#today i learned that tumblr has a music feature

[estchiyu]

What twist of fate has brought us, to tread upon this land? 🌻☁️

[skeedelvee]

Carry On Countdown Day 13 - Lyrics

For this year's COC I've decided to put together daily fic rec lists! Let me know if you find any new favorite reads from these <3

For todays prompt I've gone with fics that prominently feature music and lyrics

All I Ever Wanted was the World by @facewithoutheart

Rated E, 30,152 words

Simon finds himself at the Wank of England, Vauxhall’s infamous gay pub. Ruled by drag queen Baz Pitch aka Tyra Fangs, and staffed by lovable queer misfits, many lost souls have found themselves within its dark walls. But Simon’s not just another lost soul, and Baz is more than the sparkling gowns he wears as armour, and together they may build something better than a place to grab a pint.

Only Creatures by @emeryhall

Rated E, 88,073 words

After Simon dumps Baz in the San Diego airport, Baz tries to be normal about it. He finishes up at LSE, gets an MSt in poetry from Oxford, dates a few men, fucks around. Then he gives up and retires to the Scottish Highlands to cultivate his “Rick Rubin beard” and “Unabomber vibe.” Everything is going just bloody brilliant. That is until Fiona shows up with some unexpected news. Oh yeah, and a porno mag featuring his ex wearing nothing but wings and a tail.

Ride 'Em Cowboy by @wolfywordweaver

Rated M, 9,673 words

Before going on a months long trip to the Midwest with his father for business, Baz is dragged to a strip club on a Cowboy Themed night for one last hurrah by his friends Dev and Niall. It just happens that at the club he meets Simon Snow, a stripper that shakes his world and makes him want things that he think he can't have. Except, maybe Simon wants those things too.

Across the Universe by @sillyunicorn

Rated T, 8,815 words

School has started, but where is Baz? And where did this cat come from? Simon searches for his missing roommate, learns to love the Beatles, and finds comfort in his new furry friend. And maybe, just maybe, what he’s been looking for has been here all along.

Take On Me by @basic-banshee

Rated T, 49,589 words

Baz Pitch is an overworked uni student who -- between his heavy course load and his shifts at his aunt's bookstore -- is stressed all the time. There are expectations on him to follow the family footsteps, and he doesn't want to deal with that right now. His aunt Fiona's bookstore is his one oasis in this (except for on poetry slam nights) and he's glad to have her -- even if she does come with her own brand of crazy. But when Simon Snow, a lit student with a short temper who's trying to distance himself from his bad history, starts working at the bookstore, Baz's life gets infinitely more stressful. Amidst bad poetry slams, author signings, getting locked in storerooms and gaining a (unwanted) roommate, Baz comes to realise that Simon Snow is so much more than he's prepared to take on.

✨Gratuitous self rec✨

In Just Seven Days (And Six Long Nights) I Can Make You a Manahhahaan! by me! @skeedelvee

Rated T, 30,109 words

Reccing this one again because I messed up and forgot I was saving it for this day's prompt before

The Popped Cherry shadow cast is in dire need of a Rocky. Simon Snow has a week to prepare for the role. The person enlisted to help bring him up to snuff? None other than the show's star (and Simon's roommate), Baz Pitch.

If you have any recs that fit the prompt that I've missed, feel free to leave them in the comments! There's plenty of gaps in my reading so there's a good chance I may not have read it

Also I've had a hard time finding if some people are here on Tumblr, so if you know someone who hasn't been tagged, feel free to leave that in the comments as well <3

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 30/04/2024

guess what​?​?​?​?​?​?​?​?

Season 2 Featured on: Haltmann's Highest Quality Video Game Rips

Ripped by alden wolf

Requested by eg_9371! (Request Form)

It's Gonna Be May!

Saying that SiIvaGunner has in-jokes is perhaps the most obvious statement of all time - it is an in-joke upon which the entire channel is built upon. Yet there's obviously always different LAYERS to each joke, how obvious each of them are - and even today, there are many running gags on the channel that fly over people's heads despite having followed along for so long. Indeed, such is the case today with guess what​?​?​?​?​?​?​?​?, as requestee eg_9371 made me aware of a channel in-joke that's been running quietly in the background for the better part of seven years as of today. All of it built on one simple truth - tomorrow, it's gonna be may.

To reiterate - beyond the funny ha-ha memes we all know like Mr. Grand Dad and more, the SiIvaGunner channel is filled with little nods and gags that oft go overlooked. I of course covered 5 Nights of Snop Dog recently which is a great example of one, there's how rips like Kill & Learn (Recut Ver​.​) reference a running joke by long-time mashup artist Triple-Q about how Sonic Adventure 2 and Kill la Kill have an immeasurable amount of similarities, rips like Kermit in the Ocean being spiritual successors to very specific years-old rips on the channel - you get the jist. Some of these gags eventually get special attention on the channel through specific channel events, but such has not yet been the case with guess what​?​?​?​?​?​?​?​?'s joke - it's a gag that's stayed in the background since its very beginnings, and is only being kept running by a select few rippers. If you're listening to the rip now and it still hasn't landed yet, you may need to be enlightened to the ways of hit boy band *NSYNC. Or, well, really the band itself matters very little compared to the song of choice - It's Gonna Be Me.

Boy band music has a pretty interesting track record on SiIva in general, honestly. One Direction, Backstreet Boys, Boyzone, *NSYNC - to me the typical audience that obsesses over these kinds of bands feels at odds with my image of the average SiIvaGunner fan, and yet whenever they're prominently pushed I get reminded of just how good their music can be when wielded by good rippers. We've had two explosively quality events focusing on two bands in particular, the Big Time Rush takeover of Season 5 with Famous Surprise and the One Direction day of Season 7 with Beautiful Dreamer. *NSYNC hasn't had the same explosion of notoriety, but It's Gonna Be Me in particular has stealthily appeared on the channel every year since 2017 on April 30th. The joke is originally an ancient Tumblr meme from 2012, based on the way singer Justin Timberlake (yes!) pronounces the titular line in the song as "It's gonna be May" - the joke writes itself, and so Tumblr users have annually celebrated the day-before-May in Timberlake's honor.

eg_9371 writes in his request for this post that he's actually one of the most active rippers in keeping this joke going on SiIva for all these years, which I find extremely commendable, and it all started in Season 2, with guess what​?​?​?​?​?​?​?​?. It's a rearrangement of the song in the style of Donkey Kong Country 2's Mining Melancholy, a track most notable for its rhythmic percussion of steel drums sounding like steadily-working pickaxes deep in the mines. Its a fantastic track on its own, yet that percussion especially is a shockingly natural fit for the harpsichord(?) backing prominent throughout It's Gonna Be Me. Mining Melancholy's usual percussion and other parts of its melody stick around for large parts of the rip, making it more of a melody swap/mashup of the two than a full rearrangement a la Sog-Gee Ambiance - but it only serves to enhance the two tracks used, giving It's Gonna Be Me a more melancholic sound and Mining Melancholy a more self-assured feel in return, a super interesting blend of moods. I don't think the It's gonna be May bit would have worked nearly as well if the rip it was paired with wasn't of high quality, and guess what​?​?​?​?​?​?​?​? clears that threshold effortlessly - its a great rip that's made me appreciate the quality in both songs used.

*NSYNC rips have, again, continued to show up in all the years since, always on the dot, often even deliberately placed as the LAST rip of April 30th to drive the joke home. I think it's really sweet that the joke has stuck with eg_9371 in particular, likely in part due to alden wolf's initial contribution to the bit - he's even made It's Gonna Be Me rips on dates completely unrelated to the beginning of May, just because its a genuinely fun song to listen to. There's tons of these "secret" gags left to find on the channel, reoccurring dates or rips that reference jokes from other rips that are years-old by now - and really, a huge part of the fun in running this blog is getting to discover so many turning gears of the channel that I'd never been made aware of. Keep an eye out for these gags yourself - and keep an eye out on SiIvaGunner channel itself later today, to see if It's Gonna Be May for yet one more year.

