#took two months haha
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... i was thinking of him as Emhyr while drawing it
#emhyr#emhyr var emreis#Duny of Erlenwald#knight#i ve decided that i should publish at least something at all#i have time for shitty sketches only but god damn it i wanna show you the nice stuff#so uh#my good friend has asked me do draw him some knight avatar and i was like yeah sure#took two months haha#and while drawing it i was like damn i made no emhyr content for sos so long. even for myself too#i was trying to figure out how would his armour look like. like it's mentioned to be all spiky n stuff#and if i can allow the armour to be that shiny and sqeaky clean in those damned Cintra forests because there was a day when it was brand new#the spikes.. well you know.. i am quite a party pooper when something comes to how things work in real life#armour was supposed to be as smooth as possible to deflect the blows so that a sword/ axe/ spear would slide#and spikes by no means could allow that#it is absolutely impossible he'd have the damned spikes#but i still did it hahaha#sometimes you have to choose betwen logic and parts of canon that are done just for fun#i have decided that the spikes are lesser evil to leave. in comparison with.. some other things
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drifting closer
a comic based off @lloydfrontera's post about touch averse javier slowly becoming clingy to lloyd after the end of the novel! :> although the touch averse part didn't make it in lol,,
#ying's art#fanart#the greatest estate developer#tged#tged spoilers#lloyd frontera#javier asrahan#kim suho#llojavi#javisuho#tw blood#comic#digital#i put a read more cause i wanted the pages to all be in one column but also didn't want the post to be super long on the dashboard lol#this comic took me 37 hours to draw good lord!!#is the second panel a redraw of the chapter 399 illustration? maybe~ :)#i will say figuring out that heartbeat thing on page 4 was kinda tough but i got there in the end-#also i've had this post (minus the art) in my drafts for like two months so it's nice to finally get it out there haha#that's how long i've been thinking about nali's post dhdjkdksk#okay that's all the rambling i have left for this post imma go take a break now bye
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How many invisible things do you think this man has lost?
(Lodgetember Day 2 - Griffin)
#the glass scientists#tgs#lodgetember#lodgetember24#lodgetember day 2#lodgetembergriffin#tgs griffin#tgs lodgers#happi's art#chat i dont know how to tag this#anyways shoutout to griffin. one of my favorite lodgers for sure#love his vibes!! very fun to draw!!!#(only vaguely related but it took me FOREVER to figure out his name bc its not given in the web version of the comic!)#(literally learned it through sage's concept art on their blog haha)#other thing! this background was very fun to draw! I absolutely love his and maijabi's room. floaty furniture and mirrors my beloved <3#also also. holy shit. this took me two days to finish#guys im gonna be posting lodger art in the middle of october at this rate#i'll try to catch up on mosley but ngl ito is my other favorite and i've already got an idea for her#so o7 we'll see how this month plays out agh#SUPER proud of this piece tho. very excited to do more for more lodgers!!!
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THINGS THAT REMIND ME OF THE LI
This is purely self-indulgent and just based on stuff that makes me go, “it’s them!” when it’s unrelated to them. But here you go and hope you like it. To make it sound more accurate, I replaced the nouns to fit Touchstarved cast.
AIS
Tyler Durban and Edward Norton from the FIGHT CLUB— “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” “Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer,” “Only after you’ve lost everything you’re free to do anything.” “We are the same person.”
The song, ‘I Remember You’ from ADVENTURE TIME— “I can feel myself slipping away, I can’t remember what it made me say, but I remember that I saw you frown, I swear it wasn’t me…And I need to save you, but who's going to save me? Please forgive me for whatever I do, when I don’t remember you.”
The punk from FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF. I can just see Ais at a police station, giving advice to a pretty stranger, and end up making out with them.
This scene (warning: graphic violence and gore) from ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD. It’s just so Ais and Princess-coded
VENOM, enough said.
KURAS
The murder-mystery film, THE DA VINCI CODE. I feel like Kuras would love the movie if it existed in his world since it’s canon that he likes trashy murder mysteries.
The song, ‘No Good Deed Goes Unpunished’ from WICKED— “[MC] where are you? Already dead, or bleeding? One more disaster I can add to my Generous supply…No good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresented. No good deed goes unpunished. That’s my new creed.”
