#truama sharing
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waywardsou2 · 3 months ago
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Whumptober 2024 - Shared trauma
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Summary: HYDRA had sunk its claws into every price of the new world Bucky was growing accustomed too. Even into the lives of his new family.
Word Count: 705
Tags: shared trauma, wholesome, fluffy, less whump more fluffy, nightmares
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It was nights like these where Bucky would wake up sweating. Water running off his back and dripping from his brow onto his lashes. The way tears would stain his face and his bottom lip would tremble. The way his hand would shake. Just his flesh one. His metal one wasn't made for such weakness.
His blankets would be torn. He would have to ask Tony for a new set.
And he wouldn't be able to sleep again. He didn't want to.
He didn't want to face what was there every time he closed his eyes.
So he got up, grabbed whatever was closest and threw it on before heading to the roof for some fresh air and privacy.
Except instead he found the red headed ex secret agent. Natasha Romanoff. He had met her before. He remembered her.
He felt like turning around and leaving. She seemed comfortable in the silence and he still wasn't sure if he was welcome. Having almost killed her. Twice.
But she saw him, she passed for a moment and he froze. His hands in his pockets as they started at each other in the dark.
Until she beckoned him over. Moving her hand in a forward motion before patting it on the concrete next to her. She was sitting with her knees tucked to her chest and he head resting a top them.
He sat down. Laying his legs over the edge of the building and leaning back on his hands.
He didn't look at her, simply at the forest Stark owned and the twinkling stars littering the horizon above the tree line.
The cold air was tough in his lungs but he reveled in the freshness of it. The cold of nature and night time. Not lab chambers and frozen metallic air.
"You get the dreams too Barnes?" Natasha said breaking the silence.
"Yeah" he admited
"They don't ever go away do they? Not matter how many wrongs you right. Doesn't take away what you did"
He breathed deeply listening to her calm voice. Though what she was saying was true. Her somber and soft voice drowned out the bad thoughts creeping their black tendrils of dread into his mind.
"It's all in the past. But that past is too recent. Too real. Too memorable" she continued
"Like a life you could never have imagined living but had to live anyway" he finished for her
"Like a bad dream you couldn't wake up from"
She hummed in agreeance.
And the two sat there. Staring at the night sky until day break. Basking in the dim glow of the stars and the pleasantness if each other's company
"I'm sorry for trying to kill you" Bucky says bluntly
"I'm sorry for not sticking by you against Stark. He's a douchbag"
"No hard feelings then"
She shook her head. A small smile on her lips. Her teeth just peeking out
"You aren't so bad Barnes. I get what Steve sees in you"
Now it was Bucky's turn to smile. If not for Steve he never woild have make it here. He would never have left HYDRAs clutches and he would have never been given to the Wakandan's so they could help him.
He would have still be trapped
And he believe Natasha might have been too
Even years after the wars HYDRAs still had its filthy hands in every organisation over the world. They had ruined more lived. Even if Steve and all the history books told him they'd one the war.
The scars from every battle said other wise.
And even thought Natasha never lived to see the war. He could tell she had seen a great deal of battles
And the compassion she still had through all of it was commendable. He respected her.
And Natasha revered Bucky. Knowing it took more than just being a soldier to survive all he had. To learn to live again after feeling like you were nothing but a husk for so long. She couldn't help but admire his strength.
Silent the two of them marveled at the strength and bravery of the other as they waited for the sun to rise and their new families to start wondering where they are.
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Part of head canon AU for a domestic and peaceful Avengers. More coming soon.
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my-autism-adhd-blog · 1 year ago
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Life in an Autism World
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bluecatears · 1 year ago
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These two need to talk
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allykatsart · 11 months ago
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Lucifer would absolutely adopt fallen angel Emily as another daughter once he meets and hears her story.
Oh absolutely! He hears about what happened and turns to Charlie to ask for adoption papers. Charlie already has them ready.
In spite of feeling like a failure, in spite of no longer getting to go home, Emily is surrounded by love and kindness and warmth. She gets to the hotel and is given the biggest, fluffiest blanket they can find. Lucifer gives her space, but both he and Vaggie can empathize with her. And slowly, Emily starts to find understanding that she didn't know she needed.
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griancraft · 6 months ago
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I'm struggling to word this but I'm finally ready to talk about it and I want people to listen.
I've noticed a type of racism in leftist communities I don't see talked about a lot. I am Quarter Japanese and I am visibly mixed, but a lot of leftists see "quarter" and assume that I don't have the right to an opinion on issues that effect me. The sentiment I've gotten from mostly white leftists is that I'm not "POC enough" for a lot of discussions.
There's this weird thing in a lot of leftist spaces where your appearance and percentage, not your experiences based on your race, are considered above all.
Meanwhile, in reality, all aspects of my identity are affected by my race and my family's experience with Japanese internment. An event which stripped them of any wealth they had acquired since moving to Canada over 50 years before the war.
An event that cause the intermarriage rate of Japanese-canadians and white Canadians to be over 90 percent post internment because we viewed proximity to whiteness as safety. An event which left them in severe poverty until my dad and aunt worked their asses off to get a degree. The generational trauma goes so deep my dad didn't want me transitioning because he was worried about what the government would do to me.
Because of my race I experienced negligence from authority figures related to pretty severe racially based bullying at 12. That negligence could have killed me. I've had to deal with microaggressions and straight up racism related to my last name on multiple occasions.
One time I was out with a friend and he grabbed my arm tight and dragged me to walk faster. A man wearing a white lives matter T-shirt was standing in the middle of the path looking directly at me when I turned around.
I'm pretty sure this wasn't based on me being feminine and goth that day, I live in a city with a decent amount of people in alt subculture and my friend was way more gothed up and queer than me. I was barely passing as a guy at that point so it wasn't because I was a man in a dress. I know this is a weaker point, but it made me realize just how unsafe I am in my own community even though I'm a mixed person in a heavily multicultural city.
Obviously, this isn't on the scale of someone who is less white passing than me and/or has more compounding marginalizations. However I've found that the fact I'm mixed race has been used against me to devalue my experience and knowledge regarding what it's like to be a POC in Canada.
