#trauma tings

[corpseprxnce]

Words cannot express how much I hate people touching me (in literally any way) unless they've asked first or I've initiate the contact. Even family.

[butchjess]

when you whenen when you think about how lorelai has the ability to understand jess in a way nobody else really can and has moments of extreme compassion and empathy for him that leak through her general lens of viewing jess as a lost cause/troublemaker/devil incarnate which is borne out of her insecurity around her most valued relationships and the way jess both in-universe and from a meta standpoint exists to not only have incredibly important relationships with rory and luke both but also to cause conflict between lorelai and luke/lorelai and rory because of it. but in these moments she has to instead confront the fact that he is just a kid and he’s having a hard time. he can’t talk because its hard for him to talk bc its hard for HER to talk (i don’t know how to tell you things, mom) he knows bc SHE would have known (i don’t know, kid, but this whole thing reeks of emily). and well, she is very petty and would never say this/defend him to his face bc when she tried to oprah him he immediately lashed out and read her so well that she is never letting that grudge go ever until they actually talk about it and theyre never going to unless you held them at gunpoint and even then they both would probably prefer to die than actually talk about their feelings and why they reacted the way they did. also it is just a natural reaction i think to be faced w your younger self and immediately try to strangle them. like lorelai is not doing that treat yourself w the kindness that u would to ur own child thing no she is biting and scratching and killing immediately. she would SAY she’d love to treat her younger self w the kindness she was never given but honestly after Teen Lorelai gives her one single bitchy knowing comment she would be a hater forever and that is real as hell to me..

[asideoftrashplease]

Detangling JC, his motivations, & his feelings on WWX (i)

JC and WWX have a very fraught history, and while WWX’s role as the narrator makes it very clear what his feelings towards JC are, JC’s feelings towards WWX and motivations seem a lot murkier. He goes from treating WWX as a brother, to mounting a siege in a concerted attempt to take his life. His actions and motivations in the aftermath of WWX’s resurrection are also subject to interpretation. This meta provides argument for my interpretation of his feelings and motivations throughout these events.

LOVE AND BROTHERHOOD

It is clear from the outset that JC cared deeply about WWX (I wish I did not have to make a case for this because it should be obvious, but there are some who believe that JC did not love WWX). Although he holds bitterness and resentment towards WWX due to his family situation and their rivalry, he cares about WWX and is protective of him. This shines through especially in times of mortal peril. 

When WWX was trapped in the Xuanwu cave, he travelled without stopping to find people to rescue WWX. The trip should have taken 10 days, but because he drove himself to exhaustion in his desperation to save WWX, he only took 7 days.

When WWX is in danger of being discovered by the Wens after the burning of Lotus Pier, he uses himself as bait to draw them away from WWX despite the risk to his own life, which eventually leads to his capture and the loss of his core.

SO WHERE DID THINGS GO WRONG

Things started to take a turn after the Sunshot Campaign. I believe a few key events caused resentment and confusion to build and grow in JC over time:

WWX’s refusal to carry his sword, which put political pressure on YMJ

His decision to break out the Wen Remnants, without consulting or informing JC, with put more pressure on YMJ

His decision to defect from YMJ, effectively (in JC’s mind) picking the Wens over YMJ and his brotherhood with JC

His actions at Qiongqi Path which killed JZX — while we know from WWX’s POV what happened, JC and JYL have no idea what went down except from the claims of the surviving Jin cultivators

His attack on the 4000 cultivators at the Nightless City, which ultimately cost JYL’s life

It’s evident that JC is increasingly bewildered, angered, and hurt by WWX’s actions. It’s clear that he’s confused, and just CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY WWX IS ACTING THIS WAY. All the while, resentment is building in him that he has to clean up WWX’s messes, all while WWX’s actions undermine him as a leader and brings up childhood insecurities and jealousies. But his love for WWX drives him to continually stand by WWX and believe in him — even grudgingly, complainingly, and with growing resentment. Even up to the attack at the Nightless City, even after JZX’s death, he still seems to believe in WWX.

This last event, the attack at the Nightless City, seems to be the turning point where he stops believing in WWX, so I want to cover this particular event in more detail:

A “pledge conference” is being attended by QHN, GSL, LLJ, and YMJ. This conference is a ceremonial affair, centered around their pledge to eradicate WWX and the Wen remnants. It begins with them honoring the fallen with a toast, but while the other three sect leaders make the toasts, JC goes through the motions of the toast with visible unhappiness, and then conspicuously says nothing to honor the dead.

