#trauma pain sadness anger 😭

[bluelolblue]

Hellooooo! ✨

So in some of your writing, Vincent is an ex of Santino’s, and he has a lot of trauma from that relationship. How did it affect him, and how does John help him with that?

Oohhh my! I haven't written Santino x Vincent for a while now lmfaooo! I gotta be in a mood for that bc John x Santino is my favorite ship, but I do have some plans for Santino and Vincent in the future. Just yeah kinda gotta be in the mood for that :>

Now prepare FOR A LOT

TW: emotional manipulation, mentions of being sick, panic attacks, breakdow, ummm what else?? Overall emotional rollercoaster

When I was first time writing "LA Devotee" and making their personalities work with each other, I imagined (and always kinda did), Vincent as a very toxic and selfish person. Now, idk much about relationships, since I was never in one, but I do know how some people can be very manipulative (in relationships or not, some people are just using it in a bad way). And I imagine Vincent like that. How he was manipulating with Santino during their relationship all the time. Could be seen in my fic "The Roses" how Santino, at first, wasn't aware that he was being manipulated since he was actually in love. Vincent only pretended to be just to use Santino for his own pleasure and work. So yes, Santino wasn't aware of it at first, he loved Vincent. To me, Santino seems like a a very romantic and affectionate person, he just learned how to hide it because of all the trauma and his daily life situations. Also, being born in a Camorra family comes with disadvantages such as "Don't show your emotions because it's a sign of weakness." And it's damn hard to control yourself, your true personality as being caring and affectionate in that family (now this is for a whole new post heheh).

And Vincent is just... everything Santino is against. The only problem is, he is really fucking good at hiding that. And the way he uses something Santino told him, something that means a lot to him, against him is fucked up. When Santino opened up to Vincent about some of his childhood traumas and some other things, Vincent "comforted him", but then used all that against him in arguments just to get what he wants. It's the emotional manipulation with a person who is emotionally sensitive. For example: "Maybe if you actually listened to your father, he wouldn't hurt you so much. Look what you got yourself into, now. What you made him do." Like, it's Santino's own fault he was abused by his father. And this one specifically made Santino's blood boil and his heart break, "You're just like your father. Smoking, drinking sometimes and wanting everything to go as you planned it."

Every time Vincent would say something like this, they would get into arguments and later on Santino would either have a panic attack in the bathroom or cry himself to sleep or both. Calling him just like his father, someone he hates, telling him that he is becoming like a person who hurt him is enough to break down Santino.

And sex is also something Vincent used Santino for. It was never love making. It was just sex without feelings for Vincent. Santino would often get rejected when he was in the mood just because Vincent wasn't. No matter if he was a bottom or top, Vincent still somehow had more of control over him. Santino thought that it was supposed to be that way (because Vincent was his first boyfriend), he thought it was okay to be humiliated during sex just because he wanted some control. His needs were mostly ignored and when Vincent finished, sex was over no matter if Santino didn't finish.

And everything was going on like that for a while, until Santino finally snapped one day. And good that he did. Vincent never saw Santino like that, in that state. He was yelling, cursing and like, we mentioned before, breaking things. Now, during his yelling and cursing at him, he broke a glass, literally threw it into a wall and nearly throwing another glass on Vincent but he stopped himself because, he realized just how feral he went, how Vincent managed to get this animal side out of him, his father side. And he hates it. He hated the way Vincent laughed at him because he won. He got a wanted reaction from him. "See? You are just like him."

And he left him, left Santino alone surrounded in broken glass. Santino was out of his mind, panting, trying to process what just happened, what he did. And he snapped again, destroying almost everything in the room that could be broken. He tore apart their pictures, he destroyed a collection of art that, apparently, meant a lot to Vincent. And of course he hurt himself in the process by accident. He didn't even realize how his hands and whole body was actually hurt. Only when he calmed down enough to try and clean up the glass by picking it with his shaky hands, he realized that by doing that, the glass was cutting into his skin. And he broke down into crying after seeing his hands covered in blood.

Later, when he made his way to the bathroom, he ended up being sick and another panic attack was triggered. He felt so pathetic and not worthy, crying and hyperventilating on the floor in the cold bathroom with his saliva tasting like acid from vomiting and hands covered in blood. He literally felt defeated, like he was done, he couldn't fight anymore, he couldn't do this anymore. He regretted everything. He regretted meeting Vincent, being in a relationship with him, having sex with him, sharing his pain with him, everything.

This is one of his biggest traumas. His childhood with father abusing him and Vincent.

However, one thing he can't forgive himself and hates himself for is... Vincent is still in his mind. No matter what he did to him, Vincent is like a poison that's still in him.

So, after everything, this relationship effected him in a way of: finding it hard to show love to someone, finding it difficult to express himself/his emotions, self esteem/self love, and more.

So, John had to taught him all that again. How to love yourself, how to show your emotions AND that it's okay to show all those emotions (especially that it's okay to cry because John could see how Santino was always trying not to break down in front of him), that it's okay to express yourself and a lot more. Physical touch, he taught and showed him that it's okay to hug, hold hands and hold each other close. Of course, at first he always asked for Santino's permission for that. During sex, John always focused on Santino more, his pleasure, not his own. Always looked to please Santino, do whatever he wanted. He gave him lots of praises every time.

He always listened to Santino when he was talking, always looked interested and payed attention to details and important things. It took some time for Santino to open up to him, but when he did, John was full of support and love and understanding. He kept telling him that's it's not his fault, that he's sorry he went through all that, and most importantly that he will always be there for him. He also practiced breathing and how to calm down during a panic attack with Santino. He helped him with it, they practiced some techniques and John told him he's always going to be there for him, if he isn't with him, Santino can always call him and he can guide him through it.

John is completely different from Vincent. John is a loving, caring person. And he made Santino feel safe, he healed him. He healed Santino's soul and his self respect.

Santino finally learned how to be himself and how to love another person again. How express himself. He is so thankful to John, he is thankful for him, that he is here with him. Maybe they're even soulmates.

But damn, Vincent's poison is still in Santino, in his head. He hates it. At least he's not alone in that fight now.

Ooof that was a lot of trauma and everything omg 💀 I'm so sorry Santino, I love you. I do have ideas for Santino x Vincent because of my two threesome fics, I want to explain their relationship more (my version of this ship), but like I said, I gotta be in the mood for them. Yeah my version of Vincent is very toxic bc... I won't say why bc I'm scared of getting hunted down. Just... I love Santino and John. That's all I'm gonna say now :].

Thank you SO MUCH for this amazing ask!! I got to explain my version of Santino x Vincent more, and I had that planned for a while, and I will do it more in the future. Thank you so much for paying attention to details in my fics, like I'm actually soooo thankful for that, it makes me feel like I'm getting better and better at writing and that I'm doing something right! It means a lot, and I appreciate it! :) 💙💙💙💙

[castiels-undercoat]

(Their faces here guys 😫😭)

This scene makes me so sad at like a core level. Not just for Cas but also for Dean. Like from Cas's perspective the person he loves most in the world basically hates him now, after Cas did everything for him. Dean and Sam were all he had and Dean couldnt let go of this anger he had towards him and it drove him away. UNDERSTANDABLY SO.

And while Dean was undeniably wrong you can also pinpoint exact traumas that led up to this, and that affected this. The thing that gets me the most is something I havent seen anyone else mention before though.

A good quote that resonates with Dean for me is the whole "everything ive ever let go of has claw marks on it" (David Foster Wallace) one. Dean has literally had to beg and fight and claw for people to stay. Since he was four years old he had to keep Sam safe and make sure Sam stayed in the shitty hotel rooms while all Sam wanted to do was run away (again, understandable! Not blaming Sam)

On top of that he had to deal with his dad leaving all the time, john was never around. Dean had to call and beg his own father to show up for them when he felt like they really needed him and john still wouldnt show up for him or sam. When sam died Dean couldnt just let it go, he fought and searched for anything to bring him back, even to the point of making demon deals. Whatever it took to not have to let go! Even when Mary came back it seemed like all she wanted to do was leave, Dean begged her to stay and she still wouldnt, then she died and he lost that possibility of that closer relationship with his mom that he was fighting so hard for.

