#today is different but still bad
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Looks like it’s gonna be a another night rendered sleepless by my social blunders fellas
#kestrel calls#chitter chatter#text post#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh#last night I realized my actions towards someone might have come off flirty#and well needless to say I could NOT sleep thinking about that#today is different but still bad#I have never flirted with any one ever btw that makes me feel sick in a different way#disgustnag
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2015 called, it wants its cloudball back. redrawing things yet again.....
original here
dress design by @rumminov
#jade harley#homestuck#hs#skaia#prospit#rumminov im sorry for tagging you in homestuck stuff in 20 goddamn 24#lovisas art#i think ive been redrawing my old stuff so much bc i remember how much fun i had when i did it before and want to relive it#and im having a fucking blast!#also while im proud of what i made i still see things i would do differently today#and if you think thats boring well. too bad#99% of my art is solely for me#dwi
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consumed with the urge to draw with ed holding cat. that's all
edit: metal arm wrong side bc canvas flip
#the legs look so fucked to me so cropped version first#edward elric#cat#I cannot explain#is it not self explanatory#probably bad to post this at 1 am my time but my impatience has always been strong and today is no different#fma#fma03#fullmetal alchemist#fmab#I really struggled with this and I still don't completely love it but I wanted to post something#it's been about a year since I first got BACK into fma#still into it lolol#fan art#anyway life updates... nothing really#I have been listening to hozier's new album for weeks and I saw him in concert which was awesome!#today I saw the PJO trailer and it brought me happiness#sketch#proportions are so fucked like I love edward's build but it really is hard for me to nail down#hope someone enjoys!
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hall of a forgotten hero
[4/17] Underswap!Sans by p0pcornpr1nce
#zu art#underswap#underswap!sans#swap!sans#us!sans#birthday#undertale#undertale au#utmv#the original idea was a little different#but I had a bad feeling about making fun of other versions of him#cause yes they're far from canon but they still have the right to exist#however today is a tribute to Him ;w;
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The Legend Of Korra: *spent years fighting an uphill battle of misogynoir and queeephobia*
Korra and Asami: *kiss and announce they’re a couple before gay marriage was even legalized in the United States*
Fans: Korrasami is a bad and underdeveloped relationship. Why do people even like it?
#korrasami#when I see someone shitting on korrasami I FLOOR IT#things were so different when lok came out#I KNOW queerphobia still exists to this day#but you cannot compare today’s queerphobia to early 2010s queerphobia#(and once again misogynoir)#saying it’s bad is queerphobic#it’s ignoring the fact that bryke had to fight tooth and nail to get this to exist#it’s ignoring that this was a cultural reset in the western world#Korrasami is great
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Spent a lot of the afternoon doodling~ I love these two :D
Rozemyne definitely has more methods, but this is a ~sample~ :D
The bottom half of that first panel is an example of what my sketchbook looks like 😂 (absolute chaos)
#rozemyne#ferdinand#honzuki no gekokujou#ascendance of a bookworm#myne#end of series spoilers#hehehe#spent a lot of today doodling#cause i finished ALL my assignments for the semester!!!#still got exams#but no more lectures or assignments or tests or essays or-#anyway.#:D:D:D#technically should have been studying#but ive got an entire Week!#EHEHEHEHE#fermyne#heh#love this couple#its just so#cozy#to draw stuff like this#yknow?#:3#this was originally gonna be#'hugs. all the different ways i ambush my husband during the work day'#but i got a new idea halfway through#which - looking at this#i don't think that's a bad thing#i like how it turned out
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i... wrote a smol fic (っ´▽`*)っ
also!!!!! If you haven't seen it - shoutout to first ever published fic in Ninja Showdown/My Immortal Soul tags - Lustrous Red by @missadmyre !!!
