#to whisper when you want to scream
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Forced kisses while you cry, push at my chest & try to turn your head away. Grabbing your jaw to face me & growing hard at your failed attempts to escape. Too bad you’re embarrassingly weak. Are you even trying? I don’t think so, you want this. It’s okay, you can tell me. Say it.🔪
#Run. Go on. See how far you can get before I catch you. Firstly#I'll give you a head start#secondly if you will insist on running#I want you naked when I catch you."#I’ll give you 5 mins till your over my knee. I’m close I can smell you. Lil mouse. Where are you lil mouse. you hear footsteps. Footstep#every night#making you fear#if only you knew how much I’m around you whispers. My name I suppose you will need to know that for when you scream it …#it is Z. next thing you know you are being slammed into the wall. I’m going to ruin you wrapping my free hand around that throat#as i run my fingers over your lips seeking entry
You slightly open your mouth i wont ask again and u push my fingers in.
“Suck#you do as you are told and suck on my two large fingers. Don’t you wish I would do that to your tight pussy?”growls grabs your jaw You fe#and the knife to your neck throat taken away. I turned you round roughly to meet my dark eyes#that damm fucking scar. You are even more beautiful close up growls.#cnc brat#desperate slvt#cnc daddy#daddy's good girl#bd/sm daddy#edging and denial#edging kink#cnc knife play#brat taming#bratty#bimbo training#bimbo doll#bimboification#needy slvt#slvt training#stupid slvt#cvnt
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literacy, empathy and nuance are dead fucking arts and there really is no coming back from it.
#🪷—faerie whispers#girl I tried to keep my mouth shut#but I’m really having to treat this app like Twitter now#and only come on here when I post and leaving#bc people really are not intelligent enough to have a conversation with less known share my work with#I’m tired of seeing elitist childish ass takes abt this election#watching folks scream abt community but watching these same airheads wishing death on ppl living in red states#abandoning Palestine and Gaza bc they asked you simply to hold ppl accountable#making fun of them#telling legal Latino ppl they’re going to be deported#disgusting behavior#I wanted to go on another long winded tangent but it’d only become misconstrued#and I’m not here for it#the apathy that has come out of this whole situation has made me despise humanity#also considering making my page 23+ bc I have nothing to discuss w literal children#so sorry but I’m realizing that many ppl just lack common sense#prolly deleting this later but I’m just frustrated#to see ppl saying your entire state deserves to be flooded and killed off by hurricanes bc of a vote I didn’t even make is sickening#ppl are stuck in constant survival mode and ur angrier at them for trying to make ends meet and do what they feel as best#than those in power who are public servants
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s3 episode 16 thoughts
(giggling and kicking my feet) it’s mulder and scully time <3
and it was a GOOD episode!!! i was sad, but damn was i compelled! back to the very beginning of the episode to begin the note-taking journey, with a tiny recap of where we left off beneath the “keep reading” bar…
hehehehe i am excited!! i love to spend the evening with the ultimate duo. and we have so much to cover!
so many twists and turns to walk down! krycek is back! skinner is hurt! scully is sleuthing! mulder is in hong kong! we had best begin!
YAAAS we got another “previously on the x files” <- i loathed these at first for throwing me off my typical groove, but now that i know we only bust them out on special occasions (multiple part episodes) i look forward to them
ugh scully is so pretty. “you say that every time” and it’s true every time???
we get a recap: flash bang alien, inky eyes, skinner on a hunt for answers before being interrupted, scully’s dad’s friend johansen, the rat bastard
timeskip to 1953. a man from johansen’s squad who is covered in burns is telling his story, and it is being recorded. he is being visited by those who claim to want to bring him to justice, but he says he won’t tell.
so after johansen started a mutiny and locked the rest of the sailors in the sub, those trapped on the lower levels knocked the dude with the inky eyes on the head with a wrench. so he is knocked tf out. and liquid started pouring from his eyes (BLEAUGH) and into a drain. the survivor who has all the burns and who is recounting this calls the liquid “the enemy”
a guy that looks a lot like matty healy (but much cleaner) is asking him what he means by calling liquid “the enemy”. so the interviewee says that the thing went back to where it came from.