Even Cas, he has begged Cas to stay more then once. In purgatory he fights through all the monsters there for a full YEAR just to find Cas and then Cas left him. He let go of Deans hand and the memory was SO PAINFUL that Dean had to fictionalize it to himself and make it his fault because he couldnt handle the fact that not even Cas would fight harder to stay with him. The only times he let go of people without a fight was when he had to, when he was a danger to them (lisa, ben, human Cas), or when they were gone forever with no shot of coming back (and even then he would fucking try.)

But i feel like we see a shift in Dean in season 15. He was always the fighter, never afraid to fight for who he loved or for what he thought was right. But here that fight is so drained out of him. Hes tired. Hes tired of fighting and portecting and pushing along even when he wanted to die, he doesnt want to have to survive all the time anymore.

Hes just tired of begging people to stay when it seems like all anybody ever wants to do is leave him. He doesnt feel good enough to be the one thing that keeps people around because he never HAS been good enough for them to stay. He didnt want Cas to leave (no matter how mad at him he was) but he didnt want to be the guy who digs his claws in only for someone to still leave him again.

[starsifter]

I know in the Ford cult server we talked about fords trauma briefly but I wanted to hear any headcanons you had about Ford coping with his trauma/what bad habits that likely formed from it. Boy deserves some god damn help but I know he ain’t going to therapy anytime soon😭

Poor old man 😭

Cw: Trauma and Trauma Responses

Ford spends a lot of time rationalizing things, intellectualizing, compartmentalizing. In other words, he does think about his trauma, but he detaches himself from it, separates it from the rest of his life.

He's deeply, deeply ashamed of having been tricked and hurt by Bill. He has a lot of trust issues, he still has trouble trusting his family, hiding everything under this facade of confidence, not letting himself be vulnerable often.

Sleeping is hard for him, he can't get settled, when he does fall asleep it's usually not for long. He has frequent nightmares, mainly involving Bill.

He definitely uses exercising and working out as a coping mechanism, being physically fit makes him feel more in control over his own body. He wants to feel strong, able to overcome whatever issues he might face.

When faced with a situation he seemingly cannot escape, or plan a way out of he shuts down, accepting it quickly and trying to focus more on the people he cares about.

He secretly believes he deserves whatever comes his way because he wasn't strong enough/smart enough/good enough to stop it.

He dissociates when he's in pain, and when he feels like he can't escape. It's a learned response from torture,

He compulsively catastrophizes, planning and planning and planning for every outcome he can think of.

He feels like he can't express himself or else he'll be seen as weak. He has a temper and tends to jump to showing anger when really he's feeling scared or sad or embarrassed.

[nats-revival]

𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙢𝙚 | 𝙚. 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢𝙨 𝙭 𝙖. 𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣

pairing: ellie williams x abby anderson

w/c: 1.2k

tags: kinda angsty, takes place during santa barbara era, not proofread, some descriptions of violence and injuries, ellie and abby need therapy real bad, uh description of trauma (?), i probably missed smth, but we know that i suck at tagging, what’s new

Before you continue, please read this! - I absolutely do not condone the purchasing of any other the last of us games. The Last of Us is heavily influenced by Isreali politics. Also, here are some ways to inform yourself about Palestine. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3. You can even help simply by clicking here.

A/N: tried to be in my descriptive era!!! also ignore that my user isn’t the same thing that’s on the lil banner thing, this has been sitting in my drafts since 1948. 😭 anyway yall i hope i ate down. also also, song title from the other side of the game by erykah badu (w song btw u should listen to it ONG!!)

Blows were exchanged in both directions. Ellie brought a knife to a fist fight, but that meant practically nothing to Abby. Water sloshed underneath their feet, swirling with the crimson of their blood. Each punch, hit, and stab was given with emotion. They grunt with effort as they try to take eachother down, yet to no prevail. Just when Abby thought it was over, she’s overpowered by Ellie. The girl had somehow managed to hold her down in the water, drowning her. Abby clawed at Ellie’s arms, attempting to wiggle from underneath her.

A multitude of emotions wash over Ellie. Hatred, sadness and anger. But the one that was the largest in this moment was regret. Regretting not making amends with Joel. Leaving Dina alone with JJ. Everything. Her face twists and she cries as all the emotions she had bottled up finally came out. Her grip loosens on Abby and she lets her free. Abby sits up as she catches her breath, coughing a little between gasps of air. After catching her breath, Abby looks at Ellie with disbelief. She was certain that this would be her last day on earth, dying amidst an apocalypse by the hands of the girl she loathed. 

“Go.” Ellie murmurs through her tears. Her legs are crossed as she sits, the bottom half of her body completely submerged in the water. The stiletto switchblade was gripped tightly in one hand as the other dropped blood where two of her fingers had been missing. Ellie thought initially that killing Abby would’ve stopped all her pain. Relieved of that false sense of justice Tommy convinced her she would feel if she had just gone after her and finished her off. But it only made her wallow more in her own self hatred. She’d turn back time if she could.

She’d make things up with Joel, become on good terms with Dina, and kick Tommy out of their quaint farmhouse before she could even hear what he had to say. But she couldn’t. After seeing Abby for what she thought was the last time at the theater, her brain chemistry had altered. She was craving to kill her. She had wrote many entries in her worn journal about it. Her nimble fingers gripped her pen as she wrote. She wrote fast and feverishly, her handwriting becoming damn near illegible. She hid these things from Dina and tried to drown herself in the task of raising another human. But she couldn’t. It was on her mind like the plague. She hated it. It made her wanna smash her head against a wall one hundred times.

Of course she understood the consequences of killing Abby. She thought it would mean nothing. She was killing another person wouldn’t matter. But she knew that killing her specifically would matter. It cost her relationship with Dina. She knows she should’ve just stayed home but she couldn’t. She needed to be in control of her mind. She hated the self destructive thoughts and how her moods were so irrational. She wanted that burden to be lifted off her shoulders. 

There was a sting of silence after Ellie’s words. Abby didn’t say anything, the waves sloshed and Levs breathing could barely be heard. Ellie slouchs. She didn’t hear Abby moving. She was confused. She’s just slinky escaped death, why didn’t she leave? Why didn’t she just go take care of Lev? What the fuck was wrong with her? Ellie couldn’t understand and it made her mad. “Why won’t you leave?” Ellie doesn’t actually look at Abby. She never looks her in the eyes. She can’t. 

“I’m not going to leave you here with no way home.” Abby said as she looked down at her. “I’ll get home. Just take the boy and go.” Ellie instructed insistently, raising her voice slightly. Abby hated how stubborn she was being. Ellie had a hard time accepting help and accepting it from someone she’d just nearly killed seemed well, outlandish. Abby walks infront of Ellie, crouching down to her level. “Ellie. Look at me.” Abby starts gently. Ellie turns her head in the opposite direction. “Ellie. Please look at me.” Abby asks again. Ellie won’t turn. A gentle, calloused and large hand comes up to Ellie’s face. Naturally, Ellie flinches a little. She hadn’t let anyone do this since like, forever. She had forgotten what a gentle touch was. “Listen to me. I want you to come with me and Lev. I’ll pick you up and bring you over there if I have to. I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” Ellie doesn’t say anything. She looks into Abby’s green eyes.

