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#i just feel so heavy n like even breathing is taking every ounce of energy i have
tamagotchikgs · 5 months
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i am still so weak dude even just using the trackpad on my laptop for a minute or maybe even less to scroll on tumblr was enough to make my arm tingly nd numb
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It's Still Raining
Pairing: Captain John Price x Reader
Warnings: depression, maybe fluff probably not, purely indulgent
You knew what kind of day it would be today before you even opened your eyes.
It was nothing in particular, nothing that anything outside of the four walls of your bedroom had done to make it this way. Not in the way you woke up alone to an empty house bright from sun that streamed through the open windows or in the way that the warm morning greeted you.
Your body was sore but from what you weren't sure. You were tired but you had gotten a full nights rest, the first in about a week, and you stood looking in the mirror with an empty head.
A weight on your chest, a weight in your mind. Clouds blocking your vision, the edge of wanting to break everything in the house and wanting to go back into bed to shut out the world. The urge to cry not even there, just the want for something to change but nothing came to mind.
You did everything you were supposed to.
You ate, you cleaned and even tried to get your body moving. You went outside, let the warm spread across your body and tried to take in the beautiful day. You almost went on a walk but that required energy you didn't have so instead you got the mail and sat on the couch paralyzed with feeling of nothing.
A heavy nothing, something that you crawled and tore at in your mind, something you demanded to go away but it stuck to you, it laid across you and weighed you down as if to beat you into submission.
You stared at the wall with an empty mind that buzzed and took away every ounce of something in your body, enough to where you couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge the front door opening.
"Hey." Price greets, hands full of grocery bags.
You greet him back and give him a smile, one that feels practiced and artificial purely by instinct. You want him to notice but you don't want to be, you don't want to disrupt a day like this.
And yet he sees how the smile doesn't reach your eyes and the way your voice has a hidden strain to it, like it was being forced out of you.
Today was one of those days.
Price doesn't make it a big deal. He doesn't add to the weight of nothing inside of your head as he politely asks you to help him put the groceries away. He waits until you're both finished before he looks at you like he sees you, because he always sees you, and stands across from you.
He doesn't crowd you, he doesn't glare at you or huffs, he doesn't push you or grab you. He waits, he observes and looks at you.
"What do you want, love?"
You don't know how to answer, you shrug and feel your face fall as you look elsewhere. You don't know what you want, you want it to stop, you want to feel better, you want to be like it is outside, devoid of clouds. You don't how to make that happen.
You don't want to be alone, you don't want to have someone beside you. You want to be held and you want to be rolled in your blankets in the dark of your room with no one else inside of it.
A walking contradiction, too complex, too needy, not enough, full of nothing.
"I don't know..."
The words fall out of you defeated but at the same time accepting your fate, your throat hurts and yet you won't cry.
Price doesn't falter. He's strong, hard as a rock and yet soft enough to fall into his arms when he offers to hold you. He wraps his arms around you, holds you like he means it, like he doesn't care if he has to stand there the entire day holding you.
He holds you firmly, pushes you into his chest and rests his scratchy chin on top of your head. He rubs his calloused thumb in between shoulder blades, breaths in your scent and leaves a kiss to your temple.
You hold him back not as tight as you want to but rest your head against him. You stare at the wall, feeling comfort battle with nothing and you wish it would help more but it doesn't.
Tomorrow will hopefully be better.
A/N: maybe this was too personal and it didn't help much but it helped some
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jellyfishoreo1206 · 1 year
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Comfort (Gavril)
This will be a series w/ all the Bubo characters (Gavril, Angelo, Nostre, Daniel, Aku, maybe Tooth too) Love it when my brain comes up with ideas when I have several other WIP's to do
I was crying earlier and my brain in the middle of it went, "but what if the Bubo Characters were here."
WARNINGS: EMOTIONAL, CRYING, CUSSING, OVERALL BAD BAD DAY, ANGST IG??? I HAVE NO IDEA THERE WILL BE LOOTS OF FLUFF THO
Gender-Neutral Reader
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You felt like crying, screaming.
Everything was shit, every single hour that went by, every single minute, every single second felt long and torturous. Your body felt heavy, head heavy as it pounded with a throbbing headache against your skull, vision blurry.
Why did today of all days in the year have to be so shitty? You woke up late for work, got coffee all over your work clothes and didn't have a spare, got chewed out by your boss because how you forgot to do something yesterday and how you were "representing" the workplace, didn't eat lunch because you forgot to bring your wallet, and so many other things that made you want to wallow into the ground and forget about everything.
Anger, misery, sadness, irritation, annoyance, depression.
You want to cry so bad, you want to break something. Throw something. Anything.
But the moment you walked through your door, the dams broke. Sliding down to the floor, you cried your heart out, you cried out to no one as the bitter tears spilled down your face, dropping onto the floor. It felt pathetic, on your arms and knees just because nothing went right today, nothing went how was suppose to, crying out everything you had to the shadows around you. Wailing out to only the silence that surrounded you.
But it couldn't be helped, keeping every single thing bottled up over the last few months, constantly filling up the cup. This was eventually bound to happen. It was only a matter of time before the water spilled over the edge.
It felt like hours hunched over on the floor, a puddle of tears forming as your wails soon turned to soft hiccups and quiet sniffling. Your throat hurt from all the wailing, nose filled to the brim with runny snot, vision blurred and puffy from the tears with more coming, your limbs going numb from how long they were on the ground. Yet you didn't want to get up, you didn't have the energy to do so.
You stayed there for a few minutes longer taking several deep breaths, building up your energy, before slowly standing up from that position. Your joints popped as you started moving, relieved to be moving again.
You felt disconnected from the world, everything around you seemed to have been numbed down. You felt bland, empty. Every limb in your body felt heavier than before, mind becoming foggy the longer you stood there staring off into space. Your brain went on autopilot, searching for a place to rest, which was the couch.
The fog felt like a long-awaited hug, a hug that feels like it's enveloping your entire body, a hug without warmth. It's just, there...
Curling up on yourself, you laid there wide awake as not even an ounce of sleep crept into your mind as the hours ticked by, you didn't even bother checking the time. Didn't bother getting up.
It was just so easy to just stay there, not worry about anything else, in the moment. Letting the clouds fog your mind as you let your body relax into the cushions.
After what was probably two hours, you hear the familiar sound of footsteps upstairs, creaking against the old floorboards. You didn't even bother panicking about who it was, you didn't feel ready to come out of the comforting fog yet. The footsteps went down the stairs, right next to the couch, yet you didn't feel an ounce of fear go through you. Heartbeat as calm as it could be, beating against your ribcage in a calming manner. Whoever it was can do what they want, you don't even have a care to give.
"Y/N?" You perked up a bit, eyes glancing up at the person looking over from the stairs. It was Gavril, hood still on as his eerily bright eyes shined through the dark. It still scares you how bright his eyes are in the dark, staring at your form unblinking, intensely. Like a kind of cat of sorts. Maybe a perk from the goo. He quickly descends the rest of the stairs, pulling off his hood to reveal his dark curly hair.
You didn't move, just letting a sigh pass your lips as you stared off again. You should've been more excited that Gavril was here, it's been 3 months since you last saw him in person. But you literally cried everything out hours ago, your brain to exhausted to make a reaction. Gavril approaches closer, to where he's hovering over the couch. He seemed.., concerned about you. His brows were furrowed as he had a slight frown on his face. It doesn't seem like he knows how to act whenever someone is like this. He slowly reached out a hand, brushing some of the hairs out of the way that have fallen over your face in a gentle manner.
For a couple of minutes, that's all he does, over and over. Eventually he sits right next to you on the couch, your head in his lap as he gently combs his fingers through your hair.
It feels nice, to be right against him as his touch left a certain type of warmth in your nerves, filling your mind with a good emotion you can't quite put a name to. Eyes fluttering close, you enjoy the gesture, further relaxing your body into his as he continues the gesture. The events of today slowly melting from your mind as the seconds pass.
When his hand was about to pull away, your own grabbed at his wrist, refusing for the affection to be over so soon. "Not yet.." Your voice is hoarse, from your lack of words in the past hours and from the crying. Gavril hasn't said anything, he doesn't point out how you sound, all he does is cup your face in a comforting manner. Exhaustion hits your body like a train, as your mind slowly fades in and out from consciousness, not processing anything around you as you let yourself go.
"I'll be here in the morning.."
...
How did you end up in your bed?
Groggily, you looked around. Yeah you're definitely in your room. Couldn't tell the time though, it was cloudy outside and made the whole room darker, can't tell if it was early morning or the afternoon. You don't remember making the walk upstairs last night, all you remember was curling up on your couch and..
Gavril.
"Fuck, Gavril!" Quickly getting out of bed, and nearly face-planting into the wall, you scrambled out of the room and downstairs to see if he was still here. To see if he actually stayed.
After finally taking the last step, you hear a soft humming from the living room. Glancing over to your right, and there he was, patiently sitting there with something in hand. A old rubix cube you were meant to solve. His coat was discarded, some rips and tears in it, folded neatly on the couch arm as he kept twisting and turning the cube. Didn't seem like he wanted to figure it out, just needed something to busy his mind and hands. Fucking shit, you missed him so badly..
Coming up right behind the couch, you wrap your arms around him, smushing your face into his hair. Which probably wasn't a good idea since he didn't take a shower but you brushed off his smell, only seeking his touch. You felt him jump a bit beneath you from the surprise embrace, but quickly relax as he realized it was only you, returning the gesture as best as he could.
"Hey dear," He coos, drawing patterns into your arm after placing the cube down, "Good to see you better."
"It's good to see you again."
"Yeah? Did you miss me that much?"
"Obviously I would.."
Your hand came up to his hair, playing with the curly ends of them. He seemed to enjoy it, letting out a small hum. A comfortable silence falls over you two, only the quiet breathing of you and Gavril's filling the air.
"Do you...want to talk about last night?" He sounded hesitant when whispering out the question, he seemed unsure in what he was doing. You found it sweet of him that he wanted to make sure you were okay though.
You mulled over the question in your head, thinking it again and again. Do you want to talk about it? I mean, you cried your heart and soul out last night so it should be fine, right? But there's the chance that might make Gavril uncomfortable. He was asking, but there's the benefit of doubt.
"..Just a bad day was all."
"Mm..." He stays quiet for a few moments, thinking something over, "Who do I have to kill?" He attempts what you think is a joke, but you can't tell whether he is actually serious or just trying to cheer you up in some weird way. Eh, he's your weirdo anyway.
"Don't. I love you Gav, but I swear to God do not kill someone just because they made me sad," Pulling your face out of his hair, you lean down to plant a small kiss on his cheek, "unless I ask you too." A cheeky smile makes its way onto your face, jumping over the couch just to sit right beside him. Looking at his face, it seemed to be flushed, a slight look of embarrassment on his face as a wobbly smile takes place. His adorableness just seems to intensity whenever he's flustered, you don't know why but it just makes you fall harder for him.
"Did you eat anything?"
"I, uhm..no not really?"
"You ate everything in the fridge again, didn't you?" His gaze averted to the side as he lets out a nervous chuckle. Letting out a sigh of slight disappointment, you slump onto him, closing your eyes. "'s fine, I needed an excuse to go shopping anyway.." You can't blame him, to be honest. He must've been starving and food must've been scarce. You're surprised he isn't dead yet, or in jail.
"Is it alright if I come?" Thinking it over in your mind, you think of the pros and cons of him coming along.
"..Sure." He's probably going to tag along either way, no matter which answer you chose. But that's fine, you love your skrunckly little rat man either way.
You just hoped he wouldn't try and steal a wheel of cheese, again.
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marvelnatswhore · 1 year
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Rainy days
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Natasha romanoff X reader~hurt/comfort
Request: hey, i was wondering if u are taking any request for nat x female r... if u are, can u please make a story even just a short one about r having one of those days where she doesn't wanna get out of bed and like really drained because r has depression and nat, her girlfriend, comforts her? thank you so much. <3
A/N: I’m so so sorry I didn’t do this sooner i know you requested september last year and I have no idea if you’ll even see this but thank you for the request, I lost this awhile ago but i really liked this prompt so thank you <3
and sorry this is short
Warnings: mentions of depression
wc: 870
✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧⧗✧
“Morning.” Natasha said in a low yawn, having just woken up. You felt her elbow brush against your face as she reached to wipe the sleep from her eyes. 
You hardly slept. Of course you didn’t but you wouldn’t worry Natasha, so you pulled your lips into a soft smile and rolled into her arms whispering, “Good morning.” 
“Anything you want to do today, baby?” Natasha asks, smiling at you tucked in her arms as you felt your heart sink a little at the question. 
You shook your head, rolling back over to stare at the trim along your windows, watching the small drops of a belated storm ripple down leaving streaks across the glass.
You didn’t want to think about it. One of those days when it felt like a headache had engulfed you and was suckling every ounce of energy you had left. The numb, empty feeling that throbbed in your head, a feeling Natasha knew all too well.
“Want to talk, detka?” She whispers, her hand brushes your cheek as she tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and you shake your head in response. “Actually, I'm a little tired, Nat. I think I'll just sleep for a bit.” 
You both knew you wouldn’t be sleeping, but Natasha would never push you. 
“I’ll let you sleep then, Detka. Maybe I’ll go make us some tea.” She pressed a kiss to the back of your head before tucking you in and leaving you in the dark as she shut the door softly. 
You’re alone in your bed now and it’s quiet. Even though a part of you wishes Natasha hadn’t left, you needed the silence.
You could sleep for a bit, or at least try, but even that felt like too much.
The past week had drained you completely, it felt like you spent every day holding yourself together and it was finally coming apart. everything was becoming too much.
You were glad the door was closed and you were grateful for the dark. Natasha wouldn’t hear the sound of quiet sobbing, muffled as you buried yourself further under the blankets, letting the pillow beneath you soak up your tears. 
You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that for. You weren’t sure it mattered, everything you felt and everything you pent up came out in a flood.
You didn't notice the clouds outside becoming dark rain that poured down on your roof and against your windows, ironically it felt like the sky was agreeing with you.
When you finally began to calm, the heaviness in your chest grew lighter and your voice didn’t shake with each breath.
You lay there for a while, looking at nothing and thinking of everything. There was a soft knock at the door and you heard it shutting a moment later. You didn’t move to see, you could hear Natasha shuffling in the dimly lit room, a shiver crept up your spine as your blanket was lifted and the cool air met your warm body. 
The mattress dipped when Natasha climbed under the covers, and you felt her press against you. 
“Nat?” You asked softly, empty tears staining your voice as you wondered why she was back in bed with you.
“It’s raining.” She whispers, wrapping her arms around your torso and interlocking her hand with yours.
“I think today’s a good day to stay in bed.”
You turned back to her, knowing what she meant by that, she’ll stay with you for as long as it takes, it’s her way of telling you how much she loves you.
“Thank you.” You whispered, burying your face in her neck and finding a warmth you didn’t know you needed. “Anything for you.” she answered, pressing her lips to your own.
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outsideratheart · 2 years
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Eyes open (Leah Williamson x reader)
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A/N: This could be one of the quickest fics i have ever written.
This was based of an Anon request but I cannot find it. Anon, I hope you like it.
In the 85th minute. The game was 2-0, the win was England’s but Canada refused to give up. 
Leah stood on the edge of the box as Kelly sent the ball in from a corner. Everyone knew that your head was the target for corners so it came as no surprise that you are very heavily marked. 
The ball hit its target but it also hit the cross bar. With the ball in the air going from head to head, Kadeisha Buchanan tries to clear it with a high kick and it just so happened that you jumped for a second header at the same time. 
It’s as if it happened it slow motioned and Leah could do nothing but watch as the Canadian defender’s boot connects with your head and with force. You fall to the ground with a thud, there was no scream of pain and your body was limb as it fell. 
“Y/N” Leah quickly ran to your side. 
Lucy was kneeled beside you in a matter of seconds as she tried her best to keep you conscious. It was obvious from look in your eyes or more so the lack there of which told the defender the severity of your injury. 
“Keira you need to keep her away” Lucy says. 
Keira hated it but she knew Lucy was right. There was a huge laceration on your head and blood was flowing out fast. 
“Leah, she is bleeding and you’re not good with blood. We can’t have you the two of you passed out” 
“She’s unconscious?” Leah asks and although she didn’t think it possible, the panic within her grew tenfold. 
“I’ll be ok. It’s Y/N. I need to see her” 
Keira turns to to Lucy as if asking for permission.  The defender takes her shirt off so that she can cover the wound then she nods her head. Whilst Leah rushes to your side, Keira shouts for the medics to hurry up. 
“Y/N” Leah’s voice is barely a whisper. The way your eyes fail to focus on anything scares her. It’s like your body is there but your mind isn’t.
You can hear someone say your name and the voice is familiar but you can’t place it. You can hear people talking and you can feel something warm falling down your face but what you feel the most of the excruciating pain in your head. 
“Something’s wrong” your eyes get heavy as the pain consumes you. 
“What! No! Y/N keep your eyes open. Lucy what do I do?” Leah begins fearing the worse. 
Lucy freezes. You are her best friend and as much as she wants to reassure your girlfriend she can’t. She is frozen in the spot as she looks down at you and her once white now red shirt. 
“Y/N It’s Keira. I need you to keep your eyes open. Can you do that for me?” 
You try to do as she asks but your eyelids are too heavy. 
“Ke” 
“Im here. Leah is too and Lucy. The whole team is here” 
“It hurts” you try to move you hand to the source of the pain but it feels heavier than normal and then you realise that someone is holding it, that someone being Leah. 
At this point the medics arrive and the team move so they can treat you but Leah, Lucy and Keira remain by your side. 
When the medics ask Lucy to remove her shirt so they can access the wound Leah winces. The cut was about 4 inches long and it was deep. You would need stitches, no doubt about it. 
“Keira try to keep her talking. She is going to be in a lot of pain” the medics ask. 
You and Keira can talk about anything. It’s one of the reasons why you are so close. From serious topics to top ten pizza toppings, yet in this moment her mind is blank. 
“It must be bad if you can’t think of anything” you use every ounce of energy to muster together a sentence. 
“I thought it was only Leah you could make speechless but I think I have finally fallen for your charms” 
“In” you take a deep breath “inevitable” 
Leah snickers between tears at your cockiness even now in the situation you were in. 
“Always the charmer” Lucy adds. 
“It hurts” the throbbing becomes too much to bear as your eyes close with your body succumbing to the pain. 
“We need to get her to the hospital” 
The medics lift you onto a stretcher all the while Leah stays by your side. Keira pulls Lucy into her arms as they watch you leave the pitch. 
“I need a new shirt” Lucy says as she holds up her blood soaked one. 
“No you don’t. The game is over. Let’s go” Millie tells the team. 
Whilst you were getting treated Millie talked with Christine Sinclair and they agreed that they game could end if the officials were ok with it, which they were. 
Leah rides with you in the Ambulance while the others decide to shower and tell the defender that they will meet you at the hospital but ask that she keep them updated. 
Your body feels like lead and despite your hardest efforts you cannot open your eyes. You focus on your surroundings, you hear beeping noises and the sounds of someone crying. 
“Y/N please wake up. You’re really scaring me now”
You know that voice, you love that voice. Leah. 
“How is she?” 
Another voice you recognise. Keira. 
“She still hasn’t woke up. The doctor said that she could wake up at any point”
“Then why hasn’t she?”
This voice belonged to one of your favourite people, your best friend Lucy. 
“The doctor said that the body is protecting itself. When she is healed enough then she will wake up” 
You feel someone press a kiss against you head but not the side that hurts. 
“You really scared me out there. You have to wake up. I don’t know where you hid my engagement ring” Lucy’s voice is a whisper no doubt so that no one else hears her. 
“It’s in the same draw as mine” 
You slowly open your eyes and you try to sit up but your vision blurs as you get lightheaded. 
“Y/N. Baby” Leah is by your side straight away “don’t sit up. I will move the bed up” 
You hear gears moving and feel yourself sitting up. 
“Do you know what happened?” Lucy asks. 
“I scored?” You ask optimistically. 
“No. You got kicked in the head and got 11 stitches” Lucy explains. 
“Here’s me hoping that we won and I drank a bottle of tequila to celebrate” you move your hand to your head and wince as you touch the stitches your friend mentioned. 
Lucy and Keira laugh at your comment but Leah’s eyes remain on you whilst her own brim with tears. 
“Hey. I’m ok. Come here” 
You gingerly move over so that Leah and join you on the bed. 
“I was so scared. There was so much blood and you were so out of it. In the ambulance I thought I was going to lose you” Leah lets her tears falls as she nestles closer into your side. 
You want to make a joke about not remembering being in an ambulance but you know it would only add to her worries. 
“I’m ok and I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me Leah”
“Especially if she says yes” Lucy mumbles at the side of you. 
“What did you say Luce?” Leah asks the defender. 
“She said she’s happy that I’m ok and that I’m a good secret keeper right?” 
“I may not know what she said but I know she didn’t say that” Leah says confidently from the place beside you. 
“That’s what I meant” Lucy says whilst burning up from the gaze you are sending her way. 
“The girls want to see you” Keira says from the foot of your bed. 
“Let the doctor see her first then everyone can come in” Leah answers for you but her best friend’s eyes remain on you
“You heard the boss Ke. Doctor then team mates” you place a gentle kiss to Leah’s temple before tightening the hold you have on her.
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A/N: there is some relatively descriptive violence at the end of this chapter.
Charles placed me down on his disgusting mattress with an eerie smile, and my skin crawls. My stomach churns as I tried my hardest to suppress the memories of being in this room before, afraid of what could possibly take place now that I'm back once again. It took every ounce of energy to just breathe and not set myself into a full-blown panic. "I'll be right back, dear. Don't you go running off again," he muses with a wink, and exits the room.
As if I could fucking go anywhere with my ankle in this condition.
I sighed, taking a gander around the room knowing that there was no way I could make a break for it. There was a weathered picture sitting on his bedside table; I picked it up to see a family of four huddled by a tree. The man in the picture of course was Charles, though much younger, accompanied by who I assumed were Alice and his children. The kids were smiling brightly, but the look on Alice's face was anything but happy. I nearly dropped the picture when I took a good hard look at her—the resemblance between us was uncanny.
"Do you remember that day, dear?" Charles reenters the room, and I jumped, not expecting his presence so soon. He came in holding two thin planks of wood and some bandages, amongst other small items. "I, uh...y-yes," I continued with my charade, my hands now shaking from apprehension. "It seems like just yesterday." He places the items beside me on the bed before running his hand down my cheek, tipping my face towards him by my chin. "You're just as beautiful now as you were then," he looks at me with his hollow eyes, a sickly-sweet smile on his face before he presses his lips to my forehead. I froze and held my breath, waiting for him to stop touching me.
I let out my breath when he releases his hold on my face and turns his attention to my leg. He picks up a bottle and carelessly pours its contents over my wounds, making me hiss from the burning sensation that it caused. I watched as bubbles formed on my skin, relieved that it was hydrogen peroxide he dumped on me to help aid some of the infection I'm sure I was going to get. I knew it wasn't going to be enough, though, but I'll take what I can get.
I whimpered when he picked up my leg to wrap it, and he shoots me a look as if he was satisfied with the pain that he was inflicting on me. I swallowed harshly, feeling like I would vomit from both the ache and the fact that this sick fuck was clearly getting off to this.
"S-so, where are the children now?" I asked, trying to keep my mind off the trauma in my leg. He sighs deeply, "Oh, they've run off some time ago," he says with melancholy heavy in his tone. "They left shortly after you did, leaving me all alone." I rolled my eyes at his shitty attempt to make me feel sorry for his neurotic ass. "How long have you been searching for me, Charles?"
He puts the pieces of wood on either side of my leg and shifts my ankle into place aggressively, and I holler from the intensity of the pain he caused. He chuckles at my reaction—if I wasn't already so lightheaded from it, I would've slapped the smile right off his face. If this was how he treated his wife, I can see why Alice ran away.
"A few years now, dear," he mutters as he begins to wrap my leg in more bandages, securing the makeshift brace. "I was beginning to think I'd never see you again, but there you were, with him," he spits, pulling hard on the bandages, causing me to whimper once again. "It was the perfect opportunity, really, like killing two birds with one stone. Not only do I get you back, but I get to watch you and your paramour suffer."
I shake my head in disbelief; this man is a monster.
From what I'm able to gather, he abused his wife and maybe even his kids to the point of no return, and she ran off with whoever he thought Noah was to get away. I knew he wasn't taking his antipsychotic medication, which would explain why he thinks he has the right people—but now we're suffering, and most likely going to die because of it.
I was relieved when he brought me back down to the cellar, only to dump me onto the mattress as if to dispose of me. I cried out in pain when my leg bounced off the ground, immediately reaching for it, hoping I could somehow soothe the ache by holding it. Gritting my teeth, I glowered at him as he gave a quick 'hmph' before heading back upstairs, leaving me and Noah like we were junk items that he no longer deemed useful.
"You okay?" Noah asks from across the room, shuffling to his feet. I pursed my lips and shrugged, "As okay as I can be, I guess." "Here," he holds out the unopened bottle of water and sleeve of crackers from earlier. "You need it more than I do." I stared up at him for a moment, taking in the exhausted, yet genuine look in his eye. Even as upset as he had been earlier, he still cared enough to make sure that I was fed. I take them from him with a half-assed smile as he sits on the ground beside me, leaning up against the wall.
I cracked open the water, taking a few sips before handing it back to him, and he gives me a questioning look. "You need it just as much as I do," I tell him, then opened the package of crackers for us to share as well. He bobs his head shallowly with a minuscule grin grazing his lips, popping a cracker in his mouth.
We sat in silence for a while, munching on the crackers and passing the water back and forth. We consumed maybe half of what we had before deciding to conserve it, unsure of when Charles would be back to replenish it.
Eventually I filled Noah in on the picture I had found, the resemblance between me and Alice, how long he's been searching for her, and the kids that we originally knew nothing about. He even agreed that it made sense that Charles thought I was her if he wasn't taking his medication, certainly hallucinating and picturing me as his wife.
We fall silent once more, leaving me to run my fingers through the dirt again. It dawned on me after a while that the hole we had dug wasn't there anymore; Noah filled it in at some point. "Did you manage to pull out whatever was stuck in the ground?" I asked, looking over at him. "Oh, shit, I almost forgot," he says in a lively manner, sitting up straight. "It was the head of a pickaxe. I hid it and buried the hole back up; thought maybe it would come in handy at some point. Maybe try to break through the boards on the window or something." Yeah, or beat Charles over the head with it and run. "Smart thinking," I nodded and chuckled at my morbid thought, and went back to playing with the dirt.
-
I watched my bandages get dirtier and dirtier as the days went by, the blood seeping through turning from crimson to brown as it oxidized. My leg was still excruciatingly sore, and I could feel the warmth radiating through the bandages, surely due to an infection in the wounds. I needed actual medical attention if I wanted my leg to heal, and properly at that.
I was very limited with what I could do while rendered as a sitting duck; Noah and I played tic-tac-toe in the dirt occasionally to keep ourselves occupied. It was silly, but it certainly helped pass the time. I sighed after our current round, stretching my other leg out, which was stiff due to the lack of walking I've been doing.
"Did you ever do this with Leora? Play tic-tac-toe in the dirt, or was it always just picking out worms?" Noah asks, the corner of his lips curling upwards. I brushed our game away and chuckled, "Sometimes, but not very often." I drew another grid, setting up the next game. He puts his legs out in front of him, leaning back on his hands as he stares straight ahead, indicating he was done playing for now. He had a calm semblance to him, the tiny smile still playing on his lips while he sat there content, seemingly lost in thought.
He rolls his head towards me after a moment, his eyes searching mine as I held onto his stare. It was great to see that one of us was healing well—the swelling on his face was mostly gone, leaving only the purple and red hues around his eye, which he was now able to open. I had no idea what was on his mind, and my stomach was starting to fill with nerves from the uncertainty, but I couldn't look away. All I could see were my daughter's eyes; all I could think about was how much I wanted to see them again, and this was the closest I could get to that.