GASP!!!!!! HE ADDRESSES THE MATTY HEALY LOOKING FELLOW AS “MR. MULDER”!!!!!! oh this is JUICY!!! and the camera pans over to another man putting in a cigarette!! GASP!!! WE KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!!
baby cig man says “you can trust all of us” (<- LIES, LYING, SAID BY A GUY WHO IS LYING)
(you can tell the actor playing baby cig man had just one line but he worked SO hard to get cig man's voice right... it made me giggle)
why does young mr mulder look kinda cute. aww. so little. almost wanna squish his cheeks.
they changed the intro again. smh! messing with my rhythm.
anyway, back to main plot. scully’s rolling up to the hospital to find skinner, where she is met by agent fuller and agent caleca, two names i do not think i have heard before. scully asks for hair and fiber from the crime scene and these two are like “we don’t have that yet” so she says “um get it?” (not really but basically) (and they claim it was some random guy that shot him… not buying it)
oh! skinner is being wheeled out! she’s off to go investigate. now if it were ME being rolled about with my shirt off after a gunshot wound and emergency surgery, i would not want people seeing that. but hey, she’s a doctor so maybe she’s chill like that. still! i’d be soooo embarrassed omg
SHE GRABS HIS HAND OMG!!!!! he opens his eyes a tiny tiny bit and tells her that he has seen the man who shot him before!!!
man, i thought just the hand grabbing was gonna be all tender, and it was! but getting a clue at who did it was a bonus too
back to the rat bastard and mulder. at least krycek seems aware that mulder can and will kick his ass and is deferential to him.
scully is looking over skinner’s chart. OH! she asked for guards. and she wants them NOW. she does not CARE about your excuses. WOO!!! she says idgaf if you two agents stand out there YOURSELVES, get GUARDS ON him!!! YAAAAS!
back to krycek and mulder cam. mulder notices that they are being followed and tells him to speed up. at gunpoint! and this mystery vehicle runs them off the road!!!!!!
noooo, their faces are all smushed in. someone pulls rat bastard out and asks where the tape is, but the fellow who attacked him gets flash banged, because again, krycek has alien flash banging powers.
but poor mulder still has his bloody heady on the dash :( he sees some odd flashing
scully gets called into the lab and this guy has some info on the dude that shot skinner. she says it will take too much time to run the hair sequence, but to do it anyway.
(also, i can’t tell if this is the same guy from the lab as before that clearly had a crush on her or if this is a different one but idk i guess it doesn’t really matter... he doesn’t seem like her type)
so the two men that krycek flash banged last night are now in treatment for radiation, and who is visiting them but cancer man!!! he is once again lighting up as they are dying. he bends down and moves a bandage, and sees the eyes of a patient meet his. but he says to HAVE THE BODIES DESTROYED OMFG HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUUUUCK THIS GUY IS EVIL!!!!
mulder at da hospital. bandage on his head. awwwwww :( it’s so sad and pathetic... he’s baby.
AND SCULLY IS THERE!!!! WITH A SMILE!!!!!! WOOHOO I WISH I COULD LIVE IN THIS MOMENT FOREVER!!! YES YES THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS!!
the police found him and he mentioned “we” so she says “who’s we” and he has to say KRYCEK… she is (very gently) confused
an excellent person to have by your bedside whilst recovering.
she tells him that she is sorry for the bad news, but skinner has been shot as well. but the doctors seem to think he’ll be okay. and she has an idea on who it is that pulled the trigger!
GASP!!! she pulls out the scans on the hair. two of them, in fact. the first being from the man who shot skinner, and the second being from the man who shot melissa. and they’re a PERFECT MATCH!!!! CONSPIRACY!!! CONSPIRACY, I CRY!!!
(shrill violins, fade to black)
oh! it’s the united nations alien council. um i realize now i don’t know their actual name. but you know who i’m referring to, right? the guys. the gang. the squad. just a couple of dudes.
they’re discussing the site “WHERE THEY RECOVERED THE UFO” well! there you have it! word of god confirmation! it’s indeed a ufo that the french sailors came across in the last episode!
“it seems we have an information leak, gentlemen”, one of them announces, which makes me say, okaaaay ominous <3
and they say cig man has responded in a way no one could have predicted… omg was he behind the skinner thing…?
scully visiting skinner <3 asking how he is feeling <3 he doesn’t seem surprised about the news his shooter was the same as melissa���s, especially because those three men had warned him before about pursuing her case. he says she should be careful about saying that the case was shut down because people don’t want it to be caught but. it’s looking them right in the face.
