#told me to come to your place sometime
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@junk-squared Tammy, bud, you turned off your askbox.
#tammy drake#tam how the hell am i suppose to cope rn#you disappeared for months#came back#knocked on my door#hug me#told me to come to your place sometime#only for me to come to an evicted apartment#the fuck bud#/jk jk#/lh#/you probably forgot#/i need a nap#/its one in the morning#/ i got classes in about six hours#/gn
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I have this small, deeply personal headcanon that after his grandmother's passing, Alhaitham's home was so unbearably quiet that he started--just barely, just one or two words--to speak out loud to her as if she was still there.
"I've been accepted to the Akademiya, Grandmother."
"I passed my promotion exams."
"I debated with Haravatat's sage."
Just that, and quiet again.
But one day, it's: "I met someone strange."
"He keeps showing up when I'm trying to study."
"We don't agree on anything. Still..."
"I made a friend."
"Today, Kaveh and I were researching--"
"It's already dark. I didn't realize we spent so long in Razan Garden. Kaveh wanted to hear about my article--"
"He's going to be furious when I tell him the whole point for his portion of the lecture is based on a false predicate--"
The house where his grandmother used to be gets a little louder again; the noise lasts a little longer.
Until one day, when there's no words at all.
One day, when there's just the sound of a single sob, and then a long, long silence.
#genshin impact#alhaitham#kaveh#haikaveh#kavetham#sometimes you wanna laugh#and sometimes you wanna think about things that make you ache inside#Alhaitham is a miracle of a man#because if my ONLY friend told me they regretted ever befriending me in the first place#I don't know if I'd be able to come back from that one#okay okay but enough of the angst; hear me out#here's the second half of the headcanon#Alhaitham comes home from work#their house is eerily quiet#normally Kaveh's humming to himself while he cleans#cursing his clients and his own high standards in equal measure#or banging away on his prototypes#with Mehrak beeping along for moral support#but today there's just a quiet murmur from the library#Alhaitham looks in#Kaveh is at the desk#he's fiddling with the small portrait of Alhaitham's grandmother#the one Alhaitham packed away when he moved into the home they were awarded together#and in the quiet#Kaveh is saying âWell the resemblance might be uncanny but you look like a warmer sort.â#âI can tell you wouldn't tease me for forgetting Khwarizmi's third principle.â#âWould you believe what your own grandson says sometimes--he actually claimed--â#and if--muffled against the door sill--there's the barest hiccup#that sounds like a single little sob dipped gold in joy#well no one will ever hear it but Alhaitham anyway
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hi.
#i know most of you didnât even realize i was gone#but manâŠ#my mental health was like in a state of đđđ in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldnât shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes đ„Č)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#iâm still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but nođ© this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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#was coming home from the museum and got caught in the rain#ran into my new neighbor and got to chatting#she asked what i was doing out and i told her it was my birthday and iâd gone downtown#she says âshit itâs your birthday? one secâ and runs back inside#re-emerges with a box#from which she pulls a handful of weed#and then proceeds to place it gently in my hand#and then tells me we should smoke together sometime#this is my favorite day
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Tag drop: Seele (Honkai: Star Rail). Listen, I used to write her and I miss her a bit, and also: there's Belobog people around. And also, well, she's much more interesting than people give her credit for. Also, prepare for some 'rewriting', because Belobog's pacing in specific ways kind of blew a little bit much.
#seele. [ we tell them âthings will be better tomorrow.â everyone knows it's a lie; but it gets them to sleep with some hope. ]#seele: ic. [ he always says âhumanity's endless conflictsâ; but you don't get peace by offering everything up on a silver platter. ]#seele: inquiries. [ that's not the only thing you won't have heard of down here; princess. ]#seele: countenance. [ to all those thugs and gangsters in the underworld; i'm like a spectre always haunting them. ]#seele: introspection. [ the chief's right. sometimes a sharp blade is the only way to get people to come to their senses. ]#seele: meta. [ she got used to people losing their homes. and she got used to people losing their lives. but crying alone was useless. ]#seele: little notes. [ they only eat half their meal; throw the rest away. do they know people below haven't got enough food to eat? ]#seele: wishes. [ where there's hope: there's the will to fight. ]#seele: etc. [ a young girl smiles subtly. âhow? right here; right now; i am alone⊠but it feels... very lively.â ]#seele: underworld. [ what's more important than miracles; seele. is to protect people's hopes for miracles. ]#seele: overworld. [ oleg saw how a look of gloom passed over her tender face. âlet's go back. i don't want to come back here again.â ]#seele: sampo. [ wildfire has countless issues on its place right now. we don't need a side order of koski. ]#seele: sampo. [ so we're there; now it's real. now that you have me; do you want me still? ] inominati.#seele: bronya. [ they go their separate ways: one stepping into the light; and the other into the shadows. until one day; they meet again.#seele: natasha. [ i learned quickly that tantrums won't get you anywhere. she knows how to give you a taste of your own medicine. ]#seele: oleg. [ i probably owe my life to the chief. ]#seele: hook. [ don't let her appetite for chaos fool you; i think that kid's going places. ]#seele: v. youth. [ everyone in the dark side of town knew that fearless homeless girl. everyone wanted to avoid that wild; stubborn rascal.#seele: v. underworld. [ just what we all need: more lies about a world that never was and never will be. ]#seele: v. present. [ can you imagine the consequences if we told the people what happened here? they'd be devastated. ]#seele: v. future. [ ... priorities? what do you mean? are you saying rebuilding the underworld isn't one of your âprioritiesâ? ]
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I wrote a poem
"This won't make you happy"
That's what people say when I confess
Well I know they think they're helping
But it doesn't ease my distress
This won't make me happy,
Don't you think I knew that at the start?
The goal was never to be happy,
Just to not fall apart
A gravely injured animal
Does not have happiness on its mind
And in its desperation
Will take any escape it finds
"Things will get better"
That's something I hear all the time
But it's biased information
Even if its not quite a lie
Things will always change-
That's the version I believe
But knowing things change for the worse
It's not much of a reprieve
Hope is a fickle thing
Like a shape shifting beast
It's both beautiful and ugly
Depending on which side you see
Hope is everything you have
When you've got nothing left
But with just one thing worth fighting for
Can be a flame burning in your chest
I was born with this restless pain
But introduced to something new
There are few pains greater
Than finally having something to lose
#thank you for coming to my ted talk (vent art) lol#if you cant guess this poem is about the frustration of being told your unhealthy coping mechanisms wont make you happy#when you dont even remember what happiness felt like#its about the frustration of people who dont understand. people who say that it gets better without knowing what theyre talking about#or even questioning why they believe that (spoiler: its privelege and personal experience. i know it comes from a kind place though)#or i suppose sometimes it comes from other people who are pain repeatimg what they were told#but the point is that sometimes the good things in my life are the most painful#the constant reminders that i could lose something i never knew i wanted or needed this much before#the reminder of just how much i care and the fact that i can no longer simply give up#the knowledge that i could quit at anytime was what made life bearable until now. there was no meaning to me staying alive#now i have to fight with myself feeling guilty and selfish for even struggling with the desire to give up still#anyway. lots of thoughts
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#all you have to create is something about skinny white men in love and everyone will care about you and them#anything else is just nothing to you ppl lol#whatâs the point of trying to be an artist I swear I just wanna give up coz I canât create enough finished art in general#WHY CANT I DRAW LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS A KID. it felt so easy and now Iâm scared to do it for no reason ugh!!#i wish I was interested in the same things as everyone else coz at least then the quality wouldnât matter and people would care anyway#sorry I know this comes across as really childish and mean and yeh it is Iâm just venting#coz sometimes I look at certain popular profiles and stuff and it makes me ache coz Iâll never be a part of the big club where you can feel#love and Iâll never be able to coz Iâm just a robot thing with no humanity!!!#even the LITERAL ROBOT is still reduced in the fandom to being shipped like just fuck off all of you#one of my bigger recent passion Roberts is a story and even when I have some motivation and energy I just remember that literally not a sing#single person on earth has any reason to care about it and why should they! so I just feel like crawling into a hole and sulking like a piss#pissbaby which is what Iâm doing lol#just because itâs not about young skinny men and the âpurity/beauty/divinity/superiority of romantic love </3â and#and YUMMY SQUISHY ORGANIC RED PASSIONATE things because illl never be a part of all of that anyway#Iâm not amazing I donât have the inherent drama and meaningfulness of romantic love in me as a potential so Iâm basically nothing#my life means nothing because i canât feel the one thing that matters#-(one thing that matters according to the world and like all communities and societies and any place to feel like youâre a part of somethin#)#and if your broken (empty of romantic love) like me youâre told to go play by yourself in the corner and not complain that#everyone else gets to be in the group#âjust do your own thing it doesnât matter what society thinksâ is well meaning and <3 but for me I just hear âdonât be a part of usâ#what if I want to be a part of something? what if I want society to know and understand me?