Despite the fact that her eyes were full of pain, they were still pretty, Ellie thought. She didn’t know why she’d been thinking about something at a time like this. A hazy fog settled around the girls, making it seem like the rest of the world didn’t exist. Ellie keeps her eyes on Abby as if something would happen if she looked away. Ellie was horrible with eye contact but right now? She was a pro. It almost seemed like Ellie was searching for something in the girls eyes. “But why do you want me to come with you? I just tried to kill you.” Ellie asks with a slightly raised eyebrow. “I just tried to kill you too. If I wanted you dead, you’d already be dead. But you’re not, are you?” Abby asks, mimicking her raised eyebrow. 

“Huh. Well, I guess I’m not.” Ellie mumbles. Even though she was telling her that she wouldn’t kill her, she still wasn’t 100% sure. Ellie was already in enough pain as is. Abby had lost enough in life. They were two girls who were suffering in different ways. Abby seemed to also be searching for something in Ellie’s eyes. Solace. She would’ve been ridiculous to think the girl she’d just fought a handful of minutes ago would come with her. She didn’t even know why she proposed that. I mean, Ellie hated her, didn’t she? No way she’d— “Fine.” Ellie spoke again. Abby was a little shocked. “You’ll.. come with me?” “Yes. Now hurry before I change my mind.”

Neither of them smiled at their agreement. They moreover were relieved. This is what Abby was hoping for; a fresh start in their.. ‘relationship’ or whatever you’d call this. Abby goes to try and start up the boat, the sound of a sputtering engine could be heard. Ellie goes for her backpack. It drips with sea water as did her clothes. By now, it was almost entirely dark, a small lantern illuminated the boat. The fire inside flickered. The boat finally starts up. Wordlessly, Ellie treads across the water over to the boat. She sits next to Abby awkwardly because of the girls large frame. In one of her hands, she still held the switchblade as if her life had depended upon it. She hadn’t looked in Abby’s direction as the boat drove across the water, but Abby looked at her once and redirected her attention to what lay ahead. They were both painfully silent, not knowing what to say to eachother. The silence was awkward yet comfortable. Ellie wasn’t really ready to talk, nor was Abby. In their own way, they both understood that.

[bittersweet-nothingss]

“I was only falling in love”

This line gets me every. single. time. I always associate it with Theo because if you really think about it, Theo's story is heartbreaking.

His whole life, even before the dread doctors, was so sad, with him having his heart condition and probably having shitty parents who couldn't do much, which led to Theo listening and going with the dread doctors for help. For that to only turn out to him being made into a killer, ripped off of any humanity or innocence, and molded into whatever they wanted (along with having to survive and endure all the pain, torture, and experiments, + being alone throughout his entire time with them),

Then he goes through all of the stuff, trying to become the Alpha and kill Scott, take his power, kill Tracy and Josh, and get sent to hell by Kira. Then his entire time in hell itself, which was the turning point for him in his story, all the trauma and pain he had to endure by getting his heart ripped out again and again by his sister, is the one thing he truly regrets and will forever haunt him.

Then along comes Liam Dunbar. Liam Liam Liam—the blue-eyed beta— who changed everything for Theo. This boy, "the beta with anger issues," turned Theo's whole world upside down, first by releasing him from his own personal hell and then sticking up for him, keeping him by his side throughout the war, and saving him. Theo found comfort in Liam in a way he had never found in anyone else. Because he never got the chance to. Theo's humanity and emotions came back after his time in hell and after being brought back.

There was an understanding between Theo and Liam and a level of connection that wasn't with anyone else or one that they had with anyone else. I think it hit harder for Theo because of his past, but when he finally realizes the extent of his feelings, it stops because we never see what happens next.

The last scene we have with them directly speaking is so raw and beautiful; it's the last time we see Theo being vulnerable in Liam's presence alone considering the fact that he normally has a facade in front of everyone else since the beginning, yet the look and smile he gives Liam in the elevator is so bittersweet.

It seems as though he knows that this may be the last time he's ever going to get this close to or even just be alone with Liam at all. The boy who was his savior and who he couldn't help but love for being so kind and courageous—a boy who has rage living inside of him, running through him almost the same way his blood is—yet he's so selfless and brave, and he's trying his hardest in a world that forced him to grow up too fast.

The scene in the elevator will forever remind me that Theo was in fact only falling in love with Liam. He fell hard, yet he's reminding himself that for him, happy endings don't exist. His happiness ends here. The one thing he wants nothing more than in that moment is to have Liam; however, with the way his luck is and who he is, it's not enough. He was only falling in love, an act that was outside of his control and power—two things he's longed for his whole life, but his story ends here.

Something so pure and beautiful that was cut short too fast.

Sorry for the whole essay I had to get this off my chest and my head was hurting from thinking about this all day.

My baby deserved so much better and this is not even half of what I wanna say, I could go on for hours. 😭

[sirmidezz]

Rambo head canons

Except it's just me projecting

-had a hippie faze himself up until he got drafted. After that his entire perspective changed on them.

-calling him a sad shelter dog is a understatement. He is a soggy wet rez dog that trautman found on the side of the road and gave a hot dog to.

-John's sad puppy dog eyes are not only used for looking at things, but also to secretly hypnotize any waiter lady to get free appetizers.

-he can sing he just doesn't want to. (Let this man sing a Johnny Cash song and be prepared to fall in love.)

-knows so many insults but doesn't use them mostly because he is genuinely a nice guy and doesn't like hurting peoples feelings unless the other person deserves a good word with him.

-he can be mean and not think twice about it, but he chooses not to.

-want to watch a movie with him? He will fall asleep as soon as he sits down on the couch.

-hides candy in his sock drawer to feel in control of himself. (Same)

-he buys candy he doesn't even like just to hide it. (Same)

-don't ever ask John for money. He doesn't have anything to provide and will only give you his thoughts n prayers.

-"ur transgener?" John will understand, he doesn't judge anyone. He grew up around 2 spirited people.

-John will never understand a "deez nuts" joke so please dont make them around him he will only look at you confused and stare at you after you make the joke.

-he has a pair of dad glasses he uses to read any letter sent to him. You want to show him a meme? Watch him pull out a pair of glasses and not laugh at the meme.

-he doesn't want a pet but if you get him a pet he will treat the pet like his own baby.

-when he was younger he learned how to hoop dance. He doesn't know how to dance now which is honestly very disappointing. (Same but with another dance😭)

-unironically goes "hehehe" when he gets what he wants like extra jam on his toast.

-has that generational trauma on BOTH sides. (Got hit with a double whammy)

-looks Lana Del Rey, but is actually mitski.

-almost never cries, but when he does someone probably died. Like nothing else but loss (and his talking about his past) can make this man break down nowadays.

-if he were a line in a song it would be, "cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me," (family line by Conan grey)

-if someone sat john down looked him in the eyes, held his hands and said, "your soul needs peace, you need to releive your anger not with violence, but with a gentle breath, allow yourself to feel for one last time." Then he will cry. Like full on ugly cry into your shoulder and let out pained groans and whimpers typa shit.

-he has big parental issues only he distances himself away from everybody he ever gets attached to in fear of being hurt again.

-he craves physical touch, only he gets so uncomfortable when someone hugs him.

-this man can deadlift 300. maybe even more, he can go walking miles without stopping once. hell he is a whole unit, but he will not go to the kitchen to get you a cup of water no matter how much you ask him.

-hates mushrooms.

-had a pet crawdad he accidentally lost. (It's still alive somehow, he just doesn't know it.)

-thugs it out on a daily. 💯💯 (I will pay for his therapy)

[allylikethecat]

hi queen ally i love soft contemporary gatty and infection verse! feeling it especially in the last week since my ear is still blocked as a consequence of the tour flu (?)

for talk shop tuesday, would you share some headcanons about fictional!george in this universe 🥹

Hello There Kind Anon!

