#took me over an hour to notice
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nurturing your killers
#centipede#insect#bug#matriphagy#had the pleasure of learning about matriphagic insects recently#got so overwhelmed by the concept#the sacrifice#wanting your offspring to have as much of an advantage as possible from the very start of their lives#you'd give your life. your flesh.#you keep their eggs clean#shelter them with your body#then they hatch#and dont worry kids. are you hungry? dinners ready.#METAL AS HELL#anyway i really wanted to do a painting for it#and unfortunately was also recording a speedpaint (meaning i was zoomed out) and didn't notice my canvas was at. 72 ppi#my canvas was 6x6.5 inches and 430x480 pixels :^]#took me over an hour to notice#so this is uhhhhh crunchier than usual#kace it#marq art
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you are my morning light~
guy who sleeps in 50 different positions, managed to kick all the pillows off the bed, and wakes up with the worst bedhead ever x guy who sleeps like the literal reincarnation of sleeping beauty
#honestly in my mind i think apollo would have insomnia. maybe this is just what he looks like with good sleeping meds#this probably took me over 10 ish hours and i didnt even notice. got too locked in#klavier gavin#apollo justice#klapollo#kyodoroki#ace attorney#art
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Ghost & Medium AU Drabble - The Necromancing Medium
Remember how I said I had an idea? That was angst and heartbreaking? This is the idea :D Again, still not sure if they will become a whole series thing.
The drabble is both a thank you for everyone being nice and drawing stuff and writing stuff! And also because I had an idea and as all of you know. I don't have self control :D
This one again includes a lot of my own headcanons for this idea/AU and even Dust. The most obvious one that I should probably mention? That Ash is the older brother and Dust is the younger brother.
Anyway. How Dust got so into necromancy and medium stuff and the tragedy that was his and his older brother's life.
WARNINGS: Child death. Survivor's guilt. implied child abuse. Child Neglect. Mention and implied child harrassment and molestation. attempt at child grooming (the bad BAD kind). technically attempted suicide. nothing is graphic or overexplained but it is implied and slightly mentioned.
I am serious. This one is angst and trauma filled and I am trying to not make it too triggering for anyone but please be careful, mind the warnings and if you aren't 18+ don't read.
*------------------*
Dust rubs his hands down his pants and checks the circle he made.
This has to work.
It just has too.
If this doens't work then... then...
Dust quickly grabs the book near him and squints his sockets at the writen words. It is old and written in another language but Dust has figured out most of it.
He is very lucky the library is open for eveyrone or else he would not have had a place to reasearch... or sleep... or wash up...
It doesn't matter. This ritual should fix everything.
Ash appears near him and glares at the drawn circle "Oh for crying out loud. Not another one of these."
Dust hugs the book closely "This one will be different..." It has to be.
Ash sighs as he floats near Dust "look... I appreciate it.. but i don't want to feel like i am being thorn apart again okay? It is about to rain soon anyway...." he looks up.
Dust nods "It has to rain..."
After all... it had rained the day Ash was murdered. It is part of the ritual to help the soul return.
Ash sighs and shakes his floating skull. He is clearly disappointed.
Dust frowns and tries to focus on the circle he is making. It has to be perfect. How else will he get Ash back?
He still remembers it so clearly.
Dust waits in his room for Ash to return from his after school activities. He is the star gymnastic at school and has a scholarship lined up for him for when he goes to college and to continue training.
Dust knows that it is just a matter of time before Ash is requested for the olympics. Ash is just that amazing! Even at fifteen Ash is many times better than most!
Dust himself doesn't have any after school activities. He normally just watches Ash and walks home with Ash afterwards. Dust gets why of course. He has no talents whatsoever. His parents have told him that many times.
At least Ash likes having him around and giving him ideas for tricks!
Dust looks at the clock and frowns. It is well past dinner time... their parents having gone out for food themselves.
He... he had hoped that when Ash got back Ash and him could make something together. ash had been teaching him how to cook. Said that it was an important skill for him to learn even if he was only ten.
More time passes. No one comes home.
It is half past eleven when the front door opens and Dust peaks out only to quickly disappear into his room again. His parents are home. Why isn't Ash home yet? Did he have another meetup? extra training? Did he go out wiht friends?
He goes to sleep uneasy and hungry.
His guts twist together and his dreams quickly form. Visions of lives never his own. of the restless spirits who try to speak to him and pull him along. Take his body and his energy.
Ash is the only one who believes him. When Dust told him that Dust hadn't thrown over the glass vase but a ghost had done it. When something went missing Dust swore he hadn't touched it. No one ever believed him. Except Ash.
The Dreams change and suddenly Ash stands before him. Looking angry.
Dust doesn't get it... Why is Ash angry? Ash is never angry with him.
Dust reaches for him "Ash?"
Ash pulls away from him. He looks furious "find me."