I can assure you I am aware of how bad it is, and I am aware of how good I have it. I also want you to be aware that it's not all sunshine rainbows and bunny farts to be more white, it doesn't make the racism go away. It often just makes it more covert and easy to explain away because I'm "not really Japanese"
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chaoticas-hell · 1 month ago
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Neil: what a nice day
Neil:
Neil: anyways wanna hear about how my father tried to kill me?
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martyrbat · 1 year ago
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when i briefly mention cults i want to make it absolutely clear i mean literal cults. like not just extremist churches that are harmful and manipulative in their own way (although got that experience too) but like.
(general cult talk under cut)
going on ‘retreats’ since youre a child where members of your church would plan with your parents on a time to ‘abduct from your house because youre never prepared to be a testimony for god. literally being driven for hours until lost in a bus where they had the windows darkened in the back so it made it difficult to see especially with the rural surrounding. no phone service if you had a phone. where they would wake you up every half hour for a week or two (or a month if it was a summer) and had no clocks. being led to hike miles in the dark and mud as its 30 degrees and then shoving you in a rope maze in the middle of the woods for you to try and get through until sunrise and how it was a message about needing the light (god) or else you'll be trapped in darkness and that'll take you to hell. they emotionally berate you to give confessions and you had to list your sins outloud repeatedly over and over and then stand there as people tell you how youre a failure and disgrace. but no worries! jesus will fix that as long as you devote your life and happiness to him because your time on the earth has to be miserable to prove your dedication to the heavens and to get your crown of jewels.
i was “homeschooled” to be isolated further and because we couldn't afford the one public school, the people in the cult(s) were the only people i knew and got to see and several of them killed themselves and then the cult would spend a hour praying God has mercy but knowing prayers are not gods will and that our pleads for mercy are meaningless because they're in hell. my priest gave me modern study bibles with underlines on homosexuality said its disgusting and a sin and that suicidal people are weak and god is disappointed and how selfish it is because you're questioning gods judgement in creating you since the moment youre created, you are covered in the blood of sin and your life is a debt you will never pay off.
they would teach things that werent in the bible and if you said that's not true/the verses dont say that then you got belittled for being stupid and not understanding and gaslit to believe you cant trust your own judgement or thoughts because theyre always wrong or misguided. youre told you're empty and hollow without god and to purge yourself from your “sin” so that you can be a vessel for him while sobbing at the thought of what happens if god purges him from you because what will remain? youre empty without holiness but youre repeatedly taught you arent capable of being holy—what will fill the hole that is your self without this god and religion??
and again, i live in a VERY isolated area where we don't have buses or stores or anything. outside of this cult and self hatred and this god that needs you to be hollow for it to deem you worthy—there literally is nothing else. its isolating, its encouraging self hatred and misery to deem your worth, its dangerous as a disabled queer. I have never had a physical in person friendship but ive had more than 5 adults tell me how they would kill me in detail. i dont have family i can talk to. i dont have friends around me. i convinced my mother for me to stop going to the church in about 2019 or so because for a long time i would attend despite not believing in that shit purely because it was the only way i could get out of my extremely abusive household until it became too dangerous there too where i thought it would be SAFER to be in a house where a gun is pointed to my head every few months.
like i make jokes because lolz religious trauma ammirite! and its not a big sensitive topic despite... trauma. but like... when i say i was raised in cults i literally mean fucking cults LMAO
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ananxiousadhdadult · 2 years ago
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tredispade · 4 months ago
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When Zack gets close enough to reach out and touch, Seph lifts his head out of his hands. But he doesn't look at Zack. Using his loose bangs to hide his face. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Zack. Take his hand and take comfort in that contact. but he felt too much shame to do so.
"You didn't do anything wrong." He said quietly, voice still tight from his restrained emotions. He had to take a slow breath before he could speak again. And this time he looked over at Zack. mako-green eyes haunted with his own anguish.
"I shouldn't have run off like that on you and your parents. I just..." He hesitates. He never wanted to share his trauma with Zack. It wasn't fair to him, but at the same time, there weren't enough lame excuses to excuse his behavior. If he didn't want to run the risk of losing Zack as a friend, then Seph was going to have to learn to be open and honest.
"Your family is beautiful, and I'm glad that they love you so much. But when I saw that love, I became deeply jealous. I know it's wrong of me. But... I never knew my mother. I-- I don't know if she is still alive or not. I don't know if she ever loved me at all." He'd laugh humorlessly. He shook his head slowly as he went back to staring down at the water.
"My father... well. Hojo claims he 'created' me but I have so little in common with him I don't believe he's really my father either. a real parent doesn't do what he done to me."
Hojo being Seph's father wasn't really a secret, but it also wasn't well-known either. It didn't help that Hojo never treated him with any sort of paternal love or affection. He never once called him son. Hojo was nothing more than a stranger he was forced to be around.
The most common rumor of Seph's origins was that he was an orphan that Hojo picked up out of the streets.
"I will apologize to your parents too, After I've had a moment to clear my head."
Well, that's…not the reaction Zack was expecting.
He blinks when Sephiroth suddenly stands and practically flees out of the house. An awkward silence falls between him and his parents as he decides whether to stay or follow him. As much as he thinks he knows Sephiroth, it seems there's still a lot that eludes him. Zack frowns, looking at his parents apologetically. “Sorry…I'm just gonna see what's wrong. We'll be back in a jiffy, okay?”
As he makes his way through the village, Zack can't help but wonder how much of a mistake this might've been. He loves his parents, sure, but he feels the weight of everyone's eyes on him. And now Sephiroth is acting weird. Damn! He kicks a rock out of frustration and sighs, shoving his hands into his pockets. Maybe they should make this trip short and sweet. Maybe they should leave tomorrow instead of staying for several days like Zack had planned.
Oh well…he's still learning that things don't always work out how he wants them to.
It doesn't take too long for him to find Sephiroth sitting on the bridge. He seems to hesitate for just a moment before he approaches him, moving to sit down, too. “Hey, Seph, are you okay?” he asks quietly, unsure if he should reach out and touch him, so he doesn't. Instead, he just balls his hands up into fists and sets them in his lap to resist the urge.
