#trauma mention -

[dead-pidoves-dirt-takes]

I’m literally begging y’all not to disclose your trauma in order to justify and validate your tastes in fiction.

The people who are or you fear are going to get on your case about your fantasies, taste in fiction or how you identify? Do not give a shit about you. Or the trauma you have faced. They don’t give a shit about other trauma survivors either, and they don’t care about how callous and shitty they seem. All they care is about controlling and policing people they think they might have a sliver of power over.

You can block or clown or do whatever you want. (I recommend blocking, don’t feed the trolls) But please for the love of god do not tell random strangers on the internet who have absolutely no business knowing you’re traumatized and have X Y and Z mental illnesses from it.

Don’t reveal yourself as vulnerable, don’t paint that target on your back, and don’t give people access to possible triggers that may hurt you.

[brain-rot-central]

Would you be interested to do fanfic with Astarion getting a massage and maybe kisses ober his scars?

Scars

Tav gives Astarion a back massage. Thing is, Astarion isn't entirely used to giving up his back.

I sat on this for a long bit. Thank you for the prompt! 💗

Warnings: trauma mention, abuse mention, brief depiction of abuse

"I'm not so sure this is a good idea, love."

Astarion lay prone on his bedroll, his head tilted to the side. He's not looking at Tav necessarily, just in their general direction as sparks of anticipation jolt through his body. He eyes the bottle of oil within Tav's hands as they uncork the stopper.

"You don't always have to be the one giving, Astarion," Tav says as they pour the viscous fluid out into the palm of one hand. They place the bottle down onto the ground, reapplying the cork. "Sometimes it's nice just to take."

"Yes, but-"

"Do you want me to leave?" Tav interrupts, rubbing their palms together to warm the oil.

Astarion finally looks at Tav, furrowing his brow in doubt. "N-no, I don't. Just..." his voice trails off, gaze wandering to the flap of his tent. It ripples gently with the passing breeze. "Go easy over my back, please," he pleads. "It's... sensitive."

In more ways than one.

Tav nods, shifting closer to Astarion's form. "Of course," they agree, leaning over to plant a kiss on the back of his neck. Astarion shivers under them as their hands find the small of his back. "You let me know if it's too much, 'kay?"

With a sigh, Astarion nods, resting his face against the comforting fabric of his shirt. Tav starts slow, rubbing delicate circles into the dimples of his lower back with their thumbs. Their fingers hang over his hips, which, Astarion admits silently to himself, is oddly comforting. He imagines Tav holding him, guiding his hips to where they want him to be. Much more intimate than Astarion could have ever imagined. Pleasurable, even.

He's so used to being grabbed, pushed, and forced into positions. Hurried encounters with those who cared not for his pleasure, that it came secondary or not at all. Astarion keeps waiting for the moment where Tav hoists him up and slots him roughly against their crotch, waiting for the inevitable painful sting of being pried open without warning.

But it never comes.

Astarion can feel their crotch against the cleft of his arse, Tav straddling his hips for their own leverage, yet this position is unusually sensual. Tav's hands begin traveling up the sides of his torso and they lean further into him, pushing Astarion's hips further into the ground below him. The pressure of his center meeting the bedroll causes his arousal to stir, twitching softly to life as he haphazardly grinds his hips further into the deerskin below, chasing the sensation again and again.

Soft moans escape Astarion's lips as Tav kisses the midline of his back, applying light pressure to the muscles encircling his ribs as their hands glide over the delicate pale skin. "Is it okay if I touch them?" Tav asks quietly against his back.

His scars, they mean. They want to massage his scars.

Astarion's eyes focus again on the opening of his tent, flap blowing in the wind as another breeze blows past. When he closes his eyes, he imagines himself back in the kennels, lying on the cold stone floor beneath him in a similar position. Cazador is behind him, needle in hand, bringing the blade down hard into the vulnerable skin of his back. Astarion screams, or at least he remembers the feeling of screaming, as he relives the searing pain of his flesh being carved out. He claws at the stone floor as Cazador continues, voice failing him as the blade dances across his skin. Cazador chuckles darkly, telling Astarion revisions are to be made.

Astarion.

His head swims with nervous energy, though a small voice breaks through his concentration.

Astarion!

His eyes snap open, returning focus to his tent. Astarion becomes mildly aware of the hand over his mouth and he tries to control his labored breathing.

