#trigger warning anorexia
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disastercomingfaster · 2 years ago
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I couldn’t quite figure out how to finish this story for the longest time, and I finally did! I hope I did okay, like I said, it was tricky, but I think this was the best way to finish it. If you have not read any of this story yet, and would like to start from the beginning, please click here. I hope you all enjoy!  
Major major major trigger warning for eating disorders!  if you or a friend have an eating disorder, please seek PROFESSIONAL HELP. Please get help, you can get better. I'm providing a number to text if you are in the US and need help with an eating disorder, if you are outside the US just a quick Google should find a number or talk to your doctor.  Text CONNECT to 741741 to reach a Crisis Counselor.
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dreamdropsystemarchive · 2 years ago
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we're getting bad again..
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fuck-that-im-starving · 3 months ago
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The way my ed shows in all the aspects of my life. I hate it but I love it. The need for perfection is a blessing and a curse. I need to be the best in everything.
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kittieklawz · 1 year ago
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this is all i want.
@kanashkova.lera on instagram
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againana · 2 years ago
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So you wanna purge- here are some foods to avoid!
⭐️ bagels, tortillas, hawaiien rolls. That shit will get stuck and you’ll make a lot of noise trying to get it all out.
⭐️ if it’s really spicy going down, it’s gonna be really spicy coming up
⭐️ tbh purging anything with tomato sauce has ruined me so badly. cant eat pizza or pasta without remembering the specific scent
⭐️ yogurt is so fucking vile to throw up but it’s not hard
⭐️ on the other hand, ice cream? so good. if you do it right after, it’s still kinda cold and it doesn’t taste like death! tbh not a bad experience
⭐️ sushi. stay away from sushi. just… take my word for it please ..
⭐️ SHREDDED WHEATS. listen- i was in high school (and cereal is a huge trigger food for me) i thought i could just throw the cereal back up. nO! it feels like bricks of sandpaper! and it’s like you never even chewed it?????? avoid at all costs.
⭐️ anything red is kinda sus bc is it blood? berries? sauce? who knows!
⭐️ if you never want to eat peanut butter the same way, avoid throwing it up. i had to avoid peanut butter for a long time.
⭐️ soda is so fucking weird to throw up. not bad just so so weird.
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Does anyone have any actually tips for dealing with an ED cause I'm actually going insane over here
Please. I don't want this anymore
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mentalnote1 · 22 days ago
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Case Study #2 – The Clinic
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I have visited all the pharmacies and medicine section at every store in Portland looking for diet pills
My name is Samantha and I know I'm overweight
My mom worries about me
I’m scheduled for a weigh in at the clinic today at 3pm
The clinic is just an easier softer way of saying the crazy house
My clothes fit so tight and I know I can lose a couple of pounds before 3pm
I look at the time
12:30pm
I walk to the bodega at the corner and purchase 2 family packs of Oreo’s and start eating them as I walk back home
I sit on my couch and browse Facebook and imagine how I can look and be happy like so many others
I look through my pictures and compare myself
I hate myself
I finish off the second bag of Oreo’s and head to my room
I take off all my clothes and analyze my body in the mirror
I pull at my fat bulges, spin around, gaze in my own eyes in the mirror
I loathe myself
I head to the bathroom, stick two finger down my throat and vomit the Oreo’s
I vomit the hate I have for myself
I drink some water with baking soda so it can come easy and I vomit some more until my throat hurts
I look up at myself as saliva melts down the side of my face and drops to the rug
I hear the front door, its my mom coming to take me to the clinic
I hurry and flush the toilet and turn the shower on as to quietly say do not disturb
I stay in the bathroom for about 5 minutes just sitting on the side of the tub, I wet my hair grab a towel and walk out
She’s standing there
I don’t look at her
I walk pass her without acknowledgement and slam my bedroom door because
I hate her too
I hear her ruffling through the bathroom looking for any sign that I have done something to harm myself
We head to the clinic
The nurse weighs me
Nurse speaks: Samantha you lost 7 pounds since your last weigh in last week, you are 85 pounds.