OH! the man that shot him was one of the ones who attacked him a few months back on the stairwell! well i didn’t even catch this. some detail noticer i am. AND KRYCEK was the other one!!!! yes, and they stole the tape yes yes i’m recalling!
ohhh it’s serious. he tells her that she cannot afford anger, that if she’s angry she’ll make a mistake. “i’ll be okay”, she says (voice breaking) (<- said by a woman who is lying)
he says that if she can’t keep her head, it’s okay to step away… this feels very chekov’s gun… but she says that’s exactly what they want. OH! i love that she knows she can get to the bottom of this. i love that she believes in herself.
scully is furiously typing on her laptop. asking to devote full bureau resources to finding krycek. got her glasses on n everything. terribly beautiful whilst angry. she is saying he can explain everything that is going on, but i don’t think anyone is gonna listen to herrrr because the fbi does not give a fuck!!!
scully is now entering their office to see the giant yellow scuba suit. “it looked great on me in the store” says mulder, who needs to make a joke or people will die. perhaps he needs to make a joke even more when people really ARE dying.
so, why is it here? great question. it was covered in oil, the french guy was covered in oil, his wife was covered in oil, and it’s all diesel oil from world war two submarines. a new meaning to the term “oiled up”.
theory time with mulder: it’s a medium for an alien creature for body-jumping. he laughs when she laughs, aware of how ridiculous it sounds, but also aware of her thinly veiled fury; what else could he do? he does know how it sounds, he does know what she needs, but the truth. the truth.
so what does this thing living in the oil want with krycek? a great question.
omg guy from the lone gunmen is ice skating! and so is another one. wow a team bonding mission <3 AND THE OTHER ONE!!! FROHIKE!!!
is this something they do often... no, this must be a sleuthing mission.
frohike goes in a locker and opens something. GIVES IT TO MULDER!!! YAAAS THE TAPE!!! they say he should “call upon their services more often” YAAAS they want that sweet sweet agent time <3
but noooo! the tape is gone!!!! mulder gets mad and throws the empty case. still, a reunion with his pals <3
cig man is watching tv. sipping some sort of liquor.
(whenever i see someone drinking a beverage with ice in it on a tv show, i think of that one tiktok of a prop master explaining how they make prop ice and the many different kinds they can do. i think this looks like glass ice to me. shoutout to people who make videos about props; you make my heart very happy)
BRO... THE TAPE JUST APPEARS. KRYCEK HAS ENTERED????? but the guy who shot skinner is there too!!! and is holding krycek at gunpoint!!!!
cig man watches krycek's eyes go all inky (correction: OILY) and black. omg……
cancer man is rolling up 15 minutes late for the UN alien meeting. lmao it's funny in a way. he moved the ufo to a new location! he promises it will be absolutely inaccessible.
someone asks why he won’t bring it to nevada like the others. probs because even the normies know about nevada as the alien place. dweeb.
GASP! they want answers for what happened to skinner. cig man says for all he knows, it's just random. even though they have a drawing of the guy who did it, who is “one of his”, he’s denying it. AND THEY’RE ALL GROANING BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES HIM FOR A SECOND LMAOOOOOOO
(so funny to me that despite being on the super secret alien council, cig man still manages to be unprofessional and lie through his teeth to people who seem far more competent, even when secrecy effects the entire planet. something very funny about him lowkey sucking at his job)
so he needs to get the shooter out of the country NOW or else skinner can make an ID and no one can stop the arrest!
back to the agents trying to piece things together. the lone gunmen are babbling on about how to best find what was written on the case but mulder has the secret: rubbing a lil pencil over top LMAOOO. he finds a phone number!!
and who picks it up when he calls but… the un alien club!!!
it’s the well groomed man!!! mulder says krycek gave him the number. and he asks to meet with mulder. allegedly in central park? is this a trap...
so, the dude who did the shooting is named luis. the other agents are saying to scully they can’t look any further than they already have, but she says keep looking, she’s seen stranger. and the lab guy says “i believe she has” when she leaves lmaoooo GET UP. he's down bad fr. pathetic. get up.
i mean i am too but i'd like to think i'd have more dignity about it
mulder in da park. is he alone… are they gonna get him??? the well-groomed man meets him. they’re playing some mental chess with who can ask each other what. so he tells mulder there WAS a ufo at the bottom of the ocean that was shot down during ww2, and a salvage attempt had been made, but there were complications.
so it looks like they’re both looking for krycek. but the well groomed man leaves by saying “anyone can be gotten to”. very very ominous. and mulder calls scully and says check on skinner RIGHT NOW.
she gets down there and he’s NOT THERE??? apparently he was moved to a different hospital. WHO TOOK HIM?????
scully slaps her badge on the door of a ambulance on the side of the road and asks if he’s got a skinner in there. this dude says yeah and he must be freaked tf out, but she’s coming along for the ride now.
skinner wants to know what she’s doing here, and she says she just wanted him to be safe. she pulls her gun out and opens the door and WHO IS IT BUT LUIS!!! WHO FIRES AT SKINNER!
