#transformers tailpipe

[intothefunkyverse]

Entrap babysits Tailpipe and gets roped into becoming the next Cinderella. She reaaaally wants him to surprise Blitzwing with this on, because then she can dress him up like prince charming

Entrap belongs to @maxicaiman! Ty for giving me permission to draw this!

[hotarufutaba]

misc. transformers doodles 👍 mostly requests from my family and randomizer stuff

[thelastgherkin]

LEGACY EVOLUTION Nova Prime

A digibash come to life!

More like this:

Siege Leader Class Galaxy Upgrade Optimus Prime

Combiner Wars Voyager Class Battle Core Optimus Prime

Cybertron Nova Prime (custom)

[oozeandgoo-art]

[ragingbookdragon]

I Do My Hair Toss, Paint My Nails

Bayverse Transformers x Reader Blurbs

Word Count: 1.7K Warnings: Explicit Language

Author's Note: I fucking wrote TF fanfiction omg. Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

Ironhide:

It’s only the fourth glance she takes out the window that has her nail tech snorting. “Are you worried someone is going to steal your boyfriend’s truck?”

She startles at his words, barely missing the drill bit going into her skin around her nail as she replies, “Huh?”

“You keep looking at the truck,” he says. “It’s your boyfriend’s, isn’t it?”

Her cheeks begin to warm as she swipes a fifth glance at the black GMC. “What makes you say it’s my boyfriend’s? It could be mine.”

“Please. You work in private security. And I know you drive a pink Porsche.” He takes his own look at the truck. “It’s a nice one. It is your boyfriend’s, right?”

“Something like that,” she replies as he dips the brush into the acrylic and begins to lay it over her nails.

He snorts again. “Okay, Miss Mysterious, keep it secret.”

She gives a smile as he continues to work on her nails and she admires them when they’re done, a sleek black stiletto. “Thank you, Ray.”

Giving a mock bow, he replies, “I do my best. Now off with you.”

Waving, she steps outside and nears the driver’s side of the truck, only to be caught off by a sports car slowing to a stop beside her.

“Hey baby,” the man greets, practically hanging outside of the window. “Where you headed?”

She blinks, offering a deadened stare and grips the door handle. “Nowhere you are. Have a nice day.”

“Now don’t be like that, sweetheart,” he replies with a smirk and starts to get out, but he stops when the truck rumbles with a violent noise. “What the fuck?”

“Easy, Ironhide,” she murmurs, and opens the driver’s door. “Have a lovely day.” Shutting and locking the door, she’s thankful that Ironhide’s windows are tinted and watches as the car pulls away in a hurry.

“You okay?” Ironhide asks. “I can always blast their tailpipe in.”

She laughs. “Thank you, but I think they got the message.”

“Hmm, I disagree, but I’ll take your word for it,” his voice hums through his speakers as he pulls off onto the street. “What did you do in there? You were gone for an hour and a half.”

“Oh, I got my nails painted!” she chirps and flashes her hands down. “See, I painted them black like your paint.”

This time, Ironhide rumbles but it’s with a subtle pride as he compliments, “As beautiful as my weapons, love.”

“Thank you,” she smiles and leans forward, pressing her lips to the center of the steering wheel. “How about we take a drive out of the city?”

“I think that’s a fantastic idea,” he replies and turns off to the main highway pointing out of the city.

***

Rachet:

“I do not understand the process of painting your nails,” Rachet comments as he watches her gently apply a mustard yellow to her nails.

“Which part don’t you understand, big guy?” she replies, not looking up, focusing intently.

“Perhaps it is more so I don’t understand why.”

“Why?”

He nods and gets closer, staring at her hands. “Why are you painting them?”

She looks up at him. “Why me specifically or why do humans paint nails?”

Rachet takes a moment to ponder her question. “Both.”

Sticking her hand under the small gel light, she answers, “Most people paint their nails as a form of self-expression. Others do so as it’s fashionable. Some just do manicures and pedicures to stay groomed. Think of it like you and the others maintaining your own bodies and staying in good condition.” She starts on the other hand when the first is cured. “Some cultures have historic context with painting nails or the length of nails and it’s symbolic to their people.”

“And what of you?” he asks.

“I guess mine is more so expression and maintenance. I work a lot so I can’t always have my nails maintained the way I want, y’know painted and with length. But I always try to keep them clean and nice looking.” She smiles as she paints a red line through them. “Sometimes I’m lucky enough that I get to paint them pretty.”

At that, Rachet tips his head a bit to see. “I’m no human but I do not think red and yellow are technically considered ‘pretty.’”