"Are you alright? You started screaming out of no where." Tav releases their hand from around his mouth and sits back. "Sorry, but I had to do something, lest the entire camp come running..." Tav sits back on his feet for a bit, silence passing over them both. "Did you want to stop?" they suggest. "It's okay if-"

"No, I'm fine," clarifies Astarion. "Sorry, dear. My mind was elsewhere for a moment."

"...Cazador?" Tav asks, quietly.

Astarion doesn't respond immediately. Moments pass before he slowly nods his head. He hears Tav sigh over his shoulder as they resume their place over the backs of his thighs.

"I have no sharp objects, aside from a nail or two," they say in reassurance. "All I'm trying to do is help you feel more at ease. I promise."

"I don't doubt that," Astarion admits. "This is just... different, for me." He gasps as he feels Tav's hands on his lower back again. "I... usually don't give people my back."

Their hands travel higher, and Tav feels the minute shakes of anticipation rumbling through Astarion's frame. Astarion sucks in a sharp breath and they move between his shoulder blades, tracing each indentation of the scars with their fingertips. They use the palms of their hands to place pressure on the muscles deep below, a soft moan of relief escaping Astarion as he eases into the touch.

"...I only want to make you feel good, Astarion," Tav coos above him, dragging their hands back up the length of his spine. They rub along the outlines of each scapula, digging their thumbs into hard knots of muscles. Tav circles them gently, huffing out a quick laugh as they feel the tension beginning to melt away from Astarion's frame.

His head is swimming in euphoric pleasure. His arousal has stirred back to life, but not due to lust. No, this is simply because his entire body feels good, so so good. Astarion feels himself loosening under Tav's ministrations. It dawns on him that he never gave thought to how tensely he held himself together. Another soft moan escapes his lips as Tav leans over again to kiss the back of his neck. The position pushes his half-hard cock further into the bedroll, his entire body instinctively curling upward, into Tav. He leans his head toward one side, granting them better access to his neck.

"Does it feel good?" they ask, littering chaste kissing along the side of Astarion's neck.

Astarion moans as Tav's hands run up and down the sides of his ribs again. "Y-yes," he gasps. "P-please continue."

The massage turns intimate again; Tav kissing down Astarion's back as their hands settle along his narrow hips. Astarion knows there won't be physical intimacy; he's not quite ready for that yet, but by the gods if this isn't close.

Tav works at his back for what feels like a tenday before finally sliding off. "How was that?" they ask, lightly brushing the backs of their fingers over his skin.

Astarion turns over, arousal flagging enough to not raise any uncomfortable suspicion. Though, could he blush, his face would be absolutely flushed. His eyes are heavy, his mouth hangs open. "Wonderful," he admits. "I would very much like to do that again."

Tav leans over and smiles, capturing Astarion's lips between his own. "Then again we shall."

[sha-lyuzar]

Loghain Mac Tir is my comfort character. It is not often a pleasant thing to admit, and my reasons are complex, and personal, but fundamentally what makes me so attached to him is how human he is. That kind of depth and complexity is what made me fall in love with Dragon Age in the first place. He’s not just a “noble hero” or an “evil villain,” but a fully realized person who embodies good and evil, and everything inbetween, who is shaped by his past and his deeply personal convictions, his flaws, his fears, his fierce love for Ferelden, and, most importantly his tragic mistakes, that lost him everything, and that is what makes him feel so real to me.

He doesn’t have an easy narrative arc. He’s not driven by simple greed, cruelty, or even by misguided idealism. He’s a survivor with wounds that never fully healed, and those wounds shape the way he sees the world and interprets threats. Every heinous decision and tragic mistake is a direct consequence of his loyalty to Ferelden and Maric, and his willingness to bear the burden of horrific choice. He has been bleeding for his cause since he was a child, and it has turned him into the same kind of cruel and cold tyrant He fought against in the first place, and watching him struggle to hold true to his values, and eventually abandon them, as his path grows darker and more isolating, is this profoundly tragic thing that to me is infinitely more compelling than a classic Hero's Journey.