My mother has tears in her eyes as she tries to hug me
I push her away
The nurse and my mother look each other in the eyes speaking some unknown language
Since I’m only 16 years old my mother signs papers to have me 302’ed again to the clinic for a psych eval and observation
And I hate myself!
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help/
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klausysworld · 1 year ago
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Heyy I love your work I was wondering if you could do a klaus one we’re the reader is a bit chubby and all of a sudden she started wearing long sleeve and oversized stuff and nobody rlly noticed until they had a party or smth and she wears a dress and when they see here there all rlly shocked cause they didn’t notice how she a lot or weight in like a span of 2-4 weeks and she hasn’t eaten for like 2 days before the party
This one-shot will contain triggering content around eating disorders including both anorexia and bulimia. Please don’t read this is you feel it may upset you or harm you mental health. I’ve had personal issues around this area and know it can be hard. Don’t hesitate to reach out 🤍
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Too much or Not enough?
Y/n had struggled with weight as a child, and as a teenager. As a result she had a difficult relationship with food and clothes.
She was naturally a little curvier, but what some people saw as gorgeous another saw as an opportunity to poke fun. And so she grew up hating herself and those around her who would highlight her insecurities.
As she grew out of adolescence and into adulthood she lost a little weight. She went to the gym excessively and ate barely anything. It was unhealthy but in her eyes it was her best option.
She still had her curves but they were complimented more than they were judged but even when people said ‘good’ things about her body, she just saw it at mocking. She would have kept losing the weight but she ended up passing out at the gym and having the paramedics called. They told her she needed to keep a balanced diet and take care of herself and as much as she didn’t want to, the fear of being that embarrassed again haunted her.
So she ate some what regularly for a while but ended up with two fingers down her throat to get it all back out.
She would have carried on that way if it weren’t for the Mikaelsons.
She had ended up being wrapped into the supernatural world and suddenly there were so many other problems in her life that food was almost forgotten.
Between a temperamental pregnant Hayley, overly dramatic Rebekah, pissed off Elijah, furious Marcel, war raging Klaus, power-hungry witches, territorial werewolves and bloodthirsty vampires, Y/n didn’t have much time to focus on herself. Especially not after Hope was born.
The stress seemed to make her hungrier, she would go days without any food and then eating as much as she could to ‘keep herself going’.
She didn’t really realise she had put her weight back on, she assumed running around after everyone would have been enough exercise.
And when Klaus had shown interest in her, when he had kissed her and laid her heart out on his sleeve well she assumed she must have looked good. Someone like him wouldn’t go for who she used to be, right?
And so she gained a small amount of confidence until the supernatural communities began to calm down and it seemed people were more attentive.
Y/n was able to go out more, whether it was with Hayley, Rebekah, Davina or just by herself. And that’s how it circled back.
One or two comments on her figure from men made her wear baggier clothes. An awkward moment with Hayley and Rebekah when the girls went shopping and Rebekah unintentionally made a quip on y/n’s size. Apparently a dress that looked good on Hayley wouldn’t be nice on ‘someone like Y/n’. She had brushed it off and told Rebekah it was fine when the blonde began apologising but inside it was anything but fine.
Even if she hadn’t had any malicious intent or meant it in any offence, it tore up old wounds and brought back something much deeper rooted.
And then when things started to kick off again and Klaus payed y/n less and less attention or affection, she assumed it was because she was no longer attractive to him. Had she gained that much?
So she did what she knew would work.
She forced herself to the gym as often as she could for as long as she could. Drank as much water that was available to her and ate the bare minimum to keep her conscious. Throw up anyway meal that she did happen to consume and have a packet of gum handy incase she got too hungry.
It was even easier to do once Hope was around more, Y/n was often asked to look after the baby while the rest of them took on the new foes and unexpected family members.
When Klaus, Elijah and Marcel had announced there would be a party to celebrate the defeat of a common enemy, Y/n began to worry. The last time she had to dress of for one of those things she was much bigger than she had thought. Looking back on pictures of that evening persuaded her to gag and cough up to the point where she was only throwing up water and blood form how she had torn her throat inside.
