#i know this should be a happy place but it’s tough and im not strong enough

[persephoneflouwers]

✨

[natasha-in-space]

I got a yoosung angst prompt cuz its fun to put the most sunshine guy through the worst traumas

How do you think his relationship will mc be post Bad Ending 3. Yeah its the ending where Unknown kidnaps and tortures him. Lets assume that he eventually got rescued and nearly died in the process (cuz Unknown badly hurt him in a fit of rage) but he survives....he lives

But whats gonna be after that how the whole ordeal is gonna affect his relationship with his S/O because it is going to be tough for both the parties. Ofc yoosung who was directly affected by the ordeal will need alot of therapy, and love and support. But it was quite tough for mc too.... if anything yoosung route does, it shows us the fact that losing a loved one is traumatic, nearly losing one too as well and MC also was traumatised and is guilt ridden (maybe i should have tried harder to stop him had i knew this would happen is a constant thought in her head) she also becomes somewhat protective of him because he has been through enough and deserves to get the best of the world.....but while mc is well intentioned in her actions....it somehow stings Yoosung, he is the one who should be protecting her, he should be the proactive one in the relationship....thats what he thinks. It makes him feel small....besides he can also see her running herself thin for him....and he just wants to not be a burden to her...

I rambled alot im sorry but i wanna see your take. As always i just wanna let you know I love your writing

Well, the unfortunate thing that I just can't help but bring up is that... Bad Ending 3 happens due to the player's (MC's) actions. That's not how it works in real life, of course, but with the structure of MM's storyline, that's how it plays out, and that's how it's meant to be interpreted by the player. In that ending, MC prioritizes themselves first, and encourages Yoosung self-sacrificial tendencies for their own benefit (or, well, safety, to be more exact). MC's actions are what led Yoosung to sacrifice himself in that ending in the first place. And that's also the reason behind his seeming resolve with what Unknown is putting him through in the aftermath.

'It's okay. I'm protecting them. They wanted me to keep them safe. So they wouldn't be scared. I need to stay strong for them. I'm doing this for them. Because I love them. Because I don't want to be in the dark and not do anything like it happened with Rika.'

So both sides of the argument are dealing with a messy tangle of emotions to deal with. And if you do want to imagine a better resolution to all of this, it'll probably involve a lot of conversations between the two.

Your dynamic between each other is unbalanced in that particular ending. And that's something that needs to be fixed. MC should take more care of Yoosung's well-being first before their own and believe in him, while Yoosung needs to work on his anxious attachment style.

It is difficult, though, because Yoosung's worst traits got the best of him as a direct result of MC's actions. The situation is pretty similar to those who want to imagine a better solution to Jumin's 2 Bad Ending. While it's possible, it needs to be acknowledged that MC is the one who needs to put most of the work in.

In my opinion, what would their relationship be like? Well, if we assume that MC does feel guilty for everything that happened, that's a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. Yoosung got hurt. Bad. Both physically and mentally. And he'll probably dismiss it too. It's important to remember that in this particular ending, he's devoted to you to an unhealthy extent. Not the same as in his 1 Bad Ending, but in a very self-sacrificial way. He'll probably just smile at you and say that he's happy you're safe. That that was the only thing he ever wanted. And that he held out for so long because he remembered what you told him, and how scared you were.

So... it's a pretty heavy situation for MC to be in. It's one thing to have your loved one disregard their well-being for you, but it's completely different when it's the direct consequence of your own actions.

Many apologies need to be made. Even if Yoosung doesn't understand why you're apologizing to him. Lots of talks to be had. And lots of very slow and steady progress to be made.

It's possible to come up with a better resolution to this mess. But it'll require a lot of work and patience from both MC and Yoosung. It does make a very interesting story to think about, though!

[kokomos]

✧`. - 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙈𝘼𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀 ᰍ ·˚ *

emma mountebank relationship headcanons

+ Definitely a tease, a confident one at that and she sees it as a challenge to make you blush/stutter as much as possible.

+ Loves to admire you from afar, she's always got that lovesick look on her face when she catches a glimpse of you.

+ Totally shameless about it too if anyone catches her staring.

+ Very!!! into PDA. You're her girlfriend so she thinks everyone should know it.

+ Lowkey a laidback gf, she doesn't get jealous easily and if she does she'll do everything in her power to hide it.

+ She HATES looking vulnerable in front of you. She wants you to see her as a perfect person, the perfect girlfriend... and she thinks expressing any negative feelings would ruin that image.

+ It's ironic that she claims communication as important for your relationship because when it's time to talk about something serious, she tends to focus only on how you feel while pushing her own feelings aside to avoid confronting them.

+ She can't stand being in a bad place with you, it kills her when you guys fight even if it's over/about something small.

+ Prefers to move on quickly rather than mope in her feelings or hold a grudge.

+ This definitely gets in the way when you guys have a fight and she thinks a little 'im sorry' means everything is all better now.

+ Although she cherishes the relationship you two share, she still struggles with commitment issues. Her dread of getting close to someone on a deep, emotional level can force some self-sabotage tactics into play.

+ On a lighter note, she loves pranks!!! Good luck to you. It doesn't matter how much she likes you, you're still getting pranked. She'll let you off easy and keep the footage away from her fans, you're welcome.

+ Somewhat enjoys the act of groveling after you when she inevitably makes you mad (definitely because of one of her many pranks).

+ "Come on, pretty (girl), talk to me please."

+ Speaking of, the decision whether to be involved in that part of her life is entirely up to you! She doesn't mind if you want to keep the relationship private and 100% respects the choice to stay out of the spotlight. If you say yes, she'll be ecstatic declaring you two to be the best couple on social media (even if she is yet to even touch her phone ever since Chris took them away).

+ She loves to show you off, she really thinks she's been blessed with the prettiest girl in the world.

+ Obsessed with giving you a kiss in front of the other counselors/your friends just to see how fast your face gets red.

+ It wouldn't be accurate to say her main love language is physical touch but it's definitely the easiest for her to express. Big fan of holding your face in her hands, she's also known to put a hand on one of your knees or a lazy arm around your waist to pull you closer to her.

+ Emma has a sort of natural dominance to her character that goes a little underappreciated. Not by you though! You'll get to see first-hand what that dominance is like in private.

+ Although she's known to complain about having been with Jacob, she does work best with someone who takes on a more submissive role in the relationship (not someone who wants her to be their mommy).

+ Tough girlfriend. She's pretty strong physically meaning she will take on a lot of responsibility in protecting you if the situation ever calls for it.

+ She isn't big on pet names, she'd much rather just say your name or give you a nickname that only she can use.

+ Emma is someone who doubts whether or not true love and happy endings actually exist, it isn't until you come along that she starts to gain faith in it all.

— ♡☆

a/n: this is a little self-indulgent so i used some feminine terms but any reader is free to enjoy and request for emma, thank you for reading!!

[skeletood]

OHHHHH SO MANY THOUGHTS TO SHARE

Holy shit. Probably the hardest I’ve laughed at any of the new seasons releases so far. Absolutely speechless

Hellhole:

- SOOOOO HAPPY to see them riff again it’s so corny and silly

- Beavis gets to hell and his first thought is where all the biker dudes are? interesting interesting *puts this in my notes

-oh my god already some amazing facial expressions

no wonder this dude ends up with so many cracked teeth in the future

- the boys being inexplicably immune to death never gets old to me

- THE DARKNESS PART HAD MY HEAD IN MY HANDS SHUT UP. THANK **GOD** IT WASN’T ANOTHER ESCAPED SNAKE SITUATION DEAR GOD IVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER FOR A BAIT AND SWITCH

-hehe :] sillies

Overall thoughts: Another great ep this season good job guys, gave me a lot of good little laughs

The video segment was whatever but Arianna’s eye candy so like. All good :]

Take A Bow:

My god. I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen on the way in to this episode and I was NOT prepared for what it gave me and put me through

- already starting the ep strong with some GREAT facial expressions

so fucking real i used to do this to my guy friends when i was their age. not quite enough to put them in the hospital but like. yea lmao

- (monotone) “Take a bow” HAD ME DYINNNNGGGGG

- knowing about all the flavors of mountain dew what a goddamn nerd (knows everything about the different monster flavors)

- “Cherries don’t taste red at ALL. They taste all barfy” little kids complaining about foods they dont like is so silly, thank you for being your childish self its so refreshing

oh man. fuck. its butthead characterization time! finally some good fucking food. oh man here come the waterworks IMAGINE me getting stupid over an emotionally stunted idiot with a big head:

- “not until youre better beavis” first of all shut up. second of all shut up.

- “It’s like, I didn’t mean to hurt him. Feeling bad sucks.” WE KNOW BABY. WE KNOW. SO PROUD OF YOU FOR ADMITTING IT HUN :((((( the fact that bro cant even acknowledge he HAS feelings unless he’s alone. the volumes that speaks to me. man

if you had told me a week ago these were real screenoshots i wouldnt have believed you. at all. cant wait to see the looks on the faces of all the “ohh stop looking so far into it its just a stupid lowbrow cartoon” people like shut the fuck up!!!!! youve clearly never experienced real friendship before and are so pissed off cause u dont know what it looks like

- not pictured here is where they had to forcefully remove butthead from the room bc he was freaking out after thinking he killed beavis. If you disagree youre just wrong sorry!

- not only is this a funny as hell angle but man. we already know damn well he doesn’t want beavis to die but its nice to hear him say it. also he’s right, it was really funny. take a bow :]

- a lot of really good beavis screams this episode too

- BOY. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT “COVID” IS. MR JUDGE IM STRIKING THAT FROM THE RECORDS BUT YOURE ON THIN FUCKING ICE AKJSDSNA

- “-and his friend would have died of grief shortly there-after” I’m- I need a minute. LIKE WE ALREADY KNEW THIS BUT. THANKS FOR ADMITTING IT. 

- also, god is a whiteman i guess kasjndsajkd

In conclusion: both fucking great episodes. I am always EXTRA excited for Butt-Head characterization moments, it just makes him so much more human. Not to mention how happy I am to see that they toned down his cruelty JUST a touch. I honestly didn’t notice how bad it had gotten last season until i compared it to how this one is going so far, it feels more like older seasons butthead again :] Like dont get me wrong i LOVE it when he’s mean its just who he is but it should come more out of a place of stupidity/no real self awareness than like. idk wherever it was coming from last season. These boys are goin soft on us and to that i say: thank god. It’s nice to see them act human. Take a bow has EASILY taken old man beavis’ place as my favorite ep so far and ngl its going to be tough to beat. Funny episode that had me chuckling throughout the whole thing AND nice Butt-Head moments? Oh Mike, you shouldnt have u///u

Anyways lemme know your thoughts :]

[s3a-s1ug]

Mmm after 3 seperate breakdowns with 20 minute breaks in between im in questionable mood, my eyes are still burning from tears so i will use my fragile state of mind to request a fear and hunger nsfw scenerio... fic... thing?

How about Ragnvaldr × Cahara? I know its a joke in the fandom that Cahara is a size queen for all the fucked up reasons you can imagine, but from the ingame art to fanart, he seems kinda like a hoe ngl. I know he has a wife but come on, let a girl dream. Basically the fic would be in the canon setting of the game, and the two would meet as normal, but Ragnvaldr notices that Cahara attempted to steal his shit. However, instead of getting mad and kicking Cahara on his merry way in the dungeon, he decides to keep a close eye on him. The dungeon is a dangerous place and its always good to have more hands for weapons.