What Loghain did in the Alienage is deeply disturbing and inexcusable. Using Tevinter slavers to control and exploit the elves is one of the darkest points in his character arc. It’s a choice that reveals just how far he’s willing to go to maintain control and secure his idea of Ferelden’s “independence,” even at the cost of his own morality, so He lets in a foreign power to abduct and subjugate the citizens he claims to be protecting. It unveils the extremes of his desperation and paranoia, because in his mind, he’s protecting Ferelden, but in reality, he’s perpetrating the very kind of oppression he once fought against. It is dark, it is horrific, it is unforgiveable, and that is the whole point.

He has to confront the devastation he’s caused, and he can’t simply brush it aside as a “necessary evil.”. If he joins the Grey Wardens, his path involves acknowledging these grave mistakes, taking responsibility, and finding a way to live with the guilt. There is no reconciliation for his actions, his fear and trauma may explain but never excuse what he did. There is no easy way out. Loghain is stained with the blood he shed forever. He has to live with having failed, with the compounded weight of his actions and regrets, and, if he joins the Wardens, he isn't even granted the mercy of a quick and clean death, and instead is exiled from the country he poured everything he had into.

And doesn't this resonate? Does this not perfectly reflect the difficult reality of being human? How people can be fiercely protective, deeply flawed, and driven by complicated motivations, and that these qualities make them more worthy of understanding, not less? Loghain’s arc speaks to me on such a deep and personal level, especially as someone who has been battling the demons of trauma. His story is a vivid reminder that trauma doesn’t always make us better people, but exacerbates our struggles and can lead us down dark paths. i see parts of my own struggles in Loghain, i understand his pain, his fear, the choices his past self would loathe him for, and the gnawing self-hate, regret and grief.

Trauma twists our intentions like that. Instead of guiding us toward empathy and understanding, it clouds our judgment, and pushes us to make decisions we later regret, and become versions of ourselves we hate. My reality of trauma has not been this character building experience, the way it is often depicted in media, but something harrowing and life-altering, that still poisons me, even years later. But seeing a character lose all tether to himself and get lost in his demons is a tale worth telling, and an experience that still grips me, even 15 years after playing DA:O for the first time. Seeing Loghain live through rock bottom in DA:O, and then, ten years later in DA:I find purpose and whatever semblance of peace is possible in his circumstance, is something that gives me comfort. It is deeply personal, and i keep this unforgiveable and irredeemable, this grief-stricken and regret-filled man, this complicated and multifaceted character deep in my heart.

There are spoilers for datv under the cut. Major spoilers about the end of the game. If you have not played through yet, please don't be tempted to look. i thought i would be fine with spoilers, but i am not. You have been warned.

All of this is rendered moot by the ending of datv. By a throwaway line. i have been spoilered by this online, and have not reached this point in the game myself, yet, but it leaves me feeling a lot of ways, and it hits me hard. It feels like everything i found relatable in his struggle, everything that made him so human, is suddenly taken away. If his actions weren’t truly his own, and he was being puppeteered by old gods magic, then what does that mean for the weight of his choices? It feels like a betrayal of everything that made up his character, a character who has grappled with his trauma and made terrible choices, yes, but ones that were driven by his own will and conviction, always.

The complexity of his journey, the depth of his remorse, and the struggle for a new purpose, all become overshadowed by this new twist. It threatens to erase the beautiful, painful, and human truth of what it means to confront one’s demons and seek understanding in the aftermath of suffering, what it means to reassess and take accountability for your actions and do the hard, dirty, and thankless work of bettering the irredeemable, bit by bit, piece by piece, so that one day you may draw a breath and feel just a bit of that weight eased.

But no, he was just a victim all along. He has no agency, his self-actualisation is lost on him, he was never responsible for himself. It feels like one of Dragon Age's most complex characters has been flattened down into cardboard.

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[coldflash-corner]

As a trauma haver myself, I deeply love Coldflash because it's two traumatized people being messily in love.

It isn't going to be simple. It isn't going to be easy. One of them is going to be convinced he has all the answers but honestly his coping strategy is just slightly less bad than the other guy and sometimes is just as bad but in a different font

They're going to be fighting their own minds and the ghosts of abusers past the whole way through, and they'll do it anyway

They'll have arguments where they're both screaming to be heard and so deep in their own pain they can't recognize that the other is saying the same damn thing and is on their side

They'll keep trying to keep the other safe and take the hits themself, take the pain themself, take the blame themself, because what are they supposed to do? Isn't this what love is? Wait don't do it BACK-

And sometimes they won't have the words to explain what triggered them about a situation, just have a bone deep "No. We Can't Do That. DANGER." and they'll still have to work through that together

The guy who saw trauma and went "If I just plan enough, if I just think enough, this can't hurt me" and the guy who saw trauma and went "If I just keep running, if I just turn off my brain and get the job done, it won't hurt anymore"

And it's messy. And it's hard. And Barry has just as much shit to work through as Len but simply won't acknowledge half of it because he has to be the Saint for everyone else and if he acknowledges it then what is he now?