Dust blinks but takes a step away from his brother "what?"
Ash groans and waves out his arms "Find me! Use your stupid powers and find me!"
Dust doesn't understand. Why would he need to find him? "But.. you were at practise?"
Ash groans "Fuck you are just so stupid sometimes!"
That hurts and Dsut hugs himself "I... I will search?"
Ash goes to say something else but then he is gone.
Then Dust wakes up. it is still early but he grabs his few school things and escapes the house before his parents wake up. He rushes to school and looks around. Searching.
He isn't sure what he is searching for. But if Ash tells him he needs to find him he can. He will figure out why Ash would appear in his dreams like other spirits but that is for later. He needs to find his brother. Maybe he got locked in somewhere? Or maybe he got hurt and can't move?!
Dust rushes towards the gym
He quickly gets inside but every light is still off. Everything is cleaned up and empty. Then again it is only 6 and the morning workouts don't start until half past 6.
Still. Dust rushes towards the locker rooms and searching both sides. Finding nothing there he searches the toilets next before returning to the empty gym.
"Dust! what are you doing here?"
Dust jumps and turns quickly. It is the coach. Dust can never remember his name and honestly he never wants to. Dust... doesnt like being near the other. Something about him is off. Maybe it is because the spirits seem to glare at the coach whenever they pass. Maybe it is because Dust thinks the man stares too long when his brother practised.
Dust told Ash once. How he doesn't like Coach and how the spirits dislike him too. Ash had just smiled and said that Coach was actually always very nice and took them all serious and treated them as adults.
Dust shrugs at the teacher as the other waits for a reply. He mutters a weak excuse "wanted to see brother practise..." he rubs his arm.
Every spirit is screaming at him. He doesn't understand what they say. he thinks spirits need to be strong for him to be able to hear or see them but he can feel them still. The spirits are tugging at him. To go. to leave. to go with them? Dust doesn't know what they want.
Coach nods "I see! I am sorry to disappoint. I haven't seen your brother yet. Not since yesterday morning practise!"
Dust frowns "Ash doesn't skip." Ash never skips. He has more determination than anyone.
Coach nods "I agree. I was going to see if Ash joins us for practise today. If he didn't i was planning on calling your parents. Do you wish to wait with me?"
Dust shakes his skull "No that is okay... I am going to keep searching..." and he rushes out of the door before Coach can answer.
Dust can't believe he was that stupid. two years and he still feels like kicking himself in the skull for not seeing it sooner. To not realise it sooner. Maybe if he had noticed the obvious clues...
Ash wouldn't... He wouldn't have...
It doesn't matter.
Dust lays down another line and checks the ritual in the book. That all looks right and the same. He nods and reaches for his necklace.
Ash looks alarmed "Hey! What are you doing? Stop that my dust is in there!"
Dust freezes and mutters "I don't need all of it... just a tiny bit for the ritual..."
Ash looks deeply unhappy as he mutters "But it makes sure i am anchored to you still... at least until you can do the whole haunting bond thing."
Dust shrugs "if this works you won't need to anchor to your dust or me anymore." this will fix eveyrthing. He will make it right.
Ash looks unsure but floats near him as he gets things ready.
The news of Ash's disappearance shook the school. Dust swore he searched everywhere! He tried to get answers from Ash in his dreams but all the dream Ash told him was to 'search' and to 'actually think for once.'.
His parents were inconsolable. Neither were the teaches adn other students. Ash was loved. Ash was wanted. Ash had a bright future ahead of him.
Dust... Dust was lucky that Ash liked him...
Though... dream Ash didn't like him at all it seemed... dream Ash was just angry at him.
Dust knew what they whispered of course. It wasn't as if anyone tried to hide it. People spoke about how it was a shame that Ash had disappeared. How it was a shame it hadn't been Dust instead.
Dust tried not to let it bother him. He was always the weird kid. He had always been the weird kid. He spoke to people not there. strange things happened around him. Dust seemed to lie about thingsthat he obviously did because no one else was near to could ahve caused it.
He hadn't cared much before even if it hurt to not be believed becuase at least Ash had believed him.
His parents hadn't been for whispers however. They just looked at him and sneered that it should ahve been him who disappeared. not their dear golden boy who had such a bright future and would have made them proud. instead they were stuck with him, the disappointing freak.
Dust hadnt gone home since Ash didn't return home.
others whispered that Ash ran away.
But Dust knew that wasn't the case! It couldn't be! Ash... Ash wouldn't just leave! Not without him!
When their parents argued and on nights after they yelled at him. Ash would hold him close. promise that once he was old enough the two of them would just disappear. that Dust just had to be patient. Once Ash went to college he would take Dust wiht him and they would never have to see their parents ever again.
Ash... ash wouldn't break that promise. Ash was honest! Ash kept his promises! always!