GONE WITH THE WIND— “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” This line was controversial when released in 1939 because swear words weren’t normalized. I feel like Kuras, like this movie, rarely swears but when he does, the whole room goes silent and you know shit’s about to go down. Also according to the RSS radial chart, Kuras has low empathy plus maxed out strength high wisdom, damn at some point that man might legit not give a damn-
MAQUIA: WHEN THE PROMISED FLOWER BLOOMS— “you smell weird, you smell like the sun;” “If you fall in love, you will truly become alone.” Contextually the line is about how an immortal should never get too close with mortals because they'll one day they’ll die, and it fits Kuras a lot.
HUNTER X HUNTER 2011—“[MC] you are light. Sometimes, you shine so brightly, I must look away. But even so, is it still ok to stay by your side?” I love the idea of an angel heavily associated with the sun (Prometheus, likes sunny days, radiates heat), finds someone that is the light of their life.
ONE PIECE— “I have seen the future of this country. And it is destruction. As long as [the Senobium] remains here, this country can never be cured, because even if medical technology progresses, even if [alchemical] research continues… there is no cure for stupidity.”
OPPENHEIMER. After I watched the movie all I could think about was Kuras doing the blank eye stare at the end of the movie.
LEANDER
Goob from MEET THE ROBINSONS (he’s literally just child Leander in the modern world ;o;)
Michael Scott from THE OFFICE— “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say no to being my friend,” “it’s not about the horniness, it’s about the loneliness”
The painting, Death of Sardanapalus, by Eugene Delacroix. King Sardanapalus palace is besieged by enemies and he decides to commit suicide after he learns of the army’s defeat, but not before ordering his men to destroy all his favorite possessions- wives, horses, pages, and dogs. He’d rather his valuables all be destroyed than his enemies own them. King Sardanapulus selfishness is humane, but the extremity’s he would go to keep what is his is monstrous.
GASTON from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST— Gaston and Leander both have similar vibes. They’re both trusted and well-liked by most people, viewed as heroes, are human but are monsters on the inside, overconfident, attractive, has a possessive streak, hangs out in bars, nice singing voice. The main difference is that Gaston doesn’t try to act like a nice guy like Leander Fake ahhh
The song ‘Burn’ from HAMILTON— “Do you know what [Vere] said when we saw your first letter arrive? [He] said, be careful with that one, love, he will do what it takes to survive…Do you know what [Kuras] said when [he] read what you’d done? [He] said, you’ve married an Icarus, he has flown too close to the sun.”
Michael Corleone from the GODFATHER.
Sampo from HONKAI STAR RAIL— I barely know anything about Honkai Starrail, but I was going to an anime goods store with my friend and one look at him made me think of Leander. My friend gave me a run down that he betrays you for money and runs away and unironically I could see Leander throwing us under the bus.
VERE
This scene from the movie, MALENA. Vere is heavily desired by men and women alike, but his flirty and fickle personality is just a front to protect himself. And he hates how people see him as a pretty face or someone who needs saving from the Senobium. Tbh Malena herself just reminds me of Vere’s problem of how being pretty is a double edged sword. People see you’re pretty, so they feel threatened or idealize you. You feel extremely lonely bc people are distracted by your beauty and won’t try to understand you intimately. So you either own it and be alone OR assimilate and have friends. Vere is the former.
Madonna-Whore Complex. This article explains it pretty well, “The Madonna Whore Complex (MWC) is a psychological complex often perpetuated by heterosexual, cisgender males which places women into two categories the “Madonna, a woman who is pure, virtuous, and nurturing, or a “Whore,” a woman who is deemed as overly sexual, manipulating, and promiscuous. The dichotomy of MWC creates a rigidity that limits women’s sexual expression, agency, and freedom by defining their sexuality into one of two categories.” Vere is the latter.
Ymir from ATTACK ON TITAN. Both of them were self-proclaimed deity, was caught lying (presumably), and paid for it. Their personalities are similar too except Vere masks himself through innuendos.
The song, ‘The Red Means I Love You’ by Madds Buckley— “The red on my face is matching you. And goodness, you're bleeding, what a wonderful feeling. You're down and you're pleading, my head is just reeling. The red means I love you. Tasting your blood means I love you.” (I can’t see Vere becoming a yandere because he’s already deranged)
MHIN
Another line from ONE PIECE —“Someday I will become too much of a burden. Someday you’ll betray me and cast me aside.”
