#tony and harley

[starboodoesstuff]

If I think about [any found family] in [any superhero media] too long, I WILL sob

[fics-and-quotes-andthelike]

Tony Stark: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!

Peter Parker: You left me and Harley in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.

Tony Stark: I did that on purpose, try again.

[whim-prone-pirate]

"grumpy old men who got saddled with an adopted kid they have banter with" yeah yeah. he also has panic attacks that the kid is concerned about. it's part of the deal.

[erinwantstowrite]

told y'all i was gonna draw this

[marionluth]

Harley: Wanna know what would be really cool?

Peter: Honestly, I don't think I wanna know, no.

Harley: Being shot

Tony: No!

Peter: Been there, done that. Not particularly cool either…

Tony: You’ve been what?

Peter:

Harley: No, no! BEING SHOT. As in being the one… shot… at someone! As in human projectile with the speed of a bullet!

Peter:

Tony:

Harley: I mean… think of the damage here…

Peter: *sitting up* This holds promise.

Tony: No!

Peter: We'd have to take into account a ton of stuff, mass and volume of human projectile…

Harley:...energy source and force distribution…

Peter:... Acceleration curve, g force tolerance…

Harley:... trajectory and stability…

Peter: I'm bringing the whiteboard!

Tony: NO!

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter: can we get a puppy

Tony: no

Peter: why

Tony: we have Harley

Peter: but Harley isn't a puppy

Harley, spinning in circles trying to lick his elbow:

Peter:

Peter: never mind I see your point

[ironspidersblog]

Dear parents,

Just because your child is smiling at their phone doesn't mean they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe they're just looking at pictures of irondad

[definitelyincorrect]

Tony: Why did you get here so late?

Harley: Well…

Peter: We were in the elevator for fifteen minutes panicking thinking we were stuck

Harley: Only to find out that neither of us pushed the button.

[dailymarvelstudios]

Iron Man 3 (2013), dir. Shane Black

[definitly-not-harley-keener]

Peter Parker: (works longer than agreed upon)

Tony Stark: GeT oUT your TimE iS oVEr!!!

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: what is E=MC²

Peter: Energy= Monster × Coffee

Harley: Energy= maraujana × coke

[anyaharveyii]

No, because what were the odds that Tony ended up having three separate kids (Harley, Peter, and Morgan), but none of them met until AFTER Tony's death?

Damn it, Marvel, you wasted a perfectly good concept for a movie or spin-off series.

Harley and Peter being jealous of each other initially but then becoming best friends after figuring their shit out?

Peter showing Harley around NYC for the first time, once as Peter and once as Spider Man?

Peter freaking out when Tony and Pepper announce that they're expecting because he's never been an older sibling and Harley coming through with that older-sibling advice?

Harley and Peter trying to explain the importance of secret identities to this literal child who just wants her juice pops, please?

And all those babysitting adventures?

*sighs*

You screwed the pooch, Marvel.

[spooky-lil-spider-enjoyer]

Don't think about Peter seeing a strange sad kid around his age at his mentor's funeral. Don't think about Peter summoning his inner spiderman even in one of the lowest points of his life and walking over to the boy. Because that's what heros do, they help people. 

Don't think about Peter trying to make idle conversation by asking how he knew Tony, expecting something similar to his situation. Well, not the secret superhero and avengers thing, but that he was one of Starks interns or assistants or something like that.

Maybe do think about Harley wiping a sniffly nose and telling the kind boy his story, the story of The Mechanic who taught him to stand up for himself, the Super Hero who saved him from the weird exploding bomb guys, and Tony. The man who had panic attacks and PTSD over New York. The man who gave a 11 year old a lesser version of a flash grenade to let him stay the night in his barn. The man who turned said barn into his personal wonderland once he left. And the man who kept in touch with him over the years through letters and phone calls and maybe an occasional facetime.

Think about Peter letting out a wet chuckle and wiping his teared up eyes at the story. “That sounds like Mr. Stark.” He would say as the boys exchanged stories of the acclaimed “Iron Man.”

Think about Stark's two smartest not-technically-technically-kids bonding over the memory's of Tony, the real Tony. The Tony who set up a STEM lab for Harley, the Tony who grounded Peter because he got a little too close to dangers edge, who saw a little too much of himself in those boys.

The Tony who helped spark both their dreams and fed the fire until he died. And even in death, he's their Hero. He always will be. Maybe do think about that. Think about the Starks, biological or not.

[totallyaccurateavengersquotes]

TONY: Stephen and I--

PETER: Are getting married?

STEPHEN: No, we--

HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.

[minimarvelh]

Peter: yeah, like when my guinea pig ran away. My mom told me he might come back.

Everyone: aww🥹

Peter: but he didn’t

Everyone: ohh🥺🥺

Harley: probably snake at-

Tony *covering Harley’s mouth* snake at-ehh-admired your guinea pig and they became friends

[marionluth]

Tony coaching 3-yo-Morgan how to handle her big feelings after a tantrum, while Peter watches.

Tony: It’s okay to feel angry, Morgan. We all feel angry sometimes. But do we smash our water bottles on the item or person that made us angry? No, we don’t! Now, remember how we spoke about blowing out our finger-candles when we feel mad to help us feel calmer?

Morgan: Daddy, that’s stupid

Harley: Yo, tell him, girl. We're not blowing out finger-candles when we're angry. We flip off fingers!

Tony: * death glare at Harley before turning back to Morgan *

Baby, we don't say stupid! Stupid is a Harley word. Can you think of a mommy word to use instead?

Morgan: *scrunching up her nose in thought* The one mommy uses when you and Petey and Harley make something essplode in the lab…

Harley:

Tony:

Peter:

Morgan: Uhm… Mo… Mormonic!

Peter: *snickers*

Harley: * spurts out his red bull laughing *

Tony: *fighting to keep a straight face* “I think it’s Bluey time!”

Morgan: Yaaaay! Bluey!

Peter: I think you handled that very well!

Tony: And I think you’ll end up on manual dishwashing duty, if you don’t fix your face!

Peter: Nuh, I gotta go. Take it out on Harley.

Harley: *flips Peter off, still coughing*

Tony: I'm too old for this sh...poo.

Peter: See you later. And don’t let the kid’s brain entirely melt with the blue horror show. You know it only gives her torture ideas!

Tony: Beat it, webhead!

Harley: *still coughing up his lungs*

Tony: * to Morgan, sitting next to her to watch Bluey * What is your brother talking about, nano-hulk? Bluey rocks!

Morgan: * evil toothy grin * I wanna play mount mumanddad!

Harley: Yaaaay!

Tony: * whimpers *