#trippy story telling

[no1ryomafan]

I have 4 eps of big o left but I’m only not finishing this immediately because my one friend wants to watch this in VC for me and I already watched 5 eps today… Absolutely insane I got through this show so fucking fast and I’m gonna have soooo many more thoughts once I’m done but I plan to keep my review to a Twitter thread. However, there is two things I will say upfront about this show:

Despite some aspects I think this is EASILY a strong contender of a mecha show you should recommend to people who want to get more into the genre but only knows mainstream shows. The Big 3-gundam/getter/mazinger for those who don’t know-are still good choices but the benefit this show has over them is it’s only one iteration-not counting the manga-a good length of not to short or long and some people may know of it thanks to toomani airing it. (Even if gundam is known now getter/mazinger are sadly niche still)

While I’m not one to wanna dunk on Eva especially bc the whole discourse around it is stupid, if I ever watched it I don’t think it can top the absolute mind fuck big o has. Yes I type this knowing spoilers for eva and not knowing wtf happens in the last few eps of big o, but ep14 in itself is something I don’t think I’ll ever see get more “what the fuck”

[todayisafridaynight]

What the hell was that other anon on, I signed up to see masadai and minedai good shit, not that cursed timeline, it caused me PHYSICAL PAIN to read that last ask

Not even "oomf angst" pain but physical pain from trying to comprehend this at all smh REAL LIFE PSYCHIC DAMAGE

you hear that other anon we gotta stone you to death. sorry this is a democratic inbox :/

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

you apply for several jobs on seek (my preferred job site), indeed or jora. a couple get back to you and say "please do our preemptive psych (aptitude) tests/chat bot/fun games assessment/s with an online video interview (within the next 48hrs).... so that we can assess your viability for this role."

you do the bs chatbot/psych test/automated video interview etc etc. some of these give you an instant response after doing them, which you kinda like.... but also really absolutely hate. every test result you get back basically tells you that you're a walking contradiction: you LOVE to dominate conversations, which means your co-workers are somehow terrified of you. so please learn to PIPE FUCK DOWN, LISTEN AND TAKE IN OTHER PEOPLE'S THOUGHTS/FEEDBACK etc (which you do anyway). however, you are also EXTREMELY SHY and goal-oriented.... which means your productivity is moderately ok, but doing just a bit more will make you a go-getter.... but uh. have we told you that your coworkers and clients will NEVER get to know you deeply?? so, learn to speak up and make friends in the workplace and also have good client relationships 😊!

wait! wait! we're not done tearing you limb from limb yet!!! have you considered that your productivity is actually awful because you're so easily distracted and don't like routine??? have you considered that this lack of attention can ruin your KPI achievement targets.... and single-handedly utterly destroy the performance efforts of the ENTIRE team and company???? we suggest focusing on streamlining your workflow and productivity habits.... and totally NEVER getting distracted EVER, so YOU make US money and not the other way round 😤😡. also, maybe apply for something that involves a whole load of rules and stable methods (bc we conversely think you're also a very stable and consistent person emotionally), not an ever changing admin position!!! (BTW: we'll never tell you that these "rule loving" jobs include anywhere between $10,000 of study (at the very least for tafe) to $30,000+ for a degree (at the most) or SEVERAL years of work experience.... which you very obviously don't have for even a junior position, let alone a middle management or senior position).

hey, we're nearly done! we swear 😰! don't leave yet... if you're still breathing that is 😅😂!!! isn't this so much fun 🙃?!! congrats on being able to analyse the complex relationships in teamwork environments... if only you could collaborate- which you do well, actually, because you're super laid-back (everyone wants someone like you on their team 💞..... just not us though lol 😋) - and LEAD, maybe???? but also DON'T be a leader, and try to really achieve "above and beyond" (despite what we said in the job description).... because we don't want you thinking that you're actually able to do anything of meaning to you... and that you can really achieve your said big goals, with us in tow 🙃. finally, NEVER be laid-back in the work environment. we construe this as being lackadaisical (which is a BIG, intelligent word for L A Z Y, if you didn't already know that 🤓! also.... are you a young millennial or gen z??? hehehe! we've got you all figured out 😎) which means you'll NEVER do YOUR work to OUR fake desired standard/s anyway 🙃.

PHEW! that was a lot! thanks! have a wonderful day. now GO FUCK YOURSELF 😊' [one more teenie tiny thing: please give us feedback on this reading! how did we do??? 😊]

you then read these bullshit results to a family member. they are HORRIFIED at the utter lack of respect, transparency, care, trust, integrity and human interaction in the hiring processes of the modern job market, mostly for the office admin and retail jobs that you've been applying for. when ironically, all of those attributes you just listed above (and sometimes more) are the so-called values/mission/goals of EVERY firm/business etc that you've applied for.

the downright rudeness and callousness of being absolutely torn to shreds by a shitty little bot; for a big retail chain's christmas casual position, that they use to save time to cut in-person interview times.... all to be told that that's why you'll never be a check-out chick for 3 months over christmas.... is fucking awful and deflating. (although, not that it matters. you didn't really want it anyway. you tell yourself). being told that you won't/can't sit on a computer and phone, using word, excel and the business's CRM all day.... doing admin for what feels the 10 billionth fuckin local office or government dept/council job, or other fucking small local places that you've applied for.... all bc "you have big dreams" or "you love to talk. but not at your job" or whatever other condescending, demotivating and backhanded bullshit that they've said in these test results... is humiliating, depressing and undermining as all fuck.

all bc you selected the wrong answers in a "fun mini-game" about how to reply to work colleagues in the company chat program, whatever that may be. or all the other shitty psych/aptitude test mini games that i played for big firms for uni grad programs back in uni in 2017. or, you've selected the wrong answers in a more ~traditional~ psych/aptitude test for a local educational institution like a uni or a technical/trade college.

it makes you question what the actual goddamned fuck the HR people actually want. what the actual fuck the bot is trained to snuff out and highlight and gush all over in someone's resume, interview and test answers, like a big corporate cum stain. are they really as "fair", "consistent" and "equitable" or whatever the fuck else benevolent words companies use to describe them??? are they ethical??? am i going insane??? would it be healthier for me just to jump off a cliff into the ocean filled with blood hungry cartoon sharks circling below??? would it be better to [enter, pursued by a bear] when i FINALLY get another interview.... if i EVER get another one; just to serve justice???? if it's a dog eat dog world, why don't i just become a golden retriever that just wants to eat treats and make dog and human friends on the daily??? if the world has gone to the dogs or the bears or sharks; wouldn't it just be fucking nice to bring one along with you, to make a point????

it's utter shit out here, lads [gender neutral]. we're all fucking tired and dead inside. it's why "no one wants to work anymore", as the piss-baby weak employers LOVE to bitch and moan. but: why work when you're disrespected from the fucking outset??? why work when you realise that you'll NEVER have the upper hand in any-fucking-thing??? why work when you're ignored constantly or even ghosted by employers??? the questions go on and on and on. "stop being deafeatist!" or whatever other word/phrase i can hear the "no one wants to work anymore!"crowd shout. no. im tired. we're tired. we're motherfucking done.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. The silence is deafening.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. Half of them require you to create an account on the company website. You leave a trail of ghost accounts that will be used once and never again. You never receive a response.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers an interview, but it's so rare for you to receive any response that you forget to check the website and you miss the time.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers an interview, but you don't know the magic words that signal to the esoteric mind of an interviewer that you're fit for the job.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer e-mails you saying that 'unfortunately, you do not have the qualifications we are looking for'. You check the job again and see you applied to be a menial labourer.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. Half of them require a car. No one stops to ask how you're supposed to afford one with no job.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers a job. The commute makes you want to die in your sleep.

You call the HR manager for the workplace in hopes of arranging an interview more directly. They don't even have an answering machine.

Employers complain that no one wants to work anymore.

[lylianrae]

Fullfilment is all you need + success??

Basically what the title says + pics for proof (since anons had no problem asking for pics shamelessly (shameeee on you🤨) )

What even is fulfillment?