SHUTTER ISLAND— “What would be worse, to live as a monster or die as a good [person]?” Mhin hates monsters ironically since they are one, and I could see them nearing the time limit where their curse becomes permanent and decides that maybe it’s better to die with their humanity than live forever as a monster.
The Beast from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. I already said this in another post but like IMAGINE THE AU. AHHHHHH
Felix from LAST LEGACY but more depressed.
Disclaimer: we don’t know much about Sen or Elyon yet so I don’t have much.
ELYON
THE GREAT GATSBY— “…can't you see who this guy is, with his house and his parties and his fancy clothes? He is just a front, a gangster, to get his claws into respectable folk…(to Elyon) We're all different from you. You see, we were born different. It's in our blood. And nothing that you do or say or steal... or dream up can ever change that.”
SEN
Unfortunately I don’t have any for Sen. Her design reminds me of Frankenstein’s creature tho.
BONUS:
MC
This scene from SHAPE OF WATER. MC falls in love with a monster and trying to save them from danger. MC knows that they are also an outsider, a monster. Being with the LI’s feels like they were finally accepted for who they are, regardless of their curse, so they can’t abandon them— “When they looks at me…the way they looks at me, they don’t know what I lack. How I am incomplete...and now I can either save them or let them die.” I think this quote can also be interpreted as the players choosing a route, essentially dooming the other players if we don’t choose them.
Famous line from 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU— “but mostly I hate how I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” The fact that us as players will keep coming back to them, replaying their routes even though they killed us, and obsessing over them. Yes they suck but we still love them.
This quote from Green Mile— “ I’m tired…I'm tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with.” I think this quote really emphasizes how touch-starved MC is, and how alone they feel from being betrayed by people they cared about in the past (also sparrow name drop ^-^)
#this took me very long#two months HAHA#well here you go#ik I’m inactive on here I promise I’m not dead#I’ve been in a twist brain rot#Touchstarved Leander#touchstarved game#touchstarved kuras#touchstarved vere#touchstarved ais#touchstarved elyon#touchstarved mhin#Vere#Mhin#Ais#Leander#Kuras
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Someone pissed me off a couple of days ago
So! Below are several links to programs and foundations that promote adult literacy! Hundreds of millions of adults world wide were failed by their education system and now must fend for themselves while trying to read contracts and hospital bills and infographics from the CDC. But they don't have to be alone, and it is never too late to learn!
ProLiteracy: A network of educators, researchers, and advocates which provides research reports, learning materials, and other support to adult education programs. They assist with connecting volunteers to local programs and provide guidance and support to community leaders trying to use their programs' findings to advocate for social and political change.
Adult Literacy League: An adult education program in Central Florida, which aims to provide students with one on one attention to foster growth and confidence. It also offers English Second Language courses and job skills training, and each new student receives a comprehensive assessment to determine the best plan for them.
Saint Vincent and Sarah Fisher Center's Foundational Skills Program: A 100% free adult education program aimed at adults reading below a fifth grade level. It operates year round and is either in person or remote, and they now have a GED testing center that is open to students and the public alike.
Washtenaw Literacy: A free network of trained tutors for adults in Washtenaw County, Michigan.
Adult Learning Program (Las Vegas/Clark County): Free education classes to those lacking a high school diploma, those seeking to learn ESL, and adults who read below an eighth grade level. Also assists in students' search for gainful employment. Nevada got so fucked by COVID and the education/literacy numbers in the South West are grim. Please help these guys.
Hawaii Literacy: In addition to helping adult residents of Hawaii Island learn to read and write AND bridging the education gap in Hawaii's underserved children, they offer computer literacy classes, ESL classes, and a bookmobile. 1 in 6 Hawaiian adults struggle to read and write.