She gives him a fond look and pokes his nose with her cured pointer. “Really? Because I painted them to look like a similar Autobot I know. Or did you forget you’re red and yellow?”

He coughs slightly and looks away. “Well, now that you mention such a thing.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re flustered, Rachet.”

“Nonsense,” he retorts as he stands up straight, and she has to crane her neck to see him. “Autobots don’t get flustered.”

“I think you’re leaking oil, big guy,” she teases, and he turns hurriedly, patting himself down.

“What! Where!”

“I’m joking,” she says with a grin. “Still set on not being embarrassed?”

***

Bumblebee:

She sits at the station next to Bumblebee as he fumbles with the metal Rubik’s cube she had made for him. “What color should I paint my nails, Bee?” she asks, opening the case, and she really shouldn’t be painting her nails at work, but considering most of the higher ups are in meetings and the facility is a ghost town, she doesn’t have much to do.

Bumblebee looks down, optics zooming in on each color she lifts up for him to see.

“I’ve got blue…red…black…ooo, what about green?” she offers a deep evergreen up and he scowls and shakes his head. “No?”

He sticks a finger into the case and carefully digs around until he pulls out a tiny tube and hands it to her.

“This one?” she asks and looks at the bottle. “Sunrise Yellow,” she says and looks at him. “It matches you.”

This time he gives her a smile of pride and hands her the black bottle as well, gesturing to her middle and ring fingers.

“You want these ones painted black and the others yellow?”

“Yeah baby!” the line from a comedy movie comes over his voice and she snorts.

“Okay, Bee,” she answers and opens the bottles. “Nails that look like you coming up.” she watches as he grins to himself and dances slightly. “You keep it up, Bee, and everyone is going to know you like me.” She pauses and looks at her hands with a deadpan stare. “Actually, they’re going to think I like you.”

He bends down and gets face to face with her. “You do like me.” The words are easy enough to decipher in his rumbles and she looks away.

“Get outta heeya,” she mocks with warm cheeks, and he laughs at her. “Hey, you better stop laughing at me, or do you not remember how you practically tripped over yourself when I wore a dress the other day and you weren’t paying attention. Ran right into the high-beam and maintenance is still working on fixing it.”

At that, his battle visors come down and he hides his face as embarrassed rumbles escape him; she takes the opportunity to slide up onto his leg and sit with a smile as she paints her nails.

***

Optimus:

She greets the soldiers around her with a smile as she enters the facility and wanders back to her desk to set her things down. It’s only a few moments before Lennox finds his way to her desk and simply stands in front of it until she looks up. “Good morning, Will.”

“You’re late,” he retorts and crosses his arms over his chest. “We had training this morning. And you missed it.”

“And I think you forget I was transferred to private security.” She smiles amusedly. “I don’t work for the military anymore.”

He rolls his eyes. “Jesus, you get out and you turn into a completely different person.”

“I am not. Excuse me for enjoying not waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to go running.” She turns on her computer and sorts some paperwork on her desk. “I had an appointment if it appeases your annoyance, your royal eminence.”

“Oh, it’s not me that needs to be appeased. It’s a certain Autobot that was worried about your lateness,” he teases as she feels her cheeks heat up.

She gives him a surprised but pleasant look. “Optimus was worried about me?”

She knows she’s said too much when Lennox’s face splits into a smirk and he gloats, “I fuckin’ knew it was Optimus. Epps thought it was Sideswipe.” His grins grows as she throws her pen at him and he saunters off with, “Guys owe me fifty.”

A few minutes pass as the embarrassment begins to fade when a noise startles her and she lets out a groan and gripes, “William, go awa—Optimus!” she hides her files on her desk as if it will take away the fluster she feels. “I—I didn’t know you were there.”

The Autobot leader bends down to get level with her. “You weren’t at training this morning,” he notes, and she can’t help how her neck disappears into her shoulders.

“I was busy…I had an appointment.”

“Oh?” He blinks, blue optics watching her carefully. “Was it a medical appointment? Are you well?”

“I’m fine,” she replies. “I went to go get my nails done.”

He blinks again, this time almost confused as he asks, “Your…nails?”

She shows her hands, and he lowers his, gently taking both of hers in one; they only rest on one finger as he examines them. “In human culture, men and women paint their finger and toenails different colors. It’s called manicure and pedicure. I have acrylic nails. Made from acrylic glass and hardened with a liquid monomer. It creates a hardened surface that can be drilled and painted. Like mine.”

Optimus looks them over before he murmurs almost uncharacteristically quiet, “They are painted like my paint.”