Fulfillment is the "feeling" that your desires are already realised in the 3D. It is also the same feeling we are trying to evoke with the state of wish fulfilled. When you are fulfilled, you feel as though you already have it fully (although you may only have in the 4D) and you're not actually bothered about whether it would manifest or how long it takes. As Neville always stated in his books, "feeling is the secret", its like knowing you already have it so you're secure in your manifestation.

Why is fulfillment the G.O.A.T?

Honestly you can manifest things so easily. Forgot affirming for 16 hours straight, SATs, the void, tapping or whatever the anons are on these days. It can be so much fun and it'll always leave you feeling good because you know you already have it. If you actually explore why you might want a certain desire, you'll realise that it actually stems from a much deeper void (pun intended).

For example, you might want to manifest 100% on your next test - do you want to see the number 100 randomly or do you want to feel proud of yourself? Do you want to have people admiring and respecting you? Do you want your parents to brag about you to their coworkers? Same thing with money, if you just have £25,000 in your bank account, it'll just be a bunch of numbers but actually what you are after is the financial freedom. The numbers would be useless if you can't do what you want with them.

Overall its the reason why we manifest and why these desires become reality. As soon as we make the feeling of having it natural, it manifests.

How do I know if I am fulfilled?

You are secure in your knowing as you know you have it already so there is no wondering where your desire is. You don't really care about time or how long it takes the same way anymore because you understand that you have it now so there is nothing to wait for if you already have what you want. Its more you know you have in the 4D so you don't care about the 3D. You have entered sabbath state and you're just chilling basically (it sounds like 5 different ways to say the same thing? 🤨).

How do I fulfill myself?

All these techniques - SATS, affirming, visualisation is all about helping us fulfill ourselves. Decide that you have this particular desire and know that. Sometimes we crave certain feelings, like sometimes we just want a warm hug or to eat a certain food which we can't in the moment. Literally just close your eyes and imagine having whatever it is as vividly as possible (if you want) and you'll notice the feeling of lack and desire just leaving.

For example, if you want a chocolate bar, you'll decide that you have one now. No matter what the 3D shows you, know that you have a chocolate bar. You can affirm, do SATS and visualise for the chocolate bar but at the end of the day they are techniques used to help you fulfill yourself and ease your craving for the chocolate bar by tell you that you already have it. With that being said, there is no higher power out there that will say that you can't have your desire if you only affirm 49 times out of 50 or only visualise once throughout your day. Thats also why sometimes desires just pop up even if you affirm once.

Success story??

So recently I have been putting my foot down about manifesting so I have been visualising and fulfilling myself whenever I get the chance. If I want to eat something I dont have in my house? Into my imagination I go and I create it. I want to hug someone I can't anymore? Imagination time. I want someone stop asking me questions? Close eyes, fulfill, rinse and repeat.

I've been "meditating" at night (I say meditating but its me just passing out after 3 secs) so sometimes I get weird trippy dreams but sometimes I can't remember them at all and wake up tired af even though I get 9 hours of sleep (sus as hell). Anyways one day (9/07) I dreamt of some dogs (which I completely forgot about) and after a few hours, my mum told me that my brother was collecting coins so he could save up for a puppy (hes 5 lmao) and shes was so impressed. She tried to talk to my dad into it and surprisingly he agreed?? Although I love dogs, I have also asked for a cat since forever (since manifesting my way into that private school) and I basically complained hard to my dad who really wanted a dog but he was kind of leaning towards a cat too that day. He even told me that if any sellers agree, he'll go pick them up right that day (lets be real, no one will with such short notice I think he just set me up to fail 😡). The next day (10/07) my sister approached him about it and apparently he was like no way (🤕) but tbh I didn't really care. Inside I was just like "I'll get whatever I want anyways" because its true but also because I'm kind of too busy for a pet right now. I used to think my life was too toxic for pet and that they would be better off not being mine but recently I just realised that I was just manifesting that toxicity into my life. Why would I, the God of my reality, be deprived of anything I want? Its simply not natural. Anyways -back to the story- he didn't want to get a cat and I was busy that day I sort of just dropped it. The next day (11/07), I was looking through kitten pictures and showing my mum and we were taking about what kind of cat to get, awwing over kittens (the usual yk). My dad walked in and I showed him the pictures and for once in his life, he was like yeah they're cute and then he told me to message the seller and that he will go pick the kitten up that very same day if they responded but only if they responded by 5 pm or else I won't get a cat at all (at the time, it was already after 3:30pm). I messaged a bunch of them and one of them responded super fast and even gave us their number, my dad gave them a call but... they would. not. pick up. I was stressing out so much because time was running but I somehow channeled my inner master manifestor and just calmed myself. Then the next thing I did was close my eyes and imagine myself hugging a tinyy black and white kitten. Then I just let it go, grabbed some ice cream and forced myself to chill. Lmao just kidding, I affirmed in my head like twice but I was interrupted because the seller called back!! Anyways, long story short, we ended up driving 1hr to the sellers place and guess what... I got what I wanted.

Lol hes angry I won't let him sleep

His name is Mion and hes an absolutely babyyy. I will never shut up about how perfect he is - hes so freaking well behaved, has never bit, scratched or pooped on anything (expect litter). Hes so good with loud noises and with being picked up and played with. I've only heard him meow at the fruit flies and he only uses his claws on his toys. The crazy part is I only paid £10 for him. I used to stress that my dad won't actually like him but tell me why he's baby talking him?? It was honestly all so sudden, I didn't even have cat litter or a litter tray for him on the day.

I didn't exactly want a cat that bad but I think because I'm always giving myself whatever I want in my imagination, my subconcious just translated that into "there is nothing that I cannot have". Remember, there is nothing that you cannot have either <3 Bye bye.

Love, Lylian. This post is way too long, I'm so sorry I lost the plot a while ago. Ps: do you have any naming suggestions for him, I feel like Mion is a good name and an awful name at the same time.

[fishfooddude]

No Phone Policy 3.0

Baby girl Berzatto needed a metal name, and this felt like the choice, ya know?

The Bear MasterList

Directory

Part 2

“Hi, beautiful… oh, this is hella trippy buggies. I remember holding you for the first time, and now I’m holding my granddaughter for the first time…” your Dad laughed as he stared down at the tiny pink bundle in his arms. You smiled as you watched him pace beside your bed. “Where’s Carmy? I have a present for this little princess—I’m surprised he isn’t glued to her, or you, for that matter.” 

You grinned as you adjusted yourself in the incredibly uncomfortable hospital bed you’d been in for the past 48 hours. “He went home to grab me some stuff I forgot.” you lied, hoping he wouldn’t see through your bluff. With a narrow stare, your Dad nodded. He could tell you weren’t telling him something, but he didn’t want to upset you by pushing the topic. 

“Well, what did you two name this perfect little angel?” your Dad questioned as he handed you your daughter. You shrugged, “Haven’t decided yet… the papers are over there on the table, but we can’t decide.” 

“What were you two thinkin’? I’m team something unique and magical, especially since that lil girl was born on one of the most magical days of the year.” he smiled, putting a hand over his chest. You chuckled and adjusted the infant in your arms.

“July 23. Best day of your life.” you answered, “You know, I know the story by heart… but she hasn’t heard it yet.” the sing-song nature of your comment made your Dad lean forward in his chair. “Baby’s first Grandpa story! May I?” he asked, offering his hands to you. You laughed as you handed the baby back to him.

“I better get my daughter back, Dad,” you playfully scolded as he held her close to his chest. He shrugged and responded, “No promises. She’s my new favorite person in the world—your Ma and sisters, and the boys are a very close second, but right now—it’s all her.” 

“You hear that gorgeous? Grandpa has known you for 30 minutes, and your greatness has already superseded your Mommy’s. You’re my perfect lil angel.” he cooed. As he babbled at her, you rolled your eyes, “Tell the story, Grandpa.” 

He scoffed in your direction before turning on the story-telling voice he would use when telling your nephews' stories. “The year was 1986. Your Grandpa was traveling with one of the greatest bands mankind will ever know, Van Halen. Metallica is also a pretty fuckin’ awesome choice for music- don’t let your Daddy ruin your taste in music, princess. You will be my little metalhead.” 