Dust sobs as he hides beneath the seats. Hiding.
"Dust? Waht are you doing here?"
Dust blinks through the tears and looks up. He sobs as he pushes himself upright. Ash. Ash. IT IS ASH! He jumps to hug him only to go right through him and land in the mud leftover from the rain.
He turns and realises... he had been so focussed on his face that... that is only a floating skull and hands... but... but that can't be...
Ash flickers in and out of view. He moves his mouth clearly speaking but Dust can't hear anymore.
No... no no no no. He needs to tell people. Something terrible happened to Ash!
Dust finishes the last view lines and reads the information given in the book.
Ash frowns as he flies over and around it "It looks complex... Waht ritual is this even?"
Dust rechecks the text "A Life force transfer."
Ash blinks and turns sharply "what?"
Dust nods as he checks the different tinier circles to signify where eveyrone has to stand "I think... the reason why the other spells failed was because you don't have enough life force. which i think is just soul energy. You died and are just your left over soul energy now. that affects how you look and everything. It is why we need to anchor you with your dust." he taps his pendant. "Which is why we even use this."
Ash frowns and looks at the ritual considerate "So what... you think we just need to boost my life force and i may be able to be resurrected?"
Dust nods "That is the plan."
Ash frowns "I don't know about this Dust... stealing someone else's life?"
Dust shrugs "It is fine. The one who gives it needs to be willing."
Ash snrots and shakes his skull "Who would be an idiot big enough to give their life force awya freely?"
Dust shrugs "don't worry... i got that part of the ritual covered. Mind going over there? I need to check if the runes to transfer the energy to you would work."
No one believed him.
Everyone just looked at him with pity when he told them he saw his brother's spirit.
that his brother had been murdered or got into an accident.
He wouldn't have left him otherwise!
No one believed him. No one.
The funeral was terrible. He hated every second of it as they jsut spoke some words. They didn't even have his brother's dust to spread on his favourite things.
his parents wanted to do a burial. Even though Dust knew Ash hated the idea of being underground. All that meant was that most things important to Ash were being burried.
forever out of reach. Now he can't even get comfort out of those things.
Dust goes home wiht his parents but neither look at him beyond this dirty look. Dust doesn't care. He has a mission.
His brother's spirit is weak. very weak. He can do some rituals to strengthen it maybe. normally offerings and stuff like that works to get spirits to be stronger, at least for a little while.
If Dust wants to find his brother he needs to do that.
He grabs what he needs and goes back to the school. It is where Ash spend most of his time and most liekly has the strongest imprint of him. Not to forget dust saw him on the sport field. He gets there and makes the offering.
A flicker. Dust smiles but Ash just looks panicked. Telling him to go. let him go as well.
Dust shakes his head. he can't let go of Ash.
Ash is still too weak to say a lot but a tiny bit gets through "... stay away... coach..."
oh. it is so obvious! Of course the creepy coach had something to do with it! Dust stands up and looks at the gym. So that is where the answers lie. Ash looks more panicked but Dust just smiles at him "It is okay Ash... I swear i will fix this!"
He will find out what happened. make sure Coach got what he deserved for hurting his brother and then... then... Ash can move on... Ash will be able to rest...
Ash will leave him...
No. don't think like that. Ash deserves to move on. Ash deserves to find peace! even if it means Dust will lose him forever. He won't force Ash to become a wandering restless spirit.
Ash is shaking his skull at him and trying to keep him from going towards the gym. That is fair. it ist still night. He will need a better timing for this. luckily it is the weekend soon and he will be able to get to work.
Dust nods and smiles "ther. everything is in place."
Ash frowns as he floats above it "so let me be clear." he points to one spot "this is the spot of the life force giver." he floats to another spot "This is the spot of the life force gainer, me?" Dust nods and Ash floats to the small circle wiht the tiny bit of dust "why is the dust needed?"
Dust looks to the side "To make your body... I had to combine the ritual to give you life force and to give you a body... otherwise you would just get m- the giver's body and i doubted you like that."
Ash blinks and snorts "I thought you tod me that performing two rituals at once is too dangerous for mixups or to drain you." he grins at him "You can be so forgetful sometimes."
Dumb and stupid and useless-
Dust shrugs "It is better if it is done at once..." he mutters softer "only get one chance at this..."
Ash frowns at him and flaots over "hey... i know i made a big deal of the whole... it hurting thing before... but if you mess up and mix up words we can try again." he grins "I am already dead anyway. can't get much deader!"
Dust shrugs "maybe..." No. there is only one chance at this. It has to be perfect.
He gets one chance at this.
Dust stands before the office of the coach and takes a deep breath. trying to ignore the panicked flickering vision of his brother.
He was such an idiot. his brother had tried to warn him before in his dreams. yet Dust hadn't seen the signs. if he had done this that day... Ash may still be alive.