"Can I ask you something?" He finally breaks the silence. My heart jumps into my throat with apprehension; I tried to swallow it back down as I nodded. "Does she ever ask why she doesn't have a dad? Or is she too young to understand that?"
His question hits me like a freight train, leaving me speechless, breathless even. I sit there with my mouth opening and closing, unsure of how to even answer that. Leora has never asked me about the lack of a father; she most likely was too young to understand. Even so, my dad was always around and filled in the role of a father figure for her.
I shook my head. "She, uh...no, she's never asked," I stammered out, dropping my eyes to my hands that were folded in my lap. "She's too young, I think." "Right," he mutters. I could see him from the corner of my eye, bobbing his head up and down slowly while he processed my words. "I'm sure your dad is doing a great job helping out. Your mom, too." I let out a small laugh, "Yeah, they're great. Nick is, too, whenever he visits. She gets so excited to see him." I smile sadly to myself, picturing their last encounter and how elated she was when she swung the door open, running into his awaiting arms. I could hear her giggles clear as day when he gave her all those kisses on her face.
"So...why didn't Nick ever tell me?" Noah asks; there wasn't any accusation in his tone, just genuine curiosity. "I begged him not to," I mumbled, and started to pick at my nails. "Why, Amelia?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but I could still hear the ache in it. I huffed and closed my eyes, shaking my head back and forth. “I-I don’t know,” I whispered.
I don’t know? What kind of reasoning is that?
My chest felt heavy with regret, hating the way the words coming out of my mouth sounded. It was a shitty reasoning, but it was the truth—I really don’t know why I did what I did. Maybe I was afraid of what his reaction would be, or maybe I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need him to help raise her since he just up and left so easily. Either way, it was selfish of me. Nick had been right all these years—it wasn’t just hurting me, but it was hurting Noah. And it was going to confuse and maybe even hurt Leora, too.
“Do you think…” He hesitates, clearing his throat. I bring my attention back to him, and I see the timidness in his demeanor. “Do you think I might get the chance to…get to know her some day?” I took a deep breath and held it as his question ricocheted inside my head, my heart beating out of my chest. It was a question that I knew would come, but I wasn’t prepared for it.
We lock eyes again; his are heavy with hope, glimmering under the dull light above us, pleading for an answer. I let out the breath I was holding, nodding shallowly—it was only fair now that he knew about her. "Yeah, o-of course. Whenever we make it out of this mess," I let out a dry laugh. "Cool," he flashes a soft smile, and I couldn't help but mirror it. It was almost relieving to know that he wanted to be involved, or at least try to be, anyway.
Noah stands and makes his way to our closet of a bathroom, returning moments later with the head of the pickaxe. He walks over to the boarded up window, spinning the tool in his hand for a minute or two before clutching it and jamming it between two boards. I watched as he tried to pry them apart, his brows cinched and his jaw tense as he put all his effort into it, only to have it slip from the ruts over and over again.
"I just don't have enough leverage with this thing," he sighs before finally giving up, turning to me. "It's okay, don't put all your energy into it. We'll figure something out," I reassure him, motioning for him to sit back down. He shakes his head in defeat and starts walking around the room aimlessly, tossing the tool back and forth between his hands as he goes. He fumbles with it when the door swings open, Charles making his way into the room.
I tensed as he stalks over to me, that same foreboding smile plastered on his face. "Relax, I'm here to change your bandages, dear," he tells me as he crouches by my leg. He picks it up carelessly, sending a wave of pain through my ankle. "You fucker," I hissed between clenched teeth, glaring at him. "Could you maybe be oh, I don't know, gentle when doing this?" He chuckles with a shake of his head, starting to unravel the old bandages from around my leg. "Now, now, dear. That's no way to speak to someone who's taking care of your injuries," he muses as the pieces of wood fall to the dirt below me.
Tears spring to my eyes when he peels off the inner layer of bandages, getting stuck to the wounds as he went. I bit down on my lip to hold back my whimpers, squeezing my eyes shut and turning away so I didn't have to see the disarray that my leg was in. "Oh, this doesn't look too good, Alice," Charles tsks, "let's hope you don't lose your leg." My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach from the thought of losing my leg due to his negligence. "Are you fucking kidding me, Charles?" I whipped my head in his direction, taking note of the smirk he was brandishing. "Bring me to a hospital, now!" I shout. "Oh, no, no, no. I'm afraid I can't do that, Alice—"
The next thing that I knew, Charles' body was being ripped from me as he bellowed in agony. I gasped and my eyes grew wide from the sight in front of me; it all happened so fast. Noah was now behind Charles, his arm wrapped around his neck as blood poured down his face from the pickaxe that was now lodged in his eye. "This is for the black eyes you gave me, you sick fuck," Noah growls, pulling the tool from his face.
I couldn't move, I was so shell-shocked. I couldn't muster so much as a flinch, even when the blood splattered across my face from the tool being ripped from his skull. He thrusts it back into his eye socket, the harrowing scream escaping Charles chilling me to the bone. The nauseating sound of his flesh being ground together echoed in my head, my stomach now churning and clenching painfully as I released what little contents it held.
I gather myself as Noah throws Charles' now limp body to the dirt, panting as he watched his life wither away. He huffs, bringing his attention back to me, the remaining animosity heavy in his demeanor. I still couldn't move or say anything as my eyes followed a droplet of blood trail down Noah's cheek, and slip off his chin. He wipes his face off with the sleeve of his shirt before extending a trembling, blood-coated hand to me.
"It's time to get out of here and reunite with our daughter," he says with determination, an assuring grin tugging at the corner of his lips.
|Chapter 10|
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yuzukult · 3 years
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acquitted love || sjn & reader
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title: acquitted love pairing: johnny suh x reader genre: fluff, angst, co-workers!au, lawyer!au, one-sided enemies to lovers word count: 8.7k warnings: some language/cursing, brief mentions of sex but there's no actual discussions or explicit conversations of the topic, but generally pg-13 prompt: you absolutely hate johnny suh. but when your boss pairs you two up together for one of the highest profile cases, you’re left working close with your enemy but he doesn’t seem to think that way of you. a/n: tada!! i wrote this for the @/ficscafe fic exchange event!! so @urlocalnctstan​ , hope you enjoy this !! i tried to write it according to what you put as your preferences, but honestly T_T it was so hard bc i was just not getting any ideas!! hopefully this is something you’d like :D enjoy !!
“God, isn’t he just… so attractive?”
Along with a click on your tongue, you feign a hit in Hyeri’s direction, whose reflexes have gotten so much faster in the past couple years of knowing you and it shows when she cowers underneath your arm. She gifts you that not-so-apologetic smile, full of mischievousness because she knows no matter how annoying she can be, you’ll still love her nonetheless.
“Why do you keep talking about Johnny? You know he’s banned as a topic of our conversations.”
Hyeri rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her white frilled blouse. You know that she doesn’t actually inhabit any romantic feelings for Johnny, but she has a problem of thinking without the usage of her brain when she sees a hot guy.
Not that you think Johnny is hot.
No.
“Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t think he’s at least an ounce of smokin’ hot.” She’s unraveled her arms by now, poking your shoulder incessantly to grasp onto your attention as you're tapping on the buttons of the copier machine. “I bet if you asked him out, he’d say yes.”
You briefly glare at Hyeri. “You realize that he and I don’t get along, right? He keeps finding stupid loopholes in the system to win his cases. He thinks with his heart, not his head, and sometimes, with whatever that thing was in his pants.” And, not to mention that he walks out the court with that big grin stretched from cheek to cheek, giving the ‘good news’ to your well-respected boss (who you desperately seek the approval of but that’s a different story for another time). And every single time, she gives him that nod of appreciation, that ‘nod of approval’ if you will, when it should be given to you and not to some asshole who fucks his way to victory.
“But he’s so hot—”
You narrow your eyes at your friend, and with a stern voice, you call out, “Hyeri.”
She shrugs. “Honestly, though, he’s hella smart. He’s got a job here, and works under your boss. It’s Park, Kim & Associates—notice how Park is first, because she’s a fucking genius. She only picks the intelligent ones to work under her. Why do you think I’m still working for Mr. Kim?”
Park Seohyun and Kim Gonghyun—one of the biggest lawyers in the region, decided to join together to build their own law firm from the ground up. They were both highly respected in their field; Kim Gonghyun spent years of his life being mentored by one of the most famous judges, and as for Park Seohyun, she was, simply put, admirable because of the obstacles she has overcome to make her dreams of working in law to be real. Being a woman, young, and beautiful, she’s had her fair share of encounters with people who disregard her potential, that is until she met Gonghyun—who, admittingly is an old man who seems like he’d be traditional, sexist, even, but he proves to also make people realize how wrong they are with their impression of him.
But, as Mr. Kim is getting older, he’s gotten a bit… lazy.
In fact, he’s been slacking so much that he’s gotten a new rep in the office—if he was your direct supervisor, or your supervisor was under him, you were on the side of the office where all the easier, uncomplicated cases were assigned. Which meant that there was a slight possibility that your talents and skills weren’t as sharp and exceptional as you thought they were.
And well, Hyeri works directly underneath Mr. Kim.
Hyeri doesn’t want a heavy workload, despite the fact that there’s a plethora of files on her desk, stacked up one onto another as tall as her PC tower, and they were all open and closed cases—needless to say that she didn’t mind it.
“Okay, but you got offered a position under Seohyun. Do you really think you’re not wasting your potential?”
Hyeri scoffs. “Never. At least, not now. I’m still in my twenties, I’d like to enjoy my youth while I can, for your information.”
You quirk a brow. “And does any of that pertain fucking Johnny? The hot guy, so you claim?”
She immediately has her hand covering your mouth and you scowl. “Shhhhh, he works here!”
You bite the flesh of her hand and Hyeri instantly retracts. “You think I don’t know my archenemy works here? He sits directly across from my office—I get the best view of the guy and I’m not even one of his fangirls.”
“You’re not gonna be one of those girls who claim they’re different because they don’t like him but then end up falling for him anyway… are you?”
Your hand goes up and Hyeri crouches down.
“Stop it.”
“Seriously though! It’s the classic e2l love story,” she has her hands gesturing in front of her like she’s making an imaginary rainbow, “Two lawyers, constantly butting heads, accept each other’s differences and learn to love—“
“The fuck is an ‘e2l’?”
“Enemies to lovers.”
“Are you high? Stop spitting nonsense.” This time, you’re waving the stack of papers that finish printing in front of her face. “Meet me for lunch later. But if you keep talking about my archenemy and I falling in love, you can kiss a free meal goodbye.”
Hyeri gasps.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
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Maybe. Just maybe, Hyeri might be a tiny smidge right when she says Johnny is handsome. Just a bit though, because she can’t get credit for something like that.
He’s dyed his hair this shade of brunette that sort of reminds you of roasted chestnuts on a cold, winter day, sitting inside of a cooker outside of your childhood home, baking along with some sweet potatoes your mom had gotten from a farmer’s market nearby. Johnny has this focused gaze attached to the screen of his monitor; there’s a dip in the fronts of his brows, lips tightened into a straight line, and constant switching back and forth from the computer while taking notes down in a book that’s laid open in front of him.
You wonder what’s running through his mind, or well, you’re more interested in what files he has sprawled out on top of his desk.
Truthfully, if it hadn’t been obvious enough, you weren’t quite a fan of Johnny Suh and it’s mostly due to his work ethic. He’d been notorious for his reputation of sleeping around—especially with the opposing side—so it’s hard to convince yourself that he didn’t win the case because of his actual capabilities, but it’s because he pulled some strings.
And Johnny doesn’t put much effort into denying it either.
Albeit deep down, you were a teeny bit envious of his confidence. He struts around the courtroom with ease, and when he presents his position, there’s no staggering in his voice—it’s always crisp and clean, weighted with nothing but credence, and never straying from his initial perspective. It’s never a lack of poise, it’s consistently the look he goes for; from the hand gestures and the furrowed brows, to the rhetorical questions in the end of certain statements that has the speculators and jury sitting at the edge of their seat, Johnny had a talent for performing in the courtroom, but that doesn’t mean anything when the way he gets to the success isn’t ethical.
Just at that moment, his eyes lift from the screen and meet yours.
There isn’t any hesitation when you scramble to grab the remote controller, and the shades drop over the windows instantaneously.
“Fuck,” you mutter underneath your breath, tossing the remote onto your desk and shaking your hands after. What if he thought you were admiring him? Maybe he didn’t see. Yeah. It was for a brief second, and with how close your offices were to each other, it would be common to accidentally lock eyes… right?
Interrupting your thoughts, the office phone rings and it nearly startles the living soul out of you. But before you reach for it, your head tilts to the side curiously because the extension number is familiar—it’s Park Seohyun’s, your boss.
What could she be calling for?
You don’t remember fucking something up—but to be fair, half the times, you never really know if you’ve actually fucked up until someone with steaming ears and a crimson face comes storming in. So… did you do something good? Again, you don’t think that’s right either, because other people would’ve made comments about it.
Deciding to swallow your nerves, you pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey!” Seohyun never fails to be bubbly, and you could never mimic her energy. You definitely had to be born with that kind of enthusiasm. “I have a favor. Hop into my office.”
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Leaned back in her leather swivel chair, she had her fingers laced with each other while resting over her stomach. Johnny stands beside you (and you do your best to not look directly at him, especially after that weird staring thing), and you both feel like kids being lectured by parents from how still you are. Her office is huge, probably the size of both yours and Johnny’s combined; with ceiling to floor windows, cases of books that line the perimeter, not to mention the humongous ass couch that practically covers the other half of the room, and her desk was so wide, you estimate about four monitors would fit on there with still additional space for work. That wasn’t even the best part—the view of the city looks almost like a generic lockscreen of a Windows computer, and you’re not even sure why she goes home at night when she basically has a penthouse here.
“As you know, I have a favor.”
“Right,” Johnny retorts, mostly as a filler in the awkward silence. “So… what’s the favor?”
She pulls a box from her purse; square, black and made from a leather material with a lock pad stitched into it, something you’ve never seen before, and she slides the passcode in, then it pops the lid open. A key (a… very small one) sits in the velvety cushion, with nothing else occupying the space with it, and it looks comical. She uses this to open the very top drawer of her desk, and as she pulls using the handle, there’s another box inside, but this time, metal instead of leather, but still black.
What the fuck?
It seems Johnny shares the same thoughts, because he sneaks a glance over at you.
“You see,” Seohyun begins, pressing on the digital keys of the box until there’s a beep at the end and the case hisses open. “There’s a lot of security for this. Which means you understand the importance of it.”
Then, she picks up four manila envelopes and lies on the surface of her wooden top desk. “I have a family emergency to attend to this upcoming week. I’m boarding a flight tonight. So I’m leaving the Hwang v. Yoon case to the two of you.”
“Fuck—”
“The what?”
You and Johnny are sputtering out of shock. The Hwang v. Yoon case is the biggest case that the firm is involved in currently, and the only people involved in it have been Seohyun and Gonghyun. It’s been on every social media platform you could think of; from Facebook to Twitter, TikTok to Instagram—there’s even this weird website for emo/grunge teens or strange kids that like writing fanfic called Tumblr, and whatever that is, it’s discussed on there too.
“What about Gonghyun?”
Seohyun scoffs, closing the drawer and dropping the key back into her special box. Where do you even get a box like that? “He can’t handle this alone. So I’m kicking him off until I come back. I thought about letting the two of you work with him, but his ego is so inflated, it’ll get in the way of our chances of winning. It’s easier if it was just me and him, but seeing that things at home aren’t well, I’m going to need you two to step up to the plate.”
The room goes quiet. The only sounds you hear are the muffled noises of a typical bustling office outside the thick walls of Seohyun’s office, and at first, excitement rushes through your blood because Seohyun thought of you taking over a special, high profile case.
Albeit, another realization gets soaked up, and it’s that Johnny also came to mind, and that because it’s such an important case, the two of you would be… working… many… hours… together.
Maybe you should back out of it—but then again, this is such a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Imagine winning this— it wouldn’t be good for just the law firm, it’d be good for you too. Your name, in articles on these big fancy news websites, perhaps even on new channels, talking about how you, this amazing lawyer, won the Hwang v. Yoon case.
But then you’re snapped back into reality when Johnny leans over to take the envelopes from Seohyun.
If your name is on those platforms, so is Johnny’s.
God, this guy just ruins everything, doesn’t he?
“We’ll take care of it, Seohyun. You can trust us,” he says assuringly, a smile tugging on each corner of his lips with that dazzling gaze. “We’ll be at our best.”
Kiss ass.
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If you had the option, you wouldn’t be spending your Saturday night here at work, in one of those conference rooms with a long table in the middle, a big projector that displays on the wall, and a random black leather loveseat couch that lines the one corner in case there’s too many occupants.
Especially since the person who’s accompanying you is Johnny Suh.
There’s probably a lot of people who would kill to be in your position (Hyeri being one of them), but you dread it. Not to be that person, but what’s so special about him anyway? What? He’s tall, has some muscles, long luscious hair that he can slick back with that sultry stare—wait, what?
“Alright, moving on…” From what? You guys just started? It’d been clear with Seohyun that the mornings would be dedicated to other cases, but nights would be considered overtime and where you’d zoom in your focus on Ms. Hwang’s justice. “Let’s take a look at the facts here.”
Johnny slips off his blazer, hanging it on the back of one of the chairs as you’re seated in another, leaning back comfortably with an arm resting on the table. He loosens the first few buttons of his dress shirt before folding up the sleeves, and that’s when you notice a little thing in the inner crook of his elbow—is that a fucking sunflower? Is that what he uses to reel girls in? That he’s soft enough to have a pretty little flower etched onto his gentle, silky and supple—
“Okay,” he says, interjecting into your thoughts with a laser pointer in his hand. He taps on the space bar of his laptop that mirrors what’s on his screen, but then, that’s when you realize what’s on the slides.
There’s a collage of pictures, mostly street, casually walking themed ones, but the common factor was that they were of Yoon Changmin, the man you guys were up against. They were all paparazzi-like photos, which begs the question, how did he get pics like this, and why did he get them?
“What’s the point of this?” you ask, voice laced with nothing but suspicion.
“We gotta get into the mind of the enemy.” You wanna get into the mind of your enemy, too.
You gesture to the one image of Changmin with an arm around his girlfriend and a finger up his nose. “Seems like he’s trying to reach inside of his head instead of us. These are just everyday pictures, Johnny. What’s that going to do for us?”
“Well,” he begins, turning to look at the wall of ‘evidence’. “You see—wait, holy shit.”
Freezing in the midst of reaching for your coffee, your head jolts in the direction of your partner. “What? What is it?”
“Holy shit,” he exclaims, “Hoooooooooly shit. Why didn’t I see this before? This changes everything.”
Furrowing your brows, you’ve given up getting your drink and dropped your hands onto the table. “Tell me, what is it?”
“This is a game changer.”
“Johnny,” you call out sternly, and his eyes link with yours before he instantly points to a particular picture with his red laser pointer.
“Look at that.” There’s pride saturated in his words, but when you look at what he’s indicating, your body slouches in disappointment.
Why the hell was he directing your attention onto Changmin’s thighs? Surely, there’s no denying that they were attractive—you recall that his alibi was at the gym that very night of the crime.
“What? He’s guilty for showing off his toothpick legs?” They were lean, you never said they were muscular.
“No,” he retorts, slightly irritated by your response as he rolls his eyes. “Look at his pants.”
“Okay…”
“They’re jean shorts.”
There’s a pregnant pause, but the expression on your face is so loud it can’t be hidden.
Johnny continues, “That’s a fashion crime.” He says it as if it’s an obvious fact known by many. “Not to mention that it’s fucking raw hem. He should be arrested.”
Suddenly, your opinion of him thinking too much with his heart dissipates because it seems like he’s thinking out of his ass instead. Did he win those cases out of pity? How did this guy even pass the bar? How about law school? How the hell did he even get into law school?
“I don’t think—”
“Listen, alright, just hear me out,” he’s got the palms of his hands resting flat on the surface of the table, doing his best to gain your full undivided attention. “Only assholes wear jean shorts. They flaunt that shit around like they own the place, but they’re horrendous pieces of clothing that should not be on a male’s body. I don’t care what you say, what your opinion is, because that is a fact.”
Puffing your cheeks, you feel at a loss. If Johnny is who you had to get this done, it feels like you’re not going to be finding much evidence any time soon.
“Okay, if… if that’s how you want to play it, then show me the evidence—other than those 2012 cut off denim shorts.”
He reaches over to hit his space bar again, then with a wink and a slide change, he leans closer to you and says with that deep, honeyed voice, “Gladly.”
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You hate admitting when you’re wrong.
Ironically, you concede and will confess when you actually are, but it doesn’t mean that you enjoy it. For example, when Hyeri claims that the intern Mark had a crush on you, you quickly waved her off, stating something along the lines of, “I’m too intimidating; there’s better chances of him being scared of me than ever finding me attractive.” And then a week later, you owed Hyeri free lunch at that hip ramen place downtown because Mark had approached your desk that very morning with a bouquet of red roses flowers for you, a cheeky grin glued to his face with pools of hearts in his eyes, and ready to ask you on a date because it was the day after his internship had ended. Naturally, it wasn’t fun rejecting that poor college boy.
But, you won’t say you find Johnny interesting or handsome. Or that there’s potential when it came to possibly (just barely the slightest smidge) that you’d ever consider asking Johnny out. He’s your enemy here, you’ve mentioned that a multitude of times, and you stand firm on that very declaration, despite the fact that sometimes when he gets too close, your breath gets caught in your throat and you feel like you can’t get whatever’s lodged in out.
Albeit it’s not the whole “you guys are gonna end up together” comment that Hyeri makes and resulting in you denying it afterwards, it’s that Johnny might… be a decent lawyer.
He’s not the best one you’ve seen; the stupid revelation he had on the first day working on the case about the jean shorts is evidence for it, but it’s the days following that were slowly changing your perspective on him.
When you said, “He thinks too much with his heart more than with his head,” it was 100% correct.
When meeting with potential witnesses, you recognized that Johnny empathizes with people often; when they cry and start panicking from being overwhelmed, he's quick on his feet to put an arm around them, share reassuring words, and have them back to normal in record’s time.
And, well… you? You’re the one making them cry in the first place.
You don’t want to fully take the blame for being the cause of their tears, but people need to hear what’s happening, and the very detail that they can’t even handle this information probably means they’re not worthwhile as a key witness.
Johnny, of course, thinks otherwise.
He believes that these people should have a voice (although you’ve alluded that they might be more useless than helpful), and putting them on the stand with Yoon Changmin there would change the view of the jury to supporting Hwang Naeri.
“Listen, if we get these people to sign the form, we’d get witnesses and it’ll help Naeri,” Johnny claims, frantically moving his arms annoyingly as he talks, trying his best to express the gravity of the situation, “and maybe, maybe, money wouldn’t be how Changmin wins, but how he loses. We can’t have another person with jean shorts walking on the streets of our city like this—they deserve to go to prison.”
You scrunch up your nose. “Why does this always revert back to the jean shorts?”
“It always has to do with jean shorts,” he snaps back matter-of-factly. “Any straight guy wearing jean shorts with that much goddamn confidence has done some wrong in their lives.”
“Right, but I’m pretty sure that the crimes he did are mainly the reason why he’s being prosecuted against.”
“Jean shorts are the windows to the soul.”
“I’m almost 100% sure that eyes are the windows to the soul, but whatever. If you genuinely believe that the women we met today would benefit our case, then… okay. Let’s bring them to the stand.”
On the contrary to you, Johnny doesn’t have a hard time convincing witnesses to testify. You see the way that he works; those kind eyes directed at the participants, the pools of chocolate were sweet, saturated in nothing but tenderness and warmth, then he does that weird thing where he reaches for their hands and cups them before the words that escapes from his lips are enough to swoon them to stand in front of a courtroom.
Maybe, just maybe, there’s a method to his so-called madness.
Aggression and bluntness don’t work, it seems, because when you’re the one attempting to convince these people to go against the man that had done them wrong, they’re less willing to do it. Something about ‘moving on,’ and ‘not wanting to relive those memories again,’ but if it was you, you’d want justice. Then again, not everyone is like you, and not everyone thinks like you, and spending this abundance of time with Johnny is slowly getting you to ease into that perspective.
So… the initial impression you had of him may have been wrong.
And maybe, just maybe, you’re developing some feelings for him, just as Hyeri predicted.
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“Do you have a boyfriend?”
His abrupt personal question is enough to have the coffee spill into your mouth to slide down the ‘wrong throat’ because you’re choking, hand on your chest as you’re tackling to regain your breath again and Johnny only stares in disbelief, blinking blankly. “Are… are you okay?”
You glare at him through a hooded gaze. “Well,” you clear your throat once more. “Now, I am.”
“Cool.” He nods, retracting his hand so he could rub your back soothingly, deciding it’s best to stay away. “Are you going to answer my question?”
Quirking a brow, your head tilts slightly in puzzlement. “Why are you asking this?”
Johnny shrugs. “Isn’t it weird that we’ve hung out with each other for a whole week—stayed here for nights and we both don’t know anything about each other?”
Tapping your fingers against the wooden top table, you sigh. Maybe he’s got a point; after all, “Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer,” right?
“No, I’m single.”
Johnny’s face suddenly brightens, ears perked, and his body straightens its posture in his seat at this revelation. “Oh, uh, I didn’t know that. You seemed busy in your personal life, so I, uh… was just wondering.” He looked anxious, but you couldn’t pinpoint why. “I, um, I’m single too, by the way, in case you’re wondering.” You weren’t.
The plethora of cardboard and plastic boxes scattered across the table was a representation of the night. It’s been long, exhausting, and messy, mostly because it’s a Friday night, the hearing was on Monday, and the two of you were nowhere near close to having enough to present to the court. In fear of disappointing Seohyun, the two of you agreed to stay over the office for the weekend to cram work for the case. There’s no denying that the atmosphere is weirder on the weekends, especially since, well, no one really comes here on the weekends. Johnny had to use the bathroom earlier and ran into the cleaning lady and she nearly shit her pants because she didn’t think anyone was here, so she had music blasting in her headphones.
Johnny is… interesting. He makes you laugh—or well, want to laugh, but you don’t give him that sense of satisfaction—and he’s smart but in his own weird way. He’s not like the other lawyers you’ve met, or any of the law students you attended University with because he’s more lighthearted and free-spirited than the rest, taking life in strides instead of just overwhelming himself in the abundance of stress that work brings.
He’s entirely the opposite of you.
And maybe you could learn something from the guy, but there’s something in you that brews hatred toward him. Possibility that you resent how easy he makes being a lawyer seem when you’re struggling in your day-to-day life to make things work.
But it’s way too fucking hard when he’s just… like that.
Despite all of that, he’s very generous and kind toward you. On rough days, he delivers your coffee order, the one you always get because he remembers what you asked the intern to get for you the last time, and he’s good at identifying when you’re just having that kind of day. You eventually learn he has a photographic memory (fucking show off), so when he saw that crumpled napkin with scribbles of what you want in that dumb intern’s hand, it wasn’t hard to remember. Which, by the way, is how he’s able to get into the most prestigious school for undergrad, manage to pass the bar so easily, and get into law school effortlessly.
And knowing this information sort of angers you more.
You know this isn’t his fault—he’s been blessed with a trait that people desire, one that you also yearn for, but the lucky ones get handed a lot of things in life. You wonder if he’s the type of guy who wins girls easily after matching with them on dating sites because of this stupid ass ‘photographic memory.’ Does he sleep with them right after? Does it ever get serious?
You shrug your shoulders and shake your head. You shouldn’t even let these strange thoughts haunt you, especially when you don’t even like him.
He’s a spoiled brat who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter.
So you’re left counting the remaining days until the trial so you don’t ever have to work with Johnny Suh this closely again.
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Okay, well, it’s evident that bad luck is glued to your side because after you win the Hwang v. Yoon case for your law firm with that asshole, Seohyun is so impressed. So goddamn impressed that she insists that all the high profile cases are to be given to both you and Johnny.
To work as a team.
Together.
Jesus, this is Hell for you.
Surely, the promotion and raise that came along with it was definitely a plus, but it has you wondering if it’s even worth it. He’s been your unspoken enemy since the first day, and although you think you’re pretty forthright about your hatred for this guy, he can’t seem to read social cues.
