#too long. i think you could just assume thats the do it option since the other isndont you can figure it out. i just wanted to out it here

[salsakiyoomi]

you know when oikawa’s lying.

there are many tell-tale signs, really — it's with the way he stutters when he begins speaking at first, the way he fiddles with his hands and looks at everything but your eyes, almost as if you’d see right through him if he met your gaze, the way the tips of his ears turn pink the moment he says something even remotely untrue — if it were any other person, they’d think he just lost his wits for a moment and now he’s stumbling over his words, but you know better than that, you've known him for far too long to know better than that.

also, he's just a really bad liar.

“tooru, i know you still didn’t pick a suit for prom.” you tell him bluntly, cutting off his rambling.

he stares at you for a moment before groaning and covering his face, “look! I'm helpless okay!”

an amused smile cracks its way at your lips as you watch him slump on the ground like a child, “i thought you and iwa went to pick out suits last thursday though?"

it's a late afternoon on a saturday and the two of you are sitting in his room, talking as he was sitting on the floor, doodling something on a paper and you were sitting on his bed, laying on your stomach as you swing your legs back and forth.

he stares up at the ceiling, watching the ceiling fan spin as he spreads like a starfish on the floor, “yeah but there were too many options.”

you snort, “what do you mean too many options? It's literally the same black and white tuxedo for every guy out there.”

he shakes his head rolling on his side and he gets a slight view of you laying on the bed above him, “no, i wanna get something different, something nobody else is gonna wear.”

you laugh — tooru oikawa, as always, wanted to stand out within the crowd whether that be with a different tux or a taco suit, he always wanted to be different from everybody else. and it suited him really, he was always a stand off but it's not something you particularly minded.

“well, if it helps.” you begin, “i haven't picked out my dress yet, so we can get matching colors or something.”

at that, oikawa sits up excitedly, “seriously?”

you glance at him and laugh, “yeah, sure why not? it’d be fun.” you roll on your side to face him, “i can get like a black dress while you get a red suit or we can both get red — or or! we can do pink and green or yellow and blue, you know like complimentary color matches.’’

“fuck yeah.” he responds, grinning “but if we do pink and green, im wearing a pink suit — thats something surely no guy is gonna be wearing out there.”

you chuckle, “sure, green is a color i've never worn anyway.”

tooru oikawa has always wanted to stand out, but ever since the day you've met him, he has always stood out, without even trying, that's mainly the reason you've become friends with him — he has always had an attractive personality (and an attractive face, to be fairly honest) that always enticed you to know more about him, so the day you first met him and he invited you out for lunch, of course you couldn't say no.

“oh yeah, by the way,” you say, “have you gotten a prom date yet?”

oikawa shakes his head no, and waves his hand dismissively, “had a few ask me out, i said no.”

you scoff a laugh at the way he talks about the fact that he had girls asking him out so casually, as if its something that happens everyday — which you assume it actually does, given how popular he is at school.

“what about you?” he suddenly asks, and you can’t help but notice the way he chews at his bottom lips, almost as if nervous from what your answer could be.

you reply, “nope.” shaking your head and heaving a sigh, “can you imagine? not a single guy.” you wipe away a fake tear and the both of you laugh.

the moment passes, leaving an air of tranquility settling in behind it.

“i could change that, you know." oikawa murmurs quietly, you wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for the silence in the room.

you can't help but laugh, "seriously, tooru? you couldn't find a less cheesy way to ask me out?"

you can see a slight blush form on his cheeks, and he turns away from you, "shut up, i'm trying here."

but you don't shut up, you continue to laugh, and you move off the bed and next to him on the ground, as you continue to tease him, "i thought you were going out with iwa."

although his back is turned to you, you can tell that he's rolling his eyes at you right now, "that joke is getting so lame."

you chide, cackling, "c'mon, tooru."

a moment passes with him groaning at your banter and you laughing at the way he does so, trailing your hand up and down his arm in a butterfly touch with your fingertips to provoke him.

finally, he turns around to face you, you can see the way his bottom lip is slightly jutted out as a faint red paints his cheeks and his hand grabs your wrist, forcing your fingertips off his shoulder although he longs for your touch — he pins your hand beside your head, and he seems to tower above you a bit, staring down on you and he mutters, "look, i'm serious here."

you stare up at him, your eyes wide and unblinking and your heart beating a little too fast for your own liking and your face is warm and you can't tell if it's because he's too close or if it's because of the sunlight shining on your face.

"serious?" you utter, voice barely above a whisper.

he answers, "only if you say yes." he can't hide it anymore — can't hide the blush that blooms on his cheeks, can't hide the way his heart is beating so fast, the way it always beats so fast when he's around you and he can't help but feel the way the air gets so much hotter when it's just the two of you, like there are matches alight in the atmosphere, he can't hide his feelings for you, not anymore.

"fine, then." you finally say — it's not like you can deny him or yourself either, because you feel the same way and the air is so hot when it's just the two of you.

oikawa has always stood out to you, whether it be when he was in tux suit, or a taco one, or because his hair looked extra good after hair wash day, it didn't matter what it was because he always had something to show off, even without trying.

and now this time, when he's actually trying to show off, he presses his lips against yours in a firm kiss, and he moves them against yours as if it's second nature, like he's done this a thousand times before, and you assume he has but oh god, you taste so sweet and he can't help but notice how your lips fit so perfectly with his.

and to you, he has never stood out more.

[rise-my-angel]

i agree with your last post wayyyy too much. i can’t do jon snow haters or people who say that dany had every right to burn down kings landing because they k!lled her best friend. okay??? what about the thousands of innocents. she had a whole army, she could have just gone for cersei or been an actual leader and not taken revenge on her own ‘people’. like??? also if you support jamie lannister being a king slayer and k!lling aerys to save thousands of lives (which ill assume most of the fandom does) then jon did the exact same thing. yes they both ‘betrayed’ people they served but it saved thousands of lives.

my only argument in dany’s defense is she should have never gone ‘mad’. the writers should have never made her get on dragon back and burn down an entire city, but since she did, then she has got to GO.

The thing is, is that the burning of Kings Landing has been a LONG existing prediction by book readers of what Dany will do once she reaches Westeros. It has been theorized for YEARS before Benioff and Weiss were likely ever told about the books planned ending beats.

But, it won't be because she's mad. It will be a calculated move on purpose, no madness, just self righteous justification that because they didn't want her as Queen, they should die.

In the show, Dany has posed this multiple times. Dany in the show over the years does NOT hesitate to say she wants to burn cities to the ground, make her enemies die screaming, and has routinely posed situations where her options are literally bend the knee or die.

For example, this is a snippet of dialouge from season 8 after she burned Kings Landing and one million people with it.

Jon: "What about everyone else? All the other people who think they know what's good." Dany: "They don't get to choose."

This sounds extremely like something Dany says to Jorah in season 4 when he informs her that the masters have disregarded her laws almost as soon as she left Yunkai.

Dany: "He will tell the masters what has happened in Meereen. He will explain the choice they have before them. They can live in my new world or they can die in their old one."

This is the exact same scenario. You either live in Dany's world exactly as she dictates it, or you die.

There is no actual choice she is giving the masters, it is her way or death. Exactly like she plans to do to the rest of Westeros. Season 8 was not out of character.

Jorah says in this very scene that it is tempting to always see your opposition as evil, but that by always treating those who oppose you as such, it is the good and innocent who will get caught in the crossfire, and she says that she has no interest in entertaining what other people think is good and evil, she does as she sees fit.

One Barristan dies, she leads whats left of the leaders of noble houses to where her dragons are locked away, and lets one burn a man alive with abosutely no proof these men had anything to do with it as a threat that she will do the same to them. Again, with no proof that the masters or noble houses of Mereen have ANY relation to the Sons of the Harpy.

Upon a rewatch, one will find Dany says a LOT of very concerning things that foreshadow whats to come. This is going to happen, this was always going to happen. Dany was not going to burn the Red Keep, because thats the castle her family built with the throne her family created. Its the symbol of everything she wants and thinks she's entitled too.

But the people? These people who in the show and likely books, will not see kindly to this foreign occupier who uses her dragons to scare people into submission and will not yeild their Queen or King to her? Well, they are in her way. They refuse to join her new world, so they die in their old one. She doesn't need the people of one city to take the throne as long as theres still a throne to sit upon.

Dany routinely sees evil in her enemies with no grey area. Jon, otherwise is a man who looked his enemy in the eye (lord commander of the nights watch who betrayed them as a spy up against the wildlings he spied on and defeated in battle), and said (paraphrasing) "We don't have to be friends, but you, your children, and your children's children all deserve to survive. Let me protect you."

When everyone hated him for it. But he did it because it was the right thing to do. Jon has always given men at their worst chances at redemption. Thats what the Nights Watch is, so many of them were criminals, murderers, rapists, but Jon lets them prove they are better then their worst parts and only punishes with due justice when they commit the re offending behavior. Jon doesn't kill Karl Tanner in a brutal way beacuse he likes it, he only killed him like that when his back was turned, because Karl was about to kill the innocent girl who helped Jon by stabbing Karl in the back when he had Jon pinned.

Dany has no right to burn down Kings Landing, there is no excuse for it. But she will not beacuse she is forced too, or by accident, or through madness. No, it will be a calculated, purposeful decision that she will choose to do this, because thats how she has chosen to commit every atrocity she's ever done, which when you tally it up, is shocking and disturbingly high.

It was a massacre of extreme proportions that she was proud of. Wheras Jon felt extreme guilt for not saving every free folk when the army of the dead massacred Hardhome, when that was completely out of his control or power, and when he still in fact, saved over 5000 lives of what was supposed to be his greatest enemy.

The completely unbelievable joke of a romance aside, the Jon we know would not have hesitated to kill her. That is one million lives she murdered in the most brutal fashion because she didn't get what she wanted.

But we know why Jon would want to kill her for it, beacuse she answered the very question he posed in season five in the most terrifying way possible.

Jon: "Isn't their survival more important than your pride?"

Dany said no, and massacred the very same people Jon has been trying to save for years. I was being factious when I said Jon should've killed her harder, but it's still true. Dany in the show became exactly what the books are leading up to. But people were tricked through the framing that beacuse Dany thinks shes the world's main character, that she's always in the right, when she very often isn't.

It was always coming, and it was never out of character, beacuse Dany was always this way. At the burning of Kings Landing, she finally just allowed herself to be honest about it.

Jon was right to kill her for committing the exact mass slaughter that Jaime killed Aerys II for being about to commit.

The Targaryeans are fire and blood, and they paid the price for it.

[nanami-is-nanamean]

for literal years (i have no sense of time, its honestly probably just half a year but i could be horrifically wrong—i blame covid for destroying it), i have had this... au. where i just. put nanami. in hsr.

like—instead of caelus or stella being the mc, nanami is and thats whats hes been doing all those years when he was away from sorcery. i do hc that he spent at least one year as a salaryman to get that signature "my soul has been sucked out by capitalism" look and "we should reform society to be better" mindset lmao

i imagine that like—the way it works is that everything happens roughly the same in the main story, its just the little minute differences that change kinda like how everyones playthru of hsr is slightly different because we chose diff dialogue options or whatever

so like—he goes thru belobog, goes thru the xianzhou, goes thru penacony, and then all the side quests, and thats when he decides to go back home (did i base it off my own hsr progress? haha... yeah. lmao)

i dont know who exactly he goes down back to earth with but i do have this one scene in my head where he meets up with himeko. and as much as i like the idea of him going down alone, i dont think the express is gonna let him lmao. best i can imagine is march and welt. welt because this is the most similar to his old home of hi3 (which i want to play so bad but alas i have a life), and march because she serves as a nice contrast to the low energies of nanami and welt AHAHA

i did consider benching her since shes been going to expeditions nonstop but like—the contrast gotta b there honey, thats what you call good writing and good character dynamic lmao. but yeah—he goes down, calls up gojo, and welt and march go off to fuck about.

i imagine that gojos fuckin stunned to see him after so many years because like—he was working a dead end job and then one day he fucking disappears. and it would scare gojo too since like, his entire thing is being able to see things, to percieve things, and as op as gojo is, im p sure he isnt able to see far enough to find nanami in the cold and dark depths of space. all he knows is—he was there, and then, his cursed energy disappears like a candle that went out. all he can assume is that he died or some curse users got to him. but if he died, a sorcerer of his caliber would produce a CRAZY curse spirit. and if curse users got to him, there would be some sort of trace or destruction left behind as a trail because nanami wont go that easy and if he did turn into a curse user, he would be able to pick up the curse energy residue.

so now here he is, back infront of him like some kind of disappearing act AND with some strange and crazy energy inside him. like a fucked up star or black hole or something. somethings obviously happened to him, and if the weird disappearance and reappearance or the weird-ass thing inside him didnt clue him in—he would rip out his own eyes. and he KNOWS that is this nanami because the Six Eyes never lie. (hehe kenjaku prison realm moment)

so now hes tasked with figuring out what the fuck happened to nanami and what the fuck that pulsing thing inside him is—but hes conflicted about it because jesus christ, it was just him and ieiri for so long and theyre both so desperate and so happy to see an old friend again and—and they don't know if they can disregard whatever the fuck happened to him and if hes a threat, because god they missed him so much (hehe geto moment)

MEANWHILE march and welt are snooping around and they find a curse, which they easily defeat obviously and welt has... a WEIRD feeling about these "curses". like hes experienced facing this kind of energy before... so they go curse hunting a little bit more and holy shit. thats when welt realizes.

the reason why the curses and curse energy is so familiar is because he REALLY DID face this sort of energy before—and he faced that energy in the form of rAIDEN MEI WHEN SHE WAS WAVING AROUND HER NIHILITY ABILITIES. so now the express HAS to start meddling because the fucking NIHILITY is HERE and this world has been drowning in the powers of the nihility for actual fucking CENTURIES and at this point, and its going to be too goddamn predictable if theres a fucking stellaron causing it. (there isnt but theyre so used to it at this point lmao)

so yeah! thats my setup for an hsr x jjk crossover lmao

oh yeah its totes nanago AHAHHAHAHA—its implied but idk if it got thru KJHDFJLGkHSLK

[vtmgremlin]

Baldur's Gate has over taken my life

So here's a long ass rant about Astarion because I love him so much my heart bursts with love and joy for this man (Everything will be spoilers under the cut so if you have not completed the game make sure you DO NOT read this LOL)

So...I'm not someone who usually rants like this on my blog but it's my blog and well free will is everything so let's go : )

What I really want to talk about is about how much the trauma and his abuse must have warped his mind...over 200 years of it, I can barley comprehend the past 23 for myself but 200 years

Like no wonder he treats everyone a certain way, no wonder his first reaction is to "go hurt someone", perhaps it maybe was in his nature beforehand(?) but we don't know and I don't think he really recalls either! (other than the fact that he was a magistrate all those years ago, which to me, is still kinda funny to think about hehe, but thats most likely because he wasn't the person we meet in BG3)

And thats the thing, once you help him over come the black mass and you enter the cutscene with him and he shares his old grave to you- I almost assumed that maybe it would have been old family members besides him...but no, just himself. Who was Astarion before his embrace? I suppose it doesn't matter anymore since after that moment he resigns that life and proclaims his past self long dead but...the mind does wander at times.

It does make me sad, how it seems as though he must pick and I suppose it's just me being jaded with the idea that one must sacrifice happiness to do the right thing- when idk the idea of having your cake and eating it too it something he deserves after again- 200 YEARS- of horrid abuse

This is NOT to say that I approve of him becoming evil lord 9000, but rather a catapult into the last option you get to say to him at the end of it all with his final cutscene where he asks you "What do you want?"

There is an option where you can suggest that the both of you continue to search for ways to let him walk into the sun together again and if you choose that well he does seem delighted and exclaims if there is a chance he will seize it no matter what (and that it will lead to more adventures together hehe).