Maybe it is this place after all. Gongaga was nice, it was home, but it almost felt suffocating at times. Zack felt it when he was a child and he still feels it now. “If I said something weird or whatever, you can tell me. I promise you won't hurt my feelings.”
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carbonfiction · 2 months ago
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Could you do some angst Logan x mutant!reader comfort. Like maybe she has a similar origin to Logan where she was tested on for her powers and escaped. She ends up at the mansion and that’s how her and Logan end up together.
I’ve been wanting to write this myself for a while but haven’t had time. I need to see some truama bonding and comfort for that man with someone who really understands what it’s like. I would give anything to be that person. 😭
Hi anon!! Im so sorry this has taken me so long to get to- despite some little changes on the request, and my unsureness on writing angst, i hope you enjoy this drabble!
One step at a time
Summary: sleep can be a fickle thing, a struggle more personal than most.. But it just so happens theres another person in the mansion that understands. Written with X1 logan in mind!
Warnings?: angst, mentions of nightmares and troubled sleep, self doubt, slight depression? Comfort and fluff at the end? Idk how to tag this really.. Words: 1.5k Masterlist
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People were scared of things they didn’t understand, of people that didn’t fit in to a societal box. And being a mutant? Well, you became the scariest thing of all. An unknown, a secret unshared in a room full of people.
To some, that fear, that little nagging doubt about what you are, what you could do.. fuelled somthing else entirely. Not fear, not quite, more an evil kind of curiosity. A fixation to poke and prod, bend and snap, push the limits of their fear regardless of yours in the name of science. Regardless that you too, we’re a person, different now yes, but still born of the same matter once.
Careless to the person you were, only the thing you could become. And even then, if you weren’t useful.. you were useless. Another mistake in a pile of scraped idea's, a caged creature begging for a way out.
You never wanted it, never asked to sit in a room and wonder why. Why you, why this. There was never a good enough answer, never a reason, not really. Some People were just cruel, vile and nasty, out for their own gain.. to test the limits of humanity.
But then it begged the question, what was humanity? Because it wasn’t this. It wasn’t the sleepless nights afraid to close your eyes. The sanctity of sleep a luxury. Peace a rationed thing.
Therefore It had become normal to find you in the dead of night, curled up the couch in front of the fireplace; whilst everyone else slumbered. Sometimes a book in hand, other times just your thoughts. Embered flames burning bright and warm, the crackle of wood often the only sound. It was how your relationship with Logan had bloomed.
From wordless nods walking down corridors to conversations and nights shared infront of the fire; he had become pleasant company, a friend you regarded higher- one who understood better- than most. He'd seen the same horrors behind his eyes, the years a tiresome thing.
So it's here you sit, like always, in your spot on the couch peering between pages of a book and the old grandfather clock, waiting for Logan.
It was late and he'd usually show up around now, your meetings held in a trusted pact- an agreement that if sleep held pain, this is where you'd find one another. It was up to choice then, if you'd relocate to one of your room's; if you felt the embrace of the others arms would quiet the horror, just for a while.
Because while it's true that you both may no longer be broken here in the mansion.. you'd always be bruised bone deep.
"Hey" Logan murmers softly, breaking you from your thoughts as you crane your neck toward him. Hes stood tall in the doorway, clad in sweats and a white vest, two steaming mugs in hand as he pads closer, handing you one over the back of the couch. "Figured you'd want a drink, tried to make it how you like"
You nod, taking a tentative sip with a greatful smile. Your eyes fluttering shut a moment as you swallow, relishing the warmth. Logan had indeed made it the exact way he knew you loved, and it swells your heart; the fondness you feel for the action- for him. "'S perfect, thank you.."
"Was nothin.." he shrugs, sighing into his own cup, back hitting the couch besides you. the cushions are a soft embrace for his aching body, the days seeming longer. He'd confessed one night, that the winter had never helped his affliction. That the cold air made his adamantium bones ache in a way that seemed impossible to describe. The sting of his knuckles that bit sharper with each snikt of his claws.
You shift quietly, book page marked and now placed on the coffee table. Logan watches silently as you reach for the soft blanket that lays dormant on the back. Your fingers adjusting the fabric carefully, unfolding and draping it until it rests over his knees too.
Logan smiles, a look reserved for these nights- for you- in his eyes. Its a soft, greatful, little thing; Unreminicent of his usual gruff demeanor. he lifts a large arm bringing it to rest snug behind your shoulders, tugging you closer.
Theres a comfortable silence that follows then, sat side by side. Logan simply watches as you pick the book back up, resuming your page. A warm feeling in his chest that he hasn't felt for a while as your eyes flit across the words.
He still cant understand how anyone could- would- hurt you. Would even dare harm a delicate hair on your head. It boils a possessive type of anger inside of him, that people, the very same that had hurt him, had dared. That they had ruined your trust, made you into something of their design, just like him.
And Its then that Logan cant help how his mouth moves, how it burts the words before he can even think to stop them, make them sound less jumbled. "You uh.. didn't deserve it you know?.. What they did"
The words feel foreign on his tongue but they hold meaning- one that you can feel as you cast your gaze to him.
Theres a look in your eyes he cant quite read as you hum honestly. "Neither did you. you know that right?"
And Logan knows. Hell its deep down but he knows. Yet hearing the words still bring an ache to his chest. Its beyond hard for him to even think about- admit really- even after all this time. He hadn't deserved it and neither had you. But that was certain weather perceived or not.
"Im.. Tired, logan" you trail quietly, casting your book aside as your head falls to rest on his shoulder. "Just.. So tired of being tired."
A shattering feeling stabs at Logan's chest from your admission, a sigh falling against your hair. "I know you are. Hell so am i but.." he pauses, trying to find the correct sentiment.
"We- you- can do this"
You can't help the exhaled sound that slips from you, not a laugh, not not a breath either. "Logan-" you try to protest, try to shift back inside your non vulnerable shell ready to shut down, but he has you locked next to him, fingers coming to rest on your jaw.