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Me being a bitch (waayyy more drama in tags):
Decided to stop all the petty shit and actually text my cousin to explain things and have an actual conversation and the bitch laughed at me so Iâm officially done with her royal highness
#ps. maybe donât be a bitch to the person who pays for your streaming services đ#talking shit about me is fine but my mother?!? sweetie you donât deserve the nights sheâs wasted worrying about you#idk why Iâm even explaining things at all#I left her alone for months and then she has to go and acuse me of something I didnât even know happened#like??? I hadnât been on Netflix since new years but sure I deleted your Netflix profile but left your Hulu alone#ya figured me out. Iâm an evil mastermind *mwhahaha*#and then to drag it out via Netflix names bc you canât just ducking text me???#I was trying to be an adult and distance myself and she just drags me back into the drama#at least my mom knows Iâm innocent#even tried leaving thing on a positive note via Netflix#told her to text my mother sometime bc (despite me thinking sheâd a total bitch) my mom still cares about her#and she had to get all sassy like âshe has my number đ
â#yeah and ya know what? you have hers#funny how she uses it to check in on you and you donât reply till you need something#funny thing is my brother told me she and her baby daddy have been fighting more and more#I hope one day she wakes up and realizes her sucked her dry and now has no one to turn to bc she made sure to bitch them all away#sweetie I tried being there for you but I canât be there for someone who makes it very clear they wish I was never there in the first place#enjoy tearing your vagina in two for someone you gave up your entire personality for#and before any of yâall come here saying âweâll if she cut everyone off and made her entire personality about him maybe sheâs being abusedâ#she was in an emotionally fragile state when they met- her mother had just died#and itâs our understand that she decided it was easier to purge herself/life of anything that reminded her of her pain/old life#itâs very evident when you look at her behavior#that being said sheâs always been a bitch#I had to stop attending holidays at one point simply bc she didnât want me there (I was 11)#couldnât wear her hand-me-downs around her bc sheâd make it clear I wasnât pretty enough to wear them#oh and she tried to fight me in the chilis parking lot after church when I was nine#bc my grandpa opened the car door for me instead of her#amazing how just two years ago I was hoping we could finally be friends
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It feels like every single neurotypical I've ever met grew up hearing the same phrases that I and basically every other kid did - "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" and "Lying is bad and you shouldn't do it or you're a horrible person" - only instead of taking both lessons to heart and incorporating those lessons into how they interact with other people on a daily basis, they all somehow came out the other end believing "I can't say something nice to this person without lying, so that means lying actually ISN'T bad and it DOESN'T make me a horrible person :)"
And yet, paradoxically, it makes ME the horrible person for taking all the things they tell me at face value???
Make it make sense, people.
#random shit#vent post#how about: we just don't. fukken. LIE TO PEOPLE???#this reminds me of the one single beef i have with 'the good place'#where in one scene one of chidi's exes is like - 'sometimes we tell lies just to be polite'#but. um. MA'AM??? EXCUSE ME???#SINCE WHEN IS LYING EVER POLITE???#if a guy wearing something hideous asks if you like what he's wearing and you don't#you don't have to fucking LIE about it!#you can just say it's not YOUR thing but if it's his thing and he likes it then you're happy for him!#you DO NOT HAVE TO LIE TO BE POLITE#E V E R#BECAUSE THERE ARE WAYS TO BE TRUTHFUL WITHOUT ALSO BEING A DICK#ALSO IF YOU'RE HONEST AND GENUINE FROM THE START#YOU WON'T HAVE TOLD ANY LIES THAT CAN COME BACK AND BITE YOU IN THE ASS#lmao this shit bugs me so much#literally every social problem i've ever had has been because another person failed to just be fucking honest with me#and 99% of the time the other person is FUKKEN NT
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đŠ
#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons.#like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao.#but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want#stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for#rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area#had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v.#i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom.#&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that#until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while#fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao.#but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao.#he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story.#&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it#filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate.#he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao#&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic.#he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao.#he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had#&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed.#he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him.#he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole.#&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious.#when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come.#to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao.#but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there?#will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it?#&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao.#like it could be worse i guess lmao.
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Sometimes I'm like yeah, things are getting better. I'm exercising, eating good, taking my meds, I have a good job, my dogs are healthy and sweet. And then stuff like this happens and it's like no actually what am I doing? Like seriously feeling so stupid. I moved into this apartment with her to help her go to school but I wanted to move to this state too. But I really regret it today.
#like yeah the people are weird but its better than where I used to live#and I want to enjoy it but she makes it so hard#like I told her look im stressed and youre stressed so lets not come home and take it out on each other this should be a peaceful place#and she just wants no part of it#after she spit on me she grabbed my arm and then pulled the front of my hair and I was just in shock#sometimes we spend time together and its good but the second she gets stressed#and I gave her the only bedroom so im stuck#literally what was I thinking giving her the bedroom it didnt make her more excited to be here#she was so upset we couldnt afford a two bedroom so I was trying to make her comfortable and happy#literally what was I thinking moving in with her#I was supposed to go to my parents house and pack up the rest of my remaining things into storage but I dont think I can make myself go
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an eye for an eye | knight!ghost x f!reader
your husband bends to your will. men must learn from difficult lessons how far that bending goes.
type: a continuation of a hand for a hand, but can be read stand-alone (11.6k)
cw: 1600s au, dark!ghost, reader described as curvier/plus-sized, graphic depictions of war + violence, possessive!ghost, war-criminal!ghost, inaccurate historical settings probably, unprotected piv, cumplay, breeding kink, size kink, simon "i'd do anything for my wife no matter the devasting consequences" riley (18+)
Your husband has an insatiable appetite. Such a big man he is; he towers over you, so much so that you must tip your head back always to look up at him. You had to make many arrangements in your house to accommodate his hungerâa pantry stocked full of eggs and less fabric for your skirts.
Your house isnât like others. Neither you nor Ghost have ever lived in luxury. When he showed you your home for the first time, you had shaken your headâyou didnât believe that such a large place was supposed to be yours, and even now, sometimes you feel like a stranger, out of place when the maids ask you what you want for supper or where youâd like to take your afternoon tea. You donât like the fuss, the asking, the women that curtsy when you come near, concentrated over the creases in your skirts or the loose thread of your sleeve or the wispy hairs that fall out of your braids. You are told all the time that you must behave like a duchess, that you must poise yourself with your new title and your new money, and you must do the things that duchesses doâbut no one says the same to your husband.
He is still allowed to sleep in the barracks. Lick the blood off his gauntlets. Polish his sword in the dirt. Heâs still allowed to be everything that you cannot be anymore, he still lives the life he had before.
He still kills; and he is still very, very good at it.
Your queen told you in a letter that the king is very pleased. Ever since your union, Ghost has been quite the conqueror. Bloodthirsty and very determined, your husband has been taking his men across the water. He is not any less impressive off land. Not even the pirates have tried to negotiate; they bend the knee or taste the salt water. You breathe shakily when you read your queenâs lettersâher praise for your husbandâs conquests, how blessed your family will be and how valuable you are to the crown, how grateful she is that Ghost is no longer a fiend in court but rather a little more polite and a little quieter.
All for your sake. Ghostâs name is now your own, and he refuses to embarrass you now that you have it.
You wonât lie; the bodies that Ghost has stacked since youâve been wed do not scare you. Heâs doing it for you. He has never said it out loud, never told you so, but you know it. He wants to show you what kind man that he is, what kind of soldierâyou know heâs trying to prove himself worthy. If he killed a thousand men to have you, how many will he slaughter to keep you?
He sends you letters of his own. Not many, but he does send letters, and while Ghost seems to be ineloquent and entirely too brutish, he has quite the voice when he writes.
To my wife,
The sun falls quicker here. Iâd like to come home. Tell me of your day, and I will tell you of mine. There were a fleet of ships that came to meet us at dawn. When we sank three, they begged for us to spare the rest.
I have you to think about now. So I burned them.
Simon
A poet, your beloved.
He signs his real name in his letters. Your eyes skim over most of itâyou donât even blink when he tells you what he does to them. Sometimes he writes in great detail about the screams of a hundred souls, the way burning flesh smells, the taste of dirt in a new place when you know it is finally yours. He doesnât like having secrets. He tells you all his thoughts, even if they might scare you, because you are his wife, and he has discovered quite quickly that you have been cut from the same cloth.
Even when he is home, and he tells you these things all over again, he canât help the way his cock hardens when you merely blink and ask him if he has added any scars to his collection.
Ravenous, naughty little duchess, and you are all his. He knows he picked wellâhe knows, he knows he wasnât wrong when he saw you across the throne room hiding behind his queen, he knows now that he was right about what he saw in your eyes.
You do hate when heâs away. Youâre not used to the maids helping you dress, and you secretly abhor the help. That is why when you hear the shuffle of your house early in the morning, your heart thuds in your chest knowing heâs home.
The staff get antsy when Simon is around. He is very good at keeping an estate for someone that has never had to or ever been taught to, but he leaves the responsibilities with you and only you every time he goes. He doesnât trust anyone else to do it, and every time he comes back, he makes you sit on one big thigh as he teaches you something new that you need to remember for when he goes away. He demands much of those he employs, and they are eager to please him. Whether it is because they respect him or are afraid of him, you arenât sure.
Perhaps itâs both.
You sit up as the bedroom door opens. You smile, big and wide and sleepy as he steps into the room. He shuts the door with his boot, slipping his hood off, and you sigh as he grips the clasp of his mask and unhooks it. He tosses it onto the floor, bare-faced, and as he makes his way towards the bed, he sheds the rest of his clothes until heâs completely naked.