Her cheeks warm and she looks away. “I…know we can’t exactly be open…people wouldn’t understand but…I just thought it would be a romantic gesture I guess.”

“I am honored,” he says with a smile. “They are painted beautifully…like you.”

“Optimus,” she replies with a warm smile. “Thank you.”

[transformers-spike]

https://www.tumblr.com/transformers-spike/784864578571010048/tfa-sentinels-partner-rimming-him-and-its

Imagine if you didn’t know tailpipes are the cybertronion forbidden hole and decide to stick a finger in your bot‘s tailpipe when they’re in their alt mode as a funny prank, and they let out the most loud anime girl type moan. You just end up looking at them both horrified and aroused

-🔧

YEFUIHUFEHFUEIFUEIFWUEI

Listen some of them would hate you for LIFE if you do this to them (aka Knock Out)

Anyway, did you know jets also have their own exhaust system? They call them exhaust nozzles

This is an F-16 Fighting Falcon... A whole human can fit in there

Don't you dare do this to Starscream

[in1-nutshell]

Its missing prime Lithia hours soooooo could you maybe write something where she's taken hostage or something? Maybe she has one of the kids with her as well and they both just gotta figure out how to get out meanwhile Ratchet feels he's both ready to shortcircuit and ready to kill literally any bot that comes in his way just to get his child back

I think I'll make a longer version of this in the future. The original stuff was way too long and all over the place.

Hope you enjoy!

Lithia and the kids get kidnapped

SFW, Platonic, Mention of injuries, Hinted Romance, Familial, Cybertonian reader

TFP

It had been a quiet couple of days since the arrival of Smokescreen and Ultra Magnus.

Almost peaceful if you didn’t count the skirmishes the team had every now and then.

Most of the team was out on patrol or on the latest mission.

Meanwhile, Ratchet and Lithia were at the base when they received a call from Bumblebee.

Bumblebee: “Beep bop boop bep bep… (Lithia I need you or Ratchet to go pick up the kids. Looks like a potential fight might happen any second now…)” Lithia: “Got it. Stay safe Bee.” Bumblebee: “Boop bep BEEEEEEPPPP!! (Oh please, I got—SMOKESCREEN WAIT FOR THE SIGNAL!)” CLICK! Lithia laughs quietly to herself before turning to her father. Lithia: “I’ll be back!” Ratchet without looking from his workplace: “Do you need a groundbrigde?” Lithia: “No thank you, I need to stretch my gears anyways.” Ratchet huffs a bit. Ratchet: “And remember to—" Lithia: “—Not get sidetracked. It happened one time.” Ratchet: “One time too many. Now off you go.” Lithia waves goodbye before transforming and driving out of the base.

The pickup was successful.

Sure, there were a few weird looks when the trio climbed inside, but they should just learn to mind their business.

Jack took the front seat while Miko and Raf sat in the back.

She listened to the kids talk about their day and internally smiled at Jack and Miko fighting for the right of the AUX chord.

Everything was okay.

… Then why did she feel like something was going to go terribly wrong.

Lithia moves her rear-view mirrors a bit and spots a groundbrigde opening in the sky. The kids noticed her speeding up. Jack: “Lithia, I know you want to get us back to the base and all, but you’re going 15 over the speed limit.” Predaking emerges out of the portal. The kids are suddenly pulled back by their seatbelts and Lithia speeding faster than they have ever seen her go. Raf: “Lithia?” Miko: “Hey what’s going on?!” Lithia: “We got a certain Predacon right on our tailpipe! Hang on!” The kids grip at the seatbelts. Lithia to her coms: “Ratchet I need a groundbrigde now!” Rachet: “What happened?” Lithia sees Predaking rapidly approaching and swerves around trying to keep him from trying to snatch her up. Lithia: “Ratchet I have an angry Predcon right on my tailpipe that came out of a groundbrigde in the sky! I think this counts for a---GGGAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!” The Kids: “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!” Predaking had dived down and snatched Lithia up. The kids narrowly avoid the talons piercing through. Ratchet: “Lithia!? Lithia what happened!?” CLICK! The signal and call had gone offline.

The last thing Ratchet heard was Lithia screaming in agony before the line and her signal went dead.

He swears his old spark stopped at that moment.

Optimus and the others soon get a panicky call from Ratchet about Lithia and the kids getting kidnapped.

Screw the previous mission, there is a new priority now.

Wheeljack and Optimus help Ratchet in trying to find Lithia’s signal.

Optimus was watching Ratchet like a hawk, seeing his servos shaking a bit.

They couldn’t track down the Nemesis straight away, Lithia had said that the Predacon had flown from a groundbrigde.