"No, look at me, Cmon" he murmurs, cupping and turning your cheek gently until your gaze meet his. "like you told me that once. Its one step at a time alright?"
You recall saying it, remember the context, and yet the idea of saying it to yourself feels foreign- as foreign as the words blurted from logans tongue.
He'd had a nightmare that night, had woken with a hoarse scream and his claws embedded in the plush mattress; pillows ruined with feathers everywhere, soaked in sweat. You'd come barreling in from downstairs having heard his sounds of distress, knowing the situation.
But.. You hadn't laughed, despite him being so surrounded by pillow feathers that he's sure he looked like big bird. You hadn't been cruel or judgemental, pitty in your eyes. You'd just been.. Well, you. Kind and understanding, reassuring him that it was okay, that he was safe. To take a shower and you'd sort the rest. It was from then that the fondness he felt for you had bloomed to something a little more inside of him.
You nod gently, a small, barely there smile on your lips now as you repeat. The light of the fire a soft glow in your eyes, tone a fraction more hopeful. "One step at a time"
"Yeah, thats it sweetheart" he smiles gently, a proud look in his own eye's, before his throat clears. A bashful look taking over his features as he continues, thumb absentmindedly stroking over your cheekbone. A distraction to the honesty he was going to drop "Besides.. you got this knucklehead who'd really like to keep this.. Us.. up"
You swallow, breath stuttering as your cheeks heat."You.. You would?" you sound a little surprised, yet a little hopeful, and It makes Logan smile, hearing your heart pounding in your chest.
"Yeah sweetheart" he breathes, voice a low gravel as he anxiously nods, before rushing to add. "if- if thats something you'd want?"
"Yes!" you exclaim, so excitedly it makes logan chuckle, the deep rumble joining the crackling fire. "I, uh, i mean.. ofcourse i do Logan"
Logans fingers tilt your face higher, his forehead coming to rest on yours as your fingers trace over his scruff coated jaw. "Things are better with you.." you murmer, breath puffing over his lips. "Lighter. You get it, get me.. This.."
He hardly lets you finish before his lips are pressed to yours, breaking the miniscule gap between them. His kiss so uncharacteristically gentle, like he was afraid one taste and you'd break.
"Things are better with you too.." he says quietly, forehead on yours, a smile against your mouth as his nose rubs your cheek.
And so Its that night you both agree, while wrapped up in one another, that things are better together. Better with each others shoulder to lean on. And despite the darkness that would still linger sometimes, that's all that mattered. You and him. Him and you.
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jams-sims · 23 days ago
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Also I'm not against the whole narrative of Mel and Vik being little bitches to one another. All they do is mirror one another its is insane. I honestly like it better cause Jayce has to sit their and go- Anything I saw they will look at me with daggers in their eyes and it doesnt feel worth it. I love the idea of bitchie/petty Viktor and watching thatplay out.
Like its not even a polycul yet, Jayce and Mel are fucking but havent put a label on it. Vik is hopelessly in love and instead of being up front about it. He a petty little bitch when Jayce and Mel hang out. Mel doesnt think anything of it until her mother makes a comment. Suddenly. It becomes some unspoken competition that makes Jayce very uncomfortable, because he clocks it right away. Hes been through like a summer of truama and would like it if his two friend would simply NOT.
Its one akward morning breakfast because Jayce is roomates with Vik and Mel comes over of coursw Jayce inivted her. Its an hour if them (Mel and Vik) making snide overly smart/ a scientific remarks at probably having to do with their shared reports.
Jayce finally has enough and just goes Jayce: Maybe if you two fucked it would take some of the tension out of the room.
Vik: Please I have standards-
Mel: I would suffocate him to death-
Vik: what does that even mean?
Mel: Exactly what it implies or would you like me to write you a thesis statment on it.
Jayce has no idea what to do about any of that. He goes to Ekko for adivce and Ekko like- "
Ekko: Man- idk what to tell you. Me and Jinx kinda low key unhealthly obessed with one another poly seems like a lot of work. Wishing you goodluck tho!
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dreinstein777 · 3 months ago
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I could love you Truly. PAC, Messages from the person who loves you the most.
Entertainment purposes only
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Tao and Elle
The ability to suck it up is not a superpower, saying no is. Own your power
Evolution starts when you leave your comfort zone.get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
It’s time to celebrate the fact you don’t fit in. Stand on your own two feet.
Take a chance, every risk is a success when you’re committed to learning and growth
You are the master of your inner world, and you decide how the outer world affects you. Cultivate a calm inner state.
I’ve asked my cards several times about who may be the one sending you this message. Tons of cards fell out almost every time. I get the feeling of admirers. I hear roars of people, crowds and groups of friends cheering you on. These are best friends you’ve let go of, the people you’ve had first with, high school friends who hold stars in their eyes for you because you’re you, I know this is supposed to be from one person in particular, but for this group it feels like so many people. For those of you who work or have kids around you (around the house I hear) these people love and adore you so much. Some of you may have a style that stands out and you’re so nonchalant about it, confident even, people love this about you. The true love these people have for you is innocent. Your parent who is extremely kept to themselves or a parent who is no longer mentally in their body’s due to age or supressed truama, they feel this for you as well. Everyone wants to let you know they love you, so much, you’re everything they’ve never dared to be.
Darcy and Tara
The quality of your life is determined by how you spend your time. Make sure your schedule reflects the life you want.
Release your expectations and be open to surpise.
The time spent worrying is time spent.
You are the queen of your life, treat yourself like royalty
You are the master of your inner world, and you decide how the outer world affects you. Cultivate a calm inner state.
Okay the person who’s giving you this message is a hugger, they love hugs, they love the color pink, pastel pink, we’re opalite for some of you, I envision opalitr necklace they may have passed down to you, or you share a matching necklace. This sounds like a grandma. This may be someone who’s passed or is about to, someone who is sick. Someone you rarely see, even an aunt. You may study so much, work so much, travel. And you don’t argue, you accept it as is, but this little lady wants to remind you so bad, enjoy life, go get friends, if yiu bake then go bake for friends, as creativity to you schedule. This person misses when you used to paint, or even those crayon drawings you made as a kid, when you’d pick flowers and leafs, hand it to them as a gift, their care free child is now grown, and they wish you’d remember that part of yourself more often. They love you truly, kisses and hugs. Love you so much.