#Not Stories#mutual aid#adult literacy#'uuhhhggg its soooo disappointing when i meet a girl who's like 'yeah omg i luv 2 read'#'and then she only reads booktok trash and grocery store thrillers and manga'#'like come on thats such a turn off :/'#'like aren't you bored??? what about reading The Foundation and War & Peace and Grapes of Wrath where's THAT girl haha'#nobody gives a shit what sort of high school reading list gets your dick stiff! NOBODY!#I'm too busy dealing with the fact that most public education systems hate students of color and anyone with a learning disability#from the very bottom of my very dyslexic heart go fuck yourself#'this chick only read 8 books in twelve months lmfao thats so pathetic'#'i read eight books a MONTH some people really give up after high school'#do you think my great grandfather or his father got to fucking finish high school????#or were they busy getting fucking shot at in germany in two different fucking wars????#thank every god you wanna name that my lunatic mother stopped abusing me long enough to put me through FIVE YEARS OF TUTORING#to get ME literate because that's what it fucking took#I watched more than one kid from my underserved semi rural district drop out at 17 or 16 or 15#because their parents needed a third paycheck or they were gonna lose the goddamn house#10% of my majority black school district graduated FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and not an ounce of it was those kids' fault#our racist ass school district failed them and the district did NOT protect my white ass when I was diagnosed dyslexic#the adult literacy crisis is not about you getting a girlfriend who can discuss Ayn Rand with you#the adult literacy crisis is about us being exploited and neglected and made easier to control and manipulate#reading is FUCKING HARD and learning to read after the age of six is SO MUCH HARDER#so from the VERY very bottom of my VERY very dyslexic heart#FUCK. YOU.
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Returning the Favor Sterek | 5k | T
Stiles pays a nighttime visit to his boyfriend in secret, or so he thinks. Unfortunately, the Hale family has keener ears than he realizes.
It’s late when Derek hears the noise at the side of the house. A creak of siding that cuts through the backdrop of cricket song. Just one lone sound, but there’s something cautious about it. Probing.
He lowers the book he’s reading, but no other sounds follow. Derek has been lying sprawled across his bed, drowsy and warm and comfortable, sweatpant-clad legs resting against the wall—but now that he’s conscious of the sound, his focus sharpening, he thinks he’s been hearing quiet noises grow nearer for some time without quite comprehending them. A wild animal outside, maybe, creeping slowly around the foundation of the house. Something large enough that the mulch in the flower bed crunches beneath its weight.
It’s not often that a solitary animal grows bold enough to venture this close to a werewolf pack—the scent always scares them off first. They don’t even get raccoons out here, especially not with the cold this time of year. It could always be their cousin Warren, who’s always thought it funny to startle his relatives with unexpected visits in the dead of night. Or any one of the nasty things in Uncle Peter’s wild stories, supernatural things that creep into the house come dark.
Derek glances at the window, book still resting on his chest, but the house is still.
Maybe it’s gone. That’s just as well: he’s too comfortable to drag himself over to the window to look.
And then another sound comes, an unmistakable creak. Heavy weight settling into place.
Downstairs, his mother sighs. “What was that?” she demands, her voice faint with distance. She and his dad are likely out on the porch swing at this time of evening, even though it’s nearly winter, lunatics that they are. “If Laura and Cora are at it again—”
“I’m sure they aren’t, Tal,” Derek’s father replies, sounding amused. “You put the fear of god in them.”
Mom scoffs. “If we have to repair another door, it’s coming out of their pockets.”
“Not everything is my fault, Mom,” Cora mutters pointedly from down the hall. There’s heavy metal coming from the vicinity of Laura’s bedroom, just low enough to be blasting from her headphones, and she doesn’t pipe up to defend herself.
The thing hasn’t gone away. Metal squeaks a moment later, and then the scrabbling returns, punctuated by a thump and a muffled grunt.
Annoyed, Derek tosses the book aside and clambers to his feet, crossing over to the window. When he hoists up the sash, letting the night chill waft in, he peers down into the dark and finds that the source is worse than anything he could have imagined.
It’s his boyfriend, scaling the side of the house like some deranged cat burglar.
Stiles is hanging onto the drainpipe, having managed to hoist himself several feet off the ground. He’s leaning against the metal awning over the kitchen window, one foot atop the shutter and the other scrabbling for purchase against the siding. At the clatter of Derek’s opening window, he looks up, startled, and nearly loses his balance.
“What are you doing here?” Derek hisses.
“Just returning the favor.” With a moment to catch himself against the awning, Stiles gets his bearing and grins. “What? Don’t make that face. C’mon, you can show up at all hours of the night, but turnabout isn’t fair play?”
With that, he sticks his tongue between his teeth, which he sometimes does unconsciously when something demands his full attention. And the perilous task of climbing should get his full attention, given how often he stumbles when both of his feet are on the ground. God, Derek is about to witness his idiot boyfriend fall to his death or something.