I feel this action needs to be understood in the context of the ceremony. They are standing in the Nightless City, where their comrades died in the final battle to take down QSW, a battle which WWX contributed to greatly. They are pouring the wine on the ground where the bodies lie to honor the fallen: “Here we honor our fallen. Rest in peace.” (Uncontroversial) “Now in the name of our fallen, we will eliminate the Wens who killed them — and the Yiling Patriarch!” (Controversial because WWX was brother in arms to these soldiers, and JGS is stirring shit because he wants the Yin Tiger Seal.)

JC knows the controversial bit is coming, so while the other sect leaders one by one say things like “rest in peace” and “may they live on” he dumps the wine on the ground and refuses to say anything. He is the only one, of the four with cups, who does not speak.

When WWX appears, the others all draw their weapons, but JC reaction is different: “JC’s pupils shrunk. Blue veins lined the back of his hand.” From this sentence alone, it may not seem clear what he’s feeling, but based on the rest of his actions in this scene, I would guess that he’s shocked and appalled that WWX would dare to appear before such a large and hostile mob, A MOB THAT IS CURRENTLY PLEDGING TO KILL HIM AND SCATTER HIS ASHES, thus recklessly and what seems like arrogantly endangering his own life.

After an increasingly hostile exchange between WWX and the mob, JGS calls for everyone to set up the battle arrays to seal WWX in, with the intention of killing him there. But when WWX calls up the corpses buried under them to defend himself, it’s stated that all the sects were in disarray, except for YMJ, which seems to indicate that WWX’s corpses were not attacking the YMJ delegation — and the YMJ cultivators were not fighting the corpses either.

This all seems to indicate that despite JZX’s death, despite the fact that JC has NO FUCKING CLUE what the hell happened at Qiongqi Path, despite the fact that he’s no doubt been fed lies and biased reports from the surviving Jin cultivators, and despite the fact that WWX is currently unleashing an undead army on all of them — he still believes that there’s another side of the story. He doesn’t even know WHAT that story is, but he believes in WWX— grudgingly, and with growing disbelief, confusion, and incredulity—  he still believes, BLINDLY, in WWX.

THE TURNING POINT

In the ensuing chaos, JYL is killed, and WWX finally snaps in his grief, unleashing a hellish and completely uncontrolled bloodbath upon the assembled cultivators. It is estimated that this killed three thousand people, severely decimating the cultivation world’s population.

The siege begins after this attack, and we know from the prologue that the siege was headed by JC, and that he was the one behind key tactical maneuvers (designed using his intimate knowledge of WWX’s weaknesses) that allowed them to eventually sack the Burial Mounds. In the aftermath, he was the main person credited by the cultivation world for the defeat of the Yiling Patriarch. When WWX meets JL at Dafan, he corroborates this by revealing, through the narration, that JGS was the second-biggest contributor to the siege — after JC, who was the biggest contributor.

I know that there are other popular interpretations of JC’s motivations here. I will name two:

He participated in the siege only due to political pressure — after what WWX did at the Nightless City, he couldn’t NOT condemn him or the cultivation world would have turned on YMJ too

He participated in the siege hoping to take WWX alive and bring him back home to discipline privately

But I don’t subscribe to either of these interpretations. I believe he FULLY intended to kill WWX. Firstly, if he was only participating in the siege due to political pressure, why contribute so vitally to the siege, why take a leading role and design tactical maneuvers to bring WWX down? He could have just done as he’d done previously, which was to participate perfunctorily in “opposition” against WWX, but contributing as little as possible, or nothing at all.

Secondly, some may argue that he was trying to capture WWX alive. But before this, he had always given the impression of being extremely cautious, to the point of inaction when maybe action would have been better. JC is VERY risk-averse. His characterization before the siege is that he’d rather do nothing than do something even potentially risky. The intention of everyone else was to kill WWX, NOT to capture him. As such, the risk that WWX would be killed in battle is extremely high. Even if by some miracle, he managed to capture WWX alive despite the best efforts of everyone else to murder him, it would be really difficult to stop the other sects from executing him, and getting permission to take him home and keep him under house arrest. It would be a safer bet to try to sabotage the siege from the inside, which is not what he did. In fact, he did the opposite. He was leading the siege viciously and with intent.