Nick snd Charlie
You have the right to change your mind
You are the queen of your life
Baby steps are still steps
They’re better than standing still
The calmer you are
The more time slows down, and the easier it is to get everything done
Your matter and its time to honor them
Love yourself more
It is safe to wait
A masculine energy that is so gentle, kind and loving, they have fear of you leaving them, choosing others before them, but here they are trusting you that they’ll love you every life snd you’ll love them right back. This could be someone You’re in a relationship with but they’re more masculine, you’ve may always had to be the one to be their for yourself and this person wants to be your rock when you feel helpless. They’ll be here constantly to remind you how beautiful you are, if you’re ace they’re so respectful about it, if you’re trans they love how you express your gender. This may be a gay relationship. Someone in your future who is so well balanced snd knows who they are, literally the nick nelson to your Charlie, searches up every little thing they don’t understand just to understand you better. This love is honest, pure, and so passionate they compose themselves or else they explode into fireworks. This person shows you love is true for you regardless of your identity. They can’t help but to say I love you I love you I love you.
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ponyosmom35 · 1 year ago
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nightmares
Simon Ghost Riley x reader
Synopsis: reader and Simon are in a relationship, and he has a nightmare. He accidentally hurts her. Read part one if you haven't yet for more context!
warnings: choking, angst, self hatred
part one: fight
https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/733404809671098368/fight?source=share
there will be a third part soon!
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"stop!"
Her dreamless sleep is interrupted by the sound of Simons voice. She open her eyes, squinting as they adjust to the darkness. His back was facing her and his body was rigid as sweat clung to his skin. Instantly she recogizes one of his horrible nightmares that plagued him occasionally. It was tough to snap him out of it. 
“No no no stop” he mumers 
She reaches out, placing a hand on his back, rubbing it gently. Despite the anger and sadness she still felt from their horrible fight, she knew she needed to be there for him. Trying to slowly wake him up from whatever horrors he was experiencing. He continues to mumble in his sleep and she allows tiredly reaches her arm across his body, clinging onto him. 
Simon snaps his eyes open, his body in a fight or flight state. He feels an arm around him and instantly grips it and twists it to the side. He flips over pinning the person, his forearm shoved into their neck as his thighs trap theirs to protect himself. 
She screams in pain and shock as in a flash she’s laying on her back, staring up at Simon’s blank cold gaze. He was looking right through her. His grip on her neck tightens and she cries out “si” 
“Its me baby” she nearly whispers 
His eyes glaze over as he realizes what he’d done. He launches himself off of her, falling onto the floor in shock. His eyes were wide as his body shook. She sits up, holding her throbbing wrist against her chest as tears stream down her cheeks. 
“Fuck” he breathes out in horror 
“I’m okay Si” she reassures, wiping her tears as she stares at him. 
“Fuck I- I” his breath falls short again as his gaze finds the marks on her neck beginning to form. “I’m gonna be sick” he says running ot the bathroom. 
She quickly gets up and follows him, but he’s too fast and shuts the door behind himself, locking her out. She hears the sound of him throwing up and cringes. She waits for several minutes, and fixes herself up. She ignores the pain in her wrist. She fixes her hair and puts a new shirt on as her thin tank top had been ripped in the struggle. She was attempting to calm herself as she waited. She needed him to know that it wasn’t his fault, that she was okay. She knew that he was beating himself up right now, and wished to show him that he hadn't hurt her. 
After several minutes Simon unlocks the door, facing her instantly. Tears instantly fill her eyes as she sees the sweat and tears tracks on his face. His eyes were red and puffy. She moves closer to him, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped into his arms. He moves back, dodging her body. She stares at him, hurt that he would avoid her touch. 
“Si it wasn’t your fault” she says gently. She earns no response from him. “You didn’t hurt me. Just come back to bed please” she says reaching to grab his hand.
“No” he says roughly 
“Si-”
“I can’t be here right now, I need to go” he responds
“No you can’t leave right now!” she says, her voice shaking. She follows him as he puts on a coat and shoes. “Simon please don’t leave me right now” she begs. Silence. 
He walks to the door and she grips his hand, pulling him back, he stares down at her. The pain was so evident on his face. “Do not walk out that door, I need you here with me” she says softly 
Simon clenches his jaw and pulls away from her, before rushing out of the door. She collapses to the ground as sobs wrack through her body uncontrollably. She wished nothing more than to go back to bed and act as though nothing happened. But she knew he could never do that. 
Simon struggled with his mental health, the horror and truama he experinced haunted him. He fought everyday for himself and their relationship. Emotions were incredibly tough for him, but he wanted to work through it for her, so he could be what she needed. Yet no matter how much progress he’d made, he always fucked it up. 
He walks through the empty streets, making his way to the beach. He sits on the shore and stares down at his hands. He could’ve killed her. One move and her neck would be broken. He was supposed to protect her, he promise he always would, but today the only threat in her life was him. He loved her so much, she was his home. She was the reason he was still breathing to this day. She saved simon from himself, just as he’d saved her back in Germany. Knowing that he’d hurt her made him sick. He was disgusted with himself and his actions. He wondered how she would ever forgive him, how could she trust him? 
-
She had been crying all night, she stayed up waiting for him to come back. Promising herself that if he hadn’t shown up by 8 am she would go out and look for him. If he wasn’t back by noon she would call the police. 
At ten till she puts on a pair of leggings and a hoodie, brushing her teeth as she prepped to leave. She goes to put on her shoes when the door opens quietly. She whips around staring at him as he enters their home. He instantly spots her and his body deflates. 
“Where were you?” she asks angrily 
“The beach” 
“Do you have any idea how fucking scared I was?” she yells arms crossed as she stares at him. He moves past her sitting on the edge of the couch running his hand through his tousled blonde hair. She sighs, seeing how much he was struggling. He refuses to meet her gaze as she moves closer to him, She places a hand on his thigh, stepping between his legs. 