It is oaky though. Dust can do this.
He knocks on the door.
everything in the air is screaming at him. spirits of his past victims maybe? All trying to warn him to run and hide. Dust will not let his brother become just another wandering spirit. stuck to this disgusting excuse of a person.
The door opens and the coach gives a wide smile "Dust! I am so happy to see you. How are you doing? The news of your brother must have devastated you."
Dust nods and mutters "I miss him.. a lot.. but he liked gymnastics... i was wondering... could i get some training?"
The man blinks before his smile grows and he looks very excited "of course! It is an amazing thing to want to connect with your brother that way. such a grown up thing to do to!" he steps aside.
Dust is about to take a step when ash appears in the doorway. his arms crossed and him shaking his skull.
Dust takes a deep breath and walks into the office.
Coach and him... talk... it is mostly about ash. How ash was so far ahead of everyone. the hardest worker and how he was admired by everyone around him. How he enchanted people.
Dust agrees of course. his brother is the best. Which is why he is here.
Coach mentions that it may be hard for Dust to do what Ash did. As ash was older and had been training from a young age. But that he was willing to give Dust private lessons and tutoring to get him ona level where he can safely join the others in class. That the Coach would be happy to guide him and teach him anything he could want.
Dust mutters it sounds interesting and that he just wants to be closer to Ash. at least feel closer to him again.
The coach smiles and petted his shoulder as he stood behind him, it raised every instinct in Dust to run but he stayed put. The coach muttered about how that was a very grown up and honourable thing to do. Asking him again how old he was.
Dust answered truthfully that he is ten and the coach hummed "You act much older." he smirks.
Dust mentions that he should go to class but the coach just pats his shoulder. saying that he will have a word with his teachers and see if Dust can skip a few days of class to get some training and practise in. get those private classes started right away.
Dust eaisly agreed and nodded when the coach told him to stay put before he rushed out.
Dust immediantly got off his chair and started to search through the office. It didn't take long until he found a locked drawer. another weak spirit. one of a young human girl appeared before him. and held up numbers wiht her fingers. 4. 5. 3. 9.
Dust entered the numbers and the lock springs open. He looks inside and finds a file and a camera. He takes out his own old phone, a gift from Ash for emergencies. and takes a picture of what he found.
then he looks through the file and... oh... oh god.
Dust shakes as he feels vomit crawl up his throat. No. focus. he aims his camera and snaps a picture. Of every picture in there. of every child in tears and bond as the coach... touches... them...
He is shaking by the end before he reaches for the camera. searching and snapping pictures.
Find him. find him. find him. he has to-
found him.
Dust manages to take a picture before refering to his very first picture. he places everything back in the same place nad relocks the lock. and then he waits.
The coach returns with his homeroom teacher who gently reminds him that he can't just skip classes to learn gymnastic. but that he could look into getting him into it as a past school activity.
Dust nods nad mutters that he understands. trying to remain calm and hoping everything about him just screams disappointed over sick to the stomach.
He walks out of the office phycially fine.
But this isn't the end. He has one more thing to do.
Ash yawns as he looks up at the sky "Rain is still coming."
Dust hums "need rain. It was raining when you left your body. Need stuff to be alike."
Ash hums as he floats near the book wiht a frown "Hey Dust."
Dust nods "yeah?"
Ash speaks "I am not fluent in this language... what does this whole paragraph about pain passing?"
Dust feels his hand shake but forces it still "oh... it is part of the life force ritual... the giver... gives the life force... but to make it work to strengthen the one who gets it... well. the trauma of the one receiving it needs to go... so when the life force gets given the one who gives also takes the pain of the other... so waht they felt when they died. i think." Dust isn't looking forwards to that part. but maybe it is for the better.
After all.
It would ahve been better if Dust had died instead of Ash.
He is just righting a wrong.
He doesn't take this information to the teachers. or his parents. or the principle.
Dust walks 10 miles towards the police station. He goes right to the man at the reception and laid down his phone "Got the proof you needed that my brother was murdered."
It would be an udnerstatement to say that brought chaos.
The policeman behind the counter had at first looked amused but then he grabbed his phone adn started to scroll through the pictures. Each one making the other look more horrified.
Dust was rushed into a room with a very nice lady who asked him if he had any allergies or any health issues. Dust shook his skull.
another policeman returned with his phone and thanked him for his brave actions and that he was asking a lot of him that he would need to continue to be brave.
Dust didn't see it as being brave but answered the questions. Why he searched. He was honest. They looked sceptical when he mentioned ghosts.
Dust was ready to start crying. after everything. everything he did. would they not believe him? He was being honest. he doesn't know what else to do and-
And something had appeared on the white board. a pen floating and slowly writing the words "My brother is right. I am here. please... please listen..."
if there was chaos before it was nothing compared to this. the people working there got to work in a frenzy. They send people to the school to investigate. they called in professionals from the bigger cities and priests as well.