I hope you start feeling better soon! I'm so sorry to hear that your ear is still blocked / painful 😭 I wish I knew how to help! Ear pain / issues are something else in terms of absolute misery and I am so sorry that you're still going through it. HOWEVER, I am so happy that you enjoyed the final chapter of The Christmas Fic! I'm very happy to have finally finished it, better late than never I guess, even though I am also very sad since I love that version of Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George so much - I'm going to miss them :(

In terms of Talk Shop Tuesday (!!! thank you for indulging me in this one I am determined to make it a thing!) hmm head canons for Fictional!George in this one:

When given the option of picking where they are going to eat, Fictional!George will always pick a Thai restaurant (idk if anyone noticed but that's where they were planning on going the day Ava was born in the A&E Fic, and that's also where they had the conversation about going to Belgium for Christmas in The Christmas Fic)

Fictional!George is also the on that drives them everywhere - Fictional!Matty is NOT a good driver and it's just better for everyone if he drives

Fictional!George moved into Fictional!Matty's house when they got back together, because Fictional!Matty was always the one hung up on where they lived, he just wanted to be where ever Fictional!Matty was

During the ~post bad times~ ~anger times~ where there was a lot of fighting and tension between Fictional!George and Fictional!Matty, Fictional!George was really trying to work through a lot of his own feelings and his own guilt regarding the whole ~situation~ he wasn't necessarily *mad* at Fictional!Matty nor did he *hate* him like Fictional!Matty thought, but rather he was frustrated with himself and the situation

Fictional!George has had the ring hidden in the back of his underwear drawer since 2013 - the two intertwining strands of black titanium where supposed to represent both him and Fictional!Matty, together forever. He chose black titanium and black diamonds because during that time period IRL Matty, so by default Fictional!Matty described their personal style as "black and expensive"

Fictional!George ends up putting a *lot* of pressure on Christmas moving forward, wanting to make the holidays special for Fictional!Matty after the mess that was this year, and also wants to make sure little Ava always has THE BEST Christmas and knows how much she is loved due to the trauma from his own relationship with his family. Fictional!Matty lets him do his thing but really he and Ava are just happy to spend time with their little family all together

Sorry for just going absolutely wild with the head canons there lol I got excited! Thank you so much for reading, and taking the time to send this ask! Also thank you so much for your patience, I am so sorry again that it has taken me until APRIL to finish a CHRISTMAS FIC. I hope you had a wonderful Tuesday and that you have the best week!

❤️Ally

[taegularities]

Gosh what can I say, CMI really has a special place in my heart like we’ve come a long way to come to this point!! Again I took down my favourite moments because it makes me tear up 😩

“Pulling out all the stops and making things better with you, I mean. I wouldn’t wanna do it with anyone else.” This is love, this is love. Like even if you’re happy, sad or angry with each other it doesn’t matter as long as its with your person 🥹🥹 I suddenly remember that song called I’d Rather by Luther Vandross ❤️

“Which is you for me. I’m building a home with you.” All I can say is the best is yet to come. I’m so excited for the home and life they’ll build together!! *ehem* kids included *ehem*

“My baby is the prettiest ever. Ever, ever.” Cmi jk makes me swoon 🥰🥰 MY BABY ugh 🙊

Iron Man socks. Obviously worn a hundred times; so, so him. — nauurrr but I do remember kook wearing the iron man socks when they got pranked though 💔 he was a baby 😭😭

“And this… This is my girlfriend. She’s even prettier in real life… that’s right.” Come onnnn!! As if cmi jk cant be more perfect. Im still reeling at the fact they’re together cause cmi jk wears the boyfriend tag like a badge of honour 🥰🥰

“Don’t say these things while they’re here, baby,” he warns, although as tenderly as anyhow possible, “you’ll give me a heart attack, I mean it.” I love it when oc teases him!! He’s down bad! I actually wished oc did something naughty hihi

Much like the flowers towards the downpour, Jungkook and you reached for each other while being watered by gloom — but unlike the flowers, you’re still sprouting and thriving into something vivid and fragrant. Not beaten by the agonising shower. - THIS IS MY MOST FAVOURITE PART. I cant remember how many times I read and go back to this particular paragraph. Your words are so beautiful its painful to think about it ❤️❤️

And in the end, him and you aren’t tragic like them. You will never wither — only bloom. - THIS ONE TOO 😭😭 When I read this I felt like gosh this line holds so much promise. I trust you Rid to never break them apart again 😐🤞🏻

And when I come home now, the first thing I think of is you. What we’d cook tonight. Or what we might watch or talk about. - I wish I have something like this to think about also AHA HA HA HA.. 🫥

“And that’s you. I don’t want anyone if I can’t have you.” Its you for me, and me for you kinda thing. No one can ever come between them ❤️

“Wanna dance with you. And kiss you under the lights.” They’re so sickeningly romantic my gosh I feel my single-ness so much when I read cmi 😩 like idk if they’re the type but when I think of cmi couple, they’re like the ones who would dance to mellow music in their living room with only fairylights on, maybe some wine. Enjoying the night as if they’re the only ones awake and sharing a secret only they know 😩❤️❤️❤️

Thank you Rid for our new year’s gift!! You’re so so incredibly talented and hope you know how special you are as a writer and person!! This new year, i wish you can feel comforted as much as we feel comfort from you and your stories. Love you my darling ❤️

gosh, cmi really has come a long way, huh? 😭 1.5 yrs of beauty, and it shall continue for just a bit longer <3 you're so sweet for highlighting your favourite parts :((

i think one of the reasons i truly love these two so much is that they take every emotion in their relationship as an important and natural part of it. like, we haven't seen that bit yet, but it is in my notes – the way they'll handle jealousy, anger, sorrow, trauma will be so incredibly… mature? and very sweet. and they wouldn't wanna do it with anyone else, yes 🥺

not the kids, plsss 😭 (also im just noticing, but i wanted to call you by a name and only came up with koalashark?? lmaoo is there a name i can call or tag you with? 🥺)

THE IRON MAN SOCKSSS AHHHH i immediately felt bad thinking about the AHL incident bc that was so terrible to witness but… the fact that jk had iron man socks at all :( and he'll be wearing them again just bc oc told him to heheheheh <3

HE DOES WEAR THE BOYFRIEND TAG LIKE A BADGE OF HONOUR AHHHHH he's so proud to be hers 😭 and smth naughty huh? fret not. oc will drive him insane in cmi12/13 lollll. also, ty ty tysm for talking about the flower part. i agonised over it for such a long time, so your praise means a lot to me <3

"Its you for me, and me for you kinda thing"… yes. yes yes yes 🥺 :(((

they're truly both romantic ugh. like, i feel like oc isn't as hardcore of a romantic as him, but that love makes her just that for sure. or idk. i really cannot say who of them is more romantic i just ughghhgjdkshfgjkdfsk :') and yes babe you're right, they're the type to slow dance to mellow music and hold each other close, and her head on his shoulder anddddd… you're not too far off bc we might see this someday 😭

thank you so much for reading, sweetheart <3 you're so fkn sweet for always giving me feedback like this and for making me and the story feel special. i do feel so much comfort, so thank you for this 🥺 love you 🤍

[asuraaa8]

Hey its Cora here it's my first post and idk how to use this app😭 anyways this is a SFW mha headcanon post I'm probably using this really badly idk how to tag or anything but enjoy (: it's based on the song "mom, im leaving" by MiatriSs.

To me, the song entitled "Mom, I'm leaving" (мам, я уеду) by MiatriSs, is about the todoroki family, specifically the broken, toxic family dynamics between Endeavor, touya and shoto. The first verse (Tell me how scary it is If a shadow wants light? Tell me how safe it is to follow your prohibitions?) Deacribes how Dabi feels that he is constantly treading on eggshells with endeavor and how he doesn't know what he should and shouldn't do because of his father's abuse, resulting in him leaving and having ongoing emotional and physical trauma from this. It could also describe how shoto got his scar on his eye. The line "if a shadow wants light" to me reflects the episode where endeavour is showing and telling touya about Hellflame and both Dabi and shoto feel pressured and forced to follow in their fathers footsteps to become the next heroes.