You cannot stop yourself from the shaky breath you take. He is all muscle and fat, strong and entirely too scary, but itâs hard to focus on what he really is when he stands before you like this. He has fat thighs, big shoulders, carved muscle of intense labor around his middle and along his biceps. He has large hands with calloused palms and split knuckles, and your eyes meet his own as he comes closer. Heâs so gorgeous, even with a face like that. He has a long scar that stretches from one brow to his lower jaw, another that cuts his nose and splits his lip, but those eyes are dark and lovely, and you canât help the warmth that comes over you when he catches you staring at him, closer, right to his cock that hangs heavy between his legs.
Just as he begins to lower himself onto the bed, you hold out a hand, giggling.
âSimon, if you think you are getting into this bed without a proper bath, youâre mistaken!â You laugh, and he raises a brow.
âMmmâŠâ He smacks his lips together. âThaâ right, my lady?â He clicks his tongue. âThis is my bed. âs oll mine. Every blanketâŠevery pillowâŠâ He grips your ankle from under the covers and yanks you towards him. âAnd every part of you.â
You giggle again, shaking your head, âPlease, Simon!â You push him away with your toes. âThey only changed the sheets yesterday. Youâll dirty themâŠâ You flutter your lashes. âWill you bathe if I join you?â
He grins wide, licking over his teeth.
âCanât refuse an offer like thaâ.â
You hold out your hand for him, and he takes it gently. You watch as he brings your knuckles towards his mouth, and you bite back a smile when he decides to kiss each one, slow. He tugs finally, pulling you up, and you wrap your arms around his neck as he hoists you up into his arms. You would worry about your weight normally, but Simon holds you so easily, barely even a grunt as he wraps your legs around his middle. You donât waste another second, cupping his cheeks in your hands and kissing him softly.
Itâs never just a kiss with Simon. He slides one of his hands up your back, into your hair, and you whine as he tips your head back just enough to slip his tongue into your mouth. Simon doesnât just kiss, he consumes. What he did to get back to you, the things he endured, the places he has seen and the bodies he has buried and burned and scattered across the places he now calls country, itâs always to get back to this place.
To you.
âHowâs my boy?â He asks when you pull away. He carries you to another room, to where the tub sits, and he rings a bell by the door to call the maids in. You snatch a robe off a hook and cover him with it as he sits with you, but all he does is put a few fingers under your chin and make you look at him again. âOi. Asked ya question, luv.â
Your lip wobbles a little, and you look away.
âIâŠâ You wait until the maids have gone to fetch hot water to tell him. âI bled while you were gone. IâŠâ You smooth your hands over the robe, distracting yourself. âIâmâŠIâm sorry, Simon.â
You close your eyes as he leans close, resting his forehead against yours, and you shake a little as he lets out a warm breath against your lips. He moves a warm hand over your soft stomach, cupping you there, and you lean your head back a little at the tender touch.
âIt will happen,â he says finally, and your mouth opens to respond, but he sticks his thumb between your lips to shut you up. He doesnât want to hear you blame yourself. If itâs anyoneâs fault, itâs his, for not being here with you, for not be able to take care of you. You give in, suckling on the salt of him, and he grits his teeth as he watches you. âI know. Seen it in mâdreams.â
Simon has dreams. Lots of dreams, but he tells you that they are not dreams, they are glimpses into something that has already happened. When you asked if he was some kind of seer, the kind that the king used to have at parties, Simon doesnât laugh.
He says the dreams are why he knows he wonât die. Why he is never afraid, because he knows somewhere behind his eyes whatâs to come even if he didnât see the entire painting of it. It is why he knew he would marry you; it is why he paid you so much attention, why he knew he would win his battles, why he always knows whose blood it is in his mouth because he has tasted their death before and relishes in the knowing of it all, in the certainty.
Itâs never I think, it is always I know, and Simon is nothing if he is not the most honest man that you know.
So if he says you will have his babe, it is as good as truth. As green as the grass grows beneath his feet, as blue as his sky, and as red as the blood that is caked underneath his nails.
When the tub is filled with water, you let Simon sink into it first. You kneel beside it, picking up a glass of oil, pouring it into your palms before sinking your hands into his hair. Itâs gotten longer since he left, in need of a cut, but you smile when he leans his head back into your shoulder. You can feel his content as he relaxes into you, and you admire his physique as you use the warm water and scrub the mud and grime off of him.
âI missed you, husband,â you whisper, and he only lets you massage his hair for a few more moments before he grips you by the wrist and tugs you forward, right into the bath. âSimon!â you laugh, âmy night dressâoh!âitâs ruined!â
âToo far away,â he mutters, practically ripping the silk off of you as he tosses it besides the bath. âMmmâŠâ He cups your breasts with two big hands, smoothing his thumbs over your nipples, and you whine a little as he pulls at them just enough to make them stiffen. âYâshould be naked when I come home,â he says lowly. âIâll soil yâr bloody gown next time, mâlady.â
You giggle, and he smiles. A real smile. As real as heâll ever give anyone, maybe the only one that anyone has ever even seen. He has never shown his face in court, and while it angers the women and irks the men, you revel in the fact that all of this is only for you.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
You kiss him softly. The water sloshes, warm and inviting, and sometimes you forget your life used to be anything but joy. A year ago, you would not believe that you would be here, titled, wealthy, in a stone room lit by candles bathing with a blood hungry ghost.
A year ago, you trembled whenever he looked at you. You cowered when you heard his footsteps. What a stupid little girl you had been. What a fool. She had no idea what she could have, the kinds of things she could hold in her hand.
Real power wasnât being able to command a room with your words. Real power was being able to say anything and have it be believed as truth. Real power was making someone look in one direction and have them see what you see, even if what you see isnât real.
He lays you down in your bed afterward and eats. Your wet hair soaks the sheets, but you canât seem to be really bothered as he fits your legs over his shoulders and bends you at the waist, his mouth suctioned to your clit as he eats you slowly. One of his hands is spread out over your tummy, the other you can hear making a squelch as he fists his own cock. Itâs slow and methodical, and he slides his tongue between your folds firm, catching what dribbles from you on the tip of his tongue before he swallows it and leans in for more.
He has eaten you in nearly every room in your house. Frightened the cooks tossing you onto the dining table, given a servant a scare as he ducked under your skirts in the library, had the gardeners fleeing as he dropped you onto the grass near the lake and disappeared with a frenzy to eat your cunt during sunrise. Itâs maddening, the kind of need that Simon requires, but itâs hard to refuse when you feel so warm and bubbly and happy after heâs finished. A pampered princess you are, never lifting a finger, only awake long enough when heâs home to eat until youâre full and cum until you fall asleep again.
Maybe thatâs why youâre not pregnant yet. Simon likes to be here, between your thighs, mouth fixed on your wet pussy until heâs practically exhausted himself with a sore jaw and lax tongue.
He kisses you sloppy after. Licking into your mouth, practically spitting onto your tongue, wanting you to tasteâtastes so good, luvvie, donât ya see, yeah?âwanting you to know why heâs so eager to be on his knees all the time.
You sniffle, a little dizzy, shaking your head.
ââs not what I really want,â is all you whimper, and he nods, because he knows, he always knows.
âI know, luv. I know wot ya really need.â
âI must be broken,â you sob, cradling his face in your hands, and he shakes his head.
âNot broken,â Simon assures you. He speaks so surely that itâs hard not to believe him. âIt wasnât time.â
âYou canât see the future, Simon! You donât know!â You cry, and he snarls a little, shaking his head again.
âYou listen tâme,â he growls. You shake a little as he grabs your face with one hand, fixing your jaw under his grip as he holds onto you firmly. âWot I say goes. Yâr my wife, so listen tâme, and listen tâme good. Yâr not broken. Not time. Say it back tâme.â
Your lip trembles, and he rattles your head a little.
âSay it,â he snaps, and you hiccup.
âItâs not time,â you whisper, and he plants a fat kiss onto your tear-soaked lips.
âJust need my cock, luv,â he murmurs. âThaâs oll. Just need me tâfuck it outta ya.â
You nod, pressing your face to his, and he tuts, reaching down and spreading your legs wide to accommodate him between them as he lays over you.
ââs oll yâneed,â he repeats, and you nod again.
You have to take another bath in the same morning; and this time, you werenât able to walk there.
You like when Simon is home because itâs quiet. The only one that dotes on you here is Simon. The maids do not dress you or do your hair or moisturize your skin. Itâs always Simon.
You smile at him in the mirror as you sit at your vanity. He has a brush in one hand, and heâs using it delicately to detangle your hair how you like. His hands are practiced and gentle, and when he finishes, he leans over you as he starts to part your hair to braid it. He did not have sisters, but his mother had him always do her hair after she lost the use of her hands with age. You donât know where his mother is, but you assume she is not here anymore, because he never invites you to meet her.
He oils your skin. He slips the robe off of you, revealing your damp skin from the bath, and he slathers oil in his hands before using it to soften your skin. He takes his time, smoothing those big hands over your shoulders, down your back, along your arms. You tilt your head back when he warms your breasts, squeezing and fondling your tits. He murmurs in your ear the entire time, and he has to fuck you with his fingers to quiet you when he stops because just his hands on your tits has you wet all over again.
He dresses you, too. Helps you slip into your undergarments, fastens the cage for your skirts over your hips. He ties them skillfully, and after he layers your skirts over the farthingale, he gets you into your corset. Itâs intimate as he does this. Even with your wide skirt, he comes closer, over your shoulder, and he tugs at the laces at your back, pulling it tight with firm grunts. You sigh when he buries his face into the crook of your neck, his hand skimming over your breasts as they sit nice and perky between stiff fabric and whalebone.