They asked him so many questions. if the coach had hurt him. if he had seen anything else. noticed anything.
Dust told them what he knew and noticed before just having to wait.
An high priest of some church came by. someone who could speak wiht spirits. the priest took one look around the room and spoke about how there are many spirits nearby. the priest than looked at Dust and nodded. saying it is nice to meet a new medium. something about him having talent for it and being a strong medium.
Dust didn't feel strong. he said as much. if he had been strong he would have known ages ago that something was seriously wrong with the coach.
The priest tells him he did amazing. more than amazing. but that this burden shouldn't have been his. that others should have notified people specialised in things in this nature as soon as Dust showed promise.
In the end it was anticlimatic. the coach was thrown in prison but he wouldn't admit where he hid Ash's body.
In the end Ash showed Dust where he ahd been burried. right under the playing field. and there were more hallow graves under there.
Dust hadn't been able to stop himself. as soon as the thing holding his brother's remains had opened he had thrown himself in. Only dust. of course there was only dust and left over clothes left.
scratching marks on the coffin. Ash had tried to get out...
Dust finally cries.
Dust nods and steps back "all ready. Ash? can you go to your spot?"
Ash floats over lazily "finally. I am honestly getting impatient. I think you actually got this one Dust." Ash looks excited "It would be awesome to be alive again."
Dust smiles as he slowly inches towards his spot "You could pick up gymnastics again?"
Ash groans "maybe. Coach kinda ruined that experience though... but college is still fun. What do you think? Think i can still be a cook?" he grins "You can also go back to highschool then. actually finish your own schooling."
Dust smiles as he gets near the offering circle "of course you could."
Ash nods as he looks around "so... who did you manage to convince to give over the life force and stuff? Someone already sick? someone very old?" Ash grins at him.
Dust is hoenstly trying to smile for his brother. but he is so scared. his whole arm is shaking.
Ash frowns "Dust?"
Dust takes a deep breath and steps in his circle.
Ash's sockets widen "what are you doing?! Get the fuck out of there!" he goes to fly over but the circle keeps him in his spot. a safety meassurement. It had been to make sure ash didn't accidentally leave his circle.
Dust slowly raises his hands as he tries to keep his panicking soul calm "it is okay... should be quick."
Ash shakes and looks furious "NO! YOu get out of that circle right now or so help me! I don't agree with this! I don't! This is not willing! I don't want this!"
the ritual circle that had all been glowing a soft green turns red and Dust can feel the affect that had been slowly starting to take place stop. Dust stares down adn glares at Ash "what are you doing? I am fixing things!"
Ash shakes his skull "this isn't fixing shit! You would be dead!"
Dust glares "So?! Everyone would be hapyp with it!"
silence around them.
Ash reaches for him "Dusty..."
Dust shakes as he tries to calm his shaking. stop being dramatic. you are twelve now. get over it. Ash can come back now. as seventeen and still pick up his life again.
Don't ruin this.
Dust rubs the tear away as he mutters "Just let me fix this..."
Ash shakes his skull "I don't want this..."
Dust glares "since when not!? You are always telling me how much you miss being alive. How much you wished you could ahve just amde a run for it when you were alive! How you would eat better food! Visit cooler places! Actually go to college and make something of your life!" Dust shakes "I know this is wasted on me... This chance... jsut take it!" he is shaking and crying "Just let me fix this... let me do soemthing that makes you love me again..."
The shaking gets to back and Dust just grumbles to the ground. He is so tired. everything is hard and no one likes him. No one trusts him. His parents left him as soon as Dust had to stay at the police station. Is it so bad? so bad that he just wnats his brother to love him again? if only for a few moments? and then just sleep forever?
the glow disappears as his concentration breaks and Dust tries to pull hismelf together. Rub his tears from his sockets as he tries to mutter the start of the spell again.
He feels Ash close and he flinches "sorry... i can do it and..."
"don't... please don't..." Ash looks heartbroken as he floats near him "damnit i wish i coudl hug you..."
Dust sobs and nods "me too..." his last hug was the mornign before Ash went to that last faithful practise.
Ash speaks softly "you don't ahve to fix anything..."
Dust shakes his skull "but if i hadn't been so dumb i would have known it were other victims. i could have warned you!"
Ash just shakes his skull "Not your fault."
Dust sobs "If... if i had searched faster i could ahve found you sooner."
ash shakes his skull again.
Dust looks downa dn mutters "i messed something up... and now you can't move on... I keep you stuck here because i don't want to be alone..."