One thing leads to another, you'll be the judge of that, and they end up sharing a bed. And Cahara once again proves himself to be untrustworthy by feeling around in Ragnvaldr's pockets. But what he touches isnt his pocket, unfortunately.

God I hate myself. Its 4 am, i need to sleep

Oh and also happy christmas

“The Thief’s Tricks”

Cahara x Ragnvaldr Fic - Part One

༺☆༻

THIS REQUEST SAVED ME!!! This is actually so fun. The next part should be out soon! I’m that case enjoy!!! …and merry Christmas to you too..? Time is a construct I guess.

༺☆༻

The prisons. The heavy oppressive nature of the sights to be seen in there would shake anyone to their core. Bloodied empty prison cells captured the true horrors of what happened to its unfortunate prisoners. All for except one.

“…hey…hey big guy..!”

Ragnvaldr stopped in his tracks and locked into the prison cell. A man with dark messy hair on the other side. He seemed to be in shape but he looked very tired. Bags under his eyes. He gave a tired smile

“Look.. I’ll give it to you straight… I’m in a tough one here and I could REALLY use your help. You look strong. You think you could get me outta here..?” He asked with a hint of desperation in his voice

Ragnvaldr analyzed the man on the other side of the bars. Could he be trusted?…then again…the dungeons are very dangerous and it could be better to traverse them with some help…

“Hmm… what is your name?”

“Cahara..! Of the south.”

“Ragnvaldr. If I were to help you out of here you will have to help me too.”

“Oh?”

“I am on a quest to find a person..and kill him. He is long way down these dungeons so if you are willing I could use the help.”

The mercenary didn’t even give himself time to think and answered immediately

“Yeah sure! I’ll help. I’d say I’m a pretty useful asset. Im a mercenary so I think I could be of good help.

Ragnvaldr only nodded in agreement. He held the bars of the cell. They were rusty and worn out but sturdy enough to keep someone from getting out. He gripped the bars and slowly separated two of them to make an opening for Cahara to get out.

“Woah…damn…you ARE strong..!” He said in awe. A little intimidated even.

“Ja. But you must promise me one thing. You will not deceive me. Since I have helped you, you must return the favor.” He held out his hand for Cahara to shake

“Yeah sure thing”

Cahara shook his hand then brought him into…a hug..?

“I can’t thank ya enough, man. I mean it”

Ragnvaldr was taken aback by this. He swore he felt something in his pocket but before he could react Cahara pulled off from the hug and smiled

“Well I’d assume you know the way?”

“U-uh ja. Follow me” He said with a hint of confusion. He was still cautious mainly due to Cahara’s “off” vibe.

They walked for a bit trying to find their way out of the prisons. Multiple corners were turned in silence. Ragnvaldr went to grab for something in his pocket but…it was gone… he stopped in his tracks. Cahara, who was pretty far behind him now, stopped us well, pretty taken aback.

“Cahara.” Ragnvaldr said sternly, not looking at him

Cahara seemed nervous

“Uh, yeah..?”

“Give it back. You took it.”

“Took what? I wouldn’t steal anything from you. Uh promise! I’m here to help after all heh”

Ragnvaldr turned around and looked at Cahara. He walked up to him and grabbed Cahara’s wrist.

“Give. It. Back.” He squeezed Cahara’s wrist tightly while giving him a stern glare

Cahara gulped. He was in a tight spot. Cahara was in no way weak. He had a fine build and could try to fight back but… that probably wouldn’t last long.

Cahara sighed. He shuffled through his pocket using his other hand and grumbled pulling the vials out and giving them to Ragnvaldr

He let go of Cahara’s wrist

“You made a promise. Next time I won’t be so forgiving. As it may seem I actually need to help. So don’t try this again”

Cahara nodded silently, clearly getting the message.

“You will walk by my side. You’re very sneaky. This will not happen again.”

Ragnvaldr turned around again and continued walking with Cahara catching up to his side silently

‘Damn this guy is tough. Really tough. I don’t want to stay here but I did promise… if there was just a way I could find to leave…hmm’

They walked for a good long while, encountered some enemies, nothing too bad, but it was beginning to get grueling

Cahara yawned and groaned loudly

“Ughhhh… man how long have we been walkin for? My legs are starting to sore….”

“…hmm…ja I suppose we have been walking for… a while” Ragnvaldr didn’t say it but even he was starting to feel tired “well perhaps there is a room nearby, keep a look out”

They walked for another long while until reaching a small stone room. Wasn’t much in it. A tattered rug, cabinet with some old drinks, and one singular bed. Cahara slightly glanced at Ragnvaldr

“Soooo…um… should I like… sleep on the floor? Or..”

“Nej, we will share it. We both need rest. We will make do”

“Oh..! Alright then”

This was certainly gonna be…interesting.

To be continued…

༺☆༻

Next part will be NSFW muahahah so stayed tuned!!!!

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

[nightfallsystem-moved]

Hey, I’m a transgender adult who, despite a lifetime of dysphoria and self-hatred, didn’t realise I wasn’t cis until I was in my late twenties, and then stayed in the closet for another eight years because what if I lost my husband, what if I lost my friends, what if I lost my job, what if someone threw acid in my face…

I had a mental breakdown because it was all too much but I’m still here now just a few months from my 38th birthday. My (formerly cishet) husband has stayed with me every step of the way, he tells people he’s in love with my soul so it doesn’t matter what I look like or call myself, and that two people who love each other transcends gender or labels. He proudly calls me his husband now and would defend me with his dying breath.

My family have welcomed me with open arms, my brothers just laughed and said I had always been the most macho sibling anyway, my Mum marches in her local Pride parade and knits me trans flag sweaters.

My friends say they love me even more now because I’m really me and I’m happy all the time, they don’t have to worry about me anymore and that watching me blossom and thrive has been a beautiful experience.

My work added gender neutral bathrooms and fought with HR to allow me to change my name before I had the official documentation. I work with children with learning disabilities and they have adjusted to my new name and pronouns in a way which is truly humbling, and will defend the fact that I’m ‘not a girl’ to anyone who suggests otherwise. A six year old told me that he’s going to be “a big strong man” like me one day- I’m 5’3 and weigh 130lbs. Two kids at school have come out as queer.

I don’t pass as anything, at all, but nobody who knows me has ever used the wrong pronouns or name, and has happily included me as one of the boys in everything I do- including letting me use the mens changing rooms on swimming days and inviting me to pool night and beers. Coming out has shown me that people are okay, people will care and will stand up for you.

I don’t want to take hormones for various reasons but my husband and my mum are helping me save for top surgery, which I should be able to access in a few years, and I have a strong network of supportive queer friends.

Things are tough, life fucking sucks right now, it feels like the whole world is going to shit. But if you survive, if you persevere, if you live life as your authentic self, the only thing you’ll lose is stuff that didn’t benefit you anyway. It’s cheesy to say “it gets better” but I promise, it does. Fighting all the time is hard, but it’s worth it, and you will get to a place where the suffering seems far away.

I am ALWAYS here if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me any time. Hang in there, friend, I’m rooting for you even if it feels like no-one else is.

Love,

Arthur Xx

THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH. i love hearing your story it really gives me hope,, id say more but im really tired,, but THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

[slashercult]

Hi, how’s it going? I would like to play your “new year predictions game”. I reblogged,❤️’d, and followed. Something good that’s happening to me in 2023: I spent time with my sisters. It sounds small, but I really cherish every moment I get with them. I know one day we’ll be loving individual lives. So, I want to make the most of the present and show them how much I care about them and bond. A mini prediction for your year: I think a part of the year will deal with you feeling alone or like things aren’t going your way,but things will change. Don’t focus on what’s going wrong or what you lack. Just find gratitude in the small things,and those small things will grow. Your worries will be a thing of the past. After that I see you reaching a milestone. Something that calls for celebration. I think this accomplishment will bring you joy/happiness. I think it will be a time of appreciating all of the good things in your life. The people you love will surround you and be happy for you. You will feel supported and secure. This will be a time of your dreams becoming reality. Your manifestations coming into fruition. A YouTube video that brings me joy is : “Laith and Christina real love story about a couple who fell in love over tumblr”. The original video was deleted, but other people reuploaded it. Channels: miami303mommi, mauricemusa , william t donald. If you type in “Laith and Christina”, it should pop up. It’s a video about a couple who met on tumblr and started long distance dating. And with the help of her friend he surprises her in her city. I’m a hopeless romantic and I first seen this video when I was young so it always has a special place in my heart and makes me feel warm, fuzzy and happy🩷. I would like to know: 🕰️ what is a major change I will experience in the new year?

hello! im glad you got to spend more time hanging out with your sisters, also love the video you sent lol. thank you for the mini prediction, i rlly do hope that my manifestations come true. anyways, let's move right on to your reading.

cards i pulled: eight of wands, the tower, page of cups (r), the fool (r) oracle cards: the deer and the oat, the vulture and the asphodel last year must have been kind of tough for you, but this year one of the changes im seeing is that you will finally be able to move forward from the past and heal. im getting that you may start traveling more in this new year, most likely through plane or in high areas (maybe near a couple of mountains), somewhere of high elevation. there will be many sudden changes for you throughout the new year. it may catch you a bit off guard and you'll have to stay strong and withstand it. you will take some time to grieve and let your wounds heal. after this happens, im seeing that you will become more wise, strong, and look at life differently (but in a more positive way). im getting some kind of rebirth energy, you will probably be going through a glow up and will feel more free from your old ways of thinking. im getting that you will change the more immature side of you and begin to stand up for yourself a lot more. there could be some creative blocks or times in the new year when you see an opportunity but you are too afraid to take it, this could be because of some self doubt or thinking you are just not prepared enough. healing is one of the major themes im seeing from this new year, there's a lot of signs of growth and rebirth. there will be times where you feel a bit overwhelmed from everything but this requires rest so you can recharge and continue to nourish your soul.

that's all for your reading, please don't forget to leave feedback, i hope you enjoyed and have a wonderful new year!

[relativelydefected]

I havnt posted in awhile. I just keep finding myself in deeper darker holes every time I turn around. Just one right after the other. It gets tough to think about let alone write about.

My mom is in the hospital again. She passed out 3 times this week again. My dad told me his struggles with bringing her up the stairs. Picking her up off the floor of their bedroom cause she couldn’t get on the bed. Went to visit her she got up to get me something and fell again.. she had two cat scans done. She has to wear a heart monitor to monitor her for an irregular heart beat. They found she had a small brain aneurism in her head.. as well as a spot in another part of her head as well. Which may be the reasons she keeps passing out. The past two days she’s had nausea. Which might explain the things going on in her head.

I quit therapy. For the simple fact that if something is to happen to my mom. I’m gonna be a wreck regardless. So no amount of therapy is going to help me with that. And I’m not using that as a scapegoat or an excuse. It’s the fucking truth. I don’t care who tells me otherwise.

No amount of breathing exercises or coping mechanism is going to help me with this portion of my life.

The kids are doing well. My daughter is clueless as to what is going on and my son is slowly starting to take into an account the seriousness of the situation. He cried about it last week and all I could tell him is that she’s fighting this she’s strong and that we’re gonna get through this together.