TRAFFIC GUNFIGHT CHASE!!! luis just got hit by a CAR!!! she got him!!!
and she’s SCREAMING at him. screaming like we have never heard before, are you the man that killed my sister??? he’s begging for his life. he says he can tell her where krycek is…
the police roll up, telling her to put the gun down. and she sadly holds up her badge and explains that she’s basically the police but actually better so y’all are kinda late to the situation. they take him into custody. and she’s tearing up. i do not trust that he doesn’t have a poison tooth in there.
she calls mulder, who is rummaging through his car, and tells him that he was right, someone was going to kill skinner. and it IS the man who shot her sister. and allegedly krycek is going to north dakota. mulder says please meet me in new york with two tickets to north dakota asap.
what’s in north dakota, she asks? the salvaged ufo!!!
cut to north dakota cam. agents are rolling up, and how terribly i wish i could see what happened on the flight and ride up to there. how tense the silence was, how valiant the attempts at breaking it were. UGH. someone pls write the fic someday i’m already emotional.
she’s got a vest thing on and it’s cute. i get that we have bigger things at hand but i can still appreciate a vest moment!!
they go into a silo... but the door locks behind them!!! they go 8 stories down!! that is a lot!!!!
now they’re opening a door to what looks like a nuclear waste thing. idk i don't know much about nukes. but it’s just a big empty silo. so they have to check 199 more.
except they hear a thunk in the tunnels!!!
scully finds one of the (barely alive?) burn victims that had been flash banged by krycek just as mulder announces “he’s here”, and a large group of soldiers runs in
OH! they go to start running from the soldiers and he grabs her. it was so subtle but so sweet. i’m gonna gnaw at something.
NOOO! they’re surrounded!!! and cancer man is coming up. she yells that they saw bodies in there and he says “you saw nothing” <- wow absolutely garbage fellow has sunken further than even before by adding gaslighting to his resume
so they’re getting taken into custody but cancer man is going deeper, and he tells the soldiers to take the bodies away. he goes down to the nuclear thingy, and lights up, which i feel would be a bad choice in a circumstance where things were actually nuclear, but okay.
we see something very dark and oily? and hear people throwing up. OH! it’s krycek, with the black stuff pouring from his eyes and mouth. on top of a triangular looking ufo. the oil is pouring into a spiral thingy? and it gets sucked up.
MULDER AT HIS DESK WITH HIS GLASSES ON!!!! AND A HEALING CUT ON HIS FOREHEAD!!! could a man be any more attractive? it’s debatable.
knock knock. who is it? it’s skinner!!!! limping, and not supposed to be back in the office for a few more weeks!
mulder gets up to shake his hand and help him across the room. a right gentleman, he can be. OHHH so this is why i have seen those bloopers of skinner with a cane LMAOOOO
he’s looking for scully though lmao. yeah not interested in YOU, mulder.
mulder thanks him for getting shot because he stood up to the evil. he’s saying no, no, i wasn’t doing that, at all. i don’t know what you’re talking about. but not in a humble brag way, in a denying allegations sort of way. it's interesting. my brain is still stuck on this moment.
he says that he “mistakenly” believed he could bring melissa’s murder to justice. mulder says hey, what do you mean by that? so that is why skinner needs to go see her.
she's out and about, though. she’s bringing flowers to melissa’s grave NOOOOO :((((((( she doesn’t even say anything, she just sits there.
UNTIL MULDER COMES AND BRINGS FLOWERS TOO??? and she has to brace herself to see him.
he touches her shoulder gently before he sets them down. oh my GOSH
she tells him about how someone told her the dead speak to you from beyond the grave, and that is what a conscience is. he says that’s interesting, that he’s never thought of it that way. a man who sees her suffering and doesn't know what to say to make it better.
and she thought that finding the man who killed her would bring closure but it didn’t.
he grabs her by the arm at this point, and says he needs to talk to her. tells her that they found luis dead. whoever was behind it all tried to cover it up.
“i think the dead are speaking to us, mulder. demanding justice” <-stop. stop i’ll cry. you think i won’t cry? you think, for some reason, i won’t sob? i won’t collapse into a heap? you’d be incorrect. you’d be naive and mistaken. you’d be an utter fool, even in a world of fools.
(muffled screaming of me trying to keep it together)
but funny i should type that, because we also hear some muffled screaming on camera, that of krycek trapped in the ufo?? or in the room with it, deep in the nuclear silo?
episode ends with his screams.
WHAT!!!
so much has happened. and really one thing is on my mind: who is gonna hug scully? who is gonna tell her that the anger is okay, even if it’s futile? who is gonna hold the baddest woman alive close and listen? even if all she has to say is silence?