“You can’t blame yourself, this was an accident. You were asleep, I shouldn’t have woken you up” she says softly 
“I could’ve killed you” he responds staring her dead in the eyes. “Do you have any idea how easy it would’ve been for me to break your neck? How can I trust myself around you? How can you trust me after I hurt you?” 
“There is no one in this world that I trust more than you” she responds “this doesn't change anything. I love you more than you could ever even imagine, you are such a dream to me Simon. Something happened, and now we work through it together, I won’t let you shut me out Si. There is nothing in this world that could change the way I love you, so please don’t give up on me, on us” 
Simon drops his head as tears fall down his cheeks once more. He grips onto her smaller body and pulls her into him. Holding her tightly against his built chest. Her arms go around his neck, finding comfort in his scent. “I love you so much, I can never express to you how sorry I am” 
“Don’t be sorry Si, just hold me”
ghost master list:
https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/733401347573088256/simon-ghost-riley?source=share
a/n:
hey y'all, this is my first Simon Riley fic! It's a small chapter from a book I'm working on. Let me know if you want more!!
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soulessjourney · 11 months ago
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T'ill I Go Blind
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Paring: Astarion x fem!DurgTavReader
Word count: 2.2k
Summary: When Gortash reveals details about your past relationship, Astarion refuses to entertain any of it.
Warnings: OOC Astarion, angst, mentions of truama, mentions of death, jelous Astarion, Gortash, fluff, Humor, Astarion of course making a few out of pocket comments, Scared Astarion
A/N: It's basically cannon at this point that Gortash and the Durge are exes or had something going on, so enjoy my depiction of just how their first meeting after so long would be like.
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Who would have thought that you would find yourself standing in Baldur’s Gate, face-to-face with Gortash, who gazes at you with surprising tenderness? "Well, isn't it my favorite assassin? It has been too long since we indulged in each other's presence," he remarks. You raise a quizzical brow as your arms fold over your chest, leaning against the protective metal.
"Ah, yes. How could I forget? You lack the memories of what we once shared. A shame, truly. Your father never was one for the ideals of... affection." You resist the urge to let your jaw drop at his words, while Wyll stifles a laugh beside you.
"I'm sorry, but you're telling me you and Tav had some sort of connection?" he asks, looking between both of you. Beside you, Karlach goes stiff, and you reach out through your connected minds, assuring her that you have no clue about the nonsense the man is spouting. Upon your words, she visibly relaxes, folding her arms and shifting to stand a step in front of you, ready to protect you from the person she once trusted if need be.
"We did, in fact, have a connection, and that connection was the reason why your friend now has no memory of who she is," Gortash states, a frown appearing on his lips. "Her father felt threatened by the idea that his perfect assassin was falling for someone, so why not punish those who fell into forbidden love." From beside you, a sudden gag sounds, and Astarion clears his throat.
"I do apologize, but that had to be the most sickening thing I've ever heard, and I don't mean the fact that her father stripped away her memories." It's hard to suppress a laugh at Astarion's words, especially since you can feel the jealousy radiating off of him. Astarion is what you'd call a cat; he thrives when affection is given on his terms, but he is quite territorial with things that belong to him. In this case, you are that thing—mind, body, and soul. You are his human, and he would rather tear the world to shreds than give you up.
Reaching back, your fingers gently brush against him, and he seizes the opportunity to interlace his fingers with yours. A sense of safety and confidence washes over you as his hand firmly holds yours. Gortash, observant of the interaction, advances toward both of you, prompting a tenseness in your body.
"I see you've found a replacement, Little Flower," he remarks. The use of that nickname freezes you, causing your body to stiffen as memories flood your mind. Flashbacks of your younger self and Gortash flow through your consciousness. Despite the rugged and worn-down appearance, Gortash possessed qualities that rendered him remarkably handsome. In the recollection, you both stood in the middle of a flower field, having sneaked off after some convincing. He delicately placed a flower in your hair, affectionately uttering the same nickname.
Gortash notices the recognition in your eyes, prompting him to smile at Astarion. "Seems she remembers that exchange very well. The kiss we shared sealed our promise to one another. Yes, you two are quite...adorable, but let her stay where she belongs. It won't be long until your little romance disappears when her memories return."
Astarion vibrates with anger, and all you can do is squeeze his hand, offering silent reassurance. Gortash attempts to provoke him in a way he knows best, wanting to witness the dissolution of the bond you share. However, Astarion surprises everyone. Instead of reacting impulsively, he closes his eyes, takes a few deep breaths, and regulates the tightness of his grip around your hand. He's wrestling with the urge to draw his knife and thrust it into Gortash's chest.
Your chest swells with pride at how far Astarion has come from the first encounter when he held a dagger to your throat. "I'll never let her go, not until she tells me to. And when she does, I'll do everything in my power to protect her from a distance because she doesn't deserve to revert to the life she once lived. Not when she's worked so hard to build herself a new life. Not when she's almost killed herself fighting the demons that claw at her, begging to escape."
A snort escapes Gortash as he listens to Astarion's words. "To think someone as powerful as you settled for that," he spits, redirecting his gaze toward you. "Have your fun, Little Flower, but as much as I would love to bring up the past and the memories we share, I have other matters to discuss with you," Gortash states, pacing around the room. "Your sister is stirring up trouble and making things difficult. Her newfound thirst for power after you left is creating tension in my city." You know precisely who he is referring to. In your few encounters with Orin, she made it clear that you both shared the same father.
"What Orin does is none of my concern. If she's hell-bent on trying to take something I don't even want, then let her. I don't know what kind of life I lived before this, but I don't want any part of it. I was given a second chance to finally live, and I won't be ruining that over some family drama," you shrug. You notice Karlach adopting a look of approval at your words. Seeing Gortash again is tough for her, especially now that you know you apparently had some kind of relationship before waking up on the ship.
Gortash sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, and nods. "Yes, yes, I quite understand what you are saying. You're breaking free from those torturous chains, but your family matters affect the lives of those in Baldur's Gate. I don't care if you are sweeping your matters under the rug, but I want you to kill her. Take out Orin and bring me her stone, and when you do, I'll assist you in defeating the Elder Brain." Something about his words is taunting, making you question the truth of his alliance with you. Almost as if sensing your doubt, he leans against the table behind him.