[th3-0bjectivist]

1500 FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION post w/ page mascot Springin' Chip!

Heya folks! Springin’ Chip here with a very special celebratory post! This last week, th3-0bjectivist hit 1500 followers! To be fair, about a quarter of his followers are more than likely AI pornbots, but let’s not get hung up on unnecessary details! Being a canine, there’s very little that I can personally offer our audience on Tumblr… save for some drool, dog snot, and poop. So, we’re going to celebrate the only way I know how!

Pictured with me in this photoset is my big sister, Ruby, and for this commemorative post you get to watch me beat her up! I assault my big sister all the time these days, sometimes for no reason, numerous times a day! I think she likes it! If weight class and overall size were a factor, Ruby could just brush my little Spaniel ass aside like a dust bunny. But she plays well with me, and just lets me kinda passively dominate her most days. Works for me! On with the festivities!!!

And now for some page lore! About a decade ago, th3-0bjectivist was comically barely known as v3ritasartiste on Tumblr. It was a page centered around conspiracy theories… and art, and music. And whooooooo boy, did it suck ass through a bamboo straw! The layout was atrocious, the conspiracy-addled dipshit in charge of the page had no idea what he was doing because he was high out of his mind on government-strength sativa and indica strains 24/7, and nothing he posted made a lick of sense! After gaining a whopping 78 followers over two years, butt-hurt and utterly disregarded, v3ritasartiste shut down his page out of pure frustration.

Yeah, take that Ruby! Years later, during the stay-at-home fallout from ***THE UNSPECIFIED VIRUS FROM UNKNOWN ORIGINS***, v3ritasartiste became th3-0bjectivist with three main goals in mind: 1. Jettison the conspiracy bullshit entirely 2. Create a page that actually makes contextual sense 3. Promote art, both own and others. And, by gum, it worked! Well… sorta. There was still a learning curve and he pissed off a few people to start things off (those blocks were well-earned in retrospect) because he was too brash and cocky, but some social refinement and further diversification of materials led us to where we are today. 1500 and counting!

Do ya see how Ruby just lets me rule her!? She could swallow me in a single gulp, damn I love her so much! Getting back to the point of this post, th3-0 wants you to know he greatly appreciates your follows, your likes, reposts, and most importantly your presence here on Tumblr! You may not realize it, but we’re all on a journey together while we’re on this platform. th3-0 has been able to share some of his joys, sorrows and art with you over the years… and those moments aren’t just precious, they are the universal moments that bring us all together as a species. Well… not me personally per se. Just to be clear, I’m a dog! Th3-0, who is a human, just wanted me to express those things to you… yeah, that’s the ticket.

Unlike last year, we’re at full mast with new art. We’ve got plenty of new paintings coming which just need to be more fully realized. We’ve practically cornered the market on original painting-animations on Tumblr, and musical entries and snarky commentary will continue to flow like wine until we’ve determined they are no longer working for us (which will be NEVER). Warts and all, th3-0bjectivist LOVES Tumblr. And just a reminder, if you’re ever interested in purchasing some canvas work, which would really help us, just head on over to our page on DeviantArt and browse the selections in the Featured section. Our wall decorations can make your home or business weirder and more wondrous at the same time! Tumblr restricts gifs to a pathetic 10MB download, which severely confines the visual quality of the gifs. But on DeviantArt, all our artistic gifs are available in high definition and they’re free to download!

Time for a nap with my big sis…. while th3-0bjectivist deletes 386,712,364,871,236,857,623,547,612,376,451,457,282,367,487,264 pornbot messages from his Tumblr inbox! Thanks Tumblr, we love you all!

Until next time fellow literate dogs, ¬ Springin’ Chip for th3-0bjectivist

The 0bjectivist on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2sONH8IwzL_2sZie0ZNSnw/

I’m also on BitChute: https://www.bitchute.com/channel/uvKfJpNkzkIL/

FULL ART GALLERY on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/th3_0bjectivist_gallery/ <---- screw that garbage website, we deleted our profile this year!

FULL ART GALLERY on DeviantArt at: https://www.deviantart.com/th3-0bjectivist/gallery

[ndingitall]

WHO IS NOBODIES DEATH?

LINKS:

Music Links:

Spotify Soundcloud YouTube Music

Socials:

Threads Instagram YouTube Tumblr

I have a guide to all my public songs here.

BIO:

NOBODIES DEATH, ENDY, or ND, real name Ximena or X, is a 26 year old transfem (her preferred pronouns are applied throughout to avoid mixing pronouns including in places when she identified as he/him) rapper, producer, poet, writer, schizoposter, and Santa Muerte devotee from Los Angeles California. She creates dark atmospheric trap music most inline with the American Underground scene.

She started rapping at age 14 on a whim after developing the urge to learn freestyle rapping. She then began writing lyrics after becoming influenced by the Insane Clown Posse and Hollywood Undead to become a rapper. Her early work was never released and mostly served as practice but was heavily influenced by the Horrorcore, Wicked Shit, and Juggalo sound.

At age 16 she was introduced to the $uicideboy$ through a video by the now defunct Obey Vivij and was thus enlightened on the American Underground scene during the beginning of the Soundcloud era.

At age 17 she began producing her own beats out of a desire to not have to understand beat leasing laws and took a detour to become a type beat producer without much success.

At age 18 she learned of Lil Peep through the release of the song Benz Truck which she was made aware of two days after it's music video's release through an upload by the the YouTuber Diaboli

INFLUENCES:

Her 3 biggest influences in order are:

Lil Peep

3 Favorite Songs:

Benz Truck Witchblades Crybaby

The sing rapping/emo rap aesthetic has been essential to her sound for much of her time making music. This is a primary feature of all her favorite of her own songs and was how she first came to like her own voice in spite of dysphoria (especially pre-transition).

2. $uicideboy$

3 Favorite songs:

Antarctica Mount Sinai A Death in the Ocean Would Be So Beautiful

The $uicideboy$ were her first introduction to the Underground sound and the first thing to break her of her metalhead purism. Their dark themes, memphis influences, and suicidal concepts are all influential to her style.

3. Skeler

3 Favorite Songs:

Conversations (Remix) Bittersweet Symphony (Remix) As the Light Fades (Remix)

His production style was very influential to ENDY and the Conversations remix was one of her favorites for the entirety of a summer marked by esoteric schizoposting.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (and why they didn't make the cut):

ICP

My sound is not reminiscent of them despite my enjoyment of them and the fact that I still consider myself a Jugalette (at least a little).

2. Lil Darkie

My sound has never been reminiscent of him but I love his message and variety.

3. Sematary

His style is very unique and I've never tried nor wanted to be a Sematary clone.

4. Issbrokie

My current favorite person on the rise but not at all important to how I sound today.

5. Death Grips

I fucking wish.

MY WRITING:

Prose

She's been doing creative writing and poetry since early high school and will soon be starting to release serialized fiction versions of her work on this account. Most of her work takes place within the same universe. (Coming Soon)

Poetry

ENDY considers her rapping a form of poetry but also enjoys writing other poetry usually in some way tied to religious themes or humor.

SCHIZOPOSTING:

She is a Santa Muerte devotee more info on the background in this video. She considers herself, "nominally Catholic in a very hispanic/syncretic way."

Beyond that she has been interested in Chaos Magick and the occult for years. She frequently takes part in Trance based Sigilization, Saint Work, and various mystic practices like the Jesus Christ prayer and Rosary.

Her religious views are influenced also by Gnosticism, Catholic Scholasticism, Thelema, Apocalyptic Protestantism, and Pagan Syncretism.