RAAAAAAAAH i’m gonna CRY.
i feel like i could write another thinkpiece here but i also feel like i need to let this one sit for a bit.
scully holding skinner’s hand, scully waiting by mulder’s bedside, scully saving skinner’s life, scully screaming, so guttural, at the man that killed her sister. scully in glasses and scully in vests and scully in coats. furious and devastating and calculating and guilty.
i have some major questions re: krycek and cancer man and why don’t they just deal with him already??? like for real. i know the answer is gonna be that someone from higher up would just replace him, but i do think it is funny how he goes about blatantly committing all those crimes and then clocks into work the next day like nothing happened. and no one can act like anything happened because they’ll tear the fbi down if they do. we all have a coworker like that, don’t we? that sucks terribly but you can’t do anything about it because the inside supports how terrible they suck? sigh. many such cases.
krycek, if i’m supposed to feel bad for you, i don’t. starve in that ufo and see if i give a damn.
skinner denying any concept of heroism… i think he’s doing it to keep himself safe. like he said to scully, any sort of accusations are risky. i don’t think he wants anyone to get the idea that he is a hero, even if he is in reality. i also think he has a complex and a great fear of being PERCEIVED as a hero after the things he did during war, and who knows what else he did but hasn't spoken about. but interesting still that he would deny a gesture as simple as being thanked.
there are many dots in my head. i would like to think they are connecting, but honestly i’ve got matty healy dupe mr. mulder on my mind still just because it was so funny. and then also scully angst. and a deep deep desire to get into that car on the drive from the airport to north dakota, to just listen in on whatever went down. maybe i’ll have to write it if no one else does! isn’t that terrible? when no one else will write the exact thing you want to read, so you have to do it?
(i’ve actually never written fic before so that would be a major commitment. but a one shot here or there sounds interesting)
anyway. lots on my mind. it was a good episode, but kept a lot of things unsolved. which is the point, i know, but they dangle the answers in front of you!! then snatch them away!! i wanted a tiny bit more of the tea.
but i guess, on the other hand, we know what the tea is, don’t we? we know cancer man and the UN alien squad are hiding this, they’re aware that this alien creature can cause radiation, they’re aware of ufos and they’re covering them up. they might not be aware of the exact nature of the creature, but they ARE aware of it, and that it’s a weapon of mass destruction. what isn’t clear is how tf krycek got roped into this. but again i really dgaf about his loser ass.
i’m plotting. i’m pinning things on boards and tying them together with string. and then making predictions from there.
(actually, think it’s cool we see a bunch of different kinds of aliens on this show. there were the poison blood clones, standard alien 👽 fellow, and now the oil creature. fun that we get multiple perspectives and takes on what could be. perhaps scarier than just plain old little 👽, but!!! interesting for worldbuilding purposes)
back to plotting….
#it's interesting reading back (since i wrote these notes yesterday) but what stuck out to me the most were the quiet moments#the silence of their drive to the missile silo. mulder saying nothing as he dropped the flowers on the grave.#scully grasping skinner's hand and listening to his whispers. scully gently asking mulder what happened when he awoke in the hospital#there were lots of huge emotional moments like her screaming at luis and krycek dealing with the monsters he brought upon himself#but sometimes tragedy and profound themes are best told in the silence#how quiet her voice was when she said she though the dead were listening.#and the steely understated rage of telling the others that skinner needed to be guarded and begging the fbi for help#hmm. my brain is still turning these moments around in circles in my head#it was a really good episode! and i have a lot of thoughts! so many they get a bit ramble-y!#which usually means i was very invested!#let me know what you thought off each twist and turn and which moments made you the most emo! i want to know!#juni's x files liveblog#3x16#the x files#txf
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i need some drunk sad hughie on the edge of the gun after robins death for morale boost
#hughie campbell#he would be standing there in a haze holding her arms#for hours because he won’t let anyone take them#he won’t say what happened because he can’t comprehend it#his favorite hero as a kid just killed his future wife and his mind is shattered#the ambulance is called for hughie and his father comes#hugh is the only one who can get through to his son#but even then#hughie won’t let go of her arms until his dad physically tears them from his hands#and hughie collapses and his dad scoops him up#they take him to the hospital but he’s clealyy in severe shock#so he’s not speaking at all besides small whispers and sobs that are intelligible#when hugh takes him home he just wants to go to bed but hugh is concerned hughie may hurt himself#which isn’t incorrect#he leaves the door open and in the middle of the night sort of comes to#and he can’t handle it#he can feel her blood under his fingernails#even though they’d practically scrubbed him clean at the hospital#so he raids the liquor cabinet#like he’s a child sneaking booze from his parents#his dad finds him the next morning still hammered beyond belief and sick over a bowl he dragged from the kitchen cabinets#hugh isn’t sure how to help so he just sits by his son and rubs his back as he’s sick#because what are you meant to do when that happens to your son?#hughie clings onto his dad and scream sobs until he finally finally begins to feel the claws of exhaustion weighing on him#he sleeps on the sofa for the forserable future because everything reminds him of her#and hugh feels safer knowing hughie is in eyesight and not behind a door in the hallway where it’s less obvious to know if hughie is safe#hugh takes to sleeping in the love seat by the sofa to keep an eye on him#hughie knows what he’s doing and appreciates it but he can’t help but feel like a burden#i’m gonna perhaps write this