So I believe that he fully intended to kill WWX, which means the turning point was JYL’s death. Up to her death, JC still believed in WWX. After her death, however, the very last we see of him is him clutching JYL’s body, completely in shock, having not yet processed her death. I believe his last words to WWX should hint to us what caused the snap from blind faith to blind hatred. These words were: “Didn’t you say you could control it?! Didn’t you say it would be fine?!” To which WWX (who is having 99 fucking breakdowns all at once) finally admits that he was wrong, and that he can’t actually control it.

My belief is that this incident made JC realize that JYL’s death (and JZX’s as well) was largely caused by WWX’s loss of control over his demonic cultivation, and IMPORTANTLY, JC’s inaction re: WWX’s method of cultivation and his seeming descent into violent radicalism. Despite all the warning signs, the growing escalations, the increasingly violent confrontations with increasingly large death tolls— he continued to believe in WWX, even when he could no longer understand or predict WWX’s actions. Everyone told him “you need to reign him in” “he’s going off the rails” “he’s a danger to us all” and JC didn’t take them seriously because he BELIEVED IN and TRUSTED WWX.

And now his sister is dead, his month-old nephew is an orphan, and WWX has massacred three thousand people in a single night, likely including members of YMJ, in a total loss of control and conscience. I think that was the turning point, the crux of the betrayal.

I believed in you. I defended you. I stuck my neck out for you. But you scorned my help. You rejected and discarded me. You betrayed my trust.

You don’t give a shit about me.

You don’t give a shit about anyone else.

I BELIEVED in you, and YOU BETRAYED ME.

—

NOTE: Right now this meta is getting a little long, so I think this is a good place to maybe cut it in thirds? Part II should cover the siege, WWX’s death, and the 13 years in between, and Part III should cover JC’s actions and motivations after WWX’s resurrection. As the next parts have not been written, I can’t link it! But when Part II is done, I will edit the post to include a link below the cut:

[Part 2 is still in progress!]

[marginal-notes]

Okay, so. No one needs to hear me out on this. I’m just saying. One day I’m going to crack and heave out all my biting commentary about Naruto gender and clan and lineage politics through the lens of an always-a-different-sex Kakashi fic or outline, and it’s just going to… exist… out there.

No one else gets changed, it’s just Kakashi, and it’s going to be a nightmare from start to finish that’s definitely also heavily tinged by my personal perspective on being agender aro ace.

[thefabelmans2022]

maybe in a way connor having the loony cake with him on the boat at the wedding kinda means a part of his mother was there with him on his wedding day

[pttucker]

Yoo Joonghyuk watched our companions behind me. "The one who can save the world… it might be you, not me." Lee Hyunsung, Lee Jihye, Shin Yoosung, Lee Seolhwa… There was deep regret in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes as he gazed at every single person. I seemed to know what he was thinking. 「 There have never been so many people who made it to here. And maybe it won't happen again in the future. 」

tfw you not only make the protagonist care about you, you make him believe in you

tfw you give him hope that maybe this is the world that'll see the end of the scenarios

tfw you've reminded him, time and time again, that maybe saving as many people as possible isn't just an unintended side effect but the main goal and now he's looking around at all the people you've managed to bring this far

tfw this is results in the absolute last thing you could ever want

[memorydragon]

Po Yun characters rated by swag

Yan Xie: 0/10 He thinks he's a natural 20, but actually has none. As one of the characters said, "Don't listen to him. He's a dumbass." This is magnified after cohabitation with Jiang Ting, because he becomes a domesticated dumbass who is completely whipped. The narrative goes on about how he's a stereotypical alpha male, but this man can't survive a blind date to save his life. The author very correctly decided criminal investigators have no swag at all and wrote a novel about it. He grows on you like a fungus, but still has zero swag. That said, do not get in a fight with him. He will win.

Jiang Ting: Could have swag. He's intelligent, able to analyze details in moments, and elegant. Then he starts to eat and any swag he might have had evaporates. He was married to his work and highly stressed and traumatized from being a triple agent and it shows. 3/10, though I'm tempted to bump it to four for the way he straight up murders both Yan Xie and Bu Chonghua via text message. Professor Jiang is growing into swag by virtue of finally having free time and accepting his moronsexuality in the second book. That might be generous though considering he's still terrorized by his mother-in-law. I adore him, but his swag will always be low.

Jin Jie: He's a professional assassin and it shows. That said, he's also a professional lackey. 6/10, defeated by the protag plot halo, and it was honestly hilarious how Jiang Ting was constantly throwing him under the bus.

