#trust me the essay is related

[theeviltriplet-fromao3]

Today’s new chapter comes w/ an essay in the end note!

If you’re a fan of Louie Duck & think he deserves to play w/ his family a little you’ll love this wholesome fic <3

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

What if the Tails Polycule managed to stop nine from enacting his plan at the end of the series and Nine joining the polycule.

Interesting...👀👀👀

Okay so, just to warn you before you begin reading, I have some things I need to unpack and talk about first before I can answer this question. With that, the post itself will probably be long, so I'm putting my answer/thoughts under the cut

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So given that the au as it is doesn't stray too far from Sonic Prime canon, the "polycule" at that time would just Mangey and Sails (who wouldn't officially be together yet in the actual au) as Tails is where the rest of the og cast is.

To answer this ask, there are two things I need to tackle

Nine's plan at the end of Sonic Prime. What was that exactly?

How would the story of Sonic Prime need to change for there to be a focus on Mangey and Sails specifically "stopping" Nine? (As this au takes place post canon and is largely compliant with the og series before that point, more drastic divergences from canon are like a spin off concept for this au)

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Starting with Nine's plan, I think there's an important distinction to make between "Nine's plan" and "how things became exacerbated by the war"

Nine's original plan as of Season 1 was to spend his time crafting the Grim into a home with Sonic. In episode 6 of that season, he expresses that he doesn't care about what's going on in the other shatterspaces like New Yoke. He says he wants to create a perfect world, but we see that he'd only ever wanted to exert control over the Grim (not New Yoke, not the whole shatterverse). Given that he never seeks out any other shards aside from the two he already had until after the chaos council captures him and a shard, and also given the speech he gave to Sonic in ep 6, Sonic was the last component to his plan. Had Sonic chosen to stay with him in Episode 6 in the Grim, the two (under his plan) would merely have used the two prism shards to shape the world into a home and live there alone together.

After being captured by the Chaos Council in Episode 6, Nine had to alter his plan. One of the main reasons he and Sonic had partnered up to gather the shards at this time was to keep them out of the hands of the Chaos Council. The Chaos Council having an ounce of shard energy and access to the whole shatterverse was a very dangerous prospect, and with all the ways they fucked up the shatterspaces and contributed to reality beginning to fall apart (after their portal stunt), the show shows us exactly what Sonic and Nine had to fear in regards to the Council having any shards (much less the completed prism). Now, as we can see from Nine's words during episode 7 to Sonic and during the season finale, he'd assumed that after getting all the shards, the two of them would return to the Grim to build their new world. I think it's safe to say Nine's plan by Season 2 was to gather all of the shards to keep them out of the Chaos Council's hands (and keep them from exerting control over the whole shatterverse), complete the prism so he could fix the damage to the shatterverse's reality, and then use prism energy so he and Sonic could continue the original plan of crafting their new world/home. The end goal is the same as the original plan, Nine is home and closed off from the rest of the shatterverse, and Sonic is there with him.

His plan changes again after the Season 2 finale. Remember that in that finale, Nine also feels as if it's Sonic who betrayed him. He thought Sonic was just using him as a replacement for Tails and just using him to get to the paradox prism, which he'd then use to try to bring back Green Hill and his original friends without any regard for how that would impact Nine's existence. For Nine this is a moment of finding out someone he cares deeply about wasn’t the kind of guy he thought he was, and perhaps never liked him exactly for who he was. The first thing Nine does after completing the prism is not to get ready to exert control over the shatterverse though. Instead, he builds himself a citadel to stay in with the prism, and he sets up a large force field immediately afterwards. The first thing he does is take the first step into turning the Grim into a home, and he puts up walls/sets up defenses so no one can intrude on it. The only thing that changes from his original plan is that he takes Sonic out of it. And his setting up of defenses immediately speaks to two things. The first is him literally walling himself off from anyone as a reaction to opening his heart up to one person (Sonic) only to get betrayed (from his pov), a physical representation of him closing his heart off again. The second is because he's not an idiot. He knows that even if he's the only one with a source of prism energy, Sonic could come after him and try to get the prism. After all, Sonic expressed that he and Shadow had their own plan for using it (one that could potentially result in his erasure). So immediately at the start of S3 after the S2 finale, Nine's plan is literally: "Secure my safety so no one can take the prism, create my home, fix the reality issues, live here alone."

His plan shifts again when the Grim starts to decay, to which he seems frustrated that this is happening, since he was sure the prism was completed (perhaps implying that he'd assumed the decay of reality would cease when the paradox prism was complete). A major shift in his plan has to occur here, as he can't have his home intact (much less keep his defenses up) if the entirety of reality shatters/collapses/what have you. And so Sonic re-enters the plan when Nine realizes how he can fix reality. Keep in mind, this is a moment where emotions are already high. The "betrayal" happened not too long ago, he doesn't feel great about Sonic, he was already afraid his world would be taken from him, and now he needs to fix reality as fast as possible so anything can continue to exist. So, here's his new plan by the end of episode 1 of season 3: capture sonic, drain Sonic's energy to fix reality and the Grim, use the paradox prism to keep up his force field, continue to use the prism to build his new world, be alone (aside from the robots he created as "friends"). At this point he is still not planning on exerting control over the shatterverse or messing with the other shatterspaces. He's sticking to his original plan and prioritizing his existence.

And then the plan from there undergoes impromptu changes as the situation in season 3 continues to worsen, which leads us into "how things became exacerbated by the war".

First, Shadow throws Sonic out of the Grim, so Nine takes the first step to extend his plan outside the Grim (Which, again, he hadn’t done since the s2 finale and hadn’t planned to do). Keeping himself in the safety of his defenses, he sends Alpha Grim Birdie and the Grim Birdies to retrieve Sonic. At this time it's worth mentioning that no one knows what Nine's actual plans are (the ones he's had the whole series), despite Nine telling them to Sonic's face in Episode 6 of the series, and Sonic won't figure out his plans until the series finale. So although Sonic spends season 3 not having given up on Nine's ability to change his mind, pretty much everyone is under the assumption that Nine is in it for the power to bend the shatterverse to his will (despite signs the audience can see that this is not the case). This is why Sonic himself refuses to give his energy to Nine, because he cannot trust blindly (or without a deal) that Nine will choose to preserve the other shatterspaces and won't put people in danger for his goals.

So, when Sonic escapes to New Yoke to get help, Nine has to extend his plan from the void (where there is no one else to bother with but Sonic) to New Yoke. Part of his goal is to drain Sonic's energy to restabilize the shattervserse, so naturally he extends his gaze there for the purpose of getting Sonic specifically. It's also telling here that when Nine first makes use of his giant floating head, he uses it to talk to Sonic alone and directly. When Sonic asks if Nine was causing all the destruction, Nine takes a shot at Sonic, saying that Sonic’s concern for the shatterspaces is odd considering he only seems to care about his own home. Then, he clarifies that the breaking down of the shatterspaces had already begun due to all that the chaos council had done. Essentially, everything was already breaking down, so he was merely sapping what energy he needed from the other shatterspaces to keep the Grim from collapsing (which, while the action proves he doesn't really care about others, it's worth mentioning that it shows off just how he's prioritizing his well-being and his literal home in the face of losing his entire existence, and also isn't a conscious choice to hurt people so much as a potential result. Which...still would happen without his interferance). So, Sonic expresses "You'll have to catch me first"

Of course, with Sonic choosing to run, Nine decides to flex his power. He doesn't give Sonic ultimatums, nor does the camera focus on people Sonic cares about so Nine can strategically offer up their lives in a deal/put them in danger. Up to this point in Episode 2, the only non robot entities we've seen in New Yoke are Sonic and Nine, so Nine specifically talks up his power and makes a show of it (messing with gravity) specifically so he can convince Sonic to surrender to him (to convince Sonic that he's too poweful to oppose, so he should give up soon). Nine is quite literally acting to mess with the other shatterspaces the bare minimum he feels like he needs to to keep his home intact and to capture Sonic for his plan.

But then, Nine's show of power happens to put an innocent bystander in visible danger.

(Yes. Nine makes this EXACT face in s3 e2 when he realizes that an innocent was caught during that show of power. He is surprised, here. Like he didn't expect it or didn't realize his deed would have hurt someone. And it is worth noting that while Nine is pretty much always fine keeping to himself and not bothering with other people's problems as long as he keeps himself isolated, he does have a reaction when he can see his actions potentially put a person in danger)

So, Nine realizes has to shift his plan (since he's accidentally involved others he can see), and Sonic saves that innocent. This is where Nine consciously decides to involve other people in his plan, and he only does this for a couple main reasons. The first is that he's already put someone in danger (and while trying to build up how powerful he is image wise he can't afford to look like he can't handle the power or that he did something accidentally) and knows that Sonic will try to save innocent people in front of him. The second is specifically because he can trust that Sonic is fast enough to save anyone here. Essentially, Nine's plan here is quite literally to either tire Sonic out or put enough people in danger that it convinces Sonic to give himself up for their sake. He is resting on the fact that Sonic will save them all, and the moment that he can't is the moment Sonic gives himself over. He does not have to deal with the moral dilemma of possibly harming an innocent person, because under this plan no innocents can possibly meet their doom. It is still all about getting Sonic by involving the outside world to the bare minimum to achieve this.

And this new plan fails to force Sonic to give up for the sake of the innocents because the other variants show up to help, meaning that Nine has to shift his plan once again. His hold over the prism energy also fails for a moment. So this does stop him from messing with gravity during this portion, but I should mention that once he regains control over the prism energy again, he never again tries that exact same stunt (messing with gravity and putting people in danger). Nine sends the Grim Birdies into New Yoke after Sonic specifically (to bring him back alive). Sonic flees into the city so as to not put others in danger, and, as commanded, the Grim Birdies go after Sonic specifically. They (and Nine by extension) do not go out of their way to attack or pursue anyone who is not Sonic.