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#[ dorian pavus. ] he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain.#[ dorian pavus: ic. ] you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet.#[ dorian pavus: inquiries. ] stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause?#[ dorian pavus: countenance. ] i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult.#[ dorian pavus: introspection. ] selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside.#[ dorian pavus: meta. ] you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less?#[ dorian pavus: etc. ] you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks.#[ dorian pavus: magic. ] don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places?#[ dorian pavus: inquisition. ] we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition.#[ dorian pavus: tevinter. ] despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love.#[ dorian pavus: felix. ] even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better.#[ dorian pavus: gereon. ] we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying.#[ dorian pavus: halward. ] i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy.#[ dorian pavus: aquinea. ] her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet.#[ dorian pavus: inquisitor. ] you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them.#[ dorian pavus: solas. ] you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit.#[ dorian pavus: varric. ] what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way.#[ dorian pavus: cullen. ] gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you.#[ dorian pavus: cassandra. ] blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic.#[ dorian pavus: cole. ] you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats.#[ dorian pavus: vivienne. ] i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends.#[ dorian pavus: blackwall. ] point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one.#[ dorian pavus: sera. ] you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony.#[ dorian pavus: bull. ] no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back?#[ dorian pavus: corypheus. ] one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood?#[ dorian pavus: v. inquisition. ] one of mine? like a pet? like a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood?#[ dorian pavus: v. veilguard. ] evil gods. rituals. waiting for the stars. it's about as tevinter as blood magic and hubris.#tag drop
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whyyyy are my parents fighting at 8:30 in the morning
#also my mom wanted to leave at 8.30 but they’re in bed whisper screaming at each other abt cat food#like girl…… you’re the one who wanted to leave early………#vaguely unrelated but the way nobody in my family ever respects my time lol#like yeah i need you to be ready at x and then i am#and everyone else decides oh actually that means like an hour later#except they don’t say it like that they just go 'oh i’ll be ready in a second'#so i just sit there unsure of whether i have time to do sth else or not#and then when i ask someone to be ready at a specific time they also never listen to me lol#📓
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It’s almost 6 a.m and I can’t sleep because I’m being plagued by thoughts of The Latest OC
#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#Jia is genuinely making me lose my mind#right now the aftermath interests me a bit more because I live for emotional whump and angst#just.. imagine being her parents#you beg for your daughter’s life and your plea is listened to. she’s released. having proved herself useless. you barely recognise her#she’s nothing like the upbeat and cheerful girl you raised who loved working in this palace. who loved her lady#she’s so thin. hollow cheeks and empty eyes. she barely reacts to anything but Lord Jusamah’s voice which makes her flinch#you’re afraid to even hug her in case she disappears like a ghost would. something is very very wrong with her#you remember the rumours that she was tortured for the information. she looks like she’s starving#it’s clear she was hurt. she wouldn’t act like this if she wasn’t. you’re scared to think of what is hidden beneath her clothes#you want to lunge at Lord Jusamah and strangle him with your bare hands. inflict everything he’s done to your daughter on him tenfold#but you can’t. he’s rich and you aren’t. he has power and you don’t. if you try.. none of you are seeing the sun ever again#you barely care. it would be worth it. but you have two other children to worry about. and Jia deserves her freedom#so all you can do is drop to your knees. press your forehead to the floor. and thank him for his kindness#you tell Jia that you’re taking her home. alertness returns to her for but a moment#‘home?’ her whisper sounds so sad. so broken. you can barely stand it#you rush home as fast as you can. she’s so skittish it hurts. she feels the sun on her face and doesn’t move for a good 10 minutes#you can’t bring yourself to say anything. one of you goes ahead to warn the family