“Dad.” you scolded. He shot you an exasperated look, “He’s not even here bonding with his daughter. I’m GOING to shit on his shitty taste in music.” he challenged. He noticed your subtle wince when he brought up Carmy for a second time. Something was going on, but he didn’t dare bring it up, “Ok, ok, I’ll stop shittin’ on Carmy. Back to baby’s first Grandpa story.” he chuckled, leaning back in his chair and adjusting the baby in his arms. 

“Grandpa was in St. Louis. I’d followed Van Halen for 12 weeks across the continental United States. I was broke as shit, hungry as hell, and I STANK. I’m at the truck stop right- there’s this little diner called Olivette. I ordered the cheapest breakfast I could, and at the end of my meal- this GORGEOUS waitress brought me a piece of gooey butter cake- a Missouri delicacy, in time you’ll have your fair share, princess.” he assured the gurgling bundle in his arms, “The waitress goes, ‘it’s on the house sugar’ in this cute ass little twang and I about died. That was your Grandma Dottie.” 

You smiled as he continued the story. He went in to explain how he’d worked up the courage to ask her if she was going to the Van Halen show that night, and when she said ‘yes,’ he knew she was the one. You laughed as he explained that his mutual love of music had brought him an amazing life. 

“I met Dottie on July 23, 1986, so the fact you were born on July 23, 2024, is a sign. I think I can convince your Mommy to give you a metal ass name. Auntie Pamala was named after Panama- the best Van Halen song. Your Mommy’s middle name is Olivette because that’s where I met your Grandma. Then Auntie Mars is Mars because Grandma wouldn’t let me name her after Lars Ulrich, but Mars was acceptable.” you laughed as your Dad explained the Y/L/N family lure. “Your Auntie Pam is my favorite, though- she named her boys after Eddie and Alex Van Halen.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I love you, Daddy, but I’m not naming my daughter after Van Halen or Metalica.” He scoffed in response. What about Pantera or Megadeath? I’m just sayin’ with a last name like Bearzatto. She needs a metal-ass name.” 

You laughed as you collected your daughter back from him, “Okay, buggies, I love you, and I’m really proud of you. Not just for procreating but for everything you’ve done. Your Ma would be real proud, too.” 

~

“What do you mean she doesn’t have a name yet?” your sister Pam laughed as she cradled your daughter in her arms. You shrugged, “We just can’t decide.” 

“Didn’t he insist on some Van Halen reference?” Mason, Pam’s husband, laughed as he entered the room with a brown paper bag. You shook your head, “He gave her three band onesies, but I think I got out of the Van Halen references.” 

Mason shook his head as he placed the bag on the end of your bed, “I wasn’t sure what you’d be cravin’, but I figured a sub and chips was a safe bet.” he grinned. “Thanks, Mason.”

“What about Jade Van? Dad would freak over the reference.” your baby sister Mars laughed as she put her head on your shoulder, and she snuggled closer to you, craning her neck to get a better look at your still-unnamed daughter. You shook your head, “I don’t know how Carmy would feel about that one.”

“Bitch. He isn’t even here. Name her whatever the fuck you want.” she said with an overly dramatic eye roll. Mars was the only one who knew about the issues you and Carmy had been going through, but you couldn’t stomach telling her that Carmy missed the birth. 

“How about Blade? Blade Berzatto—fuckin’ metal, right?” you joked, trying to brush Carmy out of your mind. Mars erupted into laughter,, which startled the baby in your arms. You cradled the baby and nudged Mars to shut up. “I love it. But let’s go more norm-core,” Mars said as she ran her thumb against the baby’s chubby cheek.

~

“Are you an Erin? Jasper? Kali? Luna?” you listed off baby names as you did skin-to-skin after the baby’s afternoon feeding. You were finally done with visitors for the day, and you’d turned your phone off to avoid dealing with Carmy. You’d inevitably have to talk to him at one point, but having at least one more day of peace was a priority right now. You didn’t know where he was or what he was doing, but it was a safe assumption that he was probably working himself to the bone at The Bear. The Bear… Bear… “Wolf.” the name came to you. “Wolf Berzatto… Daddy goes by Bear. We were calling cub while I was pregnant… you don’t call baby wolves cubs, but I like it. You do need a middle name, though. I know Daddy liked the name Bonnie.” you rattled off before leaning over to kiss the baby’s hat-covered head. 

“What if you hate the name Wolf? I mean, you could go by your middle name or a nickname… Daddy’s name is Carmen, but he goes by Carmy. Okay, Wolf Bonnie Berzatto. I like it, and if Daddy doesn’t, he can suck my dick. Am I swearing too much around you? I feel like I am.” you laughed, “Okay… also, you’re only getting your Daddy’s last name because I changed my last name when I married him.” 

“Wolf… that’s quite a name,” Natalie awkwardly complimented, trying not to pass too much judgment on her niece. She can go by Bonnie if she hates it.” You defended your name choice for the hundredth time in the short eight hours since announcing her name to your family group chat. Turning your phone back on had been anxiety-inducing. Carmy had left you hundreds of texts and voicemails begging to be allowed in the hospital room and apologizing for anything and everything he could think of. It was endearing, but you were still pissed off. 

“Does Carmy know about the name choice?” Natalie carefully prodded as she watched you shove stuff into your bag. You shook your head, “I haven’t talked to him yet.” 

Natalie knew you hadn’t talked to him and knew about you barring him from the hospital. He came back to the restaurant. Natalie had seen Carmy upset in the past, but this was a different kind of upset. He went off on Richie about the ‘no phone policy’ he’d enforced on all staff. Carmy was never a fighter, but Marcus and Sweeps had to hold him back after Carmy had punched Richie in the side of the head.  Richie, visibly disorientated, screamed a ‘what the fuck’ alerting the kitchen staff of the fight going on in the thankfully empty front of house. It took a while for Carmy to calm down enough to tell anyone what had happened. Richie apologized but said Carmy missed the birth, which wasn’t his fault. It was Carmy’s fault. Richie went off about Carmy knowing your due date and how he should’ve planned better and asked for an exception to the rule. 

Natalie sighed, remembering how that comment had riled Carmy up again. She drove him home while he called you repeatedly, getting progressively more upset each time his call went to voicemail. “She can’t do this to me, Sugar- I know I fucked up, but-but she can’t-” Carmy stopped midsentence and began rocking himself forward and backward in his seat. “Carmy, wh-wh-what can I do? How can I help you?” Natalie begged as she parked in the driveway of the house you two owned. “Do you have a fuckin’ time machine so I can go back and not miss the birth of my fuckin’ daughter!” he screamed, making Natalie freeze in her seat.

Natalie stayed with Carmy the entire time you were in the hospital. He was a mess. He flipped between extreme rage and full-blown panic. He ranted about how you were going to leave him and prevent him from seeing his daughter. He cried so hard he threw up multiple times. He wasn’t sleeping. He wasn’t eating. Natalie had never seen her brother like this before and was at a loss for what to do. 

When you called her to come pick you and the baby up from the hospital, she didn’t know what to say. You’d asked her not to tell or bring Carmy, which she understood, but it still conflicted her. You hadn’t filled her in on Carmy’s minimal involvement with your pregnancy the past weeks, but Natalie could put two and two together. After enlisting the help of Syd and Richie, Natalie felt as if she could leave Carmy and come pick you up. 

“Are you okay, Nat?” you questioned as you strapped Wolf into her car seat. It’s nothin’. I just feel really guilty that I’m meeting my niece before Carmy had the chance to…” Natalie explained as she crossed her arms over her stomach. You knew Natalie had a point. You felt that same guilt. You wanted nothing more than to cuddle with your husband and daughter. 

You sighed, “Well, I guess I have to talk to Carmy at one point, so let’s go.”

Part 4

[youryanderedaddy]

Bad dog

tw: very trippy and edgy rawr, hinted captivity, hinted abuse, insults, victim blaming

During the coldest nights, as the fireplace tickles your cheeks red, he likes to tell you over and over - with the slightest of smiles, the story of how you two first met. As if you don't remember it. As if you don't regret every second of it.