"I do not wish to fool you; I don't stand for the loss of innocent lives. Orin is out of control, and the brain will wreak havoc if given the chance. If we can control the brain, we can destroy it."
Your mind races as you consider the situation. Releasing a defeated sigh, you clench your jaw, allowing your face to fall into a blank stare. "Fine, I'll kill her." The sound of your group protesting fills the room, echoing off the walls. Gortash only smiles at your words, letting his eyes lock onto yours as your friends attempt to talk some sense into you. After a few minutes, Gortash dismisses you and leaves the room.
Your companions follow behind you, attempting to get your attention before Karlach finally speaks up. "Tav, stop walking away. You know what he did to me and the hell I've lived through. Accepting his offer is a betrayal to me, so you better explain. If you don't, then I have no choice but not to trust you or to stay in the group." Her words hit you hard. She was like your sister, a reason for you to live.
"I'm playing him at his own game. We saw the power these stones had over the brain when we fought Thorm, meaning he had plans for them when he got them all to himself. Trust me, Karlach, I don't trust him either, but we need to take advantage of this. He could be the key to leading us right to the brain so we can destroy it, so I can save all of us," you whisper, looking up at your friend.
Karlach meets your eyes, searching them as if trying to detect any lies in your words. So, you open your mind to her, letting her read your intention with Gortash. Silence fills the area around your group as they wait for Karlach's response. "I trust you," she finally says, sending you a bright smile. You let out a breath of relief at her words as Astarion walks up beside you. You could feel how tense he felt, and you immediately knew something was wrong.
Things between the group had gotten tense after you entered Baldur's Gate. You felt the urge calling to you more than ever before; Astarion was only steps away from having to see Cazador again, and Karlach finally had to come face to face with the person she trusted her life with and who stabbed her in the back. Sending him a look, he nods slightly before looking away. It was a silent communication that you two would be talking when you got back to camp, and you could only hope this wouldn't end in a fight between you two.
---
Upon your arrival, you couldn't help but notice how Astarion immediately headed toward a shaded area. Jaheira spoke quietly to you about matters that needed attention in the city, but your gaze remained fixed on your lover. Jaheira fell silent before laughing quietly, drawing your attention back to her. "You two are quite fond of one another. Go to him; you've been worried about him since the walk back," she said, patting your arm soothingly. Nodding in gratitude, you walked towards Astarion.
He sat on the ground, gazing up at the sky, with rays of sunshine warming his face through the leaves. Stopping behind him, you were unsure of how to initiate the conversation between the two of you. "Star," you said, your voice carried by the slight breeze swirling around you. You sensed him tense, knowing that the forthcoming discussion would likely be tense as well.
With his back to you, he leaned his arms on his knees, shifting his gaze ahead. "So, you were the one involved with the absolute and why we're like this," he stated. Your heart dropped as you looked down. Indeed, you were. Your memories flooded back when you entered Wyrm’s Crossing, remembering who you were, who your father was, and what he wanted you to carry out.
"As angry as I want to be with you, I can't. I know what it's like to feel trapped under a command without being able to escape. I mean, look at what Cazador made me do. I want to be angry, but I just can't," he continued, and your shoulders dropped as you listened to his words. "But that's not why I'm questioning things. Not us; I could never question us. What I'm questioning is what will happen when you fully regain your memory. You and Gortash obviously have something, or rather had something. He talked to you like he was seeing his lover all over again. He looked at you like he was undressing you, ready to show our group of lovely friends that you still belong to him."
There it was—the feeling of your heart shattering in your chest as you listened to his words. He was terrified of losing you, and you had no idea how to reassure him that you're his.
Moving to stand in front of him, you drop to your knees and gently grasp his face in your hands. Opening and closing your mouth, no words escape you. Lost in his eyes—those crimson-red orbs that appear scared and broken—a part of you feels angry, angry at yourself and angry at Gortash for dredging up a past you have no memory of, a past you never want to revisit.
“I meant it when I told you that you mean a lot to me, Star,” you finally say, brushing your thumbs against his cheek. “You’re my entire world. You stayed by my side when the urge wracked my body, when I attempted to take your life that night. You didn’t judge me when it got so bad I caved and harmed an innocent person. You held me and told me that I could beat those urges. You saved me, Astarion, and I will not be leaving you.” His tears begin to pool under the pad of your thumb as you speak.
“Losing my memory was my second chance at life, and then I met you. You gave me something worth living for. Hells, all of our friends did, and I refuse to go back to that life I once lived. I don’t want to be a killer, and I don’t want to be his daughter. I want to be my own person. I want to be able to make my own decisions and control my own body and mind. So, my little Star, I won’t be going anywhere because my home is right here by your side.”
You can tell your words have moved him in some way as he is now fully sobbing. Pulling him to you, you let his head fall onto your chest as you allow him to fall apart in your arms. The fear that plagued him during your meeting with Gortash finally leaves him as he deflates in your embrace. Soon, his sobs quieten, and you both lie under the tree, his arms wrapped tightly around you, almost as if he fears you will disappear if he lets go. In that moment, a peaceful and intimate moment, three words are finally shared between you two. In that moment, you vow to destroy Cazador and show him what true power is. In that moment, the urge claws at your insides, begging to be unleashed, and soon enough, you will let it take over your very being.
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2cutie · 1 year ago
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Since you're opening requests, bi han x fem reader truama bonding over their daddy issues😁
anon, why must you call me out like this? im not saying bi-han could fix my daddy issues, i'm just saying he's very pretty & would probably make them worse. i'd still tap it.
Your relationship, if you could call it one, to your father was strained. Connection was minimal; you were left with an absence in your heart. In your upbringing, you had been brought into the Lin Kuei for being a potentially successful warrior. You were brought in relatively young, so you had mostly grown up with Bi-Han and his brothers.
But after time, the future grandmaster and you had an upspoken bond that you didn't share with others. You two never spoke much about it, but the parallel connection was there. You knew his father for a long enough time before his death to see how alike it was to your own, and the strain he put on Bi-Han. His life seemed akin to yours, specifically with how yours had molded you.