THANKS FOR READING:

Check out my music, follow me on Instagram, yada yada. Goodbye!

[mywifeleftme]

292: Various Artists // Abstract Magazine Issue 5

Abstract Magazine Issue 5 Various Artists 1985, Sweatbox Just got up to flip the record after sitting cross-legged on the couch typing on my laptop for quite a bit, not realizing my leg had fallen asleep until I tried to plant on it and had to pinwheel my arms to keep from falling flat out and cracking my head into my turntable. Absolutely how the coroner will shoot my body someday too, ass-naked and alone on the floor of my apartment, surrounded by instruments I can’t play and books I haven’t gotten to, bleeding into my record collection with a scythe propped sardonically against the wall in the background.

Speaking of ignominious deaths, while doing some research on the compiler of today’s record, a post-punk compilation / fanzine combo from 1985, the first thing that came up was a 2007 post from Burl Veneer’s old Typepad blog, specifically this inimitable sentence: “Abstract was the brainchild of Rob Deacon, who died last month in a canoeing accident at age 42 (same as me).” Strange nautical coincidence that, and a neat trick for Burl to keep blogging after death too (in fact, he’s still at it here on Tumblr), but I kept link hopping, and have learned that Deacon was quite a special guy, and a pivotal figure in two or three generations of UK music.

There’s genuine fondness and grief in The Guardian obit, the kind they reserve for lesser-known people who busted their asses and made a difference behind the scenes in media, and they spell out a resume I’m a little ashamed not to have been more up on. He was in his late teens when he started Abstract magazine, profiling the cream of the post-punk crop and cajoling exclusive tracks out of a bunch of them. Abstract would eventually morph into his own label, the influential Sweatbox, but the magazine + compilation bug stuck with him, and he’d go on to start the CD-era Volume series, which moved real numbers for an indie comp and featured… Jesus, everybody, apparently. He followed that up with the groundbreaking Trance Europe Express and Trance Atlantic electronic compilations, became a dance night impresario, did music photography, started a label (Deviant)… and then he fell out of his fuckin’ boat. Damn.

Abstract #5 is a real time capsule of 1985, featuring songs and interviews with the likes of Swans, Gene Loves Jezebel, Cindytalk, Colourbox, and the Jazz Butcher, interspersed with record reviews, scene reports, comics and more. The written pieces are all over the place stylistically, some transcribed in a borderline-incoherent fashion, others fighting for their lives against the adventurous two-tone printed layouts, but it has a wonderful fanzine energy and a level of ballsy spite you don’t see much these days.

Nearly every artist has a bone to pick with their label or journalists or bands they used to like that sold out or fans who have any sort of expectations of them. (The editorial pages get into it too, describing Morrissey “prancing daffodilously” and previewing a new New Order tune called “I’ve Got a Cock Like the M1,” which would see daylight as “The Perfect Kiss.”)

It’s zany and vulnerable and, even just shy of 40 years later, totally inspiring stuff. Highlights include Swans’ Michael Gira’s typically serial killer-coded interview, in which he talks about watching TV for 14 hours a day and shares the trans body horrific lyrics to a song called “BASTARD” that would eventually come out during the band’s maniac 1986; an account from industrial music pioneers Test Dept of the ’84 miner’s strike in South Wales, with a photo of one member who appears to have two sets of upper teeth like a shark; and the 400 Blows talking about having recorded their contribution to the issue in an echoing drainage pipe in which they nearly became trapped and drowned.

Musically this is by design a mixed bag (side one is kind of the uncommercial, experimental bits; side two the peppier guitar pop stuff). None of these exclusives would make anyone’s definitive collection of any of these bands, but as a complete listening and reading experience, Abstract #5 is a beautiful celebration. Cheers to Rob.

292/365

[sendthesong]

Features of SendTheSong.xyz 🎶

SendTheSong.xyz is an innovative messaging platform that lets users create personalized music messages to express emotions in a unique way. Whether it’s a special occasion or just a thoughtful gesture, SendTheSong.xyz combines music and text to make each message more meaningful.

In this post, we’ll explore the standout features that make SendTheSong.xyz a go-to choice for sharing heartfelt messages through music. If you’re new to SendTheSong, start by reading What is SendTheSong.xyz? for a full introduction to the platform.

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Learn more about creating personalized messages with our usage guide here.

2. User-Friendly Interface

One of the best things about SendTheSong.xyz is its easy-to-use design. The platform guides you through each step—choosing a song, writing a message, and sharing it—all in a matter of minutes. No complex setup is needed, making it accessible to everyone, even those who aren’t tech-savvy.

This simplicity has contributed significantly to SendTheSong.xyz’s popularity and is one of the key reasons it resonates with a broad audience.

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SendTheSong.xyz provides a wide array of music options, covering different genres and moods. Whether you’re looking for something romantic, upbeat, or inspirational, there’s a song for every occasion. The diversity of music choices makes it easy for users to find the perfect song to complement their message.

If you want to learn more about song-based messaging and why it’s impactful, check out our post on Discover SendTheSong.xyz.

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Currently, SendTheSong.xyz is a web-based platform, which means users don’t need to download an app. This is convenient for those who prefer quick access without installing additional software. However, the platform’s popularity has sparked interest in a potential app version. For updates on this, you can read about the SendTheSong Apk in this post.

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SendTheSong.xyz’s features make it a standout platform for meaningful messaging. It provides a new way of expressing emotions through music, connecting with others in a more personalized and memorable way. The platform’s simplicity and creative potential make it appealing for users looking to add depth to their messages.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q1: Is SendTheSong.xyz free to use? Yes, SendTheSong.xyz is entirely free to use. You can create and share as many messages as you like without any fees.

Q2: Can I find any song on SendTheSong.xyz? SendTheSong.xyz offers a broad selection of popular songs but may not have every song available. The library is continually growing to include more music choices.

Q3: Is there a mobile app for SendTheSong.xyz? Currently, there isn’t an app, but users are eager for one. You can follow updates on the SendTheSong.xyz Tumblr page.

Explore More on SendTheSong.xyz

Now that you know about the platform’s features, you can dive deeper by exploring How to Use SendTheSong.xyz for a practical guide on creating music messages. For more about the platform and its potential future developments, stay connected with SendTheSong.xyz on Tumblr.

Add a musical touch to your messages today with SendTheSong.xyz, a new way to make connections that last!

[monriatitans]

Ta-Da! List: Monday, January 8th

I have decided to make a “Ta-Da! List” every day! There won’t be TMI.

Don’t know what a “Ta-Da! List” is? To learn more, check out @adhdjesse's book Extra Focus here.

✧ throughout the day: – kept emails manageable by deleting some and unsubscribing from newsletters no longer desired – listened to the 🎃 🖤 Halloween Music 🖤 🎃 playlist on repeat ✧ “Sickness Protocol” has ended, but continued to move between the office and bedroom ✧ in the office: – updated the profile pics of the personal profile and The Titans’ Discord server – added the same information at the top of the BMAC’s January 2024 Artist Shout-Outs Album to the top of the Artist Shout-Outs of 2024 Album – gave a human artist, Vaïarello Loïc, a shout-out by sharing it on the WGS and O&T IGs, created a Featured Image for it, and then shared it to O&T and social media; where the shout-out spread was added as a list to the January 2024 Artist Shout-Outs Album on BMAC; updated the ASO announcement on the O&T & Tumblr SITE MAPs, the Minds “Announcements” post, and the Hive bio, & updated the list of most recent ASOs in the ASO Criteria O&T & Tumblr pages and the ASO Twitch panel – finished up the Tribal Quests in FFXIV and got the Samurai to Lv. 89, did some inventory & Venture management via the Retainers and one leveled up, then sent them on Ventures, and crafted some Tank & DPS food – updated Hive‘s color scheme, and profile & header images – added the WGS Carrd link to the ASO Ko-fi and updated the profile & cover images – updated the name of the MonriaTitans | WGS Ko-fi, added the WGS Carrd, and updated the cover image – updated the name of the ASO Ko-fi and the About section ✧ 18:40 – took an at-home COVID test; still negative ✧ in the bedroom: – alternated between watching “Silent Hill“, listening to “Fly Away” by TheFatRat, feat. Anjulie, and listening to the “🎃 🖤 Halloween Music 🖤 🎃” playlist and reading books – managed the Tags of the O&T blog – rearranged the area of the bedroom the standing desk was in, took a photo, then posted it to the O&T IG, FB Page, and Threads – brightened the border around the Changing “Canva” Feature Image Template – added a border to the WGS and O&T Twitter cover images, updated the profile image of and added the TMA Carrd to the TMA Twitter, then updated the profile image of the O&T Twitter

Well, these are all the updates I had for today! Thank you for reading!