You with your long raincoat crying, barely coherent, searching for escape, for a savior to run into. Clinging to any stranger who looked kind enough, who had innocent eyes, who wasn't drunk or drugged out of their mind - but in that type of neighbourhood after dark, you hardly met any respectable people. Heavy stench of wet tobacco sinking to the very fabric of your flimsy dress under the cargo (feeling like a whore and looking like one, he often adds with a biting chuckle) - your heart was beating, clapping like a dying bird's wings, and if it could speak with a human voice, it would be screaming. You were being chased.

You don't even recall his name or his face anymore. Maybe an angry lover? A crazed admirer? Your father, drunk and bitter after a fight? Back then you were so terrified you could describe him in your sleep, but now nothing seemed as scary as it did back then. Darkness has become your sanctuary and even the monsters pity you. You were afraid you were losing your mind, once, (don't be silly, he had said. you were crazy from the star, doll.) you could feel his hands on you, but whose hands were they really? Why were you running in the first place?

He was screaming. Threatening to murder you, maybe. You were shaking and wet and you just needed a hug. And perhaps one hundred martinis followed by the most gruesome, toe - curling, humiliating fuck of your life. The type that leaves you feeling filthy, bleeding, and not even in a good way. The type you could control and write down, and fully envision with director cuts and quotes and props, as if come out of your own personal fucked up pink little porn studio.

You needed someone - something. A friend? A kind soul that happened to pass by? You had watched too many movies. You were naive - all those offices, all those mass corporate names, those leather seats at the top floor right next to the big boss, those tears and sweats to climb the ladder and yet, you were still a naive, stupid little girl. Believing in fairytales, in the power of love, tenderness, believing that out there exists someone who might just take you as you are for free. Someone who will hold you without bruising you. Someone who will save you without destroying everything you are. Someone who will fight those fights for you without somehow perversely enjoying breaking down all those walls, all that independence you had created for yourself.

You're not a child anymore. And as you look at the man across from you, with his crazed eyes, with what he thinks is love, you're not sure if you're the naive one. You're not sure if good exists, if love is real or just some commercial bullshit. A lie that communists invented to get free sex, or whatever.

"You looked like a nasty little street rat. You jumped into my arms and I was thinking," He speaks and speaks and speaks, and God, you're tired of hearing. You wish your ears would bleed out before he is finished with the story. "Maybe I should blow your brains out. One less sad whore on those streets." He grips your thighs painfully and you kick him in the groin, but he only groans in return. Freak. "But then you opened that cute little mouth of yours and-"

And you begged him to help you. To save you. To take you away from this miserable life of yours.

"You looked so helpless. I couldn't help myself."

And that's why he decided to chain you like a dog and fuck you black and blue. Because he couldn't help himself. And because you couldn't help yourself, you had invited him. Your body was calling out to him. If you weren't so sad, if you weren't so lonely, so helpless. If you weren't in the wrong place at the wrong time, you wouldn't meet the wrong people. If you had only been a good girl. If you had just stayed put. If you didn't entice bad men - even as a child. Even as you were spilling your guts out, maybe your blood was just that beautiful.

"You basically threw yourself into my arms. It was love at first sight."

Right. It was love all along.

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

PHIA SABAN INTERVIEWED BY ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY.

SO MUCH HAPPENED IN THE FINALE, AND HELAENA WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SO MUCH OF IT. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN YOU FOUND OUT HOW MUCH INFLUENCE HELAENA WAS GOING TO HAVE IN THIS EPISODE?

"When I read the episode, I was so excited to be involved in that trippy dream sequence."

"I was hoping that I was going to arise from a lake of goo or something, or fly."

"But I was also really happy to stand there and talk."

"That was really exciting because we did that all in a green screen stage, just me and Matt, so it was really cool."

"I watched the last episode last night, and it was really cool to see all of that come to life."

"I was very pleased to be involved in that."

"My other thought was if she feels this kind of clarity in that scene that she has with Aemond, and that isn't historically how she's felt about her power and everything."

I needed to work backwards from there and try and work out what journey she has been on, for that moment to be so clear, when usually she's a bit more like, "Oh, there's a beast somewhere."

WHAT CONVERSATIONS DID YOU HAVE WITH SHOWRUNNER RYAN CONDAL ABOUT HELAENA'S EXPANDED ROLE AND HOW SHE'S GOTTEN TO THIS POINT IN THE FINALE? BECAUSE SO MUCH OF HER JOURNEY HAS BEEN INTERNAL.

"Actually, Ryan and [writer] Sara [Hess] and the writers, they very much left it to me as to how Helaena feels, how she connects to that side of it, and how it manifests for her, but it's an interesting one."

"The line between what I know and what she knows, I try and keep quite close together, so it's not always so helpful for me to have this really overarching idea of how exactly she plays in and what magic it is."

"Because I think every time when that happens to her, it feels like the first time."

"So I know as much as she does, in a way, but they were very keen for me to interpret it however I want."

"Then I think they're just going to weave it into the story in their magical way."

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROCESS IN WORKING BACKWARDS FROM THAT CONFRONTATION WITH AEMOND. HOW DID YOU GET INTO HELAENA'S MINDSET?

"How I describe it is she has this amazingly strong intuition, and things come to her as gut feelings in flashes, but they're not always clear."

"She can't always turn them into advice."

"It's more of like a feeling that takes her over."

"That's where some of those really abstract things that she mutters earlier on comes from, but she also thinks of herself and knows of herself that she's quite a strange girl."

"There's a way in which her family lets her go and be her strangeness in her room and do all of her Helaena things."

But also she partially thinks, "Maybe if I didn't have these weird feelings or this strange intuition or this really intense experience that I have, then I could be a bit closer to people around me, or I could communicate better or it would be less strange."

"Part of her represses that stuff."

"Then I think with the trauma that happened to her in episode 1, essentially the worst possible thing happened, and there's a certain amount of dissociation and almost like a letting go of that, like trying her best to be the same as everyone else."

She has disassociated from the family reality, and maybe she has stepped in a little bit more to the other place, and she has more access because she's gone, "I can't abandon myself as well, so what is this?"

"She's given it the attention and the intensity it needed."

SINCE HELAENA BEING A DRAGON DREAMER ISN'T IN THE BOOK, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOW YOU'RE GETTING TO CHART NEW TERRITORY FOR THE CHARACTER?

"It's really fun."

"I know that people feel so passionately and lovingly towards the original story, but I think that me, as a fan of things, I love a certain level of loyalty."

"Then I love the idea that I can be surprised or something could be subverted."

"It more flatters the audience's intelligence when you get to surprise them and subvert things, so I like the idea that people didn't see that coming for Helaena."

"Obviously, I can't watch the show as an impartial person."

I WOULD BE VERY IMPRESSED IF YOU COULD.

"[Laughs] I'd be like a psychopath, yeah."

WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING THE BRAN OF THIS SHOW?

"The thing is that I really have absolutely no idea what's happening next season."

"I think that moment in episode 8 is an example of how clear and how powerful she can be, but I don't think that's the beginning of now she can just communicate like that."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she walks away from Aemond, [mimes shaking her head and shoulders and blows out a breath], and she goes inside and goes to her room and that doesn't happen again for a long time."

"So who knows, but it would be really cool if I got to spend more time in that vision dream world."

"I would love that."

"There's that moment when Daemon's going over to the tree, and then there's a guy with a deer head or something."

"I think Helaena should hang out with him."

THEY SHOULD GO OFF TOGETHER HAVE THEIR OWN SIDE ADVENTURES. NEW SPINOFF IDEA.

"Yeah, exactly."

"That's what I want for the next season."

DOES THIS REVELATION THAT HELAENA IS ACTUALLY A DRAGON DREAMER MAKE YOU RETHINK YOUR CHARACTER AT ALL?

"Yeah, I think it's fun because it's essentially development, which is what you always hope for when you play someone."

"I just really hope that there's momentum from this, that we see her change more and more and keep on being surprising."

WHAT WAS IT LIKE FILMING THAT SCENE WITH MATT WHERE HELAENA KNOCKS DAEMON DOWN A PEG AND REALLY HUMBLES HIM IN THE FINALE?

"It was fun."

We were there on the green screen going like, 'What the hell is this going to look like?'

"But it's great to do work with the people from the other team because at this point the relationships are so bad that you're really only going to get Helaena and Daemon together in a vision."

"They're probably not going to be having lunch together anytime soon."