My idea was that what if...it was actually a road to having him regain his humanity, you know? Bring him back to life as our dear evanessence would say- and I don't mean that he must sacrifice something to have this and he must suffer more blah blah blah I MEAN SERIOUSLY!

It was a sorta "final adventure", the gangs all here and somehow it becomes more than just that for our beloved vampire man (because of course it does), but at the end of the day, after possibly IDK saving the world for a second time perhaps LMAO- he gets to finally be rewarded :,))

He fought and fought hard, began the road to self acceptance and love, to slowly heal himself with the help of your BG3 character..to finally be rewarded to breathe air again.

To eat again, to feel the blood rush to his cheeks again- his heart pumping again. More than just walking into the sunlight without harm, but to be able to gain from it. To be alive again...

I could rant more and most likely will later but, I love him so much LOL him standing up to Cazador, his abuser, the way he did, I was shaking because the idea of being able to do such a thing to my own is just unthinkable...he deserves much love :, ( and is worthy of so much patience and understanding.

I am going to draw alot of him and Vyhann, who is my Bard BG3 half-elf, together and just in general if y'all aren't happy with that I understand LOL and anyways if you've read this far my god I would apologize but you've done this to yourself skdjfnskdjnfjdf

[system-of-a-feather]

questions, if it’s ok! since we’re interested in having a fully fused state we can go into but ultimately want functional multiplicity:

1) do you have to do anything to prepare to go in/out of that state? like with triggering a switch - music, adjusting the environment, etc.

2) do you ever do temporary fusions that don’t include all parts?

3) do individual alters ever feel different (not necessarily in a bad way) when exiting that state, for example like do they get any pieces of traits from other alters while unfusing?

1) do you have to do anything to prepare to go in/out of that state? like with triggering a switch - music, adjusting the environment, etc.

Yes and no? Usually when we go into that state, we just kind of go with the flow. Often we notice it would be easier or feel ourselves drifting to a point where we are pretty fluid and its a matter of going "do we want to be fei for a bit" and just kinda like, mentally clicking a "yes" on that. Initiating it ourselves is a little more of a party trick that we could / possibly should work on some - we've done it here and there, particularly when the fully fused state was new and we wanted to practice holding it, existing in it, and communicating in it and a lot of that took a lot of... not quite "meditation" in the sense of sitting in the lotus position or anything, but an active internal engagement of parts to relax and let go.

Going into it and holding it, in my experience, is the harder of the skills to learn than leaving it / releasing it - which makes sense cause its not the usual state we've been living in for the past however long. Early on after realizing we COULD do it, we had a lot of issues holding it cause the smallest things would "over agitate" (for a lack of better words) one part too much (often Riku, too excitable) and they'd just pop out as an individual part. Usually that would then cascade into other parts looking over at them and going "RIKU GET BACK HERE WE WERE DOING THE THING WHAT ARE YOU DOING" and then it would cascade down for a while of everyone just going "bruh" in their own ways and form.

So going into it - in my experience - requires a lot of calm serenity within the parts near and around the front and so I think actively initiating it would probably require a good amount of ability to actually lower all active parties energy and all down some. That said, thats just our experience.

As for leaving it, it's pretty easy honestly. It's kinda like switching (assuming you have a pretty good grasp on switching when you want to) with just a little more intent behind it. As a fused state I actually can enjoy almost all the positive triggers of all the parts as me, but if I want to separate and / or get a specific part individually out, we just hyper engage that part and the things they like and go "yeah Im gonna be X now"

And like I said before, separating is so much easier than joining together. We just kind of throw a specific part of our brain a specific fixation and bone and they run off like a dog and usually when one of the regular fronters breaks off from Fei, the rest follow suit.

But usually both going in and out its a matter of noticing that its an option to do so and going "yeah you know sure" and - in funnier terms:

2) do you ever do temporary fusions that don’t include all parts?

Yep pretty frequently actually. Some parts its harder to track than others, like Riku does them A LOT and has arguably done them longer than any other part has - but its a lot harder for them to be aware of it as usually their partial fusions are with EPs and parts that don't speak so most of the time they don't really register until after the fact. XIV and Chunn tend to regularly do temporary fusions with one another and sometimes with Riku. A lot of parts don't have set in stone temporary fused states they return to yet, largely cause few have found a dynamic with another part where having that on/off again fusion is useful or productive or anything they're motivated to establishing as a somewhat regular occurrence. That said, XIV and Chunn do have that and they do it like, literally all the time.

3) do individual alters ever feel different (not necessarily in a bad way) when exiting that state, for example like do they get any pieces of traits from other alters while unfusing?

Oh yeah absolutely. Not like in this overt WOW TOTALLY DIFFERENT way, but more so in the sense that any lived experience - especially those in different and sometimes opposing perspectives - will almost always leave an impact and deeper insight into life that will change the overall way a person or part engages and sees the world.

You learn a lot about one another and from one another without explicitly having to talk or engage with it when you are fused together and honestly - every time we spend substantial amounts of time in Fei, we tend to have exponential growth and stability added to our system because the general mutual understanding seems to build A LOT over time.

Chunn had actually gone off about this before here because I think he honestly explains it better as its a lot more authentic and "raw" for a lack of better words.

You learn things while fused and carry over a lot of the "big picture" that is easier to see as a fused state when you separate back into individual parts as - generally speaking - the memories tend to be shared by all parts engaged in the fused state.

Again though, this is all just my experience honestly so take it as you will.

[corvid-corvette-coven]

emails between my and my school psychiatrist, Kat (the beloved <3) || VENT!! || long post but i vented to prove my point to her aswell

Corvid-Corvette-Coven <corvid.corvette.coven@student.school.edu>

To: Kat (the beloved <3)

Wed 25/10/2023 9:22pm

Subject: <this field has been intentionally left blank>

we had a meeting scheduled for today right? Cos i wont be at school today It's gonna be a bad day for classes for me and I honestly just pussied out of it its more likely i have an underlying buildup of anxiety thats doing that but yeah

literally me /\

Kat (the beloved <3) <the-katnapping@school.edu>

To: corvid-corvette-coven

Fri 27/10 2023 11:21am

Subject: Re. <this field has been intentionally left blank>

Hi, How are you feeling today? I hope you are at school. Cause you know the longer you avoid anxious triggers, the more difficult they may become to face…just saying….

With Gratitude, Kat (the beloved<3 | Psychologist  School Jesus School 100 School Street | PO Box 8008 | TOWN NSW 8008 ABN 17 690 720 860 P +61 6 9420 1080p E the-katnapping@school.edu W http://www.school.nsw.edu.au

Corvid-Corvette-Coven <corvid.corvette.coven@student.school.edu>

To: Kat (the beloved <3)

Fri 27/10 2023 12:24pm

Subject: This email took an hour to write lol (can you tell I used to do public speaking and debating)

I'm feeling good today, I've taken my meds (which is why this email is so long and detailed), and I plan to get work done. ('good' really means normal, and for me n o r m a l means I'm still carrying my constant emotional baggage but it's not necessarily bumming me out right now)

COUNTER ARGUMENT!!! The longer you stay in situations that stress you out the further that will continue to build, and really I am de-stressing to avoid burnout. THINGS THAT STRESS ME OUT (non exhaustive list) -Dysphoria from my friends  (appearance and social gender envy from Ara Ara)  (emotional, appearance, and social gender envy from Brisket)  (emotional, appearance, and social gender envy from Paella) -General emotional uncertainty and inability to connect with my friends as deeply as I wish I could -Particularly painful classes as a result of disruptive students  History, Christian Studies, (English + Math sometimes) (I've gotten over the initial misery I had with english) -Not having classes with ANY friends beyond my electives not only considering they can have classes together which allows them to have more developed friendships, but also the classes I do have with someone I know (that isn't an elective) I have with Shakira who is far from my first option and who I'm only really 'friends' with because of proximity and the fact she isn't too bad (even if a bit irritating, rude, and fickle) (the only nice thing about having Shakira there is she creates a barrier between me, and To Slo/ biggus (despite the fact they only sit near because she's there)) I tend to avoid recognising this in particular because it evokes the part of my thought process that thinks the state of reality now is what it will always be like (hopelessness) -Dysphoria in those classes not only from the perceived disconnect between my behaviour and the girls but from a general assumed association with the boys (the disruptive students) -The fact that dysphoria makes alot of good things more bitter than sweet for me, which can be disheartening for my friends And also that I'm so consistently upset and emotionally devastated that they have given up on trying to comfort me despite that being what I need so much in those situations -That fucking bald spot -Dysphoria from being apart of the boys sporting class and smelling horrific with sweat (even if I wear more than enough deodorant any smell is far too much) -Even food tech (one of the good classes) take some serious emotional manoeuvring to enjoy since I have to  not stress out Ara Ara too much and adapt to what she wants to do. Being funny whilst not interruptive and not a too masculine way to avoid the emotional distress of potentially not being someone she enjoys being around (and avoid more dysphoria) ALL OF THAT brings more dysphoria when its cross compared with her relationships with Brisket and Paella and MORE dysphoria comes when I see the relationship she has with Mrs F, how she's able to talk to her and joke with her and everything -The general emotional uncertainty that I feel Ara Ara and I have, it feels like they are more and less unhappy with me every other week and I can't decipher which of the thousands of possible reasons that could be, or if its real at all and I'm just entirely incorrect about that. Exams are really an afterthought because they stress my brain out too much to think about the effect they'll have (same with my future (both the good and bad possibilities)) I think it might be a defence or coping mechanism but instead of reconciling and working with that stress I somehow have both an oblivious and aggressively optimistic outlook with a glass half full sort've way. "In less than a week and a half it'll be over" is generally what I try to remember. Not thinking about it much is bad for me because I can't seize every chance I could to study; thinking about THAT too hard will stress me out so I'm trying to just think about studying more instead of how I'm studying less that I should.

It's not something I can always feel buildup consciously, even if I'm feeling good in the morning I know when a day is going to be bad for me, so anxiety is the hypothesis. (I can also tell what days I'm going to be the most prone to dysphoria) that was most of the points I can remember at this time, though I know there's more stresses and arguments I could make but that summarises my current state fairly accurately.  that being said, I am at home today and my excuse is it's actually better to have the whole day to study (even if I just spent the first few hours rotting)

[star-ocean-peahen]

you know what really gets my goat?? when people who care about someone in their life with a disability or chronic illness act like they have a more accurate perspective of the person's needs than the ill or disabled person does. esp if the methods the disabled or ill person is using would be overly lenient or too "nice" for a healthy person.

like oOoOoO yeah i get it im on a screen all the time thats not a good thing but since i can go months without a single moment where i feel like i can do things that matter or succeed with the goals i set for myself i feel like maybe the screen is not the problem here. and NO going screen-free for a week will not fix me. i know thats your favorite solution for the Youth's problems but. ugh. i thought that having a bunch of fancy words to wave in people's faces would stop all these well-meaning but shortsighted solutions but nooo "i have depression and anxiety and anemia and chronic fatigue" still gets me the same. they have no idea what it feels like to search for healing. its like they think your only options are going to the doctor or eating and sleeping and going outside and socializing and not using your phone and if you're not doing those things then you're not trying your best to get better. i mean thats kind of uncharitable ig because my extended family is only saying those things because they don't have any experience with this stuff and they're willing to learn but. it still hurts.

and it makes me so tired to try to dodge the demonization that comes with being sick for a long time. you always have to be trying your hardest and doing everything that could possibly help but only in the Right way and with the Right methods. and if you're not it feels like other people assume that you are no longer capable of taking care of yourself and that's their job now. like no, fuck off, i may not be able to take care of myself very well, but i still have the right to say who i trust with my wellbeing, thank you very much.

its just. theyre getting better. i just wish i didnt have to be the one to educate them.

[shotorozu]

encountering a ‘pick me’ girl

character(s) : kirishima eijirou, todoroki shouto, bakugou katsuki (bnha)

warning : PICK ME GIRL, misogyny (?) pick me girl makes an off handed comment about your body but it’s not detailed at all

PART TWO — PART THREE

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, but they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, angst if you squint

note(s) : i made 2 versions of this post so,, if you’re reading this— then i probably decided that i liked this one more than the other one i made,, anyways, i used real life examples 💀

»»————-　♡　————-««

kirishima eijirou

i’d imagine that eijirou would have an idea of what a pick me girl is— i mean, there were probably 2 of those girls in middle school

but has he experienced it first hand? nahh.

though, eijirou didn’t think he’d encounter one when he was already in a healthy and committed relationship!

eijirou is practically friends with everyone— and yeah, even the most unexpected. so, he’s bound to accidentally befriend a pick me girl

him, being the nicest one out of all of the characters in this list, will still be nice to said pick me girl, despite wanting to snob them to the core

because really— you can’t really fight fire with fire in some cases

but, he can be everything but lenient when the pick me girl starts insulting you for doing certain things, and for absurd reasons too

like,, how you laugh, and how you take care of yourself (for example— if you wear makeup, or how you style your hair)

which is odd! everything about you is everything but the things the pick me girl has stated so.. he cannot stand by.

SCENARIO

the girl giggles to herself after that snide comment leaves her lip gloss coated lips. eijirou shifts uncomfortably— honestly taken aback by the anything but subtle insult that was thrown at you

“like.. seriously! it’s honestly quite superficial if you look at it like that. who the hell would put that much effort infront of your boyfriend? i’d assume they’d see everything AND everything but.. i guess not.”

you blink. superficial? now that’s a new one. the girl infront of you has been babbling insults sugarcoated in boasts the entire time, and you’re just wondering if it’s about time you guys leave but—

“well that’s unfair,” your boyfriend laughs, “i put the same amount of effort as this cutie right here,” eijirou pokes at your cheek, earning a quick laugh from you— which he can only thank the heavens for that

“but that’s different. it actually looks put together when you’re doing it, eiji.” the certain glint in her smile makes you want to wipe it right off with a dirty mop, “it’s impossible to look put together with expensive clothes, but being built like a—”

the sound of the sliding of a chair is quicker than your actions, and it easily cuts her off.

“i’m sorry, but we gotta go, it’s totally not cool of you to say those things about Y/N!”

“what? but i mean.. it’s true, right? i’m looking out for them! they’re literally out here l—”

“bye!” eijirou waves her goodbye with your hand, dismissing the sour expression on her face— as he dashes off with you

you’d question how he’s just so nice to people like that, but when he turns around, you could see the distaste in his eyes

“so that’s what a pick me girl’s like,” shaking his head, his expression lights up with such a quick manner “i’ll never make friends that are like that again!”

safe to say, eijirou’s friend list has been a a person shorter ever since that incident

bakugou katsuki

oh, so that girl’s bold bold.

if she thinks she could get away with being a not so subtle pick me girl infront of bakugou katsuki, then she couldn’t be more wrong.

it’s absolutely revolting— i mean, he hasn’t displayed any romantic feelings towards ANYONE that isn’t you.

also, they’re quite gutsy if you ask me. so congrats for having guts??

i don’t think he’d be friends with a pick me girl. he’s very selective of who he’s befriending, so it’s probably your friend that’s the pick me girl in this case

he wouldn’t know what a pick me girl would be, but he’d probably know the description of one.

over some time, he’d grow some resistance to insults directed at him, but when someone insults his s/o

oh boy. that’s not good. remember when i said that katsuki was almost like your scary and intimidating dog

this is what i mean

knows he can’t make a scene, so his first option is to be dismissive asf— but if said pick me girl literally can’t get it, he won’t be afraid of shoving some explosions into her face

because his hands are rated e for everyone

SCENARIO

“so you wanna be picked or something, is that it?” he hates how you literally have the resistance of a rock— which is something he always liked, but in this case hated. if it weren’t for you— he would’ve blasted explosions into her sorry excuse of a face until it’s beyond recognition (that wouldn’t be hero like, is what you’ve said in the past, but he disagrees.)

but seriously? ugh. he just wants to leave this horrid place, and make some dinner with you in the comfort of his home. why are you even friends with her anyway? she’s not even trying to be slick at this point.