Even Hope could sense the change in Y/n’s behaviour when she looked after her. But nobody else did, everyone was too busy to realise.
Klaus had barely looked at her let alone touched her to realise that she had done down 2 clothing sizes and yet was wearing t-shirts triple the size they would need to be. None of the girls payed enough attention to see the bags under Y/n’s eyes or to notice her absence each morning when she would struggle on a treadmill for hours on end. Only Hope, someone who wasn’t even a year old, would give Y/n the hug she so desperately needed.
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It was the day do the party, Y/n stared aimlessly at the dress she had chosen the week before. If she were honest she planned on not going at all, nobody would notice anyway. But then Rebekah came in all bubbly demanding that she know what colours people were wearing she they didn’t clash in photos.
Photos.
Y/n learned to despise them. “The camera adds 10 pounds” she was told by her mother when she was young and it was something she reminded herself every time a flash went off.
So she needed to make sure she looked okay.
She scrubbed her skin raw in the shower, shaved every last hair from her legs before moisturising them and the rest of her body. She avoided any full body length mirrors and focused on her face, covering every flaw possible. Her hair was pulled to be half up half down, leaving pieces to frame her face and still give her enough volume.
She managed to get the dress on that was now a little loose on her, which she should have been worried about but she couldn’t help but feel relieved. The zip went up effortlessly but even so, she didn’t want to step outside of that door. So she stayed on the edge of her bed, her nails licking at the material of her dress as she hoped the night would pass by without her.
She had no such luck when Hayley came knocking on the door
“Y/n? Are you okay? The party started a while ago” she called through the wall and Y/n pinched her own skin desperately
“I don’t think I’m gonna come down…I’ll just keep an eye on Hope” she replied
“Hope’s dressed up and downstairs with Klaus at the moment, you don’t need to watch her, come have fun!” She told her brightly and Y/n could feel herself getting hotter as the nerves poured in
“Parties aren’t really my scene” she responded softly “maybe next time okay?” She tried again but Hayley was getting persistent
“Oh come on, there’s music, drinks, food. Have you eaten yet? Come on we’ll go get something” she encouraged but that only made it worse. Y/n had made sure not to eat anything the last 2 days so that there was zero chance of any bloating and she wasn’t about to ruin that.
“I ate earlier” she lied and Hayley sighed
“Try make an appearance? If not for me then for Rebekah or Klaus” she asked and Y/n could have scoffed. As if either of them had cared less that she was there.
Well so she assumed.
Unfortunately for her she was proven wrong again when the door hand was twisted and pulled, a frustrated groan coming from the other side of the door when they realised it was locked
“Y/n?” Klaus questioned “come out” he ordered and she had the sudden urged to suffocate herself with a pillow.
“I’m going to sleep” she mumbled, though she was still dolled up and sat against the headboard but it wasn’t like he could see her.
“We can fix that, open the door and I’ll grab you a dress” he told her and she pinched the bridge of her nose
“I already have a dress” she muttered in defeat, Klaus wouldn’t walk away as easily as Hayley.
“Perfect. Put it on.” He grumbled “Rebekah needs you in the photo” he added and she nodded, of course they needed to keep their image up.
“I don’t want to be in the photo anyway” she murmured and he groaned
“Just do it” he complained and she reluctantly stood up.
She plodded her way to look in the mirror and yet despite the makeup on her face, she just looked tired. It didn’t matter anymore though, she looked bad in pictures either way, may as-well know it this time.
Just as Klaus was reader to break the handle off the door, it was clicked open and Y/n was looking up at him through glassy eyes.
Klaus’s expression dropped almost instantly when he looked at her. The dress was loose around her body in all areas, her arms thinner than usual making him frown and reach a hand out to grab ahold of her wrist. His eyes locked on hers and his lips parted in shock.
She assumed he was thinking she looked awful, was the dress too small again? Was she too big? She could feel her face heating and her eyes filling with tears. Her breathing grew more laboured and her hands began to ping at the fabric around her to make it seem baggier.