May every decision you make be *in the spirit of fairness* and may the rest of your day *NOT go to $#!7*!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please consider supporting through the tip page or Buy Me a Coffee! Like what you see? Click here to subscribe for updates! Watch MonriaTitans on Twitch and YouTube! For more about MonriaTitans, click here! The image was made in Canva!

[penrose42]

So I had a dream last night that sparked a memory and train of thought so get ready for your very first long post, Tumblr.

Firstly, the dream: It started off as me exiting my old high school, I have had many a dream there so nothing too out of the ordinary, but before I left I had stopped off at the special ed class for some reason and had gotten to talking to a teacher, who had recognized me even though it was clear I had no idea who he was. He had recognized me, somehow, through a calendar from 1999 featuring autistic kids and four year old me was the cover for every month. I was shocked as this was the first I had ever heard of this, setting aside why this guy had a random outdated calendar that just so happened to have me on it because dream logic. I became furious as to why my parents would agree to me being in such a thing and why they'd openly tell the world that I was autistic when I had no way to give consent to the idea, but then it jumped to my dad telling me that they condoned this because he was proud of me regardless and that no matter who knew and how they treated me, that they loved me and wanted me to know that.

My thoughts:

Firstly to catch people up who don't know me: 1. Yes I am high functioning autistic 2. I was told I was first tested when I was four years old, which would have been 1999 3. Even after waking I do not know the teacher figure. I can't even remember his face now so I doubt it was of any importance. 4. Obviously the calendar doesn't exist. If it did I would assume we would have a copy and it would've shown up sometime. Plus I don't know why a calendar like that showcasing random autistic children would exist in the first place. 5. My dad, who has been deceased for seven years at this point, hasn't really talked to me about my autism or how they felt about it. Yes I recognize there's unresolved issues there and that dream dad was more or less just what my brain wanted him to tell me back when he was alive, but c'est la vie.

Later on I realized that this dream was tied to real life events that happened to me back in high school, and that it reflects in me how I feel today.

High School:

I was a band kid, so I got real chummy with other band kids. You fit in a clique as you do, and I had mine. The juniors and seniors, at least the ones in a particular music group that I was a part of, really seemed to enjoy my presence to the point that I preferred their company to kids my own grade at the end of freshman year. Sophomore year it stayed the same, but obviously sans the seniors from the previous year. Months into my sophomore year and I learn that all the older kids I had come to consider friends with learned that I was autistic, and I began to question the validity of their relationship with me. They hadn't treated anyone else, to my knowledge, the same as they would me, and I can attest I can be an annoying motherfucker at times. Then I would learn that everyone knew from one guy, who coincidentally was friends with my dad on Facebook. This guy I had considered a good friend, we had a good standing and were amicable to each other, however I cannot tell if it came from a place of genuine friendliness or if it was simply a façade of tolerance, like you'd see on any minimum wage worker at any retail store.

Obviously that idea spread to all the older people I knew; Did they really enjoy my presence or did they just tolerate it? Was I adding anything to their day or was I just something they had to go through and would avoid if the option arose? Then there was my dad; He had told me on a myriad of occasions that he loved me, never abused me physically, and while some of his jabs stung, I never got the sense of it coming from a place of disgust or animosity. I think he just didn't know where the boundary was and I was a quiet kid who didn't have a backbone. But I can't help but think. When expecting a kid, which mind you I have never been in the position in, I would imagine that you'd be helpless to dream up the kind of person they would become. What their experiences, which would be totally alien to you and completely unique to them, would ultimately shape them into the thinking agent they would become. What kind of human they'd be. But does anyone ever consider disability? Does anyone ever dream their kid being in a wheelchair? Does anyone ever dream their kid needing leg braces? Does anyone ever dream their kid needing special ed? a tutor? IEP?

Unless you have it yourself, or it runs in either genepool, assuming you're aware, does anyone ever consider their kids being disabled? I would assume that nobody would ever expect their kid being the one who needs wheelchair access, or who'd need a specialized tutor to help them with their dyslexia, or anything of the sort.

So why would my dad ever conceive of his son being the autist who can't make friends and is a total asocialite who'd rather spend their days indoors watching tv instead of making friends and playing around? I can't help but feel that, even now when I am nearing my thirties, and even seven years after he's gone, that deep down he was just the slightest bit disappointed, not in what I've done or who I am, but what I am. That I am not his expectation from when I was in his head. This unease, this unknowing, is without doubt the crux of my whole disquiet.

I now have trust issues with not just the people I know but now everyone. Do they genuinely like me, or am I but an occasional nuisance? Do they pity me and just put on a mask, or does it come from a genuine place of friendship? I think I've lost my ability to tell.

Cognitively I know that being autistic not something to be ashamed of, it's not an impairment of my cognitive ability or anything of the sort, but emotionally it's just hard to lose after you've dealt with this for two decades. When I was a kid I generally didn't like people knowing so that I didn't have to worry about the validity of their company, but since neither parent talked about it with me at all, and me being the spineless quiet kid, I never told them that I didn't like people knowing. Even now I tend not to tell people unless it's relevant, because I just don't know how they'll treat me or what they'll think of me.

I'll be the first to tell you that you shouldn't worry about what people think of you and that you should just do you, but I will confess that I do not practice what I preach. I worry that all that people see when the focus is me is just a blathering retard who just doesn't have a clue. That they'll never invest the time into me to really get to know me, because why bother.

I'm starting to doubt why I'm even bothering to continue at this point. I think I just want this off my chest. If you've made it this far don't bother sending a DM about this post I just want this out and gone.

I will say this though and that's where I think my parents went wrong. They got me tested at four but didn't intentionally tell me anything until I was around twelve, but I learned when I was eight. That's a story for another day I just can't right now. They always let me in to IEP meetings and whatnot but I just assumed everyone went through that. Yeah don't do that. Tell your kids as soon as you can. Explain it to them in language they'll understand. Make them understand. Talk to them directly about it and let them know that there's nothing wrong with them. Let them know they're not a let down or a failure but don't coddle them either. Communicate with them. Just don't let them be me. Don't let them doubt their relationships. Don't let them doubt their trust in you or anyone. There's good people out there, I know it, I know some, but my doubt always creeps in.

[cinnabar-music]

Howdy

hello and howdy, I'm new to blogs and writing in general. I've been secretly tasked with making a blog and i decided tumblr would be a perfect hellscape i mean website to use. my topic for this blog will be any and all things music.

ill start with a bit of an introduction. i don't use my real name online but you can call me cinnabar, like the moth, or the rock; whatever floats your boat. I'm 20 years old and I've been surrounding myself with music since i was a toddler. i play a variety of instruments including trumpet, guitar, bass, drums, violin (horribly) and flute (also horribly) and I'm always looking to learn more. i also try my best to make music but my life is hectic so its not the easiest thing in my world but i do mess around on garageband every now and then. i love all forms of art, the weirder the better, and listen to all types of music. my current favorite artists are hozier, sleeping with sirens, IAMX, autoheart, MISSIO, and hobo johnson. most people describe my taste in music as "deranged circus music" which is pretty accurate tbh. i adore songs like 'Bernadette' by IAMX, 'such horrible things' by creature feature, or 'Aha' by Imogen heap.