It didn’t automatically mean that she and the kids would end up on the ship.

Tensions were high in the base.

They did everything they could do, all they could do was wait.

Finally, they received a call from a frantic Raf.

Raf: “Hello!? Hello, is anyone there?!” Bee goes straight for the panel. Bumblebee: “Bop bep!? (Raf! Raf where are you guys! Is everyone okay!?)” Raf: “We are okay, but Lithia is fighting some Cons right now. She needs help!” Ratchet takes the panel: “Keep the line open and we’ll find you.” BANG! Lithia: “IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!?” Raf: “Hurry!”

As soon as the team had the coordinates it was time to move.

The rescue team was made up of Optimus, Ratchet, Bumblebee, and Arcee

They arrived at some rocky terrain littered with unconscious Vehicons.

Lithia, sporting several slash marks and scorch marks, was beating a Con with his own arm.

Those lessons with Arcee seemed to be working a little too well.

Speaking of which, Arcee and Optimus found the kids hiding behind a couple rock formations.

Lithia: “HEEEYAA!” The medic delivered the final punch knocking the Con out. Lithia was venting heavily as she tossed the arm aside. She then notices the team standing there and waves a bit. Lithia: “Hey…” She feels herself starting to fall forward. Ratchet and Bumblebee are the first ones to reach her before she falls to the ground. She doesn’t hear anything else as her vision turned dark. Lithia slowly wakes up to someone’s servo gently cupping the side of her face. Ratchet, in all his tired glory smiles down at her. Lithia: “Dad…” Ratchet: “Your safe now. All of you are safe.” Lithia lifts up her helm a bit to see the kids sleeping in the human area. They were safe. They were safe… She sighs in relief and leans back into her father’s servo. Ratchet: “…You did good Lithia… But don’t you ever do something like that again.” Lithia tries to laugh but winces. It was then she noticed something was wrapped around her servo. Looking down, a resting Bumblebee had his servo intertwined in hers. She ignored her frame heating up at the sight. Lithia: “How long…” Ratchet: “Since you were stable. So, about a couple of hours give or take. Now, rest, doctors’ orders, you can tell us what happened later.” Lithia gave one last smile to her father before slowly closing her optics and giving Bee’s servo a slight squeeze.

[blade-liger-4ever]

RID 2015 Strongarm: An Insult to Tomboy Brawler Girls

So, given my surprisingly popular post on how TFOne ruined my favorite female lead of all Transformers media mentioned the above character, I think it's safe to say lots of people know that I despise RID15's version of Strongarm. However, since all I see of the fandom is everybody singing this block of wood's praises and not once criticizing her, I feel it's up to me to take Breakdown's hammers to this poor attempt at a female protagonist.

If you like her (and I know and respect someone who does), this post isn't for you, so keep scrolling before you get an aneurysm or your feelings hurt.

Now, onto my points.

From the beginning, Strongarm is painted with an unlikable air. She does nothing but worship the ground Bumblebee walks on, and acts as if everything and everyone from Prime was a god that must be worshipped, and so help you if you don't worship them because she'll throw you in the slammer with extra roughing to boot. Because let's face it, Strongarm is a suckup who wants power.

Dont believe me? Just look at her. She's basically a brick wall come to life who is in the Elite Guard and actually covetous of rankings. This is shown in a frightfully plain manner when Bumblebee is mentally reduced to a five year old, and she even spends his procedure hoping to take command afterward so she can climb the ranks - to climb the ladder of power.

Yes yes, I hear you all screaming that she learned her lesson - only she didn't.

The same thing happens every other time she was given the chance to lead, like in the episode where they got their minds switched in season 3. Once more, Strongarm was gleeful over being in charge, and it came up again in the finale. The whole reason Sideswipe keeps challenging her throughout the series is because he knows exactly how much more of a pain in the tailpipe she'll be if she gets promoted, made more clear by the fact that he doesn't give Bumblebee half the suffering he gives Strongarm. It's because he doesn't mind authority that is limited that he lets Bumblebee lead him, but Strongarm is already mad with the power of the rulebook, and if that type of person gets the position of commander, then there's no more freedom in the one place Sideswipe's found freedom.

Moreover, she never grows from her holier than thou and superiority complex behaviors.