“p-picked? i’m not understanding, katsu.”

“it’s bakugou.”

“right,” her laughter is like nails on chalkboard, “i’m just watching out for Y/N, y’know? there’s no point in wearing all of that.. on their face.” and she’s obviously referring to your obviously very well done makeup

“it’ll make your skin terrible in the long run! and really— i couldn’t really understand on why someone would wear that much, when you could survive with i dunno.. lip gloss at most?”

you would’ve actually said something as a rebuttal, but your boyfriend is quicker, and a lot more direct than anyone else in the area.

“just say you can’t do makeup and fucking scram,” katsuki’s ice cold glare finally breaks out of the act he’s been trying to hold together for you

“their makeup is fucking bomb as hell, compared to your ridiculous spider lashes, lady. come back when you’ve watched james charles’ entire fucking channel.” he harshly states in similar bakugou fashion, despite the lack of screaming.

and if you squinted hard enough, you could see tears welling up in her eyes. but katsuki tugs your hand before anything else could be said

“let’s fucking go, you need better friends.”

he makes you cut ties with all of them, and he practically scolds your terrible choice of friends— but he goes quiet when you tell him that you’ve been friends with her since middle school

“good fucking riddance. next time, i’ll punch them as soon as they say something outta line, got that?” and next time (hopefully, there won’t be a next time) you’ll actually lash out— or maybe,, you’ll let him loose for once.

todoroki shouto

now shouto might be,, socially unaware sometimes. but he can tell whenever someone’s trying to insult his s/o

like,, right away.

now— you both run into this person after a pleasant date, and she eagerly presented herself as your friend

so, her attitude catches him off guard because who’d have anything rude to say about you and towards shouto’s face? especially when it’s about something normal.

like,, wasn’t she your friend?? why is she even like this?

his hostility is very well known, so they should be scared.

he gets detached from the conversation, and he’ll immediately go cold— and shouto would probably go as far as walking away with your hand in his

doesn’t matter if he properly says goodbye or not— if a girl’s being rude to his s/o, they obviously don’t deserve his usually polite attitude. nope, that’s a luxury.

oh— and what more when they’re seeking for his validation. newsflash! said pick me girl won’t be get any from him.

SCENARIO

shouto couldn’t stop the bitterness bleeding into his mouth, when the girl in front of him continued to babble and take up the valuable time he had left with his s/o

initially, she presented herself as your friend from middle school— but as of now? she seems to be more interested in him more than you, despite knowing you first.

she’d ask him a string of obvious questions with very obvious answers, like ‘is she treating you well?’ ‘is she acting correctly?’ and questions of the sort

“oh, sorry! i’d hate to cut this conversation short, but—” you finally decide that it was about time to leave, while shouto looks pretty,, deadpanned right now, you could tell that he was gradually starting to get irritated by your friend’s words.

“wait. thats.. kind of controlling, don’t you think? do you ever let shou make decisions?”

“uh.. controlling? since when??” you question at the accusation. this girl knows nothing about your relationship dynamic, and she’s already jumping the gun and making conclusions.

your gaze snaps back to shouto, who looks just as surprised as he could possibly be.

“yeah! it clearly looks like he still wants to talk” which is an obvious lie, shouto just wants it out of here “i wonder how you managed to snag such a guy like him,” she comments with a smile that looked anything above suspicion (yet, it makes your stomach churn)

you could see the way her hand gets gradually closer to him— and frankly, you’re not sure about what she was planning to do next, “you wouldn’t need to dress all expensive and fancy, if you’re with a girl with an already classy appear—”

“i think this conversation is over,” shouto grip is firm on the wrist that was attempting to grab his shoulder, shouto makes no attempt to even look at the girl infront of him “i don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not humorous. at all.”

“what?” she stammers, drawing her hand back “i-it’s obvious they don’t know how to take a joke! this is why there are barely any good w—”

shouto’s next actions knocks her speechless, his hand rests at the small of your back, before gently guiding you forward— “love, what movie are we watching later?” he says, making an effort to press a quick, yet intense kiss on your lips

“oh,” you breathe out, surprised by this action. “don’t be so tense, love.” shouto comments on how tense your shoulders have looked, ever since she started running her mouth, “now.. what movie do you want to watch tonight? comedy? thriller?”

“you pick,” you laugh at the quick shift of topic. and when you look behind you, you could see shame and defeat welling up on her face. shouto finally feels like he could smile again, the bitterness dissipating from his mouth

after shouto questions you if that was what a pick me girl was, he makes sure that you guys won’t ever encounter such thing again

“you.. don’t have more friends like that, right? if you do— we could always do another friend list cleansing.” this statement makes you laugh but shouto is anything but joking

but being reminded of his reaction to that ‘pick me’ girl does puts a smile on your face.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[shititbe]

Anyway, Peter Parker is Bi, and I Won’t Be Convinced Otherwise.

Firstly, we have to get our bases covered. What exactly is Bi-sexuality? What is sexuality? 

Sexuality is defined as a persons identity in relation to gender(s) they are attracted to. Why is this important? Peter’s sexuality has never been specifically stated in the comics, nor in any other form of media. It’s assumed that he is straight because of his popular relationship with Mary Jane Watson in the comics, and the movies. 

Now that we have a bases for what exactly sexuality is and how it’s defined, let’s go over Peter’s partners. 

Obviously Peter and Mary Jane are a piece of comic book history. They eventually get married, though sadly, during the events of Civil War II (I think, don’t quote me) Peter and Mary Jane sell their marriage to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May

They later had their memories of their marriage restored, they have yet to get back together and it’s been a few issues if I remember correctly. Next we have Peter’s first, and most unfortunate love, Gwen Stacy. 

They dated in high school where she later died. Of course, Peter has dated other people (namely, Black Cat, Betty Brant, Carol Danvers, Anna Maria, Cindy Moon, Lian Tang, and so on). Since we have his known history of heterosexuality out there, we need to move onto another important part of Peter’s Bi-sexuality. An important implication in any media, especially queer media though, and that is the homoerotic subtext. 

Homoerotic subtext is important part of queer culture, a lot of the time it’s used to portray a characters queerness without saying it out (see: Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild or Great Gatsby By Fitz). In current decade, homoerotic subtext is often used for queer baiting or creating more realistic male friendships. 

So what’s the difference between someone creating a health male friendship (or a character comfortable in their heterosexuality) and implying a character is queer? 

Here are some examples of a healthy male character, both with himself and his friendships.  

Clearly he’s just taking the shit, and messing around with Reed. He’s comfortable enough (or as I like to see it, so traumatized because good god this guy has been Spider-Man since he was 15 good god that’s awful. He probably doesn’t care anymore). Here are some examples of Peter a little more than just a straight man shooting the shit. 

This has three meanings. Two of which I will take, one of which is just deeply embarrassing. Despite Peter’s history with humiliating events, I don’t think he would get his own spunk in his eyes. Leaving the other two options, he has experience getting spunk of - some kind - in his eyes, and/or he’s taking the shit again. Which is very likely. 

Kissing a cop? For....no reason? A little not so hetero of you Peter. 

You can practically hear his disappointment in his voice. Also could be read as taking the shit, but why would you. 

Making out with The Thing? Gay. 

This one is the most important. Peter is clearly tired, annoyed by his teammates (see wolverine being wolverine in the corner). Shits on fire, its mid battle, and Peter has the audacity to mutter “I hate men” to himself. The only people I have every heard say this in that was are lgbt and straight women, and lgbt men. This kind of expression only comes from people who date, or deal with men in a completely different world than straight men. Straight men use this phrase as an endearment, “Oh have you seen Bill today, I hate that guy.” “Man Jerry can do so many push-ups, I hate that guy.” Very different language, and implications (I also, obviously don’t know how straight men speak). 

 Now that we’ve gone over our bases, and homoerotic subtext. How else could we gather that Peter Parker is Bi? There are many tropes in media - queer media - that allure to a characters queerness. Like homoerotic subtext, there are ways to tell an audience something without specifically saying it. 

This is a gay wedding Peter went to in the recent comics. I don’t know if any of you have been to a gay wedding recently, but Peters face (the first panel above the wedding) is the same exact face I made at my first gay wedding. It’s the face of excitement for not only the couple, but for yourself. The hope that maybe, you too can actually be in a same-sex relationship. 

I’m also going to allure to queer tropes as stated previously. Such as the real, and fictional trope of lgbt people sticking together. Thousands of years of belittlement and oppression will make groups of people not want to wonder out, and subconsciously look for others like them. 

Johnny Storm (and Wade Wilson since he comes in later but I couldn’t find a picture of the confirmation) is cannon Bi-sexual (Pan-sexual). 

Their friendship is deeply homoerotic as most queer friendships in media and real life are. Johnny flirts with Peter on many occasions (saying his ideal women is a female version of Peter, inviting him over to watch is sex tape, and so on) and of course oh my god they were roommates. 

Some other popular queer tropes are: Found Family, Soulmates, and Enemies to lovers. Because it’s superhero related, this includes the Identity Porn tag as well.  

Peter Parker and Wade Wilson have a famous Love/Hate relationship. I mean, how could you expect anything less when your first meeting with this known mercenary is him throwing your civilian persona out the window of a car. Now, Wade still doesn’t know Peter is Spider-Man in the current run of comics, but that doesn’t make anything about them any less gay. 

For the Found Family Trope: 

Because it’s Peter and Wade, their whole development can be read as Enemies to Friends to Lovers, so I wont bother backing that up because, uh, it speaks for itself. One panel really does to add that cause though 

I’m not going to explain what a free-pass list is.

The Soulmates part I know I have to back up. 

For SoulMates:  

Now this panel requires a little explanation. Wade kills Peter, not knowing he’s Spider-Man. Weasel takes over for Peter (they don’t know its him) so no one suspects he’s dead. Deadpool begins to feel guilty he killed his best buds best bud, so he tries to bring Peter back to life. Losing his stunning good looks (switching back to how he looked before Weapon X making his wife Shiklah estranged (then she married Dracula but thats beside the point)). Spider-Man is Peter’s “true self” or patronus for Harry Potter fans. Wade is stupid and hasn’t connected the dots yet, effectively making him the biggest simp in history. Seriously, who destroys their marriage for the c h a n c e for getting some with their idol? A Simp, that’s who.

Peter forgives Wade for killing him (and for saving him from killing their genetic daughter itsy-bitsy). If someone killed me they better be hot as fuck before I even thing about forgiving them. Ignoring Peter’s super sexy forgiving nature, uh, he’s kinda simping. 

Died in each others arms. Nothing else is needed. 

They’re heartmates. From what I read, the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. The witches (long story, comics are hard to explain) that captured deadpool were expecting his wife so they could get the headmistress back. Instead, they got Peter. Basically Heartmates = soulmates but chosen for you instead of chosen by you. 

To conclude my point: 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

[wizkiddx]

Congratulations on 500 followers!! Could you do nr 2 with Tom please <3

thankyou <33 im very in my feels abt friends to lover atm, so ik this is a completely unoriginal concept but here we are

warning: nothing much- maybe homesickness? (+ the fact tom has poor choice in popcorn )

^^^ sorry I couldn't not put this on here and I will reuse it lots n lots

/////////////////////////

“Right I got two options annnnddddd there is only one correct answer.” Tom hummed up at you, pulling his tired gaze away from the phone screen and up towards the kitchen where you were standing triumphantly - having just raided his cupboards. From behind your back you whipped out a bag of popcorn in each hand.

“Sweet…. or salty?” Sighing with a small chuckle Tom shook his head at your playfulness. He didn’t know how you did it but you always always made his smile.

“I’m not a psychopath…” You huffed in relief, already turning around to throw the salty back in the cupboard where it belonged. “So salty of course.”

You were trapped in a house with an absolute psychopath.

You scowled at him, for having such poor taste, expecting some sort of argument to start. That wasn’t the case though, instead he just stared at you expectantly.

He must really really be unhappy.

You’d sensed it on set that morning - it wasn’t hard to miss. Not when it was your best friend, who for the past two months you’d been spending at least 6 hours a day with whilst shooting. Even when you were supposed to have a day off, when Tom had some solo shots or vice versa, you’d still come to keep the other company. It didn’t make sense but you both just sort of liked it that way.

This wasn’t your first rodeo working together either. Your first joint project had been almost four years ago, when both of you were barely adults, still figuring everything out. Ever since it had been bumping into each other every so often, always with an easy and effortless relationship.

Your current director had noted your chemistry at an awards show (the man never switched off) and decided in that moment he HAD to cast you together for a project. And a year later, here you both were, shooting in Australia for what was set to be a record breaking new release.

And it had been going great - better than great even. But as soon as Tom had shown up to makeup this morning, you’d known something was up. It was fair to assume it was something from home, maybe even just a bit of homesickness, or perhaps something more severe. Either way, the situation was probably exacerbated by the fact he didn’t have his brother or bestfriend or manager or normal syltist with him right now. Tom was pretty renowned within the industry for always having a massive entourage - which was normally made up with his family and friends. This time though he was going it solo.

Today had been long and you’d had to do press at stupid oclock in the morning last night for your current release - which meant your plan had always been to leave promptly and collapse into bed as soon as physically possible.

But Tom needed your company. So you hadn’t. Instead, you’d somewhat subtly invited yourself to his rented house for a movie night - blaming it on your director wanting you both to study the relationship dynamics in ‘out of sight’ (a J Lo and Clooney romance movie).

“You think you know a person and then they loose all your respect… just like that.” You sigh jokingly, gesturing to the bag of ‘foul’ popcorn your costar seemed to like.

“Well we’ve come to a crossroads.”

“It’s been nice knowing you but this…” you scoffed and dramatically rolled your eyes “… I see no way out.”

“Isn’t it better if we have a bag each? Then I might manage to actually get some before you scoff them all.”

You yelped in protest, though really you were just grateful he was still up for a bit of a laugh. He had been much less jokey the whole day, though was seeming to warm up a bit.

Once you had poured the two bags of popcorn into two separate bowels and prepared the film on TV; you plopped yourself onto Tom’s sofa, so your back was against the corner and your feet were over his lap (it wasn’t weird, just normal for the two of you). Instinctively, Tom lightly grabbed your ankles, repositioning you on his thigh slightly before leaning across the pull the blanket over the both of you. Whilst he smoothed out the crinkles in the fluffy navy fabric you took the opportunity to poke your toe into his side - garnering his attention.

“I take it you don’t wanna talk about it?” After he froze, Tom then nodded jerkily. “But if you change your mind, you know I’m here right?” His demeanour changed at your second statement as his body literally sagged into the cushions, with a grateful if small smile.

He respond by mouthing an ‘I know’ and that was enough for you. Shuffling down the side a bit you pressed play, settling in for the evening. Tom still had a hand resting on your ankles, occasionally rubbing his thumb up and down the bony bit.

Honestly you didn’t really see what your director was going on about when he raved about their on screen chemistry and it seemed that neither did Tom. It wasn’t a scathing commentary that gave it away, instead it was his silence. Which you quickly realised was the he had drifted off, his head lolling a little so he was facing you, palms now completely lax on your legs. It was whilst you were just taking in the sight before you, that a buzzing cut through the otherwise soft noise from the TV - which you had turned down for Tom’s sake.

It wasn’t your phone but you instinctively still reached for it from the coffee table and seeing that the name just read “Harry H” you thought it’d be fine to answer.

“Harry?” You whispered into the receiver, slightly cupping your hand round your mouth just to make sure you weren’t too loud for Tom.

“Hello?”