Things I should probably say to myself but knowing the reality of the situation. It’s tough to think that way while at the same time trying to prepare for something that might be inevitable.

I havnt been to the bike path for the past few days due to having a cold and this bipolar New England weather.

I even bought a longboard. Just to try something new.

Havnt been able to fully try it out cause it’s either raining or I’m sick or my kids are sick and I have to be home.

Havnt been able to see my mom the past week cause I’m fighting off this cold that doesn’t want to go away.

On a more semi positive note.

I met this guy on tiktok we talked for two days before we decided to hang out. What’s funny is he lives right down the street from me..He’s a single dad I’m a single mom.. he has a good job his own place.. he’s younger than me and that’s a first for me but I thought why not give it a shot. Really cute.

Has a stutter but that is also really cute .. we are both gamers we both like studio ghibli and Star Wars. We went to the mall he was so nice and easy to talk to he gave he gave me a hug it was just really lovely. It felt good to be treated like a lady after 11 years of being treated like garbage..I definitely felt a connection. Then of course my own insecurities took hold and I think I messed up the entire thing. He seems like such a good dad and he has all these nice qualities but some how some way I always manage to mess up a good thing. That’s my life. It’s like I psych myself out every time. I can’t just let things flow or be. Maybe he’s not attracted to me? I don’t know..

He has a twitch I watch it, try to message but don’t hear back so not much I can do 🤷🏽‍♀️ think im just gonna stop messaging at this point.

It felt good to go out shop and have fun and not think about the crap going on in my life so for like 5 hours I was at peace for the first time in months.

Good things never last. They are rare but fleeting.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now but im not.

But I tried right? Even if it didn’t work out.. I can say I tried to meet someone and put myself out there.

But I also feel guilt about being happy. When everyone around me is falling apart.

Maybe when I go back to work it will be a distraction from all this. But I can’t go back till I figure out my daughters situation with school or whether i need to put her in daycare full time.

Cause I can’t do both and I have no one to help me in this situation unfortunately.

I’ll try to update more. If you guys have prayers I could always use them.

#depression #anxiety #terminalcancer #stage4cancer #breastcancer #mentalhealth #life

[strivetoperfect-blog]

idkk

ahhh, wtf to say?

times are fucking tough. im struggling to find my place, my time and my purpose. I know ive felt like this before but yeah i don't know how to get out. Do i follow a new path to get a new distraction or carry on with a job that i really do enjoy? idk. i don't want to give up but my interest is not here anymore. if i try a new job and hate it then what? I've changed jobs before thinking that it will make me happy but that is never guaranteed?? if i try to learn a new course and a new dream, what if i fuck up? honestly i need to stop being such a fucking pussy. Whats the harm if i fail? what have i lost? I am wasting my own worth every day, settling for a life that doesn't challenge me or show my abilities . My only enemy is me. The only person stopping me is myself. 

Every person has told me i can do great. Why can i not believe that myself? i Know know that all my self doubt is all in my head and i am doing this to myself nut if this negativity is all ive know then what else am i to think? i really really need to work on myself before i ruin myself. everyday with my thoughts and behaviours makes me worse. The more days of work i miss, the less i believe in myself. noone else does so why should i ?

 the amount of times ive thought about it in the last couple years. been several years since ive tried but the plans/idealisations keep coming stronger.

im scared that i cant do it. i wont be able to live a normal life. All ive ever wanted was a simple life with a family that loves eachother. What me and my mum have, but for everyone involved. but maybe im not deserving of that, How can i ever look after a whole family when i cant keep a job? i want a football team of kids yet im the most unrealiable human on earth, except my dad, imagine ive im him. Every week "ill come see you soon" i said i know you wont. im too used to the disappointment by now. I do think that maybe thats another tough struggle within myself. I love and admire my mum soo much, i could only hope i have our relationship but with myself and my children. Even though we can argue and disagree shes always done the most for us. no matter what! She is always my example of what an ambitious loving mum can do on her own like imagine being that strong!! to provide for two children their whole lives, on youre own, being mum and dad, good cop and bad cop, tooth fairy and santa claus. that is my goal. thats a real fucking hero.

Pretty pls i pray to god i am lucky enough to have as much love with my children and grandchildren that i do with my mum. My only Wish!!! that type of love is life changing and i think thats my goal in life, bring joy. mum and nanny c would be proud of that xx

[tsukasalvr]

# REAL LOVE

“think I'd lose my mind, but then I see, my baby, and it’s real love” — HOMESHAKE:REAL LOVE

Maitsuri Kanroji x Fem!Reader

AN: I finally did the fic!! and also if u somehow found this Becca, I like you a lot and im perfectly fine with being ur friend and I hope you find someone else that you like and this is kinda dedicated to you c:

Warnings!: Unrequited love, angst, girl liking girl, mentions of insecurity

Something in the way she looked enticed you to get to know her better. You didn’t know what it was, was it her bright hair that shined in the sun, her big doe green eyes that sparkled, the permanent blush on her round cheeks, or the sweet big smile that seemed to always reach her eyes causing them to close and crinkle.

Whatever it was, it didn’t matter what made you want to get to know her better, because right when you both locked eyes in the ramen booth, you knew she was going to be someone important in your life and you weren’t at all opposed to that.

If anyone asked you to describe the type of person Mitsuri was, you would be able to go on and on with a flustered gleeful face. Mitsuri was a happy girl who saw the beauty in many things who not only was very physically strong, but also mentally strong. You couldn’t help but admire how strong she was when she was mocked for her hair color, her love for food and how she seemed to be able to carry pounds of bricks with no problem. She grew and never let others peoples words get to her and used her tough stature to her advantage to help others.

She was perfect in your eyes and even when she stuffed what seemed to be the twelfth bowl of ramen in her mouth at the booth you were both in, she was still so perfect and you listened patiently with nothing but a kind smile and blush as she rambled on about her last mission she had with a close black haired friend of hers. But even when she went on and on about some random topic she wanted to talk with you, she always made sure that you had time to talk as well.

“Enough about me though!” Mitsuri bashfully said and stacked the now empty ramen bowl with the others and turned to face you. “What did you do in the morning?” She asked with that iconic smile and blush of hers.

You answered back with an even bigger smile and more prominent blush on your face. It was always happy and smiles with her, but when she was with you, it seemed it was more like excitement and beaming.

Maybe you were stupid and were just taking these signs the wrong way but when you confided you Shinobu and Kyojuro, two of your close friends, they cheered you on and said how she most definitely liked you back—all the signs were there and they joked about you were just in denial lol f it and how you should hurry and confess. You pondered on the idea, it would definitely be a nice thing to happen if she accepted your confession. You can imagine what expression she’ll have, she’d be so flustered and embarrassed but would silently fangirl at the fact someone confessed to her.

Imagine the scene, taking her to see the stars at night with her favorite snacks in a basket near you, and the light of stars would make her eyes twinkle and shine, making them illuminate even more than the sun ever could. Then you both would lock eyes, staring at es her with soft blushes and smiles, then you would confess and you would finally be able to place your lips onto her plump rosy lips you desired so much.

Everything about it would be perfect and the relationship from then on would only get better since you were sure that she felt the same, so why is she talking to the serpent pillar with an even bigger smile, twinkling eyes, and a red face than she ever had with you—and why was he looking at her with the same admiration that you also had with her…?

Everything came crashing down for you and the realization hit. She didn’t like you back, she liked someone else, you were nothing but a friend that she would hang out with to talk so she can relax and eat. You were nothing but someone to pass the time with, nothing but a friend, and nothing more.

Why did you even think you had a chance? She’s a beauty, a strong capable one—and one of the hashiras at that! Compared to her, you were a puny nobody who was most likely going to the die in hands of some weak demon. Harshly grabbing at your hair in anger as you angrily sobbed on a bed in one of the many rooms in the butterfly estate. Kanao came in to hand Shinobu a cup of tea for you and quickly left, not before giving you one last glance. Shinobu patted your soothingly in hopes of stopping your tears, but it only made it worse. Crying in front of a hashira? How embarrassing! It’s no wonder Mitsuri didn’t like you back, you were too weak, that’s why she would obviously go after someone who’s on the same level as her. It’s common sense.

So why did it hurt? Why does my heart ache at the thought of you being with someone else? “Shinobu.. why does it hurt—am I not good enough?!” You cried to Shinobu who only looked at you sympathetically and embraced you as the moon shined through the cracks of the window curtain. You didn’t hug back and only had one thing in mind, she never answered your question.

Just how pathetic and stupid are you to fall for someone who you never had a chance with to begin with.

Dedicated to Becca, my safe place, my best friend, and my crush who I’ll never get over of. You’ll always be the best friend who I’ll always love and always have since we first met.

I love you, Becca

My best friend, from Mena

By TSUKASALVR, Mena.

Do not steal or copy

[bubbledumbbinch]

Heya! Congrats on the 100+ followers!! Your writing is really good and I enjoy reading your works!

If you dont mind, what would be your headcanons on the TWST dorm leaders of what prefrences they have for a S/O? Like what would they want in an S/O? (Also Im sorry if this has already been asked Im also kinda new to your blog as well ;w;)

Hii!! And thank you 🥰🥺💕 that means a lot to me!! I hope you stay and continue to enjoy yourself here!This hasn’t been asked before so I hope you enjoy!!! ;w; I hope you all enjoy I had a fun time (and a difficult time) writing this out! I think I made it too long, again ;w;

I made this SFW uwu just some fluff!!!! But please keep in mind before you follow me, I MOSTLY POST NSFW works.

Warnings: slight story spoilers for episode 5, for Idia’s part, if u squint

Pairings: Dorm Leaders x Reader

I put things under a cut for length!!

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle would probably want a partner who does well in school - at least someone who tries to! It would go against his own desires to do well in life if he has a partner who doesn’t have the drive to succeed like he does.

He isn’t particularly fond of people who have a lot of potential yet waste it on being lazy. Like I said before, it goes against his own morals.

I also see him wanting someone fun-loving! Riddle grew up in an environment where fun was essentially taboo so he would be drawn like a moth to a flame to someone who has so much energy in them. Remember one of his best childhood friends is Che’nya so he would probably not hate the idea of joking around and being silly once in a while!

Someone who would love sweets like him! Not too often so he could maintain his shape, but someone who would love to indulge him once in a while!

Riddle would love to see an S/O who makes time for him and the unbirthday parties that Heartslabyul hosts! He feels like a good dorm leader and seeing you make an effort to come makes him feel like a great boyfriend too!

“Ah, Y/N, I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to make it today.” Riddle sighed to himself in relief. He feared his rose would come to the party late. “Ah, sorry Riddle! I was late because I was studying for Professor Crewel’s exam but I lost track of time!” You breathed out, a bit exhausted from running.

The redhead only nodded and smiled at you. “Don’t worry about it, my rose. We’ve only just begun the party, so no need to fret.” Riddle’s gentlemanly ways never failed to make your heart soar. “No no, I’ll make it up to you! I’ll bake you a tart sometime, you’ll let me right?” You playfully nudged at your boyfriend’s arm and smirked.

Riddle could only blush furiously. “Th-that would not be a bad idea. I suppose I would accept the gift graciously, dear, but only if we can cook it together. I believe it would be beneficial to both of us to learn!”