Klaus quickly pulled her into his room so nobody could look up the stairs and see them. He stroked her hair gently as he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to stop any tears from falling.
“Sweetheart” he whispered quietly, guilt beginning to rise in him. People didn’t loose this much weight this fast. He knew he had been distant the last month but that was to keep her safe not to make her sick, was she I’ll and not told anybody? Or was this something much more?
He feared for the last one as he rubbed her back soothingly while small sniffs lift her and panicked apologies flooded form her lips.
“Why are you sorry my love?” He murmured gently.
“I just wanted to be pretty” she uttered and his heart ached for her. “I tried really hard” she whispered “it wasn’t enough”
“Y/n…” he murmured as his arms held her a little tighter “you’re always pretty, you’re beautiful and bright” he told her “don’t change anything about yourself for anyone else ever”
“I did it for me too” she mumbled and he nodded hesitantly
“Yeah but…this isn’t the way” he whispered and she sniffed
“It’s the only way that works” she argued
“Love, what have you been eating?” He asks and she frowns
“Why does that matter?”
“Because there’s a difference between eating healthily and not eating enough” he told her and she began to grow more upset at his tone
“I eat too much” she utters and he sighs, he placed both hands on her shoulders and looks down at her
“Nobody thinks that” he whispered, his eyes locked on hers as though it would make her listen better. “Not eating at all is as bad as eating too much, we can find a good balance” he persuaded
“I’ve tried balanced diets, it doesn’t work” she shakes her head frustrated
“I’ll find you a better one” he decided and she lets out a laugh
“Why because I suddenly matter enough? If you only just realised that I’ve lost the weight when we live in the same home then Im clearly not worth-“
“Stop” he whispered, a crack in his tone “do not do this to me and do not do this to yourself” he let out a breath “I wouldn’t ever want this to happen to you, I care about you. I was just leaving you out of all the darkness and the pain, you weren’t supposed to bring it to yourself” he snapped. His eyes were hard though he didn’t mean to appear so angry as tears freely flowed down Y/n’s face and a sob let her lips.
At the sound of her cries, Klaus’s bedroom door was opened rather suddenly. A concerned Elijah stepped inside, his eyes falling to Y/n and his brows furrowing as he noticed his brother trying to apologise. Then he noticed the differences from the last few times he had seen her and he picked up on what was happening pretty quickly.
He closed the door behind him and came forward, coaxing Y/n out of Klaus’s arms and into his own.
“Would you like a smoothie my dear? We’ve stocked the kitchen with fruits recently” Elijah murmured softly, his chin on top her head as he glanced to an upset Niklaus. Y/n frowned in confusion at the offer and at the calming affect Elijah seemed to have over everyone. He wasn’t really the hugging type but it was nice to experience one. She didn’t reply but he kept talking “how about I go and get you a smoothie while Niklaus helps you out of this dress? I’m sure you can wear one of his shirts for bed hm?” He lifted her chin up to look down at her. She blinked at him unsure as he tried to convince her further “I’ll bring Hope up as well?” He offered and she nodded slowly.
Elijah gave a look to Klaus and both brothers began to move. Elijah rushed off downstairs and Klaus grabbed one of his henleys. Y/n kept her eyes on the ground as Klaus’s fingers gently undid the dress
“I’m sorry my love” he whispered as he let the material drop down to the floor making goosebumps arise across her skin. His lips pressed to her shoulder softly before the warmth of his top was pulled over her head and her arms were pulled into the sleeves. His arms slid round her waist gently and his nose buried into her hair.
She kept quiet, eyes down as he unclipped her curls and let it all fall loosely around her face. Soft kisses planted their way up her face as Elijah returned with a smoothie and a straw.
Both brothers guided her to sit up on Klaus’s bed before sitting either side of her. Gently she was pulled into Klaus’s lap and the straw was brought to her lips
“The cup is only half full, the rest of it is in the fridge for tomorrow if you should want more” Elijah tells her with a reassuring smile
Klaus brushed his hands along her sides gently as she reluctantly drank what she was given. Both brothers continued to speak of random topics to keep the attention off of her as she took small sips as slowly leant back against Klaus’s chest.