“Harry it’s me”

“Who?” You’d met Harry countless times, though given the fact Tom had been alone all shoot - you shouldn’t of expected the kid to be able to recognise your voice.

“Oh sorry Y/n um Y/n L/n”

“Oh no my fault sorry Y/n. How are you?” The conversation was jilted, you could practically feel the awkward energy radiating all the way from the otherside of the world.

“I’m alright thanks, how about you.”

“Yeh not bad I uhm… I - is my brother there?” Oooh. How to answer that question.

“Um sort of, we er… we were having a movie night and he’s fallen asleep. It’s why I’m whispering like a weirdo.” Harry laughed at that and you continued. “Is everything okay? You need me to wake him?”

“No no, mum just said he was having a rough time so was going to cheer him up with my exquisite sense of humour but if you’ve bored him to death then no need.”

“What can I say I’m just talented. Anyway I should be heading back to mine anyway so um I’ll let you go?”

“Oh yeh no worries, and uhm thanks-um thanks for keeping an eye on him.”

“Someone has to” You chuckled softly back, before bidding a final farewell to Harry.

Having hung up the phone, you leaned over to gently place it back on the coffee table but making a mental note to put it on charge before you left. Your next job was to manoeuvre your legs away from him without disturbing him but before you could even start planning the movement, you noticed his weary eyes blinked over at you. Freezing, your mouth made a little ‘o’ shape as you winced at yourself for disrupting his peace - today really wasn’t the day for that. There was a silence as Tom swallowed thickly, attempting to shake off the heavy lull of rest before he spoke. “Will you stay with me… please.”

Undoubtedly, your body didn’t play it as cool as you wanted it to. Thinking you’d heard him wrong, your chin protruded forward and his eyes widened. “ Sorry not like-not like that just um-just on the sofa… theres-theres spare blankets and I can-“

“-course T, no worries…Oh and um your brother just phoned if you-“

“I know.” He spoke softly and with a nod, but didn’t move at all, apparently no interest in calling his brother back.

With a stammered nod, you stood up, finally removing your legs from his touch in order to nip to the loo. You splashed your face with water, ate some toothpaste ( better than not brushing your teeth at all) before going to collect Tom’s quilt off his bed. By the time you re-entered the living room, Tom hadn’t appeared to have moved at all. The hood of his purple jumped was still up, the blanket still only half covering him, the excess lying cold were you had been sitting. He laughed lightly at you trying to wrangle with the king size duvet and get it in without tripping over yourself or knocking anything over.

“You sure you don’t mind? I’m just being stupid and-“

“Honestly I’m too tired to walk back to mine so this is perfect.”

“You live across the road.”

“Thats like 50 steps too far.” You deadpanned back, as he raised his eyebrows and locked you direct eye contact - which you very stubbornly returned.

The both of you sat like that for a minute, Tom eventually gave up with a sigh as he motioned for you to lie back.

There wasn’t an issue at all with space. A listers rental homes were never lacking in space - the grey sofa was a U shape, with ample space for the both of you to lie down. Each of you took a respective corner, your legs meeting in the middle and gently brushing against each others.

“Thanks for babysitting me today by the way.”

“I wasn-“ You were about to deny it, except one look and Tom saw straight through you.

“Thankyou Y/n/n” Seeing there was no way out of receiving his thanks, you instead opted to just shut him up. Nudging his leg with yours and leaving it touching you murmured you last words of the evening - eyes already closed.