When you’re pushing the double doors into the conference room the two of you often spend working on cases in, you expect Johnny to be ready for another day. But strangely enough, Johnny doesn’t have his laptop out or any of the notebooks sprawled across the table.
“Um,” you slide the strap of your bag off your shoulder and onto the spare chair. “Did you come late or something?”
He takes in a deep breath like he’s been holding back something. “We need to talk.”
There’s worry inscribed into his features; from the crease in between his brows, to his pursed lips, and eyes soaked in concern, almost like he’s got bad news to share and it has your stomach in knots. Was it that the case was thrown out? It couldn’t be, right? You both worked hard, presented your stance to the point that the jury and the judge were in awe with your findings. Sure, you had to cover Johnny’s mouth right before he was about to go off in a tangent about jean shorts, but overall, it was a good win, a hard one to go back on and pull out the wrongs of it. So what was it?
“I’m quitting our partnership.”
You blink. “What?”
He gestures to the room with his hands as if there’s anything out to reference. “This thing. Our work. The big profile cases. The famous stuff. I told Seohyun that I won’t be doing it anymore and she can revoke the promotion and the raise.”
You’re still not catching on. “… Why?” Was it something you did? Yeah, you weren’t a big fan of Johnny either, but were you so bad that he decided to not go through with the raise because of you?
“Because,” he pushes his blazer back, hands sliding into the front pockets of his navy blue trousers. “There’s a policy put into place. Those who are on the same cases cannot have any personal relations with each other that extend past friendships.”
“We’re not even friends?” With confusion written across your face, your head tilts to the side. “I’m not… I’m not catching on here.”
“I like you.”
Startled, the words you want to say are stolen out of your mouth. You’re left with a mixture of perturbation and bewilderment, uncertain where to go from there because Johnny asked for the removal of both a promotion and additional money that could be so good for his career… and it’s all because he has a crush on you?
“You quit the best thing that could’ve happened to you because you like me?”
“Yeah,” Johnny states calmly, sucking in his cheeks for a brief moment. “Ain’t that romantic?”
You scoff. “No. Absolutely not. You’re insane! Why would you do yourself dirty like that? Use your head, Johnny, you’re constantly thinking with that stupid heart of yours, and hate to break it to you, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Combing your hair with your fingers, you let out a sigh. “Go ask Seohyun for the position back. Say you made a mistake and—”
“I’m not asking her for the position back.”
Johnny doesn’t make any sense to you. “What? Why wouldn’t you do that?
“Because,” he laughs in disbelief, not because he thinks you’re funny. “I’m not going to force myself to work with a girl that I keep falling for. That’s self-inflicting, you realize that, right? You’re amazing, but you can seriously be so dense sometimes.”
“I’m dense? You just told one of the best law firms in the city that you don’t want to work on the important cases anymore because you have a stupid crush on your partner!”
“If we were on a team with more people, maybe it’d be different. But it’s just us two. You think I won’t fall any harder? That’s not easy. Every time I see you working, I swear I could be hopelessly in love with you one day.”
Your heart stops for a second.
This is Johnny Suh you were talking about here. One of the claimed best lawyers in your office, one of the most intelligent people that Hyeri has ever met, and Seohyun evidently backs this up because she’s given him so much recognition for his work. He’s the guy who worked with you to win the Hwang v. Yoon case, he’s the one who brought up the stupid jean shorts that seemed so far-fetched at the time, but they were a crucial detail everyone missed—it so happened that when Changmin bought those dumb shorts, there was evidence of at least one of his crimes in that store from the security cameras.
Any cis-gendered male who wears jean shorts can’t be trusted, according to Johnny.
And candidly speaking? You couldn’t even deny that. Your past two ex-boyfriends both wore jean shorts and the one cheated on you and the other one was caught money laundering.
“Listen,” he begins, interrupting your foggy thoughts. “I’m not asking you to tell me you like me back. I’m telling you because you should know, and that I can’t go on any further without letting you know. I’ll, uh, be in my office. Seohyun said she’d find a replacement for me.”
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Hyeri is his replacement.
She’s great company and does a good job of helping you with whatever you need, but that was just it. Hyeri followed you, she never led with you, just as Johnny does. Agreeing with everything you say, mindlessly trailing behind everything you do—Hyeri was smart, but she couldn’t figure out how to think for herself when it came to these bigger cases because she’s never been given such a responsibility. But you couldn’t even blame her because it’s what she was told to do under Gonghyun.
“You said that you think Maeri snatched the bracelet?”
“No, I said if you watched the security video that the jewelry store submitted, it clearly shows that Maeri snatched the bracelet. Not that I ‘think.’ The proof is right there, Hyeri.”
She nods, resuming back to her work on the computer. Truthfully, Hyeri felt more like an assistant than a co-worker, someone to bounce ideas off of and to see from a different perspective. And as much as you hated Johnny, he had decent points. He had ways of making you put yourself into the shoes of people you never thought you were; although the guy was obnoxious, at least he actually was… good at his job.
Deciding you can’t take it anymore when Hyeri asks for the tenth time that hour about your beliefs rather than her own, you abruptly stand from your seat.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” you reply shortly. “I’ll be back.”
It was just a spontaneous thought. It’s after hours, and although there are some people who stay behind to get some work done, you had your doubts that Johnny would still be here. He seems to have a better grip on that work/life balance thing people talked about (unlike yourself), but it didn’t hurt to check his office, right?
It’s a good thing you went with it. Because right across from yours, there’s Johnny.
There’s one single lamp that shines over the tabletop of his desk, and the other sources of light in his office are from his computer screen and the ones from the city skyline from behind him. It has him seemingly angelic like this, so serene, calm, and collected, only focused on what’s laid out in front of him. The sun has gone down, people have gone home, but Johnny remains, hardworking as always, despite your previous observations that he’s a lazy, unprofessional guy who gets everything handed down to him.
With a knock on his glass door, he flinches, head raising up and eyes meeting yours.
Were his eyes always this sparkly?
Opening the door, Johnny drops the pen in his hand and crosses his arms before leaning back in his seat. “What’s up?”
“You’re here late,” you state the obvious, and Johnny only nods in return, without a rebuttal in sight. “You aren’t normally here late. At least, before the Hwang v. Yoon case.”
“Yeah, you’re right. But Seohyun dropped something on my desk this morning. Wanted to work on it. What brings you here?”
Inhaling in a deep breath of courage, your hands bundle up into a fist by your side. “Please come back.”
Johnny raises a brow. “What?”
“Come back,” you reiterate, this time, it’s less tense and releases with ease. Caving in isn’t usually this effortless to you, but something about Johnny makes you feel… comfortable enough.“Come back and work with me again. Yes, I’m not supportive of how you do things—”
“Then let’s go out on a date.”
You freeze. Legs rooted into the floors of Johnny’s office, you’re left immobile and diffident on how to react next. It wasn’t what you were expecting, although you weren’t quite sure what you were hoping to anticipate, but it most definitely was not this.
“I—”
“I said my terms,” he retorts, shutting the book in front of him before shuffling up from his seat. He’s leaving, you realize, and Johnny’s ready to head home for the night and you’re not sure if you could handle an entire weekend with Hyeri here. “And, I meant what I said. One date, and if it really doesn’t work out, I’ll stay on the case.”
Chewing on your bottom lip anxiously, the next words that come out are out of character for you. “And… what if it does?”
A soft smile tugs from each corner of his mouth. “Then we’ll figure it out from there. Promise.”
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This is… awkward. It shouldn’t be, but yet somehow, it remains awkward.
You’ve spent weeks with Johnny before, and those moments were in a room, in the middle of the night, and alone. Hours and hours were dedicated to work, yes, but it was just the two of you and nobody else.
So why is it so weird being in a five Michelin star restaurant with him?
Maybe it’s the atmosphere. The dim lights, the white clothed tables in lieu of the scratched up wooden one back at the law firm, and instead of leather seats, there’s a neutral beige chaise cushion for the dining chair, slightly less comfortable because it doesn’t recline like the one in your office. Instead of an array of photos and evidence disseminated in front of you, there’s a laminated menu with a multitude of options of what to have for dinner.
Johnny gets the steak with mashed potatoes and string beans, and you order something similar but seared salmon for the main protein. The waitress offers wine, babbling on about the age of the red, where the vineyard is located, and the dryness to sweetness—to be honest, you could care less; you’d rather have gin and sprite with a squirt of lime. A couple glasses of that and you can almost guarantee that the night would end with a deep slumber.
Oddly enough, Johnny seems nervous. Ever since he pulled up in his midnight black Audi in front of your apartment complex, he’s been acting strange. He keeps wiping his sweaty palms off the material of his trousers, occasionally swiping off the droplets that fall on the side of his face.
“Are you… okay?” you suddenly ask, adjusting your dress in your seat. Deciding to go with a black silk dress with a slit up the leg and your hair let down, it’s not a look you often sport but since you’re going on a date (one you haven’t been on in quite some time), you figured it would be nice to at least play the part.
“I’m, uh, honestly, I’ve never really asked a girl out before.”
You quirk a brow curiously. “What? You’re telling me you never asked a girl out before?”
He lets out a bashful laugh with a faint nod, making an attempt to swallow his nerves after. “Honestly, I’ve always been asked out and not the other way around. Not to sound like that guy, but I never really had to put effort into trying for girls. They kind of just…”
“—Throw themselves at you?”
He beams. “Yeah! Like that. I don’t really know how to react half the time, but it makes the whole dating scene a little bit easier.” Geez, he called you dense, but he’s over here acting clueless.
Either way, it feels like whatever opinion you had about Johnny remained true. He never had to try when it came to the dating scene, and you could only imagine what that means for work and the relationships he has with the women in your career field.
“Mm, does that usually happen with work too?”
Befuddled, Johnny leans back in his chair. “What do you mean by that?”
With a shrug of your shoulders, you’re poking the meat of your salmon that falls off easily. After the first initial bite, the fish practically melts on impact when it touches the tip of your tongue, smooth like butter and bursting with flavor that couldn’t be described by any common person because it wouldn’t do the salmon justice. Johnny seemed to put a lot into this date, and you’re left pondering what the point of this was. Did he actually like you, or was he trying to get into your head? “Just seems like you get a lot of special treatment.”
“Are you jealous?”
“In what way?” you snap back.
“Are you jealous of me because I’m getting this so-called special treatment that you think I’ve always had, or were you jealous of the girls that seemingly got my attention?”
You’re left without anything to say.
It was a good observation he made because truthfully, you never saw it like that.
In actuality, you often saw Johnny as your rival. He climbed the ladder in the field with ease, and it wasn’t hard to quickly blame his success on the fact that he was a guy in a male dominated industry, but the fact that there’s a possible interpretation for your hatred may be from these feelings you might’ve been harboring for him this entire time… that can’t be it… right?
“I mean, look at where you are now,” you begin, trying to defend yourself. It can’t be true that the reason you’ve been bitter about Johnny was because of the girls that got his attention, and one of them not being you. “You got a high position from—”
“—From hard work,” Johnny interjects with his brows furrowed. “I didn’t get to where I was because I slept around, if that’s what you’re insinuating. I knew you sort of always hated me, but I’ve always admired you. I like your work ethic, I like your style, even though we’re both on opposite spectrums, I like the way you think and I wanted to know what it was like being partners with you. Getting to be on that case with you showed me more than just who you were as a lawyer, but who you were as a person. I like you, but I’m trying to put my finger on why you hate me so much.”
“So you noticed.” Sucking in your cheeks, your eyes trail elsewhere—from the fork that lays beside your plate, to the glass filled halfway with wine, to the little candle that sits in between the two of you that flickers the way he has your heart when he expresses once more how he feels about you.
“Yeah, of course I noticed. If you like someone, it’s kind to miss details like that about them. So… you really hated me because you thought I slept my way to the top, huh?”
“I mean…” shoulders dropping in exasperation, you run your fingers through your disheveled hair. “All those rumors—”
“Again, they’re just rumors. I worked hard to get here, you know. And I’m kind of offended that you thought of me that way.”
You scoff. “They’re rumors, Johnny, it’s kind of hard to ignore all the office gossip when that’s all you hear. Plus, it wasn’t hard to believe either, with the whole flirtatious act whenever you encounter anyone who’s breathing and has a vagina.”
“I wasn’t flirting.”
“You need a book for dummies that elaborates on what’s flirting or not, because Johnny Suh, whatever it is you do with your body language in front of that chick who sits by the front door.”
“You mean Siwoo? The pregnant one who’s married to her highschool sweetheart? Also, how do you not know our receptionist’s name?”
You throw your arms into the air. “How am I supposed to know her name?”
He tilts his head to the side, genuinely baffled. “Do you… not talk to anyone outside of Hyeri?”
Your silence answers his question.
“I… honestly, I don’t know if I should be offended or if I should be honored. You think I didn’t earn anything that I have now, you think that everything I have was handed to me. On one hand, it’s flattering that you think my looks and my bedroom skills could do that but at the same time… I’m offended because you think I’m incapable.”
“I never said you were incapable—”
“But you implied it.”
Hands falling onto your lap, it’s your turn to gulp. His words come shooting at you, but you’re without a shield to protect yourself, and with the new experience of working with Johnny, there comes the realization at times that Johnny is a hard worker. There are some things that he says and does that aren’t like the people you’ve encountered, and being put on new cases with Hyeri only proved it. He’s thoughtful in the sense that whenever you’d bring up your stance on something, he challenges you with what the defense might counter.
Johnny makes you want to be better. Not just against him, but to brush off the dust on your skills and enter into the battlefield of a courtroom to showcase them.
“Well, if you’re staying silent, I just want to say that I tried,” the crinkle in between your brows makes another appearance because Johnny is great at leaving you stunned and confused. “I really like you. I love how your head works, and I wanna be with someone like that but I also can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me.”
Why is it that when you’re in that conference room with him, you’re not afraid and never running out of things to say, but now you’re empty handed?
“I’ll pay for dinner. Grab you an Uber. I honestly thought I could overlook those things, and maybe your perspective for me has changed, but I could see it on your face. It’s the same.”
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After that date with Johnny, his life turns back to normal.
Yours? Not so much.
Candidly speaking, part of you missed working with Johnny. You were wrong about him, so wrong, and even when you wanted to apologize at the dinner for what you thought of him, the pride in you was like a vicious plague that blackened your insides, preventing you from ever saying those words.
Oftentimes, you’d still be able to sneak a glimpse of him in his office with that same look on his face—full of concentration and nothing else in his mind other than the task at hand.
The cases you have with Hyeri entail a head like Johnny’s. Someone who could question you, to protest against your stance when there could be flaws in it. It feels like deja vu each time you think about it, each time you open a new case file and Hyeri sits there, perched in that seat beside yours, eyes sparkling with what you have in mind next, instead of what she has going on in hers.
Although you’ve tried convincing yourself that maybe, just maybe, what you feel for Johnny is purely professional but when you see him standing by the water cooler with a couple of your coworkers, eyes mimicking the moon crescents in the skies, replicating the ways his lips curl in elation—it was beginning hard to believe that it was all platonic feelings.
So maybe you should be bold for once. Pull off that exterior that displays you as someone who isn’t just independent and assiduous, but someone who’s stubborn and aggressive in getting what they want—and not in a good way.
This time, you’ll show it in a good way.
Or at least, you’ll try.
Johnny is a routine kind-of-guy—he grabs an iced americano every morning at the coffee shop downstairs at the edge of the street, he does his daily 11:00AM drop-by at the water cooler to refill his Hydroflask (which was his prized possession, by the way), and parked in the same exact spot in the parking garage of your building, despite there being an abundance of places he could choose.
That’s why you decide to stand by his car after work that day. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, hands shaking because it’s your turn to feel anxious. That blazer that once fit so comfortably in the morning suddenly feels tight and hot in the afternoon, and the weather hasn’t even changed. Your bag slung over your shoulder weighs ten times heavier than an hour ago, and you can’t stop your jaw from tightening.
Before your thoughts could spiral off all the possibilities of what the outcome may be when you tell Johnny how you feel, he’s already standing there, feet away from you with that dip in the fronts of his brows that you want to smoothen out the crinkles of with the pad of your thumb.
“Hi,” you greet, faint and peculiarly different from your other approaches. “Um, I just… was waiting for you.”
“Hey,” Johnny says back, the first few buttons of his shirt already unraveled, his blazer hung over his forearm and the sleeves are rolled up. “I see that. What’s up with you?”
“Um,” your leg was jittery, hard to control so you spat everything you had to say out as fast as you could before he could see right through you. “I just wanted to apologize. For everything. You’re admirable, kind, and I wish I inhabited those same characteristics you have. I think professionally, you’ve got great ideas, one that could be implemented into mine and what we did together for that case was just… yeah. We could do something big if we put our heads together.”
Johnny nods in agreement. The relationship between you two work-wise was obvious, he knew that much. “And what about… outside of that?”
“I like you,” you choked, barely getting the words out. “More than just coworkers, um, I guess, more than friends but I’m not really sure since you walked out on our first date,” inhaling in a deep breath of courage, you continue on, “and I don’t know how you feel now after I’m standing before you like this, asking for another chance and that I’m sorry.”
He stares at you blankly, and it leaves you unsure whether or not he accepts your apology. “You know why we ended that date early.”
“Well,” you start again, “can we… start over and try again? I promise I won’t tempt you to end the date early this time.”
And with that, there’s the signature smile that Johnny sports that swoons girls, makes their knees weak, and heart clench but this time… it’s just for you.
“I’d really like that.”
251 notes · View notes
amimimi · 4 years
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nightmares ; kyan reki
synopsis: in which Reki wakes up from a nightmare and you help him through the aftermath (take place after episode 7)
genre: hurt/comfort, angst with a fluffy ending
warnings: nightmares, panic attack, swearing,
word count: 2.5k
notes: this is sad af IM SORRY. i thought of this scenario when episode 7 dropped but I didn’t write it until recently. i'm going to do a part 2 to this post episode 11 and i promiseee it'll be a lot happier. I apologize in advance for spelling/grammatical errors.
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it should’ve been movie night.
you should’ve been wrapped in reki’s arm watching pirates of the caribbean or some other corny movie, simply for the purpose of having not to exert any brain energy.
and you should’ve definitely been teasing reki by smacking noisy kisses on his face or blowing raspberries at the base of his neck.
but alas, it’s nearly midnight and you’re not doing any of aforementioned activities you should’ve been doing. instead, you’re finishing up a paper for your literature class due the next morning. reki, being the supportive boyfriend he was, offered to come over with snacks anyways to offer your moral support. “I gotta hold you accountable, babe!” reki grinned, squeezing your cheeks with both his hands.
that was nearly four hours ago.
currently, you’re furiously typing away at your paper with your legs stretched out in front of you. you were on your conclusion, trying to wrap up whatever you had written. your boyfriend is softly snoring beside you on your bed. he’s facing you, laying on his side with one hand resting on your lower thigh.
you paused from typing upon hearing reki sigh in his sleep. your heart swells and you have to hold back the urge to coo at the sight of reki drooling slightly onto one of your plushies. biting back a giggle, you set your laptop aside and snatch your phone off your bedside table.
after snapping four or so pictures, you notice reki’s brow is slightly furrowed. you still - thinking that you may have waken him up from shifting too much, until his brow furrows deeper and whimpers. your confusion morphs into concern and you realize that reki is having a nightmare.
shit. should you wake him? were you supposed to wake people from nightmares? you were sure you heard it makes it worse. or was that sleeping walking?
suddenly, reki’s eyes, bloodshot with sleep, flutter open as he rouses from whatever miserable dream he was having.
“reki?” you ask hesitantly as he struggles to sit up. he’s taking sloppy breaths, his eyes darting around the room until they land on you. “reki, are you okay?”
you feel your heart drop into your stomach when you see a mixture of confusion and terror in reki’s eyes. his breathing is now bordering on erratic but he manages to wave you away with his hand. “M’fine, m’fine!” he assured you, though his voice is slightly shaking. “you can go back to sleep, sorry to wake you”
you frown. “reki, i wasn’t sleeping. i was writing my essay, remember?”
he just stares at you with an unreadable expression. you want to reach out and touch him—or hold him or something, but you stop yourself. you’re afraid you might make whatever it is worse.
“reki, are you sure you’re alright—?”
but he’s already climbing off your bed, his movements frantic and unsteady. you hear him choke out “just gotta go to the bathroom” between barely audible pants. and before you have time to respond, the bathroom door down the hall shuts but you don’t hear the click of the lock.
with that, you’re left sitting alone in your room. you blink a couple times before hesitantly throwing your legs over the side of the bed. there was no way in hell he was okay and you knew that. never once have you seen him shaken up— so panicked like that. the look in Reki’s eyes and the tremble in his voice was enough to activate the urge to protect. but you were also scared. scared of doing the wrong thing, of messing up and making it worse.
Sighing, you sit back on your bed and decide to give him 10 minutes to gather himself. if he needed your help, you reasoned with yourself, he would’ve asked...
...would reki have asked for help?
knowing the answer to that question, you hauled yourself off your bed and tip-toed out of your room. the house was silent, save for the soft pattering of your footsteps and your parents' soft snores wafting over from their room. as you approach the bathroom as quietly as you can, the faint sound of reki gasping frantically become becomes more evident, and your heart breaks. it takes every ounce of willpower not to break the door down and you take a deep breath before softly knocking on the door.
"reki, baby?" you whisper, with your your lips almost pressed up against the door. reki doesn't answer, but he's still breathing erratically from behind the door and you wonder if he even heard you. “reki?”
no answer. wondering if reki even had the chance to lock the door, you gently twist the knobs and find that your suspicions were correct. you push the door slightly open and your heart shatters.
reki is visibly shaking where he stands in front of the mirror as he grips the edges of the sink, his knuckles white. still taking shuddering breaths, he hangs his head down, his hair plastered to his forehead, and eyes squeezed shut. he’s too absorbed in regaining control over his body to notice you had opened the door.
trying to keep the tremor out of your voice, you whisper his name to get his attention. “reki?”
he hears you this time. reki’s head snaps up so fast you swore you heard a crack. with glossy eyes, he looks up at the reflection of your face peeking in through the door. initially, confusion crosses his face, as though he forgot he was even in your house. however, confusion is quickly replaced with recognition, and his shoulders sag ever so slightly with relief.
“y/n?” reki croaks, and your lips upturn into a sad smile. he takes the sight of you in just a bit longer, deciding if he should be honest with you—if he should ask for your comfort. instead, he lets his head hang once more. “s-sorry, you can go back to bed. i’m fine”
“you don’t seem fine, baby”
reki doesn’t respond, neither conforming or denying your statement. biting your lip, you open the door wider but keeping from stepping in the bathroom. you want to make sure he’s okay, but you don’t want to infringe on his personal space.
“‘are you sick?” you gently question, watching a bead of sweat drip down his temple. his head still hanging, reki shakes his head. “no?”
“i—” reki is cut off by defeated sob and your heart strangles “i can’t calm down”.
something about his confession makes you feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach. the only thing going through your mind is to protect, protect, protect, protect.
reki’s erratic breathing picks up again, and you step into the bathroom and shut the door behind you.
“okay, it’s going to be okay. i’m here”, you state as calmly as possible. “can i touch you?”
“y-yes” reki chokes out in between rapid breaths. with his consent, you step forward and gently place your hand to his back. his shirt is completely drenched in sweat, but you pay no attention as you rub small circles into reki’s back.
"you're going to be okay, i promise" you try to convince him, but he shakes his head.
"'feels like i'm dying", he says between harsh pants. a small frown forms on your face and you reach over to brush his hair out of his face.
"you're not, reki. you're having a panic attack and i know it feels really scary, but it'll pass" you tell him, trying to keep your voice firm. it devastated you to see him so distressed and you would've switched places with him in a heart beat if you could. "you're safe, i won't let anything happen to you, i promise"
you're not sure if reki believed you, but you meant it. reki was easily one of the most loving person you knew. he poured his heart into you making sure you always felt safe and heard. and not only for you, but for everyone he loved. you recalled many instances of reki grabbing and squeezing your hand in large crowds, ordering food for you whenever you felt shy. and if you had a big exam you were stressing about, he'd bring you breakfast and walk you into your class. reki was your rock so many times before, you wanted to be his now and forever.
reki suddenly jolts and you're snatched out of your train of thought. “'m so dizzy...” reki slurs, with his eyes squeezed shut.
“i know, baby”, you murmur, concerned that he wasn't breathing properly. “can you take a couple deep breaths with me?”
reki hesitates before giving a low sob, “i don’t know if i can"
"you can, reki. i'll do it with you, okay, love?" you soothe as you continue to rub his back. "breathe in through your nose-"
you take an exaggerated breath in through your nose for demonstration, and reki shakily breaths in. "good, you're doing good. and out through your mouth"
reki lets his breath out with a whoosh, and the heaviness in your chest dissipates just a little. "that's it, baby, you're doing so great" you coo. "now breathe in again for four second and out for four seconds. i'll count for you"
reki continues to take measured breaths in time to you counting and your hand doesn't once stray from his back. every now and then, you dab some sweat off his face with the sleeve of your sweater. you make sure to encourage him between breaths, to let him know you're not leaving. this continues on for a couple minutes until reki is able to take measured breaths on his own, without you counting. you never once stop rubbing his back. he's still trembling, but he seems to have calmed down a little.
“do you wanna sit down, maybe?” you’re eyeing the death grip he has on the edges of the sink to support himself up. the last thing you want is for him to collapse and potentially hurt himself. he nods his head, not opening his eyes. "bathroom or my bedroom?"
"bedroom" reki croaks, his voice sounding shot to hell. slowly, his teary eyes flutter open and he turns around to you, still gripping onto the sink. you both lock eyes and your heart bursts with love—like springtime erupted inside your chest.
"i'm so proud of you, reki" you whisper, stroking his face lovingly. he blinks at you before his bottom lip begins to quiver. for a second, you think he's gonna burst into tears but he only sighs shakily and leans into your hand. "come on, let's get you laid up and comfy"
•••
by the time reki is changed out of his sweaty shirt (he declined to take a shower, promising he'd wake up tomorrow to do so) and laid in your bed, he'd gotten through the worst of his panic attack. you had given him the snacks he had brought for you at the beginning of the night, prompting him to eat get rid of the shakiness.
now, reki was sat up in your bed, still donning the care bear blanket you draped over him and munching on a chocolate bar. he watched as you completed your skincare routine in front of your mirror. occasionally, you would glance over at him and smile reassuringly, to which he would tiredly smile back.
rubbing your moisturizer in, you make your way over to where reki is laid up on the bed. he's still chewing his chocolate bar, watching as you climb on the bed and pull yourself over to where he is laying. grinning softly, you tuck your feet under you and tuck a strand of hair behind reki's ear. he instantly nuzzles into your palm and oh, does your heart get soft.
"how do you feel?" you ask, your eyes scanning his face. the color has returned to his face, but his lips are chapped and his eyes are considerably sunken. "did you drink the water like i asked?"
"i'm feeling better and yes, i did" reki playfully retorts, sticking his tongue out at you. you purse your lips to one side and pinch his cheek, drawing a whine out of him.
"reki, look up at me real quick," you frown, holding his chin with your hand. reki momentarily forgets his chocolate bar and looks up at you, confused. you lean down and kiss him, staying like that for a couple seconds before you pull back with a grin. "there! all better!"
"was that supposed to be my get better kiss?" reki asks, his lips quirking with an amused smile.
"kinda? your lips were chapped so i wanted to give you some of my lip masque", you answer. reki rolls his eyes, but you don't miss the slight blush on his cheek. you giggle before reki wraps his arm around your shoulders and tugging you towards his chest. he grabs your nose with two of his fingers and you squeal with delight.