But they work through it anyway

They love each other, anyway

There's a few messy "I can protect you" break ups in the middle, but they get to joy in the end

They find the peace they've been fighting and clawing and scratching for

[multiplicity-positivity]

Any advice on how to be less controlling as host?

Hey, I’m the host of our system, and I’d like to think that I’ve made a lot of progress in not being as controlling over my fellow alters. For me, the things that caused that shift were:

Therapy and outside support. Our therapist has had a huge positive influence on our system. He really encouraged me to start viewing my alters as people with wants, needs, and desires of their own, rather than just aspects of my own identity for me to dictate and control how I wished. I really learned to start viewing my alters as both parts and people, and learned that I was no more important than the rest of my system due to his guidance and advice. Our partner system also was really helpful with this, as she took a keen interest in getting to know my parts and asking how they felt whenever I made a big decision. So having that outside support was really helpful for me.

Noticing when I was being controlling. Our system functioned for a very long time with me lashing out at my parts to keep us masking and safe. This may have been necessary when we are a child in physical danger, but as an adult in a safe place, it became a maladaptive coping method. So the first step in changing that was just trying to notice when I was being controlling or when other alters got scared around me. I asked my parts to be honest with me when they felt like I was unfairly influencing their decisions. I didn’t try to consciously change my behaviors right away… I just spent time keeping track of when I was causing harm.

Asking myself “how would I feel if I was being treated the way I treat my alters?” How would it feel to not be able to play the games I wanted, pursue my passions, dress how I wished, engage with other people on my own terms? How would it feel if someone was micromanaging me and forcing their own say into many aspects of my life? How would I feel if, when I tried to do what I wanted anyway, I was belittled and shouted at? Not good. Not good at all. This was a huge eye-opening moment for me, and I was able to start making small changes after I realized how my controlling nature has been affecting my alters.

Talking to my alters. I tried to get to know them for who they are, not who I wanted them to be. I tried to have an open mind, and to the credit of many of my parts, they were patient and understanding. They told me about their roles, their identities, their ideas about the world, their goals and wants. They reminded me that we each had a purpose in our system, myself included. We had lots of conversations just trying to start over and get to know each other as individuals. Eventually I apologized to every part I could access individually for my past behaviors. I still wasn’t perfect and I definitely slipped up sometimes, but I was making real progress.

Attending in-system meetings. As soon as we started having them, I did my best to remain focused and present. It showed me a whole new side to my system I had never really considered. During our meetings I got to really understand the complexities and unique differences between us. It made it easier to compromise. It made it easier to humanize my alters, who I had spent many years treating like trash. It made it easier for me to step back and listen to them (I tried to make a concerted effort to not speak, only listen, during meetings at first).

For me, coming to terms with my trauma history was also important. In the months and first year after our syscovery, I was adamant that we had no significant trauma history to speak of. Being in denial of my trauma made it easier for me to deny the validity of my alters. It was a really difficult road, and even now I’m not aware of the full scope of the trauma we endured as a child. But I know and accept that we suffered, even if I don’t have access to those memories. And accepting my system’s trauma, accepting my status as a survivor, and understanding how trauma has impacted the whole collective… that also helped me step back and let my alters live their lives in the ways they want. We formed to protect each other. We are a team, and it’s important for us to care about each other. It’s not their fault they exist. It’s not my fault either. But they’re here, they do exist, and they deserve to heal and live their lives on their own terms just as much as me.

Damn this got long. I’m sorry. There’s just a lot that went into me being able to change my attitude and behaviors towards my parts. At this point I can say with pride that I’m just one of the guys, and it took a lot of effort and hard work to reach this point. Idk if everything that worked for me will be applicable for you, but I hope something could be useful. Sorry if you weren’t able to get through this whole post due to the density. But there was a lot of stuff I felt I needed to say on this topic.

