#today was hard but im still breathing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fonkeloog · 2 years ago

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I'm alive. And for now, that's enough

#britt is rambling #britt's road to recovery #today was hard but im still breathing

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moeblob · 7 months ago

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I literally ate One Thing today and my stomach has decided to rebel.

#witewawwy so tired of being sick #i feel mostly fine except for you know the excessive amounts of time ive spent hunched over clutching my tummy #i at least am not still in back pain which is what killed me yesterday #u ever take 4 showers in 1 day (yesterday) to try soothing the pains ?#u ever eat 1 meal in 1 day (today) and regret it for the next 8 hours?#ive tried so hard to be good and rest and FOR WHAT ! a still horty tummy #inhaling too much still hurts and im like please body this is a basic human function ? breathing? why hurt?

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taiyami · 4 months ago

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I've also decided I'm going to fix up my Mana art too just u guys wait. Prepare yourselves. Big papa is BACK !+++!!!+

#tai talks #im literally so ready to finish my projects and coms i still owe folks 😵‍💫#we finally laid my grandpa to rest today so now it feels like. a breath of relief almost? like my hard work has paid off #and i no longer feel like i have to wallow in my grief and i can now just. move on? i dont know. ive been in such a bad depression lately #and so ive been spending all my energy on just trying to get through it all. and i did :]#its a relief really.

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bunnihearted · 6 months ago

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🍷

#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking #they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly #keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time #bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy #but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point #bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be #proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is #yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol #and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao #and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel #i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks #why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls #and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others #but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on #ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives #so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok #ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down #i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal #like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve #i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that #i still feel depressed tho <3 #idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to #i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk #im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol

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skyburger · 8 months ago

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"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf #because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game...#to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series #anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know.#well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years #fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself #but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary #and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS #so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it!#anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post #MY POINT HERE. my point here #IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY #its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again #and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w #she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all #and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations)#so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭#my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only #anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level #and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game.#this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change #anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat!#imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level #I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post #anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today #scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died #muffin mumbles

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 1 month ago

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Love you till my last breath

No, even after that

Even when I'll be a ghost

🤍

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lacystar · 3 days ago

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genuinely fucking asking . do they sell inhalers for like panic attacks. because every time ive had a panic attack around my asthmatic friend and she gives me her inhaler it deadass helps so fucking much

#ik its a prescription but I feel like the correlation is way too fucking strong for there not to be something here #im having a panic attack rn for reference but it is very much substance induced and im like okay I just cnanot lie down because the moment #I lie down it feels like my lungs stop working. but like its manageable when im sitting up #do NOT mix Focalin and caffeine !!!! it worked last time but NOT TODAY!!! noted!#idk if you'd even call that a panic attack but like my body isn't shutting down like as long as im sitting up I can manage. but dude I laid #down just now and I swore I saw the light for like 2 minutes. and by god was I panicking!! and still am about things! but mostly abt not #being able to breathe #anyway this post turned into something else lol #im not having a heart attack I promise #but inhalers are sort of like hard reset buttons on breathing right . I just feel like maybe we should consider this

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melodyatlas · 2 months ago

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wish me luck yall, my computer just shit out on me and while i think i have a temporary solution worked out i need all the luck i can get to try and scrape the data off my old one (if i lose the wips i have on that laptop ill cry)

#the stress ive been through in the past 2 hours aaaaaaaahhhh #ive decided to stop thinking too hard about everything i still need to do to make sure my shit works by the deadline it needs to work by #theres nothing more i can do about it today other than take a fucking breath #it just like suuuuuper bums me out cause my laptop bit the dust when i was getting settled in to write today #and now its just like #who fucking knows when ill be able to write again now??#im not one of those people who can write on their phone lmao #and i definitely canr go back to pen and paper #its just too slooooowwww #i lose track of what i wanna say cause im too busy still scribbling shit down #not a good time #melodys words

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malka-lisitsa · 7 months ago