But of course chasing Sonic down with Grim Birdies isn't working. He just keeps running and getting back up, so Nine flexes his power once more (with the intent on forcing Sonic to surrender). Nine commands Alpha Grim Birdie to go for the Yoke. Which, despite still not having commanded it to attack/seek anything other than Sonic, it is a clear signal from Nine. "Surrender, or everyone else is put in danger. Can you really save them all?" It does not matter if Nine is bluffing or not. But, Nine is still doing the bare minimum. After all, despite the threat, the moment Sonic reaches the Yoke, the Grim Birdies surround him (and target only him) once more. Nine employs more language, trying to make Sonic feel powerless and alone so he'll give in. He still is not involving others outside of Sonic if he isn't required to. Heck, the Grim Birdies still haven't even attacked anyone other than Sonic, despite the fact that other people have entered Nine's view.

And what happens when the chaos council enters the arena? The Grim Birdies all pause, and they look just as surprised at this turn of events as Sonic does. They don't go to immediately attack the council either. In fact, their first moves upon being blasted at by Dr. Done It are to defend themsleves, and it's a long period before they decide to fight the council. But, again, only because the council are fighting them. They're defending themselves so they can go back to retrieving Sonic. They aren't going out of their way to fight innocents. And while Dr. Deep so confidently states that New Yoke city will fall apart if they don’t stop Nine, it's still worth mentioning just how much Nine has avoided messing with anyone outside of Sonic, how he's still only been drawing as much power from the other shatterspaces required to keep his home from falling apart, and that everything is already falling apart without Nine's interference because of the Chaos Council.

And Nine's only interference here is to again use his words to try to convince Sonic to give up, that it's not worth him continuing to try to stop him. We know later in the series that Nine could have made a multitude of grim robots to overwhelm Sonic and everyone else, but he's still doing the bare minimum with 3 grim birdies. He doesn't even give commands to the birds to do anything other than what they're already doing, which is defending themselves so they can fulfill the command to go after Sonic.

And then, Nine loses control of the prism, visibly loses control over his image, and beholds the decay of his home once more as his protective wall flickers in and out of existence. His Grim Birdies are down, the situation is getting worse, and Sonic is in the middle of a large building. So, Nine shifts his plan once more, starting to get more desperate. He puts on a great image. For the first time, he purposely appears for the whole shatterspace to see, bringing dark storm clouds with him to bolster his image. And he strikes the Yoke with one great blast of lighting. But then, after the council makes it clear that they'll all be in great great danger if Nine strikes them with another blast (the building collapsing), Nine chooses instead to make a speech. Though we can see the storm clouds produce lighting (which pointedly doesn't strike anything in particular) he doesn't finish the job. He specifically announces that nothing will stop him from getting to Sonic, and he sends the repaired Grim Birdies after the Yoke (presumably to retrieve Sonic and only retrieve him). In fact, pointedly, despite having all the time in the world to charge up a devastating lighting strike, Nine waits with gritted teeth for his Birdies to infiltrate the Yoke to get Sonic, and he only releases another lightning strike (which isn't presented as a huge moment like before) upon the force field with intent to make an opening. He continues to only focus on Sonic, only put people as in danger (but not actually harmed) as needed to get to Sonic, and presents himself as a powerful being to intimidate everyone into giving up. And Nine desperately tries to take down that force field.

So, Nine is forced to switch plans again after the barrier is put up and it's clear that he can't pierce it. Now, the end of Episode 2 seems to imply that Nine's plan is to put the citizens of No Place in jeapoardy so Sonic will leave his precious dome to come save them, but this is not exactly the case. Nine does not actually intend on putting the No Place gang in danger and forcing Sonic to come to the decaying No Place to save them. As No Place and the Grim are decaying (again showing us why Nine would grow more desperate, towards the beginning of Season 3 Episode 3, he asks the Grim Birdies to bring the pirates in No Place to him. This scene presents it as Nine finally becoming desperate enough to outright use people as an ultimatum but as prisoners. He was never intending on attacking them in No Place to draw Sonic in. In other words, Nine's new plan to draw Sonic to him was to save the No Place citizens, bring them alive to the Grim, and for Nine to force Sonic to come to him to get them. Nine explicitly was going to save the pirates and use them just as much as needed to get Sonic.

And what does Nine do when Sonic and the others go to No Place while Nine is already intending on capturing the pirates alive?

He calls them fools. This was not the preferred turn of events I would say.

Of course, Sonic being there in No Place forces Nine to change his plans again. This is the first time during the whole season Nine has explicitly directed his Grim Birdies to attack innocents rather than either to attack Sonic or to make Sonic afraid that they would attack innocents. Nine was planning on saving them before, but now that his previous plans are dashed (and everything is rapidly decaying everywhere), he truly shows that he's willing to do anything to get to Sonic or to get Sonic to surrender.

Although, of course, once the pirates are "safely" inside the Kracken and Sonic is outside, the Grim Birdies go back to prime directive 1 of trying to get Sonic.

In any case, with desperation rising, Nine laser focuses in on getting Sonic no matter the cost. He literally announces that he won't let Sonic escape no matter what, because he needs him to "finish the Grim". Despite the fact that he's opened up his plans to purposesly put people in danger if it means getting Sonic (no matter the cost), he is still only focused on fixing reality and finishing his world. His plans may be shifting, but his original plan to finish the Grim still remains. As tensions rise, he still is only interacting with the other shatterspaces and messing with other people as needed to get Sonic specifically, and has not announced any plan to take the whole shatterverse for himself. Also, as we can see with the scene where Sonic almost falls off the Kracken, the Grim Birdies still take any chance they can (where Sonic is alone or vulnerable) to take him away rather than attack anyone else.

Nine would be forced to change his plan once more after Sonic and the rest escape from No Place, but it's actually Sonic who calls Nine to appear in New Yoke again. No Grim Birdies flying around, no storm clouds and lightning, no smiles and the maintaining of a huge powerful image. When Nine appears to Sonic, it's just Nine's giant head appearing where he can look Sonic eye to eye, and he accepts every condition Sonic throws at him without question. Because in the end, all he wants is to get Sonic and to live safely in his new home. He allows Sonic to come to him, in the safety of his dome, face to face (very very vulnerable for Nine at this moment), and he no longer focuses on the other shatterspaces or trying to purposely put other people in danger. To Nine in this moment, his plan has finally succeeded. He has Sonic, so he no longer has to concern himself with anything other than stabilizing the shatterverse and finishing his home.

Although he does stalls for time despite them pointedly being close to running out of it, trying to speak to Sonic more even after Sonic suggests they get this over with and Nine drain him.

In fact, Nine makes this explicitly clear. Once Sonic takes a second to ask how he knows he can trust Nine will keep his promise, Nine says he'll have the power to restore everything with Sonic’s energy, and that as long as everyone else leaves him alone, everyone else can have their "silly lives in their silly spaces". He has no reason, as long as they don't intrude on his home, to attack them or endanger their existences.

But then everyone else quite literally intrudes on Nine's space. They breach his protective walls in a moment of great vulnerability (emotional and literal) for Nine, and he begins to visibly start panicking.

And the situation gets exponentially worse from here. The fact that existence is collapsing and the Grim is tearing apart (with it eventually being all that's left of the shatterverse), added with the fact that both parties know there's very little time before everyone loses and existence as they know it is gone, tensions just grow worse and worse.

The war at the end of Sonic Prime is not a war about beating the bad guy to restore reality. It's a war about who gets to preserve their existence.

Sonic aside, the variants don't trust Nine. They have reason to fear that if Nine drains Sonic's energy, he'll use his power to retaliate against them all after fixing reality. I'm sure their best case scenario is that Nine torments them with the prism energy, and their worst case scenario is that Nine erases them, leaving only himself and the Grim in the entire shatterverse.

Likewise, Nine has no reason to trust them either. We can visibly see as tensions get worse over the war, just how willing multiple characters are to wail on Nine the moment they get a chance, who want to destroy him, who would enjoy a chance to torture him or "make him pay". And to Nine, on top of everything in existence rapidly collapsing, the entire war is happening in his safe space, behind the walls he tried to put up to keep everyone out, becoming smaller and smaller. As he becomes more and more cornered, how can Nine trust losing the war means his existence will be preserved either? At best, after restoring the shatterverse completely, the variants will likely imprison him and keep him from ever having the chance to really live again, much less in the home he desired from the beginning. At worst, they'll torture him to take out their anger (retributive justice) and/or erase his existence.

The ending of Sonic Prime does not present Nine's plan at its most pure, nor does it show his true colors. It presents a large portion of the cast at their worst, at their most angry or frustrated or afraid, with Nine and Sonic specifically being at their most exhausted. At some point it becomes a no holds barred battle to live, forgetting anything else but the desperation to survive.

And if Sonic hadn't intervened at the series finale, existence would have collapsed before anyone could have won. After all, by then, the only "existence" there was even was just a small patch of the Grim that contained the citadel and just a bit outside it. Sonic himself bids everyone to recognize it.

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So, with all that being said, what's the tldr? What are the common threads? What is Nine's plan?

Nine's plan always involved creating a home for himself in The Grim, away from everyone else. Even as his plan changes and shifts, that he wants to live and to control only the Grim while everyone else lives as they are (leaving him alone) is a constant. The other common thread is that he only opens up his plans and lightens up on his morals in his desperation. At his most clear in the head, he doesn't like to put others in danger or to mess with other shatterspaces without reason. And multiple other characters are willing to give into their worst emotions and be just as desperate as Nine is when their very existence is at stake.

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I think it's clear that in an au where Mangey and Sails wanted to stop Nine and save him, they wouldn't be wanting to stop his actual plan. Just like Sonic, if any of them knew his actual plan, they would take a different approach. They wouldn't want Nine to lose his home, and they'd want Nine to be able to have one for himself.