#ninja showdown#my immortal soul#first ninja x chase young#rc9gn first ninja#first ninja#rc9gn#chase young#xiaolin showdown#randy cunningham 9th grade ninja#rc9gn plop plop#well i say smol fic.... but those 4k words felt very long.#i did say i was going to direct my energy into writing >.> and now look at me ive gone insane#no actually dont look at me im just gonna go cry over my 20k words of rough drafts for like dozen ideas that are now going#to haunt my every waking moment like JESUS i woke up today and literally wrote out 1k words of an idea for a modern au for those two TToTT#its literally an au where its a meet cute turned meet violent and first is randy's sorta dad and chase wants to adopt omi#not to mention a different AU where its an epic mystery adventure AAAAAAA someone heeeelppppp meeeee#also. its been a month but im still staring so intently at missadmyre's fic hoping for another crumb. like thank you sm for the food!!!!#ive literally been rereading it several times after i went insane about it on my main blog and im still slurping at it like a starved perso#Ive been collecting my ideas like a dragon but after reading that fic i was like: I WANT TO READ MORE FICS ABOUT THEM#but i dont wanna be a whiny baby&beg others and be annoying about it. So i put on my big person pants and was like f it WE R WRITINg NOW#so i dont care how bad my writing will be. we gonna be balling on those ideas and YES it doesnt make sense im just v rambly rn
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Dang, being nonhuman really is just like being trans, where I look back at my life and go, "Ohhhhhhhh, so THAT'S where it came from." It's easy for me to fall into the habit of thinking, "Well I just found this new label but I don't want it to infiltrate my whole life." But... it already has. All those moments pretending to be a cat on the playground, making fake "dog packs" with my friends, wrestling with my dog and laying next to her as if I was just another pup, attaching to my dog and cat stuffed animals, making dog-like noises to supplement my words, pretending I had (and still have) a tail to wag when I wanted, shaking out my "fur" and huffing just because I "liked mimicking my dog"—those were all my nonhumanity shining through. Me identifying with the nonhuman/therian label isn't an outliner, it's just the trend.
#I guess today's just a Therian day#I'm having lots of thoughts about it and it's literally the only thing I can think about so here ya go I guess#“I want to make a long post today” too bad all you can think about is dogs and therianthropy#which is for a reason but I'll make another post about that later today (I have the draft up just editing)#anyways sappy thoughts about therianthropy time#I'm so glad I found this label it's so nice#honestly I feel like if I'd found it sooner I still would've identified with it#just because the accuracy just hits different#and it's so cool seeing other folks feeling the same way#(or feeling slightly different feelings but identifying with the label which is even more fascinating)#so happy I got Tumblr cause all the cool posts my friends were linking were on there#has ultimately enriched my life for the better <3#alterhuman#nonhuman#otherkin#therian#dogkin#dog therian#huskykin#husky therian#(everytime I use these tags I get a rush of dopamine !!!)