"[Laughs] I'd love to go and hang out with Harry Collett and Bethany Antonia and Phoebe Campbell next time."

"I'd like to go and hang out with Alys Rivers [Gayle Rankin], all the people that live in different castles."

"Maybe I could meet them in dreams."

"That would be really good."

"It'd be like ... did you ever play Club Penguin?"

[LAUGHS] I HAVE!

"It could be Club Penguin."

It's like, "Meet me here at 3 p.m. by the igloo."

That'd be so fun if Helaena could just be like, "Let's go and hang out in dreams. Go and touch the tree, and I'll be there."

NO ONE HAS EVER LISTENED TO HELAENA UNTIL DAEMON REALLY TAKES HER WORDS TO HEART AND CHANGES HIS ENTIRE COURSE. DOES HELAENA FULLY APPRECIATE OR EVEN KNOW THE PART SHE'S PLAYING IN THIS WAR NOW?

"No, I don't think so."

It's all so intense for her and so immediate that I don't think she even is always like, "I have this overarching understanding of the story."

"I think it comes to her in moments."

"Maybe it muddies the water more, but I feel like that whole dream stuff is up for interpretation as well from the audience."

"How much is she a projection of his guilt, or how much did he just need to hear that from someone?"

"It's this magical realm, so anything could be possible."

"Maybe that's something that she could say in a moment, and then she's gone from there again, and it's just like she was just being channeled through."

"Who knows? Maybe we'll find out more."

I think to her it's just, 'This is my really intense experience of being alive,' and that's enough self-analysis for anyone in that moment.

It's like, "What am I going through?"

"And then there's this clarity."

"She's got a lot to process this season."

"Bless her."

WHAT WAS IT LIKE FILMING THE SCENE WHERE HELAENA STANDS UP TO AEMOND AND REVEALS SHE KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HE DID? THAT'S ONE OF THOSE RARE MOMENTS OF CLARITY FOR HER.

It's really fun to work with Ewan — yet again, I'm answering the question in an annoying way because I'm like, "I just like working with those people!"

"[Laughs] That was really cool."

"God, this is really the first time... it's the most eye-contact she's ever made in both seasons."

And she's really going like, "Don't fuck with me."

Basically, "Because I have this knowledge that's on a higher realm and I cannot and will not go and kill people for male ego and toxicity."

That's the other funny thing with this family: Yes, he's the Prince Regent or whatever, and her husband/brother is the King.

But actually to each other it's like, "You're my brother and you can push me and you can push me, but I know you."

"That is more about a sibling dynamic."

"Actually, I think that Aemond ironically is one of the people that Helaena feels she can communicate with a little bit better."

"They have this sort of affinity."

"It's just fun to play with those dynamics because she doesn't have a lot of long chats with anyone, so it's fun for me."

YEAH, THE LONGEST CHAT SHE'S HAD UNTIL NOW HAS BEEN WITH HER BUGS.

"Exactly, and they don't really answer back."

"This is very new and very overwhelming."

HELAENA DOESN'T WANT TO RIDE HER DRAGON INTO BATTLE, BUT DO YOU? HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MISSING OUT ON THE BIG DRAGON BATTLES SO FAR?

"Yeah! It's House of the Dragon, and I've got a dragon, and I haven't got on it."

"I'm rusty."

"I really wanted to get on the dragon."

"I went and watched a few people on the buck this season, and I was so jealous."

"I'd really love to get on the dragon, or at least have a scene with Dreamfyre."

"Dreamfyre, like Vhagar, she's super ancient and big and cool."

"I'd like to see Helaena and Dreamfyre having a sort of spiritual connection, but I'm not complaining."

"I'm just happy to be here."

[grichel]

oh you think they should have made a more faithful adaptation? of the game you never played? you think it should be more like the game you never played? you’re nostalgic for the actual plot of the game you admittedly never played? did you know you can just play the game you never played and experience the original story of the game you never played that way? we have the technology.

just finished final fantasy vii: rebirth. effervescent.

[lurkingshan]

Scattered Thoughts about The Boy Next World Episode 2

Now that was more like it! I really loved this second episode, and it got this story going much better for me. I've got a lot on my mind following this episode, so here's a round up of scattered thoughts:

The way this second episode followed and landed some of the threads that were only started in the first reminded me of kdrama structure. Kdrama often requires a couple episodes to get through the set up and feel like you know what the story is doing, and the shows are designed to be consumed 2 eps at a time. This was very much like that, with this second episode delivering the pieces that felt missing from the first.

I really loved the tense and trippy opening of this episode, with Cirrus waking up in this new universe frantically looking for Phukan, and the POV shots we got to place us in his head.

This episode felt like it balanced tone better than the first, and I noticed that the story feels a bit more like a romantic comedy when we're with Phukan's POV, more like a serious genre story when we're with Cirrus's POV, and more like a classic romance when we're blending the two together. Not sure if that will hold up all the way across the show, but it was well done this week.

The big question now re: the mythology is what exactly Cirrus is hiding, and how Jin knows about it. I was really happy the show went there this episode, because I was yelling at the screen about why Cirrus was trying to get with this new Phukan instead of trying to get back to his own world, and it felt like he was hiding something. I'm glad Phukan has the same questions, and his belief that Cirrus should return to the him in the other world him adds a nice layer of complication.

Given his devotion to Phukan, my best guess at the moment is that something tragic happened to the Phukan in Cirrus's original world, and that's why he is here, why he woke up so agitated, and why he seems to have no desire to go back.

The high school flashbacks and the different versions of them that played out in each world also add an interesting layer here. I wasn't sure which world's version of Cirrus we were looking at in that post-credits scene. Was he expressing regret for not talking to Phukan because this is Phukan's world where he didn't answer? Was he reliving it with his other world knowledge and judging this world's him? I don't know but I am intrigued!

On top of the narrative clicking into place, this episode was FUNNY. I laughed out loud several times, and I really loved the genre-aware jokes (like Phukan complaining about the soft focus filter and the saxophone music cue when Cirrus got horny), and especially the sequence where Phukan kept switching seats to argue with himself. This whole episode felt really sharp.

A kiss by episode 2! I knew you wouldn't let us down, MAME. I think it's interesting that Phukan is so easily accepting of the intimacy from Cirrus despite not really knowing him. He seems naturally drawn to him, and while he knows intellectually there are reasons to be wary, his instincts are telling him to go with it.

I'm super excited this came together for me this week because I've been looking forward to this story.

[starry-bi-sky]

surprise phantom doodles for 'late at night when the nightingale sings' '

i was brainstorming today after classes over Danny's ghost form in 'late at night when the nightingale sings' and decided to draw out some concept ideas! Specifically for when he was eleven and freshly ghosted.

Canonically, as per "Before the Nightingale Sings" Danny was wearing one of his parents' jumpsuits when he died, meaning it was much too big for him going into the portal. As Phantom it shows -- now, I'm still learning how to draw baggy clothes, so his clothes aren't nearly as baggy as I picture them being, but I hope I got the general feel across. -- by how his suit seems to sag off him, with Danny using bandages (or, more likely hair ties) to cinch his gloves off at the wrist because they tended to slip and fall off.

He has an even greater tendency to float as Phantom, not just because of the ghost thing, but also because his boots are so big and heavy that he tends to trip over them if he's walking or running. They're loud and clunky, and I'm thinking that eventually he just ends up getting rid of them at some point because they're so in the way.

The shading over his face is something I came up with while drawing, and while I hope to be able to keep it, I might end up dropping it before it gets written into the fic. My idea was for it to kinda like, be a unique way to represent his love for space by having a shadow darken over his forehead that steadily gets lighter the further down his face it gets, and in the shadow-y parts are star-freckles, but I'll need to see how it looks digitally before I confirm it. It looks cool with just pencil and paper, but whether or not it looks cool (rather than busy) in color is a different story.

His eyes are probably my favorite part! But I'm also a sucker for inhuman looking eyes. His pupils are, as you'll notice in the pictures, noted to be white, and shaped like four-point stars. His hair is also meant to be shorter, but I didn't feel like testing my short-hair-drawing-skills with the concept drawings for Phantom just yet.