And this leads me to the second point I set out to tackle.

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How would the story of Sonic Prime need to change for there to be a focus on Mangey and Sails specifically "stopping" Nine?

Okay, so for starters, the two would need to care about Nine. While Mangey and Sails aren't initially antagonistic towards Nine when they first see him in Prime S2, the fact that they don't really interact with him before S3 occurs is a big catalyst as to why there aren't mutual positive feelings to start out with. If they were neutral to him before, it's understandable why they'd dislike him during the events of S3.

For them to care about Nine, they'll most likely need to spend some time with him. We've seen with the other variants (especially the Roses), that prolonged contact with each other and the ability to interact in a more positive manner gives them the chance to care about each other, even if they had bad first impressions to start out with. Given that Sails and Mangey don't go outside of their shatterspaces before S3 and don't really meet each other, the best way to do this would have to have Nine meet them.

Perhaps the simplest way I'd achieve this within canon would be by making Nine have some misadventures in the shatterspaces, preferably after he leaves New Yoke for the first time. The idea is that instead of coming across the Grim first, he at least hits Boscage Maze and No Place before reaching it. Here, for some reason or another, Nine would be stuck for a period of time before he can exit the shatterspace, and would end up interacting with Mangey and Sails in particular on this journey. No matter the first impressions, the prolonged contact and chance to get to know and care about each other would serve to get Mangey and Sails to baseline see Nine as an acquaintance or friend.

But the real hurdle is Nine caring about them. Even if the two can interact with Nine in such a way where they like him to any extent, this doesn't guarantee that Nine will like them enough to deeply care about or trust them.

So, how do you make Nine care for someone's well-being in specific? Well, there really is only one example we can look to. While there are people that Nine are neutral to, and plenty of people he doesn't like as well, he's a pretty closed off guy. The only person that he's ever let into his heart is...

Sonic.

And Sonic is also the only person, even up til the series finale, who was willing to believe in Nine in any capacity, and who advocated for Nine to be able to live the life he wants alone.

So here's what it comes down to. Let's say that Mangey and Sails have spent enough time with Nine that they like him a lot and wouldn't easily believe that he's just some evil fox. Let's say Nine lets them into his heart.

Well, for Nine to be able to care that much about them, here's the main thing that have to change. Bonding moments would have to occur that would allow Nine to be willing to let them into his heart and willing to believe in them (as he did Sonic). And honestly, if this did happen before the ending of Season 1, I'd almost guarantee you that Nine would also ask the two of them to join them in the Grim as he did with Sonic. Nine wants to be alone in his new home save the only people he likes and trusts not to hurt him. But again keeping in mind that Sonic is the only person, even through to Season 3, who Nine can be vulnerable around, they would have to be on the same level of care he has for Sonic. He would have to be able to be vulnerable around them as well.

So, in the interest of not delving too deep into it, this is the concensus. For Mangey and Sails not simply just want to stop Nine's perceived plan to exert control over the shatterverse (not his actual plan to save his home for himself), but also want to save Nine, they have to interact with Nine more and grow to care about and trust him. For them to succeed in stopping the fighting, convince both parties to stop fighting, and save Nine from a terrible fate, they either need to replace Sonic's role, or to share Sonic's role in relation to Nine. While there's a chance of the variants listening to Mangey and Sails, especially if they put themselves physically in the way as Sonic did in the last episode and mandate it, Nine would not also listen to them the same as he eventually does for Sonic if he doesn't hold them in his heart the same/a similar way as he does Sonic.

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So, finally, the original question. Apologies for taking so long to get here.

"What if the Tails polycule managed to stop Nine from enacting his plan at the end of the series and Nine joining the polycule."

Well, sadly I must admit that there aren't many options. Even if they managed to convince everyone (Nine and all the variants) to play nice early on, there are only two options going forward until everyone is able to replicate intershatterspace travel again.

Mangey and Sails choose to stay with Nine in the Grim (unlikely. Even if they care deeply for Nine, just as Sonic they already have homes and friends that they wouldn't just want to leave)

Mangey, Sails, and Nine bittersweetly part ways, each returning to their own shatterspace home of choice. (More likely. Again, like with Sonic, Nine wouldn't be able to expect them to leave their homes and friends to live in an empty world with just Nine)

In the end, no matter what, when the paradox prism is completed, reality restored, and the shatterspaces rebuilt, without shard energy, no one will be able to move between shatterspaces for a time.

Not all is lost though. If the three of them really did manage to build a polycule by then and Nine had spent sufficient time working on such a thing, I'd say that in such an au Nine could potentially craft communication devices that would allow them to talk or send messages despite being worlds apart. So, while bittersweet, in an au such as this, at least the three would be able to converse with each other despite being separated for a time.

And then, given this au of an au would inevitably go a similar route as the actual au, they would be able to meet again someday! I'm sure that in this au of an au it would be very heartfelt

[redysetdare]

I always kind of felt weird watch queer youtubers and videos and I think I've found out why. It has to do with wording - and I don't think they mean to be but a lot of the way they word things excludes the idea of asexual people existing.

it's this idea that queer media that doesn't have sex in it is somehow lesser than queer media that does. It's this idea that if queer characters aren't able to talk about sex than it's "sanitizing queerness for cis heterosexuals". that teens not being horny is unrealistic. That queerness in inherently tied to having sex.

And while I understand that this might not be what they mean - that yes the desexualization of queer people is a thing used to sanitize the idea of queerness to a non-queer audience... some of the way that these statements are worded excludes the idea that someone can be asexual and that asexuality is queer. it excludes the idea that people, like me, went through their entire teenage years not having or wanting sex. it shows a bias that people think that asexual media is lesser than. that people who don't want to focus sex aren't queer enough or queer in the right way.

I understand what they are trying to say: that they want queer media that's just as messy and sex filled as the straights seem to get. that they want queer media to be unabashedly weird.

but the way they word it sometimes. it makes me wonder how they actually feel about asexual people. because they sure aren't including us in their discussions on queerness.

[neroushalvaus]

Okay I am going to use the Somerton situation to talk about something that is very important to me. Following the discussion I have seen former Somerton fans being disappointed in themselves and questioning how they can ever trust another video essayist again. I have also seen some people being smug because to them Somerton was obviously unreliable from the start. As a person who also saw the "red flags" in Somerton, I would like to skip the smugness and talk a bit about what the red flags were to me.

Someone else has probably posted something similar and Hbomberguy's & Todd in the Shadows's videos touched a few of these points, but they didn't focus on them or how to spot these things. I think it is a good thing: I think it would have reinforced the idea that Somerton's fans were to blame for being lied to, and these youtubers didn't want to pin any blame on the fans. Also, some of the things I'm going to talk about were not by any means proof of him being unreliable, they were common tropes I personally associate with people who are bullshitting on internet. Think of it as something like spotting terfs: If you consider following a tumblr user and find out they have at some point posted "males will always be a danger to females no matter what they say", it is very possible that they are not a terf. Maybe they were having a bad day and were just wording their post badly – But you should probably search "trans" from their blog before following them, just to be sure.

So, the tropes in James Somerton's content that I consider red flags:

Lack of sources. This one may seem obvious and Hbomb talked about this in his video, but the lack of sources in his videos was outrageous. Video essays are called essays for a reason, they are not supposed to be just a guy talking about whatever comes to his mind, they should be well researched essays. Obviously video essays should contain one's own thoughts and interpretations and those do not need citations. But James Somerton didn't come out of the womb knowing everything about LGBT history, Disney and film theory, if he actually knew something about all this stuff, he should have learnt it from somewhere. There should be sources he could point to. It is very common that even when a video essayist doesn't tell you where they got all their information, they open their video by saying stuff like "when I prepared for this video I read the book Also sprach Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche and this one thrilling blog post about lesbian cruising in 1960s Sweden". From what I've seen, James does not really do this. From watching his videos you could arrive to the conclusion that James Somerton does not read any books, he just knows everything. There are situations where people don't feel the need to add sources, like when the information is considered common knowledge or when the topic relates heavily to the essayist's actual academic field or profession. This is okay and very understandable, but can sometimes be dangerous, since if the video essayist markets himself as a marketing specialist, people are more likely to take his word for stuff that has to do with marketing, even without sources. It is understandable that in many situations an essayist may think "why should I cite a source? I know this thing!", but doing your research well is partly about checking if the information you are certain of is actually true. Also, as Hbomb pointed out, if you can cite a source, your audience can go learn more about the subject. It's not about anyone doubting you know your stuff, it's about learning. That's why well-respected video essayists usually cite their sources very clearly.

Lack of pictures and screenshots. This is about different kinds of sources again, many things on this list are kind of about sources. An example: When James Somerton made a video about JKR, he mentioned something about Rowling at one time saying that trans students in 30-50Feralhogs (or whatever the wizard school is called) could use magic to present as their gender. If this was any other video essayist, you'd expect a tweet to pop up, or something else confirming Rowling ever said this. Nothing pops up, obviously because Rowling didn't say this, but you can't see anything fishy in that because things rarely pop up in Somerton's videos. He doesn't show you court documents when speaking about a court case, he doesn't show you the comments apparently mad at him for implying the gay anime is gay when he is complaining about people being mad at him. There is a reason people show screenshots and tweets in video essays. When a good video essayist says JK Rowling has tweeted that all people who menstruate should be referred to as women, the video essayist shows the tweet so people know they are not making it up. If there were hoards of annoying bitc-- I mean, angry white women whining about gay sex in HuffPost articles or Somerton's youtube comments, he should have no trouble showing you those. Remember that you should not trust someone just because they show you pictures or screenshots. Pictures can be photoshopped, screenshots can be doctored. Many youtubers are aware that you listen to their videos while cleaning or while walking your dog and don't actually see the screen all the time, and some may take advantage of that by saying something like "and here she threatened to kill me" while showing a text message where someone said "die mad about it". A screenshot alone isn't much but you should demand to see the screenshot.