15 minutes later Hayley came by and dropped Hope off, both she and Elijah left, leaving Klaus, Y/n and Hope to snuggle up together with the silent promise that at least Klaus and Elijah and most likely the rest of the Mikaelsons would be helping Y/n find a happier,healthier state of mind and body.
(I hope this was what was wanted, I didn’t go too deep into the topic and still wanted it to have a relatively happier/promising ending. If a darker message or ending was wanted then I would be okay with trying to write something similar for anyone out there. I understand the struggles with eating disorders and also with self harm and just mental health in general so feel free to message or request, anything at all :))
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orangeteawithstevia · 1 year ago
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I found it through edtumblr, but I just got to also share this workout. My legs were never thin before, but after using this workout (not super consistently though), I’ve gone down at least 1 size (it might be 2, but there was a period where I refused to size up even though I needed to lmao)
Also want to mention, I’ve got a thigh gap now, after using this workout
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autisticnotartistic · 2 months ago
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TW: EATING DISORDER CONTENT
When I saw the first season of Heartstopper, I had not yet read the comics. I had no knowledge of Alice’s work, and was unaware of any of the major themes within the show beyond queerness. I remember stumbling across the early hints of Charlie’s disordered eating and feeling crazy.
I thought for sure that I was reading too far into this scene, and that I was projecting my own past struggles with anorexia onto him. After finishing the season (in one sitting, of course), I flew to Google and found the comics online, and read them all that night (which I have learned is common within the fandom).
Within the comics, I learned that Charlie’s eating disorder was canon, and I sobbed. I cried both for the pain I had endured and from relief that I was not crazy. I wasn’t projecting my feelings onto him. I wasn’t making a big deal out of nothing. I was just seeing myself (and my struggles with mental illness) represented on television in a sensitive and compassionate way for the first time.
I remember hearing the lyrics to the song that played with this scene (“I didn’t know any other way”) and knowing exactly how he felt: that skipping meals and restricting was the only way he could cope with the situation he was in. It was the only way for him to feel a sense of control and power.
That realization awoke something in me: forgiveness and empathy for my teenage self. I had spent so many years blaming myself for my eating disorder, and hating myself for the medical complications it likely brought on, as if I had chosen to be sick… but that’s the trick of anorexia nervosa. It feeds into your need for control and slowly overtakes you. Charlie didn’t choose this. I didn’t choose this. No one chooses to have a mental illness.
Self-compassion and forgiveness is so difficult as an adult, because we look back at our teenage selves as if we were adults and judge ourselves by the same standards that we would now (which are often still far too harsh).
I was a child. You were a child. We were children, and we did not choose our suffering. I would never blame a child for relying on harmful coping strategies to survive, so why am I blaming myself now? I’m done blaming myself for how I survived horrendous circumstances that were out of my control.
TL/DR: Charlie’s eating disorder being canon taught me empathy for myself, and this is a beautiful scene with a perfect song choice.
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arrowheadedbitch · 1 year ago
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Damian: Wow, Drake, you are really going to eat that? I had expected better from you.
Tim: You can't say that to me.
Damian: Pray tell, why not?
Tim: Because my mom drilled very unhealthy eating habits into my head growing up, and if you're the one who triggers the eating disorder, I will never forgive you.
Damian:
Damian: I am having conflicting feelings about this.
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disastercomingfaster · 1 year ago
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Found this in Evanna Lynch’s memoir (which is amazing by the way)
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thinsideouts · 3 months ago
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Pro-Ana Discord Server
Hey, so I made a PRO-Ana server on discord welcome to all eds.
We have:
weekly challenges
meal plans
slumber parties/game nights
and much more
Currently looking for mods, so if you’re interested feel free to apply too! Join with the link below 👇
Invite Link: https://discord.gg/ktHmCb4MwF
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thro-ne · 14 days ago
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Bitches really be out here starv1ng themselves and still looking fat.
It's me.
I'm bitches
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whispytears · 1 year ago
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Upgrading time!