"I'm suffocating I'm choking on the awareness of being lost Every day" describes how dabi feels so lost and alone as a result of how his family is treating him. "Every day" things get worse for him to the point he feels as if he's choking and suffocating on his father's words to the point where he breaks. "In which I play the victim Surviving, but I know That change not far away" shows how he is just...surviving. at this point he's not living, only surviving. however, he feels that change is "not far away" and at this point in the song there is a major change In tone and the background music also changes from reflecting ebdeavors harsh words to a more dissociative, barely there background tune after the words "change is not far away". He at this point decided to join the league of villains.

"Mom, I will go to the heavens Above the world, to the clouds I will soar like a bird With wings fluttering the flames " the phrase "I will go to the heavens" reflects how he changes his name, his identity but never his hatred for his father. "With wings of flames" to me reflects the legend of Icarus, how he flew too close to the sun but also how endeavor almost "burnt off" his metaphorical wings with his abuse.

"Even if the edge of the Horizon is not visible now, but I believe" dabi believes, even though hope is "not (yet) visible". "I will try to build a New city, a new one" reflects how dabi is filled with sadness and anger at having his childhood taken away from him. He wants to go far away and forget his past. He wants to live a life where he is living for himself, not anyone else. He doesn't want the pressure of family hanging over him and haunting him, hence why he joins the LOV. That is his family now, not the toxic "family" he was born into.

The change of tone of the background music and Miia's voice at "mom I will go to the heavens" to me is about Dabi's dance (season 6, ep 11) where he confronts endeavor and shoto and faces his past. So scary for him, but he does it so well.

"What will I find? What am I looking for... So scary, BUT I don't care Forgive me That I was silent... The time has come Farewell, pier!" The song ends with dabi using a bottle of water to wash his hair dye out. <My name is touya todoroki>. His father is filled with sudden sadness now he suddenly realised how he's failed as a parent. He will never, ever make it up to dabi. Nothing he will ever do will make up for the pain he has put dabi through. And dabi will never forgive him.

"Forgive me, that I was silent" dabi is angry at himself too. He is finally speaking up, and whilst he was moved on in a physical sense (changed his name, appearance, family) he has not yet and never will move on mentally. He is not touya todoroki, he is dabi and his family is the league of villains.

(Not me crying whilst making this more than I ever have done in my life -_-)

EXCUSE THE SPELLING ERRORS GUYS

[borathae]

OMG NOT THE CLIFFHANGER SIBIIIIIII THIS CANT BE HAPPENING GIRL 😭😭😭😭 you really gave us the fluffiest chapter after so much pain only to send us back to it right after jssksksksk you are so evil I love you jskskskksksksksks I truly love reading oc being so unhinged, SO deep into madness that even the boys find it creepy af jsksksksksk love that for her everyone deserves a little psychotic break that scares even vampires once in a while after experiencing deep trauma jskskskksks but my heart BROKE for Taetae he was so hurt cause he’s been trying so hard to be supportive and trying to keep her from killing herself out of exhaustion so I totally get where his anger and disappointment comes from BUT he also forgot he went through something similar to her and was acting crazy too, in a different way than hers but still! And my sweet Kookie 😔😔😔 he just wanted to help bring his Yoongi back and got Tae getting mad at him too 😔 at least THAT didn’t last long because I swear that I can barely take Yoongi being “dead” for the latest chapters, I wouldn’t be able take Tae’s relationship with oc and Kookie dying too 😭😭😭😭 I love them so much please I just want them all happy and disgustingly in love again 😭 oh and Jimin getting all protective of Tae that he didn’t even let Kook get close to him like damn 👁️🫦👁️

When oc took them with her to the underground tunnels my brain was screaming “this is not good, this is not good, it’s a terrible idea, they’re are going to get scared of her or get angry at her for torturing other vampires and being the unhinged little witch she’s become and everything will go to hell again, this is a bad idea, I don’t want to see them being scared of her” like for real Sibi im so terrified of what you can do to these babies after all the angst of the past chapters that I was expecting the WORST jskskskss thank god it didn’t go that way any that they were just slightly scared and shocked to find out what she’s been up to and the lengths of her grief induced madness, BUT ANYWAYS THE SPELL WORKED! THANKS GRANDMA LILLY! 😭😭😭 the moment she realised her spell worked on her test subject and she finally had a way to bring her Boongie back and all the weight, stress, sadness, and every negative emotions she felt for the past months came crashing down on her like a truck 😭 her mind was strong enough to keep all those emotions negative enough to kill her to herself for so long without breaking in a physical sense until now, of course everything she neglected during that time, like her health would catch up to her the moment she felt that weight lift and especially if we add to that the heavy magical exertion that performing a spell like that would take on her body, like please this girl deserves long cuddle sessions, forehead kisses and only happiness for now on, no more angst for her 😭😭😭

And yes, letting her go do the spell on Yoongi the moment she woke up was a terrible idea, girl at least REST for ONE more day to ensure your body is capable of doing it without dying!!! But she’s so stubborn she could barely walk without help 😭😭😭 like yes listen to Kookie, Yoongi would poison himself with cursed wood back if he wakes up and finds you dead, ONE OF YOU BEING DEAD FOR TRYNG TO SAVE THE OTHER AND THE OTHER BEING AWAKE DUE TO THE EFFORTS OF THE DEAD ONE ITS NOT IT OC GODDAMNIT

And gosh! The moment she entered his room and found him all grey, looking really sick and telling the others how bad he got only for the others to tell her that that’s how he’s looked since the begging and her realising how blinding to reality her madness was 😭😭😭 STOP BREAKING MY HEART

and then when the spell didn’t work right away I was like “of course it didn’t work on Yoongi, he’s THE creator maybe things don’t work the same for him just like death, the spell doesn’t work for this kind powerful and ancient being” and I swear I was spiriting into madness just like oc at that point jsksjsjsjjssk BUT YOU CAN NOT DO THIS SIBI WHAY DO YOU MEAN WITH YOONG’S EYES OPEN AS HERS CLOSE AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH SIBI BABY HE CANT WAKE UP TO HER PASSED OUT ON THE VERGE OF DEATH OR WORSE ACTUALLY DEAD AAAAAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Note: Jungkook has been plaguing my mind since I heard the explicit version of seven, i want to die how dare he do this to mesjssjkaakkskssksks like this man made me go into severe heat with one simple line in a song jskskskskskkskskslls and the MV? the most Jungkook thing Kook could do jsksksks it was so funny, I was telling my cousin only Jungkook (and the rest of the tannies) can get away with this because at the first sign of that behaviour from any other man and you’ll catch me filling for a restraining order asap sjskkskssksjjsksks, how are you after the masterpiece our bunny gave us? Sksjsksksksksks

-Shy anon

I truly love reading oc being so unhinged, SO deep into madness that even the boys find it creepy af jsksksksksk love that for her everyone deserves a little psychotic break that scares even vampires once in a while after experiencing deep trauma

PREACH FJADSFJ I love her acting this way as well istfg I stan a queen

but my heart BROKE for Taetae he was so hurt cause he’s been trying so hard to be supportive and trying to keep her from killing herself out of exhaustion so I totally get where his anger and disappointment comes from

YES GOD I JUST WANNA HUG THIS MAN PLEASE GIVE HIM COMFORT 😭😭

at least THAT didn’t last long because I swear that I can barely take Yoongi being “dead” for the latest chapters, I wouldn’t be able take Tae’s relationship with oc and Kookie dying too 😭😭😭😭