[shaylogic]

[findmeinthefallair]

Belos trying the same tactic with both of the poor kids. But what a contrast between the towering monstrous form versus the puddle he was reduced to in the end.

He hurt Luz and Hunter enough. More than enough. He snatched literal life away from them. I'm relieved that both of them had proximity away from him at the time of his death:

with Hunter being safely far away, and Luz making a conscious decision to walk away from him, so that they didn't have to witness his demise. On top of what they both already had to heal from, witnessing him dying would've been...visceral on another level for their senses, and for the memories they'd be carrying for years afterward.

I wouldn't ever want these to be the last sights (and sounds!) of Belos that Luz and Hunter are exposed to:

Especially because they had a history of trusting in him first, before experiencing betrayal from him. This scene was freaky enough for an adult audience member like me to watch...I can't imagine being a child, who previously trusted in Belos, placed in this situation.

It was different for Eda, King and even Raine (who has been staging and leading the CATTs rebellion over a long period), who were the ones to finish him off, because they didn't have prior experiences of deeply trusting in Belos first.

Coming in from a clinical perspective as well, if you work as a therapist you have to note down and weigh two areas for every client case: risk factors vs. protective factors that can either worsen or improve whatever mental health conditions they're experiencing. Doing this gives a clearer picture and creates higher awareness of a client's situation and struggles.

I'm zooming in on just risk factors for PTSD symptoms (list is from the National Institute of Mental Health's page about PTSD):

I underlined the blue to show which risk factors that Luz and Hunter would already be up against without witnessing Belos's death: that's already 7 out of 8!! (keep in mind they saw stuff like the grimwalker graveyard in Belos's mindscape) And these poor babies already met enough criteria for diagnoses of depression and C-PTSD respectively. If they witnessed him dying, it would've been a "big T" trauma event that could do more great damage and complicate the recovery process.

The red underlines are if they witnessed Belos's death, adding more layers of wounding when it comes to the relevant risk factors. And what would intensify things is like I mentioned, their history with Belos in particular is downright messy since they experienced betrayal from him in such awful ways. You can't be betrayed by someone if you didn't first place trust in them. In Hunter's case, he had (and realistically, would still have) love and attachment to Belos.

It's heavy enough that both of them were mourning father figures that left them behind at the start of those 3.5-4 difficult years, and would experience depressive symptoms related to those losses:

Hunter mourning Belos himself and his life in the Emperor's Coven which brought meaning to his life, while Luz mourned Manny and her use of the glyphs that helped her find her place when there was nothing else that worked.

They would need Camila, Darius and Eda as their solid rock to fall back on for unwavering support, along with the love from everybody else.

If I rewind things a little, I'm also relieved that Hunter wasn't ambushed by Belos in For the Future, and that Luz didn't give into temptation to "blast him away" in Watching and Dreaming:

Their anger and frustration was most definitely valid, but I'm pretty sure that any decisions to follow through with their desire to strike back at Belos...would've added salt to their moral injuries and bred more painful confusion in the years that they'd have to spend recovering from all that they went through.

Keeping them away from being the ones to finish Belos off was an informed writing decision.

[paego]

I don't think we give Anya enough credit for what she did for Curly after the crash.

Man has NO SKIN, no hands or feet, one eye left, severe trauma basically all over his body. Anya was able to get him into a stable condition with the limited supplies of a freight ship that surely is not stocked for any form of surgery or severe injury.

Then after she stabilized him, she kept him alive! Man can't move or speak or even blink! Do you realize all the things she has to do for him on the daily? Feed him, clean his waste, change his bandages, check for infection, apply moisture to his eye so it doesn't dry up! Probably way more on top of that!

But God forbid she have an issue with one single part of her enormous task of keeping a severe burn victim alive!

[thelunastusco]

Saying this as a trauma-formed system:

We're sincerely glad if your system didn't form from trauma. We're sincerely glad if your system doesn't have trauma at all. It's so, so hard to make it through life without SOME sort of trauma, but if you and yours have somehow managed, we're happy for you.

No one should have to suffer. No one should have to go through terrible things. People who wish harm on you for not suffering enough for their tastes can fuck right on off.

Just because I/we were hurt, doesn't mean you should be.