Leona Kingscholar

Someone who loves to nap with him like all the time

Leona would definitely want someone who is willing to praise him a lot. Growing up he never really had that and felt like he was overshadowed by his big brother, so this guy needs validation like crazy. Tell him how strong he is, how much you love him, how warm he is… he’ll scoff and look away but you could see the faintest blush on his cheeks. He secretly loves it.

I feel like Leona would like bratty tsunderes, for some reason. He would be the perfect teasing type for them and I think I can just picture Leona and his S/O getting into play fights that lead to something more, if you catch my drift.

Someone who can be “refined” enough for show so that when he brings you home to his family, they can accept you fully. The last thing he wants is his family pestering him about how his potential mate isn’t a good fit.

As tough as he may be he def wants someone at the end of the day to stroke his head and calm him down after a long and stressful day.

“Oi, herbivore, come here and be my pillow.” Leona’s gruff voice broke the silence of his room. He was sitting up on his bed while you studied on his desk. Giggling, you made your way into his bed, crawling over to where he was. Leona pushed your torso down gently and started nuzzling his head on your chest, and you could feel the vibrations coming from his body that was like a low growl. Or was it purring?

“Of course, anything for my big strong boyfriend, the best Magift player in the school, my one and only love~” you endlessly praised him, smiling at him as if he were a rare diamond. Leona only huffed as he wrapped his muscular arms around your form, effectively preventing you from leaving.

“Tch…. Damn right….” Leona mumbled. “Why don’t you tell me more while I start drifting to sleep?” Leona smirked. Running your fingers through his hair carefully, you obliged, feeling Leona’s breathing become more calm as you continued.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul would ALSO want someone who praises him, due to his years of being bullied. Call him beautiful, smart, tell him he’s the most cunning man on campus. He EATS IT UP. This man will swear on his life for you.

He also would want someone who has the ability to work hard… what? The Mostro Lounge needs extra workers sometimes! Azul thinks that if he can own the lounge, manage contracts, AND study hard for school, his S/O should be able to match him!

I can see Azul absolutely praising/spoiling his S/O too. Since you give him so much happiness in his life he should pay it forward, no? What would you like, a new dress/suit? A new piece of jewelry?

Someone !!! Loyal!!! Azul wants someone who he can feel secure with in a relationship, so he probably wouldn’t want you to flirt with anybody else since his insecurities will SPARK UP like crazy!

Azul wants someone who loves him for who he is, unconditionally!

“Angelfish… hello, good evening. I’m sorry if I am a bit more tired than usual, I just finished with ordering more inventory for the lounge and dealing with some paperwork.” Azul sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. You dropped your bags on one of the chairs of the VIP room and walked over slowly to your octomer boyfriend. Bringing your arms to his shoulders, you slowly begin to knead and massage his arms gently. Azul groaned at the contact, muscles aching.

“How is this, Azul? I know how hard you work, you deserve to take a break too, sometimes…” you spoke gently into his ear, kissing the shell of it. The contact gave him slight goosebumps. “Ah, I would love to but, I have so much more to do… I know it’s going to be a late night for me, so why don’t you head on to sleep?” You tsked, upset with his answer. “I know it’s late Azul, that’s why I’m here. You know, if you keep doing this you’ll get wrinkles, right?”

“Ahem! Well. Then, this might be a good place to stop if that’s the case…” Azul huffed, standing up quickly to retire to his room, you in tow.

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim wants someone who is cheerful! They may not be a ray of sunshine like he is, but I honestly can’t picture him with someone smug/gloomy. Kalim might be dense but he isn’t THAT stupid. I think he would be able to notice if you were upset which makes him upset.

Someone who is down for anything, Kalim would love to take you on a ride on his magic carpet at random hours of the day so be prepared to drop whatever you’re doing if you want to appease your impulsive boyfriend!

A fun loving person for sure, who isn’t super self conscious about what people think. If he asks you to dance with him he would really love for you to join! He wouldn’t want you to say something like, “oh, but I’m a bad dancer…” Kalim would shake his head and ask you why you would say that! It’s all about having a fun time together, right?

A patient lover is what Kalim would want as well, someone who’s kind, too. At the end of the day when Kalim is ready to sleep after his crazy antics, he wants a partner he can be able to lay next to and feel like himself.

Someone who loves him even if he weren’t rich, Kalim would want someone for their personality and not materialistic things or beauty. Kalim sees someone for their heart ! (*´꒳`*)

You yawned heavily while rubbing your eyes. Was that a tapping noise coming from the window? “Ugh…. What time is it?” Checking your phone, you saw it was 1:30am. You also had a text from Kalim.

*tap tap tap*

You groggily walked over to the window and opened the curtains to see Kalim sitting on his magic carpet with the biggest grin upon seeing you. Opening the window, you giggled lightly. “Good evening Kalim, fancy seeing you here so late.”

“Hi, Y/N!! I woke up and felt bored so, you wanna join me on a night ride around campus?” Kalim practically beamed at you, even this late at night. His smile never failed to make your heart flutter. The boy’s positive energy also transferred to you, effectively waking you up.Stepping onto the carpet from your window was your answer. After getting situated, you kissed Kalim’s cheek and held his hand. “Of course Kalim, I would love to.”

Vil Schoenheit

Someone who can tough out his callous words and treatment. Vil might be a bit much, but the reason why he does this is because he does it with the goal of ultimately helping you. He only wants to see the best out of people, including but not limited to his little sweet potato!

Someone who is patient. He knows he checks who the most beautiful person is quite often and he doesn’t do it to annoy you, it’s just for his own personal validation issues. Lay a hand on his arm, back, or head to give him praises and let him know he’s beautiful to you no matter what.

Someone who is willing to pepper him lightly with kisses (not the face though, he has makeup on!). He definitely eats it up and loves it so much, he feels like you are treating him like a king. He’ll pay that back tenfold and give you beauty treatments, it’ll feel like you’re at the spa on a weekday!

Vil is constantly posting on Magicam, depending on whether you’re comfortable enough to be posted on there he would want to make sure you are okay with him constantly taking photos to be posted on there. Whether it be food you cooked, matching couples outfits, or even pictures of you without makeup, be ready to face comments of all sorts coming from his fans.

“Mira Mira on my phone… Currently, who is the most beautiful of all?” You heard Vil speak outside of his room. Currently you sat on the small chaise at the foot of his bed. Vil told you he needed to step out for a second, so you could get ready for bed now. After putting on your sleeping clothes, Vil finally came back in, seeming more irritated than before. His eyebrows furrowed and his body looked tense.

“Vil, are you alright?” You questioned him as you made your way to his bed, slipping under the covers. Vil only sighed and exchange a quick “Mm.” as he changed into his pajamas and came to join you. He was turned so his back was facing you and he was a bit distant. You knew he didn’t get the answer he wanted when he got those search results back. You didn’t know how to convince your boyfriend otherwise but you decided you needed to talk to him.

“Vil, darling…” you spoke gently as you nuzzled closer, your chest pressing into his back. Your arm wrapped around him to pull him closer, to which he responded with finally relaxing in your touch. “You’re one of the best things that’s happened to me, Vil, I don’t know if you realize how lucky I am to have such a loving, caring, and talented boyfriend like you. Your beauty is simply the cherry on top of the person I fell in love with. To me, you’re perfect. I love you.” You ended your tangent by placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder, dozing off.

You couldn’t see Vil but he trembled lightly as tears silently fell down his face. “Thank you… I love you too, my sweet potato.” Vil whispered into his pillow. With you, he always felt like the most beautiful person.

Idia Shroud

Personality wise, I don’t think Idia would be picky. He’s a shy person and honestly would be surprised he could get an S/O at all! So is Ortho!

Speaking of Ortho, Idia wants someone who is kind and loving to his little brother. Knowing his partner loves his brother would only make him fall for you harder!

Probably someone who would give Idia his own space until he finally felt comfortable and wanted to take it further, he would prob take a few days to even kiss you!!!

Idia wants someone to be his player 2 :) like actually, come over and game with him and he’ll probably be the happiest boy ever.

Big big bonus if you love anime, cosplay, gaming, etc. It’s one thing to be an otaku like Idia but when he has a partner to fully indulge in his interests with?? It’s a win-win situation for everyone! He wants to do a couple cosplay one day if he gets the courage to ask you.

Someone who won’t pressure him too much. If you remember how Riddle pressured Idia into trying to speak publicly, you know how much of a scary situation it put Idia in, even though he was able to do it. Stressing him out is just gonna make him unhappy :(

Someone who enjoys spending as much time inside as he does! I’m not talking a hikikomori but someone who wouldn’t be opposed to staying inside with him 99.9% of the time lol

“Y-Y/N-shi, would you like to g-go on a date with me soon?” Idia fumbled with his fingers, looking away as he asked you. You raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Idia, this is the first time you asked me to ‘go on a date’. Don’t tell me, are we actually going out somewhere?!”

“Eek! D-don’t be ridiculous, Y/N!!” He almost screeched the words out. Suddenly he pulled out a couple of VR headsets with hand controllers, and handed one to you. “Fuhehe, I just made a bunch of simulation locations. We could go to the park, a restaurant, even an amusement park..!” He grinned showing off his teeth.

You giggled at Idia’s enthusiasm, loving the way he gets after speaking about his own creations. “What a wonderful idea, Idia. Maybe we could take Ortho to the ‘amusement park’ too? We’ll be a big family.” You mused. Idia’s face brightened and a faint pink tinge covered his cheeks.

“F-family, huh? Ah, Y-Y/N-shi…. That would be n-nice…” Idia blushed as he considered what the future would bring for the both of you.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus would also mostly not have preferences on a person’s personality. Like, he wouldn’t say something like: “I want someone shy vs someone bold.” Anything his child of man does is interesting to him and he’s entranced by you!

That being said, Malleus would not tolerate rudeness, disrespect to him, Lilia, or his fellow dorm mates, etc. He may love you but he values those bonds more, especially Lilia’s and his grandmother’s.

Malleus wants someone who is willing to teach him human tendencies, since he is curious about them. Malleus will also probably never stop asking you about your life in the previous world, and listen passionately as you describe the hobbies you had, family members, etc.

As long as you continue to love and treat Malleus like a normal person and with kindness, he will continue to love you endlessly. He’s so unused to it that he will feel so special as you only coo in awe instead of fear away, if he showed you a magic trick or maybe donned more of his draconic features like his tail or long claws.

You walked with Malleus under the bright moonlight in the woods near Ramshackle dorm. His height and charm never failed to impress you. And his face, he was so very handsome. His striking green eyes always made you feel hypnotized and his horns were so well taken care of, you almost wanted to reach out and-

“Hm, Child of Man… you do know it’s quite rude to stare, yes?” Malleus chuckled and suddenly broke the silence, making you gasp. “Ah, sorry Tsunotarou. I-,” searching your thoughts, you just couldn’t think of anything quickly enough. “I just couldn’t help myself. You’re very attractive.” You murmured, admitting defeat.

“Oh? Do I not intimidate you, my dear? Usually humans and even other fae fear my features and tend to shy away…” Malleus looked down in thought as he continued walking. You wrapped yourself around one of his arms as he walked, effectively stopping him in his place. “Well, you don’t intimidate me! I like being around you, so, let’s keep it that way. I want to stay with you for a long time so don’t get too tired of me okay, Malleus?”