Passive voice. I am once again bitching about this. Somerton repeatedly says things like "it's been said that" or "it was common knowledge that" or "a legend says that" or "according to most interpretations". He doesn't say who says it, making it very hard to fact check and that seems to be his goal in some cases.

Relying heavily on anecdotes. Writing a dense, analytical video about film theory or history can be exhausting and you may want to pepper in little fun facts. However Somerton seemed to rely on these heavily; he can't just talk about how he has totally bought every lie told by The Pink Swastika, he also needs to tell a cute little anecdote about SS men forcing sexual favours out of men. He can't just tell a story about a court case, he needs to add in ridiculous stuff about the jury booing. This is what I mean by not all the things on this list being necessarily proof of someone being unreliable. Many people use anecdotes and little stories in their storytelling, it makes the videos flow better and it's hard to decide which anecdotes are valid and which are not. A source obviously makes an anecdote a bit more believable, but here are some things that instantly make me fact check an anecdote:

It's a bit too convenient, poetic or ironic. Sometimes real life is weirder than fiction but if an anecdote is "perfect" and has an amazing punchline and you could write twelve poems about it, there is a possibility it was invented by pop science books.

It assumes your political enemies are stupid. Dunking on conservatives, MRAs and transphobes is always fun and after you've seen a lot of this kind of content it's easy to believe anything about these people. You must resist the impulse to believe everything that may make your opponents look stupid.

The person telling the anecdote implies it is an example of a larger, systemic problem. You know what's worse than taking a random happenstance from human history or internet and basing an entire political theory on it? The said random happenstance being made up. You should in general be wary of people telling one story and explaining why it's an example of everything that's wrong in the world. We live in a huge world. You can always find a white woman who loves cute gays but hates the idea of Nick Heartstopper and Charlie Heartstopper getting nasty but that doesn't mean it's an indicator of a larger issue.

Simplifying complex issues. We all know that "only the boring gays survived the AIDS crisis, and that's why gays started to only care about marriage equality and military" is a horrible, insensitive thing to say, but you also have to think about it for like two seconds to realize that it can't be correct. It kind of reminds me of the "roe v wade caused the crime drop of 1990s" claim in Freakonomics. It sounds logical and simple, like a basic math calculation. Societal issues rarely are like that, though. You should never believe anyone who tells you about a huge societal shift and says it happened because of one thing and one thing only.

These were some of the things I noticed in Somerton's content that caused me to distrust him. I hope these were helpful to you and feel free to add your own "red flags" if you feel like it!

[thagomizersshow]

Ranting about how JP is not a good critique of capitalism made me want to talk about a sci-fi monster movie that is an excellent AND highly relevant exploration of anticapitalistic themes: Alien (1979).

First I want to say that if you haven’t seen Alien, please do so before I spoil it for you. It’s not just one of my all time favourites, but also one of the greatest pieces of science fiction ever created. For real, please go watch it.

The biological aspects of Alien are often the most talked about themes in the movie, which is fair, because they’re simultaneously very interesting and in-your-face. Most viewers remember the movie for the gory sexual imagery, not for an authentic depiction of class struggle. I actually wrote a video essay a while back that I never made about how our innate disgust and resulting fear of parasites/parasitoids is the primary driver behind the xenomorph’s ongoing popularity. I’m not immune to this aspect of Alien’s eternal intrigue, that’s for sure.

However, there’s one narrative element that makes Alien ripe for class analysis, especially today, and that is the film’s portrayal of artificial intelligence.

AI in Alien is consistently shown to be hostile to the crew, but not because of a glitch, like HAL in 2001: Space Odyssey, or because they decide to rise up against their oppressors, like in Terminator. No, what makes Ash, the android, and MOTHER, the ship’s AI, so threatening is that they are doing exactly what they were programmed to do — whatever it takes to ensure corporate interests. In this case, they are programmed to ensure the survival of an extraterrestrial monster at the cost of the crew.

The audience isn’t privy to all the things that Ash does to meet this goal, but at the very least he breaks quarantine protocols, does a shitty job of watching the facehugger, lets Kane join the rest of the crew for a meal (when they still don’t know what it did to him!), plays dumb once the xenomorph is on the loose, and attempts to murder Ripley when she discovers his mandate. If it weren’t for Ripley being a determined badass, Ash might’ve gone unnoticed until the whole crew was dead and the Weyland-Yutani Corporation had their mitts on the alien so they can cause another catastrophe.

This horror, that you will encounter AI whose programming doesn’t care if you live or die, is what makes Alien’s take on the subject so relevant. Dipshits like Elon Musk or some shitty tech journalist might try and convince us that ChatGBT scary because it can fake being human, as if Skynet is right around the corner.

No, the real horror of AI is that the people in power (our bosses, our politicians, etc.) are going to use it to exploit us, just like how they use everything else.

In the end, it takes being skeptical of things that seem trustworthy for Ripley to defeat Ash. The audience finds out from the Nostromo’s captain, Dallas, that Ash was a last minute addition to the crew, as chief science officer. This is a role that inherently engenders trustworthiness in the face of the unknown, especially for a crew that is basically a bunch of working joes. It’s not unbelievable to conceive this was purposeful by Weyland-Yutani to make Ash above suspicion. That, combined with literally naming the ship’s AI MOTHER, of all things, shows that the company is deliberately weaponizing aesthetics to foster a positive relationship between the crew and their AI agents.

Alien serves as a reminder to be vigilant as we enter the AI boom, because these programs will be used to exploit us, and corporations WILL try to cloak this purpose behind relatability, convenience, and trust. The AI we encounter is more likely to be Ash or MOTHER than it is to be Data or Skynet.

[watmalik]

My beautiful poolverine fanfic writers-- brothers, sisters, nb's and besties, I am going to beg you for something and I do apologise if I breached our strong relationship between a dumb and selfish reader (ME) and you, a super star, fantastic, never seen before, amazing Human being/Genius— yes, YOU FABULOUS ICON-LIVING.

PLEASE I AM BEGGING FOR MORE poolverine AU's in ao3.

Before you scroll down and skip/cuss me out (fair), hear me out bc I pledge the following:

I will shed you with comments. No, not the simple "Plain Jane" comments like, "OMG where tf is the rest, feed me" type, but I will add and take the time to comment like I do to my peer reviewed journals, meaning that I will be detailed (1-3 paragraphs/no essay pls don't unalive me. I already suffer at work T.T).

I will gas you the hell up and kudo the shit out of you.

(Re-stating No. 2) Trust me. I'm your new hype woman. Hi! *throws laptop at you with a blank google doc* I will also reblog and heart anything of yours when and if I see it in Tumblr.

Now like I was saying….just imagine a meet-cute, for instance, in a coffee shop, new grumpy barista Logan and oblivious, mouthy regular customer Wade.

Hell, have them have no powers or let them have powers, idk. Wolverine Logan and Human Wade or vise versa, OR a College Au: Logan being a sub teacher for Charles or something/undergrad Wade, BDSM (If you nasty) , Flower shop/tattoo parlour, rom com, bakery, arrange married, political au, different first meeting… the list is endless lmao

No pressure ofc, I'm just a stranger rambling an educated wish.

If you reached this far, rec me anything of yours rn (poolverine related ofc) and I will read it when I get the chance.

:P

[cboffshore]

NO NOTES NO DISCUSSION FLAWLESS ANALYSIS. YOU GET IT.

what you say about Jay's condition in the skybound fics is actually very true. 90% of the fandom portrays him as falling at the slightest degree of pain, bursting into tears and begging when in canon Jay NEVER cries or begs in all his torture with Nadakhan. All he does at most is complain silently, and continue talking shit about everyone

we actually need more fics of Jay being a little shit that fights dirty, cheats, and deals damage using the meanest ways to defend himself and attack even when he's getting his ass kicked. I just feel like a lot of fics don't really embody the fact that Jay didn't sit back and let them torture him while he cried, but he actually fought back, he actually continued to be stubborn to the point that nothing Nadakhan did worked.

You're so right and you should absolutely say it. I am not the biggest Jay enjoyer (don't get me wrong, I like him, but I'm not winning the Jay Fan contest any day soon), but I particularly enjoy his arc in Skybound and how that persistence plays into it. Seeing it get put to the side in favor of whatever all these crying sessions are trying to do honestly makes me wonder - do people who write this flavor of sadboy Jay actually enjoy/appreciate Skybound to the same degree that inspires so many of us to write about it, or are they just there for the angst openings? Which does Jay such a huge disservice. I'm still in awe whenever Jay gets that Target ball sized ball and chain slammed into his chest and still gets back up. This is the guy everyone's relegating to weep in a corner? He's throwing stray insults at every opening and then some and the popular fanon consensus is, "yeah, he's completely broken, send him to the pit"??

Now, don't get me wrong, the occasional show of vulnerability is great. Key word there is occasional. To be fair, I would likely be just as unsettled as I am by the sobfest trend if Jay just did Bugs Bunny shenanigans the entire time without ever cracking. It's about balance! Show that development off! Have him get tougher over time! A strategically placed breakdown or slip-of-the-tongue beg can work so well, it's just got to be handled carefully. (Tried it with Nya once in my own Skybound fics, and can confirm: watch where and when it happens and you can say a lot about whoever does it. Granted, I have never tried it with Jay, but same principle!) Sure, let him do it - but not for the sake of doing it. What would Jay think after the fact? How would the crew's reactions affect him? (Fun idea: would he weaponize it, like the back pain scene where he's literally grinning the whole time? Would he deliberately turn on the waterworks often enough that if it ever happens for real, nobody tries to take advantage of it?)