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#ok but fr marking undergrad essays is such a rollercoaster#i gave two very high marks today and was genuinely impressed and then the next three i marked were practically incoherent#one just copy and pasted their intro instead of writing a conclusion. like it's verbatim the same paragraph#i dont mark down for minor grammar and syntax errors because there's a high rate of ESL students...#... but some of the papers from native english speakers have me more concerned about functional illiteracy than I've ever been#these are 19-20yos in a humanities field at a top university! even the highest scoring essay had basic basic grammar errors and vocab misuse#at least i could tell what the student was trying to say there but some of the others...#if your punctuation and spelling and syntax are all so bad that i literally cant tell what you're trying to say there is a serious problem#even setting aside how many errors like these there were there's the flip side of the issue: actually writing an essay#the last one i marked yesterday had no structure or thesis or secondary sources#everything between the intro and conclusion was the same claim phrased in different ways with some irrelevant non sequitur quotes thrown in#no analysis other than the words 'analysis of this shows' which is *gasp* not a substitute for analysis#OH AND OMG#one made a direct claim about a figure's political stance and attached a footnote. i went to see what the student's source was.#the footnote literally said something like 'i know i should have a source here but it's only context and i don't want to waste my word count#like what???? do you think claims about relevant context don't need evidence??? and the audacity to not give a citation...#... and claim it's because it would take too many words away from your main argument??#just providing the actual citation for the claim would have been 3-5 words max but the footnote about not having room was 30 words#kid do you think i can't tell that you dont have that citation? do you think anyone's buying that you didn't include it to save space?#it's the very first footnote and most of the others are full-length bibliography entries jammed into the footnotes (which we don't require)#so either you were 'worried about space' at the first footnote then changed your mind as you wasted 250 words on unnecessary formatting#or you were over the word limit and were like 'gotta cut something!' and the only footnote you 'simplified for space' was a short basic one#^assuming i believed you. which i dont. because why would you think that would fool anyone.#i still have half the essays left. im tired and so disappointed in how little we're told we should expect from them
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Salty rant v2
This is basically me angrily screaming about Ford again (wow what a surprise) to a wall (myself, my rotten brain and my blog) so feel free to skip this
Fuck it I'll bite
Gf fans when you tell them Ford had every right to be mad at Stan for ruining his Project (he saw it as the only chance to prove himself and get accepted in his dream school, and even tho WE know it was an accident, Ford doesn't he thinks it was a purpose sabotage and it really doesn't help that Stan didn't told him which resulted in him making a fool of himself Infront of ppl he wanted to impress and then Stan tried to pass it off as something that didn't matter even tho it mattered so much to Ford, like of course he'd be mad everyone would be mad in his position)
Gf fans when you tell them it's not Ford's fault that Stan got kicked out it's all Filbricks fault (seriously guys, blame the fucking abusive father, not the 17 year old living in an abusive household)
Gf fans when you tell them standing up against an abusive person (especially if they're your parent) is hard to do for yourself let alone for someone else
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wasn't the "golden/favourite child" Filbrick dgaf about him and only wanted to use his intelligence for money and both Ford and Stan were abused just in different ways (seriously find a different dynamic to describe an abusive household than "golden child" and "scapegoat" I say as I put a gun in your head)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to go to college isn't egotistical
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to make a name for himself doesn't make him egotistical (he literally grew up in an abusive household, and was bullied and treated like an outcast for most of his life, him seeking out validation is a trauma response not egotism)
Gf fans when you tell them if Ford is petty for correcting Stan's grammar then Stan is equally as petty for refusing to hold his hand over a thank you literally seconds ago (of course he had the right to want him to thank him and be mad, but it was the END OF THE WORLD, they are both responsible in that scene)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford isn't ignorant for being manipulated by Bill cuz 1) Bill is a master manipulator who's managed to manipulate and terrorise humanity since forever using lies/flattery/fear 2) despite having a high IQ he has a low EQ and therefore isn't able to tell if someone has ill intentions due to being....an outcast and therefore doesn't have the social skills to be able to tell others true intentions/manipulations which made him an easy victim for Bill (do u guys even know what manipulation means)
Gf fand when you tell them the reason why Ford didn't try to reach out to Stan was because he thought he was doing fine since he had seen an ad of his on tv (he had no way of knowing Stan was still homeless anymore, and you don't usually see homeless people's ads on tv), not because he didn't care
Gf fans when you tell them Ford didn't force Fiddleford to do shit for him, and that he was against the use of the memory gun and wanted him to get rid of it but Fiddleford literally erased his memories of it so he could continue using it. And that therefore Ford isn't to blame for everything that happened with the memory gun just cuz Fiddleford had bad coping mechanisms. (Seriously you all are acting as if he pointed the memory gun on his head and forced him to abandon his family and build him the portal. No!! Fiddleford made those decisions himself he could had left Gravity Falls at any moment and return to his family but no he didn't, he chosed to stay and start a fucking cult. That is on him. Not on Ford)
Gf fans when you tell them the way Ford acted during the time where he was literally being abused, manipulated and isolated by a demon is way more complex and naused than "ego! ego!".. because he was literally being abused and manipulated...