âFuck,â he mutters. âFuck, unnervingâŠthe way ya lookâŠâ
You close your eyes, âS-Simon, pleaseâŠIâm already dressedâŠâ
He chuckles, âI know. I know.â
But when he has to leave again, you nearly come with him. You fasten his armor for him, help him slip each piece of leather on and click every piece of metal into place. You tie his cloak and slip his mask on, and you try and duck your head when you flip his hood up, but he catches you, tilting your chin up.
He huffs when he sees your face. Tears sliding down your cheeks, lips wet with them, eyes all glassy and red. He draws you up onto your toes, pressing his mouth to yours through the mask, and you hold onto him tightly, digging your nails into his chest armor and threatening to not let go.
âI want to go.â
âNo.â
âSimon, let me go,â You gasp, begging, gripping his hood in firm fists and not caring that his armor is cutting into your front. âLet me go with you, I canât do this anymore, I want to go, I can do it.â
You arenât sure if Simon underestimates you. You think itâs more that he does not want you to see him in a place where he is most true. Where he wears the least of a disguise. He does not know he wears it the least with you, and that you have already seen his blood and how it curdles under his skin. You like it that way. You like him angryâŠand meanâŠand terrible. You like him when his sword is dirty and his armor needs polishing and his mind thinks of nothing else besides war. He should know this by now. He should know that you see him and see what he is even more than his king, more than his men.
He couldnât scare you, even if he tried.
âWar is not where women go,â Simon snaps. His tone is harsh, even for you, and you stiffen when he grips you by the jaw and rattles your head a little. âEspecially not one like you, my love. War would eat ya, eat ya fuckinâ whole. Look at yaâŠâ He huffs, deep, sliding that gloved hand down your throat to slip it beneath the neckline of your dress and fondle your breast with a firm grip. âBeautiful. Meant for my lipsâŠfor these dressesâŠmeant to be held in my hands, not bleed from stray arrows, because thaâ is surely the least of wot they would do tâya if they knew ya were my wife. Now ya will wipe these tears, ân see me off, and then ya will come back inside like a good girl, ân you will wait for me here until I come back.â
Your bottom lip trembles, and you scowl up at him. Not indifference, but frustration, and Simon doesnât think it suits you.
âIâm sick of waiting for you, Simon,â you spit. âItâs all I ever do, wait. Wait for you to come back, alive or dead, I never know. And donât say you do this for country, that is a lie.â You shove him backwards, but he barely budges when your hands touch his chest, a rigid wall that does not give. âYou do it because you like it. Youâre a bloodthirsty dog, and all you do is bend to our kingâs will.â
A lie, but you tell it anyways, because you want something, and he will not give it to you.
âThat is my duty.â
âYour duty is to me,â you snap. âKings come and go, but I will not.â Simon stills. He glares down at you from behind his mask, and perhaps this might terrify his men, but that you are not. You are his wife, and you are protected by that title alone. The only man to ever lay a hand on you would not live to see another second, himself included. âNow you will let me join you, or so help me God, Simon, I will not be here when you return.â
You do not expect the full-bellied laugh that leaves him. His armor shakes with him, and you grind your teeth, narrowing your eyes. He uses his thumb to force his mask up, and then he cups the back of your head and draws you in for a sloppy kiss. You resist at first, but when he feeds you his tongue, you melt. You kiss him back, letting him draw you closer, and you sigh as he tangles his fingers into your hair and cradles you with those big hands.
There is nothing more to say. Simon neither confirms nor denies, but you taste it in his mouth, his devotion. Not wrong, not right, but just soâhe has many responsibilities, but you are the only one that will remain the same. One day, his king will die, and he will serve another, but the space you have made beside him will never change. Even when you die, because he knows you will go before him, there will never be someone else to fill it. You and you only, the woman he found and made his, the one he demanded lest he kill his own country for it, it will always be you. Soft and sweet, you are, but the Lord knew Simon could only have one woman, and he made it be you; the one spitfire enough to defy her own king because she trusted his love enough for it.
Would you commit treason to save his life? Would you watch a king die if it meant your beloved lived?Â
Would he?
He thinks about what you have said when he takes his fleet across the water. He runs his tongue over his teeth behind his mask, breathing deep when he thinks about your proclamations of duty. Of change. Of what remains when other things move, of the kind of life that waits for him when he comes and goes with a kingâs order. He thinks about how easily he is taken away from you, and he knows there is truth in what you feel. It is not really Simon that sacrifices, it is what he leaves behind, and that is you.
Itâs never angered him before. He had accepted the fact, as early as your wedding day, that he would leave and come back, then leave again. It has always been the way of his life, come desire or not, so it bothers him that of all the things that surprised him in his life, it would be missing someone that shocked him the most.
Missing his wife. Missing the serene perfection of one woman, and the perfect place between her soft thighs. Every day that he finds himself between them is the best day of his life, he reckons, so now he feels bitter about staring at a freezing ocean amongst his men because he will go weeks without her.
Her. Her. Her.
He is bitter, yes, until he is not.
It comes in a letter from a messenger on horseback. They have been stationed in a foreign land for weeks now, watching slowly as the stone walls of a castle at their front crumples day after day from the stones filled with powder that ignite what is wood and break what is rock. The letter is sealed with wax, with the motif of a snake. It is given directly to Simon, whose name is scribbled in the letter, and when he reads it, he tastes ichor and smoke.
So the great phantom has come to seal my fate. I am not in the business of letting what is mine be taken. Even if you have brought your all, it wonât be taken from me.
I heard you have a beautiful new wife. I heard you paid for her in blood.
I shall do the same. I will hang your sword above our marriage bed.
Ghost is not someone that bends to the threats from foe he cannot look in the eye. Words are so empty. It is nothing like when he stands just a few meters apart from them, eyes fixed against one another, as they decide whether today they want to live or they want to die. The letter means nothing, but heâs surprised by the heat that bubbles under his ribs at the mention of his bride. He meant it when he said you were not meant for war, and that meant in this regard, tooânobody was allowed to talk about you, not like this, not ever.
When his king orders him home, Ghost crumples the note and tosses it into embers. He watches it burn, and then he orders his men to set to flame the ground around the stone walls.
So men like him can be goaded, it seems. His resolve is not as strong as he thought.
The weeks make you anxious. All you do is sit and collect dues and tell the maids which dress you want to wear and which you do not. It is peaceful and boring, and you wish Simon was here to make your days more exciting, but he is not.
His letters are the only things that keep you occupied, truly. He writes to you about war and loneliness, and you write to him about the mundane of domesticity and the ache he leaves behind. Sometimes, his letters come folded with pressed flowers he finds along the way, and you start to collect them, putting them away in small boxes or using them as bookmarks as you go through Simonâs library.
He has many books. His most loved books are those of war, of history, and you smooth your fingers over the pages he has dogeared and find comfort in reading the same words that he once did. You learn, as well. While in your studies as a girl, they made you learn arithmetic and the flowery bits of history and art, here in Simonâs house, you learn of strategy and weaponry and military tactic. Sometimes you disagree, and you write about these disagreements to Simon, and he writes back, pleased with your observations. He told you once that if you were a man, he would want you in that tent with him, beside him, deciding on which formations to take and when to strike. You responded saying that you could be that for him anyway. What did your sex have anything to do with whether you were right or wrong?
Simon agreed.
But I would never invite you here, dear wife. You have to understand that.
When your queen asks for your audience for dinner, you oblige easily; finally, you have something to do rather than add up numbers or sign a document on Simonâs behalf or read another fucking book.
You donât want to wear all the costume your maids insist on, but you appease them after they repeatedly explain to you what your title means. With a drawn face, you let them tie your corset and layer your skirts, and you watch in the mirror as they braid your hair and drape large, obnoxious jewels over you. You grimace at the tiara they fit into your hair, and your elderly handmaid pinches your cheeks and tells you to put on a fair countenance, Your Grace, lest you make the Duke look ungrateful.
You bite your tongue from snapping at her. She should know that Simon would say nothing about your countenance; all he would do is fix whatever was bothering you until you smiled again.
You arrive early enough to have tea. Your queen is so excited to see you; she gushes when you meet her in the throne room, pulling you up from your curtsy so she can hug you tight, squealing. When you try to address her with a curt âYour Majesty,â she shakes her head, pressing her hands to your cheeks and giggling, âNo need for formalities now. Call me Victoria.â
You hide your displeasure with a small smile. Now that you are no longer her lady-in-waiting, she allows you her name. Is it because she sees you more as equals, or because now youâre allowed to be somewhat of friends?
You must be some kind of friend. She sizes you up like you are one. She wears Englandâs colors this afternoon. A fire red dress adorned with gold accents, a dragon pin holding her shawl. She wears magnificent red and gold jewelry, but sheâs looking at your dress, and you can see the slight twitch of her eye. You are wearing French lace, and she doesnât like it. Or maybe she doesnât like the color, the accents of navy blue and silver that you wear.
The skull motif that is woven into your tiara and printed on your coat and sewn into your dress. Does it insult her? That all your life, you wore nothing but browns and beiges and grays, were invisible to her, and now you represent your house, visit her as your guest, and bear an honorable name?