I didn't mean to go on for that long, but yeah! It's a frustrating topic, and I really wish I knew where it came from. Thanks for dropping in and letting me ramble!

[assassinnumber9]

TwiYor's Love Languages

So as you guys may or may not know, a little over a year ago I published a fanfic on Archive of Our Own called Loid Forger is NOT A Cuddler, which is basically just 5 chapters (so far) of Loid cuddling and denying it.

It's practically an essay for how his love language is physical touch.

And while I do like to joke about how Loid Forger is a cuddler and whatnot because of my fanfic and headcanon, this most recent manga chapter of Spy x Family gives me a perfect opportunity to talk about this headcanon and why it's in line with Twilight's character as well as Yor's own love language and how they relate.

We'll look at the obvious and pretty much explicitly stated first.

Yor's Love Language: Acts of Service

As previously mentioned, she basically says it outright. Her growing feelings toward Loid are much more obvious than his, and so it's easy to point out that her wanting to help him and have him rely on her is both a way for her to care/love him outwardly and a way for her to know he's accepting of that love.

I think Loid being the one to rely on her also makes her feel even more loved/trusted/confident, because Loid Forger is just so perfect at anything and everything he tries. From the outside, he really doesn't need any sort of help from anyone.

And, Twilight would likely agree. He's confident in his abilities and doesn't seem to want help from anyone as far as we've seen. The only missions he shares are the ones where more than one person is really needed.

Fiona could be potentially seen as someone he accepts help from, except that her help is more of an employee to an employer (or inferior to superior in their case.

And Franky... acts almost like a brother to Twilight? So like, they just force each other to help. Neither of them are accepting any kind of help, just going, "You're doing this."

All this to say that Yor is the only one that Twilight accepts and asks for help from. In the latest chapter, we see Twilight is comfortable enough to ask her.

And, she's ecstatic at hearing him ask for it.

She gets to finally show her love the way she knows how - the way she showed Yuri during her childhood.

Now for Loid Forger, rather Twilight.

Twilight's Love Language: Physical Touch

So far in the story, we have not seen much in terms of love when it comes to Twilight.

Emotions, and love especially, are weaknesses for spies unlike assassins, where emotions and attachments can be seen as strengths. Both fight for their respective loved ones, but the former has to do so hidden under a mask without being caught and the other is able to outwardly express these protective instincts through their actions (assassinations).

So, Twilight, like the great spy he is, hides his love.

You could possibly argue his love language is the same as Yor's (acts of service), but his acts are to keep her happy to ensure she stays with him (ie actually for the mission).

He also seems to give words of affirmation as well, but he only does so when he needs to provide them.

Gifts and Quality time can also be crossed out, because we don't really see him giving Yor gifts and we haven't seen him really go "I need to be with Yor more" yet. The only time we ever saw him think of her when they weren't together was during the cruise arc. But that’s not enough solid evidence for that specific one yet.

Also keep in mind that we haven't seen him express any of these languages to anyone else either.

There is one language we do have solid proof for, and of course that's physical touch.

While no, it's not proof that features Yor or even Anya.

We both hear and see it when it comes to his mother.

He explicitly states that he loved being held by her.

While this story was meant to show his mother's strength as a person, it confirms that loving physical touch was a large part of his childhood

Because he remembers it

Twilight remembers loving being held by her.

He can't remember her face, or his father's face, and is even flustered and confused after his PTSD flashback when he was unconscious. His memories are covered in trauma, and I believe one of the only reasons why he can remember what his friends looked like are because he saw them later in life.

It's hinted that he remembers very little of his childhood - likely due to the trauma.

But his mother holding him stayed with him.

Physical touch was an influential thing during his childhood.

Like Yor's love language during hers.

I would really like to believe that we'll see him learn to love touch again when he finally learns to accept his emotions, and in turn, his "weaknesses" (which will likely be turned to strengths).

And Yor being strong, a trait he remembers of his mother, only strengthens my theory that he'll learn to love physical touch again.

Because, he'll once again be able to know that everything is fine when he's holding her - just as he felt with his mother.

[leoserblog]

Ok this might be an unpopular opinion but someones gotta say it...

Cassandra is a better Casey Jones than Casey Jr

Ive gotta be honest... i think casey jr is a kinda mid and i dont particularly think all the fanfare about him is warranted LOL

I want to note real quick that i dont DISLIKE him! He is a good character who only got as much development that a 2 hour movie could give him, and he filled and satisfied the role he needed to play in the movie, but the way the fandom latched onto him over the og casey... kinda makes me raise a brow

(Essay/rant about the prioritization of casey jr vs og casey under the cut :P)

Fandom spaces love a traumatized boy from the future, and believe me i do too! But the amount of attention given to casey jr after being revealed as casey is a wild amount compared to the amount of attention the original casey gets. Maybe its just me getting into rottmnt after the movie aired, but this seems a little baised?

Not only that, but the amount of... idk the best way i can think to describe it is infantilization of casey jrs character isnt helping my opinion of him. It feels like most content surrounding him babify him and reduce him only to his trauma post movie. I understand that it can be interesting to explore his trauma now that he no longer lives in the literal apocalypse, but it feels strange to see him reduced to someone who cant get around on his own and lives with the turtles when the original pitch for the movies ending has him leave to explore the world, which i feel is very appropriate for him and wish they had kept it in

In the movie when april shows us where the og casey has been and what shes been doing throughout the film, it tells us that casey is friends april which in theory, shouldve also shown us that she and the turtles are friends to some degree as well and should already have her place established within the group as this generations casey jones

However the final shot of the movie is a group shot of the family+casey jr, which subtlety implies that he's the new casey instead, and that this is the main cast moving forward (should it move forward *sob*). While both caseys being considered in the main cast could be true, it does strike me as a little odd that this was the final direction the rot team decided on for the official ending versus the scrapped ending, especially because it complicates the pre-established canon. It wouldve been one thing if our og casey was a different character, but that isnt the case.. y... (<_<)

Casey jr is an interesting character though! And i can understand why he appeals to fans, especially as his character post movie is fun to expand on aswell as developing his past involved with future versions of the main5, but one (me lol) could argue that the og casey is just as interesting of a character to delve into as she was involved, when you boil it down, a cult most of her life, and that concept, as well as the guilt she could hold for working with the foot and releasing the shredder, ontop of trying to befriend and gain the turtles and aprils trust are also intriguing concepts that could be explored, yet finding content that mentions her at all beyond her relation to casey jr is scarce

It feels as though shes been reduced to a background character within the fandom despite being a reoccuring character for the entire show.

For the two seasons of rottmnt that we did get, we are shown just what kind of character casey is and her possible dynamics with the turtles+april. Shes passionate and powerful and beyond determined to prove her worth and reach her goals. Shes also playful and reckless, a side that fits well with the main cast and their humor and, if the show was given more time, couldve developed naturally as the newest addition to the family as most caseys are. I could also argue that her characterization fits that of previous caseys more than casey jrs does (though i will admit that considering the plot of the movie, i cant positively say what hed be like outside of life or death scenarios, but i also cant imagine hes going to make a 180 in personality without it feeling jarring and ooc)

Now, i wont ignore the fact that her arc was cut horribly short and her involvement in the movie was quite literally a brief mention, both of which definitely play into how under appreciated she is. But at the same time it almost feels like everyone, including the show runners, have willingly pushed her aside for this new boy version to fill the role of casey jones. Hell, even when you look up rottmnt casey jones, cassandra barely shows up. Its casey jr which further proves my point

Idk, TLDR im pretty disappointed that despite being a consistent character for the entire show, no one seems to write or acknowledge her and if she is mentioned, its only relevant to push forward casey jrs character development or a brief cameo. As much as i do love casey jr (i can feel like hes mid and i can like him!) it seems like most people forget about the original casey, or favor casey jr in her place and she deserves more love and credit than shes given!

[marywisdom]

Okay so I’m a physical conspiracy board away from turning into Riz, but there’s one thing I cannot get out of my mind and that’s

The Rogue teacher found Kipperlilly. Not the other way around. The Rogue teacher found Kipperlilly.

Which means that the Ratgrinders have at least one teacher in their corner (likely two if Ruben and Henry Hopclap don’t share a name by pure fucking coincidence). What does the Rogue teacher have against the Bad Kids?? Have we met them already?? Are there more teachers with taking issue with them? I actually don’t think Porter, he’s just a dick. But like, somebody wants the Ratgrinders to get revenge for something.

What I think is likely:

- Lucy Frostblade died at the end of Junior Year due to something related to the Bad Kids shenanigans.

- This turned Ruben emo -> is there a clue hidden in his song? “In space no one can feel you dying” - is this what happened to Lucy?? Did Lucy go to Astral Space, either to look for YES! or for another god and did she die there? Did she die because of Cassandra? Did she die because of YES!? Did she die because of the Night Yorb?

- side note, I am throwing it out there, I think the Rogue teacher is that little aviator goblin - I don’t trust him, also Brennan pointedly said that kid was like Riz in Freshman year, only into aviation instead of detective stuff, and with how the Ratgrinders are so clearly mirrored after the Bad Kids I am suspicious. Bonus points if Ecaf is somehow involved, being an actual mirror. (Oh god I’m this close to writing an essay about how Brennan is holding up a mirror to all of his PCs this season and what this symbolizes in terms of growing up and such)

- Anyway, Lucy’s death must have something to do with the Bad Kids. Why else would they specifically request a Cleric of Helio for their party, if not to mess with Kristen?

This list has gotten away from me - anyway I cannot wait to find out what the Ratgrinders High Five Heroes did for their Sophomore Year project. I’ve got a feeling it’s really important

[thestarlightforge]

TBOSAS Meta

This started as a couple-paragraphs-long Everlark & Coryo x Lucy Gray rant. It turned into an essay on the politics of systemic oppression and how we illustrate it in fiction, with The Hunger Games and Ballad as case studies. Regardless, I hope others enjoy, lol. This is where my brain lives, now, as I expect it will the rest of 2023. Cheers!