“Fuck off Holland, ‘m tryna sleep.”

~~~~ let me know if you have any feedback or anything (but pls not too mean this isn't proof read so blame that) <33 ~~~~~~

tagging : @thefernandasantana @lovehollandy12 @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove @msmimimerton @thegirlwiththeimpala

[like-rain-or-confetti]

A Story (Alec Volturi x Reader)

You opened your eyes, sitting up straight. Your back was stiff. You were in your bathtub, fully clothed, soaked. The bathwater threatening to spill over and freezing. You frowned. “I need to stop drinking.” You grumbled before rolling out of the tub. You groaned, too sore to even consider standing up. You’d clean the mess later. You crawled into your bedroom before flopping onto the floor. This had to be the last time you drank, it had to be. Better ignoring that you definitely could have drowned, since you were so intoxicated that you tried to take a bath and didn't even take off your clothes. You couldn’t even remember the night before so really, it wasn’t worth it. Whilst you didn’t have a headache, thankfully, you just felt tired...and cold. Phone, where was it? You groaned, a sudden feeling you had left it in the bathroom. You didn't see it around your room and it wasn't in any pockets thankfully. With a sigh, you figured you couldn’t avoid the day any longer, although it would be very nice to try. Regardless, you slowly got up and trudged back into the bathroom. 

Your phone was on the floor, next to the bath. A couple of water droplets lay on the screen but remained undamaged...although it had twenty percent battery left. You had two missed calls from Alice. You checked your texts to find none. You decided to call Carlisle who picked up after two rings.  “Hello?”  “Carlisle, it’s (Y/N).” You said.  “Hello, are you okay?”  “Yeah, i’m good. I just...do you know if i was drinking last night?” Carlisle seemed amused. “No, why?”  “Oh, no reason. I just, woke up weird and tired.”  “Im sure you could have done that without alcohol.”You could hear his smile in his voice. You hummed in amusement.  “Are you coming to visit today?”  “Yeah, I can do that.”  “I just wanted to check since you said you would yesterday?” Carlisle responded. “I did? I must have forgotten but yeah, i can do that. I’ll come over later. I’m going to take a nap first, okay?”  “Alright, I’ll see you soon.”  “Bye, Carlisle.” 

When you arrived at the Cullen’s, they seemed as though they were waiting.  “The Volturi are coming to visit.” Carlisle informed you.  “The who?” You made a face of confusion.  “The Volturi.”  “I’m going to assume thats some vampire friends i don’t know about.” You shrugged. Carlisle turned to you with a look of confusion of his own. “You’ve-” He paused. Carlisle's eyes widened, a sickening thought rushed through him. Panic rushed through Carlisle realising the likelihood of his thought become more and more likely. "Stay here for a while. We have guests, I believe you'll have met them before." Carlisle swallowed hard trying not to scare you. You lightly shrugged. 

A group of seven arrived, all dressed in black and grey with cloaks, varying in the same colours. You could tell they were an older coven with how they moved. You were given their names and noted the odd looks they gave you. You figured it was down to being human, you were a big no-no from what you remember. "Do you know these people?" Carlisle asked you before putting his hand into Aro's in a weird bizarre handshake. You shook your head. "No. We haven't met." Carlisle inhaled.

This made Esme step towards you. "(Y/N), why don't you help me in the kitchen?" She smiled. "Carlisle will get our guests settled in before you make their acquaintance." You nodded. "Sure thing, Esme." Without a second glance you turned, heading for the kitchen, Esme sending Carlisle a glance. 

Half an hour passed and Esme led you to the living room where the Volturi awaited your presence. Your eyes immediately shot to Carlisle, nervous about meeting his friends but he nodded in encouragement. The leader in the middle was the first to greet you. "You must be young (Y/N), we've heard so much about you. We are delighted to meet you. My name is Aro." "Hi...it's nice to meet you too." You nodded. He held out a hand and you hesitantly reached out thinking it was a handshake. Instead, he cradled your hand in his own briefly. A flicker of an unrecognisable emotion passing his face before his wide smile returned. "These are my brothers, Caius and Marcus." The two men beside him nodded to you and you offered them shy smiles. He gestured to who you were told were their guards. "This is Jane, Alec, Demetri and Felix." You nodded. "Hi." You said nervously as the four nodded at you. Later that night you huddled into your seat. "So you guys have been around for a long time?" You asked looking over the Volturi members. "Yes. Quite." Aro smiled slightly. "Do you guys have any good stories? Surely you've got at least one after all this time." The Volturi looked around amongst each other, Marcus kept his head down whilst the Cullen's looked around uncertain of how to continue the conversation. Marcus spoke up, meeting your gaze. "I have a story. It was quite some time ago but I believe it's one our coven cherishes." All eyes were on Marcus, uncertain just what he was doing. However, you seemed pleased. "I'd love to hear it...if you're willing to tell it." "I believe it would be a good one to tell." Marcus nodded. "This is a story about a human we once knew, one who after all this time will continue to be very special to us." 

(Y/N) caught Alec in their sights as he approached the door to the spare bedroom. "Alec!" They cried out with a grin. "You're here!" "So are you." Alec said peeking around the door. "What are you doing here? You don't live here." Alec couldn't help the amused smirk building upon his face as he watched (Y/N) struggle to reach for something on top of the closet. "I'm visiting but...! I can't reach my folder! I left it here the last time I stayed over. It has all my documents in there." With a defeated sigh, (Y/N) began to drag themselves down the closet doors. "I'd offer my assistance but I don't think I can't do anything without damaging furniture." Alec pondered. Alec's eyes suddenly glinted, clearly having an idea. "Come here." Alec bent down. "What am I doing?" They asked with confusion. "You're going to sit on my shoulders and I'll lift you up." Alec responded. (Y/N) made a noise of protest but couldn't think of a reason why. They couldn't necessarily tell him you were too heavy, tall or would hurt him given Alec was inhumanly strong. "...Promise you won't drop me?" They asked him. Alec looked unimpressed. "I have no reason to drop you now, come on." (Y/N) whined quietly in defeat once again moving to Alec. 

As they got into position they looked down at him nervously. "You're sure I won't hurt you?" (Y/N) asked and Alec rolled his eyes, wrapping his hands around their ankles and standing up with ease. (Y/N) squealed, although it seemed Alec was right. He wouldn't drop them. "Oh it's all the way at the back, I bet Emmett did that. Can you take a step forward please?" Alec complied and suddenly the folder was in arm's length. (Y/N) grabbed it. "Thank you!" "Did you know that it's very likely you couldn't get down now that I have a hold of your ankles?" Alec smirked and (Y/N)’s smile of accomplishment vanished. "You'd get tired quickly." They retorted. "Would I? Shall we see how long I last?" Alec responded. "If you don't put me down, I'll eventually pee on you. It's inevitable." Alec immediately pulled a face of disgust, crouching back down and letting (Y/N) stand up.  "So are you visiting the Cullen's or have you broke in? Oh! Oh! Did you run away from the Volturi and so have sought shelter with the Cullen's?" They asked. He scoffed. "My coven is visiting to check the progress of the hybrid." Alec answered. 

Later that night, (Y/N) and Alec were outside, sitting on the Cullen's balcony floor. "Why do you need those? Those documents?" Alec asked turning his head towards them. "Oh, it's just stuff to keep the state happy. It's documents saying that Carlisle is my emergency contact and stuff, he's my legal guardian though I'm not living with him. I'm in contact with him frequently and he gives me money for my house. All of that stuff. Boring really." "You still haven't been in contact with your parents?" Alec asked and (Y/N) smiled at him sadly before shaking their head. "You should reach out, (Y/N). The argument was a typical one. They have no reason to hold a grudge against their own child for this long over something so trivial." "It's a little more complicated than that. Although I guess deep down, I like to think that maybe I do have their forgiveness." They admitted. "You didn't do anything wrong. Besides, for the last option, you could always make them forget the argument ever happened and avoid the topic forever." Alec smirked at (Y/N) who playfully shoved him. "Thanks Alec." They said with sarcasm. "It'll be okay, I assure you." Alec said to them. "They'll come around if they aren't already waiting for you to come back to them." 

(Y/N)’s gift was phenomenal. Unique but dangerous due to its impact. They could make people forget things, everything really. Whether it were, events memories or thoughts, none of them were exempt. The only person it didn't work on was themselves. Since meeting the Cullen's and eventually Alec, (Y/N) had better control of their gift making them a very tempting addition to Aro's collection. Although that was still very much in discussion. Whilst they'd have to be changed at some point, it wasn't consensus that they were to join the Volturi. As a matter of fact, it was highly debated among both covens instead. 

"You talk about my ability like you can trust me with it. I'm still learning, you could be forgotten at any time." Alec chuckled. "First of all, it doesn't work on yourself. Secondly, you don't forget someone like me." Alec's smile faded. "Not for good reasons, might I add." "Good reasons for me... you've been nicer to me lately." (Y/N) said. "I'm trying...it's not your fault you're human." Alec smirked slightly. (Y/N) narrowed your eyes on him playfully. "It's all I can ask." Alec wasn't the most open individual nor the kindest. He certainly had nothing nice to say about (Y/N) when they first met. Although over time, he gradually warmed up to them- even if it was reluctantly. Now (Y/N) felt like Alec understood them better than anyone in the world and accepted them. It made their bond to him stronger than most bonds could ever be. (Y/N) was confident that a piece of them would always be connected to Alec, nothing could divide them from him.

None of the Volturi really understood why Carlisle had a form of guardianship over (Y/N) and what a conflict with their parents actually meant for them to no longer be around their parents. Whilst the Volturi wanted to respect their privacy, it was important to them if (Y/N) were to become a vampire eventually. It was necessary to have the details. Although even being close with Alec didn't give them any answers as (Y/N) never told him any complete details. 

There was an argument about (Y/N) wanting to be independent, treated less like a child and since then, they hadn't been near them since. Whilst this seemed logical that (Y/N) left, it didn't make sense why their parents hadn't reached out to them in so long. So much so (Y/N) was convinced that they couldn't be forgiven. 

Marcus asked (Y/N) about their parents when talking one night. "Do they know about your gift?" He asked. (Y/N) wanted to wince at the reference of their ability being a 'gift' when there was very little actually pleasant about it. "No, they don't. I never told them and after that argument, I guess I had made up my mind they could never know."  "Do you miss them?" Marcus asked. "I try to forget about them if I'm honest." (Y/N) answered. This response made Marcus tilt his head slightly. They looked at him, really scrutinizing him. Marcus was the most kind and gentle of the Volturi leaders. (Y/N) couldn't help but trust him, especially after he came to defence of their friendship with Alec to anyone who questioned it. Marcus had always made it clear that the bond Alec shared with them was undeniable. "Can I tell you the full story?" "If you wish." Marcus said quietly. 

(Y/N) could remember the moment that their house stopped being your home. Everything was as it always had been. Signs of life, nothing missing from it's usual place. However, it was no longer welcoming as it had been before. Even the photographs of (Y/N) and their family, scattered around the place. Things were different now. Instead of a family, there were just memories of one. It took some time for (Y/N) to understand how their gift worked. Although they were forced to learn the hard way. (Y/N) had been arguing with their parents when (Y/N) said something about forgetting (Y/N) ever existed. Their parents did. They never had any children by that name. Nor had they ever seen (Y/N) before. All memories of them gone in a matter of moments. From then on (Y/N) could only see their parents from a distance, outside their house. Their parents wondered why they had pictures with the strange person in their house and got rid of them too. "I wanted to remember every inch of them as they were. Their eyes, nose, mouth, hair. Every tiny detail, because I knew after today. I'd never see them again." (Y/N) told Marcus. "Why are you so determined to pretend this didn't happen rather than embrace it and carry on?" Marcus asked. There was a moment of silence. Neither of the two looking at one another. "You rejected Corin's gift when offered comfort after your loss. Why?" (Y/N) responded. Marcus thought about the answer but it didn't require much thought. He had spent decades thinking about that decision and why he made it. "Because I wanted to feel the pain. I didn't want to feel content about her death." (Y/N) thought over his answer before replying, sadness almost radiating from them. "See that's where you and I differ. I want nothing more than to forget." Their voice was quieter as they looked down at their hands. It was safe to say, Alec was furious at (Y/N) when he found they had left out such an important detail when it came to why their parents didn't speak to them. (Y/N) had more than one chance to tell him and they didn't. It felt like a betrayal, like they had lied. Alec only ever asked (Y/N) to be honest with him, no secrets. This secret was a pretty big one at the very least. (Y/N), on the other hand, didn't think anything wrong with that. They were allowed some privacy like every other person. They were sure Alec didn't tell them everything so why should they share something they simply hadn't been ready to speak about until that moment. It was how the argument had began and it seemed the more defensive (Y/N) got, the more angry Alec became. 

"This isn't a big deal, you're making something out of nothing!" (Y/N) said with exasperation. "It is something, (Y/N)! You didn't trust me with the full story and you told Marcus! Even Carlisle knew!" "Carlisle had to know!" (Y/N) argued back. "If he didn't I'd have been taken by social services! I told Marcus because I was ready to talk about it and I knew he wouldn't make a big deal out of it! It was nothing to do with trust!" Alec scoffed sending them a sneer. That was when their anger had begun to really build. "Am I honestly supposed to believe that you tell me everything!?" (Y/N) snapped. "That's different! There are parts of my life that aren't necessary and would only scare you." "Like your complete lack of trust and hatred towards humans for being burned at the stake? Like the dark, twisted things you and your coven have done in the name of justice?" "You don't know what you're talking about." Alec said icily. "You're just a little human who thinks they know everything when they know nothing. I have given you no reason not to trust me-" "Alec, I didn't do anything to you! Ever! I didn't accuse you of witch craft! So what did I ever do to you like the rest of the human population!?" Alec laughed darkly. "Of course, you wouldn't understand. How could I expect you to? You're only human." 

(Y/N) was stunned into silence before fury took over them. "You are cold." (Y/N) said, anger and disgust in their eyes. "Cold and empty. So empty you have to suck out the life of everyone around you to feel even an ounce of emotion. Perhaps that is what your village  saw in you! Perhaps that's what Aro sees in you! A monster just like the rest of your coven!" (Y/N) looked taken aback by their own words, stunned. When they saw the look of growing rage upon Alec's face, they knew they had done it again. Like they had with your parents, they lashed out with hurtful words they didn't mean. Alec was very hurt. (Y/N) knew by the emotion overpowering his stoic gaze. "I'm so sorry." (Y/N) whispered, their anger rushing away as they began to feel nothing but guilt. The look Alec gave (Y/N) could kill but instead he began to walk by them. (Y/N) reached out for him, grabbing his hand. "Alec, wait-" They began but gasped as they immediately felt cold numbness crawl up their arm. Alec roughly tore their hand off him and they were so caught off guard that they didn't even notice the slight pain you felt within their fingers. Suddenly (Y/N) felt like they were on fire. 

(Y/N) screamed, collapsing to the ground, seeing Jane was now beside her brother. The two watched (Y/N) scream without sympathy. "So that's how you really feel." Jane said simply. Alice and Carlisle were quick to rush by the twins and towards (Y/N). "Enough! Not in my house!" Carlisle barked.  The pain stopped, only (Y/N)’s hysterical crying being heard. "I didn't mean it!" They cried out as Alice pulled them into a hug, hushing them. "It's okay." She told (Y/N). "You're okay."

It was obvious that all the Cullen's and the Volturi knew what had happened and surprisingly enough the Volturi also seemed rather angry by (Y/N)’s outburst. Alec had made it known, (Y/N) wasn’t worth his time. (Y/N)’s true feelings had finally come to light. Yet none of the Volturi seemed to believe them when they said it wasn't true. Despite knowing (Y/N) sometimes said things they didn't mean. The last time they had seen their parents being one of them. 

It had been Marcus that suggested the two covens separated for the night for some space. Especially since the Volturi hadn't fed yet. However, much to (Y/N)’s surprise, someone of the Volturi had phoned the Cullen's. Whoever it was, was asking on the leaders behalf how they were. If (Y/N) had to guess it was Marcus. If they were hopeful, Alec would want to know too. (Y/N) stared at Carlisle, who stood at the entrance way. "Marcus wants to know if you're okay." Carlisle said. "However I'm not entirely sure what to tell him. So, how are you (Y/N)?" (Y/N) slowly met his eyes. They looked exhausted from how upset they had been. "Tell him what he wants to hear. Tell him that I'm fine." Their voice croaked slightly. "I don't think I can do that." Carlisle said softly. "Why?" (Y/N) responded flatly. "You're asking me to lie for you." Carlisle replied. "He thinks I'm a monster. So it's better he thinks that way." Carlisle began to protest but Esme appeared with the phone. "Would you be willing to speak to him?" Carlisle asked, taking the phone from Esme. Even as Carlisle put it on speaker, Marcus asked if (Y/N) was alright. He even acknowledged that Jane's behaviour wasn't necessary. Somewhat of an apology. However (Y/N) stayed put, simply staring at the phone. After another few moments of silence, Carlisle took the phone off speaker before putting the phone to his ear. "My apologies, Marcus. I don't think they're feeling well enough to come to the phone right now. They appreciate your concern." "Of course, Carlisle." Marcus responded. "I thought it best to express my concern given Jane's gift." Marcus lifted his gaze to the twins, Jane looking indifferent whilst Alec's eyes were latched onto Marcus. "Emotions are high right now, would you appreciate our return tomorrow?" "Of course." Carlisle responded. "I'm going to keep (Y/N) here over night to keep an eye on them but I'm sure they will be just fine." After some more conversation, Marcus bid farewell and hung up the phone. 

He turned to Alec. "I assure you, they didn't mean it." "That doesn't matter." Caius snapped. "They still said it." Marcus turned his gaze to Caius. "You suffer from the same flaw Caius. If anyone should be understanding, it's you." "Why should I take the time to understand? They're human. That's a waste of energy." Marcus turned back to Alec. "Trust me. I'd know if there were any truth in their words." 

"They're coming back tomorrow?" (Y/N) whispered. Carlisle nodded. "We can take you home before they get here if you like. However, I feel more comfortable keeping an eye on you tonight after..." Carlisle trailed off but (Y/N) knew. After Jane used her ability on them. (Y/N) nodded. They were given the option to stick around the next day. Although (Y/N) declined, deciding they'd go home instead. 

"I'll drop you off." Alice said brightly in attempt to keep the mood light. "Thanks." (Y/N) said quietly. Alice, Carlisle and Esme went quiet. "Let's go out the front." Alice smiled. "I'll go and get my keys and meet you at the car okay?" (Y/N) nodded. "Sure." "Come and visit tomorrow." Esme nodded to them with a smile, bringing (Y/N) into a hug. "Okay." They responded quietly, offering her a small brief smile before heading out the door. 

Just as the door shut behind (Y/N), the Volturi moved into the living room after being let in by Jasper. Carlisle was quick to welcome them. Before they could ask, Carlisle explained whilst Alice passed by with her keys in hand. "Alice will be back shortly. She's taking (Y/N) home." 

Alice grinned at (Y/N) as she walked down the path. "Alright, ready to go?" Even now she was trying to keep the mood light. (Y/N) nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for the ride." "Of course!" Alice responded. (Y/N) kept their eyes on her, not daring to look at the house until they were in the car. 

