff happened in the lore since then, including an Hermit invasion... But I was like "better late then never" so here you go lol)

---

If you ever were to visit the Empires server, every villager will tell you right away- don't trust a word the Emperors say. Secrets, lies & denial run freely, the currency of the server more so than any of the kingdom's official exports.

Like the ruler of Gobland, for example. A friendly little guy, deputy for the sheriff. He will gladly welcome visitors to the caves, giving them a ride on the fully working railway system. "Safety first!" as he always says.

But the real reason is to keep them on the designated path. If they snoop around, they might see the prisoner in a cage, or the tunnels leading up to every nearby kingdom right under their nose. Truth is, the Goblin King is loyal to his people first and foremost. Even if they're underground dwellers, it doesn't mean the Goblins have to live in the dark, and when fWhip became ruler, he made it his mission to bring them closer to the outside world. So he will smile, and joke around, and suck up to whoever's necessary while counting up the gold in the vault.

And if he finds himself feeling more for the Sheriff than he anticipated- it's just a slight bump in the plans, that's all. He will never admit that to his face. "It's the highest honor for a goblin to be a deputy to a sheriff!" he throws around with another good-natured smile. Every goblin knows- your secrets are best kept deep underground.

---

Like the letter under the floorboards at the Great Witch's former house. Now only Tortoise lives there, jumping around the cabin, but Shelby still goes there from time to time to make sure the letter is still there. Each time she does, she can't help but pass her eyes over the words again: A danger to society. Expelled. No longer a witch.

One little multidimensional accident and they throw her under the bus like that? She shouldn't be surprised, nobody expected her to even finish witch school.

But for someone who is such a failure, she does surprisingly well here at The Evermoore. She helps people. Even if some potions go wrong (she shudders thinking about fWhip's ear-wings), most of them work, and the grateful smile on the other Emperors' face tells her she's doing something right. So it's not a lie, not really. She is a witch, a good one at that.

But she still feels a sting in her heart whenever she has to keep up the front with the other Rulers. "Yeah, the academy loves me! they keep checking in on their top student," the lies have become second nature for her at this point.

Someday, she promises herself, she will tell them the truth. The more time she spends here, the more she starts to feel like maybe they won't exile her. Maybe they'll still want her around because of who she is, not because of some musty diploma. But until then, the lie stays.

---

It's not a lie if it's true. Even though all the other rulers laugh when she says, again, that she's not cursed. 'The cursed princess' they call her. How can she begin to explain that it was only a coincidence that the day she was born the kingdom got split in half, with darkness encasing the unfortunate half of it. She gave up on that hope a long time ago, when her own villagers didn't want to come near her. Instead, she came up with a plan- she's not the reason, but she can be the solution!

So she trains at night, forsaking sleep. And in the mornings she builds houses and grand structures, trying to rebuild the kingdom that once was. Except they all turn half-black and rotting under her hands. The curse is present more than ever, she's willing to admit. But she will fight it. She won't stop until it's gone.

Then, silly things like who caused it wouldn't even matter, right? Not that she did. She didn't bring this curse upon her kingdom. She's not at fault. She's not cursed she's just not.

It's not a lie if you tell it to yourself enough times.

[mikaelsrose]

I have a couple of questions for the writer ask game :D

🥨🩸🗑📑🙋🏽‍♂️😭📚

omg that's a lot 😂thanks for asking though, it's gonna be fun!

🥨 do you snack while writing?

not really because i focus too much on eating if i do that 😂 i do drink a shit ton of water while writing though (not only fics, when i write my thesis or i translate for work, etc. basically while writing anything). that's why i tend to count time by the amount of times i go to the toilet 😂😂😂

🩸 do you process trauma with writing?

yeaaah, i try not to, but it comes out naturally. i try to tone it down as much as i can though, cause you wouldn't believe the shit i had planned for most of my fics 😂💀

writing helps me put my emotions into words, so it makes me feel a little better and then i know exactly what to tell my therapist 😂😂

🗑 how hard is it for you to delete writing that gets cut?

very hard. but! usually the part i cut out appears as a whole other fic or i incorporate it into another part.

for instance, i've been fighting my inner demons telling me to write a second part of princeling, but i try to resist them cause i can't think of a solid idea for it. as you can tell, i'm not the best at writing one-shots 😂

📑 how many drafts do you write on average?

for one fic? i try to have one and i just use a lot of horizontal lines to divide different ideas. however, champagne problems had (and still has, i don't have the heart to delete it for now lol) three different drafts and three different titles. the final title was very last minute and very random. the third part of tslof has four documents for now, and truth be told i'm not sure about the future of this undertaking. @starlight-starfury did motivate me this morning with her incredibly sweet feedback, so i might take it up again, but this project is very emotionally demanding. i started writing it during the time when i was on a very messy stage in my therapy and i needed an outlet for my emotions, but it was very long ago and i worked through those emotions (sort of) so a big IDK on the series for now.

🙋🏽‍♂️ who's your favorite oc?

i have only jude so him haha

😭 what's the saddest thing you've written?

i think the second chapter of my series - where do broken hearts grow?

it is a very personal and heavy chapter for me, so i decided to even put a trigger warning before it, but maybe it's not that deep to others.

📚 who's your favourite author (or a few of them)?

i have a few. chimamanda ngozi adichie, chinua achebe, jean rhys, bernard minier, f. scott fitzgerald, and of course andrzej sapkowski whose books were my best friends throughout high school ❤️