***

It’s been interesting, the last few days, some of the discourse that’s popped up around TBOSAS. FASCINATING political discussions, as I’ve come to expect for a Suzanne Collins release. (#1 in my heart.)

Personally, I always separate books vs. movie canon with her franchise. With the OG Hunger Games, sometimes I felt the films were better—like she got another pass at it and REALLY took advantage, and utilized the hell out of taking it out of Katniss’s first-person POV to develop other characters and the world (still without detracting from her narrative)—while for some details, I preferred the books.

With TBOSAS, though, the book and movie feel almost entirely different to me.

There are MANY shared elements, of course, and I feel either version gels quite nicely with the OG franchise. It’s not even that there’s that many continuity differences—some things cut or altered for time, sure, but the bones of the plot are the same. Both illustrate astute political commentary, Coriolanus’s descent into madness, Tigris’s shift in position on him (foreshadowing her full turn by Mockingjay), and Lucy Gray’s role in his life in both his initial downfall and his defeat by Katniss. The actors and creative team all did BEAUTIFUL work bringing it to life, and I honestly love both versions.

But fans who mainly like the book may be frustrated by the sympathy Coryo garners in the film.

Normally, I’d say this is because the book reveals more internal monologue—and it does. But honestly, one of the things I was most impressed by in this film was how legible the actors’ internal monologues were. It was clear, the amount of work they all did to that end. So I don’t know that it is just more. I think it’s also different.

Book Coriolanus devolves much earlier and more obviously. He starts from the same pressed circumstances and has moments of goodness, but he becomes the villain we know him eventually to be pretty damn fast.

Film-Coriolanus has a much slower descent. Ironic, honestly, given the film has far less time than the book does.

I think as a result of this, I’ve seen discourse comparing beats in his relationship with Lucy Gray to Katniss and Peeta. For example, that beautifully shot/choreographed/performed scene in TBOSAS with him and Lucy Gray on either side of the fence after the bombings that night, where they almost kiss and he asks her, “Is this real? If I’m going to risk everything?” being compared to Peeta’s long game of “real or not real” throughout Mockingjay. Everlark folks (rightfully) pointing out that for Peeta, the refrain is about shared trauma, especially between him and Katniss, and both of them grounding their relationship in mutual trust—while asserting that for Coryo, the same refrain comes from a place of selfishness.

I get where this opinion comes from: President Snow is probably one of the most violent, sadistic, genocidal dictators in modern popular fiction. His relationship with Lucy Gray started as transactional—even more acutely in the book. Nearly everything Book-Coryo does is for his or his family’s personal gain.

But to me, half the beauty and tragedy of the film is this delicious possibility—the hope—they showed us.

THG has always had a strong anti-war philosophy in general, with through-line commentary on showmanship, propaganda, surveillance and performance: The recurrent themes of cameras always bring on them, the arenas and entirety of Panem being a stage/game—and how those things impact authentic human relationships. Everlark hit for so many because of the ways authenticity bloomed out of that hellish, contrived pit. Coriolanus and Lucy Gray’s relationship started out similarly contrived: Thrown together by the politics of the Academy, the uprising, the districts, the Capitol and the Games—helping one another survive. Largely unlike Katniss and Peeta, they both played the game intentionally, to varying degrees. (Personality wise, these four really have almost nothing in common, lol.) Lucy Gray is a good person, both in the end and from her start (unlike the terrorist Coriolanus becomes). But she is a performer. He’s right about that.

So honestly, I don’t see much purpose in reading Peeta’s question as valid while Coryo’s wasn’t. I think that judgment is colored by dramatic irony—us knowing who they each become. But in theatre, we talk about living honestly in imagined circumstances. It’s used in a lot of acting techniques, but particularly for people playing villains. To stay grounded in the truth of it, you have to believe honestly in the imagined moment, not the gestalt; Leslie Odom Jr. was a great Aaron Burr because every performance, he believed in the whole journey, from hope to ruin. Tom Blythe was a great Coryo because he invested in the earnest reality of Snow as a young man, not the devil we know he becomes. And at that point in the story, at the cages that night with Lucy Gray, Coriolanus was honestly grounded in similar struggles as our OG heroes: Trying to provide for and protect his starving family. His family (and the Capitol at large) reeks of privilege, and his prejudices were obviously flawed. But in his developing love for her, he was steeped in starvation, the same political forces as lashed all citizens of Panem, and was clawing his way from beneath just as much Capitol propaganda as people from the Districts—perhaps even more so, given his Grandma’am and how his father died. Because of their given circumstances, politics bled into everything—but eventually, so did feeling, and they had several moments of genuine bonding, trust and connection which the actors invested in beyond their political need for each other. There’s a constant push and pull: Holding hands at the zoo for the cameras was political; her reaching for his hand in the arena visit was less so. The first “Stop treating me like I’ve already lost” in front of everyone was wit-soaked survival, while “Please don’t let me die in that arena tomorrow,” near-whispered and with hands held between them where the camera would struggle to see, bled into real vulnerability. Saving him from the other tributes in the cage-ride to the zoo was about survival; risking her life to go back for him when the arena was bombed was at least a mix. Her motivations for singing in her interview are complex—perhaps guilt that a “rebel” attack nearly killed Coriolanus, his advice she’d get the most money that way—but I feel strongly that a non-zero amount of her was motivated by wanting to demonstrate that she trusts him, which for her is even higher-prized than love. And I also feel that, after the hospital and her “final performance”—leading up to their near-kiss at the zoo—Coriolanus scoped out the arena (and ultimately took all those risks to help her cheat the Games) both because he wanted the Plinth prize, in theory, and because he increasingly desperately wanted her to live.

The waters between them were thoroughly, legitimately muddied—which I believe was intentional, that constant tension between authenticity and politics. And as much as he was falling for her, Coriolanus saw that Lucy Gray was just as clever and good at crowd-work as he was—maybe better.

So to circle all the way back to this Everlark comparison: Given the absurdly multilayered situation, is it really that selfish or unreasonable he would check in with her during that moment through the fence? That this child—wrapped in oppressive patriarchy, violence, starvation and propaganda—would ask for reassurance before he was willing to be vulnerable, or to potentially risk his family’s lives?

Some artists are hesitant to engage with the humanity of “villains,” their origins, because they feel humanizing them excuses them. In real life, I get this: Second chances aren’t always the answer, and people need to be held accountable. But isn’t it more powerful storytelling to demonstrate the corrosive nature of all systems of oppression in our fiction, to show how they can corrupt even those who try, than to condemn people before they’ve even had a chance? Isn’t the beauty of Lucy Gray’s whole thing that everyone starts out good, and it’s our job to choose to stay on the right side of that line?

And when President Coriolanus Snow finally chokes on his last rose, wouldn’t it be a more satisfying victory if we imagined him as a real-feeling person—full owner of sixty years of horrifying choices—rather than a cartoonishly evil cardboard cutout?

Book-Coryo has a more obviously manipulative/evil streak, much earlier on. To make it plain: He’s an ass, and his “love” for her reads more like obsession. But my favorite aspect of the film (and I feel one of the most compelling) was how it illustrated that these systems of oppression can make tragedies of almost anyone: All but those at the very, very top. Suzanne’s anti-capitalist politicking—how classism turns everyone below the 1% against each other, where the “upper middle class” (doctors/lawyers/actors) is vilified to the poor as a red herring while a handful of robber-baron CEOs amass almost all wealth on the planet—strikes again. She, Francis Lawrence, the film’s creative team and these actors came together to put tragically human faces on that struggle—how hard it is to stay a good person amidst intense, violent, systemic oppression.

But none of that sings quite as true if you go into it having decided that Coriolanus was evil in his bones. The stakes are so much higher, richer, otherwise. If his love—for Tigris, for his family, for Sejanus, and yes, for Lucy Gray—was, or became, authentic.

It’s not a descent into madness if he’s already mad. Or, as he put it in the original Hunger Games film: “Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.”

[cleverstudentcheesecake]

Since I either consider Shen Yuan to be reincarnated Shen Jiu or Shen Jiu's brother/twin/son, I hate it when people describe him to be awkward, spineless, dumb, poor, broke or unattractive in the modern world. In the SVSSS world, in fannon he is often characterised to be too easy, trusting, damsel-in-distress who is easy to manipulate.

Let me tell you, a reincarnated Shen Jiu or Shen Jiu's close kin would never be any of the above. Even if we consider him to have absolutely no relation with Shen Jiu, he can never be any of the above.

Now let's be realistic why.

Poor, broke and unattractive?

Shen Yuan is clearly stated to be a 'Second-generation rich kid'.

This is the definition of 'Second-generation rich kid' given in the extra notes of book 1:

SECOND-GENERATION RICH KID: A child of a wealthy family who grows up with a large inheritance. “Second-generation” in this case refers to them being the younger generation (as opposed to their parents, who are the first generation) rather than immigrant status.

Have you ever seen rich Chinese kids or heard about the term 'Crazy Rich Asians'?

Do you know what their lifestyle, fashion senses, academic profiles and extracurriculars are like?

Iykyk...

According to me Shen Yuan in modern world used to be that absolutely breath taking, elegant, overachieving kid who grew up reading the hardest of litetary works and then proceeded to burn himself out in University.

He must have known how to play atleast 2 musical instruments and have been well versed in multiple languages. He was also a chess genius as well as a great networker with his silver tongue and natural knack for flattery. He had been privately tutored for everything above.

If you ever found Shen Yuan outside his house, you would find his spine to be pin straight, without a hair out of place and effortlessly dressed to kill.

I believe when he was reading PIDW he was taking a break after both his mental and physical conditions declined due to social, academic and familial pressures.