"what the hell is a lip masque?" he questions incredulously as you remove his hand from off your nose. you can't help the series of laughs that erupt from your chest. "oh my gosh, y/n, shhh! your parents will hear you!"
reki tries in vain to shush you, but he's giggling too, albeit a lot more quietly than you. when you manage to catch your breath, you pull yourself from reki’s grasp and sit up in front of him. the both of you smile softly at each other.
you wondered if you should ask him about his nightmare from before, although you had a feeling where this was stemming from. he seemed on edge—distant even, since the beef with adam. you remembered how distressed he was in the days leading up to the beef between adam and langa.
reki was still in a fragile state, you didn’t want to risk asking him about it so soon. maybe tomorrow? the day after that?
reki’s smile faltered. “you okay?” he asks quietly, bringing his hand up to your face. you blink, realizing that you weren’t doing such a great job of concealing your thoughts.
you sigh contentedly, twisting your head to kiss the palm of reki’s hands before placing your own hand over his.
“yes, i just—” you pause. “i just love you so much”
reki giggled and wow, was it the purest sound you’ve ever heard. he leans in and kisses you like you’re the most precious being in the world. “i love you too”, he murmurs, pressing his forehead against yours. you both stay like that, until reki yawns into your face.
“you need to rest, sweetheart”
reki frowns as you lay down, pulling him along with you. “but i am resting” he protests, stifling another yawn.
“i meant sleep” you reply, readjusting the carebear blanket around his shoulders. he tenses in your arms, but you press your lips against his forehead. “i’ll be here, i won’t leave. and i won’t let anything happen to you”
the tension in reki’s body eases and he sighs, nuzzling into your chest. “i love you...” he slurs, eyes already half shut.
“i love you” you whisper, fighting off sleep yourself. you waited until reki’s breathing deepened—the tell-tale sign of sleep, before you let yourself drift off too.
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notes: this was long as hell, part ii will be way more happier and wayyy shorter.
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mythicandco · 3 years
Note
After the grimwalker thing belos sees rascal and demands hunter to hand it over hunter refuses and fights him off and tries to escape but is tired and weak and gets captured
My brother insisted on helping so he actually wrote a lot of this. Anyways, here it is:
Hunter whirled around, Rascal turning into a staff in his hands. Belos was wearing a mask - he couldn’t see the emperor’s face, but he could all too easily imagine the confusion and surprise in his uncle’s expression.
The boy winced and gripped the staff more firmly, taking a step away. “I won’t let you hurt them.”
He could feel Belos’ stare through the eye holes of his mask, and could almost see his faintly-glowing blue eyes. “Where did you-“ The emperor lurched forward suddenly with a hiss of pain. Hunter heard him mutter a swear word. It took every ounce of determination Hunter had not to move.
Belos looked up again, his eyes narrowed. Black goo dripped from the holes in his mask. “Where did you get that palisman.” He stated it as though it was an order, not a question.
“They flew in my window,” Hunter replied before he could stop himself. “You… recognize them, don’t you?” He took another step back.
The emperor turned away, reaching up to adjust his mask. “Just…” he clenched his fist. “Give me the palisman.”
“NO!” Hunter backed up even more, pulling the staff close to his chest. Anger became shock which became pure terror. No one defied the emperor. What was he doing?
Hunter stared up at Belos, who was suddenly much taller and radiating anger in practically tangible waves. “What was that? I must have misheard you.”
“N-no,” Hunter stammered. Why did he say that? What was wrong with him?? “I s-said n-no.”
“No?” Belos’ voice was dead calm. “Really? I gave you an order, Hunter.”
The boy shook his head. “I-I can’t let you hurt Rascal.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of the black liquid dripping down the emperor’s mask. “I’m not giving them to you.”
A strange sensation rippled across his arm and suddenly pain exploded through his body. He let out a sharp cry of agony and fell to his knees. Hunter forced himself to open his eyes to survey the damage - a fresh wound, with bright scarlet blood pouring out of it, had appeared on his arm.
Belos retracted his arm and it reformed into a hand. “I’ll give you one more chance. Give me the palisman. Now.”
Despite tears of pain running down his face, Hunter managed to shake his head.
“Very well, then.” The emperor distorted and melted in a small flash of red-tinted magic. He reappeared inches from Hunter’s face, still faintly glowing with the artificial spell’s residue. “I’ll have to take it.”
Before he could make another move, Hunter closed his eyes tightly and yelled “NOW!”
He and Rascal disappeared in a small explosion of golden light, causing the emperor to stumble backwards. Belos chuckled.
“Oh, so that’s the game you’re playing, brother.”
Hunter and his palisman rematerialized just outside the portal room. Apparently his luck hadn’t completely run out, because there was no one in the hallway so see him holding a bright red cardinal staff, or sporting a blood-drenched cloak. Oh, right. His arm. Hunter clutched it gently and winced as his hand came back stained with blood.
A guard walked down the hallway, whistling merrily to themself. They turned the corner and upon noticing Hunter, stopped abruptly in their tracks. The Coven member made an aggravated, higher-pitched humming sound and turned around the way they’d come.
The sound of doors swinging open pulled Hunter’s attention away from the guard and he turned to face the portal room. A pair of long, dark, greenish-brown tentacles reached out and pulled him back in, the doors swinging shut behind them.
Hunter slammed into the floor with an audible umph. He pushed himself to his feet as Rascal transformed out of staff form and landed on his head with a worried chirping noise. The Grimwalker groaned and clutched his arm, but his hand came back mostly uncolored by blood. Something else he should’ve noticed; he healed way faster than other witches and almost never got scars unless his wounds were really serious.
He looked up at the doors and tried to ignore the pounding in his ears, hoping for an escape. Instead he was met with a twisted snarl, dripping with a thick, mudlike substance.
His eyes widened and he turned to run, but a vinelike appendage tripped him and the boy fell to his knees. Rascal turned back into a staff and pulled him into a standing position.
He shot a blast of golden magic (primarily defensive, he told himself) at the shape of the emperor and watched as the spot hit with the beam of energy splattered before quickly reforming. The mud monster roared at a deafening volume and Hunter clapped his hands over his ears with a wince.
Belos - or what was left of Belos - launched itself at Hunter and the boy ducked and rolled to the side. A painfully sharp piece of… something nicked his ear, but the scratch was so tiny he wasn’t going to worry about it right now.
The mud monster held up what looked a lot like a claw and slammed it down on top of Hunter. Rascal formed a golden shield of magic that mostly deflected the attack, but the Grimwalker still felt the force of the blow push him to his knees.
For a few moments, everything was quiet, save for the panting Golden Guard. He closed his eyes, expecting another attack, but none came. Hunter realized his mask had been thrown off at some point during the fight, and it was laying a few feet away from him on the ground.
He looked up at Belos, who had returned to a vaguely familiar form and was leaning against a wall, his chest rising and falling in heavy breaths.
“Uncle, are you-“
“That was a mistake,” Belos replied, his voice dripping with almost literal venom. His mask had also fallen off, but the boy couldn’t see it anywhere. Not that Hunter could take his eyes off of the emperor’s revealed face, which bore such a resemblance to Philip that it suddenly made believing the two were the same person so much easier and yet so much harder.
The emperor straightened his back. “The Titan will not be pleased. Goodbye, brother.” He held up his arm and closed his fist, and suddenly Hunter’s wrist started burning. A sharp cry left the Grimwalker’s throat as dark golden vines crawled out from his Coven tattoo. Belos turned around, a pained - maybe even fearful - expression on his face.
And then everything was gone.
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tetralea · 3 years
Text
Ski date chronics 1.0
Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader
World count: 3K
Warnings: exhibitionism, fingering, unprotected sex, poor Harry on main but I gave him headphones, smut like a lot
Summary: You barely had your first time with Tom while skiing and you already up in the middle of the night, so turned on it’s unbearable. Tom is happy to help you out, if you keep quiet enough not waking Harry up. And in the morning he has to finish what you started.
A/N: This is a small addition to my Ski date fic which so many of you loved and thank you for that! It’s a pretty filthy scene which I didn’t include in the original fic but it kept coming back to me, so yeah! Here we go!
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After sleeping with Tom you expected your lust and yearning for him to return, but you have never imagined waking up in the middle of the night, with shivers running down on your spine, your skin on fire and that sweet space between your legs aching to be touched.
You turned to your back with a sigh, looking at Tom sleeping peacefully next to you. His body was pressed to your on a million spots and that dull touch alone even trough your PJs took your breath away.
The two of you were still in your smaller bed, which you deeply regretted by now. Tom’s even breathing tickled the skin on your neck and your options were desperately entering and leaving your mind.
You tried to pull away, but it was impossible without more space. Calming down and going back to sleep wasn’t an option either. You could have sneaked into the bathroom in a desperate attempt to make yourself to cum, thinking about Tom as you did million times before, but who were you kidding? It never was enough, and now knowing how his touch and kisses and his skin on your own felt, it wasn’t really an option anymore.
You could have woken him up and you could have figured something out, but it was already too late. Tom’s breathing hitched, and he was consciously looking for you.
‘What’s wrong, darling?’ His voice was a raspy whisper, paired with a bit of an unconscious humm as he pulled you close again. Just as he did, his body stilled, hands fastly moving under the hem of your shirt as he felt just how hot your skin was. You heard him sucking in a breath and you almost heard the question if you were sick, but your shudder to his touch and the sharp breath made him stop.
‘I’m okay.’ You lied, almost shaking as you took every ounce of energy you had to not to jump on him.
‘I know, that’s not true.’ His whispering voice was a lot more awake now. He shifted to the side to give you enough space to lay on your back. Your hands were balled in a fist until your mind tried to decide itself on your next move. ‘Let me help.’
‘We can’t, Harry is here.’ The dim, almost blueish light coming through under the blinds on the window lit Tom’s face a bit, who was looking at your direction chuckling a bit.
‘I know, but he is sleeping.’ He started, his voice smiling. ‘Believe me, he won’t wake up, I know he won’t.’ Tom reassured you, and you made a mental note to ask him in the morning what on Earth he did to his sleeping brother before which made him so sure.
There was a bit of a quiet, you not knowing what to say and Tom waiting for you to say it out loud.
‘Do you need me, love?’ His voice sounded like honey, it was gentle, sweet and there was an unspoken promise in it.
‘I do.’
‘It’s okay.’ Tom leant down still smiling, slowly kissing you. The fabric of his shirt wrinkled in your palms, as you were clutching onto his shirt, pulling him onto you even more. He felt your impatience but didn’t give in just yet. He made you open your mouth for him, doing his best to muffle your sounds, with his kisses. When you finally gave in and followed his peace, his hand which was under your shirt already started to move down, lifting the waistband of your pants, his nimble fingers gliding down on your mound.
He didn’t have it in him to tease you, not when the warmth radiating from your body made his skin crawl with anticipation and when your heavy breathing made the air vibrate round you. He just wanted to give you a tiny bit of a foreplay when his fingers were tracing your inner thighs, but it didn’t last long. He growled into the kiss involuntarily when your slickness already smeared on your thighs made everything more obvious for him. It took only a second to lose his cool, suddenly his whole body feeling a lot more awake, his hips jerking against your thigh, chest pressing to your chest urgingly. It wasn’t enough, there was no space between the two of you but he still wanted closer. Suddenly he sat up and you could see Tom getting rid of his shirt, almost tearing the fabric in the franzy. Before he returned, your shirt was pushed up hard, the material pooling above your breasts, Tom’s eyes tracing your form until he laid back down to keep going. Now his smooth skin on yours felt like something you needed all along, yearning for it without really knowing. The small sound he made when finally your hands were on him mixed with yours.
‘It’s-, You are properly soaked, oh, god.’ He mumbled into your shoulder, while his movements were in sync with his words as he explored your wet folds, one finger sliding up and down on autopilot on your pussy. ‘Open your legs a bit more.’ His fingers poked your thighs demanding more space for themselves.
When you did he didn’t waste any time to start gently rubbing your pussy, leaning onto his hearing more than ever, to register every restrained sigh and whimper, to know when he made you feel really good.
It didn’t take much time until your chest was heaving, back arched from the mattress. It wasn’t an invitation on purpose but Tom leant down, balancing himslef on one arm and quietly suked one nipple into his mouth, coaxing a broken, soundless sobb out of you.
The pad of his index finger was drawing pretty circles around your clit, then he switched and ran his finger up and down on your silt, before going down again and stopping for a heartbeat. His mouth found yours and when you couldn’t take it anymore and bucked your hips, Tom slid one finger inside of you.
The muffled, dragged out moan was barely audible, and it was just enough to reassure him. He was doing good. He started to move in and out of you curling his finger, searching for that spot which made you tremble again.
Your impatience got the better of you again, your hand dipped into his messy curls, pulling onto them slightly, while the other one gripped the sheets. He couldn’t help it as his hip rutted into your thigh, his body searching for some kind of relief, grinding his erection to you.
‘I need you.’ You didn’t need to break the kiss to breath this small sentence onto his lips. Tom stubbornly just shook his head and pushed another finger inside of you, slightly stretching you out, trying to give you the pleasure, the fullness you needed from him. ‘No.’ You shook your head, sounding truly broken, but your back arched nonetheless again, pleasure washing over you as he was working your with two fingers, those skilled digits caressing that one spot inside of you. ‘I need you, Tom. You.’
He kept shaking his head and speeding up with his fingers, pulling them out and circling your clit again.
‘I want you too-,’ as a demonstration he pressed his rock hard cock to you, ’but that would wake Harry up, and we don’t want that.’ He was protesting trying his best to get you to the edge as fast as he could. It felt more and more difficult not to rut into you or, worse, just roll on top of you pushing his pants down and sliding into you. You were soaking his fingers, he knew he could have done it, it would have been so easy. A shudder ran through his spine to the thought alone, and he was sure he already was leaving a wet spot on his pants from leaking continuously in the last minutes.
It seemed like you didn’t have strength to protest, or more like your mind was occupied with something else. Your thighs were trembling and you were unable to control your breathing anymore.
‘That’s it, lovie, come for me.’ His fingers slid into you again, for one last time, making you feel full, before returning to your clit. He sat up in a second and his other hand, pressed against your mouth hard, to muffle your sounds. He could see that this movement alone pushed you over the edge without any warning. Your whole body shook violently, completely losing control, trashing under Tom’s touch, your hips jerking and pleading for more and he got it.
When your muscles finally relaxed he loosened his pressure on your mouth still not trusting you fully to remain completely quiet. It felt like the world had stopped and it was only you and him, his whole caring, loving presence surrounding you, making your body float. When he stopped he didn’t fully let you go yet, his warm palm slid onto your oversensitive pussy, cupping and covering it softly until you fully came down.
It’s been a few minutes until you stayed like that, before you cued him to let you speak.
‘Thank you.’ The words tumbled over your lips earning a small chuckle from him.
‘There is nothing to thank me for, darling. I’m always happy to make you come.’ His giggling filled your ear as he laid back next to you, peppering the slightly damp skin on your shoulder with tender kisses. He tugged his hands away from your pants, drawing you a bit closer. It made the both of you suddenly very aware of his painfully hard cock, and you reached out to return the favour, but he caught your wrist.
‘It’s not the best time-,’he shook his head, the adoration clear in his words,’I’m not particularly quiet.’ He confessed and you imagined him getting all flustered and red at the same time.
‘Oh, are you?’ You teased and turned to your side to be able to hold him better.
‘No.’ The ruffling of the bedsheets let you know that he was shaking his head.’ So how about now going back to sleep, at least you, and tomorrow, taking just a tiny bit more time in the bathroom together?’ He asked, not giving away what he had in mind exactly.
As much as you wanted to argue the tiredness quickly returned into your body, mixing with the high of your recent orgasm and Tom’s closeness made you sleepy again, and you were drifting to sleep before you knew it.
The sun was up a lot earlier than you wanted it but when Tom turned to his side to spoon you, holding you tight and secure to his body you didn’t mind it that much. Moreover when you felt the butterfly kisses on the back of your neck, paired with his thick accent and sleepy voice.
The events of the night quickly came back as your mind became more awake, giving a bit of a testing push with your butt, feeling Tom to be hard again.
‘Someone is impatient.’ He whispered and looked over his shoulder, seeing that Harry was still sleeping more or less. ‘Wanna give this day an early start?’ He asked cheekily, grabbing your hip and pulling you flush to his lap.
‘Brushing your teeth should be the first thing you do after waking up anyway.’ Fabricating an excuse which wasn’t really needed yet, added to the thrills of sneaking around like this.
Tom didn’t waste any time, he got up, giving a quick glance to Harry before grabbing your reached out hand and pulling you to the bathroom. The both of you doubled over from the restrained laughter as the door closed behind you.
‘It’s like we are teens sneaking around, doing something we shouldn’t.’ Your voice was still a whisper, your cheeks hurting from smiling so hard until Tom straightened himself and looked at you.
‘We are sneaking around.’ He said, seriousness and a hint of seduction coloring his voice. ‘But it’s something we definitely should do more often.’ He bit his lips playfully, his hands reaching out to grab your waist and push you to the cold tiled wall. It wasn’t very spacious, but if everything went as you planned you didn’t need much space anyway. ‘I hope you don’t mind if we do something more than what you had in mind during the night.’ His voice was low and his eyes were even darker, filled with lust and need, setting fire in your veins. ‘The thing is I just can’t take it out of my mind how absolutely wet you were.’ He was flush to your chest, hands caressing your neck and face when he spoke. ‘I’d lie if I said I don’t want your hands and mouth on me, but I’m afraid it wouldn’t do it right now, lovie.’ He spoke slowly and languidly, almost sneakily grinded his hips into you already.
Your answer was lost in the feverish, urging kiss which followed. You pulled him onto yourself, taking all of your clothes off in a frenzy, the want returning to your body from last night, your pussy pulsing and aching to be filled. Tom was impatient too, yet he did his best to prepare you, peppering your neck with wet kisses, leaving glistering marks on your skin, dropping his head to suck your nipples into that hot mouth, occasionally running the tip of his cock through your folds, earning the sweetest sounds from you. He knew that spot on your neck, the one made you tremble and close your eyes in an instant and your knees giving in. You told him during a drinking game, well you told everyone but he was the one giving it a test on a drunken night. He held you similarly and after a shaky breath he pressed his lips to your neck, just where you told him days ago to never ever dare to do.
And now he went back there again and heard your shaky whimper and felt your knees shake and now he could go on, now you wanted him to go on.
It was fast and a bit hurried, but you didn’t mind. Your skin was burning again, the only thought in your head was to have him filling you in seconds.
Those long fingers dipped between your folds making your head hit the wall as you let it fall for the sensation.
‘So wet again. Oh, darling, I could have you so easily right now.’
‘Please.’ The answer was way too fast mixing with a soft moan.
‘Turn around.’ Tom guided you to the sink, placing both of your hands on the edges and stepping behind you. ‘Look how wet you are.’ He opened his fingers showing them off in the reflection of the mirror. Before you could have answered you felt a gentle tap on your inner thighs so you opened them even more.
There was no more talking needed, Tom carefully guided his cock between your folds, looking up into your eyes in the mirror when he was ready. He started to push forward but you couldn’t keep your eyes open, it was too intense, making the little hairs stand on your arms, a wave of satisfaction washing over you, as his cock deliciously stretched your cunt. And Tom? He was watching you, he was drinking in all of your reactions from the little shudders to the silent ‘o’ of your mouth when he finally bottomed out.
He couldn’t wait a second to start to move, he had to feel you more. It was heaven when those large palms were gripping your hips, keeping you in place, his hips already giving you a stead, hard peace. The slight burn around your entrance, around his thick cock, him working you open was slowly soothing that unbearable ache in your belly.
His palm slid up on your body, pinching your nipple the slightest as it spread on your chest pulling you up to his strong torso. Your head found home on his shoulder, deeply inhaling his scent.
When his name fell from your lips like a prayer, he couldn’t hold it together any longer. The now somewhat familiar fingers found your clit, rubbing it fast, now knowing your sweet spots a lot better. The sink helped you to steady yourself against his now sloppy, heavy thrusts and kept reminding you where you were to try and keep your voices as low as possible. Tom on the other hand, he was loud even trying his best to keep it down. He hissed as you were pulsing around him and let out a broken moan when your hot lips kissed his neck.
You were already close but listening to his absolutely sinful, sweet noises pushed you over the edge, and Tom couldn’t hold it any longer either, he came, his body tensing, the feeling of his hot cum filling you only prolonging your pleasure.
When it was over he kept holding you close, his lips pressing to yours in a lazy, satisfied kiss. The both of you slowly come down from your highs, panting and your cheeks burning hot.
It took only a few minutes to clean up before not you walked out of the bathroom, finding Harry sitting on the bed, with headphones on, reading a book.
Now he looked up with a shit eating grin. ‘I swear to you, that was the world’s longest and loudest toothbrushing ever.’
Tags: @we--are---not--afraid, @storybookholland @champagneee-hills @annathesillyfriend @suckerz @tomsrebeleyebrow @hazofmyheart @thegirlintheswivelchair @hollandprkr @terrifictomholland @worldoftom @augustholland @greenorangevioletgrass
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cherrybracelets · 3 years
Text
I’ll Take You On
bucky barnes x f. reader
18+ / drinking mentions, heavy smut (unprotected s*x, oral s*x (m receiving) )
inspired by: ill take you on by brockhampton 
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For your whole childhood, as long as you could remember, you wanted to be a veterinarian. You had loved animals, and couldn’t imagine a better way to spend your days than caring for them. But, as you grew up and the harsh realities of adulthood and capitalism dawned upon you, your dream was becoming less likely. 
Vet school was way over you and your mom’s budget. It was just the two of you, and she wasn’t exactly bringing in buckets of cash at her teaching job. So, you had to get a bit more realistic. 
After graduation college with a business degree, you set forth into the world hoping for a lifetime of amazing opportunities. But, a job didn’t come as easy as you’d hoped, and you were getting desperate. So desperate, in fact, that you called your estranged father begging for a job. 
Your father left your mom when you were nine. You didn’t care much, as he wasn’t around a lot anyways. He was some big shot lawyer in Miami, and he was always traveling for work. It was honestly easier on you and your mom once he left. He didn’t make much an effort to connect with you after that, only calling every few months and sending wads of cash on Holidays, hoping to make up for his absence. 
So, as you pushed aside your pride to call and ask for his help, it was really the least he could do. And lucky for you, his firm’s office manager had just quit. It didn’t sound like an incredibly difficult job and the pay was beyond what you wanted. Your father was most likely overcompensating with the salary. But he could afford it. 
He also promised you a place to live, rent free. He owned multiple properties around the city, most of which he never used. It was kind of the perfect situation. A little suspiciously perfect. 
But there were no other options. You needed a job and he desperately needed to feel like he wasn’t the worst father in the world. It was a win-win for both of you. 
And obviously, Miami wasn’t the worst place you could be. You didn’t know anyone besides your father, but you didn’t care. The idea of relaxing on a beach alone soothed you way more than a group of screaming drunk girls. 
After a week of settling into your apartment and the city, it was finally time to start your new job. You had met up with your father multiple times already, getting prepared for the job and visiting a few of his favorite spots around the city. He was actually really kind, but it was slightly uncomfortable talking to him.
You walked into his office on your first day, shaking in nerves as you prepared to meet your new coworkers. Would they treat you kindly, or did they catch up on the obvious nepotism that was lingering through this entire situation? 
But your fears were quickly buried over as his staff welcomed you with open arms, talking highly of you and about how “proud” your father was to have you working here. You rolled your eyes at his obvious attempt to show a warmer side to his staff, but you let it slide. You had a job and place to live because of him, so it was the least you could do. 
You spent the morning learning the phone and computer system, battling intrusive questions from everyone in the office and trying to learn how to work the damn coffee machine. But all in all, it wasn’t a bad job. 
You never really knew what kind of law your father practiced, and maybe that was something you should’ve asked before, so you were a little less shocked. His clients were mega rich and famous. And your father was just mega rich. It kind of pissed you off, seeing how well he lived and how you and your mom never saw a penny of it. Part of you wanted to scream at him, break all the expensive glasses in his office and storm out. But what was the point? Caring about him was more energy than it was worth. 
Your father met with his clients throughout the day, and part of your job was welcoming them to the office, getting them something to drink, and telling your father when they arrive. And today, at 2:12 PM, twelve minutes late for his appointment, he walked in. 
“James Barnes. I’m here to see Henry,” he commanded, not bothering to look up from his cell phone and pay you an ounce of attention. 
“Of course. Can I get you anything to drink?” You asked kindly, trying to keep your voice from quivering. He stood towering over you, his large frame blocking the light above, casting a shadow over your desk. He was one of the most beautiful and intimidating people you’d ever seen. You felt like you were going to choke if he looked directly at you. 
But he didn’t. He walked cooly over to the sofa in the waiting area and sat down, mumbling “Scotch…”. 
You stood up and walked away quickly, desperately trying to catch your breath. You slipped quietly into your father's office, smiling as you closed the door behind you. 
“James Barnes is here. And he mentioned something about scotch, which I’m not sure if I’m authorized to give…” 
Your father chuckled and stood up, walking over to a small bar cart in his office and pouring two drinks. 
“Everyone calls him Bucky. He’s a good friend. Come on, i’ll introduce you.” 
You followed behind your father in a daze, not ready to face him, not ready for his eyes to meet yours. Your skin felt hot and the room was spinning as your head, his loud voice greeting your father in excitement. 
“Bucky! It’s been too long!” Your father yelled, handing him a drink and smiling sheepishly. 
“Yeah, I had to be in New York a bit longer than I thought,” he trailed off, taking a sip of his drink. You were hiding behind your father, hoping he would forget about you and you could sneak away without a word. But of course you wouldn’t get away that easily. 
“Bucky, I have to introduce you to my daughter. Today is her first day working here! (Y/N), come introduce yourself,” he instructed, turning towards you and ushering you in closer to Bucky. 
“(Y/N)...” he whispered, the sound of your name in his mouth making your whole body light up. You had never heard it sound so beautiful before. He reached his hand out towards you, and you grabbed it lightly. His hands were soft and cold, shocking your skin as he touched you. As you shook hands, he leaned towards you, the smell of mint and tobacco pouring from his skin. 
“Why don’t we head to your office, Henry,” he frowned, dropping your hand and turning towards your father. You brought your hand back to your side, confused and dizzy as you found your seat. 
“Can… can I get you anything, Henry?” You stuttered, realizing awkwardly that this was the first time you’d addressed him, and you didn’t say dad. There was an uncomfortable silence between the two of you, and you cleared your throat awkwardly. 
“Sorry, thought that would be more professional. Totally awkward, right?” You laughed, trying to ease the tension. You didn’t think your father would care if you called him Henry, but maybe he wanted you to play into the sweet daughter character at work. 
“No, sweetheart, this is actually a private meeting. I don’t want any interruptions, unless someone’s dead. Okay?” He said in a serious tone, pushing aside any awkwardness. He hadn’t said this with any other clients he’s seen today, so it gave you an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. 
You turned towards Bucky, looking for some sign of a joke with him. But his face was carved of stone, his eyes locked on your father as if he expected Henry’s devout secrecy for any conversation they had. 
The two walked quietly into his office and shut the door, leaving the image of him to only exist in your mind. You were curious who exactly this beautiful  mystery was, so you did what you always did. Googled him. 
You searched for a while, under both of the names he went by. But nothing. You couldn’t find him anywhere. Nothing on Facebook, Linkedin was empty, Twitter and Instagram were farfetched. It was like he didn’t exist. You even unblocked your father on facebook to stalk his friends and see if he existed there, but nothing. He was a ghost. 
You got frustrated after a while, sitting back angrily in your chair, realizing you had three voicemails. Yikes, you were not very good at this job. 
You finished all your work quickly, hoping it would distract you from him.
 They spent the next two hours locked away in your fathers office, leaving you to wilt away in boredom. It only took about 30 minutes to catch up on calls and emails, and then all you could do was scroll aimlessly on your phone hoping someone would bother you. 
But everyone seemed very quiet here. Beyond the initial excitement of meeting you in the morning, everyone stayed at their desks all day, focused intently on their own work. It was one of the quietest offices you’d ever been in. Maybe they were just trying to show off on your first day, or trying not to bother you… but it was odd. 
At 4:15, your father loudly exited his office, Bucky following behind. He was smiling, something you hadn’t seen before. It was almost god-like, his perfect smile, radiating warmth and happiness. You wanted to be close to him again, missing the sweet smell of his lips…
“(Y/N), I have a request…” your father interrupted your daydreaming, making you jump as you stood up to help him. 
