#um. tw animal death in these tags. big heads up
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trollbreak · 2 years ago
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Ok I can have 1 emotional post abt it today. As a treat. Um. Ghosti would hold my hand so soft abt all this. So would a lot of my guys but ghosti specifically would have the. Maybe specific feeling to it I’m feelin
#vent#um. tw animal death in these tags. big heads up#gonna pad out the text a bit so u don’t have to see it without clicking the readmore#bc I don’t really touch on death and grief really beyond as passing as possible most of the time#bc that shit gets to me soso much like break me out of an anxiety attack to ask someone to tag it get to me#so#um#also um. abuse tw? not physical but still#my dads a piece of shit. and his wife is a piece of shit. and I can’t be around them without my fight or flight kicking in much less be at#their house where I was having weekly breakdowns and#like refuse to admit that maybe the trauma they gave me for the sake of not being embarrassed maybe wasn’t entirely my fault stubborn asses#um. they were rarely kind to me. and even more rare to the dogs. I’ve been nicer to my dogs than they have to their kids for years.#um. my dad texted me today that. the dog I grew up with. that was such an anchor while living with them. she died today. so um. im kind of.#dealing to the best of my ability. and that includes a lot of passive work to fill the periods when im too exhausted to think. and to keep#my hands busy when the pendulum swings the other way and im crying. god I forgot how much that shit gives me headaches btw. but um. she went#as easy as she could’ve dad said she went in her sleep so there’s at least that#but um. my god#80% chance im not sleeping in my bed tonight bc. my dogs im living with now. they’re gettin up there in years too. and I. can’t deal with#the spiral my anxiety is trying for on that front. but being with them feeling they’re still breathing is. helping.#so. that’s why I’ve been. in a state today. I genuinely can’t tell how easy or hard it is for other folks to tell but. yeah#I can’t do character stuff rn but I can draw every now and then and if I can’t work with pre-existing characters I can at least make some#for y’all. so
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andthebubbles · 1 month ago
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okay i finished book 1 and 2 of the tithenai chronicles (eta by foz meadows, I keep forgetting to say bc I keep thinking it'll put it on the tracked tags even though I'm pretty sure it won't. Anyway, tl;dr I would recommend these two books I guess but cw animal death (graphic and upsetting) in book 1; other warnings are in the a/n before the start of each book)
this ramble about it is not going to be exactly glowing so i'm not putting it in the tracked tags
(spoilers below the cut)
so. i liked book 1 better than book 2. saying that, i will probably never read either book again, except for my very favourite favourite parts
book 1 has this warning at the start:
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what it does NOT fucking mention is animal death and it is graphic and sad and UNNECESSARY and honestly i was (and am) furious at it. this is my reason for never wanting to read either book again except for my favourite parts. it also... made me probably overly critical about the books
the bits i love most in book 1 are... well, first of all, the aftermath of the rape is done very well (the way it changes in vel's head, he becomes more self-blamey and ashamed etc by the next day, and the next, etc)
i love that markel is always in his corner!!
some markel goodness here (tw suicidal ideation/sorta attempt (happens right after vel gets noncon-ed)) (ch 3):
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as an aside (or perhaps not), i started reading the book from the noncon (haha) (when i finished book 1 i went back and read the start) and when markel appeared afterwards i immediately liked him <3
this is the part where i started liking vel (ch 4):
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the journey over the mountains was great re vel getting moodier and moodier. understandably. markel has some nice stuff there iirc but i'm not checking it
ah, also i liked how vel kept flinching away/not wanting to be touched. and, scattered through the rest of the book, his panic attacks etc are goooood
my very favourite part in book 1 is ch 10, where after vel and cae get married, vel thinks he's going to be forced on his wedding night, so (starting from the end of ch 9):
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there is one caveat to me liking this part though lol, iiii am not sure if vel would've come out with the whole thing to cae, who he barely knew at this point... but anyway!
so i have lil niggles everywhere... Around/before chapter 10, i did feel like... things were happening in a way that just happened because the author wanted it like that, and it happened a bit fast, and there wasn't anyone at least considering other options before finally landing on the final one. nothing wrong with the option chosen, i just would've liked more 'but what if we did this? ...but no, that wouldn't work; what about--'
book 1 is imo a lot more tightly structured than book 2, and it helps to have a solid whodunit starting from near the start. before it becomes a whodunit, it's very good too as it's a... study in... vel and all that he's lost (killic raping him, the arranged marriage taking away his choices, his dad exiling him for being gay :( ). then he spends the trip to qi-katai being so careless with his life because he lowkey wants to die. it's skjfgnfkg really delightful. i adore him so
um. i also love how clever/perceptive he is!!
i liked this part (ch 23):
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and i liked this part (ch 37):
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the run up to the climax... felt a bit drawn out... and also a bit lmao with them just. walking through the streets, sorta, all beaten up, and people just being like 👀 i suppose i would've liked them apprehending laecia in a different way
i would've liked laecia, if she didn't fucking kill vel's horse :( also, i feel like she contradicts herself when she's like 'what's the big deal, it's just a horse' but CLEARLY she knows what quip (the horse) means to vel because she killed quip to punish him :(
i like everything else about her though. nice character. apart from... the horse...