I'm not necessarily new to tumblr, i had an account a few years ago just to lurk back when this site was the definition of godless. I've seen the gauntlet and quite a few fandom wars and i was lurking when quite a few sacred texts were written but i decided to call it quits sometime during highschool and never looked back until today. I'm something akin to excited to see how this site operates now and what all has changed.

in this blog i will try to talk about the never ending topic that is music. things like music theory, software, instruments, history, micro-tonal music, the meanings behind certain songs, and anything i can think of. hopefully this blog will help me learn new things about the topic and hopefully its entertaining to anyone who wants to join me.

i also have a youtube that i pretty much never use but I'm gonna try to use it more when i get the chance.

here's a stupid little song i made back when i was in highschool still lurking on tumblr.

[396]

[magicinaframe-part2]

A Lesson To Be Learned

In a small town in Hungary, on a summer day, six school classmates -- five young adult males and one young adult female -- meet up for an afternoon at their favorite stretch of beach at the nearby river. They start playing around, changing into bathing suits on the beach, kicking a small, lightweight soccer ball around, and they are then joined by a seventh classmate with her new neighbor who has recently moved to the town from Budapest.

The vibe on this hot and sunny afternoon is, at first, relaxed and playful, but problems are also apparent. One of the young adult males does not appreciate the new neighbor talking to one of the two young adult females and she, in turn, lets her schoolmate know that he has no manners.

The second young adult female asks one of the young adult males to put lotion on her shoulders. When he softly kisses her on her shoulder, she slaps him.

Soon, the assembled -- save one of the young adult females -- are in the river, horsing around. One dives to the river's bottom and surfaces, proudy holding "Hungary's finest mud." The others dive down and follow suit.

After playing around in the river, everybody moves on foot, from the beach to the nearby woods to hang out. The new neighbor wants to take a photograph with the camera he has brought along. "But where is Gabi?" asks one of the young adult females.

The discovery of Gabi's absence becomes the turning point in the plot of this wonderful contemporary drama with psychological elements called THE CURRENT (1963) (org'l title: SODRASBAN).

Now, I have gone into a good amount of detail regarding the beginning of THE CURRENT -- but I have in no way given the plot of this 81-minute movie away. Not at all.

In my teens and twenties, whenever I had free time, I could turn on one of the two family television sets and go from channel to channel. At the time, there were 12 channels to check out, and whenever I went from channel to channel, there was at least one movie playing. And it was not unusual to find out that the one movie was produced-in-a-foreign-country. Not unusual. And usually, I had no information about the movie that I found.

Today, the information button on my remote control device immediately provides information -- information that is of no consequence to me.

THE CURRENT is an expertly conceived and executed drama. The remainder of the plot focuses both on the efforts of the local police and local fishermen to look for Gabi, as well as the impact of Gabi's sudden and unexpected disappearance on all of the other young adults who assembled for a fun afternoon. There's also Gabi's grandmother who becomes an important character, as the plot progresses.

THE CURRENT was written and directed by Istvan Gaal who started out making documentaries but also directed features. THE CURRENT did not play in theaters in the U.S.A., after it played in theaters in Hungary and other European countries in 1964 and 1965. Mr. Gaal's name is not known to people who write about movies for a living.

THE CURRENT is another example of an unknown movie that should be better known.

All of the young adult characters -- in the way that they express themselves and interact with each other and with their parents -- are absolutely believable.

The plot is enhanced by the music which includes a number of excerpts by Antonio Vivaldi.

This is an unforgettable and moving experience that I recommend to movie lovers, here, at Tumblr. It's available on DVD, with English subtitles.

The lesson to be learned? You're at a television channel. A movie unexpectedly starts up. Watch it to its conclusion, then look for information about it.

-- Drew Simels

[marlborothots]

It's that time when I log back into tumblr for my stranger things fluff-fics-fix and while I love ST4 Vol 1, it has been tugging on my heart strings a lot. The first episodes featuring Eleven struggling with having a deceased father has brought a lot of past emotions up for me and I had it under control until today... it wasn't a good day.

To start, if you don't know I've been a member of the dead dad club since I was 8 and I am 23 now. I never thought I would have to help any friend struggle through losing a parent so early in life--I thought they would all have normal timely passings. I prayed they would. Sadly, one of my dearest friends that I'm starting a new chapter of adulthood with lost her dad today and wow what a man he was the times I got to meet him. He did so many things not only for her but all of her friends even when we were 3+ hours away. My heart is aching knowing the pain and knowing I can't do anything for her right now. It aches more knowing how her life will change, how her mother and sisters' lives will be altered for this new narrative. Her childhood friends I've befriended over the years called me for advice on how to respond, reach out, what should they send--do people like flowers or food more or is there something different, what was I like when it happened to me, etc. and I know they don't fully understand the trauma of that one day of my life. They're learning young adults that haven't had to attend 10 funerals in their lifetime like me for immediate family, they've all experienced different forms of trauma compared to me and my friend. They don't know yet that grief comes in different ways for everyone but I'm happy to share my experiences so they can feel prepared. I heard from two friends today: "I don't think there's a better person than you for her to live with for the next year." I can't describe how that made me feel. Happy and sad at the same time in the weirdest way.

I must confess I have a guilty feeling, and I have this for all of my older cousins that got their fathers for more than 40 years of their lives... I can't help but be jealous and happy my friend had the time she had with her dad. I wish mine could've seen my high school graduation, my college graduation, meet the man I would marry, meet his grandchild, etc. Instead, he got my first ballet recitals, soccer games, my first trip to Disney, introducing me to the music of Elvis and Johnny Cash, listening to me scream Jesse McCartney lyrics at the top of my lungs, and he recorded every. thing. Christmas? Recorded. Birthday party? Recorded. A lazy Sunday? Recorded. But that was the early 2000s, long before the age of smart phones... so of course so many floppy discs and CDs have been lost in that time... so many memories gone. And this is where my other happiness and jealousy come from most. For years, I thought "I remember everything about my dad, I remember his voice, the way his polos felt, the way his stubble felt when I poked his face to tell him he needed a shave". Then I cleaned out my grandparents house after their passing and found home videos. My heart broke watching the Christmas morning videos because I couldn't recognize the voice of my own dad. I had went so long without hearing it that I made up a new tone. I just feel sad I don't have this blessing of archived Snapchats, videos, Photos, and voicemails on my phone like she does but I am so happy she will not forget his voice ever. I'm so happy she will not have to feel the exact same pain I've had brewing since 2007. I'm so grateful for her and our friendship. We already had a lot in common and are a good balance, but this is not something I wanted to share because it hurts so much.

There's so much more I could say, but I won't bore you guys. It just got me thinking while I love being helpful and taking care of people when they need it, I'm exhausted. Slowly switching gears, all the fanfics and one shots that are flying off the presses right now are lovely and you are all so talented!! With that being said, I think some people can relate to this feeling I have: taking care of others while neglecting yourself emotionally and not wanting to burden anyone with your emotions since you have made yourself believe they're less valid because they're the same silly problems over and over again. I would really appreciate if anyone would like to write a sweet Eddie Munson or Steve Harrington (honestly any of age male will do romantically speaking) fluff relating to that feeling, or the entire window to my soul I typed up. I know there has to be more people than just me feeling this way, even if it's not a dead dad. I think another great prompt would be a discussion with Eleven similar to the day I had. If you feel inspired, please write for any character; platonic or romantic it's your art!