You were no one when you served her. Just a girl, no close family, no friends, just a distant uncle who gave you to the crown that hoped you could be of service. That was to be your duty for all your lifeâto serve the kingâs wife until she wanted you no more or until she was gone. To cater to her every need and every wish, no matter the time of day or night.
Now you sit across her, more noble. Refined. Wearing a dress she despises, perhaps because she likes it more than her own.
Over tea, she gossips about the other ladies she has visit. Youâve heard this before, but youâve never been included in the conversation. She talks to you, and she wants to hear your opinion, and you find yourself uneasy as you try to think of what to say. She is your queen, and you want her to like you. When you worked for her, you earned her favor by always warming up her jewels before she put them on, by making sure she had her tea ready in the morning at her bedside, by always holding the fan she so loved for when she inevitably had a hot flash. Now, as her friend, you werenât exactly sure what to do. You suck in a soft breath and look at her, and then you purse your lips.
You think it best to agree with her. To be on her side. You might not be her direct servant any longer, but you still must fall under her favor. A queenâs favor can be just as powerful, especially if she occasionally has the ear of her husband.
âWell, thatâs not very kind of her,â you say finally, and she laughs.
âNo! Sheâs such a prude. I think her husband doesnât sleep in her bed enough, if you know what I mean,â she winks at you. You giggle at that. âSpeaking of husbandsââ She pops another cake in her mouth. âHow is yours?â
You reach up and tug at your necklace a bit, smiling nervously.
âOh, uhâŠâ You clear your throat, âHeâs doing very well. I hear his latest campaign is quite the success. His majesty is very smart, heading for the east that way, Iâm sure they will be victorious soon enough.â
Victoria smiles at the thought of her husband. His intelligence. She always used to talk to you about how many hours he worked, how she hated when he was away, how she wished he was home more so he could give her a son because she was so, so lonely.
âWise words from the duchess, aye, my love?â
You jump a bit at the low voice from behind, and when you turn, you gasp, immediately standing and falling into a delicate curtsy. John Price waves his hand, coming further into the room, shaking his head.
âItâs alright,â he tells you. âPlease, sit. Youâre here as my guest.â
You stand and lift your head, trying to relax. You take a seat, smiling nervously, and Victoria smiles giddily at her husband. When he bends to kiss her cheek, she fawns, reaching for his hand and squeezing it before taking another piece of tart and eating it. John hums before motioning for one of the staff to fill your cup again with tea. He eyes you curiously, taking in your appearance. You sit up at that, performatively brushing off over the skull pattern on your corset. John runs his tongue over his teeth, smoothing a big palm down his wifeâs long coils of hair.
âSince youâre here, Iâd like a word, if thatâs alright,â John says to you. His tone carries a little more authority now, and Victoria sighs, whining a little.
âJohn, please, sheâs my friend. Canât it waitââ
âThat wasnât a question, Victoria,â John bites. Her face falls a little. She swallows and tucks her hands into her lap. Youâre reminded as you look at the slight wobble of her lip that there is no one truly above John Price, not even her. You keep your face neutral, but if you were invisible, youâd pity her.
What a shame her husband sees her as less than. How embarrassing. Your Simon would never. Your Simon waits until you finish speaking before speaking himself. Your husband kneels to take off your shoes, your husband tears your skirts to get a taste of you, your husband used his teeth to sever a manâs throat just to have your hand.
What did John Price do to get his wife? Who did John Price kill to have her hand? How many bruises did he earn around his knees on their wedding night from eating her out? As many as Simon, whose knees were black and blue by morning?
No, you suppose not. How unfortunate. How pathetic.
Victoria picks up her skirt and stands, pasting a big smile on her face. It doesnât reach her eyes, and you can see the way her hands shake a little as she scurries off. She scowls as soon as she turns away from John, clearly annoyed.
âIâll go check on dinner,â she says, but it is soft and unenthusiastic.
When she goes, the room falls quiet. At the nod of Johnâs head, the staff leave, and you keep still in your seat as John sits across from you, picking up one of the cakes in front of him and breaking off a piece to busy himself. He keeps his eyes on his task of cutting up the cake in small pieces, focused on his hands and how they work. You watch him carefully, steeling yourself.
You anticipate a conversation between man and woman, not a king and his lesser.
âSimonâs been away for some time. I bet thatâs difficult for you.â
You straighten your posture, realizing what this conversation will be. By his tone, John seems to think you a bored, stupid housewife, perhaps. Uneducated. A woman, no thoughts in her head. You let your face relax, and you fold your hands in your lap. Maybe now is the time John should learn who you are and who you are not.
What you have become and what you no longer are.
âI do just fine, Your Majesty,â you say finally. You pick up a spoon and drop a cube of sugar into your tea, and you stir, picking it up to take a long sip. John is curious by your content. You have a quick tongue. âI could say the same to you, couldnât I?â
John laughs. He narrows his eyes a bit at your clever response, taking a large bite of the cake and running a cloth over his beard. His eyes sparkle a little.
âSo you know.â
âKnow what, Your Majesty?â
âYou know I gave Simon orders. And you know he didnât listen to me.â
You purse your lips, but he sees the shine in your eyes. The lack of surprise. His face twitches a bit, and you shake your head. You blink slow, and it irks him to see you so calm. He is your king, and Simon answers to him, and you are his wife, so you must answer, too.
âIâm not sure I know what youâre talking about.â
âI could have your husbandâs head cut off for treason for that, youâre aware, arenât you?â
You tilt your head to the side. What an odd thing for John to say. What an odd thing for John to contemplate, since it would never come to pass. âDonât be daft, my king. You wouldnât want to do that.â
John slams his fist on the table, making the plates and cups rattle with his frustration, but you do not even flinch. You blink, stone-faced, and it makes his nostrils flare. He recognizes that glare, he knows it well. He has seen it before, stared it down many times in rooms just like this. Only now, he is not fighting for land, he fights for control of the one man that he has always been able to rely on. Simon has followed him into battles outnumbered by a thousand men, and only now he ignores an order? Only now he chooses something different?
âNow, letâs be civil, Your Majesty,â you say softly. You smile at him, leaning your head in your hand. âIs there something that you need from me? I have a feeling you might have encouraged this dinner just so you could see me in passing, so why donât you just ask me what you wanted to ask me?â
John lets out a deep breath, leaning his elbows on the table, lowering his voice. He leans towards you, and you admire how blue his eyes are. John is quite a handsome king, but he does not captivate you. It has been a long time since John has tasted blood, and he lacks the edge that you crave dearly.
âI need him back here, is what I need,â John murmurs.
âMy king, I couldnât get him back here any more than you could, even if I wanted to.â
âNow whoâs being daft?â
You scoff, leaning back in your chair. John is not a stupid man. He created a beast of a man, and he is trying not to poke it too hard. You shift, brushing down your skirts, and you let out a low breath.
âWhy did he refuse?â You ask finally.
âWhat?â
âWhy does he ignore your order to come back?â You ask again. âI canât think of a lot of reasons why he would stay. So why did he ignore you?â
John clicks his tongue, smoothing a few of his fingers over his beard. He averts his eyes, looking out the tall windows, frowning a little at the grim weather. The weather is always grim here, but it irks him at the moment, makes him scowl a little harder.
âI wasâŠinformed that there was some sort of letter,â John explains. âSome threat.â
âI donât follow. He gets lots of threats. And terrible letters.â
âWas about you this time, Your Grace.â
You close your eyes at that, shaking your head. Simon would never be so foolish as to be baited by baseless threats. He barely bats an eye when someone even in front of him draws his sword. He is so comforted by his ability to win, by his dreams and his visions that have not yet happened.
âThatâs absurd,â you breathe. âSimon wouldnâtâŠâ
John chuckles, but there is no humor there. âWouldnât he?â
âI still donât understand what you expect me to do,â you roll your eyes, looking away. âSimon isâŠheâs notâŠhe doesnât listen. Itâs why heâs good at this, isnât it? He doesnât really take orders, heâsâŠIâŠâ
John has never complained before about the way Simon chooses to lead. Oftentimes, it is an order ignored that has made it so that he delivered another crown at Johnâs feet. Simon asks for forgiveness, not permission, and John has barely batted at eye at it. He sees Simon as some kind of distant son, but this refusal bothers him so?
John leans forward. âYou need to understand something here, Simon is a rabid dog,â he spits. âAnd sometimes I let him off his lead, but this isnât like anything Iâve had to deal with. I need you to call him back here.â He scoots closer. âEngland needs you to call him back here. To me.â
You narrow your eyes a little. England needs you to call him back? What kind of sick sense of patriotism is he trying to instill in you? John is stupider than he looks, to think a woman like you would show loyalty to country. You are loyal to your husband, and nothing else, because what has king and country ever really done for a woman like you except for dispose of you?
You wear Simonâs colors, not Johnâs, and you will wear them to your deathbed.
âIf I do this for you, my king, then you owe me,â you whisper. He laughs again, no humor, and he picks up a goblet and fills it to the brim with wine. He drinks half before slamming it down onto the table, spilling it over his hand.