The "new ghosts have a very specific feel" thing was another thing I thought of as I was drawing, and I thought it'd be kinda neat. The townsfolk are scared of Phantom initially because of the whole "ah! a ghost!" thing, but also because Danny's legitimately giving off like, the worst "not a deer anymore" vibes ever. Not unintentionally, mind you! But still giving them off.

I don't know how to articulate it well, but new ghosts have this "new car" feel to them that, to the living, feels pretty similar to encountering a liminal space, and it's because of how fresh the ectoplasm is in their creation. They're still "fresh out of the oven steaming" so to speak. They invoke a sense of unease and foreboding that's pretty unique to new ghosts, like a combination uncanny valley and "I have a bad feeling about this".

To ghosts it feels different! New ghosts don't spook the other dead like they do the living, so this is only a phenomenon with the humans. To the other dead it's more like that "new car smell" except its that "fresh ectoplasm" smell that tells them the other ghost is fresh out the grave dirt. This feeling usually fades after a few weeks.

It gets cut off, but the drawing in the corner says "death scar is in center of chest rather than on his arm" and that's because I've mentioned before that I think Blood Blossom Danny's death was a little different in comparison to typical fanon. Rather than being killed by the button electrocuting him, the fabric of reality tearing a hole straight through where he was standing did! Luckily for him, Danny was dead before the pain could hit.

As a result, Danny's got a pretty large but luckily relatively unnoticeable "blast" scar in the center of his chest, and while he doesn't have that big ol' hole as a ghost (most of the time), his chest was the last to physically form. His ghost formed right behind Sam and Tucker, which was a very trippy experience for their already traumatizing experience. They could see Danny's physical core, which pulsed like a heartbeat and cast the whole room in a light like the aurora borealis, before it was steadily encased by his physical body. Very horrifying to see. Danny doesn't remember this. It has a tendency to go numb sometimes, and he developed a habit of rubbing his chest.

Technically Danny does have a pair of goggles too -- but I haven't mastered drawing goggles yet, and I didn't wanna mess with drawing them. So for now, he's gone goggle-less for doodles. I do think his ghost form -- at least clothingwise -- has changed by the time he's 13, but I'll need to put some extra thought into it.

There are some other things I'd like to incorporate too -- like his interests outside of Space -- into his ghost form, but again, that'll take some brainstorming, and probably doesn't initially set in until later.

[eli0004]

AoT as songs during a breakup and why [Pt. 1 Men Edition]

Contains: Eren, Armin, Jean, Connie, Reiner, Bertholdt, Levi

Warnings: insecurity, implied cheating, drug use, pining, toxicity, crying

Eren- [Black Cats- ZillaKami]

After you two break up, Eren goes through three phases. Anger at you, anger at himself, and finally just trying to forget and pretend nothing ever happened. He’s the type of guy that smokes until he’s numb, and forces himself to ignore the heartbreak. If he broke up with you, he’ll probably be back in your DMs in a week. But if you hurt him, he’ll expect you to come back and apologize. The man is too prideful to beg.

Armin- [If Only- Fink]

Sweet Armin 🥹 baby boy, he blames himself. Even if the breakup was your fault, he’s thinking of all the ways he could’ve been better for you. He’ll run through every possible reason you felt like he wasn’t enough for you, any sign he missed that he wasn’t trying hard enough. He won’t get over you, even as the time passes, there will always be room in his heart that he’ll keep unoccupied in case you ever decide to come back for him. This boy will love you forever, even if it hurts.

Jean- [It’s Called: Free Fall- Rainbow Kitten Surprise]

Jean is a very emotional guy…in private. He won’t outwardly show how it affects him, he’ll go out with friends and make an appearance at parties like it’s no big deal. For the first while he’s able to fool himself too. It’s one night when he gets home after a trip to the lake with his friends and starts thinking about how quiet his evenings are without you, he breaks. He feels a bit hopeless, and frustrated that he can’t just turn it off. He doesn’t want to feel it, because he’s scared it will consume him. He’s scared that other people will recognize his vulnerability.

Connie- [Who Needs Love- Trippie Redd]

My man is a LIAR. Connie hates you. He’s talking shit, he’s saying you were toxic and he’s glad you’re gone. He doesn’t need you and he could have anyone he wants, so why be sad? Until he runs into you at a party and you drunkenly admit that you still love him. Suddenly the world is colorful again, and loving really is worth the pain.

Reiner- [Creep- Radiohead]

Even if Reiner isn’t a loser, in his own mind he is. He went into your relationship believing you deserved so much better than him, he never understood how you managed to look at him and see anything worth loving. Everything he ever did was to ensure your happiness, so if leaving him is what will make that happen, he’ll let you go. He’ll watch you post on your instagram story when you go on dates, he’ll see your happy lil smile and he’ll smile to himself, ignoring the tear that escapes his eyes and moistens his pillow. He tells himself that he’s just proud of you, and glad you’re doing well.

Bert- [Break- Alex G]

Bert is a loser, and he believes he’s a loser. It’s endearing, because he doesn’t understand how he managed to pull you in the first place. He would walk to the ends of the earth and back barefoot to make you happy, his love knows no bounds. He’s a certified simp and he doesn’t mind being called one, because he doesn’t see any reason not to be proud that others are acknowledging how diligently he loves you, how devoted he is to your happiness. When things end, he feels cheated and drained. Like it was all for nothing. The type of guy who will say he’ll never love again, and even if it’s not true, it will definitely be a long time before he does.

Levi- [Killer- Phoebe Bridgers]

Levi has some pretty significant abandonment issues. He’s another one that would do anything to see you smile, he believes that the more he does for you, the more worthy of love he is. He doesn’t see himself as lovable unless he can be of service. Even if he doesn’t show it, Levi can be pretty insecure. He knows he isn’t the most approachable, he can be blunt and brash, and he doesn’t always know how to be gentle. But your love makes him feel like he’s good. He’s not ready to give that up, and he’s thinking of all the ways he can show you he wants to make it work. He can’t accept that it’s over, and one way or another he’ll have you back in his arms.

[carlarosenakilah]

I'm taking a break from The Osix Family and Wilted Ivory

Hi, you've read that right. I'll proceed to go into detail undercut

Warning that the following will be containing very sensitive topics such as su***idal thoughts, mental health issues, and whatever the fuck I went through to get me here and I don't know how to describe nor name them but overall its not pretty.

Getting straight to the point- im drained. I'm in a horrible place right now and I need to take a step back before it might escalate into something worse.

The Osix Family is always something that I will forever dedicate to. It has comforted me, carried me, and saved me from killing myself three years ago.

I asked myself, "If I'm not here, who will tell the story of The Osix Family?"

That made me stay alive, and im greatful for that because if not, I wouldn't have been where I am today standing with the coolest people I have ever met and my amazing partner in crime @alexusespido-dod.

I love Wilted Ivory too, and that's where it gets tricky.

My only plan for Wilted Ivory is to simply tell a story about growth expressed as a musical au. Hence why the art is so simple– not just to match the original Casino Cups style, but just to tell a story that I hope would inspire and comfort others. Of course, I'm happy it gained lota of love.

The Osix Family though is a different story.

Like I said, it means a lot to me, so I put so much time and energy into this series. I sacrifice time that could've been used to study for the next exam, but instead im working on the next few panels or planning the music and etc. Blood sweat and tears (literally) into making sure the art looks good, story is properly conveyed, scenes carefully picked. Even if it gained me bad scores in my exams that made me stress over about, in the end it was worth it to me. I didn't care if I'd be sick an unable to move, as long as I could at least think about it, then I would be happy.

Episode 3 was my worst.

I overworked myself for that episode. I was always in front of my tablet, I never moved out of my seat, I was just there, working on it even if it was 1 in the morning and that I should be sleeping. I told myself: "Everything will pay off! Sure you're in so much pain right now, but eventually it will all pay off! Episode 3 is looking good and interesting! This will FINALLY gain the audience and love the story deserves!"

I was proud.

Until I wasn't.

Reality hit me like a saw. The moment the episode was released I was hopeful. But nothing happened. It was all the same.

And it just hurt how something as simple as Wilted Ivory can easily gain attention and love because it was Cuphead related something well known. Meanwhile, The Osix Family–despite everything–is just barely seen.