Gf fans when you tell them the reason why Ford called Stan to hide his journals wasn't because he only wanted to use him as a way to fix his mistakes but because he was literally really desperate and feared for the safety of the world and he didn't have anyone else he could trust and that he was hella traumatized due to being literally tortured both physically and phycological and sleep deprived and on the bring of insanity (of fucking course he wasn't gonna act logically and say mean shit he didn't actually mean, he was losing his mind! Stan had also said mean shit to him because he was angry but nobody talks about that)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford being mad at Stan for opening the portal is understandable, because 1) he literally ignored all the warnings that the portal could potentially destroy the whole world and 2) he was literally about to FINALLY killing Bill after 30 years of fighting for his life in the multiverse to try and find a way to
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's trust issues are completely understandable because he was literally betrayed, manipulated and abused by the "person" he trusted the most (Bill). And the other two people he trusted did something that hurt his trust on him (Fiddleford erasing his memories, Stan ruining his project)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's and Bill's relationship isn't "toxic yaoi/messy divorce!" And that it was incredible abusive and that FORD was a victim ( average gf fan claims they "don't romantize/support the toxic ((call it abusive guys, that's literally what it is)) elements of this ship I just like to explore unhealthy dynamics in fiction:) *proceeds to make 10 posts of "he fucked the triangle!" jokes and gets mad at you if you actually point out the abuse and makes 100 aus where they get back together/stay together*
Gf fans when I tell them that I really don't care about what Alex has said about Ford being "egotistical" or "ignorant" because that's also the same guy who said he didn't intended for Pacifica to come off as a victim of abuse because controlling your child with a bell is total normal parent behaviour guys (/s). (I stopped listening to most of the stuff he said after that, not gonna lie, cuz most of the stuff he says about Ford's "ego" and "ignorance" are flat out victim blaming) ((I mean come on guys, he literally says he based Ford's and Bill's relationship off REAL LIFE toxic relationships he's seen and then he goes and says shit like how it's Ford's own "ego and ignorance" fault that he's ended up in that situation. Don't you guys think that's a bit weird))
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#okay I'm gonna be brave today and main tag this#I hope I won't regret it later#honestly the only thing I can't really defend him on is all that with dipper#but at the same time. he wasn't trying to separate them. he saw that dipper was like him and wanted to do what he thought was the best for#him.#okay he was projecting a bit with that “isn't it suffocating?” comment but at the same time#my dude's social skills had always been shitty and he literally hasn't interacted with a person in like 30 years#he wasn't fucking trying to manipulate him#something something#the way this fandom treats Stan's trauma vs Ford's trauma is so different and it makes me ick#people tend to sympathise with Stan while tone down the trauma and abuse Ford suffer because they don't see him as a victim#which is like bizarre to me I want to say that it's cuz he's not a perfect victim but neither is stan yet ppl still acknowledge his trauma#and I swear to god it wasn't as bad as this BEFORE tbob#my main theory atm is that it's the result of B1llford shippers wanting to desperately ignore the fact their ship is. in fact. abusive.#by trying to make out Ford to be this terrible selfish egomaniac monster as a way to say “look he's terrible too! they deserve eachother!”#and people acting being stupid enough to believe it (media literacy is dead nowadays)#and then stanley and fiddleford stans also started to desperately wanting to earse them of their own flaws and fucks uo to make them more#sympathetic by blaming everything on ford
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saw a post abt ftm convos. how even the idea of some people being raised as a girl is somehow a secret plan to hurt transfems. the conspiracy brainrot is insane. i'm glad some of your parents and school hasn't had unrealistic expectations about gender performance, but it's not the majority i fear. also saying therefore trans men won't be as violent as cis men isn't transphobia, lol. i know i understand sexism and discrimination better, because i'm still viewed as a girl. and a lot of other men too, who can't be socially out. in more conservative spaces/countries being gender non conforming too will get you bullied and called to the principal's office. (wearing pants instead of skirts, etc.) i think it's projection at this point.