“What’s up?” You asked casually, refusing to take your eyes off Bucky. 
“Bucky and I are grabbing dinner tonight, and we’d love for you to join us,” he said quickly, Bucky finally turning towards you and meeting your glance. 
“You… want me to come?” You asked quietly, Bucky still staring at you. He smirked slightly as you spoke, but refused to break your gaze. 
“Well, Bucky would really love to get to know my daughter. You know how… proud I am of you. The light of my life!” He said, smiling intensely at you. You finally looked away from Bucky and towards your father as he spoke. 
It was disgusting, the way your father was obviously using a fake relationship with you to get in good with his clients and employees. But you would’ve done anything to see Bucky again. So you agreed reluctantly, wondering why a man like Bucky would care about his lawyer's daughter… 
“We’re going to a nice place so… dress up,” your father instructed, eyeing your clothes. You had noticed you were the least dressed up at the office. 
“Um… I don’t really have a nice dress…” you whispered quietly, wondering how “nice” you needed to dress…
Your father pulled out his wallet, handing you a thick black AmEx card. 
“I’ll have my driver take you downtown to some shops. Get whatever you want,” he instructed, pushing the card in your hand. 
You didn’t refuse, why would you? Free shopping spree and dinner with some hot mystery man sounded like your perfect day. 
You spent the next few hours in and out of shops, spending more money than your father most likely anticipated. But you needed a new wardrobe anyways, most of your old clothes were too warm to wear here. 
You picked out a gorgeous light blue silk dress and some strappy white heels to match. You were maybe a little ‘under’ dressed for dinner with your father, but all you could focus on was Bucky. You felt high whenever he crossed your mind, your body unable to focus on anything except the feel of his cool skin touching yours.
By the time you were done shopping, it was almost time to meet them at dinner. The driver promised to bring the rest of your bags home and drop you right off at the restaurant. It was all the way across town, and you’d most likely still be late even if you left now. So you hopped in the car quickly, your new outfit looking perfect. 
The drive to the restaurant took just as long as the driver said it would- maybe even longer. You were getting impatient as the time went by, wondering if he was thinking about you the way you were thinking of him. 
It was unlikely. You still weren’t sure who exactly he was, but you knew he didn’t spend his time with ordinary girls. 
But why did he want you to come to dinner? It was odd of him to take such an interest in you. None of your fathers other clients seemed to look twice in your direction. But then again, Bucky was the only one that required privacy. 
As you got lost in your thoughts, your mind tumbling through expectations and excitement, your driver pulled swiftly up to the front entrance of Paterro’s. 
Upon walking through the doors, you were taken aback by the overwhelming fanciness of this restaurant. Your father definitely undersold how nice it was. You felt slightly underdressed, but no one seemed to look twice at you. You were used to not turning heads, being able to walk through a crowd without notice. 
That changed when you got to your table. Your father wasn’t there, most likely in the bathroom or at the bar. It was just him, looking just as beautiful as you pictured he would. 
He wore a navy blue suit that hugged his skin tightly and left very little of his body up for imagination. As you walked towards him, his head lifted from the table and his eyes lingered towards your body. He gave you a soft smile, but he was obviously distracted by how much of you he was seeing. 
“Your… Henry ran to grab a few cigars for later…” he mumbled, standing up awkwardly and pulling out a chair for you. 
“Thank you…” you whispered, sitting shakily down in the chair as he pushed you in towards the table. 
You were in between Bucky and your father’s seat, but much closer to Bucky. Your father came back less than 30 seconds later, which was ideal, since you couldn’t think of a single word to say to Bucky. 
Your father greeted you kindly, a wide smile that read as ‘You better be good tonight.’ It clearly wasn’t normal for him to have guests attend his business dinners. He seemed just as put off as you did, but the two of you kept your thoughts to yourselves and made small talk. 
“This is one of my favorite restaurants, (Y/N),” your father smiled, handing you a menu to you. 
“I’m excited to be here. Thank you for having me,” you responded kindly. 
Bucky and your father started talking about business, leaving you to your own thoughts as you scoured the menu. The prices were insane, but obviously you weren’t footing the bill. You had half a mind to order the most expensive thing on the menu, for the hell of it, but you settled on a nice glass of red wine and pasta. 
You weren’t included in much of the conversation, wondering why exactly you were invited in the first place. It seemed that the two of them barely even knew you were there. You sipped at your wine angrily, wondering how you could get Bucky’s attention. 
It was then when you decided to make one of the riskiest decisions of your entire life. But, high risk, high reward, right? 
Bucky cracked a joke with your father, and you laughed loudly and girlishly, forcing him to draw his eyes towards you. You then gently placed your hand on his knee, dragging your fingertips on his thigh lightly as you smiled at him. For a second, you forgot your father was even there, lost in the delight of finally having your hands on Bucky. 
But you quickly drew your hand back, afraid of how far you’d go if you didn’t stop. Luckily your father didn’t seem to notice, or care. But Bucky did. 
In fact, he was glaring at you. His fists were clenched on the table, his breath shaky and his stared. His face started to relax and he looked away, a slight smirk on his face as he grabbed his drink and gulped it. 
“I have to run and make a quick phone call,” Bucky said abruptly, not waiting for a response before leaving the table. 
You turned awkwardly to your father, not sure what to say to him at this moment. Thankful for you, he clearly felt the same, and buried himself in his phone. That was the nice thing about your father, he never forced you to talk. 
Bucky was back quicker than you’d expected, looking relieved as he sat down. 
“Sorry about that,” he smiled, clearing his throat. “Where were we?” 
The three of you started chatting again, a feat that only lasted about five minutes, before another interruption. Your father’s phone started ringing loudly, much to your embarrassment. 
“One sec,” he whispered, jumping out of his chair and answering in a rush. 
Your heart dropped as you realized you were alone with him for the first time. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him after you nearly groped him under the table. You felt a lump in your throat as you stared intently at your fathers empty chair. 
“Do you wanna talk about what the hell you’re doing?” Bucky growled at you, making you finally turn your head and face him head on. 
“I don’t know what you mean…” you whispered innocently. 
“Oh, shut the hell up. I’m not gonna fall for your sweet girl act. Your father might, but I see right through it…” He snickered, taking a large sip from his third drink of the evening. 
“I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you, James.” You could see him cringe at the sound of that name. You couldn’t help but to get under his skin. Something about him so angry made it hotter. 
“Listen, if you wanna fuck me, just say it. I’m not here for all these little games.” 
“You truly think every girl in the entire universe wants to have sex with you? Seems like somebody has a little ego problem,” you retorted, rolling your eyes and looking away. 
“Oh, baby,” he laughed, touching your cheek lightly with his thumb. “You’re telling me you wouldn’t get under this table and suck my cock if you could?” 
The thought of your mouth around him made you quiver, which was very evident to Bucky. He laughed coyly, before tightly gripping your chin. He brushed his thumb lightly over your lips, your body aching at his touch. 
He dropped his hand quickly as your father approached the table, looking distraught. 
“I’m so sorry guys... My client just called, major emergency. I’m gonna have to run… Bucky, can you make sure (Y/N) get’s home safe? I’m gonna have to take my car…” 
Bucky chuckled quietly and nodded at your father, enjoying the obvious win. 
“I’ll take good care of her, man.”
Your father thanked Bucky, throwing his credit card to you for dinner and running off in a hurry. You felt sick to your stomach, all the red wine dancing around in your body. You felt Bucky’s hand on your thigh, rubbing circles on your skin. 
“You ready to go?” He winked, tilting his head for an answer. You could only nod, unable to think of any words to say. 
Bucky tossed three one-hundred dollar bills down on the table, taking them from a large wad of cash hidden in his jacket. You felt dizzy at the sight of all the money, wondering where it could possibly be coming from. 
The valet pulled Bucky’s car around, which was obviously something beautiful and fancy and nauseatingly expensive. He opened the passenger door for you, helping you up into the seat. He leaned towards you after you were sitting, pulling your face to his. He kissed you intensely, not giving you a second to think, or breathe. You melted into him, allowing his body to do whatever he wanted. 
But he quickly broke away, closing the door and getting in the driver seat. He didn’t speak to you the rest of the ride, just casually glancing in your direction every few minutes. You wondered if you should tell him where you lived, or if he already knew. But you quickly realized you weren’t going home.
You pulled up to a large white house on the beach. The gates opened promptly as you arrived. They closed quickly behind you, making you finally realize the intensity of the situation. You were here now, locked inside, with a complete stranger. A very, very hot stranger. 
Bucky opened the door for you, clearly picking up your awe at the size of the house. 
“I’m just renting it. I don’t usually stay in one place too long…” he explained, a hint of sadness in his voice. 
“What exactly do you do?” You asked, instantly regretting it as you noticed the distaste in his voice. 
“You don’t need to know that, yet,” he snapped, emphasizing the word ‘yet’. What the hell did that mean? 
He ushered you through the front door, offering you a glass of wine as you entered. You accepted happily, staring at his wide wine collection that was much nicer than the box sitting in your fridge. 
You sat down on his couch, sinking into the soft cushions, realizing just then how tipsy you were. As he walked back towards you with your drinks, you felt a wave of excitement and spontaneity wash over you. Fuck wine, man. The worst and horniest decisions you ever made were because of wine. 
Bucky set your drinks done and you didn’t waste any time. You jumped up towards him, pushing your lips onto his and dragging your hands down his body. He didn’t fight you, unbuckling his pants quickly. He began kissing your neck, pulling down the straps of your dress. You hadn’t worn a bra, giving his lips easy access to your breasts. He sucked your nipples lightly, grazing his teeth. 
You pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a perfectly sculpted body that at this point, you had expected. You brought your hand down to his dick, already hard and poking out through his boxers. You pushed him off of you as you got down to your knees, removing his boxers and taking his length into your mouth. 
You flicked your tongue across his tip, making him shake under you. He grabbed the back of your head and pushed himself deeper into you, hitting the back of your throat. He moved in and out of your mouth, his hand holding your hair out of the way. 
Finally he pulled out of your mouth, beckoning you to stand up. You did as you were told, getting off your knees and following him to the catch. He sat down and dragged you onto his lap, feeling his cock under you. He kissed you for a while, but you never got bored. You could’ve kissed him forever. 
But you felt him twitching beneath you, begging to be inside. You positioned him to your opening and slid down gently, adjusting to his size. He moaned slightly, throwing his head back as he went in. 
“Don’t move for a second…” he commanded, sitting up and taking your face. He was inside of you, not moving, just holding you. 
“You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen,” he whispered, the scotch spilling from his breath. He didn’t give you time to respond before he grabbed your hips and began to rock you on him.
You let him move you for a few minutes before you started moving yourself. You felt the overwhelming rush of pleasure take over as you got close to cumming, speeding up your motions. 
“Shit…” you squealed, riding out your high as he kissed your neck. 
“Keep going… I wanna cum inside you…” He whispered into your ear, his lips tickling your jaw. 
You kept grinding your hips, moving faster as he got closer. He gripped onto your hips, digging his nails into your skin as you felt him twitch. You felt him fill you up with warmth, claiming you as his in that moment. The ultimate trophy of male dominance. 
You felt sick to your stomach after you got off, feeling him drip down your thighs as you rolled to the other side of the couch. The fun of the wine had worn off into an annoying headache, and you were dreadfully thirsty.
For some reason, you wondered if you had dreamed the whole thing, before you looked over and saw a naked Bucky, staring blissfully at you. 
“Can I get you anything?” He asked, kindly. 
“Water.” 
He smiled graciously, standing up and putting his boxers on. He walked down a hallway, presumably to the kitchen, and your fight or flight kicked in. You quickly grabbed your shoes and bag, bolting out the front door, unable to face him. 
You were greeted by the fresh air, happy to be back in the realm of normalcy. And then you remembered. The gate. 
“Fuck…” you exclaimed, dropping your shoes on the pavement. 
“I’ll take you home.” You heard, seeing an uncomfortable Bucky standing in the doorway. 
You got back in his car, staying uncomfortably silent as he started the engine and opened the gate. 
“Do you regret it?” He asked. His voice snapped through the quiet like a whip. It made you jump. 
“No. I don’t.” You answered. It was the truth. 
“Good. We’ll talk soon, then.” 
He dropped you off without another word, and you realized you never actually gave him your address. 
Who the hell was James Barnes? 
186 notes · View notes
mirkosintern · 4 years
Text
Crawlin’ back to you
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pairing: dabi x fem!reader
genre: smut with a lil angst and fluff if you squint
notes: reader is a member of the lov, set in the meta liberation army arc (before the war!), possessive dabi, wowee this is my first work!! I never expected myself to be able to write a piece but here we are ehehe this was inspired by a certain tiktok actually. U may have already noticed but the title is from the song do I wanna know? by the arctic monkeys<3
warnings: 18+, unprotected sex, breeding, cum play, dubcon-ish?, toxic relationship, degradation, vulgar language, alcohol
word count: 3k
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That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day Crawlin’ back to you Ever thought of callin’ when you've had a few? 'Cause I always do Maybe I'm too busy bein’ yours to fall for somebody new Now I've thought it through
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Dabi wasn’t one to do feelings. He’s screwed numerous women, but they were nothing more than some toys to fulfill his sexual needs. Neither did he want to have feelings, nor did he need to. Afterall, his side hoes who begged to stay with him even after all the degradation he’s given them disgusted him the most. He would snicker at their pathetic attempts and cut them off ruthlessly.
However, you were an only exception.
No, he did not have feelings for you, he swears he never did and never will. But you were different from his other disposable sluts--he kept you around. He didn’t ghost you, instead, he kept coming back. It is only because you’re a member of the lov as well, he thinks. You are easy to access since you’re always around the lov base, and he doesn’t even have to worry about getting caught by civilians or stupid bitches who suddenly decide to turn him into the police. You guys were practically co-workers with benefits, fuck buddies where the “buddies” part is questionable.
Dabi didn’t mind that he made an exception for you until that night. That very night where you sleepily decided to crawl into his arms after a rough round and whispered him how you loved the rough texture of his skin against yours. That very night where you pressed delicate kisses beneath his jaw. The moment of intimacy—making his heart pound and warmth spread beneath his cold skin—was threatening. You were threatening.
That’s where he cut you off completely. He did not knock on your bedroom door located in the lov base anymore. He stopped sending those “you up?” texts at 3am. He didn’t even lock eyes with you or talk to you anymore.
It feels as if something heavy dropped inside you, squashing your heart to the point where it’s painful. You try your best to ignore the pang in your chest and remind yourself that you guys were nothing more than co-workers with benefits. However, the enduring heartburn only functions to make you realize how attached you were to him. He’s Dabi, the biggest scumbag you will ever meet, what did you expect? What were you thinking? It should be no surprise this happened, right? But having to encounter his stupidly handsome face every day was not doing any help. You are a girl with dignity, you tell yourself, trying your best to ignore his strong scent of campfire and cologne drowning you every time you guys are in the same room.
The pain is suffocating you for weeks, and you finally decide to completely get over him. The night Dabi brings a bimbo to his room and fucks her loud enough for everyone in the lov to hear—for you to hear—you’re done with everything. You step outside, get drunk, do anything to numbify the pain the raven-haired guy has caused you, and even meet a nice-looking guy who seems to be interested in you.
You are doing good without Dabi.
You don’t need Dabi anymore.
You are not letting him get to your head.
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A party.
League of villains is all about privacy, but they also started having some fun after uniting with the meta liberation army. Now they had sufficient money, people and place to throw parties every now and then without the danger of getting caught by civilians. Afterall, a number of heroes were in their side as well.
“Not gonna lie, you guys do know how to host parties.” Keigo smirks, picking up a glass of bourbon whiskey. “It’s fuckin’ lame,” Dabi answers as he downs a glass of liquor.
“So, what happened with y/n?” Keigo throws a suggestive smile.
“The hell you mean what happened with her?” Dabi frowns.
“Y’know, didn’t you guys used to be a thing or something?”
“Nah, she was an occasional fuck and that’s it.”
“Oh really? The Dabi I know never fucks a same bitch twice though. I thought she was something special.”
“Special?”
“Yeah, thought maybe you actually wanted her.”
A smug grin appears on Dabi’s face. “Never even liked her.”
“Have you seen her and her new boyfriend?”
The smile is quick to vanish from his face after hearing the word boyfriend. Dabi’s eyes widen, immediately glaring at Keigo. Before he could say anything, Keigo tilts his chin to point something.
“There they are.”
Dabi turns his head only to find you clinging onto some guy’s arm. Your cheeks are flushed –a pretty, pink glow on your face—as you bat your eyelashes at the guy. Bubbly giggles escape from your lips while you stare at him through half-lidded eyes. The guy’s arm is secured around your waists, pulling you closer to him.
Dabi sees red.
His entire body freezes as his grip around the liquor glass tighten. Dabi doesn’t say anything for a moment, but there is no way Keigo wouldn’t pick up how his cerulean eyes are flaming at the sight. “Well, I thought you knew.” Keigo pats Dabi’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t matter anyways right? You never liked her.”
“…Right.” Dabi takes another sip from the liquor, his eyes still fixed to you.
Keigo’s words are true; at least they are supposed to be true. Dabi didn’t have feelings for you. He doesn’t do romance. No feelings were ever involved with any of the women he’s slept with, and he made sure of it. It was so clear for Dabi without a question.
But why is it unable for him to erase the sight of you with some guy as he forces himself to sleep that night? Why are your sweet giggles echoing his head? Why can’t he get rid of the thought of you in that tight, black dress that perfectly complements the curves of your body? Why is the moment where the guy places his hand on your inner thigh replaying in his head? Why are thoughts of you messing with his mind?
“Fucking hell.”
Dabi gets up. This was fucking annoying. You were truly fucking annoying.
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You tilt your head to check the glowing digits of your digital clock on the nightstand. 2:15am. It’s late, and you haven’t even taken off the dress you wore to the party. You are too tired both physically and emotionally. You’ve done quite a decent job in entertaining the man who’s accompanied you through the whole party, but it was truly an energy-consuming task. You and him walked around as if you guys were the happiest couple in the party; but the truth is that you guys aren’t even properly dating yet. Solely because you have constantly been refusing to properly answer him asking you to be his girlfriend. It’s not that he’s bad looking or anything, but the idea of being with him just doesn’t sit right with you. Ever since you’ve met him, he couldn’t keep his hands off you without asking you anything about consent. You always had to pull his hand away with an uncomfortable smile, yet he never took a hint. However, when a dating rumor about you and him started and spread quickly, you didn’t try to correct anything. Maybe it was because you wanted to pull out a reaction from a certain villain. Maybe your unusual actions at today’s party; clinging onto the guy and laughing at every single word he spoke; was to make Dabi witness how happy you were.
 Truthfully, you were dying inside.
 What was even worse was that none of your attempts seemed to bring an ounce of reaction from Dabi. When have you become so pathetic and desperate? You feel tears welling up in your eyes, hot and burning, but you don’t want to cry. Not for an asshole like him. You take out your phone, find the guy’s name, and text him that you don’t want to see him anymore. You feel a little guilty, thinking that you may have used him to provoke something from Dabi, but your thoughts are too worn out for you to comprehend anything. You flop onto your bed and bury your face in your pillow. You huff out a deep sigh, and the soft texture of your cotton pillow feels warm on your cheeks. In all honesty, you were thinking about Dabi the whole time you were at the party. Whenever the guy’s hand creeped up your thighs or gripped on your ass, you imagined it was Dabi’s, trying your hardest to feel something from the contact.
 You weren’t over Dabi. You never were. Realization hurts, leaving a sour feeling in your mouth.
 Your body shoots up at the sudden, loud slamming sound emerged from your door. Your teary eyes widen at the lean man slamming the door shut. “Dabi?” You ask, not believing your eyes. “What the hell are you doing here?” Without an answer, Dabi’s one hand reaches for your throat as his other hand grips your wrist. His large body is towering over you, and you feel your bed shift as he dips one knee in the mattress. His sapphire eyes pierce through your soul, and you can feel his raging anger just from looking at him.
“You’re such a pain in the ass, y’know that?”
“Dabi, what are you-“
He doesn’t let you finish the sentence, pulling you in for a heated kiss. Your lips open reflexively, enabling him to deepen the kiss. The kiss is aggressive, and he doesn’t know whether it is because of his anger or his pent-up desires towards you that he has been suppressing. The kiss gets sloppier over time, hot and wet with saliva and tongue. He lets go of the grip on your wrist and starts tracing your inner thigh with his thumb, and you let out a soft moan. You finally pull away from the kiss to catch your breath, but he doesn’t cease to caress your thigh. Instead, he lowers himself to your ear. “You seem to really love thigh touches, don’t you?” His low voice and hot breath brushing the shell of your ear sends chills down your spine.
“Huh?”
“I always knew you were a slut, but never knew you were this much of a whore. You would bend over any guy who offers you some touches, right?”
Tears swell in your eyes again at his vile words, but it’s hard to talk when his knuckles are repeatedly brushing your clit.
“I’m… not a slut…nngh.” Suppressed moans escape your lips.
“Yeah? Why are you making those sounds then?”
“Dabi…”
He yanks your dress up and dips two fingers inside your lace panties, making you let out a weak yelp. Dabi raises his brows with a smug grin on his face.
“Oh, so she indeed is a slut huh? You get this fucking wet from a kiss?”
His two digits start pumping inside you, and you grip on his white shirt at the sudden sensation. Your gasps and moans get louder, and you suddenly feel his wet lips against your neck. Dabi sucks hard, making sure to leave dark purple marks from your jaw to your neck and shoulder, as he repeats the step of curling his fingers and pulling them inside and out your hole. “Dabi…too fast.” You whine out. “Yeah?” A sadistic grin appears on Dabi’s face. “Be a good slut and take what I give you.” His thumb reaches for your clit, making your legs shiver.
“Nngh…stop, I’m gonna… Dabi I’m gonna cum.”
“Stop? You want me to stop?”
“No!”
“Do you deserve it though?” he slows his pace while teasing your clit. “Beg.”
It’s humiliating, really—but do you have any other choice when you are this close?
“Please, Dabi… I’ll be your good slut. Please let me cum!” Your desperate cries have him pumping his fingers fast again, and soon you’re seeing white. Hot drops of release coat Dabi’s fingers as he pulls out.
“Say ah.”
“A-ah.”
You obey, and Dabi sticks his digits inside your mouth. Your mouth wraps around them immediately, sucking as if it’s a pacifier. “Good girl,” Dabi says as he pats your head, and it makes your stomach swoop with sick pride.
The bulge in his pants is becoming painful, and he contemplates on fucking your mouth. But he’s too impatient; He feels the need to abuse your cunt right now. He wants to hear your screams and cries as he proves who you belong to.
“Take that off.” Dabi gestures at your dress, and you start undressing as he demands. Dabi pulls down his sweatpants and boxers, causing his cock to spring out. It’s so pretty, you think, and you can’t help but admire his red tip, glistening with precum. He pumps his length a few times and lines it up with your entrance. You inhale a sharp gasp as you feel his whole length inside you. It feels so full; it feels as if he’s gonna split you in half if he starts moving.
“Ah, too big.”
“I know.” Dabi looks down on you. “Take it like a little slut you are.”
Before you could even talk back, he is moving inside you. Your moans blend with the noise of the bed creaking; a perfectly harmonized orchestra to Dabi’s ears.
You knew Dabi wasn’t one to prep you or go slow, but you feel like he’s going way rougher than usual. His wild thrusts have your head lolling backwards, and Dabi does not miss the chance to take a hard bite on your neck. You scream out of both pain and pleasure, and you feel two hot streams of tears on your flushed cheeks.
“Aww, she’s crying.” Dabi says in a mocking tone. “Bet you love the pain.”
Humiliation fills your chest and you turn your head away, but Dabi quickly grabs your chin with one hand, forcing you to directly face him.
“Who’s the one making you feel this full?” he asks.
“Y-you.”
“Did he ever make you feel this way?”
Wait, he? Who does he mean by he? Your alleged boyfriend? Could it be possible that Dabi was doing this out of jealousy? You try to comprehend, but it’s impossible for you to think clearly, not when Dabi is fucking you stupid. “No!” You shout.
Dabi’s free hand reaches for your clit and starts rubbing circles. “Tell me, who does this pussy belong to?”
“You…” You try to answer, but he suddenly lifts up your lower body and slams into your cervix in the right angle. It has you moaning even louder, your insides spasming around his cock.
“I can’t hear you.” He smirks sadistically.
“You, Dabi, it belongs to you! I belong to you!” You’re screaming his name like it’s the only word you know, making his cock twitch. “That’s right. You are all for me, all for me to use. Just a pathetic little slut for my cock.” A satisfactory grin appears on Dabi’s face.
Dabi lowers his body down and grunts directly into your ear as he thrusts even faster. The sound of his skin slamming into yours is so erotic, and you can feel how close you are.
“You wanna cum huh?” His words have you nodding frantically, babbling incoherent words. Yes Dabi—wanna cum so bad—wanna be yours—wanna be your good girl—please, dabi.
“Then do it. Make a mess on my cock.”
“Nngh, Dabi!” You scream out his name as euphoria washes down your body. His release follows you soon enough, painting your walls white. You feel warmth filling your belly while his groans echo in your ear. You’re still sobbing and panting after he pulls out, without any energy left to move. As your blurry vision starts getting clearer, you feel his warm skin and the sting of his cold staples against your back. His long arms wrap around your oversensitive body, pulling you closer to him.
“You’re messing with my head.” Dabi rests his forehead on the back of your shoulder.
“Huh?”
You’re confused, but Dabi doesn’t elaborate. His ego doesn’t let him do such thing.
“When you said you belonged to me, did you mean it?”
You bite your lower lip, not knowing how to respond to his sudden question. Millions of unspoken words and feelings are hanging in the back of your throat, creating a huge lump. You swallow them all and spit out a question instead. “Do you want me to belong to you?”
“Yeah.” Your eyes widen at his unexpected response, butterflies fluttering inside your chest. “Be mine.” His low voice vibrates against your soft skin. Your heart melts at his words, and you cannot stop your feelings from overspilling anymore. At that moment you both realize; you and Dabi were meant to crawl back to each other, no matter how hard you both try and struggle.
“I’m yours.” You smile, “I’m all yours.”
547 notes · View notes
full-of-jams · 4 years
Text
Tangsuyuk Love
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Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Summary: College student Jungkook passes cute notes with a customer who always orders take-out tangsuyuk at his part-time job. Meanwhile he’s trying not to miserably fail his Math class, while hiding his ever-growing crush on you.
Genre: college au, f2l, fluff, smut, one shot, did I mention FLUFF?
Warnings: mild swearing, sexual content, hold your heart palpitations!
Word Count: 11.5k
A/N: I wanted to write something light and sweet before I continued with Good Riddance. It will be easy, she said. It will be fun, she said. It will be quick, she said. Ha. haha. ha. ha. Ignore my pain. Enjoy!
°°°°°°°
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[09/04 18:34 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [DELIVERY] 1 Tangsuyuk (large) 1 Jjamppong 2 Kimchi Mandu ---------------- Note: Without pineapple! Please make the jjamppong extra spicy, my boyfriend just broke up with me T-T
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Golden Bang 7 Wausan-ro 29-gil, Seogyo-dong
Server: JK ------------------- TO GO
1 Tangsuyuk (large) -- 20,000 1 Jjamppong -- 5,000 2 Kimchi Mandu -- 6,000 1 Soju -- 0
Total: 31,000 -------------------- Thanks for ordering at Golden Bang! Have a golden day!
Note: Service! Nothing’s better than the fresh taste of soju to lighten a heavy heart :) Cheer up LatteIsHorse-Nim!
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Paper Note: JK-nim, thanks for the soju. It sweetened my bitter night. This is Tokki, please give him a loving new home! TT-TT
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Jungkook was fucking terrified of you. If it weren’t for the fact that he was close to failing Statistical Analysis, he would’ve considered faking a stomach flu and making a beeline straight out of the library.
“If you have a box containing 3 white, 4 red and 5 black balls what is the probability that you will draw a white ball on your first draw and a black ball on your second draw?” you asked again through gritted teeth.