I started to doubt myself. To question myself. Was I not doing enough. What more can I do. What should I do. Am I not good enough?

Is the story just not good enough?

That broke me. I began to have thoughts I shouldn't have. I wanted to end it all. I wanted to quit and disappear from the world. Because what was the point in pouring so much love into something only for it to dismissed.

Its not like I simply began having these thoughts.

I've had them over and over again.

As much as I hated involving him, my partner, Alex, had to deal with the many times I nearly ended it. To the point where even if he was in school, he'd go out of his way to stop me, I still feel guilty, even if he said it was fine.

I don't understand myself anymore.

Why do I even have such an attachment to this series? Its just a stupid silly series for funsies isn't it? Why does my life to depend on it?

Unfortunately, it just does.

It sucks. Pushing away my needs for the sake of this passion, only for it to just not go as I hoped it would go. Did I mention I'm also losing followers on the osix family blog? Thats so silly and coquette.

I'm so sorry if im coming off as guilt-trippy, please I don't want it to sound that way, I just want to express how deeply troubled I am because to me it actually DOES HURT.

I envy people who couldn't give a flying fuck about whether or not their stuff goes famous or gets love, I don't even understand why I am so dependent or hungry on whatever attention it gets. I hate that im like this. I want to be free from it but I just crave it.

So, for the sake of my mental health and whatever is left of my sanity, im taking a break, for good.

I will not be updating The Osix Family or Wilted Ivory at this very moment. For how long? It depends on how fucked up I have actually turned out to be today.

I might still post, keyword: MIGHT, its not any update but to just simply draw for myself, but the chances of me posting anything is horribly low.

I'm going to focus on myself, my needs, and whatever makes me happy or have fun with.

To those who supported The Osix Family or even bothered to check it out: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

It means a lot to me, you have NO idea. Every single like, reblog, comment, hype or even the silliest amounts of theories or thoughts, they make me so happy, it actually heals me.

I can't remember names im sorry, but there was a time someone expressed how they were invested in the lore and loved the world building, it really made my day. Or when someone pointed out some small details on my waiting in a miracle animatic, it warmed my heart.

I have troubles expressing it, but im so, SO greatful.

Especially when some of my mutuals started making OCS FOR THE SERIES?? Like– it felt like a HUGE compliment.

I cant believe im tearing up as im typing this haha im so stupid lmao, but

Thank you. A lot.

And to those who weren't really into The Osix Family, its okay, don't feel bad, sometimes things are just not our cup of tea, I just needed to express my grief, cause honestly bottling it up isn't going to end well for me (and it really didn't multiple times).

I apologize for any false hope or let down your hype as Wilted Ivory was just starting and The Osix Family was finally coming back– but this treatment is overwhelming me that I need to take a step back.

That's all for now.

Thank you for... actually reading, you listening means a lot to me too.

Goodbye.

[reminiscingtonight]

Rules

Ona Batlle x León!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: A belated birthday fic for Ona

[WOSO Masterlist]

You’re not one to go out and party. You’re especially not one who likes to go party with footballers. Having been able to talk your way out of following Mapi’s footsteps, you quite prefer treating people’s injuries than kicking balls around a field.

But you love your sister and cave incredibly quickly when she pokes and prods so here you are, willingly going to a bar where Mapi and all of her friends will be. 

You haven’t had a night out in a while, residency doing a great job of kicking your ass, so although you’re not the biggest fan of how loud Mapi’s teammates can be, you are looking forward to kicking back and getting a drink. 

Fate has other plans, however. 

There’s a stunning brunette sitting in the corner of the bar when you walk in. 

Your eyes are instantly drawn to her, the stranger so captivating despite not doing much to really capture your attention. You’re only half paying attention to the words being spoken to you when you catch her giving a shy smile to her companion’s words. At that moment you know you’re going to talk to her sometime tonight if it’s the last thing you do. 

Ignoring the cries of your name and the beaming smiles of your friends, you beeline for the bar top, sliding into the seat beside the brunette. The girl blinks when she notices your presence but gives you a small smile all the same. 

“Hola.” You give her a smile back in response, quickly turning to give your order to the bartender. 

.

Ona can’t help but stare when you take a seat next to her. 

You look oddly familiar but she can’t place where she’s seen you before. Something about you makes her want to get to know you more. Even just the quiet rumble of your voice when you order your drink from the bartender makes her want to make you say more words, just so she can admire your voice some more. 

“I’m Ona,” she supplies, hoping you don’t recognize her. Sometimes being a public figure meant having no privacy. Given that she’s in a bar with all the other Barcelona girls, however, well that was just asking for people’s attention.

But you don’t act like you’re starstruck nor do you ask for her last name, so she takes it as a win as you simply give her your name back in response. 

The soft smile that accompanies your introduction makes her heart feel funny. 

“What brings you all the way out here?”

Ona shrugs, fiddling with the drink in her hand. “My friends wanted to come out after prac-- after the long day we’ve had and all but dragged me out with them.”

Ona hopes you don’t catch her slip up, but you carry on as if you didn’t.

“Oh, tell me about it. I’m only here because my sister begged me to do so. Really pulled the guilt trippy ‘I haven’t seen you in so long’ to do it.”

Ona can’t help but laugh at the face you pull, but she can tell how much you love your sister by the warmth still in your eyes. 

The two of you stay locked in conversation for a while. You’ve gotten your drink and finished it, even offered to buy Ona one of her own. She pretends not to stare at your exposed midriff when you reach a hand up to get the bartender’s attention.

You’re fun to talk to, goofy smile always making her heart feel lighter and lighter, and before long Ona realizes you’ve been talking for almost half an hour. By now the defender is quite surprised that none of her teammates have come by to get her. After all, it was some of the older girls who wanted to come out to the bar to bond some more as a team, but then again Patri was always going on and on about how Ona needed to go out and meet some new girls, so maybe her friend was doing a good job keeping everyone else alway.

For the first time Ona’s quite glad her friend’s so invested in her lovelife. 

Surprisingly the first person to get called away isn’t her, but you. 

You’ve just started on a story about your first day on the job when a voice calls out, interrupting your conversation. “Bebé León!” 

The words are sung out, and you roll your eyes, snapping back without looking away. “What do you want?”

At the same time Ona’s eyes have grown wide. León? You couldn’t be… Mapi’s sister now, could you?

By now the body the voice belongs to comes swinging in, wrapping your body in a tight vice-like grip. You’re squirming, unable to throw off your captor. 

“When did you sneak in?”

Speak of the devil. 

With Mapi putting you in a headlock, your faces side by side, Ona can really see the resemblance. 

“Tana dropped me off earlier, you loser,” you huff, still trying but failing to get out of Mapi’s grip. Despite pretending not to like any of Mapi’s friends, you have gotten quite close to a couple of them. 

Mapi blinks, remembering how Aitana had showed up a while back, a little late but none the wiser. The younger girl hadn’t said anything about having given you a ride, but now that she sees you wrapped up in conversation with Ona… well it would make sense that Aitana wanted to let you get acquainted with the younger girl without any disruptions.

Letting you go, Mapi steals your drink out of your hand. She ignores your cry of protest, simply giving Ona a wide grin. 

“I see you’ve met the new blood,” Mapi hums.

You frown, eyes darting between your sister and Ona. “What?”

“Ona here just signed her contract with Barcelona.”

There’s a brief pause in the conversation as you blink slowly, almost as if you can’t believe what Mapi has just said. 

“You don’t say.” 

Ona doesn’t think she’s imagining anything when she catches a hint of disappointment in your voice. 

“Well let me be the first to congratulate you on your new contract.” You seem to shake off the disappointment quickly, stealing your drink out of Mapi’s hands to clink it with Ona’s.

“I don’t think you’re the first,” Mapi begins, but you push at her shoulders, shushing her. 

Ona laughs at your sibling shenanigans, happily tapping her drink against yours. 

Mapi’s presence seems to get everyone else’s attention. Soon, most of the other Barca girls gather, voicing their excitement to see you again. You take all the attention like a pro, joking around with all the other girls as if you’re one of them yourself. Ona notices Patri winking at her from behind your head more than a couple times, but she simply blushes, always quick to avert her eyes from the midfielder. 