BRUH MOOD ANDFNAN

oh and Jimin getting all protective of Tae that he didn’t even let Kook get close to him like damn 👁️🫦👁️

THIS IS SO VALID AND SO TRUE FANDFNA

like for real Sibi im so terrified of what you can do to these babies after all the angst of the past chapters that I was expecting the WORST jskskskss

*LAUGHS IN EVIL AUTHOR* HAFHAHAH

LISTEN!!! OC IS SO STRONG ISTFG IMMA SAY IT AGAIN BUT SHE IS BADDEST BITCH EVER I FUCKING LOVE THIS QUEEN SO MUCH NDNFANDN

like yes listen to Kookie, Yoongi would poison himself with cursed wood back if he wakes up and finds you dead, ONE OF YOU BEING DEAD FOR TRYNG TO SAVE THE OTHER AND THE OTHER BEING AWAKE DUE TO THE EFFORTS OF THE DEAD ONE ITS NOT IT OC GODDAMNIT

*CRIES* IMAGINE IF SHE IS DEAD NOW FUCKING IMAGINE

also to answer your note: *incoherent screeching noises from my pussy* JFJADJFASJ 😩😩😩

[niamhyyxoxo]

hidden beneath a potion

An original ongoing short story written by Me ♡♡

Main character: haku

Species: dragon-shifter

Side character/ hakus best friend: isacc

+also a dragon-shifter.

TW: /////mentions of traumatic experience//graphic// bullying// angst// sad//swearing//

I'm not the best when it comes to writing, but I hope you enjoy 😭😭❤️

It's still ongoing so I'll post more parts soon ♡♡

Mwah! <3

Hidden beneath a potion. What a crazy stupid idea. To hide who you truly are. Haku would've thought that himself, back then ofcourse.

But now? He constantly hides his dragon traits by intaking an illusion potion that rids of his horns that sweep back into a beautfil arch harmonising with his thick luscious hair, his long thick tail that sweeps the ground below him, his large wings that were made to be one with big fluffy clouds, giving him the privilege to see the most beautful sunsets. Red, orange and yellow beams of light hitting his blue scales, as the warmth of the setting sphere bringing him comfort.

Not anynore, not ever. That's what he tells himself, pushing down the empty feeling in his heart, ignoring his longing desire to shift and just..feel..

"NO!!"

Blue eyes widened. Haku snaps at his best friend, issac who's smashed the illusion potion which he'd previously snatched at him beforehand giving him a dangerous, yet hurt glare.

"WHY?! HAKU!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! WHERE ARE YOUR HORNS, TAIL, YOUR CLAWS?! YOUR SHARP TEETH?!"

Issac shouts at his best bro, tears threatening his eyes as a mix of confusion and anger bubbles up inside him, lost at why haku would ever think about hiding his true form from the world.

Haku on the other hand is pacing back and forth, tears streaming down his face as he growls angrily, he tugs at his hair as all the emotions he's bottled up until now finally come to the surface

"DAMNIT ISSACC!!! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!!"   He snaps, he leans over him, glaring at him with a pure firey angered expression, when he sees isacc's surprised caught off gaurd expression he softens down, taking a step back and sucking in a breathe.

"..."  silence fills the room.

"Wh-"...

Fuck. It's painfully silent. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

That's all haku thinks. A screaming mind, nonverbal lips. His heart tightens at the memories.

The whole reason why he ever touched that God's damned potion. A potion that hides his true form, his true self.

The memories come back, hitting him, no, piercing him like an arrow to the chest.

The memories, God's.. not those memories.

"What happe-"

"It's in the past, isacc.."

Haku quickly cuts him off. Desperate to avoid that question, because he knows he'll break.

"Cut the bullshit. I fucking KNOW you!! you stupid bastard!! Now spit it out!!"

Issac walks closer

"WHY. are. You. Using. A GOD'S DAMNED ILLUSUON POSITION?!?

"Because I was tortured!! By the people I called "friends"!!

Haku practically roars out as tears flood down his face. For the first time in a long time, he's finally *feeling* it. The pain, the trauma, the burden of pushing everything down, filling a balloon until it bursts, metaphorically.

And once again, silence...

But this time, the silence is loud. Issac's expression is enough to speak a thousand words. His lips move but no words come out. A chill shoots through his spine, his heart throbs against his chest.

"Who"

he growls angrily as tears slowly flood his eyes.

"Rueban, Anna, and...karl.."

"Ho-..fuck..wh- DAMNIT!!"

"..."

"When.."

"6 months ago."

"What-" issac struggled to find the words. His expression morphed into a tenderness and gentleness as he slowly takes a step closer to his best friend, basically his brother at this point. He places a hand on his shoulder, stabilising him

"What happened, bro....?"

Haku looks at him, taking a deep breathe. Trying to mentally prepare himself for a trip into memory lane, but this isn't a nice lane, no laughter, love, joy, nostalgia, this is painful, terrifying, gruesome, traumatising.

Phantom pain shoots through hakus body,

Like a thousand needles stabbing him.

He takes a deep breathe, rumbling softly as he exhales.

It happened 6 months ago-

_________________________________________

To be continued~

[ruminate88]

Contemplating 07/12/24

So twice yesterday two separate places were screaming “therapy” and then someone post the word “contemplating” and it was like wooooow.

I understand that what Andrew, Cody and Jake did to me was impactful on my self worth and brain function. God has helped me so far. I’ve been learning how to grow my hair back and get my digestive health under control. I found a good magnesium citrate supplement that’s helping with that 🙏🏻 I don’t know anyone personally who has ever done therapy, so I can give no advice there. However, I would say to just be careful who you talk to and what advice they give you. Counseling I’m sure can be good if it’s from a good source. I haven’t opened back up to my husband, since he had to threaten Andrew to leave me alone becuase I don’t think he’ll understand truly what emotional abuse is and I don’t want him to make me feel bad for it. I think he wouldn’t purposely want me to feel bad, he just maybe wouldn’t know what to tell me. So I’m being choosy in who I talk to these days. Altho if the door opened, I would try to speak up to my husband.

I’ve never understood “trauma” growing up cuz I didn’t think I ever experienced such a thing until this past year, especially after I fell at Christmas off the ladder putting up lights. That fall was quick but hard. The initial fall didn’t hurt. It was afterwards, when I’m left sore and covered in bruises 😢😢 that’s EXACTLY how it felt with Cody and Andrew. The actual abuse wasn’t painful. It was after they betrayed me and broke my heart, then I felt the pain and was left with deep wounds. After Cody ghosted me, wow…. I kept seeing a “zipper” being zipped up anytime I would try to pray and my mom says, “sounds like you need closure” and that’s ALL she said, she didn’t ask me questions and I did NOT tell her or anyone close to me about Cody. 🥺 I kept him a complete secret and yet he left this big gaping hole inside my heart that wouldn’t ever close up and I didn’t know why. 😓

Yesterday I read the famous verse and quote about love: “Love is long suffering, it’s kind, it’s not jealous or puffed up.” Wow ❤️‍🩹🙏🏻 I have suffered long for Cody and Andrew. I don’t hate them and yet they abused love…. I AM working so tirelessly to forgive them. I’ve not been seeking any revenge on them. I’m simply sad for them. Sad for myself too. They made love out as a selfish and evil game. Yesterday I posted about how I believed love had healing power but some reason my love didn’t seem like it affected cody or Andrew. Yeah, they’re manipulators and so they’re bad company to be around. I realize that now. I STILL believe in love. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 even when I can’t “feel it” or “see it”. Andrew and Cody did NOT steal my love away or the ability to have it. They will NOT get revenge or anger from me. They’ll only get healthy anger from me. I want them to be better men ❤️‍🩹 I will pray and wish them well. I will let them live their lives in peace. I will not reach out to them or react in abuse back to them.