the heir stuff/inheritance makes no sense btw
okay, as for book 2...!
book 2, as i said, is a lot less structured than book 1...
book 1 succeeded in making me love markel and like vel very much. and i was just o-k with cae. in book 2, up until vel realised he loved him lmao, i was actively fucking rooting against him. some of it i feel like it's more of a writing fail though
there's this bit where the inn is on fire and to stop vel from running into the burning stables to save his new horse (called Gift), cae first grabs him and then fucking grabs his arm and twists it behind his back??? what the fuck? such that vel immediately flashes back to killic raping him. and that pulls him and cae apart for a while. i count this as more of a writing fail though, whichhhhh continues on into the next chapter, where nobody checks to see if the horses are all right/alive; the group has enough time to move across the street and sit down, and vel is crying and then just devastated, and then qarrah comes by and is like 'oh yeah your horses are fine' and vel is like OMG they're alive??? and then you, as the reader, realise that FOR THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME VEL THOUGHT HIS HORSE DIED (JUST LIKE HIS PREV HORSE QUIP DIED) and none of his friends, not even markel, thought to check?? like. i just feel. that this is. ugh
there's also a very poorly placed simile RIGHT in this section ("the night dragged on like a dying horse stuck in its traces"), given what vel's distraught over. and, while vel is grieving Gift/thinking she's dead, cae looks at him after vel puts on the clothes he brought him and thinks he's beautiful. ummm. poor timing, hello?? it just.
there are some minor horse deaths later in the book (i would say they're on the same level as watching a horse fall in battle in lotr and the like); yeah there's no warning for it in the a/n buuuuuuuut. i mean. it's not as bad as book 1. book 1 imo should REALLY have had it. i'm still mad. it was graphic and awful and unnecessary and genuinely i could start crying when i think about it
there are some nice things in book 2. and it does pick up eventually when it finds its way into becoming a whodunit.
(I love how vel spirals)
(and honestly at some point in the first half i just wanted him to go away from all this shit and just. have a horse farm (?? lmao) somewhere with markel and just. HAVE A LOVELY LIFE. NO HORSES DYING)
nice thing (ch 3):
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i ADORE ch 14 (with the conflict starting in ch 13), although it did just make me dislike cae lmao. he's not political, and i get that, but vel is anxious about the upcoming ~being presented at court in the capital, and cae does nothing to prepare him? AND, he neglected to tell him that he's his heir to the yaserate (like a dukedom). then they get into an argument, and then cae leaves, and then vel's crying alone in their room, and then markel comes and comforts him (ch 14)...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love markel. at this point, despite markel not being into men, honestly i just wanted him and vel married lmao. and there's still fanfic, IT'S STILL POSSIBLE, but no one's written any vel/markel (or even vel & markel (main pairing)) so, fuck
anyway, then markel leaves, and some other stuff happens, and eventually vel falls asleep... and in the morning cae is still not back, and vel is like '...oh. he left me. ofc he did' and then cae DOES come back and it turns out he just fucking fell asleep in the stables. jfc
anyway, here's some nice vel and markel stuff from ch 14 :3 (Spoons is a cat (happily, no cats were fucking killed in this book)):
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HE LAID HIS HEAD ON MARKEL'S LAP
so, hm, what else did i like from this book?
this was so sad! fuck. nathian is vel's eldest brother (and revic is their middle brother who died at some point idk) (ch 24):
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...
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also, if i must pick something else, i quite enjoyed the part where markel and asrien had to interact (interlude/ch 15.5 i suppose (asrien pov) (markel (a servant) was just bossing him (a lord) around the entire time hahah)):
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and. haha. i REALLY enjoyed it once cae was locked up in prison and vel had to investigate by himself, or well, with markel. i do love them both <3
anyway, what DIDN'T i like in book 2... apart from what i said before, which was really glaring and merited being at the top, imo
i thought the instructions asrien got re vel and cae was ... convoluted/overcomplicated/idk what's the word... it was a bit inefficient, i guess.
the uhhh.... the way asrien hit subspace when the general grabbed the back of his neck... hahahaha....... at this point in the book i didn't like either of them so i was like, uhhhHHHH, and just... didn't really give a shit. but by the end of the book they end up caring for each other, and asrien is marginally more likeable, and ditto for the general, so... But honestly reading that first smut scene with them was just. kinda random
um. i feel like cae should've... thought differently about the maze stuff... the ~being drugged and then almost drowning and all, and how he lost his knife. idk. i could be wrong here; i'm not so good at putting myself in another's shoes
iiiiiiiiiii am not sure how qiqa fits into this? like. they kinda knew a LOT
anyway. i'll add more stuff if/when i think of it...
ETA 250327 HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN THIS GEM (ch 21)
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"SWINGING YOUR COCK ABOUT" vel ily
anyway i just thought his rant here had an excellent rhythm to it
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