From the beginning, Strongarm looked down on Sideswipe for "being a punk/perp" and made it clear every blasted episode that she thought he was lower than the crust of the Earth. She rarely genuinely praised him, and while you could argue it was to "keep his head from getting fat", there's a time when you should be nice and supportive of a teammate/friend when he does something good and right, which Sideswipe usually does. Heck, the times he's done something wrong are always painted in a bad light by the show, and Sideswipe goes the extra step to apologize by the end. Strongarm, however, never gives Sideswipe that same courtesy, because she must be right all the time, and while I feel the showrunners didn't believe that she was right any more than I did, they were forced to do so because the higher ups and freaks watching the show screamed for more Strongarm centric episodes.

Then there's her abominable treatment of Grimlock, the literal innocent of the show. Strongarm persistently harps on Grimlock's simple outlook as a flaw to rub in his face, and puts him beneath her boot when he makes a tiny mistake. Pits of Kaon, the minute she learns Grimlock increased his mental acuity out of a sense of insecurity, what does she say to him?

"Come on, Grim, we'd never say that. Out loud, at least."

And no one takes her to task for this! Not even Bumblebee, who should be having flashbacks to how Bulkhead almost lost himself/died because of the information he'd absorbed into his mind in TFP! Bumblebee should have figured this out and read her the riot act. Strongarm should have given Grimlock a paragraph of an apology, but she didn't because she's a physical powerhouse who breaks the rules of storytelling solely because the fandom wants a girl who looks and acts gender neutral.

And not even Fixit is safe from her, because remember I mentioned a procedure earlier? Fixit had to become a makeshift tool wielded by her to remove an object from Bumblebee, and he gives her a warning that they have to be careful and precise.

Strongarm's response is to tell him what boils down to, "No, YOU have to be careful, otherwise it's all your fault!"

Really, Stone Slab? You're the one whose hand is manipulating Fixit during this process, who has to be steady and slow lest YOU sneeze and ruin the whole operation.

But no, Strongarm CAN'T be wrong because she's the big, tough girl from Kaon who must be right in everything. She starts the show a Karen, and ends it a Karen. No development, no depths to explore, and nothing to recommend her.

And now, for the part where she's an insult to "tomboy brawler girls", take Book One Korra for a counterpoint.

She's shown to be the best bender in history, yet she constantly fails at airbending. No matter how hard she tries, she cannot bend air. However, Korra doesn't blame that on those around her. Yes, she finds fault in Tenzin continuing to confine her, but she doesn't fault him for her own inability to airbend.

What's more is that she actually apologizes for destroying the airbending course. She admits she was wrong, that she was angry with herself and took it out on the equipment. Korra doesn't shirk it away; she accepts it as her wrongdoing, and hers alone.

And while she verbally spars with Mako, she never actually puts him down. Korra doesn't pick on his lifestyle, doesn't make fun of his heritage or poor living conditions. Instead, she accepts it and helps lift him up when he's vulnerable. Likewise with the naive Bolin, she doesn't exploit his sweetness or innocence as a point of mockery. Rather, Korra joins him in being silly, keeping him company on his youthful inexperience, and acts like a genuine sister towards him (note that Korra didn't actually take advantage of him in the episode with the first Makorra kiss; she legitimately thought he was inviting her for a night on the town in simple fun, as proved by her mortified reaction to seeing him appear with a bouquet of flowers and realizing he had crushed on her.)

Throughout Book One, Korra grows and matures from the bright-eyed, gung-ho girl she was into a more controlled, yet still eager to fight woman who is confident in her strengths while acknowledging she has much to learn. Korra's problem solving method is indeed to punch an issue, but she realizes she has to switch up her fighting style as the situation demands it (and unlike Strongarm, you don't have to turn her sideways to figure out she's a girl.)

But Strongarm remains static, unchanging from her "the world moves for me" attitude, and it take Sideswipe to be in her body for her cop lights to be used to blind an opponent.

Well, that's all I have to say on the matter. If you enjoyed this, thank you. It feels nice to have someone who doesn't blindly praise Strongarm here.

Til then -

"Rev up and roll out!"

[rjzimmerman]

Excerpt from the Substack Distilled:

In the last few months, the Biden administration has quietly passed multiple federal policies that will transform the United States economy and wipe out billions of tons of future greenhouse gas emissions. 

The new policies have received little attention outside of wonky climate circles. And that is a problem.

Earlier this year, I wrote that Biden has done more to mitigate climate change than any President before him. For decades, environmentalists tried and failed to convince lawmakers to pass even the most marginal climate policies. It wasn’t until Biden took office that the logjam broke and the climate policies flowed. And yet few American voters are hearing this story in an election year of huge consequence.

It’s been two and a half months since I wrote that article. In that short time, the Biden administration has passed a handful of climate policies that will collectively cut more than 10 billion tons of planet-warming pollution over the next three decades, more than the annual emissions of India, Russia, Japan, South Korea, Canada, Saudi Arabia, and the entire continent of Europe—combined.