You looked up at Jungkook and were met by an empty stare. Usually you enjoyed tutoring your fellow classmate. He was a smart and funny guy, maybe a bit awkward at times, but always trying his best. Today every little thing grated on your nerves. It took you every ounce of energy to get out of bed and look like a presentable human being this morning. You really didn’t want to sit here for another hour if the boy was just going to stare at you like a petrified statue. “It’s really not that difficult. You just have to apply conditional probability.”
Jungkook let out a frustrated huff and pulled at his hair, “I really don’t know, this doesn’t make any sense! Why do I even need this stuff for my major? Who cares if I pull out a white ball or a black ball first? It’s not like I’m planning on becoming Houdini!”
Sometimes you pitied him, but who on Earth had an irrational fear of Gauss distributions and probability?! They were beautiful, harmless, abstract concepts of life. Your sympathy was muffled by a thrumming headache. All the late-night crying already had you chugging water and slapping ice cubes on your face at breakfast. Right now you just wanted to go home, change into your pjs, order some tangsuyuk and binge watch Boys Over Flowers. The cringy acting and Go Jun Pyo’s luscious locks were the only things that made your miserable life feel a bit less pathetic at the moment. “Jungkook, we went over this last time. Just apply the damn formula,” you snapped.
“Why are you being so scary today?” he asked wide-eyed and apprehensive.
You took a deep breath, rubbed your temples and tried to calm your inner turmoil. It wasn’t his fault; you were just in a really shitty mood. “I’m sorry. It’s not my day today. Is it okay if we rain check? I promise I’ll make it up to you next week.”
Jungkook wasn’t used to seeing you this distraught. He wracked his brain on how to lift your spirit. “Hey, do you want to hear this math joke my friend Jin told me the other day? What do you call an angle that is adorable?”
The boy scrunched his nose adorably and waited for your response. He was really handsome, you noticed that back when you two first met. Back then you just didn’t have a reason to care. Back then you still had a boyfriend.
“I don’t know, tell me,” you answered.
“Acute angle!” he said with a timid smile.
Despite your foul mood you had to snort at his joke.
Jungkook’s smile grew wider. It wasn’t a full laugh, but at least your frown disappeared. He discovered early on that you had a soft spot for bad math puns.
Although he absolutely detested Statistical Analysis, he has come to enjoy your study sessions over the past couple of weeks. The TA of his class, Namjoon, was a close friend of Jungkook’s and a sunbae of yours. Once he discovered that his favorite dongsaeng was abysmal at reading a z-score table, he immediately referred him to you.
At first Jungkook was very reluctant to accept any help. He was a mechanical engineer for fuck’s sake! He calculated distributed load across uneven surfaces and directional derivatives all the time!
His inner protests died down during your first session when you unwittingly asked him if he was constipated while he tried to calculate the standard deviation. During your second session he noticed you liked to doodle small geometric and fractal comics on his work sheets whenever he was solving a problem.
‘What did the triangle say to the circle?’ ‘You’re pointless!’
By the time your third session rolled around he still hated statistics, but it was too late and he’d developed a hopeless crush on you. Your monologues about dead mathematicians and the beauty of an infinite series were oddly captivating. He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone who was so passionate and animated about anything in all his life.
“Is everything okay?” Jungkook asked carefully. You seemed tired and a bit wary. “I-I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it. Sorry, it’s none of my business,” he immediately added.
You smiled at his flustered state. Jungkook’s heart stumbled when your smile turned sad and you said, “No not really, but I’m sure I’ll be fine sooner or later.”
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[13/04 19:12 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [DELIVERY]
1 Tangsuyuk (large) 1 Jjajangmyeon 1 Jjajangbap ---------------- Note: JK-nim! Omg your tangsuyuk is the best! I could drown in that sauce! How is Tokki doing?
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Golden Bang 7 Wausan-ro 29-gil, Seogyo-dong
Server: JK ------------------- TO GO
1 Tangsuyuk (large) -- 20,000 1 Jjajangmyeon -- 4,500 1 Jjajangbap -- 5,500
Total: 30,000 -------------------- Thanks for ordering at Golden Bang! Have a golden day!
Note: LatteIsHorse-nim! Little Tokki is doing well and bravely guarding our store! Don’t drown, but here’s some extra sauce for you to enjoy. I asked for it to be without pineapple. Hwaiting!
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“Yah! Why does it smell like rotten take-out in your bedroom?” Jisoo asked.
Scowling has become your new go-to expression. “Too soon. Just let me wallow in my self-pity and sorrow.”
If you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought your friend was playing ‘The Floor Is Lava’ considering how gingerly she walked across your room. Safely on the other side, she ripped open a window to let some much needed fresh air in. 
“I think you’re going to be wallowing in mold and fungus instead,” Jisoo commented with disgust. “Wallow all you want, I’m here to support you, girl. But I can’t allow you to turn your place into a biohazard zone. Isn’t your sister bothered by this?”
“My sister doesn’t care; our rooms are off limits to each other. As long as we both keep the common area clean, she won’t complain,” you said.
Jisoo sat down on your bed and patted the empty spot next to her. She immediately retracted her hand. “Eww, is that tangsuyuk sauce on your sheets?” she asked, completely appalled.
You shrugged and thumped onto your bed.
“So what are your plans for tonight?” she asked, trying to suppress a shudder.
“It’s Monday night. What plans could I possibly have?”
“We’re in college! Weekdays, weekends, they’re all the same!” your friend exclaimed. She looked at your sprawled-out figure. “I told you from the very beginning he wasn’t good for you. I know it doesn’t feel like this right now, but you’re lucky he’s out of your life. I really can’t watch you torture yourself over a jerk like him. Let’s go out to Hongdae!”
“I can’t go out. I already have plans.”
“Didn’t you just say you didn’t have any plans?”
“I lied. I have a date.”
Jisoo paused for a second, unsure how to respond. “Really? With whom?”
“Gong Yoo. We promised to kiss each other on first snowfall,” you responded listlessly.
“Yah!” Jisoo yelled and smacked your butt.
“Oww! What was that for?” you cried in surprise, rubbing the tender spot.
“Re-watching Goblin is not a date! You scared me for a second,” Jisoo said.
“How is it not a date? I meet a hot oppa, multiple hot oppas, we have dinner together, I giggle and blush and at the end of the night I get kissed to sleep.” You sat up and gave your friend a weary look. “I really don’t want to go out right now, but also don’t want to be on my own. Can’t we just stay in and watch a drama?” you asked with the saddest face you could muster.
Jisoo wanted to argue, but she couldn’t resist your pout. “Fine. But first you change your bedsheets, I’m not gonna sit in moldy tangsuyuk sauce all night. And I get to choose the drama.”
“Call!”
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[16/04 17:58 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [DELIVERY]
1 Tangsuyuk (small) 1 Kimchi Kimbap 1 Beef Kimbap  ---------------- Note: JK-nim thanks for the extra sauce! It was delicious. Are you a dipper or a pourer?
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Golden Bang 7 Wausan-ro 29-gil, Seogyo-dong
Server: JK ------------------- TO GO
1 Tangsuyuk (small) -- 13,000 1 Kimchi Kimbap -- 2,500 1 Beef Kimbap -- 2,500 1 Soup -- 0
Total: 18,000 -------------------- Thanks for ordering at Golden Bang! Have a golden day!
Note: LatteIsHorse-nim! Personally, I’m a dipper, but I don’t discriminate! I added some broth as service for you. It’s chilly tonight. Don’t catch a cold!
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Paper Note: JK-nim, let’s be friends? I’m also a dipper! Did you know that butterflies can’t fly when they’re cold? Here is one that I folded, sending back my warmest thoughts to you on this frosty spring night.
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The first thing that caught your eye was Jungkook who was patiently waiting at the library entrance. Despite the steaming goods in his hands, his entire body was shivering. The temperature suddenly dropped last night, but he couldn’t be bothered to dig up his padded jacket when he left the house this morning.
Before you could even greet him, he shoved a hot milk tea towards you and mumbled, “Here, it’s cold today so I thought you could use something warm.”
You were surprised by this sweet gesture. “Thanks,” you reached for it and examined the drink in your hand, ”How did you know I like black milk tea?”
He ducked his head and mumbled something into himself.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
Jungkook lifted his head. His cheeks and nose were a lovely wash of pink from the cold. “You mentioned once that you’re an OG milk tea drinker, so I just guessed” he repeated again, louder. “I saw this bungeoppang cart on the way here. We can share them while studying?” he said, holding up a small paper bag.
Your heart warmed and for the first time in weeks your face split into big smile, “Sure, I love bungeoppang! We’re not allowed to eat inside the library. So how about we eat everything first before they get cold and then go in?”
The both of you took a seat on a bench. By now Jungkook definitely regretted being too lazy to find his jacket this morning, but he was determined not to let it show. He passed the bag full of bungeoppangs to you.
You happily reached for one of the fish-shaped pastries and started munching on it. Your face crinkled, steam came out of your mouth. Jungkook’s heart skipped as he watched you in fascination. Your cheeks were flushed. A sudden instinct to stroke your rosy skin overcame him. Instead he reached for a bungeoppang and took a careful bite. “Are you feeling better today?”
“A little bit,” you said between bites, “I’m really sorry about last time. I feel bad now. I ditched you and now you’re treating me to snacks.” You went on and stabbed your straw through your milk tea. “I should be the one treating you instead.”
“I like to treat you,” Jungkook said, mesmerized by the way your lips moved against the straw. He suddenly realized what he was doing and cleared his throat, “A happy teacher is a good teacher! You’re already spending your time tutoring me.”
A laugh slipped out of you, “Jungkook, you’re paying me for your lessons. But it’s okay, this bungeoppang and tea definitely hits the spot, so I’ll accept it with a grateful heart. What are you drinking?”
Jungkook looked down on his drink and gave it a shake, the black pearls swirled around buoyantly. “Banana milk tea, I prefer sweet drinks.”
You leaned back against the bench and looked up at the clear blue sky. “Sweet things are the best combat against the bitter taste of life,” you sighed. You closed your eyes and soaked in the crisp air. Jungkook felt your melancholy, he could warm your body, but he didn’t know how to warm your heart.  
“Sorry that I’m bothering you with my personal stuff. It’s just that I had a really bad breakup recently. I shouldn’t let it affect our lessons,” you said with a wistful smile as you lifted your head again.
The boy next to you remained silent. You turned and saw a contemplative look on his face. “It’s alright, everyone can have a bad day,” he finally said, “You don’t have to pretend to be okay when you’re not. If you’re never angry or sad, you won’t know when you’re happy.”
His words stunned you. Has Jungkook always been this thoughtful? You turned away from his gaze and looked down at the pastry in your hand. “They’re rhombus shaped,” you muttered in an attempt of distraction and showed your bungeoppang to Jungkook. “The fish scales,” you added when he looked confused.
“Ah yeah, the scales. It’s actually erroneous since most of the bungeoppangs depict a ganoid scale structure when in fact carps have cycloid scales to allow for a greater flexibility,” Jungkook explained.
A blank look appeared on your face. Probably the same blank look he had whenever you tried to explain the Bayes’ theorem to him. He let out an awkward laugh, “We studied the mechanics of fish scale structures in Material Science. You can correlate the flexibility of a scaled surface depending on its underlying geometric structure and material. It’s pretty cool stuff.”
“I can’t believe you can geek out about the geometry of fish scales, but don’t know how to define your probability population,” you snorted in disbelief. 
“Hey, when will I ever need to calculate the probability of two people with the same birthday in a room? I just have a hard time learning stuff I never have to apply,” he said defensively.
Then you suddenly had an idea. “Tell you what, how about this? If you pass your statistics final, I’ll treat you to the best Chinese take-out in town! You can order whatever you want!”
Jungkook didn’t want to dampen your excitement by telling you that his part-time job already allowed him to eat as much Chinese take-out as he wanted. “Okay, but don’t complain when you go broke. My record was five jjajangmyeon and two tangsuyuk in one sitting.”
You batted away his challenge. “First you have to pass your finals,” you teased.
“I’ll pass,” Jungkook said.
You smiled at his cute determination. “Then it’s a date.”
Jungkook beamed back at you. “It’s a date.”
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[05/05 18:21 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [DELIVERY]
1 Tangsuyuk (large) 2 Pork Mandu 1 Tteokkguk 1 Jjajangmyeon 1 Tteokkbokki ---------------- Note: No pineapple plz. JK-nim! Happy Children’s Day! For this special occasion I’ve decided to order all of my childhood favorites. Life is too short to eat bad food. I hope today you treat yourself to something delicious as well!
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“Yah! JK! Your girlfriend placed an order again!” Yugyeom yelled across the store.
A mop of black hair peaked out from the back of the shop. “She’s not my girlfriend, she’s just a regular,” Jungkook yelled back.
“A regular you flirt with,” Yugyeom snickered, “I saw all the notes you left her in the system. ‘Don’t catch a cold!’, ‘Hwaiting!’ Don’t tell me that’s not your lame attempt at flirting.”
Suddenly an angry Yoongi stomped out of the kitchen. “Keep it down boys, we have guests here.”
Jungkook went up to the register and printed out the online order. “Hyung, can you make a large tangsuyuk without pineapple?”
“It’s a national holiday, there’s like two people here tonight,” Yugyeom muttered under his breath.
“What did you say, Yugyeom?”
“Nothing, hyung!”
Yoongi snatched the order out of Jungkook’s hand and gave both boys another irritated glance before he headed back into the kitchen.
“Hey JK,” Yugyeom said in a lower voice as he moved next to his friend, “aren’t you ever curious how LatteIsHorse is like? I mean, she must have some sense of humor judging by her username.”
“Sometimes. Don’t you ever wonder how our regulars are like? But it’s not like I’m ever gonna meet them or know it’s them when they come into the store,” Jungkook said with a shrug.
“You could though. Mingyu’s out on delivery, Eunwoo’s off so we have a free bike. The store is dead tonight. You could go deliver the order and have a look,” Yugyeom spurred him on.
Jungkook considered his friend’s suggestion. Every time he opened his locker a little origami bunny and butterfly stared back at him and brightened his day. It was true, he was curious how LatteIsHorse was like. “Okay I’ll go, but don’t pretend you’re doing me a favor. You just don’t want to do delivery tonight.”
<Ding Dong>
A pretty girl in a Yonsei hoodie and shorts opened the door. She somehow looked familiar, but Jungkook couldn’t place from where. Maybe he met her on campus before.
“Delivery from Golden Bang,” Jungkook said, holding up his metal box.
“Ah great! I’m starving!” the girl said.
Jungkook started unloading the box and handed the dishes to the girl. Once he was done, he lingered awkwardly in the doorway. The girl gave him a curious look, clearly wondering why he wasn’t leaving. Jungkook gathered his courage and said, “I’m JK by the way.”
What followed was a beat of silence. Jungkook could feel his ears burn.
“Err, it’s nice to meet you, I guess? Is there anything else you need?” the girl asked after the painful pause. “Ah got it! Just a sec!” She ran into the apartment and came back with her wallet. “Here’s a tip, we’ll put the dishes back outside for pick up,” she said as she scrunched a bill into Jungkook’s hand, “Thanks for your hard work. Happy holiday!” And then she shut the door right into his face.
What just happened? Jungkook was stupefied. After an eternity he finally moved and mechanically pulled out his phone. He checked the delivery order on his app. LatteIsHorse – this was the address. She didn’t recognize him. Why was he so naive to believe that she would remember him? All he wanted in that moment was for the ground to open and swallow him up.
“Dinner’s here,” your sister said as you came out of the shower. “Did you order banana milk?”
“No? Why?” you joined her at the dinner table and started rummaging through the dishes. “Where’s the receipt?”
“I threw it in the trash,” she said. When she saw you opening up the trash can and fishing for it, she added, “Gross! What are you doing? Why do you need it?”
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Golden Bang 7 Wausan-ro 29-gil, Seogyo-dong
Server: JK ------------------- TO GO
1 Tangsuyuk (large) -- 20,000 2 Pork Mandu -- 6,000 1 Tteokkguk -- 4,500 1 Jjajangmyeon -- 4,500 1 Tteokkbokki -- 3,000
Total: 38,000 -------------------- Thanks for ordering at Golden Bang! Have a golden day!
Note: LatteIsHorse-nim! Happy Children’s Day to you too! I added my favorite childhood drink, banana milk! I hope it brings back as many happy childhood memories for you as it does for me.
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There, sitting on the table, was a small bottle of banana milk. A smile spread across your face. “I need to file it away for tax purposes.”
Your sister looked at you like you were crazy. “Let’s eat already, I’m starving. Wash your hands.”
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[14/05 16:55 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [TAKE AWAY]
1 Tangsuyuk (small) 1 Jjajangbap ---------------- Note: JK-nim, hope you’re doing well. I’m in the area today, so I thought I’d stop by and say hello in person! Is it weird that I feel a bit nervous?
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The restaurant door wasn’t going to open itself. The past 15 minutes of you standing in front of it has proven that. You had some errands to run in Hongdae after school and decided on a whim to place a pickup order at your favorite take-out place. 
Why was it so difficult to enter a restaurant? If you steeled your nerves any more, they’d probably break from how brittle they’ve become. You just had to open that damn door.
Sometimes you wondered if you liked that place more because of its great tangsuyuk or because of JK’s little notes which always managed to put a smile on your face.
One thing was for sure, you weren’t stalling because of the tangsuyuk.
“Welcome to Golden Bang!” a bright male voice rang across the restaurant as you passed through the door.
You walked up to the register and sneaked a peek at the boy’s name tag, ‘Yugyeom’. You felt a slight twinge of disappointment.
“I’m here to pick up my order? LatteIsHorse?” you asked tentatively.
A sign of recognition flashed across Yugyeom’s face. “Of course, your order’s ready! I’ll just bag it up for you,” he said cheerfully. He walked away and quickly came back with a white plastic bag full of food. Then he printed out your receipt and handed both to you.
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Golden Bang 7 Wausan-ro 29-gil, Seogyo-dong
Server: YG ------------------- TO GO
1 Tangsuyuk (small) -- 13,000 1 Jjajangbap -- 5,500
Total: 18,500 -------------------- Thanks for ordering at Golden Bang! Have a golden day!
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You looked around the restaurant, it was empty since dinnertime was still a while away. You wondered if Yugyeom was managing the store alone right now. At least the cook must be in. “Your tangsuyuk is really delicious. It’s probably my favorite.”
Yugyeom gave you a big smile, “Happy to hear that you enjoy our food so much. The tangsuyuk is our chef’s family recipe. It’s one of our most popular menu items!”
You wringed your hands and finally decided to bite the bullet and straight out ask, “Is JK here? He usually takes my orders when I order delivery, so I just wanted to say hi.”
“JK’s shift doesn’t start until 6, so he should be here in about half an hour. If you want, I can relay a message,” he said with a knowing smile, “Or you can also take a seat and wait for him. I’m sure he’d be thrilled to meet you.”
No way you were going to sit here for half an hour and wait up for a stranger. “Ah no, that’s alright. If you could just say hi from me, that’d be great,” you quickly replied with a flush. JK would probably think you’re a creepy stalker.
“Sure, can do! Enjoy your day!” Yugyeom said merrily as you walked out the store.
A feeling of both relief and sadness passed through you. You slowly walked down the busy streets of Hongdae as you reprimanded yourself for being so stupid. What were you going to say to JK anyway if you met him? Thanks for being nice to me? You’re the reason I don’t burst into tears every single night? You’re the reason why I don’t feel completely alone when I’m sobbing into my food over Song Joong Ki’s acting? Thanks for making me gain 3 kilos in the last month?
Whatever you said, it would’ve only made you sound pathetic.
A crippling wave of desperation suddenly washed over you and rooted you in your tracks. A single tear rolled down your face. Then another. You dropped down into a crouch and started to bawl. You couldn’t fathom how you’ve reached this all-time low in your life. Why did you feel so incredibly sad about being stood up by a stranger? Especially when that stranger didn’t even know you were coming?
“Y/N?” an alarmed voice asked. You looked up when you felt a soft shake against your shoulder.
Through your tear-blurred eyes you recognized Jungkook’s face. He crouched down next to you and asked, “Is everything okay? Are you hurt?”
You shook your head and tried to wipe away your tears. It was a useless attempt as they kept on streaming down your face.
Jungkook hesitantly pushed your hair out of your face and asked, “Do you want to go somewhere else so you can tell me what happened?”
You gave him an imperceptible nod.
His hand gently moved down to your arm, afraid that you were going to push him away. With a steady grip he slowly helped you back onto your feet. Then he slid his hand through yours and led you down the hustle and bustle of Hongdae until you ended up in front of a convenience store located in one of the quieter residential side streets. He sat you down in a plastic chair and told you to wait. After a while he came back with a packet of tissues, a bottle of water and two red bean popsicles.
You gratefully took the tissues and loudly blew your nose. A small part of your brain told you to act more ladylike, especially in front of Jungkook, but the bigger part didn’t really care and just wanted to drag you back down into the pits of loneliness. A strangled sound came out of your mouth as you started to hiccup, making you sound like a drowning cat.
You expected Jungkook to laugh at your weird orchestra of emotions. Even you found it absurd and would’ve laughed if you weren’t already crying and hiccupping at the same time. But all he did was quietly open the water bottle and hand it to you.  
As soon as you lifted the bottle to your mouth another hiccup made you almost spill the water on yourself. You held your breath for a few seconds and then took a careful sip. It seemed to work. You took a bigger sip, when another hiccup racked your body and you squeezed water all over your face.
There was a bewildering moment of shock, then you started to laugh deliriously. Forget before, this was your lowest point in life. This was so pathetic that it was hilarious again. Your laughter garbled whenever you hiccupped, only causing you to laugh even harder. You would’ve continued laughing for another long minute if you weren’t choking for air.
A small smile played around Jungkook’s mouth. He took another tissue and started wiping down your face. You hiccupped under his touch. He must think you’re a nutcase.
“I have a question. We have to do some statistical testing in my Quality Management class. What would a hypothesis look like if I wanted to analyze any deviation in a spare parts production line due to temperature conditions?” Jungkook asked.
Did he really forget hypothesis testing already? He finally managed to get it after four sessions! You frowned slightly. “You could set up a null hypothesis stating that a variation in temperature does not significantly impact the parameter of measurement in your production line. Jungkook did you seriously forget this?!” you said indignantly.
Jungkook gave you a playful laugh, “No, I think you drilled it so hard into my brain, I could probably recite all variables of the standard deviation formula if you woke me up in the middle of the night. Your hiccups stopped though.”
They did.
Embarrassment set in as you realized your predicament. Maybe your hormones were going crazy, maybe you were going crazy. You were getting whiplash from the emotional roller coaster you were on. In an attempt to hide your disgrace, you picked up another tissue and wiped away the remaining water, snot and tears.
There was tangible awkwardness in the air.
“I hope you like red bean,” Jungkook said shyly as he unwrapped a popsicle, “Red bean is my favorite. My friends keep on calling me old fashioned, but it just reminds me of the time when my mom used to buy me these after taekwondo class. I think I liked the popsicles more than I liked going to class.” He sighed in reverie and held up the popsicle for you.
You stared at his hand. You remembered how it felt against yours just a few moments ago. Firm, warm and steady. Then you looked up at Jungkook. He hid it well, but you could tell that there was concern behind his encouraging smile.
“This is so embarrassing,” you said as you accepted the popsicle and turned your head away from him, “I don’t know what is wrong with me right now. I’m usually not like this.”
“Did something happen earlier?” Jungkook asked cautiously as he unwrapped his own popsicle and took a bite out of it.
Did something happen earlier? Why did you cry? Where you really crying just because you didn’t meet JK?
“No,” you said and slowly shook your head, “I don’t know. I just suddenly felt overwhelmed.”
Jungkook hesitated before he asked, “Are you sad because of your breakup?”
Were you sad because of your ex-boyfriend?
“I don’t think so. In the beginning when we broke up I was devastated, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore,” you said more to yourself than to Jungkook. “Everyone told me I was lucky to be rid of him. I really didn’t understand why. But I think it’s becoming clearer now. Maybe it’s not sadness. Maybe it’s fear. I think I just feel lost. I don’t know who I am anymore. Maybe it scares me to know that I was able to lose myself and I don’t know if I can find a way back.”
Before you knew it, you spilled your heart, your deepest and darkest fears to Jungkook. You barely knew this boy, yet it still felt oddly comforting. He remained quiet and listened.
“I wanted to meet someone today, but they weren’t there,” you continued, “I think in that moment I just realized how utterly lost I was on my own.”
Jungkook searched for the appropriate words. How do you respond to someone’s most vulnerable thoughts? “I mean you know what they say. It’s not about how much you’ve lost, it’s about how much you have left.”
He peeked at you to check if it worked.
“Jungkook, did you just quote Iron Man at me?” you asked incredulously before a giggle slipped from your lips.
You noticed how his cheeks dimpled when he gave you an embarrassed laugh, “Sorry, I was trying to say something that would cheer you up. I’m probably not doing a very good job.”
In that second you realized how kind-hearted Jungkook actually was. Your heart squeezed. “Don’t say that. Thanks for listening to my problems. And thanks for the red bean popsicle. I also ate this a lot in my childhood. Mainly because my sister hated them. She always used to steal my ice cream out of the freezer so at some point I asked my parents to only buy me red bean popsicles. She never touched those,” you reminisced.
Jungkook laughed at your story, “Your sister sounds like a piece of work.”
“We used to fight a lot, we used to never get along,” you became thoughtful, “At some point that stopped. I think we just grew up and grew to understand and accept our differences. She doesn’t steal my food anymore. I don’t steal her clothes anymore. We may not always agree, but we respect each other’s decisions.”
“You know, for someone who just said she feels lost, you sound pretty self-reflected right now,” Jungkook mused, “Maybe you need to do the same as you did with your sister. Understand yourself and accept the differences of your past and present.”
You paused at this. He was right. You were so desperately trying to fend off these negative emotions that you never took the time to actually think. You were chasing an image that never existed. Not in the past nor in the present.
“You’re surprisingly good at giving advice. Thanks, Jungkook,” you said.
“Surprisingly? What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, offended. The glint in his eyes gave his teasing away.
Laughter pealed from you. Jungkook was captivated by the sound. He drank in the way your eyes creased with mirth and followed your fingers as they brushed back your hair.
Jungkook’s phone vibrated. “Oh shit!”
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, don’t worry. I was actually on my way to work and my boss is asking me where I am,” he said as he stuffed his phone back in his pocket.
Jungkook startled when you suddenly jumped up. “Then you should get to work! You should’ve said something sooner. I’m so sorry for keeping you here!”
“No, it’s really fine. I’ve done enough overtime. He won’t complain if I’m a few minutes late,” he said, “Are you feeling better?”
You ignored his question and pushed against his shoulders to get him out of the chair. “Go to work, Jungkook. I’ll be fine, your red bean popsicle did wonders,” you responded placatively.
When he still didn’t move, you grabbed his arm and pulled him back onto the main street. Jungkook’s skin scorched under your touch. “Go to work, Jungkook,” you said again with more emphasis.
“Are you sure…?” he asked, unwilling to let you out of his sight before he knew you weren’t just going cry again at the next street corner.
“I won’t burst into tears,” you said as if reading his mind. “You were right, I need to reconcile with myself. So I’ll go home, enjoy my dinner and think about who I am and who I want to be. And you,” you said giving him another gentle shove, “need to go to work.”
Jungkook saw the stubborn look on your face. He wondered if you realized you were using your teaching voice right now. You weren’t going to take no for an answer. “Okay fine, text me when you get home?”
You waved away his concerns. “Sure. Go already,” you said with a big reassuring smile. “See you tomorrow at school!” you added before you turned around and walked away.
“You’re late,” Yugyeom said as soon as Jungkook entered the store.
Jungkook gave Yugyeom a sheepish look and only muttered, “Yeah sorry, something came up on my way here.” Then he rushed past him to the back of the restaurant and changed into his uniform.
Once he came back out he noticed Yugyeom throwing him strange looks.
“What?”
“Your girlfriend says hi,” Yugyeom said with a hint of amusement.
“Who?”