Stiles heaves himself mostly onto the awning, clawing for purchase with a grunt. When he reaches for the window, he loses his grip, nearly sliding backward onto the grass; in a flash of panic, Derek grabs him by his shirt and yanks him forward.
“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” he demands, aware of their volume and even more aware of their audience.
The awning rattles as Stiles draws up his long legs to slip inside the window feet first, ducking under the sash. He’s panting a little as he pulls himself upright, though he bats his eyes sweetly in the face of Derek’s scowl. “Oh, please. I knew you’d catch me. ‘My hero,’ and all that.”
“Should have let you fall and die,” Derek retorts, shutting the window.
“Probably. Oh man, that was so athletic. Sometimes, I amaze myself.”
Derek doesn’t have anything smart to say to that. He’s only half paying attention, too busy bracing for the discussion sure to follow.
He and Stiles may as well have stomped up and down the stairs blowing air horns as far as the rest of the house goes. Everyone will have heard. Derek is absolutely sure because you can hear a pin drop, like no one’s even moving, like everyone’s waiting with bated breath—either gleeful or judgmental or both—to hear what comes next. Even Laura’s deafening headphones have gone silent. Fuck.
Worst of all…Stiles doesn’t know any of this. He doesn’t yet know about the secret the Hale family hides, or how keenly they can hear, or that every word he says will be seized up and cheerfully dissected and gossiped about in real time.
Read the rest on AO3
#sterek#sterek fic#mine#vaguely inspired by a tumblr post i have been unable to find after multiple searches in the month+ it took me to write this#i think it was a pic of two cats falling off a roof??#and whoever posted it was basically like 'haha this is stiles-coded after he tries to climb derek's window and pulls derek down with him'#i'm pretty sure i even reblogged it and yet where is it??#if you know what i'm talking about let me know lmao#anyway#this is only a little bit about stiles struggling through the window#mostly it's about how i think werewolf hearing would upgrade the sibling-on-sibling crime possibilities in any given household#and the fact that you could not get away with ANYTHING noisy without every other person in the house knowing about it#so having blabbermouth stiles stilinski pop into said household while being totally ignorant of the existence of werewolves...#let's just say 'poor derek' and leave it at that lmao
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the difference that offering a child kindness and compassion can make... one of the kiddos was crying the other morning missing her mom. Sobbing crying. and i talked to her and she wasn't able to say very much from crying so hard but confirmed that she knew her mom was going to be back and it was going to be a good day and it was going to be alright but she was just inconsolable. and we did some good breaths together but she just couldn't get her breathing under control. so for like ten minutes i just had her drink some water and gave her a hug and sat with her while she cried until we were going off to the next activity and she had to go with different counselors. and by then she'd calmed down a little but was still sniffling and obviously upset but the important part is that even though i didn't even get her to stop crying anytime i saw that little girl the rest of that day and now throughout the rest of the Week after just sitting with her and offering some compassion i see her notice me as she goes by and she always looks right at me and smiles and gives me a little wave when i say hi. like we haven't had any other conversations since then but i can see the way that she recognizes me now. i'm not her favorite counselor i haven't spent more than twenty minutes with her tops but that little girl takes the time to seek out my acknowledgement cause i showed that i care about her.... y'know... cause i was gentle with her and that meant something to her... all to say. it doesn't matter if you have extended interactions with kids. it really doesn't. small things can make such a huge impact on children and i really sincerely think it's so important to show them kindness... help them up when they fall. give them a hug. sit with them while they cry. cause even if it doesn't Fix things even if you don't solve the problem or do anything really materially Helpful you will have shown that child that people care about them. and they notice... they remember... they do...