Qin Chuan: *extremely grudgingly* He has swag. That said, I'm 100% with Jiang Ting on this. Do not listen to Yan Xie. He has swag, but he's also a little bitch (no sexual connotation on this phrase btw, that's entirely directed at his personality). 7/10, someone please punch him in the face.

Wen Shao: Now here we have a man with swag. He oozes swag that Yan Xie wishes he had. He has opinions on ballet, plays Lana Del Ray songs on the violin like an emo child, and murders teenagers to recreate an important childhood memory with Jiang Ting. He grew up a drug lord with money and poker card code names, and kisses the bloody knuckles of his Red Queen reverently. 12/10, probably would be 14 if the manhua had been able to continue and we got more of him with long hair.

Han Xiaomei: Our favorite baby intern has absolutely no swag. She's an intern at the criminal investigation unit. She's the lowest on the totem pole, barely showers and sleeps when there's a case just like the rest of the team, and cowers when superiors yell at her. I watched her grow up to a young police woman who could sass back at Yan Xie in the final arc with tears in my eyes. The character growth was incredibly moving. 1/10, because she still has no swag.

Yang Mei: In front of Jiang Ting, she is a meek and breedable. When Jiang Ting isn't looking at her, she's a police informant who runs her own ktv, is perfectly put together and her wardrobe costs more than a cop could make in their career. She has swag. She can and will bitch Yan Xie out, fight like a hell cat, save her love rival's life (only because it was Jiang Ting asking though, otherwise she'd still probably save Yan Xie, but she'd never let him forget it), and turn the love rival into the greatest brotp of the novel. 9/10, because Jiang Ting canonly swears to never take both her and Yan Xie on errands together again. Unfortunately for her, no amount of swag will make the man she's in love with less gay or moronosexual.

Ma Xiang: Good at his job, comfortable in his masculinity. Is willing to be gay for 10 minutes if Yan Xie shares his dinner. No real swag on his own, but he's a fun comedic aside most times. 1/10, because he throws up at gruesome murder scenes and thought a curling iron was a sex toy.

Bu Chonghua: Now here we finally have a main protagonist with swag. Someone had to have swag in the novel, and he pulls it off. As Yan Xie's straight-laced little cousin, he's got a temper and authority to match. He may be a trauma kitten, but he is very good at his job and earned his position. He will literally walk through fire and water to show his devotion to Wu Yu. 6/10, because he's also a menace (absolutely related to Yan Xie, no doubt) and a bit bitchy at times. I love him, your honor.

Wu Yu: here's where the swag gets complicated. As Wu Yu, he is meek and mild mannered, no ambition, and very little confidence. This trauma kitten has no swag. He throws up at the mere taste of meat. He just wants to earn enough money to run away from life and never be bothered again. He loves reading and just wants books. People want to feed him, he looks that pathetic. 0/10 but he gets a point or two when he enters the illegal boxing ring for extra money.

As Painter, his swag jumps to 7/10. He's in prison, he's inflitrating various drug rings, he's the pretty boy, and if you try to take advantage he will cut your arm off with a machete. He has no nickname, just a number. Do not cross him. Jin Jie even calls him ge.

As REDACTED, this trauma kitten will end you. He will fight you with his bare hands and tear you apart. He can only be calmed and turned back into Wu Yu by a person he has marked as 'safe'. If you see him jump from any story higher than one, you're not the one who will survive the encounter. When not in murder form, he pretends to be slow and meek. He's a lackey, and he just wants to live someplace poppies don't grow. Yes, I'm Normal about that. 4/10, please just wrap this trauma kitten up in a blanket and feed him fish and chocolates.

Shark: After my glowing review of the first book's main villain, you would think Shark has swag. He has negative swag, however. He's a crypto bro who wants to drag Painter into life and death situations but won't commit to the homoerotism of it. The fact his web handle is shark and his dark web site is the Mariana trench is an insult to both. He acts cool and edgy but nothing can change the fact he'd be all over nfts if the book was written today. -5/10, he's got absolutely nothing on the King of Spades.

Liao Gang: like, he tries. He's decent at his job, but he's not amazing. Will need Wu Yu to back him up to solve major cases, which stresses Wu Yu out because that means he has to speak up. 1/10

Meng Zheng: This is a woman with brass balls. She's the only female police officer in the unit, is late 30s, early 40s, and is called their police beauty because she's the only one. Also, because she would totally win if you say she looks over thirty and she decides to take you out. 7/10, very valid for wanting to be a honey pot because the police would fund her looking sexy, even if she twists her ankle because she hasn't worn heels since before she was pregnant. She's a milf and will forcibly drag poor interns to her level.