He was good at everything but never as good as his elder brothers. He used to be a prime example of 'Jack of all trade, Master of none'.

He had no ambition of his own after being overshadowed by his brothers who were also physically more fit than him, all his life. He was existing until one day it all came breaking in.

Why did the length of the break even matter when he would still have a huge trust fund even if he achieves nothing in life? He just had to make sure to not do anything shameful that could have possibly harmed his family's reputation. The trust funds were sufficient to sustain his introverted ass for a lifetime.

So, he became a shut in.

He was always a closet otaku but now he could completely indulge himself in his otaku tendencies.

He went and read every trashy web novel that ever existed until he found his 'The Read'.

From the comfort of his home and behind the screen he could be his true gremlin self (someone who could completely tear down your confidence down with his verbal attacks without a huff).

He no longer needed his silver tongue to appease people, he could laze around all day aimlessly and shit talk essays on the web novels' comment sections.

The rest is history...

Why do you think he was inherently adept to pretending in the SVSSS world? Why was it so effortless for him to pretend to be an extraordinary immortal scholar? — because all his life he had been pretending.

If he was awkward he wouldn't have been able to collect potential suitors like pokemons.

He is polite, endearing and a flatterer but never awkward.

Excuse me if he was easy to manipulate and too trusting, he would have never escaped Zhuzhi Lang.

Spineless you say?

Prove it that he won't castrate a person then and there if they even try to look the wrong way at his disciples?

Assure me that if had gone through the same circumstances as Shen Jiu, he wouldn't have turned out exactly like Shen Jiu?

Tell me that Shen Yuan isn't capable of pulling a Nie Huaisang if his Jiu-ge is skillfully murdered in front of him?

A damsel-in-distress, tell me he isn't capable of fighting and standing up for himself.

How can he ever be dumb?

His aimlessness and laziness doesn't account for his lack of intelligence. I agree that he may not be much emotionally adept but he is book smart and quick on his feet.

Sometimes, his obvious denial of affection makes me feel that they don't actually stem from being in a Villain's body or obliviousness, but rather from his own self-doubt and hatred.

He purposefully denies what is right in front of him which makes him biased and an unreliable narrator. He sees himself as an unkind person throughout the story but we all know the truth.

He also considers himself old and unlovable but we know he is a pretty bitch who everyone has a crush on.

Believe me Tsundere Shen Yuan needed a Yandere Binghe in his life so he could realise that there exists someone who loves, trusts and believes him unconditionally. All his life he had lived feeling useless, he needed someone who wants him desperately and also makes him feel wanted.

We say Shen Yuan helped Binghe, trust me Binghe did the same for Shen Yuan. Binghe fixed something in Shen Yuan that he never realised was broken. They are co-dependent freaks who absolutely deserve each other.

[crushedsweets]

Can you draw or talk more about Toby and Eyeless Jack or even the X-Virus?

YESSSS i can. heres a lil doodle to get me started.

OKKKK the little concept in my head has slender's MAIN GOAL being to prevent any paranormal/supernatural stuff coming out to the general public. hence his proxies being made to get rid of tapes, evidence, and kill if Necessary. sometimes slender makes paranormal/supernatural ppl help out his human proxies "as payment for refuge" in his forest. SO that sorta explains how toby and jack know each other and why jack helps at all. he can't rlly go out to the public so he's stuck with these assholes. it's not really supposed to be a 'mansion' trope, moreso random cabins and shelters littered about the forest, but it could work in the mansion au too

Imma ramble abt toby n jacks friendship (in my head) under the cut + a random x virus doodle

as for toby and jack specifically. toby is impulsive, aggressive, can't feel pain, and doesn't know what's good for him, so he's forced to get help from jack a good bit. for a long while there was hella tension between them since, again, jack isn't helping these guys out of the goodness of his heart. he's helping them bc the forest their boss resides in is the only place he's relatively safe. jack has a weird mix of a inferiority and superiority complex, since he envies toby's humanity but also feels like he's 'better' due to toby's own . . violent habits. toby thinks jack is pretty cool from the get-go ('wooow ur grey..') but he gets pissed off with jack's questions and demands of 'DONT RIP UR FUCKING STITCHES' and 'u have a concussion don't fucking scroll on your phone for 5 hours a day'.

toby has no idea if these demands come from actual concern or annoyance, and frankly, neither does jack. regardless, toby's with jack a decent bit. partially since jack makes a lot of people really uncomfortable so it's easy to go hang out with jack when he doesnt wanna deal with anyone else but still wants company. eventually theyre capable of some decent banter and conversations. theyre both mamas boys so thats a very weird touchy topic that they kinda dance around but both feel very deeply and know the other relates. THEY MISS THEIR MOMS SO BADLY.. :( mayhaps one year toby helps drop off flowers to jack's moms house for mothers day. jacks way too ashamed to even get within a 10 mile radius of his mom. that's kinda the moment things really shift between them and they actually become friends.

toby also asks abt university. lyra was at community college until she passed, and toby never considered college as an option, so he gets curious on what he missed out on. he also likes to share stuff abt lyra and their old shenanigans. tim and brian have used his childhood against him multiple times before, and it's not like he's gonna trust ben or jeff with that information. jacks sort of like a void he could talk into. jack feels uneasy talking about his life before the sacrifice, since he misses it so unbelievably bad, but toby accidentally got him to talk about it while treating a burn before.

ok and to top this fucking essay off heres xvirus. i had no idea he existed until this year and someone sent me an ask about his updated design, so he's some scribbles for him :9 his concepts super cool tho so maybe ill get more into him later on

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SEMI FINALS

*NOTE; propaganda is out of order due to the post length!

Eugenides Propaganda:

the entire plot hinges on a detail he lets the reader (and every other character) assume is true. I don't want to spoil it because it's a really fun reveal but he is lying from the first second he appears on the page and you can't trust him to tell the full truth about ANYTHING related to himself and his goals. he mostly does it to keep his advantage and not have other characters be suspicious of him but it's just so fun when you realise he's been lying the whole time

Kim Dokja Propaganda:

I haven't read orv but he's fucking gotta be from what I've osmosised

He tries to remove his emotions out of the narrative soooo much, literally the most repressed guy ever. Okay so for context orv is about how this guy, Kim Dokja, has been the only reader of an obscure post-apocalyptic webnovel for years and the novel suddenly becomes reality. And at first you'll probably get the weird impression that his behavior is pretty strange for, you know, a literal apocalypse happening in his world - like yes, he is concerned with survival but he doesn't seem all that scared and he kinda treats it like a video game where he has to grind to make himself stronger and he also treats his companions like a party in an rpg. Then there's also the way he approaches the protagonist of the webnovel, from the start he just kind of describes him as a ruthless psychopath and jerk that is unfortunately a pretty useful ally. And also there's the fact that he carefully omits any mention of his past and when somebody asks if he's worried about his family when the apocalypse starts he just kinda... brushes it off? Anyway so yeah, this bastard is definitely traumatized, although I don't know how much of spoiler territory that would be, considering the fact that literally when he first reveals his trauma he's also unreliable about it. And turns out he does indeed, care A LOT about this world and the people around him. Because well, he kinda didn't care to mention that this webnovel that has become reality was like... literally his whole world before it literally became his whole world. Like, it was the only thing keeping him going for 10+ years and the protagonist that he likes to call a stupid jerk was his comfort character who he pretended to be when he felt like he couldn't handle something in his life by being himself. The protagonist is also canonically the person he loves the most according to a prophecy and he literally can't fathom the thought of him dying, even the timeline versions of him that directly oppose him. And I haven't even mentioned the Fourth Wall yet but I feel like this propaganda is a little long already

misreading the intentions of his companion (yoo joonghyuk) so many time.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDD DOKJA IS SUCH A UNRELIABLE NARRATORRRRRR GOD I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE DOKJA TOO BUT OMG HE'S JUST SO AAAAAAAAAAAH

Rest of Propaganda under cut!

he is the worst like actually. he starts the story talking about how normal and average he is. he is not. he is constantly mischaracterizing his friends and he's so good at lying to the readers that you don't even realize it at first. almost every single time he cries we have to be told by other characters because he never says it himself. there is literally a scene where his narration says "i wasn't crying" and then the in-universe entity that narrates the actions of people (orv is really weird and meta) says that he was, in fact, crying. honestly genuinely anything he says about himself (or doesn't say) cannot be trusted. he is just so frustrating. he drives me mad. i love him dearly. but he drives me so mad.

Dictionary definition of unreliable narrator. Does not tell the reader anything and then things happen and he's like oh yeah btw there was also this and this earlier but i just didn't feel like mentioning it. There's even a thing called the "Fourth Wall" that is able to see through kdj's bs so occasionally you get gems like,

Kim Dokja: I didn't cry

The Fourth Wall: [Kim Dokja was crying]

Imagine being so unreliable as a narrator you need a more powerful narrator to call out the actual narrator.

^ same submission, just spacing it out

This goes into spoiler territory, but; Kim Dokja is in possession of a skill called the Fourth Wall, which on the surface seems like it appears because he read the book that reverse-isekai’d into his own. However, as the story goes on it becomes clear that it’s pretty much a souped up version of his pre-existing dissociation. You cannot trust him to be honest about his feelings, his past traumas or his feelings about his past traumas, not to mention his tendency to just outright omit information that only gets revealed later on either when it becomes relevant or when an outsider POV reveals what’s actually happening.

Exhibit A: he says (in 1st person POV) that he’s not crying. The Fourth Wall immediately contradicts this (as it is literally words of the novel) by saying (in 3rd person POV) ‘Kim Dokja was crying’.