#op's yap#female brain#male brain#male socialization#female socialization#ftm problems#transandrophobia#i understand that this is a talking point at radfems too#but maybe it's not all bs just because a group you don't like too is having conversations about it#do you think it's scientifically correct to say males and females aren't brought up to fulfill different roles even in todays age?#i'm glad you didn't get told that boys are better at math and wasn't forced out of those spaces#just because noone cares to tutor you if you're bad at math if you're still passing and they don't expect you to be an engineer#this rhetoric was with us the whole time we went to school#for example#argue with a sociologist and don't create an echochamber
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my vault boys
#ts4#sims 4#the difference alpha eyes and brows can make.....#anyways i'm still thinking about this#i made the girls too but i couldn't get them to look good with alpha stuff#i want to play with them so bad#goddamn exam year#can't wait to be done for good in june#people sending me lovely asks i see you!! i'm just hoarding them rn#anon who sent me an ask about the male sims today#you made me laugh during a rough patch#thank you lmaooo
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doctober day 28: metallic
local old man doesnt "get" the youths, pt 1/??
#back to the future#bttf#doctober#doctober 2023#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#christopher lloyd#michael j fox#my arts#my sketchy wip arts#im not saying marty definitely had braces... but im saying marty definitely had braces#basing it all on that scene in bttf3 where bufords gang randomly talks about martys teeth. thats my proof !!!#plus apparently average amt of time to have them is like a year so like its POSSIBLE. (i had them for like 3+ years so go off i guess 😒)#anyway this isnt late B) but it almost is bc i was still debating TODAY what to even do >_>;#but here we are so yeah <3#the generational difference of 'polite/goody two shoes' vs 'degenerate/badass' being seen as good and bad things respectively#docs thoughts: hooligan bad!! respectable citizen good :) -> martys thoughts: im not a nerd PLEASE GOD IM COOL I SWEAR#ps tell me marty WOULDNT ask the local disgraced scientist hes known for like 3 months to do literal surgery on him. theyre ride or die PLS#< for all the trans!marty truthers that also applies to u. i think we can all agree hes not above just straight up asking. king
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Can't believe that some bitches really tryna to tell me I wasn't fuckin cute as hell 🤪🤪
Lil zesty mandie under the cut 🤭💖💖
#mandies face#it me !#clearly feelin myself today 🤭🤭💖💖💖#hate all you want im still hot as fuck 😂😂🤪🤪#snapchat#filters#my face#ok to rb#and some of u think my f/os wouldnt dick me down so bad 😂😂😂🤭🤭🤭#the second i put on makeup im a different person#who is she......
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job rant incoming
#ok so a couple weeks ago i registered with a cleaning agency and got offered 2 days of work which i had to refuse because i was still at uni#haven't heard anything since#got a message a few days ago from a different cleaning company (job with regular hours) asking if i was free for a trial shift this week and#i told them i was. radio silence since#i'm hoping i'll get a message sometime today because the job description listed the start date as monday#did an interview for a tutoring place that i'll hear from in the next week or so but i'm not confident#i really really want the regular cleaning job cus if they're alright with me being on holiday for a couple days at the end of june#and i can work the rest of the summer i would make enough money to pay the bills for the house AND completely fund 2 trips i have in mind#i hate being worried about money and jobs and idk this feels like a very first world rant lol#cus i could pay the bills for my student house next year without working this summer but i'd have very little money for anything fun#the trips are v unnecessary but is it really so bad to want to have fun money? ofc worst case scenario and i'm jobless this summer i'll go#without the plans or change them but.....yeah#delete later#ellis exclaims
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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