Will I ever be able to forget how much I loved them two? Probably not. Cuz my love was real and legit. I do believe each day, I’m another step closer to stop hurting over them and healing these deep wounds. I wanna be able to show my loved ones just how powerful love, forgiveness and healing really is. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 all my life I’ve felt stupid because school labeled me 😭 I wanna show off just how powerful overcoming labels are!!

I have been saying this past year, “Even if you can only put a toe down at the moment, it’s still a step forward” ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[rosaniruby]

FRRR and that's such a pity because i could love both versions of ruby - the darker ruby and the original ruby, as long as they would be written properly!!! Even both versions of Ruby in one story would work out if it was her doing the progress, changing herself, and not Aqua 'fixing' her💀.

And ur so right about how it seems there's no point in the bh arc happening and she messed with things a lot yet?? it didn't have any influence on the story?? Even her sudden change in personality didn't affect her relationships negatively. It's not only that narrative doesn't punish her, it seems to nullify/take away any sort of natural and realistic consequences to anything she did, while giving importance on the stuff she didn't do - for example, surpassing Ai. Atp she only serves as a plot device. Because not only her actions don't matter, her pain doesn't matter, right now Ruby acts like she never suffered a day in her life which is soo unrealistic. And i remember Kana saying Ruby acting and being on cloud nine is her ignoring her problems and she will end up falling but? it seems that was forgotten too?!?

I hate how unexplored her trauma is, because no one could be 100% fine after living what she has been through.. I loooved the chapter of her seeing her mom's new life but after Aqua saves her, he metaphorically and literally moves her away from Ruby, instead of her naturally letting go, and stands as a direct wall between Ruby and her trauma.. it doesn't work like that!! One has to have agency to work out their past properly! Ruby is still the little kid before whom the doors were closed, unable to confront reality because of people protecting her. Not strong enough to push it open as long as someone sits blocking it on the other side, keeping her away from the truth.

I would really prefer Aka doing a year long break and planning everything properly after the reveal than whatever this is.. i know doing a weekly manga is especially difficult because of how you can't turn back.. but I think there were better options than putting such a ruined character as the guiding light in the finale. (Like, Kana who might be the best and most coherently written characters is completely gone right now.)

Oh and!

You're righttt, it's kinda unfair to say Aqua and Kamiki are the same when Aqua, just like Ai, was always careful to not hurt other people in his goal, his revenge itself was an only expression of love he could give while being overwhelmed by guilt, just like Ai with lies and love! And when he did inevitably hurt others, just like Ai did too, he planned to leave them to not cause more pain... just like Ai!!!! I understand Aqua thinks of himself much worse.. but I hope narrative doesn't as well, this comparision being put above Ruby/Kamiki comparison would fall flat while the main thing connecting son and dad was also shared by Ruby in her revenge arc! (hopelessnes, being ruthless - which she was more, lying, bringing misfortune - which she brought more in the little time she had.). And beside this one she had more parallels like lying to be loved, being dependant and clingy etc.

Idk I just feel so bad for Aqua even tho he's not my favorite 😭 because his mindset is so sad and it shouldn't be validated by the author... Which it might not be! the only thing that could make the sudden parallels make sense is if there's a plottwist about Kamiki's intention and he was much more self-sacrificating than we thought. (But along with 'We're the same' line Aqua called him selfish...which Aqua never was.)

And yeah the movie arc ruby/ai parallels were overdone i feel.. sorry that the post is already too long😭. Just gonna say the transition from Ruby wanting to be like mama to her not wanting to follow her path bc she finally sees the wrongs would be so great if it didn't try to convince us along the way that she actually became exactly just like Ai in her trauma (even in her fight with Kana she was much more willing to show her anger than Ai ever was, because unlike Ai ruby blames/punishes others to hide from her guilt.) I mean all the family is very similar and Ai and Ruby are too.. just not this much and not more than Ruby and Kamiki.

onk 160

Another thing that made me stop was how ruby is said to be a pure star that doesn't know lies and manipulation like hikaru and aqua do, which is so silly because... it's literally not true? Ruby has done a lot of terrible things in her black star era and definitely was more reckles with manipulation etc than Aqua! And I get that this is Aqua's little sister, no wonder he'd said smth like this and sees her in this light but... it seems narrative will never make her face any consequences and with everything going on - it keeps treating Ruby as this pure goddess full of love that never did anything wrong, and keeps rewarding her for that, while also never acknowleding everything that she did, never making her regret hurting others, and pretends this didn't happen at all... had entire ruby black-star arc not matter at all? What was that for if we're supposed to pretend it didn't happen?

Actually, not only that arc!😭 Didn't Ruby force Aqua to kiss her? And was generally very weird and harmful towards him? That would make sense Aqua sees her this idealized - isn't he a victim? But if the narrative goes along with this,, it's TERRIBLE.

If a thing that saves Ruby will be her pure, untainted 'light' and eyes made for love not lies,, it would be very silly indeed...

Just to add, I obviously don't know how the story will go but there haven't been many chapters left and I'll be very surprised if they acknowledged how imperfect Ruby is by the end.

[whoseyscientist]

this is late but maybe batman deserves happiness maybe??

ever think about batman and get sad?? like he was left at the altar because his fiancee believed if he was ever truly happy he’d stop being him??? do you know how fucked up that is?? honestly it just reminds me of the way some people would rage against some meds because it would make them lose a part of themselves (read the miserable part) and they wouldn’t be the same person anymore, like misery was a building block of who they were and if they got rid of it (read be HAPPY) then they stop being who they are and that-

is just really fucked up- in this instance, he’d still be a good batman because he’s still incredibly intelligent, skilled and driven by his compassion to the people of gotham vriuwslkgn

hell even if batman did have that drive because of his grief there’s also the real world comparison of artists who have his same mentality that they only produce good work because of their sadness and if they were ever happy the quality of work would dip with it and I could not imagine what that would be like if those artists had people in their life tell them that all that fear was real. that if they actually did take steps towards happiness they would lose a fundamental part of themselves and lose something integral in the art they make (or in bruces case, in the fight for justice) like bruce did. I can’t quite believe the stance comics take on batman and pain and misery and bruce wayne and idk I think it lacks perspective in its position of trauma and how much that trauma makes and pushes a person and their art (or crime fighting eiirbkj). 

What if a happier batman made safer choices? knew his limits, relied more on other people, trusted more people outside of his family, hell maybe even made clearer sharper plans that would prioritise safety aswell as efficiency (maybe leading by that type of example would snowball into the batfam and curb some of their own mildly self destructive habits/behaviours). 

Batman was just something to channel bruce's trauma and anger at the world into something that gets results and changes lives, but he’s also made out of compassion and kindness, a righteousness that believes people could adapt, could change and rise above the unfairness of the world. kind of like he did. 

and It’s just- idk its fucked- 

tldr let batman be happy ffs 😭

[tsunderedoctor]

ok so i’ve never known what to say after 10pm because it’s not really evening anymore but then like it’s not goodnight, so like good day? 😭

hii purple, it’s me, again. 🤯🙊

is it fine if i can make an emergency request for either zoro, law, or whoever you’d prefer and think are good at comforting someone; comforting / g/n reader/lover after they broke down learning someone close to them ended up getting seriously ill?

Hey, love!! Sorry this took a bit, but I hope things are going okay for you! I truly apologize for that stress and anxiety you must be going through. I hope these two babes help you!❤️❤️

Roronoa Zoro

Zoro can be a pretty understanding and caring man, even if he looks like he doesn’t care, he does know what it means to be worried about a friend. He lost his closest childhood friend, maybe not from a sickness, but the fact still remains and the pain of it all won’t leave that easily.