âKings do not owe their subjects.â
âQuite right, Your Majesty,â you agree, picking up your napkin and dropping it onto the table. You stand, giving him a polite curtsy. âBut I am not doing this as your subject.â
âEverything you do is as my subject.â
âYou put your entire right to the throne on the back of one man,â you say softly. You are not accusing him, youâre reminding him of a truth. âSimon is whyâŠheâs why your counsel still listens to you. Heâs why your people are free from famine, whyâŠwhy your taxes get paid on time, why your kingdom is still standing, no thanks to your father who wasted this placeâs fortune on women and liquor.â You shake your head. âYou have an eye for conquest, Your Majesty, but you lack the execution of any plan you conjure.â
You are not wrong, and John knows this, and itâs why he hasnât spoken up yet or interrupted you. The man before, his own father, was a drunkard who spent all their money. He drank himself into the grave, and the only reason John stands before you now is because of Simon. A man who he fought beside, who he commanded, who once Johnâs duty became reality took up the mantle and finished what his father never could.
John would be in the next history book you read because of Simon, and itâs Simonâs name that will never be written. They do not bestow legacy to men who serve other men.
âWhereâŠWhere did you learn to speak to men this way?â John scoffs. âI am your king.â
You must have hit a soft spot. John is defensive now, and men only deflect and insult when they are cornered with the truth. They donât like being held in front of a mirror.
âYou are king because my husband made it so,â you correct him gently. âAnd Simon is a loyal dog, and that is good for your sake, because if he had any desire for your seat, it would be his.â You come closer, your heels sounding, and John glares down at you; but you glare right back because you are protected by your name and what you can do with it. John knows this, and it angers him, but he seems to have difficulty facing the truths of his own making. âBut he is not your dog anymore. Heâs mine.â
Your pen on paper is aggressive. You can tell because the splotches of ink are deep, bleeding black sinking into white as you put angry word to parchment. Not even a fortnight later, you are playing cards with Victoria, and you see Simonâs silhouette standing in the doorway, hood shadowing his masked face as he observes. When you look over your shoulder where John sits, and you meet his eyes, he looks away from you with a grim understanding.
Simon answers your call. Always.
At dinner, John is in better spirits. He drinks with a big smile, eats more than one plate, and he picks Victoria up by the waist to make her dance with him when he asks for the music to be played louder. Simon sits, fidgety, gloved hands moving in and out of fists as he watches you cut into your food and eat it with a blank face. He huffs beside you, his armor stiffening as he sits up straight, and you let your fork clatter onto your plate as you turn to glare at him.
âYou were thinking with your cock, Simon,â you spit. âThat is how men like you get killed.â
âYou âave no idea how men like me get killed because there are no men like me,â Simon growls. You roll your eyes, standing, and he grips your wrist angrily, tugging you close until you fall into his lap. You sigh, shaking your head, putting your hands on his broad shoulders and making him look at you.
âMaybe,â you whisper. âBut Iâm not wrong. It is how youâll lose. You know better than that, Simon. To fight someone because they taunted you in a letter, itâs playing the fool.â You cup his cheeks, keeping his eyes on yours. âYou donât need me to tell you that, and yet here we are.â
He breathes slow, closing his eyes for just a moment. He thinks he came for this, just a little. For clarity. Reason. It comes from you in waves, and itâs comforting to hear. It is something he knew, and yet it only makes sense now that you have said it.
âI know,â Simon mutters. âI know. Yâr right. Iâm sorry, luv.â
You ask him to apologize when he undresses you. You ask him to apologize again when he sinks into a hot bath with you. You ask him a third time when he is in your bed, a heavy weight between your thighs as he licks and sucks at the soft skin of your tummy. He begs, lowly, let me âave it, and you will, but he has to say heâs sorry again.
ââm sorry,â he breathes, sucking on your inner thigh, and you close your thighs around his head, forcing his mouth against your cunt.
âAgain, Simon,â you whisper. âI wanna hear it again.â
ââm sorry,â he slides a rough tongue between your folds, breathing shakily when he tastes the oil that he smoothed over your skin only moments ago. You taste so good, you smell so lovely, coming off of you like fumes blinding his senses so that nothing else but you makes any sense at all. When you open your eyes, you think about where you are, and you nearly come thinking about what you have wrapped around your finger.
Not even your king tells your husband what to do. Not even your king commands his men, they wonât listen, heâs not who they turn to when things go belly-up, itâs your husband, and your husband answers to you.
You werenât sure about it until today. Seeing him when you asked him to come, it flooded you with something that hurt. You could tell from even so far away that Simon was salivating under that mask. You knew the only thing separating his mouth from your cunt were the other people around him (and they were not privy to seeing you naked).
It is such a thing to observe. John needed a lead on Simon when he was his dog. You need no such mechanism. Simon never strays, not with you. He sits proper when you ask, and he speaks when spoken to. He tears at unwanted flesh, and he comes when you call.
John cannot give him all that he desires. Perhaps he thought what Simon truly wanted was fame and fortune. Legacy. But like most things men do, John does not observe. He takes in only what is right in front of him, and he makes assumptions. Simon is not like other men. Fame and fortune do not matter. He does not care about legacy. What matters to Simon is what he can hold in his hands. The ground under his feet. The steel in his hand. The woman underneath him, spreading her legs, inviting him in.
You love Simon. You love Simon more than anything in the entire world, but it would be a lie to say that you are not at some advantage here. Simon is all-consuming. He is the pinnacle of duty and honor and everything that a man is supposed to be, but Simon is also weak. There is something that he wanted more than anything in the world, and now that he has it, he will do anything to keep it, and that makes him vulnerable. Subject to all kinds of new things. Revenge. Retaliation. Pain.
Manipulation.
Maybe you should feel bad about it. Maybe you should feel guilty, but itâs hard to feel anything like it when thereâs a big bear of a man between your thighs slobbering on your pussy like dessert. Itâs hard to feel anything but bliss when heâs tracing the letters of his name into your cunt and making you see stars and fucking you into the silk sheets like itâs the last time heâll ever have you.
It is men who govern your world, and if this is how you must move in it, then so be it. You will not feel bad. You will not be sorry for doing what anyone else would do. John thought he could keep his hand there, muzzle his mutt, but you like him this way, and youâre certain John doesnât fuck the way you do.
Heâs mine.
It isnât John that commands an army, itâs you; or maybe your cunt, but that belongs to you, too, so it is you, isnât it? Youâre the one that lets him inside, that whispers in his ear, that tells him things you know he wants to hear to make things move in your favor, so itâs you, right?
Not John. Not Victoria. Not their counsel. You. They have stepped on you your entire life. They have made you small and inferior and sad for all of your existence, and they gave you something feral knowing it could eat you alive, and now you are the hand that feeds, and they are forgetting that if they bite too hard, you have something that will surely bite harder.
A collar would suit him, you think. He would look so pretty. He already is, the terrible beast, prettiest thing youâve ever seen (the necklace your drape over him does just fine, a pendant with his motif that you hope reminds him of you). You donât care if people would say his face is quite ugly. It is, very much so, but you never see him this way. Whenever that mask falls, your stomach flips. He takes your breath away. His intensity, his raw form of love, the look on his faceâthere is nothing else in the entire world that will love you the way he loves you.
âYou came back for me?â You ask. You have a leg tangled between his, and his fingers are between your thighs, a shadow of a smirk on his face as he feels the mixture of your cum and his. He grunts a little, and you tilt your head to look up at him, your chin on his chest.
ââf course,â Simon mutters, and you kiss his chest gently, keeping your eyes on his.
âBut not for John.â
He turns his head, looking down at you more intently, and he scoffs. You know itâs true, but you want to hear it, anyways. You want to hear Simon admit, unknowingly, that you are the tether.
âJohn is afraid, and I donât listen to âim when heâs afraid. Makes bad choices.â
Itâs almost adorable that this is what Simon tells himself. That he comes back for his own sake, and not for yours, even though they are one and the same, intertwined and inseparable.
âSimon,â you say softly, and he sighs, his eyes closing briefly when you kiss him gently. âYou have to listen to your king when he asks you to come back. Making aâŠrash decision about war strategy is one thing, butâŠâ You cup his cheek gently. âMake things easier for me, husband. If he asks you to come back, you come back.â
This time, at least. Just this time.
Simon snarls a bit, but you swallow it when you kiss him. You maneuver yourself over him, straddling his hips, and he grunts as you sink down on him. He swells hard again very quickly, releasing a deep breath as you give a slow roll of your hips.
âMake things easy for me, my love,â you whisper, and he leans his head back, putting two big hands on your ass and moving you with ease. âAppease your king, yes? For me?â
âCanât say no when yâr pussy squeezes me like thaâ, sweetâeart,â Simon groans, and you giggle, planting your hands on his chest and starting to move a little faster. You lean your head back, your mouth falling open, and you gasp when you sink down completely, your ass touching his thick thighs as you tighten around him. âFuckinâ Christââ
âI hate when you go,â you whine, digging your nails into his chest. He hisses, planting his feet on the bed, and he fucks up into you with a renewed fervor. âHate when youâre not here, Simon, I-I miss you, miss thisââ
âNghhâŠfuck, I know,â Simon pants. âCan feel it. Feel you.â You squeal when he grips you by the waist and turns you over. He makes it seem so easy, tossing your weight underneath him, and your arms circle around his neck as you draw him closer, hanging onto him. âYâr so fuckinâ prettyâŠâ
âSimonââ
He kisses to devour. His jaw hinges wide to kiss you sloppy, breathing in the moans that you canât contain. Simon always fucks so well, stretching your thighs as wide as they will accommodate so he can make room for the goliath of himself that he is. He suffocates, in a good way, and his cock never fails to stretch you for all that you are worth. Simon holds your jaw in place as he grinds into you, relishing in the wet smack of his hips against yours. The fat of you satisfies him. It makes him growl with delight when he grabs onto wide hips, your fat arse, the body that you hold that tells him you are fed and warm and content. It draws his grin wider, and it makes him drool thinking about having you again and again and again, until you beg him for reprieve and his heir sits in your womb.