Ash snorts and shakes his skull "Dust... you did everything right. You got my murderer brought to justice and you guys found my remains. I had felt it. I had been able to move on right then and there but... well..." he looks at dust "I wasn't going to leave you after that.."
dust looks down and rubs his tear angry "so... you feel like you ahve to stay because i am weak and pathetic..." he needs to do this ritual. give ash the life he deserves and-
Ash laughs "no you dum-dum." he grins "I am here because i don't want to move on without you." Ash floats around him and rests on his skull. Dust can't feel pressure from him but he feels the energy of his brother near "there was no way i was going to leave you because i don't want to leave you. It is just as much for me as it is for you dusty. You are my brother."
Dust feels hismefl relax "i am sorry."
Ash gently hushes him "hush. No need to feel sorry, well aside form the fact you scared the unliving daylight out of me. Promise me you will never do something this stupid ever again. No giving your life or soul or any of that or the energy of either to others. you hear me?!"
Dust laughs and nods "promise..."
Ash hums "good. Now. Mess up this ritual circle thing. and burn the pages of the book detailing it."
Dust frowns "but what if we actually ened it and-"
Ash hushes him "no. None of that. No life force trading."
Dust sighs but does as told. messes up his circle. retrieves his brother's dust. and he uses a lighter to burn the page of the book holding the ritual.
Ash nods "much better."
Dust sighs as he starts to leave the forest "I don't know any other way to bring you back."
Ash shrugs as he floats with him "we aren't in a hurry."
dust frowns "you will miss things you could do in life?"
Ash grins "that is the great part. you can always catch up. I don't ened to be young to go to college. to start to learn how to cook. or any of that." he floats around him and it now looks like they are both wearing the red scarf "so no hurry."
DUst sighs and nods before muttering "we are going to have to find a stronger anchor for you. at least until i am old and strong enough to be the anchor myself."
Ash nods "much better. Time yo go to our favourite spot the library and do some research. AFTER! You ate and showered. You are soaking wet and don't think i didn't notice you skipped breakfast again."
Dust nods and sets into the right direction. Maybe one day he will figure it out. For now he will jsut learn what he can.
*------------------*
#utmv#ghosts & medium au#dust sans#dusttale papyrus#I do hope you guys took the warning tags seriously!#Also seriously if i missed a warning let me know okay?#We are done!#God i wrote that in one go#My poor hands#also my foot because i have been sitting on that fucker while i typed this over the last *checks time* two and a half hours#So yeah!#Did i break any hearts :3#Also.#dream ash?#wasn't actually ash#It was his mind making an image because his sould noticed ash's death#But mix that with everyone treating him poorly and the immediate guilt?#you get asshole ghost papyrus (who was jsut a dream)#Real ash was jsut so fucking worried for his littel brother getting near this veyr bad person#Ghosts & mediums Dust and Ash went through it and have a lot of trauma.
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hi! in case anyone was curious, spectrum boxers seem to compress your hips somewhat & do genuinely seem to make them more typically masculine, along with having general contruction that's better suited to transmascs. do what you will with this information.
#spectrum outfitters#for context: i got a large and they still compressed my hips somewhat#i as a multigender person did not like this so i am going to donate mine to value village but i know a lot of trans guys esp are looking#for smth w an effect such as this so#(or i wore them once for less than half an hour if anyone would like them donated dm me like i get that sounds weird but spectrum is $$$)#trans guy#trans man#ftm#trans#transmasc#transgender#nonbinary#transmasc tips#but yeah. gonna stick to boyshorts & tighter fitting guy boxers personally#& this isn't me trying to talk shit abt spectrum. i literally love my binder from them.#HOWEVER i will say internationally the boxers take way longer to arrive than their binders (ordered on the same day) & mine came with a#small hole in the waistband but it had been over a month & i didn't notice until after i took the tag off post inital try on.#(inital try on was w very thin clothes underneath)#so be aware of that if you aren't in the uk.#*over a month as in over a month since ordering#the closet#lgbt+
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not aimed at anyone in particular but if you like some art please reblog it, give the artist some reach
#i've noticed that a few things i've rb'd on here get a ton of likes but barely any rbs#hey if it's a good post it'll be great if you could rb it#still remember when i rt'd a friend's art on twt#i was their first like/rt after hours of posting#and from me it spread and finally it was at over 1k rts#can you believe? and it took just 1 person rting it#sorry to sound preachy u_u
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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I have this feeling that I have unofficial beef with my neighbor...