He will try to be there for you and spend time with you, a hand on your shoulder in a comforting manner. He won’t tell you it will get better or things will be alright, because both of you don’t know those answers. However, he will assure you he will be there for you no matter what.

Will keep a watchful eye on you, eating with you and laying in bed with you, to make sure you are taking care of yourself. You shouldn’t be getting unhealthy, it doesn’t help anyone and would make your friend worry.

Goes with you to visit your friend if you can, due to being a quality time lover, he wants you to be able to spend that time together. Will just sit and let you two talk, perhaps look out the window and answer if he was talked to.

When you finally break down, he won’t know what to do, his face shows his true emotions. He’s just as heartbroken as you are, he doesn’t want you to feel like you are alone in this and unhappy. 

Though he isn’t into physical affection, he will hold you close, his body warm against your crying face. A hand petting your head as soft as he can, telling you to please stop crying, that he can’t handle you in this state and doesn’t know what to do.

When you cry, whether out of sadness/anger/happiness, he truly just falls apart. That once calm cool exterior is gone and he’s like a puppy dog wanting to please it’s master.

Trafalgar D. Water Law

Law is a bit different, he knows exactly how it feels to lose a loved one to illness and tragedy. 

However, this caused extraordinary trauma to the man, making him a bit more difficult to handle new losses of loved ones. Law knows people will die, he saw it with his own eyes, that doesn’t mean he won’t try his hardest to prolong their live if he can. 

He also hates seeing people cry, especially if it’s something he knows he can’t fix. This puts him in a situation where he feels powerless once again. Law is a service doer, so he shows his love by fixing things or doing things for you, by not being able to help you or your loved one who is sick, especially since he is also a doctor, will cause Law to have some self-hatred issues. 

As much as I love Law, expect him to be snappish and short with you. It’s not your fault or your friend’s fault, and it’s not his either. However, in this moment he is angry with himself for not being able to fix the problem and help you. He wants to fix the problem, he needs to, but he can’t and he hates it.

When you do finally cry and break down, he will freeze. His throat hurts from unknown feelings he thought he got rid of. His face will hold a look of shock, he tries to keep his composure, but seeing you completely break down before him leaves him truly stunned. 

If you ask him what to do or if your friend will die, he won’t answer you, it’s not that he doesn’t want to, but he’s afraid to be wrong, that maybe you will blame him if something happens.

In the end, he will do his best to help you, but please understand that if things go south, it will cause him turmoil too.

[kunoichihatake]

Never Again (Kakashi x reader)

Prompt: “Can i pls request a hella angsty kakashi x reader oneshot during the pain’s assault arc where the reader is his gf and whitenesses kakashi dying, but then it all ends very wholesome cuz everyone is revived back to life?”

A/n: I just finished watching the Pain’s assault arc and...ouch 😭 it’s a good thing I knew everyone (especially Kakashi) came back because I would have cried even harder if I didn’t (and BOY did I cry)

Pairing: Kakashi Hatake x gender neutral reader

Words: 1k+

Warnings: blood mention, Kakashi briefly dies, reading this will remind you that Pain’s assault happened and that shit hurted (oh yeah and spoilers but if you read the prompt you already know what happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Masterlist / buy me a coffee?

“Kakashi? Kakashi!” you yelled, running through the city, dodging wreckage and fallen ninja. Iruka said he was fighting one of the Pains, somewhere around here. I have to find him…I have to help… You knew how dangerous Pain was; the group of them had killed Jiraiya, one of the legendary sannin. You knew Kakashi was a powerful ninja, but you didn’t want to leave anything to chance. I have to help him.

If it wasn’t for Kakashi, you’d be all alone in life. Your parents and sister had died during the Nine-Tails attack 16 years ago, and being in Anbu didn’t give you many friends to speak of. Kakashi was the only one who knew who you were behind the mask, the only one who cared. In the past five years, you had fallen inexplicably in love with him, and only a few weeks ago, he had proposed to you. But now… you pushed the thought out of your mind. He’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. Even if the village is destroyed, as long as I have Kakashi, everything will be fine.

You turned a corner and saw Kakashi, trapped under a pile of rubble with one of the Pains standing directly in front of him. No. “Kakashi!” you screamed, your voice raw and betraying the fear you felt deep to your core. You ran toward the Pain, preparing a jutsu to knock him away long enough for you to rescue Kakashi; but before you knew what had happened, you were hit by a burst of air and sent flying, directly back into a stone building behind you. Your head hit the stone with a crack, and the world went dark.

You jolted awake, sitting up from the ground so fast that your head screamed in reply, throbbing from the impact of the wall. You reached your hand back to touch your head and felt something warm and wet coat your fingers. Shit, I’m bleeding. Your vision was blurry, too, but you stood anyway, your body shaking. Kakashi. I have to go to Kakashi. He was still in the same spot, stuck in the rubble, but Pain was gone. Your heart dropped. “No,” you whispered, running to him, ignoring the pain in your head and the way your body lurched from side to side, the trauma having severely impacted your coordination. “Kakashi!” you screamed, but he didn’t move, and you knew before you even collapsed in front of his body that he was dead. You screamed his name once more, tears beginning to stream down your face, furious streams of anger and sadness and loss. You wiped your eyes and gently grasped his chin, your hand shaking. His body was cold and limp, but you removed your Anbu mask and pressed your forehead to his anyway, the blood from your wound mixing with the blood from his. “Kakashi,” you choked through a sob. “I’m so sorry, Kakashi.” You cursed yourself for not rescuing him, for not being there sooner, for not being strong enough to stop Pain.

You knew you should be helping the other ninja fight Pain, or maybe heading to the hospital to get your wound checked out, but your body felt too heavy to move. You sat for what could have been minutes or hours, sobbing and cursing the world for taking him from you. We were going to get married. We were going to be happy… Now, you felt, you would never be happy. Not without Kakashi.

At some point, some other ninja came to you and pulled Kakashi’s body out of the rubble, laying it out on the ground. You sat next to Choji, one of the chunin that was the same age as Kakashi’s students, the tears running down your face silently now. You could see he was crying, too. Katsuyu’s clone had filled you in on the situation: Naruto was fighting the Pains on his own, and didn’t want help. All you could do was wait and pray that more lives wouldn’t be lost. Lives like Kakashi’s.

“Y/n, look,” Choji said quietly, and you followed his gaze to look up at the sky, where tiny lines of green shot through the air in all directions. “What is that?”

You stared in awe, watching the lines spread across the village.“I don’t know,” you replied, almost breathless. You watched, frozen, as one of the lines darted directly into Kakashi’s chest, and your eyes widened. What just happened? Kakashi began to stir the slightest bit, and your eyes filled once again, this time with tears of joy.

“He’s alive,” you heard yourself say. You watched Kakashi as he sat up, looking around.

“What happened?” he asked, but before anyone could answer you threw your arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder.

“Kakashi,” you managed, your voice muffled by his shoulder. There were so many things you wanted to say to him in that moment, but all you could manage to do was sob, your whole body wracked with tears as Kakashi rubbed your back gently.

“Choji,” he said, his tone slightly confused. “What happened?”

“You died, sensei,” Choji said, and you could tell from his voice alone that he was still in shock. Kakashi froze, processing the information, then clutched you tight to his body. You felt a tear land on your forehead, and knew he was crying as well.

“Y/n,” he said in a low hum, holding you so tight you could burst. “I’m so sorry.” You shook your head, looking up at him, your tears still blurring your vision.

“I’m just so happy you’re okay,” you said, and he leaned in and pressed his forehead to yours. That was your form of a kiss oftentimes, since you were both almost always wearing masks; and the tender gesture nearly made you break into sobs again. You held his body tight to yours, even when the moment had passed and Katsuyu had begun to fill Kakashi in on everything that had happened. I’m never going to let you go again, Kakashi, you thought, burying your face in his shoulder. Never again.

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