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(The GIF has no relevance, I thought it was cute).
Hey everyone! I have decided to make some changes to this account in order to bring in more traffic and more people into a non-toxic eating disorder community. I have been so happy with the interaction from the ed community. It is such an invisible disorder until it is not so I truly appreciate all of the invisible warriors (sorry if that sounds corny but it's true!) who support my content in any way. <3
Some changes I would like to emphasize:
There is now an anonymous "ask me" section. Feel free to ask about any recovery advice OR share some personal stories about a topic in the eating disorder community!
I will change the weekly polls to bi-weekly. The weeks in between will be a dedicated space for my followers/invisible warriors to share or ask questions about the ed-community.
Those are all of the changes for now. To keep full transparency I will blaze this post but it will be the last blazed post in a while. I want to reach out to as many people in the community who want to be a part of the good energy and vibes I intend to create on this blog.
<3
~whispy
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deadrayg2mf · 8 months ago
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Wed to the Lich (Arranged Monster Mates #8) by Layla Fae
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Okay, I went into this knowing this was not the first book in the series but it didn't seem that the series may be required to be read in order as it is a collab series between Layla Fae, Eden Ember, and Cara Wylde and it wasn't recommended to be read in order - however, now having finished this I realize I may need to start from book 1 to assuage some issues I had regarding world building info. Also... that lich is just so hot... I needed to know more about him when he was what drew me to this. Which brings me to the covers!! The entire series has amazing cover art, it ranks right up there with SJ Sander's cover art that I love.
This is currently a series of 16 novellas between the above-mentioned authors, Wed to the Lich being dead in the middle at #8. It was a total of 208 pages and I read it within a quick day at work. It was a simple story which does involve triggers involving anorexia nervosa, past abuse, and animal death.
Basically, this is a world in which an event called The Shift has occurred, and from what was explained in this book alone it sounds like that was basically the... dimensional overlap of the human world and monster world where parts of the monster world ended up being transplanted into the world we know? Hopefully that is some semblance of correct as it's how I understood it. In this world, monsters rule over humans in most areas and if a human is wanting to get some cash for their family or, if you're our FL May, trying to get out of a bad situation you can sign up at the Temple and get married off to a monster.
This is exactly what May commits to as she decides to escape the abusive orphanage director who haunts her thoughts when it comes to beauty and its relation to her size and food consumption. How well this goes about depicting the troubles that come with experiencing an eating disorder I could not say, so I will leave that up to your interpretation if you choose to read. May gets married to Virgil, the all fearing Lich who can suck out your life force with just a look.
The following story revolves around May's struggle with food, her inner demons, and being beautiful for Virgil who is also struggling with how May views him and fearing that one day she may come to fear him and try to leave. In the end, they end up working out their troubles with each other's help and are a lovely couple, no matter what those town villagers think. I liked both May and Virgil's characters, he was really checking the marks for me as both loving and caring but strict and forceful when he felt necessary. By the end, May had come into who she was as a person when she wasn't tormented by her past.
My main issue comes from how I felt finishing the book. I had read 208 pages of what essentially felt like it had amounted to nothing. Unfortunately, for all that happened, there wasn't enough deep diving into characters, relationships, or true plot that it felt worthwhile. It was one of those where I was shocked it was so long for how much I got from it. I think it's a really cool story, I love a Lich, and I love a FL battling her inner demons and unafraid to seek help from another in order to do so. The way May was willing to just be blunt about what was going on versus other characters who might hide things that lead to a (beloved but sometimes overdone) miscommunication was rather refreshing.
I think I would have really enjoyed this story had it been more fleshed out. The writing was good, but the content felt unsubstantial. For all of that, I'll give it a 5/10. Mid but enjoyable and full of potential.
Would I read again? No, but not because it was bad. Just because there wouldn't feel like a point.
Would I recommend? Yeah, I am gonna go and try out the series from the first book - Wed to the Ice Giant also by Layla Fae - and then pry check out at least on book by each of the other authors. If I don't like it - you'll hear about it :)
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