[agerefandom]

Blitzø Regression Headcanons <3

regression is a trauma trait from Blitzø's early childhood: he had some issues with developmental milestones and his parents often fought about how to handle it

it got a lot more pronounced and disruptive after the fire

will push himself to do stupid things just to prove that he's not actually a kid and he's just "being stupid" (ie. drinking, getting into fights, etc.)

both deeply insecure and dismissive about his regression ("just another way he's fucked up")

easily startled by loud noises

I also headcanon Loona as a regressor: when Blitzø starts taking care of her, he learns better how to take care of himself, but starts feeling like it's twice as important to hide it

loves horse movies, obviously, and also figurines and also drawing them and also talking about them and reading books about them and-

incredibly talkative when comfortable, but shuts down verbally when defensive or nervous

indignant when a caregiver tries to limit his actions to something more age appropriate: "I know how to drive!!!!!! Lemme go!!!"

luckily, he's very easy to redirect with a question, a suggestion, or the slightest bit of affection

one of his favourite things is someone scratching his head between the spikes and horns, he'll be a melted purring mess

imps hold onto their tails when they're kids and Blitzø tends to do it when he's slipping

his art style does not change much, but his writing is even harder to read than usual

[cambriancrew]

You know, one of the worst things about singlet-normativity and internalized pluralphobia interacting with deep ingrained trauma reactions like stubborn independence and not trusting other people and the whole "I don't need help, I can do it all myself"?

I know, in my head, that my headmates are there - I can't help but see what the other Willows are thinking and doing, and I can feel the presence of some of the others without any effort. I know, in my head, that talking with them and leaning on them and switching with them is super helpful and prevents burnout.

But I don't know that in my heart. In my heart, I believe I don't need anyone but myself, and maaaybe I can extend that out to the rest of us Willows. In my heart, I believe that I'm the only one who's real and who really matters (and that I can extend a little more easily to the rest of the Willows.) I'm stuck in the trauma feelings of "I don't get help when I reach out so I need to depend only on myself."

In therapy, we're working on a DBT skill called Opposite Action. The opposite of the feeling of stubborn independence is intentionally reaching out.

So this is me reaching out. Not just to my headmates, but to y'all too. If any of you (and not just hosts) ever feel like I do, like you don't need help, like you don't need your headmates or to lean on them, that leaning on them and spending time with them isn't important and isn't helpful, this is your reminder to reach out to them.

We're stronger together. Being plural and being able to lean on each other is powerful. Sure you can do what you can do without that help... But you can do more if you let your system help.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

"everyone went through a self-shipper phase and explored themselves through media like that" you don't understand I was so aroace-spec and queer and in denial and simultaneously religiously traumatized that I thought that sex was a duty that came with a romantic relationship and the only way to ensure no one left me was to create a bond with an emotion everyone seems to understand, even if I'm just forcing myself to feel it.

So, fuck no. I didn't self ship when I read "x reader" fics. I just wanted to feel warmth. Ten times out of ten if I asked myself "would you be fine with (character) never wanted to have sex/kiss on the mouth/do relationship stuff" my response was always that I'd feel relieved.

Goddamnit, don't tell me this is only my aroace and traumatized experience online. Trying to understand and connect with the allo experience in fandom is so isolating because even when speaking of my beginning I have to mask the actual depth of it and/or try to explain that a thirteen year old me genuinely did understand what certain terms meant but simultaneously felt anyone who loved them was owed love in return and that the smallest bit of affection should be reciprocated with my entire being. The whole separating categories and levels of relationships is something I am still learning, not something humans are supposedly programmed with. And even then, nothing ever feels right.

Really doesn't help with the imposter syndrome and not feeling human... Why can't I love like almost everyone else shows to be able to? Why do I love differently than others without people being able to relate even in communities meant to talk about loving differently?

(gods, I should go back and edit this but I'm tired and need to try to find rest in my sheets)

[phoenix-and-found-family]

Phoenix: Hey, I can be serious! I'm not all chaos and good times.

Juniper, not buying it: Name one time you've ever been serious about anything.

Phoenix: I'm pretty serious about my horrific trauma flashbacks that I can't control.

Juniper:

Juniper: What now-

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i want to heal. it’s hard to do in toxic environments. people think healing is just therapy and working on urself but it’s not. if ur in a toxic environment you make progress and then you keep taking steps back, and it’s not as simple as just moving out. some people don’t have money, some people are disabled, some people are stuck in abusive toxic places. people think it’s easy to just heal but u don’t get it. it’s easy for u to say if u live in a healthy environment