Song Hui: No swag. She's interning because of her crush and is a terrified kitten. She just wants to marry rich and be cute. Meng-jie forces feminism on her. After REDACTED, she grows to 1/10 because she doesn't want to let Meng-jie down. Saves the protags, the entire operation, and sees at the blood on her hands that has already been washed away. Great character development, but currently still no swag. She might get some eventually, because she has potential, which, honestly, is more than Han Xiaomei can say.

Song Ping: He's the older gen cop who you still don't want to mess with. Not related to Bu Chonghua by blood, but you can tell exactly who raised the trauma kitten after his parents were killed. 8/10, though you won't know why until the very end.

Lin Zheng: So weirdly, he probably has swag in his usual work. Considering 90% of the time we see him is with Wu Yu, however, he has none. He thinks Painter killed his friend and all he did was complain to the higher ups about it. 2/10, if he'd been a bit more proactive half of his plot line could have been avoided. Also, Jiang Ting says he has Chuan vibes, which makes me want to punch him in the face on principle. I trust Jiang Ting's judgment.

Cai Lin: Fills the same comedic relief in Tun Hai as Ma Xiang did in Po Yun. We love him, but 1/10, he's terrified of maggots and eats ice cream that's from the forensic department freezer.

And finally, the old and beautiful Zeng Cui Cui: If you couldn't tell by her title, Mother Yan has swag. When she feels threatened by Wu Yu's swag, her response is to bling like no one has blinged before and terrifies him with how much money she spent. Jiang Ting knows better than to argue with her. She bought "A Study of the Legal Aspects of Gay Marriage" after her son turned 30 and still couldn't find a girl willing to marry him. She also locked Bu Chonghua out and essentially kidnapped Wu Yu in the back of her trunk when she thought Wu Yu was being forced into the relationship. 10/10, because she sends her sons-in-laws long underwear and they better wear it in the winter or they will regret it.

[merriecat]

spend 12 hours with family without becoming deeply depressed challenge (EPIC FAIL) (PWNED) (CRYBABY GETS REKT) (HARD MODE: You Are Everyone's Mother) (CPTSD Speedrun)

[hurremsultanns]

'The only legacy from my childhood'

YOU HAVE A LIVING TWIN BROTHER.

[zozo-01]

....................

WHAT THE FUCK KYLE?????????

[cluescorner]

What I like about this more than anything is that Juni Ba clearly KNOWS THAT THE LoA IS NOT JUST A FUCKING CULT! They are eco-terrorists first and foremost. It was formed by a man who has witnessed how humans ravage the earth and decided that the only solution was drastic population reduction (similar to how Poison Ivy is sometimes written). Their goal is to preserve the earth, the cult-ish stuff is secondary and imo mostly a result of Ra's demanding absolute loyalty from everyone (to the point of even trying to make his own daughter kill the man she loved), a means to an end (in order to ensure loyalty), and his own ego. So yeah, to say that they would HATE billionaires and the elites who hoard their wealth to further strip the world of its resources and pollute it in order to further fill their own pockets...is an understatement. I hate when people write them as ONLY an assassin cult as if that's the only thing there is to them. I hope that in the next issue we get to see more of the environmentalist side of the LoA, this line just gave me way too much hope lmao

[vintageunknown]

sometimes when I'm mad at my mom, I want to send her a screenshot of leslou with the caption you and dad.

[ghost-tings]

me out here writing a oc fic thing of a college ice hockey team one of them has a kid the teams dysfunctional as fuck and they end up going to a doffrent dimension every night for 6-8 hours and there's the fucking crime family shit not to mention suicide crime family has a damn facility for these experiments on the other dimension man this team is going so much shit

[ennieasys]

This slushy is the only thing preventing me from commiting a homicide /s

[howstrangethingshappen]

as someone who has had friends be mean to them but never spoken up about how it hurt my feelings because every time i tried i was dismissed/told i was overreacting

i needed this

idk who needs to hear this but your friends should not be mean to you . mean is mean . you can be funny without being mean . your friends should not be mean to you

[weirdqueernerd]

I'm so scared of doing something wrong I'll feel bad accidentally clicking the wrong option in a tumblr poll