#man. mira won't even speak to me really but i can Tell it's significant to her when i say hi and call her by name#crazy... you have such power as a grownup to make an impression in a kid's life....#and in such small ways too. she's probably not going to remember me after a month or two.#but also one of my kiddos who i've known for a couple years now#his first week of summer camp he was just distraught every time he got dropped off. sobbing crying.#little incoming kindergartener and he was in water games camp and did not want to get wet. poor thing.#and i was the person there when he got dropped off that week and i sat with him and comforted him and got him calmer#and that kiddo is like My child at this point haha i adore him and he says all the time that i'm his favorite counselor#but huge point of it... two full years later... he will still tell Other people that i am his favorite counselor 'because i helped him'#when he was first starting camps. makes a specific point to say it. multiple other counselors have told me that he's said that to them.#so like... man... kids remember.... they really do...#ten thousand little reasons for my little guy to enjoy hanging out with me during summer camps/after school programs#but he specifically remembers that i was someone who took the time to care about him... heartwrenching. every time#anyway#valentine notes
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Dess from the Deltarune comic Looking Glasses by @ferronickel, I loved her design at first sight so here's the promised fanart; check out the original comic! It's very much worth the read :D
#ouch brain hurt I'm adding fire to the list of things I don't like to draw#i was a bit more conscious about lighting because of the fire though so that was nice#i think compared to the last time i did something on this scale#i've gotten way less shy about including shadow and light#in that ralsei drawing my shadows were almost too subtle and while it's not perfect here#i think it's a good step :D#this also only took me three days of scattered work#as opposed to two and a half weeks#so i'm starting to learn how to approach these#deltarune#december holiday#dess holiday#the first week in three months where i *don't* have to write an essay and i turn into a crab and hide in my room drawing like it's my cave#feels nice to post something other than a doodle or sketch#haha i almost forgot to add here that i completely forgot to give her teeth#literally the last thing i did before i exported this was give her two white lines for monchers#its such a small area of the picture but apparently it does wonders for not making the character look terrifying
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#posting a selfie because it's such a good hair day for me haha#took this before i headed to babysit 🫡#i need ramble a bit —#i haven't been able to go for a jog in nearly two weeks already#one i feel exhausted afterwards and i always choose to do my school assignments and then rest or nap/sleep the rest of the day#and two i have been feeling lazy about it? maybe it's my body telling me i need rest?#or maybe it's because it's my bday month and in a few days i just feel lethargic and kind of sad? i shouldn't tho ya know?#i want to and will remain grateful about this year and my bday in general#even if i don't necessarily celebrate it at all#i still want this month to be a good day and especially on my bday#so i am choosing THAT#after babysitting i am going to take a couple of my exams go for a jog and then come back home and cook myself a bomb ass meal#boom#gonna end this week and month in general on a productive note and doing things that bring me joy and peace#😊😊😊#okay#if anyone made it this far#hi 👋🏽☺️#hope you have a wonderful day#!!#it's a me#personal#good hair days rock
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please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3
Thank you very much
Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...
It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!
Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...
This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.
But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!
#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3#but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety#that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc#i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting#and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually#and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again...#so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working!#i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again...#and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it.#even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset!#my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time#and i still ran out of episodes...#i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but.#yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now#i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else#and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break#ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional#asks#anon#vent#delete later#and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people#(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly)#(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more#(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do)#(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)
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Lately I’ve been reflecting on the concept of friendships, particularly past friendships. It’s just wild to me how someone who was a stranger to you mere moments before a single interaction can become an influential part of your life so quickly. Yet, they can also go back to being strangers just as fast too.
I’ve been cleaning out my old emails; and today I stumbled on a list of song tracks to a CD, that an old friend of mine in high school (who I also had a big ol’ crush on) had made for me.
It was such a sweet memory to revisit, I haven’t seen or talked to him in years.
But, instantaneously all those feelings that had just been filed off somewhere as unimportant, bubbled right back up. I felt all the joy we used to share listening to our burned CD’s, the ways we talked about games and shows for hours too. How we used to hangout together between classes and sneak coffee from the university center next to our school. We had so many adventures and fun times. It had been music though, that created that connection. He was probably the first and only person, I’d met during that time in my life who loved Symphonic Metal as much as I did. It was an instant bond between us; as he didn’t know too many girls at the time, that liked it either haha. And because of him I gained so many favorite new bands. I mean this guy definitely had a hand in how I developed my taste in music over the years for sure haha.
I still have that first burned CD he made for me actually; and I remember how much I laughed my ass off when I read the title he’d scribbled onto the damn thing in sharpie. “Not Metallica”. It was such a silly inside joke between us and few other friends at the time (and I’m pretty sure it ended up being one we beat to death).
Point is, he may not be in my life now; but the small ways he left an impact are still very much present. His finger prints are still all over beautiful pieces of who adult me grew up to be. What a joy it is to be a small part in someone’s life, however fleeting it might have been. We are all constant reminders of the lives lived around us and through us, it’s wonderful is it not?
I hope he’s doing good, and I hope the teenage boy I knew would be proud to know, that I just made a new playlist titled, “Not Metallica”.