One climate policy that flew under the radar recently was the administration's latest energy efficiency rule, unveiled at the beginning of May. The new rules will reduce the amount of energy that water heaters use by encouraging manufacturers to sell models with more efficient heat pump technology. The new regulation is expected to save more energy than any federal regulation in history. 

Most people give little thought to how the water in their homes is heated, but water heaters are the second-largest consumer of energy in the average American home and one of the largest sources of climate pollution in the country. 

A few days before the administration announced its water heater efficiency rules, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced another sweeping policy.

According to the new rules, existing coal power plants will need to either shut down or install carbon capture technology capable of removing 90% of their carbon pollution. The policy will also require any new natural gas power plants that provide baseload power—the ones that run throughout the day and night, as opposed to the peaker plants that only run for a small fraction of hours in the year—to install carbon capture technology. 

The new power sector rules are effectively a death blow to coal power in America, which has slowly faded over the last two decades but still emits more carbon emissions than almost every country in the world. 

The water heater rules and power plant regulations will help the country meet its goal of cutting emissions by 50% by 2030. But impactful as they will be, they weren’t the most important climate policy that the Biden administration passed in the last two months. 

That honor goes to the EPA’s tailpipe rules, which are set to transform the auto industry over the next decade.

Today the transportation sector is the largest source of climate pollution in the United States. Within the sector, passenger cars and trucks are the biggest contributors to emissions. While electric vehicle adoption has grown in recent years, America lags behind many other countries in decarbonizing its vehicle stock. 

The EPA’s new rules will force automakers to reduce the amount of pollution and carbon emissions that come from their vehicles. The federal policy doesn’t specifically mandate that automakers produce EVs or stop selling gas-powered cars but instead regulates the average carbon emissions per mile of a manufacturer's entire fleet over the next decade. That means automakers can still sell gas-guzzling, carbon-spewing trucks in 2035. They’ll just need to sell a lot more EVs or plug-in hybrids to bring their average fleet emissions down if they do.

Like the power plant rules, the EPA’s new auto regulations are designed to avoid being thrown out by a conservative and hostile Supreme Court. 

[nobodys-hekatonchires]

Link

Summary:

Witwicky is a quaint little place, if you ignore the gigantic autonomous robots that turn into cars and planes and tanks and a- a boom box? Jazz finds he quite likes the place they're stranded on, even if it can't compare to Cybertron in its Golden Age. However, everything gets throw out of wack when two new sparklings show up out of nowhere, meanwhile other mecha are disappearing. It falls upon Jazz, as Autobot commander, to deal with everything while Croft busts his tailpipe for every minor mishap she can find. An Earthspark rewrite with changes to the cast, changes to the story, and changes to Optimus' ugly face. Oh, and I've added polyamory again!

| 1/? | 7,192 words | Tags under the cut |

TF Masterlist

These will change

Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Earthspark (Cartoon), Transformers: Prime

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Jazz/Optimus Prime, Chromia/Ironhide (Transformers), Alex Malto/Dorothy "Dot" Malto, Malto Family (Transformers) & Other(s)

Characters: Jazz (Transformers), Megatron (Transformers), Alex Malto, Twitch Malto, Thrash Malto, Dorothy "Dot" Malto, Elita One (Transformers), Rafael "Raf" Esquivel, Ratchet (Transformers), Ironhide (Transformers), Other Character Tags to Be Added

Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, POV Third Person, Not Beta Read, Polyamory, main ships tagged but everyone kinda sleeps with everyone, Humor, Angst, Canon Rewrite, Transformers Spark Bonds, Established Relationship, Action, might get a bit dialogue heavy, Slow To Update, Post-Cybertronian Civil War, Found Family, Transformer Sparklings, Swearing, Canon-Typical Violence, Jazz is the main character, Deaf Character, Jazz is deaf, everyone else has various scars and disabilities

[transformersconfessions]

glad to see others talking about transformers bodily functions it makes me feel less like a freaky weirdo for thinking about it so often

personally I think it makes sense for them to produce liquid waste since their primary fuel source is processed as a liquid, maybe they could produce solid waste since they sometimes consume metal and other fuels but I think it should be an abnormal/unhealthy occurrence, i don't like the idea of them having an anus and rather they'd equate their tailpipes or afterburners to it

also personal headcannon that their liquid waste is expelled from a separate organ/pipe than their spike, simply because it'd be more efficient, sanitary, and alien

*

[intothefunkyverse]

I haven’t posted on here in forever, so have some doodles of Tailpipe as a sparkling i made

complete with a plush of her papa! Skyfire!