Yugyeom gave Jungkook a meaningful look, “LatteIsHorse. She ordered pick up. I think she was hoping to meet you. She’s cute. She looks like she’s probably a college student around here.”
“I know,” was all Jungkook replied.
Yugyeom’s eyes bulged in curiosity, “You know? You know she’s cute or you know she’s a student? You never told me what actually happened that night!”
Jungkook gave him a tired look and said, “She didn’t recognize me. She wore a Yonsei hoodie, so I guess she goes there. Nothing else happened.”
“Hmm, that’s weird. She was asking for you today, so she definitely knows your name,” Yugyeom said.
“Who knows, maybe she was having a lot on her plate that day,” Jungkook said with a shrug. He wondered where you lived and if you already got home safely. “Why are you obsessing over this so much?”
“Man, do you know how painful it is to watch your sorry attempts at flirting? I’m just trying to help you out, mate,” Yugyeom quipped.
“I wasn’t flirting! I was just trying cheer someone up who was obviously feeling down! It’s called being a decent human being,” Jungkook exclaimed.
Yugyeom gave him the side eye, “Yeah, that’s still not gonna get you laid.”
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[19/05 18:47 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [DELIVERY]
1 Tangsuyuk (small) 1 Bibimbap ---------------- Note: JK-nim, I visited you at the store last week, but you weren’t there. TT-TT I hope you don’t think I’m weird, I just really like talking to you. You always manage to put a smile on my face when I’m having a hard day. We’re still friends, right?
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Golden Bang 7 Wausan-ro 29-gil, Seogyo-dong
Server: JK ------------------- TO GO
1 Tangsuyuk (small) -- 13,000 1 Bibimbap -- 5,000
Total: 18,000 -------------------- Thanks for ordering at Golden Bang! Have a golden day!
Note: LatteIsHorse-nim! I’m sad that I missed your visit to our store. I’ll try harder the next time! I added some extra bulgogi to make up for it. :) Of course we’re still friends. I don’t wish any hard days upon you, but I’m glad to hear that my words have a healing effect. In case you ever need a friend to talk to, feel free to talk to me. 010-1234-5678.
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The study sessions with Jungkook continued per usual. He still struggled and had frustrated outbursts from time to time, especially when you forced him to revise probability distributions. When you finally reached regression analysis, things became easier.
Although your sessions remained the same, something in your dynamic changed. The both of you became looser and more playful around each other. He wouldn’t clamp up anymore and you felt more at ease around him. You became friends. He never once mentioned that disasterous afternoon.
At home, on the evening of the incident, you shot Jungkook a text and slumped down on the couch. Your sister was out that night, so it was just you in the apartment. Normally, the eerie quiet would’ve unsettled you and you would’ve distracted yourself from your deafening thoughts. But that night you just let them scream, yell and tear at you.
It was an excruciating process, but in the end your head was clearer, your heart calmer. You still weren’t quite there yet, but at least you made a first step out of the endless pit of desperation.
There were other things you noticed about yourself. Gradually you realized you didn’t mind being on your own anymore. You rediscovered your love for drawing and created you own mandala art. You also learned to code your own website and now had a clickable version of your cv on the go. Although you made time for yourself, you weren’t a hermit. You went out for drinks with Jisoo and soon asked Namjoon to take you along to your university’s Math Club. There you met a lot of familiar faces that you’ve encountered in class but never talked to. With them you spent animated evenings discussing stimulating math problems and exchanging incredibly bad math puns.
You also started noticing things about Jungkook. He wasn’t as timid and shy as you initially thought. Once he got over his awkwardness, he turned out to be quite a cheeky and goofy guy. He teased you or told you silly jokes whenever you were on a break. Despite his obvious aversion for statistics, he still took your lessons very seriously. Diligently listening to your explanations and trying to solve the problems to the best of his abilities. His study-mode showed you other sides of him. The cute pout he had whenever he tried to hide his confusion. Or the two little ridges which formed between his eyes whenever he was concentrated and deep in thought. More often than not you fought the urge to smooth them out with your touch or even better, with a kiss.
“Is something wrong?” Jungkook asked when he caught you staring.
“No,” you quickly said, “I was just thinking that you don’t seem to have much trouble with regression analysis.”
“I don’t know, the relationship between the variables just makes much more sense,” Jungkook said.
You looked at him and considered, “Hmm, maybe you don’t need my tutoring anymore?”
Brief dismay crossed Jungkook’s face. “My finals are in three weeks. I think I’d still prefer if you helped me revise the earlier chapters,” he said, “Unless you need more time to study for your own finals.”
Being in college meant that you were always in dire need of more time. That constant nagging voice in the back of your head telling you to study was an occupational disease. But you didn’t have to kid yourself, those four hours a week spent on Jungkook weren’t going to make or break your grade. Besides, you enjoyed spending time with him. You wondered if he felt the same.
“It’s alright, I’ll help you revise. Just don’t embarrass me on your finals. I don’t want Namjoon to tell me afterwards that you didn’t manage to calculate the mean of the population or worse, read the scoring table upside down,” you teased him light-heartedly.
Jungkook’s ears turned bright red. “That happened once!” he said, “How long are you going to hold that over my head?”
You laughed at his indignation. “Don’t forget, you’ll get endless tangsuyuk if you pass.”
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[26/05 20:09 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [DELIVERY]
1 Tangsuyuk (small) 1 Jjamppong ---------------- Note: JK-nim, I’d like to get the advice of a friend. There’s this kind, sweet boy that I really like. I would like to tell him how I feel, but he’s seen me in my lowest and ugliest moments. Maybe he’ll think I’m just baggage? I guess I’m afraid of his rejection.
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Golden Bang 7 Wausan-ro 29-gil, Seogyo-dong
Server: JK ------------------- TO GO
1 Tangsuyuk (small) -- 13,000 1 Jjamppong -- 5,000 1 Soju -- 0
Total: 18,000 -------------------- Thanks for ordering at Golden Bang! Have a golden day!
Note: LatteIsHorse-nim! It’s only human to fear rejection. I can completely understand. I also have someone I really like. She’s really pretty, smart and funny. Spending time with her makes me really happy, but I never managed to tell her. Maybe we should both gather our courage and cheer each other on? I’m not saying that drunken confessions are the way to go but consider this soju a symbolism for (liquid) courage.
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Paper Note: This is a flexagon. Whenever you need a word of encouragement give it a flip!
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Jungkook examined the hexagonal origami in his hands. On the outside it read ‘Flip Me!’
He gave the flexagon a flip. ‘JK you’re the best!’ And another. ‘The world needs more people like you!’ And another. ‘Don’t forget that LatteIsHorse is always rooting for you!’ And another. ‘Aja, aja, hwaiting!’ And another. ‘Thank you for being my friend!’
Jisoo barged into you room and flopped onto your bed. ‘Ahhh! I’m so glad you finally cleaned in here. Seriously, if I find another rancid noodle stuck to my clothes, I’ll call in a hazmat team.”
“I don’t know why you’re complaining so much. It’s not even your room,” you said.
“Hey, where are you ever going to find a friend like me?”
Your friend sacrificed many a night away from college parties to binge watch handsome oppas sweep equally beautiful unnies off their feet with you. And she wasn’t shy telling you that.
“Let’s go out tonight,” Jisoo suggested. She rolled back onto her feet and started walking around, inspecting your cleaning job.
“Our finals start in two weeks; I really don’t want to spend my weekend nursing a hangover.”
“I’m not saying you have to get wasted. Tonight is the Pre-Game Night. We have to go!” Jisoo demanded.
The Final’s Pre-Game Night was a campus-wide tradition. Every semester on the Friday a week before finals huge parties were thrown to signal the beginning of the end. It was like a dare – were you confident enough to get completely drunk and still hope to pass your finals? Naturally everybody on campus joined in and drank.
“Not getting wasted at a Pre-Game party? That’s like saying you’ve decided you don’t need to breathe. I really don’t think…”
“What’s this?” Jisoo suddenly interrupted. “LatteIsHorse-nim! Personally, I’m a dipper, but I don’t discriminate! I added some broth as service for you. It’s chilly tonight. Don’t catch a cold!” she read aloud, “LatteIsHorse-nim! Happy Children’s Day to you too! I added my favorite childhood drink, banana milk! I hope it brings back as many happy childhood memories for you as it does for me.”
You flung yourself across the room and almost tripped over your own feet trying to rip the receipts out of Jisoo’s hands.
“Oh. My. God. Is your take-out guy flirting with you?!” she asked.
“No! He’s just a friend. We send encouraging notes to each other,” you tried to explain.
Jisoo threw her hands in the air. “Okay that’s it! We’re going to the Pre-Game party, whether you want or not. You can’t tell me that the only flirting interaction you have is with a stranger who delivers you tangsuyuk!”
The place Jisoo picked out was ram packed and buzzing with energy. It was an open dorm party; all the common rooms were transformed into dancefloors. Different types of music played from each corner of the building. Crates of alcohol were stacked against the walls.
The both of you grabbed a beer and made your way through the crowd.
“You’re going to have fun tonight, alright?”
“I don’t think this works that way,” you laughed.
“Then put some effort into it. We look way too cute for it to go to waste,” she said as you roamed around the floors and explored the different areas. You looked down on your dress. It was a pretty warm night; you had opted for a flowy summer dress with a blush pink floral pattern. Jisoo was right, it was cute.
You discovered a familiar face at the edge of the crowd. “Sunbae!” you said.
Namjoon turned around gave you a surprised smile. “Y/N! Out of all the places on campus, we meet each other here tonight. What are the chances?”
He was surrounded by a group of friends, you spotted Jungkook right behind him. The boy gave you an excited wave. A slow smile spread across your face. “I don’t know, but why don’t we ask Jungkook to calculate it for you?”
Namjoon let out a hearty laugh while Jungkook groaned in exasperation.
“Do you see what I have to put up with every week, hyung?”
“Didn’t you just say it’s the best thing that happened to you?” Namjoon taunted, “You have some nerve showing up in front of me tonight. You better ace your SA finals. Do you know how many favors I had to pull to get Y/N to tutor you?”
“What do you expect me to do?” Jungkook sputtered, “Go home and lock myself up on Pre-Game Night?”
If it weren’t for Jisoo you would’ve done just that. Speaking of Jisoo, your friend cleared her throat and gave you a painful nudge in the side.
“Ah yes, uhm, Jisoo you already know Namjoon. This is Jungkook. You know, the guy I’m tutoring.”
Jungkook gave her a small wave.
Jisoo didn’t even try to hide her amazement. “This is Jungkook? But you’re like wayyy cute!” She turned to you and added still loud enough for everyone to hear, “Why didn’t you tell me he was cute?!”
The embarrassment was obvious on Jungkook’s face. You could tell that Namjoon was getting a rush out of his dongsaeng’s reaction and before he could provoke him any further you decided to jump in.
“Who wants to go dance?” you asked loudly. You turned around and headed to the dancefloor without waiting for any of them to respond.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were tutoring a hunk?” Jisoo muttered under her breath.
“He’s not a hunk. Don’t call him that.”
“Yeah but he’s hot. You made him sound like he was a nerd.”
“He is a nerd.”
Your friend gave you a glare, “Why are we arguing about this? I know you’re not that oblivious.”
Of course you weren’t oblivious to Jungkook, but you weren’t going to tell Jisoo that.
“Let’s dance.” You grabbed Jisoo’s hand and twirled her around.
Namjoon and his friends joined you on the dancefloor. The mood of the crowd was electric. Music pulsed through your veins. Drinks flowed, shots were downed, people pulled out their best, lamest, craziest dance moves. Everyone celebrated like the world was going to end.
After a while you became hot and needed a new drink. You looked around for Jisoo and saw her grinding up against one of Namjoon’s friends. She’d be busy for a while. You inconspicuously moved away from the group and decided to go get some fresh air.  
“Wait up,” Jungkook said as he appeared next to you, “are you getting something to drink? I’ll join you.”
His dark curls were slightly matted with sweat. His baggy t-shirt clung to his body. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or Jisoo’s damn voice whispering into your ear. He was hot.
You circled your arm through his and pulled him through the crowd. His muscles shifted under your touch. You grabbed two drinks from a crate and handed one to Jungkook, your nerves tingled when his hand brushed against yours. The both of you remained in comfortable silence, leisurely walking through the dorm, neither of you in a hurry to get back to your friends. You explored the facility areas, weaving through pounding and quiet parts of the building.
“You look really nice tonight,” he said after a while.
The heels of your shoes echoed against marble floor of the dark hallway. “Thanks, Jisoo raided my closet.”
“She’s really something isn’t she?”
“She’s the best. I’m grateful to have her as my friend.”
Somewhere further down the hallway you made out two figures pressed against the wall, probably trying to find a quiet place of their own.
“You also look nice,” you said to Jungkook.
“I’m wearing the same things I always do,” Jungkook said, his voice turning shy.
You were getting closer to the couple. You could see how the guy was sticking his tongue down the girl’s throat. She seemed to enjoy it from the sounds she was making. Lucky them.
Your next words were definitely fuelled by your tipsy state, “I guess that means you always look nice.” Jungkook missed a step. You had to laugh at his blunder.
The couple in front of you broke apart and looked in your direction. More annoyed about being interrupted rather than embarrassed being caught. You were about to make a funny comment to Jungkook when your heart stopped and you froze.
A string of saliva still clung to the guy’s lips. His eyes widened when he recognized your face in the darkness. “Y/N?”
Your breath hitched and your grip tightened around Jungkook’s arm. He glanced between you and the guy, the situation slowly dawning on him.
“Why did you stop? Who’s that?”, the girl whined.
“No one,” the guy responded as he returned his attention to her and they started making out again.
Jungkook didn’t know if he wanted to puke or punch that guy. A sharp pain in his arm brought him back to his senses. Your nails dug into his skin. He put his hand around yours and loosened your iron grip.
“Let’s go,” he said and quickly pulled you past the couple. You followed him in a daze. He stopped once you were outside of the building, hidden away in a quiet corner.
His hands reached for your face and he lifted your eyes to his. “Breathe.”
You closed your eyes, let out a long breath and let your head fall against the wall behind you. The horrible encounter replayed in your mind. You had to open your eyes again.
There he was right in front of you. Worried Jungkook, kind Jungkook, beautiful Jungkook.
Your hands reached behind his neck and you pulled him a bit closer. You tried to decipher his gaze, it was dark and yearning. Everything was a haze, the alcohol in your blood made you daring.
“Kiss me,” you whispered.
His mouth crashed against yours. Your hands slipped up into his hair and your bodies entwined. You opened your lips and sucked in his hot breath. Your tongues found each other; he groaned at your taste.
He moved one of his hands down your side until he found purchase on your leg and hitched it up against his waist, pressing his body further into you. You let out a moan when his hips ground into yours.
All your senses drowned in Jungkook. You drowned in his scent, you drowned in his touch, you drowned in his heat. You tried to use Jungkook to drown out the grotesque image from before. Suddenly the heat of the moment disappeared, and a cold shower ran down your spine.
You broke away from your breathless kiss and put your hands against Jungkook’s chest to put some distance between you. He gave you a disoriented look.
“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have kissed.”
Jungkook’s eyes grew wide and alarmed. “Did I do something wrong?”
His lips were swollen, his hair was mussed. You wanted nothing more than to pull him back in, but you couldn’t. Not here. Not like this. He deserved better.
You pushed yourself off the wall and gave him a small shove. He immediately let go of you and stepped back. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like this,” was all you said before you ran back into the building.
The next day you woke up to a splitting headache and a heart full of regret. You really needed to talk to Jungkook and explain to him why you ran away the previous night, but you were too much of a coward to pick up your phone and contact him. You decided it was better to talk to him in person at school.
The following week at school you waited for him in the library. Your heart was in your throat. Your prepared speech played in an endless loop in your head.
‘I’m sorry I ran away. I shouldn’t have kissed you in that state. It wasn’t fair to you. You deserve better than that.’
You looked down on your phone to check the time. A message blinked. You opened and read through it. Your heart sank. He wasn’t coming. He wanted to study the last week before finals on his own. He thanked you for your time.
Slowly you got up and packed your bag. You blew it. You wanted to do him right, but you only caused him pain. Thinking back, you realized he gave and gave and gave and all you did was take. He was right to stay away from you. There was no way he’d be happy with someone like you.
The week passed and finals week commenced. You immersed yourself in your exams and tried to get over your heavy heart. You were pretty sure you aced Geometry II, but the Numerical Analysis exam was nothing but a blur.
Although your heart ached, you didn’t fall back into the same dark pit of the past. You didn’t feel lost, you got on with your life. Nobody noticed the Jungkook-sized hole in your heart except for you. You wanted to talk about your feelings, but you didn’t think Jisoo or your sister would understand. They’d probably just tell you to get out there and find a new guy.
Another week passed. You were walking out of your professor’s office, finalizing the details of your summer internship, when you bumped into Namjoon.
“Y/N! What are you doing here? Aren’t you off for summer break yet?” he asked.
“I was just discussing my internship with Prof. Kim,” you said.
“Ah you’re participating in his research program?” Namjoon said, “I heard it’s really interesting, he’s intense though.”
“I think intense is fine for me, I need something to do with my brain. Otherwise I’ll just go crazy,” you said with a smile.
“Speaking of intense, what did you do to that kid?” Namjoon suddenly asked.
You tensed. Did something happen to Jungkook? “What do you mean?”
“Did you brainwash him or something? He got a 98 on his SA final! When I handed him over to you, he was still asking me why the positive and negative z-scores tables had different values,” Namjoon said in awe.
Relief washed through you and your chest filled with pride. “Watch out sunbae, I might be coming for your TA position,” you said with a wink.
At home you sprawled out on the couch. Your sister’s classes ended earlier than yours so now she was away with her friends travelling the countryside. Your mind wandered as you stared up at the ceiling of your quiet apartment. You really wanted to call Jungkook and congratulate him, but you didn’t think you should. He clearly didn’t want to be in contact with you, you hadn’t heard anything from him since his text canceling your study sessions.
A pang of sadness washed through you. It should have been a happy moment for the both of you, you should be eating tangsuyuk together right now. You really wanted to tell someone about your joy and your grief.
Then you suddenly remembered your friend. Your friend who never judged and always had something wise to say. Maybe he would understand the conflicts of your heart. You got up and dug through the receipts on your desk until you found the one with his phone number on it.
You hoped he wouldn’t think you were crazy, but then again, he was the one who offered himself to talk to you any time. You typed in the number and hit call. Your phone dialed when suddenly the number displayed switched to a name. Jungkook.
You quickly hit the cancel button and stared at your phone. Did you accidentally hit Jungkook’s contact? Was your phone broken? This time you typed in the number more carefully and hit call. Again, the display switched to Jungkook’s name. You hit cancel.
Your heart began to race. You opened up Jungkook’s contact and compared it with the number on the receipt.
Holy shit.
JK was Jungkook. Jungkook was JK.
The stranger who cheered you on and made you smile whenever you felt down was Jungkook. You combed through all your receipts and reread them one by one. What was the probability for this to happen? This was so bizarre, but it made so much sense. Jungkook was the kindest person you knew. Why wouldn’t he be kind to a stranger who needed some uplifting words and comforting tangsuyuk?
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[13/06 18:20 PM] User: LatteIsHorse ---------------- ORDER [DELIVERY]
3 Tangsuyuk (large) 6 Jjajangmyeon ---------------- Note: JK-nim, I hope you’re doing well! Can I ask you for a strange favor? Would you mind delivering today’s order to me? I would really like to meet you and thank you in person for always being by my side! <3
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<Ding Dong>
The doorbell rang. Your heart pounded painfully in your chest. You slowly walked up to the door and opened it.
“Delivery from Golden…,” Jungkook’s voice faltered.
“Hi JK-nim,” you said quietly. You opened the door wider. “Thanks for coming today.”
“Y/N? What are you doing here?” he asked.
You had to smile at his look of utter confusion. “I live here. Come in, you can put the food on the dining table.” You turned around and walked back into the apartment.
Jungkook hesitated before he followed you inside. He moved up to the table and unloaded his box. He tried to steady himself. “You’re LatteIsHorse-nim?” he asked skeptically, “I’ve been here before. Last time someone else opened the door.”
He has visited you before? “Oh, that was probably my sister. I live here with her. She’s out travelling right now.”
“So you’re on your own right now? Why did you order so much food?” he asked. A giant mountain of neatly stacked dishes graced the table.
You came up and pried the metal box out of his hand. Then you moved in front of him and unclasped his bike helmet. He flinched at your sudden closeness.
“To celebrate. Congratulations on passing your Statistical Analysis exam. Namjoon told me you passed in flying colors,” you said in a gentle voice. “I promised you the best Chinese take-out in town, didn’t I?”
Jungkook still looked shell-shocked and simply stared at you.
“I’m sorry about that night at the Pre-Game party. I’m sorry I ran away. I owe you an explanation.”
Jungkook regained his wits and swallowed. “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself. I get it, we were drunk. It was a mistake.” He looked down and tried to turn back around.
You grabbed onto his hands before he could move away. “Jungkook, look at me.”
He stopped turning, but his eyes remained on the floor.
You took a deep breath and squeezed his hands. “I really like you. I’ve really liked you for a while now.”
His eyes shot up to your face.
“The reason why I ran away that night was because I felt guilty. I probably would’ve ended up kissing you anyway, but in that moment, I kissed you because I wanted to forget. I didn’t want our first kiss to be like that. I wanted it to be the me who liked you and not the me who tried to drown out her shitty ex-boyfriend. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
There was an unreadable look in his eyes. Your heart fluttered in nervousness. “How long have you known I was JK? How long did you know I had a crush on you?” he asked.
You could feel your blood rushing through your ears, the butterflies in your stomach beat like crazy. “Since today. I was sad because I thought I couldn’t share the promised meal with you. I wanted a friend to talk to, so I thought to call you. You who was always kind to me, even when I wasn’t kind to myself. Isn’t fate strange? We cheered each other on to find each other.” You had to laugh at the irony of it all.
Your hand hesitantly moved up to his face and stroked across his cheek, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made you sad.”
Jungkook melted against your touch. “If I’m never sad, I won’t know when I’m happy.” Then he closed the gap and pressed his lips against yours.
It was a sweet but sad kiss. Filled with happiness and sorrow. Every touch was filled with an ‘I missed you’ or an ‘I’m sorry’.
Jungkook pressed you against the edge of your dining table, he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. You both deepened your kiss. Your hands snaked through his hair and pulled him closer into you. Jungkook braced his hands against the table and instinctively ground his hips against your core. You moaned his name at the sensation. The both of you broke apart to catch your breaths, you pulled at his jacket and removed his layers of clothing.
You stilled at the sight of his bare chest. He was truly beautiful. Your fingers traced along his skin and marvelled at its silkiness. Jungkook shuddered under your touch. His hands moved under your shirt and you both lifted it off your head. Then you gripped his hands and slowly led them around your back, urging him to take off your bra. You wriggled out of your jeans and laid yourself completely bare in front of him. Jungkook stopped and stared at you, equally amazed.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.
Your heart swelled and you pulled him back into a kiss. Both his kisses and his hands left a burning trail down your body. His mouth sucked on the soft skin of your neck while his hands moved across your breast, across your stomach, lower and lower. Wetness gathered between your legs.
“Jungkook,” you sighed. The muscles of his back shifted under your touch.
He released your neck with a loud smack and looked at the artwork he created. He still couldn’t get over how overwhelmingly beautiful you were. Your cheeks flushed, eyes bright and his name at the tip of your tongue. He felt himself strain against his confines.
“Please,” you whimpered. You looked down at his hand and tried to silently command him to touch you.
He kept his eyes trained on your face when his fingers moved lower and slid through your folds. Another moan left your lovely lips. He teased you with his touches, gathering your wetness until he finally pushed down where you wanted him most. Your hands dug into his back, your hips bucked, and you threw your head back in pleasure. He steadied your hips with his other hand and slowly pushed a finger inside of you. Another loud moan echoed through the room.
Jungkook was transfixed by you. He added a second finger and started pushing in and out. Your eyes squeezed shut in pleasure and small breathless pants left your mouth. Jungkook increased the speed of his movement and marvelled at the way you reacted under his touch. Then he moved his mouth to your breast and closed his lips around your nipple. You raked your hands through his hair and arched into him. Your core tightened around his fingers. All your nerves were on fire.
You pulled him away from your breast and guided his mouth back to yours. Your tongue traced his lips and you swallowed his moan. You wanted more, you wanted him closer. His fingers curled and his thumb pressed down on you. Jungkook held you tight as you shuddered and fell apart around him.
He rested his forehead against yours, your breath mingled as you both panted into each other. He slowly removed his hand from you and traced his mouth with his slicked fingers, then he moved them to your lips. Your tongue licked the tips of his fingers. His grip tightened around your waist.
“I want to feel you,” you said.
Jungkook shuddered at your words. “Where is your room?”
“The door behind you.”
Jungkook lifted you off the table, you tightened your legs around him and gave him another kiss. He walked you both to your room and gently laid you down on your bed. He took off his pants, then slowly moved onto the bed and hovered above you.
“Tell me what you want,” he said.
Your fingers caressed his face. “I want you to be happy.”
Another shudder ran through him. “I am happy. What else?”
You traced his eyes, his nose, his lips. “I want to be the one making you happy.”
Jungkook couldn’t contain himself anymore. His heart felt like it was about to explode. He covered your body with his and pressed himself into you. Your eyes rolled back as he entered you slowly. You felt so full you wanted to burst out of your skin. You could feel how the Jungkook-sized whole in your heart filled up again.
He rocked into you and took your breath away. Your nails raked across his back and left red lines against his smooth skin. Jungkook ducked his head into the crook of your neck and moaned against your skin. Every pull dragged pleasure out of you, every push brought you closer together.
You wanted more. Jungkook gave you more.
You wanted him closer. Jungkook pushed deeper into you.
With every moan, Jungkook pushed harder, pushed deeper. He wanted to melt into you. He wanted the lines between you and him to disappear. Your desire was his desire. His pleasure was your pleasure.  
Jungkook could feel you tightening around him. He moved his mouth over yours and gave you an ardent kiss. The light of your desire turned brighter and brighter until it burst apart into a thousand little flames. You cried against his lips and let the heat consume you. Your body pulsed around his and the overwhelming sensation brought him right over the edge with you.
The both of you laid on your bed and clung to each other. Neither of you willing to let the other go. Your pounding chests beat in tandem. Jungkook stroked his hand across your hair and kissed your head.
“I want you to be happy too,” he said.
“I know,” you said as you smiled against his chest, “You make me happy.”
Jungkook pulled you tighter into him and you remained silent for a while. His hand traced lazy patterns against your skin. Your breathing evened out.
“Are you allergic to pineapple?” he suddenly asked.
You looked up at him in surprise. “No. Why?”
“Because you always order tangsuyuk without pineapple.”
“Oh. That’s because my sister hates pineapple.”
Jungkook frowned, you pulled yourself up and kissed the little ridges between his eyes.
“What?” you asked.
“I think the jjajangmyeon is all soggy by now,” he said.
You had to laugh. “Probably, but the tangsuyuk should still taste great.”
Jungkook kissed you with a smile. “You’re right, tangsuyuk always tastes great.”
°°°°°°°
02/05/20
Copyright © 2020 full-of-jams. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy, repost or translate without permission.
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brat-tamer69 · 3 years
Text
Dead Branches and New Leaves
♡ Summary: Levi’s relationship with his son Eren reaches a new low, and Y/N is there to confront Levi in an effort to rebuild. Very much inspired by this picture and in response to this request.
Part Two TBA
♡ Notable Tags: AU, Married, Parenting, Levi x Fem!Reader, Broken family, daddy issues, argument, angst and over 3k words holy shit!
❥ Disclaimer: Levi and his actions in this are not intended to be perceived as anything other than him being emotionally unavailable. He lost his temper and it is acknowledged numerous times that he is remorseful. I would like to emphasize that he is not emotionally or verbally abusive but this content may be upsetting to some readers. Please use your own discretion if you are sensitive to the topics.
♡ Send requests here!