so the children won’t crowd her#you finally make it to your house and Jia looks at it as if it was a mirage. she touches the wall to ensure it’s real#the first thing you do is help her take a bath. the sight of her back fuels you with bloodlust. there’s no untouched spot on it#your sweet gentle girl was whipped until criss crossing scars covered every last inch. it must have been hell#you bandage her wounds and take her to eat. she gorges herself on it as if someone would take it away. some light returns to her eyes#she always had a good appetite. at least that didn’t change. after lunch you let her sleep in your own bed#instead of making her share with her siblings and cousins. she needs space. she passes out the second her head hits the pillow#you stay and keep watch. and when the first night terror occurs. you’re ready. her screams are impossibly loud#you wake her. calm her down and hold her hand as she falls back asleep. recovery won’t be an easy road#but you walk it anyway. and with time. she gets better. she returns to her old self. only some traces of that horror remain#she’s happy again. smiles a lot. helps out. plays with the younger kids. she’s the Jia you know and love#she has nightmares. her scars hurt. no one touches her back. she’s paranoid about food. but she’ll be okay. you’re sure of it#(I reached the tag limit again but at least I said all I had in mind. but I could probably ramble on about this for ages…)
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Feeling a lil salty today😉
Cause it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the 1
Happy August to those who celebrate!😆😊
#whispers are you sure?#iykyk#also I need some wd40 my doors are rusting#happy August#rose flowing#cause it’s the 1#oh how I love folklore#folklore girlies rise#Swiftie#Swifties#Taylor Nation#Taylor Swift#August#The 1#Folklore#lol#current “mood#*screaming & running* BACK WHEN WE WERE STILL CHANGING FOR THE BETTER WANTING WAS ENOUGH FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT AL#the feminine urge to have someone meet you behind the mall😂🥲#Swiftie humor#global Swiftie holidays
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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saw akira at cinema
#it absolutely SLAPPED#what an experience#i fucking love cinema#the quality was SO good#forgot how much i loved the opening scenes and the soundtrack when i watched it the first time#if you ever get a chance to see it in cinema i highly recommend#also was supposed to meet with my friends after but migraines loooooveto ruin my plans :(#so now i'm sitting in my room fighting for my live with a headache trying to watch a movie for class :(#instead of being out and having fun :(#agnes talking#edit: okay let me just. this animation is insane. it's so impressive and seeing it on the big screen was so exciting and cool#i wanted to squeak and clap when the iconic bike slide happened#the city??? the buildings?!! absolutely amazing chef's kiss#kei best girl#had to stop myself from laughing when kaneda screamed 'he's OUR friend only we have the right to kill him' like please aldhhdjsjd#he's so dramatic i love him#shoutout to the guy that excitedly scream whispered to his friend 'THEY MADE IT 35 YEARS AGO CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS KURWA' bc mood
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🥺💋☠️🎧💝
#yes yes yes yes PLEASE#soooo how long do you think you could last making out with me before you snapped huh? 👀😉#I wanna play that game 👀👀👀#ALSO THE WAY I ALMOSTT SCREAMED WHEN I READ WHAT ☠️ MEANR#need need need need I would like to get utterly destroyed pretty pleaseeeeeee#I don’t think there’s a way to properly ‘prepare’ to get my holes destroyed but ya know I’ll try 😂#I miss making audios :(((#I can’t cause of my living situation#I mean I could do some light moans and whispers maybeeeee#but nothing near my usual noisy loud ass self 😂#sir you can tear anything off of me you want 😇#leave the lingerie on while you fuck me or slowly and gently take off each layer orrrr if you’re really feeling it#(and I don’t love the lingerie lol)#you can cut it off me 👀🫣🫣🫣#anywayyyy#having a normal day with normal thoughts hehe#gotta get dinner and definitely not thinking about ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️#hope you’ve been doing alright lovely 🫶#ask
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also the sheer insubordination eight gets away with on a weekly basis is insane for an imperial agent but it's 10x funnier if you consider there's only a 50% chance you can force him to listen if you say the magic word and it's failed 100% of all times it's been tried. hence why he's such a good litmus test for prototypes of the Castellans because unlike your typical docile obedient imperial, Eight will make it immediately known when he's not following your orders
#swtor#ooc#it's probably a hazing ritual/dare for baby sith lords by now#go tell that guy to do whatever you want. you can't let him catch on to the keyword though or it won't work.#russian roulette for sith lords#and the occasional higher ups#them: *sweating* you know iconoclasm is a weird word. could you go find a dictionary to look it up for me#eight: *stops chewing sandwich* No.#them: (angrily whispering) it didn't fucking Work I told you#also other times they're scared to do it cuz one time a sith started screaming the keywords at him in panic when he was about to kill them#and it still didn't work.#he just thought they were being crazy#and they messed up the word by saying other ones bc they didn't know why it wasn't working
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I went to see Lana today I can’t believe it. I miss her so much already so now I’m about to cry myself to sleep because it’s over.