#text#okay so if you wanna know:#this old lady above our apartment didn't like me even before I moved in#when she first met me we had some guys over who uninstalled and took away the old kitchen cause we were getting a new one#and she instantly tried to file some sort of complaint that it was apparently against the house rules to put spacious furniture into the#elevator without some sort of cover because the elevator could get scratches or something but get this#there was nothing in the house rules that said this. my dad even asked the ppl in charge of the house rules and they confirmed that#pretty weird isn't it? well haven't seen each other too often so I had the fortune of not having to put up with her... until 2 days ago#I just did my laundry and wanted to put it up on the communal drying rack in the basement#you also have to know that the neighbors to the right of us smoke weed. A LOT. I don't rly care you do you but they seem to smoke 24/7#So much their entire apartment reeks of weed and they actually open their apartment door for like 1 hour in the evening to air#and of course our entire floor smells. so I get into the elevator and wanted to press the button for the basement floor but I notice it#suddenly goes up. and I'm just like okay fine.... until I run into the weird old lady and we stare at each other awkwardly#and I'm like “well... you need to go up or down...?” and she's like “I need to go down but I don't wanna get into the elevator with you..”#(get ready for what she says next) “... because your laundry smells” and you should have seen my confusion. I was so damn close to saying#“you think I put WEED into my laundry?? are you sure???” but I didn't say anything and just went well okay then not ig#So I go to the basement and put up my laundry a little bewildered but still mostly amused go back up and sleep over it#Well today I returned from college and went down to collect the laundry when I found a little piece of paper hung right next to it that said#“when you leave the washroom turn of the lights” but I swear to god I put out the light I'm 100% sure. And like she also knew I was down#there cause I was in the elevator and like why would someone put in all this effort to print out a piece of paper instead of just turning#the lights off themselves??? Idk maybe I rly did leave the lights on and this is a weird paranoia I'm having#but I can't shake of the feeling that it was her and she's trying to beef with me rly hard. idk old ppl are so weird man...
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it's all fun and games typing up a silly, rickety little au idea in the tags of someone else's post and then suddenly you find yourself expanding on the world-building and plotting out interconnected stories for characters you swore would only make background appearances and your brain is On Fire with the need to write even when you know you can't commit to yet another doomed wip
#the terror#this is 100% about the fucking hartving tech!averse jirv/librarian!hartnell au from yesterday bc IT WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE#thinking about a ficlet detailing how bridlgar met#peggles is a delivery driver who does the rounds dropping off the library's stationary orders and john's the one in charge of receiving#and they strike up a friendship over terrible stationary puns and eventually start dating when john introduces harry to classic lit#thinking even more about a joplittle sequel where after ned shows up soaking wet the first time and is immediately smitten#by thomas “Just Being A Decent Person” jopson; he starts volunteering at the library just so he can get closer to jops#(like the loser he is; bc why ask someone out directly when you can just hang around in their orbit and hope they notice you noticing them)#but the more time he spends at the library the more he comes to love it; and ends up volunteering to read to children on his free weekends#(my tumblr homies know exactly where i'm headed with this bc i am so transparent my mom might as well have called me “window”)#and jops; despite his better instincts; gets so turned on after hearing ned do voice impressions for fictional crayons while reading to#a bunch of enraptured rugrats that he decides then and there he absolutely can't NOT fuck ned senseless the second he gets his hands on him#meanwhile for the main fic; jirv and tartnell are both absolutely disgustingly in love but are also completely clueless#as to how to go about expressing interest in each other bc while i imagine jirv not being as repressed in this as he normally is in fanon;#he still hasn't actually figured out he's Big Time Gay™ yet and#tartnell on the other hand is both extremely attracted to and intimidated by the handsome; aloof yet kind; bible-quoting scotsman#who's decided to adopt him as his personal apple support technician#despite the fact that tartnell knows little more about iphones than jirv (seeing as he's been using android since smartphones took off)#god i'm in so deep about this stupid little au i've dreamed up that i just want to yell about it for hours on end#and despite knowing i'll likely NEVER get around to writing it; it is just... taking up Brain Space... that i already Do Not Have
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Someone drew pearl on a wall in the art building lol
#in class for the next hour and a half#we're doing self portraits again#i hate doing these because this is where me being self conscious gets in the way of my work#and i take my own shortcomings as an artist and turn that into distaste for how i look#not feeling good but thats because I've been working on the same draft for an hour lmao#once i get settled with it though that'll likely go away so just gotta get over that first hurdle lol#im debating whether or not to post it#as you might have noticed i took the last one down#i might not but I'm still thinking (TM)#''dawn pulls out random images from their gallery so they can use their blog as a pseudo diary'' moment#not rb
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GETO SUGURU.