Exhibit B: Fails to mention entire actions when it shows him emotionally honest even in the slightest; we had to read from another character entirely when Kim Dokja was being physically affectionate with his companion. It’s so bad that there’s this entire paragraph about Kim Dokja describing himself hiding his eyes in his hands in jerky, weirdly specific detail and just AVOIDING EVERY WORD THAT MIGHT SHOW HE’S CRYING. The brilliance of ORV is that when you re-read the entire thing you get hints that ‘yes, this WAS hinted at the entire time’ but you have to dig it out of Kim Dokja’s repressed, depressed self-hating internal dialogue with your own two hands.

^ same submission, spacing it out (i really should've done this earlier.)

i am a simple man (not a man). i see a tumblr text post with the words “unreliable narrator in it”. i read nothing else. i reblog & tag #kim dokja okay but in all seriousness i’m just going with the musty basic example: so there’s this moment where he sacrifices himself to save this guy. as he lays on the ground bleeding out, he says “hey, you don’t like me, right? you should kill me to get some money” the guy says “no kim dokja i cant do that (going through the five stages of grief except there’s only one and it’s anger)” the constellations (twitch viewers irl) are like omg he (the guy) doesn’t want to kill his companion (kim dokja) and shower him (the guy) with money kim dokja: oh, he’s not killing me for the money. smart!

as i quote a brilliant youtube video (all of omniscient reader’s viewpoint in 6 minutes) “yoo joonghyuk sees kim dokja as a c_____”

yoo joonghyuk: companion

kim dokja: cunt

^ same submission, once again. spacing it out.

Hides his true feelings, tells the readers what he thinks is convenient for the plot and that his own personal feelings don’t matter or are not so significant. Has unreliable thoughts abt his companion and is a liar. And is also an omniscient reader.

Kim Dokja always perceived his companions in this like nonchalant way like “oh yeah we get along but really we’re just fighting to survive (apocalypse setting) it doesn’t run that deep” when they all do genuinely care for him and he does in turn. He just, doesn’t think of it as an equal relationship? Dokja’ll sacrifice a lot for them but will get seriously flabbergasted if they do the same thing, so fricking problematic. Not to mention Yoo Joonghyuk, his “Life and Death Companion” (read: husband). Kim Dokja always seems to think that Joonghyuk has it out for him, which is kinda true, but he is literally blind to the fact that he’s attached to him. Like, it’s so obvious??? Also they have hella sexual tension but that’s another thing entirely

se get some many pov changes where kdj in his pov just assumed things based on what he knew the characters would do. however because of his interference the characters have changed and he wouldn’t know that if it hit him in the face

He's an unreliable narrator because he lies to himself and thus the audience. He literally rewrote his own childhood core memory. If someone says, "this guy is my friend!" He will go through so many hoola hoops in his mind just to rationalize it. Because he fundamentally believe that no one could love him and even if they did they couldn't know him and he's just gonna hurt them. He cries sometimes in canon but a lot of those times it's not even mentioned as crying he's that unreliable of a narrator. No joke, one time this guys he has a gay thing with called him his "companion" to someone who had just killed him (long story) and this bitch thought "oh wow he's doing it for the coins (another long story) he's so smart i wish I'd thought to that. He's terrible. He literally has an exchange with something called the Fourth Wall (an even longer story) where it said "you're crying" and he said "no I'm not" but he was crying. He makes me insane because the reader is supposed to project onto him. He made me see how much of an unreliable narrator I WAS. ORV is just like that tho.

[thowawayuntilfurthernotice]

Maybe I’m just getting older, but I really don't get this antagonistic attitude that people have when it comes to media criticism. 

Nobody is sitting here saying that all criticism is good and that you should listen to every piece of criticism you get. Because guess what? Not all criticism is argued in good faith, nor does anybody like getting criticized. 

But it’s important to learn how to deal with criticism, otherwise how are we supposed to improve? 

I also hate how some folks assume that just because I’m critical of Viv and her shows, then that must mean I have some sort of personal vendetta against her. When I really don’t. 

Truth be told, I legit hate that people think that I’m a Viv anti or that I only made this blog to criticize her shows. As anybody who actually bothered to browse through my archive would know that I’ve talked about (and criticized) other things that aren’t related to Viv. 

My life doesn’t revolve around Viv you guys, I don’t wake up every morning and think “I wonder what Viv is up to?” I just go about my day like every other human being. 

The reason I criticize Viv so much is that I’m genuinely curious as to why so many people within the animation industry hold her in such high regard. Is it because she came from an indie background? Do people love the “Indie creator gets her own show” narrative so much that they’re willing to overlook all her creative shortcomings? 

It’s weird watching the same folks who were dunking on Velma praise Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, because you damn well know that if Velma did the “Characters are in a room that’s decorated in dildos and vibrators” gag, Twitter would have a collective meltdown. 

And yet for some odd reason, Viv’s shows are held to such higher standards that I honestly start to wonder if all these industry professionals watched the same shows that I did. Because I’m struggling to think of a single Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss joke that genuinely got a laugh out of me. 

“But humor is subjective” okay, then why does Viv get so defensive whenever someone criticizes the humor that’s found in her shows? 

Really don’t understand why she goes out of her way to complain about her critics when she could easily ignore them. She’s under no obligation to respond to her critics, but she keeps vague posting about all the criticism she gets because she literally cannot handle getting criticized. 

Here’s the thing, Viv’s fans tend to assume that just because I'm critical of something that’s popular, then that means I don’t get criticized. When that certainly isn’t the case. 

I’ve been criticized for being critical of the current state of indie animation, I got a bunch of hate from racist nerds for liking the My Adventures With Superman version of Livewire, and recently someone responded with a full length essay to a post of mine that was critical of Primos. 

But the difference between me and Viv is that I don’t constantly post vague backhanded insults regarding my critics on social media. If I feel a piece of criticism is worth addressing, then I’ll address it and if not? Then I’m not going to bother. 

Trust me, I haven’t lost any sleep over the fact that a bunch of random internet folks don’t like me.

[chunniwritesalot]

home - nh27

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! welcome to my 3rd haas related fanfic 😍😍 i think i should be named the nh27 queen by the amount of ff i'm writing about him (not that im complaining... i want to eat this guy...) if you dont follow me, or check my rambles (go follow me PLEASE... im a desperate gal) you wouldn't know that im going to vacation so i wanted to write something super quick before i left. when i get back- TRUST an smau WILL be made, probably for nico because this man is so beautiful 🤗😋 the writing on this is super rushed but i've been out of practice (uni is starting soon PLEASE SEND HELP) because i major in english and BRO i write so many essays that when i get to break i just stop writing all together. my creative writing is SAUR shit because all i write are analysis's and shit like that BUTTTTT im taking a lot of creative writing courses this year (2) so watch out because i might become Shakespeare cw: sad, cursing, you have a son but your gender isn't included, mentions of crashing (obviously, its about the monaco grand prix), mentions of hate, banner is mine but photos aren't, use of yn, bad writing style

other: y/s/n means your son's name! I DIDN'T EDIT THIS SHIT SORRY FOR GRAMMAR OR SPELLING MISTAKES. MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN IM BEGGING YOU REQUEST wc: 682

you didn't watch f1 races because of your love for the sport. in reality, you hated the sport. the loudness, the chaos, the danger. you thought that maybe nico would've finally listened to you, he would retire and you two could finally live... peacefully, that you could live your life not fearing the fact that the love of your life could quite literally die almost every week. you watched those stupid fucking races because nico was your husband, and you would never forgive yourself if you weren't watching and something unspeakable happened. so nico promised you that he would always come home to you, and he would never break that promise.

sometimes you wished you never got involved in this stupid sport, because then maybe you wouldn't find yourself sitting in the haas garage with your 3 year old being restrained in your grip as you watch the screen. everything going in slow motion as the two haas cars and the redbull collide in with eachother. was it bad to say you hoped most of the damage went to kevin or checo? you didn't care, f1 made everyone a bad person. you were sure louise, who was glued right next to you, thought the same thing- that most of the damage went to nico or checo. "shit" you muttered, your son looking up at you. he was too young to know what was happening, but you could tell he was worried.

"its okay love, just an accident." you whispered to him, he wriggled out of your grip to go run around the garage. not that you cared, right now, you were focused on nico and lord, were you fucking mad. mad that he broke his promise to you, mad that he never listened, mad at this fucking sport. you hated nico for this, hated that he sacrificed his entire life to this sport, when he knew that he had a 3-year-old son. when he knew you were waiting for him, and you would never forgive him if he didn't come back. you sat there, arms crossed as nico made his way back to the haas area after getting checked with the medics. you watched as he approached you, a flash of guilt on his face. louise seemed to get the message because she quickly got up from the seat next to you and made her way over to the children as she waited for her own husband. "y/n, i'm sorry." nico cracked out quietly, reaching out his hand to take yours. he grimaced when you snapped your hand away and stiffened at his words. "what if you died?" you spat out, "god nico, i-" tears burned in your eyes, "i hate you." nico watched as you stormed to the bathroom, not bothering to follow you. he knew you needed time to cool off. after a while, you came back, sitting next to your husband again. "even y/s/n was fucking worried." you whispered to him, "nico, you-." nico stayed silent, his gaze never tearing from the TV infront of them, he nodded slowly. "i was thinking about you the entire time." he started, "and i'm *sorry*, i'm so fucking sorry." he slowly turned to you, "i-i would never forgive myself if something happened to me, love. i-" he stopped, reaching out to wipe your tears, "i'm... i know you hate this sport, but- its my..." you shook your head, motioning for him to stop. sure, you hated this sport, but you didn't hate nico. you loved nico, and loving him meant you would always be there with him. even if that meant you had to watch all his stupid grands prix. because as much as you knew nico loved his sport, he loved you more, and nico promised he would always come home to you and y/s/n.

"i..i don't hate you" you said back gently, "i'm sorry." nico cracked a smile, "i know, my love. don't be sorry." he reached out again, and this time? you didn't pull away, because nico kept his promise. he was always going to come home to you.