Hearing you say his given name only made the fae’s heart beat harder in his chest. Surely you knew what you did to him. He smiled down at you, green eyes softening in your gaze.

“I assure you I won’t, little human.”

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Red hair as roses, and turquoise eyes as orchids

"Dada look!" The bored and depressed blue eyes stood up from his lap to his 6 years old daughter, extending her tiny hands up high in the air.

"Be careful with what you're gonna do pretty doll." He manage to smirk a bit as she pouted, strands of red brushing against her forehead until a huge wave of flames of the colour blue danced around her hands until she jumped and a small prinkle of flames were throw in the air.

She laughed at the sign and clapped her hands in glee at her own little show as Dabi let out a chuckle at seeing the happines of his daughter... instead of him, Emika had the blessing of having a body that could tolerate the heat enough of his quirk that she inherited it from him. Your quirk itself being a huge help for the little girl to not have scars as her father's.

"Did you see Dada?! It was soooo huge and beautiful!!!" She ran towards him only to trip and thankfully landed on the brunette male's lap, giggling with a smile so bright that could've hury his eyes.

"Hmm. Almost like mine princess, im impressed." His hands carresed her chubby cheeks until he heard murmuring behind them.

Of course. Even with his disguise, that were people whose were going to mutter, say bad things... he lost count on how many times Emika had been bullied because her quirk was similiar with the most cruel and wanted villain....

And much to his dismay, Emika didn't take that... very well.

"WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?! LEAVE US ALONE!" the little girl shouted and the adults only scoffed, picking up their kids and getting out of the park.

"You're going to scare off anyone with that attitude of yours princess." He muttered while carresing her red hair and picking her up as she scoffed.

"They cant say bad things about MY dada!" He smiled at the little girl and sighed.

"Yeah yeah, just lets get out of here before you burn things down."

"Thats something you would do!" She poked his scarred cheek. "Ne ne dada? We gonna visit mama right? I want to bring flowers to her this time!"

His eyes dropped at the ground as his feet carried them to the cemetery...

"We can arrange that."

.

.

.

"Mama was so pretty!!!" Emika squealed as Spinner and Toga showed her some photos as Dabi stared holes into their skulls.

Is not that he didn't wanted his daughter to forget or to not know about her mother... but it was painfull enough to have a father as a villain, now being a mother orphan was just more harder.

Emika couldn't go to school without being recognized as Dabi's daughter. So he brought himself the task to teach her things , being thankfull to his past self that he had studied enough.

"Yeah and she was strong as fuck too according to your dad there." Spinner grinned, showing a picture of you pinning down a hero on the middle of the street.

"Emika-chan, despite not meeting (Y/n) you look so much like her!" Toga beamed with a smile, fangs showing and the little girl giggling when Dabi just yanked her away from the two.

"Naaaaaa dada no bed time!" She squirmed as he carried her to now the comfortable room the league gotten ever since the incident with Shigaraki and Redestro.

"Dont complain or else Im going to take away your toy." He grumbled as the girl gasped and pouted at him much like you would do.

"You wouldn't!" She defies him with a cheeky smile although while settling down on the bed she shared with him.

"Try me." He smirked with a atched eyebrow making her laugh.

Some time passed and Dabi watched as the eyelids of Emika slowly dropped until she called him softly.

"This place we are now... we gonna stay or are the bad man breaking it and we have to move again?" His heart clenched.. she still had the memories when the league had captured that blonde kid and the heroes busted the bar...

With her own view, she saw the villains as the good and normal people despite Toga being a crazy assasin that loved drinking blood, Shigaraki a men that only wanted to destriy the world, Twice a bipolar man and the list goes on...

Emika saw the villains as good people, and the heroes as bad ones... after all, after she found out on her own that her mother died not because of childbirth, but because of a hero that accidentally killed her with a much too strong attack... and only because she wanted to protect the baby on her arms at that time.

So much blood dropped from his eyes... some even dropping on your lifeless body and on the crying baby he soon noticed that thankfully was alive.

He would never forget whem he craddled the baby on his arms and sobbed deyly as his child wailed at not having the warmth of her mother anymore.

Things were tough until they found the league of villains and had at peast a place to crash.

Emika was now soudly asleep as he sighed and brushed his hair.

"When the heroes come to us... I will make sure yoi stay outta of the mess Emika. But you will not like to know the truth about our origins..." he muttered as a scarred hand brushed her bangs and smirked when she nuzzled on his hand... reminding him of how you would nuzzle on him on cold nights...

"Time to sleep off huh? The more we sleep, the pess we have to face the reality." He muttered before laying down and bringing her close to his chest.

.

.

.

"Dada..." she whimpered as fat tears fell feom her turquoise eyes as she tremblingly holded the box of paper towels, helping him clean off the blood from his stapples as he took a final look on the mirror, his white hair finally at show for the first time in so many years.

"Hey," he crouched down and made his best to not wince "I'm fine. Daddy is used to this by now and-"

"bUT I'M NOT!" she yelled and punched his chest with her tiny fist as he frowned and holded her as she sobbed on his chest.

"...Is it true..?" He looked down at the tuff of red hair on his chest "That uncle Twice is not coming back..? That.. T-That grandpa did this to you..m that we are from the family of E-Endeavour?"

He frowned and wiped her tears away as she holded his wrist while sobbing at the loss of Twice, whose always played and made silly faces with her on spare times.

"Yeah... Im sorry for not telling you... but I thought that... Me and your mother actually decided that Emika (L/n) was better than puttingnon a fake and... well, not right name on yours."

"... which hero... killed... mama..?" His heart stopped... should he reaally tell her? She was only a baby of five years.. five fucking years... he was already damaged by society, but her was just a little flower growing...

"Princess.. I-"

"Who?!" She sobbed as his eyes dropped, a heavy sigh as he dinally sit down on the edge of the sofa as he put his hand on his face as the other helped her sit on his lap.

"... your grandpa."

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.

.

Emika cried heraelf to sleep that night. Wailing that she hated the heroes, that she hated Endeavour, that she hated him for not telling her the truth for so long, that she hated having fo be a Todoroki.

Each word was a spike to his chest as he tried and eventually succeed on calming her down enough, from harsh sobs and eails to soft sniffles and the rest of the tears she had to sheed.

He hugged her just a bit tighter that night as one drop of blood fell from his eyes.

"I thought I could do it (Y/n)... I fucking promised you... but... fuck." He bited his bottom scarred lips to contain a whimper "Everything is just the worst now... why did you have to be so goddamn stubborn and risk your life dammit..."

.

.

.

"Is your fourth bowl of ice cream ya know?" Dabi muttered from his place on the miserable yet comfy apartment you two shared as you stared back at him with a spoonfull of your favorite ice cream on hand close to your mouth.

"I have the right. I'm pregnant. Leave me be." You made a show of putting the spoon on your mouth and moaning out loud as Dabi shooked his head in dismay before taking a place on your side ofbthe couxh before you two cringed at the sounds of the old mobile almost creaking.

"We need to got money to find a new couch." You muttered horrified, just apmost ending all of your money on baby supplies and clothes.

"Or I can just steal one." He smirked at the slight slap you gave to him.

"And have shitty heroes coming our way later? Nu uh mister... maybe just rob a bank though." You muttered before both of you chuckled as you laid your head on his shoulder as he subconsciously placed his hand on the sweel of your stomach and felt a kick already.

"She is going to be a daddy's girl. Im so sure of it." You giggled as he arched an eyebrow.

"How cam you say this already? We dont even know if it is a girl of a boy doll."

"I know is a girl. I just know it. And she has already a favorite parent." You carresed your belly just besides where Dabi's hand was layed on.

"You're exaggerating." He chuckled as he felt another kick "They are going to be a nasty oen though, they kick alot."

"She kicks a lot when your nearby or talking to her. Just like I said, a daddy's girl." You smiled sweetly at him and he never felt so happy...

He looked at your lips for a second as you narrowed your eyes playfully at him before your lips almost touched-

.

.

.

He woke up with a hand tapping on his cheek and soon saw his daughter looking down at him with a pout.

"Can we go walk?" She almost whimpered as he could only stare and slowly nod as he caught his disguise and a very own for her.

.

.

.

She clunged to the black bunny plushie as she walked with pinks connected to him as he stated down at her in worry until she gasped at a convenience store.

"Dada! Snickers!" She pointed as he smiled at seeing a bit of bright on her eyes once again.

"How about we get some, eh?" She nodded with a small smile and soon followed her dad inside.

While she waited for Dabi to get the snacks and pay for them, for once, she gasped when a purple haired boy at the same age as her bumped accidentaly to her making her plushie drop.

"Hey!" She called out with tears on her eyes, being emotionally damaged enough for those past days.

"I'm sorry." The boy said immediatly, kneeling and grabbing the plushie to hand it to her "Its yours?" He tilted his head as Emika grabbed immediatly.

"Of course it was! It was with me until you bunped on me!" Emika slowly dropped her tone of voice at seeing how the purple haired boy seemed genuily sorry as he aproached and bowed once again.

"Sorry, I just am here to grab some medice and a chocolate for my mom and dad. They're both sick and they dont know i went out so I needed to hurry." He smiled as Emika soon dropped slowly her guard down as she muttered.

"Is okay... is just that bunny is speacial to me."

"I can see why. Your mama gave it to you right." Her turquoise eyes widened as she frowned her eyebrows at the boy.

"Kinda of..?" She clinged to the toy "Why do you that?"

He closed his eyes with a tiny giggle.

"Well, she told me as soon as you started to tear up. She is always by your side aparently." Emika eyes darkned and she let go of one hand of the plushie to heat up her hand.

"Say that one more time. I dare you. My mama is not here." She almost cried until the purple boy touched her forehead with two fingers and soon she was not more in the grocery store, but in a blank space.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted "THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET OUT YOU FUCK-"

"Geez, daddy did not spare you of curse words then?" She froze and looked behind her and saw the sane woman Dabi showed photos of and was compared whenever she was laughing or making a trick on others.

She froze for a bit before silently tears started to fall and she hiccupped for a bit before dropping her bunny and running to you as you hugged her tightly.

"Mama! I cant believe-! Is you-! I-I-" she hicupped as you wiped her tears with your thumb and let some of your own fall.

"You're take so much of your dada im so happy... My little girl is just so beautiful..." you whispered as she sobbed while wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"D-Dada!" She gasped before smiling widely and grabbing your sleeve "Dada needs to see this! Mama he misses you a lot he need to see yo-"

"Im sorry princess..." you grabbed her cheek softly "I wanted to see your daddy just as much, but I cant...." her face fell a bit but soon nodded while playing with your fingers and hair.

"Mama? Why did you do it?" You hummed as she looked up hesitantly "Why did youbleave dad? Why... you took.. Endeavour attack..?" She asked sadly as you furrowed your eyebrows but soon closed your eyes and smiled.

"Emika... the day you were born was the day I was gone as well... but when I saw your grandpa recognizing me as a villain and blasted an attack close to where you were... I just had to. I had to protect the feuit of love that me and your father made..." you smiled sadly as she sniffed.

"But you arent with us..." she almost sobbed until you made her look up.