Two days passed and Alec still wasn't speaking to )Y/N). Although (Y/N) figured it would have been best if they were the one to reach out to him given the situation as well as knowing Alec wasn't necessarily one to do any kind of approaching unless it were to kill them. (Y/N) found him alone and decided that was a better opportunity than any. He sat his his back to them, seemingly reading in Carlisle's study. "Alec?" (Y/N) asked quietly. They didn't receive a response, not even the turn of his head. He remained unmoving. "Could we talk for a minute? I want to apologise again. I didn't mean it but I still said it and I shouldn't have. It was an awful thing to say and I'm so sorry." Their words still didn't earn even the turn of Alec's head. "I can't stand not talking to you." (Y/N) began. "You're my best friend and I miss you. I want to make it up to you. To show you that I’m sorry and that I'd never think such a thing of you." (Y/N) still received no response. They sighed. "I don't know what to do here." "What makes you think you can do anything?" Alec's voice was cold. Although (Y/N) considered it progress. Especially as he turned around to look at (Y/N). His face was unforgiving, gaze piercing and his mouth in a tight line. "We both know I'm going to hurt you regardless." Suddenly he was standing and slowly moving towards them. (Y/N) took a step back. "You're scaring me." They said, trying to maintain the distance. He looked at (Y/N) like he did everyone else. He looked at them like he wanted them to burn as he did, like (Y/N) deserved more than he ever did. Alec looked like he most certainly would hurt them or even kill them. "I didn't mean it!" (Y/N) pleaded. "I'm sorry!" Alec glared at (Y/N). "It was my fault. It won't happen again." (Y/N) faltered. "What?" “It’s my fault for thinking you were different from any other disgusting wretched human!” Alec had most certainly returned the favour, his words cut (Y/N) to the core. They felt tears well up in their eyes. "Get out." Alec snarled and they did. Without question. 

Another day or so passed and (Y/N) had an idea of how to fix all of it. Once again, (Y/N) waited until he was alone, this time he was outside by the tree line before the woods. "I'm mad at myself too, you know." (Y/N) began, crossing your arms over your chest. "I felt the same way when I made my parents forget about me. The confusion and fear they had to see someone claim to be their child, have photographs with them but have no recollection of them ever existing. I was so angry with myself for saying what I did and I'm even more angry that I did it again but this time to you. I meant what I said Alec. You're my best friend. What I'm trying to say is that I get it, if you hate me. I understand. Although I really do want to try anything I can to make this up to you." His back was still towards (Y/N). "You won't even look at me." (Y/N) said quietly. Alec turned to look at them with an empty stare. "Alec..." (Y/N) trailed off. "I want you to forget this happened." "What?" Alec's eyes narrowed on them. "I want you to be happy. I never wanted to hurt you. So I want you to forget-" "No!" Alec covered his ears and shut his eyes tightly. "Alec, look at me." (Y/N) stepped closer. "No! Get back!" Alec yelled. That was when Carlisle hurried in between them both. "What is it?" Carlisle asked, looking between them both. "They're trying to make me forget!" "It's better this way!" (Y/N) pleaded to Carlisle. "I never meant for any of this and it's hurting him! I can fix it!" "(Y/N), I want you to listen to me very carefully." Carlisle began, blocking them from Alec. “These thoughts, these memories, they don’t belong to you. They are not yours to take." "I-" (Y/N) struggled to respond. Feeling both the eyes of Alec and Carlisle on them. Carlisle put his hands on their shoulders. "This isn't the way." "I can't believe you!" Alec spat. "This is how you want to make it up to me? Wipe my memory and pretend it never happened!?" (Y/N) could see the hatred in Alec's eyes. Any second chance he had considered was long gone. 

In that moment (Y/N) gave in. They knew they couldn't fix it. (Y/N) couldn't make it up to him and he wasn't willing to forget. It was over. Jane was the first to storm up to (Y/N) when they came back into the house. She was immediately held back and to their surprise she didn't use her gift.  However, she did rant that they were lucky she couldn't slap you at the very least. Although she didn't need to. (Y/N) was suffering enough. They didn't look at anyone, instead walking out the front door. Alec and Carlisle entered the house, Alec yelling in outrage. Carlisle simply wasn't listening to him. His eyes immediately searching for (Y/N). "They left...what happened?" Rosalie asked. Carlisle said nothing, rushing out the door after (Y/N). 

It was night time and most certainly not safe for them to walk home alone but they were determined to. Tears running down their cheeks, arms crossed over their chest as they briskly walked down the road. "(Y/N)!" They heard Carlisle call out behind them. (Y/N) didn't respond, continuing to walk away. Suddenly Carlisle was behind them, tugging them back. "(Y/N), it's not safe out here. Come back inside, we can figure-" "No!" (Y/N) shouted back. "Get off of me! I'm going home!" "Let me take you home then, come back to the car." Carlisle said. "I'm not going back in there! I’ve lost everything! It's my fault! I lost my friend, I lost my parents and there's no one else to blame but myself!" (Y/N) yelled. "(Y/N), you are a wonderful person with a remarkable gift. You just need some guidance. We can help you, just come back. I'll take you home!" Carlisle pleaded. "You know what the cruel part about my gift is Carlisle?" (Y/N) said significantly more quiet, an eerie calmness taking over them. "I can't use it on myself. I can make everyone around me forget anything but the one who wants to forget the most is me." (Y/N) took a step forward. "Can you take me home please?" Carlisle nodded. 

Outside (Y/N)’s house, Carlisle pulled over. "Come to the house tomorrow. We'll have something figured out by morning." (Y/N) sighed before nodding. "Alright, I'll do it." "This will improve, (Y/N). We'll talk things over with them." Carlisle assured them. "Yeah, just at what cost?" (Y/N) mumbled. "I lost my friend. Alec will never speak to me again." "You don't know that." Carlisle responded hurriedly. "I do." (Y/N) said. "I'm just going to sleep this off. I'll see you tomorrow." 

(Y/N) decided to run a bath later that night. Kneeling on the floor they turned on the tap which began to fill the tub. They felt the weight of every decision they had made on their body and no longer could they even cry about it. Whilst (Y/N) thought a bath would be best, they didn't really care about it being too warm or too cold. As a matter of fact, they didn't think further than the action itself. 

"They hurt me." Alec ground out. Marcus wanted Alec to see reason. Not only that, Marcus wanted Alec to admit the reality of the situation and not hide from it. It was of no surprise to him considering (Y/N) was the first proper friend Alec had, the closest anyone had ever come to the twins. "Just as you hurt them." Marcus replied. "You've hurt many people, Alec. (Y/N) is one of many on that list. Yet regardless, they want you in their life. They want your friendship. You want to punish them but you don't realise they've already punished themselves. More so than is necessary. Furthermore, you aren't just punishing (Y/N), you're punishing yourself. I know you want to be their friend but you won't let yourself." "They-" "You're torturing yourself as much as your torturing them." Marcus said simply. "I think they frightened you, boy. I think you forgave them the minute they said it and that frightened you." Alec didn't have a response. As much as he tried. He couldn't tell Marcus he was wrong because he wasn't. "I can't trust them." Alec responded. "You can. You simply won't. They said awful things but still want you in their life. Apologizing the minute it was said. You've never experienced that and it bothers you that it makes it difficult to act in your usual response." "I don't know how." Alec said after a moment of silence. "I don't know how to show that I care about them and I don't know how to show it when I forgive them. I'm so used to pushing people away that...I don't know how to let people in." "You tell them." Marcus responded. "Even if it means you need to say it to yourself first. Put down the weight of the past. Even if it's only for them." Silence filled the room. "I forgive them." Alec said under his breath, it was quiet, barely audible but there none the less. 

Alice tilted her head, staring at nothing in particular. “What is it Alice?” Jasper asked. “I think i should check on (Y/N).” She responded. “I can’t be sure but i think something is wrong.”  “They’re upset.” Carlisle responded. “Do you suspect they’re in danger?” Alice tilted her head again. “I don’t think so. It’s hard to tell, I see them and then it just goes black.”  “Why not give them a call?” Esme asked lightly. Alice nodded, immediately going for her phone. 

(Y/N)’s phone buzzed beside them, as they sat and watched the running tap. It was a text from Bella, telling them that Jake and the pack were around the area, making sure they knew the Volturi wouldn’t come within their vicinity for the night. (Y/N) was about to respond when they got a phone call from Alice.  “Hello?” (Y/N) answered.  “Hi (Y/N), I just wanted to check in with you since things didn’t end too well tonight.” They paused and Alice noticed. “They’re just leaving now for the night.” Alice said, locking eyes with Alec as the Volturi moved towards the door.  “I’ll be fine.” (Y/N) responded.  “I... thought i had a vision of you but, I couldn’t see anything.” (Y/N) smiled slightly with a hum of amusement. “You don’t need to look out for me, Alice. I’m just going to go for a bath and head to bed.”  “Are you sure?” Alice asked.  “Of course. Besides, I’ve already began running the water...as you know.” Alice hummed quietly in amusement. “This will be fixed tomorrow.” (Y/N) swallowed. “I know.” (Y/N) said quietly.  “It’s a good sign they want to see you, you know?” Alice said.  “I can only hope.” They said simply.  “Anyway, get some sleep and i’ll speak to you tomorrow, yeah?”  “Yeah, have a good night Alice.”  “See you tomorrow, (Y/N).” 

When (Y/N) hung up the phone, a tear ran down their cheek. ‘disgusting wretched human!’ Alec’s voice rang in their head. (Y/N) put their phone on the floor next to them. (Y/N) felt their clothes stick to them as they sank into the water, leaning back in the bath. The calm luke-warm water peaceful, like their mind. (Y/N) felt a tear run down their cheek. (Y/N) shook their head biting back their tears. Before any more could fall, (Y/N) slowly sank underneath the water. After a brief moment,(Y/N) sat up, their hair dripped as they felt another wave of calm wash over them. (Y/N) noticed a reflection of the ceiling along the water. An idea rushed to their mind and that was when they knew, what they had to do. (Y/N) hunched over slightly, arms moving to the edge of the tub, more droplets falling down the sides. They looked at their reflection.  “You’re going to forget. You’re going to forget the Volturi, forget what happened. You’ll forget ever meeting them. You’re going to forget that you have a gift to make people forget things. You won’t think to even question it. If it’s brought up. It’ll be like a dream, or story that you made up. You’ll forget ever using it, you wont remember to question why your parents aren't around.” It wasn’t known when (Y/N) had stopped repeating those very words. Although it wouldn’t concern them, they’d forgotten they had ever done it. "If only (Y/N) would have waited. If only we were quicker. Then maybe we would have had the time to tell them that they were forgiven. That for some of us, there was nothing to forgive. Maybe if we had spent more thought, we'd have known how much hurt they truly felt. However by then, it was too late what was done was done. They'd forgotten who we were, forgotten what they had done and all the details in between, washed away by their gift. We'd never know if such a gift could be reversed but could only hope that they've found peace and happiness. They'd live out their life, never knowing the happiness they gave and the joy they spread to many."  Marcus finished.

Many in the room couldn't help but glance at you, wanting to see your reaction. Perhaps a flicker of recognition would show. Your head lowered and the two covens seemed almost hopeful. You lifted your head, wiping your eyes. "That's sad. I hoped for a happy ending." A pang hit some of their chests, that statement had remained the same even before you had forgotten. A quiet hum escaped you. "You know it's strange, you said the humans name was (Y/N). My name is (Y/N) too." "Oh?" Marcus responded lightly with a ghost of a smile. You nodded. "It's a funny coincidence, I suppose." You looked at Marcus with uncertainty. "I feel like I should hug you...?" You began. Marcus cracked a small smile. "That's alright." Marcus stood up and you met him half way.  The room was quiet, even after you both separated. 

You moved into the kitchen to refill your glass of water when you jumped. Alec was so quiet you had no clue he was even in there. "You scared me!" You laughed, a hand going to your chest. "Sorry." Alec felt a pang in his chest, remembering how tried to apologise to him and he completely rejected you. This time you were apologizing for nothing. In your eyes, you had apologised to a complete stranger and that broke Alec's heart. He wished he could turn back time, assure you that you were forgiven, that you'd always be his friend. He missed that chance, you got so good at your own gift you figured out a way to use it on yourself. "Alec, yeah?" You asked. Alec nodded. "I'm getting better at names." You smirked, pleased with yourself. "The human in Marcus' story was your friend right?" You asked nonchalantly as you filled your glass. "Yes." Alec responded. "Can I ask you something?" You turned, now with a full glass with a small smile on your face. Alec knew that smile well that you had sent him. It was the polite smile you wore to anyone you didn't know. In the hopes that it would cover up how nervous you actually are about meeting new people. "Yes." Alec said again, not entirely ready for the question but whatever it was, it meant you'd stay in the conversation. For all he knew, that last conversation he'd have with you. "Were they nice? Your friend?" You might as well have stabbed him in the chest in that moment. Alec did his best to hide it. "They were wonderful. The best friend I could have ever had." Alec responded. You slowly nodded, contemplating his answer. "That's nice. Anyway, I won't bother you anymore." You smiled, raising your glass. "See you around." You turned and walked out the room without even a second glance. Leaving Alec standing in the kitchen, alone once again. Jane moved passed (Y/N), casting them a quick look before entering the kitchen towards her brother. She said nothing as Alec looked at her. For what could she honestly say? "They forgot me." Alec said quietly.

[1centillion]

Two things u thought were related might not be (i.e. body insecurity and body envy).

Relation between customer and farmers market seller. Is it awk bc you feel compelled to talk (by your own code you know you should be). alas the freedom of a grocery store and the ability to stare into your cart as long as you need and put things back. Back when people knew their grocers, was it less transactional with none of the awk? You saw them every week and a relationship must eventually get born. Since theres more routine, each trip probably has less variation (comp to your present day grocery trips where i buy fuck all) and maybe your grocer grows to inform you and your kitchen of what to make and how to make dinner

Walking around downtown, passing me is a well put together woman. Great hair, dream body excellent taste. She's really executing my ideal personal style but at a bettter rate. I am jealous of her. I want to look like her? I want to be her? Why? Your first assumption is that shes rich and pretty. A) remember that looks can be deceiving, you dont know anything about her, even if she was rich and pretty she could have a personality that you wouldnt trade for. But even if she did 2) why do you want to be her? what does she have that you want? you wish you had her clothing? you can. you know you can you know how to shop. find the pieces or sse that you liked and wear them together. You think youre missing out because you dont get to have the rest of her wardrobe. You think there must be pieces that youll like even better. Babe remember that the life unlived doesnt need to be examined. you want to be skinny like her? Figure that one out thats lame and not qualified to spark intense jealousy. Truly, this envy just means you think she looks great and youre inspired by her style. [Just realized idk if i bought those 3 silver rings bc i like how they look on my hand or bc i was trying to replicate someone else's beauty on my body (like, ive seen photos of ringed fingers that i like but idk if my hands and my ideal style vibe with that)] you want to live her life? Bc you think it must be more fun or glamourous or something? See my response re:the clothing its the same thing. If you want to work less or take a vacation, do it. Find a new job and you dont even want to go to fiji so dont be sweaty bc she does and you dont.

Seeing a couple in a movie get together and the story of their romance is epic. Jealousy? Yearning? Not fuel in me right now to dissect this. Is this something you want for yourself? Why?

Seeing a well dressed couple together in the street. Flash of jealousy but theres no fuel to really keep it going. Boredom. Rather than feel like you are missing out on the option to be loved and envied, be willing to appreciate the beauty they are the world. You see human forms and think that you could be in one of their places. But their love is not a beauty that you have as a theoretical possibility to wear, their love is like jun's cats living in the kitchen or a forrest on a mountain with a sunset. Coo and admire it, let your day be brightened by them.

Going to a bar alone. Apprehensive because you assume people will think youre weird. You dont have to go to a bar and put on a production of yourself so that someone thinks youre smart and comes to talk to you. Since overcoming my desire to date, this instinct has been less prevalent for me so im not going to spend much time on this. A fun way to be at a bar alone would be to look at tumblr and people watch. If its quiet, listen to music or listen to the bars music! Drop the desire to meet new people

Mushroom seller at the larchmont farmers market. smart to not approach. You didnt want mushrooms at all. You wanted to go so that hed approach you and chit chat. And if you did, most likely it would have just been regular pleasantries between farmers market guy and potential customer. And youre too shy to have been able to bare speaking to himanyways! If you werent and if the best theoretical scenario happened, itd be like: you approach the stall and conversation is struck up. You are nervous to be speaking to someone so cute. You experience shy ness. This is normal. Its only because you do not know him! And thats okay. Hes charming but not so charming youd want to date and would like your phone number. "Id love to be friends but to let you know, im not looking to date. Apologies for being presumptuous!" Honesty is the best policy. If he doesnt want your number anymore then it really is best and most relieving for all parties. Hes charming and youd like to get to know him better but you dont think youd like to date but youre willing to give it a try and he would like your phone number. Go on that first date and have fun! First date doesnt mean you have to lock him down, go have fun since youve already met you know the conversation wont be insufferable at least. Hes charming and his personality is even more charming and you want to date. If he doesnt ask for your number, thats okay cant win em all. Also in this scenario he's charming but not so charming youd ask for his number. If he asks for your number and a date, go on the date! Youre going to be so nervous and thats normal. Youll be more aware of yourself (compared to the date from prev theoretical) but thats normal too. Have fun! At the end of the day, you wanted the mushroom seller to talk to you because you wanted the compliment of looking interesting and pretty. Which is fine but cant let it result in a loss of cash or time.

Oh btw u def bought two loaves of bread bc you were worried about what they were thinking of you (wrong motivation) which led to over eating bread since you had too much in the house (lame consequence) you know what you want to do. Do not stray. Do not revert to old habits, shake off the flinch and execute. Ugh it *is* guilt inducing to walk up to a stall without buying anything. And you feel that way bc youve been a girl scout manning a booth that gets overlooked. Its fine to feel this but you have to balance your actions with your desires. If the feeling is so strong that day, pick a baker and buy their loaf and thats it dont worry about missing out on other bread. If you are curious about the bread, steel yourself against the guilt. Do not overspend and over exert yourself for such silly a reason.

[probably-haven]

Hello!

So I’m the anon who asked for more Archon War Venti headcanons and I just loved it! I really like reading your headcanons cuz some of them are similar to mine but mostly are headcanons that I didn’t think of so it really is nice to read and see your thoughts about Venti!

I feel like as if I’m asking too much but could you keep doing these types of headcanons? Like it doesn’t have to be Archon War headcanons but like some headcanons about Venti’s relationship with the Ragnvindrs and Gunnhildrs. Because the first Gunnhildr was the first one who prayed to Barbatos and the first Ragnvindr was his friend who left but came back and I really wanna hear your thoughts on that!

And I’ve decided to get off anon cuz you just replied to my texts and I wasn’t expecting that so I’ve got a short confidence boost that I am completely taking advantage of! And thanks for the advice! or uhh comment? observation? I’m not entirely sure but thank you for that! I’ve heard that be said to me a few times and I have been trying to be more, uhh, assertive so thanks for that!

rfouierjkhfkecs i actually came across information on Gunnhildr and the "Red-haired warrior" yesterday when i was doing more research into the rebellion against Decarabian and I was like "wow this would be really fucking fun to research and theorize on, but its too specific/niche to include unprompted no matter how much i want to" but bestie you prompted, and im literally so happy right now because I didn't think I'd ever really get the chance to post about them!