#personal#late night thoughts#the ramblings of a sleep deprived possum#pay me no mind in my silliness#friendships#life is beautiful#growth#change is inevitable#Also Time II just came out like two months ago#it’s fucking wild that he first showed me Time I 12 years ago#only took Jari a near decade to finish the damn album haha#I hope he’s been jamming to it as much as I have been
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#oc stuff#umi tag#jun tag#nao tag#ran tag#comic stuff#(reads right to left)#took me two weeks to work on this LOL#this has been sitting in my brain for months and now i finally got around to drawing it haha#the setting n stuff is forever a work in progress but whatever look at my kids#yae's profile is just question mark bc i don't have a finalized design for her yet or anything but she exists in my mind
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#putting this in the tags bc I need to get this out but also feel kinda guilty about it so I don’t wanna scream it in a post#but I feel soo irrationally pissed at my friend#bc she’s one of my best friends and I love her but I haven’t heard from her all summer except for the like four times she answered my#messages only to immediately ask me something in return#it took her two weeks to reply to a meme I send her only to immediately follow up with ‘het remember how you said your parents wanted to#hire my band’#‘ahaha summer is so busy I’ve read all my books anyway you told me I could borrow this one book?’#last was ‘heyy sorry for not replying haha anyway im bored next week wanna go on a trip’#to which I replied ‘yeah I would love to but I have my internship starting next week remember’#and its like I don’t mind that she doesn’t answer my texts like god knows I hate texting#but its really starting to feel like our relationship is fully based on her needing me for something#which I have felt before but I kinda dismissed it as me thinking it was always me who had to take initiative which was disproved when she#asked me to meet up a few times but thinking back it was always like ‘hey let’s meet up for coffee’ and then when I arrive having literally#left the library where I’d been studying for only ten minutes bc otherwise i wouldn’t see her.#she’s like ‘oh I don’t want coffee anymore but I need to go to the supermarket wanna join me?’#which I always did bc I wanna spend time together and it’s cheaper for me than getting overpriced coffee but!!!!#anyway I’m feeling this now bc while she hadn’t answered my ‘sorry can’t go on a trip’ text I did just see that she’s currently in portugal#with another friend#which is like??? so she just found someone else to relieve her of her boredom and so she didn’t need me anymore so why answer me right??#anyway it’s probably not that bad and I will talk to her about it when I see her again which will probably be in a month I guess but for now#I don’t wanna ruin her trip
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Haven't seen Oliver in two weeks and ofc he has an teaching student with him 😔
#miranda talking shit#No offense sir but ive not seen my boy in two weeks we need to gossip#Love that i apperantly look and feel like shit bc oliver asked me three times “but how are you doing??” yeah buddy#That time of the month and i wish to die but otherwise haha...#Oliver went to put on his coat. Come back and its obviously too big 'this isn't mine.... Where is my jacket???'#He took it off in my kitchen and hung it on a chair. Love when im not the only one obviously dead mentally
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#helloooo im back im back sorry i accidentally took a month long social media break :'^)#i've just been super busy job hunting and then artfight started and then suddenly i was on a week long road trip#and then i job hunted some more while finishing artfight#and THEN i went on a two week vacation to visit family on the other side of the country#anyways i'm still looking for a job but at least i'm back online !#so yeah sorry for disappearing without notice haha#gonna try to catch up on some of the happenings around here 💪😤#does fish make noise??
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Don't you hate it when your boss is like "do not send this out until I approve the invoice" and then 5-7 business days later, she says to increase the invoice by $5 and
#she's so pedantic about the tiniest things#sigh#my dream last night was writing fanfiction at work haha now i understand that#might do that#but not Faz#unless it's Faz and Sophia#Faz and his fourth wife Sophia#he got desperate#he found out that the third wife hasn't perioded for two months and that her boss is perioding every day#turns out the third wife is the 67 year old and her boss is the young spritely 33 year old who can still bear children#The boss took an anti ageing potion where her eggs stay fresh inside her#she really needs to create a child that becomes an accountant#The gender reveal for her four kids only revealed boy or girl and she's annoyed#demanding at the ultrasound if the foetus is an accountant#*doctor peers at the ultrasound* well that might be a calculator in its hand.....#gender reveal party and they cut the cake and 6 cheese biscuits and 6 choc chip cookies pour out#'it's one of us!!!' Sophia cried excitedly
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