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#Rough day. Rough week. Rough couple of months.#Today feels especially bad. I feel like im evil for having feelings #I feel like im way too much for everyone.#I feel like its just so fucking easy for people to decide im not worth it anymore #I feel like i mean so little to some people that they dont give a fuck how i feel #that i dont deserve an explanation #that i just deserve to be tossed aside without knowing what i even did #I should be used to loneliness by now its like a second skin #and yet it never feels any better gripping my throat #maybe thats why i like that so much because at least then i understand why i cant breathe #I dont know. I just feel like im so easily tossed aside no matter how hard I do or dont try.#im the simple answer the one you can always throw overboard.#im expendable and outlive my usefulness quickly i guess.#it happens so fucking often. Tell me why it still hurts so badly...

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barkingangelbaby · 5 months ago

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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao

#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision #im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful #life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy #oop very emo thoughts incoming #life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing #im just. struggling very hard this year. idk #i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it #and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh #idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and #all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety #and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been #bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long #but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore #idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days #ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk #a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no #like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life #its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma #and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them #like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please #please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room #i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic #i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle #(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken

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angryborzois · 5 months ago

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uwwfhvh mornings

#my throat needs some help #the whole entire thing hurts like the sides and all #like if i simply open my mouth to yawn im in agonizing pain #and it hurts to swallow #and my cough is still here #i cant breathe dude #unfortunately i think tennis practice is mandatory today 😭#but ill try to negotiate if i can sit out conditioning #because i physically cant #anyways my voice in the mornings though 😭😭😭 (i dont have a voice in the mornings)#also hoping i dont throw up bc one time i was sick and i vomited from coughing too hard

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tamagotchikgs · 6 months ago

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i am still so weak dude even just using the trackpad on my laptop for a minute or maybe even less to scroll on tumblr was enough to make my arm tingly nd numb

#and it just spreads out through my body i am so oug......#i slept since 1pm yesterday to 6am today i think? and i still feel so tired my brain cant function #i just feel so heavy n like even breathing is taking every ounce of energy i have #i dont even know why it's hitting me so hard right now #usually i only pass out once or twice in a month n i recover pretty quickly but this has been rapid fire n constantly getting worse #i dont even think ill be able to go back to silks this week :(#and that fucking sucks not only because i really enjoy it but also it's the only thing that gets me out of the house #it's the only thing i have to use against my anxiety #i just feel like im stuck getting physically worse n because of that ill be forced to mentally regress from all the work ive put in #at the same im. doing a lot better mentally i think just because i hav my partner n being able to spend time w them just. changes everythin #everything is so much better & feels so much more possible #maybe ill be ok if i have that #it's not the full isolation downward spiral that would usually happen #i still have something 2 push myself for #i still have a bit of a continuous thing going im still not. failing? maybe . i dont know #from the second i go 2 sleep 2 the second i can talk to them again i cam looking forward to it i am buzzing #i just wish my body would allow me to have good things o(-<

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healingheartdogs · 2 years ago

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All of my planning and worrying didn't matter because he went on his own last night at home and it was traumatic as fuck for me and Selene both.

#dont read the tags if you dont want any details #he didnt seem that bad yesterday #he was swollen but he was still up and moving around on his own #he even took all his meds and ate a full bowl of food without any trouble #we called the vet to ask them to call us back to discuss options yesterday around 4 #vet called us back around 7 to discuss new meds to keep him comfortable while we got home euth set up for him #and we agreed ro go in today to pick them up for him and then got off the phone #and like five minutes later Banana suddenly started panting hard #so me and Selene sat on the floor with him trying to figure out what was wrong #and he started having a seizure which we're used to so we were keeping him company waiting for it to pass like normal #only it didnt #he suddenly died in my arms instead while I cried and screamed and tried to get him to start breathing again #selene call d the vet and told them we were bringing him in for an emergency visit and i was just sitting on the floor numb #cuz i knew the vet was too far away to be any help and even if they werent it wouldn't matter #he was already gone #he was gone so fast and I wasnt ready #it was so fucking horrible #im never going to be able to get the way he looked before he collapsed out of my head #my poor old man #that was not how it was supposed to go im so sorry

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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having the issues i have is literally exhausting. like why do the miseries have to be ceaseless and the horrors unending.