I'm not the most amazing at communicating feelings but this is the fandom I come to for comfort. I don't want anything I shared to be misconstrued, I'm heartbroken for my friend and I will help her every step of the way for as long as she needs me (even when she doesn't know it because I used to be the same). And I know reliving my trauma right now does not outweigh what she's going through in any way. I just thought this could be a deeper look into a rough season of life and inspire something in all of you wonderful writers.

Even if you don't write, thanks for reading. I had to get that off of my chest. 🤍

-T

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 17/01/2024

Because I Love You

Season 1 Featured on: GilvaSunner's Highest Quality Video Game Rips: Volume 6​.​66

Dedicated to Satoru Iwata

More than ever these recent days, I've been thinking a lot about the SiIvaGunner community - earlier this week with 2023! YEAR OF THE PORTAL RADIO! I unabashedly wrote more about that than the rip itself. Because I find it to be such an interesting fandom to be part of, due just to how...scattered, it feels, in a lot of ways. The main hub of discussion is the SiIvaGunner Fan Discord, which by the very nature of Discord servers themselves has a sort of, fleeting and temporary feel to it - its hard to get a feel of what's what around there when there's no real way to see "popular" posts or whatnot like on other social media. And even on Twitter, and the handful of people you'll find here on Tumblr like me, there's a big divide with SiIvaGunner fans, those who just like to keep up with the silly mashups, those invested in the lore, those far too invested in both like me, and so many other subfactions - it rarely feels like we're able to band together to form a unified voice.

But whenever we are, it tends to be within the one place we're all drawn to. The YouTube channel itself.

Throughout Season 1's wild lore progression with GiIvaSunner's termination, Chad Warden, Snow Halation, and The Reboot, it became clear to us in the audience that the best way to keep track of all that was happening and to share those news with others, was to simply do it in the comments of all the videos we were already watching. All the classic jokes, new jokes, sudden twists, and places with room to speculate on what it all could mean - no matter what a rip was about, there'd always be a community there, a crowd of people always awaiting what could be right around the corner. A crowd that, directly through the events of The Reboot, had now learned to actually respect one another, and to share their love of rips, music, and gaming with one another, unified as fans.

And its that knowledge of the community's growth, the way it manages to feel both bizarrely disconnected yet simultaneously unified, that makes Because I Love You hit all the harder than it already does. Because especially back then, we were all expecting SiIvaGunner to just play along as they always do, to keep making silly rips no matter the day, keep us in the community engaged in what's being made. Yet Because I Love You, neither in title nor contents holds no joke in sight - it's a beautiful, hand-played piano cover of the titular song, paying respects to the late Satoru Iwata who passed away a year prior to the video's upload. A community and channel otherwise known for its laughs, bits, and intricate lore, were suddenly faced with a piece of darkness from the real world - the lingering sorrow that followed Iwata's death.

Just a day after this post goes up, SiIvaGunner is set to appear at this year's MAGFest, represented by a bunch of its current team members. Members of the SiIvaGunner team are more recognized now than ever before, yet back during the days of following Season 1, it was quite easy to miss the fact that the channel was ran by a group of creatives to begin with - that it wasn't just an elaborate prank by some mysterious organization of employees, or just a shameless reposting page, or whatever other conspiracy floated around back in the day. For as much fun as SiIvaGunner likes to have, for all the absurdities and shitposts and takeovers - it is a channel ran by humans, humans who just like us, were brought together by a unified love for video games. A loss like Satoru Iwata's is one that was only truly felt by those who truly do love video games as an artform - to those who, for instance, have dedicated years of their life to following a channel all about celebrating all that the music of video games means to their players, old and new.

Because I Love You, much like Telling Fish Tales, is simply a beautiful reminder of all the human love, empathy, and community that exists within this silly channel. And even back in Season 1, the community knew to set their jokes and banter aside to pay their respects to Iwata, to all that he accomplished for the history of the medium, and for helping to rescue one of the most beloved, influential and downright legenary games of its time. All these years later, and as SiIvaGunner itself enters one more Season of running, I hope we can continue respecting and honoring those that craft the experiences we hold so dear.

United or scattered, those feelings remain.

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

1D Monthly Fic Roundup

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for May 2021! Below the cut you’ll find 17 One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup.

New York Kiss by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

[Louis/Zayn, Mature, 47k, tumblr post]

“Also, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m quite the narcissistic type, and I didn’t want that cute guy to have a bad opinion of me for the rest of his life.” “Who, me?” Zayn bats his lashes jokingly, ignoring the fact that his heart skipped a beat at Louis’ words. “Yeah, you. So, shall we go?” Louis drops what remains of his cigarette on the floor and steps on it to light it off. Meanwhile, Zayn makes a reckless decision. “Alright. Lead the way, De Niro.”

Or: A strangers to lovers AU where Louis is an actor, Zayn is a writer (among other things), and they meet each other literally by accident in NYC, just as the world is about to turn upside down.

I Love The Very Blood Of You by lovelarry10 / @chloehl10 

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 129k, tumblr post]

“I don’t just like him …” Harry muttered, fiddling with the string at the waistband of his jogging bottoms that had definitely seen better days. “I love him, Zayn. I’m in love with Louis. With a vampire.”

He looked up just in time to see a small smile on Anne’s face, and she reached out with a hopeful look. Harry couldn’t resist, and put his large hand in hers, letting her comfort him for a moment.

“I could tell there was love between you,” she confessed softly, a light blush on her cheeks. “When I met you, I knew you were smitten with each other. I won’t pretend it doesn’t make me nervous, but … I can’t tell you who you can and can’t love, sweetheart.”

A vampire. A human. A broken arrangement. A love long since forbidden. Hunted by hate. Destined.

One More Taste of Your Lips by MsHydeStylinson @mizzhydes and @canadianlarrie

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 80k, tumblr post]

It had been eight years since the hiatus began, and Louis had spent that time writing and recording music, touring and making it safely through the pandemic. When the opportunity arose to go back on tour with One Direction, Louis knew he'd be a fool not to take it. Sure, life on the road would be different after all this time apart, but he was looking forward to experiencing that comradery again.

What he hadn't realised was that living the better part of nine months in each other's pockets was bound to dredge up issues from his past. And when one of the pockets belonged to Harry, who he'd had a rather unconventional friendship with that drifted apart during their last tour, life on the road again would upend both their lives in irrevocable ways.

***

Harry wasn’t that sixteen year old boy anymore. Nor was he the young man in his late teens who was on the cusp of conquering the entire world.

But some traits seemed to remain the same; his vibrant green eyes, the dimples set deeply in his cheeks whenever he laughed earnestly, or his curls that were the same shade of cocoa that Louis remembered fondly.

And yet, Louis had absolutely no idea who this man that stood a mere twenty paces away was today.

take my hand, wreck my plans by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose

[Harry/Louis, Teen & Up, 38k, tumblr post]

Louis meets the man in the center of the room, feeling every eye on him.

“Mr. H,” he whispers.

The man smiles brightly and laughs as if he can’t believe his eyes. “It’s you,” he says breathlessly. “I didn’t think I would see you again.”

“Nor I you, especially under these circumstances.”

“Even so,” Mr H says, his eyes bouncing from Louis’ eyes to his lips. “Will you do me a great honor and join me in leading the first … um…”

“Dance?”

Mr. H laughs and nods. “Yes, that’s the one.”

Louis bites his lips and doesn’t hesitate before whispering, “Yes.”

Mr. H beams and reaches for Louis’ hand. Sparks fly at the touch and a zing of excitement shoots through Louis’ body. His face heats up as he’s afraid his scent would give away his feelings towards the other man.

Winter Light by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

[Liam/Zayn (Liam & Louis, Harry/Louis), Teen & Up, 58k, tumblr post]

“Do you think this place is dead?” he suddenly asked, his eyes focused on one of the two oaks, whose bark was grey and trunk cracked. 

“What do you mean?” Zayn inquired, joining him by the tree. 