"Emika... Im so sorry for the loneliness you had to endure... the pain... that was the only dowside of the decision I made. My swest little girl..." you cuppex her cheek and wiped a tear "Thank you for letting me be your mother, and Touya for being your father..."

You touched your forehead with her as she noticed your body was slowly turning to tiny hints of lights and fireflies.

"Mama..?" She looked at you crying softly as you kissed her forehead.

"Emika, evertime you see a star in the dark sky it will be me watching over you and your dada... and please understand one thing," you got away from her as your hair floated majestically "Dying for you, was a noble sacrifice I did for love..."

She widened her eyes as she grabbed your hands as you giggled at her expression.

"Say to dada Im watching him too, and that loving him were the happier moments I spend... I love him and always will...after all, he is my canolli, dead or not, okay?"

The littpe girl gasped and looked at the place she was, the grocery store and the boy from earlier retracting his hand with a unsure littpe smile.

"It was your quirk... you... you made me talk with my mama." She says outstruck as the boy giggled but soon gasped at looking the time.

"I have to go! But I hope we meet again." He ran to the door with the bags before looking one more time behind to her "Call me Akira! See you soon Emika-chan!"

She stood there in complete shook before brushing her fingers on the tingling spot you had kissed on her forehead before smiling widely and giggling before knocking her daddy's leg as he grunted.

"Emika what the-"

"Mama is watching us!" She bounced up and down as he atood with a 'what the fuck' expression.

"What the hell Emika?" He grabbed the packs and carried her as he walked on the street.

"Mama said your name is Touya dada! Which I found strange at first but anyway! She kissed my forehead! Hugged me and said how much she loves me and you and is watching us! She is a star dada! A star!!"

His eyes widened. Emika didn't hear his speech to Endeavour. Emika didn't know his real name was Touya instead of Dabi as the league called him... so she was not imagining neither making things up.

"..so you saw mama?" She giggled and nodded while boucing on his arms. "... did she say something else?" He asked hopefully and she smiled widely as much as you would do.

"She said loving you was the most happier she got! And that your are her canolli forever!"

His steps faltered and almost that he dropped his daughter as his eyes widened... only you knew that god for saken nickname you gaved to him...

"Dada?" His daughter words and hands on his cheeks made him ho back to reality as he saw the blood on his little girl's fingers and worried expression "Are you crying..? Dada?"

"Heh..." he wiped with one thumb the blood before smilling at her and continuing walking "Nah. Must be one of my staples..." he stared up as his daughter rested her face on his neck. "Mama is a star then?"

"Ya.." she yawned "Watching us... I bet she is that one." The little girl pointed at the shiniest star on the sku as Dabi smiled...

"Yeah... I also bet on that one."

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || Cooking For them [Request]

A/n: I’m having really bad writers block right now im so sorry 

Chan:

Who would have thought you would be celebrating your 2-year-anniversary with Chan, not you. You were still sure you were in some kind of coma where all of this was a sick and twisted dream ready to rip the rug out from underneath you at any moment bringing you back to reality.

"What are you thinking about?" Chan's voice woke you from your daydream and you went back to cooking the anniversary meal you'd been dreading making all week. Normally Chan was the one to cook in the relationship but you wanted to give him a break today since it was a special event.

"How I could give you food poisoning." You groaned hoping you were cooking it right, there were so many things that could go wrong. He walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder and watching over everything you were doing.

"Let me cook for you if you're so worried." You tried to push him away,

"No, this is an anniversary present." You mumbled trying not to sound defeated, you really wanted this to be special for him but cooking wasn't your strong point.

"I wanted it to be special." You pouted making him laugh with you, he kissed your cheek.

"As long as you're here it is special." He mumbled into your hair trying to make you feel better but it wasn't working, you knew how hard Chan worked at the studio and you wanted to make it a little less stressful back at your apartment.

"I'm cooking if you want to help you can make sure I'm not overcooking or undercooking anything." You told him looking over at the pots and then smiling back at him.

"Or the only anniversary present you will be getting is food poisoning." You joked trying to make the situation a little lighter and he laughed along with you, checking on the food you were preparing and telling you everything looked perfect so far.

Lee Know:

Lee Know was going home for a small break and he'd tried to convince you to go with him but you were busy with work...Or at least, that's what you told him you were doing. Instead, you were travelling to visit his mum and to get there before he did. You'd met his mother before and you were quite close to her, she even asked you to call her mum instead of by her name which you did.

"He's coming up the driveway now." You smiled at his mum and continued standing in the kitchen to finish cooking with her.

"Umma!" He called out as he walked into the house with a giant suitcase trailing behind him, you stayed in the kitchen while his mum went to greet him.

"I have a surprise." You heard her sing to him and then she came back into the kitchen covering his eyes, you tried to hide your excitement as she laughed at you. She began counting down and then moved her hands from his eyes, as soon as his eyes adjusted to the brighter light they landed on you and he couldn't stop smiling.

"I thought you had work?!" He yelled rushing over to you and tangling you into a tight hug squeezing as tight as he could. The last time you'd gone to see him was when he was leaving for work and he'd missed you.

"Hi." You giggled at him going back to make sure the food wasn't burning, his mum told you to go and catch up in the living room so you left to go and talk about your plans for the weekend.

"I'm seeing Han tomorrow, then I'm hanging with some friends and seeing Grandma." He then began to plan the weekend with you, inviting you out with all his friends and family to make you feel apart of it, he loved spending time with you and every time you got to hang around he cherished it dearly.

Changbin:

You knew how much of tough a time that Changbin was having, he'd been texting you all week about how much stress he was under and you wanted to do anything you could to make him less stressed. You'd convinced Chan to give you a spare key to the dorms and to take the rest of the boys out so you would have the place to yourself. You were going to make him the best meal you could manage, so you were dancing around the dorms singing along to the new SKZ2020 album when he walked through the door, he saw you dancing in one of his hoodies and smiled to himself. He felt instantly relaxed as soon as he saw you there and dropped his bags onto the floor,

"Hi." He breathed coming up behind you and holding you against his chest,

"Hi, how was the studio today?" He stayed silent which meant not good. You sighed and turned around in his arms to face him and smile softly,

"Well, I ran you a bath and laid out fresh clothes so go and bathe and by the time you're out the food should be ready and hopefully it won't kill you." You whispered leaning up to kiss him on the nose. You'd only been dating for three months but you would do everything in your power to make him happy but you had no idea that just you being there was enough to make him happier than he'd been since they debuted.

"Go, before the water gets cold." You giggled at him but he stayed there staring down into your eyes with a smile on his face, he just cupped your face in his hands and brought you closer to him.

"You have no idea how much you make me happy just by being here." He whispered leaning down to kiss you, you smiled against his lips and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"Go and bathe, you stink from dance practise." You mumbled against his lips and he chucked pulling away from you and going over to the main dorms bathroom to find the bath you'd ran him while you went back to the oven to make sure nothing was burning or that you hadn't let the kitchen on fire, it was one of the many rules that Felix and Chan had left you to keep things in order.

Hyunjin:

All you'd heard for the last three days was how terrible the food was at the dorms, your boyfriend Hyunjin had done nothing but text you about how now Chan was away Felix was in charge of feeding him and Han who were the only ones left in the dorms while everyone went on vacation to go and see family.

"If I come and cook will you stop complaining at me?" You mumbled over the phone that night, you could even over the phone he had a giant smile across his face.

"We wouldn't hate that idea." You hummed and hung up the phone, stopping by the store on your way to to the dorms to pick up supplies.

"I thought I was cooking tonight," Felix grumbled once he walked into the dorm kitchen to see you cooking for them all,

"Hyunjin and Han kept complaining that you were trying to kill them." You told him not holding back despite Han and Hyunjin screaming at you to shut up,

"You don't like my cooking?" He turned to the boys and you smirked,

"Hyunjin's text this morning was 'I'm going to die if I have to eat one more meal from Felix'." Felix scoffed at them and turned his attention to you,

"Help me out, can you wash up some dishes? I asked them but they said they were busy." Hyunjin slid down the sofa and his attention was back on the movie they'd been watching, Felix began washing up the dishes while watching what you were doing.

"You should teach me, that way I won't kill your boyfriend off." He joked looking as you turned over the meat in the pan, then went back to cooking the vegetables, Hyunjin got up from the sofa and came to your side. Asking if you needed any help,

"Me and Felix have it covered, go and watch your movie." You kissed his lips and he stayed in place wanting to help out as much as he could since he'd forced you to come around in the first place.

Han:

You were in a panic trying to make sure your apartment was perfect, it was the first time your boyfriend of two months would be coming over to your place. You normally spent all your times at the dorms with him and his friends but this time Han had decided you needed some time alone together instead, you'd spent the entire day cleaning from top to bottom. Then you'd spent the last four hours cooking to make sure his favourite meal was made perfectly for him you didn't want a single thing to go wrong because you wanted to make everything flawless for him.

"Shit." You grumbled hearing the front doorbell being rang, you looked at the table and smiled it was laid out ready for you to eat and the food was being kept warm in the oven. You looked down at your jeans and top in the mirror and then rushed to open the front door.

"Han-Ah!" You giggled throwing your arms around him and bringing him into the apartment,

"You're cooking?" He asked looking over at the kitchen, that's when you noticed the take out bag in his hands.

"Did I not mention that?" You groaned, out of all the things you could have done to go wrong it was not telling him that you were cooking for you both that night.

"Shit." You groaned shutting the front door and walking him through to the kitchen,

"You made my favourite?!" You nodded and he put the take out onto the side,

"We'll have it tomorrow or later, I want to eat what my beautiful girlfriend cooked for me," He brought you into his arms and smiled at you, you stared up into his eyes and noticed he was wearing blue contacts,

"Contacts?" He nodded and then went to take them out in your bathroom while still shouting to talk to you through the house,

"We were shooting something secret today." You were smiling widely as he came back into the room and he knew instantly what you were thinking,

"No, I can't. I already told you about the comeback date I can't keep spilling secrets to you." You walked up to him and stuck out your bottom lip giving him your best puppy dog eyes.

"Please Han-ah, it'll be our little secret." You pouted and he groaned closing his eyes, he would give you anything if you looked at him like that and you knew it.

Felix:

"It's an emergency!" He yelled over the phone as you rushed over to the dorms,

"What?! Did you hurt yourself?! Is someone else hurt?!" You panicked hurrying up the staircase to their door, you opened it right away to see Felix standing there with Seungmin, their heads hung low.

"What?!" You yelled wanting to know what was so important that he woke you up at 3 am.

"We burnt the food..." Felix whispered you stared at him and then to Seungmin who was still hanging his head.

"You woke me up at 3 in the morning because you burnt food?!" You asked rubbing your eyes and looking down at your outfit. You were dressed in fluffy pants and a top you'd stolen from Felix the last time you were at the dorms.

"Yes." He laughed pulling you into the kitchen to get you to look at what they'd done,

"How did you mess up pancakes?! It's the easiest thing to cook." You began cleaning off what they'd been trying to cook, and then asked Felix to fetch the ingredients for you.

"Don't cook anything, I still don't understand how you messed this up?" You asked as you put the pan on to heat, you threw your hair up into a makeshift ponytail and got ready to show him how to make the perfect fluffy pancakes.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?" He asked trying to soften you up,

"I love you too but I'm still stealing a hoodie in revenge for this." You patted his cheeks and began plating up the pancakes for him and a hungry-looking Seungmin.