also lmao yeah, i tend to try and reply to as much as I can, since it's a good feeling when someone does and all. but yeah, no problem! I’m glad you felt confident enough to reveal XD. 

This may be structured a bit more like analysis/theory/just citing canon things at first before it gets into a more headcanony format.

ehe i have so much free reign on this it's lovely

More Archon War Era Venti: one two three

spoilers for Venti's backstory and Diluc's(kinda, i think, just in case)

first things first, laying down some canon background because before yesterday i hadn't heard of either of them outside of that one cutscene.

the very reason Decarabian had his storm wall up in the first place was because at the time Andrius had declared war on him- and his tower, and the city of Mondstadt by extent, were basically constantly under attack by Andrius's blizzards, which since he was still alive back then, were a lot bigger and covered basically what seems to be the whole of Mondstadt outside the barrier.

This meant that people had two options. Live in the city under Decarabian's oppression, or live outside the barrier, and brave the blizzards of a warring god... which was not a good idea

but the Gunnhildr clan(not yet called that) tried- and they almost died because of it. In the midst of a blizzard, the clan chief's daughter, named Gunnhildr(which the clan would be named after later) sent out a prayer that was heard by a wandering wind spirit. And the faith of that prayer gave the spirit enough power to create a small shelter to protect them.

When her father past, she became the new leader and also a priestess. She would later lead the clan to fight Decarabian alongside four others. And basically the Gunnhildr Clan ended up as like sworn protectors of Mondstadt

-

as for the red-haired warrior, who is basically assumed to be the earliest known ancestor of the Ragnvindir clan(im gonna refer to as Ragnvindir for convenience sake, even though "Ragnvindir" is technically a different character from Vanessa's era)theres not much information on him, but heres what i have from the various wiki's

- he was a wanderer

- one of the first to use the sign of windblume to find other rebels(so he's intelligent)

- actively propped up the nameless bard so he could watch as the tower was destroyed

there's this little tidbit too from the Windblume Ode bow's description that im probably gonna talk about a considerable amount too: "Atop the ruins of the ancient tower, amidst the cheers, songs, and tears of those who had newly won their freedom. A red-haired warrior turned his back on the newborn god, hidden like a single raindrop in a tidal wave of humanity. He was first among those who passed the secret sign of Windblume, the one who wove threads of dawn throughout the long night. His name has since been lost to time, but his deeds are still remembered in song." followed later by "The fate of this clan will likely never change: they shall ever live in the darkness and bring forth the flame of dawn."

-

Now I'm going to start with the Ragnvindir(geez, why's it spelled like that tho)

My idea of his character is basically formed by a mix of Ragnvindir stereotypes and just generally analyzing text.

So what do we know about Ragnvindir's for sure? they are shady motherfuckers- or at least they rarely operate in the spotlight. also damn, these guys are more cursed than anemo vision wielders- like the only one who didn't canonically lose someone close to them was Crepus, but considering that Diluc doesn't exactly have a mom..... he probably did

so what do we know? - he was close with the nameless bard - he was intelligent - he likely operated primarily from the shadows "ever living in the darkness" - he was a wanderer - he abandoned Venti during the celebration - but his deeds were still remembered in song, so Venti and him were likely still close

now the question of the century: how will i choose to interpret "turned his back on the newborn god"? And honestly, I'm- not sure- at first i assumed he abandoned him completely- but Venti did still make sure to carry on his memory- which could just be Venti being Venti, but for the sake of sanity, this is how I'm interpreting it.

A lot of things happened to the Ragnvindir that day. He lost a friend, saw another become a god to replace the one they had conquered, and he saw his goal, his reason for being in Mondstadt, come to fruition. "see the world through my eyes" the bard had said, and the Ragnvindir had been a wanderer even before. Sure, the people had won freedom, and that was to be celebrated, but he's intelligent to recognize that people would likely see him as one of the key figures in leading the rebellion. And for him this was a solemn time, and ending to a chapter, and not being one to operate in the spotlight, the last thing he'd want is to be swept up in festivities and attention at a time like this.

It also likely didn't help that he's probably smart enough to understand the idea of "power corrupts," and seeing the wind sprite just readily accept the mantle of Archon was likely not the most comforting thing to happen in the given situation after all. But Decarabian was gone, and Andrius had ceased his blizzards, so without a word, he slipped into the crowd and left, a wanderer once more.

-

now back to Gunnhildr

she was the first to receive an anemo vision from Barbatos, no I do not take criticism on this "the power bestowed on her by Barbatos" like please, they basically said it.

It also mentions that she crowned Venti with laurels(symbol of vistory) after the battle- the book Biography of Gunnhildr additionally says "the Gunnhildr Clan will continue honoring the legacy of its ancestors and its duty to the Anemo Archon: to protect Mondstadt, the land and all who inhabit it, forever."

I really like this because it conveniently ties into my past headcanon about Venti granting visions to the people of Mondstadt and having them be the ones to erect wind barriers and defend the city in his absence.

So in the Archon War I like to imagine that the Gunnhildr clan had a lot of people who were actually granted visions and were basically in charge of protecting it from those who would attempt to ambush them.

Mondstadt essentially became known for this- the fact that the mortals within it were strong enough to fend off the force of a god without support from their own.

but regardless, Gunnhildr, as she had before, served as a priestess to Barbatos, the closest thing that Mondstadt had to a ruler, and yet she only took charge of prayer and protection.... i hate to just- equate them to their descendants- but to an extent- her role was kind of like a merge between Jean and Barbara- Except with a whole lot less structure.... i really dont want their characters to just be carbon copies of the descendants but- c'mon, the comparison was right there.

anyways besties- back to Venti so i can tie them in

The Archon War was one of the worst times for Venti in his entire life thus far. And the time immediately after Decarbian's fall, while Gunnhildr and the Ragnvindir were still alive, was the key period of time in which things could have gone very differently.

Venti is the god of freedom. That's a reoccurring theme and I think I've made that abundantly clear. But during this time, Venti was anything but free.

I've mentioned before how he would stay far from the city of Mondstadt so the shockwave of his death wouldn't reach him, should he fall.... well- Venti is new to a lot of things- godhood- humanity- war- freedom- and at this point he was trying hard to figure out how to be Mondstadt's god without becoming Decarabian, and while still being able to survive, and make sure they survived, and see the world for his friend, and carry on his friends legacy.

And this is a lot of stuff for what was once a carefree elemental being, and there were certain things that had to be done for this to happen. He couldn't just stay in Mondstadt, or he would grow weak and his people would be vulnerable to attack, but he couldn't abandon it, because despite being able to fend for themselves, there's always hat just in case. He couldn't stay in any one place outside of Mondstadt for very long or he'd be found and killed. He knew in order for Mondstadt to survive he would have to take an active role in the war, strengthen himself so he could defend Mondstadt, and thats exactly what he did.

He started by going after the less powerful gods, ones he had a chance at beating with the power he got from the Gunnhildr clan and the rest of Mond, and by wiping them out, he would grow stronger, so he kept it up- working his way up the metaphorical ladder.

but he couldn't let anyone near him either, because he knew just what would happen if he was attacked then. Were it not for Gunnhildr's prayer, the early years of the Archon War would have been without contest the loneliest time of his life, and there would be nothing he could do about it, bound by survival and his attachment to the legacy of his friend, constantly fearing for his life and going against his very nature as the god of freedom. Frankly thrust into that circumstance that early on, and having to face it alone, it's likely that Venti would have caved under the pressure and dropped his attachment to either his survival, or to his friends legacy... or just something entirely worse(isolation messes with brains) so I'm attributing the fact that he didn't do that to Gunnhildr's companionship, speaking to him and guiding him through it as he had guided her through the blizzard some time ago.

I also like to think that she's responsible for founding at least a number of the different celebrations that still happen in Mondstadt even now.

Ugh supportive warrior priestess- we stan

anyway meanwhile! we got the Ragnvindir

He hears about Venti taking part in the Archon war during his wanderings and returns to Mondstadt to check in, wary of what he might find.

Venti, who hadn't seen him since the rebellion, is elated to say the least and they do a bit of catching up because they need it

and then the conversation turns more serious, and the Ragnvindir brings up a third thing that Venti needs to hold onto- his humanity.

See, in the early years, just desperate to get a foothold on the world, Venti's first number of targets were just indiscriminately going after those he knew to be weaker than him, and the Ragnvindir points this out, saying that while it's not necessarily bad, if he keeps doing it, it won't be long until he causes his and, by extent, Mondstadt's legacy to be tainted by a reputation for slaughter, no better than any of the other bloodthirsty gods that frequented the war's fields. "Think of what the bard would do, we were both close enough to do that much"

And Venti becomes yet more caged, but recognizes that he's right, and this is another turning point, that in the coming years would keep Venti from losing himself.

also- Gunnhildr, Venti having told her about the Ragnvindir's concerns that he now shared, probably organized some kind of event (not unlike the right of part, but also, yes unlike it) that was deliberately intended and designs to serve as an excuse that Venti could chose to take to visit Mondstadt, something she know he desperately wanted to do, but wouldn't allow himself for fear of putting them in danger. But if she made it an official celebration, then it would give Venti the opportunity to visit his people again, under the guise of it being a responsibility, not having to deal with the moral implications of doing so at a time when he was already dealing with enough of those already.

Also on his travels, the Ragnvindir probably started and spread a number of rumors that could end up working in Venti's favor, not that anyone ever knew it was him of course.

basically Gunnhildr protected the people of Mondstadt and did all she could to keep everyone in as high spirits as possible, Venti included.

And as for the Ragnvindir, he took a more realistic approach, traveling and getting venti followers in far places, spreading false information about him, and just overall making sure that Venti didn't do things he'd regret.

And when they died, Venti would carry their legacy with him as well, not losing his humanity to the tide of war as he very nearly had(though he still often came close), and trying to spreading high spirits where ever he could without fail.

[satoruvt]

for a moment i forget to worry

pairing → xu minghao x reader

word count → 3196

genre → fluff + angst, college au ↳ tags: strangers to friends to lovers </3, college kinda sux, ROOMMATE CHAN MAKES AN APPEARANCE OR TWO, dance major minghao, reader is completely lost but its ok who isnt, lots of cute couple stuff, pov ur entire relationship with minghao. thats it, a sad break up scene, a solid amount of crying

summary → there’s something about minghao. maybe it’s the way he dances, vibrant and youthful, or maybe it’s the way he loves you. based off of hunger by florence + the machine.

warnings → i hint at sex but its pretty vague, i also mention a breakdown type deal (revolving around school/life after school)

a/n → first of all this was NOT supposed to be 3k words i dont know how it happened. second of all i’m only kind of happy with this HAHA i feel like the story itself isnt bad but i wanted it to match the song more ... idk :/ i hope u guys like it regardless !!!

pieces of you masterlist

The first time you see him is by accident.

Really - all you’re doing is trying to find Chan. You’re passing by the practice rooms, looking into them in hope he’ll be there, stopping to gaze at decorations and medals and trophies lined up on the walls. It’s when you approach a room that music plays from that you think you’ve found Chan, but when you gaze in, it’s definitely not him.

You don’t know who it is, but he moves like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

It’s hypnotizing, almost makes you want to drop your things and dance with him. There’s a sense of youth that comes from him and it’s almost overwhelming - but it’s not in energy, necessarily, but rather from the precision of his movements, the technicalities that he seems to both follow and break at the same time. Something vibrant seeps out between the seams of his body, colors you can barely recognize as they splash against anything they can reach. It’s almost tangible. 

You watch him long enough for him to finish his performance (an unknowing one) with the last notes of a song you forgot was even playing. His eyes meet with yours, slow as he completes an eloquent turn, and at the same time, a hand meets your shoulder.

A small wave of embarrassment washes over you, and you turn towards whoever touched you, effectively breaking eye contact. “What are you doing here?” Chan asks, hair still wet from what you assume was a shower.

“Looking for you,” you tell him, following as he starts to walk towards the exit. “I wanted lunch, and you owe me for that time I took your British literature quiz for you.”

Chan groans but agrees to pay, and you laugh, though the world seems a little paler than it did a few moments ago.

The second time you see him is by chance.

(Maybe.)

You’re waiting for a lecture to start, tapping your fingers against your laptop idly as you watch students trickle in last minute. It’s not a strict course, but it does start at nine in the morning, and most everyone shows up with a coffee.

You look down to brush a stray hair off of your table, and when you look up again, the dancer from before walks through the door, then looks right at you.

You feel a blush heat your face and it’s like he wants to make sure that you know that he knows, because he almost refuses to look away. You break eye contact first (like the last time, you remember for no reason) but still watch as his figure moves up the stairs, past the rows, and you hope he’ll just move past you too…

He doesn’t. He takes the empty seat right next to yours, and you don’t say anything, instead finding the peeling sticker on your laptop incredibly interesting. The professor comes in and decides that today he’ll take extra long to set everything up, apparently, and you want to scream.

“So,” the dancer says, voice quiet. It takes your breath away, the way he sounds. “Mind if I ask why you were watching me the other day?”

You cast a glance at him - not too long, you don’t think you could handle more than five seconds tops - and finally open your laptop so it makes you look busy. “I was waiting for a friend.”

“And?”

The smile in his voice is palpable. You’re already exasperated.

“You…” you start, finally deciding to look at him as some sort of subconscious power move. “You’re a beautiful dancer. It was hard not to watch.”

Beautiful doesn’t even cover half of it, but you figure he already thinks you’re weird for watching him, so you hold back the thoughts of youth and vibrancy and color. The dancer looks at you, almost blank for a moment, before a soft smile draws itself on his face. It makes your heart beat a little faster. He says “thank you” with a gentle tone, sincerely felt.

The class starts, and the two of you don’t speak throughout the next hour and a half. You type out notes on your laptop and you see him write down names of the paintings being shown on the projector, little thoughts and notes written afterwards.

By the end of class, your professor assigns an optional partnered project, and you’re more than prepared to head back to your apartment and start on it yourself. The dancer stops you before you leave, however, asks if you’d like to be his partner.

(And he says it like that, would you like to be my partner, polite and somehow sweet.)

You know your answer. “I don’t even know your name,” you stall, standing from your chair. 

“Minghao,” he tells you. “I’m Minghao, and I’d like for you to be my partner.”

You say yes easily, put your number into his contacts even easier. The sky is blue when you leave the lecture hall, trees dotted with pink and purple flowers, and it is all so bright that you forget it wasn’t this way in the first place.

The third time you see him is for school.

Underneath the excitement of giving Minghao your number, there is the knowledge that it’s for the sake of an assignment. He texts you the day after to ask if you’re free to meet up to work and you tell him sure.

(Sure is what you send back, but he doesn’t have to know that you burst into Chan’s room immediately after, plunging face first into his bed just to scream into his pillows. Chan had sighed, turned around in his desk chair to look at you, then asked what happened. He gave you two minutes to rant and then kicked you out, back to your own room.)

You and Minghao agreed to meet at the library on a day that neither of you had any afternoon classes, and you get there early, spend some time working on other classes. You have somewhere around thirty minutes to freak out to yourself before you see Minghao come in, dressed like he knows what he’s doing to you (which is really just a hoodie and jeans, but you think it’s the cap that really pulls the whole boyfriend look together), smiling when he finds you at a table in the corner.

“How are you?” is the first thing he says when he sits down, and you pull down your laptop screen a little to see him better.

“I’m good,” you say, feeling your heart pound. “What about you?”

Minghao sends you a kind smile. “Really good. Should we get started?”

You lose count of how many times you see him after that.

Meeting up to work on the project soon becomes just meeting up, and after the project’s done and turned in, it happens even more. You hang out and get lunch, send each other texts and stupid videos, take walks around campus together. The weeks pass, summer mellows into fall, then into the early days of winter. You develop a genuine friendship with him, finding comfort in his presence, looking for him wherever you go. 

(Although the crush is still there, potent and patient, stubborn in a way you’ve never experienced before. You wonder if it’s a sign of some sort.)

You’re in one of the practice rooms with him, sitting in the corner. You had a class nearby and he’d wanted to practice a little more, so you told him you’d work on your own stuff while he finished up and then the two of you could grab something to eat.

But you made a small error on your part - the dancing. You’d forgotten the way he moves (you haven’t seen him dance since that first time) and in no time at all you’re letting your screen go dark in front of you and watching him. Honestly, it’s not your fault, you really can’t help it. 

But of course he notices.

Minghao meets your eyes through the mirror and raises his eyebrows at you, and all you can do is look away, desperately try to get your laptop up and running again so at least it seems like you weren’t watching him for too long.

“You’re staring,” he says, long after you’ve looked away.

“Sorry,” you tell him anyways, immediate, quick. 

Then he says, “I never said anything about stopping.”

In a second, you look up from your laptop and up at him. He moves closer, crouches in front of you. His eyes are kind - they’re never not - but you think you see something a little more in them. “Sorry, I think I missed that last part,” you respond, blinking. Minghao smiles like you’re endearing.

“I said I want you to keep looking at me.”

You think you’re barely breathing when he shuts your laptop for you, slides it off of your lap and onto the floor (gently, with care, and it’s a wonder to you how he can focus on that right now). He practically crawls over you, one of his hands eventually reaching the junction of your jaw and neck and holding there. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay,” he says, but doesn’t move. You nod as soon as his words reach your brain, eager and quick.

And the next few hours get a little wound up in your head, a little mixed in with the feeling of his body - that moves so youthfully, with so much vibrancy that it reaches everything around you - melting into yours and the sound of him asking you to tell me what you need, honey, and the still-playing slow jam music he was practicing to.

You watch him sleep next to you, hand curled around yours against his pillows, and think that nothing bad could ever touch him.

The two of you… come together, after that.

Neither you nor Minghao use any proper labels, but you both seem to know. No labels are needed, really. You have each other and that’s all there is to it. And everything is really good.