“Well, it’s winter now, so obviously everything looks dead anyway,” Liam said. “But do you think come spring, this place might look like the way it looked before?” 

Zayn took his time to think about Liam’s question. “I think all things are salvageable,” he eventually answered. “Including this garden. You just have to try hard enough.”

After his mother’s death, Liam is sent to live at his estranged uncle’s manor in the North of England, where new friends, mysterious places and family secrets await him. A Secret Garden inspired Soulmate AU

Cake and Kiss by @loulovehome

[Harry/Louis, General, 2k, tumblr post]

The one where omega Harry didn't like cake and wants to throw up when his alpha kisses him.

Love After the End of the World by writing_practice / @mercurial-madhouse

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 150k, tumblr post]

“Wait. Just so I’m clear in me fucking noggin,” Niall says. “An international worldwide takeover is well under way and the only thing standing between having hot showers and a second end of the world is us five fuckers?”

-----

Society shattered when all electricity suddenly cut off across the globe, plunging the world into darkness. Now, Prometheus Industries is the sole remaining supply of power, a saving grace to those who survived Lights Out. As fugitives in no-man’s land struggling to break into Prometheus HQ, death lurks around every corner for Louis and Zayn. Things get complicated when a routine recon falls apart and Louis collides with Harry and his mates Niall and Liam, survivors with their own agenda.

When staying alive is already a constant battle, the deadliest weakness is to be in love. For Harry and Louis, finding each other sits on top of the endless list of What Else Could Go Wrong.

Hometown by @allwaswell16

[Louis/Harry, Not Rated, 2k, tumblr post]

On the day Harry gets his driver’s licence, he drives through the suburbs, heartbroken that he can’t drive home to Louis.

Baby Blues by @kingsofeverything

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 12K, tumblr post]

8 mpreg Harry snippets originally posted on Tumblr. Mostly smut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But If This Ends by nonsensedarling / @absoloutenonsense

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 107k, tumblr post]

Harry’s life as a vampire is routine. He spends his years moving around from place to place, learning as much as he can, and falling in love whenever the universe sees fit. When he tries to move his casual relationship with Louis to something more, it all gets turned on its head. As they navigate confusing thoughts and complex emotions, Harry finds himself torn between the love he feels for Louis and everything he thought he knew.

Featuring pet names, love letters, secrets, meaningful friendships, and two insecure boys desperately in love.

Pretty in Pink by lovelarry / @chloehl10

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 18k, tumblr post]

“Love? Can I come in?”

Harry sniffed and shook his head before he realised Louis couldn’t see him. “No. Go home, Lou. Please.”

“I’m not leaving,” the Omega insisted, his voice full of concern. “And I’m not judging either. Just… talk to me, Haz.”

Harry briefly considered changing or at least ripping everything off and greeting Louis in his boxers before he realised that might actually be worse, that Louis had seen him dressed up and there was no need to hide anymore. He meekly shuffled over to the door and pulled it open before he backed away, refusing to meet Louis’ eyes.

To the Omega’s credit, he walked straight over to Harry and wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his cheek between Harry’s shoulder blades.

“This top feels nice. Soft. I see why you like it,” Louis said quietly from behind him.

*****

Alpha Harry loves to secretly dress up and be pretty. He loves his feminine side, even if it’s not typical of an Alpha. But when Omega Louis finds out, it might just the start of something even more beautiful for them both...

Plant New Seeds In The Melody by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 58k, tumblr post]

After losing his husband in a tragic car accident, the last thing Louis needs is to keep running into popstar Harry Styles, who David was quite fond of.

Obviously, that’s exactly what keeps happening.

But as their unlikely friendship blossoms, Louis realizes that, maybe, having Harry in his life was the only good thing that came out of his adverse circumstances. Harry could be just the right person to help Louis find trust and intimacy in someone new.

We are the same, you run in my veins by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, General, 4k, tumblr post]

When the time for Louis to become the Alpha leader of his pack comes, he can’t rise to the occasion for not being yet bonded. A series of trips to neighbouring packs in search of his soulmate is fruitless until he meets one of the other packs’ Alpha heir.

Harry.

The world seems to stop turning for a second and then it shifts, clicking into its axis. All the distress and wrongness he felt until that very moment suddenly disappears. Louis is finally whole.

But two Alpha leaders from different tribes soulbonding is something unheard of before.

evergreen, evermore by docklands / @hershelsue​

[Louis/Harry, General, 2k, tumblr post]

The year is 1979. Their entire lives, Harry and Louis have lived in Chichester, home to the best watermelons in the world. An unruffled life in the country has always served their long term friendship well. It all shifts when Harry has to move away to a bigger city due to his mother’s job, albeit his love for his hometown and for Louis. It’s even harsher when the moving truck leaves on his birthday, of all days. When all seems lost, Louis ends up having to pull some strings to ease the pain in Harry’s heart.

When The High's Too High, and the Low's Too Low by DaysLikeMasquerades

[Louis/Harry, Mature, 22k+ (wip)]

Two perspectives of growing up neurodivergent

Some days Harry wondered if he would ever find a friend who could look past all the things he couldn't change. Someone who didn't care that he could spend hours talking about his latest fascination without calling him obsessed. Who didn't laugh when he couldn't stop his hands from expressing his emotions. Who didn't care that he was 13, but he'd start crying if he went into too many stores, because they were too bright, too loud, too smelly, and it was all just too overwhelming. Some days he thought someone like that just didn't exist.

Most nights Louis wondered if there would ever come a time when he didn't hate himself. When he would learn to control his emotions and the mood swings that seemed to take over everything and leave no room for himself. He wondered how he could live with himself when he only seemed to hurt the people he loved. His teachers thought he was a wonderful boy, but he knew the truth. Most nights he cried himself into exhaustion wondering how it was possible to feel so broken at only 15. He wanted to be happy, but he didn't know how and that scared him more than anything. Most nights he just hoped he could figure it out before it was too late.

Make You Never Wanna Leave (so Don’t) by @beelou​ / cherrylarry

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 3k, tumblr post]

“You look hot in plaid.” “What?” “I said you look like a dad.” “No, you didn't.” “Yes, I certainly did, Harold. You have no proof.” -- Or, the one where Harry wears plaid.

a little tenderness by @disgruntledkittenface

[Harry/Niall, ​Not rated, 10k, tumblr post]

“Listen, my alpha and I broke up and it turns out that all of our friends were really his friends and I need someone to help me through–”

“No,” Harry practically shouts, the word bursting out of him unbidden. He cringes when he sees the shock on Niall’s face, his pale skin flushing lightly. “I’m sorry, but my answer has to be no. I don’t help omegas through heats. I’m really sorry, Liam knows that, so I don’t know why he would give you the idea–”

“It’s not heat, Harry,” Niall interrupts. “It’s depri.”

“Oh. Fuck.”

Touch deprivation makes a lot of sense now that Harry thinks about it. Niall seems generally unwell; he appears to be weak, his skin is pallid and his lips look chapped, and his breathing is ragged. He’s wearing a cozy-looking sweatshirt, but even over FaceTime, he kind of seems cold, hunched over with his arms wrapped around his body. Harry’s never been around an omega in depri as bad off as Niall looks; most of the time, there’s an alpha friend or family member who can help out with scenting and physical contact.

Oh.

[sophia-goodnight-poetry]

Fantasy Life Online Thoughts

I'm going to try something new this year where I do a write-up of every book I read, movie i watch, and game I play, just to keep myself conscious. For now, I'll be posting these to both Patreon and tumblr. We'll see how it goes overall!