"and I'm staying the night but you can bunk with Seungmin." You yawned walking away from the kitchen and  in the direction of Felix's room where you curled up under the sheets ready to just pass out and sleep for a week.

Seungmin:

Seungmin had invited you around to the dorms since all the boys were out for vacation and he wanted to cook with you but you had other plans, he was always cooking for you whenever you went around to the dorms so you wanted to cook for him this time. You brought along everything you needed to make him his favourite meal, that's why you were currently dancing around the kitchen in one of his shirts and singing along to their album. Seungmin watched from the door as you hadn't noticed he was out of the shower yet, you didn't notice him standing there until you heard him chuckling at your attempt to dance along to Miroh.

"Seungmin." You whined hiding behind the wall and peaking out to see him staring at you with a giant smile on his face,

"You looked cute." You poked your tongue out at him and he proceeded to show you videos and photos of you dancing and singing.

"If you show those to anyone else I will never talk to you again." You mumbled staring at the photos and he chuckled,

"I guess it's going to be a quiet night, I already sent it to the group chat." You groaned loudly going to take the meat off the heat before it burnt the dorms down.

"You're evil! Everyone thinks you're this little angel but you're pure evil." You jokingly ranted plating up the food and leaning back into his arms,

"Shut up, you looked cute." He whispered kissing you on the cheek trying to warm you up but you weren't going to give in that easily,

"I get to pick the movie since you've been so mean to me." You giggled at him and he nodded agreeing to it as long as it meant you would talk to him properly again.

Jeongin:

This was a disaster, you were supposed to be making a lovely meal for Jeongin for him to eat when he got home from the studio but you'd messed up everything, you had no idea how it even happened one minute everything was fine and the next the oven was on fire and I.N was reaching for the fire extinguisher.

"It's fine," He assured you as he rubbed your shoulders but you shook your head at him trying not to cry over something that seemed so small but it was a huge deal to you,

"No, it's not. How did I even mess pasta up!? You just boil it." You groaned looking at the oven which was now covered in water and foam from the fire extinguisher, the pasta was well and truly ruined now and there was no coming back for it.

"I mean you did burn the bottom of the pan and then spill oil into the open flame." You groaned at the thought of what you'd done laying your head back against his chest making him chuckle at you, but you didn't find it funny like he did. You found it humiliating that you'd almost burnt the entire apartment down just by making pasta something that everyone, even Felix could do without burning something down.

"I'll order us something." He said as he looked at the oven again, there was no coming back from this, you were never going to live this moment down for as long as you were going to live but I.N was going to keep it a secret, he wouldn't expose you like that just tease you about it privately out of love.

Tagline for Stray Kids Posts: (I don’t know if the people that are on my usual tagpost want to be posted in this too, if you do feel free to let me know) 

@yoongisdumplingcheeks @jooniesdarlingdimples 

[kakyoinryoko]

im curious what u think jotaros life pre sdc was like

probably not good from what we see but i’m not super into speculation about this sort of thing beyond what can be inferred on a pretty base level... like, i feel no need to have detailed headcanons about everything that happened to him exactly. i have vague ideas but nothing super in depth outside of how him being gay and trans affects things already established or implied. i don’t know what exactly jotaro’s high school fights would revolve around, for example, and i don’t particularly have any desire to come up with any headcanons for this. i say this but i’m about to drop an entire essay here i guess. cool, embarrassing, etc

i’ve talked about it a little before but i think Something happened to him between entering high school and reaching his third year that kinda fucked him up, and whatever it was caused him to start acting more coldly and harshly towards his mother, who he previously was very openly loving towards. i’ve heard people say that the only reason holly sees him that way at the beginning of sdc is because she has illusions about her son being a better and kinder person than he is, but that’s just not true. i don’t think the imagery of him dressing like a proper student and being happy to receive a valentine and smiling at her and openly expressing his love for her cooking were false memories, i think he actually said and did those things, it was just stuff that happened when he was younger, probably a first year. i’ve said it over and over, but as it is, in the present day (as of sdc), she fully understands what her son is like. she’s introduced into the series asking the cops how many people he killed. that was her instinctual guess upon hearing he was arrested—this says to me 1) he’s never been arrested before, but 2) she knows about the fighting he gets up to and has feared that this is where it would end at some point. she also emphasizes the fact that he can’t fool her when it comes to his tough guy act—she realizes that it’s deep beneath his extremely rough exterior, but he IS a good and caring person at heart. she never says anything about him that isn’t true, and anyone brushing her off as a dumb naive woman just isn’t reading between the lines. or maybe isn’t reading at all frankly. it’s all right there in front of you.

as for his past. at a guess. it seems like he doesn’t really have any friends at all, at any point in the manga, outside of the people we see him interacting with in the parts themselves. as of his childhood and teen years, the fact that he’s half american and his father is largely absent is one possible reason i have heard brought up before, but i think it’s also because he comes across as pretty weird and hard to get along with. as an autistic person i see a lot of myself and my own struggles with interpersonal relationships in jotaro, so i think his issues with people are in no small part because he is autistic himself. i’m not going to belabor the explanation here because others have made better posts than i could about why he reads so heavily as autistic, but i think it comes down to him missing social cues, and not coming across the way he intends to, and not being able to read the implications in the things people say to him, and him being trans on top of that would make him feel like even more of an odd one out. i think he would deal with that by being kind of a sukeban type, so at least his ostracization feels like he’s in control of it and he’s being strong, but even so, acting like a scary tough girl isn’t a replacement for transitioning.

i think he would start transitioning (which is to say, changing his name and presentation and starting testosterone, but that’s about all) late in middle school, around 14, so that by the time he’s a first year in high school he’s fully stealth. and it makes him happy at first, because people are talking to him as a boy, and using a boy’s name for him (perhaps part of why he’s so chill about people calling him by first name the second they meet him, since that’s a little odd to do otherwise), so for a time he’s a happy enough kid. i think t hits him pretty hard and fast, and he shoots up almost immediately and gets to be like six feet tall and buff and deep voiced by the time he’s like 15, so suddenly he’s not so much the awkward american girl as he is the super tall strong guy that the guys all fear and respect and the girls all have a crush on, which is maybe nice at first, but i think the allure would wear off pretty fast.

i don’t think he necessarily realizes that it’s because he’s gay, but we see ourselves pretty clearly that he doesn’t enjoy the attention from girls beyond maybe thinking it’s a better alternative to having them mock him like when he was younger. he hates having them crowd around him and fawn over him—he has no interest in any of them in the first place, and none of them ACTUALLY care who he is, just that he’s tall and strong and handsome, and he hates that. and then, of course, guys fearing and respecting him turns into people wanting to fight him, and something terrible happens as a result of that, and he ends up an extremely guarded and hostile person as a result, even to the ones he loves. it gets to the point where he’s a target for actual serious violence, even from grown adult gang members as we see at the start of sdc, so his desire to keep people away from him as a means of keeping them safe kicks in—and this is something that sticks with him for the rest of his life, even into his 40s with his daughter. only tangentially related but i think the true tragedy of part 3 is that he was finally getting over that mindset, he was finally starting to see value in keeping people close to him and trusting in and relying on others. but primarily we see him express this sentiment towards kakyoin. and kakyoin dies. and more specifically dies for jotaro. so that all comes crashing down hard, and he’s right back where he started.

back to the main point i also feel i should mention i’m 100% of the belief he has perfect grades and attendance even when he’s more into the delinquent act. i say act mostly because i don’t think he’s actually hugely into the whole bancho subculture; i don’t think he would actually join any gangs, i think he prefers to keep to himself until other people go looking to start shit with him, which he always finishes handily (allegedly, no one has ever seen him get hurt before). probably including the teacher who he ran off, regardless of whatever happened then—he says himself that injustice and harming the weak makes him extremely mad, so there was definitely more going on there than just “jotaro got mad at a teacher because he’s a violent person and beat the shit out of him for no reason and so the guy got scared and quit,” though i don’t really care to speculate deeper than that. the teacher was not an innocent party is all i’m saying.

i suppose this is all just an unreasonably long winded way of saying “idk but i sure think about it a lot.” basically just extrapolations from the way he interacts with his peers from what little we see, and from the bio about him coming across in a much more cold and aloof way than he thinks he does, and from his relationship with his mom, and from what we see based on her memories of him when he was younger.

[ectonurites]

My least favorite type of fic!Tim is when he’s portrayed as depressed/very mentally and emotionally unstable, but also at the same time as someone who is like lauded as being super dangerous/the most skilled or something like that?? Those fics where Tim is chugging caffeine and barely sleeping, but characters are still like “oh I wouldn’t wanna piss off Tim he is Dangerous” and that’s annoying enough but then there are fics that at the same time as that portray him as like on the edge of a breakdown. It’s very irritating even if I’m not sure I can articulate exactly why, it just really rubs me the wrong way. Like, I definitely do think Tim has some issues with depression and stuff, but in fics like those it’s treated more like a quirk sort of instead of a serious issue

LMAOO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT i’m not a fan of that either. I’m apologizing in advance if I sound mean in any of this critique i’m about to give of that fanon version of him. I want to preface this by saying that people can write whatever the hell they want, like, they’re allowed to! And I’m not referencing/calling out any specific works here. Just trends. But I’m gonna bitch about some things I’ve noticed that annoy me, personally. (so again, not saying other people can’t enjoy this stuff! just. not for me)

so like sorry if im mean but this is just me ranting and also this is my blog anyways so:

(nobody take this as an attack on them please because it’s really not)

The problem is a lot of those fics seem to interpret Tim’s behavior in Red Robin (& especially like that last whole arc of his Robin run also by FabNic) as if that’s his normal, rather than the result of a few years of CONSTANT traumatic incidents pushing him to a breaking point (because while all the shit he went through with his Dad, Steph, Kon, Bart, and then Bruce dying was spread out over several years for us as readers, it’s regarded as like within two years in canon! It all happens when he’s 16 and 17. According to the Batman comic right after War Games, Jack was murdered only days after Steph died.

(Batman #634)

That’s a LOT to process for one kid jesus christ) 

I love Red Robin honestly, I do, but it is about Tim at the lowest points in his life. It’s the grand finale of Tim’s story, and everything crumbles, that’s kinda the point! The end leaves him in a position to either rebuild himself or fall apart. It’s all about how he chooses to continue after this point!

(Red Robin #26)

The way he acts and the things he does in that comic should be regarded as such. He can’t live the way he does in Red Robin forever or he will literally burn himself out/become something unrecognizable, like, jesus it’s kinda even acknowledged in the comic when he thinks about what his potential futures would be if he keeps it up like he’s doing:

(Red Robin #25)

He sees himself as dead, as Batman (which he has countless times said he doesn’t want to be and at this point in his history almost every time he’s seen a future he became Batman in he had become a killer), or needing to retire and taking over an Oracle-esque role, likely because he exerted himself too much to continue. 

When you look at him around this same timeframe when he’s not isolating himself/too deep into the mission and is instead working with his friends back on the Titans, you can see that he is starting to heal and work in a more positive direction. He’s choosing to work on coming out of this rough period by being together with his friends who he loves.