The past trauma you constantly buried down was weighing on you. So you sat alone in one of the gardens of the temple, where you knew minimal people visited. You were in your thoughts, your memories and past, and allowing yourself to wallow solemn. It was your own form of growth.
Bi-Han had been wondering the halls. His mind was rampant with alike thoughts and couldn't focus on his work. He's no better at healthily dealing with emotions, so instead of trying to manage and work through them, he decided to walk and let the thoughts drift off naturally.
He ended up passing through the gardens and saw you there, sitting on the bench. He didn't pay much mind at first, instead quickening his pace since he wanted minimal interaction in his avoidant state.
But you weren't moving. Barely blinking. You were typically a bit more on the hyperactive side. He wasn't used to such a… phlegmatic stance from you.
The more he looked, the more he saw the barely-there glaze in your eyes.
Bi-Han may not have the greatest grip on emotions but he could identify them in another person. He found himself approaching you. He eventually sat beside you, though you didn't seem to notice right away.
You didn't state anything, but he seemed to know where your thoughts were,; as if yours and his mind were intertwining. It's like he heard your unbridled emotions you never spoke to, ones he knew. It gave him a reason to sit and reflect.
As he stayed, he looked to you. He thought to the past you shared. About how much had changed, and how much older you were now. It was something he never took the time to think about, but your silence was so off-kilter that it made you seem too old. Too hurt and scarred for your age. He never would admit that he preferred your normal persona to this absent visage of you.
But mostly, he didn't want you to be like him. To become what he was, vacant and distant; the byproduct of his father's teachings. It didn't suit you.
Your eyes blinked then, like you heard his rampant thought. A gleam shone in them, even if it was faint. You moved for the first in quite some time. You met each other's eyes and there was an understanding there. As if your eyes could speak the memories that haunted you, as if they were displaying each of your younger selves that you both hid away, and still hid deep inside that stayed sheltered.
Your thoughts were between your father and life before the Lin Kuei. You had never even found solace in Bi-Han's father, either. There was a mutual estranged relationships there.
But the reciprocal bond had subjected you both to an understanding of the other. He could speak with his eyes and you could speak with yours, with no need for words. There would be no need to display emotions you both hid. The volumes your eyes spoke were parallel to each other's suffering. You were in sync to each other without having your problems being exactly the same.
You saw how Bi-Han never accepted his father's teachings. How he grew indifferent to them, and seemed outcasted by his father. It was why he wanted to break tradition, and it seemed only you had noticed that. Only you respected that. And that brought solace to him; a peace he could not find in anyone else.
You then moved closer to him, just a bit. Just until both of your arms would press against each other. It was ever subtle, but it was an evident sign of trust. Of comfort. For both you and him.
Bi-Han's eyes would follow the movement. It was a simple gesture, but it resonated within him. He was devoid to expression, but even he could be affected by such a simple gesticulation. And yours were one he could never deny. One he could feel at ease with.
It was a elusive display that you both cared for each other, just not in an expressive way.
He would stay with you then, until you felt better. Until you gained yourself again, or even just a small fragment. He didn't care how long it would take. There weren't many words to say, even less that needed to be spoken.
You stayed alone in the garden together, in each other's mutual comfort of each other and that was enough for the both of you. To be vulnerable with each other yet still maintain a front. You both saw past each other's exterior. You were one of the same.
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icarusredwings · 18 days ago
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I know we joke a bunch about mental health in the marvel and poolverine community esspecially with Wade but Im gonna share something super personal. Maybe someone will relate and feel less alone.
Tw: mental health episode.
Im native.
As a child I had very long thick lush hair.
Then it was shaved... by someone who didnt want to "deal with it"
It was also burnt off, fried off, chemically relaxed to the point of falling off, cut extremely short, and ripped out often.
I, now, as an adult struggle very very much with my hair. It never can grow very long and it makes me very upset. Like.. melt down upset.
I tried extentions this week hoping it would make me feel better but I couldn't even make it a full 24 hours with them in. They were nice dont get me wrong but they were very uncomfortable, they were too tight, they hurt my scalp when I tried to do any of my normal styles. It might just be me, because my head is very sensitive due to past injury but also mentally it was telling me it hurt even when it shouldn't.
Not physical voices telling me it hurt, rather then my pain receptors weren't working properly. I know this because my brain was claiming I was hurt even before they were fully glued in. I figured it was just the truama of other stylists burning my hair off at my scalp that was making my head scared and go into a panic mode. Maybe that was true. I don't know.
Well, tonight I wanted. No. I NEEDED them out. They hurt too badly and were pulling etc. Something about my mental health wasn't letting me enjoy what ive always wanted.
It was the longest ive had it as an adult recently, past my shoulders, but then I impuslively trimmed it because.. well I dont even know. I dont fucking know. But I just lopped a good 3 inches off to where it sat on my shoulders instead.
Well I just cut them out.
Riped them out.
All of the above.
I was told to wait and I couldn't. I just couldnt wait for the help. So I cut them out. I feel like, in retrospect this was obviously NOT the best thing to do. For OBVIOUS reasons. So now my hair is INCHES long instead of almost the entire foot of Length that I had. Its patchy, its short, Im literally crying right now trying to figure out how im going to fix this.
It dosn't feel right. It dosn't feel or look like how im supposed to look. I look like that kid who just walked out of the salon who is sobbing with a shitty lolipop in his hand and a bowlcut because thats the only thing my caregivers could handle.
As a man I wish we could stop this narriative of not caring what we look like and "oh its okay, boy hair is short"
I just want long pretty hair... without my brain panicing and causing more issues... is that too much to ask for?
My heart is broken. I really hate when im like this. When my brain is so mean to me that it sabotages my goals despite the YEARS of work ive put in oiling it, styling it, the routines, etc etc.
Im devastated.
I am literally crying on my bathroom floor because even without the extentions in my head STILL hurts. Like im getting PHYSICAL pain from how bad I feel about this. I just.. I can't. I can't.
I don't know what to do..
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