Levi’s head instinctively whipped around to face the house’s front entrance when the screen gritted against the doorframe’s track. If he was not mistaken, his son would come bounding into the house from the front yard to ask for yet another snack. And Levi would once again shave down a carrot and before handing it over so it could be crunched down in seconds. How the kid had the energy to take off and put on his rain boots so many times in such quick succession, Levi didn’t know. But Eren did thankfully understand that if not for that talent, his dad would rip him a new one for tracking mud onto the freshly mopped tile.
As if summoned by thought alone, the percussive pattern of little feet hitting the floors echoed, and the urgency in it suggested that he was running. Levi pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, trying to cling onto what felt like the last second of peace he might have since Eren was running.
“Dad! Dad!” the toddler addressed him shrilly.
“What is it, runt?” Levi sighed and rotated in his spot in front of the stove to face his son.
“I was playing outside, and- and there was a big boom in the sky! And- And I wasn’t scared at all,” he added matter-of-factly. “But there was a little kitty outside, and I think him was scared.”
Levi stared down at the boy, bemused by how he managed to squirm and point every which way during a ten-second-long story. He then shifted his gaze back in the direction of the screen door, praying that Eren had possessed enough sense to close it behind him on the way in as the heavy rain had been accompanied by wind all morning. Levi had bargained with Y/N to support his stance of keeping Eren indoors but, in exercise of her wonderful parenting strategy, she insisted it would be better for him to play outside and get used to the daunting nature of thunderstorms.
Well, it’s working, Levi noted as he circled around the “big boom” Eren pointedly mentioned he wasn’t scared of. Still, his concerns were loyal to the furry little pest that seemed to be taking shelter in his front yard. “It’s ‘he was scared’,” Levi corrected. “And that’s too bad. Maybe he’ll run off somewhere safe on his own.”
Eren deflated, his shoulders and his volume falling while the size of his eyes grew. “But what if he can’t, Dad? What if the rain gets him sick?”
“Then the rain gets him sick,” Levi shrugged. “Not everything is meant to survive in this kind of weather, Eren. Besides, he might already be sick if he’s out there hanging around our house.”
An indiscernible emotion flashed across Eren’s face and disappeared just as quickly Levi picked up on it. But before he could engage, Eren was sprinting away and to the front yard again.
“Whatever,” he mumbled to the likes of himself. One thing he’d learned since become a father was that the less he knew, the better. If Eren did do something drastic like fall into a puddle of mud or befriend a sickly cat, he would scale the mountain of mishap once he approached it. For now, he had his focus on finishing dinner just as he promised his wife he would, and that was all he had the mental energy to do.
Perhaps one too many moments passed where Levi worked on simmering his kimchi nabe in the quiet, the slightly gentler rain being the only noise in the background. As he replaced the lid to the pot, he seemed to simultaneously sink back into reality. The thunder had finally ebbed. Y/N was still working on hemming some of Eren’s new clothes…
And Eren. The damn toddler that was notorious for popping up for snacks and attention hadn’t reappeared once in the past twenty minutes. The thought made Levi’s mouth dry and his throat swell faster than they would if he’d have swallowed a handful of cotton rounds. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered. A clenched fist still equipped with a ladle, Levi set a brisk stride toward the front yard where, if his nonexistent god had any mercy, Eren would still be playing in the rain.
During the walk, the rain, the shuffle of his house slippers against the tile, and every other noise slowly faded. All he had in his ears was the vivid imaginary scream of his wife as she found out her son went missing under his watch. And the image of Eren with teary eyes burdened by fear was not any kinder to his growing panic.
“Shit–” he spat.
“Momma said that’s a curse.”
Levi looked down at the origin of the voice, the relief he felt in seeing Eren standing in front of him in perfectly healthy condition lasting but a second. It was instantly replaced by rage. As the panic drained from his body, every inch of him became ignited by disgust, disappointment, grief and a slew of other emotions he was too angry to even process. The blankness in his mind caused by the adrenaline rush was being filled in by the stench of the sopping wet stray cat being held out in front of him. “Eren…” he seethed in a low voice. “What the hell is that?”
Eren chewed his lower lip in hesitation. Levi almost wrenched when the boy had the gall to hoist the rancid being up higher, as if his father wanted to inspect it. “It’s the kitty! See?” he answered in earnest. “It’s the kitty I told you about! I told him to go find a new house so he doesn’t get sick, but he didn’t want to! And his tummy is bleeding, too!”
A soaking wet, bloody, feral cat. Levi didn’t know if he should give in to the hysterical, exasperated laughter bubbling in the depths of his stomach or if falling to his knees and sobbing would free him from the chaos he felt. Helpless to his anger toward his own child, all he could do was touch his hand to his face in a feeble display of his emotion. The outwardly endless consequences to Eren bringing a bleeding cat inside the house started to appear in his mind one by one, each adding to the pressure he felt building underneath his temples.
“Daddy?” Eren squeaked.
Levi was so distracted by his inner turmoil that he hadn’t even realized the minutes of silence that passed between them. “Go put it outside and wash your hands. Now.”
By the particular tone of voice his father used, Eren knew better than than to disobey him—even a single casual command from Levi would normally be enough to move him. But after trading glances between his dad and the injured cat, Eren shook his head.
Levi was in disbelief. He could feel his heart racing with every ounce of searing blood it sent through his veins. His hand trembled as it gradually fell from his face to reveal a nearly crazed expression, his eyes opened as wide as they could go but his brows furrowed impossibly low over them. “Did you just shake your head at me, boy?”
“Uh, well, the- the kitty is scared and has blood on him,” Eren gulped. “H-He can’t stay outsi–”
“Put it outside. And the next time I have to repeat myself, I’ll put you and the damn cat out.”
A small gasp escaped Eren’s quivering lips, but he swallowed it quickly before tucking the cat underneath his arm and escaping out the front door in a flash. Levi sucked in a shuddered breath, only now noticing the thick, brown splatters of mud and the droplets of red that created a trail to the yard and soiled his previously spotless tile.
“What happened? Where’s Eren?” Y/N’s soft voice questioned as she paced into the kitchen. “I heard you raise your voice. What’s going on?”
The worry in his wife’s shaky words gave way to her equal distress if not for the hand gently laid over her heart. It was enough to draw the ire from Levi’s body. Like the bright red leaving the eye of a cooling stove, anger steadily seeped from parts of him he wasn’t even aware were tensed. His set jaw unclenched, he lowered his shoulders and his fingers loosened from their intense hold on the ladle.
“Eren,” Levi replied to his wife in a breath at long last.
“Eren what?” she urged, her pupils growing.
“Eren’s fine. He just brought a fucking dying cat into our house.”
Confusion distorted Y/N’s features while her eyes moved frantically across Levi’s face in search for some sort of unspoken answer. When she didn’t receive it, she whirled around with a small huff then grabbed a fistful of her skirts and hurried to the front yard.
By her reaction itself, Levi knew he was finished. Y/N’s kindness knew no bounds in even the most stressful situation. In circumstances where his own instinct would be to react first, his wife was guided by the purest ethics; she would comfort, ask questions then gather herself enough to find a solution. But her consideration skipped him this time, and it was because she was livid with him. Levi could tell that much.
Bending at the knee to retrieve the cleaning supplies from the cabinets, he expelled a wearied sigh. He figured there was no better way to postpone is annoyance with the situation than by losing himself in the pleasures of cleaning on his hands and knees. He forced himself to focus on the acrid scent of chemicals burning his nostrils instead of the gut-wrenching sobs he could hear once his wife opened the front door. He tried to remember which solution was best to polish the ivory colored tile, but god damn it, he couldn’t think when he saw Eren’s little body, defeated and dripping wet, shuffling down the hall. His knuckles blanched as he all but strangled the cloth, putting all his upper body strength into scrubbing away what little remained of the muddy footprints.
Y/N watched Levi in silence for a brief period, absorbing how pathetic he looked down on the floor, frantically erasing the nonexistent spots while his son cried himself to sleep in the other room. She didn’t know what possessed her, but her nails were starting to dig into her palms in effect of how hard she was trying to contain it. If not for the pitiful picture of her baby boy standing outside, wailing over the corpse of a cat, she might have been frightened; she had never felt this way about Levi. But today was different—for everyone.
Levi released his rag and sat back on his heels when the shadow of his wife fell over him. At the same time, a coldness that he was far from feeling fell over his eyes. He could only hope it would protect him even a little bit.
“What the hell did you do?” Y/N demanded of him through her teeth, her voice faulted by an emotional tremolo.
He rose to face her and swiped his palms over his apron. “I did what any parent would do if their kid brought in a dying cat from outside. I told him to put the vermin back where he found it and wash his hands.”
“You cursed at him,” she sneered. “And you threatened to put him out of the house if he didn’t listen to you. It’s raining!”
He tried to keep his voice leveled though his need to emphasize his point superseded the attempt. “Well, if he listened to me the first time, I wouldn’t have cursed. And he’s a smart kid– He knows I wasn’t going to put him out.”
Already jaded by the argument, Levi mentally readied himself for Y/N’s rebuttal. But it didn’t come. Instead, her open hand flashed across his line of peripheral vision, and if it weren’t for his unique reflexes, it would have left a bright red print on his left cheek. Overwhelmed by the sequence of events, Levi’s defenses fell. By putting his energy in holding his wife’s wrist tightly, just mere inches away from his face, he’d lost his composure. His mouth went dry as it fell slightly agape and his eyebrows were pressed upwards together in sheer astonishment.
“Y/N–”
“You bastard!” she cried, her tears leaking through her voice as well as onto her face. “Do you have any idea how scared and alone he felt, watching that cat die in the rain?! And to make things worse, you were punishing him for your selfish ass obsession with keeping the house clean!”
Levi’s eyes darted past his distraught wife and landed on Eren’s bedroom door, paranoid that his mother’s shrieks might wake him. “It wasn’t like that.”
Y/N shook her wrist in his hold defiantly. “Then explain it to me! Explain to me what the hell you wanted to do! What, were you scared of telling him he couldn’t keep it?”
“No, I wasn’t!” he growled back. “The first thing I told him to do was let the damn thing go. It was a dying cat, Y/N! That thing could have given him or any one of us all kinds of diseases with its filthy fur in seconds! What if it had bit him or scratched him?”
Y/N met her husband’s eyes squarely and stared into them for an unwavering minute. His volume had fallen off marginally by the end of his question. Her eyes narrowed as his softened. She caught him. Letting out a mirthless laugh, she finally ripped her wrist from his grip. “You didn’t even check if it did, so why are you bringing that up as if you actually care?” she whispered.
Shit. “He would have told me it did,” he answered then swallowed, not quite convinced of his answer himself.
“Don’t you get it? He doesn’t want to tell you anything, Levi. And he wouldn’t ever if he had the choice.” He braced himself as he noticed her hands balled at either side of her waist. “You’re so goddamn bent on policing him that you forget to parent him, and you’re nothing but an authoritarian that feeds him. Our son has the biggest heart, and by the way you treat him, he would never know that he got any of it from you because you act just like your father figure, not his.”
Levi prided himself on his steel-like aplomb. But if anyone could melt steel, it was Y/N and any selection of words that came from her heart. Often times, they were sweet—almost cloying as he felt he never deserved her praise. This time, they were filled with venom and provided a sensation no different than someone plunging a blade between his lungs. In fact, each of his breaths in following were shaky at best.
Y/N knew that Levi hated being likened to the weasel of a man that raised him almost as much as he hated the man himself. Still, she pressed on, resolved to defend Eren and put an end to the struggles he had with his dad. “You’re silent,” she pointed out. “Because you know it’s true. I’ve tried so many times to get you to understand, to be more gentle with Eren, and you just aren’t. Today would have been the perfect opportunity for you to bond with him. But you didn’t. You couldn’t even treat him like he was worth something. You didn’t reason with him. You didn’t listen, you didn’t explain the why’s or even make sure he wasn’t being hurt by what was happening. You just cursed at a child– My child for having empathy. And you let him sit out in the rain, grieving and crying alone.”
Nausea washed over Levi as the color drained from his face. He felt as though someone had tied an anchor to his lungs and allowed them to dangle precariously in his chest. Tears sprung to his eyes when he realized that the way Y/N described the evening’s events were simply how it happened for Eren. While Levi had been driven by his compulsion toward cleanliness, Eren was acting on his innocence. The child wasn’t hardened by and consequently numb to death like his father was. Eren only saw an injured animal, retrieved it then looked to his dad for help. And Levi had sent him away, practically abandoning him. Even if it was just for the moment that he’d lost his temper, the impact on Eren was irrevocable.
He started to fix his lips to apologize, but he knew the words would be insultingly inadequate given the circumstance. “What do you want me to do, Y/N?” he asked thickly.
By the time his words were out, it seemed an eternity had passed and Y/N already had most of her back to him. What he could see of her face was a perfect and painfully personal illustration of disillusionment. “I want you to stay here, with Eren.”
“What?” Levi felt his own voice sounded like a distant echo in the room.
“I can’t stand to look at you, to be perfectly honest. And you hurt Eren more than you’ll ever know. You need to fix this—all of it while he’s young or you’ll never have the relationship with him that I always wanted for the both of you.”
Y/N turned to walk away again, but in this instance, it felt more final. It was why Levi threw his hand out toward her as if it had any power to halt her from such a distance. “Now you stop right there,” he ground out, masking his misery with a roughness. “You can’t just leave after the shit you’ve said. So where the hell do you think you’re going?”
She paused, providing truth in her earlier statement by keeping her eyes trained on one of the pristinely cleaned tiles. “I’m going to say goodbye to Eren then going to my mom’s house. And if he’s not attached to you by the time I get back, then you can set up a new living arrangement with her.”
190 notes · View notes
nightfall-kachiniko · 3 years
Text
“A Broken Promise.” Mikasa x Reader Fan fiction.
||| Chapter 2. “To Conclude “ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ! :D
Tw: panic attack, swearing.
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Your eyes woken as the noise of the flying boat continues. “I guess it wasn’t a dream” you thought to yourself. The missing aroma of your girlfriend had lingered in the air from the moment you woke up. Missing her sweet smell as she would cradle you in her arms. Now the bed you both had once shared only laid your body in it. The woman you saw yesterday was no more than Mikasa Ackerman, she was a stranger. Only if she knew.
You sat up as you began looking around the room you made various memories in. Even if the amount of time the both of you had spent together in that airship was small, it still counts as something you’d treasure forever.
You were alone. So alone. The feeling of emptiness running through your head to your toes as you sat up. The soft welcoming bed had turned to a gravestone. And although she’d been acting this way since the rumbling started, despite her caring attitude the woman became vicious towards the person she calls her lover. And for the first time last night, it truly hit you, right as the stung sprang across your face, You’ve Lost The Love Of Your Life, Mikasa Ackerman.
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You always had that feeling of doubt ever since she started acting this way, but the thought of you losing her was pushed to the back of your mind by the blindness they call love.
Memories faded from one thought to another as you threw on your uniform, locking your bedroom door as you did so. Thinking of her was your comfort, thinking of Mikasa, not the monster that was replaced by her yesterday.
Your body carelessly dragged itself to the bathroom, your feet walking in a drowsy manner. Picking up the toothbrush and gliding it across your teeth as the mint feeling filled your dry mouth. The number of sobs that had come out of your mouth that night would always leave an impact on you. You looked up at the person in the mirror, trying to recognize the figure you saw. “FUCK!” you yelled, kicking over your trashcan.
Your heavy pants coming in and out of your body. You sighed as you leaned on your counter, turning on one sink to wash your tear-stained face. You didn't even want to eat, you didn't want to do anything. That's all she treated you as if you were some stranger! As if you were a no-one to her. “JUST LOOK WHAT WE BECAME!” you screamed at yourself. Tears falling down your cheeks as you started to sob to yourself.
Falling to the cold floor as the day before haunts you. The look in her eyes... of pure hate, pure anger. Curling up into a ball as a sound on your door softly hushed you. “Wait, ” you said, getting up. You came out of the bathroom and made your way towards your door. “Who? And what is it.” The voice of your own spoke ever so softly, so calmly, almost as if you were numb. “Hey y/n, I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing,” Armin said, quietly trying to help.
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You breathed in slightly and out before opening the door to be greeted by a warm, tight, hug from your childhood friend. The feeling started to come up again, throughout your throat and the prickles in your eyes. You softly cried into his shoulder, hurt coming out with every breath. “Honey I’m so sorry..” He said, petting your hair as he closed the door, guiding you over to the bed to sit down.
“I know how you feel..” he breathed into your hair. “I-I just don’t get it.. Why is she acting like this… what did I do..” you sobbed. The blonde boy softly shushed you as he pecked your cheek with a small kiss. Armins way of comfort is different than others.
Ever since you had met him, eren, and mikasa, in hard times like this such as after Carla Jeager died, he would always comfort them by pecking their cheek, showing them that he is here for them. His grandpa always told him, “if someone’s sad, always give them a kiss to make them happy,” and the boy had followed his orders ever since. It wasn’t like he meant it in a romantic way, it was more of a, “hey, don’t cry I’m here, it’s gonna be okay,” kind of thing. Everyone used to call him weird for it, but you and Eren and Mikasa truly didn’t mind and knew he meant no harm in it.
“It’s going to be ok,” he said, softly trying to help you control your hyper ventilating cries.  He guiding you to sit down as he hugged your sadden body. “Does she h-hate me?” You asked over your cries. “Of course not y/n.. don’t think that…” he comforted.
“W-what did I do wrong?!” Your voice strained and cracked as your crying became more and more heavy.“Nothing y/n… not a thing..” Armin padded your back and brushed your hair as you cried into his shoulder, ”You know.. Mikasa hasn’t been doing all to well.. ever since Eren abandoned us.. she felt so lost.. as if he gave up in us..”
“Does she give up on me?! Is that it?” Tearing eyes looked at him in his own. He paused for a moment in shock, before taking a reassuring smile on his face, “no of course not! Mikasa just, she doesn’t know how to let out her emotions properly.. that’s all.”
“So she had to hit me?!” You said. Armin sighed and looked away. “Mikasa, just.. she.. she’s hurt.. but that gives her no right to take it out on you y/n.. I’m sorry she did that to you.” He rubbed his head against yours almost like a dog trying to comfort their owner. “There’s no doubt in my mind she doesn’t love you, alright?” He said, shaking my shoulders. You just melted into his arms, absorbing the only person who was there for you.
The kindness that Armin showed you made you slip back deep into thought, deep into that moment….deep back to when..
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“M-Mikasa..” You came out of the bathroom, your body shaking and your breath heavy. Your girlfriend sat on the bed, reading a book when you came out. Her gaze turning from the book to you. Mikasas eyes became filled with worry while seeing your body shake with every breath you took. “Sweetheart? Baby is everything okay?” She closed her book and sat up straight, looking at you.. Your breath quivered. It felt as though the world was spinning. Your eyes became filled with blurry ness every time you blinked and eventually you slid down the wall.
“Y/n!” You heard Mikasas voice scream. Everything around you was so distorted. Stress and fear overcame you as you began crying, scared of what was happening. You heavily sobbed as mikasa wrapped her strong arms around you, her soft sweet voice comforting you. “It’s okay sweetheart… everything’s gonna be okay,” she rocked you, while whispering little affirmations of hope, letting you know you’re going to be okay.
Your body shook with every ounce of a energy it had. You frantically cried, the overwhelmingness of the panic attack you were having flooded your mind with thoughts of your past. The days were it was like there was nothing left. It felt as though you were dying. “I’m right here my sweet angel.. Shh..it’s alright my baby..” your girlfriend said, trying to comfort you.
Your tears becoming more and more hysterical as you cried. The raven haired girl held you for what seemed like an eternity. The blurry vision eventually died down aswell as the ringing in your ears. For a moment, Mikasa’s arms let go of you. And once you felt her right up close to you again, a feeling of steady ness swept over you as a blanket of warmth slept over your neck. The red scarf. Just as you felt the wrath of calmness come over your body, the sweet girl said.. “You’ll never be alone.. I promise.. I’ll always protect you.. forever and always..”
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“Let me get you some breakfast, alright y/n?” You snapped back into reality as Armins voice entered your ears. The vision of mikasa disappearing as he spoke. Your mind trailed as you gave him a small nod, wiping your tears.
Armin gave you one last big hug before getting up. “What would you like to eat y/n?” He questioned. “I can make you some eggs? Maybe some bacon aswell?” The blonde stood looking at your still trembling figure. You softly took a breath in and tried to smile.
“Y-yeah.. that sounds great A-armin..” tears still in your eyes as you tried to give him a reassuring smile, stuttering, holding back your tears. Armin returned the smile with one of his own.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes alrighty Y/n?” Armin spoke. You softly nodded as he made his way to the door.
“Oh, and Armin,” you said to him. The kind Blonde boy turned around in the doorway, his gaze at you as he looked at you from over his shoulder. “Yes y/n?” He asked.
You got up, searching your messy bed. You moved pillows and blankets out the way before you finally gripped onto the item. You held it out infront of you as Armin gasped.
There in your sweet, delicate hands, laid mikasa’s red scarf. The same heartwarming piece she would wrap you in. Despite if you were happy or sad. Her scarf gave you meaning. To her, it reminded her of how Eren showed her how to live, but to you It reminded yourself of how she showed you how to live.
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She always was there.
She always was caring.
She always was showing you how much she loved you.
Even if she never exactly showed it much, you always knew Mikasa loved you. Even if she yelled at you. Even if she hit you. Even if she said she hated you.
You nodded, persuading Armin to take the red scarf. “Give this to her,” you said, calmly.
Armins eyes widened, “y/n.. you- you arent serious are you?” He said, concerned with worry in his tone. “Not at all.” You replied, your numb spirit talking. His eyes looked at you and then the Burgundy scarf.
“Are- are you guys.. d-done?” Armin asked, ever so anxious.
“Yes.. yes we are.”
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A/n: “ I hope you guys cried LMAO”
➪ Kachiniko ||♡︎ My Blog ♥︎ || ☾What I write ☽ 06/10/21
Chap. 1 “Come back to me”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
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lueurjun · 3 years
Text
𝖯𝖫𝖠𝖳𝖥𝖮𝖱𝖬 𝖡𝖮𝖸. 𝗅𝖾𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗎𝗇𝗀
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“=⌕ lee heeseung x gn!reader. 
⌗ SUMMARY — you meet him under the stars every night, but not a word is exchanged until one fateful moment in the early hours of the morning when platform boy becomes your safe haven. 
. . ⇢ LUEURJUN’S NOTES — this is supposed to be gender neutral but if i slipped up at any point then i do sincerely apologise. this wasn’t proofread and i wrote it at 3 am, but hopefully you enjoy It. 
₊❏❜ WARNING ⋮ within this piece of work is mentions of a breakdown and feeling suffocated. please do not proceed if you are sensitive to such topics. 
2021 @lueurjun.
He’s always there. With his back pressed against the concrete laying in a starfish position, he never moves. He’s there when you arrive and he’s there when you leave hours later — apart of you wonders whether he’s homeless, or whether that spot on the floor offers him more comfort than his own bed.
There’s been a few times where you worried that he had found his place in the sky, but then his foot would twitch and your worries settle. You like to watch him, not in a creepy way, of course, but you like to admire him. Or what you can see of him. You don’t know what he looks like up close, but you know that he has multiple scrapes on his knuckles and a hole in the right sleeve of that brown hoodie he always wears. 
The train tracks are a scary place, especially at night but you feel at ease with him around which is probably not the safest way of thinking since you’ve never directly spoken to him, but he has an aura. One that raises the goosebumps on your arms, he’s intriguing and you would do anything to talk to him just once. 
You’re much too shy to approach him, so you sit a few feet away and you bask in the quiet you’ve found comfort in. It’s four am on the platform, and there’s so many dangers surrounding you but you don’t feel suffocated, not like you do when you’re home. Back there, you feel caged like an animal in a zoo but here, where the trains zoom by and people wander around, you feel free.
It’s 3:56 am when your Converse scuff across the ground and you have tears flowing down your cheeks. Hands tucked away in the pockets of your fleece hoodie, tiny hiccups shake your body. There’s no one around, not a soul in sight to judge you. He’s not even around which shocks you for a brief second before you collapse onto the ground and let the pain exit your body.
You’re in his spot, tear filled eyes glaring up at the same stars he watches every night. You’re a wreck, but you don’t have the heart to care. Life sucks. For weeks you’ve bitten the inside of your cheek and pushed through, forced yourself to be okay but you’re not. You’re not okay and you’re tired, so tired of pretending. 
It’s 4:10 am when you hear the scraping of someone’s shoes come to an abrupt stop. You don’t look at them, instead you carry on crying and pretend like they don’t exist. A heavy sniffle of yours appears to alert them and suddenly, the footsteps are getting closer. They say nothing as they lay down beside you. 
Daring to glance to your right, your sobs catch in the back of your throat when your eyes zone in on the brown sweater with a familiar hole in the sleeve. You try to quiet your cries but they just keep gushing out like water escaping a dam; you’re in pain and you’re having trouble hiding it. 
“You can scream if you want.” His voice lifts into the air and wraps with the wind that carries it away. You turn your head to look at him. His hair is messy and bits fall down casting a shadow across his perfect skin. He isn’t looking at you, and a part of you wishes he was. “It might help relieve the tension. Watch, I’ll go first.” 
Despite his warning, you still flinch when his piercing shrill echos into the night. He’s left breathless when his lungs finally run out of energy but you can tell it felt good to let it out, so you turn and face the sky once more and you scream, just like he had. You muster up every ounce of pain and anger that raged a war inside your body and you projected it into the night. 
He’s chuckling when you finally stop to catch your own breath and you notice that it’s a really nice sound. His laugh. Almost melodic, a tune you could listen to on repeat and not get bored. You want to listen to it more often. 
“How long have you been holding that in?” He asks, finally turning his head to lay his eyes on you. 
This time he’s the one admiring. He knows you. He knows the exact spot you sit in every single night. He knows that you lift your legs onto the bench and hold them close to your chest when you’re feeling cold. He knows you like to look at him and he knows you like to stare at the stars. But he’s never seen you up close. His eyes scan the side of your face, taking in every detail that’s on offer for him. 
Just then, you turn and your eyes fill with surprise when you meet your reflection in his own. You soak in his features down to every last spec and you can’t help but notice the similarities he has to one of a deer. Swallowing back your nerves, you’re the first to look away as his state becomes too much for your rapid heart to handle. 
“Aren’t you gonna ask why I was crying?” You wonder aloud. 
He follows the direction of your stare and shrugs his shoulders. The stars are beautiful tonight, but as the question arises in his mind as to whether they're more beautiful than you, the answer is a firm no. He thinks you’d beat the stars any day. 
“Do you even know why you’re crying?” 
You grow quiet. Did you know why you were crying? Truthfully, you didn’t think so. Maybe there wasn’t a reason at all, maybe you just held so many emotions in that suddenly your mind started to overflow and couldn’t contain the tears no longer. Would that count as a reason? 
“I think you’re overwhelmed and today was your breaking point. I think you just need a friend because none of the ones you have notice how hurt you are.” 
Your hair swings in every direction with the aggressive wind that the passing train brings. But neither of you flinch. Your tears have since stopped and the cold draft freezes them to your skin. With a sniffle, you push yourself up onto your butt and you look down at him. 
You feel broken and you don’t even know why, but it doesn’t matter because somehow he understands. You don’t need to sort through your tornado of thoughts to explain it to him, because somehow he can already read your mind. He knows how you’re feeling and that comforts you in ways you have never felt. 
Sensing that you’re ready to spiral into another emotional breakdown, he spreads open his arms, inviting you to find refuge against his chest. You don’t know this man, but he understands you more than the people you’ve known your whole life. So, you press your cheek against his chest and close your eyes, your breaths falling in sync with his own. 
His arms close around your frail frame and he holds you tighter than you’ve ever been held. 
“What’s your name?” You croak out, smiling when the sound of his heartbeat clouds your mind. 
“Heeseung,” he almost whispers. 
“I’m Y/N. Thank you for being here with me Heeseung.”
He smiles and you swear you feel his heart quicken. “Thank you for letting me.” 
He’s not just Platform Boy to you anymore and you’re not just the admirer to him either. You become a safe haven for one another and personally, you think that’s quite beautiful.
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