#lana del rey#whisper girl#screaming crying throwing up#i want to cry#crybaby#pretty when you cry#ultraviolence#lizzy grant#girlblogger#girlblogging#hell is a teenage girl#pinterest whisper#bst hyde park#nfr#born to die#lust for life#honeymoon#chemtrails over the country club#blue banisters#did you know that there’s a tunnel under ocean blvd#oceanblvd#summertime sadness
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I hate you being forced into socializing I hate you intrusive intimacy I hate you physical contact I hate you sitting shoulder to shoulder I hate you talking when we watch something together I hate you small talks when I’m working I hate you ppl unable to leave my introverted ass alone
#cracken whispers#i have so little interest in socializing.#please respect my personal space#fr you’re not a commentary channel can you stay the fuck quiet when we watch movies#fuck social norms. i want to die in a bog#if you touch me without my persuasion I will scream
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"Self love does not replace the love of a partner" Well... I'm bad at both. I suffer being alone and I suffer when I fall in love with someone. My low self-esteem coexists with my trauma from when someone rejected me when I confessed my feelings... so it is twice as difficult.
#It's nights like this where I feel a little like shit#when taylor swift said “and it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound...#It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you“ fuck- i felt that#the worst thing is that it's that downturn that comes out of nowhere to break you into pieces#whispering in your ear... “you're alone... and you are broken”#I know I'm broken... I just sometimes don't want to remember it and feel it flowing through my veins#feeling the trauma screaming throughout your body is one of the most vivid feelings one can have#and hide it from everyone so as not to bother them too#mine#thoughts#words#writing#self steem#trauma#self love#suffering#depression#recovery#love#partner
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someone who is good at reading too much into nothing pls analyze my dream
#i had this weird dream where i was looking for an apartment like always and i went to this one that i guess was a townhouse#but it was a whole house but it was attached like an apartment and had a hallway and everything but i went the first time#to see it and i was like holy shit bc it had 4 bedrooms and it was literally like 4000 square feet and it was 1300 a month#and i was like well yeah of course i want this but the vibe feels so off ? but idk why so i went to some others and whatever but#i was like it's stupid not to take that one when it is literally bigger than a house and so i went to see it again#and i was like the vibe is still so off but it's such a nice place :( so anyway i kept walking around and i was leaving and there were#other people there touring it too and i was like does anyone hear that ? and the realtor was like yeah it's the downstairs neighbors again#theyre always fighting and it was literally 2 people screaming their lungs out at each other but she didnt care she just started stomping#and i was like girl i do not think that's how you solve that but ok. then i was like wow it's like my old haunted apartment irl where#my neighbors would quite literally throw each other into the walls at 3am and then i was like omg that's why the vibe feels off#and then i remembered i had researched the place and found out two little girls died there and i was like ok yeah. i dont want this#so i kept walking to find the exit and then i saw 2 little girls ! climbing up the stairs and like flickering in and out of the light#like movie ghosts and i was like OMG there they are and they were talking to me and i was like How is no one else seeing this but#they were talking to ME directly and i was like pls stop talking to me like i was so scared and what they were saying to me was like#we're yours now like we're staying with YOU and then they walked up the stairs and out the door#and i was like oh great now i have ghosts attached to me and i was sooooo scared i dont even know why and then i went outside#and i was talking to these two people i had met inside the place and i was suspicious so i was like where are you from ?#like what country ? bc i figured no one who was a ghost could answer that for some reason lmaooo and they couldnt answer and i#was like yeah i knew it youre ghosts and they were like yeah we are and so i was like What the fuck is going on then i remembered the girls#and i was like where did they even go#anyway then i went back home to wherever i was living and surprise surprise the ghost girls were there and i was like i literally#cannot do this and i was so scared again and like they were just normal little girls but i was so scared and anyway they were like#you have to help us find out who killed us and then we can leave you like ok how very ghost whisperer but i was like ok i will help you#and then i remembered if i help them then i will get to see one person i know who died. which i guess was just a rule or something.#and then i was like oh yeah my husband died. if i help them then i can see him again#then anyway i had to leave bc work was calling me and then i got in my dead husbands incredibly small car which i couldnt even see out of#it was so small and then i was driving on the pch ? and there was so much traffic and i had to make a u turn and i fell off a cliff. the en#the thing that's so strange about it is how scared i was like irl i was breathing so hard when i woke up and literally had goosebumps like#idk i feel like it was a warning but for what lmao#i did go look at apartments this weekend and i did find one that is fine but it's not haunted at all the vibe was nothing u know
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