#i spent the whole hour trying to resist this man but i just couldn’t#i liked him in the manga before he defected but the anime did him so…#AHCK#LOOK AT HIM (moments before disaster)#THE WAY HIS GAZE SOFTENED WHEN RIKO CONFESSED THAT SHE WANTED TO STAY WITH EVERYONE A LITTLE LONGER#HOW SHE WASNT READY FOR ASSIMILATION#JEALOUSY IS A DISEASE#RIKO MOVE THATS MY MAN#i just cant deal with him#he was such…a nice guy#if i knew him irl i’d have a massive crush on him ngl#additionally throughout the show he was always so concerned for satoru#expressing his concern when satoru has been using his technique nonstop whilst guarding amanai#and when haibara asks what treats should he bring home and he answers sweets bc it’s what satoru likes im having a breakdown#he’s so boyfriend#i love him so much it hurts to see how the tiredness in his eyes took over after what happened FUCK YOU TOJI FUSHIGURO#logically i’m not blaming anyone other than toji for what happened but some petty side of me wants to stir fry the shit out of gojo satoru#bc how the fuck did you not notice that geto was slowly losing and YOU CALL YOURSELF A BESTFRIEND YOU B—#im kidding ok might’ve been geto too bc he wasn’t open abt it#also damn yuki for that peptalk bc my poor mentally ill man wasn’t registering shit right#his slow spiral into insanity is one of the best written antagonizations i have ever read/seen and it will forever break my heart#jjk#toff.txt#🎬;jjk
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I just found a mistake in the last row of the blanket I just finished. Part of me says to just leave it. It's not that noticeable, really. Part of me says it's only one and a half sides back, so frog it tomorrow and fix it. I'll wait until I'm more alert to decide what to do.
#birdy crochets things#stupid brain and it's stupid fights#the fix would be easy but it will take a while#that last row took over two hours to do#and if i don't point it out I'm not sure anyone else would ever notice#but it's also going to bug me#bah
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god dammit... all fucking week, no migraines on the days I don't have plans. the one day I do have plans I get hit by a big one right before I start getting ready. I'm so fucking upset. I was really looking forward to today.
#I didn't even notice any aura! it just hit me out of nowhere!#it's been well over an hour since I took my migraine meds and they haven't kicked in yet
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multiple sources, ⁷ / ?
#aesthetic.#something something... THE WOMAN SHE COULD HAVE BEEN IF SHE DIDN'T GO THROUGH THIS#WHO#i noticed a few mistakes but this took me over an hour so i do not care rn#just i dind't want the quotes SHARPened so much#and i didn't realize id id that... whoops#the second to last quote makes me sick it's so her
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do i let feminism lose and spend all of my savings on a rhinoplasty or do i continue to just. live Like That lol
#kms idk what to do#it's doing research on best surgeons in your country hours while your friends with normal noses are sleeping#anyway it's been a great little vacation and i had a lot of fun but the absolute fucking dread whenever someone is taking a picture#and i cant control how it looks. is ruining all the fun.#i said fuck it once today and then saw that picture my friend took of me and wanted to yeet myself into traffic straight away#the worst thing is im obsessed with big unusual conventionally unattractive noses. i love them.#but mine is not this hot sexy aquiline kind. its just a huge round bulbous fucking potato in the middle of my face#its the kind of nose no one will ever find pretty or hot or even interesting. its just comical. it looks like a fake clown nose.#and while it is indeed very in character of me to have a fucking clown nose attached to my face 24/7 forever#its literally making me wanna wear a paper bag over my head#goddd idk. cause like. what if something goes wrong lol knowing my luck it definitely could#and then uhhhh idk i guess i really would just kms lol#funny thing - didn't even really notice it before uni. like i always knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with my face#but could never put a finger on what it is exactly#and then this uni friend made that one comment about my nose and suddenly everything clicked into place#you're absolutely right queen the fucking nose aka the CENTRAL thing on my face is the main culprit here lol#anyway not a day has gone by since then that i wouldnt look into the mirror and felt awful and pathetic about it <3#i am ready to go against all of my ideals and just do it. ill have no money left but maybe its worth it. to get a little peace of mind. idk.
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I've decided that I shouldn't be mad about my coworkers taking lots of breaks and leaving me alone at the register. If I was only making $9/hr (and I effectively am), I wouldn't work very hard either.
(Okay, I should be mad about it, I just shouldn't be mad at them.)
#what do i mean when i say i'm effectively making $9/hr?#i'm making $15/hr but they're only giving me 24 hours/week#that's $360/week. which is the same amount i'd make if i was working 40 hours at $9/hr#whereas i was making $600/wk (40 hrs @ $15/hr) before the new owners took over#anyway. in lieu of a two week notice i think i'm just gonna throw a brick through my boss's window#my post#blog#retail hell#anti work
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iiiiii think im moving in with my mommmm todayyyyy
#it has gotten so bad with my grandma i simply cant. stand being yelled at every time im awake anymore.#idc what she does once im gone either like lmao have fun in the nursing home or whatever. bitch#i told her i dont feel comfortable being in the car with her anymore because shes been having trouble#paying attention to the road and speeding without noticing and almost hitting cars multiple times#and i said that i would have my mom pick me up. and she would take me to the store instead and id do her shopping for her#and she took it as a huge insult and it blew up WAYYYY out of proportion for no reason. the past 5 hours have been#a nonstop argument#and im simply over it
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