But the first one I'm doing is kind of a weird one – you see, the game I could not stop playing is a mobile gacha game, so there's really not a lot to talk about in any useful sense. Fantasy Life Online is the sequel to Fantasy Life, the best game released for the 3DS. Fantasy Life had a fascinating capacity to make me feel nostalgic, even though I didn't play it or even know it existed until my late 20's. So when the mobile game was released in English, I was one of the first to download. When I started writing this I had played it every day for 26 days straight. Today would have been day 50 or so, but I've just decided I had to quit

A quick review of the game's quality before I get to what I want to talk about:

It's decent, on the whole. The main quest really smoothly captures the spirit and joy of the original, which is probably assisted by most of the assets used so far (maps, characters, music, enemies) being reused. The translation is… well, frankly, it's awful, which I'm sure is going to be a turn off for people who don't already love the series. I found it kind of charming. And the gacha element is… Well the gacha itself is okay, and they're very generous with the free premium currency at first, but the pricing on the premium currency is not very good. Four of the 11x character draw is $100, and each banner requires 20 11x draws to guarantee the new 5 star character. And they also stop being generous with the currency

The gameplay loops are simple and extremely satisfying, at least for a while. But today I realized I was no longer getting anything out of it except for a quick molecule of serotonin followed by guilt that I wasn't accomplishing more in game goals. So. Honestly I recommend against playing if you have even a mildly addictive personality. instead, play the original for the 3DS. It lacks the pressure and guilt and is honestly way better in every way except for also lacking team crafting.

What I came to talk about though is the Alchemist plotline. Each Life (the term for class) has its own sets of plot-based advancement quests. The top rank in the game at launch was Expert, though they expanded 4 more recently. The Expert promotion quest for Alchemist features Sophie (no relation), a mild mannered and over-cautious medicine woman. The quest reveals that she actually has an entirely different Sophie sharing her body, who is reckless and loves explosions. 

You may recognize this as a classic Jekyll and Hyde situation, which is certainly what the writers had in mind to start. But something interesting happens in this one… The other characters encourage the Sophies to work together, to care for each other. There is no external insistence that one is better than the other. There is only support for these two women in a strange circumstance. In the end, Sophie and Sophie learn to coexist. It's a short story but it ends on a high note -- each headmate is a respected person. 

Somewhat respectful plural narratives are entering pop culture at an honestly astonishing rate. Comic books have always been happy to draw upon anxieties about multiple personality disorder, so when CW's The Flash went ahead with the Killer Frost storyline, with the evil and scary alter being evil and scary it was par for the course. But then after a short while, Frost and Caitlin learned to coexist. Later seasons had them develop a fronting schedule. I think Team Flash may even have thrown Frost a birthday party. 

I have yet to watch Doom Patrol myself, but my best friend tells me that Crazy Jane is an extremely compelling set of characters and, despite the name, it sounds like it's a very respectful depiction. They utilize a subway station as the system's headspace -- many systems develop metaphorical spaces that the members can spend time in, talking to each other. Sometimes it's a stage -- people who aren't in front are in the wings. Sometimes it's a spaceship. Or an apartment. Or a weird cave. 

For us it's a dilapidated house, blackened windows and collapsing roof and crumbling floors. On the other side is a lake at the foot of a mountain. It's hard to get there without going through the house. I've never been inside; I can smell the rot of hoarded trauma and sorrow from here.

Fantasy Life Online is fun; I don't necessarily recommend it, and I'm not going to play it again myself. I'm going to grab my 3ds and start a new save file on the original instead.

You can find this post and also support me both on patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/61852649

[1d-discourseoftheday]

Thurs 14 Jan ‘21

Nobody Is Listening, officially out tomorrow, has already arrived in some parts of the world! As of press time it's #1 on itunes in 24 countries and racking up more by the minute, we should have some exciting stats by tomorrow, plus we'll have heard the whole thing! And not only that, the official listening parties begin very soon, and will hopefully have their tech issues sorted by then, cause yes, I bet you can guess what already happened.... YEP WEBSITE CRASH! Yeah baby, that's what we do! But maybe people are right to be excited the chat does include... maybe Zayn? Someone official (“Zayn admin”) anyway! And just because the event hasn't started is no reason not to gather and start screaming about the album, whether it's out in your area, you're listening to a leak (Niall voice: No Judgement... except he would actually be mad about that lol), or you only are looking at the lyrics which tbh is about more than I can handle all by itself. You guys there is a LOT there, I was going to pull a few things but it's SO MUCH. We'll be unpacking (and soaking in) all this for a while to come, wow.

Niall popped on twitter to promo the new JC Stewart song he co-wrote, and he picked a question about whether he was interested in doing more writing for other people to answer; he said “always writing something, this one just felt right for JC and he put his twist on it.” He followed Olivia Rodrigo and posted about how much he likes her new song, Driver's License (“this song is the real deal... beautifully written”), defended his comment (a series of laugh cry emoji) on a meme post using a pic from the WMYB video, said not drinking this month has been “easy!” and he did a “can't sleep talk to me” AMA-- he recommends MGMT, Kacey Musgraves, Artic Monkeys, and, for crossover excitement, Lucius (who feature on TPWK) and DMA'S (who feature as Louis' fave band)! He also agressively rejected some fan fashion suggestions (“no no no no” “I will not”) of outifts that, uh, look AN AWFUL LOT like ones he has worn to me? If he's serious (and not quietly seething about how we don't get his humor) I have to respect that kind of passion about nearly invisible detail tbh. And speaking of attention to detail! An article about the RAH livestream came out in a crew trade publication so there's just reams of very specific tech detail; but there's also plenty of people saying nice things about Niall! “Niall was very involved in every step of the process. He really gained a full grasp of the situation and during the promotion of the show, he really wanted to educate the public, and his fanbase, about what was going on in the sector,” for example. Tonight Niall told us he would want to do another virtual concert but he'd “need a good reason... a music launch or something.”

Liam has a new video for Hugo Man (that's a perfume in case you were wondering); he says about 2020, “I think we've all learned to rest a little bit more this year, I hope we all keep a little a bit of time for ourselves.” HAVE YA learned to do that though Liam, HAVE YA? Where is this sabbatical you said you were taking right now that you definitely were in great need of? Honey please-- just take a break! We worry! Sigh. Anyway also he changed his social headers and bio in honor of the new projects (SIGH) he's doing right now- it says “here's to the future...” (was previously ticket lnks) which would be a great bio to have up indefinitely while taking a break... or something... maybe he should do that...

Hey remember that YA novel about closeted boybanders in love that we were like, well, at least we won't have to deal with that until next year? WELL GUESS WHAT YEAR IT IS NOW-- the release date isn't until Dec 7 which is VERY FAR AWAY but I guess the hype is beginning now; the title and cover art for If This Gets Out, by Sophie Gonzales and Cale Dietrich, have been revealed. Becky Albertalli (who once wrote a book [Love Simon] about a gay football player with Louis in his name whose secret code name was “bluegreen”) posted to hype up the book, but then followed up with a long post to tell people that in fact you-know-who were NOT the source of those details in Love Simon, and that she is now a new Harry Styles fan but knows nothing about any of that. Sophie Gonzales, who drew the cover art for her new book- a picture of a light haired guy with a long fringe and a curly haired brunet locked in eye contact and a silhouette of the fictional band they're in that looks just like the famous Steal My Girl video shot (or Louis' Walls video reference of same)- says “this book is fictional, and while we're aware of what Larry is, this book was not written about that.”

And in today's Holivia corner, not much action! A mere trickle! Cosmo published a timeline of events that reads just like a tumblr masterpost, complete with 'what is the truth' gifs at the blatant contradictions, but that's about it. “You live in my imagination**,” indeed; much like the rumor started by a single galaxy brained anon claiming that Harry definitely fucked... wait for it... LIAM'S DAD (like, his actual father, Geoff Payne, not some kind of euphemism.) Someone tell Page Six! I have no comment until I get some good analysis of astrological compatibility from their expert...

(**Harry Styles, Olivia, 2015)