Simon fucks for sport. He wants to see how stupid he can make you. He wants to know how long youâll cry for, how fat he can make your tears. He wants to know how loud you will cry, how many times he can make you cum before youâre incoherent, he wants to know the extent to which he can use you that you will still be awake enough to say his name just one more time. Simon is not satisfied until he pushes your limits.
It is what a Riley does. They endure, and they eat, and they consume, and they take pleasure in the all-encompassing indulgement of things they have never been allowed to have. You are a woman, so he knows this will come easy for you. So often, he knows, women are not allowed to indulge at all, so he wants you to. He wants you to cry and moan and eat, and he wants you to do it bearing his name so that no one will ever tell you no.
Simon says no to kings, and they placate, or they die. His wife will be offered the same respect, and heâll stand behind her with a sword to make it law. When you bear his children, he will expect the same of themâto give their mother utter devotion, lest they answer to his hand. There is no one above you, not God, not country, and certainly not blood. They will know what their father did to have you, and they will spill the same amount of blood to keep it that way. They will do it for you, and then they will do it for their own lovers, and if they donât have the same sentiments, that love is not true, and Simon will not give his blessing.
Everything else is trivial. He knows this, understands it, because history repeats itself. It is cyclical, and you are right. Kings come and go. Sons die to other sons, fathers make bad decisions, and crowns are passed to bastards and back again, until lineage is merely spectacle and power changes hands often enough to lose generational merit. There is one thing that remains, and it is what you do while you are on earth, while you are standing on the ground you were born on. Even faiths change; when men find it suitable, they change the rules, and then you worship a different God, so Simon sees no point in staying loyal to any of it.
Instead, he is true to what he knows. To what he can see and what he can feel. With John, he remembers being a young man, fighting alongside him. He follows John, to an extent, because he knows what it is like to share blood with him on a muddy hill and take an arrow for him.
With you, time stands still. He saw you in a room, and he had to have you, and he brought nations to ruin to make certain no one would bat an eye when he asked for your hand. He saw you in a dream, tooâhe saw you laying in his bed of furs, wearing nothing but a tiara of his making, wet between the thighs because that is how itâs meant to be. He recognized you when he saw you that first time, and he doesnât know how, but saying no to you, really saying no, will change that vision, and he couldnât bear that.
Your voice echoes. Youâre moaning, overstimulated, but he doesnât stop. The hair around his cock rubs your clit too many times, and when you come around him, youâre a shaking, withering thing, back bowed and nipples pebbled. Your toes curl as you cry from the starry-eyed, hot pleasure, but he keeps moving, chasing something in the distance that he can taste, so close.
Yes, Simon ignored his king. Yes, Simon did not ignore you. Yes, Simon admits, he came when you called, and he doesnât feel bad about it, he doesnât care how it seems. He would do it again if he had the chance. John could give him the same answer as you in every timeline, but he will only move if the command comes from you, and yes, Simon knows it makes him a liability, but crowns come with costs, and this is the one John must pay.
Simon will fight any of Johnâs enemies, but he wonât fight fate. He wonât fight what has already been seen, and he wonât fight what he already knows will happen.
With Simonâs cock in your mouth, you can make him deliver on promises. Sucking on the girth of him, you can make him an honest man. Taking inside of your mouth what you can swallow, you can make Simon do your bidding, and it is a hard lesson that John learns.
âDo this for me,â you slobber against the underside of his cock, and Simon relents.
âMake me happy,â you say, swirling your fingers against your puffy pussy, and Simon kneels with an open mouth.
âJust this once,â you whisper with his cum on your tongue, and Simon seals his choice with his hands on your tits and the taste of himself in his mouth.
When you make eyes with John across the low lights of the throne room, he canât help the way he admires you. You stand beside Simon, looking the essence of nobility and reverence in another intricate silver and blue dress. The train of your skirt glitters with delicate jewels hand sewn into the fabric, and the headpiece you wear adorns a skull insignia. Your corset has been tied just right, thanks to Simonâs hand, and your own fingers are clasped between his. Your corset and jewels are of exquisite detailâone of the newest designs from Paris, structured and elegant and accentuating every curve of soft skin.
You glow in the room. His wife must be wearing a dress just as expensive, probably more, and yet his eyes (and everyone elseâs) cannot help but follow you. Your own eyes wonât leave Simon; you flutter your lashes whenever he looks down at you, big smile on your face, and even when there are people curtsying and bowing to you and giving Simon their gratitude between bites of cake and glugs of wine, your attention never really strays.Â
John feels inadequate in his own fortress; suddenly, red and gold sicken him, and England tastes sour in his mouth.
In a few generations, Johnâs house will likely fall. He will make heirs that will fail him, he knows this. In a few centuries, his family will not sit in the same place, but a Riley will remain right where they are supposed to be. Banners of blue and silver will always fly. If Simon does not make sure of that, then you will.
Itâs what happens when you force women like you to their knees. When they grow up invisible, always in the shadows, forgotten and sold to the next man who will pay a higher price, itâs what you learned to do. Itâs all youâve ever known, to make the best out of something terrible.
Simon is the same, in that sense. You understand him in a way his king will never be able to. Simon has nothing, and neither do you, and Simon was stepped on and berated and tortured to the point of no return. It is why blood does not scare him and why death doesnât come knocking. Time will be the only thing capable of killing him, and everyone that stands up to him learns that when they eat his blade.
In the quiet of the evening, Simon undresses you. He sits behind you on the bed, fingers pinching the bows at your back and unraveling them. He traces your corset, thumb circling over the skull pattern of the belt around the small of your waist, and he tastes something warm in his mouth at the sight of it. You look so beautifulâmore beautiful than heâs ever seen you maybe, decorated in his colors and wearing his motif and sitting so pretty.
âYou wanna know somethingâŠfunny?â You ask quietly. Simon finds the ties of your skirts and starts to undo them. He grunts in reply; he might sound standoffish, but you know heâs listening. âJohnâŠJohn made itâŠhe makes it seem like you donât really listen to him. He implied thatâŠin the face of adversity, you might only listen to me.â You put your hands on the front of your corset to keep it from falling. âIsnât that funny?â
âWotâs so funny?â
You swallow, looking down. Your hands fidget, and you take a closer look at the ring you wear, the delicate gold band he gave you not so long ago.
âIâŠâ
âMmmâŠmight be right, innit?â Simon snickers after a moment. You feel him stand, and you look over your shoulder as he peels his mask off and grins down at you. He tilts his head to the side, and you smile back at him a little. âDo anythinâ for ya. Disobeying a kingâŠâ Simon cackles, tearing your corset off, tossing it onto the floor as he walks you backwards. âIgnoring oneâŠâ He shrugs, âOll in a day, love.â
âHe can hang you for it,â you whisper. âCut off your head. Cut off mine.â
Simon lays you back on the bed, spreading you out, climbing over you. You blink up at him, and he leans down, pressing his forehead to yours.
âI would âave seen it. I would know.â
He would have seen it in a dream. It would have come to him in a reflection in a pool of blood on the battlefield. It would have come to him, the voices in his head, he would have heard them amongst screaming, or perhaps in the void that he finds his mind in when heâs between your plush thighs.
You canât help the smile that graces your face when Simon kisses the curve where your jaw meets your neck. It is fun, you suppose. Fun to control the tides that set the courses of history. It is fun and almost unbelievable that a king bends to the will of one manâs wife just because it solidifies his name.
You wrap your hand around the twine that dangles from Simonâs neck. It twirls around your fingers, easy, solid. Simonâs eyes are dark, and they are yours, and when you smile, so does he, because this is where you are meant to be, forever and always.
âWhat if I want more?â You ask. Simon hums, low from within his chest, and you run your tongue over your teeth. âDid you see that in your dreams, Simon? Hmm? Do you know what Iâm asking for? What it is that I really want?â
Simon smiles. A dark one, with teeth, and you know he hears it. What more means for a duke and his duchess. What more means when you have all the money you could ever want, all the land you could ever need.
What more means when you have climbed your way to the top and still desire more. More, more, more. There are not many steps left to climb. There are not many places left to take, not much more of the world that can really be yours, but Simon looks ravenous, and Simon looks hungry, and if you fuck him now, youâll have him right where you want him.
When you tug on what hangs around his neck, Simon bends. Simon follows.