#purrs #idk if im swaddling my inner child or str*ngling her (sorry) but she needs to stop crying bc my GOD i can’t keep living like this. my counse #counselor literaly told me i could get fired if i end up working somewhere else (🤨👊💥) and don’t heal AJD it’s like ok you’re right but also #shut up don’t fucking say that. but he is also so right like i can’t keep living like this. i was anxious and agitated all day and it’s good #that no one noticed but also like it takes so much energy just to sit in one place and do my work and respond to the stimuli and not start a #sobbing and howling. i hate this shitty fucking situation i want it to be over so i never have to feel this helpless again but im feeling pr #pretty helpless right now mutuals. i am feeling pretty helpless and i also cannot breathe because the elephants are taking up too much space #and i mean that in more ways than one. i don’t even have the energy to play video games rn like literally all i want to do is sleep. omg #still not as bad or in as bad a place as last week. and thank god i have not been dizzy since friday. but this is really pushing my limit. l #like im scared my heart is gonna give out from pounding so hard and i was trying to do affirmations w mysef and talk myself through the #logic and it didn’t work really and im like 😐 plus like almost every triggering / upsetting kind of situation that can happen has happened #today and i haven’t flipped out abt it it’s been more like slowly chipping away at me and.. i am at my fucking limit. i need to sit in a #sensory deprivation tank. and i also need to get married and/or a phd immediately. and i also need a lobotomy.

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trollbreak · 1 year ago

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Ok I can have 1 emotional post abt it today. As a treat. Um. Ghosti would hold my hand so soft abt all this. So would a lot of my guys but ghosti specifically would have the. Maybe specific feeling to it I’m feelin

#vent #um. tw animal death in these tags. big heads up #gonna pad out the text a bit so u don’t have to see it without clicking the readmore #bc I don’t really touch on death and grief really beyond as passing as possible most of the time #bc that shit gets to me soso much like break me out of an anxiety attack to ask someone to tag it get to me #so #um #also um. abuse tw? not physical but still #my dads a piece of shit. and his wife is a piece of shit. and I can’t be around them without my fight or flight kicking in much less be at #their house where I was having weekly breakdowns and #like refuse to admit that maybe the trauma they gave me for the sake of not being embarrassed maybe wasn’t entirely my fault stubborn asses #um. they were rarely kind to me. and even more rare to the dogs. I’ve been nicer to my dogs than they have to their kids for years.#um. my dad texted me today that. the dog I grew up with. that was such an anchor while living with them. she died today. so um. im kind of.#dealing to the best of my ability. and that includes a lot of passive work to fill the periods when im too exhausted to think. and to keep #my hands busy when the pendulum swings the other way and im crying. god I forgot how much that shit gives me headaches btw. but um. she went #as easy as she could’ve dad said she went in her sleep so there’s at least that #but um. my god #80% chance im not sleeping in my bed tonight bc. my dogs im living with now. they’re gettin up there in years too. and I. can’t deal with #the spiral my anxiety is trying for on that front. but being with them feeling they’re still breathing is. helping.#so. that’s why I’ve been. in a state today. I genuinely can’t tell how easy or hard it is for other folks to tell but. yeah #I can’t do character stuff rn but I can draw every now and then and if I can’t work with pre-existing characters I can at least make some #for y’all. so

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persephoneflouwers · 2 years ago

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✨

#i knew today was going to be hard #im shaking again and I feel like crying #i know when this wave of sadness is coming and I just cant stop #not even when im around people #i dont think i can sleep #i have meds here but I don’t want to take them #ive never taken meds anyway so idk #it’s just… m going on with this weight on my chest #sometimes it’s hard to breathe #i dont know how to do this #probably i should see a therapist but i dont know i dont have money to do that now #it’s still too soon maybe? but I know myself #i know im hard on myself now but god i wish i could turn back time #im sorry if i rant here #i know this should be a happy place but it’s tough and im not strong enough #tw grief

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