Despite moving from the counter to a little booth near the back of the bar, you stay by Ona’s side. More than a couple times the girls try to get you to go dancing with them on the dance floor, but you always decline, somehow always having a drink in hand as an excuse. 

Later, when Mapi’s gone and all the attention has slid away from the two of you, you sigh out a tiny breath. Ona’s attention is quickly back onto you, noting the way your eyes are fixed on your drink. 

“It’s such a shame,” you tsk, finger tracing the rim of your cup. 

Ona’s eyes are transfixed, following the movement of your fingers. She bites at her lip when she realizes what she’s doing, clearing her throat in embarrassment. “What’s that?”

“It’s such a shame that you’re playing for Barcelona,” you explain, eyebrow raising in amusement when you catch her flustered expression. “I have a strict no footballers policy. Especially footballers who are on the same team as my sister.”

Ona blinks, a wave of disappointment instantly washing over her. It’s been a while since she’s found someone so interesting, someone she’d be willing to try going out with, but to find out you have a rule against footballers?

It takes you bumping her arm with yours for Ona to look up again. She’s met with a soft smile, something undecipherable sparkling in your eyes. 

“I suppose I can make an exception though.”

Ona’s mouth drops open without her meaning to, though she’s quick to close it, hoping the surprise isn’t too obvious on her face. She clears her throat, smile slowly creeping back onto her face. “I won’t tell if you won’t,” she winks. 

Your laugh sounds like bells in her ears. You lean in close to her, hand slipping down into her own. “That’s the spirit.”

When you slip out of the bar minutes later, neither of you notice the brown eyes following you out the door. 

---

“Mapi?! What are you-- Get out!”

A couple weeks later Ona’s shaken out of her slumber by a sharp voice. 

Nothing can prepare her for the smug look on Mapi’s face when she stumbles out of your room, shirt and sweats borrowed from your closet. Not even the coffee shoved into her hands nor the apologetic smile on Ingrid’s face is enough to quell the embarrassment of being caught naked in your bed. 

“Thought you didn’t date footballers,” Mapi teases, ignoring the look both you and Ingrid shoot her way. 

“Ingrid’s about to not date a footballer if you don’t shut your mouth,” you mutter, the threat clear in your voice. 

Ona’s left sitting next to Ingrid with wide eyes when Mapi tackles you to the ground, the two of you instantly fighting to get the upper hand.

“You’ll get used to it,” is the only advice she’s given by Ingrid, the Norwegian sitting back and turning on your television as if León sister scuffles are a daily occurrence.

It doesn’t take long for Ona to find out they are indeed a daily occurrence.

[yukipri]

The Boy and the Heron, the new Ghibli/Miyazaki movie just released in the US, and I finally saw it for the first time!

I went in with zero spoilers, the way it was intended (before it released in Japan, they didn't even show a single trailer, people went in with no idea what it would be about).

It was beautiful, unusual, fantastical, fascinating, thought-provoking, TRIPPY AF. It was just, different. It felt like Miyazaki breaking free and just telling the story that he wants. It's nothing like most mainstream entertainment nowadays—it was an artistic vision, meant to ask viewers to think, because there is no single clear answer to what it's about, what it's trying to say.

If you can, I strongly recommend going to see it, and see it without spoilers. It's not really like any other Ghibli movie in story, though it shares many things visually. Go into it with an open mind, and just let yourself feel.

[dreamsy990]

SPONTANEOUS MINI REVIEW BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT I HAVENT FUCKING TALKED ABOUT FRAGMENTARY PASSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so. i actually really liked this one!

so uh. if you witnessed that incredibly long thread i made yelling about kh3 you will know that i. am not a fan of the look of modern kh. i think its kind of uninteresting compared to the delightfully cartoony style and just generally i dont like more realistic looks to games that already had a unique visual identity.

so im here to say that i think it works for 0.2! im a good way through kh3 and i dont think it works well there and ill get to that when i eventually review that game but. in 0.2 i think the new style fits the more dark tone very nicely, and the enviornments are absolutely gorgeous. like i came out of ddd thinking absolutely nothing could top symphony of sorcery in terms of world design and was proven wrong. the realm of darkness is my new favorite kh "world". for my mutuals who havent played kh, look at this!!! its absolutely gorgeous

and the environments are actually my favorite thing about this game. besides being beautiful, theyre also delightfully trippy and unsettling. theres a section where you have to climb up a seemingly never ending staircase, and every time you reach what you think is the top you hear aquas worst thoughts. a lot of the areas are twisted, destroyed versions of worlds seen in bbs. its very dark (fitting, for the realm of darkness) and honestly its a treat to just walk around admiring the view. the visual storytelling is as good as kh ever gets.

i briefly mentioned aquas thoughts a minute ago so ill bring them up again, her commentary adds a lot to the desolate atmosphere, and this game really feels like a character study. it shows her desperation, her worst thoughts, her hope despite everything, and its just genuinely good. i havent been able to say that about khs character writing since like. days. its GOOD.

i am. not a fan of bbs' writing. i think its got a good underlying concept with absolutely terrible execution, and it makes me wonder at times if the things i like about it were intentional or not. but this game takes the best written character of bbs and gives her more depth than they ever could before. i can say with confidence that aqua is one of the best characters in the series, and a lot of it is because of this game.

the tone here is very gloomy, but thats not really a complaint because the game is so short. the depressing atmosphere isnt too much to bear because youre barely in it for more than 2 hours. and i think that run time is EXACTLY long enough. it goes for exactly as long as it needs to tell the story and still give a moment to breathe.

as for gameplay. im not the biggest fan of the updated system. i like to think im open to change with kh's combat. i think the command deck has potential and the card system in com was fun and i actually liked days' panel system. but something about the way this new version of the system feels to play is just. unsatisfying. hits dont feel like they have any weight to me, and spells feel inconsequential despite being more grandiose than ever. its just not as good as it was before, and like its a sort of half assed replacement of reaction commands. the way they incorporated style changes into it was okay, but again its not as satisfying as it was in bbs. but maybe it was just satisfying in bbs because the rest of the combat there sucked

tldr, the things i care about in a game (writing and visuals) were fucking spectacular, but the gameplay definitely had room to improve. also if i ever have to fight a darkside again ill throw up and cry! 8/10, though im tempted to raise it to a 9 for the environments alone

[doyawalker]

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind Masterlist

finally creating the master list for this fanfiction <3

If you want to be tagged in my upcoming chapters, please state so here under this post. I'm also adding the songs that inspire each chapter (and that I put lyrics of at the beginning) to this list if you want to give them a listen :)

Again, thank you so much everyone for the support. This is my first time putting a fic out on Tumblr, so I'm very thankful for anyone that is making this journey so enjoyable. I hope you'll enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it <3

Mwuah.

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Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind.

Jungkook x fem!reader

college!AU; ex-boyfriendish!AU

contains smut, alcohol consumption, smoking, mentions of not eating, swearing, heartbreak

Two years ago, Jungkook charmed you into loving him and wanting to spend your whole life with him. And when he suddenly ghosted you, your world broke into a million pieces and you swore to yourself to never trust him again. But when you suddenly meet him again as you start your master's degree, he is very keen on proving to you that he made a mistake back then and that he wants you back. Badly. But how can you be sure that he is telling the truth?

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MASTERLIST CHAPTERS

the intro. | Quit - Ariana Grande & Cashmere Cat

chapter 1. | The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

chapter 2. | Hurts Me - Tory Lanez & Trippie Redd

chapter 3. | The Things I Should Of Said - Tory Lanez

chapter 4. | 1 Call (Remix) - Ombre2Choc Nation & Tory Lanez

chapter 5. | Come Back To Me (Remix) - Ombre2Choc Nation & Tory Lanez

chapter 6. | C'est La Vie - Kennie

chapter 7. | Reason - Omah Lay

chapter 8. | By The End Of The Night (Southstar Remix) - Ellie Goulding

chapter 9. | Casualty Of Your Dreams - Maggie Lindemann

chapter 10. | We Never Even Dated - Maggie Lindemann

chapter 11. | Northern Lights - Kennie

chapter 12. | Doomed - WesGhost

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