(Teen Titans (2003) #100)

Not to say that you can’t write about situations in which he doesn’t start to come out of it, but if you are doing so it’s something you should be taking seriously because that’s the idea you want to explore, not just acting like it’s perfectly okay or normal? (And again, there are a lot of works that do explore it in good ways, there’s just also a LOT that don’t)

Like, so much content I see just make any sadness and depression and tendency to over-work himself that’s rooted in his traumas (which! those do have a basis in canon!) into a quirky personality trait rather than a response to trauma. Acting as if he’s always been this way and it’s normal for him. That’s what bothers me. If people want to seriously explore the effects of all these incidents and how that plays into his ability to do his job as a hero, then hell yes do it! But when it all gets brushed off as ‘oh thats just tim, he just doesnt eat or sleep or feel any happiness but like its fine he’s just always been like that’ I feel my blood boil. 

This also often strikes me as related/tied to fanon’s seemingly never-ending quest to make Tim into this victim of so many things he really wasn’t. They make his childhood 10x worse than it actually was (yes he was lonely because he was sent to boarding schools rather than having his parents around, but he was NOT just left home alone all the time as a child. 

(Batman #441)

He snuck away during a school vacation week to follow Bruce one (1) time and to then track down Dick. This is established in his introduction story! PLEASE read Lonely Place of Dying!) and it just... going with those fanon assumptions as being true changes so much of how people characterize him! 

Some people will also (not to call out tim/kon shippers especially because I  literally am also one but) vilify the shit out of Steph and make their relationship out to be some abusive thing rather than just... a messy teen relationship between vigilantes because they had really complicated lives and baggage with one another? Which they both acknowledge they made mistakes in!

(Red Robin #10)

Or people will vilify the shit out of Dick in regards to the situation at the start of Red Robin, or literally just make anyone who Tim ever had a disagreement with out to be the bad guy despite the actual situations always being way more complex and multi-faceted than that.

And then on top of all that, aside from making him into this ‘im broken 24/7 and not doing anything to fix it also everyone around me is terrible to me’ type of character, because he’s a lot of people’s favorite, they also want him to be as cool and strong as he is at his high points. So they’re projecting all this stuff onto him that makes him what should be a barely functioning person but then also act like that’s fine and he’s able to be a dangerous badass on top of it. 

Like I’m sorry but someone who is going out and actively acting as a vigilante like that which is incredibly physically taxing is NOT surviving on coffee alone and no sleep. That’s literally not possible, he’d fucking collapse. (And like, again, if you want to explore him pushing himself to that point, that’s one thing! but acting like he can manage all of that for more than a few days at a time/maybe while working on one really tough case is nuts!) and like, even canon can be a little guilty of this type of thing particularly since the New 52 (Detective Comics 2016 had more than a few references to him barely sleeping, but at least they also made references to him eating normally/healthily and he wasn’t completely self isolating or anything) (and also that comic had him be so self sacrificial he was ready to die to save everyone and only didn’t die because of Mr.Oz’s interference, he’s definitely not in his best place there) but usually it’s still within some realm of possibility.

Also like. The fanon ‘chugging coffee to survive thing’ just annoys the shit out of me because, like, yes there’s a few moments in canon where he’s under a lot of pressure and pushing himself further than he normally would and had some coffee (one of the only times I can even remember him having it on panel is... oh... during that last Robin arc I just mentioned a little while ago shouldn’t be where you source your normal characterization of him because it’s a very difficult situation that pushes him further than he normally would go! huh!) But the thing is like, people play it off for laughs, or like it’s a normal thing he would do at any time in his life! If you want to explore him pushing himself and using coffee as a crutch, like, there’s ways you can write it that takes it seriously, but almost every time I see it come up in fics it is like a core part of his personality and just ‘oh haha silly tim always with his entire pot of coffee he must chug every morning or he’ll die :^)’ And that bothers the hell out of me. 

In general it’s just... people treat Tim so weird. They want him to be so many different things that he’s shown himself to be at different times for very specific reasons, except they want him to do all of it at the same time which just doesn’t work. A person can’t function like that, and it’s not even close to who he is in canon. 

Again, people can do what they want, and this is just my opinion obviously, but yeah. My two cents on the matter.  Read Lonely Place of Dying, read Young Justice, read his Robin run. Read his comics and get a feel for who he was before all the rest of his trauma, and see how he canonically reacts to it along the way. I know reading comics can be tough for some people but so much stuff just echo chambers and becomes barely recognizable in this fandom and it’s just... a shame when it happens with a character ya love. 

[intojatp]

when I was your friend (Natasha Romanoff one shot)

I got this idea while listening to when I was your man by bruno mars. this will be more sad, and even though I know this is a Bucky Barnes 'book' this will more revolve around Natasha, leaving the reader heartbroken after her best friend passed away. This also takes place after Tony's death, leaving you to hope he'll take care of Natasha from now on. I hope you enjoy this.

____________________________

It's been weeks since your best friend had passed away, but you truly couldn't seem to get over it. You were sure that this feeling would never go away. You'd always miss her. She left a hole in your heart you didn't know how to fill in again. You were glad you still had most of your amazing friends and your lovely boyfriend, Bucky. They tried everything to cheer you up, and sometimes it actually got easier for a while. But as soon as you entered the room you two used to share, your world came crushing in again. But you know that it could be worse. Without those people in your life you would have definitely ended your life a long time ago. They gave you that kind of strength to keep going with your life, and you had no idea how they did it, but you were glad that they did. Mostly Bucky.

You once again entered your now so quiet and almost empty room. When Natasha was still around it always felt like a party in here. And god, it annoyed you most of the time. But now that she wasn't around anymore, you'd do anything to get this back. But no matter how hard you'd try, she would never come back. And you had to live with that for the rest of your life.

You walked up to the piano you used to share. You didn't play often, mostly because you didn't have time for it anymore. But when you played, you only played for Bucky or Natasha. They would always have to beg you for hours to play, and you'd just get annoyed by them after some time and started playing, hoping they would leave you alone afterwards. You sat down on the bench and put your fingers on the keys. You didn't know if you were ready to play again, but you were hoping it would make you feel closer to her again.

"Are you okay, doll?"

You turned your head to the door, seeing your boyfriend leaning on the door frame. He gave you a soft smile, which you replied. You didn't know how he did it, but just having him close to you lifted your mood most of the time. You were so happy to have him.

'Yes, I am. I wanted to play again.. I was hoping it'd make me feel closer to her again.'

Bucky started walking towards you. He sat down next to you and laid his arm around you. It gave you a feeling of comfort and safety. As long as he was around, you knew you could do anything. Anything was possible for you. And dear, did you know he felt the same way about you.

'I got you, Y/N. I'm with you for the end of life. Whenever you're ready, I'll be there for you.'

You gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek and put your fingers on the keys again. You took a deep breath and started playing, already leaving a smile on Bucky's face.

"Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same

When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down

'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name"

Tears already shot up your eyes. All the memories you had with her in this room, all the late night talks, all the little fights, they all came up. She was here with you from the beginning. She saw how you fell for Bucky, she was the first who found out about you two dating, she listened to you whenever you had an argument with him. She always helped you. She was your rock when things got tough and you were hers. Who would do all of this with you now?

Bucky noticed the tears in your eyes and started rubbing your back. He didn't want to interrupt you, but he somehow wanted to show you that he was there with you, and he would never leave your side again.

"It all just sounds like ooh, ooh, ooh, hoo

Mm, too young, too dumb to realize

That I should have bought you flowers

And held your hand

Should have gave you all my hours

When I had the chance

Go with you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancing

But she's dancing at a better place"

Nat always wanted to go to parties with you, but you were the kind of person who'd rather stay in. You were too scared to meet new people, you always let your social anxiety get to you, even though you didn't want that to happen. Nat always understood, but she sometimes got quite annoyed by this. She would never tell you this though, she knew that it wasn't your fault. But she never had to tell you, you just knew. And you couldn't be mad at her for that.

"My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways

Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life

Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, oh

And that haunts me every time I close my eyes"

Shortly before she went on that mission with Hawkeye, you two had a little argument. You should've went on that mission, but since you and Hawkeye never really seemed to get along you wanted to go with Steve, Bruce and Tony. You obviously regretted not going now, it should've been you instead of her. You felt like it was your fault she died, and you'd feel like this for the rest of your life.

Bucky knew how you felt. He'd always tell you that it wasn't your fault, and that it shouldn't have been you. But no matter what he told you, you never believed any of it. Bucky hated that he couldn't change your mind, but he knew he wouldn't stop until you finally believed him. It broke his heart to see how you slowly fell apart, but he couldn't do anything except hoping that one day you'd recover from this. And he'd be there for every step of that way.

"It all just sounds like ooh, ooh, ooh, hoo

Mm, too young, too dumb to realize

That I should have bought you flowers

And held your hand

Should have gave you all my hours

When I had the chance

Go with you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancing

But she's dancing at a better place

Although it hurts

I'll be the first to say that I was wrong

Oh, I know I'm probably much too late

To try and apologize for my mistakes

But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers

I hope he holds your hand

Give you all his hours

When he has the chance

Take you to every party

'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance

Do all the things I should have done

When I was your friend

Do all the things I should have done

When I was your friend"

The only thing that truly gave you hope was that now Tony was with her, and he would definitely take good care of her. You missed him almost just as much as you missed her, but it was still easier on you.

You took your fingers off the piano keys and just sat there for a few seconds. Bucky didn't say anything, he just looked at you to see any kind of reaction on your face. He wanted to be ready for any kind of emotion, he wanted to be there for you, now more than ever.

After a minute or so you couldn't hold it in anymore. You started breaking down right into Bucky's arms. He pulled you closer to him, letting you cry into his chest. He held onto you as much as he could, because if he'd let go you would just fall onto the hard, cold ground beneath the both of you. You have never cried this hard, especially never in front of him. You knew it hurt him every time he'd see you like this, which is why you kept feelings like this away from him as much as possible. But right now, you couldn't do it anymore. You had to let everything out, even if it would hurt him.

And it did hurt Bucky. Holding you in his arms, hearing the hardest sobs he has ever heard, coming from the girl he loved the most in this whole world, ripped his heart in two halves. He also had tears running down his cheeks now, but you couldn't see that, which was kind of relieving to him. He left some kisses on the top of your head, before he slowly got up. He still held you in his arms, but he was too scared to keep sitting like this, because if his arms would get weak, you'd fall. And he didn't want you to get even more hurt. He carefully picked you up in bridal style and carried you into his room. He wanted to get you out of there, you were hurting enough today.

As soon as he got to his bed, he carefully laid you down and rushed right next you. He pulled the covers over the two of you and pulled you closer too him again. You felt his metal arm around your waist, and it gave you the feeling of home. You  buried your head into his chest again, and even though his whole shirt was wet because of your tears, it didn't bother you. But you thought that it might bother him, so you quickly helped him out of it.

'You know, it didn't bother me at all, right?'

You just shook your head in response and bury your head into his now bare chest again. Bucky left some soft kisses on your forehead once again, and he soon realized it might've helped you a little bit. Your sobs quiet down, and before you knew, you fell asleep.

'I know it's hard, doll. But you're not alone. And you'll never be. Im with you 'til the end of the line.'