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#dark!ghost#dark!simon
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And there you go. There's a leek is bee's
I love this latent implication that a bee derives a life directing joy from the passive production of honey
#gonna have to assume I have always had access to both sides or alll sides or however you feeling like labeling#when I put things in perspective you are a good girlfriend who has been with me the entire time in this life#I actually said out loud yeah I was hanging out with two dudes online but no it was just one you#one fateful day she throws me here take this picture when we were just two foola peeking through wondows#and sometimes I would wonder if you were in the dark watching my window through yours#it is so hard to come to terms you were fully aware of my thoughts on things the entire time#but I gave them to you long before and after ao it makes sense#presence#we had plenty of those for each other all fall that's for surely#it is quite a rudimentary alphabet occult in the deathly hallows#I like this because it is my favorite story if all time#people are like itsya kids book kinda and U was like I don't give a fuuuuuuck#to a cuban: yeah I am going to a book party have you ever tried reading#sure show me the dotted line#I have a son I don't really care#like new bikes but can't throw me a few hundred ok#god...go do that on my own fuck thT#I talked to the mexicans did the fucking job and went home#Isauro: a girl mentions Wranglers (I didn't hire them....dumb Hector is) Isauro goes and asks her for sex but he is willing to pay her#only in Florida can you go into a swamp and listen to the Mexicans and their ways#Mayans? Builders? sure I've worked with and for them all amd none of them#e wallet#she told me she gave me her wallet at mons....she didn't even have a place to carry cigarettes and a lighter#just kidding you knew I was holding#what if I would have been like hey nah I don't have any cigs#yeah right a amoking show from you too#me: yeah yeah here you go me: đïžđïž#I wanted to put my arm around you being in that state of dress in this place
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I think that one thing people fail to understand is that unsolicited literary criticism coming from an online stranger who is reading with no knowledge of what the authors intended goal is, is not going to be received the same as say: the authors beta reader or friends who know what the authors intended goal and has the sufficient knowledge and input to help the author reach that desired outcome.
"But I'm only trying to be helpful" How do I know you have the knowledge and literary skill for you to be able to actaully do that when we don't know each other and you are essentially a stranger to me? Are you applying this criticism based out of personal biased experience and desire to see the story or characterization be driven in another direction or tweaked, or do you know the author's intentions for the character? If the story is incomplete, are you basing your criticism of a character on the incomplete narration with only partial information available of them or are you building up a report until the story's completion? Did the author provide you with the information needed to make a fully informed criticism?
Have you discussed with the author what their plans are or are you assuming them based off the narration, especially if the narration is proven or implied to be unreliable or missing key points of the plot? Are you unbiased enough to help them reach their desired outcome for the characters and story regardless of your personal feelings towards the characters/antagonists and setting? Can you handle being told your specific input isn't wanted because you're a reader and/or have no written anything relating to their genre or topic? Do you understand and respect that the author's personal experiences might influence their writing and make it different than how you would have done it personally? Do you understand if an author only wants input from a specific demographic relating to their story?
If it's for fanfiction or other hobby media, are you holding a free hobby to a professional standard? Are you trying to give criticism because you feel like the author has produced 'subpar job performance' of their fic? Are you viewing their work as a personal intimate outlet or something that must conform with mass media? Are you applying rules and guidelines when the fic is shared for simple sharing sake? Is your criticism worded appropriately and focused on the parts where the author has requested input on rather than a general dismissal and or disapproval?
Have you put yourself in a place where you assumed you have the input needed for the story to evolve better, or have you asked what the author needs and what they're having trouble with? Can you handle having your criticism rejected if the author decides their story doesn't need the change and not take it as a personal offense against your character? Are you crossing that boundary because you think you are doing the author a favor? Are you trying to be helpful, or do you just want to be?
I think sometimes when people hear authors go 'please don't give me unsolicited writing advice or criticism' they automatically chalk it up to 'this author doesn't want ANY constructive feedback on their stuff at all' and not "i already have trusted individuals who will help me with my writing goals and- hey i don't know you like that, please stop acting so overly familiar with me'
#small rant brought to you by: listened to my younger sibling's friend be very upset today because an original story she wrote gets bashed#the story itself is fine maybe a little fast paced but overall she was happy with it's progress#and there is this one dude who keeps trying to tell her that her story needs to go another direction to 'make sense' and it changes the end#after she's repeatedly explained she's happy with the outcome and does not want to expand on that plot point any further#dude says she's 'unreceptive to criticism' no dude you're just being a dick#constructive criticism helps the AUTHOR reach THEIR intended goal#not steer the story in the direction a reader wants to see it go#sara shush#pls don't reblog with any 'but i take unsolicited criticism all the time' this isnt about you. your boundary is not other people's boundary
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notes from nicole piastri's interview on red flags pod
oscar started playing monopoly and chess when he was 4-5 but he was too good at chess (relative to nicole) that she boycotted it
nicole opened her twitter account because oscar wasn't replying to her at boarding school and she needed a place to chastise him ("can you not answer... i KNOW you're on your phone") (it worked because he started replying to her there)
instead of unflappable she calls him "conservative"
even during christmas and birthdays he was never super excited, one time they went with a group of 5 mums and 5 kids to a hi-5 concert (popular australian kids' musical group) and while all the kids were "going nuts" oscar just sat there "focused the whole time" and didn't smile or move lmfao. they were like 3 years old
didn't know what she was doing with oscar as a baby because he was her first child and her mothers' group was her only reference and they went "isn't the best part of the day when you wake up and go to their crib and they smile at you?" and she was like ??? because oscar would wake up and just SCREAM every single day needing to be out of there immediately and she thought that was just normal... then she had the girls and went "ahhhh... so that's what they're talking about"
when he was younger than 2 he needed them to read car magazines to him and was already obsessed with all things automotive and while they were driving would just name off and point out car brands by their badges
for a long period of time he behaved like he was a car and would "spin" his wheels and pretend to accelerate and run like a car lol
did a big burnout the first time he was on a bike (it had training wheels but he still learned very early)
as a mum she wishes he'd chosen golf or tennis since it's much safer than f1 and sometimes people tell her that she technically had a say in that when he was a kid and she said "but i didn't! it was just in him!!!"
won an academic award when he was 13 and she was president of the parents' community so she presented it to him, normally these events are super formal and you simply shake hands but she gave him a big kiss and instead of acting embarrassed or spluttering he looked at the crowd, nodded silently, and walked off
came back for the summer a few years ago and they were biking on the beach together when she had to brake hard to avoid a kid and went over, when she recovered and got back on he went "are you all right?" very deadpan but after they got home they checked his heart rate monitor and saw that he was totally steady the whole time except for when she crashed and his heart rate went through the roof, told him "ah so you do have a heart... we just don't see it"
"there's no sibling that can piss him off?" "well he's a boy with three girls so he just doesn't go there because he's never going to win"
met lily in person for the first time when he came home for the melbourne grand prix (was still alpine reserve), at midnight oscar was like "hey mum you know the dts film crew are coming tomorrow morning right?" and she was like WHAT... and he was like yeah it'll be chill they just want to film us having breakfast like a normal family or whatever and she was like Mate you haven't lived here for 5 years now do you know what breakfast looks like. it looks like your sisters storming downstairs and grabbing an inappropriate breakfast and storming out the door giving me the finger!!! and then the next morning lily comes down and nicole is like "oh is oscar up?" and lily is like no... i think he's still in bed... (many such cases) and then mae refused to be in it so she got dressed and ran off to school 2 hours early to escape them. and then the mclaren fiasco happened and the whole thing got cut out of dts anyway
when she said "oh my god you met matt damon!" he was just like (shrugs) "yeah... yeah..."
they communicate by facetiming and he's Always lying in bed. one time in bahrain he was leaning back on an ornate tapestry and she asked what hotel he was staying at and he was like oh i'm at the royal palace i'm like a guest of the crown prince. she freaked out and was like "oh my god!!! get your head off the tapestry!!!" and he just looked back like ? no it's fine it looks pretty old lol
called her to tell her that he signed his f1 contract and when he said mclaren she Realized and was like oh no i love daniel!! and he straight up deadpanned "yeah everyone loves daniel. that's going to be a problem..." and said verbatim "of all the f1 drivers ever daniel is the worst one to be replacing"
one time in f4 chris couldn't go to a race and billy monger had just had his crash so she flew to the uk for the weekend to support him and when she was driving him back to boarding school she was happy because she had 2 hours to spend with him and she wasn't sure when she'd see him again but instead he slept the whole way through and the moment they got back to school he went "ahhhh... home sweet home" and she wanted to slap him lmfao
first day of primary school when he was 5 years old he said he didn't need her to walk him to school and she was like "well i actually do mate" so he forced her to walk behind him the whole way and the moment they got there he turned to her and went "all right i'm here you can go now" đ
the chinese & italian & yugoslavian is on chris's side of the family while nicole's is scottish & irish ("that's where the pasty skin comes from")
red flags pod sent her a shirt with oscar's face composed of His Tweet and she showed it to him and he immediately said he wanted it
he gave her a small warning before he posted the tweet but it was just like "mum so this is going to happen just don't worry about it. it's all under control. it'll be fine" and was very calm the whole time
"we just had to trust that his personality would come through at some point, because the way he came across was not at all what he's like. people will work out who the real you is so just continue to do what you do" đ„ș
all of the kids were obsessed with Cars (2006)
likes his mum's golden syrup dumplings and grandmother's rumballs
AT THE SINGAPORE GP IN 2023 HATTIE DISAPPEARED FOR HOURS TO GO SEE A K-POP CONCERT đđđđ i think it was p1h lmfao (nicole was asked for her favorite group and went "i have no idea. five boys") ((it's txt)) meanwhile oscar is only into house music and she thinks everything he plays is the same song
did pilates when he went home but never with her and thinks it's a lot harder than it looks
takes him minimum 24 hours to respond to anything she sends
she had an exact conversation with oscar where she asked who he wanted to be teammates with and he said "well if i go up against lando i don't even have to get close the first year because everyone knows how good he is" đ
oscar you are so you đ§Ą
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