[mychlapci]

From your post about tf humping random cars: now I’m imagining it as some National Geographic Channel documentary, like “and here the wild sportcar approaching an ambulance. See, you might think the size difference would discourage it, but the sportcar knows the ambulance’s strong body can carry big, healthy litters. Look, see how it’s pushing his bumper against the ambulance’s tailpipe? It’s making sure it’s primed for breeding…”

Man’s then, it’s all like, cars mounting each others, suspensions creaking and whining, tired squeaking and car alarms going crazy. At climax, sirens and clacson go off, scaring the whole neighborhood.

Also, funny idea, Drift being absolutely shocked when, finding himself stuck close to an incident, he can’t find Ratchet between the various ambulances, and he start talking with some random vehicle.

i absolutely had a cybertronian humping a car in root mode on my mind but this is somehow hotter. I like alt-mode sex.

Humans making a whole documentary on cybertronian mating behaviour bc they can and also if they didn't want them to, they shouldn't have been humping vehicles in car mode in the first place, lol. I'm imagining a bunch of camera-men staking out a hospital parking lot, waiting until a transformer shows up and starts to press their bumper against one of the ambulances, gently commenting how the cybertronian's probably too revved up to care, and is attempting to mate it regardless of whether or not it's sentient...

Two cybertronians getting really horny and they don't feel like transforming so they hump in car more... I frankly think we don't utilize sirens and car alarms and horns often enough in transformers porn, i feel like a cybertronian overloading so hard their siren/car horn/whatever goes off is so hot...

[walks-the-ages]

Decided to make a labled Cybertronian as an easy reference lol. based on "The Vitruvian Man" illustraton by Da Vinci.

Bullet point list of various body parts / references from an older post + what I've picked up from reading fic under the cut, which is archived here.

Spark Chamber - inside of chest, houses the Spark - the Heart/Soul of a Cybertronian

Sparkling - a newly formed or newly born / young Cybertronian, usually used for infants or unborn sparklings, which are "sparked off" usually two Cybertronians merging their Sparks during interface.

New Sparklings can be carried around inside the Spark Chamber until more developed, built a body, OR are carried in a more biological "gestation chamber" where they are born in a more biological way, either live birth or in mechanical eggs.

Cold Construction - Frame is pre-built and then charged with a Spark to create new life. Used to build "disposables" and low-caste members for the workforce.

Forged - A Spark is harvested from the Allspark (?) on Cybertron and placed in Sentio Metallico / a protoform, where it then shapes its own form and grows from there. Usually high-caste, and look down on ColdCons :/

Protoform - baby sparklings, OR base form of a Cybertronian, underneath all the armour and transformations

Mesh - base form of a Cybertronian, underneath all the armour and transformations; skin.

Root Mode - default mode; protoform.

Sentio Metallico - living metal. Cybertronian base composition

Alt Mode - vehicular/disguise mode.

Robot Mode - non-vehicular mode

Sparkmate - soulmate (after sparkbonding during interface, which is either casual and par for the course, or a much more intimate choice made rarely) or, generally, a spouse.

Conjunx - Spouse or partner

Amica - Best friend or platonic partner

Tailpipe / Bumper / Aft - butt

Piston / Spike - Penis

Valve - Vagina

(^ usually both at the same time)

Plating - outer armor, skin.

Chassis / Chest Plate - chest

Vents - Lungs, and where expelled air exits from. Can be very loud like a stressed computer under duress or excitement.

Fuel Pump - stomach, usually used for emotional expressions

Energon Converter (outdated) - Heart

Manifold (outdated?) - guts, viscera, what holds them

T-Cog - transformation cog, effects balance and posture

Pedes - feet

Servos - hands

digits - fingers

Finials / Audials - Pointy head ornamentation, also doubling as ears some times

Chevron - V-shaped head ornamentations, "crowns"

Helm / Cranial Unit - head

Faceplate - face

Optics/ Opticals / Optical Units - eyes

Mouthplate - mouth or shield in front of it

Dente - teeth

Glossa - tongue

Vocal Processor - voice box

Lubricant - various bodily fluids: from keeping joints oiled, to saliva, to tears, to internal blood, to reproductive fluids

Energon - same as above, while also being food/drink, fuel for weapons, etc.

Low/High Grade- Energon which is consumed as alcohol. Can also simply be drinking more Energon than is required for a full tank called "overfueling"

Stasis - Long Term Sleep for storage or transport; medically induced coma.

Recharge - Sleep.