You work together and laugh together like you’ve always known each other. He tries to teach you to dance with him when you’re in the practice room with him, pulls you up by your hands and guides you through your giggles. He was the first person you called when you realized that you had no idea what you were working towards, didn’t have a clue what you actually wanted to do with your life. He gets along well with your friends and you text his because they’re basically yours, now, too.

Winter turns back into spring, slow and easy. Vibrant and youthful. You’re not able to meet Minghao’s parents, but he meets yours (and you’re sure a quick introduction to his mom over a FaceTime call has to count for something). The two of you take advantage of the newfound warmth of the season and try to get out as much as you’re able to, with picnics and city dates and anything you can think of. A drawer in his dresser is reserved for your things, you bought an extra toothbrush for him to use when he stays over.

You watch him dance. It still feels like the first time, like color and breathlessness. You tell him he’s beautiful every time, feel yourself fall a little deeper when he still gets bashful amidst his comedown. You tell him you love him for the first time after he gets done with a performance - a proper one, for a showcase of the dance club he’s in. He says it back.

You think he put all the stars in the sky just for the two of you to gaze at them together.

Things shift the beginning of your junior year.

Minghao tells you about a program he’s applying to, a proper dance academy in New York that could really kickstart his career. Training under some of the best choreographers and performers in the world.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask him after he tells you, and he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. You’re studying at his apartment tonight.

“It’s just…” he frowns. “It’s so far away, you know?”

Oh. You hadn’t even thought about that, too caught up in the excitement of him being able to apply at all. A quick sigh leaves your lips, and then you reach for his hand, hold it between both of your own.

“That’s okay,” you tell him, though now that you’re thinking about it, you feel nervousness in the pit of your stomach. “We can work something out, though, when we get that far. We’ll figure it out.”

Minghao nods, a fond look in his eyes. He pulls one of your hands to his lips. “We’ll think about it if I even get accepted,” he says.

It’s bittersweet, but a promise nonetheless.

Fifteen minutes after you get a call from Minghao, there’s a knock on your door. 

You wouldn’t necessarily say you’re worried, but, well. Everyone’s experienced the jump of anxiety when they get hit with the “I want to talk to you about something” line. Nonetheless, you stand from the couch to open the door, mentally preparing yourself for any and everything. 

“Hey,” you greet when you see Minghao, opening the door to let him in. His face is unreadable. “Everything okay?”

He walks a few steps into your apartment, waits for you to close the door before turning back around to face you. Then he holds up a piece of paper, the creases from where it was folded still bending. You send him a confused look.

“I got in,” he says, a grin breaking on his face, and you blink, then feel your jaw practically hit the floor. Minghao only nods like he understands, and before you know what you’re doing, you launch yourself at him, holding him close.

“Oh my god, Hao, that’s amazing,” you say into his sweater, then step back to get a proper look at him. Youthful, vibrant. “I’m so proud of you.”

He seems to soften at your words, pulls you back into him again with a gentle kiss to your head. “Thank you for believing in me,” he tells you, tenderness palpable in his voice. All you can do is squeeze him tighter.

Minghao spends a lot of time away from you after that.

You’re not really hurt in any way - even though he got into the academy in New York, he still has to practice. You get it, this is important. He doesn’t text you as often, isn’t able to stop by as much, and you miss him, but you know how much this means for him. But it gets… weird, almost, after a while. Strange, even for him. It feels weird that he’s set to leave at the end of January and it’s December and he’s distant.

Both of you are laying in your bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling, when you decide to bring it up. “You’ve been… kinda far away lately,” you start, nudging him with your shoulder gently. “Everything okay?”

His eyes stay on your ceiling, but you feel the way he sighs. “It’s about the program,” he says.

“Okay.”

“And about… you and me.”

Oh. That doesn’t… sound the best. “About, like… what we’re gonna do?”

Minghao nods.

You say, “I wouldn’t mind visiting every so often. It’d be hard, but I’m sure we could find something to work.”

Minghao shakes his head, says, “no.”

You pause, and when you look at him he’s already looking at you. What does he mean by no? Does he want you to move with him? Or does he -

He reaches for your hand and you think oh.

His eyes are a little glassy. You feel the tears come, too.

“Oh,” you say out loud. Minghao squeezes your hand. “So this is… this is it?”

Your room is suddenly cold, and you want to crawl under the covers and stay there. The person in front of you is blurred into something unrecognizable, but you can’t be bothered to blink away your tears.

“I think so, love,” he whispers back to you. “I think it has to be.”

The two of you cry like that for a while. In your bed, loosely intertwined and broken. Even the way Minghao cries carries a kind of vibrancy that’s overwhelming, makes you think of the first time you saw him so long ago, and now -

When you manage to get a better grip on yourself, you ask him if you can still see him off at the airport. He says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

Then you ask if you can kiss him again. He responds by kissing you first. 

And it’s sad, it tastes like salt and sorrow and you feel like the promises you never got the chance to make are broken. It feels like the most beautiful blue you’ve ever seen, and you know it’s only a branch of Minghao’s color.

He leaves soon after that, pulls on his shoes and his coat and turns around at the door to give you a tired smile. After he’s gone, you drag yourself to Chan’s bedroom, and once he sees the state you’re in, he offers up one side of his bed. Neither of you say anything, but the friendly reassurance of his hand in yours says enough.

You don’t fail to notice that everything seems to be washed out, a blandness you’re not used to.

The last time you see him is at the airport.

It’s a cold day, despite being sunny. The airport offers little warmth, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You won’t be here for long. 

It doesn’t take you very long to find Minghao - you still look for him wherever you go, even if you’re not looking for him. Even then, it’s still so easy for you to find him, to pinpoint that vibrancy, that youth. He’s talking to a few others, you think you met them. Soonyoung and Jun.

Minghao meets your eyes and you freeze, but then he waves you over with a gentle smile. You follow like you think you always will. 

You greet Soonyoung and Jun and the four of you talk, albeit a little awkwardly, even when Soonyoung tries his hardest to lighten the mood. Eventually he has to leave, and Jun follows with a shy goodbye. They both hug Minghao before they go.

You’re not sure what to say, but after a minute, you find words. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you tell him, a little selfishly. 

Minghao says, “you’ll do good. I know you will. I’m not worried about you.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and you think he’ll give you a stiff and sad goodbye, but he steps a little closer to you. Looks at you the way he used to.

“Maybe…” he starts, then pauses. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

Maybe, you think. Maybe.

“I hope so,” you tell him, then watch as he leaves.

[brelione]

And It Felt Great To Be A Liar (700 Celebration)

Ok so I based this off of this prompt:Hi there! I hope you’re doing well. I just have a request for JJ maybank. Would you be able to write one where y/n is apart of the kooks and is dating Rafe and Jj and her hate eachother. One day everyone is at a party and JJ and y/n are fighting with eachother as usual in a bedroom and he pins her against the wall and all of a sudden they start kissing eachother and they end up having really rough sex against the wall or a desk in the room with lots of dirty talk, choking and JJ making y/n admit he fucks her better than her boyfriend and gets her to beg for him If you have any time to write it I would be very appreciative, thank you so much x 

and it really fit with the poll results for the celebration so enjoy this master piece <3

Warnings:Choking, Spanking, Bondage, Sub and Dom behavior, cheating, no condom, degrading, swearing.

Rafe’s arms were around your waist, his hot breath fanning against your neck as he nipped at the skin. “We should stay here tonight.”He suggested, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, his hands slipping under the thin material and onto your skin.

 “We cant, we already told Kelce and Top that we’d show.”You reminded him, peeling his hands away from you. He pouted, grabbing his keys. “Fine, we’ll play later.”He winked, opening his door and going down the stairs, shouting a goodbye to Wheezie and flipping off his dad.

 You cringed at his words, not looking forward to coming back after the party. You were getting bored of Rafe, there was really only so much of his drama that you could take. You were hoping he’d get bored of you soon too or maybe even move on to someone else and forget about you.

 But you stayed anyways, hoping he’d become less boring or maybe you’d stay around long enough to truly mean something to him. You followed him, sitting in the passengers seat of his truck. It reeked of alcohol and weed, his hand gipping your thigh. You rolled your eyes, looking out the window as he drove. 

“What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”He asked. You hummed, not replying. You grabbed his hand, resting your elbow on the arm rest. There wasnt much to look forward to these days. Nothing new, nothing fun, nothing interesting. The kook life got so boring so quick. 

Your only options on most days were to go golfing, shopping or a party if you were lucky. Everything was blurred together, feeling the exact same.He lifted his hand, pulling yours with it before pressing a kiss to your hand. It was a romantic gesture that you werent used to. 

He was like this at the beginning of the relationship, the romance slowly fading away as he became more obsessed with you instead of loving you. He was trying his best to convince you that he still loved you but you knew that you were just holding on to broken pieces at this point, wishing you had something different. 

You could hear the crashing of the waves, lifting your head and widening your eyes for a moment. The party was at Kelce’s beach house that wasnt really a house, it was really just a second mansion. You grinned at Rafe, sliding your phone in your pocket before hopping out of the truck, biting your tongue when he squeezed your ass.

 “Im gonna go look for Sar, okay?”You asked. He nodded, pulling you in for a quick kiss, watching as you jogged up the stairs. You could feel him watching you, slipping into a hallway and hoping for the best. You were sure that Sarah wasnt even at this party, it wasnt really her type of place. 

Sure, she was a party girl but even this was too much. You figured you should just lay low until Rafe was busy catching up with Kelce and Topper that he wouldnt notice if you went ot get yourself a drink. You werent in the mood for him to drag you over to his friend group and start bragging. 

You tested each door knob, searching for a bedroom or a bathroom for you to sit in for a while, grinning once one of them finally turned.      As soon as you were in the room you closed it behind you, locking it because you didnt feel like having your alone time interrupted by some drunk couple. 

As soon as you turned around you regretted it, seeing noone other than JJ Maybank shirtless in the middle of the room. He was staring back at you, stuck in place. You and JJ had problems that dated back to eighth grade. He had gotten into a huge fight with a kook and you were the only witness, watching as the boy hit JJ repeatedly in the ribs.

 JJ had eventually won the fight, blood running from his nose and staining his shirt, a layer of sweat covering his face as he stared at you. Since then he had nothing but anger and hate for you, giving you dirty looks in public and talking shit about you at parties. Of course you always found out about it. 

How he called you a whore, a gold digger and a bitch.  “Get out.”Was all he had to say, tossing his shirt onto the floor in the corner. It made a slight sloshing sound and you could only assume that he had bumped into someone and got something spilled on him. Or maybe he had been a bitch and got something thrown at him. 

“No.”You replied, staring back at him with a glare. He matched your energy, jaw clenching as he looked you up and down. “What are you hiding from, (Y/N)? You maniac of a boyfriend?”He asked, causing your blood to boil. Of course he was right but you’d never admit it. And of course Rafe was an absolute maniac but so was JJ and all of his friends.

 “He’s not a maniac, JJ.”You replied, knowing that it didnt sound right. You had never been great at lying. “Aww, thats cute that you try to stick up for your crazy boyfriend? If hes not a fucking maniac then explain what he did to Pope and I. You think a sane person would do that?”He asked.

 You stared back at him, biting the inside of your cheek as you tried to think of something to say. He shook his head, chuckling. “See, you cant even defend him anymore. God, I hope he fucking dumps your ass!”he exclaimed, letting out a sigh. You gulped, staring at him.

 “Shut up!”You shouted in response, only making him smirk. “Face it, (Y/N)!The boy you call your boyfriend is a shitty, disgusting person. You’re so much worse for being with him!”He shouted back at you. “Excuse me?”You asked, somehow surprised that he would say it to your face. 

“Come on, (Y/N). You’re not that fucking stupid. He’s using you and you know it. But you like being used, dont you?”He asked, causing you to go silent. For once you didnt know what to do or what to say. He was getting closer to you, gripping your wrists and pushing you against the door in a swift movement, your back hitting the wood hard. 

His eyes stayed on you, raising an eyebrow. “Answer the question, princess.”He demanded. You stared back at him, feeling his grip tighten. “Sometimes.”You replied, not wanting to give him the satisfaction he craved. 

“Dont lie to yourself, sweetheart. You’re a little maniac that likes to be used.”He spoke into your ear, leaning down and kissing you roughly.You were struggling to keep up, so much happening so fast. His hands were under your shirt, sloppy kisses being dragged up and down your neck. 

“Do you want me?”He asked you, fingernails digging into your skin. You nodded eagerly, feeling a sense of relief when he pulled you over and onto the bed, glad that you werent trapped against the wood surface. He didnt let you lay down, pushing you onto your knees as you stared up at him. 

He guided one of your hands to his belt, making you press against him before letting go, biting his lip as you palmed him through his pants, carefully undoing his belt with slightly shaky hands. 

He let you take your time, grinning at how nervous he made you, watching you struggle with his zipper. He chuckled, pushing you back and undoing his pants, getting on top of you, parting your legs. “Does Rafe make you this nervous?”He asked, seeming pleased with himself. 

You shook your head, not sure you could answer properly. He grinned, kissing you again. He lifted your shirt over your head quickly, tossing it. “Im flattered that I have such an effect on you.”He muttered, tugging your shorts off, his hand wrapping around your neck not soon after. 

His blue eyes were staring into you, squeezing harder for a moment. He was testing how much you could take, his thumb pressing into a spot right below your jaw. His hand dragged from your neck to the end of your hair, tugging harshly and causing you to let out a low shout. 

He chuckled, letting go and unclasping your bra. “There’s so many things I could do to you…. We’ve got four hours until Rafe remembers you…..”He muttered, tugging down your underwear and keeping your thighs open with his hands, settling between them. 

“Can you last four hours?”He asked. You nodded, moaning when his tongue slid through your folds. He chuckled, his fingernails leaving little crescent moons into your skin as he lapped at your entrance. You already already shaking from his tongue alone, your hands going to his hair and whimpering when he pulled away. 

“No, no, princess. You dont get to touch me.”He told you, grabbing his belt off the floor. “Give me your wrists.”He told you, grinning when you put them out for him. He had so much power over you, holding your wrists to the headboard and securing them with the belt. He settled back between your thighs, his tongue darting in and out of you, pressing his thumb against your clit. 

He could feel you were about to get close, pulling away before you could reach your high. You whined, moving against the belt. “What? You dont like that, princess?”He asked, moving up again so that his nose was against yours. “JJ, please.”You whispered, thinking that maybe he would change even just for a moment when he kissed you. 

“Not. A. Chance.”He replied. “This isnt fair!”You exclaimed, moaning again when he licked your nipple. “Not fair?”He asked, beginning to suck. He moved his hand up to pinch your other nipple, rolling his thumb over it. “I think its pretty fair, (Y/N).”He replied, turning you over so that your stomach was against the mattress and you had to turn your head to breathe properly. His palm collided with your ass, sending a shock through your body. 

“You okay?”He asked, moving your hair aside and pressinga  kiss to you cheek. He was only calm for a moment before he smacked you again, making you take a shaky breath. “Anthony hit me twelve times….you get fifteen. Count.”He told you, rubbing your ass before lifting up his hand again, the hit making a loud noise.

 “One.”You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as he hit you again. You’d never let Rafe do this to you. You didnt like most things Rafe did especially in the bedroom. He just couldnt do what you wanted and if he did he just couldnt do it well. You didnt know when you got to ten, tears streaming down your cheeks. “JJ…. I dont think I can take more.”You sobbed. 

He took in a deep breath, leaning down. “Hmm…. you’re doing so good, princess. Only five more left, promise I wont be too rough.”He whispered, his fingertips grazing over your thighs, waiting for an answer. You nodded, biting your lip as you waited, his palm hitting you again but not nearly as hard as the others. He spanked you again, rubbing the area after carefully. 

You werent too worried anymore, whispering after he hit you the last time. He gave you a moment to recover, his fingers rubbing your thigh and sides, kissing your shoulder. He turned you over a few moments later, staring down at you. He pressed a kiss to your lips, the act much more gentle than before. 

He pulled away after a second, his hand back at your throat as he pushed into you. You gasped, your head falling against the pillows as he bottomed out. He chuckled, tugging at your hair and forcing your head back some more, leaning down and nipping at your shoulder, only letting go when you whimpered. 

It wasnt hard enough for you to bleed but his teeth left imprints in your skin, a satisfied smile on his face before he sped up. “Does Rafe fuck you like this?”He asked, hitting a spot so deep inside of you that you hadnt even known that it existed. You moaned loudly, feeling him tug your hair again. 

“JJ!”You shouted from the pain against your scalp. “Answer the question.”He told you. You licked your lips, an idea sparking in your mind. “Rafe’s better.”You lied. He looked down at you, fingers pressing hard against your neck. “You want me to stop? You wanna go back to Rafe?”He asked, thrusting in and out of you. You shook your head quickly, wrapping your legs around his torso.

 “Thats what I though, you fucking liar.”He muttered, slowing when he heard a knock at the door. “Anyone in there?”A voice shouted. It was Rafe’s. “Make a sound and im done with you.”He told you, picking up the pace. 

“Rafe, man. Im busy!”He shouted. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and trying your best not to make any noises. You heard a loud groan before heavy footsteps thumped down the hall. JJ chuckled, noticing your relief. “Aww, the poor slut doesnt wanna go back to her boyfriend.”He grinned, biting your neck again. 

You knew Rafe would see the marks but you didnt really care, eyes widening as you clenched around JJ. He let go of you, pulling out and cumming on your bare stomach. He panted, kissing you gently before freeing your wrists, kissing the skin gently. For someone who hated you he was being surprisingly sweet, especially after what just happened.

 It didnt last long before he got up and put his clothes back on, your suspicions confirmed when you noticed a large stain across his shirt. “See you around, kook.”He winked at you before leaving the room. You laid down on the bed, pain running through your body. You felt guilty for feeling so good, your wrists stinging slightly and your heart dropping when you realised Rafe would see.

@outerbongs​  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian @deionswannabegirl​​ @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee​  @on-socks-off​  @abbiesthings​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @nas-marie-loves-u​ @28cnn​ @sexytholland​  @yuxsh06   @ifilwtmfc​  @cherryobx​ @poguestarkey​ @n1ghtsh4d3-67​  @poguestyleskye​ @judayyyw​  @sunwardsss @meaganjm​ @sarcasticsagittarius1998​ @jj-fic-recs​ @homophobicclownmoviestan​ @jj-iz-bae​ @natalie-kate-98​ @negativity4you​ @nxsmss​ @ofmaybankheart​ @broken-jj​ @joshy-obx  @curroptbunnie​ @outerbnx-stiles​ @angelreyesgirl100​  @hannahhh-marie @sadnessrehab @purple-vodka-99 @annmariek8 @harryswigss @imagines-07 @pink-meringues​  @lostaurorax​ @batcat46​

add yourself to my taglist