Defrag / Defrag cycle - Pre-sleep routine, usually requires reliving the events of the day to process them for memory storage; dreaming, nightmares.

Offline - unconscious; dead

Energy Signature - A lifesign unique to each Cybertronian, used to monitor health; if it vanishes from sensors, they are dead, or in a different dimension (rare lol)

Mech - general term for a singular or group of Cybertronians

"x looked at the other mech"

"the stadium was full of mechs"

etc

Femme - feminine; either an indicator of gender or physical expression.

Seekers - flying types, usually Decepticon.

Elite Trine / Trine - Seekers born, mated, or platonically bonded in groups of three

Aura / EM Field - a metaphysical field around living beings that Cybertronians can sense or train themselves to see, which emotions can be felt through like an empathic field.

Frame - Body in general, or specific body types.

Brain Module / Core Processor / CPU - the brain

Circuits/Lines - nerves, veins, etc. Catchall.

Biolights - bioluminescence, can be used to convey emotion

Kibble - decoration that is there just for aesthetic value; the equivalent of jewelry or piercings probably.

Functionism - Eugenics, Racism, and Ableism all wrapped up in one big ball of Autobot Supremacy

[signalsgirl2112]

THE KNIGHT RIDER x TRANSFORMERS ACTION FIGURE FINALLY ARRIVED!!!!!!!!

It's as glorious as I hoped!

And it talks!!!!!! (Although without Mr. Daniels doing the voice.....it still, however, has the charm. So, fair warning if you bought it hoping it would have the OG voice actor like I did...)

The extra details are the icing on the cake. The little comlink and how the 2 weapons store away like tailpipes in vehicle mode is just *[chef's kiss]*

And you can still nab one on Am*zon thru the Transformers Official Store, so grab one if you can!

(Saved the box for transport and show.)

[elemwire]

Confusion

Dear reader, I find myself in a new situation,

Searching for clarity for a supposed violation.

There's this entanglement that I'm currently in,

I'm still so confused as to whether it's a sin.

She's gorgeous, religious, a role model to all,

But there is a different story, when the night falls.

Like a werewolf, she transforms into a beast,

She tears at my flesh now, she's a bitch in heat.

It makes me wonder how she changes so fast,

The loving mother, the loyal wife I saw last,

In bed, she asks me to do unspeakable things.

She's in church on Sunday, singing the Lord's hymns.

She steals men's hearts wherever she goes,

The body of a goddess through that fine dress shows,

In her posture and walk, there's elegance and class,

Then temptation forces them to stare at that ass.

I'm hiding the fact that I'm nailing their crush,

Can't even confess without making the priest blush.

It's an honor to be chosen, now I'm giving her a tremor,

Having said that now, let's go back to my dilemma.

There's a man blindfolded and gagged down the hall,

Hey, don't get freaked out and make a 911 call.

It's outrageous, I know, but a consensual kink,

I'll omit personal details when I'm spilling ink.

I still find it strange even after all this time,

A part of me feels like I'm committing a crime.

While she's giving me head and I'm pulling her hair,

Her husband is enjoying being duct taped to a chair.

The encouragement he gives me confuses my heart,

He's been cheering me on, right from the start.

It's so foreign to my nature,  but I guess he has a reason,

I'm hoping for resolution by the end of this season.

I can still remember my initial suprise,

When he brought up the topic, he couldn't look me in the eyes.

I though he was testing me, it was some kind of trick,

Then he sent her to my doorstep, the condescending prick.

He just didn't strike me as being the type

That wanted another man up her tailpipe.

Even with all his deep seated Christian beliefs,

He still needs that ball gag to get his relief.

I just can't believe they are living this lie,

Putting on this show until the day they die

Pretending like this before the world is so sad,

Why don't they see that it could be driving them mad?

A moral compass is not a part of my purse,

So my current confusion just makes me feel worse.

Should I hate myself when I'm with a woman so fine?

There's desire in her eyes when she's telling me she's mine.

I know what you'll tell me, if it's like this, just stop.

Is all this pain worth it just to harvest this crop?

Maybe it's due to my religious upbringing,

But, after I fuck her, I just feel like singing.

Now I'm starting to realize that I sound like a bitch.

I swear these rhymes aren't making me a snitch.

Their secret is safe, I'll guard them from strife,

I'll protect their honor, their peace and family life.

With patience and time I'll grow into this role,

Learning how to be the bull to this hot wife and cuckold.

It's not like I can get lessons for this thing,

So just like in boxing, I'll first get in the ring.

-By Sebastian Devassy Cherian

@elemwire